1 00:01:13,955 --> 00:01:16,280 Bowfinger International Pictures. 2 00:01:16,374 --> 00:01:18,201 This is Cherisse from AT&T. 3 00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:22,380 We're wondering if your payment for $5.43 has gone astray. Call us. 4 00:01:22,673 --> 00:01:23,836 Just a reminder. 5 00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:27,709 We no longer need access to your residence to disconnect your phone. 6 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:18,774 Great script. 7 00:02:33,126 --> 00:02:35,499 Betsy, it's now or never. 8 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,873 We are gonna make a movie. 9 00:02:38,966 --> 00:02:42,086 - Bowfinger International Pictures. - It's Carol. 10 00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:46,378 How do I say this? I have an offer to go to Edmonton to do Cats. 11 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,806 It's a small role, but I've got to take it. 12 00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:51,017 - You keep promising me... - No! 13 00:02:51,396 --> 00:02:54,184 ...but it's been 8 months. - Carol, don't take that job. 14 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,766 We're gonna make a motion picture. I promise you. 15 00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:59,399 - But you've promised before. - I know. 16 00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:02,027 - Be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. - I can't afford... 17 00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,110 - Please! - But you always... 18 00:03:11,544 --> 00:03:13,584 This is Dave. Beep comin'. 19 00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:16,753 Dave, can you get me a Mercedes tomorrow? 20 00:03:16,841 --> 00:03:20,377 I want you to find out when and where Jerry Renfro is having lunch. 21 00:03:20,470 --> 00:03:23,472 Just do it. Don't think about it. You're my buddy. 22 00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:31,846 Come on. 23 00:03:33,318 --> 00:03:36,687 - Hello? - Afrim? It's Bowfinger. Great script. 24 00:03:37,322 --> 00:03:40,074 You wrote a great script. Your accounting days are over. 25 00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:42,282 He likes my script! 26 00:03:43,996 --> 00:03:45,491 Afrim? Afrim? 27 00:03:45,874 --> 00:03:48,709 - Be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. - Yes, Boss. 28 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:03,886 - Slater. - Who is this? 29 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,352 - Bowfinger. - 'Bye. 30 00:04:05,437 --> 00:04:08,272 Don't hang up. Be here tomorrow at 10:00. 31 00:04:09,358 --> 00:04:12,810 - That's early. - Big meeting, 10:00 a.m. Please? 32 00:04:27,628 --> 00:04:29,917 You believe in me, don't you, Betsy? 33 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,362 First of all, thank you for coming. 34 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,407 I know things have been a little slow. 35 00:05:04,502 --> 00:05:07,041 - Very slow. - Slow and low. 36 00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:08,459 Let him speak. 37 00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:12,217 We are not the big guys. We are the little guys. 38 00:05:12,303 --> 00:05:16,004 We never had muscle before, but now we do. 39 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,714 Because last night I read a screenplay... 40 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,390 ...that every studio in town is going to want. 41 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,683 And how did we get this screenplay? Because Afrim here... 42 00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:28,856 ...is a damn fine writer, and accountant and part-time receptionist. 43 00:05:29,197 --> 00:05:32,862 I said, "Afrim, if you can write as well as you can add..." 44 00:05:32,992 --> 00:05:35,235 I didn't have to finish my sentence. 45 00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:39,872 Twelve days later he hands me this masterpiece. 46 00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,167 Thank you, Boss. 47 00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:44,461 Tell them the title. 48 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,048 Chubby Rain. 49 00:05:47,008 --> 00:05:47,874 What? 50 00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:49,960 Chubby Rain. Tell them why. 51 00:05:50,053 --> 00:05:54,383 - The aliens come to Earth in raindrops. - Yeah! 52 00:05:55,351 --> 00:05:57,509 Making the raindrops chubby. 53 00:05:57,728 --> 00:06:00,932 Aliens in the raindrops. At the end of this movie... 54 00:06:01,065 --> 00:06:05,360 ...when our hero, Keith Kincaid, looks up at the alien antenna and says: 55 00:06:05,695 --> 00:06:07,320 "Gotcha, suckers!" 56 00:06:09,616 --> 00:06:11,775 I mean, that is a moment. 57 00:06:14,997 --> 00:06:16,196 I don't know. 58 00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:20,123 I'll close the deal today. If I don't, you can go anywhere you want. 59 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:25,753 Come here. 60 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,140 See that FedEx truck? 61 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,899 Every day, it delivers important papers to people around the world. 62 00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:44,442 And one day, it is going to stop here... 63 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:49,358 ...a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. 64 00:06:49,619 --> 00:06:51,577 And at that moment, we... 65 00:06:51,705 --> 00:06:54,741 ...and by "we" I mean "me," will be important. 66 00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:58,957 Now, today... 67 00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:02,546 ...I have a very important meeting with Jerry Renfro. 68 00:07:03,802 --> 00:07:08,678 If it goes the way I think it's gonna go, I will see you at the Oscars. 69 00:08:08,415 --> 00:08:09,743 Good job, Dave. 70 00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:12,324 Return it in 45 minutes. I'm supposed to wash it. 71 00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:13,534 Has Renfro left? 72 00:08:13,629 --> 00:08:16,583 Fifteen minutes ago. He should be at the restaurant now. 73 00:08:16,674 --> 00:08:19,462 If this goes like I think, I'm making you cameraman. 74 00:08:19,552 --> 00:08:20,715 Know what that means? 75 00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:23,924 - You'd be living up to your promise? - That's right. 76 00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:27,801 If this movie gets made, I'm giving you my van. 77 00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:32,685 It is my van. 78 00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:15,397 Could you seat me next to Jerry Renfro? Thank you. 79 00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:18,492 Tony, how are you? 80 00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:21,618 No. Say the deal back to me. 81 00:09:22,038 --> 00:09:23,283 Net net? 82 00:09:23,498 --> 00:09:26,168 If I'm putting $85 million into an avalanche movie... 83 00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:29,418 ...I gotta know where the snow is. And it better be Aspen. 84 00:09:29,505 --> 00:09:31,462 And what asshole will direct. 85 00:09:31,549 --> 00:09:34,170 We gotta get a director. Get me a list. 86 00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:38,093 - The star has to be international. - I need an international star. 87 00:09:39,474 --> 00:09:42,392 - Who's my star? - How about Kit Ramsey? 88 00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:46,097 Kit Ramsey is the hottest, sexiest action star in the world. 89 00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:50,105 When I think of Kit Ramsey in this movie, I get very comfortable. 90 00:09:50,195 --> 00:09:52,733 Yeah, but I won't bid against Flanehfastah... 91 00:09:52,822 --> 00:09:56,821 ...because even if Kit Ramsey's interested, we might not want him. 92 00:09:57,870 --> 00:10:01,868 Can you believe this? Now they try to tell us who's gonna be in our movies. 93 00:10:01,958 --> 00:10:04,330 Get me Kit. Get me Kit right now. 94 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:08,173 You don't put me on hold, I put you on hold. 95 00:10:08,256 --> 00:10:10,830 Put me on hold and you're a dead man. 96 00:10:12,136 --> 00:10:14,591 How are you? Bobby Bowfinger, Bowfinger Films. 97 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,634 - We worked on that thing years ago. - What thing? 98 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,843 The... famous movie. 99 00:10:22,105 --> 00:10:24,561 Hi, Kit. How are you? 100 00:10:25,108 --> 00:10:27,646 My man! How's Dolores? 101 00:10:28,404 --> 00:10:31,571 Good. You are first in line for the script. 102 00:10:32,074 --> 00:10:35,278 - You can't be more first than first. - Can I talk to him? 103 00:10:36,079 --> 00:10:40,029 - Can I talk to Kit? - Absolutely. Kit? 104 00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:44,493 Got a surprise for you. Kit? I'm losing you... 105 00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:48,461 - Bad line? - These cell phones are so bad. 106 00:10:48,551 --> 00:10:50,959 Universal's begging me for this script. 107 00:10:51,054 --> 00:10:54,423 They screwed me once. You ought to take a look. 108 00:10:58,395 --> 00:11:01,065 - It starts nice. - It does, doesn't it? 109 00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:03,183 - All this. - Yeah. Right. 110 00:11:04,777 --> 00:11:08,610 - "Gotcha, suckers!" That is a catch phrase. - Isn't that good? 111 00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,864 I just saw the poster. 112 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,734 Let's be risky today. I'm going with this. 113 00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:19,327 You bring me this script and Kit Ramsey and you got yourself a go picture, Bobby. 114 00:11:21,004 --> 00:11:22,498 Okay. Thanks. 115 00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:29,418 I love what you do. Here's my card. 116 00:11:31,515 --> 00:11:33,307 Just keep that. 117 00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:38,976 What was that? 118 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,150 "A go picture! A go picture!" 119 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,896 Do you know anyone who knows Kit Ramsey? 120 00:11:46,282 --> 00:11:48,951 Damn it! I'm the biggest black action star in the world! 121 00:11:49,035 --> 00:11:51,704 - Where's my "Hasta la vista, baby"? - What? 122 00:11:51,788 --> 00:11:55,656 If Arnold Schwarnzen-cracker is gettin' to say lines like that... 123 00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:58,580 ...then I deserve equally well-written shit. 124 00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:01,121 - The script has that moment. - When? 125 00:12:01,298 --> 00:12:05,961 You say, "I enjoyed meeting you, Cliff." Then you push the guy right over the cliff. 126 00:12:06,054 --> 00:12:10,799 But the audience has to know the guy's name is Cliff, and he's on a cliff. 127 00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:13,971 It's too cerebral. We're trying to make a movie, not a film. 128 00:12:14,062 --> 00:12:16,139 You're supposed to be the agent! 129 00:12:16,315 --> 00:12:19,519 You better find me a line like the time I told Tommy Lee Jones... 130 00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:21,603 ..."Fuck you," and blew his brains out. 131 00:12:21,696 --> 00:12:23,440 You know what's happening? 132 00:12:23,573 --> 00:12:27,274 Another example of the white man taking all the best catch phrases... 133 00:12:27,369 --> 00:12:29,694 ...and then giving them to Arnold or Stallone. 134 00:12:29,788 --> 00:12:32,362 Exactly. And Jackie Chan and Van Damme. 135 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,706 They can't even speak English good. 136 00:12:34,877 --> 00:12:38,377 There's covert stuff goin' on. Some covert shit I just found out. 137 00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:40,754 I'm glad you're here. Come in here. 138 00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:42,752 Right now, everybody. Come here. 139 00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:45,383 - What you talkin' about? - Just for fun... 140 00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:49,387 ...I scanned the script to see how many times the letter "K" appears. 141 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:54,979 The letter "K" appears in this script 1,456 times. 142 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,148 That's perfectly divisible by three. 143 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,727 - So what're you saying? - What am I sayin'? 144 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:03,191 "KKK" appears in this script 486 times. 145 00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:13,701 - The sickness is deep. - He's playing you. 146 00:13:13,795 --> 00:13:16,501 - I've been played. - That's really not the case here. 147 00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:20,125 This is a great script. It's not Shakespeare, but... 148 00:13:20,261 --> 00:13:24,129 - What'd you just say? - I said, "It's not Shakespeare, but..." 149 00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,715 It's not... Did you hear what he's doing? 150 00:13:26,810 --> 00:13:30,013 He's doing something. I just can't put my finger on it. 151 00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:31,683 What's he doing? 152 00:13:31,857 --> 00:13:34,099 - Shakespeare, Freddy. - Shakespeare! 153 00:13:34,318 --> 00:13:37,319 - "Shake-a-spear. Spear-chucker." - "Shake-a-spear!" 154 00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:39,238 I'm a spear-chucker now. 155 00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,897 - Call me a spear-chucker. - It doesn't mean that! 156 00:13:41,993 --> 00:13:43,951 It's my imagination? 157 00:13:44,162 --> 00:13:46,784 There's no computer chip in LaToya Jackson's brain. 158 00:13:46,874 --> 00:13:50,077 She just acts like that. Teddy Kennedy ain't 1/16 black. 159 00:13:50,253 --> 00:13:53,586 - Teddy Kennedy? - He's different to the other Kennedys. 160 00:13:53,673 --> 00:13:57,718 - I got some calls to make. - Go make some calls. Call Arnold and Sly! 161 00:13:57,844 --> 00:14:01,759 And Van Damme and Jackie Chan. Tell 'em the spear-chucker said hello! 162 00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:43,347 Get my door just as fast as you get Tom Hanks'! 163 00:14:43,437 --> 00:14:46,723 - Wait. Who are you? - Script delivery from Paramount. 164 00:14:46,857 --> 00:14:49,942 - I ain't expectin' no script from Paramount. - I mean Universal. 165 00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:52,863 - Maybe so. Come on. - Gotta have you sign. 166 00:14:53,197 --> 00:14:57,030 - I ain't signing shit. - It's all good. This script is butter. 167 00:14:57,118 --> 00:14:59,788 - What? - Butter, butter. This stuff is butter. 168 00:15:00,581 --> 00:15:03,451 It's all good. It's jiggy baby. 169 00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,831 How you know it's all good and jiggy baby? 170 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,625 - I was reading it on the way over. - You read my script? 171 00:15:08,715 --> 00:15:11,467 I loved this script 'cause it's a twist on the usual. 172 00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:14,802 - It's science fiction, which we know sells... - You shut up. 173 00:15:14,888 --> 00:15:17,593 I'll whip your ass. You don't be reading my stuff. 174 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:20,601 - Get off the property! - I just got a little excited. 175 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,178 I gotta get over to my MindHead meeting. 176 00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:25,519 MindHead? 177 00:15:26,443 --> 00:15:29,064 - MindHead? - MindHead! You need a lift? 178 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,863 - I can't believe that! - Yeah! Come on in. 179 00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:34,819 - Thank you. - What a coincidence! 180 00:15:34,910 --> 00:15:36,987 - Who's your guide? - Terry Stricter. Yours? 181 00:15:37,079 --> 00:15:38,871 - Ray. - Ray? 182 00:15:58,061 --> 00:16:01,228 It's people like you that give MindHead a bad name! 183 00:16:01,315 --> 00:16:03,224 You lying sack of shit! 184 00:16:05,528 --> 00:16:08,897 Read the script. I'm really a big-time producer with clout. 185 00:16:21,712 --> 00:16:23,789 Welcome to MindHead. 186 00:16:25,341 --> 00:16:27,630 Welcome to MindHead. 187 00:16:39,023 --> 00:16:41,811 Seems as though you're doing much better. 188 00:16:42,944 --> 00:16:45,352 - Yes. Yes. - Your paranoia... 189 00:16:45,822 --> 00:16:49,358 ...is definitely under control since you came to understand... 190 00:16:49,702 --> 00:16:51,611 ...Happy Premise Number One. 191 00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:55,539 Happy Premise Number One: There are no aliens. 192 00:16:55,959 --> 00:16:57,702 Happy Premise Number Two. 193 00:16:58,003 --> 00:17:01,917 Happy Premise Number Two: There is no giant foot trying to squash me. 194 00:17:02,049 --> 00:17:03,876 Happy Premise Number Three. 195 00:17:04,093 --> 00:17:08,007 Happy Premise Number Three: Even though I feel like I might ignite... 196 00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:09,930 ...I probably won't. 197 00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:11,849 What do we do? 198 00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,683 Keep it together. 199 00:17:17,816 --> 00:17:20,272 Keep it together. Keep it together. 200 00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:24,068 And what is it we don't do under any circumstances? 201 00:17:25,199 --> 00:17:27,239 - Oh, man! - What is it? 202 00:17:27,869 --> 00:17:30,325 I have to show it to the Laker Girls. 203 00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:32,828 You cannot show it to the Laker Girls. 204 00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,668 Keep Mr. Weenie in the pants. 205 00:17:37,129 --> 00:17:38,873 Always in the pants. 206 00:17:39,173 --> 00:17:41,629 I know you want to show it to the Laker Girls... 207 00:17:41,718 --> 00:17:44,589 ...but you must never show it to the Laker Girls. 208 00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:20,508 What did he say? 209 00:18:22,471 --> 00:18:24,096 Betsy, come here. 210 00:18:25,099 --> 00:18:27,139 Sit! Come. 211 00:18:28,103 --> 00:18:29,182 Sit! 212 00:18:30,772 --> 00:18:34,272 Good girl! Come here. What a good girl. 213 00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:37,153 - Is she amazing, or what? - What did he say? 214 00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:44,987 I'm at the meeting with Jerry Renfro, and it's going very well. 215 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,541 But, I'm looking at him and I'm thinking, I don't need him. 216 00:18:50,044 --> 00:18:52,914 What I need is someone like a Kit Ramsey. 217 00:18:53,005 --> 00:18:56,006 Kit Ramsey makes this a go picture. 218 00:18:56,175 --> 00:18:59,794 - So, I went to see Kit at his home. - My God. 219 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,599 What did he say? 220 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,974 - What did who say? - What did Kit Ramsey say? 221 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:15,567 I'm meeting with Kit at his home... By the way, he knew who I was. 222 00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:19,319 I gave him the script, and he looked through the script. 223 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:23,621 And I said, "So, what do you think? Are you interested in doing this movie?" 224 00:19:27,752 --> 00:19:29,661 Kit looked at me... 225 00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:33,502 ...he said... 226 00:19:40,391 --> 00:19:43,262 Kit, just... 227 00:19:45,772 --> 00:19:46,970 ...said: 228 00:19:50,611 --> 00:19:51,690 "Yes." 229 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,117 Kit Ramsey said yes? 230 00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:03,870 Kit Ramsey is doing this movie! 231 00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:20,382 - You told them we'd make this movie? - That's right, I did. 232 00:20:20,561 --> 00:20:23,313 - You have to tell them. - Tell them what? 233 00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:27,312 - We're not gonna make the movie. - Dave, I made them a promise. 234 00:20:27,652 --> 00:20:30,606 How will you make the movie with Kit Ramsey? He said no. 235 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,188 You don't think I worked that out? 236 00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,202 We'll make the movie with Kit Ramsey, except... 237 00:20:36,328 --> 00:20:39,080 - Except what? - Except he won't know he's in it. 238 00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,204 What? 239 00:20:42,919 --> 00:20:45,125 We secretly follow him around with a camera. 240 00:20:45,213 --> 00:20:47,585 Our actors walk up to him and say their lines. 241 00:20:47,674 --> 00:20:50,344 And he's in our movie, and we don't have to pay him. 242 00:20:50,427 --> 00:20:54,377 - What's he gonna say? - What difference does it make? 243 00:20:54,473 --> 00:20:57,178 It's an action movie. All he's gotta do is run. 244 00:20:57,268 --> 00:21:00,472 He runs away from the aliens, he runs toward the aliens. 245 00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:02,521 I want to show you something. 246 00:21:03,859 --> 00:21:06,267 Got this all worked out, I think. 247 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,032 There are six major scenes with Kit. The ones in red. 248 00:21:11,117 --> 00:21:12,944 He's not in any of the other scenes... 249 00:21:13,036 --> 00:21:16,156 ...so we just shoot those with our own actors on our own time. 250 00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:18,536 Bingo, we've got a movie. 251 00:21:19,084 --> 00:21:20,282 That's crazy. 252 00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:23,420 But we're desperate. 253 00:21:23,797 --> 00:21:27,297 Why don't you wait till you get a star who wants to be in it? 254 00:21:27,468 --> 00:21:29,260 I'm 49 years old. 255 00:21:29,512 --> 00:21:33,807 Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, maybe 38. 256 00:21:34,142 --> 00:21:36,681 But when you hit 50, they don't hire you anymore. 257 00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:38,929 It's like they can smell 50. 258 00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:40,440 What's that? 259 00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,477 When I was 10, I knew I wanted to make movies... 260 00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:47,897 ...but I knew no one was going to give me that. 261 00:21:47,991 --> 00:21:51,491 So I started putting away one dollar every week of my life. 262 00:21:51,703 --> 00:21:55,287 If I missed a week, I made it up later, from age 10 on. 263 00:21:56,125 --> 00:22:00,123 And now, you're looking at enough to get us started. 264 00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:02,254 $2,184. 265 00:22:04,092 --> 00:22:06,500 But movies cost millions of dollars to make. 266 00:22:06,595 --> 00:22:10,095 That's after gross net deduction profit percentage... 267 00:22:10,474 --> 00:22:13,013 ...deferment ten percent of the nut. 268 00:22:13,436 --> 00:22:16,188 Cash? Every movie costs $2,184. 269 00:22:36,753 --> 00:22:39,042 Where do I go to be an actress? 270 00:23:15,088 --> 00:23:17,246 Okay. That was nice. 271 00:23:17,340 --> 00:23:20,045 We have your photos, and we'll call you when we decide. 272 00:23:20,135 --> 00:23:22,543 - I have new photos. - No, these are good. 273 00:23:22,971 --> 00:23:26,008 - You hated me, didn't you? - No. You were very good. 274 00:23:31,314 --> 00:23:32,808 She was good. 275 00:23:33,483 --> 00:23:36,318 She had the personality of a zip code in Kansas. 276 00:23:36,737 --> 00:23:39,857 - She didn't have "it." - What do you mean, "it"? 277 00:23:41,158 --> 00:23:42,902 "Lt" is a special quality. 278 00:23:43,244 --> 00:23:46,530 No matter what, you cannot take your eyes off that person. 279 00:23:46,748 --> 00:23:50,366 Every word they say, every gesture you're interested in. 280 00:23:50,961 --> 00:23:52,241 Do I have "it"? 281 00:23:53,672 --> 00:23:56,045 I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. What? 282 00:23:58,302 --> 00:23:59,583 Do I have "it"? 283 00:24:02,098 --> 00:24:03,474 Yes, you do. 284 00:24:04,976 --> 00:24:06,554 I thought I did. 285 00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,640 Next. Who's next? 286 00:24:10,190 --> 00:24:12,100 Is this where I go to be a star? 287 00:24:12,193 --> 00:24:16,273 This is where you go to sacrifice, learn your craft and work hard. 288 00:24:16,447 --> 00:24:19,698 Does that take more than a week? I gave myself one week. 289 00:24:19,868 --> 00:24:24,863 - That's this office. - We'll take a chance, see if you have "it." 290 00:24:25,207 --> 00:24:27,330 See if you have a special quality. 291 00:24:27,418 --> 00:24:30,170 See if you have the illusion of the first time. 292 00:24:31,798 --> 00:24:34,004 Where do I pay? It's $25, right? 293 00:24:34,342 --> 00:24:36,216 - A check? - I have ID. 294 00:24:37,095 --> 00:24:41,307 Maybe a less solid movie company could take a check, but we only take cash. 295 00:24:43,144 --> 00:24:45,183 But I don't have any cash on me. 296 00:24:45,271 --> 00:24:49,020 I have cash, but just not on me, and the banks aren't open. 297 00:24:49,109 --> 00:24:50,852 There, there, there. 298 00:24:51,445 --> 00:24:54,446 There's the door. We can't let you audition. 299 00:24:54,865 --> 00:24:57,700 - But I drove in from Ohio and... - I'm sorry. 300 00:24:57,785 --> 00:24:59,445 - Well... - I'm sorry. 301 00:24:59,787 --> 00:25:01,614 There you are. Goodbye. 302 00:25:02,540 --> 00:25:05,458 She looked pretty good, like she could act. 303 00:25:05,627 --> 00:25:08,996 Yeah, but if they don't pay to audition, it could be dangerous. 304 00:25:09,089 --> 00:25:10,038 How? 305 00:25:10,132 --> 00:25:12,802 If she gets the part. She might want to be paid. 306 00:25:12,885 --> 00:25:14,166 Maybe she had "it"! 307 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:17,097 I didn't make the system. The system is bigger... 308 00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:23,181 All right. If you want the responsibility, fine. 309 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,649 I talked it over with the man. Says he'll take a check. 310 00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:36,487 - He will? - Yes. 311 00:25:38,038 --> 00:25:40,031 - He listens to you? - Yeah. 312 00:25:44,962 --> 00:25:47,002 "I could never be with you, Todd. 313 00:25:47,090 --> 00:25:49,795 "I'm loyal to Keith. I'm loyal to him. 314 00:25:50,051 --> 00:25:53,053 "I could never, never kiss you." 315 00:26:41,734 --> 00:26:44,901 Okay, that was very good. Let's try it one more time. 316 00:26:45,029 --> 00:26:47,567 Slater, this time without the erection. 317 00:26:48,992 --> 00:26:51,530 Thank you, Mr. Bowfinger! Thank you! 318 00:26:57,293 --> 00:27:01,041 We gotta get a crew. The best damn crew we can afford. 319 00:27:03,007 --> 00:27:04,715 Ándale, muchachos! 320 00:27:08,513 --> 00:27:10,174 In here. In here. 321 00:27:11,433 --> 00:27:13,260 Come on. In here. 322 00:27:14,645 --> 00:27:16,389 Welcome to America. 323 00:27:28,035 --> 00:27:30,906 I'm so happy to meet you. This is gonna be great. 324 00:27:31,122 --> 00:27:33,827 I can tell you know what you're doing... 325 00:27:38,839 --> 00:27:41,508 Thanks for making the trip. Glad to have you aboard. 326 00:27:41,592 --> 00:27:44,000 Guess what? We just closed Kit's deal. 327 00:27:44,678 --> 00:27:47,514 Typical deal. Points. Name over the title. 328 00:27:47,682 --> 00:27:50,173 - We get only one take with Kit. - One take? 329 00:27:50,268 --> 00:27:52,759 - He doesn't want to see the camera. - How come? 330 00:27:52,854 --> 00:27:54,183 It's his way of working. 331 00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:58,401 He's so into his character, that if he sees the camera, it breaks his concentration. 332 00:27:58,485 --> 00:28:02,318 - When do we start? - We start tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. 333 00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:13,079 What is it? 334 00:28:13,669 --> 00:28:15,709 I wish you could see what I see. 335 00:28:15,796 --> 00:28:17,623 What do you see, Boss? 336 00:28:18,925 --> 00:28:22,840 The most promising group of young professionals I've ever worked with. 337 00:28:35,443 --> 00:28:38,017 - Hey, Cliff. - 'Morning, Dave. 338 00:28:54,381 --> 00:28:55,626 - Good camera. - Yeah. 339 00:28:55,716 --> 00:28:57,839 It goes back each night or it's a felony. 340 00:28:57,926 --> 00:29:00,797 - Years you'd get. - You'd get. Daisy, come on. 341 00:29:00,971 --> 00:29:04,507 What if Daisy said, "It's a tough world" instead of "rough world"? 342 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,593 That's good. Got that briefcase? 343 00:29:06,686 --> 00:29:08,809 She'd bring his briefcase if she was worried? 344 00:29:08,897 --> 00:29:11,684 The briefcase is a metaphor for the relationship. 345 00:29:12,025 --> 00:29:15,976 Shouldn't I be in this scene? I could be lurking behind a bush. 346 00:29:34,342 --> 00:29:36,833 Okay, this is it. Places, everyone. 347 00:29:38,096 --> 00:29:39,923 Roll! Speed! Marker! 348 00:29:42,226 --> 00:29:44,931 Remember, don't let him see the camera. 349 00:29:47,148 --> 00:29:48,393 Action. 350 00:29:53,738 --> 00:29:55,197 Come on, Daisy, go. 351 00:29:59,036 --> 00:30:00,364 Back to Daisy. 352 00:30:00,704 --> 00:30:03,030 Keith, you forgot your briefcase! 353 00:30:03,124 --> 00:30:05,959 Keith, you forgot... You're upset! 354 00:30:06,127 --> 00:30:10,125 One slip-up in your tough, crime-filled world and you could die. 355 00:30:10,882 --> 00:30:12,674 Keith! Keith! 356 00:30:16,514 --> 00:30:19,468 - Your name Keith? - No, I'm Jimmy. 357 00:30:19,809 --> 00:30:21,683 But thanks for asking. 358 00:30:26,024 --> 00:30:27,649 And, cut! 359 00:30:28,902 --> 00:30:30,776 We got our first shot. 360 00:30:36,452 --> 00:30:37,863 Here it comes. 361 00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:43,456 Come on. Work, baby, work. 362 00:30:54,764 --> 00:30:57,386 Keith, you forgot your briefcase. 363 00:30:57,559 --> 00:31:00,133 You forgot... You're upset. 364 00:31:00,229 --> 00:31:04,227 One slip-up in your tough, crime-filled world and you could die. 365 00:31:04,775 --> 00:31:07,563 It worked. It looked like Daisy came out of the house. 366 00:31:07,654 --> 00:31:09,362 This movie's gonna work! 367 00:31:18,082 --> 00:31:21,000 - Dave, did you wash my car? - Workin' on it. 368 00:31:23,213 --> 00:31:24,755 One scene down. 369 00:31:28,927 --> 00:31:31,419 - Yeah? - Bowfinger, here's what I got. 370 00:31:31,513 --> 00:31:34,847 Kit and his agent will be at the Rodeo Grille tomorrow at 12:45 p.m. 371 00:31:34,934 --> 00:31:36,345 Are we gonna be there? 372 00:31:36,436 --> 00:31:38,678 Better believe it. You're a genius. 373 00:31:56,708 --> 00:31:58,368 Can you see over there? 374 00:31:58,460 --> 00:32:00,998 - What do you see? Can you see Kit? - Yeah. 375 00:32:01,964 --> 00:32:03,873 Am I trying for you or not trying? 376 00:32:03,966 --> 00:32:06,339 You're trying, but I want at least the same... 377 00:32:07,762 --> 00:32:10,929 I know I ain't gonna be treated like Mighty Whitey in this town. 378 00:32:15,104 --> 00:32:18,555 I put in 25 years in the theater before coming to Hollywood. 379 00:32:20,818 --> 00:32:22,194 We're almost ready. 380 00:32:22,278 --> 00:32:25,944 I still don't see why I can't meet the man I'm going to be working with. 381 00:32:26,032 --> 00:32:30,280 He wants to impress you with his acting, and he needs his total concentration. 382 00:32:30,370 --> 00:32:31,995 - That's just young! - I know. 383 00:32:32,081 --> 00:32:35,284 I wish once I could work with someone who had honed their craft. 384 00:32:35,376 --> 00:32:39,077 - But right now we need that scene. - You'll get your scene. 385 00:32:39,672 --> 00:32:42,378 He may not be a professional, but I am. 386 00:32:42,718 --> 00:32:43,916 Carol. 387 00:32:57,317 --> 00:32:59,606 White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact. 388 00:32:59,695 --> 00:33:02,103 - We know that, but... - Did I get a nomination? 389 00:33:02,197 --> 00:33:05,567 No. 'Cause I ain't played none of them slave roles. 390 00:33:05,660 --> 00:33:07,202 That's when you get nominated. 391 00:33:07,286 --> 00:33:09,612 Black dude plays a slave role, gets nominated. 392 00:33:09,706 --> 00:33:12,197 White boy plays an idiot, gets the Oscar. 393 00:33:12,292 --> 00:33:15,661 Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I get the Oscar. 394 00:33:16,755 --> 00:33:19,425 I'm gonna schmooze. I'll be right back. 395 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,544 Go find that script. 396 00:33:22,303 --> 00:33:23,963 Buck, the Wonder Slave. 397 00:33:24,055 --> 00:33:25,431 Here we go. 398 00:33:32,773 --> 00:33:33,936 Sound. 399 00:33:38,029 --> 00:33:39,192 Lights! 400 00:33:56,716 --> 00:33:57,961 Roll it. 401 00:34:01,597 --> 00:34:05,132 When you left Phoenix, it wasn't because you wanted to raise soybeans. 402 00:34:05,226 --> 00:34:07,349 You had to get away. Why? 403 00:34:07,562 --> 00:34:10,848 Was it because you wanted me and it burned inside of you? 404 00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:13,105 - I beg your pardon? - Come back to Phoenix. 405 00:34:13,193 --> 00:34:17,440 Stop this madness. Let me in on whatever mission this is that you're doing. 406 00:34:17,531 --> 00:34:19,405 - Do you know who I am? - Of course. 407 00:34:19,492 --> 00:34:22,825 You're Keith Kincaid. You've come down from Wyoming... 408 00:34:22,995 --> 00:34:24,953 ...with your damn UFOs. 409 00:34:25,081 --> 00:34:26,908 You bastard! Bastard! 410 00:34:28,585 --> 00:34:32,583 - Because you prefer alien love! - Alien love? 411 00:34:33,007 --> 00:34:36,423 - Why did you say "alien love"? - I must get my umbrella. 412 00:34:36,594 --> 00:34:38,337 You triggered the voices. 413 00:34:41,391 --> 00:34:42,589 Freddy! 414 00:34:46,271 --> 00:34:48,597 Take me to Terry Stricter! Now! 415 00:34:53,070 --> 00:34:54,316 We got it. 416 00:34:54,405 --> 00:34:56,861 Strange people are coming to me on the street... 417 00:34:56,950 --> 00:35:00,485 ...and they're speaking in Jupiterian or Venutian or something. 418 00:35:00,579 --> 00:35:03,746 Strangers come up to you, and you don't understand them. 419 00:35:03,832 --> 00:35:05,991 - What is that? - Maybe they're fans. 420 00:35:06,460 --> 00:35:08,786 - Crazy fans. - They speak to me... 421 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,249 ...only they speak in a secret white language that I can't decode. 422 00:35:12,342 --> 00:35:13,967 It's horrifying! 423 00:35:14,177 --> 00:35:18,674 What do these crazy people who speak to you and make no sense say? 424 00:35:19,099 --> 00:35:22,385 They talk about things I never heard of, about people I don't know. 425 00:35:22,478 --> 00:35:26,097 Somebody named Keith. And aliens, sex and umbrellas. 426 00:35:28,068 --> 00:35:29,230 I see. 427 00:35:30,070 --> 00:35:31,185 Kit? 428 00:35:33,824 --> 00:35:36,196 Do you think you can keep it together? 429 00:35:37,536 --> 00:35:39,114 Yes, I can keep it together. 430 00:35:39,205 --> 00:35:42,989 I'm K-l-T, Kit. I'm keeping it together now. 431 00:35:43,168 --> 00:35:46,169 Keep it together. I'm keeping it together. 432 00:35:46,296 --> 00:35:50,294 - Don't I look together? - Have you heard any more voices? 433 00:35:51,844 --> 00:35:52,875 No. 434 00:35:57,100 --> 00:36:00,849 Every now and then I hear a voice. I haven't heard voices. 435 00:36:02,064 --> 00:36:04,187 What did this one voice say? 436 00:36:10,281 --> 00:36:12,689 "As I stand here before you today... 437 00:36:13,201 --> 00:36:15,775 "...the Laker Girls' cheerleading squad... 438 00:36:15,871 --> 00:36:18,409 "...needs to be taken down a peg or two." 439 00:36:24,714 --> 00:36:27,917 You know, last night was really special. 440 00:36:28,551 --> 00:36:31,636 It was. I've never done it lying down before. 441 00:36:33,140 --> 00:36:35,216 - You know, next time... - Yeah? 442 00:36:35,726 --> 00:36:39,427 Next time, I think I'd like to do it with just two condoms. 443 00:36:39,772 --> 00:36:42,145 If I was in the movie more, yeah. 444 00:36:43,276 --> 00:36:47,939 If I was in the movie more, we'd be equals, and I'd trust you more. 445 00:36:48,031 --> 00:36:50,819 - We have lots of scenes together. - I love our scenes. 446 00:36:50,910 --> 00:36:54,908 Our scenes are the best, but I should have more scenes with Kit. 447 00:36:54,997 --> 00:36:59,375 If I had more scenes with Kit, then that would really pump up our scenes. 448 00:37:00,587 --> 00:37:04,799 Afrim would be in charge of that. He's the screenwriter. 449 00:37:06,343 --> 00:37:09,179 - So the writer's in charge of that? - Yeah. 450 00:37:17,105 --> 00:37:19,679 - Boss, I've got those pages. - What pages? 451 00:37:19,775 --> 00:37:21,768 The new pages. 452 00:37:22,445 --> 00:37:24,852 I think if Daisy had more scenes with Kit... 453 00:37:24,947 --> 00:37:27,699 ...it would pump up the scenes with Slater. 454 00:37:27,951 --> 00:37:31,819 So I wrote more scenes for Daisy and Kit, some hot scenes... 455 00:37:32,164 --> 00:37:35,367 ...where there's heat and chemistry. 456 00:37:35,542 --> 00:37:38,034 - I don't think we need... - I think you will see... 457 00:37:38,129 --> 00:37:42,209 ...these new hot scenes, the ones in which Daisy exposes her breasts... 458 00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,459 ...will increase sales in Thailand. 459 00:37:44,970 --> 00:37:46,298 Daisy agreed to this? 460 00:37:46,388 --> 00:37:48,926 That is the case, although I haven't talked to her. 461 00:37:49,016 --> 00:37:50,510 - Baby. - Hi. 462 00:37:54,146 --> 00:37:55,309 Hello. 463 00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:58,723 "A vixen in stretch pants. 464 00:37:59,194 --> 00:38:01,981 "What man wouldn't want a hot virgin?" 465 00:38:04,366 --> 00:38:05,362 You'll do this? 466 00:38:05,451 --> 00:38:08,571 If I have to. If it's for the movie, and you really want me to. 467 00:38:08,663 --> 00:38:11,866 If it's artistic and says something about reality... 468 00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,496 If it's in character and for the scene... 469 00:38:14,961 --> 00:38:16,372 Right, right. 470 00:38:17,506 --> 00:38:20,840 Bowfinger International Pictures. How may I direct your call? What? 471 00:38:20,926 --> 00:38:24,711 I tracked Kit to MindHead. He could be coming down any time. 472 00:38:29,894 --> 00:38:31,472 All right, all right. 473 00:38:31,563 --> 00:38:34,185 Kit feels he's ready to shoot the parking lot scene. 474 00:38:34,274 --> 00:38:36,766 I just love the way this guy works. 475 00:40:29,861 --> 00:40:32,399 Keep it together. Keep it together. 476 00:40:34,157 --> 00:40:35,568 Keep it together. 477 00:40:55,556 --> 00:40:56,932 And, cut! 478 00:40:57,975 --> 00:41:00,301 - Did you get that? - Nice. 479 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,225 - What'd you see? - Fear. Mostly fear. 480 00:41:03,315 --> 00:41:06,150 - Some insane looks. - You saw insane looks? 481 00:41:06,652 --> 00:41:09,108 Betsy, you were such a good girl. 482 00:41:10,990 --> 00:41:14,905 Let's get Carol out of her trailer, shoot the other side of this masterpiece. 483 00:41:34,099 --> 00:41:36,008 - He's brilliant. - He is. 484 00:41:37,269 --> 00:41:40,769 His fear is so real. It's like it's actually happening. 485 00:41:53,746 --> 00:41:57,447 - We work really well together. - That's what he was saying. 486 00:42:04,216 --> 00:42:06,090 Bastard! 487 00:42:08,011 --> 00:42:09,257 Darling. 488 00:42:13,100 --> 00:42:15,852 Darling, I respect Kit's way of working. 489 00:42:15,979 --> 00:42:18,470 The no rehearsal, no contact off screen. 490 00:42:18,565 --> 00:42:23,026 But it's so traditional to actually meet the person you're working with. 491 00:42:23,153 --> 00:42:26,986 No, you should not meet Kit because we're not doing anything traditional here. 492 00:42:27,074 --> 00:42:30,942 We're working in a new style. We're working in cinema nouveau. 493 00:42:32,664 --> 00:42:34,206 Cinema nouveau. 494 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,461 It felt so good today to quit my job. 495 00:42:44,177 --> 00:42:46,750 I told them, "I'm a screenwriter now." 496 00:42:47,055 --> 00:42:49,724 They said, "You have eight brothers and four sisters. 497 00:42:49,808 --> 00:42:53,640 "How will you earn your money?" I said, "This is more important. 498 00:42:53,937 --> 00:42:58,730 "Bowfinger has given me a chance, and I'm going to take it." 499 00:42:59,402 --> 00:43:01,727 You are a great writer. You really are. 500 00:43:01,821 --> 00:43:05,522 I love my new scenes. They're so great. Are they going in? 501 00:43:05,659 --> 00:43:08,577 - That's up to Bowfinger. - It is? 502 00:43:30,019 --> 00:43:32,475 That's sharp. Do the thing. 503 00:43:34,566 --> 00:43:37,057 I'm gonna look good in that. That's bad. 504 00:43:37,152 --> 00:43:39,441 Send it up to the house for me. 505 00:43:39,655 --> 00:43:43,356 The store would be happy to offer you these clothes without charge... 506 00:43:43,451 --> 00:43:46,156 ...if you'd come back Friday, let us take a picture... 507 00:43:46,245 --> 00:43:49,330 ...for LA Style of you wearing the clothes. 508 00:43:49,749 --> 00:43:53,201 I can do that. It'll cost you $1,000. I'll be here Friday, 4:00. 509 00:43:53,295 --> 00:43:56,130 - I'm sure that could be arranged. - Hundred-dollar bills. 510 00:43:56,215 --> 00:43:57,378 Right. 511 00:43:59,010 --> 00:44:01,679 I know I shouldn't do this, I just want you to know... 512 00:44:01,763 --> 00:44:04,966 ...that you were so real in your response to the aliens. 513 00:44:05,058 --> 00:44:08,095 I wasn't even sure I could be a pod person... 514 00:44:08,270 --> 00:44:12,220 ...but now I'm enjoying it because you made the aliens come alive. 515 00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:14,688 It was like they were living inside of me. 516 00:44:14,777 --> 00:44:17,447 At first I was nervous about us having sex... 517 00:44:17,572 --> 00:44:21,356 ...but now I think it's fine as long as we do it in a professional manner. 518 00:44:21,451 --> 00:44:23,491 There'll be a lot of people watching. 519 00:44:23,579 --> 00:44:25,702 I won't bother you anymore. 520 00:44:38,136 --> 00:44:39,845 He's in the grotto. 521 00:44:43,893 --> 00:44:46,301 What did this alien want from you? 522 00:44:46,980 --> 00:44:49,019 She wanted to inhale my gonads! 523 00:44:49,232 --> 00:44:51,806 - Say again? - My gonads! 524 00:44:51,985 --> 00:44:55,485 They come down, pretend they're shaking your hands, but they're not. 525 00:44:55,572 --> 00:44:58,574 They inhale your gonads for special research. 526 00:44:59,076 --> 00:45:00,868 I got rid of the Sports Channel. 527 00:45:00,953 --> 00:45:04,073 No more gamma beams from Jupiter messing with my mind. 528 00:45:04,749 --> 00:45:06,160 Keep it together. 529 00:45:06,376 --> 00:45:10,457 Kit, maybe you should stay with us for a few days... 530 00:45:10,839 --> 00:45:14,754 ...in our special celebrity relaxing quarters. 531 00:45:16,137 --> 00:45:18,675 - You think I need that? - I do. 532 00:45:20,850 --> 00:45:22,428 Go get my checkbook. 533 00:45:24,479 --> 00:45:25,890 Keep it together. 534 00:45:29,819 --> 00:45:32,524 - Can't find Kit. - What do you mean you can't find Kit? 535 00:45:32,613 --> 00:45:36,362 He's one of the most famous faces in the world. You can find him. 536 00:45:36,493 --> 00:45:40,443 No. We staked out his house, MindHead, everywhere. 537 00:45:40,622 --> 00:45:43,030 - He's vanished, gone. - Where is the guy? 538 00:45:43,167 --> 00:45:47,212 We can't shoot movie without our star. Actors have no work ethic these days. 539 00:45:47,296 --> 00:45:50,167 They keep his movements secret. They control him. 540 00:45:50,258 --> 00:45:54,007 A lot of guys must look like Kit. We'll get a look-alike for the long shots. 541 00:45:54,096 --> 00:45:56,587 We'll shoot him from behind and not show his face. 542 00:45:56,682 --> 00:45:59,007 Kit showed his ass in eight of his ten films... 543 00:45:59,101 --> 00:46:02,802 ...eight of his ten films were hits, so we need a guy with a fabulous ass... 544 00:46:02,897 --> 00:46:04,973 ...and mine is the wrong color. 545 00:46:12,658 --> 00:46:15,659 Then I studied at the Moscow Arts Theater for two years... 546 00:46:15,745 --> 00:46:18,117 ...and did a year at the National in London. 547 00:46:18,206 --> 00:46:22,749 I'm currently doing a midnight production of Waiting for Godot here in L.A. 548 00:46:23,211 --> 00:46:25,121 And are you in the union? 549 00:46:25,339 --> 00:46:26,667 Yes, I am. 550 00:46:30,678 --> 00:46:34,297 Currently, I'm packing fries at the Burger King on Douglas. 551 00:46:34,432 --> 00:46:37,967 - Do you have experience in film? - Quite a bit, actually. 552 00:46:38,145 --> 00:46:43,021 Quite a bit of experience. I'm an active renter at Blockbuster... 553 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,604 ...and I attend the Film du Cinema... 554 00:46:46,737 --> 00:46:49,026 ...as much as possible. 555 00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:53,570 Weekly, biweekly, inter-weekly, intermediately. 556 00:46:54,329 --> 00:46:56,702 Would you be willing to cut your hair? 557 00:46:59,418 --> 00:47:02,834 Yes, but it's usually better if someone else does it. 558 00:47:06,593 --> 00:47:08,586 I've had a few accidents. 559 00:47:12,141 --> 00:47:16,008 - Can you see without your glasses? - Yeah. I can see. 560 00:47:17,939 --> 00:47:20,644 I don't really see well, but I can see. 561 00:47:21,651 --> 00:47:24,273 - Do you have contacts? - I have contact lenses. 562 00:47:24,362 --> 00:47:27,114 I can wear contact lenses. That'd help. 563 00:47:27,825 --> 00:47:30,494 - Can I put my glasses back on? - Sure, put them back on. 564 00:47:30,578 --> 00:47:32,535 I'm getting a little headache. 565 00:47:33,206 --> 00:47:36,657 Would you be willing to show your naked rear end in a movie? 566 00:47:46,220 --> 00:47:47,880 Yeah, I guess so. 567 00:47:54,396 --> 00:47:58,441 - This is hard. - Just one more question. 568 00:47:59,068 --> 00:48:03,695 In addition to being a star in this film, would you also be willing to run errands? 569 00:48:05,199 --> 00:48:08,154 I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. 570 00:48:08,245 --> 00:48:10,284 That'd be a major boost for me. 571 00:48:15,503 --> 00:48:17,994 - What did you say your name was? - Jiffrenson. 572 00:48:18,089 --> 00:48:21,090 - Jiffrenson? - Jiff. My friends call me Jiff. 573 00:48:21,217 --> 00:48:23,459 Jiff, welcome aboard. 574 00:48:23,929 --> 00:48:25,720 Here's your wardrobe. 575 00:48:26,765 --> 00:48:29,387 All right! All right. 576 00:48:29,602 --> 00:48:32,223 Awesome. Awesome. 577 00:48:33,231 --> 00:48:34,559 All right. 578 00:48:42,658 --> 00:48:45,231 - How do you feel? - I feel kind of strange. 579 00:48:45,452 --> 00:48:47,860 - You look good. You look tough. - I do? 580 00:48:47,955 --> 00:48:50,162 Like an action star. 581 00:48:51,209 --> 00:48:54,044 Shoulders out. Take a good, deep breath. 582 00:48:54,629 --> 00:48:56,005 Suck it in. 583 00:48:57,716 --> 00:49:01,251 In this scene, you're hurting inside. You're not sure who to trust. 584 00:49:01,345 --> 00:49:04,299 You want to run into the arms of your beloved. 585 00:49:05,725 --> 00:49:08,097 - Hi, I'm Daisy. - Hi. How are you? 586 00:49:08,728 --> 00:49:12,561 When I yell "action," you are gonna run from point "A" over there... 587 00:49:14,318 --> 00:49:16,192 ...to point "B" over here. 588 00:49:17,530 --> 00:49:19,273 That seems kind of hard. 589 00:49:19,365 --> 00:49:21,856 Think of it as an errand. 590 00:49:22,243 --> 00:49:25,695 Your errand is to run across the freeway until I yell, "Cut." 591 00:49:27,249 --> 00:49:30,701 I get it. But doesn't that seem a little dangerous? 592 00:49:31,128 --> 00:49:33,880 No. We have professional stuntmen doing the driving. 593 00:49:33,965 --> 00:49:35,756 You'll be completely safe. 594 00:49:36,009 --> 00:49:39,876 Professional stuntmen. That's how they do it! I was wondering. 595 00:49:40,305 --> 00:49:43,176 - Stunt drivers. - Okay, you ready to do one? 596 00:49:43,809 --> 00:49:46,134 Sure. They're going really fast! 597 00:49:58,116 --> 00:49:59,611 Action! 598 00:50:02,413 --> 00:50:03,907 Come on, Jiff! 599 00:50:04,916 --> 00:50:06,078 Action! 600 00:50:13,884 --> 00:50:17,051 Keith! I love you! 601 00:50:29,026 --> 00:50:30,224 Action! 602 00:51:00,018 --> 00:51:01,050 Cut! 603 00:51:05,066 --> 00:51:07,272 Heavenly Father! Heavenly Father! 604 00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,729 That was so great! You were fantastic! Wasn't he great? 605 00:51:10,989 --> 00:51:13,314 Congratulations! That was so good! 606 00:51:13,408 --> 00:51:15,864 - I don't want to do this anymore. - What? 607 00:51:15,953 --> 00:51:19,120 I just want to run errands. Heavenly God! 608 00:51:19,457 --> 00:51:23,621 Not many people can do what you just did. The stunt drivers were really impressed. 609 00:51:23,711 --> 00:51:25,835 - Weren't they? - Really? 610 00:51:25,922 --> 00:51:28,959 - We got an errand we want you to do. - Really? 611 00:51:29,176 --> 00:51:33,388 We want you to go to Starbucks. Get coffee for everybody. 612 00:51:33,472 --> 00:51:36,842 - I would love to go get coffee. - You're the only one who can do it. 613 00:51:36,934 --> 00:51:38,974 I want to get the coffee now. 614 00:51:39,062 --> 00:51:41,470 But first, let's do this one more time. 615 00:51:41,857 --> 00:51:43,315 Heavenly God! 616 00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:49,901 Good work. 617 00:51:51,659 --> 00:51:54,577 Mr. Bowfinger, Bob, can I talk to you about the new scenes? 618 00:51:54,662 --> 00:51:57,332 - I haven't decided yet. - Can I talk to you about them? 619 00:51:57,415 --> 00:51:58,993 - Okay. - I mean tonight? 620 00:52:03,464 --> 00:52:04,579 Okay. 621 00:52:50,850 --> 00:52:52,593 I'll be right there. 622 00:53:27,807 --> 00:53:30,725 Gets so tiring going out. I thought we'd eat here. 623 00:53:30,852 --> 00:53:34,186 - I know the maitre d' at the lvy. - That's so trendy. 624 00:53:34,273 --> 00:53:38,223 - Do you like Vienna sausages? - Yeah. Do you smell burning hair? 625 00:53:43,825 --> 00:53:47,610 This wine is so good. You can drink all you want and not get drunk. 626 00:53:47,788 --> 00:53:49,033 Yeah. 627 00:53:50,207 --> 00:53:53,659 A big local hit in South Dakota. What are your favorite TV shows? 628 00:53:53,753 --> 00:53:57,253 - I love The Flintstones. - I love The Flintstones too! That's so good. 629 00:53:57,340 --> 00:54:00,341 - Do you like walks in the park? - In the rain! 630 00:54:00,677 --> 00:54:03,299 I want you to see The Music Man because... 631 00:54:03,430 --> 00:54:06,004 - I love The Music Man. - Isn't Robert Preston good? 632 00:54:06,100 --> 00:54:08,508 He's so good. Do you love Smashing Pumpkins? 633 00:54:08,603 --> 00:54:12,102 I love to do that. Have you ever had a shiatsu massage? 634 00:54:19,698 --> 00:54:22,106 - I love you so much! - I love you! 635 00:54:22,326 --> 00:54:25,493 - I'm so alive! - I've never been alive until now. 636 00:54:26,122 --> 00:54:27,403 Never till now. 637 00:54:30,585 --> 00:54:32,495 But I worry about our age difference. 638 00:54:32,588 --> 00:54:36,253 - What is age? It's a state of mind. - That's the way I feel. 639 00:54:36,342 --> 00:54:38,833 Who cares if when I hit my sexual peak you'll be 70? 640 00:54:38,928 --> 00:54:41,135 I know! It's Bogey and Bacall. 641 00:54:41,473 --> 00:54:42,552 Who? 642 00:54:44,267 --> 00:54:48,515 I promise to never play mind games with your head. 643 00:54:48,605 --> 00:54:50,230 You are so today. 644 00:54:50,816 --> 00:54:53,058 - I want to make love to you! - I do too! 645 00:54:53,152 --> 00:54:55,560 - I want you so much! - I want you! 646 00:54:56,698 --> 00:54:59,699 - But I worry. - Our love is bigger than worry. 647 00:54:59,993 --> 00:55:01,950 - I worry about the scenes. - The scenes? 648 00:55:02,037 --> 00:55:04,113 If we're gonna shoot the new scenes. 649 00:55:04,206 --> 00:55:06,994 It's so hard to make love, to give yourself to a man. 650 00:55:07,084 --> 00:55:09,789 It's the woman who's entered, the woman who's violated. 651 00:55:09,879 --> 00:55:11,255 I so understand that. 652 00:55:11,339 --> 00:55:13,830 To know that the man inside you is part of you... 653 00:55:13,925 --> 00:55:17,674 ...and that he would not prevent the added scenes of yours from being shot. 654 00:55:17,763 --> 00:55:19,471 - We're doing the scenes. - We are? 655 00:55:19,556 --> 00:55:20,755 We're doing them 'cause... 656 00:55:20,850 --> 00:55:24,895 ...you're brilliant. I want you in this movie, and this movie is your movie. 657 00:55:24,979 --> 00:55:26,972 Let me just go get ready. 658 00:55:45,001 --> 00:55:46,745 I love you. 659 00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,308 I'll never use you. 660 00:56:01,103 --> 00:56:03,309 I will never abuse your trust. 661 00:56:08,736 --> 00:56:10,314 Thank you, Daisy. 662 00:56:10,405 --> 00:56:12,278 Not at all, not at all. 663 00:56:28,591 --> 00:56:30,549 Are we almost ready? 664 00:56:30,635 --> 00:56:32,545 Are you seeing the fireplace? 665 00:56:33,055 --> 00:56:35,297 We should light the fireplace. 666 00:56:35,683 --> 00:56:37,426 Is this a good mark? 667 00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,847 Daisy, my sweetness. 668 00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:45,895 Hi, how are you? 669 00:56:47,904 --> 00:56:49,648 - Hi. - Are you okay? 670 00:56:49,823 --> 00:56:52,279 - Do you want to relax first or shoot? - Shoot. 671 00:56:52,368 --> 00:56:55,322 You have such a good work ethic. I so admire that. 672 00:56:55,663 --> 00:56:58,949 Here's your mark, it's a little small. Will you be okay... 673 00:56:59,042 --> 00:57:00,073 All right, yeah. 674 00:57:00,168 --> 00:57:01,828 We have a very important scene. 675 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:05,586 This is one of the hot scenes that is about heat and... 676 00:57:08,970 --> 00:57:10,250 ...chemistry. 677 00:57:10,763 --> 00:57:12,886 So it's the artistic portion of the film. 678 00:57:12,974 --> 00:57:17,186 Right, so give her a little room, react normally, be sensitive above all... 679 00:57:17,312 --> 00:57:20,681 ...because in this scene Daisy's gonna take off her blouse. 680 00:57:23,986 --> 00:57:25,611 All right. There's your mark. 681 00:57:25,696 --> 00:57:28,318 The scene is, you're not sure if you still love Keith... 682 00:57:28,408 --> 00:57:31,362 ...but you offer yourself to him in order to save the planet. 683 00:57:31,453 --> 00:57:34,407 Right up here. We're starting here. 684 00:57:34,623 --> 00:57:37,293 Pan up. And roll sound. 685 00:57:37,376 --> 00:57:40,081 - All right, let's go. - Speed. 686 00:57:41,631 --> 00:57:44,122 - Mark. - You're not sure if you love him... 687 00:57:44,217 --> 00:57:47,302 ...but you want to save the planet, and, action. 688 00:57:48,263 --> 00:57:51,051 Keith, I don't know what's right anymore. 689 00:57:51,308 --> 00:57:54,642 All I know is I have feelings that make me need you. 690 00:57:54,979 --> 00:57:56,438 Need you now! 691 00:58:08,869 --> 00:58:10,114 Awesome! 692 00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:15,416 You're doing great! 693 00:58:18,088 --> 00:58:19,962 You're gonna be a star. 694 00:58:20,591 --> 00:58:21,966 And, cut. 695 00:58:31,519 --> 00:58:33,144 How's this, Boss? 696 00:58:49,206 --> 00:58:51,199 What's going on with him? 697 00:58:51,917 --> 00:58:55,286 The alien arrival scene is next and Kit hasn't called in. 698 00:58:55,379 --> 00:58:57,456 Someone must know where he is. 699 00:58:57,799 --> 00:59:01,250 I know where Kit Ramsey's going to be this afternoon. 700 00:59:04,097 --> 00:59:05,093 You do? 701 00:59:05,265 --> 00:59:09,133 At 4:00 he's going to be at Max's clothing store for a photo. 702 00:59:16,403 --> 00:59:19,689 Every day I get an offer on this thing. It's the only one in L.A. 703 00:59:19,781 --> 00:59:22,617 - It's a beauty. - Not a scratch. An award-winner. 704 00:59:22,701 --> 00:59:26,284 - Sold three cars to get this. - You have a great eye for cars. 705 00:59:26,372 --> 00:59:29,991 My wife tried to take it in the divorce. That would have really hurt. 706 00:59:30,084 --> 00:59:32,291 - Who got the kids? - She did. 707 00:59:53,068 --> 00:59:54,776 Wait here a minute. 708 01:00:07,543 --> 01:00:09,999 - Manager in? - No, he's home today. 709 01:00:10,504 --> 01:00:13,256 That's odd. We have a permit to shoot here today. 710 01:00:13,341 --> 01:00:16,176 Weird. We'll just start loading in the equipment. 711 01:00:16,261 --> 01:00:20,259 - You want me to call him? - No, I'll call him from the cell phone. 712 01:00:27,273 --> 01:00:31,318 There's a guy in there who's vacuuming. Tell him you're from the studio. 713 01:00:39,370 --> 01:00:41,991 - Who's in charge here? - I am. 714 01:00:42,456 --> 01:00:45,493 - Do you have a permit to film here today? - Yeah. 715 01:00:45,585 --> 01:00:47,163 May I see it, please? 716 01:00:48,588 --> 01:00:52,289 Can I talk to you for a second? Did you ever think about acting? 717 01:01:15,994 --> 01:01:18,449 - This is it. Roll it. - Mark! 718 01:01:24,670 --> 01:01:25,701 Action! 719 01:01:38,602 --> 01:01:41,437 That time away really helped calm my ass. 720 01:01:41,605 --> 01:01:43,978 Thought I was startin' to crack up. 721 01:01:44,066 --> 01:01:46,605 You ever think, there are no conspiracies? 722 01:01:46,694 --> 01:01:49,945 Maybe there's no aliens. Everything's just as it seems. 723 01:01:50,115 --> 01:01:52,736 Being alone, by myself, in a chamber... 724 01:01:54,244 --> 01:01:55,869 That was really helpful to me. 725 01:01:55,955 --> 01:01:58,197 Freddy? Where the hell... Freddy? 726 01:01:59,667 --> 01:02:01,375 - Freddy! - Hey, you! 727 01:02:02,337 --> 01:02:04,793 - Kincaid! - Freddy! 728 01:02:06,508 --> 01:02:09,545 - You heard me, Kincaid! - Freddy, don't play with me. 729 01:02:09,636 --> 01:02:11,297 Nice try, Kincaid. 730 01:02:11,847 --> 01:02:14,469 Don't act dumb. Where's the plutonium? 731 01:02:15,727 --> 01:02:19,939 That plutonium is mine. It's registered to be used for religious purposes. 732 01:02:20,315 --> 01:02:22,189 You actually have some plutonium? 733 01:02:22,275 --> 01:02:23,651 He has plutonium? 734 01:02:23,735 --> 01:02:24,981 Don't play around. 735 01:02:25,070 --> 01:02:28,689 Freddy's about to have his guts replaced with alien hardware. 736 01:02:28,950 --> 01:02:32,449 - Aliens? - They told me you were dead! 737 01:02:32,537 --> 01:02:34,494 And now you are dead! 738 01:02:39,878 --> 01:02:43,711 Keith, whenever you kill a pod person, another one takes its place! 739 01:02:43,841 --> 01:02:47,127 - You won't take me in your spaceship! - I love you! 740 01:02:47,303 --> 01:02:48,928 Keith! Keith! 741 01:02:51,516 --> 01:02:52,761 I love you! 742 01:02:52,976 --> 01:02:54,519 Stay with him! 743 01:02:59,108 --> 01:03:02,727 I came down because I wanted to see them shoot you today. 744 01:03:02,946 --> 01:03:04,488 Shoot me today? 745 01:03:04,656 --> 01:03:06,696 My darling! Please, Keith! 746 01:03:07,117 --> 01:03:09,739 Let me love you! My darling baby! 747 01:03:09,912 --> 01:03:11,371 Come with me! 748 01:03:17,170 --> 01:03:18,748 He's coming! Stay with him. 749 01:03:26,138 --> 01:03:27,169 Keith! 750 01:03:28,224 --> 01:03:29,967 He's coming in here! 751 01:03:34,939 --> 01:03:35,971 Cut! 752 01:03:36,900 --> 01:03:40,684 Lyle, you might have won an Emmy, but that doesn't mean anything here. 753 01:03:40,779 --> 01:03:43,816 I need to see the moment where you realize he loves you. 754 01:03:43,908 --> 01:03:47,111 He's embroidering for you. Doesn't that affect you in your heart? 755 01:03:47,203 --> 01:03:49,160 - Doesn't that make you... - Kit Ramsey! 756 01:03:49,247 --> 01:03:51,240 Over here. I got the car running. 757 01:03:51,333 --> 01:03:53,491 - Freddy, show me your guts! - What? 758 01:03:53,669 --> 01:03:56,124 Show me your guts right now! 759 01:03:57,423 --> 01:03:59,297 Pod people are all over the place! 760 01:03:59,383 --> 01:04:00,926 Pod people? 761 01:04:01,969 --> 01:04:04,295 Come on. We're gonna shoot scene 35! 762 01:04:05,724 --> 01:04:07,218 Keith! 763 01:04:08,352 --> 01:04:10,973 Who the hell is Keith? Open the door! 764 01:04:11,814 --> 01:04:12,976 Keith! 765 01:04:18,696 --> 01:04:20,107 Go, go, Freddy! 766 01:04:22,784 --> 01:04:23,816 Cut! 767 01:04:26,956 --> 01:04:28,414 I must say... 768 01:04:28,499 --> 01:04:32,367 ...I am becoming more and more impressed with Mr. Ramsey's acting style. 769 01:04:32,462 --> 01:04:34,004 I'm learning a lot from him. 770 01:04:34,088 --> 01:04:37,339 - I haven't done much of anything. - What are you talking about? 771 01:04:37,425 --> 01:04:39,584 You look like Kit Ramsey. That's talent. 772 01:04:39,678 --> 01:04:41,885 Not everybody could look like Kit Ramsey. 773 01:04:41,972 --> 01:04:44,214 Robert DeNiro could not look like Kit Ramsey. 774 01:04:44,308 --> 01:04:45,933 He annoys me anyway. 775 01:04:46,018 --> 01:04:48,557 If I go to the store to get some coffee... 776 01:04:48,646 --> 01:04:51,517 ...I know that I'm the one who'll get the coffee. 777 01:04:51,775 --> 01:04:53,851 I'm the one that got the coffee. 778 01:04:54,027 --> 01:04:56,982 I made sure the napkin was in the bag. 779 01:04:57,156 --> 01:05:00,240 I made sure there was cream, there was sugar in the bag. 780 01:05:00,326 --> 01:05:02,948 I did it. Me! You know? 781 01:05:03,871 --> 01:05:07,455 It's weird for... To get credit for lookin' like somebody. 782 01:05:08,126 --> 01:05:10,415 - What is that? - That's a gift! 783 01:05:11,130 --> 01:05:14,748 I don't know how much of a gift it is. I am his brother. 784 01:05:17,845 --> 01:05:20,419 That's what's so great about working with you guys. 785 01:05:20,515 --> 01:05:24,050 Whenever someone finds out I'm related to Kit Ramsey... 786 01:05:24,144 --> 01:05:27,560 ...they want me to introduce them to him, and I can understand that. 787 01:05:27,648 --> 01:05:31,860 But it feels good to have somebody like you for you. 788 01:05:31,944 --> 01:05:33,937 It's great. I feel great. 789 01:05:38,118 --> 01:05:40,360 - You get along with your brother? - Yeah. 790 01:05:40,454 --> 01:05:43,206 We haven't seen him in a while. He's been so busy. 791 01:05:43,290 --> 01:05:45,330 He's crankin' them out, back-to-back. 792 01:05:45,418 --> 01:05:48,372 He didn't even come home for last Christmas. 793 01:05:49,047 --> 01:05:51,918 - I'm sorry, darling. - That's okay. 794 01:05:52,592 --> 01:05:56,887 I'm here with this fantastic group of people who accept me for who I am. 795 01:05:56,972 --> 01:06:00,756 Just the poor, stupid brother of someone who everybody loves. 796 01:06:08,151 --> 01:06:10,358 So, are you from a show-business family? 797 01:06:10,445 --> 01:06:11,560 We're screwed. 798 01:06:11,655 --> 01:06:15,404 We luck into the brother of the world's hottest movie star... 799 01:06:15,701 --> 01:06:18,619 ...but I have a conscience. - Don't be so hard on yourself. 800 01:06:18,705 --> 01:06:20,448 You hear him? He's an innocent. 801 01:06:20,540 --> 01:06:22,865 He told us how much he loved us. 802 01:06:23,126 --> 01:06:24,834 I just can't do it. 803 01:06:25,796 --> 01:06:28,999 I gotta take the camera back. You'll work it out. 804 01:06:29,967 --> 01:06:31,509 I can't do it. 805 01:06:32,428 --> 01:06:35,429 What I like is Citizen Kane. Very good movie. 806 01:06:36,641 --> 01:06:38,800 What's good is Apocalypse Now. 807 01:06:38,894 --> 01:06:41,811 Godfather. Dr. Strangelove. 808 01:06:42,564 --> 01:06:45,234 - Stanley Kubrick. - A Clockwork Orange. 809 01:06:45,317 --> 01:06:46,812 Mr. Bowfinger. 810 01:06:47,361 --> 01:06:50,279 Mr. Bowfinger, I got something to tell you. 811 01:06:50,406 --> 01:06:52,732 I have something to tell you. Come over here. 812 01:06:52,826 --> 01:06:55,317 - Can I talk first? - All right, all right. 813 01:06:55,996 --> 01:06:58,666 Being Kit Ramsey's brother... 814 01:06:58,749 --> 01:07:01,667 ...sometimes it has its fringe benefits. 815 01:07:02,169 --> 01:07:03,794 How do you mean? 816 01:07:05,465 --> 01:07:09,083 You'll never guess who I had intercourse with in the van. 817 01:07:17,603 --> 01:07:19,477 Isn't that cool? 818 01:07:21,566 --> 01:07:25,149 She gave me the works. She is the most inventive girl. 819 01:07:25,278 --> 01:07:28,862 - Can I see you in my office? - Yeah, sure. She's so strong. 820 01:07:29,033 --> 01:07:31,987 She's pure power and speed. Real hot. 821 01:07:34,038 --> 01:07:35,995 I got an errand for you. 822 01:07:36,749 --> 01:07:40,534 Go to Starbucks, and I want you to get some coffee. 823 01:07:40,629 --> 01:07:42,752 Go to Starbucks and get some coffee. 824 01:07:42,840 --> 01:07:45,675 - You're gonna need napkins for everybody. - I got that. 825 01:07:45,759 --> 01:07:49,093 Call your brother, find out where he's going today. 826 01:07:49,180 --> 01:07:51,303 Find out where Kit's going. 827 01:07:51,391 --> 01:07:55,140 - Then pick up pencils from store... - Pencils from the store. 828 01:07:55,228 --> 01:07:56,853 Then sharpen the pencils. 829 01:07:56,939 --> 01:07:58,812 - You got it? - Yeah, I got it. 830 01:07:58,941 --> 01:08:02,939 Coffee, napkins, stationery, find out where my brother's going. 831 01:08:03,571 --> 01:08:06,406 - Ride like the wind. - I'm gone, man! Gone! 832 01:08:07,700 --> 01:08:09,278 I want to see you. 833 01:08:15,501 --> 01:08:17,743 - We are finished. We are over. - How come? 834 01:08:17,837 --> 01:08:19,664 - You had sex with Jiff. - So? 835 01:08:20,506 --> 01:08:23,461 - Never thought of it that way. - I'll see you tonight at 8:00? 836 01:08:23,551 --> 01:08:24,417 Okay. 837 01:09:08,059 --> 01:09:10,633 There's someone who thinks he should talk to you. 838 01:09:10,729 --> 01:09:13,018 He says it concerns Kit Ramsey. 839 01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:24,989 This is Bob, a Level Six. He's been with us for four years. 840 01:09:25,328 --> 01:09:27,998 There's something he wants to tell you. 841 01:09:32,211 --> 01:09:35,461 - Jack, just taking her out for a wash. - Okay. 842 01:09:51,357 --> 01:09:55,023 We still have this one last scene, the big ending or we don't have a movie. 843 01:09:55,111 --> 01:09:58,148 - I know what else we don't have. - What? 844 01:09:59,491 --> 01:10:00,820 Permission. 845 01:10:02,953 --> 01:10:04,993 Did you know Tom Cruise had no idea... 846 01:10:05,081 --> 01:10:08,165 ...he was in that vampire movie till two years later? 847 01:10:09,002 --> 01:10:10,081 Hello? 848 01:10:11,046 --> 01:10:12,291 Hi, Jiff. 849 01:10:15,342 --> 01:10:18,961 He's leaving his house at 4:45 to go to MindHead. Great work. 850 01:10:19,096 --> 01:10:22,216 Now, we really need those pencils, buddy. 851 01:10:23,393 --> 01:10:25,516 I will see you at the location. 852 01:10:25,854 --> 01:10:28,475 We are about to shoot the final scene in this movie. 853 01:10:28,565 --> 01:10:30,724 I just talked with Kit. He is very excited. 854 01:10:30,818 --> 01:10:33,273 So know your jobs. Don't screw up. Let's go. 855 01:10:33,362 --> 01:10:35,438 We have one hour to get there. 856 01:10:35,698 --> 01:10:39,233 Make sure Slater has finished painting that car! Let's go! 857 01:10:39,619 --> 01:10:42,157 - Can I talk to you about the scene? - Sure. 858 01:10:43,206 --> 01:10:44,784 This is a hard scene for Kit. 859 01:10:44,875 --> 01:10:47,497 He probably won't want to get in that car with you. 860 01:10:47,586 --> 01:10:50,256 He'll probably really resist because of his character. 861 01:10:50,339 --> 01:10:52,297 So you have to be very persuasive... 862 01:10:52,383 --> 01:10:55,219 Because he doesn't know he's in the movie. 863 01:10:56,721 --> 01:11:00,720 I know what's going on. I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio. 864 01:11:03,229 --> 01:11:04,474 I'm not mad. 865 01:11:04,563 --> 01:11:06,936 - I'm working, aren't I? - But... 866 01:11:08,985 --> 01:11:10,444 Who told you? 867 01:11:10,779 --> 01:11:12,487 We're packed and loaded. 868 01:11:12,614 --> 01:11:13,729 Hi, honey. 869 01:11:13,949 --> 01:11:17,817 Hi, sweetie. Will you make sure my makeup case is in the van? 870 01:11:22,875 --> 01:11:24,370 Let's hit it! 871 01:12:24,736 --> 01:12:26,859 Anybody want a Frostee Freeze? 872 01:12:26,988 --> 01:12:29,610 I look like I want some damn Frostee Freeze? 873 01:12:38,918 --> 01:12:40,578 Holy shit! 874 01:12:42,714 --> 01:12:44,623 - Reverse it! - I got it. 875 01:12:46,635 --> 01:12:47,833 Hold on! 876 01:12:49,722 --> 01:12:50,967 What the hell? 877 01:12:57,355 --> 01:12:59,015 It's the dead guy! 878 01:13:12,956 --> 01:13:15,079 Please don't let me die! 879 01:13:24,177 --> 01:13:25,754 This is awesome! 880 01:13:49,747 --> 01:13:51,371 It's going down! 881 01:13:51,957 --> 01:13:54,828 Right now, it's going down. I'm so glad you're here. 882 01:13:54,919 --> 01:13:57,707 - I'm Kit Ramsey! - That's Kit Ramsey. 883 01:13:57,797 --> 01:13:59,790 You know who I am, right? 884 01:14:00,300 --> 01:14:02,626 Please, one at a time. I can't hear you. 885 01:14:02,719 --> 01:14:06,089 I'm Number 13 on Premiere's power list. What are you doin'? 886 01:14:06,390 --> 01:14:10,175 Tough guys like you don't get far in this world. 887 01:14:10,311 --> 01:14:12,933 We've been getting pursued by alien forces! 888 01:14:13,231 --> 01:14:14,429 Aliens! 889 01:14:35,422 --> 01:14:40,583 I should never have slept with the alien life form from the star system Neon! 890 01:14:50,105 --> 01:14:51,386 Shit! 891 01:14:55,528 --> 01:14:57,402 My gonads! My gonads! 892 01:14:58,907 --> 01:15:02,276 Keith, there's only one way out of this. Follow me! 893 01:15:04,955 --> 01:15:06,497 Kiss you? Now? 894 01:15:07,750 --> 01:15:09,873 Danger really turns you on! 895 01:15:12,130 --> 01:15:13,672 Get in the car. 896 01:15:13,965 --> 01:15:17,002 We must get to the alien antenna before the summer solstice! 897 01:15:17,094 --> 01:15:19,799 You best hurry! I'm Keith. 898 01:15:54,552 --> 01:15:56,545 That way, Carol. This way. 899 01:16:02,519 --> 01:16:05,853 Bill, we're here! Put the tripod there. All right, ready? 900 01:16:06,357 --> 01:16:08,930 We gotta eat. How we could know if we're starving? 901 01:16:09,026 --> 01:16:12,645 I needed love, love so strong, but the alien embryos had already... 902 01:16:12,739 --> 01:16:14,281 Hit the lights! 903 01:16:17,327 --> 01:16:18,406 Action. 904 01:16:20,247 --> 01:16:21,492 Get out! 905 01:16:23,667 --> 01:16:25,459 There's the alien antenna. 906 01:16:25,545 --> 01:16:28,166 That's where you must go to say, "Gotcha, suckers!" 907 01:16:28,256 --> 01:16:30,926 If you don't, we will all become pod people. 908 01:16:31,593 --> 01:16:33,633 Cut! Let's move the camera. 909 01:16:33,720 --> 01:16:37,553 They will impregnate everyone, including the CIA and the FBI! 910 01:16:38,601 --> 01:16:41,602 Soon as you're set, start rolling on the stairwell. 911 01:16:42,480 --> 01:16:43,725 In here! 912 01:16:49,196 --> 01:16:52,363 They're all aliens worshipping their false gods. 913 01:16:56,788 --> 01:16:58,911 - Come on! Come on! - No! No! 914 01:16:59,833 --> 01:17:02,205 Keep running since you're with the one person... 915 01:17:02,294 --> 01:17:03,622 I got them. 916 01:17:06,298 --> 01:17:06,998 Shit! 917 01:17:07,091 --> 01:17:08,834 Cut to the stairwell. 918 01:17:08,926 --> 01:17:12,378 Then I realized it was you that I loved and... 919 01:17:13,556 --> 01:17:15,514 The roof is your next shot. 920 01:17:17,143 --> 01:17:18,804 Bastard! Bastard! 921 01:17:19,438 --> 01:17:21,846 - No, no, I'm Keith! - Bastard! 922 01:17:27,572 --> 01:17:28,686 Stop it! 923 01:17:29,949 --> 01:17:31,064 Stop it! 924 01:17:41,337 --> 01:17:42,582 Shit! 925 01:17:44,215 --> 01:17:46,374 She was from the planet Neon! 926 01:17:46,885 --> 01:17:49,008 Don't bring that shit over here! 927 01:17:49,221 --> 01:17:50,217 Put that down! 928 01:17:50,305 --> 01:17:52,179 Cut! Okay, outside. 929 01:17:53,225 --> 01:17:54,768 Drop that shit! 930 01:17:58,022 --> 01:18:02,151 We must run. We have only 40 seconds! 931 01:18:09,160 --> 01:18:11,615 This is it. We only need one shot. 932 01:18:20,631 --> 01:18:23,038 Only one thing can stop them now. 933 01:18:23,300 --> 01:18:25,874 - Lf you say, "Gotcha, suckers!" - What? 934 01:18:26,721 --> 01:18:28,927 - Put your hands right here. - What? 935 01:18:29,015 --> 01:18:31,008 Go! Cue the pyrotechnics. 936 01:18:33,895 --> 01:18:34,927 Shit! 937 01:18:35,022 --> 01:18:36,849 My God! It's time! 938 01:18:38,233 --> 01:18:40,807 Look into the sky and say, "Gotcha, suckers!" 939 01:18:40,903 --> 01:18:42,148 Kincaid! 940 01:18:49,162 --> 01:18:50,705 Gotcha, suckers! 941 01:18:51,832 --> 01:18:53,410 Come on, say it. 942 01:18:56,587 --> 01:18:58,165 Come on, say it! 943 01:19:42,972 --> 01:19:48,049 It seems the paranoid are sometimes actually being followed. 944 01:19:48,645 --> 01:19:50,934 This film is only for Madagascar and Iran... 945 01:19:51,023 --> 01:19:53,977 ...neither of which accept American copyright law. 946 01:19:54,151 --> 01:19:57,271 Terry! I'm Keith Kincaid. 947 01:19:57,989 --> 01:20:00,065 I saved the world. 948 01:20:01,493 --> 01:20:02,868 I saved it. 949 01:20:18,219 --> 01:20:22,929 I have eight brothers, four sisters, and no job! I'm screwed! 950 01:20:23,016 --> 01:20:25,887 There's no movie! I can't believe there's no movie! 951 01:20:25,978 --> 01:20:28,220 I didn't look for work, I thought I was working. 952 01:20:28,314 --> 01:20:31,897 - I showed my breasts on film. For what? - I'm a felon. 953 01:20:32,235 --> 01:20:34,987 My friends, I have a cousin who's a lawyer. 954 01:20:35,280 --> 01:20:38,780 I say we take action. We sue. Sue! Sue! 955 01:20:39,326 --> 01:20:41,319 Carol, what do you think? 956 01:20:44,582 --> 01:20:45,827 I think... 957 01:20:48,169 --> 01:20:50,458 I think it was a beautiful lie. 958 01:21:14,323 --> 01:21:16,067 It could've worked. 959 01:21:22,666 --> 01:21:25,074 Boss, what you want me to do with this stuff? 960 01:21:25,169 --> 01:21:26,829 - What is it? - It's the film. 961 01:21:26,921 --> 01:21:29,792 I told him to follow Kit around and get some random shots. 962 01:21:29,882 --> 01:21:32,171 You never know. We could've used it. 963 01:21:32,343 --> 01:21:33,624 The trash is outside. 964 01:21:33,720 --> 01:21:36,507 - I wanna take a look at it. - Why hurt ourselves? 965 01:21:36,598 --> 01:21:38,674 We need Kit Ramsey's permission. 966 01:21:38,767 --> 01:21:41,852 Why didn't someone bring that up to me at some point? 967 01:21:43,022 --> 01:21:45,015 Hold up, hold up. 968 01:21:50,530 --> 01:21:53,531 Useless. A tennis-playing alien fighter. 969 01:22:00,041 --> 01:22:01,452 Nice work, guys. 970 01:22:01,584 --> 01:22:04,585 Thank you, Mr. Bowfinger. We used a Pro-Mist... 971 01:22:04,671 --> 01:22:08,716 ...and tried to open up the aperture to give him a rim light. 972 01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:17,224 What's he doing? 973 01:22:29,824 --> 01:22:32,397 I think we just got our permission. 974 01:22:50,347 --> 01:22:52,007 Hey, Laker Girls. 975 01:22:58,773 --> 01:23:00,315 It's not funny! 976 01:23:13,456 --> 01:23:18,165 You realize all courts in the country would consider this blackmail! 977 01:23:21,423 --> 01:23:25,587 I don't know anything about blackmail. I'm just a guy with a great film. 978 01:23:25,677 --> 01:23:28,133 I need a shot of Kit saying, "Gotcha, suckers"... 979 01:23:28,222 --> 01:23:29,847 ...and a couple of close-ups. 980 01:23:29,932 --> 01:23:34,144 Or we'll use a shot of Kit wagging his thing at the Laker Girls. 981 01:23:34,354 --> 01:23:36,726 Which is a great ending. 982 01:23:36,815 --> 01:23:39,187 Though not such a good ending for Kit. 983 01:23:39,276 --> 01:23:41,814 It could sort of stop his money flow... 984 01:23:41,904 --> 01:23:46,531 ...and possibly make that family film he's about to do, just... 985 01:23:51,790 --> 01:23:53,996 We'll have to think about it. 986 01:23:55,961 --> 01:23:59,911 We'll have to think about it, for Kit. 987 01:24:04,721 --> 01:24:07,294 Now that you've had time to think about it... 988 01:24:07,390 --> 01:24:11,258 ...what do you and the other fellows here at MindFu... Head think? 989 01:24:48,728 --> 01:24:50,353 Good to see you. 990 01:24:53,483 --> 01:24:55,026 This way. 991 01:25:14,798 --> 01:25:16,922 Not bad seats at all! 992 01:25:37,032 --> 01:25:39,902 CIA operative, Todd Delmonico... 993 01:25:40,035 --> 01:25:43,653 ... drove his '53 Buick to meet Keith Kincaid. 994 01:25:45,124 --> 01:25:46,618 Kincaid! 995 01:25:46,959 --> 01:25:49,082 It had rained that day. 996 01:25:49,295 --> 01:25:52,795 But was it normal rain? Or was it Chubby Rain? 997 01:25:53,091 --> 01:25:55,713 - Freddy? - You heard me there, Kincaid. 998 01:25:56,470 --> 01:25:57,668 Freddy? 999 01:26:01,350 --> 01:26:05,218 Freddy's about to have his guts replaced with alien hardware! 1000 01:26:27,921 --> 01:26:29,416 Gotcha, suckers! 1001 01:26:47,443 --> 01:26:49,899 A hit. A hit. 1002 01:27:13,222 --> 01:27:14,716 Hey, you guys! 1003 01:27:15,724 --> 01:27:17,848 I want you to meet somebody. 1004 01:27:18,394 --> 01:27:20,968 This is Farrah. Farrah and I met at the premiere. 1005 01:27:21,064 --> 01:27:24,267 Farrah's one of the most powerful lesbians in Hollywood. 1006 01:27:24,776 --> 01:27:25,939 Bravo! 1007 01:27:35,747 --> 01:27:37,989 I can't talk to you right now. 1008 01:28:50,872 --> 01:28:54,407 It's an offer to direct a movie in Taiwan starring Kit Ramsey's brother. 1009 01:28:54,501 --> 01:28:56,577 Oh, my God! Are you serious? 1010 01:28:58,714 --> 01:29:00,588 We're goin' to Taiwan! 1011 01:30:06,163 --> 01:30:07,539 Jiff! Jiff! 1012 01:30:24,350 --> 01:30:26,639 Good to see you again, brother. 1013 01:35:54,091 --> 01:35:56,167 Subtitles by SOFTITLER 1014 01:35:57,053 --> 01:35:59,129 I saved the world! 1015 01:36:00,807 --> 01:36:01,970 I saved it!