1 00:01:05,297 --> 00:01:07,657 Houston, this is Condor. 2 00:01:07,697 --> 00:01:10,536 We are doing an E.V.A. of the payload. 3 00:01:10,576 --> 00:01:14,496 We are about to present the module with-- 4 00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:16,495 What the-- 5 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:20,095 Oh, my gentle Jesus. 6 00:01:20,135 --> 00:01:22,934 Houston...we have a problem. 7 00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:26,854 Launch procedure commence. 8 00:01:45,491 --> 00:01:47,411 Oh, God! 9 00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:50,890 And I'm spent. 10 00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:53,810 Do you smoke after sex? 11 00:01:53,850 --> 00:01:56,090 I don't know, baby. I never looked. 12 00:01:59,089 --> 00:02:00,609 Oh, Austin! 13 00:02:02,129 --> 00:02:03,928 What shall we do now? 14 00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:06,368 Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we shag? 15 00:02:06,408 --> 00:02:08,408 -Again? -Sure, baby. 16 00:02:08,448 --> 00:02:10,687 We're only up to chapter eleven in the "Kama Sutra." 17 00:02:10,727 --> 00:02:13,087 Don't you want to try the wheelbarrow... 18 00:02:13,127 --> 00:02:14,527 or the praying donkey... 19 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,407 or the Chinese shag swing? 20 00:02:16,447 --> 00:02:20,286 I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy. 21 00:02:20,326 --> 00:02:22,766 I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy. 22 00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:28,885 Are you OK? 23 00:02:28,925 --> 00:02:31,604 I've never felt better, Austin. 24 00:02:31,644 --> 00:02:33,684 All right, then. 25 00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:37,404 I'm just gonna go watch a movie. 26 00:02:39,643 --> 00:02:43,443 "In Like Flint." That's my favorite movie. 27 00:02:51,202 --> 00:02:52,561 Vanessa. 28 00:02:52,601 --> 00:02:55,081 What's going on? 29 00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:58,081 I don't know what you mean, Austin. 30 00:02:58,121 --> 00:02:59,680 I'm the same Vane-- 31 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,400 You must be-- 32 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,159 Tu imagination esta jugando con ti, querido. 33 00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:07,359 Oh, my God! 34 00:03:13,198 --> 00:03:14,798 You're a fembot! 35 00:03:14,838 --> 00:03:16,558 No shit, Sherlock! 36 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,637 Machine gun jubblies? 37 00:03:20,677 --> 00:03:23,957 How did I miss those, baby? 38 00:03:23,997 --> 00:03:26,956 Perhaps next time you should try foreplay. 39 00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:29,036 Right. Oh, my God! 40 00:03:46,194 --> 00:03:48,513 Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. 41 00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:50,953 A kamikaze bride from me-- 42 00:03:50,993 --> 00:03:52,913 Dr. Evil. 43 00:04:04,271 --> 00:04:06,191 Oh, thank God. 44 00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:14,829 I can't believe Vanessa... 45 00:04:14,829 --> 00:04:16,829 my bride... 46 00:04:16,869 --> 00:04:19,589 my one true love... 47 00:04:19,629 --> 00:04:23,468 the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy... 48 00:04:23,508 --> 00:04:26,708 was a fembot all along. 49 00:04:28,147 --> 00:04:29,507 Wait a tick. 50 00:04:29,547 --> 00:04:31,587 That means I'm single again! 51 00:04:31,627 --> 00:04:33,067 Oh, behave! 52 00:04:34,546 --> 00:04:36,226 Yeah! 53 00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:38,426 Yeah, baby, yeah! 54 00:04:38,466 --> 00:04:40,066 Halt! 55 00:04:59,943 --> 00:05:01,503 Yeah, baby, yeah! 56 00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:23,859 Look! 57 00:05:28,139 --> 00:05:29,578 How are you? 58 00:05:29,618 --> 00:05:31,018 Good to see you. 59 00:05:36,617 --> 00:05:39,337 What's that? 60 00:05:39,377 --> 00:05:41,617 Yes. Yeah, that. Good one, man. 61 00:05:41,657 --> 00:05:43,056 What's goin' on here? 62 00:05:43,096 --> 00:05:44,496 Good to see you guys. 63 00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:45,936 Good to see you. 64 00:05:48,976 --> 00:05:50,375 Rabbis, how are you? 65 00:05:50,415 --> 00:05:52,775 Nice meat. 66 00:05:53,295 --> 00:05:54,695 Photo op. 67 00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:55,895 L'chaim! 68 00:06:17,651 --> 00:06:19,051 Yeah, baby. 69 00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:18,483 Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation. 70 00:07:18,523 --> 00:07:19,802 Yes, sir. 71 00:07:24,242 --> 00:07:25,921 Jerry! Jerry! 72 00:07:25,961 --> 00:07:27,361 Thank you. 73 00:07:27,401 --> 00:07:28,721 Thank you very much. 74 00:07:28,761 --> 00:07:30,641 If you just joined us, today's topic is... 75 00:07:30,681 --> 00:07:33,760 "My father is evil, and he wants to take over the world." 76 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,200 OK, let's meet Scott Evil. 77 00:07:43,599 --> 00:07:46,039 Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us. 78 00:07:46,079 --> 00:07:47,758 Tell us about your father. 79 00:07:47,798 --> 00:07:52,078 My dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization... 80 00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:54,077 with aspirations of world domination. 81 00:07:55,437 --> 00:07:58,037 Pretty serious stuff. Where is he now? 82 00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:00,796 He's, like, cryogenically frozen... 83 00:08:00,796 --> 00:08:02,356 orbiting the earth or something. 84 00:08:02,396 --> 00:08:03,716 That's what you think. 85 00:08:03,756 --> 00:08:06,156 We have a surprise for you. 86 00:08:06,196 --> 00:08:08,915 Let's bring out Scott's father Dr. Evil! 87 00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:12,315 What? 88 00:08:14,874 --> 00:08:17,114 General, we've got a situation here. 89 00:08:20,114 --> 00:08:21,513 What is it, Sergeant? 90 00:08:21,553 --> 00:08:22,793 Hello, Scott. 91 00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,913 Daddy's back. 92 00:08:24,953 --> 00:08:28,872 How could you do this to me, on national television? 93 00:08:28,912 --> 00:08:31,392 Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott. 94 00:08:31,432 --> 00:08:33,552 Why'd you run out on me? 95 00:08:34,671 --> 00:08:37,071 Because you're not quite evil enough. 96 00:08:38,391 --> 00:08:39,951 Well, it's true. 97 00:08:39,991 --> 00:08:42,630 You're quasi-evil. 98 00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:44,270 You're semi-evil. 99 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:46,150 You're the margarine of evil. 100 00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:49,349 You're the Diet Coke of evil. 101 00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:51,789 Just one calorie. Not evil enough. 102 00:08:51,829 --> 00:08:53,629 What are you, some kind of freak? 103 00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:55,708 -Shut up, you-- -OK, come on. 104 00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:57,908 I'll kick your...punk. 105 00:08:57,948 --> 00:08:59,348 Bring it on, skanky-- 106 00:08:59,388 --> 00:09:00,868 All right, come on. 107 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,227 No one talks to my son like that. It's OK, Scott. 108 00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:04,507 You mother-- 109 00:09:13,866 --> 00:09:17,105 You were born in your mother's-- 110 00:09:18,905 --> 00:09:21,305 I'm OK. All right. 111 00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:23,944 You were born in your mother's-- 112 00:09:23,984 --> 00:09:25,064 I'll kill you both! 113 00:09:26,624 --> 00:09:27,704 There you go! 114 00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:28,904 Great! 115 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,383 I got your hood! 116 00:09:31,623 --> 00:09:32,983 Settle down. 117 00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:34,703 It's OK. 118 00:09:34,743 --> 00:09:36,822 It's only a television show. Calm down. 119 00:09:36,862 --> 00:09:38,182 I'm all right. I'm easy. 120 00:09:38,182 --> 00:09:39,302 -Everything OK? -OK. 121 00:09:39,342 --> 00:09:40,502 Get this jerk out of here. 122 00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:43,421 I'll give you--piece of-- 123 00:09:46,861 --> 00:09:48,221 He's biting me! 124 00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:50,980 The...is biting me! 125 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:58,379 The world is mine, you-- 126 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,097 You've got mail. 127 00:10:12,137 --> 00:10:13,497 Hello, Basil. 128 00:10:13,537 --> 00:10:15,697 Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon? 129 00:10:15,737 --> 00:10:18,896 It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot. 130 00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:22,136 Yes. We knew all along, sadly. 131 00:10:22,176 --> 00:10:25,975 Anyway, I have a new assignment for you. 132 00:10:26,015 --> 00:10:27,935 You're scheduled for a photo shoot... 133 00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:30,734 and one of the models works for Dr. Evil. 134 00:10:30,774 --> 00:10:32,174 Groovy, baby! 135 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,654 Shaguar, ho! 136 00:10:42,813 --> 00:10:44,373 Show me to the models, baby. 137 00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:46,692 Let the magic begin. 138 00:10:46,732 --> 00:10:48,972 Who have we got today? 139 00:10:49,012 --> 00:10:50,092 OK, great. 140 00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:52,051 Austin Powers, I've heard a lot about you. 141 00:10:52,091 --> 00:10:53,451 I'm Rebecca Romijn. 142 00:10:53,491 --> 00:10:54,931 I don't believe I've had the pleasure. 143 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:56,851 Well, of course you haven't had... 144 00:10:56,891 --> 00:10:58,770 the pleasure, Rebecca. 145 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:01,010 We just met, baby. Yeah. 146 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,569 Who are you, baby? 147 00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:08,649 Ivana. 148 00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,729 Ivana Humpalot. 149 00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:12,248 Excuse me? 150 00:11:14,088 --> 00:11:16,328 And Ivanna toilet made out of solid gold... 151 00:11:16,368 --> 00:11:18,288 but it's just not in the cards, is it? 152 00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,647 You know... 153 00:11:21,687 --> 00:11:23,327 OK, everyone, let's get started. 154 00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:25,526 Yes, beautiful. Feeling it! 155 00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,246 Let's get some smiles. It's all in here. 156 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:28,846 That's it. Yes! 157 00:11:28,886 --> 00:11:30,446 Let's let the inside out. 158 00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:31,766 OK, you're an animal! 159 00:11:31,806 --> 00:11:33,205 Yes, there we go. 160 00:11:33,205 --> 00:11:34,365 You're a tiger! 161 00:11:34,405 --> 00:11:35,605 You're Tony the Tiger! 162 00:11:35,645 --> 00:11:37,245 You're grrreat! 163 00:11:37,285 --> 00:11:38,805 Very good. Loving it. 164 00:11:38,845 --> 00:11:40,164 Now you're a lemur. 165 00:11:40,204 --> 00:11:42,084 Running as a pack. 166 00:11:42,124 --> 00:11:43,564 We go left. 167 00:11:43,604 --> 00:11:45,164 We go right. 168 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,523 There's a predator out of the jungle. 169 00:11:46,563 --> 00:11:47,883 What's going on? 170 00:11:47,923 --> 00:11:49,283 Burrow! 171 00:11:49,323 --> 00:11:51,123 That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. 172 00:11:51,163 --> 00:11:53,322 You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. 173 00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,722 Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. 174 00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:56,842 And look. 175 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,882 I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. 176 00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:00,961 And I'm spent. 177 00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:02,761 Right, that's a wrap, everyone. 178 00:12:02,801 --> 00:12:04,441 Miss Humpalot. 179 00:12:04,481 --> 00:12:06,041 Da, darling? 180 00:12:06,081 --> 00:12:07,360 Shall we? 181 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,880 Give me moment, hmm? 182 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,438 Dr. Evil, several years ago... 183 00:12:22,478 --> 00:12:25,718 we invested in a small Seattle-based coffee company. 184 00:12:26,878 --> 00:12:30,877 Today Starbucks offers premium quality coffee... 185 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,877 at affordable prices. 186 00:12:32,917 --> 00:12:35,076 De-lish! 187 00:12:37,836 --> 00:12:39,716 If we shift our resources... 188 00:12:39,756 --> 00:12:43,715 away from evil empires and towards Starbucks... 189 00:12:43,755 --> 00:12:46,275 we can increase our profits five-fold. 190 00:12:46,315 --> 00:12:50,234 Number Two, I make the decisions here, OK? 191 00:12:50,274 --> 00:12:51,994 I demand a little respect. 192 00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:54,993 Dr. Evil, you have a little of the... 193 00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:56,953 Silence! 194 00:12:56,993 --> 00:13:00,193 I will not tolerate your insolence! 195 00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:03,112 Frau Farbissina, wie geht es ihnen? 196 00:13:03,152 --> 00:13:05,032 Sehr gut, Herr Doktor. 197 00:13:05,032 --> 00:13:06,432 How are things? 198 00:13:06,472 --> 00:13:10,271 I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. 199 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:11,951 To my right is my lover. 200 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,151 We met at the LPGA Tour. 201 00:13:14,191 --> 00:13:16,670 Her name is Unibrau. 202 00:13:17,950 --> 00:13:19,110 Right on. 203 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,269 Welcome, Unibrau. 204 00:13:25,629 --> 00:13:26,669 What? 205 00:13:26,709 --> 00:13:29,468 A little milk...nose...mustache. 206 00:13:31,068 --> 00:13:33,508 I know. 207 00:13:33,548 --> 00:13:34,748 Meant to. 208 00:13:34,788 --> 00:13:37,187 That's how we drink it in Belgium. 209 00:13:37,227 --> 00:13:38,707 Called a Belgian dip. 210 00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:41,987 While you were frozen... 211 00:13:42,027 --> 00:13:44,906 we began a program to clone you. 212 00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:46,386 Cool. 213 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,706 Send in the clone! 214 00:13:48,746 --> 00:13:52,265 He is exactly like you in every way. 215 00:13:55,105 --> 00:13:58,424 Except one eighth your size. 216 00:13:59,424 --> 00:14:01,144 Breathtaking. 217 00:14:01,184 --> 00:14:04,103 I shall call him... 218 00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:05,983 Mini-Me. 219 00:14:10,662 --> 00:14:12,542 Your stock is rising, Number Two. 220 00:14:15,702 --> 00:14:17,261 Come, Mr. Bigglesworth. 221 00:14:19,621 --> 00:14:21,981 Mini-Me, are you hungry? 222 00:14:22,021 --> 00:14:23,541 Something to eat? 223 00:14:23,581 --> 00:14:24,740 Not even a Hot Pocket? 224 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,460 An Eggo? 225 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,899 No, we don't gnaw on our kitty. 226 00:14:30,939 --> 00:14:34,379 Leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth alone. 227 00:14:34,419 --> 00:14:36,459 Just love him and stroke him. 228 00:14:38,258 --> 00:14:39,698 As you know... 229 00:14:39,698 --> 00:14:42,538 every diabolical scheme that I have hatched... 230 00:14:42,578 --> 00:14:45,337 has been thwarted by Austin Powers. 231 00:14:45,337 --> 00:14:47,337 And why is that, ladies and gentlemen? 232 00:14:47,377 --> 00:14:49,217 'Cause you never kill him when you get the chance to... 233 00:14:49,257 --> 00:14:50,657 and you're a big dope. 234 00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,935 Down, Mini-Me. 235 00:15:01,095 --> 00:15:05,454 Austin Powers always defeats me because he has mojo. 236 00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:06,854 Mojo? 237 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,614 The libido. The life force. 238 00:15:10,614 --> 00:15:12,693 The essence. The right stuff. 239 00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:15,253 What the French call a certain... 240 00:15:15,293 --> 00:15:17,253 I don't know what. 241 00:15:17,293 --> 00:15:19,252 Ladies and gentlemen... 242 00:15:19,292 --> 00:15:21,772 I've developed a device for traveling through time... 243 00:15:21,852 --> 00:15:25,052 which I call a "time machine." 244 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:28,051 Using this "time machine..." 245 00:15:28,091 --> 00:15:32,290 I'm going back to the Sixties and steal Austin Powers' mojo. 246 00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,210 If you have a time machine... 247 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,130 why not just go back and kill Austin Powers... 248 00:15:36,170 --> 00:15:37,770 when he's sitting on the crapper or something? 249 00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:40,889 How about no, Scott? 250 00:15:40,929 --> 00:15:42,089 OK? 251 00:15:42,129 --> 00:15:45,489 Why not use your knowledge of the future... 252 00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:47,088 to play the stock market? 253 00:15:47,128 --> 00:15:48,528 We could make trillions. 254 00:15:48,568 --> 00:15:52,528 Why make trillions when we could make... 255 00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:54,207 billions? 256 00:15:55,807 --> 00:15:58,287 A trillion is more than a billion, numnuts. 257 00:15:58,327 --> 00:16:00,046 All right, zip it. 258 00:16:00,086 --> 00:16:01,886 -You can't even-- -Zip it. 259 00:16:01,926 --> 00:16:03,366 Zi-i-i-p. 260 00:16:03,406 --> 00:16:04,686 Look, all I'm-- 261 00:16:04,726 --> 00:16:06,406 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it "A." 262 00:16:06,446 --> 00:16:08,045 Number Two, would you please back me up? 263 00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:10,885 -Look, I'm Zippi Longstocking. -I can't-- 264 00:16:10,925 --> 00:16:12,485 When a problem comes along 265 00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:14,084 You must zip it 266 00:16:14,124 --> 00:16:15,484 Zip it good. 267 00:16:15,524 --> 00:16:17,004 Frau, would you please-- 268 00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:21,923 Subtitle: "Zip it." 269 00:16:21,963 --> 00:16:23,163 -I'm just trying to-- -Zip. 270 00:16:23,203 --> 00:16:25,603 Would you like to have a suckle of my zipple? 271 00:16:25,643 --> 00:16:27,562 -I want you--Stop-- -Zip. 272 00:16:28,522 --> 00:16:31,122 Listen--All--You know-- 273 00:16:31,162 --> 00:16:32,842 You're like a child-- 274 00:16:32,882 --> 00:16:35,961 Talk in--If you-- Just--One time-- 275 00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:38,681 Zip it. Unveil the time portal. 276 00:16:48,919 --> 00:16:50,799 As you know... 277 00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:54,558 Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. 278 00:16:54,558 --> 00:16:57,638 Therefore, I will travel to 1969... 279 00:16:57,678 --> 00:17:00,238 two years after he was frozen. 280 00:17:00,278 --> 00:17:01,717 He'll be helpless. 281 00:17:01,757 --> 00:17:03,117 Ladies and gentlemen... 282 00:17:03,157 --> 00:17:04,477 I'm about to travel through time. 283 00:17:04,517 --> 00:17:06,117 I bid you adieu. 284 00:17:12,956 --> 00:17:15,275 I'm OK. 285 00:17:16,395 --> 00:17:18,275 Not turned on, I suppose. 286 00:17:19,195 --> 00:17:21,635 Do you think you could... 287 00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:22,834 Yeah, thanks. 288 00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:24,874 Come, Mini-Me! 289 00:17:28,753 --> 00:17:31,073 Don't be scared, Mini-Me. 290 00:17:43,631 --> 00:17:45,911 Welcome to 1969. 291 00:17:45,951 --> 00:17:48,271 Thank you, Number Two. 292 00:17:48,311 --> 00:17:50,830 You look so healthy and youthful. 293 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,150 Well, thank you. 294 00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:53,310 Herr Doktor. 295 00:17:53,350 --> 00:17:56,629 And Frau, you look so... 296 00:17:59,549 --> 00:18:02,309 Right. 297 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:05,148 I received your memo from the future. 298 00:18:05,188 --> 00:18:07,308 Your new lair is up and running. 299 00:18:07,348 --> 00:18:10,107 Is it a hollowed-out volcano like I asked for? 300 00:18:10,827 --> 00:18:12,147 Of course. 301 00:18:13,187 --> 00:18:15,107 Good. 302 00:18:15,107 --> 00:18:18,506 Then it's all going perfectly to plan. 303 00:18:45,102 --> 00:18:47,502 Yeah, baby, yeah! 304 00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:54,581 When did you get the Clapper? 305 00:18:54,621 --> 00:18:56,621 November 1964. 306 00:18:56,661 --> 00:18:58,660 Dutch East Indies. Shore leave. 307 00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:01,580 Do you know how we keep warm in Russia? 308 00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,699 I can guess, baby. 309 00:19:04,739 --> 00:19:05,899 We play chess. 310 00:19:05,939 --> 00:19:08,019 I guessed wrong. 311 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:12,258 It takes a keen intellect to play chess. 312 00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:15,298 I assume you know how to play. 313 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,497 Of course, baby. 314 00:19:38,974 --> 00:19:41,694 What to do, what to do. 315 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,209 Let me ask you a question. 316 00:20:13,249 --> 00:20:15,169 And be honest. 317 00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:17,449 Do I make you horny, baby? 318 00:20:17,489 --> 00:20:19,129 Do I? 319 00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:21,648 Do I make you randy? 320 00:20:24,528 --> 00:20:26,608 No more games. 321 00:20:26,648 --> 00:20:29,007 Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you... 322 00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:31,607 but I find you so... 323 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,447 sexy and... 324 00:20:34,886 --> 00:20:37,286 Just make love to me. 325 00:20:37,286 --> 00:20:39,246 Now, Austin Powerovich. 326 00:20:39,286 --> 00:20:40,725 Hurry! 327 00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:47,445 You're hairy like animal! 328 00:20:47,524 --> 00:20:50,324 Grr, baby! Very grr! 329 00:20:50,364 --> 00:20:52,804 Make love to me, monkey man. 330 00:20:53,884 --> 00:20:56,323 Dr. Evil, I don't understand... 331 00:20:56,363 --> 00:20:59,323 how we can hope to steal Austin Powers' mojo. 332 00:20:59,363 --> 00:21:00,963 We've tried this before. 333 00:21:02,242 --> 00:21:04,722 The security around Powers is fool proof. 334 00:21:04,762 --> 00:21:06,922 But this time we have an operative... 335 00:21:06,962 --> 00:21:09,321 inside the Ministry of Defense. 336 00:21:09,361 --> 00:21:10,521 Really? 337 00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:12,761 Yes, really. 338 00:21:14,681 --> 00:21:18,640 He's stealing Austin Powers' mojo even as we speak. 339 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:19,880 Really? 340 00:21:24,839 --> 00:21:26,719 He's a disgruntled Scottish guard... 341 00:21:26,759 --> 00:21:30,038 known for his lethal temper and his unusual eating habits. 342 00:21:30,118 --> 00:21:31,878 He weighs a metric ton. 343 00:21:31,918 --> 00:21:34,798 His name...Fat Bastard. 344 00:21:37,277 --> 00:21:41,157 We've had reports there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. 345 00:21:41,197 --> 00:21:43,916 The contents of this room are vital to the country. 346 00:21:43,916 --> 00:21:46,356 Be on special alert. 347 00:21:46,396 --> 00:21:47,636 Yes, sir. 348 00:21:47,676 --> 00:21:51,555 And try to lose some weight, for God's sake. 349 00:21:55,995 --> 00:21:59,074 Mr. English colonel tellin' me to lose weight. 350 00:21:59,114 --> 00:22:02,394 I'm a hard case, he says. 351 00:22:02,434 --> 00:22:04,273 Well, listen up, sonny Jim... 352 00:22:04,313 --> 00:22:07,233 I ate a baby! 353 00:22:07,273 --> 00:22:11,152 Oh, aye, baby. The other other white meat. 354 00:22:11,232 --> 00:22:14,512 Baby: It's what's for dinner. 355 00:22:37,828 --> 00:22:41,188 I've got your mojo now, sonny Jim. 356 00:22:43,388 --> 00:22:45,107 What's wrong? 357 00:22:45,147 --> 00:22:46,867 Crikey! 358 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,387 I've lost my mojo. 359 00:22:53,466 --> 00:22:55,346 Austin, the test results confirm... 360 00:22:55,386 --> 00:22:57,266 that you've lost your mojo... 361 00:22:57,306 --> 00:22:59,665 and it couldn't come at a worse time. 362 00:22:59,705 --> 00:23:03,585 We have evidence that Dr. Evil has developed a time machine... 363 00:23:03,625 --> 00:23:06,544 and has traveled back to the year 1969. 364 00:23:06,584 --> 00:23:07,744 Luckily, we, too... 365 00:23:07,784 --> 00:23:09,624 have developed a time travel device... 366 00:23:09,664 --> 00:23:12,143 to transport you back to the Sixties. 367 00:23:13,223 --> 00:23:17,423 This is where you input your destination. 368 00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:18,782 Wait a tick. 369 00:23:18,822 --> 00:23:22,702 Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967... 370 00:23:22,742 --> 00:23:25,101 presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. 371 00:23:25,101 --> 00:23:27,501 But if I'm still frozen in 1967... 372 00:23:27,541 --> 00:23:28,941 how could I have been unthawed... 373 00:23:28,981 --> 00:23:30,381 in the Nineties and traveled back-- 374 00:23:30,421 --> 00:23:32,620 Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed. 375 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,980 I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing... 376 00:23:35,020 --> 00:23:36,540 and just enjoy yourself. 377 00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:38,740 That goes for you all, too. 378 00:23:40,579 --> 00:23:41,859 This is smashing, Basil. 379 00:23:41,899 --> 00:23:45,179 I go back to the Sixties, recharge my mojo... 380 00:23:45,219 --> 00:23:48,378 defeat Dr. Evil, and be back in time for tea. 381 00:23:48,418 --> 00:23:51,698 Swinging Sixties, here I come, baby, yeah! 382 00:23:51,738 --> 00:23:53,257 Move! Move! 383 00:23:58,337 --> 00:23:59,736 Sorry. 384 00:23:59,776 --> 00:24:01,176 I bet that's expensive. 385 00:24:05,936 --> 00:24:07,055 Sorry. 386 00:24:07,095 --> 00:24:08,895 Easy! 387 00:24:08,935 --> 00:24:10,295 Stop it now, Austin! 388 00:24:10,335 --> 00:24:13,055 Here we go. 389 00:24:13,094 --> 00:24:15,454 Yeah, baby, yeah! 390 00:24:16,574 --> 00:24:18,774 Godspeed, Austin Powers. 391 00:24:36,651 --> 00:24:38,771 I'm home! 392 00:24:53,089 --> 00:24:55,968 I'm back in the Sixties, baby, yeah! 393 00:25:16,245 --> 00:25:19,405 Get your hands off my Heine, baby. 394 00:25:38,402 --> 00:25:39,922 Who are you today, baby? 395 00:25:39,962 --> 00:25:43,401 My name is Robin Swallows. 396 00:25:43,441 --> 00:25:46,161 Swallows. That's an interesting name. 397 00:25:46,161 --> 00:25:48,721 Maiden name's Spitz. 398 00:25:48,761 --> 00:25:51,440 Which is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows? 399 00:26:38,033 --> 00:26:39,713 Those are skintight. 400 00:26:39,753 --> 00:26:42,193 How do you get into those pants, baby? 401 00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:44,392 You can start by buying me a drink. 402 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,351 I want! I want! 403 00:27:15,148 --> 00:27:18,507 Better play it cool. Your friend works for Dr. Evil. 404 00:27:18,547 --> 00:27:22,587 And just who do you work for, baby? 405 00:27:25,186 --> 00:27:27,586 Tell me, Mr. Powers... 406 00:27:27,586 --> 00:27:29,186 do you swing? 407 00:27:29,226 --> 00:27:30,666 Are you kidding, baby? 408 00:27:30,746 --> 00:27:33,585 I put the "Grr!" in "swinger, " baby! 409 00:27:35,145 --> 00:27:37,545 Then why don't you come right... 410 00:27:37,585 --> 00:27:40,584 over here. 411 00:27:40,624 --> 00:27:42,224 I can do that. 412 00:27:55,422 --> 00:27:57,862 Prepare to die, Powers! 413 00:27:59,501 --> 00:28:01,661 Use the machine gun! 414 00:28:10,220 --> 00:28:12,740 Say good-bye, Powers! 415 00:28:14,379 --> 00:28:17,099 Use the bazooka! 416 00:28:28,377 --> 00:28:31,297 The fall will kill us both, Powers! 417 00:28:40,575 --> 00:28:43,415 You can't win, Powers. 418 00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:47,774 Why won't you die? 419 00:28:52,774 --> 00:28:54,093 Care for a ride? 420 00:28:57,813 --> 00:29:00,213 Go! 421 00:29:05,092 --> 00:29:07,532 Austin Powers, I presume. 422 00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:11,091 Powers by name, Powers by reputation. 423 00:29:12,291 --> 00:29:13,931 Felicity Shagwell, CIA. 424 00:29:13,971 --> 00:29:15,370 Shagwell by name... 425 00:29:15,410 --> 00:29:18,210 shag-very-well by reputation. 426 00:29:18,250 --> 00:29:20,890 Oh, behave! 427 00:29:20,890 --> 00:29:22,329 Not if I can help it. 428 00:29:34,808 --> 00:29:37,647 You know what's remarkable is how much England... 429 00:29:37,687 --> 00:29:41,047 looks in no way like Southern California. 430 00:29:57,124 --> 00:29:58,324 Crikey! 431 00:29:58,324 --> 00:30:01,204 We've got company! Looks like one of Dr. Evil's assassins. 432 00:30:22,681 --> 00:30:24,560 Steady now. 433 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:25,960 Hands up! 434 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,279 Do you remember me, Austin Powers? 435 00:30:30,319 --> 00:30:33,199 I don't recall your name but your... 436 00:30:33,239 --> 00:30:35,679 fez is familiar. 437 00:30:39,438 --> 00:30:42,038 My name is Mustafa. 438 00:30:42,078 --> 00:30:44,877 And I'm the man who will be killing you now. 439 00:30:44,917 --> 00:30:49,157 Daktari! 440 00:30:57,396 --> 00:30:58,795 Who sent you? 441 00:30:58,835 --> 00:31:00,035 You'll have to kill me. 442 00:31:00,075 --> 00:31:01,475 Who sent you? 443 00:31:01,515 --> 00:31:03,355 Kiss my ass, Powers. 444 00:31:03,355 --> 00:31:04,754 Who sent you? 445 00:31:04,794 --> 00:31:06,114 Dr. Evil. 446 00:31:08,034 --> 00:31:10,394 -That was easy. -That was. 447 00:31:10,434 --> 00:31:12,113 Why did you tell us? 448 00:31:12,153 --> 00:31:14,233 I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. 449 00:31:14,273 --> 00:31:15,673 It just irritates me. 450 00:31:15,713 --> 00:31:18,032 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 451 00:31:18,072 --> 00:31:19,232 Why would he tell me? 452 00:31:19,272 --> 00:31:20,992 I'm just one of his low-level functionaries. 453 00:31:21,032 --> 00:31:22,792 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 454 00:31:22,832 --> 00:31:24,752 You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you. 455 00:31:24,792 --> 00:31:27,671 -Where is Dr. Evil hiding? -Damn! Three times. 456 00:31:27,711 --> 00:31:31,271 He's hiding in the secret volcano lair. 457 00:31:31,311 --> 00:31:34,430 Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 458 00:31:35,470 --> 00:31:36,870 I spit at the question. 459 00:31:36,910 --> 00:31:39,789 Do I really have to ask you two more times? 460 00:31:39,829 --> 00:31:41,349 Go to hell, Powers! 461 00:31:41,389 --> 00:31:48,268 Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 462 00:31:48,308 --> 00:31:51,188 I will take it to the grave with me. 463 00:31:51,228 --> 00:31:53,187 You have to answer. He asked you three times. 464 00:31:55,227 --> 00:31:56,747 The second question was... 465 00:31:56,787 --> 00:31:59,067 "Do I really have to ask you two more times?" 466 00:31:59,106 --> 00:32:02,386 That would be the first question in a new line of questioning... 467 00:32:02,386 --> 00:32:04,826 and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning. 468 00:32:04,866 --> 00:32:06,225 He's right. 469 00:32:06,265 --> 00:32:08,225 However, I'm just trying to get information from you, man. 470 00:32:08,265 --> 00:32:11,745 I don't need any consistency in the questions, do I? 471 00:32:11,785 --> 00:32:13,824 No. You're preaching to the converted-- 472 00:32:14,784 --> 00:32:16,264 If I'm preaching to the converted... 473 00:32:16,304 --> 00:32:17,624 then why are you being so slavish... 474 00:32:17,624 --> 00:32:19,743 to the three-question form? 475 00:32:19,743 --> 00:32:21,183 You're not even looking at me, man. 476 00:32:21,223 --> 00:32:22,823 Now you're just being rude, you know what I mean? 477 00:32:22,863 --> 00:32:24,103 You're not listening, man. 478 00:32:28,422 --> 00:32:30,862 Oh, crikey! 479 00:32:34,221 --> 00:32:37,501 Well, Austin, I think this time you have finally met your match. 480 00:32:37,541 --> 00:32:38,941 Oh, no, baby. 481 00:32:38,981 --> 00:32:42,420 I've beaten Dr. Evil before, and I'll beat him again. 482 00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:44,460 I was talking about me. 483 00:32:51,979 --> 00:32:53,419 Hello up there! 484 00:32:53,459 --> 00:32:55,578 I seem to have fallen down a cliff. 485 00:32:55,618 --> 00:32:58,298 I'm still alive, but I'm very badly injured. 486 00:32:58,338 --> 00:33:01,697 I think my legs are broken. I'll try to stand. 487 00:33:02,657 --> 00:33:04,217 Yes, they are broken. 488 00:33:04,257 --> 00:33:06,137 Perhaps you could toss me a band-aid... 489 00:33:06,177 --> 00:33:08,056 or some antibacterial cream. 490 00:33:08,096 --> 00:33:11,896 I'm in an extraordinarily large amount of pain. 491 00:33:11,936 --> 00:33:13,976 The bone has gone through the skin. 492 00:33:14,016 --> 00:33:16,055 I fear it might be gangrenous. 493 00:33:16,095 --> 00:33:18,615 The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds... 494 00:33:18,655 --> 00:33:20,535 which is not good. 495 00:33:20,575 --> 00:33:22,134 Please? 496 00:33:22,174 --> 00:33:23,254 No one? 497 00:33:23,294 --> 00:33:24,374 Sorry. 498 00:33:24,374 --> 00:33:25,854 I'll try the other leg. 499 00:33:30,813 --> 00:33:33,013 Two of my assassins are dead. 500 00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:35,812 I will not tolerate failure. 501 00:33:35,852 --> 00:33:37,692 I'm the man who will maintain the dignity... 502 00:33:37,692 --> 00:33:39,612 of this evil organization. 503 00:33:39,612 --> 00:33:41,971 What the hell was that? 504 00:33:42,011 --> 00:33:44,371 Volcanic eruption! 505 00:33:53,090 --> 00:33:57,329 May I present to you my spy in the Ministry of Defense... 506 00:33:57,369 --> 00:34:00,489 Fat Bastard. 507 00:34:00,529 --> 00:34:02,209 First things first! 508 00:34:02,249 --> 00:34:04,128 Where's your shitter? 509 00:34:04,168 --> 00:34:07,208 I've got a turtle head poking out. 510 00:34:08,568 --> 00:34:10,047 Charming. 511 00:34:10,087 --> 00:34:11,847 I'm not kidding. 512 00:34:11,847 --> 00:34:15,367 I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. 513 00:34:15,407 --> 00:34:18,246 It's squidgey! 514 00:34:18,286 --> 00:34:22,926 Christ, I'm getting all emotional from it, you know? 515 00:34:22,966 --> 00:34:25,325 Right. 516 00:34:25,365 --> 00:34:29,085 Fat Bastard, could I have my mojo, please? 517 00:34:29,125 --> 00:34:31,004 Where's my money? 518 00:34:31,044 --> 00:34:33,284 All right, give him his money. 519 00:34:35,524 --> 00:34:38,803 Jesus Christ, he's tiny! 520 00:34:38,843 --> 00:34:42,683 I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap. 521 00:34:43,962 --> 00:34:46,162 Wait a minute. 522 00:34:46,202 --> 00:34:49,162 He kinda looks like a baby. 523 00:34:49,202 --> 00:34:52,121 Come here! I'm gonna eat you! 524 00:34:52,161 --> 00:34:53,521 I'm bigger than you. 525 00:34:53,561 --> 00:34:55,201 I'm higher on the food chain. 526 00:34:55,241 --> 00:34:57,360 Get in my belly! 527 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,960 Come on! 528 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,240 You're lucky, wee man! 529 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,119 Can I have a hug? 530 00:35:07,679 --> 00:35:10,599 Let me make you a deal, all right? 531 00:35:10,639 --> 00:35:12,998 You get the mojo, you keep your money... 532 00:35:12,998 --> 00:35:15,278 and I'll get your baby. 533 00:35:16,958 --> 00:35:20,317 Right. 534 00:35:20,357 --> 00:35:21,757 I want my baby back, baby back 535 00:35:21,797 --> 00:35:23,557 Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 536 00:35:23,597 --> 00:35:25,156 I want my baby back, baby back 537 00:35:25,196 --> 00:35:27,556 Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 538 00:35:27,596 --> 00:35:29,036 Excuse me. 539 00:35:29,076 --> 00:35:30,916 Chili 540 00:35:30,956 --> 00:35:32,915 Baby back ribs 541 00:35:32,955 --> 00:35:36,315 Dr. Evil, what are we going to do about Powers? 542 00:35:36,355 --> 00:35:39,834 Austin Powers is no longer a threat to me. 543 00:35:39,874 --> 00:35:42,114 I have his mojo. 544 00:36:17,589 --> 00:36:21,228 All right, everyone, you're dismissed. 545 00:36:21,268 --> 00:36:23,108 Private time. 546 00:36:53,823 --> 00:36:57,383 Dr. Evil, I don't want this to interfere with our work. 547 00:36:57,423 --> 00:36:59,103 Don't worry, mama. 548 00:36:59,143 --> 00:37:02,022 Things won't get weird. 549 00:37:09,981 --> 00:37:11,501 One for me... 550 00:37:13,941 --> 00:37:15,820 and one for my homies. 551 00:37:17,620 --> 00:37:19,420 Herr Doktor. 552 00:37:49,015 --> 00:37:50,975 So what happened here? 553 00:37:51,055 --> 00:37:52,935 Apparently a rogue agent named Fat Bastard... 554 00:37:52,975 --> 00:37:54,335 infiltrated the unit... 555 00:37:54,375 --> 00:37:56,134 assigned to guard your cryogenic chamber. 556 00:37:56,174 --> 00:37:57,574 He used some sort of nerve gas. 557 00:37:57,614 --> 00:37:59,094 These men don't remember a thing. 558 00:37:59,134 --> 00:38:00,574 Captain, why don't you... 559 00:38:00,614 --> 00:38:02,174 cross-check Fat Bastard's profile... 560 00:38:02,214 --> 00:38:04,253 with the mainframe at Langley? 561 00:38:04,293 --> 00:38:05,333 Yes, ma'am. 562 00:38:05,373 --> 00:38:07,213 Can I borrow that, please? Thank you. 563 00:38:08,933 --> 00:38:12,092 Look at me. I'm a sexy bitch, baby. Yeah! 564 00:38:12,132 --> 00:38:13,732 You're a Popsicle, yes. 565 00:38:15,892 --> 00:38:18,211 And I'm spent. 566 00:38:18,251 --> 00:38:20,531 Let's go, baby, yeah! 567 00:38:24,890 --> 00:38:26,250 Hey there. How are you? 568 00:38:38,528 --> 00:38:39,808 Come on, Felicity. 569 00:39:09,164 --> 00:39:10,604 Yeah, babe. 570 00:39:12,523 --> 00:39:13,923 Shall we sit down? 571 00:39:14,923 --> 00:39:16,323 This is great. 572 00:39:16,363 --> 00:39:17,603 Groovy! 573 00:39:18,762 --> 00:39:22,562 So, Austin, what's the future like? 574 00:39:22,602 --> 00:39:25,441 Well, everyone has a flying car... 575 00:39:25,481 --> 00:39:27,761 entire meals come in pill form... 576 00:39:27,801 --> 00:39:31,720 and the Earth is ruled by damned dirty apes! 577 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,240 Oh, my God! 578 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,120 Had you for a second. 579 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:38,839 You can have me for even longer, if you want. 580 00:39:38,879 --> 00:39:43,599 You're one groovy baby... 581 00:39:43,639 --> 00:39:45,238 baby. 582 00:39:46,838 --> 00:39:48,278 Too many "babies." 583 00:39:49,718 --> 00:39:52,117 Don't you dare move. 584 00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:57,037 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach... 585 00:39:57,077 --> 00:39:59,796 and Mr. Elvis Costello. 586 00:40:03,676 --> 00:40:07,075 What do you get when you fall in love? 587 00:40:07,115 --> 00:40:09,955 A guy with a pin to burst your bubble 588 00:40:09,995 --> 00:40:11,315 Would you care to dance? 589 00:40:11,355 --> 00:40:12,754 I'd love to. 590 00:40:12,794 --> 00:40:14,674 For all your trouble 591 00:40:14,714 --> 00:40:16,594 I'll 592 00:40:16,634 --> 00:40:22,393 Never fall in love again 593 00:40:22,433 --> 00:40:27,192 I'll never fall in love again 594 00:40:27,232 --> 00:40:31,752 Don't tell me what it's all about 595 00:40:31,792 --> 00:40:35,671 'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out 596 00:40:35,711 --> 00:40:39,591 Out of the those chains, those chains that bind you 597 00:40:39,671 --> 00:40:43,470 That is why I'm here to remind you 598 00:40:43,510 --> 00:40:46,390 What do you get when you fall in love? 599 00:40:46,430 --> 00:40:50,629 You only get lies and pain and sorrow 600 00:40:50,669 --> 00:40:54,228 So for at least until tomorrow 601 00:40:54,268 --> 00:40:56,308 I'll 602 00:40:56,348 --> 00:41:00,827 Never fall in love again 603 00:41:00,867 --> 00:41:03,027 I'll 604 00:41:03,067 --> 00:41:05,987 Never fall in love 605 00:41:06,027 --> 00:41:07,187 Again 606 00:41:07,227 --> 00:41:09,706 You're quite good on your feet. 607 00:41:09,746 --> 00:41:12,306 I'm even better off my feet. 608 00:41:24,664 --> 00:41:26,824 Oh, behave, baby. 609 00:41:33,383 --> 00:41:35,262 -Hi. -Hi there. 610 00:41:37,262 --> 00:41:38,462 How are things? 611 00:41:38,502 --> 00:41:40,302 Good, Herr Doktor. And you? 612 00:41:40,342 --> 00:41:43,021 Great. 613 00:41:43,061 --> 00:41:45,821 Just taking a break? 614 00:41:45,861 --> 00:41:49,140 Try the Hot Pockets. They're breathtaking. 615 00:41:52,060 --> 00:41:53,500 It got weird, didn't it? 616 00:41:53,540 --> 00:41:56,419 -Ja. -I knew it. 617 00:41:56,459 --> 00:41:58,019 You haven't called. 618 00:41:58,059 --> 00:41:59,339 We talked about this. 619 00:41:59,379 --> 00:42:02,298 We promised each other it wouldn't get weird. 620 00:42:02,338 --> 00:42:04,018 I can't let my feelings for you interfere... 621 00:42:04,058 --> 00:42:07,138 with my taking over the world, you know that. 622 00:42:07,178 --> 00:42:10,417 You know, I will never love another man. 623 00:42:12,177 --> 00:42:13,697 Yes, that's true. 624 00:42:17,056 --> 00:42:19,496 Dr. Evil, I'm late. 625 00:42:19,536 --> 00:42:20,936 No, you got here right on time. 626 00:42:20,936 --> 00:42:26,215 No, I mean "I'm late." 627 00:42:32,174 --> 00:42:33,334 Dad. 628 00:42:35,974 --> 00:42:38,533 Hey there, sport. 629 00:42:38,573 --> 00:42:39,853 What are you doing here? 630 00:42:39,893 --> 00:42:43,692 I was just thinking that maybe we could work all this out. 631 00:42:43,732 --> 00:42:46,452 After all, you are my father. 632 00:42:46,492 --> 00:42:50,451 Scott, you had your chance, OK? 633 00:42:50,491 --> 00:42:53,051 I already had someone created in my image. 634 00:42:53,091 --> 00:42:55,171 He's evil, he wants to take over the world... 635 00:42:55,211 --> 00:42:58,490 and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. 636 00:42:58,570 --> 00:43:00,250 Him? 637 00:43:00,250 --> 00:43:01,610 Look at him, he's crazy. 638 00:43:01,650 --> 00:43:04,969 He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. 639 00:43:06,369 --> 00:43:08,489 He'll kill me the first chance he gets. 640 00:43:08,529 --> 00:43:09,849 Probably. 641 00:43:11,008 --> 00:43:12,248 I love you. 642 00:43:21,807 --> 00:43:25,486 I am a sexy bitch. Yes. 643 00:43:25,526 --> 00:43:29,046 Felicity, make yourself at home, baby. 644 00:43:29,086 --> 00:43:31,166 What do you think of my shag pad, darling? 645 00:43:31,206 --> 00:43:33,845 It's amazing, Austin. 646 00:43:37,405 --> 00:43:39,284 Wait a tick. 647 00:43:44,444 --> 00:43:49,003 That's how my mojo was stolen. Fat Bastard. 648 00:43:49,043 --> 00:43:51,283 She's a professional agent. 649 00:43:51,323 --> 00:43:54,282 She's not interested in shagging! 650 00:43:54,322 --> 00:43:55,602 Please, God. 651 00:43:55,642 --> 00:43:57,602 Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. 652 00:43:57,642 --> 00:44:00,241 Austin, I'm waiting. 653 00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,520 How about one of your world-famous massages? 654 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:13,839 You mean a sensual massage? 655 00:44:13,879 --> 00:44:16,279 Right, then. 656 00:44:16,319 --> 00:44:19,878 OK, here we go. Yes. 657 00:44:25,318 --> 00:44:28,237 Wait a minute, something's itching me. 658 00:44:29,237 --> 00:44:30,757 That's better. 659 00:44:30,797 --> 00:44:32,157 Crikey. 660 00:44:39,955 --> 00:44:42,115 How does that feel, baby? 661 00:44:42,155 --> 00:44:43,875 Lower. 662 00:44:43,915 --> 00:44:46,874 How does that feel, baby? 663 00:44:47,834 --> 00:44:48,754 What? 664 00:44:48,794 --> 00:44:50,434 You don't have to be cute with me. 665 00:44:50,474 --> 00:44:51,874 We're way past that. 666 00:44:51,914 --> 00:44:53,713 We are? 667 00:44:53,753 --> 00:44:56,393 What do you think? 668 00:44:56,433 --> 00:44:59,993 Listen, Felicity... 669 00:45:00,033 --> 00:45:01,872 I'm sorry. 670 00:45:01,912 --> 00:45:04,272 I can't do this. 671 00:45:05,592 --> 00:45:06,992 I have to go. 672 00:45:10,951 --> 00:45:12,151 Is it me? 673 00:45:12,191 --> 00:45:16,190 I can't explain. 674 00:45:26,949 --> 00:45:28,108 Hello, Agent Shagwell. 675 00:45:28,148 --> 00:45:29,668 Where's Austin? 676 00:45:29,708 --> 00:45:32,748 I must've said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden. 677 00:45:32,788 --> 00:45:37,547 Listen, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. 678 00:45:37,587 --> 00:45:39,867 It's not meant to be. 679 00:45:39,907 --> 00:45:41,586 I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. 680 00:45:41,626 --> 00:45:43,586 My interest in this case is purely professional. 681 00:45:43,626 --> 00:45:45,066 Good. 682 00:45:45,106 --> 00:45:47,866 Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight. 683 00:45:47,906 --> 00:45:49,025 No problem. 684 00:45:49,065 --> 00:45:51,465 We need you to plant this homing device on him... 685 00:45:51,505 --> 00:45:53,505 by any means necessary. 686 00:45:53,545 --> 00:45:54,785 No problem. 687 00:45:54,825 --> 00:45:56,784 Keep up the good work. 688 00:45:56,824 --> 00:45:59,704 Remember, by any means necessary. 689 00:46:17,141 --> 00:46:18,781 Look at yourself. 690 00:46:18,781 --> 00:46:22,141 You used to be so virile. 691 00:46:22,181 --> 00:46:25,260 You were a swinger, man. 692 00:46:25,300 --> 00:46:29,060 And now you're nothing. 693 00:46:29,060 --> 00:46:32,859 But at least it can't get any worse. 694 00:46:32,899 --> 00:46:35,379 Well, surprise, surprise, huh! 695 00:46:35,419 --> 00:46:37,858 Look at that meal. 696 00:46:37,938 --> 00:46:42,338 I'm dead sexy. Look at my sexy body. 697 00:46:43,537 --> 00:46:45,497 Oh, look, I'm like a singer. 698 00:46:45,537 --> 00:46:48,817 Oh, sexy man, sexy man 699 00:46:48,857 --> 00:46:51,896 Eating like a sexy man can 700 00:46:51,936 --> 00:46:54,536 By the way, would you like some chicken? 701 00:46:54,576 --> 00:46:55,656 I've got more. 702 00:46:55,696 --> 00:46:57,775 No, thanks. 703 00:46:57,815 --> 00:46:59,295 What have we got here? 704 00:46:59,335 --> 00:47:03,655 Done with that. All right, that's done. 705 00:47:11,173 --> 00:47:15,093 Remember, by any means necessary. 706 00:47:19,212 --> 00:47:21,532 Frisky, are we? 707 00:47:21,532 --> 00:47:22,852 Give it up! 708 00:47:23,852 --> 00:47:25,451 Ladies and gentlemen... 709 00:47:25,491 --> 00:47:28,971 we're about to begin phase two of our evil project... 710 00:47:29,011 --> 00:47:31,810 or is it phase-- I don't know phases. 711 00:47:31,810 --> 00:47:33,490 Any ways, this is the phase... 712 00:47:33,530 --> 00:47:37,890 in which we put a giant "laser" on the moon. 713 00:47:37,930 --> 00:47:41,609 As you know, the moon rotates around the Earth, like so. 714 00:47:47,768 --> 00:47:49,368 When the moon reaches... 715 00:47:49,408 --> 00:47:52,047 its appropriate lunar alignment... 716 00:47:52,087 --> 00:47:54,567 it will destroy Washington D.C. 717 00:47:54,607 --> 00:47:56,927 You see, I've turned the moon... 718 00:47:56,967 --> 00:48:01,486 into what I like to call a "Death Star." 719 00:48:03,126 --> 00:48:05,885 -What? -Nothing, Darth. 720 00:48:05,925 --> 00:48:07,165 What did you call me? 721 00:48:07,205 --> 00:48:09,405 Nothing. Rip-off! 722 00:48:10,725 --> 00:48:12,085 Bless you. 723 00:48:12,085 --> 00:48:14,964 Any ways, the key to this plan is the giant laser. 724 00:48:15,004 --> 00:48:18,844 It was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons. 725 00:48:18,884 --> 00:48:23,443 Therefore, we shall call it the Alan Parsons Project. 726 00:48:23,483 --> 00:48:26,122 Oh, my God. 727 00:48:26,122 --> 00:48:27,362 What now? 728 00:48:27,402 --> 00:48:31,242 The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. 729 00:48:31,282 --> 00:48:35,001 Why don't you just call it "Operation Wang Chung, " ass? 730 00:48:35,041 --> 00:48:36,481 What should we-- 731 00:48:36,521 --> 00:48:39,081 I'm sure "Operation Bananarama" will be huge. 732 00:48:39,121 --> 00:48:40,040 What are you saying? 733 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:41,960 -If you wanted-- -Shh! 734 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:43,120 Trying to be hip-- 735 00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,800 "WWW.shh.com.org." 736 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:47,759 -You're so-- -Shh! 737 00:48:47,799 --> 00:48:51,119 If we could put aside the family squabbling... 738 00:48:51,159 --> 00:48:54,438 I think we could get down to some serious business here. 739 00:48:54,478 --> 00:48:56,078 -Really? -Yeah. 740 00:48:56,118 --> 00:48:57,918 I don't like that insolent tone. 741 00:48:57,958 --> 00:49:01,037 -I meant nothing by it. -You want to run things? 742 00:49:01,077 --> 00:49:02,157 No, not at all. 743 00:49:02,197 --> 00:49:04,397 You want to be Daddy, is that it? 744 00:49:04,437 --> 00:49:07,076 Number Two, you want to wear the Daddy pants? 745 00:49:07,116 --> 00:49:08,716 You gonna cry? 746 00:49:08,756 --> 00:49:11,796 You gonna cry? 747 00:49:11,836 --> 00:49:13,116 What are you doing? 748 00:49:13,156 --> 00:49:15,835 Are you gonna squirt some? You gonna cry? 749 00:49:15,875 --> 00:49:18,595 See, you were gonna cry. You're a big man now, huh? 750 00:49:18,635 --> 00:49:20,275 Yeah, thought so. 751 00:49:44,031 --> 00:49:46,391 About what happened last night-- 752 00:49:46,431 --> 00:49:47,951 You don't have to explain. 753 00:49:49,230 --> 00:49:51,230 You don't understand. You see... 754 00:49:53,150 --> 00:49:55,429 I've lost my mojo. 755 00:49:55,469 --> 00:49:58,349 Oh, so that's why you-- 756 00:50:01,469 --> 00:50:03,188 I thought you didn't like me. 757 00:50:03,228 --> 00:50:05,948 Oh, no, baby. You're very shagadelic. 758 00:50:05,988 --> 00:50:07,988 I just didn't want to fall in love again... 759 00:50:08,068 --> 00:50:11,307 and I thought you'd never love me without my mojo. 760 00:50:11,307 --> 00:50:12,547 It's not you. 761 00:50:12,587 --> 00:50:18,026 You're fab, switched on, a bit of all right. Yes! 762 00:50:18,066 --> 00:50:20,066 That is so great. 763 00:50:20,106 --> 00:50:21,906 There's something I should tell you, too. 764 00:50:21,946 --> 00:50:24,865 Last night, I planted a homing device on Fat Bastard. 765 00:50:24,905 --> 00:50:26,185 Smashing, baby. 766 00:50:26,225 --> 00:50:27,825 Then we can track down Fat Bastard... 767 00:50:27,865 --> 00:50:29,424 get my mojo, go back to my place... 768 00:50:29,464 --> 00:50:32,904 hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Yes! 769 00:50:32,944 --> 00:50:34,024 But there's more. 770 00:50:34,064 --> 00:50:36,463 In order to get close to Fat Bastard, I had to-- 771 00:50:36,503 --> 00:50:38,983 Hello, hello. The signal's coming through. 772 00:50:39,023 --> 00:50:40,423 He's at Paddington Station. 773 00:50:40,463 --> 00:50:41,903 Let's go! 774 00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:46,582 -We're close, baby. -This way. 775 00:50:46,582 --> 00:50:48,902 Straight--no, no, left. Through here. 776 00:50:51,901 --> 00:50:52,941 We've got him. 777 00:50:52,981 --> 00:50:54,541 Private, bring up the ram. 778 00:50:59,700 --> 00:51:01,100 Go, go, go! 779 00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:02,540 Where is he? 780 00:51:03,659 --> 00:51:05,499 Oh, my God! 781 00:51:05,539 --> 00:51:08,219 Fat Bastard left a floater! 782 00:51:08,259 --> 00:51:10,458 In the name of all things sacred... 783 00:51:10,498 --> 00:51:13,378 that is the most foul-smelling thing ever! 784 00:51:13,418 --> 00:51:15,178 Somebody flush it down! 785 00:51:15,178 --> 00:51:16,418 No, nobody touch anything. 786 00:51:16,458 --> 00:51:19,217 We have to get the sample to the lab to be analyzed. 787 00:51:20,897 --> 00:51:22,457 I'm gonna give. 788 00:51:30,736 --> 00:51:32,055 Austin, there you are. 789 00:51:32,095 --> 00:51:33,335 Has the sample been analyzed? 790 00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:36,695 Cor, baby. You look very shagadelic! 791 00:51:38,734 --> 00:51:41,414 But do we really have to be here, Felicity? 792 00:51:41,414 --> 00:51:43,774 I mean, it's so boring. 793 00:51:43,814 --> 00:51:45,453 I don't believe in science. 794 00:51:45,493 --> 00:51:50,533 When it comes to the spy game, to me, it's all instinct. 795 00:51:55,012 --> 00:51:57,252 -Hello, everybody. -Hello, Basil. 796 00:51:57,292 --> 00:51:59,131 The results are in. 797 00:51:59,171 --> 00:52:02,131 We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable... 798 00:52:02,171 --> 00:52:05,890 found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean. 799 00:52:07,410 --> 00:52:09,930 What does it all mean, Basil? 800 00:52:09,930 --> 00:52:14,209 It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair. 801 00:52:14,249 --> 00:52:16,809 Smashing, Basil. 802 00:52:16,849 --> 00:52:21,088 Cor! This coffee smells like shit. 803 00:52:23,648 --> 00:52:25,648 It is shit, Austin. 804 00:52:25,688 --> 00:52:28,487 Oh, good, then it's not just me. 805 00:52:32,726 --> 00:52:34,806 It's a bit nutty. 806 00:52:44,685 --> 00:52:46,285 Excuse me, Dr. Evil. 807 00:52:46,325 --> 00:52:49,284 I have to speak to you about this Mini-Me. 808 00:52:49,284 --> 00:52:50,684 He's not fitting in? 809 00:52:50,684 --> 00:52:53,843 Is he giving off too much of a creepy Oompa Loompa vibe? 810 00:52:53,883 --> 00:52:56,643 No, it's just that he bites. 811 00:52:59,283 --> 00:53:00,682 He's a biter. 812 00:53:03,802 --> 00:53:05,922 What's wrong, Mini-Me? 813 00:53:05,962 --> 00:53:07,761 Something you want to tell us? 814 00:53:09,361 --> 00:53:10,401 Teething. 815 00:53:12,281 --> 00:53:15,800 Get me the president of the United States of America! 816 00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:17,680 Oh, he's on. 817 00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:20,040 What do you want, Dr. Evil? 818 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,039 Mr. President, in twelve hours... 819 00:53:22,079 --> 00:53:27,678 I will destroy Washington D.C. with this giant "laser." 820 00:53:27,718 --> 00:53:30,038 What the--? 821 00:53:30,038 --> 00:53:34,437 Mini-Me, stop humping the laser. 822 00:53:34,477 --> 00:53:36,197 OK, honest to God... 823 00:53:36,237 --> 00:53:41,117 why don't you and the giant laser get a frickin' room? 824 00:53:41,157 --> 00:53:44,876 Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C... 825 00:53:44,916 --> 00:53:48,515 I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. 826 00:53:48,555 --> 00:53:50,875 That is, unless, of course, you pay me... 827 00:53:51,995 --> 00:53:55,994 one hundred billion dollars. 828 00:54:00,714 --> 00:54:03,193 Dr. Evil, this is 1969. 829 00:54:03,233 --> 00:54:05,673 That amount of money doesn't even exist. 830 00:54:07,433 --> 00:54:10,872 That's like saying, "I want a kajillion bajillion dollars." 831 00:54:12,672 --> 00:54:16,911 Come on, Mr. President, show me the money. 832 00:54:16,951 --> 00:54:18,231 Show you what money? 833 00:54:18,231 --> 00:54:21,031 Show me the money, show me the money. 834 00:54:21,031 --> 00:54:24,230 You had me at hello. Tear. Nothing? No? 835 00:54:24,270 --> 00:54:27,070 Psst! It's 1969. 836 00:54:27,110 --> 00:54:30,549 "Jerry Maguire" won't come out for another thirty years. 837 00:54:30,589 --> 00:54:33,389 Nobody knows what you're talking about, ass. 838 00:54:33,429 --> 00:54:37,028 Scott, Daddy's working, OK? 839 00:54:37,068 --> 00:54:38,708 And when you're in the main chamber... 840 00:54:38,748 --> 00:54:41,068 try and use the big boy voice, OK? 841 00:54:41,108 --> 00:54:42,388 Thank you. 842 00:54:43,747 --> 00:54:46,387 Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate... 843 00:54:46,427 --> 00:54:49,707 the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. 844 00:54:49,746 --> 00:54:51,666 Fire the laser! 845 00:54:57,185 --> 00:54:59,305 Damage report! Damage report! 846 00:54:59,345 --> 00:55:02,385 It's OK. It's all right. Come on. 847 00:55:03,544 --> 00:55:06,504 Actually, that was footage from "Independence Day..." 848 00:55:06,544 --> 00:55:08,544 but the real laser would be a lot like that. 849 00:55:08,584 --> 00:55:10,663 Yeah, scary. 850 00:55:12,383 --> 00:55:13,543 Now, Dr. Evil-- 851 00:55:13,583 --> 00:55:17,422 Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't want to hear it. 852 00:55:17,502 --> 00:55:19,582 What hand? Talk to your hand? 853 00:55:19,622 --> 00:55:22,502 You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips. 854 00:55:22,542 --> 00:55:24,061 What are you talking about? 855 00:55:24,101 --> 00:55:26,941 Don't go there, girlfriend. 856 00:55:27,981 --> 00:55:29,781 Whose girlfriend? 857 00:55:29,821 --> 00:55:31,900 Don't mess with me, I'm one crazy mo-fo. 858 00:55:31,940 --> 00:55:33,300 I had to pop a cop... 859 00:55:33,340 --> 00:55:35,820 'cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. 860 00:55:35,860 --> 00:55:38,139 No? I heard that somewhere. 861 00:55:39,259 --> 00:55:41,179 You're an idiot. 862 00:55:41,259 --> 00:55:45,418 Mr. President, I think we have an understanding. 863 00:55:47,178 --> 00:55:50,978 Dr. Evil, what are our plans regarding Austin Powers? 864 00:55:51,018 --> 00:55:54,617 Austin Powers? He's the snake to my mongoose. 865 00:55:54,657 --> 00:56:00,216 Or the mongoose to my snake. Either way, it's bad. 866 00:56:00,256 --> 00:56:01,616 I don't know animals. 867 00:56:01,656 --> 00:56:04,136 But I do know this-- 868 00:56:04,176 --> 00:56:06,855 This time it's personal. 869 00:56:06,895 --> 00:56:08,615 Kill him. 870 00:56:13,854 --> 00:56:16,334 There's Dr. Evil's island. 871 00:56:49,169 --> 00:56:50,289 Let's set up camp. 872 00:56:50,329 --> 00:56:51,689 Be careful with that bag! 873 00:56:51,729 --> 00:56:53,728 There's explosives in it. 874 00:56:54,728 --> 00:56:57,008 This could be dangerous. 875 00:57:06,447 --> 00:57:10,006 What if God was one of us? 876 00:57:11,006 --> 00:57:14,725 Just a slob like one of us 877 00:57:27,723 --> 00:57:28,963 Well done, very good. 878 00:57:29,003 --> 00:57:32,083 Dr. Evil, that was fantastic. 879 00:57:32,083 --> 00:57:33,803 Thank you, Number Two. 880 00:57:33,843 --> 00:57:35,242 I wrote that, yeah. 881 00:57:35,282 --> 00:57:37,842 Dad, he put this in my bed. 882 00:57:37,882 --> 00:57:39,042 Who? 883 00:57:39,082 --> 00:57:41,002 Your stupid mini-you. 884 00:57:41,042 --> 00:57:43,281 He put road kill in my sheets! 885 00:57:44,161 --> 00:57:47,401 What--Mini-Me, don't you ever do that again. 886 00:57:47,441 --> 00:57:50,880 You hear me, don't you ever do that again! 887 00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,120 I can't stay mad at you. 888 00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:54,759 Look at that punum. 889 00:57:55,959 --> 00:58:00,239 Dr. Evil's headquarters is right over that next ridge. 890 00:58:00,279 --> 00:58:01,399 Let me look. 891 00:58:02,478 --> 00:58:04,318 Damn it. How do we get in? 892 00:58:04,358 --> 00:58:07,358 Hello, Mummy. Can I have some chocolates? 893 00:58:07,398 --> 00:58:09,797 I want some Mars Bars. 894 00:58:09,837 --> 00:58:11,477 Don't smack my bottom, Mummy. 895 00:58:12,517 --> 00:58:14,237 Sorry, love. 896 00:58:14,277 --> 00:58:17,116 I got stuck in your dirty pillows. 897 00:58:17,116 --> 00:58:18,556 Let's look at the map. 898 00:58:21,716 --> 00:58:23,275 Austin, what's our plan? 899 00:58:23,315 --> 00:58:24,635 According to this map... 900 00:58:24,635 --> 00:58:28,235 the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards. 901 00:58:28,275 --> 00:58:30,514 I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet... 902 00:58:30,554 --> 00:58:31,634 but I can't find them. 903 00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:33,594 Look in the bottom. 904 00:58:33,634 --> 00:58:36,233 OK, I'll dig a little deeper. 905 00:58:36,273 --> 00:58:38,313 Wow, this bag is really full. 906 00:58:39,713 --> 00:58:41,393 Just keep digging, darling. 907 00:58:41,433 --> 00:58:43,512 I'll just feel around them. 908 00:58:45,912 --> 00:58:48,032 Good lord, Austin. 909 00:58:48,072 --> 00:58:49,911 What do you keep in here? 910 00:58:49,911 --> 00:58:53,471 Anything that catches my fancy, you know. 911 00:58:53,511 --> 00:58:54,471 Give it a good tug. 912 00:58:55,911 --> 00:58:57,830 Do we really need this? 913 00:58:57,870 --> 00:59:00,670 I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. 914 00:59:00,710 --> 00:59:03,070 Oh, my God. 915 00:59:03,110 --> 00:59:05,069 Oops, it went off. 916 00:59:05,109 --> 00:59:07,709 Yes, it does that from time to time. 917 00:59:07,749 --> 00:59:09,469 Eww. Yuck. 918 00:59:09,469 --> 00:59:11,388 Yeah, that's nasty. 919 00:59:11,428 --> 00:59:13,108 Yeah, sorry about that. 920 00:59:14,068 --> 00:59:15,228 Smelly. 921 00:59:15,268 --> 00:59:17,667 These people make me sick. 922 00:59:17,747 --> 00:59:19,027 Can you snap me a beer? 923 00:59:23,587 --> 00:59:24,706 What is it? 924 00:59:24,746 --> 00:59:25,946 It's a gerbil. 925 00:59:25,986 --> 00:59:27,426 How did that get in your bag? 926 00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:31,305 I don't know. 927 00:59:33,825 --> 00:59:37,265 Dr. Evil, we have a problem. 928 00:59:37,305 --> 00:59:39,184 Austin Powers is on the island. 929 00:59:39,224 --> 00:59:42,864 Bring him to me...alive. 930 00:59:42,904 --> 00:59:45,023 You. 931 00:59:45,143 --> 00:59:46,623 Hit it! 932 00:59:46,663 --> 00:59:49,743 This is a very sensitive subject. 933 00:59:55,542 --> 01:00:00,701 Just the two of us 934 01:00:02,701 --> 01:00:05,260 Just the two of us 935 01:00:05,300 --> 01:00:07,660 From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone 936 01:00:07,660 --> 01:00:10,140 I knew that I'd be safe 'cause I'd never be alone 937 01:00:10,180 --> 01:00:12,699 An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings 938 01:00:12,739 --> 01:00:15,019 My hurt and my pain don't make me too appealin' 939 01:00:15,019 --> 01:00:17,459 I'd hoped Scott would look up to me 940 01:00:17,499 --> 01:00:20,178 Run the business of the family 941 01:00:20,218 --> 01:00:22,338 Head an evil empire just like his dear old dad 942 01:00:22,378 --> 01:00:24,818 Give him my love and the things I never had 943 01:00:24,858 --> 01:00:27,017 Scott would think I was a cool guy 944 01:00:27,057 --> 01:00:29,657 Return the love I have, make me want to cry 945 01:00:29,697 --> 01:00:32,137 Be evil, but have my feelings, too 946 01:00:32,177 --> 01:00:34,456 Change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou 947 01:00:34,496 --> 01:00:36,936 But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie 948 01:00:36,976 --> 01:00:39,375 Life is cruel, treats you unfairly 949 01:00:39,375 --> 01:00:41,935 Even so, a God there must be 950 01:00:41,975 --> 01:00:43,895 Mini-Me, you complete me 951 01:00:43,935 --> 01:00:46,254 Just the two of us 952 01:00:46,254 --> 01:00:48,734 We can make it if we try 953 01:00:48,774 --> 01:00:51,654 Just the two of us 954 01:00:51,694 --> 01:00:53,453 Just the two of us 955 01:00:53,493 --> 01:00:56,413 Just the two of us 956 01:00:56,453 --> 01:00:58,573 Building castles in the sky 957 01:00:58,613 --> 01:01:00,732 Just the two of us 958 01:01:00,772 --> 01:01:02,372 You and I 959 01:01:13,491 --> 01:01:16,130 You've got this packed really tight. 960 01:01:16,170 --> 01:01:18,170 Are you OK? 961 01:01:18,210 --> 01:01:20,649 Yeah, I just got a bit of a back cramp, that's all. 962 01:01:21,849 --> 01:01:23,729 Just keep packing it in. 963 01:01:23,769 --> 01:01:25,409 God. 964 01:01:25,449 --> 01:01:26,929 I found the explosives. 965 01:01:27,009 --> 01:01:28,208 Help me check them. 966 01:01:28,248 --> 01:01:30,088 You're surrounded! Drop your weapons! 967 01:01:30,768 --> 01:01:32,048 Hands up! 968 01:01:33,448 --> 01:01:34,647 Move out! 969 01:01:38,247 --> 01:01:40,567 Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few moments... 970 01:01:40,607 --> 01:01:43,846 we're going to place a giant "laser" on the moon. 971 01:01:43,886 --> 01:01:45,526 From my "Death Star..." 972 01:01:45,566 --> 01:01:48,765 I will destroy every city on the planet. 973 01:01:48,765 --> 01:01:50,045 Get off of me. 974 01:01:50,085 --> 01:01:53,805 Ah, Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell... 975 01:01:53,845 --> 01:01:56,284 welcome to my hollowed-out volcano. 976 01:01:56,324 --> 01:01:58,604 This is my associate Fat Bastard. 977 01:01:58,644 --> 01:02:04,563 Felicity, I think you two may have already "met." 978 01:02:04,603 --> 01:02:05,963 Unfortunately. 979 01:02:06,003 --> 01:02:09,802 Is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex? 980 01:02:09,842 --> 01:02:12,722 I'm dead sexy. 981 01:02:12,722 --> 01:02:14,602 You were crap! 982 01:02:16,681 --> 01:02:18,601 In your dreams. 983 01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:26,520 Felicity would never sleep with you. 984 01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,480 Right? 985 01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:30,279 I did what I had to do. 986 01:02:30,319 --> 01:02:32,039 I'm a secret agent. 987 01:02:32,079 --> 01:02:33,759 What? 988 01:02:39,918 --> 01:02:42,278 All right, that's enough, Fat Bastard. 989 01:02:42,318 --> 01:02:44,677 As much as I like seeing Powers in agony-- 990 01:02:44,717 --> 01:02:46,077 and I do-- 991 01:02:46,077 --> 01:02:48,957 the thought of you naked is just gross. 992 01:02:48,997 --> 01:02:51,796 You can't stop me now, Mr. Powers. 993 01:02:51,836 --> 01:02:53,996 I have your mojo... 994 01:02:53,996 --> 01:02:56,675 and I'm taking it with me to the moon. 995 01:02:56,715 --> 01:02:58,595 Put them in a jail cell. 996 01:02:59,835 --> 01:03:03,714 My mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil! 997 01:03:03,754 --> 01:03:06,394 Look at me, I'm shaking in my little space boots. 998 01:03:06,434 --> 01:03:08,314 I want my mojo! 999 01:03:08,354 --> 01:03:10,313 Great plan, Einstein. 1000 01:03:11,713 --> 01:03:13,913 You're gonna put him in a cell with one inept guard... 1001 01:03:13,953 --> 01:03:15,033 and they'll escape! 1002 01:03:15,073 --> 01:03:17,672 God, you do this every time! 1003 01:03:17,712 --> 01:03:21,312 You know, Scott... 1004 01:03:21,352 --> 01:03:26,671 I've been a frickin' evil doctor for thirty frickin' years, OK? 1005 01:03:26,711 --> 01:03:29,511 Cut me some frickin' slack. 1006 01:03:29,551 --> 01:03:33,550 You forget, Scott, we're in a volcano. 1007 01:03:33,550 --> 01:03:37,270 We're surrounded by liquid hot magma. 1008 01:03:38,829 --> 01:03:40,469 What are you drawing? 1009 01:03:42,229 --> 01:03:44,588 It's just a good-bye card, that's all. 1010 01:03:46,268 --> 01:03:47,788 It's sweet. 1011 01:03:55,507 --> 01:03:57,147 Hey, get him. Get the baby! 1012 01:03:57,187 --> 01:03:58,266 Back off. 1013 01:03:58,306 --> 01:03:59,746 Simmer down. Simmer down. 1014 01:04:01,626 --> 01:04:03,506 He's my posse. 1015 01:04:05,065 --> 01:04:07,305 You take special care of him. 1016 01:04:07,345 --> 01:04:09,465 He's my special boy. 1017 01:04:09,505 --> 01:04:12,344 Attention, prepare for launch. 1018 01:04:13,824 --> 01:04:18,104 Repeat, all technicians to launch position. 1019 01:04:18,943 --> 01:04:23,063 Gentlemen, I'm about to go to the moon. 1020 01:04:23,103 --> 01:04:26,542 Initiate prelaunch sequence. 1021 01:04:26,582 --> 01:04:29,182 Main rocket engines, ignition. 1022 01:04:29,222 --> 01:04:30,302 Frau... 1023 01:04:30,342 --> 01:04:32,261 begin the countdown. 1024 01:04:32,301 --> 01:04:34,141 Five...four... 1025 01:04:34,141 --> 01:04:35,261 three...two-- 1026 01:04:35,301 --> 01:04:37,941 Frau! Begin the countdown at thirty. 1027 01:04:39,700 --> 01:04:40,660 Thirty! 1028 01:04:40,700 --> 01:04:43,180 twenty-nine...twenty-eight... 1029 01:04:43,220 --> 01:04:45,020 twenty-seven... 1030 01:04:45,060 --> 01:04:47,259 twenty-six...twenty-five... 1031 01:04:47,299 --> 01:04:50,819 twenty-four...twenty-three... 1032 01:04:50,859 --> 01:04:53,818 twenty-two...twenty-one... 1033 01:04:53,858 --> 01:04:56,098 twenty...nineteen... 1034 01:04:56,098 --> 01:04:57,618 eighteen.... 1035 01:04:57,698 --> 01:05:01,497 seventeen...sixteen... 1036 01:05:01,537 --> 01:05:04,217 fifteen...fourteen...thirteen-- 1037 01:05:04,257 --> 01:05:06,816 You know what? When the doors close... 1038 01:05:06,856 --> 01:05:09,256 just say "go." Better. 1039 01:05:13,695 --> 01:05:14,655 Go! 1040 01:05:43,931 --> 01:05:46,051 Colonel, you better take a look at this radar. 1041 01:05:46,091 --> 01:05:48,690 What is it, son? 1042 01:05:48,730 --> 01:05:50,650 I don't know, sir. 1043 01:05:50,730 --> 01:05:51,850 But it looks like a giant-- 1044 01:05:51,890 --> 01:05:53,490 -Dick! -Yeah? 1045 01:05:53,530 --> 01:05:54,769 Take a look out of starboard. 1046 01:05:54,809 --> 01:05:58,009 Oh, my God, it looks like a huge-- 1047 01:05:58,049 --> 01:05:59,929 -Pecker! -Oh, where? 1048 01:05:59,969 --> 01:06:01,568 Wait, that's not a woodpecker. 1049 01:06:01,608 --> 01:06:02,568 It looks like someone's-- 1050 01:06:02,608 --> 01:06:03,728 Privates! 1051 01:06:03,768 --> 01:06:06,408 We have reports of an unidentified flying object. 1052 01:06:06,448 --> 01:06:10,287 It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with-- 1053 01:06:10,327 --> 01:06:13,127 Two balls! What is that? 1054 01:06:13,167 --> 01:06:14,767 That looks just like an enormous-- 1055 01:06:14,807 --> 01:06:16,206 Wang! Pay attention. 1056 01:06:16,246 --> 01:06:19,246 I was distracted by that enormous flying-- 1057 01:06:19,286 --> 01:06:20,646 -Willie... -Yeah? 1058 01:06:20,686 --> 01:06:22,245 What's that? 1059 01:06:22,285 --> 01:06:24,405 Well, it looks like a giant-- 1060 01:06:24,445 --> 01:06:25,885 -Johnson?! -Yes, sir. 1061 01:06:25,925 --> 01:06:29,084 Call British Intelligence and let them know about this. 1062 01:06:44,722 --> 01:06:45,842 What do we do? 1063 01:06:45,882 --> 01:06:49,002 Why don't you just shag Fat Bastard again? 1064 01:06:49,042 --> 01:06:50,961 This is no time to get jealous. 1065 01:06:51,001 --> 01:06:52,641 How could you do it? 1066 01:06:52,681 --> 01:06:53,841 I was just doing my job. 1067 01:06:53,881 --> 01:06:55,881 No, I mean literally, how could you do it? 1068 01:06:55,921 --> 01:06:57,160 The man's so fat... 1069 01:06:57,200 --> 01:06:59,080 the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling. 1070 01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:02,720 Don't lay your hang-ups on me, just 'cause you lost your mojo. 1071 01:07:02,760 --> 01:07:05,159 Ouch, baby. 1072 01:07:05,159 --> 01:07:07,519 Very ouch. 1073 01:07:07,519 --> 01:07:09,839 Look, Austin, we're running out of time. 1074 01:07:09,839 --> 01:07:11,358 I'm sorry. 1075 01:07:12,718 --> 01:07:15,598 I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. 1076 01:07:16,797 --> 01:07:18,957 You're the reason that I became a spy. 1077 01:07:20,277 --> 01:07:24,636 I thought I wanted to be you, but then I realized that... 1078 01:07:25,676 --> 01:07:27,796 I want to be with you. 1079 01:07:27,836 --> 01:07:29,636 You do? 1080 01:07:31,635 --> 01:07:33,275 Hang on, baby. 1081 01:07:33,275 --> 01:07:35,115 Alleyoop! 1082 01:07:36,235 --> 01:07:38,154 We should talk about this later. 1083 01:07:38,194 --> 01:07:39,954 First we need to get past that one inept guard. 1084 01:07:39,994 --> 01:07:41,354 Right, here's the plan. 1085 01:07:41,394 --> 01:07:43,994 What if I pretend to be ill with food poisoning? 1086 01:07:44,034 --> 01:07:47,073 The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. 1087 01:07:47,113 --> 01:07:48,713 Meanwhile, you dig a pit... 1088 01:07:48,753 --> 01:07:50,353 line it with makeshift punji sticks... 1089 01:07:50,393 --> 01:07:51,792 made from sharpened toothbrushes. 1090 01:07:51,832 --> 01:07:54,192 The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. 1091 01:07:54,232 --> 01:07:55,352 What do you think? 1092 01:07:55,392 --> 01:07:57,312 That might work, but what about this? 1093 01:07:59,231 --> 01:08:00,911 What do you think of these? 1094 01:08:00,951 --> 01:08:02,591 Mommy. 1095 01:08:08,510 --> 01:08:10,630 What a...burn? 1096 01:08:13,109 --> 01:08:16,909 That sort of thing could get a man...fired. 1097 01:08:18,708 --> 01:08:20,068 I think he was... 1098 01:08:20,068 --> 01:08:23,508 hot...for...you. 1099 01:08:23,548 --> 01:08:25,427 -That's enough. -Yeah. 1100 01:08:31,387 --> 01:08:35,506 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my moon base. 1101 01:08:35,546 --> 01:08:40,465 You've all been chosen to be part of my elite moon unit. 1102 01:08:40,505 --> 01:08:42,785 Which is divided into two divisions... 1103 01:08:42,825 --> 01:08:44,785 Moon Unit Alpha... 1104 01:08:44,825 --> 01:08:46,704 and Moon Unit Zappa. 1105 01:08:46,744 --> 01:08:49,264 In exactly six hours... 1106 01:08:49,304 --> 01:08:52,104 the moon will move in its orbit around the earth... 1107 01:08:52,144 --> 01:08:56,103 bringing Washington D.C. within range of my giant... 1108 01:08:56,143 --> 01:08:58,223 "laser." 1109 01:08:58,263 --> 01:09:00,582 Begin "laser..." 1110 01:09:00,622 --> 01:09:02,422 ignition sequence. 1111 01:09:02,462 --> 01:09:04,782 Begin laser ignition! 1112 01:09:05,942 --> 01:09:10,021 Attention, Moon Unit Zappa to firing stations. 1113 01:09:10,061 --> 01:09:12,501 Initiation sequence in progress. 1114 01:09:12,501 --> 01:09:14,540 OK, all right. 1115 01:09:17,900 --> 01:09:21,579 All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, OK? 1116 01:09:25,059 --> 01:09:26,819 Getting a little afraid. 1117 01:09:26,859 --> 01:09:30,058 I need an old priest and a young priest. 1118 01:09:30,098 --> 01:09:32,618 The power of Christ compels you. 1119 01:09:32,658 --> 01:09:35,897 The power of Christ compels you. 1120 01:09:38,977 --> 01:09:42,816 Sick as a dog now. 1121 01:09:46,136 --> 01:09:47,735 Gonna vomit. 1122 01:09:55,174 --> 01:09:58,734 We need to hitch a ride to the moon, baby. 1123 01:09:58,774 --> 01:10:01,453 Apollo Eleven is good to go. 1124 01:10:01,493 --> 01:10:03,093 Crew to all stations. 1125 01:10:04,573 --> 01:10:08,412 We will have liftoff in T minus five seconds... 1126 01:10:08,452 --> 01:10:11,052 four...three...two. 1127 01:10:12,532 --> 01:10:14,132 We have liftoff. 1128 01:10:14,172 --> 01:10:15,771 Apollo Eleven has cleared the tower... 1129 01:10:15,811 --> 01:10:18,251 and is heading for a rendezvous with the moon. 1130 01:10:26,810 --> 01:10:30,129 Arm the "laser." 1131 01:10:30,129 --> 01:10:31,889 Arming the laser! 1132 01:10:31,929 --> 01:10:34,729 Attention, arming the Death Star. 1133 01:10:34,729 --> 01:10:35,848 Battle stations. 1134 01:10:35,848 --> 01:10:37,288 Laser on! 1135 01:10:37,328 --> 01:10:40,288 All crew at battle stations. 1136 01:10:40,328 --> 01:10:42,367 Get me the president. 1137 01:10:42,407 --> 01:10:45,047 You're gonna like this part, Mini-Me. 1138 01:10:45,087 --> 01:10:47,967 This is the part where we threaten the world leader. 1139 01:10:48,007 --> 01:10:50,726 I know we do it every time, however it is important to-- 1140 01:10:58,245 --> 01:10:59,605 Where are you? 1141 01:10:59,645 --> 01:11:02,605 Can someone put a frickin' bell on him or something? 1142 01:11:04,924 --> 01:11:06,164 Great! 1143 01:11:06,204 --> 01:11:08,404 Somebody get the stick. 1144 01:11:09,604 --> 01:11:12,323 Just grab on to the hook, all right? 1145 01:11:12,363 --> 01:11:13,843 You complete me. 1146 01:11:13,883 --> 01:11:15,483 I love you. 1147 01:11:16,443 --> 01:11:18,482 Hang in there, Mini-Me. 1148 01:11:18,522 --> 01:11:20,322 If anything should happen to you... 1149 01:11:20,362 --> 01:11:22,282 I don't know what I would do. 1150 01:11:22,322 --> 01:11:25,081 I'd probably move on, get another replica. 1151 01:11:25,081 --> 01:11:26,961 But there'd be a ten-minute period there... 1152 01:11:27,001 --> 01:11:29,681 when I would just be inconsolable. 1153 01:11:29,721 --> 01:11:32,120 We have your money, Dr. Evil, but it wasn't easy. 1154 01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:34,560 Papa has to do some work, OK? 1155 01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:37,719 Well, you have exactly thirty minutes to get it to me. 1156 01:11:37,759 --> 01:11:39,239 Ciao. 1157 01:11:41,719 --> 01:11:42,999 Jiminy jumpin' Jesus, 1158 01:11:43,039 --> 01:11:45,438 I can't believe we're gonna pay that madman. 1159 01:11:45,478 --> 01:11:47,438 I got nukes up the ying-yang. 1160 01:11:47,478 --> 01:11:50,398 Just let me launch one, for God's sake. 1161 01:11:50,438 --> 01:11:53,117 Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon? 1162 01:11:53,157 --> 01:11:55,477 Would you miss it? 1163 01:11:55,517 --> 01:11:56,757 Would you miss it? 1164 01:12:00,436 --> 01:12:04,396 Mission control, the swinger has landed. 1165 01:12:05,435 --> 01:12:07,835 Airlock, open. 1166 01:12:12,394 --> 01:12:13,514 Repressurize. 1167 01:12:13,554 --> 01:12:15,074 Let's find Dr. Evil. 1168 01:12:15,114 --> 01:12:17,354 Enjoy your stay on the moon. 1169 01:12:20,753 --> 01:12:22,473 There he is. 1170 01:12:24,673 --> 01:12:25,912 I'll cover your rear. 1171 01:12:25,952 --> 01:12:28,072 No, you go ahead. 1172 01:12:28,112 --> 01:12:30,752 This time it's personal. 1173 01:13:33,263 --> 01:13:36,062 No more. I can't take it anymore. 1174 01:13:37,022 --> 01:13:39,382 Peace? 1175 01:13:39,382 --> 01:13:41,421 You brought my glasses. 1176 01:13:41,501 --> 01:13:43,461 Bless your little heart. 1177 01:13:44,541 --> 01:13:45,941 Well, that's not right. 1178 01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:49,900 Don't--That's just-- Now I'm pissed. 1179 01:13:51,540 --> 01:13:52,620 Judoflip! 1180 01:14:00,179 --> 01:14:02,818 Poor little bugger. 1181 01:14:02,818 --> 01:14:04,498 He's so small. 1182 01:14:04,538 --> 01:14:06,578 He's like a dog or something. 1183 01:14:07,578 --> 01:14:09,377 Poor little bugger. 1184 01:14:15,816 --> 01:14:17,736 Get off! 1185 01:14:34,654 --> 01:14:36,013 Get out of my suit! 1186 01:14:37,253 --> 01:14:39,533 It tickles. It tickles. 1187 01:14:44,412 --> 01:14:45,532 Gotcha! 1188 01:15:12,168 --> 01:15:13,648 Poor little bugger. 1189 01:15:13,728 --> 01:15:16,088 I salute you. 1190 01:15:25,446 --> 01:15:26,806 All right, slap-head. 1191 01:15:26,846 --> 01:15:28,486 Turn around. 1192 01:15:28,526 --> 01:15:31,245 Where's my mojo? 1193 01:15:31,285 --> 01:15:34,125 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers-- 1194 01:15:34,165 --> 01:15:36,125 save the world... 1195 01:15:36,165 --> 01:15:38,364 or save your girlfriend. 1196 01:15:40,564 --> 01:15:42,964 Don't worry about me, Austin. 1197 01:15:43,004 --> 01:15:44,523 You've got to save the world. 1198 01:15:45,763 --> 01:15:46,723 Kill him! 1199 01:15:49,723 --> 01:15:50,962 Fire the "laser." 1200 01:15:51,002 --> 01:15:52,122 Target locking. 1201 01:15:53,082 --> 01:15:54,202 God! 1202 01:15:54,242 --> 01:15:56,882 Laser set to full vitality. 1203 01:15:57,322 --> 01:15:58,441 Judo kick! 1204 01:16:03,881 --> 01:16:06,640 You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers... 1205 01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:08,080 but you lost the war. 1206 01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:14,319 Wake up, Felicity. Wake up! 1207 01:16:14,359 --> 01:16:15,919 Escape pod ninety-five. 1208 01:16:19,878 --> 01:16:21,478 I love you, Felicity. 1209 01:16:21,518 --> 01:16:23,038 I love you. 1210 01:16:23,078 --> 01:16:26,157 Dr. Evil! I'll kill him! 1211 01:16:30,677 --> 01:16:31,597 Gotcha! 1212 01:16:38,715 --> 01:16:41,315 You shot me, you a-hole. 1213 01:16:42,315 --> 01:16:45,435 And now I'm going to kill you. 1214 01:16:46,474 --> 01:16:47,994 Before you do that... 1215 01:16:50,154 --> 01:16:51,754 know this... 1216 01:16:59,912 --> 01:17:01,952 I am your father. 1217 01:17:04,152 --> 01:17:05,432 Really? 1218 01:17:07,271 --> 01:17:08,711 No, not really. 1219 01:17:08,711 --> 01:17:10,151 I can't back that up. 1220 01:17:10,191 --> 01:17:13,270 Right. Idiot. Yes. 1221 01:17:13,310 --> 01:17:15,950 But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers... 1222 01:17:15,990 --> 01:17:18,350 that you would rather kill me... 1223 01:17:18,350 --> 01:17:20,629 than save your precious Felicity? 1224 01:17:20,669 --> 01:17:22,709 What do you mean? 1225 01:17:22,749 --> 01:17:27,028 Remember, there's a time portal in the main chamber. 1226 01:17:27,068 --> 01:17:29,908 You could go back and save her. 1227 01:17:29,908 --> 01:17:31,508 I'll do that. 1228 01:17:46,146 --> 01:17:47,265 Good work! 1229 01:18:02,703 --> 01:18:05,263 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers-- 1230 01:18:05,303 --> 01:18:08,942 save the world or save your girlfriend. 1231 01:18:10,902 --> 01:18:12,782 Don't worry about me, Austin. 1232 01:18:12,782 --> 01:18:13,942 You gotta save the world. 1233 01:18:15,661 --> 01:18:17,901 I choose love, baby. 1234 01:18:17,941 --> 01:18:20,421 Wait a tick. Who are you? 1235 01:18:20,461 --> 01:18:22,780 I'm you, ten minutes from now. 1236 01:18:22,820 --> 01:18:25,420 Damn it! You are handsome. 1237 01:18:26,460 --> 01:18:27,940 I was just thinking the same. 1238 01:18:29,619 --> 01:18:31,779 We are sexy. 1239 01:18:31,819 --> 01:18:34,619 We are sexy bitches. Yeah! 1240 01:18:34,659 --> 01:18:37,378 All right. This is ri-goddamn-diculous. 1241 01:18:37,418 --> 01:18:38,698 Kill them both! 1242 01:18:45,217 --> 01:18:46,737 Fire the "laser." 1243 01:18:46,777 --> 01:18:48,617 Listen, past Austin... 1244 01:18:48,657 --> 01:18:50,816 can you save the world while I go get the girl? 1245 01:18:50,856 --> 01:18:53,256 Sure, Austin-from- ten-minutes-from-now. 1246 01:18:53,296 --> 01:18:55,456 Lock in target. 1247 01:18:55,496 --> 01:18:59,055 Laser set to full vitality. 1248 01:19:04,014 --> 01:19:07,014 Come on. Are you all right? Yeah, come on. 1249 01:19:08,094 --> 01:19:09,174 You all right? 1250 01:19:09,214 --> 01:19:10,413 You OK? 1251 01:19:12,373 --> 01:19:15,573 Say, what's the policy on menage a trois? 1252 01:19:16,612 --> 01:19:19,132 You are adorable! 1253 01:19:21,012 --> 01:19:23,971 Looking for this, Mr. Powers? 1254 01:19:24,011 --> 01:19:25,811 My mojo. 1255 01:19:26,931 --> 01:19:29,731 Self-destruct in two minutes and counting. 1256 01:19:39,969 --> 01:19:41,089 Watch out! 1257 01:19:50,967 --> 01:19:52,887 See you in hell, Powers. 1258 01:19:57,327 --> 01:19:59,086 Hey, Austin-from- ten-minutes-from-now! 1259 01:19:59,126 --> 01:20:02,366 This place is gonna blow. Let's go. Come on. 1260 01:20:07,525 --> 01:20:10,765 Thirty seconds and counting. Twenty-nine... 1261 01:20:11,804 --> 01:20:13,684 -Let's go. -My mojo! 1262 01:20:13,724 --> 01:20:14,804 We have to go now. 1263 01:20:14,844 --> 01:20:17,004 My mojo. I'm useless without it. 1264 01:20:17,044 --> 01:20:18,723 You've had it all along. 1265 01:20:18,763 --> 01:20:19,883 What do you mean? 1266 01:20:19,923 --> 01:20:22,163 You defeated Dr. Evil, you saved the world... 1267 01:20:22,203 --> 01:20:24,043 and believe me, you're gonna get the girl. 1268 01:20:29,242 --> 01:20:30,202 All right then, maybe later. 1269 01:20:30,242 --> 01:20:31,202 Yeah, come on. 1270 01:20:34,241 --> 01:20:35,361 Go! 1271 01:20:36,801 --> 01:20:38,760 I'll set the controls for 1967. 1272 01:20:39,600 --> 01:20:43,000 Felicity, why don't you come with me to 1999? 1273 01:20:43,040 --> 01:20:45,240 I don't know. The Sixties were so groovy. 1274 01:20:45,280 --> 01:20:47,879 I want to see what happens in the Seventies and Eighties. 1275 01:20:47,919 --> 01:20:49,439 The Seventies and the Eighties? 1276 01:20:49,479 --> 01:20:52,119 You're not missing anything. I looked into it. 1277 01:20:52,159 --> 01:20:55,198 There's a gas shortage and a Flock of Seagulls. 1278 01:20:55,238 --> 01:20:57,238 That's about it. 1279 01:20:59,317 --> 01:21:00,957 Let's go. 1280 01:21:21,994 --> 01:21:23,754 I love you, Austin Powers. 1281 01:21:23,794 --> 01:21:26,394 And I love you, Felicity Shagwell. 1282 01:21:26,434 --> 01:21:28,553 Wherever we go... 1283 01:21:28,553 --> 01:21:30,393 there we are. 1284 01:21:32,473 --> 01:21:34,832 Special delivery. 1285 01:21:37,432 --> 01:21:39,552 Surprise, surprise. 1286 01:21:40,831 --> 01:21:44,991 Listen, missy, do you fancy another go? 1287 01:21:45,031 --> 01:21:49,470 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back. 1288 01:21:49,510 --> 01:21:52,190 You shut your mouth, you bastard... 1289 01:21:53,710 --> 01:21:55,549 who is fat. 1290 01:21:55,589 --> 01:21:56,629 Yeah, that's very good. 1291 01:21:56,669 --> 01:21:59,989 Before you kill us, let me ask you one question. 1292 01:22:00,029 --> 01:22:01,348 Are you happy? 1293 01:22:01,388 --> 01:22:03,828 What kind of stupid ass question is that? 1294 01:22:03,908 --> 01:22:07,148 I'm rich, and I'm dead sexy. 1295 01:22:14,906 --> 01:22:16,586 You didn't answer my question. 1296 01:22:16,626 --> 01:22:18,106 Are you happy? 1297 01:22:18,146 --> 01:22:19,946 Of course I'm not happy. 1298 01:22:19,986 --> 01:22:22,705 Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. 1299 01:22:22,745 --> 01:22:25,505 I've got bigger titties than you do. 1300 01:22:25,545 --> 01:22:29,264 I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book. 1301 01:22:29,304 --> 01:22:31,664 I've not seen my willie in two years... 1302 01:22:31,664 --> 01:22:35,303 which is long enough to declare it legally dead. 1303 01:22:37,463 --> 01:22:41,103 I can't stop eating. 1304 01:22:41,143 --> 01:22:43,542 I eat because I'm unhappy. 1305 01:22:46,662 --> 01:22:49,741 I'm unhappy because I eat. 1306 01:22:49,781 --> 01:22:51,901 It's a vicious cycle. 1307 01:22:51,901 --> 01:22:54,301 If you'll excuse me... 1308 01:22:54,341 --> 01:22:57,660 there's someone I have to get in touch with and forgive. 1309 01:22:58,820 --> 01:23:00,500 Myself. 1310 01:23:04,739 --> 01:23:06,779 Oh, God. 1311 01:23:06,819 --> 01:23:09,738 Sorry, I farted. 1312 01:23:11,458 --> 01:23:12,938 It's a long road ahead. 1313 01:23:15,578 --> 01:23:17,377 Who am I kidding? 1314 01:23:17,377 --> 01:23:18,697 I'm going to kill you anyway. 1315 01:23:18,737 --> 01:23:20,057 Judo chop! 1316 01:23:21,937 --> 01:23:25,496 Right in the mommy-daddy button! 1317 01:23:25,536 --> 01:23:27,976 That's for calling me crap, you fatty. 1318 01:23:37,774 --> 01:23:40,334 Listen, baby, I don't care if he is a Fat Bastard... 1319 01:23:40,374 --> 01:23:42,694 you don't give a man a shot in the pills. 1320 01:23:42,734 --> 01:23:44,373 It's just not cricket. 1321 01:23:44,413 --> 01:23:47,373 Do you think I'll be happy here in the Nineties? 1322 01:23:47,413 --> 01:23:50,133 Well, I know the Nineties might sound boring... 1323 01:23:50,173 --> 01:23:52,732 but as far as I'm concerned... 1324 01:23:52,772 --> 01:23:57,371 I've brought the best part of the Sixties back with me. 1325 01:23:57,411 --> 01:23:58,611 You. 1326 01:23:58,651 --> 01:24:00,251 Wait a minute. 1327 01:24:00,291 --> 01:24:01,731 Where are you going? 1328 01:24:46,364 --> 01:24:48,004 Did we get Dr. Evil? 1329 01:24:48,004 --> 01:24:50,804 No. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge... 1330 01:24:50,844 --> 01:24:51,884 Penis. 1331 01:24:51,924 --> 01:24:54,683 The male reproductive organ. 1332 01:24:54,723 --> 01:24:57,643 Also known as tally whacker, schlong, or... 1333 01:24:57,683 --> 01:24:58,883 Wiener? 1334 01:24:58,923 --> 01:25:00,962 Any of you kids want another wiener? 1335 01:25:01,002 --> 01:25:03,202 Dad, what's that? 1336 01:25:03,242 --> 01:25:05,881 I don't know, son, but it's got great big... 1337 01:25:05,921 --> 01:25:08,401 Nuts! Hot, salty nuts! 1338 01:25:08,441 --> 01:25:11,001 Who wants some? Lord almighty! 1339 01:25:11,041 --> 01:25:12,680 That looks just like my husband's... 1340 01:25:12,720 --> 01:25:14,520 One-eyed monster. 1341 01:25:14,560 --> 01:25:17,080 Step right up and see the one-eyed monster! 1342 01:25:19,040 --> 01:25:20,479 Hey, what's that? 1343 01:25:20,519 --> 01:25:22,159 lt looks like a big... 1344 01:25:22,199 --> 01:25:24,359 Woody! Woody Harrelson? 1345 01:25:24,399 --> 01:25:25,999 Can I have your autograph? 1346 01:25:26,039 --> 01:25:27,238 Sure, no problem. 1347 01:25:27,278 --> 01:25:30,078 Oh, my Lord. Look at that thing. 1348 01:25:30,118 --> 01:25:31,238 It's so big. 1349 01:25:31,278 --> 01:25:33,038 I've seen bigger. That's... 1350 01:25:33,078 --> 01:25:34,957 Just a little prick. 1351 01:25:34,957 --> 01:25:36,757 It's a flu shot. 1352 01:25:36,797 --> 01:25:38,797 You've been in the coldness of space. 1353 01:25:38,837 --> 01:25:40,836 I don't want you to get sick. 1354 01:25:40,876 --> 01:25:42,956 It's one thing to attack me. 1355 01:25:42,996 --> 01:25:45,476 It's quite another to attack my Mini-Me. 1356 01:25:45,516 --> 01:25:48,395 I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. 1357 01:25:48,435 --> 01:25:50,355 I'm gonna get you. 1358 01:26:07,752 --> 01:26:10,632 Thank you. Welcome back. Today we're doing a follow-up... 1359 01:26:10,672 --> 01:26:12,272 to a segment we did several months ago... 1360 01:26:12,312 --> 01:26:14,831 on "Fathers who are trying to take over the world." 1361 01:26:14,871 --> 01:26:17,311 Let's begin with Scott Evil. 1362 01:26:20,351 --> 01:26:22,390 What's going on with your dad? 1363 01:26:22,430 --> 01:26:23,790 Well, my dad tried to take over the world... 1364 01:26:23,830 --> 01:26:25,830 with a giant laser on the moon. 1365 01:26:26,830 --> 01:26:28,069 I know. 1366 01:26:28,109 --> 01:26:30,069 We have a surprise for you. 1367 01:26:30,109 --> 01:26:31,269 What, my dad? 1368 01:26:31,309 --> 01:26:33,669 No, it's not your father. It's your mother. 1369 01:26:33,709 --> 01:26:34,789 Come on out. 1370 01:26:41,548 --> 01:26:43,027 Mom? 1371 01:26:43,067 --> 01:26:47,627 Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil. 1372 01:26:47,667 --> 01:26:49,906 I thought I was a test-tube baby. 1373 01:26:49,946 --> 01:26:52,226 Lies. All lies! 1374 01:26:54,106 --> 01:26:55,505 I love you, Mom. 1375 01:26:56,785 --> 01:26:58,825 I love you, too, son. 1376 01:27:03,984 --> 01:27:05,464 Thank you. 1377 01:27:05,504 --> 01:27:08,384 You know, what have we learned here today? 1378 01:27:08,424 --> 01:27:11,983 Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. 1379 01:27:12,023 --> 01:27:14,183 You can look around all you want... 1380 01:27:14,223 --> 01:27:17,662 but what you're really trying to find is on the inside. 1381 01:27:17,702 --> 01:27:20,422 Take care of yourself and each other. 1382 01:27:26,341 --> 01:27:29,301 I think I'm gonna like it in the Nineties. 1383 01:27:29,341 --> 01:27:31,900 I never knew it could be this way! 1384 01:27:31,940 --> 01:27:33,700 Oh, baby, baby, baby. 1385 01:27:38,219 --> 01:27:39,539 That's good. 1386 01:27:44,178 --> 01:27:45,338 How could you? 1387 01:27:45,378 --> 01:27:46,978 I thought that-- 1388 01:27:47,018 --> 01:27:49,458 Past Austin? 1389 01:27:49,498 --> 01:27:52,737 Technically, it's not cheating, baby. 1390 01:27:52,777 --> 01:27:55,657 Felicity, I can't blame you. 1391 01:27:55,697 --> 01:27:58,456 The man is handsome, baby! 1392 01:27:58,496 --> 01:28:00,616 We're just plain handsome, man. 1393 01:28:00,656 --> 01:28:03,896 Am I wrong, but this makes me horny, baby. 1394 01:28:03,936 --> 01:28:05,255 Very randy! 1395 01:28:06,375 --> 01:28:08,255 Well, one thing's for sure-- 1396 01:28:08,295 --> 01:28:10,735 I've got my mojo back. 1397 01:28:12,894 --> 01:28:14,454 It's definitely back. 1398 01:28:14,494 --> 01:28:16,174 Hello. You all right? 1399 01:28:16,214 --> 01:28:19,333 Me spuds are boiling. 1400 01:28:22,133 --> 01:28:24,453 Come on, darling, let's hop on the good foot... 1401 01:28:24,493 --> 01:28:25,932 and do the bad thing. 1402 01:28:25,972 --> 01:28:27,852 Paging Dr. Freud. 1403 01:30:44,192 --> 01:30:46,152 Hello up there. 1404 01:30:46,192 --> 01:30:47,872 Is the movie over? 1405 01:30:47,912 --> 01:30:49,351 I'm still down here... 1406 01:30:49,391 --> 01:30:51,231 and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. 1407 01:30:51,271 --> 01:30:53,791 Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. 1408 01:30:53,831 --> 01:30:56,190 Oh, the pain is really quite severe. 1409 01:30:56,190 --> 01:30:58,710 I've fashioned a make shift splint. 1410 01:30:58,750 --> 01:31:00,110 Here goes nothing.