1 00:00:29,585 --> 00:00:32,965 [ playing Olympic theme] 2 00:00:41,481 --> 00:00:44,930 [ starter clicking] 3 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,896 SPORTSCASTER: Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad 4 00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,000 continuing this network's tradition 5 00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,896 of sportscasting excellence. 6 00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:56,274 Celebrity Ape Fightwill return next week at its regular time. 7 00:00:56,344 --> 00:00:58,033 FRY: So who should I root for? 8 00:00:58,103 --> 00:00:59,758 America? Or one of those countries 9 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,689 I learned about at the food court? 10 00:01:01,758 --> 00:01:02,965 How about those guys? 11 00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:05,343 LEELA: No, they're from the Republic 12 00:01:05,412 --> 00:01:06,861 of French Stereotypes. 13 00:01:06,930 --> 00:01:08,448 Everybody hates them. 14 00:01:08,516 --> 00:01:10,551 Oh, let's go check on Hermes. 15 00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:13,102 All this inspiring multiculturalism 16 00:01:13,171 --> 00:01:15,000 is angrying up my blood. 17 00:01:16,481 --> 00:01:17,585 Sweden? 18 00:01:17,655 --> 00:01:19,793 I don't think so. 19 00:01:23,412 --> 00:01:25,240 Go on, Stick-- touch me. 20 00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:26,551 Can't do it. 21 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,171 Husband, you haven't been 22 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,757 an Olympic-class limbo-er for 20 years. 23 00:01:30,826 --> 00:01:32,861 Quit lying to your pudgy self. 24 00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:34,240 It does seem like Jamaica 25 00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:36,826 would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. 26 00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,137 Yeah. Isn't that basically all Jamaicans do? 27 00:01:39,206 --> 00:01:40,861 Jamaicans have other interests. 28 00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:44,033 Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. 29 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:45,793 That's when they begged my husband 30 00:01:45,861 --> 00:01:48,033 to step in and make an ass out of himself. 31 00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:50,551 And I said I'd try my very best. 32 00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:52,793 But have they seen your, you know... 33 00:01:52,861 --> 00:01:54,688 physique since the old days? 34 00:01:54,758 --> 00:01:56,723 I described it to them on the phone 35 00:01:56,793 --> 00:01:58,896 using a series of artful euphemisms. 36 00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:01,620 Don't worry, the fat pig will do fine 37 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:06,137 thanks to this flab-o-dynamic spandex body suit I've designed. 38 00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:08,068 It redistributes his weight 39 00:02:08,137 --> 00:02:11,758 shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. 40 00:02:12,826 --> 00:02:14,413 Oh, that's snug. 41 00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:15,620 [ gasping] 42 00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:18,723 Those haven't descended in years. 43 00:02:18,793 --> 00:02:20,137 Now that'sa limbo-er's body. 44 00:02:20,205 --> 00:02:21,137 [ cheering] 45 00:02:21,205 --> 00:02:22,655 Look at that fine Jamaican bacon. 46 00:02:26,343 --> 00:02:27,481 Shut-up, Zoidberg. 47 00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:29,586 The robot bending events are starting. 48 00:02:32,723 --> 00:02:34,586 Something tells me I could easily beat 49 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,067 those trained professionals. 50 00:02:45,793 --> 00:02:47,586 [ crowd cheering] 51 00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:49,206 Wow. That guy must be, like 52 00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:51,067 the world's greatest bender. 53 00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:53,896 My dreams of glory died before they began. 54 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,240 Welcome to mylife. 55 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:59,550 [ sobbing] 56 00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:04,448 Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. 57 00:03:04,516 --> 00:03:05,965 Hey, Miss Conrad. 58 00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:09,826 Is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? 59 00:03:09,896 --> 00:03:12,137 [ gasping]: Barbados Slim! 60 00:03:12,205 --> 00:03:13,655 What are you doing here? 61 00:03:13,723 --> 00:03:15,655 Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. 62 00:03:15,723 --> 00:03:17,896 Yes, and I'll be going back there 63 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,103 with a gold medal 64 00:03:19,171 --> 00:03:22,171 draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. 65 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,343 [ confident laughter] 66 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,723 Your body may be as perfectly sculpted 67 00:03:26,793 --> 00:03:28,137 as it was 20 years ago 68 00:03:28,205 --> 00:03:30,931 when you whupped my fat ass every time we met 69 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,550 but today, I feel lucky. 70 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:35,067 [ scrunching] 71 00:03:35,137 --> 00:03:36,793 I see you're still able 72 00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:39,586 to limbo under the bar of fashion sense. 73 00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:41,448 [ laughing] 74 00:03:41,516 --> 00:03:43,343 That's it, Barbados slim. 75 00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:45,930 You've gone one toke over the line. 76 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,861 Limbo-ers, on your marks. 77 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:50,137 Get rubbery. 78 00:03:50,206 --> 00:03:51,861 Limbo! 79 00:03:52,965 --> 00:03:54,137 There they go 80 00:03:54,206 --> 00:03:56,481 and Barbados Slim takes an early lead. 81 00:03:56,550 --> 00:03:57,688 God, I hope he wins. 82 00:03:57,758 --> 00:03:59,448 [ panting hard] 83 00:03:59,516 --> 00:04:00,793 What's this? 84 00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:04,000 Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. 85 00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,378 He's limbo'd 86 00:04:05,448 --> 00:04:07,655 out of retirement and straight into my heart. 87 00:04:07,723 --> 00:04:09,378 I say "Go to hell, Barbados Slim." 88 00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:10,965 Go, body suit, go! 89 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,688 [ crowd cheering] 90 00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:14,137 Come on, Hermes! 91 00:04:14,205 --> 00:04:16,137 Beat that mahogany god! 92 00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:18,516 It's Barbados, then Conrad! 93 00:04:18,586 --> 00:04:19,689 Conrad pulls ahead. 94 00:04:24,033 --> 00:04:25,620 [ sloshing] 95 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,206 [ crowd screaming] 96 00:04:30,757 --> 00:04:32,723 And Conrad is disqualified. 97 00:04:32,793 --> 00:04:36,206 Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold. 98 00:04:36,274 --> 00:04:40,654 Ah, there, there, Hermes, you did your best. 99 00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:43,172 If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband 100 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,620 I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. 101 00:04:45,689 --> 00:04:47,826 Well, enough about Hermes. 102 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,516 I couldn't win a medal either 103 00:04:49,586 --> 00:04:52,103 even at bending, the thing I was built to do. 104 00:04:52,172 --> 00:04:55,793 I'm so embarrassed, I wish everybody else was dead. 105 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:56,896 Up next... 106 00:04:56,965 --> 00:04:58,723 the fembot bending competition. 107 00:04:58,793 --> 00:05:00,000 Fembots? 108 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,413 [ evil laughter] 109 00:05:01,482 --> 00:05:05,274 Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised 110 00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:07,240 might win thoseevents 111 00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:12,067 but the charade would require subtlety, nuance... grace. 112 00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,757 What do you mean, I'm not registered?! 113 00:05:14,826 --> 00:05:16,137 My name is Coilette 114 00:05:16,206 --> 00:05:18,103 and I'm from, uh... Robonia! 115 00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:20,033 Coilette's a chick's name. 116 00:05:20,103 --> 00:05:22,379 Yes, but Robonia sounds like something 117 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,172 somebody made up on the spot. 118 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,240 Ever been beaten up 119 00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:26,930 by a guy dressed like a chick? 120 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:35,481 And it's straight! 121 00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:36,793 Coilette wins! 122 00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:45,516 Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia. 123 00:05:49,586 --> 00:05:52,310 A perfect bend and a flawless entry. 124 00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:53,723 No splash at all. 125 00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,516 Perfect scores. 126 00:05:58,586 --> 00:06:01,103 A record five gold medals for Coilette. 127 00:06:01,172 --> 00:06:02,103 I'm great! 128 00:06:02,172 --> 00:06:03,516 Everybody else sucks! 129 00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:05,033 Except that guy Bender. 130 00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:06,550 He's really something. 131 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:07,826 [ long hoot] 132 00:06:07,896 --> 00:06:10,310 All medalists report for gender testing. 133 00:06:10,379 --> 00:06:11,516 [ choking cry] 134 00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:13,447 You actually thought they'd let you 135 00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:15,930 walk away without an engine oil sex check? 136 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,689 Oh, God, I'm not going to get my medals. 137 00:06:18,757 --> 00:06:22,137 They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. 138 00:06:22,206 --> 00:06:23,481 Wait! I've got it! 139 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,757 Professor, make a woman out of me. 140 00:06:25,826 --> 00:06:28,586 Oh, I think we should just stay friends. 141 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:29,757 I don't need friends. 142 00:06:29,826 --> 00:06:31,481 I need a sex change operation 143 00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:32,826 and give it to me now. 144 00:06:32,896 --> 00:06:34,550 Bender, a robot sex change 145 00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:36,965 is a complex and dangerous procedure. 146 00:06:37,033 --> 00:06:41,481 Replacing your testosteroil with fembot lubricants 147 00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,206 can cause wild mood swings 148 00:06:43,274 --> 00:06:45,550 and the effects may be irreversible. 149 00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:47,172 Well, let's get started. 150 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,343 No, you can't! 151 00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:50,413 If you have even the slightest respect 152 00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:51,896 for the dignity of women... 153 00:06:51,965 --> 00:06:53,274 Pfft. 154 00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:55,447 I'm sorry, but I must do this. 155 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,413 Not for you, not for Bender 156 00:06:57,481 --> 00:07:00,206 but for the proud people of Robonia! 157 00:07:09,274 --> 00:07:11,379 I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy 158 00:07:11,447 --> 00:07:12,516 and wrong and sick. 159 00:07:12,586 --> 00:07:14,862 However, I will watch out of curiosity. 160 00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:17,862 Quiet! I'm about to begin the process 161 00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:22,481 of reshaping Bender's body into a tender, delicate form. 162 00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:24,620 Ow! Ow! Ow! 163 00:07:24,689 --> 00:07:26,793 Ooh! Ow! Ow! 164 00:07:31,379 --> 00:07:33,689 Draining male oil. 165 00:07:36,343 --> 00:07:37,379 [ moans] 166 00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:38,447 [ thuds] 167 00:07:38,516 --> 00:07:42,240 Infusing female oil. 168 00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:43,550 [ oil gurgling] 169 00:07:44,723 --> 00:07:46,896 Removing item. 170 00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:48,206 [ gulps] 171 00:07:48,274 --> 00:07:49,965 [ snips] 172 00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:52,137 We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it. 173 00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,930 [ soft voice]: I have to get home to watch the zombie Osbournes. 174 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,000 I'm ready for my test, now, boys. 175 00:08:00,343 --> 00:08:04,343 ♪ Hail, hail, Robonia ♪ 176 00:08:04,413 --> 00:08:08,000 ♪ A land I didn't make up. ♪ 177 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,447 [ crowd cheering] 178 00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:15,137 [ smooches] 179 00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:17,103 Ooh, yeah, come on, baby. Uh. 180 00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:18,550 Ooh, goodness. 181 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,172 Oh, yeah, baby, come on. 182 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,274 Work your cans. 183 00:08:21,343 --> 00:08:22,757 Yeah, shake it out. 184 00:08:22,826 --> 00:08:25,930 I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. 185 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,343 I'm just out there making us ladies look good. 186 00:08:28,413 --> 00:08:30,723 Nuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks 187 00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,586 in front of the other genders. 188 00:08:32,654 --> 00:08:35,688 But you're not really a lady anyway, right? 189 00:08:35,758 --> 00:08:36,965 Of course not. 190 00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:39,033 Dear lord-- a coaster. 191 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,861 The Femmzoil must be sashaying 192 00:08:40,931 --> 00:08:42,724 girlishly into your processor. 193 00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,067 Then change me back. 194 00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:47,033 My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. 195 00:08:47,102 --> 00:08:48,724 [ phone ringing] 196 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:50,931 Hello? 197 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,861 What? A guest spot on Late Night with Humorbot 5.0? 198 00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:56,033 I'd love to. 199 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,067 [ gasping]: My own limo?! 200 00:08:59,136 --> 00:09:00,826 No, I don't have my own limo. 201 00:09:00,895 --> 00:09:02,172 You'd better send one. 202 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,517 I need a rain check on that nad swap, Professor. 203 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:06,861 I'm going on TV. 204 00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:09,654 Come on, Fry, help me pick out a pantsuit. 205 00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:14,517 MECHANICAL VOICE: So, Calculon 206 00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,000 do you want to set up this clip 207 00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,654 from All My Circuits? 208 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,172 No, I think it's self-explanatory. 209 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:29,931 [ anguished cry]: No! 210 00:09:33,793 --> 00:09:36,102 Funny story-- the script called for me 211 00:09:36,172 --> 00:09:38,793 to say "Yes," but I gave it a little twist. 212 00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:40,206 Anecdote accepted. 213 00:09:40,274 --> 00:09:42,136 Snappy comeback not found. 214 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,379 Please put your hands together 215 00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:47,895 for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals 216 00:09:47,965 --> 00:09:49,620 Coilette, from Robonia. 217 00:09:49,688 --> 00:09:52,000 [ cheering and applause] 218 00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:59,102 So, Coilette, many young fembots 219 00:09:59,172 --> 00:10:00,688 wish to emulate you. 220 00:10:00,758 --> 00:10:02,309 Any advice for them? 221 00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:05,931 Yes, Humorbot-- if you ask me, women today are too stuck up 222 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,931 to go out and jiggle their Jell-O 223 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,688 like everybody wants them to. 224 00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:11,965 In fact, should I do it now? 225 00:10:12,033 --> 00:10:14,136 [ lecherous hooting] 226 00:10:14,206 --> 00:10:15,240 All right, then. 227 00:10:15,309 --> 00:10:16,586 [ disco music playing] 228 00:10:16,654 --> 00:10:18,274 Whoo! Look out, baby. Work it out. 229 00:10:18,344 --> 00:10:19,379 Oh, shake that thing. 230 00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:20,586 You got to use it, lady. 231 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:21,724 Shake it up a little. 232 00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:23,067 That's right. Come on. 233 00:10:23,136 --> 00:10:24,413 Break it out. 234 00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:26,379 [ thunderous applause] 235 00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:32,067 Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. 236 00:10:32,136 --> 00:10:34,136 Oh, I bet you say that to all 237 00:10:34,206 --> 00:10:37,379 the five-Olympic-gold- medal-winning fembots. 238 00:10:37,447 --> 00:10:40,447 From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. 239 00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:41,517 Golly. 240 00:10:41,586 --> 00:10:42,654 What? 241 00:10:42,724 --> 00:10:44,688 Coilette, this may be presumptuous... 242 00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:46,551 That's my favorite kind of "this." 243 00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:47,758 But I would be honored 244 00:10:47,826 --> 00:10:50,517 if you would join me for dinner sometime. 245 00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:52,965 ALL: Whoo! 246 00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:55,344 Calculon, you'd be fulfilling 247 00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:58,517 this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. 248 00:10:58,586 --> 00:10:59,895 Of course I would. 249 00:11:01,826 --> 00:11:03,895 This top makes me look fat. 250 00:11:03,965 --> 00:11:06,102 Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? 251 00:11:06,172 --> 00:11:07,102 Yes. 252 00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:09,136 Perfect. 253 00:11:09,206 --> 00:11:10,344 You got to tell me. 254 00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:11,688 You're not actually attracted 255 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,793 to Calculon, right? 256 00:11:12,861 --> 00:11:14,861 And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? 257 00:11:14,931 --> 00:11:16,000 Certainly not. 258 00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,895 But just once I'd like to eat dinner 259 00:11:17,965 --> 00:11:20,447 with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. 260 00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:21,793 Is that so much to ask? 261 00:11:21,861 --> 00:11:24,481 Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace 262 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,033 and I refuse to be involved. 263 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,067 And you have way too much lipstick on. 264 00:11:28,136 --> 00:11:29,206 Are you kidding? 265 00:11:29,274 --> 00:11:30,620 I need more lipstick! 266 00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:31,654 Much more. 267 00:11:33,481 --> 00:11:34,931 Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff. 268 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000 Men love it when you really glob it on. 269 00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,413 No, they don't!No way! 270 00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:41,206 Uh, please. Every man wants a tramp. 271 00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:43,724 No wonder you girls aren't married. 272 00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:45,206 [ giggles] 273 00:11:45,274 --> 00:11:48,758 I tell you, men are so much better at being women. 274 00:11:50,447 --> 00:11:51,965 But what if he wants to...? 275 00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:53,758 I mean, if he tries to...? 276 00:11:53,826 --> 00:11:55,965 Barry White? 277 00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:58,586 I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. 278 00:11:58,654 --> 00:12:00,724 That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. 279 00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:01,895 Good lord, man! 280 00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:03,654 What kind of temporary woman are you? 281 00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:06,379 Look, why don't all of you just back off? 282 00:12:06,447 --> 00:12:09,758 [ whining]: Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged?! 283 00:12:10,965 --> 00:12:13,000 [ hatch opens and shuts] 284 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:16,826 Oh, dear, her mood swings are getting wilder. 285 00:12:16,895 --> 00:12:19,000 She's becoming a slave to her emotions. 286 00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:21,000 Just like all women. 287 00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:22,724 Particularly you, Leela. 288 00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:25,000 I'm worried about him, too, Professor 289 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,136 [ smacking and gulping] 290 00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:32,102 Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. 291 00:12:32,172 --> 00:12:34,793 You saved me a trip to the dump. Bam! 292 00:12:34,861 --> 00:12:35,965 I'd appreciate it 293 00:12:36,033 --> 00:12:37,861 if you didn't bam the young lady. 294 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,102 Well, I'd appreciate it if I did. 295 00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:41,620 So I guess we're even. 296 00:12:41,688 --> 00:12:43,136 You know, Coilette 297 00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:46,861 I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. 298 00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:49,172 You're such a sweet, soft fembot 299 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,206 yet you have this free spirit about you. 300 00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:52,379 [ belches] 301 00:12:52,447 --> 00:12:54,000 And there it is. 302 00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:57,067 It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. 303 00:12:58,206 --> 00:12:59,758 I've never met anyone like you. 304 00:12:59,826 --> 00:13:01,033 Oh, yes, you have. 305 00:13:01,102 --> 00:13:03,379 Coilette, I'd like to spend 306 00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:05,861 some... quality timewith you. 307 00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:07,517 What? Uh-uh! Oh, no way. 308 00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,895 Not going to happen. 309 00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,206 What kind of girl do you think I am? 310 00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:12,758 Have I mentioned 311 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,172 that I own the world's biggest and most elegant yacht? 312 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,136 ♪ She's a lady ♪ 313 00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:21,654 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a lady ♪ 314 00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:27,344 ♪ Talking about that little lady ♪ 315 00:13:27,413 --> 00:13:32,067 ♪ And the lady is mine. 316 00:13:32,136 --> 00:13:34,895 ♪ She's a lady ♪ 317 00:13:34,965 --> 00:13:38,688 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a lady... ♪ 318 00:13:43,861 --> 00:13:46,895 Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend. 319 00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:48,102 No kidding. 320 00:13:48,172 --> 00:13:50,206 These gifts have been coming nonstop. 321 00:13:50,274 --> 00:13:52,447 I think Calculon's falling for you. 322 00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,551 [ barking] 323 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,240 [ muffled barking] 324 00:13:55,309 --> 00:13:59,447 Bah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. 325 00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:02,274 Then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. 326 00:14:02,344 --> 00:14:03,551 It's just a game. 327 00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:08,309 Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you. 328 00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:09,861 I can't sleep at night. 329 00:14:09,931 --> 00:14:11,758 Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. 330 00:14:11,826 --> 00:14:13,895 But if I did, I couldn't because... 331 00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,240 I love you so. 332 00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:17,688 Oh, my darling. 333 00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:20,447 Will you marry me? 334 00:14:23,413 --> 00:14:26,861 [ voice breaking]: Oh, Calculon, yes, I will! 335 00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:32,136 Maybe she's right about the lipstick. 336 00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:37,620 I'll miss you, buddy. 337 00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:40,172 You've been like a brother, and then a sister to me. 338 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,758 And now you're getting married. 339 00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:43,067 I love you, man. 340 00:14:43,136 --> 00:14:44,965 The marriage is a scam. 341 00:14:45,033 --> 00:14:46,309 Cool. What's for dinner? 342 00:14:46,379 --> 00:14:47,758 What do you mean, a scam? 343 00:14:47,826 --> 00:14:49,931 I marry Calculon, divorce him 344 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,379 take half his money 345 00:14:51,447 --> 00:14:53,206 and turn back into a guy. 346 00:14:53,274 --> 00:14:55,274 It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme. 347 00:14:55,344 --> 00:14:56,620 That's marriage all right. 348 00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,172 That is so unbelievably manipulative. 349 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,309 Come on. You never went on a date with a guy 350 00:15:01,379 --> 00:15:02,586 just 'cause you were hungry? 351 00:15:02,654 --> 00:15:04,206 Well, I... 352 00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:07,136 Uh, I thought I might like him on a full stomach. 353 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,379 Nice try, sister. 354 00:15:08,447 --> 00:15:10,033 Now if you'll excuse me 355 00:15:10,102 --> 00:15:12,758 I need to meet with my wedding planner. 356 00:15:12,826 --> 00:15:13,793 Zoidberg! 357 00:15:15,033 --> 00:15:16,826 Zoidy-poo, please tell me 358 00:15:16,895 --> 00:15:18,586 frilly is in this year. 359 00:15:18,654 --> 00:15:20,688 I saw a frilly cake in here 360 00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:23,067 you would remember all your life. 361 00:15:23,136 --> 00:15:24,481 I know I will. 362 00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:28,033 Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. 363 00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:29,551 Order the cake, damn it! 364 00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,240 I have something for you. 365 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,447 A remote control? 366 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,724 You got me a TV? 367 00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:38,895 No, my dearest. 368 00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:41,309 It's the remote control to my heart. 369 00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:45,033 It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. 370 00:15:45,102 --> 00:15:46,688 Will it work on my TV? 371 00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,033 We don't need TVs. 372 00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:49,413 We have each other. 373 00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,274 Coilette, if I weren't able 374 00:15:51,344 --> 00:15:53,000 to spend my life with you 375 00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:55,481 I would leap from this very balloon. 376 00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:56,620 Come on with that. 377 00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:57,826 Really? 378 00:15:57,895 --> 00:16:02,724 Yes. We were meant... to be! 379 00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:06,586 So, you really and truly love me? 380 00:16:06,654 --> 00:16:08,413 So much so that I'm prepared 381 00:16:08,481 --> 00:16:11,413 to give up show business itself to be with you. 382 00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:13,206 [ gasping]: But you always said 383 00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:16,379 you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. 384 00:16:16,447 --> 00:16:18,136 I always said many things 385 00:16:18,206 --> 00:16:20,826 but now all I want is a peaceful life 386 00:16:20,895 --> 00:16:23,379 in a quiet villa overlooking a vineyard 387 00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:24,586 with you. 388 00:16:24,654 --> 00:16:27,826 Would we have donkeys? 389 00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:29,274 All you could eat. 390 00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:32,447 Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! 391 00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:34,240 Compress me tight! 392 00:16:34,309 --> 00:16:37,413 Stop. Let us climb to the heavens 393 00:16:37,481 --> 00:16:40,309 that the gods themselves might envy us. 394 00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:43,379 [ beeping] 395 00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:45,517 [ beeping fades] 396 00:16:47,551 --> 00:16:50,758 I just don't think I can go through with this scam. 397 00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:52,102 [ surprised comments] 398 00:16:52,172 --> 00:16:53,758 So now you dowant to marry him? 399 00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:57,413 No. I just don't want to hurt him or humiliate him. 400 00:16:57,481 --> 00:17:00,517 Oh, curse this woman's heart! 401 00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,379 [ sobbing] 402 00:17:03,447 --> 00:17:04,689 Ick. 403 00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,205 You're falling into the final 404 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,448 debilitating stages of womanhood. 405 00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:11,550 You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat. 406 00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,586 Okay, look, if I help you with this 407 00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:14,723 do you promise 408 00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,931 to get out of my gender and stay out? 409 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,586 Uh-huh. 410 00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:20,344 All right. Now, there's no way 411 00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:23,067 to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon 412 00:17:23,136 --> 00:17:24,240 but he's an actor. 413 00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,517 If there's one kind of pain he can handle 414 00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:27,758 it's soap opera pain. 415 00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:34,931 [ cheesy keyboard playing "Wedding March"] 416 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,103 Okay, is everyone ready? 417 00:17:43,172 --> 00:17:44,931 Yep. Sure. Basically. 418 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,378 Dearly beloved actors and casting people 419 00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:52,103 who might be looking for someone to play a preacher 420 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,481 I welcome you. 421 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,758 The bride has written some vows 422 00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:59,000 that we will now all pretend to be interested in. 423 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:00,448 Dearest Calculon 424 00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:02,619 forever is not enough time 425 00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:04,931 to tell you of the many ways I love you. 426 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:05,826 [ moans] 427 00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:07,067 [ loud clank] 428 00:18:07,136 --> 00:18:08,240 [ all gasp] 429 00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:09,344 Is there a doctor in the...? 430 00:18:09,413 --> 00:18:10,481 I came as soon as I could. 431 00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:13,378 Oh, it appears to be a case 432 00:18:13,448 --> 00:18:16,136 of African Hydraulic Fever. 433 00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:19,517 Dear God, the very illness my TV character caught 434 00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:21,931 in season two when I was holding out 435 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,103 for more money. 436 00:18:23,172 --> 00:18:24,413 It's often fatal. 437 00:18:24,481 --> 00:18:27,103 Whatever happens, remember 438 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:31,654 the flame of my eternal love will burn forever. 439 00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:33,309 Of course. But smoochy-pops 440 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:36,034 I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever 441 00:18:36,103 --> 00:18:38,344 deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. 442 00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:40,758 LEELA: Coilette, you she-devil! 443 00:18:40,826 --> 00:18:43,481 You really thought you could steal those diamonds 444 00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:44,792 from me and Congo Jack?! 445 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:47,654 Those gems belong to the natives! 446 00:18:47,723 --> 00:18:50,034 [ groans] 447 00:18:50,103 --> 00:18:54,172 Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. 448 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:58,448 [ wailing]: Why?! 449 00:18:58,517 --> 00:19:00,448 Calculon, my darling 450 00:19:00,517 --> 00:19:04,826 your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. 451 00:19:06,586 --> 00:19:07,931 [ audience gasps] 452 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,240 Congo Jack! 453 00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:11,240 Another shocking twist! 454 00:19:11,309 --> 00:19:12,862 [ plays dramatic flourish] 455 00:19:12,931 --> 00:19:16,413 Yes, I and have a message for you from Colonel Mtumbe. 456 00:19:16,481 --> 00:19:18,586 He says this is from Congo Jack. 457 00:19:18,654 --> 00:19:21,689 Uh... um. 458 00:19:21,758 --> 00:19:23,172 [ moans loudly] 459 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:28,034 No. No! 460 00:19:28,103 --> 00:19:31,378 [ wailing]: N-o-o-o! 461 00:19:31,448 --> 00:19:33,240 I won't leave you. 462 00:19:33,309 --> 00:19:34,481 Not until I'm sure 463 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:37,067 you understand the thing I said before 464 00:19:37,136 --> 00:19:39,378 about my eternal love for you burning... 465 00:19:39,448 --> 00:19:42,136 [ gasping and choking] 466 00:19:42,205 --> 00:19:43,550 ...et cetera. 467 00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:46,034 I do. 468 00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:47,586 [ sobbing]: I do. 469 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,723 Okay, then. 470 00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:52,344 [ death rattle] 471 00:19:52,413 --> 00:19:55,723 I'm a doctor. She's dead. 472 00:19:55,792 --> 00:19:57,619 She lives no more. 473 00:19:57,689 --> 00:20:03,517 But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me. 474 00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:05,067 To honor my pain 475 00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:09,481 I shall star in a film dedicated to her memory 476 00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:13,619 and this time the Academy will not deny me. 477 00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:17,964 Not when they see Coilette: a Calculon Story. 478 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,931 Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow... 479 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,792 anger, fear. 480 00:20:26,862 --> 00:20:29,481 Every emotion an actor can display. 481 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,067 Turn off that crap-o-rama. 482 00:20:32,136 --> 00:20:35,205 One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever 483 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,000 between the already ill-defined robot sexes. 484 00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:40,758 Oh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! 485 00:20:40,826 --> 00:20:43,136 Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson 486 00:20:43,205 --> 00:20:45,034 about changing your sex to win five gold medals. 487 00:20:45,103 --> 00:20:47,000 [ soft voice]: It truly has. 488 00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:50,550 My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. 489 00:20:50,619 --> 00:20:51,964 Almost done. 490 00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:54,067 If only somehow, some way... 491 00:20:54,136 --> 00:20:57,309 [ normal voice]: he and I could drive to Vegas 492 00:20:57,378 --> 00:20:58,931 pick up some floozy-bots 493 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:03,034 and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! 494 00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:04,448 Yay, my buddy's home. 495 00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:07,103 And his respect for women is back to normal. 496 00:21:07,172 --> 00:21:09,240 I kind of hoped this whole experience 497 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,034 would have left you a little more open 498 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,309 to your sensitive side. 499 00:21:12,378 --> 00:21:14,275 Yeah, you'd think, but what ya gonna do? 500 00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:18,654 [ thunder rolling] 501 00:21:18,723 --> 00:21:24,136 Coilette, the skies themselves weep upon the sweetest flower 502 00:21:24,205 --> 00:21:25,586 of all the field. 503 00:21:25,654 --> 00:21:27,413 [ both sigh] 504 00:21:27,481 --> 00:21:28,931 Ew!Gross! 505 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,481 Sentimental drivel poop. 506 00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:32,000 Come on, Bender, let's go. 507 00:21:32,067 --> 00:21:34,034 This chick flick is getting me all barfy. 508 00:21:34,103 --> 00:21:37,448 Yeah, emotions are dumb and should be hated. 509 00:21:40,723 --> 00:21:42,964 Good night, forever, my turtle dove. 510 00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:45,172 [ soft voice]: Good night, Calculon. 511 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,240 What did you say? 512 00:21:46,309 --> 00:21:47,413 [ normal voice]: I said 513 00:21:47,481 --> 00:21:49,067 you two don't dress trampy enough. 514 00:21:49,136 --> 00:21:50,689 I still got it.