["El Dorado" by Elton John playing]
♪ Our glorious city ♪
♪ Was built by the divinities ♪
♪ By gods who saw fit ♪
♪ To bestow ♪
♪ The gift of a paradise ♪
♪ Peaceful and harmonious upon ♪
♪ Us mere mortals below ♪
♪ And made El Dorado ♪
♪ The magnificent and golden ♪
♪ One thousand years ago ♪
♪ El Dorado ♪
[song ends]
[flamenco style music playing]
Today, we sail to conquer the new world... [nickers]
for Spain, for glory, for gold! [crowd clamoring]
- [crowd cheering] - [man] Viva Cortes!
[whinnying]
[grunts] Altivo, eyes forward.
Seven! All right!
Yes!
Partner! [laughs]
♪ Tons of gold for you ♪ Hey!
♪ Tons of gold for me ♪ Hey!
[both] ♪ Tons of gold for we ♪ Hey!
One more roll!
[plucks notes]
Uh, guys, you're broke!
You got nothin' to bet with!
Oh, yeah? I got this!
[man] A map!
- [scoffs] A map? - A map!
A map of the wonders of the new world.
Wow! [sighs]
Let's have a look.
[indistinct muttering]
Tulio!
Excuse us for one moment, please.
[whispering] Tulio, look!
El Dorado, the city of gold. [Tulio sighs]
This could be our destiny, our fate.
Miguel, if I believed in fate,
I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice.
[whimpers] Not with the face.
[chuckles] No, no, no.
No! No! No! [whimpering, panting]
I said one more roll!
My map against your cash.
Hmm? [dice clattering]
All right, peewee. You're on!
Not with those!
This time we use my dice.
Uh...
Got a problem with that?
[whimpers] No.
[whispers] I'm going to kill you.
Come on, baby. Papa needs that crappy map. [playing tense music]
[giggles]
[scoffs]
[blows]
[continues playing] Stop that!
[music stops]
Show me seven!
[gasps]
[crowd exclaims, cheers]
Seven!
All right!
[Tulio] Seven! [groans]
Yes!
[laughing] There it is!
Well, nice doing business with you.
- [grunting] - [crowd] Oh!
I knew it! [crowd gasping]
[gasps] [plays dramatically]
Your dice are loaded!
What? You gave me loaded dice?
[grunts]
He gave me loaded dice! [crowd murmurs]
Guard, arrest him!
You dare to impugn my honor?
He was the one who was cheating!
Arrest him!
He tricked these sailors and took their money!
Oh, now I'm the thief? Yes.
Take a look in the mirror, pal!
Oh, you better give them that money back, or I'll...
En garde!
- [crowd gasps] - En garde, yourself.
I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death.
[crowd gasps, then groans]
But not with that. Ha! I prefer to fight fairly. Aha!
[growls] Well, any last words?
I will cut you to ribbons, fool!
Such mediocrity.
Let your sword do the talking.
I will. It will be loquacious to a fault!
Ha! Take that!
[both grunting and laughing]
You mincing, fencing twit.
Ah, you fight like my sister.
I've fought your sister. That's a compliment.
Blaggard! Heathen!
- [man yelling] - Not the face. Not the face.
[all gasping, clamoring]
Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw.
[man] Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you soon.
Adiós!
Congratulations. You're very good. No. That was good.
Very-- [snort]
[gasping] [lowing, snorting]
We should have kept our swords, I think.
Y-- Yeah.
[snorting] [Tulio whispering] Yeah, I've got a plan.
What is it? Uh, well-- Uh, you...
pet him, and... I'll... Yeah.
...run!
Uh, well, thanks a lot! [bull bellowing]
[upbeat music playing]
[both] Whoa!
There they are!
[hooves screech]
- [woman screaming] - Bye. Thank you!
- [yelling] - [bellowing]
[men grunting]
[both grunting]
[both exclaim]
I'll bet we can make that. [men shouting]
[guard] There they are!
Two pesetas says we can't.
You're on!
[both yelling]
[man] You lose!
[man] Oh! [Tulio] Whoa! What's happening here?
[man] We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.
[muffled grunts, groans]
[both gasping]
Okay, Miguel, we gotta move fast.
On three, we jump out and head for the dock.
Good. Good. Excellent.
[together] One, two, three--
- [both grunting] Th-- Three! - [creaking]
- [both straining] Three! Oh! - [creaking continues]
[straining] Three!
[Tulio] Uh, you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go.
[both] One, two, three!
- [fly buzzing] - [wind whistling]
Excuse us. Okay. We're outta here.
Who ordered the, uh, pickles? [sailors laughing menacingly]
[both grunting]
Cortes!
My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ.
[cracks knuckles]
And I will not tolerate stowaways.
[gulps]
You will be flogged.
And when we put into Cuba to resupply,
God willing, you will be flogged some more,
and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives.
To the brig.
All right! Cuba!
Ah! [gasps]
[dramatic music playing]
[whistling]
[chuckles] [nickers]
Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you!
You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes.
[gasps] [banging]
[banging continues]
So, uh, how's the... How's the escape plan coming?
All right. All right. Wait!
I'm getting something. Yeah.
Okay!
Here's the plan.
In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions... Mm-hm.
...hijack one of those longboats,
and then we row back to Spain like there's no mañana!
Back to Spain, yeah? Yeah.
In a rowboat. You got it!
Great. Sensational. And that's your plan, is it?
That's pretty much it.
Well, I like it.
So, how do we get on deck?
Hmm.
In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions,
hijack one of those longboats-- Uh, great.
Okay, what's your idea, smart guy?
Wh-- What do you mean? Don't ask me that!
You're the one with the plans.
[horse whinnying] Wait, I-- I have an idea.
Uh, come on. Give me-- Give me a boost.
[whispering] Hey, Altivo.
Altivo.
You want a nice apple? Come and get it.
[hooves clattering] You have to do a trick for me first.
[sputtering]
All you have to do is find a pry bar.
A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end. Yeah?
Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
- [shushes] - [hooves clattering]
That's it, Altivo, find the pry bar.
[Tulio] Yes, find the pry bar. [Altivo whinnying]
He can't understand "pry bar." [clattering continues]
He's a dumb horse. There's no way--
[Altivo whinnying]
Well... it's not a pry bar.
- [wind whistling] - [ship creaking]
[gasps] [nickers]
Oh, Altivo. Oh, thank you, old boy.
Listen, if we can ever return the favor...
For Pete's sake, Miguel, he's a ruthless warhorse, not a poodle.
Come on, before he licks you to death.
Adiós.
[whinnies]
Shh, shh. Quiet, please. Shh.
What's the matter with him? Oh, he wants his apple.
Well, give it to him before he wakes up the whole ship!
[bellowing]
- Fetch! - [whinnying] Huh?
[snoring]
[gasps]
[hoof beats clatter, stop abruptly]
- [both] Huh? - [whinnying]
[whinnying]
Altivo!
Miguel!
[yelling]
Altivo, I'm coming! Miguel!
Just hang on! I'm right here, old boy!
Have you lost your mind?
Help is coming!
[gasps]
Holy ship!
[both] Whoa!
[all gasping]
Loop the rope under the horse!
Yes!
On the count of three, pull back on the rope!
- What? [gasps] - Three!
[Tulio] Pull! [grunting]
Tulio! Hey, it worked!
Did any of the supplies make it?
Well, uh, yes and no. [crunching sound]
Oh, great!
Tulio. Look on the positive side. At least things can't get--
[thunder crashes]
Excuse me. Were you going to say "worse"?
No. No. No? You're sure?
Absolutely not. I've revised the whole thing. Okay, because--
[Tulio] Yeah, we're at least in a rowboat.
We're in a rowboat, exactly.
You miss nothing.
[both straining]
[whinnying]
[yelling]
[groaning] [gasps]
[both] Ah!
[coughs]
[smacking lips]
[all sobbing]
Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
The horse is a surprise. [nickers]
Any... regrets?
Besides dying? Yeah.
I never... had enough... gold.
My regret, besides dying, is...
our greatest adventure is over before it began,
and no one will even remember us.
Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel,
you... made my life...
an adventure. [sobbing]
And if it's any consolation, Tulio, [sniffles]
you made my life... rich. [sobbing continues]
[groans, sputters]
[both sobbing]
[shuddering gasp]
[moans]
[gasps] Is it? Hmm. [gasps]
It is! It's... [stammers]
It's land!
- [both screaming] - [whinnying]
All in favor of getting back in the boat, say "aye." Aye!
Aye! Go! [nickers]
[gasps]
Hey, Miguel! I could use a little help!
Miguel!
Hello! Tulio! We've done it!
What's that? The map?
It's all right here!
You still have the map?
The whistling rock! The stream!
You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more food?
Even those mountains. You said so yourself:
It could be possible. And it is!
It really is the map to El Dorado!
[panting]
You drank seawater, didn't you?
Oh, come on!
I'm not coming on!
I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas!
How about a 100 million?
What?
I just thought that, after all, since El Dorado is the city of gold--
What's your point?
You know, dust, nuggets, bricks,
a temple of gold where you can pluck gold from the very walls.
But you don't want to go, so
let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain.
After all, it worked so well last time.
[gibberish] Wait!
Mmm. Wait a minute. New plan.
We find the city of gold. We take the gold,
and then we go back to Spain.
And buy Spain!
Yeah! That's the spirit!
Come on, Tulio. We'll follow that trail!
What trail?
The trail that we blaze!
[nickers]
That trail that we blaze!
[mutters] [whinnies]
["The Trail We Blaze" by Elton John playing]
Oh, no, you don't.
Yow! Your horse bit me in the butt!
[chittering] [hissing]
♪ Look out new world here we come ♪
♪ Brave, intrepid... ♪
Charge!
♪ And then some ♪
♪ Pioneers of maximum audacity ♪
♪ Whose résumés show That we are just the team ♪
♪ To live where others merely dream... ♪
What are you looking at?
♪ Building up our head of steam ♪
Whoa!
♪ On the trail we blaze ♪
♪ Changing legend into fact ♪
♪ We shall ride into history ♪
♪ Turning myth into truth ♪
♪ We shall surely gaze ♪
♪ On the sweet unfolding ♪
♪ Of an antique mystery ♪
♪ All will be revealed ♪
♪ On the trail we blaze... ♪
Oh! Oh! Oh!
♪ On the trail, on the trail we blaze... ♪
Dinner is served. Hello.
♪ Paradise is close at hand ♪
♪ Shangri-La ♪
♪ The promised land ♪
♪ Seventh heaven on demand ♪
♪ Quite unusual nowadays ♪
♪ Virgin vistas undefiled ♪
♪ Minds and bodies running wild ♪
♪ In the man behold a child ♪
♪ On the trail we blaze ♪
♪ The trail we blaze ♪
♪ Is road uncharted ♪
♪ Through terra incognita ♪
♪ To a golden shrine ♪
♪ No place for the traveler ♪
♪ To be fainthearted ♪
♪ We are part of a sumptuous Grand design ♪
♪ Changing legend into fact ♪
♪ We shall ride into history ♪
♪ Turning myth into truth ♪
♪ We shall surely gaze ♪
♪ On the sweet unfolding ♪
♪ Of an antique mystery ♪
♪ All will be revealed ♪
[creaking, crackling]
♪ On the trail we blaze ♪
[yelling]
[all grunting]
[groaning]
[song ends]
Hmm.
[snaps]
Miguel. Miguel, wake up. [moans]
We're there. We found it?
Oh, yeah. We found it. Oh!
Fantastic! Where is it? How far?
- Right here! - Where?
Here. Behind the rock?
No, no. This is it. [stammering]
Give me that!
This ca-- What?
Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... [muttering]
"Great, big...
rock"!
[echoing]
Hey, but I tell you what, I'm feeling generous,
so you can have my share!
You don't think Cortes could've gotten here before us and--
And what? Taken all the really big rocks?
The scoundrel! Tulio, you--
We have to think about this. We've come all this way,
and we should really, you know-- Get on the horse!
[sighs]
No, no, no, not with the face. Stop.
[clears throat] Looks like there's a pass right over there.
[panting] Oh!
[panting continues]
[grunts]
[whinnying] [gasps]
- [men shouting] - [both gasping]
- [both] Hyah! - [whinnying]
- [all gasping] - [snorting]
[exclaims, grunts]
[chuckles] I've--
Uh, hello. Is this your rock?
Sorry. We were just looking. We're, uh--
We're tourists! Tourist.
[grunts] [Tulio] We lost our group. May we go now?
[gasps] [chuckles] Spears.
[grunts]
[nickers]
[chittering]
Hey! Hey!
[chittering] [bird calling]
[bird calling continues]
[tense music playing]
[sighs dejectedly]
[whistling]
[gasps]
Oh, my...
[Miguel] It's... It's... [gasps]
[both whispering] El Dorado.
[dramatic music playing]
[giggling]
[gasps] [pottery shatters ]
[chittering]
[grunts]
- [chuckling] - [children giggling]
[whispering]
[chanting]
[whispering]
Mmm. Ah!
[chattering]
[sighs] Well, it was nice working with you, partner.
Tulio, I just want you to know,
I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.
So, you-- You...
[man] Behold!
As the prophesies foretold,
the time of judgment is now!
[both gasping]
Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us?
Hmm.
[chuckling] My lords, I am Tzekel-Kan,
your devoted high priest and speaker for the gods.
Hey.
I am Chief Tannabok. What names may we call you?
Huh?
I am Miguel. [crowd murmuring]
And I am Tulio. [murmuring continues]
And they call us Miguel and Tulio!
[Tzekel-Kan] Your arrival has been greatly anticipated.
My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado?
[whimpers]
Aha! I see you've captured this temple-robbing thief.
How would you have us punish her? Oh, no, no, no!
My lord, I am not a thief.
See, the gods sent me a vision...
to bring them tribute from the temple to guide them here.
My only wish is to serve the gods.
Release her, don't ya think? [crowd gasps]
[exhales]
Then you will begin by returning this to its rightful place.
[chittering]
My lords, why now do you choose to visit us? [scoffs]
Enough! You do not question the gods!
That's right! Do not question us,
or we shall have to unleash our awesome and terrible power!
And you don't want that!
Well, yes! We do!
You do?
Of course we do! Visit your wrath upon this nonbeliever!
Show us the truth of your divinity!
Divinity! One moment. [chuckles]
Miguel, you know that little voice people have
that tells them to quit when they're ahead?
You don't have one!
Well, I'm sorry. I just got carried away! Way away!
Maybe we should tell the truth and beg for mercy.
Are you nuts? We'd be butchered alive!
Yes, but they're getting suspicious.
- And if we don't come up with some mega-cosmic event-- - [rumbling]
[all gasping]
[Altivo whinnying]
[chittering]
I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions!
[whinnying continues]
You and your horse-- Think, think, think!
I'm on the verge of--
Stop!
[echoing]
[coughing sound]
[gasps]
[crickets chirping]
[dramatic music playing]
Don't make me start it up again,
'cause I will.
Oh, mighty lords!
Come. Let me show you to your temple.
All right! Temple.
Step aside.
[crowd murmuring]
[panting]
[grunting]
[panting continues]
[sputters]
To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn.
Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight.
Which would you prefer?
Both. Both.
[together] Both.
Both is good.
My lords. My lords.
And so dawns the Age of the Jaguar.
Happy new year. [chuckles]
Hey! Hey, hey.
[laughing]
[whinnying]
Tulio. Tulio. They actually think we're gods.
- [Tulio] It's an entire city of suckers. - [Miguel laughing]
We just have to keep this up long enough
to load up on the gold and then get the hell out of here!
Tulio, we'll be living like kings!
Miguel and Tulio!
Tulio and Miguel!
Mighty and powerful gods. Gods.
Hello.
[both scream, whimper]
[laughing]
Depart, mortal,
before we strike you with a lightning bolt. Mmm. Mmm!
[humming]
Beware the wrath of the gods! Begone! [hisses]
Save it for the high priest, honey. You're gonna need it.
[hisses] Miguel, it's not working.
[hisses] Miguel! We've been caught.
Oh, no. Don't worry about me, boys.
"My only wish is to serve the gods." Remember?
How?
Well, if you guys want the gold, then you don't want to get caught, right?
You're going to need my help.
[scoffs] What makes you think we need your help?
[hisses sarcastically] Are you serious?
[whinnies]
[spluttering]
Okay. So, uh, who are you?
Yeah, uh, what's your angle?
[laughs] No angle.
I want in.
In?
On the scam.
[chuckles]
There's no scam! Why would you think there's a...
Why?
So I can get out.
I thought she just said she wanted in.
She wants in so she can get out.
Aha! Got it. [chuckles]
Why?
[scoffs] Think you're the only ones who dream of better things?
Of adventure? You've got your reasons,
and I've got mine.
Let's not make it personal, okay?
It's just business.
[both] Oh.
So when you guys are ready to go back to wherever you came from,
I'm going with you.
[laughs]
No! Don't think so.
[coughs]
[whistling] All right. Fine.
[laughs] After all, I'm sure you know
the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar--
Oh, and of course you know all about Xibalba.
[chuckles] Okay.
Good luck.
See you at the execution.
[gibberish]
Wait! Ho-- Would you-- Hold it.
[chuckles] Deal? Hmm.
Deal. Not yet. Let's just see how this works out.
Uh-huh. Well, then I suppose that means you'll want these back?
How'd you get those? Where was she keeping them?
Call me, Chel, your new partner.
Uh, that's partner-in-training. [humming]
Now, put these on.
Your public's waiting. [continues humming]
[Chel giggling] Do you mind?
No.
Oh! Oh! Oh! [giggles]
Right. Uh, excuse me.
[grunting]
Bye.
Mm-mm-mmm! Maybe they should call this place "Chel Dorado."
[chuckles] She's wh--
Whoa, she's trouble! Wait a minute! What?
The little voice? Remember the little voice?
Just for a second imagine that you have one.
What would it be saying about Chel?
[purrs]
No. No. Listen.
We are partners. We are partners.
We have a plan, remember?
Get the gold. Go back to Spain.
Yes! And we are pretending to be gods.
Now, put Chel in the mix. What is the voice saying?
Listen carefully.
[inhales]
Chel is off-limits, hmm?
Bravo! Chel is off-limits! Shake on it.
Off-limits. Mm. Mm.
[both] Mmm.
Besides, we're supposed to be gods.
We must avoid giving in to temptation.
Gods. Oh. This is gonna to be tougher than I thought.
Tulio, relax!
All you have to do is smile, act godly and follow my lead.
[gasps]
Big smile. Like you mean it.
A-one, two, three.
["It's Tough to Be a God" by Elton John playing]
♪ I hardly think I'm qualified ♪
♪ To come across all sanctified ♪
♪ I just don't cut it with the cherubim ♪
[cries out] Tulio, what are you talking about?
♪ There again they're on their knees ♪
♪ Being worshipped is a breeze ♪
♪ Which rather suits us in ♪
- ♪ The interim ♪ - ♪ Interim, interim, it's me and him ♪
♪ Oh, my God! It's tough to be a god ♪
♪ Tread where mortals have not trod ♪
♪ Be deified when really you're a sham ♪
♪ Be an object of devotion ♪
♪ Be the subject of psalms ♪
♪ It's a rather touching notion ♪
♪ All those prayers and those salaams ♪
♪ And who am I to bridle ♪
♪ If I'm forced to be an idol ♪
♪ If they say that I'm a god ♪
♪ That's what I am ♪
♪ What's more If we don't comply ♪
♪ With the locals' wishes ♪
♪ I can see us being sacrificed ♪
♪ Or stuffed ♪
You have a point there. Very good thinking.
♪ So let's be gods the perks are great ♪
Yeah!
♪ El Dorado on our plates ♪
Thank you.
♪ Local feelings should not ♪
♪ Be rebuffed ♪ ♪ Never rebuffed ♪
♪ I never rebuff a local feeling No, my friend ♪
♪ It's tough to be a god ♪
♪ But if you get the people's nod ♪
♪ Count your blessings Yeah, keep 'em sweet ♪
- ♪ That's our advice ♪ - It's great advice!
♪ Be a symbol of perfection ♪
[whinnies]
♪ Be a legend, be a cult ♪
♪ Take their praise, take a collection ♪
♪ As the multitudes exalt ♪
♪ Don a supernatural habit ♪
♪ We'd be crazy not to grab it ♪
You got it!
♪ So sign on two new gods ♪
♪ For paradise ♪
♪ Paradise ♪
[chattering]
[laughter]
[screeching]
[drunken whinnying]
[grunts]
[party noises fade out]
[both snoring, mumbling]
[metallic clattering]
[both] Ah!
Good morning, my lords!
He's back!
Oh, no.
And now it's my turn.
The gods have awakened!
[cheering]
Whoa! [groans]
Mm-hmm.
[grunts] [whimpering]
Hey, Chel, what's going on?
It's not gonna be good.
Thank you.
This city has been granted a great blessing.
And what have we done to show our gratitude?
A meager celebration.
The gods deserve a proper tribute!
[crowd gasping]
Hmm. Hmm.
The beginning of a new era, the dawning of a new age,
demands...
sacrifice!
[all gasping]
[gasps]
I don't like this. Tulio, we've got to do something.
[groans]
[groaning] [yells]
[Tulio] Stop!
Hmm?
This is not a proper tribute! [moaning]
[crowd gasps] You do not want the tribute?
No. No, no. W-- We want tribute.
Uh, it's just that, uh-- Tulio, tell him.
The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Like he says, stars...
Can't do it.
Not today.
Ah...
Perhaps it is possible I misread the heavens.
Don't worry about it.
To err is human, to forgive-- Hmm.
My lords, may the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute.
[crowd gasping]
[gasps]
[gasping continues]
My lords, does this please you?
[sighs] Yes, very nice.
Certainly acceptable. Yes, lovely. It'll do.
The gods have chosen!
To Xibalba?
[crowd murmuring]
[quietly] No. No.
[both] To Xibalba!
[crowd cheering] Oh, great.
[cheering continues]
Hey, Chel, um, what are they doing?
They're sending it to Xibalba, the spirit world.
The spirit world. I'll take care of it.
[clears throat] Um, excuse me, Chief.
The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba.
They wish to bask in the reverence that has been shown them.
Stop!
- [crowd murmuring] - They wish to bask!
Take the tribute to the gods' temple!
[crowd cheering] [humming]
Nice going.
[chuckles]
Smile while you can.
[Cortes] Well, well, well.
What have we here?
[evil chuckle]
- [Tulio] Ay-ay-ay. - ♪ Tons of gold for you, hah ♪
♪ And tons of gold for me, hoo! ♪ [both] ♪ Tons of gold for we, ah! ♪
Not bad for a day's work, eh? Not bad at all.
We just became richer than the king of Spain. [laughing]
You know, speaking of kings,
the chief and high priest seem a bit, uh... tense.
Buenos días!
Listen, all we have to do...
is keep playing the one against the other.
You know, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo,
dazzle 'em with some smoke and mirrors and then get the hell back to Spain.
Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain?
Umm...
- A boat? - [Tulio] Yeah.
Um, we really hate to be ascending so soon,
but, uh, some urgent business has come up,
family matters, you know, and it's just a bit... Yeah, family.
Bada-bing, bada-boom, you know what I mean.
Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next...
thousand years.
Well, as we say in the spirit world,
there's your plan and then... there's the gods' plan. Mm-hmm.
And our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend...
kind of in a horizontal pattern at first. [chuckles]
And then we're gonna go vertical, uh, as we get further out to sea.
Hmm. To build a boat large and glorious enough
would take about a week.
A week? Hmm. Um...
I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it.
But... But for the gods, uh...
three days.
Uh...
Well, if that's the best you can do.
Oh, perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute,
you could leave sooner.
Hmm? Hmm? I like it here. Miguel?
Yep, yep. Three days is just fine.
- [Tulio] No, three days is not fine. - [Chel humming]
This is a real...
Mmm.
These, these are the ones.
Oh. Thank you.
...Problem.
Miguel, how are we gonna keep this up for three days? [yawns]
You worry too much.
No, I worry exactly the right amount.
You can never worry too much.
We just have to lie low.
But, Tulio, this place is amazing! I mean, I wonder what's--
No! Don't even move!
- [chuckles] Tulio-- - You're moving!
- A little, but-- - Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Come on. - [stammering]
- I gotta-- I-- - Stay!
[groans]
- I just-- - Just... stand there!
For three days?
[thuds, clatters] Yes! Exactly.
For three days. Don't even breathe.
All right?
[clattering]
All right.
We lie low.
Nah-ah-ah. Promise?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right.
Great! Good. Okay.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to gloat over my gold. [giggling]
[kissing]
Oh, yum, yum, yum.
[kissing continues]
It's beautiful, isn't it?
Yeah.
You know, you really shouldn't miss it.
I know. But I couldn't.
Go ahead. I'll cover for you.
Oh, good. Thanks.
[Tulio singing, indistinct]
So, what happened to Altivo? I don't know.
♪ Tulio goes for paradise ♪
Hey, what happened to Miguel? I don't know.
Oh, my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone!
He's loose! What am I gonna do?
Oh, no, no! [sobbing]
Oh, Miguel is right. You worry too much.
[groaning]
[humming] Oh. Ooh. [moans]
Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, down, down, down. [humming]
No! No!
[gasps] Big trouble.
[chuckling] Whoa!
Look, sweetheart, we're in the middle of a con here,
walking the razor's edge.
On the one hand, gold!
On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure!
[clears throat] I can't afford any tempta-- uh, distractions.
So, I'm sorry.
[longingly] So sorry.
[sharp inhale] But perhaps another time? Another place, hmm?
[chuckles] Too bad. I'm free now.
I'm... not really sure I trust you.
Mmm, I'm not really asking you to trust me.
Am I? Whoo.
'Kay.
[moans]
Ooh, yeah.
[soft music playing]
[chirping]
Excuse me.
Excuse me?
Hey, where is everybody?
They've been cleared from the streets, my lord,
so the city can be cleansed, as you ordered.
Cleansed? Yes.
So the Age of the Jaguar can begin,
as you ordered, my lord. [man] Get back in!
- Where are you going? - Hey, stop that!
- [guard] Move! - Hey, stop that!
What are you doing? Stop that!
But, my lord, anyone who disobeys your orders
must be punished, as you ordered.
It seems I've been giving a lot of orders, haven't I?
Tzekel-Kan has made your commands clear, my lord.
Really?
Here's an order. Take the day off. Huh?
Are you all right?
[panting]
Here. [whimpers]
Oh, no! It's all right.
Please.
[random notes playing]
[tuning]
[continues]
[snorts] Hey, Altivo. There you are.
[gasps]
Oh. Oh.
[both chuckling]
["Without Question" by Elton John playing]
[children giggling]
♪ The more I learn ♪
♪ The more I see ♪
♪ The less the world impassions me ♪
♪ The hungry heart ♪
♪ The roving eye ♪
♪ Have come to rest ♪
♪ Do not apply ♪
♪ The frantic chase ♪
♪ The crazy ride ♪
♪ The thrill has gone ♪
♪ I step aside ♪
♪ I'd believe ♪
♪ In anything ♪
♪ Were it not for you ♪
♪ Showing me by just existing ♪
♪ Only this is true ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Without question ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ I'd believe in anything ♪
♪ Were it not for you ♪
♪ Showing me by just existing ♪
♪ Only this is true ♪
♪ Oh, I love you ♪
[chuckles]
[all laughing]
[whinnies]
[song fades]
Hmm.
This is not what I expected.
Perhaps Lord Tulio will enlighten me.
[chuckling]
How do I look?
Oh, uh... Well, you...
Oh, shut up.
- [Tulio gasps] Oh! Whoa! - [Chel humming]
- [Tzekel-Kan] My lord? - [gasps]
Hello?
The high priest. Ow!
[gasps] What's he gonna think if he finds one of the gods like this with me?
Uh, "Lucky god"?
Just-- Just-- Just... [groans]
Hello? Whoa!
Oh, Tzekel-Kan!
What brings you here?
[stammers] I humbly request an audience with you, my lord.
"Lord", yes, what can I do for you?
My lord, I have just seen Lord Miguel out among the people.
Really?
If I may be so bold as to offer some advice.
All right. Shoot.
[clears throat] My lord, you are perfect.
[chuckles] Oh, well. Go on.
But in your perfection, you cannot know how imperfect humans are.
Like snakes they are.
Spineless and slippery. [hissing]
They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating with no remorse.
Spinning webs of lies, like spiders!
Stop it! That's disgusting.
They're beyond disgusting!
Yeah, yeah, way beyond. Then we're in agreement.
I'll begin the necessary preparations immediately.
Now, do you wish to have your victims bound to an altar,
or would you prefer them free-range?
[mutters]
And will you be devouring their essence whole,
or piece by piece?
Tzekel, you've lost me.
My lord, these people will not respect you if they do not fear you.
And, of course, we'll make them fear us by...
A sacrifice, as it is prophesied.
The history of the Age of the Jaguar will be written in...
Ink?
Blood! Blood! Oh, right.
Of course. I should probably consult with Lord Miguel.
This is fairly important stuff. I, um, should discuss the entire, uh,
blood issue right away.
Excuse us, won't you? Let's go.
[chuckles] Finally... we're connecting.
[horse whinnies]
[nickering]
This way.
[chief laughing]
[chuckling, panting]
[grunts]
What do you think you're doing?
[chuckles] Lying low.
[grunts] Look, change of plans.
We have to grab what we can carry and get out of here now!
What? Why?
Because the high priest is nuts! He wants--
This is unacceptable!
Yeah. Yeah. Like he said.
The gods should not be playing ball like this!
Well, exactly!
This is how the gods should play ball!
- [cheering] - [horn sounding]
Well, don't blame me. I blame you.
[cheering]
What is the object of this game, pray tell?
You've gotta knock the ball through the hoop.
What hoop? That hoop.
[eagle cries] That's impossible.
We're gonna lose.
Gods don't lose.
- [crowd cheers] - [rumbling]
[men] Heep-ha!
My lords, Chief Tannabok's warriors are the finest ballplayers in the city.
[grunting, gargling] Fifteen mere mortals against two gods.
[both gulp]
I realize it's a bit uneven, [warriors] Heep-ha!
but I do hope they'll challenge you enough to make the game... interesting.
Play ball!
[crowd cheering]
Crush them into the dust. [chuckles]
Enjoy. [crowd chanting] Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- [rumbling] - [chanting, cheering continue]
[yells] [gasps]
[crowd gasps and murmurs]
[all grunting with each bounce]
My lords,
were you not supposed to put the ball into play?
Oh!
[chuckles] Well, no, no, no.
We were merely demonstrating the, um, traditional, uh, first avoidance maneuver.
Ah.
I've never heard of such a thing.
Excuse me.
Who invented this game?
[chuckles] Why, the gods, of course. [chuckles]
I'm warning you, don't push your luck with this guy.
But, Tulio, we're the gods.
[crowd cheering]
[grunts]
Tulio! The hip! The hip! [squeaks]
[groans] Ah!
[panting] This is impossible.
[grunts]
[cheering]
[groaning]
[horn sounds]
Excuse me.
- Heep... - Ha!
[warriors] Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha!
[warriors chanting]
[footsteps rumbling]
[Chel] Foul! That was a foul!
[chanting continues]
[squeaks] [cries out]
[warrior] New ball!
[chitters]
[both panting]
How long does this go on anyway?
The game is over when the shadow touches this line.
We need a miracle. No, we need to cheat.
[chitters]
- [warriors shouting] - [crowd cheering]
[chittering]
[both] Yes!
[horn sounding]
[grunts]
[both] Huh?
[all grunting]
Hey!
[laughing]
[whooping]
- [crowd cheering] - [both] Olé!
- [crowd chanting, indistinct] - [all] Huh?
[women cheering]
Hmm.
Yes! [laughs]
Who's the god? You the god.
No, you the god. No, you the god.
Fine.
[giggling] Yeah! Yeah!
[coughs]
[strained] Guys, it's here! It's right here with me!
[both gasp]
[Altivo whinnies]
[crowd gasping]
- [all gasping] - [chittering]
[cheering]
[horn sounding]
I love this game! [laughing]
[both] Yes! [laughing]
[laughing] Well done, partner.
Yes! Yes!
My lords, congratulations on your victory.
And now, you will, of course, wish to have the losing team
- sacrificed to your glory. - [crowd gasping]
Not again.
Look, Tzekel-Kan, Uh, Miguel?
forget the sacrifices. Miguel.
We don't want any sacrifices.
But all of the sacred writings say that you will devour the wicked and the unrighteous.
Well, I don't see anyone here who fits that description.
[scoffs]
Well, as speaker for the gods,
it would be my privilege to point them out.
The gods are speaking for themselves now!
This city and these people have no need for you anymore!
[grunts]
There will be no sacrifices!
Not now, not ever!
[crowd cheering]
Get out!
[scoffs] [cheering continues]
[gasps]
Mmm.
As the
gods... command.
- [laughing] - [crowd cheering]
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey, not bad for my first commandment, huh? [laughs]
Miguel, the little voice... [stammers]
Yeah, fine.
Do you know why the gods demand blood?
I don't know.
[grunts]
Because gods don't bleed.
It's time to take the future into my own hands,
and this city will be cleansed.
Even if I have to do it myself.
- Uh, how? - [grunts]
There are dark magics here,
and power, and...
Ooh. My, my, my.
It's not called the Age of the Jaguar for nothing.
[snickering]
This'll be a delightful way to bid the false gods... goodbye.
[workers clamoring]
Hmm.
Adiós, muchacho! [chuckles]
[laughs]
[gasps] [birds chirping]
[pleasurable moan]
[workers shouting]
Well, it's, um, uh, nice.
Nice?
Yes, nice. But?
Um, but, uh, is it really fit for the gods?
My lord. [chuckles]
I have been around boats, believe me,
and that, um... The pointy, tall, um...
[stammering] The long up-and-down thing--
The mast? The mast, yes, yes. The mast is good.
Well, look at it. [stammering] There's not nearly enough, uh,
um, rope.
Rope?
Yes, rope. Exactly my point.
Vertical ascension requires a lot more, uh, rope.
My lord. [chuckles]
And look at this. [grunting]
[sighs, clears throat]
This doesn't look at all secure.
Chief, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but all in all, it is a complete do-over.
Hmm.
You know, Lord Miguel,
if you wish to stay,
you only need to say so.
You mean, forever?
Of course.
Oh, no, I can't. I have to go back with Tulio.
We're... We're partners.
Big plans in the other world, huh?
Yep. Big plans.
Well, then, I better go get some more rope, huh?
Oh, Chief, um, forget about the rope.
Um, my mistake.
Hey, to err is human.
[Tulio] Half?
Mm-hmm.
[laughing] I don't think so.
I'll tell you what.
Uh, I'll let you come back to Spain with us,
like you wanted, and, um, yeah, I can see my way clear to throwing you,
mmm, ten percent?
[chuckles] You know, maybe I won't go to Spain with you and take a third.
Oh! [chuckling]
Like you don't wanna go to Spain.
Oh, like you don't want me to want to go to Spain.
I want you to want... Mm-hmm?
...what you want.
Mm-hmm. Go on.
All right. Cards on the table.
Uh, I want you to come to Spain with me and Miguel.
Mostly me. Especially me.
Only me. Forget Miguel.
[laughs] Well...
as long as that's what you want.
Me, too. Okay.
Deal?
Deal. Mmm. [plate clattering]
[hoof beats approaching]
[gasps]
"Forget Miguel"? [sniffs]
Well, forget Tulio.
[nickering]
[humming]
Well, is it ready yet?
Ooh.
Ah! [sniffing]
Ah! Hmm.
It seems to be missing something.
Ah, that's it.
It needs more... body.
[cries out]
[gasping]
[hysterical laughter]
[dramatic music playing]
[grunts]
Ha!
[grunting]
- [growling] - Do... as I command!
- [Tzekel-Kan laughing] - [Jaguar laughing]
The gods deserve a proper tribute. [chittering]
Stop! There will be no sacrifices! [laughing]
[chuckling] That kid does you better than you do.
[sighs] Some send-off, huh?
We're finally at the "Go back to Spain and live like kings" part.
[children laughing]
[nickers]
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Well, isn't king kind of a step down from god?
What? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Miguel, we can't stay here.
We have a plan, remember?
How about we forget the plan? Hmm?
What? [jaguar growls]
[growling continues]
[both screaming]
[evil laughter]
Now everyone will know the truth of your "divinity."
- [jaguar growls] - [crowd screaming]
[shouts]
[screams]
[screaming continues]
I'm okay!
I'm still okay!
Come on! Get on!
[whinnying]
- [Chel screams] - [Tulio, Miguel shout]
[Tulio] Altivo, hyah!
[whinnies] Whoa!
- [Tulio shouts] - [nickers]
[groans]
[whinnies]
[grunts]
[both grunt]
Tulio!
Hey, over here, you big Tzekel-Kan cat creep!
[growls]
Altivo, get Chel out of here.
[whinnies]
[roars]
[both yelling]
Duck!
[roaring]
[panting, yells]
Whoa!
[both gasping]
[both] Whoa!
Move! Move!
Jump!
[roaring]
[both yell]
[snarls]
[both] Whoa!
I know what you are...
and I know what you are not!
And you are not gods!
You're not a god?
You lied to me?
[clears throat]
How dare you! Hey, it was his stupid plan!
- What? - Oh, oh, oh.
My plan was that we should lie low!
But your plan was to run off and be all
"Oh, look at me. Look at me. I'm a god."
That's not true!
No? Who are you kidding?
You're buying your own con!
At least I'm not dating mine.
I-- Ooh, low blow.
Listen, Mr. High and Mighty,
we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold
if you had just listened to me! [grunts]
Well, now you've got all the precious gold and Chel.
So what do you need me for?
Well, maybe I don't need you anymore.
Well, then, why don't you just go back to Spain, and I'll stay here,
and we'll both get what we want!
That's... fine with me, pal!
- Fine with me, too! - Ooh.
- Fine! - Ouch.
- Okay! - [evil chuckling]
[both] All right!
Tie him up!
[roaring]
What?
[jaguar roaring] Whoa.
- [roaring continues] - [both yell]
Jump!
[both] Whoa!
Ah!
[both yelling]
No!
[gasping, panting]
[sword unsheathing] [gasps]
- [gasps] - [whinnies]
[shuddering]
My lord.
Where did you get this?
[Tulio laughing]
That was good, huh?
[straining]
[cheering]
[triumphant music playing]
Hey, a little help, please?
Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni!
I've decided to stay.
Oh, this is wonderful news.
What a glorious day for El Dorado.
Lord Miguel has decided to live among us!
Tulio!
Is everything okay? [cheering continues]
Everything is... fine.
["Friends Never Say Goodbye" by Elton John playing]
♪ There isn't much ♪
♪ I haven't shared ♪
♪ With you along the road ♪
♪ And through it all there'll always be ♪
♪ Tomorrow's episode ♪
♪ Suddenly that isn't true ♪
♪ There's another avenue ♪
♪ Beckoning the great divide ♪
♪ Ask no questions ♪
♪ Take no side ♪
♪ Who's to say who's right or wrong ♪
♪ Whose course is braver run ♪
♪ All I know is what we had ♪
♪ Is over ♪
♪ Said and done ♪
♪ Friends never say goodbye ♪
♪ Friends ♪
♪ Never say goodbye... ♪
[chattering]
Ha!
[crowd laughing]
[laughs]
[groans]
Ah!
Whew!
♪ Friends never say goodbye... ♪
- [children giggling] - [chattering]
[child] We'll miss you! Thank you.
♪ Never say goodbye ♪
[groans]
[laughs]
[song continues]
[Chel giggling]
♪ Friends never say goodbye ♪
♪ Friends ♪
♪ Never say goodbye... ♪
Well, good luck.
Yeah. You, too.
♪ Never ♪
♪ Say goodbye ♪
[song ends]
[nickers]
[inquisitive grunt]
[panicked grunt]
[crowd gasping] Whoa.
Whoa, boy, what is it?
[bellows]
[man shouting]
[explosions]
[chattering]
Cortes.
My lord, what is it?
Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni!
Approaching the city is an army of strangers.
We are safe here. They'll never find the gate to the city.
But, sire, they are being led by Tzekel-Kan.
He survived! Warriors, prepare yourselves for battle!
[all shouting]
Chief, you cannot fight them!
Then how can we stop them?
We can't.
Hmm. [distant weapons firing]
Uh, one moment, please.
Okay, here's the gate. Here's the boat. Uh-huh. And?
Here's the gate. Okay.
Here's the boat. Got that. And?
Well, here's the "goat," and here's the "bate." Tulio!
[shouts]
[gold clinks and clatters]
[chittering] [gasps] That's it.
We'll crash the boat into the pillars.
That's it? I mean, but... [scoffs]
What about the gold? Well...
[sobbing]
[despairingly] Chief! [clears throat]
[normal voice] Chief.
I've got a plan.
[dramatic music playing]
[men shouting]
Hold the line steady! They're almost in place!
[whinnying]
It better be there, for your sake.
[sighs]
Okay, Chief!
On my signal!
Ready! Hit the pillars!
- Now! - [shouting continues]
[rumbling] [gasps]
[explosions]
They're breaking too fast!
Tulio, the sail!
[straining]
[grunting continues] It's stuck!
[all grunting]
[both shout]
[gasps]
They're not gonna make it. Altivo!
[whinnies]
[whinnying]
[shouts]
[whinnies] Are you crazy?
[whinnies]
[yelling]
Get off the boat, Miguel, or you'll never see the city again.
I know. You don't think I'm gonna let you have all the fun, do you?
Come on. We've got a wave to catch.
[yelling]
[triumphant music playing]
- Get out of the way! - Huh?
[chittering]
[Tulio] Hold on!
Whoa!
[whinnies]
We're gonna have to hit it broadside!
That's your plan? But the gold!
I know!
[gasps]
Just turn the boat!
On impact, everybody jump!
[gasping, groaning]
[coughing]
[panting] We made it.
It worked. [chuckling] It worked.
Wait. Get down! Ouch. Ow.
- There they are. - [men shouting]
[gasps]
No.
You lying heathen.
There's nothing here at all.
No. Wait. Wait.
[grunts, gasps]
Men, seize him!
[cries out]
There is no El Dorado here. Onward, men.
[groans]
[gasps]
[chittering]
Wait! No, wait!
Wait!
[echoing]
[chittering]
[exhales] [all laughing]
Yes!
Now, that was an adventure.
Yes. Yes, it was. And, um...
[sobbing] it was so much gold!
I'm fine. Good.
Let's go. [sighs]
Partner.
Hey, guys, come on!
You don't wanna stay here forever, do you?
But... we don't have a map. We don't have a plan.
Well, that's what makes it interesting.
You're right!
[Miguel] What are we waiting for?
Let's follow that trail!
[whinnying] Hyah!
- [both] Oh! - [thudding]
Come on, boys!
["The Trail We Blaze" by Elton John playing]
Hey, Altivo!
♪ All will be revealed ♪
Sit, boy! Sit!
- [Tulio] Chel, we're not on the horse! - [Chel laughing]
♪ On the trail we blaze ♪
[chittering]
[snorting]
[squeaking]
[crunch]
♪ Here comes the night ♪
♪ Here come the memories ♪
♪ Lost in your arms ♪
♪ Down in the foreign fields ♪
♪ Not so long ago ♪
♪ Seems like eternity ♪
♪ Those sweet afternoons ♪
♪ Still capture me ♪
♪ Someday out of the blue ♪
♪ In a crowded street ♪
♪ Or a deserted square ♪
♪ I'll turn and I'll see you ♪
♪ As if our love were new ♪
♪ Someday we can start again ♪
♪ Someday soon ♪
♪ I still believe ♪
♪ I still put faith in us ♪
♪ We had it all ♪
♪ And watched it slip away ♪
♪ Where are we now ♪
♪ Not where we want to be ♪
♪ Those hot afternoons ♪
♪ Still follow me ♪
♪ Someday out of the blue ♪
♪ Maybe years from now ♪
♪ Or tomorrow night ♪
♪ I'll turn and I'll see you ♪
♪ As if we always knew ♪
♪ Someday we would live again ♪
♪ Someday soon ♪
♪ I still believe I still put faith in us ♪
♪ Here comes the night ♪
♪ Here come the memories ♪
♪ Lost in your arms ♪
♪ Down in the foreign fields ♪
♪ Not so long ago ♪
♪ Seems like eternity ♪
♪ Those sweet afternoons ♪
♪ Still capture me ♪
♪ Someday out of the blue ♪
♪ Maybe years from now ♪
♪ Or tomorrow night ♪
♪ I'll turn and I'll see you ♪
♪ As if we always knew ♪
♪ Someday we would live again ♪
♪ Someday soon ♪
[song fades]
["Without Question" by Elton John playing]
♪ The more I learn ♪
♪ The more I see ♪
♪ The less the world impassions me ♪
♪ The hungry heart ♪
♪ The roving eye ♪
♪ Have come to rest ♪
♪ Do not apply ♪
♪ The frantic chase ♪
♪ The crazy ride ♪
♪ The thrill has gone ♪
♪ I step aside ♪
♪ And I'd believe ♪
♪ In anything ♪
♪ Were it not for you ♪
♪ Showing me ♪
♪ By just existing ♪
♪ Only this is true ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Without question ♪
♪ I love you ♪
- ♪ The more I want ♪ - ♪ The more I steal ♪
- ♪ The more I hold ♪
♪ The more I hold ♪
♪ The less is real ♪
- ♪ All worldly things ♪ - ♪ I follow blind ♪
- ♪ In hope, not faith ♪
♪ In hope, not faith ♪
♪ Was paid in kind ♪
♪ The line is drawn ♪
♪ The change is made ♪
♪ I come to you ♪
♪ I'm not afraid ♪
♪ And I'd believe ♪
♪ In anything ♪
♪ Were it not for you ♪
♪ Showing me ♪
♪ By just existing ♪
♪ Only this is true ♪
♪ I love you ♪
[song fades]