1
00:01:13,955 --> 00:01:16,280
Bowfinger International Pictures.
2
00:01:16,374 --> 00:01:18,201
This is Cherisse from AT&T.
3
00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:22,380
We're wondering if your payment
for $5.43 has gone astray. Call us.
4
00:01:22,673 --> 00:01:23,836
Just a reminder.
5
00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:27,709
We no longer need access to
your residence to disconnect your phone.
6
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:18,774
Great script.
7
00:02:33,126 --> 00:02:35,499
Betsy, it's now or never.
8
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,873
We are gonna make a movie.
9
00:02:38,966 --> 00:02:42,086
- Bowfinger International Pictures.
- It's Carol.
10
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:46,378
How do I say this? I have an offer
to go to Edmonton to do Cats.
11
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,806
It's a small role, but I've got to take it.
12
00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:51,017
- You keep promising me...
- No!
13
00:02:51,396 --> 00:02:54,184
...but it's been 8 months.
- Carol, don't take that job.
14
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,766
We're gonna make a motion picture.
I promise you.
15
00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:59,399
- But you've promised before.
- I know.
16
00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:02,027
- Be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
- I can't afford...
17
00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,110
- Please!
- But you always...
18
00:03:11,544 --> 00:03:13,584
This is Dave. Beep comin'.
19
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:16,753
Dave, can you get me
a Mercedes tomorrow?
20
00:03:16,841 --> 00:03:20,377
I want you to find out when
and where Jerry Renfro is having lunch.
21
00:03:20,470 --> 00:03:23,472
Just do it. Don't think about it.
You're my buddy.
22
00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:31,846
Come on.
23
00:03:33,318 --> 00:03:36,687
- Hello?
- Afrim? It's Bowfinger. Great script.
24
00:03:37,322 --> 00:03:40,074
You wrote a great script.
Your accounting days are over.
25
00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:42,282
He likes my script!
26
00:03:43,996 --> 00:03:45,491
Afrim? Afrim?
27
00:03:45,874 --> 00:03:48,709
- Be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
- Yes, Boss.
28
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:03,886
- Slater.
- Who is this?
29
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,352
- Bowfinger.
- 'Bye.
30
00:04:05,437 --> 00:04:08,272
Don't hang up. Be here tomorrow at 10:00.
31
00:04:09,358 --> 00:04:12,810
- That's early.
- Big meeting, 10:00 a.m. Please?
32
00:04:27,628 --> 00:04:29,917
You believe in me, don't you, Betsy?
33
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,362
First of all, thank you for coming.
34
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,407
I know things have been a little slow.
35
00:05:04,502 --> 00:05:07,041
- Very slow.
- Slow and low.
36
00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:08,459
Let him speak.
37
00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:12,217
We are not the big guys.
We are the little guys.
38
00:05:12,303 --> 00:05:16,004
We never had muscle before,
but now we do.
39
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,714
Because last night I read a screenplay...
40
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,390
...that every studio in town
is going to want.
41
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,683
And how did we get this screenplay?
Because Afrim here...
42
00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:28,856
...is a damn fine writer,
and accountant and part-time receptionist.
43
00:05:29,197 --> 00:05:32,862
I said, "Afrim, if you can write
as well as you can add..."
44
00:05:32,992 --> 00:05:35,235
I didn't have to finish my sentence.
45
00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:39,872
Twelve days later
he hands me this masterpiece.
46
00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,167
Thank you, Boss.
47
00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:44,461
Tell them the title.
48
00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,048
Chubby Rain.
49
00:05:47,008 --> 00:05:47,874
What?
50
00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:49,960
Chubby Rain. Tell them why.
51
00:05:50,053 --> 00:05:54,383
- The aliens come to Earth in raindrops.
- Yeah!
52
00:05:55,351 --> 00:05:57,509
Making the raindrops chubby.
53
00:05:57,728 --> 00:06:00,932
Aliens in the raindrops.
At the end of this movie...
54
00:06:01,065 --> 00:06:05,360
...when our hero, Keith Kincaid,
looks up at the alien antenna and says:
55
00:06:05,695 --> 00:06:07,320
"Gotcha, suckers!"
56
00:06:09,616 --> 00:06:11,775
I mean, that is a moment.
57
00:06:14,997 --> 00:06:16,196
I don't know.
58
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:20,123
I'll close the deal today.
If I don't, you can go anywhere you want.
59
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:25,753
Come here.
60
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,140
See that FedEx truck?
61
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,899
Every day, it delivers important papers
to people around the world.
62
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:44,442
And one day, it is going to stop here...
63
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:49,358
...a man is going to walk up and casually
toss a couple of FedExes on my desk.
64
00:06:49,619 --> 00:06:51,577
And at that moment, we...
65
00:06:51,705 --> 00:06:54,741
...and by "we" I mean "me,"
will be important.
66
00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:58,957
Now, today...
67
00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:02,546
...I have a very important meeting
with Jerry Renfro.
68
00:07:03,802 --> 00:07:08,678
If it goes the way I think it's gonna go,
I will see you at the Oscars.
69
00:08:08,415 --> 00:08:09,743
Good job, Dave.
70
00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:12,324
Return it in 45 minutes.
I'm supposed to wash it.
71
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:13,534
Has Renfro left?
72
00:08:13,629 --> 00:08:16,583
Fifteen minutes ago.
He should be at the restaurant now.
73
00:08:16,674 --> 00:08:19,462
If this goes like I think,
I'm making you cameraman.
74
00:08:19,552 --> 00:08:20,715
Know what that means?
75
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:23,924
- You'd be living up to your promise?
- That's right.
76
00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:27,801
If this movie gets made,
I'm giving you my van.
77
00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:32,685
It is my van.
78
00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:15,397
Could you seat me next to Jerry Renfro?
Thank you.
79
00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:18,492
Tony, how are you?
80
00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:21,618
No. Say the deal back to me.
81
00:09:22,038 --> 00:09:23,283
Net net?
82
00:09:23,498 --> 00:09:26,168
If I'm putting $85 million
into an avalanche movie...
83
00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:29,418
...I gotta know where the snow is.
And it better be Aspen.
84
00:09:29,505 --> 00:09:31,462
And what asshole will direct.
85
00:09:31,549 --> 00:09:34,170
We gotta get a director. Get me a list.
86
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:38,093
- The star has to be international.
- I need an international star.
87
00:09:39,474 --> 00:09:42,392
- Who's my star?
- How about Kit Ramsey?
88
00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:46,097
Kit Ramsey is the hottest,
sexiest action star in the world.
89
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:50,105
When I think of Kit Ramsey in this movie,
I get very comfortable.
90
00:09:50,195 --> 00:09:52,733
Yeah, but I won't bid
against Flanehfastah...
91
00:09:52,822 --> 00:09:56,821
...because even if Kit Ramsey's interested,
we might not want him.
92
00:09:57,870 --> 00:10:01,868
Can you believe this? Now they try
to tell us who's gonna be in our movies.
93
00:10:01,958 --> 00:10:04,330
Get me Kit. Get me Kit right now.
94
00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:08,173
You don't put me on hold,
I put you on hold.
95
00:10:08,256 --> 00:10:10,830
Put me on hold and you're a dead man.
96
00:10:12,136 --> 00:10:14,591
How are you? Bobby Bowfinger,
Bowfinger Films.
97
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,634
- We worked on that thing years ago.
- What thing?
98
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,843
The... famous movie.
99
00:10:22,105 --> 00:10:24,561
Hi, Kit. How are you?
100
00:10:25,108 --> 00:10:27,646
My man! How's Dolores?
101
00:10:28,404 --> 00:10:31,571
Good. You are first in line for the script.
102
00:10:32,074 --> 00:10:35,278
- You can't be more first than first.
- Can I talk to him?
103
00:10:36,079 --> 00:10:40,029
- Can I talk to Kit?
- Absolutely. Kit?
104
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:44,493
Got a surprise for you. Kit?
I'm losing you...
105
00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:48,461
- Bad line?
- These cell phones are so bad.
106
00:10:48,551 --> 00:10:50,959
Universal's begging me for this script.
107
00:10:51,054 --> 00:10:54,423
They screwed me once.
You ought to take a look.
108
00:10:58,395 --> 00:11:01,065
- It starts nice.
- It does, doesn't it?
109
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:03,183
- All this.
- Yeah. Right.
110
00:11:04,777 --> 00:11:08,610
- "Gotcha, suckers!" That is a catch phrase.
- Isn't that good?
111
00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,864
I just saw the poster.
112
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,734
Let's be risky today. I'm going with this.
113
00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:19,327
You bring me this script and Kit Ramsey
and you got yourself a go picture, Bobby.
114
00:11:21,004 --> 00:11:22,498
Okay. Thanks.
115
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:29,418
I love what you do. Here's my card.
116
00:11:31,515 --> 00:11:33,307
Just keep that.
117
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:38,976
What was that?
118
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,150
"A go picture! A go picture!"
119
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,896
Do you know anyone who knows
Kit Ramsey?
120
00:11:46,282 --> 00:11:48,951
Damn it! I'm the biggest black
action star in the world!
121
00:11:49,035 --> 00:11:51,704
- Where's my "Hasta la vista, baby"?
- What?
122
00:11:51,788 --> 00:11:55,656
If Arnold Schwarnzen-cracker
is gettin' to say lines like that...
123
00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:58,580
...then I deserve equally well-written shit.
124
00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:01,121
- The script has that moment.
- When?
125
00:12:01,298 --> 00:12:05,961
You say, "I enjoyed meeting you, Cliff."
Then you push the guy right over the cliff.
126
00:12:06,054 --> 00:12:10,799
But the audience has to know
the guy's name is Cliff, and he's on a cliff.
127
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:13,971
It's too cerebral. We're trying
to make a movie, not a film.
128
00:12:14,062 --> 00:12:16,139
You're supposed to be the agent!
129
00:12:16,315 --> 00:12:19,519
You better find me a line
like the time I told Tommy Lee Jones...
130
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:21,603
..."Fuck you," and blew his brains out.
131
00:12:21,696 --> 00:12:23,440
You know what's happening?
132
00:12:23,573 --> 00:12:27,274
Another example of the white man
taking all the best catch phrases...
133
00:12:27,369 --> 00:12:29,694
...and then giving them
to Arnold or Stallone.
134
00:12:29,788 --> 00:12:32,362
Exactly. And Jackie Chan and Van Damme.
135
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,706
They can't even speak English good.
136
00:12:34,877 --> 00:12:38,377
There's covert stuff goin' on.
Some covert shit I just found out.
137
00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:40,754
I'm glad you're here. Come in here.
138
00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:42,752
Right now, everybody. Come here.
139
00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:45,383
- What you talkin' about?
- Just for fun...
140
00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:49,387
...I scanned the script to see
how many times the letter "K" appears.
141
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:54,979
The letter "K" appears
in this script 1,456 times.
142
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,148
That's perfectly divisible by three.
143
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,727
- So what're you saying?
- What am I sayin'?
144
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:03,191
"KKK" appears in this script 486 times.
145
00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:13,701
- The sickness is deep.
- He's playing you.
146
00:13:13,795 --> 00:13:16,501
- I've been played.
- That's really not the case here.
147
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:20,125
This is a great script.
It's not Shakespeare, but...
148
00:13:20,261 --> 00:13:24,129
- What'd you just say?
- I said, "It's not Shakespeare, but..."
149
00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,715
It's not... Did you hear what he's doing?
150
00:13:26,810 --> 00:13:30,013
He's doing something.
I just can't put my finger on it.
151
00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:31,683
What's he doing?
152
00:13:31,857 --> 00:13:34,099
- Shakespeare, Freddy.
- Shakespeare!
153
00:13:34,318 --> 00:13:37,319
- "Shake-a-spear. Spear-chucker."
- "Shake-a-spear!"
154
00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:39,238
I'm a spear-chucker now.
155
00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,897
- Call me a spear-chucker.
- It doesn't mean that!
156
00:13:41,993 --> 00:13:43,951
It's my imagination?
157
00:13:44,162 --> 00:13:46,784
There's no computer chip
in LaToya Jackson's brain.
158
00:13:46,874 --> 00:13:50,077
She just acts like that.
Teddy Kennedy ain't 1/16 black.
159
00:13:50,253 --> 00:13:53,586
- Teddy Kennedy?
- He's different to the other Kennedys.
160
00:13:53,673 --> 00:13:57,718
- I got some calls to make.
- Go make some calls. Call Arnold and Sly!
161
00:13:57,844 --> 00:14:01,759
And Van Damme and Jackie Chan.
Tell 'em the spear-chucker said hello!
162
00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:43,347
Get my door just as fast
as you get Tom Hanks'!
163
00:14:43,437 --> 00:14:46,723
- Wait. Who are you?
- Script delivery from Paramount.
164
00:14:46,857 --> 00:14:49,942
- I ain't expectin' no script from Paramount.
- I mean Universal.
165
00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:52,863
- Maybe so. Come on.
- Gotta have you sign.
166
00:14:53,197 --> 00:14:57,030
- I ain't signing shit.
- It's all good. This script is butter.
167
00:14:57,118 --> 00:14:59,788
- What?
- Butter, butter. This stuff is butter.
168
00:15:00,581 --> 00:15:03,451
It's all good. It's jiggy baby.
169
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,831
How you know it's all good and jiggy baby?
170
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,625
- I was reading it on the way over.
- You read my script?
171
00:15:08,715 --> 00:15:11,467
I loved this script 'cause
it's a twist on the usual.
172
00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:14,802
- It's science fiction, which we know sells...
- You shut up.
173
00:15:14,888 --> 00:15:17,593
I'll whip your ass.
You don't be reading my stuff.
174
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:20,601
- Get off the property!
- I just got a little excited.
175
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,178
I gotta get over to my MindHead meeting.
176
00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:25,519
MindHead?
177
00:15:26,443 --> 00:15:29,064
- MindHead?
- MindHead! You need a lift?
178
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,863
- I can't believe that!
- Yeah! Come on in.
179
00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:34,819
- Thank you.
- What a coincidence!
180
00:15:34,910 --> 00:15:36,987
- Who's your guide?
- Terry Stricter. Yours?
181
00:15:37,079 --> 00:15:38,871
- Ray.
- Ray?
182
00:15:58,061 --> 00:16:01,228
It's people like you
that give MindHead a bad name!
183
00:16:01,315 --> 00:16:03,224
You lying sack of shit!
184
00:16:05,528 --> 00:16:08,897
Read the script.
I'm really a big-time producer with clout.
185
00:16:21,712 --> 00:16:23,789
Welcome to MindHead.
186
00:16:25,341 --> 00:16:27,630
Welcome to MindHead.
187
00:16:39,023 --> 00:16:41,811
Seems as though
you're doing much better.
188
00:16:42,944 --> 00:16:45,352
- Yes. Yes.
- Your paranoia...
189
00:16:45,822 --> 00:16:49,358
...is definitely under control
since you came to understand...
190
00:16:49,702 --> 00:16:51,611
...Happy Premise Number One.
191
00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:55,539
Happy Premise Number One:
There are no aliens.
192
00:16:55,959 --> 00:16:57,702
Happy Premise Number Two.
193
00:16:58,003 --> 00:17:01,917
Happy Premise Number Two:
There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
194
00:17:02,049 --> 00:17:03,876
Happy Premise Number Three.
195
00:17:04,093 --> 00:17:08,007
Happy Premise Number Three:
Even though I feel like I might ignite...
196
00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:09,930
...I probably won't.
197
00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:11,849
What do we do?
198
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,683
Keep it together.
199
00:17:17,816 --> 00:17:20,272
Keep it together. Keep it together.
200
00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:24,068
And what is it we don't do
under any circumstances?
201
00:17:25,199 --> 00:17:27,239
- Oh, man!
- What is it?
202
00:17:27,869 --> 00:17:30,325
I have to show it to the Laker Girls.
203
00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:32,828
You cannot show it to the Laker Girls.
204
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,668
Keep Mr. Weenie in the pants.
205
00:17:37,129 --> 00:17:38,873
Always in the pants.
206
00:17:39,173 --> 00:17:41,629
I know you want to show it
to the Laker Girls...
207
00:17:41,718 --> 00:17:44,589
...but you must never show it
to the Laker Girls.
208
00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:20,508
What did he say?
209
00:18:22,471 --> 00:18:24,096
Betsy, come here.
210
00:18:25,099 --> 00:18:27,139
Sit! Come.
211
00:18:28,103 --> 00:18:29,182
Sit!
212
00:18:30,772 --> 00:18:34,272
Good girl! Come here. What a good girl.
213
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:37,153
- Is she amazing, or what?
- What did he say?
214
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:44,987
I'm at the meeting with Jerry Renfro,
and it's going very well.
215
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,541
But, I'm looking at him and I'm thinking,
I don't need him.
216
00:18:50,044 --> 00:18:52,914
What I need is someone like a Kit Ramsey.
217
00:18:53,005 --> 00:18:56,006
Kit Ramsey makes this a go picture.
218
00:18:56,175 --> 00:18:59,794
- So, I went to see Kit at his home.
- My God.
219
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,599
What did he say?
220
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,974
- What did who say?
- What did Kit Ramsey say?
221
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:15,567
I'm meeting with Kit at his home...
By the way, he knew who I was.
222
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:19,319
I gave him the script,
and he looked through the script.
223
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:23,621
And I said, "So, what do you think?
Are you interested in doing this movie?"
224
00:19:27,752 --> 00:19:29,661
Kit looked at me...
225
00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:33,502
...he said...
226
00:19:40,391 --> 00:19:43,262
Kit, just...
227
00:19:45,772 --> 00:19:46,970
...said:
228
00:19:50,611 --> 00:19:51,690
"Yes."
229
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,117
Kit Ramsey said yes?
230
00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:03,870
Kit Ramsey is doing this movie!
231
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:20,382
- You told them we'd make this movie?
- That's right, I did.
232
00:20:20,561 --> 00:20:23,313
- You have to tell them.
- Tell them what?
233
00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:27,312
- We're not gonna make the movie.
- Dave, I made them a promise.
234
00:20:27,652 --> 00:20:30,606
How will you make the movie
with Kit Ramsey? He said no.
235
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,188
You don't think I worked that out?
236
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,202
We'll make the movie
with Kit Ramsey, except...
237
00:20:36,328 --> 00:20:39,080
- Except what?
- Except he won't know he's in it.
238
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,204
What?
239
00:20:42,919 --> 00:20:45,125
We secretly follow him around
with a camera.
240
00:20:45,213 --> 00:20:47,585
Our actors walk up to him
and say their lines.
241
00:20:47,674 --> 00:20:50,344
And he's in our movie,
and we don't have to pay him.
242
00:20:50,427 --> 00:20:54,377
- What's he gonna say?
- What difference does it make?
243
00:20:54,473 --> 00:20:57,178
It's an action movie.
All he's gotta do is run.
244
00:20:57,268 --> 00:21:00,472
He runs away from the aliens,
he runs toward the aliens.
245
00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:02,521
I want to show you something.
246
00:21:03,859 --> 00:21:06,267
Got this all worked out, I think.
247
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,032
There are six major scenes with Kit.
The ones in red.
248
00:21:11,117 --> 00:21:12,944
He's not in any of the other scenes...
249
00:21:13,036 --> 00:21:16,156
...so we just shoot those
with our own actors on our own time.
250
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:18,536
Bingo, we've got a movie.
251
00:21:19,084 --> 00:21:20,282
That's crazy.
252
00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:23,420
But we're desperate.
253
00:21:23,797 --> 00:21:27,297
Why don't you wait till you get a star
who wants to be in it?
254
00:21:27,468 --> 00:21:29,260
I'm 49 years old.
255
00:21:29,512 --> 00:21:33,807
Admittedly, I could get away
with 44, 41, maybe 38.
256
00:21:34,142 --> 00:21:36,681
But when you hit 50,
they don't hire you anymore.
257
00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:38,929
It's like they can smell 50.
258
00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:40,440
What's that?
259
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,477
When I was 10,
I knew I wanted to make movies...
260
00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:47,897
...but I knew no one
was going to give me that.
261
00:21:47,991 --> 00:21:51,491
So I started putting away
one dollar every week of my life.
262
00:21:51,703 --> 00:21:55,287
If I missed a week, I made it up later,
from age 10 on.
263
00:21:56,125 --> 00:22:00,123
And now, you're looking at enough
to get us started.
264
00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:02,254
$2,184.
265
00:22:04,092 --> 00:22:06,500
But movies cost millions of dollars
to make.
266
00:22:06,595 --> 00:22:10,095
That's after gross net deduction
profit percentage...
267
00:22:10,474 --> 00:22:13,013
...deferment ten percent of the nut.
268
00:22:13,436 --> 00:22:16,188
Cash? Every movie costs $2,184.
269
00:22:36,753 --> 00:22:39,042
Where do I go to be an actress?
270
00:23:15,088 --> 00:23:17,246
Okay. That was nice.
271
00:23:17,340 --> 00:23:20,045
We have your photos,
and we'll call you when we decide.
272
00:23:20,135 --> 00:23:22,543
- I have new photos.
- No, these are good.
273
00:23:22,971 --> 00:23:26,008
- You hated me, didn't you?
- No. You were very good.
274
00:23:31,314 --> 00:23:32,808
She was good.
275
00:23:33,483 --> 00:23:36,318
She had the personality
of a zip code in Kansas.
276
00:23:36,737 --> 00:23:39,857
- She didn't have "it."
- What do you mean, "it"?
277
00:23:41,158 --> 00:23:42,902
"Lt" is a special quality.
278
00:23:43,244 --> 00:23:46,530
No matter what,
you cannot take your eyes off that person.
279
00:23:46,748 --> 00:23:50,366
Every word they say,
every gesture you're interested in.
280
00:23:50,961 --> 00:23:52,241
Do I have "it"?
281
00:23:53,672 --> 00:23:56,045
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. What?
282
00:23:58,302 --> 00:23:59,583
Do I have "it"?
283
00:24:02,098 --> 00:24:03,474
Yes, you do.
284
00:24:04,976 --> 00:24:06,554
I thought I did.
285
00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,640
Next. Who's next?
286
00:24:10,190 --> 00:24:12,100
Is this where I go to be a star?
287
00:24:12,193 --> 00:24:16,273
This is where you go to sacrifice,
learn your craft and work hard.
288
00:24:16,447 --> 00:24:19,698
Does that take more than a week?
I gave myself one week.
289
00:24:19,868 --> 00:24:24,863
- That's this office.
- We'll take a chance, see if you have "it."
290
00:24:25,207 --> 00:24:27,330
See if you have a special quality.
291
00:24:27,418 --> 00:24:30,170
See if you have the illusion
of the first time.
292
00:24:31,798 --> 00:24:34,004
Where do I pay? It's $25, right?
293
00:24:34,342 --> 00:24:36,216
- A check?
- I have ID.
294
00:24:37,095 --> 00:24:41,307
Maybe a less solid movie company
could take a check, but we only take cash.
295
00:24:43,144 --> 00:24:45,183
But I don't have any cash on me.
296
00:24:45,271 --> 00:24:49,020
I have cash, but just not on me,
and the banks aren't open.
297
00:24:49,109 --> 00:24:50,852
There, there, there.
298
00:24:51,445 --> 00:24:54,446
There's the door.
We can't let you audition.
299
00:24:54,865 --> 00:24:57,700
- But I drove in from Ohio and...
- I'm sorry.
300
00:24:57,785 --> 00:24:59,445
- Well...
- I'm sorry.
301
00:24:59,787 --> 00:25:01,614
There you are. Goodbye.
302
00:25:02,540 --> 00:25:05,458
She looked pretty good, like she could act.
303
00:25:05,627 --> 00:25:08,996
Yeah, but if they don't pay to audition,
it could be dangerous.
304
00:25:09,089 --> 00:25:10,038
How?
305
00:25:10,132 --> 00:25:12,802
If she gets the part.
She might want to be paid.
306
00:25:12,885 --> 00:25:14,166
Maybe she had "it"!
307
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:17,097
I didn't make the system.
The system is bigger...
308
00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:23,181
All right. If you want
the responsibility, fine.
309
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,649
I talked it over with the man.
Says he'll take a check.
310
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:36,487
- He will?
- Yes.
311
00:25:38,038 --> 00:25:40,031
- He listens to you?
- Yeah.
312
00:25:44,962 --> 00:25:47,002
"I could never be with you, Todd.
313
00:25:47,090 --> 00:25:49,795
"I'm loyal to Keith. I'm loyal to him.
314
00:25:50,051 --> 00:25:53,053
"I could never, never kiss you."
315
00:26:41,734 --> 00:26:44,901
Okay, that was very good.
Let's try it one more time.
316
00:26:45,029 --> 00:26:47,567
Slater, this time without the erection.
317
00:26:48,992 --> 00:26:51,530
Thank you, Mr. Bowfinger! Thank you!
318
00:26:57,293 --> 00:27:01,041
We gotta get a crew.
The best damn crew we can afford.
319
00:27:03,007 --> 00:27:04,715
Ándale, muchachos!
320
00:27:08,513 --> 00:27:10,174
In here. In here.
321
00:27:11,433 --> 00:27:13,260
Come on. In here.
322
00:27:14,645 --> 00:27:16,389
Welcome to America.
323
00:27:28,035 --> 00:27:30,906
I'm so happy to meet you.
This is gonna be great.
324
00:27:31,122 --> 00:27:33,827
I can tell you know what you're doing...
325
00:27:38,839 --> 00:27:41,508
Thanks for making the trip.
Glad to have you aboard.
326
00:27:41,592 --> 00:27:44,000
Guess what? We just closed Kit's deal.
327
00:27:44,678 --> 00:27:47,514
Typical deal. Points. Name over the title.
328
00:27:47,682 --> 00:27:50,173
- We get only one take with Kit.
- One take?
329
00:27:50,268 --> 00:27:52,759
- He doesn't want to see the camera.
- How come?
330
00:27:52,854 --> 00:27:54,183
It's his way of working.
331
00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:58,401
He's so into his character, that if he sees
the camera, it breaks his concentration.
332
00:27:58,485 --> 00:28:02,318
- When do we start?
- We start tomorrow at 7:00 a.m.
333
00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:13,079
What is it?
334
00:28:13,669 --> 00:28:15,709
I wish you could see what I see.
335
00:28:15,796 --> 00:28:17,623
What do you see, Boss?
336
00:28:18,925 --> 00:28:22,840
The most promising group of young
professionals I've ever worked with.
337
00:28:35,443 --> 00:28:38,017
- Hey, Cliff.
- 'Morning, Dave.
338
00:28:54,381 --> 00:28:55,626
- Good camera.
- Yeah.
339
00:28:55,716 --> 00:28:57,839
It goes back each night or it's a felony.
340
00:28:57,926 --> 00:29:00,797
- Years you'd get.
- You'd get. Daisy, come on.
341
00:29:00,971 --> 00:29:04,507
What if Daisy said, "It's a tough world"
instead of "rough world"?
342
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,593
That's good. Got that briefcase?
343
00:29:06,686 --> 00:29:08,809
She'd bring his briefcase
if she was worried?
344
00:29:08,897 --> 00:29:11,684
The briefcase is a metaphor
for the relationship.
345
00:29:12,025 --> 00:29:15,976
Shouldn't I be in this scene?
I could be lurking behind a bush.
346
00:29:34,342 --> 00:29:36,833
Okay, this is it. Places, everyone.
347
00:29:38,096 --> 00:29:39,923
Roll! Speed! Marker!
348
00:29:42,226 --> 00:29:44,931
Remember, don't let him see the camera.
349
00:29:47,148 --> 00:29:48,393
Action.
350
00:29:53,738 --> 00:29:55,197
Come on, Daisy, go.
351
00:29:59,036 --> 00:30:00,364
Back to Daisy.
352
00:30:00,704 --> 00:30:03,030
Keith, you forgot your briefcase!
353
00:30:03,124 --> 00:30:05,959
Keith, you forgot... You're upset!
354
00:30:06,127 --> 00:30:10,125
One slip-up in your tough,
crime-filled world and you could die.
355
00:30:10,882 --> 00:30:12,674
Keith! Keith!
356
00:30:16,514 --> 00:30:19,468
- Your name Keith?
- No, I'm Jimmy.
357
00:30:19,809 --> 00:30:21,683
But thanks for asking.
358
00:30:26,024 --> 00:30:27,649
And, cut!
359
00:30:28,902 --> 00:30:30,776
We got our first shot.
360
00:30:36,452 --> 00:30:37,863
Here it comes.
361
00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:43,456
Come on. Work, baby, work.
362
00:30:54,764 --> 00:30:57,386
Keith, you forgot your briefcase.
363
00:30:57,559 --> 00:31:00,133
You forgot... You're upset.
364
00:31:00,229 --> 00:31:04,227
One slip-up in your tough,
crime-filled world and you could die.
365
00:31:04,775 --> 00:31:07,563
It worked. It looked like Daisy
came out of the house.
366
00:31:07,654 --> 00:31:09,362
This movie's gonna work!
367
00:31:18,082 --> 00:31:21,000
- Dave, did you wash my car?
- Workin' on it.
368
00:31:23,213 --> 00:31:24,755
One scene down.
369
00:31:28,927 --> 00:31:31,419
- Yeah?
- Bowfinger, here's what I got.
370
00:31:31,513 --> 00:31:34,847
Kit and his agent will be
at the Rodeo Grille tomorrow at 12:45 p.m.
371
00:31:34,934 --> 00:31:36,345
Are we gonna be there?
372
00:31:36,436 --> 00:31:38,678
Better believe it. You're a genius.
373
00:31:56,708 --> 00:31:58,368
Can you see over there?
374
00:31:58,460 --> 00:32:00,998
- What do you see? Can you see Kit?
- Yeah.
375
00:32:01,964 --> 00:32:03,873
Am I trying for you or not trying?
376
00:32:03,966 --> 00:32:06,339
You're trying,
but I want at least the same...
377
00:32:07,762 --> 00:32:10,929
I know I ain't gonna be treated like
Mighty Whitey in this town.
378
00:32:15,104 --> 00:32:18,555
I put in 25 years in the theater
before coming to Hollywood.
379
00:32:20,818 --> 00:32:22,194
We're almost ready.
380
00:32:22,278 --> 00:32:25,944
I still don't see why I can't meet the man
I'm going to be working with.
381
00:32:26,032 --> 00:32:30,280
He wants to impress you with his acting,
and he needs his total concentration.
382
00:32:30,370 --> 00:32:31,995
- That's just young!
- I know.
383
00:32:32,081 --> 00:32:35,284
I wish once I could work with someone
who had honed their craft.
384
00:32:35,376 --> 00:32:39,077
- But right now we need that scene.
- You'll get your scene.
385
00:32:39,672 --> 00:32:42,378
He may not be a professional, but I am.
386
00:32:42,718 --> 00:32:43,916
Carol.
387
00:32:57,317 --> 00:32:59,606
White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact.
388
00:32:59,695 --> 00:33:02,103
- We know that, but...
- Did I get a nomination?
389
00:33:02,197 --> 00:33:05,567
No. 'Cause I ain't played none
of them slave roles.
390
00:33:05,660 --> 00:33:07,202
That's when you get nominated.
391
00:33:07,286 --> 00:33:09,612
Black dude plays a slave role,
gets nominated.
392
00:33:09,706 --> 00:33:12,197
White boy plays an idiot, gets the Oscar.
393
00:33:12,292 --> 00:33:15,661
Find me a script as a retarded slave,
then I get the Oscar.
394
00:33:16,755 --> 00:33:19,425
I'm gonna schmooze. I'll be right back.
395
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,544
Go find that script.
396
00:33:22,303 --> 00:33:23,963
Buck, the Wonder Slave.
397
00:33:24,055 --> 00:33:25,431
Here we go.
398
00:33:32,773 --> 00:33:33,936
Sound.
399
00:33:38,029 --> 00:33:39,192
Lights!
400
00:33:56,716 --> 00:33:57,961
Roll it.
401
00:34:01,597 --> 00:34:05,132
When you left Phoenix, it wasn't
because you wanted to raise soybeans.
402
00:34:05,226 --> 00:34:07,349
You had to get away. Why?
403
00:34:07,562 --> 00:34:10,848
Was it because you wanted me
and it burned inside of you?
404
00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:13,105
- I beg your pardon?
- Come back to Phoenix.
405
00:34:13,193 --> 00:34:17,440
Stop this madness. Let me in on whatever
mission this is that you're doing.
406
00:34:17,531 --> 00:34:19,405
- Do you know who I am?
- Of course.
407
00:34:19,492 --> 00:34:22,825
You're Keith Kincaid.
You've come down from Wyoming...
408
00:34:22,995 --> 00:34:24,953
...with your damn UFOs.
409
00:34:25,081 --> 00:34:26,908
You bastard! Bastard!
410
00:34:28,585 --> 00:34:32,583
- Because you prefer alien love!
- Alien love?
411
00:34:33,007 --> 00:34:36,423
- Why did you say "alien love"?
- I must get my umbrella.
412
00:34:36,594 --> 00:34:38,337
You triggered the voices.
413
00:34:41,391 --> 00:34:42,589
Freddy!
414
00:34:46,271 --> 00:34:48,597
Take me to Terry Stricter! Now!
415
00:34:53,070 --> 00:34:54,316
We got it.
416
00:34:54,405 --> 00:34:56,861
Strange people are coming
to me on the street...
417
00:34:56,950 --> 00:35:00,485
...and they're speaking in Jupiterian
or Venutian or something.
418
00:35:00,579 --> 00:35:03,746
Strangers come up to you,
and you don't understand them.
419
00:35:03,832 --> 00:35:05,991
- What is that?
- Maybe they're fans.
420
00:35:06,460 --> 00:35:08,786
- Crazy fans.
- They speak to me...
421
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,249
...only they speak in a secret
white language that I can't decode.
422
00:35:12,342 --> 00:35:13,967
It's horrifying!
423
00:35:14,177 --> 00:35:18,674
What do these crazy people
who speak to you and make no sense say?
424
00:35:19,099 --> 00:35:22,385
They talk about things I never heard of,
about people I don't know.
425
00:35:22,478 --> 00:35:26,097
Somebody named Keith.
And aliens, sex and umbrellas.
426
00:35:28,068 --> 00:35:29,230
I see.
427
00:35:30,070 --> 00:35:31,185
Kit?
428
00:35:33,824 --> 00:35:36,196
Do you think you can keep it together?
429
00:35:37,536 --> 00:35:39,114
Yes, I can keep it together.
430
00:35:39,205 --> 00:35:42,989
I'm K-l-T, Kit. I'm keeping it together now.
431
00:35:43,168 --> 00:35:46,169
Keep it together. I'm keeping it together.
432
00:35:46,296 --> 00:35:50,294
- Don't I look together?
- Have you heard any more voices?
433
00:35:51,844 --> 00:35:52,875
No.
434
00:35:57,100 --> 00:36:00,849
Every now and then I hear a voice.
I haven't heard voices.
435
00:36:02,064 --> 00:36:04,187
What did this one voice say?
436
00:36:10,281 --> 00:36:12,689
"As I stand here before you today...
437
00:36:13,201 --> 00:36:15,775
"...the Laker Girls' cheerleading squad...
438
00:36:15,871 --> 00:36:18,409
"...needs to be taken down a peg or two."
439
00:36:24,714 --> 00:36:27,917
You know, last night was really special.
440
00:36:28,551 --> 00:36:31,636
It was. I've never done it
lying down before.
441
00:36:33,140 --> 00:36:35,216
- You know, next time...
- Yeah?
442
00:36:35,726 --> 00:36:39,427
Next time, I think I'd like to do it
with just two condoms.
443
00:36:39,772 --> 00:36:42,145
If I was in the movie more, yeah.
444
00:36:43,276 --> 00:36:47,939
If I was in the movie more,
we'd be equals, and I'd trust you more.
445
00:36:48,031 --> 00:36:50,819
- We have lots of scenes together.
- I love our scenes.
446
00:36:50,910 --> 00:36:54,908
Our scenes are the best,
but I should have more scenes with Kit.
447
00:36:54,997 --> 00:36:59,375
If I had more scenes with Kit,
then that would really pump up our scenes.
448
00:37:00,587 --> 00:37:04,799
Afrim would be in charge of that.
He's the screenwriter.
449
00:37:06,343 --> 00:37:09,179
- So the writer's in charge of that?
- Yeah.
450
00:37:17,105 --> 00:37:19,679
- Boss, I've got those pages.
- What pages?
451
00:37:19,775 --> 00:37:21,768
The new pages.
452
00:37:22,445 --> 00:37:24,852
I think if Daisy had more scenes with Kit...
453
00:37:24,947 --> 00:37:27,699
...it would pump up the scenes with Slater.
454
00:37:27,951 --> 00:37:31,819
So I wrote more scenes for Daisy and Kit,
some hot scenes...
455
00:37:32,164 --> 00:37:35,367
...where there's heat and chemistry.
456
00:37:35,542 --> 00:37:38,034
- I don't think we need...
- I think you will see...
457
00:37:38,129 --> 00:37:42,209
...these new hot scenes, the ones
in which Daisy exposes her breasts...
458
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,459
...will increase sales in Thailand.
459
00:37:44,970 --> 00:37:46,298
Daisy agreed to this?
460
00:37:46,388 --> 00:37:48,926
That is the case,
although I haven't talked to her.
461
00:37:49,016 --> 00:37:50,510
- Baby.
- Hi.
462
00:37:54,146 --> 00:37:55,309
Hello.
463
00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:58,723
"A vixen in stretch pants.
464
00:37:59,194 --> 00:38:01,981
"What man wouldn't want a hot virgin?"
465
00:38:04,366 --> 00:38:05,362
You'll do this?
466
00:38:05,451 --> 00:38:08,571
If I have to. If it's for the movie,
and you really want me to.
467
00:38:08,663 --> 00:38:11,866
If it's artistic and says something
about reality...
468
00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,496
If it's in character and for the scene...
469
00:38:14,961 --> 00:38:16,372
Right, right.
470
00:38:17,506 --> 00:38:20,840
Bowfinger International Pictures.
How may I direct your call? What?
471
00:38:20,926 --> 00:38:24,711
I tracked Kit to MindHead.
He could be coming down any time.
472
00:38:29,894 --> 00:38:31,472
All right, all right.
473
00:38:31,563 --> 00:38:34,185
Kit feels he's ready to shoot
the parking lot scene.
474
00:38:34,274 --> 00:38:36,766
I just love the way this guy works.
475
00:40:29,861 --> 00:40:32,399
Keep it together. Keep it together.
476
00:40:34,157 --> 00:40:35,568
Keep it together.
477
00:40:55,556 --> 00:40:56,932
And, cut!
478
00:40:57,975 --> 00:41:00,301
- Did you get that?
- Nice.
479
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,225
- What'd you see?
- Fear. Mostly fear.
480
00:41:03,315 --> 00:41:06,150
- Some insane looks.
- You saw insane looks?
481
00:41:06,652 --> 00:41:09,108
Betsy, you were such a good girl.
482
00:41:10,990 --> 00:41:14,905
Let's get Carol out of her trailer,
shoot the other side of this masterpiece.
483
00:41:34,099 --> 00:41:36,008
- He's brilliant.
- He is.
484
00:41:37,269 --> 00:41:40,769
His fear is so real.
It's like it's actually happening.
485
00:41:53,746 --> 00:41:57,447
- We work really well together.
- That's what he was saying.
486
00:42:04,216 --> 00:42:06,090
Bastard!
487
00:42:08,011 --> 00:42:09,257
Darling.
488
00:42:13,100 --> 00:42:15,852
Darling, I respect Kit's way of working.
489
00:42:15,979 --> 00:42:18,470
The no rehearsal, no contact off screen.
490
00:42:18,565 --> 00:42:23,026
But it's so traditional to actually meet
the person you're working with.
491
00:42:23,153 --> 00:42:26,986
No, you should not meet Kit because
we're not doing anything traditional here.
492
00:42:27,074 --> 00:42:30,942
We're working in a new style.
We're working in cinema nouveau.
493
00:42:32,664 --> 00:42:34,206
Cinema nouveau.
494
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,461
It felt so good today to quit my job.
495
00:42:44,177 --> 00:42:46,750
I told them, "I'm a screenwriter now."
496
00:42:47,055 --> 00:42:49,724
They said,
"You have eight brothers and four sisters.
497
00:42:49,808 --> 00:42:53,640
"How will you earn your money?"
I said, "This is more important.
498
00:42:53,937 --> 00:42:58,730
"Bowfinger has given me a chance,
and I'm going to take it."
499
00:42:59,402 --> 00:43:01,727
You are a great writer. You really are.
500
00:43:01,821 --> 00:43:05,522
I love my new scenes. They're so great.
Are they going in?
501
00:43:05,659 --> 00:43:08,577
- That's up to Bowfinger.
- It is?
502
00:43:30,019 --> 00:43:32,475
That's sharp. Do the thing.
503
00:43:34,566 --> 00:43:37,057
I'm gonna look good in that. That's bad.
504
00:43:37,152 --> 00:43:39,441
Send it up to the house for me.
505
00:43:39,655 --> 00:43:43,356
The store would be happy to offer you
these clothes without charge...
506
00:43:43,451 --> 00:43:46,156
...if you'd come back Friday,
let us take a picture...
507
00:43:46,245 --> 00:43:49,330
...for LA Style of you wearing the clothes.
508
00:43:49,749 --> 00:43:53,201
I can do that. It'll cost you $1,000.
I'll be here Friday, 4:00.
509
00:43:53,295 --> 00:43:56,130
- I'm sure that could be arranged.
- Hundred-dollar bills.
510
00:43:56,215 --> 00:43:57,378
Right.
511
00:43:59,010 --> 00:44:01,679
I know I shouldn't do this,
I just want you to know...
512
00:44:01,763 --> 00:44:04,966
...that you were so real
in your response to the aliens.
513
00:44:05,058 --> 00:44:08,095
I wasn't even sure
I could be a pod person...
514
00:44:08,270 --> 00:44:12,220
...but now I'm enjoying it
because you made the aliens come alive.
515
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:14,688
It was like they were living inside of me.
516
00:44:14,777 --> 00:44:17,447
At first I was nervous
about us having sex...
517
00:44:17,572 --> 00:44:21,356
...but now I think it's fine as long
as we do it in a professional manner.
518
00:44:21,451 --> 00:44:23,491
There'll be a lot of people watching.
519
00:44:23,579 --> 00:44:25,702
I won't bother you anymore.
520
00:44:38,136 --> 00:44:39,845
He's in the grotto.
521
00:44:43,893 --> 00:44:46,301
What did this alien want from you?
522
00:44:46,980 --> 00:44:49,019
She wanted to inhale my gonads!
523
00:44:49,232 --> 00:44:51,806
- Say again?
- My gonads!
524
00:44:51,985 --> 00:44:55,485
They come down, pretend they're shaking
your hands, but they're not.
525
00:44:55,572 --> 00:44:58,574
They inhale your gonads
for special research.
526
00:44:59,076 --> 00:45:00,868
I got rid of the Sports Channel.
527
00:45:00,953 --> 00:45:04,073
No more gamma beams from Jupiter
messing with my mind.
528
00:45:04,749 --> 00:45:06,160
Keep it together.
529
00:45:06,376 --> 00:45:10,457
Kit, maybe you should stay
with us for a few days...
530
00:45:10,839 --> 00:45:14,754
...in our special celebrity relaxing quarters.
531
00:45:16,137 --> 00:45:18,675
- You think I need that?
- I do.
532
00:45:20,850 --> 00:45:22,428
Go get my checkbook.
533
00:45:24,479 --> 00:45:25,890
Keep it together.
534
00:45:29,819 --> 00:45:32,524
- Can't find Kit.
- What do you mean you can't find Kit?
535
00:45:32,613 --> 00:45:36,362
He's one of the most famous faces
in the world. You can find him.
536
00:45:36,493 --> 00:45:40,443
No. We staked out his house,
MindHead, everywhere.
537
00:45:40,622 --> 00:45:43,030
- He's vanished, gone.
- Where is the guy?
538
00:45:43,167 --> 00:45:47,212
We can't shoot movie without our star.
Actors have no work ethic these days.
539
00:45:47,296 --> 00:45:50,167
They keep his movements secret.
They control him.
540
00:45:50,258 --> 00:45:54,007
A lot of guys must look like Kit.
We'll get a look-alike for the long shots.
541
00:45:54,096 --> 00:45:56,587
We'll shoot him from behind
and not show his face.
542
00:45:56,682 --> 00:45:59,007
Kit showed his ass
in eight of his ten films...
543
00:45:59,101 --> 00:46:02,802
...eight of his ten films were hits,
so we need a guy with a fabulous ass...
544
00:46:02,897 --> 00:46:04,973
...and mine is the wrong color.
545
00:46:12,658 --> 00:46:15,659
Then I studied at the Moscow Arts Theater
for two years...
546
00:46:15,745 --> 00:46:18,117
...and did a year at the National in London.
547
00:46:18,206 --> 00:46:22,749
I'm currently doing a midnight production
of Waiting for Godot here in L.A.
548
00:46:23,211 --> 00:46:25,121
And are you in the union?
549
00:46:25,339 --> 00:46:26,667
Yes, I am.
550
00:46:30,678 --> 00:46:34,297
Currently, I'm packing fries
at the Burger King on Douglas.
551
00:46:34,432 --> 00:46:37,967
- Do you have experience in film?
- Quite a bit, actually.
552
00:46:38,145 --> 00:46:43,021
Quite a bit of experience.
I'm an active renter at Blockbuster...
553
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,604
...and I attend the Film du Cinema...
554
00:46:46,737 --> 00:46:49,026
...as much as possible.
555
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:53,570
Weekly, biweekly, inter-weekly,
intermediately.
556
00:46:54,329 --> 00:46:56,702
Would you be willing to cut your hair?
557
00:46:59,418 --> 00:47:02,834
Yes, but it's usually better
if someone else does it.
558
00:47:06,593 --> 00:47:08,586
I've had a few accidents.
559
00:47:12,141 --> 00:47:16,008
- Can you see without your glasses?
- Yeah. I can see.
560
00:47:17,939 --> 00:47:20,644
I don't really see well, but I can see.
561
00:47:21,651 --> 00:47:24,273
- Do you have contacts?
- I have contact lenses.
562
00:47:24,362 --> 00:47:27,114
I can wear contact lenses. That'd help.
563
00:47:27,825 --> 00:47:30,494
- Can I put my glasses back on?
- Sure, put them back on.
564
00:47:30,578 --> 00:47:32,535
I'm getting a little headache.
565
00:47:33,206 --> 00:47:36,657
Would you be willing to show
your naked rear end in a movie?
566
00:47:46,220 --> 00:47:47,880
Yeah, I guess so.
567
00:47:54,396 --> 00:47:58,441
- This is hard.
- Just one more question.
568
00:47:59,068 --> 00:48:03,695
In addition to being a star in this film,
would you also be willing to run errands?
569
00:48:05,199 --> 00:48:08,154
I'm really hoping
to get a career running errands.
570
00:48:08,245 --> 00:48:10,284
That'd be a major boost for me.
571
00:48:15,503 --> 00:48:17,994
- What did you say your name was?
- Jiffrenson.
572
00:48:18,089 --> 00:48:21,090
- Jiffrenson?
- Jiff. My friends call me Jiff.
573
00:48:21,217 --> 00:48:23,459
Jiff, welcome aboard.
574
00:48:23,929 --> 00:48:25,720
Here's your wardrobe.
575
00:48:26,765 --> 00:48:29,387
All right! All right.
576
00:48:29,602 --> 00:48:32,223
Awesome. Awesome.
577
00:48:33,231 --> 00:48:34,559
All right.
578
00:48:42,658 --> 00:48:45,231
- How do you feel?
- I feel kind of strange.
579
00:48:45,452 --> 00:48:47,860
- You look good. You look tough.
- I do?
580
00:48:47,955 --> 00:48:50,162
Like an action star.
581
00:48:51,209 --> 00:48:54,044
Shoulders out. Take a good, deep breath.
582
00:48:54,629 --> 00:48:56,005
Suck it in.
583
00:48:57,716 --> 00:49:01,251
In this scene, you're hurting inside.
You're not sure who to trust.
584
00:49:01,345 --> 00:49:04,299
You want to run into the arms
of your beloved.
585
00:49:05,725 --> 00:49:08,097
- Hi, I'm Daisy.
- Hi. How are you?
586
00:49:08,728 --> 00:49:12,561
When I yell "action," you are gonna run
from point "A" over there...
587
00:49:14,318 --> 00:49:16,192
...to point "B" over here.
588
00:49:17,530 --> 00:49:19,273
That seems kind of hard.
589
00:49:19,365 --> 00:49:21,856
Think of it as an errand.
590
00:49:22,243 --> 00:49:25,695
Your errand is to run across
the freeway until I yell, "Cut."
591
00:49:27,249 --> 00:49:30,701
I get it. But doesn't that seem
a little dangerous?
592
00:49:31,128 --> 00:49:33,880
No. We have professional stuntmen
doing the driving.
593
00:49:33,965 --> 00:49:35,756
You'll be completely safe.
594
00:49:36,009 --> 00:49:39,876
Professional stuntmen.
That's how they do it! I was wondering.
595
00:49:40,305 --> 00:49:43,176
- Stunt drivers.
- Okay, you ready to do one?
596
00:49:43,809 --> 00:49:46,134
Sure. They're going really fast!
597
00:49:58,116 --> 00:49:59,611
Action!
598
00:50:02,413 --> 00:50:03,907
Come on, Jiff!
599
00:50:04,916 --> 00:50:06,078
Action!
600
00:50:13,884 --> 00:50:17,051
Keith! I love you!
601
00:50:29,026 --> 00:50:30,224
Action!
602
00:51:00,018 --> 00:51:01,050
Cut!
603
00:51:05,066 --> 00:51:07,272
Heavenly Father! Heavenly Father!
604
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,729
That was so great! You were fantastic!
Wasn't he great?
605
00:51:10,989 --> 00:51:13,314
Congratulations! That was so good!
606
00:51:13,408 --> 00:51:15,864
- I don't want to do this anymore.
- What?
607
00:51:15,953 --> 00:51:19,120
I just want to run errands. Heavenly God!
608
00:51:19,457 --> 00:51:23,621
Not many people can do what you just did.
The stunt drivers were really impressed.
609
00:51:23,711 --> 00:51:25,835
- Weren't they?
- Really?
610
00:51:25,922 --> 00:51:28,959
- We got an errand we want you to do.
- Really?
611
00:51:29,176 --> 00:51:33,388
We want you to go to Starbucks.
Get coffee for everybody.
612
00:51:33,472 --> 00:51:36,842
- I would love to go get coffee.
- You're the only one who can do it.
613
00:51:36,934 --> 00:51:38,974
I want to get the coffee now.
614
00:51:39,062 --> 00:51:41,470
But first, let's do this one more time.
615
00:51:41,857 --> 00:51:43,315
Heavenly God!
616
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:49,901
Good work.
617
00:51:51,659 --> 00:51:54,577
Mr. Bowfinger, Bob,
can I talk to you about the new scenes?
618
00:51:54,662 --> 00:51:57,332
- I haven't decided yet.
- Can I talk to you about them?
619
00:51:57,415 --> 00:51:58,993
- Okay.
- I mean tonight?
620
00:52:03,464 --> 00:52:04,579
Okay.
621
00:52:50,850 --> 00:52:52,593
I'll be right there.
622
00:53:27,807 --> 00:53:30,725
Gets so tiring going out.
I thought we'd eat here.
623
00:53:30,852 --> 00:53:34,186
- I know the maitre d' at the lvy.
- That's so trendy.
624
00:53:34,273 --> 00:53:38,223
- Do you like Vienna sausages?
- Yeah. Do you smell burning hair?
625
00:53:43,825 --> 00:53:47,610
This wine is so good. You can drink
all you want and not get drunk.
626
00:53:47,788 --> 00:53:49,033
Yeah.
627
00:53:50,207 --> 00:53:53,659
A big local hit in South Dakota.
What are your favorite TV shows?
628
00:53:53,753 --> 00:53:57,253
- I love The Flintstones.
- I love The Flintstones too! That's so good.
629
00:53:57,340 --> 00:54:00,341
- Do you like walks in the park?
- In the rain!
630
00:54:00,677 --> 00:54:03,299
I want you to see The Music Man because...
631
00:54:03,430 --> 00:54:06,004
- I love The Music Man.
- Isn't Robert Preston good?
632
00:54:06,100 --> 00:54:08,508
He's so good.
Do you love Smashing Pumpkins?
633
00:54:08,603 --> 00:54:12,102
I love to do that.
Have you ever had a shiatsu massage?
634
00:54:19,698 --> 00:54:22,106
- I love you so much!
- I love you!
635
00:54:22,326 --> 00:54:25,493
- I'm so alive!
- I've never been alive until now.
636
00:54:26,122 --> 00:54:27,403
Never till now.
637
00:54:30,585 --> 00:54:32,495
But I worry about our age difference.
638
00:54:32,588 --> 00:54:36,253
- What is age? It's a state of mind.
- That's the way I feel.
639
00:54:36,342 --> 00:54:38,833
Who cares if when I hit my sexual peak
you'll be 70?
640
00:54:38,928 --> 00:54:41,135
I know! It's Bogey and Bacall.
641
00:54:41,473 --> 00:54:42,552
Who?
642
00:54:44,267 --> 00:54:48,515
I promise to never play mind games
with your head.
643
00:54:48,605 --> 00:54:50,230
You are so today.
644
00:54:50,816 --> 00:54:53,058
- I want to make love to you!
- I do too!
645
00:54:53,152 --> 00:54:55,560
- I want you so much!
- I want you!
646
00:54:56,698 --> 00:54:59,699
- But I worry.
- Our love is bigger than worry.
647
00:54:59,993 --> 00:55:01,950
- I worry about the scenes.
- The scenes?
648
00:55:02,037 --> 00:55:04,113
If we're gonna shoot the new scenes.
649
00:55:04,206 --> 00:55:06,994
It's so hard to make love,
to give yourself to a man.
650
00:55:07,084 --> 00:55:09,789
It's the woman who's entered,
the woman who's violated.
651
00:55:09,879 --> 00:55:11,255
I so understand that.
652
00:55:11,339 --> 00:55:13,830
To know that the man inside you
is part of you...
653
00:55:13,925 --> 00:55:17,674
...and that he would not prevent
the added scenes of yours from being shot.
654
00:55:17,763 --> 00:55:19,471
- We're doing the scenes.
- We are?
655
00:55:19,556 --> 00:55:20,755
We're doing them 'cause...
656
00:55:20,850 --> 00:55:24,895
...you're brilliant. I want you in this movie,
and this movie is your movie.
657
00:55:24,979 --> 00:55:26,972
Let me just go get ready.
658
00:55:45,001 --> 00:55:46,745
I love you.
659
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,308
I'll never use you.
660
00:56:01,103 --> 00:56:03,309
I will never abuse your trust.
661
00:56:08,736 --> 00:56:10,314
Thank you, Daisy.
662
00:56:10,405 --> 00:56:12,278
Not at all, not at all.
663
00:56:28,591 --> 00:56:30,549
Are we almost ready?
664
00:56:30,635 --> 00:56:32,545
Are you seeing the fireplace?
665
00:56:33,055 --> 00:56:35,297
We should light the fireplace.
666
00:56:35,683 --> 00:56:37,426
Is this a good mark?
667
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,847
Daisy, my sweetness.
668
00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:45,895
Hi, how are you?
669
00:56:47,904 --> 00:56:49,648
- Hi.
- Are you okay?
670
00:56:49,823 --> 00:56:52,279
- Do you want to relax first or shoot?
- Shoot.
671
00:56:52,368 --> 00:56:55,322
You have such a good work ethic.
I so admire that.
672
00:56:55,663 --> 00:56:58,949
Here's your mark, it's a little small.
Will you be okay...
673
00:56:59,042 --> 00:57:00,073
All right, yeah.
674
00:57:00,168 --> 00:57:01,828
We have a very important scene.
675
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:05,586
This is one of the hot scenes
that is about heat and...
676
00:57:08,970 --> 00:57:10,250
...chemistry.
677
00:57:10,763 --> 00:57:12,886
So it's the artistic portion of the film.
678
00:57:12,974 --> 00:57:17,186
Right, so give her a little room,
react normally, be sensitive above all...
679
00:57:17,312 --> 00:57:20,681
...because in this scene
Daisy's gonna take off her blouse.
680
00:57:23,986 --> 00:57:25,611
All right. There's your mark.
681
00:57:25,696 --> 00:57:28,318
The scene is, you're not sure
if you still love Keith...
682
00:57:28,408 --> 00:57:31,362
...but you offer yourself to him
in order to save the planet.
683
00:57:31,453 --> 00:57:34,407
Right up here. We're starting here.
684
00:57:34,623 --> 00:57:37,293
Pan up. And roll sound.
685
00:57:37,376 --> 00:57:40,081
- All right, let's go.
- Speed.
686
00:57:41,631 --> 00:57:44,122
- Mark.
- You're not sure if you love him...
687
00:57:44,217 --> 00:57:47,302
...but you want to save the planet,
and, action.
688
00:57:48,263 --> 00:57:51,051
Keith, I don't know what's right anymore.
689
00:57:51,308 --> 00:57:54,642
All I know is I have feelings
that make me need you.
690
00:57:54,979 --> 00:57:56,438
Need you now!
691
00:58:08,869 --> 00:58:10,114
Awesome!
692
00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:15,416
You're doing great!
693
00:58:18,088 --> 00:58:19,962
You're gonna be a star.
694
00:58:20,591 --> 00:58:21,966
And, cut.
695
00:58:31,519 --> 00:58:33,144
How's this, Boss?
696
00:58:49,206 --> 00:58:51,199
What's going on with him?
697
00:58:51,917 --> 00:58:55,286
The alien arrival scene is next
and Kit hasn't called in.
698
00:58:55,379 --> 00:58:57,456
Someone must know where he is.
699
00:58:57,799 --> 00:59:01,250
I know where Kit Ramsey's going
to be this afternoon.
700
00:59:04,097 --> 00:59:05,093
You do?
701
00:59:05,265 --> 00:59:09,133
At 4:00 he's going to be
at Max's clothing store for a photo.
702
00:59:16,403 --> 00:59:19,689
Every day I get an offer on this thing.
It's the only one in L.A.
703
00:59:19,781 --> 00:59:22,617
- It's a beauty.
- Not a scratch. An award-winner.
704
00:59:22,701 --> 00:59:26,284
- Sold three cars to get this.
- You have a great eye for cars.
705
00:59:26,372 --> 00:59:29,991
My wife tried to take it in the divorce.
That would have really hurt.
706
00:59:30,084 --> 00:59:32,291
- Who got the kids?
- She did.
707
00:59:53,068 --> 00:59:54,776
Wait here a minute.
708
01:00:07,543 --> 01:00:09,999
- Manager in?
- No, he's home today.
709
01:00:10,504 --> 01:00:13,256
That's odd. We have a permit
to shoot here today.
710
01:00:13,341 --> 01:00:16,176
Weird. We'll just start loading
in the equipment.
711
01:00:16,261 --> 01:00:20,259
- You want me to call him?
- No, I'll call him from the cell phone.
712
01:00:27,273 --> 01:00:31,318
There's a guy in there who's vacuuming.
Tell him you're from the studio.
713
01:00:39,370 --> 01:00:41,991
- Who's in charge here?
- I am.
714
01:00:42,456 --> 01:00:45,493
- Do you have a permit to film here today?
- Yeah.
715
01:00:45,585 --> 01:00:47,163
May I see it, please?
716
01:00:48,588 --> 01:00:52,289
Can I talk to you for a second?
Did you ever think about acting?
717
01:01:15,994 --> 01:01:18,449
- This is it. Roll it.
- Mark!
718
01:01:24,670 --> 01:01:25,701
Action!
719
01:01:38,602 --> 01:01:41,437
That time away really helped calm my ass.
720
01:01:41,605 --> 01:01:43,978
Thought I was startin' to crack up.
721
01:01:44,066 --> 01:01:46,605
You ever think, there are no conspiracies?
722
01:01:46,694 --> 01:01:49,945
Maybe there's no aliens.
Everything's just as it seems.
723
01:01:50,115 --> 01:01:52,736
Being alone, by myself, in a chamber...
724
01:01:54,244 --> 01:01:55,869
That was really helpful to me.
725
01:01:55,955 --> 01:01:58,197
Freddy? Where the hell... Freddy?
726
01:01:59,667 --> 01:02:01,375
- Freddy!
- Hey, you!
727
01:02:02,337 --> 01:02:04,793
- Kincaid!
- Freddy!
728
01:02:06,508 --> 01:02:09,545
- You heard me, Kincaid!
- Freddy, don't play with me.
729
01:02:09,636 --> 01:02:11,297
Nice try, Kincaid.
730
01:02:11,847 --> 01:02:14,469
Don't act dumb. Where's the plutonium?
731
01:02:15,727 --> 01:02:19,939
That plutonium is mine. It's registered
to be used for religious purposes.
732
01:02:20,315 --> 01:02:22,189
You actually have some plutonium?
733
01:02:22,275 --> 01:02:23,651
He has plutonium?
734
01:02:23,735 --> 01:02:24,981
Don't play around.
735
01:02:25,070 --> 01:02:28,689
Freddy's about to have his guts replaced
with alien hardware.
736
01:02:28,950 --> 01:02:32,449
- Aliens?
- They told me you were dead!
737
01:02:32,537 --> 01:02:34,494
And now you are dead!
738
01:02:39,878 --> 01:02:43,711
Keith, whenever you kill a pod person,
another one takes its place!
739
01:02:43,841 --> 01:02:47,127
- You won't take me in your spaceship!
- I love you!
740
01:02:47,303 --> 01:02:48,928
Keith! Keith!
741
01:02:51,516 --> 01:02:52,761
I love you!
742
01:02:52,976 --> 01:02:54,519
Stay with him!
743
01:02:59,108 --> 01:03:02,727
I came down because I wanted
to see them shoot you today.
744
01:03:02,946 --> 01:03:04,488
Shoot me today?
745
01:03:04,656 --> 01:03:06,696
My darling! Please, Keith!
746
01:03:07,117 --> 01:03:09,739
Let me love you! My darling baby!
747
01:03:09,912 --> 01:03:11,371
Come with me!
748
01:03:17,170 --> 01:03:18,748
He's coming! Stay with him.
749
01:03:26,138 --> 01:03:27,169
Keith!
750
01:03:28,224 --> 01:03:29,967
He's coming in here!
751
01:03:34,939 --> 01:03:35,971
Cut!
752
01:03:36,900 --> 01:03:40,684
Lyle, you might have won an Emmy,
but that doesn't mean anything here.
753
01:03:40,779 --> 01:03:43,816
I need to see the moment
where you realize he loves you.
754
01:03:43,908 --> 01:03:47,111
He's embroidering for you.
Doesn't that affect you in your heart?
755
01:03:47,203 --> 01:03:49,160
- Doesn't that make you...
- Kit Ramsey!
756
01:03:49,247 --> 01:03:51,240
Over here. I got the car running.
757
01:03:51,333 --> 01:03:53,491
- Freddy, show me your guts!
- What?
758
01:03:53,669 --> 01:03:56,124
Show me your guts right now!
759
01:03:57,423 --> 01:03:59,297
Pod people are all over the place!
760
01:03:59,383 --> 01:04:00,926
Pod people?
761
01:04:01,969 --> 01:04:04,295
Come on. We're gonna shoot scene 35!
762
01:04:05,724 --> 01:04:07,218
Keith!
763
01:04:08,352 --> 01:04:10,973
Who the hell is Keith? Open the door!
764
01:04:11,814 --> 01:04:12,976
Keith!
765
01:04:18,696 --> 01:04:20,107
Go, go, Freddy!
766
01:04:22,784 --> 01:04:23,816
Cut!
767
01:04:26,956 --> 01:04:28,414
I must say...
768
01:04:28,499 --> 01:04:32,367
...I am becoming more and more
impressed with Mr. Ramsey's acting style.
769
01:04:32,462 --> 01:04:34,004
I'm learning a lot from him.
770
01:04:34,088 --> 01:04:37,339
- I haven't done much of anything.
- What are you talking about?
771
01:04:37,425 --> 01:04:39,584
You look like Kit Ramsey. That's talent.
772
01:04:39,678 --> 01:04:41,885
Not everybody could look like Kit Ramsey.
773
01:04:41,972 --> 01:04:44,214
Robert DeNiro
could not look like Kit Ramsey.
774
01:04:44,308 --> 01:04:45,933
He annoys me anyway.
775
01:04:46,018 --> 01:04:48,557
If I go to the store to get some coffee...
776
01:04:48,646 --> 01:04:51,517
...I know that I'm the one
who'll get the coffee.
777
01:04:51,775 --> 01:04:53,851
I'm the one that got the coffee.
778
01:04:54,027 --> 01:04:56,982
I made sure the napkin was in the bag.
779
01:04:57,156 --> 01:05:00,240
I made sure there was cream,
there was sugar in the bag.
780
01:05:00,326 --> 01:05:02,948
I did it. Me! You know?
781
01:05:03,871 --> 01:05:07,455
It's weird for...
To get credit for lookin' like somebody.
782
01:05:08,126 --> 01:05:10,415
- What is that?
- That's a gift!
783
01:05:11,130 --> 01:05:14,748
I don't know how much of a gift it is.
I am his brother.
784
01:05:17,845 --> 01:05:20,419
That's what's so great
about working with you guys.
785
01:05:20,515 --> 01:05:24,050
Whenever someone finds out
I'm related to Kit Ramsey...
786
01:05:24,144 --> 01:05:27,560
...they want me to introduce them to him,
and I can understand that.
787
01:05:27,648 --> 01:05:31,860
But it feels good to have somebody
like you for you.
788
01:05:31,944 --> 01:05:33,937
It's great. I feel great.
789
01:05:38,118 --> 01:05:40,360
- You get along with your brother?
- Yeah.
790
01:05:40,454 --> 01:05:43,206
We haven't seen him in a while.
He's been so busy.
791
01:05:43,290 --> 01:05:45,330
He's crankin' them out, back-to-back.
792
01:05:45,418 --> 01:05:48,372
He didn't even come home
for last Christmas.
793
01:05:49,047 --> 01:05:51,918
- I'm sorry, darling.
- That's okay.
794
01:05:52,592 --> 01:05:56,887
I'm here with this fantastic group of people
who accept me for who I am.
795
01:05:56,972 --> 01:06:00,756
Just the poor, stupid brother of someone
who everybody loves.
796
01:06:08,151 --> 01:06:10,358
So, are you from a show-business family?
797
01:06:10,445 --> 01:06:11,560
We're screwed.
798
01:06:11,655 --> 01:06:15,404
We luck into the brother
of the world's hottest movie star...
799
01:06:15,701 --> 01:06:18,619
...but I have a conscience.
- Don't be so hard on yourself.
800
01:06:18,705 --> 01:06:20,448
You hear him? He's an innocent.
801
01:06:20,540 --> 01:06:22,865
He told us how much he loved us.
802
01:06:23,126 --> 01:06:24,834
I just can't do it.
803
01:06:25,796 --> 01:06:28,999
I gotta take the camera back.
You'll work it out.
804
01:06:29,967 --> 01:06:31,509
I can't do it.
805
01:06:32,428 --> 01:06:35,429
What I like is Citizen Kane.
Very good movie.
806
01:06:36,641 --> 01:06:38,800
What's good is Apocalypse Now.
807
01:06:38,894 --> 01:06:41,811
Godfather. Dr. Strangelove.
808
01:06:42,564 --> 01:06:45,234
- Stanley Kubrick.
- A Clockwork Orange.
809
01:06:45,317 --> 01:06:46,812
Mr. Bowfinger.
810
01:06:47,361 --> 01:06:50,279
Mr. Bowfinger, I got something to tell you.
811
01:06:50,406 --> 01:06:52,732
I have something to tell you.
Come over here.
812
01:06:52,826 --> 01:06:55,317
- Can I talk first?
- All right, all right.
813
01:06:55,996 --> 01:06:58,666
Being Kit Ramsey's brother...
814
01:06:58,749 --> 01:07:01,667
...sometimes it has its fringe benefits.
815
01:07:02,169 --> 01:07:03,794
How do you mean?
816
01:07:05,465 --> 01:07:09,083
You'll never guess
who I had intercourse with in the van.
817
01:07:17,603 --> 01:07:19,477
Isn't that cool?
818
01:07:21,566 --> 01:07:25,149
She gave me the works.
She is the most inventive girl.
819
01:07:25,278 --> 01:07:28,862
- Can I see you in my office?
- Yeah, sure. She's so strong.
820
01:07:29,033 --> 01:07:31,987
She's pure power and speed. Real hot.
821
01:07:34,038 --> 01:07:35,995
I got an errand for you.
822
01:07:36,749 --> 01:07:40,534
Go to Starbucks,
and I want you to get some coffee.
823
01:07:40,629 --> 01:07:42,752
Go to Starbucks and get some coffee.
824
01:07:42,840 --> 01:07:45,675
- You're gonna need napkins for everybody.
- I got that.
825
01:07:45,759 --> 01:07:49,093
Call your brother,
find out where he's going today.
826
01:07:49,180 --> 01:07:51,303
Find out where Kit's going.
827
01:07:51,391 --> 01:07:55,140
- Then pick up pencils from store...
- Pencils from the store.
828
01:07:55,228 --> 01:07:56,853
Then sharpen the pencils.
829
01:07:56,939 --> 01:07:58,812
- You got it?
- Yeah, I got it.
830
01:07:58,941 --> 01:08:02,939
Coffee, napkins, stationery,
find out where my brother's going.
831
01:08:03,571 --> 01:08:06,406
- Ride like the wind.
- I'm gone, man! Gone!
832
01:08:07,700 --> 01:08:09,278
I want to see you.
833
01:08:15,501 --> 01:08:17,743
- We are finished. We are over.
- How come?
834
01:08:17,837 --> 01:08:19,664
- You had sex with Jiff.
- So?
835
01:08:20,506 --> 01:08:23,461
- Never thought of it that way.
- I'll see you tonight at 8:00?
836
01:08:23,551 --> 01:08:24,417
Okay.
837
01:09:08,059 --> 01:09:10,633
There's someone who thinks
he should talk to you.
838
01:09:10,729 --> 01:09:13,018
He says it concerns Kit Ramsey.
839
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:24,989
This is Bob, a Level Six.
He's been with us for four years.
840
01:09:25,328 --> 01:09:27,998
There's something he wants to tell you.
841
01:09:32,211 --> 01:09:35,461
- Jack, just taking her out for a wash.
- Okay.
842
01:09:51,357 --> 01:09:55,023
We still have this one last scene,
the big ending or we don't have a movie.
843
01:09:55,111 --> 01:09:58,148
- I know what else we don't have.
- What?
844
01:09:59,491 --> 01:10:00,820
Permission.
845
01:10:02,953 --> 01:10:04,993
Did you know Tom Cruise had no idea...
846
01:10:05,081 --> 01:10:08,165
...he was in that vampire movie
till two years later?
847
01:10:09,002 --> 01:10:10,081
Hello?
848
01:10:11,046 --> 01:10:12,291
Hi, Jiff.
849
01:10:15,342 --> 01:10:18,961
He's leaving his house at 4:45
to go to MindHead. Great work.
850
01:10:19,096 --> 01:10:22,216
Now, we really need those pencils, buddy.
851
01:10:23,393 --> 01:10:25,516
I will see you at the location.
852
01:10:25,854 --> 01:10:28,475
We are about to shoot
the final scene in this movie.
853
01:10:28,565 --> 01:10:30,724
I just talked with Kit. He is very excited.
854
01:10:30,818 --> 01:10:33,273
So know your jobs. Don't screw up.
Let's go.
855
01:10:33,362 --> 01:10:35,438
We have one hour to get there.
856
01:10:35,698 --> 01:10:39,233
Make sure Slater has finished painting
that car! Let's go!
857
01:10:39,619 --> 01:10:42,157
- Can I talk to you about the scene?
- Sure.
858
01:10:43,206 --> 01:10:44,784
This is a hard scene for Kit.
859
01:10:44,875 --> 01:10:47,497
He probably won't want
to get in that car with you.
860
01:10:47,586 --> 01:10:50,256
He'll probably really resist
because of his character.
861
01:10:50,339 --> 01:10:52,297
So you have to be very persuasive...
862
01:10:52,383 --> 01:10:55,219
Because he doesn't know
he's in the movie.
863
01:10:56,721 --> 01:11:00,720
I know what's going on.
I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio.
864
01:11:03,229 --> 01:11:04,474
I'm not mad.
865
01:11:04,563 --> 01:11:06,936
- I'm working, aren't I?
- But...
866
01:11:08,985 --> 01:11:10,444
Who told you?
867
01:11:10,779 --> 01:11:12,487
We're packed and loaded.
868
01:11:12,614 --> 01:11:13,729
Hi, honey.
869
01:11:13,949 --> 01:11:17,817
Hi, sweetie. Will you make sure
my makeup case is in the van?
870
01:11:22,875 --> 01:11:24,370
Let's hit it!
871
01:12:24,736 --> 01:12:26,859
Anybody want a Frostee Freeze?
872
01:12:26,988 --> 01:12:29,610
I look like I want
some damn Frostee Freeze?
873
01:12:38,918 --> 01:12:40,578
Holy shit!
874
01:12:42,714 --> 01:12:44,623
- Reverse it!
- I got it.
875
01:12:46,635 --> 01:12:47,833
Hold on!
876
01:12:49,722 --> 01:12:50,967
What the hell?
877
01:12:57,355 --> 01:12:59,015
It's the dead guy!
878
01:13:12,956 --> 01:13:15,079
Please don't let me die!
879
01:13:24,177 --> 01:13:25,754
This is awesome!
880
01:13:49,747 --> 01:13:51,371
It's going down!
881
01:13:51,957 --> 01:13:54,828
Right now, it's going down.
I'm so glad you're here.
882
01:13:54,919 --> 01:13:57,707
- I'm Kit Ramsey!
- That's Kit Ramsey.
883
01:13:57,797 --> 01:13:59,790
You know who I am, right?
884
01:14:00,300 --> 01:14:02,626
Please, one at a time. I can't hear you.
885
01:14:02,719 --> 01:14:06,089
I'm Number 13 on Premiere's power list.
What are you doin'?
886
01:14:06,390 --> 01:14:10,175
Tough guys like you
don't get far in this world.
887
01:14:10,311 --> 01:14:12,933
We've been getting pursued
by alien forces!
888
01:14:13,231 --> 01:14:14,429
Aliens!
889
01:14:35,422 --> 01:14:40,583
I should never have slept with the alien
life form from the star system Neon!
890
01:14:50,105 --> 01:14:51,386
Shit!
891
01:14:55,528 --> 01:14:57,402
My gonads! My gonads!
892
01:14:58,907 --> 01:15:02,276
Keith, there's only one way out of this.
Follow me!
893
01:15:04,955 --> 01:15:06,497
Kiss you? Now?
894
01:15:07,750 --> 01:15:09,873
Danger really turns you on!
895
01:15:12,130 --> 01:15:13,672
Get in the car.
896
01:15:13,965 --> 01:15:17,002
We must get to the alien antenna
before the summer solstice!
897
01:15:17,094 --> 01:15:19,799
You best hurry! I'm Keith.
898
01:15:54,552 --> 01:15:56,545
That way, Carol. This way.
899
01:16:02,519 --> 01:16:05,853
Bill, we're here! Put the tripod there.
All right, ready?
900
01:16:06,357 --> 01:16:08,930
We gotta eat.
How we could know if we're starving?
901
01:16:09,026 --> 01:16:12,645
I needed love, love so strong,
but the alien embryos had already...
902
01:16:12,739 --> 01:16:14,281
Hit the lights!
903
01:16:17,327 --> 01:16:18,406
Action.
904
01:16:20,247 --> 01:16:21,492
Get out!
905
01:16:23,667 --> 01:16:25,459
There's the alien antenna.
906
01:16:25,545 --> 01:16:28,166
That's where you must go to say,
"Gotcha, suckers!"
907
01:16:28,256 --> 01:16:30,926
If you don't, we will all become pod people.
908
01:16:31,593 --> 01:16:33,633
Cut! Let's move the camera.
909
01:16:33,720 --> 01:16:37,553
They will impregnate everyone,
including the CIA and the FBI!
910
01:16:38,601 --> 01:16:41,602
Soon as you're set,
start rolling on the stairwell.
911
01:16:42,480 --> 01:16:43,725
In here!
912
01:16:49,196 --> 01:16:52,363
They're all aliens worshipping
their false gods.
913
01:16:56,788 --> 01:16:58,911
- Come on! Come on!
- No! No!
914
01:16:59,833 --> 01:17:02,205
Keep running since you're
with the one person...
915
01:17:02,294 --> 01:17:03,622
I got them.
916
01:17:06,298 --> 01:17:06,998
Shit!
917
01:17:07,091 --> 01:17:08,834
Cut to the stairwell.
918
01:17:08,926 --> 01:17:12,378
Then I realized it was you
that I loved and...
919
01:17:13,556 --> 01:17:15,514
The roof is your next shot.
920
01:17:17,143 --> 01:17:18,804
Bastard! Bastard!
921
01:17:19,438 --> 01:17:21,846
- No, no, I'm Keith!
- Bastard!
922
01:17:27,572 --> 01:17:28,686
Stop it!
923
01:17:29,949 --> 01:17:31,064
Stop it!
924
01:17:41,337 --> 01:17:42,582
Shit!
925
01:17:44,215 --> 01:17:46,374
She was from the planet Neon!
926
01:17:46,885 --> 01:17:49,008
Don't bring that shit over here!
927
01:17:49,221 --> 01:17:50,217
Put that down!
928
01:17:50,305 --> 01:17:52,179
Cut! Okay, outside.
929
01:17:53,225 --> 01:17:54,768
Drop that shit!
930
01:17:58,022 --> 01:18:02,151
We must run. We have only 40 seconds!
931
01:18:09,160 --> 01:18:11,615
This is it. We only need one shot.
932
01:18:20,631 --> 01:18:23,038
Only one thing can stop them now.
933
01:18:23,300 --> 01:18:25,874
- Lf you say, "Gotcha, suckers!"
- What?
934
01:18:26,721 --> 01:18:28,927
- Put your hands right here.
- What?
935
01:18:29,015 --> 01:18:31,008
Go! Cue the pyrotechnics.
936
01:18:33,895 --> 01:18:34,927
Shit!
937
01:18:35,022 --> 01:18:36,849
My God! It's time!
938
01:18:38,233 --> 01:18:40,807
Look into the sky and say,
"Gotcha, suckers!"
939
01:18:40,903 --> 01:18:42,148
Kincaid!
940
01:18:49,162 --> 01:18:50,705
Gotcha, suckers!
941
01:18:51,832 --> 01:18:53,410
Come on, say it.
942
01:18:56,587 --> 01:18:58,165
Come on, say it!
943
01:19:42,972 --> 01:19:48,049
It seems the paranoid
are sometimes actually being followed.
944
01:19:48,645 --> 01:19:50,934
This film is only for Madagascar and Iran...
945
01:19:51,023 --> 01:19:53,977
...neither of which
accept American copyright law.
946
01:19:54,151 --> 01:19:57,271
Terry! I'm Keith Kincaid.
947
01:19:57,989 --> 01:20:00,065
I saved the world.
948
01:20:01,493 --> 01:20:02,868
I saved it.
949
01:20:18,219 --> 01:20:22,929
I have eight brothers, four sisters,
and no job! I'm screwed!
950
01:20:23,016 --> 01:20:25,887
There's no movie!
I can't believe there's no movie!
951
01:20:25,978 --> 01:20:28,220
I didn't look for work,
I thought I was working.
952
01:20:28,314 --> 01:20:31,897
- I showed my breasts on film. For what?
- I'm a felon.
953
01:20:32,235 --> 01:20:34,987
My friends, I have a cousin who's a lawyer.
954
01:20:35,280 --> 01:20:38,780
I say we take action. We sue. Sue! Sue!
955
01:20:39,326 --> 01:20:41,319
Carol, what do you think?
956
01:20:44,582 --> 01:20:45,827
I think...
957
01:20:48,169 --> 01:20:50,458
I think it was a beautiful lie.
958
01:21:14,323 --> 01:21:16,067
It could've worked.
959
01:21:22,666 --> 01:21:25,074
Boss, what you want me to do
with this stuff?
960
01:21:25,169 --> 01:21:26,829
- What is it?
- It's the film.
961
01:21:26,921 --> 01:21:29,792
I told him to follow Kit around
and get some random shots.
962
01:21:29,882 --> 01:21:32,171
You never know. We could've used it.
963
01:21:32,343 --> 01:21:33,624
The trash is outside.
964
01:21:33,720 --> 01:21:36,507
- I wanna take a look at it.
- Why hurt ourselves?
965
01:21:36,598 --> 01:21:38,674
We need Kit Ramsey's permission.
966
01:21:38,767 --> 01:21:41,852
Why didn't someone bring that up
to me at some point?
967
01:21:43,022 --> 01:21:45,015
Hold up, hold up.
968
01:21:50,530 --> 01:21:53,531
Useless. A tennis-playing alien fighter.
969
01:22:00,041 --> 01:22:01,452
Nice work, guys.
970
01:22:01,584 --> 01:22:04,585
Thank you, Mr. Bowfinger.
We used a Pro-Mist...
971
01:22:04,671 --> 01:22:08,716
...and tried to open up the aperture
to give him a rim light.
972
01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:17,224
What's he doing?
973
01:22:29,824 --> 01:22:32,397
I think we just got our permission.
974
01:22:50,347 --> 01:22:52,007
Hey, Laker Girls.
975
01:22:58,773 --> 01:23:00,315
It's not funny!
976
01:23:13,456 --> 01:23:18,165
You realize all courts in the country
would consider this blackmail!
977
01:23:21,423 --> 01:23:25,587
I don't know anything about blackmail.
I'm just a guy with a great film.
978
01:23:25,677 --> 01:23:28,133
I need a shot of Kit saying,
"Gotcha, suckers"...
979
01:23:28,222 --> 01:23:29,847
...and a couple of close-ups.
980
01:23:29,932 --> 01:23:34,144
Or we'll use a shot of Kit wagging his thing
at the Laker Girls.
981
01:23:34,354 --> 01:23:36,726
Which is a great ending.
982
01:23:36,815 --> 01:23:39,187
Though not such a good ending for Kit.
983
01:23:39,276 --> 01:23:41,814
It could sort of stop his money flow...
984
01:23:41,904 --> 01:23:46,531
...and possibly make that family film
he's about to do, just...
985
01:23:51,790 --> 01:23:53,996
We'll have to think about it.
986
01:23:55,961 --> 01:23:59,911
We'll have to think about it, for Kit.
987
01:24:04,721 --> 01:24:07,294
Now that you've had time
to think about it...
988
01:24:07,390 --> 01:24:11,258
...what do you and the other fellows
here at MindFu... Head think?
989
01:24:48,728 --> 01:24:50,353
Good to see you.
990
01:24:53,483 --> 01:24:55,026
This way.
991
01:25:14,798 --> 01:25:16,922
Not bad seats at all!
992
01:25:37,032 --> 01:25:39,902
CIA operative, Todd Delmonico...
993
01:25:40,035 --> 01:25:43,653
... drove his '53 Buick to meet Keith Kincaid.
994
01:25:45,124 --> 01:25:46,618
Kincaid!
995
01:25:46,959 --> 01:25:49,082
It had rained that day.
996
01:25:49,295 --> 01:25:52,795
But was it normal rain?
Or was it Chubby Rain?
997
01:25:53,091 --> 01:25:55,713
- Freddy?
- You heard me there, Kincaid.
998
01:25:56,470 --> 01:25:57,668
Freddy?
999
01:26:01,350 --> 01:26:05,218
Freddy's about to have his guts replaced
with alien hardware!
1000
01:26:27,921 --> 01:26:29,416
Gotcha, suckers!
1001
01:26:47,443 --> 01:26:49,899
A hit. A hit.
1002
01:27:13,222 --> 01:27:14,716
Hey, you guys!
1003
01:27:15,724 --> 01:27:17,848
I want you to meet somebody.
1004
01:27:18,394 --> 01:27:20,968
This is Farrah.
Farrah and I met at the premiere.
1005
01:27:21,064 --> 01:27:24,267
Farrah's one of the most powerful lesbians
in Hollywood.
1006
01:27:24,776 --> 01:27:25,939
Bravo!
1007
01:27:35,747 --> 01:27:37,989
I can't talk to you right now.
1008
01:28:50,872 --> 01:28:54,407
It's an offer to direct a movie in Taiwan
starring Kit Ramsey's brother.
1009
01:28:54,501 --> 01:28:56,577
Oh, my God! Are you serious?
1010
01:28:58,714 --> 01:29:00,588
We're goin' to Taiwan!
1011
01:30:06,163 --> 01:30:07,539
Jiff! Jiff!
1012
01:30:24,350 --> 01:30:26,639
Good to see you again, brother.
1013
01:35:54,091 --> 01:35:56,167
Subtitles by SOFTITLER
1014
01:35:57,053 --> 01:35:59,129
I saved the world!
1015
01:36:00,807 --> 01:36:01,970
I saved it!