1 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,611 (GIGGLES) 2 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,747 Is this you initiating? 3 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,498 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 4 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:43,001 Excellent. So let's talk about it. 5 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,796 I'm Caitlin V and I am a sex and relationship coach. 6 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,675 This is a story about what to do on a date. 7 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,761 That'll be fun. Yeah. 8 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,098 My calling in life is to help people have better sex. 9 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,104 As a sex coach, unlike a therapist, 10 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,440 I can do more than just talk with my clients. 11 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:08,568 I'll invite you to use your fingers. 12 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,029 Moving slowly, 13 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,239 touch your partner's body, 14 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,076 their hair, their skin. 15 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,162 I can demonstrate. Do you want to try it? 16 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,580 Uh, sure. 17 00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,165 I can educate. 18 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:25,293 So we have outer labia here. We have the inner labia here. 19 00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:26,920 We have the clitoral hood. 20 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,797 Underneath it is the clitoris, 21 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,676 which comes out after she's turned on and aroused. 22 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:37,055 Boy, you sure make it sound easy. 23 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:40,433 How do you do it? Practice, my boy. Experience. 24 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:45,563 All to help them find maximum sexual pleasure. 25 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:49,651 On a scale from one to five, how pleasurable was that? 26 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:51,736 A five. A five, excellent. 27 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,739 I have a master's degree from Indiana University, 28 00:01:54,823 --> 00:02:00,829 the home of the Kinsey Institute, which has amazing programmes for studying sexuality and gender. 29 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,872 After a decade of coaching, I have found 30 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:08,003 that what clients tell me is going on in the bedroom is not the full story. 31 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,974 So I've come up with a radical approach. 32 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:24,477 I've asked my clients to put cameras in their bedrooms. 33 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,438 Turn the camera left. 34 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:29,232 And go ahead and look up your shirt a little bit. 35 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,942 (LAUGHS) OK. 36 00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,944 Say cheese. 37 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,780 You're not scared to be on camera? No. In the bedroom? 38 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:40,035 I'm a little nervous because I don't want you to see my ass cheeks, but... Oh, goodness! 39 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:48,126 I never thought I would be doing something like this ever. 40 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,129 It isn't always easy. 41 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,093 But my approach has been revolutionary for getting to 42 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,929 the truth of what's happening between the sheets. 43 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,931 Aah! (LAUGHS) 44 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,808 Tell me about it. What happened? 45 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,644 I know we've been having a lot of sex. On the camera and off. 46 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,230 So I can help people transform their sex lives. 47 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,526 We all want it. We all deserve it. 48 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:17,072 Let me help you get it. 49 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:30,919 I'm Ben. This is Annie. We've been dating for about two years. 50 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,051 We met on a dating app. 51 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:43,348 Um, and had kind of a little hitch. We didn't connect on the first time. 52 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:45,100 I think Annie said no. 53 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,852 And maybe... No, I cancelled on you. 54 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,813 Well... True. 55 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,981 Yeah. I took it as a no. 56 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,775 But... Ha! 57 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,778 I gave it another try 58 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,947 and, begrudgingly, she showed up. 59 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,907 It was the best evening. 60 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,410 We talked for hours 61 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,830 and I had butterflies the whole time. 62 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,707 Part of dinner was great. 63 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,626 We changed seats and her dress fell off! 64 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,795 It just popped open. 65 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,548 Yeah. Um... "Oh, my God. I can't believe it." 66 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,385 Did you sleep OK? 67 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,807 I need coffee. 68 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,434 All right. 69 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,060 (GIGGLES) 70 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:34,357 Yeah, after a 20-year marriage, it was definitely a change to be out in the dating scene. 71 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,735 I had one girlfriend in high school 72 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:40,572 and then I married my college sweetheart, so I didn't really 73 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,575 have experience dating, pretty much ever. 74 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,494 Yeah, I married my college sweetheart, as well. 75 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,873 Ben, what do you think of these angles? 76 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,460 Is it... You tell me. Let me get the camera right. Um... 77 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,879 You look good. OK. Let me try the other one. 78 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,341 OK. Is this... Ooh. 79 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:02,761 Don't break it. Yeah, I know. You'll have to buy it. 80 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,973 Putting in the bedroom cameras is a little nerve-wracking. 81 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:11,394 It makes me nervous, exposing myself in a fully vulnerable way. 82 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,898 Even if it's just to Caitlin. It takes some trust. 83 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,067 That's...perfect. 84 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,694 Oh, Daisy! (BOTH LAUGH) 85 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:25,450 As great as our sex is, um, 86 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,869 I'm not able to stay hard. 87 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:30,038 Or even get hard sometimes. 88 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,165 (SHOWER ON) 89 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:40,757 Yeah. 90 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:50,266 Well, I would be worried, actually, if you didn't, if you weren't... 91 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,395 Not worried, but just like... 92 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,563 I think it's normal and expected. 93 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:59,275 Well, yeah. To not be comfortable with cameras watching you. 94 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,738 And it's so distressing and disheartening to be... 95 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,907 right in the middle of... 96 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,076 of having great sex 97 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,662 and then having things just... 98 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,539 fall apart. 99 00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:16,209 How do you feel about Caitlin watching? 100 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:17,836 Um... 101 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,839 I think she's seen much crazier things. 102 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:25,427 I didn't really know I had erectile dysfunction problems in my marriage, 103 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,595 because I, um, 104 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:31,474 hadn't had a lot of sexual activity, um, for many years. 105 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:36,354 My relationship with my ex, it was not common for us to have sex at all. 106 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:41,192 Then to start dating and be so excited about getting to experience 107 00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,945 having a healthy sexual relationship 108 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:47,824 and then to have erectile dysfunction problems 109 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,993 was really distressing, 110 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,996 um, and disappointing and kind of crushing. 111 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,708 So I...wanted to reach out to Caitlin 112 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,877 and see if she could help. 113 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,046 Daisy, what do you think? 114 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,341 Also, you have my underwear. 115 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:08,136 (LAUGHS) I like those. Please don't chew a hole in them. 116 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,888 Daisy. 117 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,224 There... I know, I like it, too. 118 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,227 (GROWLS) Wow! 119 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,188 Oh, did she really growl at you? 120 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,939 Yeah. Oh, my goodness! 121 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,205 Ah, you shouldn't be. 122 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,085 No. 123 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,253 Of course you're not. 124 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,214 (LAUGHS) Fuck you. 125 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,425 Hi. Hi. Hi. Come on in. 126 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:54,140 I never thought I would be doing something like this ever. 127 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,892 Ever. 128 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:59,104 I still am not sure it's actually happening. 129 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,272 (LAUGHS) But it is. 130 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,651 Talk to me about what brought you in to see me. 131 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:09,030 It was me that drove it in. Ben brought us in. Yeah, um... 132 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,782 (SIGHS) 133 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,951 So, I, um, 134 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:16,871 I've been having problems with erectile dysfunction, 135 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,748 um, delayed... 136 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:23,169 ejaculation, uh, and even just getting hard, staying hard. 137 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:27,674 I went to the doctor, I did all of the bloodwork and all of the everything 138 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,635 to know that it's not just a physical... 139 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:35,223 you know, it's not a health issue, that, that I've identified. 140 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:39,477 I've tried getting a prescription for a medication that doesn't work very well. 141 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,938 I still have a limp dick way more than I want. 142 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,315 I feel your frustration. 143 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:49,946 Currently, how many times that you have sex together end in ejaculation? 144 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,240 About 20%. 145 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,617 And I want to be able to, 146 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,537 to climax when, cum when I want. 147 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:01,875 I work with clients all the time who struggle with erectile dysfunction. 148 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,835 It is incredibly common. 149 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:07,464 Up to 40% of men in their 40s deal with ED 150 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,508 and it actually only increases as they age. 151 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:15,305 Bad diet, diabetes and cardiovascular disease can all cause erectile dysfunction. 152 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,974 But so can stress, PTSD, 153 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,727 anxiety and performance pressure. 154 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:25,732 You've thought a lot about what prevents you from getting and keeping and maintaining 155 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,901 and what affects your erectile flow? 156 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,861 Sure. And I want to hear 157 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,155 what is your working hypothesis 158 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,200 on why you don't get erect when you want to. 159 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:38,370 Can I get charts and graphs out? I've got them... No. 160 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,038 Do you have any spreadsheets? 161 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:43,667 I think the problem is that I have a disconnect between my... 162 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,003 largest sexual organ, my brain, and my body. 163 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,381 So there'll be a TV on in the background 164 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,467 in some other room, something like that and it just pulls me out. 165 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:56,763 And as soon as that string gets pulled, the whole thing unravels. 166 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,974 And you experience this? You see this happen to him? 167 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,811 Yeah. And I'm thinking in my head, 168 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,438 "What can I do to help you just be here?" 169 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,899 Not in here, but just here. 170 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,651 Yeah. 171 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,820 And I don't know. 172 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:17,450 You know, I know that the issues are, are here and here and... 173 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,370 I want to be in more control of that. 174 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,749 And, ironically, erections are like shy cats. The same as orgasms. Right? 175 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:28,795 Like, the harder that we chase them, the harder that they are to find. 176 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:34,009 It's very rare that a client comes to me with strictly a physical erectile dysfunction. 177 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,094 Almost always 178 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:40,932 there's some internal work that he needs to do in order to regain his erections. 179 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:44,602 But there are some simple things that we can look at first. 180 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:49,024 I have a clip, actually, that I think is perfect to bring forward right now. 181 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,192 Prior to my first meeting with them, 182 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:56,114 I ask my clients to put cameras in their bedrooms, so that I can review the footage 183 00:10:56,197 --> 00:11:00,285 and point out things that maybe they don't notice in the heat of the moment. 184 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,830 (LAUGHS) 185 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,544 I'm feeling a little bit of... 186 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,921 an out-of-body experience. 187 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,799 I feel like a voyeur, 188 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,843 watching myself, 189 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,012 which is super weird. 190 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,275 Under the covers. 191 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,201 (LAUGHS) 192 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:08,144 You're a champ. I was locked in. 193 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:14,359 This menage-a-paw cannot be helping Ben to maintain his erection. 194 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:17,456 2 00:11:49.640 -- 00:11:54.200 align:middle line:90% position:50% In Ben and Annie's bedroom footage, the first thing that I notice is the dog. 195 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:30,583 Anything that enters into the bedroom, whether it's a dog, a cell phone, 196 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,378 a television, a kid, a newborn, 197 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,755 you name it, it is a distraction 198 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:39,342 from the couple's erotic experience together. 199 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,845 With that kind of interruption, 200 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:45,348 anyone would have trouble maintaining their erection. 201 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,392 This is practically a threesome. 202 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,854 You have got to get the dog out of the bedroom. OK? 203 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,106 I love Daisy. 204 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,567 And I want to be inclusive of... 205 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,736 everything that Annie loves. 206 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,113 But the dog has got to go. 207 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,324 What other thirds are finding their way into your bedroom? 208 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:08,997 Well, you could say my inexperience in the bedroom is a third. 209 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,208 I didn't have a lot of... 210 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,960 partners. 211 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,712 I've had... 212 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,923 ..this one and one other one. 213 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,926 Um... So, um... 214 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,597 ..I have been...learning. 215 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,766 Yeah. Well, and, like, 216 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,728 where do we see the way to touch a penis? 217 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,897 There's sort of like one motion. 218 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,066 This is it. Right. 219 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,569 And no-one really teaches us that there's any alternative 220 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,238 to how we can approach a penis, hard or soft. 221 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,407 I want to know all the alternatives. 222 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,828 As a sex coach, part of my toolkit includes anatomical models 223 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:54,542 and puppets, so that I can show my clients exactly what I mean when I give them sexual advice. 224 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,628 Oh, he's blue. He's blue. 225 00:13:56,711 --> 00:14:01,049 What I want to do is show you a couple of different sort of styles 226 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:05,470 of touch that you can use on an erect penis and on a soft penis. 227 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,848 Before there's even pants off, light stroking. 228 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,352 And hovering, without even touching. 229 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:17,816 Everything exists in the space in between "I may touch you" 230 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,984 and "I am touching you". 231 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:23,029 The purpose of all of this is not hardness. 232 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,532 I want to make that perfectly clear. 233 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:29,661 The purpose of all of this is pleasure. It's fun, it's enjoyable. 234 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,164 There's just so much, like, commanding, 235 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,916 so much expectation 236 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,543 on cocks 237 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,130 and how they're not functioning exactly the way we want, 238 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,090 exactly how we want. 239 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,719 I want to invite you to start to have a different relationship 240 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:49,222 to your cock that is based in gratitude and appreciation. 241 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:54,185 The truth is that, even though he may not function exactly how you want all the time, 242 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,354 has he done some great stuff for you? 243 00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,231 Yeah. He did last night. 244 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,608 Ahh! 245 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:05,572 Once clothing is removed, this is a great time to incorporate, like, 246 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:09,868 full strokes, tracing the head, stopping at the frenulum. 247 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:14,122 This very sensitive part, where the majority of the nerve endings are located. 248 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,874 Long strokes. 249 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:19,753 Firm strokes. And then I would love for you to, like, get creative. 250 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:23,298 Use both hands in, like, a windshield-wipers fashion. 251 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,759 As long as it feels comfortable for you. 252 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,470 You'll be giving her feedback as she's doing this. 253 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:33,558 All of these touches could also be applied to the testicles, depending on his preferences. 254 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,102 I'm looking forward to trying... 255 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,271 just hovering 256 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:42,400 and the heat that comes from your hand 257 00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:46,071 and the anticipation is exciting. 258 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,699 Do you have any other questions on that in particular? 259 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,576 I took notes. 260 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,996 You can't fuck it up. You can't fuck it up. Yeah. 261 00:15:55,080 --> 00:16:00,502 Of course, overcoming erectile dysfunction will take more than just good technique. 262 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:04,172 How ready is Ben to receive Annie's full attention? 263 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:09,678 What would it be like to just have your cock be adored and appreciated? 264 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:11,429 When I'm... 265 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:13,682 When I'm in that moment, 266 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,142 um, where she's giving... 267 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,562 ..it's hard to let go 268 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,856 and just accept and receive. 269 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,733 What's hard about it? 270 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:27,112 Well, I'm not used to it, for one thing. 271 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:31,032 When I examine Ben and Annie's dynamic, 272 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:34,703 I see Ben having an unreliable erection 273 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:38,498 has really led him to focus intensely on pleasuring his partner, 274 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:46,631 almost without regard for his own needs. 275 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:52,429 It's important that Ben understands that sex is as much about receiving as it is giving. 276 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:58,768 I want to do an exercise with the two of you that I think is going to help specifically 277 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,187 about asking and receiving. 278 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:04,566 I want Ben to ask for what he wants from Annie. 279 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:08,319 So I asked them to play the three-minute game. 280 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:12,907 This is a game in which one person directs the other 281 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:15,076 on how they want to be touched. 282 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,245 During that time, Annie, 283 00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:24,002 you are going to be giving touch to Ben at Ben's direction. 284 00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,382 Ready? I'm ready. OK. 285 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:33,636 Can you run your nails up the back of my head? 286 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,849 And play with my hair? 287 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,601 And... 288 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,146 Not too high. 289 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,940 Just relax. Um... 290 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,195 Can you play with my ear lobes? I like that. 291 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:55,450 I do have a knot on my back that I really like. 292 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,869 You know the spot, I think. 293 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,498 Higher. 294 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,583 There. 295 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,210 Can you get an elbow in there? 296 00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,757 Yeah, that's the spot. 297 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,927 Excellent. Good work. Yeah, that... 298 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,096 It's hard. What was hard? 299 00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,722 (SIGHS) 300 00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,432 Asking. 301 00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,601 Um... Feeling self-conscious. 302 00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,105 Am I doing this right? 303 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:28,358 Um... Is she going to want to do this? 304 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,151 Am I asking for too much? 305 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,988 There's nothing to be afraid of there. OK? 306 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,077 I know it's difficult for him, but learning to get his own needs met 307 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,080 will help Ben achieve a more reliable erection. 308 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:46,918 For your homework, I want you to continue playing the three-minute game. 309 00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:49,838 The goal is not arousal. The goal is pleasure. 310 00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:53,383 The goal is not hardness or wetness. The goal is pleasure. 311 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,511 Take erections off the table. 312 00:18:56,594 --> 00:19:00,473 Actually to go so far in the other direction as to say that... 313 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:03,435 you're not allowed to get an erection. 314 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:08,023 And even if you do, your job is to completely ignore it. 315 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,775 In fact, you could even assign a punishment. 316 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:16,656 Telling Ben not to get an erection or else he will be punished is one of the oldest tricks in the book. 317 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,867 It is classic reverse-psychology. 318 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:21,828 I'm looking forward to being a straight A student. 319 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:26,416 This not something I'm really comfortable with. Directing Annie in how... 320 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,627 I want to receive pleasure makes me feel... 321 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:31,504 a little nervous. 322 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:35,133 Just make sure that you film it, so that we can review it next session. 323 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:48,480 Mother, is it wrong to feel warm and affectionate with a boy you really like? 324 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,941 No, dear, it is not wrong. 325 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,112 It's the way happy marriages are built. 326 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:03,286 Let's start from the beginning. I brought some charts. 327 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,246 Maybe this will help. 328 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,675 Hi, Connor. Welcome. 329 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,426 Come on in. 330 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,261 Thank you. 331 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:26,601 Sometimes, people come to see me for a single session to work on a very specific sexual issue. 332 00:20:26,685 --> 00:20:29,062 What brings you in to see a sex coach? 333 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,564 Um... I've never had sex. 334 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:34,150 How old are you? 335 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,027 28. 336 00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:38,196 Tell me why you've never had sex. 337 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,365 It sounds so weird, because, like, 338 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,785 I want to say I've never found someone I want to have sex with, 339 00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:47,747 but it doesn't mean that I haven't found people sexually attractive. 340 00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:50,959 Hooking up with a stranger, it's never just been for me. 341 00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:55,046 So you want to have sex and you want to have a relationship? Yes. Great. 342 00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:57,298 And I've tried dating apps, but... 343 00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:01,428 getting past that, like, talking phase, that is tough. 344 00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,388 You also do have... 345 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:09,352 ..what I experience as, like, a desire to get it right... Yeah. ..around sex. 346 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:14,941 And so feeling like, "I don't know what I've got to do to get it right" is just one more barrier 347 00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:19,237 to actually pursuing a romantic relationship, a sexual relationship. 348 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,823 That was kind of one of my fears, too, like, 349 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:25,744 going into my first sexual encounter, I'd be like, 350 00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:27,579 "I don't know what I'm doing." 351 00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:32,000 Like some, some poor woman is gonna be like, "What is this, high school?" 352 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,668 Maybe, I don't know. 353 00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:36,379 The good news about this new experience is that 354 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:39,174 every single one of your ancestors in an unbroken chain, 355 00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:42,594 all the way back to the first homosapien sapien has had this experience. 356 00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:44,012 True. Yeah. 357 00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:47,849 What I'd like to do is I want to actually demo some touches for you. 358 00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:51,561 OK. So that when that moment does come, you feel more confident 359 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:54,773 in your ability on how just to approach a woman's body. 360 00:21:54,856 --> 00:21:58,276 And I'll teach you just a handful of things that you can do 361 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,862 that will help you to feel more confident, 362 00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:04,949 but also really make you look like a pro in that moment. 363 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:07,202 Sound good? Yes. Great. 364 00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:13,750 Connor's inhibitions are rooted in a lack of knowledge. 365 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:17,921 The more information that I can give him that will help him to feel confident 366 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:22,592 during his first sexual encounter, the easier that encounter will be for him. 367 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,511 So I decided to bring out my sex doll 368 00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:28,056 and give Connor a hands-on demonstration, so that he knows, 369 00:22:28,139 --> 00:22:30,600 step-by-step, exactly what to do. 370 00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:36,690 Oh, no. I have to stop myself, because this is a very serious session 371 00:22:36,773 --> 00:22:39,609 and I'm trying not to break out laughing. 372 00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:44,124 2 00:21:49.800 -- 00:21:54.040 align:middle line:90% position:50% So, as you can see, this is mostly anatomically accurate. 373 00:22:50,245 --> 00:22:51,830 OK. Yeah. 374 00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:56,668 For what would be a very petite, very Caucasian, totally hairless woman. 375 00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:59,879 Mm-hm. Aesthetically, this is what we see mostly in porn. 376 00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:01,172 Right? Yeah. 377 00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:06,344 I'm here, this is happening. 378 00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:09,639 Just gonna stick through it. I'm in too deep to leave. 379 00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:14,394 OK, so I'm gonna show you a series of different touches. 380 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:19,399 Obviously, we're all the way to, like, a sexual encounter, by this point. Mm-hm. 381 00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:21,568 And so what I might do is I may just 382 00:23:21,651 --> 00:23:25,196 hold my presence by hovering my hand. 383 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,908 This is a great way of just being like, "Hey, hi." 384 00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,244 Mm. So, in porn, they don't show that. 385 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:34,539 In porn, they're like, "Pizza's here! Penetration!" 386 00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:38,251 Then I might do some really light touches. 387 00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:40,628 So, that might be... 388 00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:43,131 just fingertips. 389 00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:44,883 Mm-hm. 390 00:23:44,966 --> 00:23:48,928 The magic in this touch in particular is that the speciousness 391 00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,097 creates anticipation. 392 00:23:51,181 --> 00:23:53,266 Mm. "When is he gonna touch?" 393 00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:55,643 Oh. "When is it gonna happen?" Right? 394 00:23:55,727 --> 00:23:58,188 It's a build-up. That's what it sounds like. 395 00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:00,357 It's just building up to that. Yeah. 396 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,026 Let me see your energetic touch. 397 00:24:11,785 --> 00:24:13,453 There. And then... 398 00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:19,084 This is technically the first woman I've touched, so I hope she has a good time, too. 399 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:22,504 Then...the motion here. 400 00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:29,010 OK, let's talk about internal touch. 401 00:24:29,094 --> 00:24:31,554 So I'm gonna apply lube to my hand 402 00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:33,306 and then onto her body. 403 00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:35,975 And I'm going to actually 404 00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:38,061 just lightly enter her. 405 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:43,900 From here, I would begin to raise my finger up and I'm going to make 406 00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,735 a "come here" motion. 407 00:24:45,819 --> 00:24:49,531 I'm gonna begin to activate her G-spot by doing this. 408 00:24:49,614 --> 00:24:54,160 The G-spot is a highly sensitive patch of tissue that is located on 409 00:24:54,244 --> 00:24:56,329 the inside wall of the vagina, 410 00:24:56,413 --> 00:24:58,790 between one and two inches inside. 411 00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:02,836 And when it is stimulated correctly, it can be very pleasurable. 412 00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:05,213 It can be linked to or cause an orgasm 413 00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:07,382 and it can even cause squirting. 414 00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:11,136 I may do "a windshield wipers" on the G-spot. 415 00:25:11,219 --> 00:25:13,346 I may do a pat. 416 00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:15,640 I may combine all the above. 417 00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:18,810 A lot of people assume that this motion feels good, 418 00:25:18,893 --> 00:25:23,064 because this is essentially recreating what a penis would be doing. 419 00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:25,316 This sort of, like, thrusting motion. 420 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:29,571 I say, there's no need to recreate what the penis can do with the fingers. 421 00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:33,825 Their best use is that they actually can move, rotate, change direction. 422 00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:39,205 Most of the sensation that comes from stimulating a vagina with your fingers 423 00:25:39,289 --> 00:25:44,085 really exists within the first inch to two inches inside of her body. 424 00:25:44,169 --> 00:25:48,923 That's funny, I looked at my hand, I was like, "I have short, fat fingers." Perfect! You're in luck. 425 00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,343 Yes! Yes! 426 00:25:51,426 --> 00:25:54,137 Do you want to try it? Uh, sure. 427 00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,982 So, slow. 428 00:26:07,484 --> 00:26:09,569 That's the perfect depth. 429 00:26:09,652 --> 00:26:11,529 Windshield wipers. 430 00:26:12,655 --> 00:26:15,158 'The sex doll is absurdly jiggly.' 431 00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:17,786 I don't think a woman is that jiggly. 432 00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:19,204 Maybe. 433 00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:25,251 And a little circle. 434 00:26:27,837 --> 00:26:29,923 And then the "come here". 435 00:26:32,509 --> 00:26:34,511 (LAUGHS) 436 00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:38,515 As I'm practising on the sex doll, I feel... 437 00:26:38,598 --> 00:26:40,475 a little lost, 438 00:26:40,558 --> 00:26:44,604 but I realised that this is the time to practise and learn, so... 439 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:48,441 You know, I'm just figuring it out. 440 00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:52,278 And, remember, this whole time, she's giving you feedback. 441 00:26:52,362 --> 00:26:56,032 She might be like, "ah-oh", "move forward", "move back". 442 00:26:56,116 --> 00:26:59,202 Yeah. Invite her to let you know with her words, 443 00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:03,415 when you've touched on something that she really likes. All right. 444 00:27:05,417 --> 00:27:07,711 Here. Thank you. 445 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:11,047 We've just cleaned up. The doll still has oil on it. 446 00:27:11,131 --> 00:27:12,924 It doesn't have hands. 447 00:27:13,008 --> 00:27:15,552 I think a courtesy wipe is necessary. 448 00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:20,390 How confident are you feeling, compared to how you were before, in this moment? 449 00:27:20,473 --> 00:27:22,559 A lot more. Um... 450 00:27:23,685 --> 00:27:25,937 Like, a lot. You know? 451 00:27:26,021 --> 00:27:27,313 Wow. 452 00:27:27,397 --> 00:27:29,274 Uh... Just... 453 00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:32,318 This was really helpful. Excellent. Thank you. 454 00:27:32,402 --> 00:27:38,199 I always carry fingernail trimmers around, because working in the situations I do, 455 00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,368 it's good to keep them trimmed, 456 00:27:40,452 --> 00:27:42,537 but now I have an extra reason. 457 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:50,879 # Ooh-whoa-oaa-oaa-oaa 458 00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:53,048 # You're truly sweet 459 00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:56,301 # You're so sweet 460 00:27:56,384 --> 00:28:00,430 # Boy, you're beautiful, quiet and special 461 00:28:00,513 --> 00:28:03,391 # Friendly and pleasing in every way 462 00:28:03,475 --> 00:28:05,560 # You put that sweet 463 00:28:05,643 --> 00:28:09,481 BOTH: # Sweet in my sour # 464 00:28:10,607 --> 00:28:12,317 My name is Erica. I'm Tommy. 465 00:28:13,818 --> 00:28:17,822 Erica and I met in our early 20s and it was love at first sight, 466 00:28:17,906 --> 00:28:21,034 but despite our undeniable connection, 467 00:28:21,117 --> 00:28:23,536 I was with somebody else at the time. 468 00:28:23,620 --> 00:28:28,249 I knew that I loved him and it was very frustrating when I found out 469 00:28:28,333 --> 00:28:32,754 that this person, that I felt something I never felt before, was taken. 470 00:28:34,047 --> 00:28:36,132 I went through with... 471 00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:38,301 a doomed marriage 472 00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:40,595 and Erica and I lost touch. 473 00:28:40,679 --> 00:28:44,557 She was always the one that got away. Cut to ten years later, 474 00:28:44,641 --> 00:28:47,894 I'm producing music and I needed a female singer. 475 00:28:47,977 --> 00:28:50,271 And so I called Erica. 476 00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:52,440 Four months later, we were married. 477 00:28:52,524 --> 00:28:55,568 We have been making beautiful music ever since. 478 00:28:55,652 --> 00:28:58,905 Can you draw a sun with a smiley face? OK. It's so bright. 479 00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:02,659 During the ten years we were apart, I got married and divorced. 480 00:29:02,742 --> 00:29:04,411 I got married 481 00:29:04,494 --> 00:29:07,497 and divorced twice and had two children. 482 00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:09,124 (SQUEALS) 483 00:29:09,207 --> 00:29:12,293 And now we're raising our girls together. 484 00:29:12,377 --> 00:29:14,045 Just precious. 485 00:29:15,296 --> 00:29:18,842 He definitely introduced me to my sexuality. 486 00:29:21,302 --> 00:29:23,263 Like, it was like... 487 00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:24,931 "Hello!" 488 00:29:26,599 --> 00:29:28,685 But there's only one problem. 489 00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:31,271 I can't orgasm from penetration. 490 00:29:33,606 --> 00:29:36,735 Sex is something that has been taboo and it's, like, 491 00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:38,903 there are some mental blocks... 492 00:29:39,988 --> 00:29:42,657 ..where she's about to come and then... 493 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:45,243 ..it's like... 494 00:29:45,326 --> 00:29:47,412 Something, I don't know what it is. 495 00:29:47,495 --> 00:29:51,332 We decided to work with a sex coach, because I want to get over 496 00:29:51,416 --> 00:29:54,544 whatever it is that's keeping me from having an orgasm. 497 00:29:54,627 --> 00:29:56,504 I want that, too. 498 00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:58,214 Yeah. 499 00:29:59,341 --> 00:30:01,009 Hello. Hey. 500 00:30:01,092 --> 00:30:03,178 Welcome. Hi. Come on in. 501 00:30:03,261 --> 00:30:05,972 Have a seat on the couch. Take a second. 502 00:30:06,056 --> 00:30:08,308 It smells good. Yes, it does. 503 00:30:08,391 --> 00:30:10,810 It smells good in here? Mm-hm. All right. 504 00:30:10,894 --> 00:30:14,189 Today, I'm meeting with a new couple, Erica and Thomas. 505 00:30:14,272 --> 00:30:18,318 They contacted me with a very common complaint about their sex life. 506 00:30:18,401 --> 00:30:20,487 I'm excited to see how I can help. 507 00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:26,493 Before we dive in, I want to just talk about the words that we're gonna use for genitals. 508 00:30:26,576 --> 00:30:31,414 What words would feel comfortable for the two of you to refer to your genitals, to your partner's? 509 00:30:31,498 --> 00:30:33,792 I call mine "Virginia". Virginia? Yes. 510 00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:36,419 OK. Tackling box. 511 00:30:37,587 --> 00:30:38,797 Just joking. 512 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,550 Whatever really works for you. Penis. We know what you're talking about. 513 00:30:42,634 --> 00:30:47,222 Tell me about what brought you to see me today. What brings you here? 514 00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:51,226 Well... 515 00:30:51,309 --> 00:30:54,729 I cannot come from penetrative sex. 516 00:30:54,813 --> 00:30:58,525 I want everything that she wants to happen for her. 517 00:30:58,608 --> 00:31:03,446 Every time that we have sex, I'm trying to crack the uncrackable egg. 518 00:31:03,530 --> 00:31:06,574 You know what I mean? And when I feel like I'm failing at it, 519 00:31:06,658 --> 00:31:11,371 my penis just doesn't feel like... "OK, well, you know what, we're not doing a good job here." 520 00:31:11,454 --> 00:31:14,916 And then it's like, "OK, now I'm back into problem-solving 521 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,919 and critical thinking, instead of present... 522 00:31:18,003 --> 00:31:19,671 being." 523 00:31:19,754 --> 00:31:22,424 Yeah. This is something I have, 524 00:31:22,507 --> 00:31:24,759 historically, been good at. 525 00:31:24,843 --> 00:31:27,721 And so it can be a little disheartening. 526 00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:29,556 And... 527 00:31:29,639 --> 00:31:31,725 You know? It sucks. 528 00:31:31,808 --> 00:31:35,854 Something like 20% to 30% of women can just come with penetrative sex. 529 00:31:35,937 --> 00:31:39,607 That's not a lot, right? Two to three out of ten? Yeah? 530 00:31:40,734 --> 00:31:46,239 I firmly believe that it's available to more than 20% to 30% of women. I firmly believe that. 531 00:31:47,907 --> 00:31:52,412 One of the ways that I've experienced that is through just stillness. 532 00:31:52,495 --> 00:31:55,749 That allows me to focus on the actual sensation. 533 00:31:55,832 --> 00:32:00,170 When, sometimes, there's a lot of movement, there's a lot of stimulation, 534 00:32:00,253 --> 00:32:03,548 it's harder to just hone in on what's going on. 535 00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:08,219 Like, I think, sometimes, I hold back my own pleasure, because I'm not... 536 00:32:08,303 --> 00:32:10,388 free enough in here. 537 00:32:10,472 --> 00:32:13,892 And we both really are extremely sexual creatures. 538 00:32:13,975 --> 00:32:17,520 And that, sort of, clashes with the way that she was raised. 539 00:32:17,604 --> 00:32:19,272 So, sometimes, 540 00:32:19,356 --> 00:32:22,984 we have some hiccups in the bedroom, from time to time. 541 00:32:23,068 --> 00:32:25,153 What's the clash? 542 00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:27,072 Well, um, 543 00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:29,532 I was raised very strict, 544 00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:32,827 where...my sexuality was stunted. 545 00:32:32,911 --> 00:32:36,039 My dad is a pastor and... 546 00:32:36,122 --> 00:32:38,541 he raised us very strictly. 547 00:32:39,584 --> 00:32:41,878 It was on a whole another level. 548 00:32:41,961 --> 00:32:44,506 It was to the extreme. 549 00:32:44,589 --> 00:32:48,093 You weren't allowed to speak privately with any male. 550 00:32:48,176 --> 00:32:53,181 So that stunted my growth in communication, like, with the opposite sex. 551 00:32:53,264 --> 00:32:55,642 Erica, back then, 552 00:32:55,725 --> 00:33:00,313 did not know how to put her lips on anything. 553 00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:03,483 Probably, it was messing up the food she was eating. 554 00:33:03,566 --> 00:33:06,277 Whatever. They're, like, chastity-belt hard. 555 00:33:06,361 --> 00:33:09,072 I had never kissed. She was definitely nervous. 556 00:33:09,155 --> 00:33:11,241 "Jesus is watching!" 557 00:33:12,367 --> 00:33:16,621 We were taught to be perfect, without a spot or a blemish. Yeah. 558 00:33:16,705 --> 00:33:19,541 That was how it was, like Jesus wants perfection. 559 00:33:19,624 --> 00:33:23,670 OK, so you're walking on eggshells, setting yourself up for failure. 560 00:33:23,753 --> 00:33:28,508 That's a hard standard. Like, "I thought wrong today, oh, God, I'm going to hell!" 561 00:33:28,591 --> 00:33:31,219 Perfection or damnation. Yeah. Right. 562 00:33:31,302 --> 00:33:34,931 You know? And, for me, I'm goal-oriented during sex. 563 00:33:35,015 --> 00:33:37,642 And so I want her to receive pleasure. 564 00:33:37,726 --> 00:33:42,063 OK. Let's get into some clips of the two of you together. All right. 565 00:33:42,147 --> 00:33:45,775 How do you feel about that? That's the thing that I'm freaking out about. 566 00:33:45,859 --> 00:33:47,736 The cameras do add a bit of... 567 00:33:47,819 --> 00:33:49,904 anxiety, so... 568 00:33:49,988 --> 00:33:51,656 Yeah. 569 00:33:51,740 --> 00:33:57,078 It is scary, because it's like, the people at church, "What? You did what?" 570 00:33:57,162 --> 00:33:59,456 "Oh, hell for you! Hell." 571 00:33:59,539 --> 00:34:01,249 A deep breath, everybody. 572 00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:04,294 (LAUGHTER) Let's start with this moment. 573 00:34:04,377 --> 00:34:08,048 Oh, my God, look at us! Oh, my God. What is going on? 574 00:34:12,469 --> 00:34:14,095 Aah. 575 00:34:14,179 --> 00:34:16,264 That felt good. 576 00:34:25,523 --> 00:34:29,694 Now, we're just a couple of minutes into your sexual encounter here. 577 00:34:29,778 --> 00:34:34,074 We go from like, "Are we having sex? We're having sex. Boom!" 578 00:34:34,157 --> 00:34:35,992 "(MOANS)" 579 00:34:36,076 --> 00:34:37,744 (LAUGHS) 580 00:34:40,705 --> 00:34:42,791 Uhh... 581 00:34:42,874 --> 00:34:44,959 (MOANS) 582 00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:55,720 She is moaning at full volume, full force. 583 00:34:55,804 --> 00:35:00,141 And I just know this has got to be a part of a performance for her, 584 00:35:00,225 --> 00:35:03,019 not actually in response to what's happening. 585 00:35:03,103 --> 00:35:06,231 Uh-uh-uh-uh. 586 00:35:09,150 --> 00:35:10,819 Ahhh! 587 00:35:10,902 --> 00:35:14,656 We're six minutes in, I know you're not coming like that. 588 00:35:14,739 --> 00:35:16,533 Uh-uh. I didn't come. 589 00:35:18,785 --> 00:35:21,454 I've had sex a lot and... 590 00:35:21,538 --> 00:35:24,040 my goal in having sex was... 591 00:35:24,124 --> 00:35:26,209 getting her to come. 592 00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:29,504 If she didn't have an orgasm, then I failed. 593 00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:31,558 2 00:34:08.840 -- 00:34:10.720 align:middle line:75% position:50% Let's go do our homework! 594 00:35:39,431 --> 00:35:43,435 I asked Ben and Annie to continue to play the three-minute game, so that 595 00:35:43,518 --> 00:35:48,732 Ben can have the experience of taking in pleasure, without the pressure to get an erection. 596 00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:50,734 How do you want me to touch you? 597 00:35:50,817 --> 00:35:53,611 I want you to... 598 00:35:54,738 --> 00:35:57,991 ..play with my hair, with my head in your lap. 599 00:35:58,074 --> 00:36:01,619 I can do that. You're OK with that? I'm OK with that. 600 00:36:01,703 --> 00:36:03,621 OK. Go. 601 00:36:05,749 --> 00:36:08,918 Caitlin told me not to get an erection, 602 00:36:09,002 --> 00:36:12,464 so I picked hair, because it was not so sexual. 603 00:36:13,465 --> 00:36:15,675 Use your nails more, like on my scalp. 604 00:36:15,759 --> 00:36:17,844 'I love playing with Ben's hair.' 605 00:36:17,927 --> 00:36:24,517 I mean, that feeling when somebody's scratching your scalp is just, like, insane. Who wouldn't want that? 606 00:36:24,601 --> 00:36:26,686 Is it OK if I drool on your leg? 607 00:36:27,812 --> 00:36:29,898 It's OK if you drool on my leg. 608 00:36:29,981 --> 00:36:32,067 (LAUGHS) Thank you for asking. 609 00:36:35,820 --> 00:36:38,114 Like that? Uh-huh. (TIMER RINGS) 610 00:36:38,198 --> 00:36:40,283 I don't hear anything. 611 00:36:40,367 --> 00:36:42,452 Yes. No. Yes! 612 00:36:42,535 --> 00:36:44,621 (GIGGLES) Yes. 613 00:36:47,415 --> 00:36:50,001 I know arousal isn't the point of this game. 614 00:36:50,085 --> 00:36:52,504 OK, so that's three more minutes. 615 00:36:52,587 --> 00:36:56,758 But it's hard not to get turned on when you're touching each other. 616 00:36:59,219 --> 00:37:01,680 That feels good. 617 00:37:09,062 --> 00:37:11,147 I'm glad you like my hands so much. 618 00:37:14,609 --> 00:37:16,569 (TIMER RINGS) 619 00:37:16,653 --> 00:37:18,321 Thank you. 620 00:37:26,830 --> 00:37:29,124 I think we should play it again. 621 00:37:30,625 --> 00:37:33,211 It'll take me longer than three minutes. 622 00:37:33,294 --> 00:37:34,963 (GIGGLES) 623 00:37:35,046 --> 00:37:37,132 Bom-chicka-bom-bom! 624 00:37:37,215 --> 00:37:38,967 (GIGGLES) 625 00:37:39,050 --> 00:37:40,927 OK, you ready? 626 00:37:41,011 --> 00:37:43,096 Yee-haw! (LAUGHS) 627 00:38:00,655 --> 00:38:02,741 (MOANS) 628 00:38:02,824 --> 00:38:04,784 I wasn't supposed to get an erection, 629 00:38:04,868 --> 00:38:08,163 but when the thing has come up, I'm not gonna let that go to waste. 630 00:38:19,883 --> 00:38:23,511 I feel bad for Ben, but maybe we should have followed the rules 631 00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:27,098 and given him a punishment for getting an erection. 632 00:38:31,978 --> 00:38:35,106 It's disappointing not being able to finish. 633 00:38:35,190 --> 00:38:39,235 Even though we've met with Caitlin once, there's a lot more work to do. 634 00:38:42,572 --> 00:38:46,117 The feelings between us kept getting stronger and stronger, 635 00:38:46,201 --> 00:38:48,078 then things seemed to happen. 636 00:38:48,161 --> 00:38:51,289 Here, maybe a diagram will help. 637 00:39:02,676 --> 00:39:04,761 The level of intensity 638 00:39:04,844 --> 00:39:09,224 that you are playing at is so high that it's hard to go higher. 639 00:39:09,307 --> 00:39:15,647 Erica and Thomas have come to see me, because Erica has not been able to have an orgasm from penetration. 640 00:39:15,730 --> 00:39:20,276 The first thing I notice in their bedroom cameras is the intensity of their sex. 641 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:24,406 When you start at ten, your nerve endings become overwhelmed. 642 00:39:24,489 --> 00:39:26,574 And then they start to... 643 00:39:26,658 --> 00:39:31,830 downgrade the amount of stimulation that they're capable of receiving. 644 00:39:31,913 --> 00:39:34,374 The takeaway here is tease, 645 00:39:34,457 --> 00:39:36,710 touch and... 646 00:39:36,793 --> 00:39:38,878 stroke and massage, 647 00:39:38,962 --> 00:39:41,756 squeeze and grab and maybe even like... 648 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,801 Foreplay. ..gently scratch each other. Mm-hm. 649 00:39:44,926 --> 00:39:50,098 By the time that you actually reach penetration at all, she's literally begging you. 650 00:39:50,181 --> 00:39:52,267 I'm all for that. 651 00:39:52,350 --> 00:39:54,561 Because you, Erica, essentially, 652 00:39:54,644 --> 00:39:56,354 are a sensual person. 653 00:39:56,438 --> 00:40:00,692 The first thing you said to me when you came in here is, "It smells good." 654 00:40:00,775 --> 00:40:05,447 You're in it. You're wearing a fuzzy sweater. Superpower. You're wearing fuzzy slippers! 655 00:40:05,530 --> 00:40:07,615 You're a sensual person. 656 00:40:07,699 --> 00:40:11,786 Oh, man. Wow. And let's embrace that, because it's a superpower. 657 00:40:11,870 --> 00:40:14,998 OK. You didn't even know you was a superhero, did you? 658 00:40:15,081 --> 00:40:19,252 One of the other things that really helps for many sensual people is 659 00:40:19,336 --> 00:40:23,131 a sensation that is strong enough to get you out of your mind. 660 00:40:23,214 --> 00:40:25,675 And this could be like... 661 00:40:25,759 --> 00:40:28,470 a long, slow scratch. 662 00:40:28,553 --> 00:40:31,681 This can be a spanking. There is a way to spank. 663 00:40:31,765 --> 00:40:33,850 Yeah. OK. 664 00:40:33,933 --> 00:40:37,020 We played around in a sex store with a few whips. 665 00:40:37,103 --> 00:40:39,773 Yeah! Definitely doing it wrong. 666 00:40:39,856 --> 00:40:43,193 Whipping it, like whipping a wet towel at somebody. 667 00:40:43,276 --> 00:40:44,694 A ten, starting at a ten. 668 00:40:44,778 --> 00:40:49,074 Actually, I have... This wasn't my game plan for today, but let's have a look. 669 00:40:49,157 --> 00:40:51,409 My box of goodies. OK. 670 00:40:53,661 --> 00:40:54,913 Oh, man. 671 00:40:54,996 --> 00:40:57,499 'I pull out a flogger, which is a multi-tailed whip.' 672 00:40:57,582 --> 00:41:01,002 I bring out this toy, because, to use it properly, you have to 673 00:41:01,086 --> 00:41:05,548 slow down, focus on sensation and really communicate with your partner. 674 00:41:05,632 --> 00:41:10,303 Exactly what Erica and Thomas need to do, if Erica is going to achieve an orgasm. 675 00:41:10,387 --> 00:41:13,306 So you can absolutely start with this at like... 676 00:41:13,390 --> 00:41:15,475 Well, that wasn't very good. 677 00:41:15,558 --> 00:41:19,145 You can get there, right? Or you can start with, like, this. 678 00:41:19,229 --> 00:41:21,398 Or you can start with, like, this. 679 00:41:21,481 --> 00:41:23,566 Let me see that thing. 680 00:41:25,985 --> 00:41:28,071 So, try, try level one. 681 00:41:28,154 --> 00:41:31,658 Erica, let's set a consent container first. Erica, where? 682 00:41:31,741 --> 00:41:33,451 All right, set consent. Oh. 683 00:41:33,535 --> 00:41:38,456 Do you give me permission? Where would you like to receive your flogging? Right there? 684 00:41:38,540 --> 00:41:40,959 So start at a one. What does a one look like? 685 00:41:42,627 --> 00:41:46,047 Is that a one? I don't know. I mean, I can go up to 100. 686 00:41:46,131 --> 00:41:48,133 Give it back. Here's a one. 687 00:41:49,426 --> 00:41:51,302 Oh, that's a one? All right. 688 00:41:51,386 --> 00:41:54,889 (LAUGHTER) Like, man, what is a two gonna be? 689 00:41:54,973 --> 00:41:56,641 This is a one. 690 00:41:56,725 --> 00:41:59,060 Think of what the ten is. Here's a five. 691 00:41:59,144 --> 00:42:01,312 That's five? This is five. OK. 692 00:42:01,396 --> 00:42:03,773 Let's... Erica, why don't you show him? 693 00:42:03,857 --> 00:42:05,775 Yeah, beat my ass! That's a yes. 694 00:42:05,859 --> 00:42:10,613 OK. While we're doing this, are there any parts of your body that you 695 00:42:10,697 --> 00:42:14,743 absolutely do you not want the flogger to come into contact with? 696 00:42:14,826 --> 00:42:16,703 No. I'm cool. 697 00:42:16,786 --> 00:42:18,413 (MOUTHS) 698 00:42:18,496 --> 00:42:20,498 Um, you know, I mean, 699 00:42:20,582 --> 00:42:22,459 my exposed eyeball 700 00:42:22,542 --> 00:42:24,627 probably is not a good one. 701 00:42:24,711 --> 00:42:27,505 Well, yeah, I'm not gonna even go above the neck. 702 00:42:27,589 --> 00:42:30,467 Well, this is the purpose of us having this conversation. 703 00:42:30,550 --> 00:42:33,720 I want you to get this granular when you talk about it. 704 00:42:33,803 --> 00:42:38,558 That kind of communication makes me a lot more comfortable about being able to... 705 00:42:38,641 --> 00:42:40,477 successfully please... 706 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,228 you, 707 00:42:42,312 --> 00:42:44,397 if I have that kind of information. 708 00:42:44,481 --> 00:42:51,071 I mean, it doesn't have to be packaged so beautifully all the time, but definitely not... 709 00:42:51,154 --> 00:42:53,656 You know? "OK, well, you know, 710 00:42:53,740 --> 00:42:55,533 guess and do whatever." 711 00:42:57,285 --> 00:42:59,162 You're guessing? 712 00:43:00,705 --> 00:43:02,791 But you can just ask. 713 00:43:02,874 --> 00:43:05,377 You don't have to guess. Just ask. 714 00:43:05,460 --> 00:43:07,837 This level of communication is... 715 00:43:07,921 --> 00:43:09,714 expert level. 716 00:43:09,798 --> 00:43:13,468 Knowing yourself to this degree is hard work. 717 00:43:13,551 --> 00:43:18,348 And it takes the willingness to mess up, to make mistakes, to get hurt. 718 00:43:18,431 --> 00:43:23,269 You know? And the person holding this is holding the power in their hands, 719 00:43:23,353 --> 00:43:26,690 but they are in service 720 00:43:26,773 --> 00:43:28,650 to the other person. 721 00:43:28,733 --> 00:43:34,989 The person who is receiving the flogging is the person who is really the director of their own experience. 722 00:43:35,073 --> 00:43:36,908 OK. 723 00:43:36,991 --> 00:43:41,079 Let's try a way that you can build even more anticipation in touch. 724 00:43:41,162 --> 00:43:44,624 Spank and then touch. We're doing it over denim right now, 725 00:43:44,708 --> 00:43:48,962 but if there was skin, you thwack and then you bring your soothing hand. 726 00:43:49,045 --> 00:43:51,256 Ah. Now your hand is, like, soothing. 727 00:43:51,339 --> 00:43:53,633 So may I hit your arm? 728 00:43:53,717 --> 00:43:55,552 Oh, please. And try that out. 729 00:43:55,635 --> 00:43:59,097 OK? Please. And what level would you like on your arm? 730 00:43:59,180 --> 00:44:03,560 Yes! Hm... I would like a five, please. Smack me right now. 731 00:44:05,103 --> 00:44:07,981 That was definitely not a five. What was it? 732 00:44:08,064 --> 00:44:10,150 That was... (CHUCKLES) 733 00:44:10,233 --> 00:44:12,318 That was... Are you less... 734 00:44:12,402 --> 00:44:15,655 Did my soothing hand help? Are you less frustrated now? 735 00:44:15,739 --> 00:44:17,824 You know what? Forget it. Psssh! 736 00:44:17,907 --> 00:44:20,201 Right? I'm calling our safe word here. 737 00:44:20,285 --> 00:44:24,664 Because I want... I know we're having fun, this is enjoyable, it's funny. 738 00:44:24,748 --> 00:44:30,086 Where can we bring a level of seriousness to this, so that we can bring that into your bedroom? 739 00:44:30,170 --> 00:44:32,213 This matters. 740 00:44:33,631 --> 00:44:35,175 OK. All right. 741 00:44:35,258 --> 00:44:40,347 If you want him to give you a five when you want a five, you better give him a five when he wants a five. 742 00:44:40,430 --> 00:44:44,309 I didn't know that wasn't a five, so I'm sorry. What was it? 743 00:44:44,392 --> 00:44:46,519 That was a nine or an eight. 744 00:44:46,603 --> 00:44:48,480 I'm not good at measuring... 745 00:44:48,563 --> 00:44:52,192 This is exposed skin and it's thinner, more sensitive. 746 00:44:52,275 --> 00:44:55,904 When Erica thwacks Thomas really hard on the arm, 747 00:44:55,987 --> 00:44:59,115 despite him asking for a level five, 748 00:44:59,199 --> 00:45:02,535 she violated his boundary. 749 00:45:02,619 --> 00:45:07,332 When we know what our boundaries are, we can play all the way up to the limits, 750 00:45:07,415 --> 00:45:11,211 but if I'm not sure what's OK with you and what isn't, 751 00:45:11,294 --> 00:45:13,338 I can do some serious damage. 752 00:45:13,421 --> 00:45:15,298 And we saw that. 753 00:45:15,382 --> 00:45:17,092 I'm not doing that no more. 754 00:45:17,175 --> 00:45:19,552 No, I would like you to, please. 755 00:45:19,636 --> 00:45:21,262 OK. 756 00:45:21,346 --> 00:45:23,139 Now I'm anxious for this five. 757 00:45:23,223 --> 00:45:26,476 Yeah. No, I don't feel comfortable hitting you. 758 00:45:26,559 --> 00:45:28,520 I want you to hit me. 759 00:45:28,603 --> 00:45:31,731 No. I'm not comfortable with the... Is that a five? 760 00:45:31,815 --> 00:45:33,483 I don't know what a five is. 761 00:45:33,566 --> 00:45:37,112 The only way we're gonna find out is by you jumping in the pool. 762 00:45:37,195 --> 00:45:40,990 I did, that was a five. That was not a five. No. I don't... 763 00:45:41,074 --> 00:45:43,743 OK, that's a five. Cos... That's a five. OK. 764 00:45:43,827 --> 00:45:45,912 There we go. High five for the five. 765 00:45:45,995 --> 00:45:50,750 You know that that's hard, telling what the numbers are. Like... Yeah, it's practice. 766 00:45:52,794 --> 00:45:55,463 Go ahead and have a seat. 767 00:45:55,547 --> 00:45:58,091 'I'm super critical of myself.' 768 00:45:58,174 --> 00:46:02,345 And I really don't know where to go from here. 769 00:46:02,429 --> 00:46:04,556 I still feel that ten. 770 00:46:04,639 --> 00:46:07,767 My bad, I thought it was a five. No, that's OK. It's OK. 771 00:46:07,851 --> 00:46:09,728 So... 772 00:46:09,811 --> 00:46:13,231 what are you feeling in your body right now? 773 00:46:13,314 --> 00:46:15,567 I'm uncomfortable. 774 00:46:17,444 --> 00:46:19,821 She entered into a shame spiral 775 00:46:19,904 --> 00:46:24,075 and got very triggered by the mistake that she made. 776 00:46:24,159 --> 00:46:29,497 I know that this is going to become one of the central themes of our time together. 777 00:46:29,581 --> 00:46:31,875 What I see coming up is perfectionism. 778 00:46:31,958 --> 00:46:35,837 If I can't get it perfectly right... ALL: I don't want to do it. 779 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,214 Yes. Pretty much. Mm-hm. 780 00:46:38,298 --> 00:46:40,759 What's up for you right now? 781 00:46:40,842 --> 00:46:43,219 This is my third marriage, Caitlin. 782 00:46:43,303 --> 00:46:45,180 Yeah. So... 783 00:46:45,263 --> 00:46:47,766 I am in my head, a lot of the time. 784 00:46:47,849 --> 00:46:53,063 And the sex things in my other marriages were definitely a problem 785 00:46:53,146 --> 00:46:55,231 that was never addressed. 786 00:46:55,315 --> 00:46:59,319 You know? So it's different, the expectations are different. 787 00:46:59,402 --> 00:47:01,279 You get to decide... 788 00:47:01,363 --> 00:47:04,157 what a marriage means to you. 789 00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:06,618 Mm-hm. Right. Third time's the charm. 790 00:47:06,701 --> 00:47:08,370 Mm-hm. 791 00:47:09,621 --> 00:47:13,792 At the end of my session with Erica and Thomas, I experience her as 792 00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:16,378 so closed off 793 00:47:16,461 --> 00:47:21,883 that I wonder if I'm ever gonna be able to really get in. 794 00:47:21,966 --> 00:47:25,512 Then it occurs to me that this is exactly the same thing that is 795 00:47:25,595 --> 00:47:28,598 happening within her body and her pleasure. 796 00:47:28,682 --> 00:47:31,726 She is going to need to let me in, 797 00:47:31,810 --> 00:47:35,980 if she is going to actually be able to let an orgasm happen. 798 00:47:38,066 --> 00:47:38,327 2 00:45:52.320 -- 00:45:53.920 align:middle line:90% position:50% I'm Adam. 799 00:47:51,621 --> 00:47:54,708 I'm Alanna. We met at the gym four years ago, 800 00:47:54,791 --> 00:47:58,253 so fitness has always been a huge part of our relationship. 801 00:47:59,462 --> 00:48:01,131 Looking good. 802 00:48:01,214 --> 00:48:03,341 He was my trainer. 803 00:48:04,467 --> 00:48:06,177 For about two sessions 804 00:48:06,261 --> 00:48:09,889 and then we quickly moved our sessions out of the gym. 805 00:48:11,975 --> 00:48:14,060 Give me a flex. 806 00:48:14,144 --> 00:48:15,979 Yeah. 807 00:48:16,062 --> 00:48:18,481 And we've been inseparable ever since. 808 00:48:20,567 --> 00:48:22,902 What do you think? (WHISTLES) 809 00:48:22,986 --> 00:48:25,071 Oh, my God. I like it. 810 00:48:25,155 --> 00:48:27,240 Do you think just the heels? 811 00:48:27,323 --> 00:48:29,034 Maybe. I love the socks. 812 00:48:29,117 --> 00:48:32,620 But we can do shots with both. We can do some with and without. 813 00:48:32,704 --> 00:48:34,873 You look incredible. Thanks, babe. 814 00:48:38,543 --> 00:48:41,296 We've overcome a lot to be where we are today. 815 00:48:41,379 --> 00:48:44,382 When she met me, I was a veteran, who was dealing with 816 00:48:44,466 --> 00:48:46,885 stuff in his own head and a heroin addict. 817 00:48:46,968 --> 00:48:49,054 And that was self-destructive. 818 00:48:49,137 --> 00:48:53,058 I needed someone in my life who I had to be responsible for. 819 00:48:53,141 --> 00:48:57,604 I'm the happiest person alive because I'm with Alanna. Definitely. Me, too. 820 00:48:58,605 --> 00:49:00,690 OK. OK, this looks perfect. 821 00:49:00,774 --> 00:49:03,485 OK. Turn around. My boobs don't look too flat? 822 00:49:03,568 --> 00:49:07,572 No. OK. Do you want me to feel them, just in case? Sure. Thanks. 823 00:49:07,655 --> 00:49:11,409 Our jobs are in social media. We've been doing it for about a year. 824 00:49:11,493 --> 00:49:13,328 We started making funny videos. 825 00:49:14,537 --> 00:49:17,332 I'm more of the funny. She's more of the beauty. 826 00:49:17,415 --> 00:49:20,210 I'll make you laugh, but they want to look at her. 827 00:49:23,296 --> 00:49:27,342 As we grew, we branched off into making sexier and more risque videos 828 00:49:27,425 --> 00:49:29,803 and now we have quite a big following. 829 00:49:29,886 --> 00:49:31,638 Drop it just real quick so I can see. 830 00:49:31,721 --> 00:49:35,308 That's something we've been doing a lot more of recently. 831 00:49:35,392 --> 00:49:38,937 That's actually a really cool look, with the glow behind you. 832 00:49:42,982 --> 00:49:44,401 No, no. Turn just a little bit. 833 00:50:00,291 --> 00:50:02,377 Lean back? Stop. What? 834 00:50:02,460 --> 00:50:06,840 Stop. You look perfect. You always second-guess at the last minute. I know. 835 00:50:06,923 --> 00:50:09,551 'I've always struggled with my confidence.' 836 00:50:09,634 --> 00:50:14,222 Especially when she's, like, naked or something like that or feeling vulnerable. 837 00:50:14,305 --> 00:50:16,433 She'll close up. You know what I mean? 838 00:50:27,986 --> 00:50:31,322 And I want to be able to make an advancement, but, like, 839 00:50:31,406 --> 00:50:33,241 a lot of times, it's like... 840 00:50:33,324 --> 00:50:36,870 either closed off or like "we're too busy right now". 841 00:50:41,583 --> 00:50:43,209 Babe... 842 00:50:43,293 --> 00:50:45,503 Babe, we have so much to do. 843 00:50:45,587 --> 00:50:48,506 I can think of a lot of things to do right now. Yeah. 844 00:50:48,590 --> 00:50:51,301 So now I'm, like, tiptoeing on thin ice, like, 845 00:50:51,384 --> 00:50:55,221 "OK, I'm in the mood right now, but how do I approach this? Like..." 846 00:50:55,305 --> 00:50:59,309 Then, again, he's in the mood 24/7, so in my defence... 847 00:50:59,392 --> 00:51:00,935 That's very true. 848 00:51:06,191 --> 00:51:09,319 Like, of course, you want to be able to grab your woman. 849 00:51:09,402 --> 00:51:11,821 You want to know that you can please them. 850 00:51:11,905 --> 00:51:15,241 You want to be this man who can give your woman everything. 851 00:51:21,373 --> 00:51:24,000 So that's why we reached out to a sex coach 852 00:51:24,084 --> 00:51:27,003 and actually agreed to put cameras in our bedroom, 853 00:51:27,087 --> 00:51:29,172 um, because we need help. 854 00:51:37,013 --> 00:51:38,890 Oh, God. 855 00:51:42,394 --> 00:51:44,062 Oh, man. 856 00:51:44,145 --> 00:51:46,523 Are you nervous? Yeah. 857 00:51:46,606 --> 00:51:50,568 Do you ask her, like, "How do I look? Do I look good naked?" 858 00:51:50,652 --> 00:51:53,988 That's all, that's all we're here for. That's all we want. 859 00:51:54,072 --> 00:51:57,742 Honestly, I'm afraid that, if I can't work on my own issues right now, 860 00:51:57,826 --> 00:52:01,287 then we're just gonna end up like every other relationship that fails. 861 00:52:01,371 --> 00:52:02,747 Hi. Hey. 862 00:52:02,831 --> 00:52:05,333 Hi. Welcome. Come on in. 863 00:52:05,417 --> 00:52:06,960 All right. 864 00:52:07,043 --> 00:52:09,421 I'm afraid that, over time, 865 00:52:09,504 --> 00:52:12,215 I'm just gonna drive Alanna away. 866 00:52:12,298 --> 00:52:13,967 Welcome. How are you feeling? 867 00:52:14,050 --> 00:52:16,428 A little bit nervous. Yeah. But I'm good. 868 00:52:16,511 --> 00:52:19,848 Yeah, I think that's totally to be expected. 869 00:52:21,307 --> 00:52:24,019 So tell me about what brings you in to see me. 870 00:52:27,230 --> 00:52:29,649 When it comes to, like, the bedroom, 871 00:52:29,733 --> 00:52:33,111 we got to meet in the middle a little bit more, 872 00:52:33,194 --> 00:52:35,488 because I have a really high sex drive, 873 00:52:35,572 --> 00:52:37,657 but Alanna's just isn't as high. 874 00:52:37,741 --> 00:52:40,493 So if we have to do something for social media, 875 00:52:40,577 --> 00:52:44,247 especially if she's wearing something very, very sexy, 876 00:52:44,330 --> 00:52:48,084 sometimes she'll walk by me and, naturally, I just want to, like, 877 00:52:48,168 --> 00:52:51,880 smack her ass. Yeah. I've done that before and then it's like... 878 00:52:51,963 --> 00:52:53,173 (SIGHS) 879 00:52:53,256 --> 00:52:56,134 And then as soon as I get the... (SIGHS), 880 00:52:56,217 --> 00:52:58,720 it's like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, OK." 881 00:52:58,803 --> 00:53:01,598 What does that... (SIGHS) ..signal to you? 882 00:53:02,766 --> 00:53:06,019 Shut down, denied, rejected. 883 00:53:06,102 --> 00:53:08,480 What comes up for you when you hear that? 884 00:53:08,563 --> 00:53:11,775 I, like, hear what he's saying, but, for me, it's hard, 885 00:53:11,858 --> 00:53:15,403 because I feel like it's literally happening all the time. 886 00:53:15,487 --> 00:53:18,073 How often do you usually have sex? 887 00:53:18,156 --> 00:53:19,824 Uh, like, every day. 888 00:53:19,908 --> 00:53:25,121 It's always...sex every day. He needs, like, super reassurance. 889 00:53:25,205 --> 00:53:29,376 So, if we have, like, ten days of great, amazing, crazy sex 890 00:53:29,459 --> 00:53:34,673 and then one day of, like, not great sex, then it's like all those good days go away. 891 00:53:34,756 --> 00:53:37,467 And then I'm like, "Ah, what the heck?" 892 00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:39,344 And so it's like... 893 00:53:39,427 --> 00:53:41,221 Yeah, I don't know. 894 00:53:41,304 --> 00:53:43,723 I think one of the things that I witnessed 895 00:53:43,807 --> 00:53:47,310 and maybe this is a good opportunity for us to pull out a clip, 896 00:53:47,394 --> 00:53:51,648 it seems like initiation is a place where there's a breakdown happening. 897 00:53:51,731 --> 00:53:53,108 Yes, exactly. Right. 898 00:53:54,651 --> 00:53:58,363 Oh, God. No. That is what I was worried about. 899 00:53:58,446 --> 00:54:01,533 So take a deep breath, feel your butts in the chair. 900 00:54:02,992 --> 00:54:04,536 (EXHALES) 901 00:54:04,619 --> 00:54:09,708 I don't like watching myself on anything, never mind, like, something so intimate. 902 00:54:09,791 --> 00:54:12,627 So I think it'll be...rough. 903 00:54:12,711 --> 00:54:14,671 You're so cute. 904 00:54:15,797 --> 00:54:19,134 Oh, Lord. So weird. 905 00:54:48,872 --> 00:54:50,415 OK. 906 00:54:52,876 --> 00:54:54,544 (GIGGLES) 907 00:54:57,589 --> 00:54:59,466 Uhh! (LAUGHS) 908 00:55:09,559 --> 00:55:14,064 I'm honestly pretty nervous to hear what Caitlin's gonna say about our bedroom cameras. 909 00:55:15,190 --> 00:55:19,027 It's clear to me that Adam and Alanna have a real problem here 910 00:55:19,110 --> 00:55:22,739 and it's going to take a lot of work and commitment in order to solve it. 911 00:55:26,951 --> 00:55:29,037 ..on Good Sex... 912 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,164 I'm meeting with a new couple today. 913 00:55:31,247 --> 00:55:35,126 Rae and Ace. Rae's constant masturbation is interrupting their sex life. 914 00:55:35,210 --> 00:55:39,506 Do you not want me anymore? Is that what that meant to you? That's how I feel. 915 00:55:39,589 --> 00:55:44,427 I've decided to give Ben the assignment of creating a masculine erotic persona, 916 00:55:44,511 --> 00:55:48,556 because that is the part of him that he has truly repressed. 917 00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:51,851 He's kinky and he's not shy about tying people up. 918 00:55:53,186 --> 00:55:55,063 I think I like it. 919 00:55:55,146 --> 00:55:59,609 The journey that I am going through is bigger than me. You know? 920 00:55:59,693 --> 00:56:01,111 I'm ready. 921 00:56:01,194 --> 00:56:02,862 I'm Caleb. And I'm Moriah. 922 00:56:02,946 --> 00:56:05,031 We have a son. However... 923 00:56:05,657 --> 00:56:07,909 Have we had sex since the baby? 924 00:56:07,992 --> 00:56:10,078 We've had zero sex. 925 00:56:10,161 --> 00:56:12,038 Give me the big one. OK. 926 00:56:12,122 --> 00:56:13,623 Oh, dude. 927 00:56:13,707 --> 00:56:17,002 I just had a feeling she would turn the tables a little bit. 928 00:56:17,085 --> 00:56:18,837 I did not expect dildos. 929 00:56:21,047 --> 00:56:22,590 Adam is breaking the rules. 930 00:56:23,717 --> 00:56:25,343 And I failed my homework. 931 00:56:25,427 --> 00:56:26,553 subtitles by Deluxe