I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time.
Friendly faces everywhere.
Humble folks without temptation.
Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind.
Ample parking day or night.
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!"
Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind.
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine.
G'rlkr.
B'rk!
G'rk!
Yes?
Hello, ma'am.
We're going around town and offering snow-shoveling service.
Would you like your driveway and sidewalk shoveled
for $8,000?
Oh. Well, I certainly could use some little snow shovelers.
But $8,000 seems a little steep.
How about $10?
Ma'am, please.
Let go of that tight grip you have on my balls.
$10. You're breaking my balls, ma'am.
- How about $15? - It's a deal.
All right, guys. Let's get to work!
Yeah. Yeah. It was totally awesome.
Craig crapped his pants when he saw it.
Yeah. Sweet.
So, what's going on over there?
Yeah. That's pretty cool.
No way! He did not!
Aw, dude, that is so weak.
What?
You've been on your fucking phone since we started.
Dude, I'm taking a break.
A break from what?! You haven't done anything!
Kyle, how many times do we have to go through this?
I'm the negotiator.
I negotiate our price with the customers.
All you ever do is talk about your balls!
It works, doesn't it?
Did I not just get us an extra five bucks?
If you want your share of the money,
then you're gonna shovel snow like the rest of us!
Hey, don't boss me around, you fucking Jew!
I will kick your ass!
Ma'am, do you have a rag and some bandages?
Oh, goodness. What happened?
Shoveling accident.
Oh, no. Come on inside.
Wait right here. I'll be right back.
You're so lucky I have a sore shoulder, Kyle,
or else I would have let you have it.
Cartman, just keep your mouth shut.
This is breaking news.
Here's anchorman Aaron Brown.
Incredible, absolutely amazing news today.
A man from the future has come back in time
and is in a government hospital after being hit by a car.
Kristina Nalen has more.
The news is incredible, Aaron.
Experts and scientists have been
with the man from the future for several hours now
and have been able to learn that he is from the year 3045.
His condition is stable,
and speculation continues as to why he has come.
Has he come to deliver a cure for cancer
or to fix something wrong with the past?
Have to interrupt you there, Kristina.
Apparently Brad Morgan is inside the base
with breaking news... Brad?
Aaron, the scientists have been able to communicate further
and have uncovered
that the man from 1,000 years in the future
has come to our time looking for work.
He has said that the future
is so overwhelmingly overpopulated
that there are simply no jobs in his time,
and so he built a time portal
and has come back to 21st-century America
to find a job here.
That is absolutely astounding.
He came back here for work?
Uh, that's right, Aaron.
His plan is to get a job here in our time
so that he can put the money he earns
into a savings account, which will earn interest,
and by the year 3045 be worth billions of dollars...
Which, of course, in the future
will be worth only hundreds of dollars,
but enough, he says, to feed his family.
And now I understand
we're going to Harrison Moore for an explanation
on how the time portal works... Harrison?
Aaron, I am standing at the time portal
which scientists say follows "Terminator" rules...
That is, it's one-way only, and you can't go back.
This is in contrast to, say, "Back to the Future" rules,
where back and forth is possible,
and of course, "Timerider" rules,
which are just plain silly.
Anyway, it appears that the man from the future
is here to stay.
Mom! Dad! Did you see?
They found a man from the future!
We know, Stanley. We've been watching.
If you're just joining us,
a man from over 2,000 years into the future
has come through a one-way time portal looking for work.
Uh, the president is expected
to give an announcement at any time.
Breaking news here at the time portal, Aaron.
It appears another person from the future has just arrived!
It looks as if the job at Wendy's
did work for the original immigrant.
This second arrivee claims that man's family
is now much better off
and wishes the same for his family.
There you go. All set, sweetie?
Mom, can we go try to see the people from the future?
I have a bunch of questions I want to ask them.
I'm sure a lot of people do, hon.
It's pretty exciting, isn't it?
Now, you just get some sleep. You've had a busy day.
Good night, sweetie.
Night, Mom.
Two people from the future.
How cool.
G'lr.
G'gr g'rhr.
G'lr. Gr.
- Yes? - Hello, Mrs. Landis.
Would you like snow-shoveling service again today?
Ooh. Oh, dear.
I'm sorry, boys,
but I've already hired someone else to do it.
What?! Who?!
One of those immigrants from the future.
He said he would do it for 25 cents.
25 cents? But that's not even worth it!
All right, guys. Come on. We'll just go to the next house.
Dude.
Son of a bitch.
Still more immigrants from the future
arrived at the time border today,
some even bringing their entire families.
The purplish goo that they have on their bodies
when they arrive is an ectoplasmic side effect
of the time-travel process.
This is all giving scientists a great opportunity
to learn even more about American life in the future.
Chris Hall joins us now. Chris?
Yes, there are incredible things we're learning
about Americans in the future, Aaron.
It appears that in the future Americans have evolved
into a hairless, uniform mix of all races.
They are all one color,
which is a yellowy, light-brownish, whitish color.
It seems race is no longer an issue in the future
because all ethnicities have mixed into one.
Perhaps most interesting
is how this has affected their language.
The people in the future speak a complete mix
of English, Chinese, Turkish,
and, indeed, all world languages,
which sounds something like this...
Foik flank'en fark.
Back to you, Aaron.
Apparently, the people from the future
are having a pretty easy time finding work.
Since they offer to work for such low wages,
they're being hired all over America.
This is bullcrap!
- We don't like this! - I ain't standin' for this!
I'm mad as hell!
All right, folks, my name is Daryl Weathers,
and I'm with the construction workers union.
I work with a lot of fine men who have families to feed.
I don't know about y'all,
but we worked long and hard to get our pay up to a level
where we could make a decent living.
And now these people from the future are showing up
and offering to do the same work for next to nothin'!
They took our jobs!
Yeah!
- They sure did! - They did!
We're in the moving business.
Fourteen years we been working our butts off.
Now these future folk come in, and we can't get work nowhere!
Well, they took our jobs!
They took yer job!
- They took your jobs, too! - Took yer job!
What about us in the fast-food business?
The restaurants are firing us
'cause the future people work for a lot less.
They took our jobs!
- They took their jobs! - They took their jobs!
- They took yer job! - Took yer jobs!
It's affecting kids, too.
Me and my friends started our own snow-shoveling business.
We were trying to be responsible and make money, you know?
But then the people from the future came along,
and now we're out of work, too!
They took our jobs!
- They took yer job! - They took yer job!
- Yeah! - Dook yer durrr!
Gl'r gl'r g'r g'rg.
Stanley, it's almost 8:00. Where have you been?
I was at a rally to protest all the immigrants
from the future coming in and trying...
Glrk'a?
Oh, yes, the laundry machine is down in the basement.
And our son is home. Could you please set the table for dinner?
G'oh. G'up r'up!
Who is that?
That's our new housekeeper, Mrs. Gw'arh.
She's gonna help around the house on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
And she'll do it for 10 cents an hour.
Aw, but that's the problem.
Those goobacks are takin' our jobs!
- What?! - Oh, my God!
Stan Marsh, how dare you use that time-bashing slur?!
Who taught you to talk like that?
Well, dude, they a re taking people's jobs away.
They're only taking the small, menial jobs
that nobody else really wants to do.
I wanted my job!
Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something.
Those people from the future have had a hard life.
Where they come from is dirty and overpopulated and poor.
You can't even imagine the kind of depression they come from.
So for us, who have everything so good,
to judge them is wrong.
Do you understand?
Next time you think about calling them goobacks,
you might want to just stop for a second
and think about how crappy the future really is.
That's right.
We're not raising our son to be an ignorant timecist.
T-Timecist?
You know... a racist, but against people from...
People from the future. Right. Got it.
All right. Good.
Now let's all go eat
some of Mrs. Gw'arh's great future cooking.
And now here is Bill O'Reilly.
Welcome, welcome to the No Spin Zone, all right?
And what we're talking about today
are the immigrants from the future, all right?
Most people are more than happy to give a helping hand
to these people who obviously need it, all right?
But others are starting to say
that the time portal should be closed off, all right?
Now, I've got two guests with me tonight
who have opposing views on the matter.
On my right is pissed-off white-trash
redneck conservative.
Thanks for having me, Bill.
And on my left is aging hippie liberal douche.
Hello.
Now, pissed-off redneck,
you say we shouldn't allow anyone else
through the time portal, all right?
You're goddamn right.
These people from the future are taking all the work away
from us decent present-day Americans.
They took our jobs!
Those jobs belong to people from the present!
All right.
What say you, aging hippie liberal douche?
It's typical for conservative rednecks like these
to view the immigrants as the problem.
But really the problem is America.
It is our greedy multinational corporations
that keep everyone else in poverty.
Your ancestors came to America as immigrants.
What right do you have to turn these people away?
All right. Redneck, your rebuttal?
They took our jobs!
Durk er durrr!
All right, children.
The school board has mandated that I must now teach class
in both present-day English and Futurespeak.
What?
So with that in mind, let's continue our lessons on verbs.
Remember that there are transitive verbs such as,
"The boy threw the red ball,"
which in Futurespeak, of course, is g'rk gr'kle r'glk.
Everyone say it with me. G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
G'rk r'g-g-g... lk.
And there are intransitive verbs, such as,
"The 11:15 bus from Denver arrived 12 hours late."
Or in Futurespeak, g'lrk.
G'lrk.
Dude, hold on. This is bullcrap!
If they want to live in our time,
then they should learn our language!
- Yeah! - Right!
Hey, now, these immigrants have a right to retain their culture.
Who are we to say our language is best?
They deserve to have an education
just as much as you do.
Thank you, aging hippie liberal douche.
You betcha.
Timmy!
Okay, now. Let's get back to it, kids.
Which kind of verb is this?
"The sad girl puts balls in her mouth."
Or, in Futurespeak, of course...
G'rk g'rak balls g'rk g'rk.
This is bullcrap!
- We don't like this! - I ain't standin' for this!
Listen up, everybody.
We've just received a reply from our congressman.
"Dear intolerant rednecks,
we sympathize with you all losing your jobs.
However, we feel your solution of shooting everyone
who crosses the time border is inhumane."
- What? - That's ridiculous!
- They can't do that! - That was a good idea!
So it appears the government ain't gonna help us,
which means we got to take matters into our own hands.
The only way to stop people from the future
is to stop the future from happening.
Hey, that's right!
If there is no future,
then there'll be no people fro m the future
to come back and take our jobs!
Dur er durrr!
All right.
So any ideas how we can stop the future from happening?
How about we cause more global warming
so that in the future the polar ice caps melt,
a-and it ushers in a new ice age?
How the hell is global warming gonna cause an ice age?
Well, you know, the global warming could bring on,
like, a climate shift or something.
Chet, you are a fuckin' retard. You know that?
Even if global warming were real...
Which all proven scientific data shows it isn't...
It would take millions of years for a climate shift to happen.
You think an ice age can just happen all of a sudden like?
Well, I was just trying to be helpful.
Well, help yourself to a fuckin' science book,
'cause you're talking like a fuckin' retard.
Now, come on, people! We've got to think!
Damn it, they took our job!
They took our job!
- Taka dur! - Took our job!
G'rr? G'lk g'lr?
G'rk! G'lrm g'lak g'lak.
Oh, dude!
G'lar d'kuh?
Can you speak in present-day English, please?
Can I help you?
Uh, yeah. I want a double cheeseburger and fries.
Chicken sandwich?
No. A double cheeseburger and fries.
- Anything to drink? - What?
Anything to drink?
We can't understand you, asshole!
G'lrk. G'lk g'rr g'lrk.
G'rek g'lrk g'lrk. G'rek g'lrk g'lrk.
G'wark.
Can I help you?
I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger.
Chicken sandwich?
No, not a chicken sandwich!
I want a goddamn cheeseburger and some goddamn fries,
you fucking goobacks!
Stan Marsh!
Aw... Awwww!
Come on, people. Think!
How are we gonna stop these immigrants
from takin' our jobs?
Hey, I got an idea.
Maybe we should all take off all our clothes,
scramble into a big pile,
and start getting gay with each other.
Did you say get gay?
Hey, yeah. That's not a bad idea!
What, gettin' gay?
Think about it. These people are from the future, right?
Well, if we can get everyone to turn queer,
then there won't be no children to have no children,
and the people from the future won't exist to take our jobs!
I ain't turning queer.
You have to, Jimbo,
or else we won't be able to stop them.
Damn it! They took er blerrr!
Yeah! They took our jobs!
Took er durrr!
Let's go over to that part of town
that all the future people moved into
and start humpin' each other until they disappear.
Come on!
You want your jobs back or not?!
All right, you future bastards!
Think you can take our jobs?
Well, we'll show you.
Come here, Earl!
How do you like that, gooback?
Come on, you guys!
Everyone who believes in America, join in with us!
We're gonna make these future bastards nonexistent!
Aw, come on, Dad.
How come I have to go to work with you?
Because you're being grounded, Stanley.
Now, I don't want to hear another word
out of your intolerant mouth.
You just sit right there, Stanley,
and you think about what you've done.
You'll find all the copiers and printers
- in the next room over and... - Hey, Mr. Nelson.
Oh. R-Randy.
I'm surprised to see you here.
Why? This is my office.
Oh, boy. Didn't you get my phone message?
Ooh, this is awkward.
Well, the thing is, Randy, you've been replaced.
What?
W-We found an immigrant from the future who knows geology,
and he offered to work for next to nothing.
This is Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
G'rlo.
You can't be serious.
I'm sorry, Randy.
It's just with all the budget cuts and all...
We'll give you some time to clean out your desk.
Follow me, Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
I'll show you to the coffee room.
Oh, my God.
They took my job!
They took yer job!
This is CNN.
Breaking news at the time border.
We go now live to Harrison Moore.
Aaron, I'm standing at the time border,
where some kind of mass protest has broken out.
Hundreds of men who have lost their jobs to time immigrants
are here having sex with one another.
These men have apparently sucked and screwed their way
across the state
and are now here at the time border
trying to get national attention.
These unemployed men have been having sex for several days.
Joining me now is their spokesperson, Randy Marsh.
Mr. Marsh, what exactly are you trying to accomplish?
We're doing the only thing we can do.
If our government is just gonna let
anybody into our time who wants to come,
then we have to take matters into our own hands.
We're trying to turn everyone gay
so there a re no future humans.
Present-day America, number one!
Yeah, America!
Took our jobs!
Do you really think you can get enough people to turn gay
to destroy the future of humanity?
All we can do is try, Harrison.
Trying to stop immigration is intolerant and ignorant!
Those immigrants have a right to pursue happiness!
Young man, what do you think about all this?
I-I think it's wrong to call them goobacks,
because they're no different from us.
They're just humans trying to make their lives better.
Look, it sucks that the immigrants' time is so crappy.
But the cold, hard truth
is if we let them all come back to our time,
it's just gonna make our time crappy, too.
Maybe the answer isn't trying to stop the future from happening,
but making the future better.
Maybe if we all commit right now
to working towards a better future,
then the future won't be so bad and these immigrants won't need
to come back here looking for work.
Hey, he's right.
If we build for a better future, the immigrants will stay there!
Yeah.
We've got to start working towards a brighter tomorrow.
Well, what are we waiting for?
We've got to work for a better future.
We've got to join hands for tomorrow.
Take the first step and you will see.
The future begins with you and me.
We can start to make a difference.
If we want it for our children.
Recycle that can and plant that tree.
'Cause the future begins with you and me.
Look! It's working!
The future begins with you and me.
The immigrants are fading away!
We're doing it!
We've got to work for a better future.
We've got to join hands for tomorrow.
Take the first step and you will see the future...
Dude, wait. Wait. H-Hold on. Wait a second.
This is gay.
This is really gay.
Yeah, this is even gayer than all the men
getting in a big pile and having sex with each other.
Okay. Sorry. My bad.
Everyone back in the pile.
Back in the pile, everyone!
- We're going back to the pile! - Jump in!
- Come on, everybody! - We're going back to the pile!
- Yeah! Come on! - Taka dur!
We've got to work for a better future.
We've got to join hands for tomorrow.
Take the first step and you will see.
The future begins with you and me.
We can start to make a difference.
If we want it for our children.
Recycle that can and plant that tree.
'Cause the future begins with you and me.
The future begins with you and me