1
00:00:29,274 --> 00:00:31,516
[ clapping in rhythm]

2
00:00:31,585 --> 00:00:33,171
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

3
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,171
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

4
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,103
There's no denying it--
the future's crazy.

5
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:39,862
Oh, well,
don't want to stand out.

6
00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:41,930
BOTH:
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

7
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,758
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

8
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,619
There's nothing
crazy about it.

9
00:00:45,689 --> 00:00:47,792
It's just
Freedom Day.

10
00:00:47,862 --> 00:00:49,826
[ trilling]

11
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:56,689
So, what isFreedom Day?

12
00:00:56,758 --> 00:00:59,310
Sounds like some kind
of feminine hygiene product.

13
00:00:59,378 --> 00:01:02,517
No. It's a fabulous,
crabulous day!

14
00:01:02,585 --> 00:01:04,516
If you want to do something,
you do it--

15
00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:06,067
and to spleck
with the consequences!

16
00:01:06,137 --> 00:01:07,275
[ seagull squawks]

17
00:01:07,343 --> 00:01:09,379
You know, like how
I live every day.

18
00:01:10,516 --> 00:01:11,688
[ groans]

19
00:01:11,757 --> 00:01:13,861
[ all chuckling]

20
00:01:13,930 --> 00:01:15,379
Happy Freedom Day!

21
00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:17,965
Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

22
00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:20,240
Of course, it wouldn't be
Freedom Day

23
00:01:20,310 --> 00:01:22,206
without the traditional
freedom tub.

24
00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:23,206
[ beep]

25
00:01:23,275 --> 00:01:26,379
Ooh.Wow, baby.

26
00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:30,310
Mmm, that'll feel nice
on my shattered bones.

27
00:01:33,481 --> 00:01:35,275
Wow, nude
hot-tubbing?

28
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:38,067
That's all I need to hear
about Freedom Day.

29
00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:40,861
Then consider
the following
lecture a bonus.

30
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:42,723
On Earth, freedom
is a given.

31
00:01:42,793 --> 00:01:45,481
But on myplanet, we
have to suffer for it.

32
00:01:46,896 --> 00:01:48,758
Sure, you can
be a comedian

33
00:01:48,826 --> 00:01:50,448
instead of a doctor--

34
00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:52,171
if you want
your parents

35
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,343
to roll over
in their graves!

36
00:01:55,965 --> 00:01:58,896
Sure, you can vote
for Shknadel--

37
00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:02,620
if you want there
should be a recession!

38
00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:04,688
Sure, you can go
to medical school--

39
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:05,793
if you've given up

40
00:02:05,861 --> 00:02:07,826
on your dream
of being a comedian!

41
00:02:10,378 --> 00:02:13,481
That's why I love Earth--
you can do what you want

42
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:17,000
and no one makes you feel guilty
because no one cares.

43
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,378
We're not
listening!

44
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:20,620
That'swhat I'm talking about.

45
00:02:25,655 --> 00:02:27,620
[ engine roaring]

46
00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:38,137
[ applause and cheers]

47
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:44,550
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

48
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:46,413
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

49
00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:49,067
[ engines rumbling]

50
00:02:52,481 --> 00:02:54,000
BENDER:
Excuse me, coming through!

51
00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:55,758
Freedom Train
arriving on track one.

52
00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:56,758
[ two toots]

53
00:02:56,826 --> 00:02:58,896
Ow, you broke
my foot!

54
00:02:58,965 --> 00:02:59,965
Freedom!

55
00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:02,103
What's this next
float, Linda?

56
00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:05,723
Representing our
men, women and
children in uniform

57
00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:09,171
it's Earth's greatest space
hero, Zapp Brannigan.

58
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,516
Happy Freedom Day, ladies.

59
00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:14,240
Come on, let loose
and show me something.

60
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:17,000
Anything. Seriously,
I'd take an armpit.

61
00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:18,171
[ sighs]

62
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,413
Oh, yeah.
Thank you, Linda.

63
00:03:20,481 --> 00:03:23,205
You're welcome!

64
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:24,758
Okay, Morbo,
now it's your turn.

65
00:03:24,826 --> 00:03:27,965
If that is your
Freedom Day wish...

66
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,000
[ horrified screaming]

67
00:03:32,343 --> 00:03:35,481
[ Techno version of
"Hail to the Chief"]

68
00:03:39,206 --> 00:03:40,861
[ techno music fades]

69
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,655
Thank you, Secretary
of Transportation.

70
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,240
My fellow Earthicans:

71
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:48,758
We enjoy so much freedom,
it's almost sickening.

72
00:03:48,826 --> 00:03:50,620
We're free to choose which hand

73
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,965
our sex-monitoring chip
is implanted in.

74
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,171
And if we don't want
to pay our taxes

75
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,896
why, we're free to spend a
weekend with the Pain Monster.

76
00:03:58,965 --> 00:04:01,068
[ cheerily]:
See you April 15, folks!

77
00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:03,688
Cue the fireworks guy.

78
00:04:03,758 --> 00:04:05,000
[ rocket whistling]

79
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:09,516
[ fireworks exploding]

80
00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:12,205
Ooh...Ah...

81
00:04:12,275 --> 00:04:15,205
Incidentally, tonight's
Freedom Day celebration

82
00:04:15,275 --> 00:04:16,723
is brought to you by...

83
00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:19,033
Shankman's Rubbing Compound.

84
00:04:19,103 --> 00:04:22,586
When something needs rubbing,
think Shankman.

85
00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:24,516
[ excited cheering]Yeah, Shankman!

86
00:04:24,586 --> 00:04:26,793
It costs a little more,
but it's worth it.

87
00:04:26,862 --> 00:04:30,516
Our planet has been through
so much this past year--

88
00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:32,689
wars, droughts, impeachments--

89
00:04:32,757 --> 00:04:36,896
but we've never lost our sense
of what's truly important:

90
00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:39,516
the great taste
of Charleston Chew.

91
00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:42,172
[ fireworks exploding]

92
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,033
And now, let us salute

93
00:04:44,103 --> 00:04:47,620
that beloved symbol of freedom,
our flag...

94
00:04:47,689 --> 00:04:49,620
Ol' Freebie.

95
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:52,550
[ Earth National Anthem plays]

96
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,965
[ all cheering]

97
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,826
I'm swelling
with patriotic mucus.

98
00:04:57,896 --> 00:05:00,654
In our darkest hour

99
00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:04,550
we can stand erect
with proud, upthrust bosoms....

100
00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:06,310
Anyone who laughs
is a Communist.

101
00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:10,137
...knowing that,
with a shifty glance skyward

102
00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:13,310
we will see by
the rocket's red glare

103
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,862
that our flag is still there.

104
00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:17,343
It's gone!

105
00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:21,103
[ slurping]

106
00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:22,206
[ burps]

107
00:05:22,274 --> 00:05:23,274
[ gasping]

108
00:05:23,343 --> 00:05:26,240
Yes, fellow patriots,
I ate your flag!

109
00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:28,274
And I did it with pride.

110
00:05:28,343 --> 00:05:31,206
For to express oneself
by doing a thing

111
00:05:31,274 --> 00:05:33,896
is the very essence
of Freedom Day.

112
00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:37,620
Bless this planet
and all its wonderful people.

113
00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:40,172
[ crickets chirping]

114
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,447
Kill him!

115
00:05:41,516 --> 00:05:43,137
Kill the traitor!

116
00:05:43,206 --> 00:05:44,550
[ crowd mutters angrily]

117
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:47,206
[ high-pitched shriek]

118
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,172
[ crowd yelling angrily]

119
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,447
W-w-wooo, w-w-woo!

120
00:05:55,516 --> 00:05:59,172
Hey, it's the guy
who desecrated our flag!

121
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,689
NIXON:
Stop that Red menace!

122
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,550
W-w-wooo, w-w-woo!

123
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:12,862
[ panting]

124
00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:14,481
[ breathlessly]:
W-w-wooo, w-w-woo!

125
00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:15,826
[ panting]

126
00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:17,481
Oh, I'm all scuttled out.

127
00:06:17,550 --> 00:06:18,516
What?

128
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,896
My planet's embassy?

129
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,862
They're paid to notkill me.

130
00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:29,620
[ yelling angrily]

131
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:30,862
[ beep]

132
00:06:31,896 --> 00:06:34,240
I thought
I understood this world.

133
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,930
I thought I was fitting in.

134
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,033
But I guess I don't belong here
any more than I do

135
00:06:39,103 --> 00:06:40,447
on our crappy home planet.

136
00:06:40,516 --> 00:06:41,516
Ooh, sorry.

137
00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:43,413
What, sorry?
Our planet stinks.

138
00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:44,826
We all know it.

139
00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:46,862
Enough with the
persecution,
I'm saying.

140
00:06:46,930 --> 00:06:48,343
Zoidberg, as
Ambassador

141
00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:50,206
I promise you
the full support

142
00:06:50,274 --> 00:06:51,965
of our government,
already.

143
00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:55,757
Poor boy. You want
maybe a nice
mug cocoa?

144
00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:02,067
Ambassador Moivin,
you and your staff are so kind.

145
00:07:02,137 --> 00:07:04,516
I am truly humbled.

146
00:07:04,586 --> 00:07:06,447
What, no marshmallows?

147
00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:08,067
[ crowd yelling angrily]

148
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,033
Let's storm the place!

149
00:07:10,103 --> 00:07:11,586
Without my prior knowledge.

150
00:07:11,654 --> 00:07:14,240
BENDER:
Coming through, Freedom Train,
step aside.

151
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,620
You, too, Fatso-- freedom!

152
00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,172
Cool your
jowls, Nixon.

153
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,343
You may not like it that
Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.

154
00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:23,620
You may even find the image
of it festering in his bowels

155
00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:24,896
somehow offensive

156
00:07:24,964 --> 00:07:26,757
but the right to
freedom of expression

157
00:07:26,826 --> 00:07:29,000
is guaranteed by the
Earth Constitution.

158
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,516
[ growls]:
Maybe so.

159
00:07:30,586 --> 00:07:34,516
But I know a place where the
Constitution doesn't mean squat.

160
00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:41,067
The Supreme Court hereby accepts
the case of Earth v. Zoidberg.

161
00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,862
Sock it to 'em!

162
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:51,274
[ chanting];
Two, four, six, eight,
eating the flag is bad.

163
00:07:51,343 --> 00:07:54,793
Now, your noose knot
has exactly seven twists.

164
00:07:54,862 --> 00:07:56,586
♪ You can eat my dog ♪

165
00:07:56,654 --> 00:07:58,033
♪ You can eat my truck ♪

166
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,689
♪ But you eat my flag,
and you're out of luck ♪

167
00:08:00,757 --> 00:08:03,172
♪ She's a-waving proud,
around the world ♪

168
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,516
♪ From Dallas to Fort Worth ♪

169
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,620
♪ Let me say it again... ♪

170
00:08:07,689 --> 00:08:08,862
[ horn blows]

171
00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:10,172
ALL:
♪ Don't mess with Earth! ♪

172
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,757
They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.

173
00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:15,413
Posers. I was hating Zoidberg
before it was cool.

174
00:08:15,481 --> 00:08:17,033
Where are we ever
going to find

175
00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:18,413
a lawyer to
take his case?

176
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:20,000
I'll ask the head
of the ACLU--

177
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,274
once he's
done singing.

178
00:08:21,343 --> 00:08:25,206
♪ Don't mess with Earth ♪

179
00:08:25,274 --> 00:08:27,413
Kill Zoidberg!
Good night!

180
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:28,896
MAN:
Howdy there.

181
00:08:28,964 --> 00:08:30,137
I'm a lawyer,
and I'd like

182
00:08:30,206 --> 00:08:32,172
to help your friend
out of this pickle.

183
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,309
Who are you, old man?

184
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:34,965
Name's Old Man Waterfall

185
00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:37,688
but most folks
just call me "Old Man."

186
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:39,206
I'll never remember that.

187
00:08:39,274 --> 00:08:41,206
I'm a veteran
of three dozen wars.

188
00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:43,000
Name a body part and a planet

189
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:45,274
and I've taken a bullet
in it, on it

190
00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:48,274
all to keep
our flag flyin' free.

191
00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:50,172
And youwant to
defend Zoidberg?

192
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,758
Are you familiar
with the old
robot saying

193
00:08:52,826 --> 00:08:54,861
[ monotone]:
"Does not compute"?

194
00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:57,344
Son, to me, a robot's
just a garbage can

195
00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,136
with sparks
coming out of it.

196
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,206
The sparks keep me warm.

197
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,413
I don't condone
what Dr. Zoidberg did

198
00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:06,724
but I'll fight tooth and nail
for his freedom to do it.

199
00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:09,586
Or, I would, if I hadn't lost
my teeth and nails

200
00:09:09,654 --> 00:09:11,551
on Mars and Saturn,
respectively.

201
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:14,724
Wait, y-you're a lawyer?
You're hired!

202
00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:22,413
You okay there in the
Embassy, Zoidberg?

203
00:09:22,481 --> 00:09:24,861
No. There's no cocoa
marshmallows.

204
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,240
And every night, the rats eat
a little more of my foot.

205
00:09:28,309 --> 00:09:29,654
Oyez, oyez, oyez.

206
00:09:29,724 --> 00:09:32,136
All rise for the Honorable Chief
Justice Myrtle Fu

207
00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:33,620
and the Associate Justices.

208
00:09:33,688 --> 00:09:35,861
[ metallic squeaks]

209
00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:47,517
Counsel, you may address
the court on behalf of Earth

210
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:48,586
if you're ready.

211
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,517
I was hatched ready.

212
00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:56,274
Honorable Judgeheads, yonder
crawdad done et up our flag.

213
00:09:56,344 --> 00:10:00,033
I was doing freedom of speech:
Earth's most sacred right.

214
00:10:00,102 --> 00:10:01,931
Your Honor,
freedom of speech

215
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,274
applies to what
comes out of a mouth

216
00:10:04,344 --> 00:10:05,758
not what goes in.

217
00:10:05,826 --> 00:10:07,274
Can Counsel cite precedent?

218
00:10:07,344 --> 00:10:08,826
Uh, yes, darlin', I can.

219
00:10:08,895 --> 00:10:11,826
In State of Alabama
vs. Giant Space Iguana

220
00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:14,481
chewing the corners
off the Constitution

221
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:16,793
was deemed nonprotected speech.

222
00:10:16,861 --> 00:10:18,586
He shut you
up, O'Connor.

223
00:10:18,654 --> 00:10:19,688
[ chuckles]

224
00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:21,344
CHIEF JUSTICE FU:
Mr. Waterfall

225
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:24,551
you may now present arguments
on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.

226
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:25,861
Oh, God, I'm nervous.

227
00:10:25,931 --> 00:10:28,067
Two of my three hearts
are having attacks.

228
00:10:28,136 --> 00:10:29,413
[ laughs]

229
00:10:29,481 --> 00:10:31,931
Court's kind of fun when it's
not my ass on the line.

230
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,033
Nachos?

231
00:10:33,102 --> 00:10:35,172
Oh, Land O' Goshen.

232
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,172
Your Honors, I'm not
some slick, big-city lawyer

233
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,826
like my opponent here...

234
00:10:39,895 --> 00:10:41,309
[ clucking]

235
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:44,000
...but I am a veteran
who has fought for his planet.

236
00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:45,586
You see this hand of mine?

237
00:10:45,654 --> 00:10:46,826
Yes, I do.

238
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,551
No, you don't, 'cause
I lost me real hand

239
00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:52,344
planting the flag
when we took back Haley's Comet.

240
00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:56,447
Yet it was worth it--
so much do I love that flag.

241
00:10:56,517 --> 00:10:58,517
Aw...[ sniffling]

242
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,447
I love it even more
than I love my seven wives.

243
00:11:01,517 --> 00:11:03,586
That's right, I'm a polygamist.

244
00:11:03,654 --> 00:11:05,413
[ all booing]

245
00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:07,965
Yet I would gladly
eat a flag myself--

246
00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:10,551
had I not used my intestine
as a rope

247
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:13,240
to hoist a flag
made of my own skin--

248
00:11:13,309 --> 00:11:16,758
if it would protect the freedoms
of the proud people

249
00:11:16,826 --> 00:11:18,379
who salute that flag.

250
00:11:18,447 --> 00:11:20,481
[ cheering]

251
00:11:20,551 --> 00:11:22,240
Freedoms such as polygamy.

252
00:11:22,309 --> 00:11:23,895
[ booing]

253
00:11:23,965 --> 00:11:25,447
I rest my case.

254
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:26,758
[ clunking]

255
00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:28,067
Whoa, geez.

256
00:11:28,136 --> 00:11:30,931
The Justices and I
will now confer

257
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,481
using high-speed telepathy.

258
00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:38,895
[ electrical buzzing]

259
00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:45,206
[ electrical buzzing continues]

260
00:11:47,309 --> 00:11:49,033
[ electrical buzzing stops]

261
00:11:50,447 --> 00:11:54,379
By a vote of six to three,
we find that flag-eating

262
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,240
is notprotected
by the Constitution.

263
00:11:57,309 --> 00:11:58,517
[ all gasping]

264
00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:01,586
Six to three?
I beat the spread.

265
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,793
The court orders
an immediate public apology.

266
00:12:04,861 --> 00:12:06,000
Apology accepted.

267
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,447
Just don't let it happen again.

268
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:10,586
She means you,
you turkey of the sea.

269
00:12:10,654 --> 00:12:13,067
Me, apologize? Never!

270
00:12:13,136 --> 00:12:16,240
I came to this planet to learn
the meaning of freedom!

271
00:12:16,309 --> 00:12:19,206
But I say it's you
who should get a nice lesson!

272
00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:22,620
So, do your worst, because
no punishment could be bigger

273
00:12:22,688 --> 00:12:24,447
than denying me my freedom!

274
00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:27,551
You are hereby sentenced
to death.

275
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:28,826
Wait, let me finish!

276
00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:30,793
[ shocked murmuring]

277
00:12:30,861 --> 00:12:33,517
Also, in a rare
double-whammy decision

278
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,654
the court finds polygamy
constitutional.

279
00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:38,344
[ booing]

280
00:12:38,413 --> 00:12:40,447
I can't wait to tell my husband.

281
00:12:40,517 --> 00:12:42,793
[ louder booing]

282
00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:44,447
ZAPP BRANNIGAN:
Remember, men

283
00:12:44,517 --> 00:12:47,447
take him alive, so there's
something left to kill.

284
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,481
[ pounding]

285
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,413
Stay back!

286
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:55,931
This Embassy is sovereign mud
of the mud planet Decapod 10.

287
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,274
Invading these mud premises
is an act of war!

288
00:12:59,344 --> 00:13:02,481
Yeah? Well, what are you going
to do about it, shrimpy?

289
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:05,654
You want to see, Mr. Bigshot?

290
00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:06,931
Attack Earth!

291
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,309
Yes, I know it's a shlep--
just do it!

292
00:13:16,758 --> 00:13:18,724
[ engines roaring]

293
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,551
Haha! Now the rubber band's
on the other claw!

294
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,274
[ terrified screaming]

295
00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:30,274
Ready? Retreat!

296
00:13:39,481 --> 00:13:41,413
[ people screaming]

297
00:13:41,481 --> 00:13:43,758
[ claws snipping]

298
00:13:49,136 --> 00:13:50,447
[ screaming]

299
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:53,309
[ screaming and yelling]

300
00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:54,826
WOMAN:
Shh!

301
00:13:54,895 --> 00:13:57,654
[ people screaming softly
and whimpering]

302
00:13:57,724 --> 00:14:00,826
DR. ZOIDBERG:
Deny my freedom, will you?

303
00:14:00,895 --> 00:14:02,309
Well, we'll do to you

304
00:14:02,379 --> 00:14:05,172
what we did to the Squash Men
of the Squash Planet--

305
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:06,344
squish them!

306
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,620
[ chuckling]

307
00:14:07,688 --> 00:14:08,620
Charleston Chew?

308
00:14:08,688 --> 00:14:09,620
You bet.

309
00:14:13,309 --> 00:14:15,517
[ heroic music plays]

310
00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:17,517
ZAPP:
All right, Kif

311
00:14:17,586 --> 00:14:19,309
let's show
these freaks

312
00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:22,965
what a bloated, runaway
military budget can do.

313
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:25,931
Bring me the activation codes
for our global defense network.

314
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,481
Aye, aye, sir.

315
00:14:27,551 --> 00:14:29,136
[ grunting]

316
00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:34,413
[ electronic beeps]

317
00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:37,172
Commence lip
identification scan.

318
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,136
Mmm, mmm, mm.

319
00:14:39,206 --> 00:14:40,826
No tongue.

320
00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:41,861
[ electronic beeps]

321
00:14:41,931 --> 00:14:42,895
[ bell tone]

322
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:43,965
[ hissing]

323
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,067
[ kissing]:
Mmm...

324
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,379
We can't be too careful
with these codes.

325
00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:50,136
Rumor has it,
a double agent

326
00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:51,895
may be aboard
this very ship.

327
00:14:51,965 --> 00:14:54,309
I'm watching you.

328
00:14:54,379 --> 00:14:56,172
You, Ensign,
what's your name?

329
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,586
Hugh Mann, sir.

330
00:14:57,654 --> 00:14:58,861
Hugh Mann.

331
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,586
Now, that's a name
I can trust.

332
00:15:00,654 --> 00:15:02,517
Run down to the central
battle computer

333
00:15:02,586 --> 00:15:04,172
and enter these codes,
chop-chop.

334
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,724
KIF:
Uh, sir, there's something
about that Ensign...

335
00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,000
ZAPP:
You're damn right there is.

336
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:14,033
That strapping young lad's
gunning for your job

337
00:15:14,102 --> 00:15:16,344
and he just might get it.

338
00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:17,620
[ sighs]

339
00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:19,724
[ rumbling]

340
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,724
The enemy approacheth.

341
00:15:22,793 --> 00:15:24,136
Lieutenant,
fire missile one

342
00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:26,033
and recommend me
for another medal.

343
00:15:26,102 --> 00:15:28,206
Make it gaudy--
I'm going clubbing later.

344
00:15:28,274 --> 00:15:30,688
[ beeping]

345
00:15:30,758 --> 00:15:32,136
Ticktock.

346
00:15:32,206 --> 00:15:35,067
Sir, all planetary defenses
have been disabled.

347
00:15:35,136 --> 00:15:38,067
Perhaps the Decapodians
acquired our secret codes.

348
00:15:38,136 --> 00:15:39,481
Somehow.

349
00:15:39,551 --> 00:15:42,102
Well, Kif,
stand by to take the blame.

350
00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:44,000
Steady... steady...

351
00:15:44,895 --> 00:15:45,758
Now!

352
00:15:47,654 --> 00:15:50,344
[ Zapp and Kif screaming]

353
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:52,033
[ explosion]

354
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,517
Dr. Zoidberg

355
00:16:05,586 --> 00:16:07,344
how can you claim
to love freedom

356
00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:09,033
and then enslave all of Earth?

357
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,136
Bah! Your planet
doesn't deserve freedom

358
00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:13,620
until it learns what it is
to not have freedom.

359
00:16:13,688 --> 00:16:15,172
It's a lesson, I say.

360
00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:17,447
Ow!

361
00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:19,861
What the hell is this dirt pile
we're building, anyhow?

362
00:16:19,931 --> 00:16:21,826
None of your
beeswax, slave.

363
00:16:21,895 --> 00:16:23,758
You'll find out
soon enough.

364
00:16:23,826 --> 00:16:26,000
Just focus on
globbing that mud.

365
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,000
Glob!

366
00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:29,861
[ grunting and panting]

367
00:16:35,274 --> 00:16:36,826
I'm not good
at being a slave.

368
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:38,517
I'm thinking about
graduate school.

369
00:16:38,586 --> 00:16:40,033
You know,
to become a barber.

370
00:16:40,102 --> 00:16:41,274
This can't go on.

371
00:16:41,344 --> 00:16:43,481
Today is the day we fight back!

372
00:16:43,551 --> 00:16:45,172
It's already 10:00.

373
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,654
Oh, you're right.

374
00:16:46,724 --> 00:16:47,931
Tomorrow is the day

375
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:48,895
we fight back.

376
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:50,826
Yeah? Well, good luck, sister.

377
00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:53,309
All our modern technology
is useless.

378
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,551
I know Iam.

379
00:16:54,620 --> 00:16:58,517
[ snoring]

380
00:16:58,586 --> 00:16:59,620
Hey, wait.

381
00:16:59,688 --> 00:17:01,067
I'm having one
of those things.

382
00:17:01,136 --> 00:17:03,206
You know, a headache
with pictures.

383
00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:04,275
An idea?

384
00:17:04,344 --> 00:17:05,240
[ grunts]

385
00:17:10,481 --> 00:17:11,826
Back in my day

386
00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:14,172
we didn't have your fancy
all-digital weapons

387
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,758
but we still managed
to kill each other just fine.

388
00:17:16,826 --> 00:17:18,619
Ah, the crossbow.

389
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,862
A pitiless,
elegant killing machine.

390
00:17:20,931 --> 00:17:23,000
The Bender of the 15th century.

391
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,309
Not big enough.

392
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,240
We need something that can
take out an entire army.

393
00:17:26,309 --> 00:17:28,205
Something you could commit
a war crime with...

394
00:17:28,275 --> 00:17:29,448
[ gasps]

395
00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:31,448
[ oohing and ahhing]

396
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:32,517
[ clonk]

397
00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:33,826
Ow.

398
00:17:33,895 --> 00:17:37,172
[ warships whooshing]

399
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:41,378
Earth's slaves, behold
the fruit of your labors:

400
00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:43,205
The Mobile Oppression Palace!

401
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,344
[ crowd gasping]

402
00:17:45,413 --> 00:17:47,378
Neat.

403
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:51,000
I don't need to tell you that
occupation forces are expensive.

404
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:53,619
But with the Mobile
Oppression Palace

405
00:17:53,689 --> 00:17:56,689
a few dignitaries can
oppress your entire planet

406
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:58,275
for pennies a day.

407
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,344
[ chuckling]

408
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,344
Warships dismissed!

409
00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,378
[ rumbling]

410
00:18:26,344 --> 00:18:27,448
[ glass shattering]

411
00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,034
Do your worst

412
00:18:30,103 --> 00:18:31,413
you sea devils!

413
00:18:31,481 --> 00:18:34,136
I'll make my stand
with Ol' Freebie!

414
00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:37,689
You can crush me,
but you can't crush my spirit!

415
00:18:38,862 --> 00:18:40,792
Ah! My spirit!

416
00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:43,172
[ groaning]

417
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,413
Great-Grandpa, no!

418
00:18:45,481 --> 00:18:49,619
Another victim of
the manocentric male-ocracy.

419
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:52,413
Ambassador Moivin,
you killed my lawyer.

420
00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:53,654
You're welcome.

421
00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:56,067
He defended my freedom
when no one else would.

422
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,136
He was a good
and honorable man.

423
00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:01,550
I request
a satanic funeral.

424
00:19:01,619 --> 00:19:03,964
[ crowd booing]

425
00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:06,931
Is it possible that all this
slavery and oppression

426
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000
is shmutzing up
our freedom lesson?

427
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:10,792
Oh, take a pill,
Zoidberg.

428
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:13,413
Begin again
with the crushing!

429
00:19:13,481 --> 00:19:15,413
[ screaming]

430
00:19:15,481 --> 00:19:17,309
[ raucous clanging]

431
00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:22,964
You haven't won yet, Moivin.

432
00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:25,378
You didn't expect us
to even go to a museum

433
00:19:25,448 --> 00:19:28,309
much less steal this ancient
heat-seeking missile.

434
00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:29,964
I don't even know you.

435
00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:31,034
[ electronic beep]

436
00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,550
[ horrified gasps]

437
00:19:38,619 --> 00:19:40,931
Oh, it's going
to make such a mess.

438
00:19:47,931 --> 00:19:49,378
[ all sighing with relief]

439
00:19:49,448 --> 00:19:50,964
This is your secret plan?

440
00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:52,067
Meh!

441
00:19:52,136 --> 00:19:53,895
Heat-seeking missiles
are useless

442
00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:56,067
against
the Mobile Oppression Palace.

443
00:19:56,136 --> 00:19:59,723
All Decapodian technology
is cold-blooded, like us.

444
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:01,448
[ claws clacking]

445
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:04,000
[ crowd screaming]

446
00:20:05,792 --> 00:20:07,654
All eyes on Zoidberg!

447
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:08,654
[ pop]

448
00:20:08,723 --> 00:20:09,826
Eww!

449
00:20:13,723 --> 00:20:15,413
Hey, I need that
to smoke!

450
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,550
[ gasping]

451
00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:20,378
Zoidberg,
how could you?!

452
00:20:20,448 --> 00:20:22,240
I used to think you were cool.

453
00:20:22,309 --> 00:20:24,550
Wait, people of Earth, listen.

454
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,550
Yes, I'm desecrating a flag

455
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:30,067
but to preserve the freedom
it represents.

456
00:20:33,723 --> 00:20:34,826
[ beeping]

457
00:20:37,205 --> 00:20:39,826
[ screaming]

458
00:20:39,895 --> 00:20:40,895
[ explosion]

459
00:20:46,931 --> 00:20:50,240
[ ecstatic cheers]

460
00:20:50,309 --> 00:20:52,689
Zoidberg,
you set us free!

461
00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:55,067
I feel like I could
stand to hug you.

462
00:20:55,136 --> 00:20:58,275
I can't, but you know
what I'm trying to say.

463
00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,136
CROWD [ chanting]:
Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

464
00:21:01,205 --> 00:21:04,654
Ah, if only they appreciated
freedom this much

465
00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,103
on my home planet.

466
00:21:06,172 --> 00:21:08,481
Wait a second-- they do!

467
00:21:08,550 --> 00:21:12,067
Because this ismy home planet.

468
00:21:13,723 --> 00:21:16,862
NIXON:
And now, to raise
this beautiful new flag

469
00:21:16,931 --> 00:21:20,067
a red lobster
that won't ruin your dinner

470
00:21:20,136 --> 00:21:22,550
Dr. John Zoidberg!

471
00:21:25,723 --> 00:21:27,723
You're a nice man, Nixon.

472
00:21:29,136 --> 00:21:30,964
Dr. Zoidberg,
how's about you take a bite

473
00:21:31,034 --> 00:21:32,723
of the flag
for tomorrow's papers?

474
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:33,931
Oh, I couldn't.

475
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,378
No, no, go ahead.

476
00:21:35,448 --> 00:21:36,517
You've earned it.

477
00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:39,136
Well, maybe just a taste.

478
00:21:40,309 --> 00:21:41,862
Mmm...

479
00:21:41,931 --> 00:21:44,689
Now, that's a grand old flag!

480
00:21:44,758 --> 00:21:46,136
[ cheering wildly]

481
00:21:48,067 --> 00:21:52,034
I wonder what
the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

482
00:22:29,205 --> 00:22:30,103
Man:
Freedom.