1 00:00:41,714 --> 00:00:43,875 [Mock Foreign Accent] Hello. 2 00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:47,009 I am Andy... 3 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,817 and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie. 4 00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:56,585 I wish it was better, you know, 5 00:00:56,696 --> 00:01:00,029 but... it is so stupid. 6 00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:04,263 It's terrible. I-I do not even like it. 7 00:01:04,370 --> 00:01:06,930 All of the most important things in my life... 8 00:01:07,039 --> 00:01:10,031 a-a-are changed around and mixed up... 9 00:01:10,143 --> 00:01:12,043 for, um-- 10 00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:16,007 uh, dramatic purposes. 11 00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:20,341 So... 12 00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:22,853 I decided to cut out... 13 00:01:22,955 --> 00:01:25,355 all of the baloney. 14 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:31,028 Now the movie is much shorter. 15 00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,967 In fact, 16 00:01:37,069 --> 00:01:39,970 this... is the end of the movie. 17 00:01:42,175 --> 00:01:44,143 Thank you very much. 18 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,888 I am not fooling. 19 00:01:55,988 --> 00:01:58,684 Good-bye. 20 00:01:58,791 --> 00:02:00,691 Go. 21 00:02:12,872 --> 00:02:15,773 [Orchestra] 22 00:02:43,169 --> 00:02:45,069 [Ends] 23 00:02:45,171 --> 00:02:48,072 [Needle Scratching Record] 24 00:02:52,178 --> 00:02:55,079 [Orchestra Resumes] 25 00:03:12,898 --> 00:03:14,798 - - [Gasps] 26 00:03:17,536 --> 00:03:19,436 [Ends] 27 00:03:19,538 --> 00:03:21,938 [Needle Scratching] 28 00:03:23,676 --> 00:03:27,669 - [Needle Scratching] - [Distorted] 29 00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:30,681 [Resumes] 30 00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:59,206 [Normal Voice] Wow. You're still here. 31 00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:02,643 O-kay! 32 00:04:02,748 --> 00:04:04,648 I hope you're not upset. 33 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:08,277 I did that to get rid of those folks who just... wouldn't understand me... 34 00:04:08,387 --> 00:04:10,821 and don't even want to try. 35 00:04:10,923 --> 00:04:14,154 Actually, the movie is really great. 36 00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:17,127 It's just filled with colorful characters, 37 00:04:17,229 --> 00:04:20,926 like the one I just did and the one I'm doing now. 38 00:04:21,033 --> 00:04:22,933 Our story begins... 39 00:04:26,806 --> 00:04:29,331 back in Great Neck, Long Island. 40 00:04:33,713 --> 00:04:35,738 This is our house. 41 00:04:35,848 --> 00:04:38,180 And that's my father's old car. 42 00:04:38,284 --> 00:04:40,548 That's my father. 43 00:04:40,653 --> 00:04:42,484 That's my little brother Michael. 44 00:04:42,588 --> 00:04:45,056 That's my little sister Carol. 45 00:04:45,157 --> 00:04:47,591 - And that's my mom. - [Man] Janice? 46 00:04:47,693 --> 00:04:50,856 Andy's up in his room? 47 00:04:50,963 --> 00:04:52,521 Yeah. 48 00:04:52,631 --> 00:04:55,031 [Muffled Talking] 49 00:04:58,003 --> 00:05:02,940 Mr. Bear is saying that Mrs. Cat made his head fall off. 50 00:05:03,042 --> 00:05:05,510 She saw it And it's not true. 51 00:05:05,611 --> 00:05:07,977 Today's special guest, Mr. Bear. 52 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,913 - What's up, Mr. Bear? - Andy? 53 00:05:12,184 --> 00:05:14,084 [Door Closes] 54 00:05:17,123 --> 00:05:20,058 Son, this has got to stop. 55 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,385 Our house is not a television station. 56 00:05:23,496 --> 00:05:26,294 There's not a camera in that wall. 57 00:05:26,399 --> 00:05:29,425 I mean, this is not healthy. You should be outside playing sports. 58 00:05:29,535 --> 00:05:31,765 But I have my own sports show. 59 00:05:31,871 --> 00:05:34,738 Andy, you know that's not what I meant. 60 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:38,708 Look, I'm gonna put my foot down. No more playing alone. 61 00:05:38,811 --> 00:05:42,372 - You want to perform, you have got to have an audience. - They're right there! 62 00:05:42,481 --> 00:05:45,006 That is not an audience. That is plaster. 63 00:05:45,117 --> 00:05:50,248 An audience is made of people, people who live and breathe. 64 00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:02,228 Andy Kaufman and Howdy Doody present... 65 00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:04,928 "The Animal Song"! 66 00:06:05,037 --> 00:06:08,131 I'm gonna say the animal, and then you tell me what it says. 67 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,140 - Okay? - Okay. 68 00:06:10,242 --> 00:06:15,145 - Oh, the cow goes-- - Moo. 69 00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:20,344 - And the cat goes-- - Meow! Meow! 70 00:06:20,453 --> 00:06:22,944 And the bird goes-- 71 00:06:24,957 --> 00:06:27,187 - Tweet, tweet. - Tweet, tweet! 72 00:06:27,293 --> 00:06:30,319 And the lion goes-- 73 00:06:30,429 --> 00:06:33,421 [Low Voice]Roar! 74 00:06:33,532 --> 00:06:36,262 - And the dog goes - [Audience] Ruff. 75 00:06:36,368 --> 00:06:39,303 - And the cat goes - Meow. 76 00:06:39,405 --> 00:06:42,203 - And the bird goes - Tweet. 77 00:06:42,308 --> 00:06:45,300 - And the pig goes - Oink. 78 00:06:45,411 --> 00:06:50,371 And that's the way it goes 79 00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:55,819 - [Man] The comedy stylings of Andy Kaufman. - Thank you. 80 00:06:58,090 --> 00:07:00,285 So, Mr. Besserman, same spot tomorrow? 81 00:07:00,392 --> 00:07:04,021 [Sighs] I don't know, Andy. I think I have to let you go. 82 00:07:08,434 --> 00:07:10,561 You're firing me? 83 00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:14,298 You-- You don't even pay me. 84 00:07:14,406 --> 00:07:17,136 I don't want to seem insulting, but your act is like amateur hour. 85 00:07:17,243 --> 00:07:21,077 You're doing sing alongs for six-year-olds and puppets that aren't funny. 86 00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:24,809 - Playing records? - But it's totally original. 87 00:07:24,917 --> 00:07:27,647 No one's ever done it. I'm not like everyone else. 88 00:07:27,753 --> 00:07:30,551 Well, everybody else gets this place cookin'. 89 00:07:30,656 --> 00:07:33,989 I thought it was cooking. There was a man over here that was really upset. 90 00:07:34,093 --> 00:07:37,256 He stormed out, and a lot of other people left in the middle of your act. 91 00:07:37,363 --> 00:07:40,992 - I can't sell booze-- - It's not about comedy. It's not about art. 92 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:44,092 - It's about booze. - I can't sell booze when you're singing "Pop Goes the Weasel." 93 00:07:44,203 --> 00:07:46,535 - That's all that matters. - I'm running a business here. 94 00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:51,076 It's show business. Show business. Show business. 95 00:07:51,176 --> 00:07:54,202 Without the business, there's no show. 96 00:07:54,313 --> 00:07:57,282 - There's no show for you. - Wh-What do you want me to do? 97 00:07:57,383 --> 00:08:01,444 - "Take my wife, please"? - At least it's a joke. Try some jokes. 98 00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:04,955 Like, "Why did the Siamese twins go to England?" 99 00:08:05,057 --> 00:08:07,184 I don't know. Why did they go to England? 100 00:08:07,293 --> 00:08:10,387 So the other one could drive. 101 00:08:12,298 --> 00:08:15,358 But why doesn't the other one just learn how to drive? 102 00:08:15,467 --> 00:08:18,868 Whew. Maybe that one isn't for you. 103 00:08:18,971 --> 00:08:21,405 But do jokes about the traffic, do impressions, 104 00:08:21,507 --> 00:08:23,907 maybe some blue material. 105 00:08:28,747 --> 00:08:31,739 [Sniffles] 106 00:08:51,337 --> 00:08:52,705 [Audience Laughing] 107 00:08:52,705 --> 00:08:53,763 [Audience Laughing] 108 00:08:53,872 --> 00:08:56,340 Thank you very much. Goodnight! 109 00:08:56,442 --> 00:08:58,410 [Piano] 110 00:09:09,355 --> 00:09:11,789 [Piano Continues] 111 00:09:20,766 --> 00:09:23,098 - [Ends] - Now? 112 00:09:23,202 --> 00:09:25,102 - Now. - [Scattered Applause] 113 00:09:25,204 --> 00:09:27,104 [Mock Foreign Accent] Thank you very much. 114 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,504 One thing I do not like... 115 00:09:34,613 --> 00:09:37,138 is too much traffic. 116 00:09:37,249 --> 00:09:39,376 You know? 117 00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:44,082 Tonight I had to come... 118 00:09:44,189 --> 00:09:47,249 from... uh-- 119 00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:52,595 - [Man Laughs] - A-And the freeway, 120 00:09:52,698 --> 00:09:54,996 it-it was so much traffic. 121 00:09:56,635 --> 00:10:01,095 I-It took me an hour and a half to get here. 122 00:10:01,206 --> 00:10:03,766 [Woman Laughing] 123 00:10:03,876 --> 00:10:06,003 But-- But... 124 00:10:06,111 --> 00:10:09,808 talking about the terrible things-- 125 00:10:09,915 --> 00:10:14,181 My wife-- take my wife. Please take her. 126 00:10:14,286 --> 00:10:15,981 Ugh. 127 00:10:16,088 --> 00:10:18,454 [Snorting Laugh] No. 128 00:10:18,557 --> 00:10:20,752 No. I am only fooling. 129 00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:23,521 - [Scattered Laughter] - [Andy Laughing] 130 00:10:26,065 --> 00:10:28,932 I-- I-I love my wife, 131 00:10:29,034 --> 00:10:31,434 but she don't know how to cook. 132 00:10:31,537 --> 00:10:34,028 Her cooking is so bad. 133 00:10:34,139 --> 00:10:36,630 - It's terrible. - [Man Laughs]No. 134 00:10:37,976 --> 00:10:40,638 Now I-I would like to-- 135 00:10:40,746 --> 00:10:42,941 I would like to do for you... 136 00:10:43,048 --> 00:10:44,948 the imitations. 137 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,917 I would like to start... 138 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:51,581 with the-- the Jimmy Carter. 139 00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:54,557 The president of the United States. 140 00:10:58,864 --> 00:11:02,425 [Same Accent] Hello, I am Jimmy Carter, 141 00:11:02,534 --> 00:11:05,901 - [Scattered Laughter] - the president of the United States. 142 00:11:07,539 --> 00:11:09,439 God! 143 00:11:11,376 --> 00:11:13,435 [Audience Murmuring] 144 00:11:13,545 --> 00:11:15,638 Thank you very much. 145 00:11:20,519 --> 00:11:23,283 And now I would like to do for you... 146 00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:26,624 the-- 147 00:11:26,725 --> 00:11:28,625 the Elvis Presley. 148 00:11:28,727 --> 00:11:31,457 [Groaning, Laughing] 149 00:11:36,235 --> 00:11:41,639 ["Also Sprach Zarathustra"] 150 00:11:44,443 --> 00:11:46,411 [Wolf Whistle] 151 00:11:53,585 --> 00:11:57,248 [One Person Applauding] 152 00:11:57,356 --> 00:12:00,689 [Continues] 153 00:12:32,157 --> 00:12:35,456 [Audience Whistling, Applauding] 154 00:12:36,795 --> 00:12:39,821 [Cheering] 155 00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:46,665 Well, it's one for the money two for the show three to get ready 156 00:12:46,772 --> 00:12:49,536 Now go, cat, go Now, don't you 157 00:12:49,641 --> 00:12:52,667 Step on my blue suede shoes 158 00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:57,306 Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes 159 00:12:57,416 --> 00:12:59,907 Let's go, cat! 160 00:13:01,119 --> 00:13:03,019 [Whistling] 161 00:13:03,121 --> 00:13:05,385 Budd, what's the story with this guy? 162 00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:07,390 I think he's from Lithuania. 163 00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:10,552 Oh, blue, blue blue suede shoes 164 00:13:10,662 --> 00:13:13,756 Baby, blue, blue blue suede shoes, honey 165 00:13:13,866 --> 00:13:16,528 Blue, blue blue suede shoes, baby 166 00:13:16,635 --> 00:13:19,160 Blue, blue blue suede shoes 167 00:13:19,271 --> 00:13:23,230 You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes 168 00:13:23,342 --> 00:13:25,242 Oh, well we were dancin' 169 00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:28,438 - [Cheering] - We were dancin' 170 00:13:28,547 --> 00:13:34,577 To the jailhouse rock 171 00:13:34,686 --> 00:13:37,177 All right! 172 00:13:37,289 --> 00:13:40,452 - [Cheering] - [Repeated Chords] 173 00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:48,865 [Final Chord] 174 00:13:50,302 --> 00:13:52,964 [Cheering Continues] 175 00:13:56,909 --> 00:13:58,706 Whoo! 176 00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:01,540 - [Applause Quiets] - [Foreign Accent] Thank you very much. 177 00:14:03,382 --> 00:14:05,907 Hey, I really enjoyed your set. 178 00:14:06,018 --> 00:14:09,613 I didn't mean to startle you. I really liked what you did out there. 179 00:14:09,721 --> 00:14:11,985 Thank you very much. 180 00:14:13,692 --> 00:14:17,150 So I understand you're from Lithuania. 181 00:14:17,262 --> 00:14:20,390 No, I am from Caspiar. 182 00:14:22,601 --> 00:14:24,501 Caspiar, huh? 183 00:14:24,603 --> 00:14:28,437 It is a very small island in the Caspian Sea. 184 00:14:29,775 --> 00:14:32,437 It sunk. 185 00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:34,944 Oh, I'm sorry. Uh-- [Clears Throat] 186 00:14:35,047 --> 00:14:38,448 Look, uh, I'm probably out of my mind, 187 00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:40,848 but I think you're very interesting, 188 00:14:40,953 --> 00:14:44,445 and if you ever need representation, we should talk. 189 00:14:44,556 --> 00:14:46,456 Okay. 190 00:14:48,226 --> 00:14:50,786 "George Shapiro." [Normal Voice] Mr. Shapiro. 191 00:14:52,631 --> 00:14:55,327 Wow. 192 00:14:55,434 --> 00:14:59,097 - It is an honor, sir. - Caspiar, huh? 193 00:14:59,204 --> 00:15:02,139 I wanna be the biggest star in the world. 194 00:15:03,342 --> 00:15:05,333 Well, people love comedians. 195 00:15:05,444 --> 00:15:07,571 I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes. 196 00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:10,978 I don't even know what's funny. I'm a song-and-dance man. 197 00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:13,017 - Oh, yeah. - Thank you. 198 00:15:13,118 --> 00:15:16,519 Uh, I particularly suggest the lotus root. 199 00:15:24,629 --> 00:15:27,120 [Sighs] 200 00:15:27,232 --> 00:15:30,099 Um, but y-y-you, uh, 201 00:15:30,202 --> 00:15:32,136 you know, you show a lot of promise. 202 00:15:32,237 --> 00:15:36,298 And my concern is I don't know where to book you. 203 00:15:36,408 --> 00:15:39,002 You're not a stand-up, and, uh, 204 00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:43,707 your act doesn't exactly translate itself to film, so-- 205 00:15:46,918 --> 00:15:50,718 Um-- 206 00:15:50,822 --> 00:15:53,791 So help me. Where do you see yourself? 207 00:15:53,892 --> 00:15:58,056 Well, I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall. 208 00:15:58,163 --> 00:16:00,495 [Laughing] That's funny. 209 00:16:04,669 --> 00:16:07,035 See, I don't want to go for cheap laughs. 210 00:16:07,139 --> 00:16:09,869 I want real gut reactions. 211 00:16:09,975 --> 00:16:12,876 I want the audience to have gone through an experience. 212 00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:16,607 They love me, they hate me, they walk out. It's all great. 213 00:16:16,715 --> 00:16:19,775 - Andy, you got a little something-- - Hmm? 214 00:16:21,086 --> 00:16:23,384 - Oh. - [Blows Air Out Nose] 215 00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:28,682 When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these, 216 00:16:28,794 --> 00:16:30,921 as worn by Andy Kaufman. 217 00:16:31,029 --> 00:16:32,929 You can have this one. 218 00:16:33,031 --> 00:16:37,092 It's probably gonna be worth a lot 'cause it was actually up my nose. 219 00:16:38,537 --> 00:16:40,437 You're insane! 220 00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,100 But you might also be brilliant. 221 00:16:47,646 --> 00:16:50,308 Hello. George Shapiro here. 222 00:16:50,415 --> 00:16:53,907 [Man On Speaker Phone] Uh... yeah! Is this George Shapiro ? 223 00:16:54,019 --> 00:16:56,283 - Yeah, speaking. - Speaking! 224 00:16:56,388 --> 00:16:59,186 Reeking, seeking, creaking. Freaking! 225 00:16:59,291 --> 00:17:02,226 Big freaking deal! Tell me something I don't know, toadstool! 226 00:17:02,327 --> 00:17:04,227 Can I help you with something? 227 00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:08,129 Yeah, you can stay away from Andy Kaufman, if you know what's good for you. 228 00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:10,633 - Crankshaft! - Who is this? 229 00:17:10,735 --> 00:17:12,930 Do not twist my noodle, toy poodle! 230 00:17:13,038 --> 00:17:17,202 This is Tony Clifton, a name to respect, a name to fear! 231 00:17:17,309 --> 00:17:21,678 - Kaufman is a lying bastard. He is a psychopath! - [Gong Sounds] 232 00:17:21,780 --> 00:17:25,409 [Woman] Now slowly open your eyes. 233 00:17:27,185 --> 00:17:31,281 You should feel rested, relaxed and alert. 234 00:17:33,258 --> 00:17:36,591 Uh, I would like to thank you, Your Holiness. 235 00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:41,492 My heart is radiating pure energy. 236 00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:45,429 - Okay-- - Oh, no. Wait. 237 00:17:45,537 --> 00:17:48,563 Wait. Uh-- I'm sorry. 238 00:17:48,673 --> 00:17:51,437 Uh, I have a question. 239 00:17:53,145 --> 00:17:55,045 Is there-- 240 00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:59,546 Is there a secret to being funny? 241 00:17:59,651 --> 00:18:02,552 [People Chuckling] 242 00:18:02,654 --> 00:18:04,713 Yes. 243 00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:07,724 Silence. 244 00:18:07,826 --> 00:18:07,926 - [Band: Upbeat] - [Applause] 245 00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:10,895 - [Band: Upbeat] - [Applause] 246 00:18:14,933 --> 00:18:17,731 Welcome back to Saturday Night Live. 247 00:18:17,836 --> 00:18:20,236 And now, as a special treat on our first show, 248 00:18:20,338 --> 00:18:23,068 musical guest Andy Kaufman! 249 00:18:41,626 --> 00:18:44,254 [Man Laughs] 250 00:18:53,638 --> 00:18:55,538 [Scattered Laughter] 251 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,006 What's wrong with this guy? 252 00:19:00,712 --> 00:19:04,204 [Man Laughing] 253 00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:06,716 This is dead air. 254 00:19:15,627 --> 00:19:19,393 [Record: Band] 255 00:19:19,497 --> 00:19:23,627 [Men] Mr. Trouble never hangs around 256 00:19:23,735 --> 00:19:27,865 When he hears this mighty sound 257 00:19:27,973 --> 00:19:31,067 - Here I come to save the day - [Audience Laughing] 258 00:19:31,176 --> 00:19:35,237 That means that Mighty Mouse is on his way 259 00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:39,044 Yes, sir, when there is a wrong to right 260 00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:43,416 Mighty Mouse will join the fight 261 00:19:43,521 --> 00:19:46,649 On the sea or on the land 262 00:19:46,758 --> 00:19:51,024 He gets the situation well in hand 263 00:19:51,129 --> 00:19:54,257 [Male Solo] So though we are in danger we never despair 264 00:19:54,366 --> 00:19:57,767 'Cause we know that where there's danger he is there 265 00:19:57,869 --> 00:20:00,599 - He is there on the land, on the sea - [Scattered Laughter] 266 00:20:00,705 --> 00:20:03,071 [Chorus] In the air 267 00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:07,008 - We're not worrying at all - [Laughter] 268 00:20:07,112 --> 00:20:10,843 We're just listening for his call 269 00:20:10,949 --> 00:20:14,646 - Here I come to save the day - [Laughter, Applause] 270 00:20:14,753 --> 00:20:18,416 That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way 271 00:20:20,258 --> 00:20:22,624 - Mr. Kaufman? - Hmm? Oh. 272 00:20:22,727 --> 00:20:24,627 Hi. Right this way, please. 273 00:20:24,729 --> 00:20:27,254 - Okay. - George is expecting you. 274 00:20:27,365 --> 00:20:29,993 - [Door Opens] - Hey, Andy. 275 00:20:30,101 --> 00:20:32,661 [Chuckles] Hey. 276 00:20:32,771 --> 00:20:35,296 - Thanks for coming out. - Oh, thank you, George. 277 00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:37,739 - Come on, sit down. - Um, oh. 278 00:20:37,842 --> 00:20:40,675 - Wow, they're-- Which one? - Either one. 279 00:20:40,779 --> 00:20:44,010 - They're both red. - Yeah. 280 00:20:44,115 --> 00:20:46,379 This one, I guess. 281 00:20:46,484 --> 00:20:48,714 - So did you have a nice flight? - I-I did. 282 00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:52,813 I had a really good flight, and the stewardess was very, very nice. 283 00:20:52,924 --> 00:20:55,222 And she allowed me to keep my headphones. 284 00:20:55,327 --> 00:20:59,093 - Oh, that's terrific! - Yep. Mm-hmm. 285 00:20:59,197 --> 00:21:01,665 Andy, I got something better. 286 00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:03,791 - You do? - Yeah. 287 00:21:03,902 --> 00:21:05,665 This is big. 288 00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:07,965 Okay. 289 00:21:08,073 --> 00:21:09,973 - Okay? - Okay. 290 00:21:10,075 --> 00:21:12,270 You are getting a once-in-a-lifetime, 291 00:21:12,377 --> 00:21:14,777 very lucrative opportunity... 292 00:21:14,879 --> 00:21:19,043 to star on a prime time network sitcom! 293 00:21:24,689 --> 00:21:27,556 - A sitcom? - Yeah. 294 00:21:27,659 --> 00:21:29,559 And this is a class act. 295 00:21:29,661 --> 00:21:33,495 It all takes place in a taxi stand. 296 00:21:33,598 --> 00:21:35,657 And you're gonna be the Fonzie. 297 00:21:38,136 --> 00:21:40,036 I'm... Fonzie? 298 00:21:40,138 --> 00:21:42,572 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. 299 00:21:42,674 --> 00:21:45,142 The Fonzie, the crazy, breakout character... 300 00:21:45,243 --> 00:21:47,370 who all the kids imitate, 301 00:21:47,479 --> 00:21:49,811 and they put him on the lunch boxes. 302 00:21:49,914 --> 00:21:52,781 - I hate sitcoms, George. I've never liked them. - Hold on. 303 00:21:52,884 --> 00:21:56,320 - These guys have seen your foreign man character. - Yeah? 304 00:21:56,421 --> 00:21:58,446 And they wanna turn him... 305 00:21:58,556 --> 00:22:02,424 into a lovable, goofy mechanic... 306 00:22:02,527 --> 00:22:04,427 named-- 307 00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:11,568 Latka. [Chuckles] 308 00:22:13,238 --> 00:22:15,138 [Groans] 309 00:22:16,674 --> 00:22:18,801 - Uh, no. - No? 310 00:22:18,910 --> 00:22:20,810 - No. - No to which part? 311 00:22:20,912 --> 00:22:24,040 No to the whole thing. It doesn't sound good to me. 312 00:22:24,149 --> 00:22:28,609 - Andy, this is every comedian's dream! - I'm not a comedian. 313 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,087 A-And sitcoms are the lowest form of entertainment. 314 00:22:32,190 --> 00:22:34,454 I mean, it's just... 315 00:22:34,559 --> 00:22:36,891 stupid jokes and canned laughter! 316 00:22:36,995 --> 00:22:39,293 And you don't know why it's there, but it's there. 317 00:22:39,397 --> 00:22:42,992 It's dead people laughing. Did you know that? Those people are dead! 318 00:22:43,101 --> 00:22:45,296 This is-- This is classy. 319 00:22:45,403 --> 00:22:47,303 I-I don't care. 320 00:22:47,405 --> 00:22:51,273 I-I wanna generate my-my own material. 321 00:22:51,376 --> 00:22:54,743 Look, I-listen. [Sighs] Listen to me. 322 00:22:54,846 --> 00:22:57,644 Look, I've been in this business for 20 years! 323 00:22:57,749 --> 00:23:00,479 I know. I've seen this! I know this. 324 00:23:00,585 --> 00:23:03,554 If you pass up this opportunity, 325 00:23:03,655 --> 00:23:08,820 you will never, never see another one like it again. 326 00:23:08,927 --> 00:23:10,827 Never! 327 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,262 - Yeah. - [Sighs] 328 00:23:21,573 --> 00:23:24,770 - Okay. I'll do it. - Ah. 329 00:23:24,876 --> 00:23:27,470 - But I have some terms. - Oh, sure. 330 00:23:27,579 --> 00:23:30,605 That's-- That's what negotiations are all about. 331 00:23:34,285 --> 00:23:38,221 - What are you doing? - I'm writing out my terms. 332 00:23:38,323 --> 00:23:40,814 [Sighs] 333 00:23:48,399 --> 00:23:50,833 Wh-- What, are you making fun of me? 334 00:23:50,935 --> 00:23:53,335 - Those are my terms. - Th-This is ridiculous. 335 00:23:53,438 --> 00:23:56,839 It's what I need. It's what I need to do the show. 336 00:23:56,941 --> 00:24:00,672 Wh-What is this? It says, "Four guaranteed guest spots for Tony Clifton." 337 00:24:00,778 --> 00:24:03,747 - Who's Tony Clifton? - He's a Vegas lounge singer. 338 00:24:03,848 --> 00:24:06,316 And, um, I used to do impressions of him, 339 00:24:06,417 --> 00:24:08,749 and we sort of got into a fight over it. 340 00:24:08,853 --> 00:24:11,185 - This Clifton called me. - He did? 341 00:24:11,289 --> 00:24:13,917 - He's a loon! He hates you. - No, no, no. 342 00:24:14,025 --> 00:24:16,585 He just talks tough, but I owe him. 343 00:24:16,694 --> 00:24:19,424 And if I'm the new Fonz, 344 00:24:19,531 --> 00:24:24,093 then ABC is just gonna have to... give me what I want! 345 00:24:24,202 --> 00:24:26,102 [Imitating Fonzie] Hey! 346 00:24:26,204 --> 00:24:29,970 [George] Mr. Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi. 347 00:24:31,809 --> 00:24:36,906 Mr. Kaufman requires an undisturbed 90 minutes of meditation prior to filming. 348 00:24:38,783 --> 00:24:42,219 Uh, Mr. Kaufman gets his own network special. 349 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,619 And, uh, Taxi must guarantee... 350 00:24:45,723 --> 00:24:48,954 four guest appearances for Tony Clifton. 351 00:24:50,328 --> 00:24:52,228 Who? Who? 352 00:24:52,330 --> 00:24:54,798 Tony Clifton. 353 00:24:54,899 --> 00:24:57,026 Who the hell is Tony Clifton? 354 00:24:57,135 --> 00:24:59,035 Uh-- 355 00:25:00,238 --> 00:25:02,638 I don't know. 356 00:25:02,740 --> 00:25:02,840 - [Band] - [Man] And now-- 357 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,900 - [Band] - [Man] And now-- 358 00:25:06,010 --> 00:25:08,478 now Mama Rivoli's is proud to present... 359 00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:11,242 an international singing sensation! 360 00:25:11,349 --> 00:25:15,615 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tony Clifton! 361 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,620 - Ha! - [Drum Roll] 362 00:25:23,561 --> 00:25:25,620 Come on. 363 00:25:25,730 --> 00:25:29,564 [Muffled Yelling] 364 00:25:29,667 --> 00:25:31,567 [Angry Shouting] 365 00:25:31,669 --> 00:25:34,502 [Tony] All right, all right! 366 00:25:36,174 --> 00:25:38,233 Ladies and gentlemen, uh, 367 00:25:38,343 --> 00:25:41,244 due to Mr. Clifton's vocal constraints, out of respect for him, 368 00:25:41,346 --> 00:25:44,247 he asks that if you please extinguish... 369 00:25:44,349 --> 00:25:46,340 your smoking material, your cigars and cigarettes. 370 00:25:46,451 --> 00:25:49,352 Goddamn! I paid ten bucks for that cigar! 371 00:25:49,454 --> 00:25:51,012 Uh, I'm sorry. 372 00:25:51,122 --> 00:25:53,818 - Is he joking? - And now, 373 00:25:53,925 --> 00:25:56,792 ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Entertainment, 374 00:25:56,894 --> 00:25:59,954 Tony Clifton! 375 00:26:10,942 --> 00:26:14,173 - [Angry Murmuring] - [Man] What does he think he's doing? 376 00:26:20,084 --> 00:26:23,144 Vo... 377 00:26:23,254 --> 00:26:25,017 [Sustains Note] 378 00:26:25,123 --> 00:26:27,956 ...lare, whoa 379 00:26:30,294 --> 00:26:33,491 Ca-wa-wa-wa-wa-wantare whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 380 00:26:35,533 --> 00:26:38,127 No wonder my happy heart sings 381 00:26:38,236 --> 00:26:41,000 Your love has given me wings 382 00:26:41,105 --> 00:26:43,505 I got the wings of a dove 383 00:26:43,608 --> 00:26:46,099 I got the wings 384 00:26:46,210 --> 00:26:49,646 - [Band Stops] - I got the chicken wings from Kentucky Fried-- 385 00:26:56,621 --> 00:26:59,181 Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-di! 386 00:26:59,290 --> 00:27:01,485 Stick a-a needle in your eye! 387 00:27:01,592 --> 00:27:03,526 - Oh, my God. - Let's get somethin' straight, people. 388 00:27:03,628 --> 00:27:05,528 I play big showrooms in Vegas. 389 00:27:05,630 --> 00:27:09,157 I need this place like I need a shotgun blast to the face! 390 00:27:09,267 --> 00:27:11,758 Now, let's go do wn andmeet some ofthe audience. 391 00:27:11,869 --> 00:27:13,894 All right. 392 00:27:14,005 --> 00:27:17,236 How are you all doin'? Where you from? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 393 00:27:17,341 --> 00:27:19,741 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - [Scattered Laughter] 394 00:27:19,844 --> 00:27:23,336 Whoa! Somebody's wearin' a lot of perfume around here! 395 00:27:23,448 --> 00:27:27,942 - Must be that time of the month, huh? - [Audience Groaning] 396 00:27:28,052 --> 00:27:31,146 Yeah, I know all the tricks. How are you doin'? 397 00:27:31,255 --> 00:27:34,088 You havin' a-- You enjoyin' that pasta carbonara? 398 00:27:34,192 --> 00:27:36,820 - [Giggling] - It appears that you are. 399 00:27:36,928 --> 00:27:40,159 Whoops! Hey, look out! I think you sat in some cottage cheese. 400 00:27:40,264 --> 00:27:43,722 - Oh, pardon me. That's your ass. - [Groans] 401 00:27:43,835 --> 00:27:46,599 Aww! [Choking, Groaning] 402 00:27:46,704 --> 00:27:49,104 [Nervous Laughing] 403 00:27:50,541 --> 00:27:53,169 How you doin'? You enjoyin' the show? 404 00:27:53,277 --> 00:27:55,177 - Yeah. - Huh? 405 00:27:55,279 --> 00:27:57,406 - Yeah. - What's your name? 406 00:27:57,515 --> 00:27:59,415 Bob. 407 00:27:59,517 --> 00:28:01,849 Bob! Bo-o-ob! 408 00:28:01,953 --> 00:28:06,287 Bo-o-ob! Bo-o-ob! 409 00:28:06,390 --> 00:28:10,383 - What's your last name? Up and down in the water? - Ugh. 410 00:28:10,495 --> 00:28:12,861 Huh? 411 00:28:12,964 --> 00:28:14,989 Gorsky. 412 00:28:15,099 --> 00:28:18,500 - Gorsky? That Polish? - Yeah. 413 00:28:18,603 --> 00:28:20,434 You tryin' to do some Polish humor? 414 00:28:20,538 --> 00:28:22,438 - No, that's, uh-- - Shut up! 415 00:28:22,540 --> 00:28:24,565 - That's just my name. - Shut up! 416 00:28:24,675 --> 00:28:27,007 I do not appreciate, uh, racial slurs! 417 00:28:27,111 --> 00:28:29,477 I think them dumb Polacks been ridiculed enough. 418 00:28:29,580 --> 00:28:31,605 I do a clean show here. 419 00:28:31,716 --> 00:28:35,117 You wanna see some humor? Here's some humor right here. 420 00:28:35,219 --> 00:28:37,983 Right there, okay? Awww! 421 00:28:38,089 --> 00:28:40,182 - [Audience Groans] - Sit down and enjoy that, okay? 422 00:28:40,291 --> 00:28:42,919 And you-- Shapiro! 423 00:28:43,027 --> 00:28:46,087 I'll see you backstage, baldy. 424 00:28:46,197 --> 00:28:49,428 Vo... 425 00:28:49,534 --> 00:28:51,968 - [Band] - ...lare 426 00:28:52,069 --> 00:28:55,971 [People Chattering] 427 00:28:59,377 --> 00:29:01,641 What do you want? 428 00:29:10,822 --> 00:29:13,620 Just a little friendly conversation, George. 429 00:29:13,724 --> 00:29:15,658 - [Sighs] - You hungry? 430 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,660 You look thin! 431 00:29:20,064 --> 00:29:22,123 [Exhales] Y-You-You-- 432 00:29:22,233 --> 00:29:26,966 Italiano, cacciatore scallopini, pasta fazool 433 00:29:29,106 --> 00:29:31,666 I don't understand this act. 434 00:29:31,776 --> 00:29:35,041 It's good, old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain. 435 00:29:35,146 --> 00:29:39,310 - What about that poor schlub you humiliated? - Hey, man, excellent show. 436 00:29:39,417 --> 00:29:42,682 - That was a great show. - Yeah, good show for you. Um, George. 437 00:29:42,787 --> 00:29:45,551 This is, uh, my writer and old friend Bob Zmuda. 438 00:29:45,656 --> 00:29:48,022 Hey, George. How are you? I'm Bob. 439 00:29:48,125 --> 00:29:50,525 - He's very creative. - Yes. 440 00:29:50,628 --> 00:29:53,426 - I am the brains behind this operation. - Dream on. 441 00:29:53,531 --> 00:29:57,160 He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo. 442 00:29:57,268 --> 00:29:59,896 This was fantastic, George. 443 00:30:00,004 --> 00:30:02,472 We got 40 actors tearin' through the zoo, they're all screamin'. 444 00:30:02,573 --> 00:30:06,942 - Closed the place down. - "There's a fuckin' lion, man! A lion!" 445 00:30:07,044 --> 00:30:09,342 - [Laughing] - Your name's not Gorsky. 446 00:30:12,216 --> 00:30:14,684 Don't believe everything you hear, George. 447 00:30:14,785 --> 00:30:16,912 This cannot leave this room. 448 00:30:17,021 --> 00:30:19,922 Do not write this down, okay? 449 00:30:20,024 --> 00:30:22,754 Tony Clifton is Andy Kaufman. 450 00:30:24,228 --> 00:30:26,788 And Andy Kaufman is Tony Clifton. 451 00:30:26,898 --> 00:30:30,732 They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true. 452 00:30:30,835 --> 00:30:33,804 This is great business. 453 00:30:33,905 --> 00:30:36,465 You get two Andy Kaufmans for the price of one. 454 00:30:39,410 --> 00:30:41,310 [Chortling] 455 00:30:41,412 --> 00:30:45,143 - Andy. Andy. - What's up? 456 00:30:45,249 --> 00:30:49,117 They said yes. You're gettin' everything. Everything! 457 00:30:51,055 --> 00:30:53,250 - [Game Theme Song] - Bonus. 458 00:30:53,357 --> 00:30:55,518 - Whatever you want. - Bonus! Thank you very much. 459 00:30:55,626 --> 00:30:58,652 - It was so good. - I have to do Taxi, though, right? 460 00:30:58,763 --> 00:31:01,095 - You gotta do Taxi. - Okay. 461 00:31:01,198 --> 00:31:04,099 [Sitar] 462 00:31:15,212 --> 00:31:18,613 [Audience Laughing] 463 00:31:18,716 --> 00:31:20,616 [Foreign Man Accent] Party time for Latka? 464 00:31:20,718 --> 00:31:24,677 - Not until you take off those overalls. - This is a good party. 465 00:31:26,357 --> 00:31:29,121 No, no, Latka! Listen to me. Listen to me. 466 00:31:29,226 --> 00:31:31,319 There's a drug in those cookies. 467 00:31:31,429 --> 00:31:34,455 - [Gasps] No! - [Laughter] 468 00:31:34,565 --> 00:31:37,534 No. No! 469 00:31:37,635 --> 00:31:40,536 - [Laughter] - ["Taxi Theme Song"] 470 00:31:44,241 --> 00:31:46,141 Bed? 471 00:31:46,243 --> 00:31:49,269 [Blubbering] I have never been so emotional... 472 00:31:49,380 --> 00:31:51,280 in all my life. 473 00:31:51,382 --> 00:31:53,714 And this is for my mother, and this is for my father! 474 00:31:53,818 --> 00:31:56,616 And this is for my grand father! 475 00:31:56,721 --> 00:31:58,621 [Laughter] 476 00:31:58,723 --> 00:32:00,714 I hope you have a small family. 477 00:32:02,059 --> 00:32:05,460 [Rhythmic Shouting In Mock Foreign Language] 478 00:32:05,563 --> 00:32:08,293 [Babbling In Mock Foreign Language] 479 00:32:08,399 --> 00:32:10,663 [Continues, Spits] 480 00:32:10,768 --> 00:32:12,702 [Giggling] 481 00:32:12,803 --> 00:32:15,397 - Ohh! - Whee-ooh! 482 00:32:15,506 --> 00:32:18,134 - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much. 483 00:32:18,242 --> 00:32:20,710 - Thank you very much! - [Cheering] 484 00:32:28,552 --> 00:32:30,713 - I'm gonna quit. - What? 485 00:32:30,821 --> 00:32:33,016 Every show is worse than the last one. 486 00:32:33,124 --> 00:32:36,287 Forty million people are watching your ass every week, Kaufman. 487 00:32:36,394 --> 00:32:39,921 - What do they know? - Absolutely nothing! And that's the beauty. 488 00:32:40,031 --> 00:32:42,124 Man, look, it's credibility. 489 00:32:42,233 --> 00:32:44,861 You make them love you now, and then later on, 490 00:32:44,969 --> 00:32:47,733 on your special, you can fuck with their heads. 491 00:32:47,838 --> 00:32:50,534 The sky is the limit, man. 492 00:32:53,978 --> 00:32:56,503 Oh, yeah? I don't care! 493 00:32:57,982 --> 00:33:00,815 Sir, there 's a problem down on the Kaufman special. 494 00:33:00,918 --> 00:33:05,378 - They say he's not following the technical requirements. - Technical? 495 00:33:05,489 --> 00:33:07,457 Thanks for coming on my show. 496 00:33:07,558 --> 00:33:09,753 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy. 497 00:33:09,860 --> 00:33:12,090 - [Andy] Right now, roll it! - [Man] No. 498 00:33:12,196 --> 00:33:16,030 It's my special! I have creative control. Now roll it! 499 00:33:16,133 --> 00:33:18,533 - No! - Do it, man! 500 00:33:18,636 --> 00:33:21,867 - [Laughs] Hey, Andy! Hi. - Be careful, please. 501 00:33:21,972 --> 00:33:24,463 Only positive energy allowed beyond this point. 502 00:33:24,575 --> 00:33:27,942 I've been hearing fabulous things about the special. 503 00:33:28,045 --> 00:33:30,240 What, did we hit a little speed bump? 504 00:33:30,347 --> 00:33:33,043 Mm-hmm, and his name is Colin. 505 00:33:33,150 --> 00:33:35,618 Kid Genius told me to mess with the vertical hold. 506 00:33:35,719 --> 00:33:38,119 - Show me. - Show him. 507 00:33:38,222 --> 00:33:40,122 Show him, Colin. 508 00:33:40,224 --> 00:33:42,818 [Sighs] 509 00:33:42,927 --> 00:33:46,124 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy. 510 00:33:46,230 --> 00:33:48,130 Boy, it sure-- 511 00:33:50,901 --> 00:33:52,926 [Andy Giggling] 512 00:33:54,638 --> 00:33:58,597 It'll be great. People will think their TV is broken. 513 00:33:58,709 --> 00:34:01,200 They'll get out of their chairs, walk over to the TV, 514 00:34:01,312 --> 00:34:03,678 twist the knobs, call the TV store. 515 00:34:03,781 --> 00:34:05,681 "I paid a lot of money for that TV!" 516 00:34:05,783 --> 00:34:09,150 They'll bang on the television, but they won't be able to fix it! 517 00:34:11,222 --> 00:34:14,350 Andy. Andy. 518 00:34:14,458 --> 00:34:17,655 We don't want the viewers to get out of their chairs. 519 00:34:17,761 --> 00:34:20,491 But it's funny. 520 00:34:20,598 --> 00:34:23,328 It's a practical joke. 521 00:34:23,434 --> 00:34:27,666 The viewer must be able to see the program. 522 00:34:29,773 --> 00:34:33,504 But-- But it's only gonna be for 30 seconds. 523 00:34:33,611 --> 00:34:36,944 - Five. - Twenty. 524 00:34:37,047 --> 00:34:39,447 Ten. 525 00:34:39,550 --> 00:34:40,778 Deal. 526 00:34:42,953 --> 00:34:46,389 - Okay, Andy. Ten seconds, huh? - Ten seconds, okay. 527 00:34:46,490 --> 00:34:48,390 - Okay. - Okay. 528 00:34:56,167 --> 00:34:58,863 - Ten seconds is all I really wanted. - Ten seconds is perfect. 529 00:34:58,969 --> 00:35:03,030 [Circus] 530 00:35:03,140 --> 00:35:05,870 You know, Howdy, I've been watching you since I was a little boy. 531 00:35:05,976 --> 00:35:07,876 I didn't even know what television was. 532 00:35:07,978 --> 00:35:11,539 Oh, look at how cute he is, huh? Isn't this great? 533 00:35:11,649 --> 00:35:15,415 - That is so moving. - [Andy] You're as real as anyone else on the show. 534 00:35:15,519 --> 00:35:18,682 And I love you. I really do. 535 00:35:18,789 --> 00:35:20,814 This is not funny. 536 00:35:20,925 --> 00:35:24,088 This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what-- 537 00:35:24,195 --> 00:35:27,494 This is the magical part of the show. The show's not all like this. 538 00:35:27,598 --> 00:35:30,089 It's hysterical. It gets very funny. 539 00:35:30,201 --> 00:35:34,035 For Christ's sakes, we're the number one network. Can't we afford a decent TV? 540 00:35:34,138 --> 00:35:37,039 No, no, no, th-that's part of the show. 541 00:35:37,141 --> 00:35:39,041 - This is part of the show? - Yes. 542 00:35:39,143 --> 00:35:41,043 What do you mean, it's part of the show? 543 00:35:41,145 --> 00:35:43,613 Th-That's the way Andy wants it, with the rolling. 544 00:35:43,714 --> 00:35:47,844 [Howdy Doody] Thanks, Andy. I love you too. 545 00:35:49,954 --> 00:35:54,414 Tell Kaufman this network will never air this program. 546 00:35:55,626 --> 00:35:57,526 Hey, that's Andy Kaufman. 547 00:35:57,628 --> 00:35:59,687 Do you wanna bet? 548 00:35:59,797 --> 00:36:02,322 Hey. Hey. 549 00:36:02,433 --> 00:36:05,095 Hey, excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman? 550 00:36:07,638 --> 00:36:09,970 I get that all the time. 551 00:36:16,447 --> 00:36:18,938 Andy. 552 00:36:19,049 --> 00:36:21,313 This is ridiculous. 553 00:36:21,418 --> 00:36:23,318 Take off that apron. 554 00:36:25,656 --> 00:36:28,921 No. I'd rather work here than at ABC. 555 00:36:29,026 --> 00:36:32,257 - Ah, I'm sorry. They're a bunch of assholes. - Yeah. 556 00:36:32,363 --> 00:36:36,424 We work in a creative business. There's no telling what people are gonna like or dislike. 557 00:36:36,533 --> 00:36:39,593 The only reason why I did Taxi-- the only reason-- 558 00:36:39,703 --> 00:36:41,967 was so that I could have my own special. 559 00:36:42,072 --> 00:36:44,165 I know. I'll tell you what. 560 00:36:44,275 --> 00:36:46,266 Let me book you some colleges now, 561 00:36:46,377 --> 00:36:48,470 and then I'll take the special around. 562 00:36:48,579 --> 00:36:51,912 I'll show it to people and see if anybody wants to buy it. 563 00:36:52,016 --> 00:36:54,780 We'll have a garage sale. No, I'm over and out. 564 00:36:54,885 --> 00:36:57,945 - You know, you're not over and out. - I am over and out. 565 00:36:58,055 --> 00:36:59,955 - You can't be over and out. - I'll show you over and out. 566 00:37:00,057 --> 00:37:02,582 You've got a deal with ABC. You've gotta honor it. 567 00:37:02,693 --> 00:37:06,220 All right. How much longer's left on my contract? 568 00:37:06,330 --> 00:37:09,128 You signed for five years, so... 569 00:37:09,233 --> 00:37:12,134 - four years and seven months. - [Groans] 570 00:37:35,159 --> 00:37:37,093 Thank you. 571 00:37:37,194 --> 00:37:39,094 It's really great to be here. 572 00:37:39,196 --> 00:37:42,063 We're gonna have a great show tonight. 573 00:37:42,166 --> 00:37:44,396 - Really good one! - [Cheering] 574 00:37:44,501 --> 00:37:48,130 We're gonna-- We're gonna start by singing some songs. 575 00:37:48,238 --> 00:37:51,298 - Do Latka! - [Man] Yeah, Latka! 576 00:37:51,408 --> 00:37:53,308 Come on, Latka! 577 00:37:53,410 --> 00:37:57,278 [Audience Cheering, Shouting "Latka"] 578 00:37:57,381 --> 00:38:00,145 [Chanting] Latka! Latka! Latka! 579 00:38:00,250 --> 00:38:03,879 - Latka! Latka! - Excuse me for one second. 580 00:38:06,323 --> 00:38:08,223 - I saw that. - What? 581 00:38:08,325 --> 00:38:10,885 - Give me the book. - What book? No, I'm not going to give you the book. 582 00:38:10,994 --> 00:38:13,189 - Is something wrong? - No, everything's okay. Fine. 583 00:38:13,297 --> 00:38:16,528 - Can I squeeze your nuts? Thanks. - Ohh! 584 00:38:16,633 --> 00:38:19,261 They're askin' for it. 585 00:38:19,370 --> 00:38:21,838 [Cheering] 586 00:38:25,909 --> 00:38:29,538 Ladies and gentlemen, since you're such a... 587 00:38:29,646 --> 00:38:31,546 special audience-- 588 00:38:31,648 --> 00:38:34,242 - [Cheering] - Yeah! 589 00:38:34,351 --> 00:38:37,343 I'm going to reveal for the very first time, 590 00:38:37,454 --> 00:38:40,082 ever, the real me. 591 00:38:40,190 --> 00:38:42,090 - [Cheering] - That's right. 592 00:38:46,463 --> 00:38:49,955 Ahem. [British Accent] I'm actually British. 593 00:38:51,702 --> 00:38:55,297 And though I dabble in clowning, I do find it so boorish, 594 00:38:55,406 --> 00:38:57,431 so... American. 595 00:38:59,076 --> 00:39:01,806 I prefer the fine arts, henceforth, today... 596 00:39:01,912 --> 00:39:04,506 I am going to grace you with a reading... 597 00:39:04,615 --> 00:39:06,947 of one of the greatest novels ever written, 598 00:39:07,050 --> 00:39:09,450 The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. 599 00:39:09,553 --> 00:39:11,714 [Scattered Laughing] 600 00:39:14,324 --> 00:39:16,224 Please. 601 00:39:17,661 --> 00:39:20,289 "In my younger and more vulnerable years, 602 00:39:20,397 --> 00:39:24,299 my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. 603 00:39:24,401 --> 00:39:26,892 'Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,' he told me, 604 00:39:27,004 --> 00:39:29,063 - [Man] Latka! - 'just remember that all the people of this world... 605 00:39:29,173 --> 00:39:31,232 - Latka! - haven't had the advantages that you've had.' 606 00:39:31,341 --> 00:39:35,072 But he'd always been unusually communicative in a reserved way, 607 00:39:35,179 --> 00:39:37,409 - [Shouting] - and I understood that he meant... 608 00:39:37,514 --> 00:39:40,278 - a great deal more than that." - [Shouting Continues] 609 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,785 [Audience Quiets, Laughing] 610 00:39:46,890 --> 00:39:48,790 [As Latka] Thank you very much. 611 00:39:48,892 --> 00:39:50,792 [All] Yeah! 612 00:39:55,265 --> 00:39:57,256 - "In consequence, - [Moaning] 613 00:39:57,367 --> 00:39:59,335 I'm inclined to reserve all judgments, 614 00:39:59,436 --> 00:40:02,269 - a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me... - [Booing] 615 00:40:02,372 --> 00:40:04,932 and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores." 616 00:40:05,042 --> 00:40:07,772 - Oh, come on! - No, no. No, no. 617 00:40:07,878 --> 00:40:11,211 No, no, please keep it down. We've got a long way to go. 618 00:40:11,315 --> 00:40:13,442 "They were the same people, 619 00:40:13,550 --> 00:40:17,179 or at least the same sort of people, the same profusion of--" 620 00:40:17,287 --> 00:40:19,187 I tell you what. 621 00:40:19,289 --> 00:40:22,884 Would you rather I kept reading, or do you prefer to hear the phonograph record? 622 00:40:22,993 --> 00:40:24,858 [All] Record! 623 00:40:24,962 --> 00:40:27,226 - I'm sorry. I can't hear you. - Record! 624 00:40:27,331 --> 00:40:30,391 - Are you positive? - Yeah! 625 00:40:30,501 --> 00:40:33,629 - Very well then. - [Man] Yeah, "Mighty Mouse"! 626 00:40:39,309 --> 00:40:42,836 [Andy, British Accent] "His presence gave the evening it's quality of oppressiveness. 627 00:40:42,946 --> 00:40:48,077 It stands out in my memory from Gatsby's other parties that summer." 628 00:40:48,185 --> 00:40:51,177 The green light, the orgiastic future... 629 00:40:51,288 --> 00:40:54,052 that year by year recedes before us. [Clears Throat] 630 00:40:56,727 --> 00:40:58,627 [Coughs] 631 00:40:58,729 --> 00:41:01,061 [Hoarse Voice] Tomorrow-- [Clears Throat] 632 00:41:01,164 --> 00:41:04,998 Tomorrow we will run faster, 633 00:41:05,102 --> 00:41:08,333 stretch our arms out further, 634 00:41:08,438 --> 00:41:11,100 and one fine morning, 635 00:41:11,208 --> 00:41:15,076 so we beat on, boats against the current, 636 00:41:15,178 --> 00:41:19,171 borne back ceaselessly... 637 00:41:19,283 --> 00:41:21,183 into the past." 638 00:41:23,887 --> 00:41:26,219 The end. 639 00:41:27,824 --> 00:41:30,019 All right! 640 00:41:51,748 --> 00:41:54,080 [George] You wanna play Arizona State? 641 00:41:54,184 --> 00:41:57,449 You give 'em Mighty Mouse. You give 'em Elvis. 642 00:41:57,554 --> 00:42:00,079 - I-I gave them The Great Gatsby. - Yes. 643 00:42:00,190 --> 00:42:02,658 - F. Scott Fitzgerald's best work. - A classic. 644 00:42:02,759 --> 00:42:06,820 - His finest piece of work. - I don't care. 645 00:42:09,166 --> 00:42:11,361 [Sighs] 646 00:42:11,468 --> 00:42:13,368 Andy. 647 00:42:13,470 --> 00:42:17,770 Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question. 648 00:42:17,874 --> 00:42:20,342 Who are you trying to entertain? 649 00:42:20,444 --> 00:42:22,776 The audience or yourself? 650 00:42:24,381 --> 00:42:27,942 - Excuse me. - [Clears Throat] 651 00:42:28,051 --> 00:42:30,281 - Ah. - [Door Closes] 652 00:42:30,387 --> 00:42:32,617 - Bob. Bob, I'm-I'm-- - What, George? 653 00:42:32,723 --> 00:42:35,123 I'm worried about Andy. 654 00:42:35,225 --> 00:42:38,456 This is not good. His stress level is affecting his work. 655 00:42:38,562 --> 00:42:41,622 Calm down, George. That's not gonna help anything. 656 00:42:41,732 --> 00:42:44,200 Look, uh, 657 00:42:44,301 --> 00:42:47,202 Tony Clifton is gonna go on Taxi next week. 658 00:42:47,304 --> 00:42:51,138 That should, uh, let him blow off steam and relieve the stress. 659 00:42:51,241 --> 00:42:53,141 - Bob, Bob, Bob. - Okay? 660 00:42:53,243 --> 00:42:55,905 Andy needs to relax. This is your job. 661 00:42:56,013 --> 00:42:59,449 - You have to take him away from all of this. - My job. 662 00:43:02,352 --> 00:43:05,116 - Would you come on? - [Muttering] Okay. 663 00:43:05,222 --> 00:43:07,486 Sh-- 664 00:43:07,591 --> 00:43:10,219 - Hi. How are you doin' today? - Fine. 665 00:43:10,327 --> 00:43:12,887 - Hello. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 666 00:43:12,996 --> 00:43:15,965 - How are you? - Peachy. 667 00:43:16,066 --> 00:43:18,432 Oh. 668 00:43:18,535 --> 00:43:20,503 Yeah 669 00:43:28,812 --> 00:43:32,213 - What do-- What do we do now? - Now you pick. 670 00:43:34,251 --> 00:43:37,709 But what if I... hurt somebody's feelings? 671 00:43:37,821 --> 00:43:41,086 For Christ's sake, you're not gonna hurt anybody's feelings. 672 00:43:41,191 --> 00:43:43,682 They're-- They're all professionals. All right? 673 00:43:43,794 --> 00:43:45,694 Okay. 674 00:43:51,668 --> 00:43:53,795 All right. Which one? 675 00:43:55,639 --> 00:43:57,971 [German Accent] I will have both! 676 00:44:03,346 --> 00:44:07,248 I will have this fraulein und the one with the big strudels. 677 00:44:07,350 --> 00:44:09,818 Mach schnell, mach schnell! 678 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,787 Oh, no. Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you. 679 00:44:12,889 --> 00:44:14,914 Excellent choice. 680 00:44:16,093 --> 00:44:17,993 - Hi. - Hi. 681 00:44:18,095 --> 00:44:20,427 Are you having a good day? 682 00:44:20,530 --> 00:44:23,328 [Clears Throat] It's kind of a big day. 683 00:44:23,433 --> 00:44:25,799 It's my buddy's first time with a prostitute. 684 00:44:25,902 --> 00:44:29,770 What are you talkin' about? Andy comes here almost every weekend. 685 00:44:29,873 --> 00:44:32,273 Who, Andy? 686 00:44:32,375 --> 00:44:35,173 Oh, he doesn't always call himself that. 687 00:44:35,278 --> 00:44:37,803 Sometimes he's Tony, and he wears a tux. 688 00:44:39,516 --> 00:44:41,416 - Yeah - Oh, ho! 689 00:44:41,518 --> 00:44:43,418 [Screaming] 690 00:44:48,625 --> 00:44:50,820 [Screeching] 691 00:44:50,927 --> 00:44:53,623 - [Giggling] - [Grunting] 692 00:44:54,765 --> 00:44:57,063 [Grunts] 693 00:44:57,167 --> 00:44:59,067 Hey, um, 694 00:45:01,238 --> 00:45:05,072 if-- if I gave you both... 695 00:45:05,175 --> 00:45:07,075 three hundred dollars, 696 00:45:07,177 --> 00:45:09,077 would you, um, 697 00:45:12,349 --> 00:45:15,182 come to Hollywood and help me destroy a TV show? 698 00:45:18,388 --> 00:45:20,288 Five hundred. 699 00:45:20,390 --> 00:45:24,087 [Loud Crashing, Muffled Shouting] 700 00:45:26,930 --> 00:45:29,831 What am I, Harry Houdini, huh? 701 00:45:29,933 --> 00:45:33,266 Oh, we busted through. Come on, girls. 702 00:45:33,370 --> 00:45:35,463 Welcome to the Follies "Bree-gere." 703 00:45:35,572 --> 00:45:38,837 - Okay, here's the man. Tony Clifton. - Taxi, laxy. 704 00:45:38,942 --> 00:45:40,933 - Just the factsy, Maxie. - Hi. 705 00:45:41,044 --> 00:45:43,512 Hey, hot shot. How you doin'? 706 00:45:43,613 --> 00:45:47,140 - Ed Weinberger. - Take a hike! Okay, all right, huh? 707 00:45:47,250 --> 00:45:49,047 All right. 708 00:45:49,152 --> 00:45:51,450 - What are we doin', huh? - Here's your script, uh, Tony. 709 00:45:51,555 --> 00:45:53,580 - That's the script I was given? - Yeah. 710 00:45:53,690 --> 00:45:56,284 That's the one I have to do? Okay, let me see. 711 00:45:56,393 --> 00:45:59,362 Okay, bullshit, bullshit, my line. 712 00:45:59,462 --> 00:46:01,623 Bullshit, bullshit, my line. 713 00:46:01,731 --> 00:46:03,460 Ohh! Ha-ha! 714 00:46:03,567 --> 00:46:06,502 That's hilarious! That is hilarious! 715 00:46:06,603 --> 00:46:10,232 I reviewed that script last night and I was not satisfied. 716 00:46:10,340 --> 00:46:13,332 - Yeah, well-- - I was not satisfied. 717 00:46:13,443 --> 00:46:15,604 - Why don't we-- - So I made a few changes. 718 00:46:15,712 --> 00:46:18,647 I stayed up all night with these sweet ladies right here. 719 00:46:18,748 --> 00:46:21,581 This is Lemonade. 720 00:46:21,685 --> 00:46:24,245 - That'll keep you going on a hot day. - Can we get to work? 721 00:46:24,354 --> 00:46:27,846 And this is Melonia. How's my little produce department? 722 00:46:27,958 --> 00:46:31,189 Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk. 723 00:46:31,294 --> 00:46:34,263 This is the new Taxi theme song. 724 00:46:35,966 --> 00:46:38,434 [Tuneless Humming] 725 00:46:38,535 --> 00:46:41,993 Oh, yes we drive a taxi 726 00:46:43,540 --> 00:46:47,237 [High-pitched] Aaaah! 727 00:46:47,344 --> 00:46:52,043 Aaaah! 728 00:46:52,148 --> 00:46:54,275 Aah-aah-aah-aah-ahh! 729 00:46:54,384 --> 00:46:56,284 George. 730 00:46:58,054 --> 00:47:01,455 Now, I can't afford to blow this whole episode, so... 731 00:47:01,558 --> 00:47:03,583 we have to let him go. 732 00:47:03,693 --> 00:47:05,718 [Sighs] 733 00:47:05,829 --> 00:47:08,127 I'm not sure how Andy's gonna take this. 734 00:47:08,231 --> 00:47:11,894 We'll just have to go down and tell him. 735 00:47:12,002 --> 00:47:14,800 But-But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy. 736 00:47:14,905 --> 00:47:17,567 I don't give a fuck who that is. I'm gonna fire him. 737 00:47:17,674 --> 00:47:19,733 Okay. All right. 738 00:47:19,843 --> 00:47:22,209 But we better warn Andy first. 739 00:47:22,312 --> 00:47:25,145 He's up in San Francisco doin' a concert. 740 00:47:25,248 --> 00:47:28,081 - I'll call my secretary. - [Dial Tone Hums] 741 00:47:29,486 --> 00:47:32,284 Diane, this is George. 742 00:47:32,389 --> 00:47:36,450 - I'm trying to reach Andy up in San Francisco. - [Diane] Okay. 743 00:47:36,559 --> 00:47:40,256 - I'll patch you through. - I'll wait. 744 00:47:42,365 --> 00:47:45,095 - [Andy] Hello. - Andy, I'm gonna put you on the speaker. 745 00:47:46,670 --> 00:47:48,638 - Hello, Andy. Hi. - Hello ? 746 00:47:48,738 --> 00:47:51,002 - I'm here with Ed over at Taxi. - Hi, Ed. 747 00:47:51,107 --> 00:47:53,007 - Hi, Andy. - How are you? 748 00:47:53,109 --> 00:47:54,576 - I'm fine. - Good. 749 00:47:54,678 --> 00:47:57,476 - Andy, there's been some trouble with Tony. - Oh, no. 750 00:47:57,580 --> 00:47:59,707 Did-- Did he get hurt? 751 00:47:59,816 --> 00:48:02,649 - [Both] No. - Andy, it's nothing like-- No. 752 00:48:02,752 --> 00:48:05,619 - Did he hurt someone else? - No, no. It's not that. 753 00:48:05,722 --> 00:48:08,282 Andy, uh, the reason I'm calling you like this... 754 00:48:08,391 --> 00:48:11,952 is I have the utmost respect for your artistry. 755 00:48:12,062 --> 00:48:15,623 Well, may I say that I've always appreciated that, Ed. 756 00:48:15,732 --> 00:48:19,691 Thank you, but you see, in this instance, um, 757 00:48:19,803 --> 00:48:23,295 I have to ask your permission to fire Tony. 758 00:48:27,477 --> 00:48:29,377 Oh, my. 759 00:48:29,479 --> 00:48:33,074 George, this is gonna kill Tony. 760 00:48:33,183 --> 00:48:36,482 - He's waited for this his whole life. - There'll be other shots. 761 00:48:36,586 --> 00:48:39,521 Yeah, we have to do this. He's just a terrible actor. 762 00:48:41,057 --> 00:48:44,618 Okay, but please, let him down gently. 763 00:48:44,728 --> 00:48:46,696 Trust us. 764 00:48:46,796 --> 00:48:49,890 Fuck you! I'm not goin'! 765 00:48:51,267 --> 00:48:53,167 We had a deal. 766 00:48:53,269 --> 00:48:55,737 I don't know who you talked to. I didn't talk to anybody. 767 00:48:55,839 --> 00:48:58,967 - You must have talked to someone else! - I was talkin' to Andy Kaufman! 768 00:48:59,075 --> 00:49:01,509 - I don't know no Andy Kaufman! - Okay. 769 00:49:01,611 --> 00:49:05,274 - Security, get in here! - [A ll Shouting] 770 00:49:05,382 --> 00:49:07,282 [Ed] Security! 771 00:49:11,488 --> 00:49:14,150 - [Crashing] - Aah. 772 00:49:14,257 --> 00:49:17,021 - [Shouting] - [Metal Clangs] 773 00:49:19,329 --> 00:49:21,422 [Shouting Continues] 774 00:49:21,531 --> 00:49:23,931 [George] Don't hurt him! 775 00:49:24,034 --> 00:49:27,663 - He's a talented man! - I don't want any pictures leaving this set. 776 00:49:27,771 --> 00:49:31,263 Hey, give me that! This is Zmuda! He's one of 'em! 777 00:49:33,176 --> 00:49:35,406 - You guys ever go to Vegas, - Yeah, yeah. 778 00:49:35,512 --> 00:49:37,537 you're not gettin' in! 779 00:49:37,647 --> 00:49:40,673 Hey, come back! Give me the camera! Come here! 780 00:49:40,784 --> 00:49:42,684 - Give me the camera! - What? 781 00:49:42,786 --> 00:49:45,414 I got 20 bucks says you work for me now! 782 00:49:45,522 --> 00:49:48,218 I would like to use the phone! 783 00:49:48,324 --> 00:49:51,851 - Not on the lot, sir. - How 'bout a bathroom? I may have shit my pants. 784 00:49:53,696 --> 00:49:56,358 - Drink of water? Aspirin? - Nope. 785 00:49:56,466 --> 00:49:58,593 - Moist towelette? - No. 786 00:49:58,701 --> 00:50:03,400 In that case, it has been an honor. "Good-bee"! 787 00:50:03,506 --> 00:50:06,407 [Laughing] This is great! 788 00:50:06,509 --> 00:50:08,602 This is too much, man. 789 00:50:08,711 --> 00:50:11,202 It makes Tony real, gives him three dimensions. 790 00:50:13,216 --> 00:50:16,310 It's good for his career, George. 791 00:50:16,419 --> 00:50:20,753 Oh, really? You wanna book Tony Clifton at Harrah's Tahoe. 792 00:50:20,857 --> 00:50:23,121 I know the college kids really like Andy Kaufman. 793 00:50:23,226 --> 00:50:26,992 No, no, no. L-Look, Gene, let me be really clear about this. 794 00:50:27,097 --> 00:50:30,624 If you book Tony, do not expect to get Andy. 795 00:50:30,733 --> 00:50:33,759 Yeah, yeah, well, I'll take my chances, all right? 796 00:50:33,870 --> 00:50:35,963 - [Chuckling] - [Sighs] 797 00:50:36,072 --> 00:50:39,007 All right. Be my guest. Book him. 798 00:50:39,109 --> 00:50:42,101 [Low Murmuring, Silverware Clattering] 799 00:50:42,212 --> 00:50:43,804 Shut up! 800 00:50:45,715 --> 00:50:48,513 Shut the hell up, all of ya! 801 00:50:48,618 --> 00:50:52,418 You make one more sound, I'll come down there and put your frickin' head in the soup! 802 00:50:52,522 --> 00:50:54,649 Whew. 803 00:50:54,757 --> 00:50:58,625 When I go like this, it means I-I expect total silence! 804 00:50:59,963 --> 00:51:02,932 There is an artiste on stage. 805 00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,113 That's better. 806 00:51:27,090 --> 00:51:30,617 - Oh, whether I'm right - [Laughter] 807 00:51:30,727 --> 00:51:32,718 Or whether I'm wrong 808 00:51:34,430 --> 00:51:37,331 Oh, whether I find a place in this world 809 00:51:37,433 --> 00:51:40,561 Or never belong 810 00:51:40,670 --> 00:51:43,833 I've got to be me 811 00:51:43,940 --> 00:51:47,706 I've gotta be me 812 00:51:47,810 --> 00:51:53,180 Willing to try to do it or die 813 00:51:54,384 --> 00:51:58,013 Yaah! Hah! Aah! 814 00:51:59,789 --> 00:52:02,417 - [Gasping] - What? 815 00:52:04,027 --> 00:52:06,222 [Tony] Thank you very much! 816 00:52:07,530 --> 00:52:10,499 Thank you. I do all my own stunts. 817 00:52:11,801 --> 00:52:14,201 I've got to be 818 00:52:14,304 --> 00:52:16,499 [Voice Breaks] Eeee 819 00:52:16,606 --> 00:52:20,269 Eeee-eee 820 00:52:22,378 --> 00:52:24,539 What the hell's goin' on? 821 00:52:24,647 --> 00:52:29,744 - Kaufman? - [High-pitched Babbling] 822 00:52:33,957 --> 00:52:35,857 [Continues] 823 00:52:35,959 --> 00:52:37,950 Kaufman's crappin' on my act! 824 00:52:38,061 --> 00:52:40,894 [Babbling In Different Octaves] 825 00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,030 Where's it say Kaufman's in the act? 826 00:52:46,135 --> 00:52:49,696 [Babbling, Sobbing] 827 00:52:49,806 --> 00:52:52,240 [Babbling, Low Squawking] 828 00:52:52,342 --> 00:52:56,039 - May I borrow this for a second? - Oh, no. 829 00:53:05,588 --> 00:53:08,614 [Laughter, Cheering] 830 00:53:11,694 --> 00:53:13,958 - No! - [Gasping] 831 00:53:14,063 --> 00:53:17,157 Ah, now you are all wet, huh? 832 00:53:17,267 --> 00:53:19,929 You look like you could use a little drink up there. 833 00:53:21,070 --> 00:53:22,970 Why don't you go on, get out of here! 834 00:53:23,072 --> 00:53:26,098 - [Audience Booing] - Why don't you just take off, Kaufman! 835 00:53:26,209 --> 00:53:27,938 Get out of here, little drummer boy! 836 00:53:28,044 --> 00:53:29,807 - Stay! - [Booing] 837 00:53:29,912 --> 00:53:33,006 - I've got to be - Don't leave, Andy! Come back! 838 00:53:33,116 --> 00:53:35,516 [High Note, Voice Breaks] Eeee 839 00:53:35,618 --> 00:53:39,987 - Go home! - Volare 840 00:53:40,089 --> 00:53:42,284 - Whoa-oh - [Booing Continues] 841 00:53:42,392 --> 00:53:45,293 Ca-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa wantare 842 00:53:45,395 --> 00:53:47,158 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 843 00:53:47,263 --> 00:53:49,458 Uhh! Ah! 844 00:53:56,472 --> 00:53:59,964 Jesus Christ. Close the goddamn door. Close it! 845 00:54:01,577 --> 00:54:03,477 Oh. Look at you. 846 00:54:04,580 --> 00:54:06,241 You're so proud. 847 00:54:06,349 --> 00:54:09,250 You're like some stupid kid who comes home from school-- 848 00:54:09,352 --> 00:54:11,252 "Look, Dad, I got an 'F.'" 849 00:54:12,588 --> 00:54:14,488 But wasn't it funny? 850 00:54:14,590 --> 00:54:16,990 "Yes, it was funny, Andy. It was." 851 00:54:17,093 --> 00:54:19,653 [Giggles] 852 00:54:19,762 --> 00:54:22,162 Yes, it was funny for a little while, 853 00:54:22,265 --> 00:54:25,029 until the audience realized that Tony wasn't you. 854 00:54:25,134 --> 00:54:27,864 Oh. Mmm. Ohhh! 855 00:54:29,472 --> 00:54:31,372 So what do you have here? 856 00:54:31,474 --> 00:54:34,773 A big, elaborate joke that's only funny to two people in the universe-- 857 00:54:34,877 --> 00:54:36,845 you and you. 858 00:54:36,946 --> 00:54:40,347 Yeah, sure, George, yeah, and we happen to think that it's hilarious. 859 00:54:40,450 --> 00:54:42,850 - [Yells] - [Yells] 860 00:54:42,952 --> 00:54:45,614 But what's the point? What is the point? 861 00:54:45,722 --> 00:54:47,622 It's fun, George! 862 00:54:49,492 --> 00:54:52,359 How is this gonna make you the biggest star in the world? 863 00:54:52,462 --> 00:54:54,862 [Coughs] 864 00:54:54,964 --> 00:54:57,364 George... [Clears Throat] 865 00:54:57,467 --> 00:55:01,665 at this point the audience expects me to completely shock them all the time. 866 00:55:01,771 --> 00:55:04,934 But short of faking my own death or setting the theater on fire, 867 00:55:05,041 --> 00:55:06,941 I don't know what else to do. 868 00:55:07,043 --> 00:55:09,944 'Cause I've always gotta be one step ahead of them. 869 00:55:10,247 --> 00:55:12,738 Whoa-ohh! 870 00:55:12,850 --> 00:55:16,149 It's like ballet. Whoa! 871 00:55:16,253 --> 00:55:18,050 Did you see that? 872 00:55:18,155 --> 00:55:19,884 - Bam! - [Grunts] 873 00:55:19,990 --> 00:55:22,049 [Commentator] ...dropped to the canvas-- 874 00:55:22,159 --> 00:55:25,993 These guys are brilliant. I wanna be a bad guy wrestler in the worst way. 875 00:55:26,096 --> 00:55:30,089 I hate to break it to you, but the problem here is you don't have the build for it. 876 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,100 These guys are huge. 877 00:55:32,202 --> 00:55:34,830 They would kick your ass. 878 00:55:36,940 --> 00:55:42,401 Maybe I can pick on someone a little smaller than me. 879 00:55:42,513 --> 00:55:46,609 No, no. Women are superior to men in many ways. 880 00:55:46,717 --> 00:55:48,981 - [Cheering] - That's right. 881 00:55:49,086 --> 00:55:52,817 - When it comes to cooking, cleaning, washing potatoes, - [Jeering, Shouting] 882 00:55:52,923 --> 00:55:55,915 scrubbing the carrots, making the babies, 883 00:55:56,026 --> 00:55:57,618 mopping the floors, 884 00:55:57,728 --> 00:55:59,753 they have it all over men. 885 00:55:59,863 --> 00:56:01,797 But when it comes to wrestling-- 886 00:56:01,899 --> 00:56:03,594 - [Booing] - Shut up! 887 00:56:03,700 --> 00:56:07,101 Be quiet when a man is talking! 888 00:56:07,204 --> 00:56:09,297 [Booing, Shouting Continues] 889 00:56:09,406 --> 00:56:13,467 If there is a woman here tonight who can come up here and prove me wrong, 890 00:56:13,577 --> 00:56:17,013 I will shut my mouth and pay her $500. 891 00:56:17,114 --> 00:56:19,844 - [Cheering, Yelling] - I can do it! 892 00:56:19,950 --> 00:56:21,611 [Woman] Right here! 893 00:56:21,718 --> 00:56:23,948 First come, first served! 894 00:56:24,054 --> 00:56:26,454 [Andy] Come on! You wanna take me? 895 00:56:26,557 --> 00:56:28,286 [Bob] Come on up here. 896 00:56:28,392 --> 00:56:30,292 - What's your name, sweetheart? - Lynne. 897 00:56:30,394 --> 00:56:32,988 Lynne. We got Lynne as a volunteer. 898 00:56:33,096 --> 00:56:35,326 - Lynne, sweetheart, pay attention. - You're pathetic! 899 00:56:35,432 --> 00:56:37,332 We'll see about that, Suzy Q 900 00:56:37,434 --> 00:56:40,335 I want no kicking, biting, scratching, head butts. Do you understand? 901 00:56:40,437 --> 00:56:43,133 - Why? He's gonna play fair? - lam not concerned with him. 902 00:56:43,240 --> 00:56:46,141 - He is a professional. - It's up to you to pin me. 903 00:56:46,243 --> 00:56:49,144 - Yes, I understand. - Very good. Could we please shake hands. 904 00:56:50,247 --> 00:56:52,010 - Oooh! - [Audience Booing] 905 00:56:52,115 --> 00:56:55,141 [Bob] Come out wrestling when you hear the bell. 906 00:56:55,252 --> 00:56:58,483 - [Ring] - [Audience Continues Shouting, Booing] 907 00:56:58,589 --> 00:57:00,921 [Lynne Yells] 908 00:57:01,024 --> 00:57:03,618 You see? You see this? 909 00:57:03,727 --> 00:57:06,218 [Both Grunting] 910 00:57:08,865 --> 00:57:11,333 Yeah! Whoa! 911 00:57:13,537 --> 00:57:15,437 Hey, no choke holds! I told you! 912 00:57:15,539 --> 00:57:17,200 Yeah! Come on! 913 00:57:19,276 --> 00:57:20,675 Oww! 914 00:57:20,777 --> 00:57:23,211 I said, break it up, Kaufman! 915 00:57:24,381 --> 00:57:26,281 - First warning! - For what? 916 00:57:26,383 --> 00:57:29,784 You pulled her hair! You won't be getting a second warning! 917 00:57:29,886 --> 00:57:32,684 - [Audience Yelling, Booing] - Shut up! 918 00:57:32,789 --> 00:57:34,848 I am the champion! No woman can beat-- 919 00:57:39,463 --> 00:57:42,728 - Ohh! - [Lynne Groaning] 920 00:57:48,005 --> 00:57:49,939 - Ohh! - Come on! Ohh! 921 00:57:51,708 --> 00:57:54,302 One! Two! 922 00:57:54,411 --> 00:57:56,242 Three! That is it! 923 00:57:56,346 --> 00:57:59,247 It is over! It is over! That is it! 924 00:57:59,349 --> 00:58:01,874 You are out! You are down! 925 00:58:01,985 --> 00:58:05,978 The winner and undisputed intergender wrestling champion of the world, 926 00:58:07,124 --> 00:58:09,684 Andy Kaufman! 927 00:58:09,793 --> 00:58:12,694 I am the winner! 928 00:58:12,796 --> 00:58:15,594 I've got the brains! 929 00:58:15,699 --> 00:58:18,099 [Booing, Yelling Continue] 930 00:58:18,201 --> 00:58:21,261 [Clucking Melody From "Lucia Di Lammermoor"] 931 00:58:21,371 --> 00:58:24,966 [Clucking Continues] 932 00:58:27,611 --> 00:58:31,012 - Ma'am, here is your complimentary photo of Merv. - Thank you. 933 00:58:31,114 --> 00:58:33,514 - And your Turtle Wax. - I don't want Turtle Wax. 934 00:58:33,617 --> 00:58:36,017 Every guest of Merv takes Turtle Wax. 935 00:58:36,119 --> 00:58:39,520 - And here is your gift voucher to Red Lobster. - Thank you so much. 936 00:58:39,623 --> 00:58:43,525 Hey, hey, hey. I just wanted to thank you for doing such a great job. 937 00:58:43,627 --> 00:58:46,027 - I really appreciate it. - Don't patronize me. 938 00:58:46,129 --> 00:58:49,030 - Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - What? 939 00:58:49,132 --> 00:58:51,965 I hope you don't take everything I did in there seriously. 940 00:58:52,069 --> 00:58:53,969 It's just part of the show. 941 00:58:54,071 --> 00:58:56,972 It's like the old days of the carnival barker... 942 00:58:57,074 --> 00:58:58,974 when he'd get the crowd all riled up. 943 00:58:59,076 --> 00:59:01,977 So you just pretend to be an asshole? 944 00:59:02,079 --> 00:59:03,979 That's what I'm good at. 945 00:59:06,083 --> 00:59:07,983 Yeah, you are. 946 00:59:08,085 --> 00:59:11,486 You are really, really good at it. You are. 947 00:59:15,892 --> 00:59:18,383 [Whistles] 948 00:59:18,495 --> 00:59:21,521 Merv Griffin got 2,000 pieces of hate mail. 949 00:59:21,631 --> 00:59:24,657 [Giggles] Don't make me laugh, George. 950 00:59:24,768 --> 00:59:28,397 Andy, Merv does not get hate mail. 951 00:59:28,505 --> 00:59:31,633 That means we're a success. 952 00:59:31,742 --> 00:59:33,004 Oh. 953 00:59:33,110 --> 00:59:36,511 We got the room all worked up, like punk rock. 954 00:59:36,613 --> 00:59:38,911 They detest you. 955 00:59:39,015 --> 00:59:42,416 The next time you make an appearance, women are gonna picket. 956 00:59:42,519 --> 00:59:44,851 Do you think so? 957 00:59:44,955 --> 00:59:49,085 Yes, because you have not given them any clues that this is a parody. 958 00:59:49,192 --> 00:59:52,093 That's because I've only done it once. They'll get used to it. 959 00:59:52,195 --> 00:59:54,595 Because I'm gonna do it again and again... 960 00:59:54,698 --> 00:59:58,759 - and again and again and again and again-- - [Bell Rings] 961 00:59:58,869 --> 01:00:02,168 [Andy] Oh, Rose Marie 962 01:00:02,272 --> 01:00:04,365 - I love you - [Woman Screaming] 963 01:00:04,474 --> 01:00:07,102 [Groans] 964 01:00:07,210 --> 01:00:09,906 - I'm always dreaming - [Screaming] 965 01:00:10,013 --> 01:00:13,005 Of you 966 01:00:13,116 --> 01:00:15,175 No matter what I do 967 01:00:15,285 --> 01:00:16,411 - Aaah! - No matter what I do 968 01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:19,683 - I can't forget you - [Groaning] 969 01:00:21,291 --> 01:00:25,125 Sometimes I wish that I'd 970 01:00:25,228 --> 01:00:26,855 Never met you 971 01:00:26,963 --> 01:00:29,625 - [Screaming] - [Grunting] 972 01:00:29,733 --> 01:00:33,726 And yet if I 973 01:00:33,837 --> 01:00:35,964 Should lose you 974 01:00:36,072 --> 01:00:38,700 - Time out! - [Woman Yells] 975 01:00:38,809 --> 01:00:40,902 It would mean my very life 976 01:00:41,011 --> 01:00:42,911 - What's your problem? - To me 977 01:00:43,013 --> 01:00:45,777 All right, you are out of here! 978 01:00:45,882 --> 01:00:48,976 Of all the queens that ever lived 979 01:00:49,085 --> 01:00:53,181 - [Bell Rings] - I choose you 980 01:00:53,290 --> 01:00:55,884 To rule me 981 01:00:55,992 --> 01:01:00,292 - My Rose Marie - Two adults, please. Thank you. 982 01:01:00,397 --> 01:01:03,298 - You want some popcorn? - Um, no, thank you. 983 01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:05,300 I really want one. 984 01:01:05,402 --> 01:01:09,270 Um, a large tub of popcorn, please. Extra butter. 985 01:01:09,372 --> 01:01:13,968 Why did you call me? You are the last person I expected to call me. 986 01:01:14,077 --> 01:01:17,240 Gosh, uh-- Gee, Lynne, I mean-- 987 01:01:17,347 --> 01:01:20,248 I was just so impressed with your wrestling moves. 988 01:01:20,350 --> 01:01:22,250 Yeah, you're impressed with something. 989 01:01:22,352 --> 01:01:25,253 - You had a huge boner on national television. - Oh, man! 990 01:01:25,355 --> 01:01:27,255 - Yes, you did! - Come on. 991 01:01:27,357 --> 01:01:29,621 I had it taped down and everything. 992 01:01:29,726 --> 01:01:31,626 I hope I didn't offend you. 993 01:01:31,728 --> 01:01:33,628 I'm here, aren't I? 994 01:01:33,730 --> 01:01:36,790 Hey, wanna go to Memphis and get married? 995 01:01:39,369 --> 01:01:42,304 Do I wanna go to Memphis and get married? 996 01:01:42,405 --> 01:01:45,203 - Mm-hmm. - Wh-- [Giggles] 997 01:01:46,309 --> 01:01:48,209 Why Memphis? 998 01:01:48,311 --> 01:01:51,542 Because Memphis is the wrestling capital of the world. 999 01:01:51,648 --> 01:01:53,548 I'll get up in the ring... 1000 01:01:53,650 --> 01:01:56,551 and I'll announce that I'll marry the first woman who beats me. 1001 01:01:56,653 --> 01:01:59,850 Then you can get up, we'll wrestle, I'll let you win-- 1002 01:01:59,956 --> 01:02:03,289 - You'll let me win? - I'll let you win. I'll let you. 1003 01:02:03,393 --> 01:02:07,625 Then we'll run off and get married on the David Letterman show. 1004 01:02:07,731 --> 01:02:09,631 - God! - Okay? 1005 01:02:13,837 --> 01:02:15,737 What do you say? 1006 01:02:17,908 --> 01:02:19,808 Is this for real? 1007 01:02:19,910 --> 01:02:22,037 - Shut up! - Boo! 1008 01:02:22,178 --> 01:02:24,544 - Shut up! - [Crowd Jeering, Yelling] 1009 01:02:24,648 --> 01:02:28,880 I demand silence when I am talking! 1010 01:02:28,985 --> 01:02:32,512 Total lack of respect from Mr. Hollywood-- 1011 01:02:32,622 --> 01:02:36,558 If there is one woman here tonight who thinks she can defeat me, 1012 01:02:36,660 --> 01:02:39,151 that lucky little lady... 1013 01:02:39,262 --> 01:02:42,060 will get to marry me! 1014 01:02:42,165 --> 01:02:45,931 Let me ask you, folks-- What kind of man would wrestle a woman anyway? 1015 01:02:46,036 --> 01:02:48,197 Kaufman! 1016 01:02:49,639 --> 01:02:52,073 - Kaufman! - Oooh. 1017 01:02:52,175 --> 01:02:55,576 - Whoo! - I'll take you on, you sissy. 1018 01:02:55,679 --> 01:02:58,671 Whoa! The little lady is upset! 1019 01:02:58,782 --> 01:03:01,182 Well, let me tell you something, baby. 1020 01:03:01,284 --> 01:03:04,879 Go back to the kitchen where you belong before you get hurt. 1021 01:03:04,988 --> 01:03:08,219 You get in the kitchen, 'cause I'm gonna make you do my dishes! 1022 01:03:08,325 --> 01:03:11,692 [Man]Hey! Stop it! Stop it! 1023 01:03:11,795 --> 01:03:15,060 - This woman is a fake! - [Crowd Goes Silent] 1024 01:03:15,165 --> 01:03:18,965 She's nothing more than Andy Kaufman's girlfriend. 1025 01:03:19,069 --> 01:03:22,266 What? Well, there you go. 1026 01:03:22,372 --> 01:03:25,364 - That's not true! That's not true! - [Booing, Jeering Resume] 1027 01:03:25,475 --> 01:03:27,943 [Woman] Faker! 1028 01:03:28,044 --> 01:03:31,377 - That is not true! - Oh, yeah, that's true. This is all a setup. 1029 01:03:31,481 --> 01:03:35,315 I'm not gonna allow you to make fools out of all these people. 1030 01:03:35,418 --> 01:03:37,784 Who the hell are you? 1031 01:03:37,887 --> 01:03:41,084 I'm Jerry Lawler, the king of Memphis wrestling! 1032 01:03:41,191 --> 01:03:43,716 - He's the King. - [Cheering, Shouting] 1033 01:03:45,929 --> 01:03:48,159 Hey, Kaufman, 1034 01:03:48,264 --> 01:03:50,232 if you wanna wrestle somebody, 1035 01:03:50,333 --> 01:03:52,164 I brought a real wrestler. 1036 01:03:52,268 --> 01:03:54,759 She's trained, and she's ready! 1037 01:03:54,871 --> 01:03:57,601 Let's see if you can handle Foxy Jackson! 1038 01:03:57,707 --> 01:03:59,937 - [Cheering Intensifies] - [Commentator] Oh, my! 1039 01:04:00,043 --> 01:04:04,946 Foxy Jackson and Andy Kaufman right here, one-on-one! 1040 01:04:05,048 --> 01:04:08,814 I never agreed to this! I will not do this! 1041 01:04:08,918 --> 01:04:12,183 Lawler, I did not agree to this. This is against the rules! 1042 01:04:12,288 --> 01:04:16,691 [Commentator] I don't think that Kaufman is prepared for Foxy Jackson. 1043 01:04:16,793 --> 01:04:19,660 - Kick his butt! - Mr. Hollywood. 1044 01:04:21,798 --> 01:04:25,165 Again, Kaufman showing a total lack of respect. 1045 01:04:25,268 --> 01:04:28,499 Foxy Jackson's gonna take Kaufman to the woodshed, folks. 1046 01:04:34,811 --> 01:04:38,008 Kaufman's hangin' on the ropes like a little baby. 1047 01:04:38,114 --> 01:04:42,016 Foxy's about to take Kaufman right out of his shorts! 1048 01:04:45,822 --> 01:04:48,723 [Shouting, Cheering Continue] 1049 01:05:03,173 --> 01:05:05,334 - One, two-- - Can you believe it? 1050 01:05:05,442 --> 01:05:07,501 - I got her! - Get off of her! 1051 01:05:07,610 --> 01:05:10,511 [Commentator] Get him off of her. Come on! 1052 01:05:10,613 --> 01:05:12,240 Now there goes the King. 1053 01:05:12,348 --> 01:05:16,512 Oh, the King just threw Kaufman down like a rag doll! 1054 01:05:16,619 --> 01:05:20,020 The King took matters into his own hands! 1055 01:05:20,123 --> 01:05:22,023 What are you doing? 1056 01:05:22,125 --> 01:05:24,025 I do not wrestle men! 1057 01:05:24,127 --> 01:05:26,095 I am gonna sue you, Lawler! 1058 01:05:26,196 --> 01:05:29,427 I am a national TV star, 1059 01:05:29,532 --> 01:05:32,092 and I don't like dumb, stupid crackers... 1060 01:05:32,202 --> 01:05:34,432 coming in the ring, pushing me around! 1061 01:05:34,537 --> 01:05:37,597 I did not agree to wrestle you! I did not agree! 1062 01:05:37,707 --> 01:05:39,732 This is assault and battery, 1063 01:05:39,843 --> 01:05:42,903 and I'm gonna get a team of lawyers to sue you... 1064 01:05:43,012 --> 01:05:45,913 and your children and your children's children. 1065 01:05:46,015 --> 01:05:47,915 Let me tell you something, Kaufman. 1066 01:05:48,017 --> 01:05:50,349 Wrestling's a very serious sport to me, 1067 01:05:50,453 --> 01:05:53,286 and I don't appreciate some jerk like you trying to make fun of it. 1068 01:05:53,389 --> 01:05:57,723 And I certainly don't appreciate a jerk like you trying to make fun of people from the South! 1069 01:05:57,827 --> 01:05:59,727 So we can go to court, 1070 01:05:59,829 --> 01:06:03,026 or you can get in the ring with a man and wrestle for real! 1071 01:06:03,133 --> 01:06:05,124 Oh, you wanna "rassle" me? 1072 01:06:05,235 --> 01:06:08,534 You wanna "rassle" me Memphis style? 1073 01:06:08,638 --> 01:06:12,574 Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lawler-- I am gonna make you scream for mercy! 1074 01:06:14,177 --> 01:06:16,577 [Crowd Continues Shouting] 1075 01:06:16,679 --> 01:06:18,579 [Bell Ringing] 1076 01:06:20,683 --> 01:06:22,583 Come on, Kaufman! 1077 01:06:24,587 --> 01:06:26,987 They didn't know what hit them! Oh! 1078 01:06:27,090 --> 01:06:29,991 Is it an act? Is it an act? 1079 01:06:30,093 --> 01:06:33,324 Or are you just addicted to causing trouble? 1080 01:06:33,429 --> 01:06:36,330 I can quit anytime I want, baby! 1081 01:06:36,432 --> 01:06:38,832 You know what? I'm not a prop. 1082 01:06:38,935 --> 01:06:41,836 Don't ever treat me like that again. 1083 01:06:41,938 --> 01:06:45,066 I'm sorry. Hey. Hey. 1084 01:06:45,175 --> 01:06:48,906 Uh, I just get caught up, that's all. 1085 01:06:50,847 --> 01:06:53,247 Sometimes I get lost. 1086 01:06:59,022 --> 01:07:01,684 Please, Andy, enough with the wrestling. 1087 01:07:03,126 --> 01:07:05,788 You don't think I can beat him? 1088 01:07:05,895 --> 01:07:08,921 He's the Southern heavyweight champion. He'll kill you. 1089 01:07:09,032 --> 01:07:10,932 I don't know. 1090 01:07:11,034 --> 01:07:14,663 I've wrestled women bigger than him, and I've mopped the floor with them. 1091 01:07:14,771 --> 01:07:18,332 First you piss off women. Then you piss off the South. 1092 01:07:18,441 --> 01:07:21,774 Then you get killed, and I did the booking. 1093 01:07:22,979 --> 01:07:24,810 Funny. 1094 01:07:24,914 --> 01:07:27,815 Listen, I got this job that I want you to take. 1095 01:07:27,917 --> 01:07:30,317 It's guest-hosting the TV show Fridays. 1096 01:07:30,420 --> 01:07:33,321 It's not a great TV show, but it'll be good for you. 1097 01:07:33,423 --> 01:07:36,517 It's live, they'll give you carte blanche... 1098 01:07:36,626 --> 01:07:40,027 and you get back in the business of making people laugh. 1099 01:07:41,564 --> 01:07:44,692 - You said live? - Live. 1100 01:07:44,801 --> 01:07:46,701 I don't do drug humor. 1101 01:07:46,803 --> 01:07:49,704 Andy, it's fine. This is what the show is all about. 1102 01:07:49,806 --> 01:07:51,637 Kids love this stuff. 1103 01:07:51,741 --> 01:07:55,302 I don't do drugs, and I don't enjoy making light of them. 1104 01:07:55,411 --> 01:07:57,311 I was promised creative control. 1105 01:07:57,413 --> 01:07:59,313 Nobody promised you creative control. 1106 01:07:59,415 --> 01:08:02,816 I got you the script three days ago, and you haven't said a damn word until today. 1107 01:08:02,919 --> 01:08:05,513 We're going live in a few minutes. It's too late. 1108 01:08:05,622 --> 01:08:07,522 Let's go! Bring the audience in! 1109 01:08:07,624 --> 01:08:10,525 - [Announcer] Live from the Los Angeles Basin, - Janice, it 's on! 1110 01:08:10,627 --> 01:08:12,527 it 's Fridays! 1111 01:08:12,629 --> 01:08:16,326 Special Guest Star: Andy Kaufman! 1112 01:08:17,901 --> 01:08:21,268 [Man] In this sketch, two married couples are out to dinner. 1113 01:08:21,371 --> 01:08:24,772 Everybody has secretly brought along a joint. 1114 01:08:24,874 --> 01:08:26,774 [Audience Laughs] 1115 01:08:26,876 --> 01:08:30,778 Carl was the last one to sneak to the bathroom to get a little high, 1116 01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:34,077 and now he's coming back to the table. 1117 01:08:34,217 --> 01:08:36,583 [Audience Cheering, Applauding] 1118 01:08:36,686 --> 01:08:39,587 Gee, restaurants are amazing, aren't they? 1119 01:08:39,689 --> 01:08:44,058 Strangers sitting around, stuffing dead animals into their faces. 1120 01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:46,924 - It's incredible, isn't it? - [Laughs] 1121 01:08:47,030 --> 01:08:49,225 Yeah, gee, 1122 01:08:49,332 --> 01:08:51,357 and... the bathrooms... 1123 01:08:51,467 --> 01:08:53,935 are... so... colorful-- 1124 01:08:54,037 --> 01:08:56,437 [Smattering Of Studio Audience Laughter] 1125 01:09:05,248 --> 01:09:07,773 [Coughing, Nervous Chuckling] 1126 01:09:08,918 --> 01:09:10,818 Everything okay... Carl? 1127 01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:14,583 I'm sorry. I-- I just... can't do it. 1128 01:09:14,691 --> 01:09:17,455 I-- I can't play stoned. 1129 01:09:18,861 --> 01:09:20,761 Read the cue cards. 1130 01:09:20,863 --> 01:09:22,763 I can't play stoned. 1131 01:09:22,865 --> 01:09:24,696 I-- I feel... stupid. 1132 01:09:24,801 --> 01:09:27,827 You feel stupid? What about us? 1133 01:09:27,937 --> 01:09:31,566 [Gasping, Murmuring, Nervous Giggles] 1134 01:09:42,285 --> 01:09:44,185 I'm sorry. 1135 01:09:44,287 --> 01:09:46,187 - I'm sorry. - [Audience Continues Murmuring, Giggling] 1136 01:09:48,091 --> 01:09:51,254 - [Gasps] - Andy. 1137 01:09:51,361 --> 01:09:53,192 [Cheering, Laughing] 1138 01:09:54,797 --> 01:09:56,697 You didn't have to do that. 1139 01:09:59,469 --> 01:10:01,835 - [Audience Gasping] - Cut it out! 1140 01:10:01,938 --> 01:10:04,634 Oh-- You jerk! 1141 01:10:04,741 --> 01:10:07,141 Okay, that's it. Go to commercial now. 1142 01:10:07,243 --> 01:10:11,111 - I told you I didn't want to do this sketch. - Kaufman, get off my stage. 1143 01:10:11,214 --> 01:10:12,806 [All Gasping] 1144 01:10:12,915 --> 01:10:15,816 Don't you touch me! You're a nut! 1145 01:10:15,918 --> 01:10:17,476 - Break it up! - A nut! 1146 01:10:17,587 --> 01:10:20,317 - Settle down. - [Scuffling Continues] 1147 01:10:20,423 --> 01:10:23,722 Oh, why does Andy do that? Why? Why? 1148 01:10:23,826 --> 01:10:25,953 I started using Suave-- 1149 01:10:26,062 --> 01:10:27,962 We've gone to commercial! 1150 01:10:28,064 --> 01:10:30,555 - [Man] Excuse me! - You're never gonna work at ABC again! 1151 01:10:30,666 --> 01:10:34,693 Excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen, please. 1152 01:10:34,804 --> 01:10:38,365 You have all just participated in a happening. 1153 01:10:39,742 --> 01:10:42,040 Oh! 1154 01:10:42,145 --> 01:10:45,046 [Cheering, Applause] 1155 01:10:46,816 --> 01:10:49,751 Now, okay, you know, 1156 01:10:49,852 --> 01:10:54,255 to make it real, some of you down there knew what was going on and some of you didn't. 1157 01:10:54,357 --> 01:10:57,485 But we don't want to upset the folks at home, 1158 01:10:57,593 --> 01:11:02,826 so now Andy is going to tell them that it was all just a prank. 1159 01:11:02,932 --> 01:11:06,891 - [Applause] - [Woman] Coming back from commercial, and-- 1160 01:11:08,271 --> 01:11:10,171 [Applause Quiets] 1161 01:11:11,274 --> 01:11:13,174 During the commercials, 1162 01:11:13,276 --> 01:11:16,677 the people at ABC told me to explain to you... 1163 01:11:16,779 --> 01:11:19,680 that this whole fight episode was staged. 1164 01:11:19,782 --> 01:11:22,114 - Oh, good. - It's a lie! 1165 01:11:22,218 --> 01:11:24,118 - It's a cover-up! - [Audience Laughing] 1166 01:11:24,220 --> 01:11:27,417 Why are you laughing? I don't understand. I'm not being funny now. 1167 01:11:27,523 --> 01:11:29,423 What you saw was real! 1168 01:11:29,525 --> 01:11:33,427 No, these-- these things happen all the time at the networks, only they cut away. 1169 01:11:33,529 --> 01:11:35,690 - Cut to commercial. - You see? 1170 01:11:35,798 --> 01:11:38,198 You see? 1171 01:11:38,301 --> 01:11:41,702 For sure they're gonna fire me, so if you want to see me again you'll have to come to Memphis-- 1172 01:11:43,873 --> 01:11:45,636 - Ho ho ho Green Giant - What's in Memphis? 1173 01:11:45,741 --> 01:11:47,936 The Giant's flavor-tight pouch Lets you-- 1174 01:11:48,044 --> 01:11:50,137 That kid is totally meshuga. 1175 01:11:50,246 --> 01:11:50,880 [Crowd Screaming, Cheering] 1176 01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:53,075 [Crowd Screaming, Cheering] 1177 01:11:57,153 --> 01:12:01,556 - ["Theme From Rocky"] - [Announcer] Jerry Lawler! 1178 01:12:06,929 --> 01:12:09,591 - [Continues] - [Ring Announcer] The most popular athlete... 1179 01:12:09,699 --> 01:12:12,065 in the history of Memphis, Tennessee, 1180 01:12:12,168 --> 01:12:14,659 stepping inside a squared circle. 1181 01:12:17,106 --> 01:12:20,837 At 236 pounds, 1182 01:12:22,345 --> 01:12:26,907 Jerry "The King" Lawler! 1183 01:12:30,887 --> 01:12:33,788 - [A Cappella: "March And Fanfare"] - And introducing, 1184 01:12:33,890 --> 01:12:36,120 at 191 pounds, 1185 01:12:36,225 --> 01:12:38,523 [Booing, Jeering] 1186 01:12:38,628 --> 01:12:42,724 the holder of the world intergender championship, 1187 01:12:42,832 --> 01:12:47,735 here is Andy Kaufman! 1188 01:12:47,837 --> 01:12:51,500 [Commentator] You can hear the ovation, or lack of one, for Andy Kaufman. 1189 01:12:51,607 --> 01:12:54,633 The cheers turned to jeers. 1190 01:12:54,744 --> 01:12:58,646 Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us, 1191 01:12:58,748 --> 01:13:03,617 because we've all been insulted by this hideous Andy Kaufman from Hollywood, California. 1192 01:13:03,719 --> 01:13:06,153 The referee assigned to this bout-- 1193 01:13:06,255 --> 01:13:08,655 [Booing, Jeering Continue] 1194 01:13:10,426 --> 01:13:12,326 Before we begin this event, 1195 01:13:12,428 --> 01:13:16,455 I just want to say a couple of things to you disgusting people! 1196 01:13:16,566 --> 01:13:21,060 [Commentator] Oh, come on. That's just not right. 1197 01:13:21,170 --> 01:13:23,400 Are you listening to me? 1198 01:13:25,308 --> 01:13:27,640 Okay! 1199 01:13:27,743 --> 01:13:30,337 Ladies and gentlemen, 1200 01:13:30,446 --> 01:13:34,382 this is a bar of soap. 1201 01:13:34,483 --> 01:13:37,008 - [Jeering Intensifies] - Say it with me. 1202 01:13:37,119 --> 01:13:38,746 "Soap." 1203 01:13:38,854 --> 01:13:42,654 All you have to do is wet this bar of soap... 1204 01:13:42,758 --> 01:13:44,851 and wipe your hands with it... 1205 01:13:44,961 --> 01:13:46,861 and rub it on your body, 1206 01:13:46,963 --> 01:13:51,730 and soon that disgusting, filthy dirt will come off! 1207 01:13:51,834 --> 01:13:54,234 Why is he saying these things? 1208 01:13:54,337 --> 01:13:57,272 He's just engaging the audience. He's riling them up. 1209 01:13:57,373 --> 01:13:59,273 They are going to lynch him. 1210 01:13:59,375 --> 01:14:01,935 And now for lesson two! 1211 01:14:02,044 --> 01:14:04,945 This is toilet paper! 1212 01:14:05,047 --> 01:14:06,947 [Commentator] Oh, good grief! 1213 01:14:07,049 --> 01:14:09,279 - You just-- - [Cheering Intensifies] 1214 01:14:09,385 --> 01:14:13,719 I'm gonna tell you something, Kaufman-- we've had enough of your crap! 1215 01:14:13,823 --> 01:14:17,520 Let's do what we came here to do. Let's wrestle right now! 1216 01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:20,528 [Commentator] Well, here we go. The King is ready. 1217 01:14:20,630 --> 01:14:23,531 And I hope, for Kaufman's sake, he's ready. 1218 01:14:26,035 --> 01:14:28,128 - [Bell Rings] - [Crowd Chanting] Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 1219 01:14:28,237 --> 01:14:32,606 [Commentator] Kaufman's due a trip to the old woodshed here. 1220 01:14:33,809 --> 01:14:37,472 Now, I never thought I'd see the day that-- 1221 01:14:37,580 --> 01:14:39,775 Yeah, look at Kaufman. 1222 01:14:39,882 --> 01:14:42,783 Yeah, Kaufman doesn't want any part of Lawler. 1223 01:14:42,885 --> 01:14:47,288 He's an absolute embarrassment to humanity, this man from Hollywood. 1224 01:14:47,390 --> 01:14:50,325 You see? I am from Hollywood! 1225 01:14:50,426 --> 01:14:52,826 - Who cares? - I have the brains! 1226 01:14:52,928 --> 01:14:54,828 [Commentator] Nobody cares where you're from! 1227 01:14:54,930 --> 01:14:56,898 I'm the king I'm the king 1228 01:14:56,999 --> 01:14:58,899 I'm the king of Memphis, Tennessee 1229 01:14:59,001 --> 01:15:02,095 Andy, please, let's go home! 1230 01:15:02,204 --> 01:15:04,604 Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud. 1231 01:15:04,707 --> 01:15:07,141 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Uh-oh, Kaufman got nailed with something. 1232 01:15:07,243 --> 01:15:09,905 - Some fan threw something. - Who did that? 1233 01:15:10,012 --> 01:15:12,003 Who did that? 1234 01:15:12,114 --> 01:15:15,311 - You cannot touch me! I will sue you! - Hey, Kaufman! 1235 01:15:15,418 --> 01:15:19,354 - I make more money in one day than you do... - Kaufman! 1236 01:15:19,455 --> 01:15:21,821 in your entire lives combined! 1237 01:15:21,924 --> 01:15:24,085 Kaufman! 1238 01:15:24,193 --> 01:15:27,356 Did you come down here to wrestle or act like an ass? 1239 01:15:29,365 --> 01:15:32,857 Now get in the ring. I'll give you a free headlock. Okay? Come on! 1240 01:15:32,968 --> 01:15:36,495 [Commentator] Lawler seems to be willing to offer a free hold of some kind. 1241 01:15:36,605 --> 01:15:38,596 No, no. Drop it now, Andy! 1242 01:15:38,708 --> 01:15:40,608 It's okay! It's okay! 1243 01:15:40,710 --> 01:15:44,111 Let Kaufman get in there, and let's see what kind of man he is. 1244 01:15:44,213 --> 01:15:48,673 One, two, three-- 1245 01:15:48,784 --> 01:15:53,153 - I can't believe that the King is gonna go through with this. - [Bell Rings] 1246 01:15:53,255 --> 01:15:57,385 That big-mouth son of a gun has got a free headlock! 1247 01:15:57,493 --> 01:15:59,324 Business may pick up here. 1248 01:15:59,428 --> 01:16:01,828 I did it! This is for real! 1249 01:16:01,931 --> 01:16:04,832 Uh-oh. Oh, look out, Kaufman! 1250 01:16:06,469 --> 01:16:09,461 Oh, there he goes! Oh, my! 1251 01:16:09,572 --> 01:16:12,006 Kaufman in trouble! 1252 01:16:13,542 --> 01:16:16,340 Look out! Look out! 1253 01:16:18,848 --> 01:16:22,249 The King folded him up like an accordion that time. 1254 01:16:23,586 --> 01:16:25,577 Now the King is asking this crowd... 1255 01:16:25,688 --> 01:16:28,088 if they want to see the pile driver. 1256 01:16:28,190 --> 01:16:30,590 That's illegal. 1257 01:16:30,693 --> 01:16:32,923 Kaufman is out of it! 1258 01:16:33,028 --> 01:16:34,996 Oh, my! Oh, my! 1259 01:16:35,097 --> 01:16:37,998 - It's gonna be a pile driver! - [Bell Ringing] 1260 01:16:39,502 --> 01:16:41,402 There it is! 1261 01:16:41,504 --> 01:16:43,529 Oh! Andy! 1262 01:16:43,639 --> 01:16:45,834 [Commentator] He's hurt bad. 1263 01:16:45,941 --> 01:16:50,344 - That's an automatic disqualification right there. - Lawler, you-- 1264 01:16:50,446 --> 01:16:54,348 Well, Kaufman wins it, but he doesn't look like a winner right now. 1265 01:16:54,450 --> 01:16:57,351 - Come on! - Keep it clear. Keep it clear. 1266 01:17:01,524 --> 01:17:03,424 - Hey, George. - Hey, Lorne. 1267 01:17:03,526 --> 01:17:06,791 - Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. - Oh, please. 1268 01:17:09,632 --> 01:17:13,864 Right, I wanted to talk to you about, uh, 1269 01:17:13,969 --> 01:17:16,870 putting Andy back on Saturday Night Live. 1270 01:17:19,642 --> 01:17:24,045 [Sighs] I don't know whether Andy works on the show anymore. 1271 01:17:24,146 --> 01:17:27,582 - I mean, the wrestling stuff is-- - Yeah, yeah. 1272 01:17:27,683 --> 01:17:29,583 - Just, I think it's worn-- - The wres-- 1273 01:17:29,685 --> 01:17:33,712 Yeah, we all agree, uh, completely about the wrestling. 1274 01:17:33,823 --> 01:17:35,415 That's smart. 1275 01:17:35,524 --> 01:17:37,424 Yeah, uh-- 1276 01:17:37,526 --> 01:17:40,962 - Andy is very sincere. - Right. 1277 01:17:41,063 --> 01:17:46,262 He's gonna apologize to Jerry Lawler and repent for all his bad guy shenanigans. 1278 01:17:46,368 --> 01:17:49,269 I apologize for all the wrestling I've ever done. 1279 01:17:49,371 --> 01:17:52,670 I'm sorry for all the grief I've ever given. 1280 01:17:52,775 --> 01:17:57,678 I was just playing bad guy wrestler, you know. It's just a role. It's not me. 1281 01:17:57,780 --> 01:18:00,146 So, I guess Jerry just, um, 1282 01:18:00,249 --> 01:18:02,911 um, took it personally. 1283 01:18:03,018 --> 01:18:07,250 Yeah, but, uh, I mean, you said some pretty inflammatory things. 1284 01:18:07,356 --> 01:18:10,655 Right. Everything's a joke to this guy. Just like that thing. 1285 01:18:10,759 --> 01:18:14,160 - I don't know if that's a neck brace or a flea collar. - That's not true. 1286 01:18:14,263 --> 01:18:16,925 This is serious. I went to the hospital. 1287 01:18:17,032 --> 01:18:19,432 I was in the hospital three days, in traction. 1288 01:18:19,535 --> 01:18:21,969 I'll tell you something else. 1289 01:18:22,071 --> 01:18:24,972 My father said I could've hired a lawyer and sued you for everything you've got. 1290 01:18:25,074 --> 01:18:27,975 But I didn't because I'm not that kind of guy. 1291 01:18:28,077 --> 01:18:29,977 [Smattering Of Audience Laughter] 1292 01:18:30,079 --> 01:18:32,980 - What kind of guy are you? - [Audience Gasping] 1293 01:18:34,817 --> 01:18:36,978 [Audience Laughing] 1294 01:18:44,159 --> 01:18:48,721 Tell you what-- I think maybe I'll get a lawyer here. 1295 01:18:48,831 --> 01:18:51,664 If you were a man, you'd apologize to me right now. 1296 01:18:51,767 --> 01:18:53,792 But you're just poor white trash, 1297 01:18:53,903 --> 01:18:56,804 so I guess that's too lofty a concept for you. 1298 01:18:56,906 --> 01:18:59,067 I mean, what are you gonna do-- 1299 01:18:59,174 --> 01:19:02,302 [Audience Screams, Gasps] 1300 01:19:02,411 --> 01:19:04,470 [Audience Murmuring] 1301 01:19:07,750 --> 01:19:12,210 Are we, uh-- Is everything-- Are you okay? Huh? 1302 01:19:12,321 --> 01:19:14,482 This-- I'm sick of this shit, Lawler. 1303 01:19:14,590 --> 01:19:18,151 I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, I swear to God. 1304 01:19:18,260 --> 01:19:21,491 Fuck you! Okay? Okay, Lawler? 1305 01:19:21,597 --> 01:19:23,155 Fuck you! I'm sorry, Dave. 1306 01:19:23,265 --> 01:19:26,598 I know I'm not supposed to say those things on television. 1307 01:19:26,702 --> 01:19:29,762 I apologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1308 01:19:29,872 --> 01:19:33,774 But you, you are a [Bleep] m-[Bleep]-ing [Bleep]-hole! 1309 01:19:33,876 --> 01:19:35,571 Okay? 1310 01:19:35,678 --> 01:19:38,909 - [Audience Murmuring, Gasping] - Well-- 1311 01:19:39,014 --> 01:19:41,278 - Well-- - [Smattering Of Applause 1312 01:19:41,383 --> 01:19:43,283 - I, uh-- - [Door Slams] 1313 01:19:43,385 --> 01:19:47,947 I, I think you can use some of those words on television, 1314 01:19:48,057 --> 01:19:51,185 but what you can't do is throw coffee. 1315 01:19:52,695 --> 01:19:55,095 Some of us at Saturday Night Live... 1316 01:19:55,197 --> 01:19:57,427 think Andy Kaufman's a comic genius. 1317 01:19:57,533 --> 01:19:59,433 But others disagree. 1318 01:19:59,535 --> 01:20:01,935 They say he's just not funny anymore. 1319 01:20:02,037 --> 01:20:04,938 So we're leaving the decision up to you. 1320 01:20:05,040 --> 01:20:08,942 To keep Andy, call 1 -900-555-76 1 8. 1321 01:20:09,044 --> 01:20:10,944 To dump him-- 1322 01:20:15,751 --> 01:20:17,651 This is bad. 1323 01:20:17,753 --> 01:20:21,211 I, um, only got 28%. 1324 01:20:21,323 --> 01:20:24,315 This is Saturday Night Live, the hippest audience in television. 1325 01:20:24,426 --> 01:20:26,326 They turned on you. 1326 01:20:27,830 --> 01:20:31,732 Look, it pains me to say this, 1327 01:20:31,834 --> 01:20:35,736 but I don't think you two guys should ever work together again. 1328 01:20:37,206 --> 01:20:40,471 I'm sorry, George. We just thought it was funny. 1329 01:20:40,576 --> 01:20:42,976 You don't have to be sorry, Jerry. 1330 01:20:43,078 --> 01:20:45,171 You're-- You're terrific. 1331 01:20:45,280 --> 01:20:47,976 You're just the best. 1332 01:20:48,083 --> 01:20:50,483 I wouldn't have traded it for anything. 1333 01:20:50,586 --> 01:20:52,952 To me, this was a shining moment for wrestling. 1334 01:20:53,055 --> 01:20:55,455 Me too. And-- 1335 01:20:55,557 --> 01:20:59,926 And it was a shining moment for behavioral science. 1336 01:21:00,029 --> 01:21:03,590 Hey, well-- But why can't I make a gag out of this? 1337 01:21:03,699 --> 01:21:07,726 I mean, maybe I could go on the show and I could say... 1338 01:21:07,836 --> 01:21:11,237 it was rigged and I demand a recount. 1339 01:21:13,609 --> 01:21:16,271 Andy, you don't understand. 1340 01:21:19,281 --> 01:21:21,181 They don't want you back. 1341 01:21:28,290 --> 01:21:30,349 [Andy] Now close your eyes. 1342 01:21:32,127 --> 01:21:36,029 If the thoughts of this world come into your head, don't be upset by them. 1343 01:21:36,131 --> 01:21:39,191 It's just your stress unraveling itself. 1344 01:21:39,301 --> 01:21:41,792 Just slowly come back to the mantra. 1345 01:21:41,904 --> 01:21:43,804 [Woman] Andy? 1346 01:21:46,275 --> 01:21:48,175 Please? 1347 01:21:49,611 --> 01:21:52,637 Just continue your meditation. I'll be back. 1348 01:21:53,816 --> 01:21:56,216 - Jai Guru Dev. - Jai Guru Dev. 1349 01:21:57,586 --> 01:21:59,417 Hi, Andy. 1350 01:21:59,521 --> 01:22:01,352 Hi. 1351 01:22:01,457 --> 01:22:04,517 This is, uh, 1352 01:22:04,626 --> 01:22:08,027 very difficult for me to say. 1353 01:22:08,130 --> 01:22:11,622 Uh, but we-- 1354 01:22:11,734 --> 01:22:14,294 we feel that it's best... 1355 01:22:14,403 --> 01:22:16,735 if you don't attend the retreat. 1356 01:22:19,274 --> 01:22:21,174 Why? 1357 01:22:22,311 --> 01:22:24,211 I go to the retreat every year. 1358 01:22:24,313 --> 01:22:26,213 Oh, I know, Andy, 1359 01:22:26,315 --> 01:22:29,876 and we don't doubt your devotion to Transcendental Meditation. 1360 01:22:29,985 --> 01:22:32,886 It's just that we feel that, well, you and the program... 1361 01:22:32,988 --> 01:22:35,889 have, uh, g-grown apart, uh-- 1362 01:22:35,991 --> 01:22:37,891 Philosophically. 1363 01:22:37,993 --> 01:22:39,722 "Philosophically"? What's "philosophically"? 1364 01:22:39,828 --> 01:22:43,764 Well, Andy, the wrestling, the sexist remarks, the foul language, 1365 01:22:43,866 --> 01:22:46,767 they're just not becoming of an individual of spiritual enlightenment. 1366 01:22:46,869 --> 01:22:50,396 It seems you just don't respect anything. 1367 01:22:51,673 --> 01:22:53,766 Of course I do. 1368 01:22:53,876 --> 01:22:56,868 I just-- I think of the world as, as an illusion, 1369 01:22:56,979 --> 01:22:59,880 and we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously. 1370 01:22:59,982 --> 01:23:02,382 - [Sighs] - Don't-- 1371 01:23:02,484 --> 01:23:04,748 Don't, 1372 01:23:04,853 --> 01:23:06,753 please, 1373 01:23:06,855 --> 01:23:09,050 do this. 1374 01:23:09,158 --> 01:23:12,457 You've got to let me attend these classes. It's what keeps me balanced. 1375 01:23:12,561 --> 01:23:14,756 I-It's apparently not working. 1376 01:23:14,863 --> 01:23:18,458 Then, then help me. Help me, okay? Guide me. 1377 01:23:18,567 --> 01:23:20,467 Andy... [Sighs] 1378 01:23:20,569 --> 01:23:23,800 we just don't wish your presence here. 1379 01:23:26,675 --> 01:23:29,576 [Knock On Door, Door Opens] 1380 01:23:32,114 --> 01:23:34,014 Hi. 1381 01:23:34,116 --> 01:23:36,676 I brought you some Haagen-Dazs. 1382 01:23:38,787 --> 01:23:40,687 I don't deserve Haagen-Dazs. 1383 01:23:40,789 --> 01:23:43,656 I'm-- I'm a badperson. 1384 01:23:43,759 --> 01:23:45,659 Oh. 1385 01:23:49,565 --> 01:23:52,466 You aren't a bad person. 1386 01:23:52,568 --> 01:23:55,662 You are a complicated person. 1387 01:23:55,771 --> 01:23:58,331 You don't know the real me. 1388 01:23:58,440 --> 01:24:00,340 [Giggles] 1389 01:24:00,442 --> 01:24:02,376 There isn't a real you. 1390 01:24:05,013 --> 01:24:07,743 Oh, yeah. I forgot. 1391 01:24:07,850 --> 01:24:09,750 [Giggles] 1392 01:24:13,121 --> 01:24:15,021 [Whispers] Baby. 1393 01:24:17,793 --> 01:24:20,694 Do you want to move in with me? 1394 01:24:21,797 --> 01:24:23,697 What? 1395 01:24:23,799 --> 01:24:26,029 Say it again. 1396 01:24:30,072 --> 01:24:33,769 Oh, Rose 1397 01:24:33,876 --> 01:24:35,776 Marie 1398 01:24:36,879 --> 01:24:38,710 I love you 1399 01:24:40,315 --> 01:24:42,715 I'm always 1400 01:24:42,818 --> 01:24:47,118 Dreaming of you 1401 01:24:54,830 --> 01:24:57,731 [Phone Rings] 1402 01:24:58,901 --> 01:25:01,802 - I'll get it. - [Ringing Continues] 1403 01:25:05,674 --> 01:25:09,735 Kaufman and Marguiles Center for Sexual Research. 1404 01:25:09,845 --> 01:25:11,745 Andy, it's George. 1405 01:25:11,847 --> 01:25:15,248 Hey, George. I'm not sure we can do anything for you. 1406 01:25:15,350 --> 01:25:19,810 Yeah. Uh, Andy, uh, I got some crummy news. 1407 01:25:19,922 --> 01:25:21,822 Oh. 1408 01:25:21,924 --> 01:25:24,324 Taxi's been canceled. 1409 01:25:25,861 --> 01:25:27,761 And the crummy news? 1410 01:25:27,863 --> 01:25:29,763 [George Chuckles] 1411 01:25:29,865 --> 01:25:33,028 Do you want me to come over, we'll talk about it? 1412 01:25:33,135 --> 01:25:36,571 Um, no. I'm sorta busy right now. 1413 01:25:36,672 --> 01:25:38,503 I'll see you next week, though. 1414 01:25:38,607 --> 01:25:40,507 Thanks. 1415 01:25:45,781 --> 01:25:48,841 - [Chair Scooting On Floor] - [Lynne] Put it right there. 1416 01:26:04,232 --> 01:26:06,132 Yuck. 1417 01:26:07,703 --> 01:26:11,639 And now, ladies and gentlemen, a treat for staying late, 1418 01:26:11,740 --> 01:26:17,042 please welcome, from Taxi, the Improv's own Mr. Andy Kaufman! 1419 01:26:22,384 --> 01:26:24,682 Actually, Bud, you're wrong. 1420 01:26:24,786 --> 01:26:28,313 I found out today that Taxi has been canceled. 1421 01:26:28,423 --> 01:26:30,015 - What? - [Smattering Of Laughter] 1422 01:26:31,259 --> 01:26:33,819 Not to mention that my wife left me, 1423 01:26:35,697 --> 01:26:37,892 and she took the kids. 1424 01:26:39,334 --> 01:26:43,031 I don't understand why you're laughing. I'm not joking. 1425 01:26:45,173 --> 01:26:48,870 And then this morning I got up and I noticed that I have, um, 1426 01:26:48,977 --> 01:26:51,104 a cyst or some kind of boil... 1427 01:26:51,213 --> 01:26:53,511 on the back of my neck. 1428 01:26:53,615 --> 01:26:55,947 Look. [Groans] 1429 01:26:56,051 --> 01:26:57,951 - See? - [Audience Groaning, Laughing] 1430 01:26:58,053 --> 01:27:03,787 So I was thinking, since I'm still kind of a quasi-celebrity, 1431 01:27:03,892 --> 01:27:08,022 that maybe I could charge people to touch it. 1432 01:27:08,130 --> 01:27:10,030 [Groaning] 1433 01:27:10,132 --> 01:27:13,533 Would anybody like to pay a dollar to touch my cyst? 1434 01:27:15,804 --> 01:27:19,331 I'm serious. I could really use the money right now. 1435 01:27:19,441 --> 01:27:23,207 It 's a good deal. [Coughing] 1436 01:27:23,311 --> 01:27:25,211 [Coughs, Clears Throat] 1437 01:27:25,313 --> 01:27:27,213 Oh, okay. 1438 01:27:27,315 --> 01:27:30,148 Oh, wait, no. You gotta pay first. 1439 01:27:30,252 --> 01:27:32,152 [Audience Chuckling] 1440 01:27:32,254 --> 01:27:34,119 It 's a dollar... 1441 01:27:34,222 --> 01:27:36,281 to touch my celebrity cyst. 1442 01:27:36,391 --> 01:27:38,222 Okay. 1443 01:27:40,195 --> 01:27:43,096 - Oww! - [Audience Groaning] 1444 01:27:43,198 --> 01:27:45,758 [Smattering Of Applause] 1445 01:27:59,781 --> 01:28:01,772 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1446 01:28:01,883 --> 01:28:03,783 Thank you very much. [Sighs] 1447 01:28:07,556 --> 01:28:10,457 W-Would Andy like to tell us... 1448 01:28:10,559 --> 01:28:13,722 why he called us out at 4:00 in the morning? 1449 01:28:14,996 --> 01:28:17,089 Um... [Sighs] 1450 01:28:17,199 --> 01:28:19,099 yeah. 1451 01:28:19,201 --> 01:28:22,659 Uh, I have cancer. 1452 01:28:25,307 --> 01:28:28,470 Forget it. Forget it! 1453 01:28:28,577 --> 01:28:31,341 - That is-- That is in terrible taste. - [Laughing] 1454 01:28:31,446 --> 01:28:34,006 I don't wanna have anything to do with this. Nothing. 1455 01:28:34,116 --> 01:28:37,643 No, no, no, that's good. We can make that play. 1456 01:28:40,422 --> 01:28:44,119 Okay, and we'll really-- We'll just drag it out. All right? 1457 01:28:44,226 --> 01:28:47,627 Y- You get better, you get worse. 1458 01:28:47,729 --> 01:28:52,166 No, you die, and then, uh, you come back to life. 1459 01:28:52,267 --> 01:28:54,827 [Laughing] That's funny. 1460 01:28:54,936 --> 01:28:56,836 That's funny, 1461 01:28:56,938 --> 01:28:59,338 but, um, it's not a gag, Bob. 1462 01:28:59,441 --> 01:29:02,342 I got cancer. I got lung cancer. 1463 01:29:03,578 --> 01:29:05,136 Lung cancer. 1464 01:29:05,247 --> 01:29:07,147 That's ridiculous. You don't even smoke. 1465 01:29:07,249 --> 01:29:09,877 I've got some freaky rare kind. 1466 01:29:09,985 --> 01:29:12,545 It's called large-celled carcinoma. 1467 01:29:12,654 --> 01:29:15,088 Yea! [Laughs] 1468 01:29:15,190 --> 01:29:17,090 I'm a lucky guy. 1469 01:29:30,338 --> 01:29:33,671 - Have you told your family? - No. No. 1470 01:29:33,775 --> 01:29:35,766 I don't want to tell them. 1471 01:29:39,347 --> 01:29:41,247 I've just... 1472 01:29:45,554 --> 01:29:48,045 jerked them around so much. 1473 01:29:52,227 --> 01:29:55,685 Andy, look in my eye... 1474 01:29:55,797 --> 01:29:57,788 and tell me this is true. 1475 01:29:58,900 --> 01:30:01,391 I'm sorry. [Sniffles] 1476 01:30:01,503 --> 01:30:03,971 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Hey. 1477 01:30:04,072 --> 01:30:05,972 I'm sorry. [Sobbing] 1478 01:30:06,074 --> 01:30:09,874 Lynne? Come on. Hey. Hey, hey. 1479 01:30:09,978 --> 01:30:12,378 - Wait up. - [Door Closes] 1480 01:30:12,480 --> 01:30:15,711 If I find out that you're behind this, I'll kill you, Zmuda! 1481 01:30:15,817 --> 01:30:18,650 What the hell are you talkin' about, George? 1482 01:30:18,753 --> 01:30:21,620 I was the one who just said I didn't believe him. 1483 01:30:21,723 --> 01:30:24,658 That's just the kind of thing you two would work out to fuck me up. 1484 01:30:24,793 --> 01:30:26,658 [TV: Man] We want the truth, boy! 1485 01:30:26,761 --> 01:30:29,889 [Boy] My father said Lassie bit me, so I said she did too. 1486 01:30:29,998 --> 01:30:33,661 - [Man] Lassie never bit you, and you know it. - Case dismissed! 1487 01:30:33,768 --> 01:30:36,965 [Court Spectators Murmuring] 1488 01:30:37,072 --> 01:30:39,905 [Orchestral: Dramatic] 1489 01:30:52,420 --> 01:30:54,320 [Ends] 1490 01:30:55,423 --> 01:30:57,323 Dad? 1491 01:30:58,793 --> 01:31:00,784 The cancer started in Andy's lungs... 1492 01:31:00,895 --> 01:31:02,988 and spread to his left arm. 1493 01:31:03,098 --> 01:31:06,192 We've initiated an aggressive radiation program. 1494 01:31:06,301 --> 01:31:09,634 - See if we can eradicate the affected cells. - [P.A.]Dr. Sullivan, line one. 1495 01:31:09,738 --> 01:31:12,172 Excuse me. I'll be right back. 1496 01:31:15,810 --> 01:31:17,539 [Sobbing] 1497 01:31:17,646 --> 01:31:19,614 - [Door Closes] - What a crock. 1498 01:31:21,883 --> 01:31:23,783 How dare you make light of this? 1499 01:31:25,220 --> 01:31:28,314 I cried when he broke his neck. He's not getting me again. 1500 01:31:28,423 --> 01:31:30,448 Jesus Christ, Carol, he's got lung cancer. 1501 01:31:30,558 --> 01:31:32,822 He wants us scratching our heads, 1502 01:31:32,927 --> 01:31:34,724 asking ourselves, "Is this real?" 1503 01:31:34,829 --> 01:31:38,196 Of course it 's real. We 're in a hospital. 1504 01:31:38,300 --> 01:31:41,235 Mom, it 's Cedars-Sinai. 1505 01:31:41,336 --> 01:31:43,236 It's a show biz hospital. 1506 01:31:43,338 --> 01:31:46,239 Andy's studio friends, they probably run this place. 1507 01:31:46,341 --> 01:31:50,243 He plans these things. He takes over and hires actors. 1508 01:31:50,345 --> 01:31:53,746 Personally, I don't think that doctor guy was very convincing. 1509 01:31:53,848 --> 01:31:57,648 - His costume had the wrong shoes. - Didn't even have doctor shoes. 1510 01:31:57,752 --> 01:32:00,744 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's bullshit. 1511 01:32:00,855 --> 01:32:03,517 No more Kaufman stories. He's burned us too many times. 1512 01:32:03,625 --> 01:32:07,425 A very reliable source told me Andy Kaufman has lung cancer. 1513 01:32:07,529 --> 01:32:10,225 Oh, please. He's definitely not dying. 1514 01:32:10,332 --> 01:32:16,168 Now those big white cells are attacking the cancer cells. 1515 01:32:16,271 --> 01:32:18,398 Attacking. 1516 01:32:18,506 --> 01:32:20,406 Attacking. 1517 01:32:20,508 --> 01:32:22,908 I see them. I see the white cells. 1518 01:32:23,011 --> 01:32:25,912 - Attacking. - Attacking. 1519 01:32:26,014 --> 01:32:28,346 - Attacking. - Attacking. 1520 01:32:42,197 --> 01:32:43,687 He's an actor. 1521 01:32:43,798 --> 01:32:48,064 I-I recognize him from The In-Laws. 1522 01:32:48,169 --> 01:32:50,296 Yeah. That's true. 1523 01:32:50,405 --> 01:32:53,306 But he's also ordained in holistic medicine. 1524 01:32:54,542 --> 01:32:56,442 Oh. 1525 01:32:59,080 --> 01:33:00,980 George, what am I supposed to do? 1526 01:33:01,082 --> 01:33:04,984 I'm sick and I'm trying to get better, but everybody's looking at me funny. 1527 01:33:05,086 --> 01:33:09,147 I feel like I'm being surrounded by negative energy. 1528 01:33:16,398 --> 01:33:18,628 You're surrounded by what you create. 1529 01:33:18,733 --> 01:33:22,430 - Great. - Andy, you're the king of negative energy. 1530 01:33:22,537 --> 01:33:25,005 - And it's gotta stop. [Coughs] - Andy. 1531 01:33:25,106 --> 01:33:27,506 'Cause if these negative vibes get out, 1532 01:33:27,609 --> 01:33:30,510 everybody's gonna be talking about how sick I am, 1533 01:33:30,612 --> 01:33:33,740 and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. [Coughs] 1534 01:33:33,848 --> 01:33:36,078 How can I help you? 1535 01:33:40,021 --> 01:33:41,921 I wanna go back to work. 1536 01:33:42,023 --> 01:33:45,254 - You wanna tour the clubs? - No. No clubs. 1537 01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:47,351 I wanna reach the top. 1538 01:33:50,432 --> 01:33:53,162 Carnegie Hall! 1539 01:33:53,268 --> 01:33:55,532 I want this show to build and build. 1540 01:33:55,637 --> 01:33:59,630 I want it to be everything that's joyful in the world piled one on top of the other, 1541 01:33:59,741 --> 01:34:03,643 until the audience can't stand it and they turn into children right in front of me. 1542 01:34:03,745 --> 01:34:06,373 - I might even have Santa Claus. - Oh, yeah. 1543 01:34:06,481 --> 01:34:10,713 You can say, "Santa, what am I getting for Christmas this year?" 1544 01:34:10,819 --> 01:34:13,287 - And he says "Cancer." - No, that-- 1545 01:34:13,388 --> 01:34:16,289 No, that's-- I don't wanna do that. That's a bummer. 1546 01:34:16,391 --> 01:34:18,791 Uh, okay, positive, positive. Okay-- 1547 01:34:18,893 --> 01:34:21,828 Look, this is really, um, great-- 1548 01:34:21,930 --> 01:34:23,830 - Santa and snow and-- - Yeah. 1549 01:34:23,932 --> 01:34:26,025 But it's gonna cost a fortune. 1550 01:34:26,134 --> 01:34:28,830 That's okay. Not a problem. 1551 01:34:28,937 --> 01:34:32,498 - Well, who's gonna pay for it, Andy? - Tony Clifton. 1552 01:34:33,875 --> 01:34:35,775 [Sighs] Oh. 1553 01:34:35,877 --> 01:34:38,710 Andy, you know, Tony doesn't have that kind of money. 1554 01:34:38,813 --> 01:34:40,713 Don't you worry about that, George. 1555 01:34:40,815 --> 01:34:45,752 I know Tony better than you do, and even if he has to work another ten years to pay it off, 1556 01:34:45,854 --> 01:34:47,754 he'll do it. 1557 01:34:48,857 --> 01:34:51,758 [Bongos] 1558 01:35:05,106 --> 01:35:08,769 Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah 1559 01:35:08,877 --> 01:35:12,506 Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah 1560 01:35:12,614 --> 01:35:14,912 Abi-dabi-dabu-eh 1561 01:35:15,016 --> 01:35:16,916 [Audience] Abi-dabi-dabu-eh 1562 01:35:17,018 --> 01:35:19,543 - Abu-day - Abu-day 1563 01:35:19,654 --> 01:35:21,519 - A-ki-chay-wah - A-ki-chay-wah 1564 01:35:21,623 --> 01:35:24,251 - Yaken-bu-day - Yaken-bu-day 1565 01:35:24,359 --> 01:35:26,384 - Ichen-di-bich - Ichen-di-bich 1566 01:35:26,494 --> 01:35:31,625 Yaki-di-shika-tala- ga-bola-ga-deba-ga-dili- ga-bohhhhhhhhhhhh 1567 01:35:31,733 --> 01:35:35,692 Ohhhhhhhhhh 1568 01:35:35,803 --> 01:35:38,931 Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah 1569 01:35:39,040 --> 01:35:40,871 [Bongos Continue] 1570 01:35:40,975 --> 01:35:43,876 [Applauding, Cheering] 1571 01:35:49,817 --> 01:35:54,311 [Cowboy Chorus] I got spurs that jingle-j angle-j ingle 1572 01:35:54,422 --> 01:35:58,791 As I go ridin' merrily along 1573 01:35:58,893 --> 01:36:03,125 And they sing Oh, ain't you glad you're single 1574 01:36:03,231 --> 01:36:05,131 - [Continues] - Ladies and gentlemen, 1575 01:36:05,233 --> 01:36:07,201 we are so very fortunate tonight, 1576 01:36:07,302 --> 01:36:09,327 because we have with us... 1577 01:36:09,437 --> 01:36:13,339 the last surviving cowgirl from that 1931 film. 1578 01:36:13,441 --> 01:36:15,773 She's 94 years young. 1579 01:36:15,877 --> 01:36:17,777 Eleanor Cody Gould. 1580 01:36:17,879 --> 01:36:21,315 - I got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle - [Audience Applauding] 1581 01:36:21,416 --> 01:36:24,647 As I go ridin' merrily along 1582 01:36:26,321 --> 01:36:29,222 Hi, Eleanor. It's great to have you here. It's a real honor. 1583 01:36:29,324 --> 01:36:33,317 Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here. It's overwhelming to me. 1584 01:36:33,428 --> 01:36:35,828 Well, it 's gonna get even better, 1585 01:36:35,930 --> 01:36:40,663 because we found one of the old original hobby horses from your movie. 1586 01:36:40,768 --> 01:36:45,171 Do you think you could grace us with a couple of steps from "Jingle, Jangle, Jingle"? 1587 01:36:45,273 --> 01:36:47,673 - Oh, I don't think-- - Okay, hit it! 1588 01:36:47,775 --> 01:36:50,369 - [Audience Applauding] - [Orchestra: "Jingle, Jangle, Jingle"] 1589 01:36:54,482 --> 01:36:57,315 - - [Audience Clapping Along] 1590 01:37:02,790 --> 01:37:04,690 Faster! Come on! 1591 01:37:04,792 --> 01:37:07,192 [Tempo Accelerates] 1592 01:37:08,596 --> 01:37:10,723 Faster! Faster! 1593 01:37:10,832 --> 01:37:13,323 [Tempo Continues Accelerating] 1594 01:37:13,434 --> 01:37:15,527 Faster! Come on! 1595 01:37:28,816 --> 01:37:30,716 Faster! Faster! Faster! 1596 01:37:36,658 --> 01:37:39,092 Faster! 1597 01:37:41,529 --> 01:37:43,087 Oh! 1598 01:37:43,197 --> 01:37:45,597 Andy, stop! Andy! 1599 01:37:45,700 --> 01:37:48,100 [Continues] 1600 01:37:48,202 --> 01:37:51,535 Is there a doctor in the house? Stop the music! 1601 01:37:51,639 --> 01:37:54,039 -[Stops] - Uh, we need a doctor. 1602 01:37:54,142 --> 01:37:56,042 Anyone? Please? 1603 01:38:01,015 --> 01:38:03,176 [All Murmuring] 1604 01:38:04,485 --> 01:38:06,510 [Bob] Can you call us an ambulance? 1605 01:38:16,497 --> 01:38:18,795 [Audience Gasping, Murmuring Intensifies] 1606 01:38:22,470 --> 01:38:25,701 [Mock Indian Chanting] 1607 01:38:25,807 --> 01:38:28,367 [Chanting Continues] 1608 01:38:35,016 --> 01:38:38,850 [Chanting Continues] 1609 01:38:40,088 --> 01:38:42,921 Praise the Lord! 1610 01:38:43,024 --> 01:38:45,925 [Audience Applauding, Cheering] 1611 01:38:46,027 --> 01:38:50,794 She's alive! Hallelujah! 1612 01:38:50,898 --> 01:38:52,832 Hallelujah 1613 01:38:52,934 --> 01:38:54,595 Hallelujah 1614 01:38:54,702 --> 01:38:57,694 Hallelujah Hallelujah 1615 01:38:57,805 --> 01:38:59,432 Hallelujah 1616 01:38:59,540 --> 01:39:03,408 - [Concludes] - Ladies and gentlemen, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir! 1617 01:39:03,511 --> 01:39:05,604 [Orchestra] 1618 01:39:05,713 --> 01:39:09,649 [Choir] Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus 1619 01:39:09,751 --> 01:39:12,481 - Right down Santa Claus lane - [Andy] Oh, my gosh! 1620 01:39:12,587 --> 01:39:15,055 - Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer - I can't believe this! 1621 01:39:15,156 --> 01:39:16,589 It's the Rockettes! 1622 01:39:16,691 --> 01:39:19,421 Are pulling on the reins 1623 01:39:19,527 --> 01:39:22,758 Bells are ringing Children singing 1624 01:39:22,864 --> 01:39:27,130 All is merry and bright 1625 01:39:27,235 --> 01:39:29,863 Hang your stocking and say your prayers 1626 01:39:29,971 --> 01:39:33,031 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight 1627 01:39:34,976 --> 01:39:38,343 - Here comes Santa Claus - Boys and girls, you're not gonna believe this! 1628 01:39:38,446 --> 01:39:41,438 - Here comes Santa Claus! - [Continues] 1629 01:39:41,549 --> 01:39:44,643 He's got a bag that's filled with toys 1630 01:39:44,752 --> 01:39:48,518 For the boys and girls again 1631 01:39:48,623 --> 01:39:52,491 Hear those sleigh bells jingle-jangle 1632 01:39:52,593 --> 01:39:56,495 What a beautiful sight 1633 01:39:56,597 --> 01:39:58,531 Jump in bed Cover up your head 1634 01:39:58,633 --> 01:40:01,898 Since you've all been such good boys and girls, 1635 01:40:02,003 --> 01:40:05,803 I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out... 1636 01:40:05,907 --> 01:40:08,569 for milk and cookies! 1637 01:40:08,676 --> 01:40:11,873 There are buses outside! Everybody follow me! 1638 01:40:11,979 --> 01:40:14,243 [Concludes] 1639 01:40:14,348 --> 01:40:17,749 Don't worry, folks! There's enough milk and cookies for everyone! 1640 01:40:17,852 --> 01:40:21,253 - [Cheering, Shouting] - Let's go, let's go, let's go! 1641 01:40:24,592 --> 01:40:26,492 [Andy] Merry Christmas! 1642 01:40:28,129 --> 01:40:30,529 [Cheering] 1643 01:40:57,458 --> 01:41:00,359 And now we'll place the blue crystal. 1644 01:41:01,462 --> 01:41:03,362 Very high vibrations, 1645 01:41:03,464 --> 01:41:06,092 and it's wonderful, wonderful... 1646 01:41:06,200 --> 01:41:09,397 for its healing powers. 1647 01:41:09,503 --> 01:41:13,405 Okay. Let's try two of those. 1648 01:41:13,507 --> 01:41:15,407 And another pink one. 1649 01:41:17,011 --> 01:41:18,638 All right. 1650 01:41:18,746 --> 01:41:21,146 [Scraping] 1651 01:41:28,756 --> 01:41:30,883 Hah! 1652 01:41:30,992 --> 01:41:33,290 Looks like somethin' my dog puked up. 1653 01:41:34,395 --> 01:41:36,056 [Giggles] 1654 01:41:36,163 --> 01:41:39,257 How 'bout me and you dolls go out and get some real food? 1655 01:41:39,367 --> 01:41:41,267 Sure. 1656 01:41:41,369 --> 01:41:43,997 French fries and a porterhouse steak. 1657 01:41:45,606 --> 01:41:49,167 Or we could skip the meal and go right to the "montage a trois." 1658 01:41:49,277 --> 01:41:51,677 [Laughs] 1659 01:41:53,447 --> 01:41:56,348 Have you ever been with another woman? 1660 01:41:57,652 --> 01:42:00,348 Well, like, in the kitchen and stuff, yeah. 1661 01:42:00,454 --> 01:42:03,082 Okay, hey, here. This'll help. 1662 01:42:03,190 --> 01:42:05,090 Ah! 1663 01:42:05,192 --> 01:42:07,752 - Okay. - Here. Put that on your face. 1664 01:42:07,862 --> 01:42:09,762 - Yeah. - There you go. 1665 01:42:09,864 --> 01:42:13,766 - Hi. - [Laughs] Now you can't even tell the difference. 1666 01:42:13,868 --> 01:42:16,769 [Coughing] 1667 01:42:16,871 --> 01:42:20,272 Well, we could put all of this together in a soup. 1668 01:42:20,374 --> 01:42:23,275 Then we could pretend it's a porterhouse steak, Andy. 1669 01:42:23,377 --> 01:42:25,277 I am not Andy. 1670 01:42:25,379 --> 01:42:27,279 Andy is sick. 1671 01:42:27,381 --> 01:42:30,441 Chick, pick, wick, lick! 1672 01:42:30,551 --> 01:42:32,485 Dick! 1673 01:42:34,088 --> 01:42:37,023 Whereas I am getting stronger and stronger. 1674 01:42:44,432 --> 01:42:46,366 [Sighs] 1675 01:42:48,669 --> 01:42:50,899 - Hi, Andy. - Hey. 1676 01:42:51,005 --> 01:42:53,633 Hey. 1677 01:42:55,242 --> 01:42:57,142 You wanna wrestle? 1678 01:42:57,244 --> 01:43:00,304 [Chuckles] 1679 01:43:07,788 --> 01:43:10,484 Bob and I... 1680 01:43:10,591 --> 01:43:12,991 came up... [Clears Throat] 1681 01:43:16,864 --> 01:43:18,764 with a-- 1682 01:43:18,866 --> 01:43:21,926 an idea for a TV show. 1683 01:43:24,772 --> 01:43:27,707 It'll be a Saturday morning kind of thing... 1684 01:43:27,808 --> 01:43:30,208 where I can goof off with the kids. 1685 01:43:31,645 --> 01:43:33,545 Yeah. 1686 01:43:34,882 --> 01:43:36,782 We can sell that, Andy. 1687 01:43:37,885 --> 01:43:39,785 Did your doctor say it's okay... 1688 01:43:39,887 --> 01:43:42,117 to go back to work? 1689 01:43:42,223 --> 01:43:44,691 No, but he will. 1690 01:43:45,793 --> 01:43:47,693 Yeah. 1691 01:43:47,795 --> 01:43:49,695 'Cause... 1692 01:43:49,797 --> 01:43:51,697 I'm going to the Philippines. 1693 01:43:53,267 --> 01:43:56,930 The Philippines? What's in the Philippines? 1694 01:43:59,840 --> 01:44:01,740 A miracle. 1695 01:46:21,515 --> 01:46:24,211 [Chuckling] 1696 01:46:24,318 --> 01:46:26,718 [Andy Laughing] 1697 01:46:29,123 --> 01:46:31,523 [Continues Laughing] 1698 01:46:56,483 --> 01:46:59,884 I just want to say, until we meet again... 1699 01:47:01,155 --> 01:47:03,055 please remember-- 1700 01:47:03,157 --> 01:47:05,057 [Piano] 1701 01:47:05,159 --> 01:47:10,563 In this friendly friendly world 1702 01:47:10,664 --> 01:47:16,227 With each day so full of joy 1703 01:47:16,337 --> 01:47:20,501 Why should any heart 1704 01:47:20,608 --> 01:47:23,736 Be lonely 1705 01:47:24,945 --> 01:47:30,042 In this friendly friendly world 1706 01:47:30,150 --> 01:47:34,246 With each night so full of dreams 1707 01:47:35,923 --> 01:47:39,290 Why should any heart 1708 01:47:40,394 --> 01:47:42,692 Be afraid 1709 01:47:45,866 --> 01:47:48,767 - [Continues] - Yep, it's a friendly world. 1710 01:47:48,869 --> 01:47:52,464 We should all treat each other like brothers and sisters. 1711 01:47:52,573 --> 01:47:55,838 So everybody put your arm around the person sitting next to you... 1712 01:47:55,943 --> 01:47:58,844 and sway back and forth in rhythm to the music. 1713 01:47:58,946 --> 01:48:00,846 Come on. Everybody. 1714 01:48:00,948 --> 01:48:04,714 Even if you don't like the person sitting next to you. Okay? 1715 01:48:07,955 --> 01:48:12,051 When I say "okay," you say "Okay!" Okay? 1716 01:48:12,159 --> 01:48:13,854 [All Responding] Okay. 1717 01:48:13,961 --> 01:48:16,862 - Okay. - [Responding] Okay. 1718 01:48:16,964 --> 01:48:19,364 - Okay. - Okay. 1719 01:48:19,466 --> 01:48:21,366 [Barely Audible] Okay. 1720 01:48:21,468 --> 01:48:25,871 Everybody sing, "The world is such a wonderful place." 1721 01:48:25,973 --> 01:48:31,070 - The world is such a wonderful place - [Singing Along] 1722 01:48:31,178 --> 01:48:34,147 - To wander through - [Singing Along] 1723 01:48:34,248 --> 01:48:35,408 Follow the bouncing ball. 1724 01:48:35,516 --> 01:48:38,974 When you've got someone you love 1725 01:48:39,086 --> 01:48:44,388 To wander along with you 1726 01:48:44,491 --> 01:48:45,856 With the sky so full of stars. 1727 01:48:45,959 --> 01:48:50,089 With the sky so full of stars 1728 01:48:50,197 --> 01:48:54,930 And the river so full of song. River so full of song 1729 01:48:56,070 --> 01:48:59,403 Every heart should be 1730 01:49:00,507 --> 01:49:03,499 So thankful 1731 01:49:03,610 --> 01:49:06,101 Thankful for this friendly, friendly world. 1732 01:49:06,213 --> 01:49:10,775 Thankful for this friendly, friendly 1733 01:49:10,884 --> 01:49:14,945 World 1734 01:49:17,991 --> 01:49:19,982 Thank you... 1735 01:49:20,094 --> 01:49:23,154 for this friendly, friendly world. 1736 01:49:23,263 --> 01:49:25,163 Thank you... 1737 01:49:26,400 --> 01:49:28,300 and good-bye. 1738 01:49:39,780 --> 01:49:41,839 [Woman Shrieks] Andy! Ohh! 1739 01:49:41,949 --> 01:49:44,713 [Crowd Murmuring] 1740 01:49:45,819 --> 01:49:48,720 [Fanfare] 1741 01:49:48,822 --> 01:49:51,723 - - [Man Shouts] Andy! - [Audience Cheering] 1742 01:49:57,398 --> 01:49:59,798 - [Ends] - Andy! Andy! 1743 01:49:59,900 --> 01:50:03,461 Andy? You guys wanna see Andy tonight? 1744 01:50:03,570 --> 01:50:05,333 [Audience Cheers] 1745 01:50:05,439 --> 01:50:08,567 - Anybody got a flashlight and a couple of shovels? - [Rim Shot] 1746 01:50:08,675 --> 01:50:10,575 Okay, guys, let's do our dirt! 1747 01:50:14,715 --> 01:50:17,149 First I was afraid 1748 01:50:17,251 --> 01:50:19,811 - I was putrefied - [Audience Laughing] 1749 01:50:19,920 --> 01:50:22,013 Kept thinkin' I could never live 1750 01:50:22,122 --> 01:50:26,582 Without you by my side 1751 01:50:26,693 --> 01:50:29,594 But then I spent so many nights 1752 01:50:29,696 --> 01:50:33,154 A-thinkin' how you did me wrong 1753 01:50:33,267 --> 01:50:36,100 - And I grew strong - [Tempo Change: Mid-tempo Disco] 1754 01:50:36,203 --> 01:50:38,137 And I learned to get along 1755 01:50:38,238 --> 01:50:39,796 And now I'm back 1756 01:50:39,907 --> 01:50:42,102 From outer space 1757 01:50:42,209 --> 01:50:44,143 I just walked in to find you here 1758 01:50:44,244 --> 01:50:46,212 With that sad look upon your face 1759 01:50:46,313 --> 01:50:48,178 I should've changed that stupid lock 1760 01:50:48,282 --> 01:50:50,307 I should've asked you for the key 1761 01:50:50,417 --> 01:50:52,146 If I'd have known for just one second 1762 01:50:52,252 --> 01:50:54,117 You'd be back to bother me 1763 01:50:54,221 --> 01:50:57,054 Go on now, go Walk out the door 1764 01:50:57,157 --> 01:51:00,388 - [Hooting] - Don't turn around now 1765 01:51:00,494 --> 01:51:03,691 You're not welcome anymore 1766 01:51:03,797 --> 01:51:06,391 Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with "good-bye" 1767 01:51:06,500 --> 01:51:08,559 Did you think I'd crumble 1768 01:51:08,669 --> 01:51:10,694 Did you think I'd lay down and die 1769 01:51:10,804 --> 01:51:14,900 Oh, no, not I I will "sur-vivvy" 1770 01:51:15,008 --> 01:51:17,135 As long as I know how to love 1771 01:51:17,244 --> 01:51:18,871 I know I'll stay "aleeve" 1772 01:51:18,979 --> 01:51:23,643 I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give 1773 01:51:23,750 --> 01:51:24,978 I will "sur-veev" 1774 01:51:25,085 --> 01:51:26,814 I will "sur-veev" 1775 01:51:26,920 --> 01:51:29,013 I will "sur- veev" 1776 01:51:29,122 --> 01:51:30,987 I 1777 01:51:31,091 --> 01:51:32,456 Will 1778 01:51:32,559 --> 01:51:41,228 "Sur-veev" 1779 01:51:41,335 --> 01:51:43,769 I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! 1780 01:51:43,871 --> 01:51:45,395 I will survive! I will survive! 1781 01:51:45,506 --> 01:51:49,738 I will survive! [Cackling Maniacally] 1782 01:51:49,843 --> 01:51:54,507 [Cymbal Crashing] 1783 01:52:02,422 --> 01:52:06,791 Mott the Hoople and the game of Life 1784 01:52:06,894 --> 01:52:09,294 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1785 01:52:10,597 --> 01:52:15,057 Andy Kaufman and the wrestling match 1786 01:52:15,168 --> 01:52:17,102 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1787 01:52:18,438 --> 01:52:23,171 Monopoly, Twenty-one Checkers and Chess 1788 01:52:23,277 --> 01:52:25,302 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1789 01:52:26,847 --> 01:52:31,250 Mr. Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess 1790 01:52:31,351 --> 01:52:33,251 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1791 01:52:34,555 --> 01:52:38,821 Now, Andy, did you hear about this one 1792 01:52:38,926 --> 01:52:42,657 Tell me, are you locked in the punch 1793 01:52:42,763 --> 01:52:45,425 Hey, Andy are you goofing on Elvis 1794 01:52:45,532 --> 01:52:47,432 Hey, baby 1795 01:52:47,534 --> 01:52:49,934 Are we losing touch 1796 01:52:51,138 --> 01:52:53,231 If you believed 1797 01:52:53,340 --> 01:52:56,104 They put a man on the moon 1798 01:52:56,209 --> 01:52:59,144 Man on the moon 1799 01:52:59,246 --> 01:53:01,441 If you believe 1800 01:53:01,548 --> 01:53:03,914 There 's nothing up his sleeve 1801 01:53:04,017 --> 01:53:07,384 - Then nothing is cool - Nothing 1802 01:53:21,568 --> 01:53:23,661 If you believed 1803 01:53:23,770 --> 01:53:26,534 They put a man on the moon 1804 01:53:26,640 --> 01:53:29,575 Man on the moon 1805 01:53:29,676 --> 01:53:31,871 If you believe 1806 01:53:31,979 --> 01:53:34,345 There 's nothing up his sleeve 1807 01:53:34,448 --> 01:53:37,611 - Then nothing is cool - Nothing 1808 01:53:37,718 --> 01:53:39,811 If you believed 1809 01:53:39,920 --> 01:53:42,684 They put a man on the moon 1810 01:53:42,789 --> 01:53:45,724 Man on the moon 1811 01:53:45,826 --> 01:53:48,021 If you believe 1812 01:53:48,128 --> 01:53:50,494 There 's nothing up his sleeve 1813 01:53:50,597 --> 01:53:53,896 - Then nothing is cool - Nothing 1814 01:54:03,543 --> 01:54:07,411 I watch the stars fall silent 1815 01:54:07,514 --> 01:54:10,210 From your eyes 1816 01:54:11,852 --> 01:54:16,846 All the sights that I have seen 1817 01:54:21,294 --> 01:54:25,458 I can't believe that I believed 1818 01:54:25,565 --> 01:54:29,729 I wish that you could see 1819 01:54:29,836 --> 01:54:34,239 There's a new planet in the solar system 1820 01:54:34,341 --> 01:54:39,244 There is nothing up my sleeve 1821 01:54:39,346 --> 01:54:43,612 I'm pushin' an elephant up the stairs 1822 01:54:43,717 --> 01:54:47,710 I'm tossin' up punch lines that were never there 1823 01:54:47,821 --> 01:54:51,723 Over my shoulder a piano falls 1824 01:54:51,825 --> 01:54:56,592 Crashing to the ground 1825 01:54:56,697 --> 01:55:00,724 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1826 01:55:00,834 --> 01:55:04,895 I'm keepin' flowers in full bloom 1827 01:55:05,005 --> 01:55:10,068 I'm looking for answers from the great beyond 1828 01:55:29,196 --> 01:55:32,427 I want the hummingbirds 1829 01:55:32,532 --> 01:55:34,864 The dancing bears 1830 01:55:34,968 --> 01:55:39,234 Sweetest dreams of you 1831 01:55:39,339 --> 01:55:43,571 And look into the stars 1832 01:55:43,677 --> 01:55:47,579 And look into the moon 1833 01:55:48,949 --> 01:55:53,318 I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs 1834 01:55:53,420 --> 01:55:57,254 I'm tossing up punch lines that were never there 1835 01:55:57,357 --> 01:56:01,384 Over my shoulder a piano falls 1836 01:56:01,495 --> 01:56:06,296 Crashing to the ground 1837 01:56:06,399 --> 01:56:10,233 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1838 01:56:10,337 --> 01:56:14,467 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1839 01:56:14,574 --> 01:56:19,807 I'm looking for answers from the great beyond 1840 01:56:23,283 --> 01:56:27,117 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1841 01:56:27,220 --> 01:56:31,350 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1842 01:56:31,458 --> 01:56:35,053 I'm looking for answers from the great 1843 01:56:35,162 --> 01:56:37,221 Answers from the great 1844 01:56:37,330 --> 01:56:40,163 Answers 1845 01:56:40,267 --> 01:56:44,101 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1846 01:56:44,204 --> 01:56:48,334 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1847 01:56:48,441 --> 01:56:53,674 I'm looking for answers from the great beyond 1848 01:56:57,150 --> 01:57:00,984 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1849 01:57:01,087 --> 01:57:05,217 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1850 01:57:05,325 --> 01:57:08,920 I'm looking for answers from the great 1851 01:57:09,029 --> 01:57:11,088 Answers from the great 1852 01:57:11,198 --> 01:57:13,598 Answers 1853 01:57:38,391 --> 01:57:40,723 [Andy Kaufman] Well, it 's time 1854 01:57:40,827 --> 01:57:42,818 To say 1855 01:57:42,929 --> 01:57:46,023 Good-bye 1856 01:57:46,132 --> 01:57:48,293 It's been good 1857 01:57:48,401 --> 01:57:50,198 Having you 1858 01:57:50,303 --> 01:57:53,636 So near 1859 01:57:53,740 --> 01:57:57,870 Although I've got to leave 1860 01:57:57,978 --> 01:58:01,573 - It 's the end - [Audience Laughing] 1861 01:58:01,681 --> 01:58:05,242 I'll always be stayin' 1862 01:58:05,352 --> 01:58:08,412 Right here 1863 01:58:09,556 --> 01:58:13,151 So, all my friends good-bye 1864 01:58:13,260 --> 01:58:16,957 It's just about that time 1865 01:58:17,063 --> 01:58:20,294 Wish that I could do 1866 01:58:20,400 --> 01:58:23,392 Just one more song For you 1867 01:58:23,503 --> 01:58:26,063 Good-bye, everybody! Thank you! Good night! 1868 01:58:26,172 --> 01:58:28,072 - [Audience Applauding] - Good night! 1869 01:58:28,174 --> 01:58:31,268 Okay! Great! Good night!