1
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,826
[ muffled,
discordant notes play]

2
00:00:36,896 --> 00:00:37,723
Huh?

3
00:00:40,862 --> 00:00:44,758
I choose to not understand
these signs.

4
00:00:45,619 --> 00:00:47,067
Aha!

5
00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:48,481
Uh, B-Bender!

6
00:00:48,551 --> 00:00:50,310
I-I was just not playing
the holophonor!

7
00:00:50,378 --> 00:00:52,689
Yeah? Well, you should try
not stinking at it.

8
00:00:52,758 --> 00:00:54,103
Well, I am trying.

9
00:00:54,171 --> 00:00:55,551
I've been taking lessons.

10
00:00:55,619 --> 00:00:57,103
Lessons? That's rich!

11
00:00:57,171 --> 00:00:59,274
Isn't it time you
gave up all hope

12
00:00:59,344 --> 00:01:01,551
of ever improving
yourself in any way?

13
00:01:01,619 --> 00:01:03,689
I know I should,
but I just can't.

14
00:01:03,758 --> 00:01:07,000
Remember when I had
those stomach worms
that made me smart?

15
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,379
I could play the holophonor,
and it made Leela like me.

16
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,965
Hey, Bender,
as long as you know

17
00:01:13,034 --> 00:01:14,826
I have a holophonor
recital Tuesday

18
00:01:14,896 --> 00:01:17,103
and I'd really like
to have somebody there.

19
00:01:17,171 --> 00:01:17,930
Please?

20
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,137
Fine, I'll go
already.

21
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:23,655
You know, sometimes I
wish your real parents
were still alive.

22
00:01:23,724 --> 00:01:25,724
Not often, though.

23
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:26,655
Mmm...

24
00:01:28,551 --> 00:01:30,930
BOTH:
Whoa, whoa.

25
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:31,793
Hey!

26
00:01:31,861 --> 00:01:33,723
[ groans]

27
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,137
[ indistinct chatter]

28
00:01:35,206 --> 00:01:37,000
Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellinger.

29
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:37,930
Hello, Philip.

30
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,930
And you must be
Mr. Bender.

31
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,412
Philip's told me
so much about you.

32
00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:44,620
Is it true that
you're a robot?

33
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,585
I prefer the term  "lovemachine."

34
00:01:46,655 --> 00:01:47,930
[ purrs]

35
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,688
[ playing "Fur Elise"
skillfully]

36
00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:06,965
[ tone rings]

37
00:02:07,034 --> 00:02:08,103
[ tone rings]

38
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,275
[ applause]

39
00:02:09,343 --> 00:02:10,688
Wow, your kid
is great.

40
00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:12,793
How hard did you say
you had to hit him?

41
00:02:12,861 --> 00:02:14,896
Fairly hard.

42
00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:20,000
[ chair squeaks]

43
00:02:20,068 --> 00:02:22,033
[ clears throat]:
"The Grumpy Snail."

44
00:02:23,826 --> 00:02:25,896
[ playing simple melody]

45
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:28,758
[ flat note]

46
00:02:28,826 --> 00:02:30,688
[ growls]Sorry.

47
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:35,067
[ playing discordantly][ snail choking]

48
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:37,067
[ growling]

49
00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:38,688
[ gasping]

50
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:40,620
[ screaming]

51
00:02:40,688 --> 00:02:44,206
It's toogrumpy![ playing discordantly]

52
00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:46,206
Ooh! Hey!

53
00:02:46,275 --> 00:02:49,206
[ audience booing]

54
00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:50,586
Whoo!

55
00:02:50,655 --> 00:02:53,965
Mr. Bender, I simply
cannot teach your child!

56
00:02:54,033 --> 00:02:55,826
Then good day, Madame!

57
00:02:58,343 --> 00:03:00,448
[ slams door]

58
00:03:00,516 --> 00:03:02,481
We hope to see you soon for tea.

59
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,586
[ slams door]

60
00:03:04,723 --> 00:03:06,033
FRY:
It's hopeless.

61
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,103
I can hear all this
great music in my head

62
00:03:08,171 --> 00:03:10,171
but my stupid hands
can't keep up.

63
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,931
Aw, you know what
always cheers me up?

64
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,103
Laughing at other people's
misfortunes.

65
00:03:14,171 --> 00:03:15,586
[ laughs]

66
00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:18,655
Hey, guys, you missed a great
delivery to Space Earth.

67
00:03:18,723 --> 00:03:20,655
Where you been all afternoon?

68
00:03:20,723 --> 00:03:22,103
At a-a concert.

69
00:03:22,171 --> 00:03:23,310
Ooh, was it jazz noodling?

70
00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:25,688
My ex-boyfriend Sean
played the sax.

71
00:03:25,758 --> 00:03:27,343
I used to listen for hours

72
00:03:27,413 --> 00:03:30,378
while he sat naked on my couch
and improvised.

73
00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:33,550
So, musicians really
Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

74
00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:36,758
Yeah, it's weird-- Sean was
uneducated, unambitious

75
00:03:36,826 --> 00:03:38,448
he was pasty and hunched...

76
00:03:38,516 --> 00:03:39,896
[ under breath]:
Pretty boy.

77
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:41,758
...but when he played

78
00:03:41,826 --> 00:03:45,481
I could sense this incredible,
beautiful, creative soul.

79
00:03:45,550 --> 00:03:50,240
Then one day, I found someone
else's couch fibers on his butt.

80
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,240
[ angry muttering]

81
00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:54,103
That could be my
beautiful soul

82
00:03:54,171 --> 00:03:55,965
sitting naked
on her couch

83
00:03:56,033 --> 00:03:58,137
if I could just
learn to play this
stupid thing.

84
00:03:58,206 --> 00:03:59,723
Oh, but you can!

85
00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:01,516
Though you may have
to metaphorically

86
00:04:01,586 --> 00:04:02,826
make a deal
with the Devil.

87
00:04:02,895 --> 00:04:05,000
And by "Devil,"
I mean Robot Devil.

88
00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:07,965
And by "metaphorically,"
I mean get your coat.

89
00:04:08,033 --> 00:04:10,723
[ all screaming]

90
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:14,688
[ band plays  "Welcome to Robot Hell"]

91
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,447
[ groans]

92
00:04:16,516 --> 00:04:19,310
You hit a sour note about
200 years back, Doug!

93
00:04:19,379 --> 00:04:21,067
Let's take it
from the top.

94
00:04:22,379 --> 00:04:23,343
[ grunting]

95
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:24,862
Ah, Bender, Fry!

96
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,862
You've come back for more
eternal damnation.

97
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:30,033
No, this isn't
a religious visit.

98
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,206
Fry just wants holophonor
lessons.

99
00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:34,310
Yep. I need to get
really good without practicing.

100
00:04:34,379 --> 00:04:36,481
[ fiendish laughter]

101
00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:38,206
Hell is full
of 10-year-olds

102
00:04:38,274 --> 00:04:40,379
who wanted exactly
the same thing!

103
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,965
Trouble is, you have
what my old music teacher

104
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:47,206
Mrs. Mellinger,
calls "Stupid Fingers."

105
00:04:47,274 --> 00:04:48,550
With hands like that

106
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,930
you'll be lucky
to master a belt buckle.

107
00:04:52,550 --> 00:04:55,930
Now, wouldn't it be nice
if you had a pair of robot hands

108
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,240
to replace them?

109
00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:58,447
Sure would.

110
00:04:58,516 --> 00:05:00,620
Oh, well.
Good-bye.

111
00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:02,137
Fry, you smelly idiot!

112
00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:03,964
I think he's willing
to make some kind

113
00:05:04,033 --> 00:05:06,033
of a deal with
the Devil with you.

114
00:05:06,103 --> 00:05:07,343
He-He is? Great!

115
00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:09,310
Wait-- what's the catch?

116
00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:10,620
No catch.

117
00:05:10,689 --> 00:05:12,240
I'll merely pick
a robot at random

118
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:14,310
from somewhere
in the universe--

119
00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:15,793
probably one
you've never even met--

120
00:05:15,862 --> 00:05:17,481
and then I'll
remove his hands

121
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:18,930
and switch them
for yours.

122
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,343
It's just the sort of guy I am.

123
00:05:21,413 --> 00:05:22,654
What do you say?

124
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,033
Um, I don't know.

125
00:05:24,103 --> 00:05:25,723
It doesn't seem
entirely moral to...

126
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,793
Fry, if you don't
take this offer
right now

127
00:05:27,862 --> 00:05:30,516
I will lose all respect
for you and punch you.

128
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:32,274
[ fiendish chuckle]

129
00:05:32,343 --> 00:05:34,274
Well... all right.

130
00:05:34,343 --> 00:05:36,343
You're sure I
probably won't know him?

131
00:05:36,413 --> 00:05:37,723
Definitely
probably not.

132
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:39,274
Just sign
this contract...

133
00:05:39,343 --> 00:05:40,240
Wow.

134
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,274
[ pen squeaking]

135
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,481
And here we go!

136
00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:47,067
[ cackling]

137
00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:49,654
I got a hundred bucks
on Rectal-Exam-Bot!

138
00:06:05,516 --> 00:06:06,654
[ screams]

139
00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:08,103
"Robot Devil?"

140
00:06:08,172 --> 00:06:10,274
I get yourhands? 'Zam!

141
00:06:10,343 --> 00:06:13,206
Oh, what an appallingly
ironic outcome!

142
00:06:13,274 --> 00:06:15,793
It's not ironic.
It's just coincidental.

143
00:06:15,862 --> 00:06:18,172
Now fork over those
ladyfingers, cookie.

144
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,033
[ sighs]

145
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:22,896
You know, I only
put my name on there

146
00:06:22,964 --> 00:06:25,067
as a show of good faith
for the other robots.

147
00:06:25,137 --> 00:06:27,930
Stop being such a baby
and chop my hands off.

148
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,586
Oh, very well.

149
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:33,689
How'd you do that?

150
00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,137
They're very good hands.

151
00:06:36,206 --> 00:06:37,862
At last!

152
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,793
At last I have the power
to make Leela love me.

153
00:06:39,862 --> 00:06:42,481
[ gagging]

154
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,896
Oh, sorry.
That'll wear off
in a couple of days.

155
00:06:44,965 --> 00:06:46,757
[ choking]

156
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:52,930
Check it out,
everyone.

157
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,310
I'm back from Hell

158
00:06:54,379 --> 00:06:56,067
and I've got
the Robot Devil's hands.

159
00:06:56,137 --> 00:06:58,206
Neat! Let's see a trick.

160
00:06:58,274 --> 00:06:59,516
All righty.

161
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,757
[ startled yelling]

162
00:07:00,826 --> 00:07:03,379
[ yelling gibberish]

163
00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:06,274
Somebody called
the Robot Devil's here

164
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,240
to see somebody
called Fry.

165
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:09,654
Uh-oh.

166
00:07:10,793 --> 00:07:13,067
Where'd I go just now?

167
00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:16,447
Hello, Fry.

168
00:07:16,516 --> 00:07:18,240
[ fiendish laughter]

169
00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:19,964
Just dropped by
to make sure

170
00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:22,826
you're as happy
with our little deal as I am.

171
00:07:22,896 --> 00:07:26,274
Oh... give me back my hands!

172
00:07:26,343 --> 00:07:30,103
These things are always
touching me in places.

173
00:07:30,172 --> 00:07:31,447
[ sniggering]

174
00:07:31,516 --> 00:07:32,965
Yeah, they get around.

175
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:34,862
But I'm afraid we had a deal.

176
00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:37,343
Oh! Looks like
I wasted a bus trip.

177
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,379
Yes, you did.

178
00:07:42,274 --> 00:07:46,965
[ playing "The Grumpy Snail"]

179
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:54,172
[ playing "Fur Elise"]

180
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,862
[ pained yelp]

181
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:03,274
[ orchestra playing "Bolero"]

182
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,516
[ cheering]

183
00:08:13,586 --> 00:08:17,103
Yes, now you can hear
holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry

184
00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:20,447
play 900 of these classic themes
in your own home

185
00:08:20,516 --> 00:08:22,033
on this two-record set.

186
00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:25,137
That's over 30 minutes
of music for only $14.99.

187
00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:29,274
Only $14.99
for a two-record set.

188
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,033
Two records!

189
00:08:31,103 --> 00:08:34,654
Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're
becoming a crafty consumer.

190
00:08:34,724 --> 00:08:35,965
MAN:
Hello.

191
00:08:36,033 --> 00:08:37,379
Hello? I'll take eight.

192
00:08:37,447 --> 00:08:38,793
[ doorbell ringing]

193
00:08:38,861 --> 00:08:42,000
A Mr. Hedonismbot
to see you.

194
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:43,000
Uh, show him in.

195
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,965
Very good, sir.

196
00:08:45,033 --> 00:08:46,793
Ah, Fry, congratulations.

197
00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:49,688
Your latest performance
was as delectable

198
00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:52,240
as dipping my bottom
over and over

199
00:08:52,309 --> 00:08:55,344
into a bath
of the silkiest oils and creams.

200
00:08:55,413 --> 00:08:56,826
Thank you, sir.

201
00:08:56,895 --> 00:08:57,965
That's exactly
what I was going for.

202
00:08:58,033 --> 00:09:00,000
You are the sole diversion

203
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:03,447
in what has been
a pale and un-amusing season.

204
00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:07,172
And so, I would fain commission
you write an opera.

205
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,965
But I've never written an opera.

206
00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:10,793
And I've never heard one.

207
00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:14,517
Still, if you can keep me amused
through the overture

208
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,240
I shall consider it
a smashing success.

209
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,688
But I wouldn't even know
what to write about.

210
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:20,620
Unless...

211
00:09:20,688 --> 00:09:24,274
[ slurping]

212
00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:27,000
Okay, I'll do it

213
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,344
ifI can make it about Leela.

214
00:09:29,413 --> 00:09:31,172
Me? Really?

215
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,620
A man writing an
opera about a woman?

216
00:09:34,688 --> 00:09:35,965
[ airy laughter]

217
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,620
Oh, sirrah, how
deliciously absurd.

218
00:09:38,688 --> 00:09:41,033
I shall see you
at the premiere.

219
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:43,413
[ more airy laughter]

220
00:09:47,793 --> 00:09:51,274
[ ethereal, echoing,
alto sax-type riffs]

221
00:10:05,586 --> 00:10:06,586
Is it part of the opera?

222
00:10:06,654 --> 00:10:08,688
Leela!
You shouldn't be listening.

223
00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:11,172
I don't want you to hear it
till it's done.

224
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:12,413
But it's so beautiful.

225
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:13,826
So is a peacock

226
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:15,793
but you don't eat it
until it's cooked.

227
00:10:15,861 --> 00:10:17,206
This has to be perfect.

228
00:10:17,274 --> 00:10:19,206
I want you to hear
exactly what I hear

229
00:10:19,274 --> 00:10:20,931
when I think about you.

230
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,102
Oh, Fry, all this time
you've had this incredible gift

231
00:10:24,172 --> 00:10:25,861
and I never knew.

232
00:10:25,931 --> 00:10:29,309
I've been a fool--
a fully justified, prudent fool.

233
00:10:31,586 --> 00:10:32,724
[ screeches]

234
00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:34,067
They're so cold!

235
00:10:34,136 --> 00:10:35,965
ROBOT DEVIL:
And yet Hell is so hot!

236
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:38,274
[ fiendish laughter]

237
00:10:38,344 --> 00:10:40,000
Can I have
my hands back now?

238
00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:41,067
No!

239
00:10:41,136 --> 00:10:42,826
You're not nice!

240
00:10:44,826 --> 00:10:48,102
[ tuneless humming]

241
00:10:48,172 --> 00:10:49,379
Hey!

242
00:10:49,447 --> 00:10:51,965
Ah, Bender,
this is a surprise...

243
00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:54,931
for you, finding me
in the refrigerator.

244
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,309
True, but at least
I don't have the
hiccups anymore.

245
00:10:57,379 --> 00:10:58,481
What up?

246
00:10:58,551 --> 00:10:59,895
Oh, well, it so happens

247
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:02,240
I'm in the mood
to make a deal with you.

248
00:11:02,309 --> 00:11:03,965
Forget it. you
can't tempt me.

249
00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:05,067
Really?

250
00:11:05,136 --> 00:11:06,895
There's nothingyou want?

251
00:11:06,965 --> 00:11:10,517
Hmm. I forgot you could tempt me
with things I want.

252
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,379
Well, I suppose
I've always wondered

253
00:11:12,447 --> 00:11:14,895
what it would be like
to be more annoying.

254
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,067
[ laughing]:
Oh...

255
00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:18,172
nothing simpler.

256
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,240
And all I ask in return
is your hands

257
00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:23,793
to replace these bony hot dogs.

258
00:11:23,861 --> 00:11:25,206
Grabby and Squeezy?

259
00:11:25,274 --> 00:11:27,136
Never. I love these guys.

260
00:11:27,206 --> 00:11:30,136
Oh! Well, is there anything else
you would part with?

261
00:11:30,206 --> 00:11:33,240
No, nothing,
ain't going to happen.

262
00:11:34,688 --> 00:11:37,447
Yes! With this built-in
stadium air horn

263
00:11:37,517 --> 00:11:39,102
I can reallyannoy people

264
00:11:39,172 --> 00:11:42,033
and all it cost me
was my crotch plate.

265
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,379
You certainly are
a shrewd businessman, Bender.

266
00:11:45,447 --> 00:11:48,620
Now, find someone
and give them a good blast.

267
00:11:48,688 --> 00:11:51,517
Yeah, that will teach
the first person I see a lesson.

268
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,793
[ door opens]

269
00:11:52,861 --> 00:11:55,654
Ah, my ridiculously
circuitous plan

270
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:57,586
is one quarter complete.

271
00:11:57,654 --> 00:12:00,931
[ fiendish laughter]

272
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,344
Well, Fry's opera
premieres tomorrow night.

273
00:12:03,413 --> 00:12:05,481
I'm off to find a
pair of formal gloves

274
00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,481
that will fit over
my enormous forearms.

275
00:12:07,551 --> 00:12:10,033
[ air horn blasting]

276
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,413
[ laughing]

277
00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:14,826
Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

278
00:12:14,895 --> 00:12:17,206
What? Are you talking?

279
00:12:17,274 --> 00:12:18,895
Oh, God, I'm deaf!

280
00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:21,274
Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela.

281
00:12:21,344 --> 00:12:23,447
I just wanted to annoy you.

282
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:25,758
What? Oh, this is horrible!

283
00:12:25,826 --> 00:12:28,793
I won't be able
to hear Fry's opera!

284
00:12:28,861 --> 00:12:30,826
[ sobbing]

285
00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:33,413
Ah, how delightfully ironic.

286
00:12:33,481 --> 00:12:34,895
It's not ironic.

287
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,172
It's just mean.

288
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,620
Take this!

289
00:12:37,688 --> 00:12:38,895
[ air horn blast fizzles out]

290
00:12:38,965 --> 00:12:41,481
Ooh, out of aerosol.

291
00:12:41,551 --> 00:12:43,067
Also ironic.

292
00:12:43,136 --> 00:12:44,274
Oh, yeah?

293
00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:46,517
Well, bite my shiny metal...

294
00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:48,240
Oh, no!!!

295
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:51,931
.

296
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:58,758
.

297
00:12:58,826 --> 00:13:00,447
Nobody tell
Fry I'm deaf.

298
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:02,861
If he found
out I couldn't
hear his opera

299
00:13:02,931 --> 00:13:04,102
it'd break
his heart.

300
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:05,481
Okay, deaf-o.

301
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,724
[ whirring]

302
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:09,447
Courtesans and gentlefops

303
00:13:09,517 --> 00:13:12,274
I bid you welcome
to myopera.

304
00:13:12,344 --> 00:13:15,793
Let us cavort
like the Greeks of old.

305
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,172
You know the ones
I mean.

306
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,551
[ orchestra tuning up]

307
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:22,688
[ baton tapping stand]

308
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,447
[ audience gasping]

309
00:13:24,517 --> 00:13:25,586
[ applause and cheers]

310
00:13:25,654 --> 00:13:26,688
Yay, Fry.

311
00:13:26,758 --> 00:13:28,724
I watch TV with that guy.

312
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,654
[ orchestra plays]

313
00:13:38,895 --> 00:13:42,102
[ wind instrument solo]

314
00:13:43,861 --> 00:13:46,895
♪ Who is this one-eyed
female baby Moses? ♪

315
00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:50,481
♪ With courage in her
female baby smile? ♪

316
00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:52,206
♪ A savior from the stars♪

317
00:13:52,274 --> 00:13:54,102
♪ Or something stranger still?♪

318
00:13:54,172 --> 00:13:59,379
♪ Or just a lonely,
filthy, starving child? ♪

319
00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,136
Amy, Fry's looking at me.

320
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:03,206
What am I supposed
to be feeling?

321
00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:05,654
Ah!

322
00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:11,447
♪ Leela! ♪

323
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,033
♪ Leela, Leela! ♪

324
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,309
♪ Save him! ♪

325
00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:16,000
♪ Save Fry, save Fry! ♪

326
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:19,481
♪ Godzilla will devour him ♪

327
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:21,172
♪ As for me,
I must be off ♪

328
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,654
♪ To have my doctor
check this cough ♪

329
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:24,758
[ coughing]

330
00:14:24,826 --> 00:14:26,240
♪ Good-bye! ♪

331
00:14:28,206 --> 00:14:30,620
I don't recall
ever fighting Godzilla

332
00:14:30,688 --> 00:14:33,000
but that is so
what I would have done.

333
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,688
Oh, it was
a lovely show.

334
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:36,274
[ crowd chatting]

335
00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:37,654
[ laughing]

336
00:14:37,724 --> 00:14:40,102
One diet double
Martini, please.

337
00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,551
And for you, sir?

338
00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:43,447
I'll just have
a Shirley Hemphill.

339
00:14:43,517 --> 00:14:45,000
Extra, extra!

340
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:48,033
World's greatest opera
only half over!

341
00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:49,240
Half over?

342
00:14:49,309 --> 00:14:50,620
Oh!

343
00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:52,344
I'd give anything
to hear the rest.

344
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:53,620
Anything?

345
00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:54,826
[ gasps]

346
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,000
[ glass breaking]

347
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,000
Thank you, sir.

348
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,379
Now, as I was saying...

349
00:14:58,447 --> 00:15:00,136
Anything?

350
00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:03,240
Because I can give you
newrobotic ears.

351
00:15:03,309 --> 00:15:04,517
What?

352
00:15:04,586 --> 00:15:05,724
You can give me new ears?

353
00:15:05,793 --> 00:15:07,447
Wait.

354
00:15:07,517 --> 00:15:09,481
What seemingly reasonable thing
do you want in return?

355
00:15:09,551 --> 00:15:11,931
Just your hands,
my dear.

356
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,688
Whatever you said, forget it!

357
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:14,931
All right, then.

358
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,033
Just one hand.

359
00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:18,586
Just... my left hand?

360
00:15:18,654 --> 00:15:20,413
Um... uh...

361
00:15:20,481 --> 00:15:22,240
USHER:
Please take your
seats for Act Two.

362
00:15:22,309 --> 00:15:24,447
HEDONISMBOT:
But I'm not
done vomiting!

363
00:15:24,517 --> 00:15:25,688
[ airy laugh]

364
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,931
Oh, Daddy, I love...

365
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,102
I can't stand it!

366
00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:30,274
[ deep breath]

367
00:15:30,344 --> 00:15:32,517
Okay, you can have my hand.

368
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:33,793
Wonderful!

369
00:15:33,861 --> 00:15:35,620
Just sign here.

370
00:15:35,688 --> 00:15:38,793
Calculon, old friend,
I'm afraid I need your ears.

371
00:15:38,861 --> 00:15:42,447
Well, I do owe
you for giving
me this unholy...

372
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:45,826
acting talent!

373
00:15:48,965 --> 00:15:51,793
[ ethereal music plays]

374
00:15:51,861 --> 00:15:53,033
I can hear!

375
00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:55,102
I can hear
like a safecracker.

376
00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:57,517
Hey, aren't you going
to take my hand?

377
00:15:57,586 --> 00:16:00,136
In good time.
You go enjoy
the opera.

378
00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:06,413
[ music plays]

379
00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:09,895
♪ To win Leela's heart
with the holophonor's art ♪

380
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:13,102
♪ I need hands
of transcendental quickness ♪

381
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,172
♪ Well, I don't
see any danger ♪

382
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,172
♪ In gambling
with a stranger ♪

383
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:22,136
♪ For my head is of
a most amazing thickness. ♪

384
00:16:22,206 --> 00:16:23,654
Ooh!

385
00:16:23,724 --> 00:16:24,965
[ laughter]

386
00:16:25,033 --> 00:16:27,654
[ angry groan]

387
00:16:27,724 --> 00:16:29,000
♪ I'm stupid,
I'm stupid ♪

388
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:31,000
♪ I'm stupider
than you ♪

389
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:34,309
♪ I'm stupider than you
in every way! ♪

390
00:16:34,379 --> 00:16:36,447
Stupider?

391
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,000
Bah!

392
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:40,172
This opera is as lousy
as it is brilliant.

393
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,517
[ groans][ pained grunt]

394
00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:42,931
[ gasping]

395
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,000
[ whimpers]

396
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:48,931
Your lyrics lack subtlety.

397
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,447
You can't just

398
00:16:50,517 --> 00:16:52,586
have your characters announce
how they feel.

399
00:16:52,654 --> 00:16:54,620
That makes me feel angry.

400
00:16:54,688 --> 00:16:56,344
Look, what do
you want?

401
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:59,000
♪ I want my hands back. ♪

402
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:01,517
[ fiendish laughter]

403
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:03,136
Never!

404
00:17:03,206 --> 00:17:04,448
♪ A deal's a deal ♪

405
00:17:04,517 --> 00:17:06,481
♪ Even with a dirty dealer ♪

406
00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:08,103
♪ Very well ♪

407
00:17:08,172 --> 00:17:11,689
♪ Then I'll take
what I want from Leela. ♪

408
00:17:11,758 --> 00:17:13,448
Whoa!

409
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,275
♪ Leela has promised me
her hand ♪

410
00:17:17,344 --> 00:17:18,586
[ all gasping]

411
00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:22,862
♪ Fry, you do not understand! ♪

412
00:17:22,931 --> 00:17:24,964
♪ I should have revealed ♪

413
00:17:25,034 --> 00:17:26,931
♪ I'd been deafened by Bender ♪

414
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,448
♪ The shame ♪

415
00:17:28,517 --> 00:17:30,067
♪ The shame! ♪

416
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,034
♪ But I feared
you'd stop writing ♪

417
00:17:32,103 --> 00:17:34,067
♪ This musical splendor ♪

418
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:38,205
♪ Deception's the curse
of my whimsical gender ♪

419
00:17:38,275 --> 00:17:41,550
♪ He gave me mechanical ears ♪

420
00:17:41,619 --> 00:17:44,758
♪ Effective,
though just a bit garish ♪

421
00:17:44,826 --> 00:17:48,034
♪ In return
without shedding a tear ♪

422
00:17:48,103 --> 00:17:51,448
♪ I agreed
that I'd give him my hand ♪

423
00:17:51,517 --> 00:17:53,378
♪ In marriage! ♪

424
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,000
Huh?What?

425
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:58,723
♪ You'll give me your hand
in marriage ♪

426
00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:00,413
♪ Is this really
happening ♪

427
00:18:00,481 --> 00:18:02,481
♪ Or just being staged? ♪

428
00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:03,792
♪ It can't be real ♪

429
00:18:03,862 --> 00:18:05,758
♪ Not if Leela
is engaged ♪

430
00:18:05,826 --> 00:18:07,448
♪ That isn't what I meant ♪

431
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:09,205
♪ That isn't what I signed ♪

432
00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:11,205
♪ You should have
checked the wording ♪

433
00:18:11,275 --> 00:18:13,378
♪ In the fine... ♪

434
00:18:13,448 --> 00:18:15,172
♪ Print ♪

435
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,517
"I'll give you my hand... "

436
00:18:17,586 --> 00:18:20,136
♪ In marriage! ♪

437
00:18:20,205 --> 00:18:22,586
♪ The use of words
expressing something other ♪

438
00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:25,103
♪ Than their literal intention ♪

439
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:29,172
♪ Now that is irony ♪

440
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,792
[ gasping and grunting]

441
00:18:30,862 --> 00:18:34,309
♪ I will marry her now
and confine her to Hell ♪

442
00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:35,481
♪ How droll! ♪

443
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:36,723
♪ How droll! ♪

444
00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:38,344
[ grunts]

445
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:41,619
♪ Where Styx is a river
and not just a band ♪

446
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:43,309
♪ Though they'll play
our reception ♪

447
00:18:43,378 --> 00:18:45,448
♪ If all goes as planned ♪

448
00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:50,654
♪ Unless Fry--
you surrender myhands! ♪

449
00:18:50,723 --> 00:18:52,862
[ dramatic orchestral
crescendo]

450
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:55,034
[ quiet string and
percussion solo]

451
00:18:55,103 --> 00:18:57,481
♪ Destiny has cheated me ♪

452
00:18:57,550 --> 00:19:00,413
♪ By forcing me
to decide upon ♪

453
00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:03,586
♪ The woman that I idolize ♪

454
00:19:03,654 --> 00:19:06,964
♪ Or the hands of an automaton ♪

455
00:19:07,034 --> 00:19:09,034
♪ Without these hands
I can't complete ♪

456
00:19:09,103 --> 00:19:11,619
♪ The opera
that was captivating her ♪

457
00:19:11,689 --> 00:19:14,517
♪ But if keep them,
and she marries him ♪

458
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:19,103
♪ Then he probably won't
want me dating her. ♪

459
00:19:19,172 --> 00:19:20,862
[ applause and cheering]Arooo!

460
00:19:20,931 --> 00:19:22,067
Brave-o!

461
00:19:22,136 --> 00:19:23,723
En-core!

462
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:27,413
♪ I can't believe
the devil is so unforgiving ♪

463
00:19:27,481 --> 00:19:31,895
♪ I can't believe
everybody's just ad-libbing. ♪

464
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,172
Oh. Ugh.

465
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,275
♪ By the power vested in me ♪

466
00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:38,586
♪ By the state
of New New York... ♪

467
00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:41,136
No! Stop!

468
00:19:41,205 --> 00:19:42,586
Take my hands

469
00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:47,723
♪ You evil... metal... dork! ♪

470
00:19:47,792 --> 00:19:49,448
[ sobbing]

471
00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:50,862
[ fiendish laughter]

472
00:19:50,931 --> 00:19:52,654
[ gasps]

473
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:55,586
Surgery in an opera?

474
00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:57,103
How wonderfully decadent!

475
00:19:57,172 --> 00:19:59,723
And just as I was beginning
to lose interest.

476
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:03,654
Jambi, the chocolate icing!

477
00:20:03,723 --> 00:20:04,895
Oh!

478
00:20:04,964 --> 00:20:06,723
Oh, my, yes!

479
00:20:06,792 --> 00:20:07,723
[ giggling]

480
00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,136
Ooh.

481
00:20:09,205 --> 00:20:10,758
My hands!

482
00:20:10,826 --> 00:20:13,448
My horrible human hands!

483
00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:14,723
[ gasps]

484
00:20:14,792 --> 00:20:16,413
And what did you do
to my nails?

485
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,034
I cleaned them.

486
00:20:18,103 --> 00:20:19,792
Now, if you'll
excuse me, it's
my poker night

487
00:20:19,862 --> 00:20:21,067
and I feel lucky.

488
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,275
[ giggling]

489
00:20:22,344 --> 00:20:23,758
So it's back
to Hell for me!

490
00:20:23,826 --> 00:20:25,000
Come on, Nixon.

491
00:20:25,067 --> 00:20:26,240
Huh?

492
00:20:28,309 --> 00:20:29,586
[ muttering]

493
00:20:29,654 --> 00:20:30,517
[ Robot Devil chuckling]

494
00:20:30,586 --> 00:20:33,413
Less reality,
more fantasy!

495
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:35,517
Resume the opera!

496
00:20:35,586 --> 00:20:37,481
But I can't play anymore!

497
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:38,792
Yes, you can!

498
00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,067
The beauty was
in your heart

499
00:20:40,136 --> 00:20:41,862
not your hands.

500
00:20:46,862 --> 00:20:52,240
[ plays discordant notes]

501
00:20:52,309 --> 00:20:54,172
[ booing]

502
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,895
Your music's bad,
and you should feel bad.

503
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,103
[ booing]

504
00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,103
[ grunting]

505
00:20:59,172 --> 00:21:00,689
Ah, ooh!

506
00:21:00,758 --> 00:21:02,000
Whoa. Aah! Hey!

507
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,000
Whoa-oh!

508
00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,240
Extra, extra!

509
00:21:06,309 --> 00:21:09,136
Greatest opera
of all time sucks!

510
00:21:09,205 --> 00:21:11,378
I'll take eight.

511
00:21:18,309 --> 00:21:20,344
[ footsteps echoing]

512
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:24,000
LEELA:
Please don't stop playing, Fry.

513
00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:26,792
I want to hear how it ends.

514
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:38,103
[ playing simple melody]