1 00:00:07,872 --> 00:00:10,723 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:10,724 --> 00:00:12,550 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:12,551 --> 00:00:14,661 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:14,662 --> 00:00:17,897 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:17,898 --> 00:00:19,582 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:19,583 --> 00:00:21,367 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:24,615 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:24,622 --> 00:00:27,707 ♪ I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it! ♪ 9 00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:30,643 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 10 00:00:30,645 --> 00:00:32,645 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:41,775 Mr. President, The Russians are scrambling 12 00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:43,694 bombers to attack Denmark. 13 00:00:43,695 --> 00:00:46,598 NATO wants to know how we intend to stop them. 14 00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:49,608 Mr. President. Mr. President, you can't 15 00:00:49,609 --> 00:00:51,710 just sit there with your stank face. 16 00:00:51,711 --> 00:00:53,562 I-I-I can't? 17 00:00:53,563 --> 00:00:55,956 The Troll Trace website is set to go online 18 00:00:55,957 --> 00:00:57,374 in less than 15 minutes! 19 00:00:57,375 --> 00:00:59,401 The world is in complete chaos! 20 00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:02,905 Sir! Someone is leading a coordinated cyber strike 21 00:01:02,906 --> 00:01:04,640 on the Troll Trace website. 22 00:01:04,641 --> 00:01:06,759 A cyber attack? Well, that's good. 23 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,285 Where's it coming from? 24 00:01:08,286 --> 00:01:09,887 Could be Russian. We don't know. 25 00:01:09,888 --> 00:01:13,448 Whoever this troll is, he's pretty (BLEEP) hard-core, sir. 26 00:01:20,023 --> 00:01:22,399 Okay, okay. Token. Token, are you there? 27 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,009 I'm here. What's this about, Kyle? 28 00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:25,677 I can't tell you, dude. I just need your help. 29 00:01:25,678 --> 00:01:27,070 Please, my life depends on it. 30 00:01:27,071 --> 00:01:28,138 Okay, okay, sure. 31 00:01:28,139 --> 00:01:29,540 All right, I need you to tell me 32 00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:31,975 the worst thing I can say on a United Negro College Fund 33 00:01:31,976 --> 00:01:33,101 website to piss off black people. 34 00:01:33,102 --> 00:01:34,319 What? 35 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,939 Token, please! There's no time to explain! 36 00:01:36,940 --> 00:01:40,442 Beyoncé ain't nothing but a Taylor Swift rip-off. 37 00:01:40,443 --> 00:01:41,552 That helps. Thank you! 38 00:01:41,553 --> 00:01:42,986 Tweak, Craig, I need you 39 00:01:42,987 --> 00:01:44,529 to get on the GLADD website and respond 40 00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:46,298 to all the horrible shit I just said about gay people. 41 00:01:46,299 --> 00:01:48,258 Why'd you day horrible shit about gay people? 42 00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:50,202 It's not important. Just get on it and respond. 43 00:01:50,203 --> 00:01:51,453 Hang on. 44 00:01:51,454 --> 00:01:52,537 Stan, finally! 45 00:01:52,538 --> 00:01:54,498 Dude, I need everybody online, now! 46 00:01:54,499 --> 00:01:56,041 For what? There's no time to explain. 47 00:01:56,042 --> 00:01:57,350 You've got to go out and get everybody. 48 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,544 - Tell them to get on their computers. Go! - Okay! 49 00:01:59,545 --> 00:02:01,071 Jimmy, what's the worst possible thing 50 00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:03,240 we can say on a website for handicapped Syrian refugees? 51 00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:07,678 W-W-Waddle back to Syria, desert-tard? 52 00:02:08,955 --> 00:02:12,724 You boys better not be on that computer! 53 00:02:12,725 --> 00:02:14,893 I'll make you pay for this! 54 00:02:14,894 --> 00:02:17,562 You locked your mother in the pantry?! 55 00:02:17,563 --> 00:02:20,449 I'll lock you in your rooms forever! 56 00:02:32,657 --> 00:02:34,725 Skank? 57 00:02:34,726 --> 00:02:35,793 Dildo? 58 00:02:35,794 --> 00:02:37,411 Skankhunt, can you hear me? 59 00:02:37,412 --> 00:02:39,230 Yes! Yes, where are you? 60 00:02:39,231 --> 00:02:41,065 The troll locked us in the control room 61 00:02:41,066 --> 00:02:42,708 with his Danish workers. 62 00:02:42,709 --> 00:02:44,735 How long before the website goes online? 63 00:02:44,736 --> 00:02:46,712 Less than 10 minutes. 64 00:02:46,713 --> 00:02:47,947 Oh, God! 65 00:02:47,948 --> 00:02:50,216 Skankhunt, the Troll Trace servers 66 00:02:50,217 --> 00:02:53,219 monitor and catalogue outrage and hate on the Internet. 67 00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:55,704 There's a troll out there trying to overload them 68 00:02:55,705 --> 00:02:57,748 by generating tons of hate. 69 00:02:57,749 --> 00:03:01,794 Skank, whoever's doing it is doing it from your account. 70 00:03:01,795 --> 00:03:02,895 My account? 71 00:03:02,896 --> 00:03:05,564 Yeah, he's pissing off a lot of people. 72 00:03:05,565 --> 00:03:08,300 That's my boy! 73 00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:12,163 The core energy is completely stable 74 00:03:12,164 --> 00:03:13,931 and very easy to produce. 75 00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:16,784 It's the most massive energy source of its size 76 00:03:16,785 --> 00:03:18,394 we've ever seen. 77 00:03:18,395 --> 00:03:19,954 We've done it, Elon. 78 00:03:19,955 --> 00:03:22,957 With this type of energy, we can easily get mankind to Mars. 79 00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:24,508 This is amazing! 80 00:03:24,509 --> 00:03:26,377 And it's all thanks to you, little girl. 81 00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:28,112 How did you get to be so smart? 82 00:03:28,113 --> 00:03:31,757 I just... have a boyfriend who really supports me. 83 00:03:31,758 --> 00:03:33,409 Well, come on. 84 00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,594 I want to know everything about you. 85 00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:38,622 Conniving... snakes in the grass. 86 00:03:38,623 --> 00:03:40,482 - All of them. - Yep. 87 00:03:40,483 --> 00:03:42,401 We have to tell someone the truth, Butters. 88 00:03:42,402 --> 00:03:44,462 Are you sure about what's going to happen on Mars? 89 00:03:44,463 --> 00:03:46,564 It's all been leading up to this. 90 00:03:46,565 --> 00:03:48,232 We've just been too blind to see it before. 91 00:03:48,233 --> 00:03:50,634 Hey, you guys need anything? Water? Soda? 92 00:03:50,635 --> 00:03:52,903 Maybe just a moment alone... to talk. 93 00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:54,405 S-Sure. About what? 94 00:03:54,406 --> 00:03:56,824 The end of our species. 95 00:03:56,825 --> 00:03:58,576 All right, who else we got now? 96 00:03:58,577 --> 00:04:00,077 Kevin, are you there? Kenny? 97 00:04:00,078 --> 00:04:02,663 Yeah, I-I typed in everything you told me to. 98 00:04:02,664 --> 00:04:04,582 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmphm? 99 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:07,109 Kyle! I'm gonna help, too! 100 00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:08,961 No, Ike! So far, the only thing you've done 101 00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:10,254 has been from dad's account. 102 00:04:10,255 --> 00:04:11,614 I need you to stay clean. 103 00:04:11,615 --> 00:04:13,257 No trolling, okay? 104 00:04:13,258 --> 00:04:15,159 You can just help me with what I should say. 105 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,344 Hello? Can you hear me? 106 00:04:17,345 --> 00:04:20,255 - This is Dildo Shwaggins. - Who are you? 107 00:04:20,256 --> 00:04:22,266 I'm a colleague of your father's. 108 00:04:22,267 --> 00:04:25,110 We see what you're trying to do, and we're gonna help. 109 00:04:25,111 --> 00:04:28,189 We trolled with your father. Now we will troll with you. 110 00:04:28,190 --> 00:04:29,773 Uh, okay. 111 00:04:29,774 --> 00:04:33,527 Son, you need to know that your father is very proud of you. 112 00:04:33,528 --> 00:04:35,954 He was the best at Trevor's Axiom. 113 00:04:35,955 --> 00:04:37,865 He believes you can be, too. 114 00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:40,159 What the hell is Trevor's Axiom? 115 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,704 Trevor's Axiom is a well-known equation in online trolling. 116 00:04:43,705 --> 00:04:45,372 It's a way in which one person 117 00:04:45,373 --> 00:04:47,650 can create a massive reaction on the Internet. 118 00:04:47,651 --> 00:04:49,760 Look... person "A" trolls person "B." 119 00:04:49,761 --> 00:04:51,262 But it's not about person "B." 120 00:04:51,263 --> 00:04:52,696 The troll is trying to push buttons 121 00:04:52,697 --> 00:04:54,365 to try and get a reaction from hundreds, 122 00:04:54,366 --> 00:04:56,200 eventually creating person "C," 123 00:04:56,201 --> 00:04:58,135 who's overreaction and self-righteousness 124 00:04:58,136 --> 00:05:00,829 will elicit a reaction from persons "D" through "F," 125 00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:03,999 who weren't trolls but can't help rip on person "C." 126 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,336 Their reactions lead to outraged persons "G" through "N," 127 00:05:07,337 --> 00:05:09,880 and it keeps going, generating massive energy. 128 00:05:09,881 --> 00:05:11,382 It's like the fission reaction 129 00:05:11,383 --> 00:05:13,234 that leads to a fusion explosion, 130 00:05:13,235 --> 00:05:15,528 all bringing out the worst in humanity. 131 00:05:15,529 --> 00:05:18,222 Huh. That sort of sounds like how I got elected. 132 00:05:18,223 --> 00:05:20,015 Precisely, Mr. President. 133 00:05:20,016 --> 00:05:22,826 And if this kind of overreaction can be amplified 134 00:05:22,827 --> 00:05:24,687 through the Pentagon's servers... 135 00:05:24,688 --> 00:05:25,938 It could blow out the Internet 136 00:05:25,939 --> 00:05:28,607 before Troll Trace ever does substantial damage. 137 00:05:28,608 --> 00:05:32,928 Gentlemen, get me in contact with that troll. 138 00:05:32,929 --> 00:05:35,097 Listen, there isn't much time. 139 00:05:35,098 --> 00:05:36,748 This whole thing has to be stopped. 140 00:05:36,749 --> 00:05:38,509 We can't go to Mars. 141 00:05:38,510 --> 00:05:40,719 You keep saying that, but not why. 142 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,373 Because Eric knows the future. 143 00:05:44,374 --> 00:05:45,741 What are you talking about? 144 00:05:45,742 --> 00:05:48,110 I've had visions of Mars for the past few months. 145 00:05:48,111 --> 00:05:49,328 I'm a visionary. 146 00:05:49,329 --> 00:05:52,347 That's why I came here, why I brought her. 147 00:05:52,348 --> 00:05:55,234 But the visions weren't complete until recently. 148 00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:58,220 I know what happens on Mars. 149 00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:05,060 At first, you'll be super-happy, bouncing around the red sand. 150 00:06:05,061 --> 00:06:07,730 Cool! 151 00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:11,400 Everyone will be really nice. 152 00:06:11,401 --> 00:06:12,818 Hi! 153 00:06:12,819 --> 00:06:14,278 Hi! 154 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,280 Hi! 155 00:06:16,281 --> 00:06:18,056 You'll think the rover cars 156 00:06:18,057 --> 00:06:19,625 and roller coasters are really cool. 157 00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:21,118 But then you'll realize something... 158 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:23,829 The other colonists all seem to be women. 159 00:06:25,549 --> 00:06:27,650 Hmm. Let's see. 160 00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:30,544 And then you'll start to wonder, "Where are all the guys?" 161 00:06:30,545 --> 00:06:34,214 Look underground. 162 00:06:34,215 --> 00:06:36,116 And soon you'll realize there's areas 163 00:06:36,117 --> 00:06:38,093 you didn't understand the purpose for. 164 00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:45,893 What is this place? 165 00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:49,505 And that's when you'll learn the truth. 166 00:06:49,506 --> 00:06:51,398 Men have been forced underground, 167 00:06:51,399 --> 00:06:54,176 deemed useless by women. 168 00:06:54,177 --> 00:06:55,844 They are mined for the only things 169 00:06:55,845 --> 00:07:00,533 women still need us for... Our semen and our jokes. 170 00:07:02,243 --> 00:07:03,669 What? No, no! 171 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,629 You're just as funny as us. You don't need to do this! 172 00:07:05,630 --> 00:07:07,543 No! 173 00:07:07,545 --> 00:07:09,846 No, no! 174 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,614 Write jokes! 175 00:07:11,615 --> 00:07:13,674 No. No. 176 00:07:17,263 --> 00:07:19,038 And you'll be trapped down there forever, 177 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:22,750 in the cum and joke mines of Mars. 178 00:07:22,751 --> 00:07:24,836 That's... That's ridiculous. 179 00:07:24,837 --> 00:07:26,062 Why would women need us to do that? 180 00:07:26,063 --> 00:07:27,438 They're just as funny as men. 181 00:07:27,439 --> 00:07:29,199 If there's even a little part of you 182 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,050 that doesn't really believe that, 183 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,585 then think about what else has to be going on. 184 00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:41,302 What? 185 00:07:41,303 --> 00:07:42,744 What? 186 00:07:43,037 --> 00:07:45,506 You have to help us stop this. 187 00:07:50,733 --> 00:07:52,617 Ah! God damn it! 188 00:07:52,618 --> 00:07:54,994 Skank! You still there? 189 00:07:54,995 --> 00:07:56,271 Yeah, I'm here. 190 00:07:56,272 --> 00:07:57,952 The servers are starting to heat up, 191 00:07:57,954 --> 00:07:59,441 but the Danish say there are breakers 192 00:07:59,442 --> 00:08:01,192 that will never let them overload. 193 00:08:01,193 --> 00:08:04,028 You got to climb up the building and shut off those breakers. 194 00:08:04,029 --> 00:08:06,748 I can't go anywhere. I'm locked in the conference room. 195 00:08:06,749 --> 00:08:10,885 Oh, the key code to the conference room is 9... 196 00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:12,654 Yeah. 197 00:08:12,655 --> 00:08:14,456 That's it. 9. 198 00:08:14,457 --> 00:08:16,291 Oh, for (BLEEP) sake! 199 00:08:18,252 --> 00:08:20,253 Kyle! 200 00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:22,739 You better run if I get out of here! 201 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:25,984 You better pray that I... Ah! 202 00:08:42,836 --> 00:08:46,321 Skank. Skankhunt, are you there yet? 203 00:08:46,322 --> 00:08:49,199 Yeah, I'm up with all the servers. 204 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,159 The first breaker should be there. 205 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,453 Tell him to look for a large red lever. 206 00:08:53,454 --> 00:08:57,941 Skank, do you see a large red lever? 207 00:08:57,942 --> 00:08:59,501 Yeah, I got it! 208 00:08:59,502 --> 00:09:01,044 Flip it off. 209 00:09:02,338 --> 00:09:05,006 That's good. Keep going, Skankhunt. 210 00:09:05,007 --> 00:09:09,402 You are all dumb-ass (BLEEP)wads. 211 00:09:09,403 --> 00:09:13,431 Lick my asshole, you Mexican bitch. 212 00:09:13,432 --> 00:09:15,099 - Ike! - Aah! 213 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:18,762 You dare lock me in the pantry 214 00:09:18,763 --> 00:09:21,372 so you can play on your computer?! 215 00:09:24,677 --> 00:09:25,819 Mommy! 216 00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:28,087 You're gonna pay for what you've done! 217 00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,139 Aah! 218 00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:30,631 Graah!! 219 00:09:32,102 --> 00:09:33,593 - Kyle! - Ike! 220 00:09:33,594 --> 00:09:34,811 Shit! 221 00:09:34,812 --> 00:09:36,346 Mommy got out! 222 00:09:36,347 --> 00:09:38,164 You! 223 00:09:38,165 --> 00:09:41,459 You helped make your brother this way! 224 00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:42,377 Mom, there's been a mistake. 225 00:09:42,378 --> 00:09:44,003 Ike isn't the school troll. 226 00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:45,213 We're trying to help the... 227 00:09:45,214 --> 00:09:48,049 Shut up! Not another word from either of you. 228 00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:52,095 You're both grounded from the computer... forever! 229 00:09:52,096 --> 00:09:54,514 Mom, please, you got to listen to me. 230 00:09:54,515 --> 00:09:55,557 Ike is innocent. 231 00:09:55,558 --> 00:09:56,766 Do you think I'm stupid?! 232 00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:59,561 No, Mom, you just don't know everything. 233 00:09:59,562 --> 00:10:02,313 You both march out of here right now! 234 00:10:02,314 --> 00:10:05,166 I'm sorry, Mom. I'm just trying to protect my family. 235 00:10:13,502 --> 00:10:14,700 Look, Elon, I'm just saying 236 00:10:14,702 --> 00:10:15,836 before we go any further, 237 00:10:15,837 --> 00:10:17,654 you might want to hear this kid out. 238 00:10:17,655 --> 00:10:19,973 Go on. Tell Elon. 239 00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:23,527 Elon, I know you've dreamt of mankind getting to Mars, 240 00:10:23,528 --> 00:10:26,480 but it's not going to be very kind to man. 241 00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:28,173 They're going to put us underground. 242 00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:29,650 For what? 243 00:10:29,651 --> 00:10:32,110 What's the one thing women don't have? 244 00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,912 Semen and a sense of humor. 245 00:10:33,913 --> 00:10:35,581 That's two things. 246 00:10:35,582 --> 00:10:37,224 They're pretty related. 247 00:10:37,225 --> 00:10:39,226 Women don't need us for comedy. 248 00:10:39,227 --> 00:10:41,086 They can be just as funny as men. 249 00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:42,612 You should meet my girlfriend. 250 00:10:42,613 --> 00:10:44,981 She's really smart and really funny. 251 00:10:44,982 --> 00:10:46,616 Oh, Elon. 252 00:10:46,617 --> 00:10:48,001 Oh, Christ, Elon. 253 00:10:48,002 --> 00:10:49,653 I used to think women were funny, too, 254 00:10:49,654 --> 00:10:50,988 but Eric talked me out of it. 255 00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:52,656 It's something they do to our brains. 256 00:10:52,657 --> 00:10:55,175 They attract us like flies to the spider web. 257 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:56,693 And then they make you think 258 00:10:56,694 --> 00:10:58,662 they're really smart, really funny. 259 00:10:58,663 --> 00:11:00,706 But they're only really smart, Elon. 260 00:11:00,707 --> 00:11:02,516 They can live without us. 261 00:11:02,517 --> 00:11:04,184 We can't live without them. 262 00:11:05,604 --> 00:11:07,020 If even 1/16th of you 263 00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:09,840 believes women might not be as funny as men, Elon... 264 00:11:09,841 --> 00:11:11,775 Elon? 265 00:11:14,029 --> 00:11:17,389 Why don't you kill yourself? Trust me. No one will care. 266 00:11:17,390 --> 00:11:18,974 You fat hooker. 267 00:11:18,975 --> 00:11:20,350 You fat hooker. 268 00:11:20,351 --> 00:11:21,393 Ike, when this is all over, 269 00:11:21,394 --> 00:11:23,061 we're gonna need to clean your mouth out. 270 00:11:23,062 --> 00:11:25,255 You clean your (BLEEP) mouth out. 271 00:11:25,256 --> 00:11:28,191 Stan! You still haven't found Butters? 272 00:11:28,192 --> 00:11:30,402 Dude, I need his hatred towards women right now. 273 00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:33,196 Dude, he's not around anywhere. He must be out of town. 274 00:11:33,197 --> 00:11:34,156 Shit! 275 00:11:34,157 --> 00:11:35,424 Hold on. 276 00:11:35,425 --> 00:11:37,200 Kyle? 277 00:11:37,201 --> 00:11:39,177 Oh, hey, Mr. President. 278 00:11:39,178 --> 00:11:42,122 Kyle, you're the troll who started all this? 279 00:11:42,123 --> 00:11:43,891 Uh... what do you mean? 280 00:11:43,892 --> 00:11:46,026 Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. 281 00:11:46,028 --> 00:11:48,388 So long as you keep doing what you're doing. 282 00:11:48,389 --> 00:11:50,348 The American government is behind you. 283 00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:51,683 It is? 284 00:11:51,684 --> 00:11:52,834 Keep up the good work. 285 00:11:52,835 --> 00:11:54,561 We're gonna take that big shitstorm of hate 286 00:11:54,562 --> 00:11:56,104 you're creating and amplify it. 287 00:11:56,105 --> 00:11:57,397 We'll try to create enough energy 288 00:11:57,398 --> 00:11:59,041 to blow up the whole (BLEEP) Internet. 289 00:11:59,042 --> 00:12:01,860 You're doing God's work, son. Keep it up. 290 00:12:01,861 --> 00:12:03,712 Thanks? 291 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,224 Oh, no, you don't. 292 00:12:27,154 --> 00:12:29,362 Laura, have my boys come to see Craig? 293 00:12:29,363 --> 00:12:30,697 They're hiding from me. 294 00:12:33,784 --> 00:12:35,452 What? 295 00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:37,037 What? What? 296 00:12:37,038 --> 00:12:38,939 The son of a bitch. 297 00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,374 He's such a bastard! 298 00:12:41,375 --> 00:12:44,402 When you marry someone and you think you know them... 299 00:12:44,403 --> 00:12:46,404 I don't know what you're talking about. 300 00:12:46,405 --> 00:12:48,632 Troll Trace. It's up and running. 301 00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:51,118 It can tell you anybody's Internet history. 302 00:12:51,119 --> 00:12:52,744 I couldn't resist. 303 00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,221 I looked up my husband. 304 00:12:54,222 --> 00:12:57,807 The websites he's visited are just... disgusting! 305 00:12:57,808 --> 00:12:59,693 May I use this a moment? 306 00:12:59,694 --> 00:13:02,254 Sure. Type in any name. 307 00:13:02,255 --> 00:13:05,148 It'll show you everything they've ever done online. 308 00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:09,069 Be careful. You might not like what you see. 309 00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:26,086 What the hell am I gonna do, Butters? 310 00:13:26,087 --> 00:13:28,446 I can't live without Heidi. I know I'll be miserable. 311 00:13:28,447 --> 00:13:31,133 But I also can't live on the cum and joke mines of Mars. 312 00:13:31,134 --> 00:13:32,842 Gee, I don't know what to tell you, buddy. 313 00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:34,494 If I stay on Earth where the Internet is, 314 00:13:34,495 --> 00:13:36,288 Heidi finds out I know women aren't actually funny. 315 00:13:36,289 --> 00:13:38,231 And if I go to Mars, I get milked like a goat. 316 00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:40,976 What?! 317 00:13:40,977 --> 00:13:42,477 Butters, where the (BLEEP) are you?! 318 00:13:42,478 --> 00:13:44,629 Well, I'm at SpaceX. Where are you? 319 00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:46,197 SpaceX? Why? 320 00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:48,366 Well, we sort of created this ginormic energy source, 321 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:51,202 but now we're trying to figure out what to do with it. 322 00:13:51,203 --> 00:13:54,431 Like... how ginormic of an energy source? 323 00:13:54,432 --> 00:13:56,750 Like enough to get humanity to Mars. 324 00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:58,084 Is that Kyle? 325 00:13:58,085 --> 00:13:59,336 Kyle, do you mind? 326 00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:01,046 I'm having really big girl problems right now. 327 00:14:01,047 --> 00:14:04,549 Cartman, I think we might be able to help each other. 328 00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:07,944 Skank, there's no time! Have you found the last breaker? 329 00:14:07,945 --> 00:14:09,387 I think so. 330 00:14:09,388 --> 00:14:11,598 I-I'm up on some kind of bridgeway. 331 00:14:11,599 --> 00:14:13,283 The last breaker should be there. 332 00:14:13,284 --> 00:14:14,626 Headed to it now. 333 00:14:17,297 --> 00:14:20,065 I'm 10 steps ahead of you. 334 00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:22,567 What's the matter, Skankhunt? 335 00:14:22,568 --> 00:14:25,770 You just can't stand to be outdone, huh? 336 00:14:27,698 --> 00:14:30,884 Get out of my way. What you're doing is wrong! 337 00:14:30,885 --> 00:14:33,687 What I'm doing is wrong? 338 00:14:33,688 --> 00:14:36,356 How is getting millions of people to kill themselves 339 00:14:36,357 --> 00:14:38,583 different from getting one person to? 340 00:14:38,584 --> 00:14:41,211 It's completely heartless and malicious. 341 00:14:41,212 --> 00:14:44,089 You can honestly stand there, as a troll, 342 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:46,942 and tell me what I'm doing isn't hilarious? 343 00:14:46,943 --> 00:14:48,593 No. It's not. 344 00:14:48,594 --> 00:14:49,703 Hacking the world to show 345 00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:51,446 that most people act differently online 346 00:14:51,447 --> 00:14:53,306 isn't even technically satirical. 347 00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,008 How is it not satirical? 348 00:14:58,546 --> 00:15:01,106 There's nothing here. 349 00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:03,650 Maybe Kyle was telling the truth. 350 00:15:03,651 --> 00:15:04,793 Oh, Laura! 351 00:15:04,794 --> 00:15:07,053 I think my boys were being honest with me. 352 00:15:07,054 --> 00:15:08,388 About what? 353 00:15:08,389 --> 00:15:11,007 I accused Ike of... of... I can't really say, 354 00:15:11,008 --> 00:15:12,951 but this thing says he's clean. 355 00:15:12,952 --> 00:15:16,287 I got to find my boys, Laura. Thank you so much. 356 00:15:16,288 --> 00:15:19,399 It's not our kids we have to worry about. 357 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,586 My husband was on three married-but-dating websites. 358 00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:25,797 He looked at porn 4,000 times in one month! 359 00:15:25,798 --> 00:15:28,466 Aren't you curious what your husband does? Huh? 360 00:15:28,467 --> 00:15:30,885 Sure he doesn't have any girlfriends? 361 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:37,669 No, I-I have to respect Gerald's privacy. 362 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,729 Sure, yeah. Respect. 363 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,506 Nice of you to give him that. 364 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,134 Come on. You really think you can resist the urge 365 00:15:44,135 --> 00:15:47,612 to type in his name... just for a quick little look? 366 00:15:52,554 --> 00:15:54,287 There's nothing more we can do. 367 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:55,705 Nearly everyone is online, 368 00:15:55,706 --> 00:15:57,540 and we've diverted all the power we can. 369 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,709 Mr. President, Troll Trace has been online 370 00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,045 for almost 15 minutes now. It's too late. 371 00:16:02,046 --> 00:16:03,713 We need to get you down to the bunker. 372 00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:06,216 Oh, I've got a bunker? Well, that's good. 373 00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:09,778 Mr. President, we have an urgent call from Kyle. 374 00:16:09,779 --> 00:16:11,847 Sorry, Kyle. Looks like it's not gonna work. 375 00:16:11,848 --> 00:16:14,282 Mr. Garrison, I might have just found a lot more energy. 376 00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:16,726 Is there any way the Pentagon can connect to SpaceX? 377 00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:19,229 SpaceX? What the (BLEEP) is that? 378 00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:21,064 You know, the company trying to find new forms of energy, 379 00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:22,774 create jobs, and get mankind to Mars. 380 00:16:22,775 --> 00:16:25,110 Okay, that's dumb, but go on. 381 00:16:26,779 --> 00:16:28,129 Okay, okay, look. 382 00:16:28,130 --> 00:16:30,365 What you're doing is just trying to prove that everyone is 383 00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:33,326 either a bad person or a snoop, right? 384 00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:34,870 So, how is that funny? 385 00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:36,246 That's not what I'm doing. 386 00:16:36,247 --> 00:16:38,081 I'm showing everyone that all this stuff 387 00:16:38,082 --> 00:16:40,417 they freak out over doesn't even matter. 388 00:16:40,418 --> 00:16:42,978 No, but see, that's just nihilism. 389 00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:44,321 Oh, come on! 390 00:16:44,322 --> 00:16:45,422 That is! 391 00:16:45,423 --> 00:16:46,740 So... So, wait. 392 00:16:46,741 --> 00:16:48,925 If you do some big, outrageous, offensive thing 393 00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:51,052 with a positive attitude, you're a satirist, 394 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,446 but if you're cynical about it, then you're a nihilist? 395 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,040 That's (BLEEP) ridiculous. 396 00:16:57,268 --> 00:16:59,102 You're trying to get people 397 00:16:59,103 --> 00:17:00,587 to go to war and kill each other. 398 00:17:00,588 --> 00:17:04,441 So, maybe this is like the new post-funny era of satire. 399 00:17:08,479 --> 00:17:11,097 Attention, all SpaceX employees. 400 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:14,100 Please evacuate the building immediately. 401 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:17,270 We've just received a bomb threat from NASA. 402 00:17:17,271 --> 00:17:19,055 This is not a drill. 403 00:17:19,056 --> 00:17:21,241 The NASA terrorists are super-jelly of us. 404 00:17:21,242 --> 00:17:24,160 Please quietly and calmly find the nearest exit 405 00:17:24,161 --> 00:17:26,379 and get the (BLEEP) out as fast as you can. 406 00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:27,656 Ah! 407 00:17:27,657 --> 00:17:29,074 Oh, hey, babe. Wh-What's up? 408 00:17:29,075 --> 00:17:30,242 There's a bomb threat? 409 00:17:30,243 --> 00:17:31,576 Oh, yeah. I was just, um... 410 00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:33,094 They told me on the stifernisy thing. 411 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:33,995 It was spinning. 412 00:17:33,996 --> 00:17:35,497 Come on. We better get out. 413 00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:37,540 Babe, is everything okay? 414 00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,459 You seem... distant lately. 415 00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:42,187 Distant? Really? Oh, my God. I-I'm sorry. 416 00:17:42,188 --> 00:17:44,256 Did I do something wrong? 417 00:17:44,257 --> 00:17:46,633 No. No, Heidi. Why would you think that? 418 00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:49,636 You don't really talk to me the same way you used to. 419 00:17:49,637 --> 00:17:51,846 Oh, God. I'm sounding needy, huh? 420 00:17:51,847 --> 00:17:53,932 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, go on. 421 00:17:53,933 --> 00:17:57,702 Eric, I just... I hope you're always honest with me, 422 00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:59,954 even if you think it might hurt my feelings. 423 00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,606 Uh-huh. Yeah, cool. 424 00:18:01,607 --> 00:18:04,401 Heidi, I'll always do what's best for both of us. 425 00:18:04,402 --> 00:18:06,736 Now, come on. We got to get outside. 426 00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:17,289 I shouldn't do this. 427 00:18:17,290 --> 00:18:19,891 I can't argue with you anymore. 428 00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:21,626 I want to stand here and tell you 429 00:18:21,627 --> 00:18:24,587 that you and I are different, but it's not true. 430 00:18:24,588 --> 00:18:27,799 All we've been doing is making excuses 431 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,759 for being horrible people. 432 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:34,739 I don't know if you tried to teach me a lesson, but you have. 433 00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,242 I have to stand here and look at you, 434 00:18:37,243 --> 00:18:41,413 and all I see is a big, fat reflection of myself. 435 00:18:41,414 --> 00:18:44,124 With only one minor difference. 436 00:18:45,885 --> 00:18:48,820 No! 437 00:18:48,821 --> 00:18:51,448 Ha! (BLEEP) you! 438 00:18:51,449 --> 00:18:54,434 What I do is (BLEEP) funny, bitch! 439 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:00,832 That's it! Your dad's got it! 440 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:02,542 Give it everything you've got! 441 00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:04,469 Mr. President, do it! 442 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,663 Reroute the Internet through SpaceX! 443 00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:08,331 Rerouting now! 444 00:19:39,171 --> 00:19:41,506 What the hell just happened? 445 00:19:55,146 --> 00:19:57,255 Well, looks like you're gonna have to 446 00:19:57,256 --> 00:20:00,191 kind of start over, huh, Elon? 447 00:20:00,192 --> 00:20:03,219 Maybe you should just go back to your little cars, huh? 448 00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:05,388 Wow, babe. Looks like all our dreams 449 00:20:05,389 --> 00:20:07,265 are kind of on hold for a while, huh? 450 00:20:07,266 --> 00:20:09,392 Yeah, well, some people's dreams 451 00:20:09,393 --> 00:20:11,436 are other people's nightmares. 452 00:20:11,437 --> 00:20:13,229 Well, what do you mean? 453 00:20:13,230 --> 00:20:14,881 It was a joke. 454 00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:24,549 And so, life goes on. 455 00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:28,995 The end of civilization didn't happen. 456 00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:32,957 A massive electric pulse completely erased the Internet. 457 00:20:32,958 --> 00:20:36,644 We've been given a second chance. 458 00:20:36,645 --> 00:20:39,230 A mulligan. 459 00:20:39,231 --> 00:20:42,575 Anything we might be ashamed of, gone forever. 460 00:20:46,698 --> 00:20:48,014 Maybe now boys and girls 461 00:20:48,015 --> 00:20:50,199 can learn to respect each other again. 462 00:20:52,754 --> 00:20:55,371 Realize how careful our online lives have to be. 463 00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:02,145 Because we've all seen what happens when the Twitters, 464 00:21:02,146 --> 00:21:05,673 Facebooks, and trolls decide our reality. 465 00:21:05,688 --> 00:21:08,022 Now that we've been given this second chance, 466 00:21:08,023 --> 00:21:11,067 it's up to all of us to see what we do with it. 467 00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:14,529 And the first new e-mail since the Internet was erased 468 00:21:14,530 --> 00:21:17,665 successfully went out at 6:00 a.m. today. 469 00:21:17,666 --> 00:21:21,727 The honor went to a Mr. Dave Beckett of Boca Raton, Florida. 470 00:21:21,728 --> 00:21:24,622 Mr. Beckett, you had the honor of being the first person 471 00:21:24,623 --> 00:21:26,374 to socialize on the new Internet. 472 00:21:26,375 --> 00:21:28,067 Can you tell us what you did? 473 00:21:28,068 --> 00:21:31,053 Well, I sent an e-mail with a photo 474 00:21:31,054 --> 00:21:34,173 to my old friend Thomas Winger up in Connecticut. 475 00:21:34,174 --> 00:21:38,713 And what did you say to Mr. Winger? 476 00:21:39,113 --> 00:21:41,153 I showed him my dick, called him a fag. 477 00:21:41,215 --> 00:21:45,246 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com