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00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:11,512
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,431
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,266
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:18,227
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:19,812
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:22,023
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,817
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:28,362
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,158
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:38,247
♪♪
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00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:41,167
[ Whoosh! Zap! ]
12
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What on Earth
was that?!
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00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,755
JIMMY:
My name is Jimmy Valmer.
14
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[ Whoosh! Zap! ]
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And I am very f-f-fast.
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When I was born, my parents
knew I was different.
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I'm sorry,
Mr. and Mrs. Valmer.
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Your newborn son will never
be able to walk.
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But he will be
extremely good at comedy.
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[ Cries ]
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00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:06,358
Wow! What
a t-t-terrific audience.
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00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,570
[ Cries ]
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00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,073
As I got older,
my powers only increased.
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What do you call cheese
that isn't yours?
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00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:15,743
WOMAN: [ Screams ]
Help!
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[ Whoosh! Zap! ]
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[ Whoosh! Zap! ]
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Nacho Cheese.
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[ Laughter ]
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And now I look
for others like me
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to fight crime
as part of a superhero team.
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I am...
33
00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:28,923
Fa-Fa-Fastpass.
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[ Claps ]
35
00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:32,718
Okay, okay,
thank you, Fastpass.
36
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I like it.
What do you guys think?
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We definitely
don't have anyone
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with super-human speed
in our franchise.
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Fastpass, what makes you
feel qualified
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00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,975
to be part of
our cinematic universe?
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Well, besides
being super f-f-fast,
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I also have
a good attitude
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and flexibility with my schedule
on weekends.
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Fastpass,
welcome to Coon and Friends.
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You are about to make
a shit load of money.
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00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,251
CARTMAN:
All right, superheroes,
47
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,461
it's time to layout
our plan of action.
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00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,004
As you can see, I have divided
the franchise plan
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00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,631
into three phases.
50
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,967
Phase one begins with
"The Coon" Netflix series
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00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,844
and goes through
the "Coon and Friends United,"
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00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,971
movie where we introduce
Tool Shed and the Human Kite.
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In phase two,
we do "Coon vs. Fastpass,"
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followed by an origin movie
about Mosquito.
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Bzzzzzt! Oh, boy!
I get my own origin movie?! Bzzztzt!
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That's right.
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It's in Phase two
that we will finally introduce
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Tupperware,
our black superhero,
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like an ace in the hole.
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Whoa, whoa. Wait. How come we gotta start off
with a Netflix series?
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Can't we just go
right into movies?
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Netflix is starving for
new shows right now, Toolshed.
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They will literally buy anything
people pitch them.
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We need to strike
while the iron is hot.
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Later, in phase three, we can
finally get to Civil War,
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where we will all --
[Alarm blares ]
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00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,043
What is it?!
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00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,087
Incoming Facetime call
from SuperCraig!
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00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:51,630
CARTMAN:
On screen!
70
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,424
You guys,
we have a big problem.
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What is it, SuperCraig?
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00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:56,802
Somebody is messing
with our Facebook page.
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00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,304
They're spreading
all these lies
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and saying we like,
burn the American flag
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and pee in each other's mouths.
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Spreading lies how?
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00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,269
Take a look.
Someone is systematically
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00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:06,604
targeting
our Facebook followers
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00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,439
and feeding them
misinformation.
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Who would deliberately
use Facebook
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in such
a horribly reckless way?
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00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:16,280
[ Thunder crashes ]
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00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,991
[ Keyboard clacking ]
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[ Chuckles ]
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[ Laughs evilly ]
86
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Butters, you're not looking
at boobies again, are you?
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00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,462
No, Dad,
I'm not looking at boobies.
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00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:36,008
[ Laughs evilly ]
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00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:40,638
[ Bell rings ]
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00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:41,639
Butters.
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00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,515
Oh, hey, fellas!
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00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:44,934
Butters,
are you using Facebook
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to fuck with
our superhero franchise?
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00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,519
Umm...
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Nope.
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00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,066
Butters.
Butters!
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00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,734
Yes, fellas?
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00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,819
Dude, listen, we don't
have time for this.
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00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,363
Right now,
Netflix is buying
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00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,198
any show
that people pitch them.
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We have a real shot
at starting our franchise,
102
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:03,327
and you are a part
of that franchise plan, okay?
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00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,537
We have movies planned
for the bad guy!
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00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,122
You mean
like "Suicide Squad"?
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00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,249
Yes!
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00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,334
"Suicide Squad"
sucked.
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Butters!
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00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,754
Butters, you can't just
make stuff up about us.
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00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,506
People are thinking
it's true.
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Look, fellas, you have a right
to be on Facebook,
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and I have a right
to be on Facebook.
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And sometimes, that's going
to cause a little...
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chaos.
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Gotta get to class.
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Dude.
What a dick!
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If we don't find
a way to stop him,
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we're never going to make
any money, you guys.
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♪♪
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Thanks for coming,
everyone.
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I know you are all concerned
as Sarah and I are
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about what's happening
to our children.
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I just can't believe
that children in our town
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are dressing up
in hero costumes
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and peeing
in each other's mouths.
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And who are these kids?
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Does anyone know?
They're wearing capes
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and forcing objects into
their own rectal cavities.
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Why?
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We were shocked to read that
a young African-American boy
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00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,178
is wearing Tupperware
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and defecating on girls
while they sleep.
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00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,933
What if those kids are
hanging out with our kids?
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00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,560
You know what I think
the problem is?
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00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:10,728
Facebook.
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Facebook?
How so?
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00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,440
Well, look,
we all know there's
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a lot of mixing
of truth and fiction
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that's been
on Facebook lately.
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And children lack
the cognitive ability
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00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,574
to determine what's true
and what isn't on Facebook.
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00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,200
That's why we now have
young kids
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dressing up in costumes,
eating poop,
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and having sex
with antelopes in our town.
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Maybe we need to get our kids
off of Facebook.
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That'll never happen.
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You know what I say we do?
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Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg
to come and talk to us all
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00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:40,215
about our concerns
in this community.
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00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,134
Do you really think
he'd come?
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00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:43,552
Why not give it a try?
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00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,054
Let's invite
Mark Zuckerberg here
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00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,680
and see
what he has to say.
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00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,599
I'm sure he's
a reasonable person.
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[ Sips ]
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00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,737
Who are you?!
What do you want?!
156
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,073
I'm here about the job?
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00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:07,117
Oh, are you Adam?
Well, come on in!
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00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,329
You're making
a smart career choice, Adam.
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00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:12,039
You see, what we do here
is utilize Facebook
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00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,917
not only to spread chaos
but to actually profit from it.
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You'll find the hours
very reasonable,
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and I'm working on getting
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00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,380
full health and dental
for all employees.
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Here's your
company uniform.
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00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,425
You see,
what I've done, Adam,
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00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,969
is built a completely
self-sustaining chaos machine --
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You look fantastic --
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doing nothing more than what
Facebook was designed to do.
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I make money from Facebook
for my fake content
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00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:35,437
in order to pay Facebook
to promote my fake stories.
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And thusly,
we're growing bigger every day.
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00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,442
Everyone, can I have
your attention please?
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00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,444
We have
a new agent of chaos.
174
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,530
Please welcome
Adam Borque.
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00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:45,864
[ Scattered applause ]
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00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:48,409
Here you go. You can
take this workstation, Adam.
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Just start writing
horrible things about people
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00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,663
and presenting it as reality
on Facebook.
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All right! Don't forget
we have a chaos quota, gang!
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00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,876
Let's really
fuck shit up.
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00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,967
MR. MACKEY:
All right. Can everyone hear me in the back?
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00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,885
M'kay We're gonna
get started here.
183
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,429
I know you all
have a lot of questions,
184
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,888
so without further ado,
185
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,516
let me introduce
Mark Zuckerberg.
186
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,226
Thanks for coming,
Mr. Zuckerberg.
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00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:16,061
Thank you.
It is a great honor
188
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:18,021
to be here
amongst all of you.
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00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,773
For those few
who don't know,
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00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,275
could you tell us
who you are?
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00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,569
I am the founder and chairman
of Facebook.
192
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,530
But I also have a style that is
completely unblockable.
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00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,157
Okay,
we'll let him speak,
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00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,950
and then we'll open the floor
to some questions
195
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,243
if there's time.
Thank you.
196
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:32,786
Thank you, right.
197
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,205
All right. Everyone here
wants to see my style.
198
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,332
But first what I'll need
is a volunteer.
199
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,792
Yes, you sir?
200
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,086
Mr. Zuckerberg, Facebook
has become a tool
201
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:44,131
for some to disrupt our country
and our community --
202
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,883
You say these things
like they are my fault,
203
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,176
and yet they are not.
204
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,803
Well, you did
create a platform
205
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,221
with a monetary incentive
206
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,182
for people
to spread misinformation.
207
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,684
[ Chuckles ]
Now I see you're trying
208
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:57,311
to use your style over mine.
209
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,688
Now, you try
to block me.
210
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:03,317
Brzzz! Byeow!
211
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:06,028
Now you have learned
that you cannot block me, yes?
212
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,529
Yes.
What is your question?
213
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,114
How are we supposed
to keep our kids --
214
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,908
Ba-ba-ba-baaa!
Ztzztzzzt!
215
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,826
Shwa! Ahh!
Pos-brb!
216
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:16,121
[ Mimics explosion ]
217
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,540
[ Doorbell rings ]
218
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:22,753
Wilson Aubrey?
219
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,171
Yeah.
220
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,173
It's us, your heroes,
Coon and Friends.
221
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:27,508
We're, uh...
just wondering
222
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,801
why you stopped following us
on Instagram.
223
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,137
Because you victimize
innocent people
224
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,805
and poop in
little girls' mouths.
225
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,474
That's not true,
Wilson.
226
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,100
We're Coon and Friends,
not Harvey Weinstein.
227
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,810
Facebook says it's true.
228
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,145
But it's not true.
229
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:41,605
But Facebook
says it's true.
230
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,148
Okay, but it's not true,
231
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:44,441
and you need to have
your own fucking brain
232
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,567
and decide shit
for yourself!
233
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,194
[ Screams ]
234
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,154
God damn it!
235
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,781
Let's just face it.
236
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:51,615
We're never gonna have
a superhero franchise!
237
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,325
It's so unfair!
238
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,619
Come on, fellas.
We can't let Butters win.
239
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,996
Forget it, Fastpass.
The world hates us now.
240
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,414
Yeah, nobody
believes in us.
241
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:03,210
We believe in each other,
don't we?
242
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,962
Who cares what
everyone else thinks?
243
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,798
I joined this franchise
because I believe
244
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,800
that it can make
a lot of money.
245
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,885
And being a superhero means
you keep believing in that money
246
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,137
no matter how hard
things get.
247
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,973
Fastpass is right.
248
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,016
We've let all this distract us
from what's important.
249
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,643
We just need to get
the Netflix series
250
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,229
and let our superhero franchise
speak for itself.
251
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,231
Coon, everybody hates us.
252
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:27,067
Maybe so, but we
know who we are.
253
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,820
We are Coon Friends because
we care about each other,
254
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,363
because we have
each other's backs.
255
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,240
And when things
look their darkest,
256
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,242
these heroes
will stand together and re--
257
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,202
Hey, babe,
what's up?
258
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,628
[ Sighs ]
259
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,380
[ Sniffles ]
260
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:50,048
[ Groans ]
261
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,636
What are you up to?
262
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,680
Nothing. Just fucking
wearing sweet costumes,
263
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:57,764
talking about fighting evil.
264
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,808
Is that okay?
265
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,310
I just -- I thought we were
meeting at the park.
266
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,437
You didn't
text or anything.
267
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:06,106
Oh, my God. Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
268
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,233
Sorry!
I won't interrupt.
269
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,237
Because we are
Coon and Friends,
270
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,822
and as long as
we have each other,
271
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,034
we can do anything!
272
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:23,915
I swear that was the worst
public speaker I've ever seen.
273
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,876
What was
Mark Zuckerberg's point?
274
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,961
I don't even understand
what that was about.
275
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,338
Guess nobody realized
276
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,797
Mark Zuckerberg
was such a penis.
277
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:32,758
What the hell?!
278
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,092
It's Mark Zuckerberg.
279
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,594
I know who it is!
280
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,262
Excuse me,
what are you doing here?
281
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,556
I was invited here
by people.
282
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,475
We invited you
to come speak
283
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,602
to our community
about our problems!
284
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,855
Ah! I see what you did there.
Trying to block me, right?
285
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:49,733
I am tired of eating chips.
What else is there?
286
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:50,859
Hey!
287
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,569
Get out of our fridge.
288
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,780
[ Chuckles ] This puny
refrigerator could not block me.
289
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,448
What makes you think
you can?
290
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,200
Now, you listen here!
I will not --
291
00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,326
Bzzt!
292
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,829
Oh! Jrmm!
Pyow! Wha!
293
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:06,166
[ Chuckles ] You are no match
for my style.
294
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,710
[ Car alarm chirps ]
295
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,968
So, where are we headed?
Perhaps we should get some food.
296
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,429
What -- Excuse me,
this is our car.
297
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,972
You call this a car?
298
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,183
It wasn't even remotely able
to block me.
299
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,310
What is this car's style?
300
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,604
Get -- Get out of here,
you -- you penis!
301
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,273
[ Chuckles ]
You say I am a penis,
302
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,692
and yet I am not a penis.
303
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,027
[ Telephones ringing ]
304
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,113
Netflix. You're green lit.
Who am I speaking with?
305
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,740
Uh, yes, hello, we have
an idea for a show
306
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,867
that we think would be great
for Netflix.
307
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,494
Okay, great.
Would you like a pilot
308
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:44,413
or just go straight to
an order of six episodes?
309
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,331
We'd like to go
right into six episodes
310
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,874
with a pickup option
at the end of three.
311
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,459
Got it. Can you start shooting
next month?
312
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,920
Got a show about
transsexual dragons here!
313
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,255
Yes, we're ready to start
right now.
314
00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,048
We are very, very excited.
315
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,300
Okay, sounds great.
We'll send you the contracts.
316
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,010
Oh, and, uh,
what's the show about?
317
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,345
It's a stand-alone series
318
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,139
about a superhero
called The Coon
319
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,099
before he joins
Coon and Friends.
320
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,892
Coon and Friends?
321
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,811
You mean the kids
I just read about in the news
322
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,563
who stabbed Jessica Alba?
323
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,232
Look, you didn't -- you didn't
read that on the news.
324
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,859
You read that on Facebook.
325
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,111
Aw, man, here we go.
326
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,321
Yeah uh, dang it,
we've never done this before,
327
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,449
but I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to pass on your show.
328
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,325
Listen to me!
329
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,661
There are falsehoods about us on Facebook
that are not true!
330
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,913
Well, then you should
have those things taken down.
331
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,331
It can't be that hard.
332
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,375
It's a lot harder
than you think!
333
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,669
Look, we'd love
to approve your show,
334
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,838
but you need to get those things
cleared up first, okay?
335
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,673
Thanks for calling.
336
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,717
Netflix. You're green lit.
Who am I speaking with?
337
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,893
What the --
Who are you?
338
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,061
I believe
that's Mark Zuckerberg.
339
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,563
Hey, that's my soup!
340
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,398
So, you are trying
to block me, huh?
341
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:54,941
That's fine.
What's your style?
342
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,235
I don't have a style!
343
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,867
Hey!
Get out of my bed!
344
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,577
I was invited here.
345
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:08,580
I am only making use of a bed
for sleeping, yes?
346
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,207
We just wanted you
to come
347
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,374
share your insights
on Facebook!
348
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,584
Shnn!
349
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:15,629
Oh, my head! My head!
Shaaa!
350
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,881
You should have worked with me
when you had the chance.
351
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,008
Now you lie
over there, dead.
352
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,222
Attention,
employees.
353
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,642
Kelly Shmidt has just written
her 100th fake blog post
354
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,353
that was shared over 1,000 times
on Facebook.
355
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,938
Let's hear it for Kelly!
356
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,523
[Applause ]
357
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,358
Don't forget about
those Chaos incentives!
358
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,777
You too can benefit
from pandemonium.
359
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,156
Butters!
360
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,033
Oh, no!
It's Coon and Friends!
361
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:45,992
Ahh!
Oh, no!
362
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,536
Oh, no!
363
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,037
Calm down, everyone.
Stick to your work.
364
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,164
I will deal
with these trespassers.
365
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,124
We're here
to put an end to you, Chaos!
366
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,960
Yeah! I don't have
butt sex with antelopes,
367
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,003
and Token doesn't poop
in girls' mouths!
368
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,464
It's the 21st century,
gentlemen.
369
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,758
There's nothing illegal
about what I'm doing.
370
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:05,428
Yeah? Nothing illegal about us
kicking your a-a-ass either.
371
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,138
Actually that is illegal.
372
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,016
And besides, you can't do
anything to me.
373
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,059
[ Whistles ]
374
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:14,437
Hyah! Syo-yo-yo!
375
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:15,772
[ Whoosh! ]
376
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,483
Wah! So, this is
the Coon and Friends
377
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,068
that you have
told me about.
378
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,571
I warn you, my fighting style
is unsurpassed.
379
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,657
Who the S-S-S-Sam Hell
is that?
380
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:26,992
I think
that's Mark Zuckerberg.
381
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,660
You wanna get
to Butters, right?
382
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,704
You're gonna have
to get through me, huh!
383
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,623
Dude. This kid
is deliberately lying about us
384
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,458
on your platform
for no other reason
385
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,668
than to cause harm.
386
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,169
Why are you
protecting him?
387
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:42,299
Simple.
He paid me $17.23.
388
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,884
It's the Facebook
safeguard program.
389
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,677
Just $17 monthly
gets you
390
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,304
personal protection
from Mark Zuckerberg.
391
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,139
Come on!
What's your style?
392
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:55,645
[ Clamoring ]
393
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,273
All right. All right.
Everyone calm down.
394
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,400
I can't hear over all you!
395
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,985
You have
to do something!
396
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,445
This guy is going around
397
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,655
acting like everyone's stuff
is his!
398
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,908
I'm sick of getting
out of the shower
399
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:11,119
to find Mark Zuckerberg
sitting on my toilet!
400
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,538
Zuckerberg ate everything
in our freezer
401
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:16,041
and then helped himself
to my wife's lubricant!
402
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:18,877
[ Indistinct shouting ]
403
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,670
All right. All right.
Everyone!
404
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,256
I just want
to know one thing.
405
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:28,053
Who invited him here?
406
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:31,139
Come on. Who invited
Mark Zuckerberg to town
407
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:34,476
in the first place?
408
00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,436
- We did.
- We did.
409
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,271
Huh? What's that?
410
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,024
We invited Mark Zuckerberg
to town.
411
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:42,901
Uh-huh.
That's what I thought.
412
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,236
You all brought Mark Zuckerberg
into your lives
413
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,113
and now you want the police
to shoot him.
414
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,740
Please,
you don't understand.
415
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,909
He's --
he's such a penis.
416
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,036
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure his
voice is dubbed
417
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,372
and he does all
his own sound effects...
418
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,916
Well, that doesn't mean
he's done anything illegal.
419
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,919
Now, the police will help deal
with Mark Zuckerberg, but...
420
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,712
we aren't going to shoot him.
421
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,673
[ Crowd groans ]
422
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,384
I'm sorry,
that's just the way it is.
423
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,886
You all should have thought
harder about this
424
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,930
before letting him
into your lives.
425
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,397
When we all became superheroes,
we took an oath.
426
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,692
That no matter what it took we
would make shit loads of money.
427
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:26,194
But thanks to Mark Zuckerberg,
right now...
428
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,654
we are a superhero group
429
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,447
that can't even get a show
on Netflix.
430
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,199
Zuckerberg is the key.
431
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,201
He's the only person
who can shut down Facebook.
432
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,036
How are we going to get him
to do that?
433
00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,998
We're gonna beat him
at his own game.
434
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:44,254
[ Police radio chatter ]
435
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,673
We got the west entrance
to town secure.
436
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,591
How you guys doing
out east?
437
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,427
Here he comes.
438
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,016
Okay, Mr. Zuckerberg.
That's gonna have to be it.
439
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,101
Can't let you into town.
440
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,311
So, you think
you can block me?
441
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,605
Look, people
don't want you here okay?
442
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,065
This is a quiet little town
and...
443
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,692
[ Laughs ]
You cannot block me.
444
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,902
There's plenty of other places
you can go, sir.
445
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:08,945
Can you please just --
446
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:12,407
[ Vocalizes action sounds ]
447
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:13,992
Don't --
Don't do that please --
448
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,120
[ Vocalizing continues ]
449
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,205
My brain! My brain!
Aah!
450
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,459
He walked through.
451
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,461
[ Vocalizing continues ]
Aah! My my car! My car!
452
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,548
Oh, my God!
It's Mark Zuckerberg!
453
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,259
[ Vocalizing continues ]
454
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:32,844
Oh, my God!
How'd he do that?!
455
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:35,805
[ Zip! ]
456
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,770
What's the matter?
Too f-f-fast for you?
457
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,856
[ Laughs ] You saw me walk right
through that police barricade,
458
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,357
and yet you think
you can block me, right?
459
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:47,650
Go ahead and try.
460
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,862
[ Both vocalizing
action sounds ]
461
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,114
Now Zuckerberg! Let's see you
block my shtoile!
462
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,449
Pew! Pew! Pew!
463
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:55,950
[ Laughs ]
464
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,078
[ Both vocalizing
action sounds ]
465
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,829
Wha, da, da, da, da.
Bam!
466
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,373
Oh!
467
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,335
[ Groans ] Ow!
468
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,295
I have never witnessed
this style before! [ Grunts ]
469
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:09,464
Hey, look!
The freaky costume kids
470
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:10,924
are getting Zuckerberg!
471
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,258
Get him, kids!
472
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,510
Poop in his mouth!
473
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:15,595
- [ Roars ]
- Aah!
474
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,100
[ Laughs ]
475
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,685
You tried to match my style
and failed!
476
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,188
[ Dramatically ]
Oh! It is over!
477
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,357
My friends are all beaten!
Why?!
478
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,317
They were just children.
479
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:32,028
This one simply protesting
for black lives.
480
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:34,781
And this child trying to speak
out for handicapped people!
481
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,866
W-Why, Mark Zuckerberg?
482
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,827
And my friend Kyle,
483
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,620
guilty of nothing but standing
up for the rights of Jews.
484
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,831
Wh-wha-what
are you talking about?
485
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:45,333
Ever heard
of Facebook Live?
486
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,130
We are just kids trying to have
our voices heard for
487
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,465
black, handicapped
and Jewish rights.
488
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,968
Cut down in our prime
by Mark Zuckerberg.
489
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,971
But -- but hold on.
That -- that's not true!
490
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,931
Facebook says it's true.
491
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:03,685
Nooo!
492
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,147
- Huh?
- What? -Hey!
493
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,023
- What?
- What's going on?!
494
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,400
Everyone keep working!
495
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,360
- We can't.
- Something's wrong
496
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,112
with Facebook.
- It's gone. Like...
497
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,864
somebody shut it down.
498
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,448
What are you talking about?!
[ Door opens ]
499
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,617
Cartman: It's over, Chaos!
500
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,870
We've forced your little toady
to shut down
501
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,288
his own disorder device.
502
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:24,789
Curse you, Coon and Friends!
503
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:25,874
This isn't over!
504
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,584
Oh, yes, it is.
505
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,753
Butters! You're the one
who started all this?!
506
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,755
Uh-oh.
507
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:36,676
♪♪
508
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,429
You think
you're just so smart don't you?
509
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,431
No, sir! No, sir, I just--
- Make me look like a fool will you?!
510
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:42,974
We'll just see about this!
511
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,603
Not so funny now is it?!
512
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,897
Go on!
Tell Mr. Putin what you told me!
513
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,107
Well, I was just --
[ Sniffles ]
514
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:54,402
Well, I just said how I just
used Facebook like Russia did
515
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,653
and really didn't break
any rules --
516
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,655
Didn't break any rules!
517
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,033
Good job teaching our children
that's all that matters!
518
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,202
Just because there's a way to
cause chaos in a town
519
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,828
or disrupt an entire country
520
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,039
doesn't mean you go and do it,
does it?
521
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,957
If Mark Zuckerberg
points a loaded cannon
522
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,709
at someone's face,
523
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:10,877
are you innocent
for just lighting the fuse?!
524
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:14,047
- Answer me.
- [ In Russian ]
525
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,217
No! You don't go around making
up things about people either,
526
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,176
unless it's about
Mark Zuckerberg
527
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,469
'cause he deserves it.
528
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:22,138
I hope you're both
very satisfied
529
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,683
with the damage you've caused,
because you're both grounded!
530
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,227
[ Door slams ]
531
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,145
Coon Friends, we have done it.
532
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:32,398
Facebook is gone and Netflix
has approved our TV show.
533
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,150
All we have to do now
534
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,986
is agree on the final draft
of the franchise plan.
535
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,280
You can see that the
SuperCraig movie now precedes
536
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,949
the Coon VS SuperCraig movie
537
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:43,660
followed by Mysterion's
video game and then --
538
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,119
How come I have to have
the video game?
539
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,162
I wanna movie too.
540
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,956
You have a movie, Mysterion.
541
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,415
You're in the third
Coon and Friends United movie
542
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,125
after your video game.
543
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,461
Yeah, but he's saying he doesn't
ever get his own movie.
544
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,089
- Do I get my own movie?
- Not everyone gets their own movie.
545
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,759
- This franchise plan sucks.
- Oh, Jesus, here we go again.
546
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,386
No,
Wonder Tweek is right.
547
00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,137
It was better when we started
the movies off
548
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,556
with the Tupperware prequel.
- Dude, you can't do a prequel first.
549
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,100
- Why not?
- 'Cause then it's not a prequel,
550
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:08,726
it's just first.
551
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,770
And besides Tupperware
isn't our strongest character.
552
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,814
Fuck you.
It's better than a human kite.
553
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,108
He just likes this plan because
he gets two movies in phase one.
554
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,859
Guys! We have to just
go with this plan.
555
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,278
We don't even have
one movie yet!
556
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,862
You go with the plan.
557
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,155
Maybe we'll just go
and do our own franchise.
558
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,907
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
559
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,575
Oh, you want civil war?!
Is that what you want?!
560
00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,619
Yeah, dude. It's civil war.
Fuck you.
561
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,329
Oh, fuck you.
Get outta my house.
562
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:30,999
We'll make way more money
on our franchise!
563
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,376
Go ahead. I bet you don't even
get halfway through phase one
564
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:34,502
on your franchise,
DC Comics.
565
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:39,799
[ Door slams ]
566
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,718
I thought Civil War wasn't
supposed to happen
567
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:45,054
until phase three.
- Shut up, SuperCraig.