1 00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:07,219 [ Man ] One, two! One, two, three! 2 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:35,470 [ Grunting ] 3 00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:40,820 There. I've finished fine-tuning my "What If" machine. 4 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:43,173 It can answer any "What if?" question... 5 00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:46,264 accurate to within one-tenth of a plausibility unit. 6 00:00:46,393 --> 00:00:48,573 That's so plausible I can't believe it. 7 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,830 Who wants the machine to show them an alternate reality? 8 00:00:51,963 --> 00:00:55,143 Ooh, ooh! I wanna know what would happen if I were human. 9 00:00:55,271 --> 00:01:00,061 I mean, being a robot's great, but we don't have emotions, 10 00:01:00,189 --> 00:01:03,589 and sometimes that makes me very sad. [ Sniffles ] 11 00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:06,935 Oh, lordy loo, there he goes again. 12 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,767 Well, let's give baby what he wants. 13 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,546 What if Bender were human? 14 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,599 Good news, everyone! I've invented a way... 15 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,613 to turn Bender into a human... 16 00:01:23,734 --> 00:01:27,304 using a process I call reverse fossilization. 17 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:30,825 -How does it work? -Well, in regular fossilization, 18 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,270 flesh and bone turn to minerals. 19 00:01:33,396 --> 00:01:37,096 Realizing that, it was a simple matter to reverse the process. 20 00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:40,797 I've already tested it by turning the toaster into a raccoon. 21 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:43,186 [ Chirping ] 22 00:01:45,234 --> 00:01:47,194 Mmm. Kind of gamy. 23 00:01:47,323 --> 00:01:49,283 Are you ready, Bender? 24 00:01:49,412 --> 00:01:52,202 I don't know. I'm beginning to have some second thoughts. 25 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,159 [ Babbling ] 26 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:03,781 [ Moaning ] 27 00:02:06,037 --> 00:02:08,257 Cover your shame, mon! 28 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:12,222 [ Groaning ][ All Gasp ] 29 00:02:12,348 --> 00:02:16,608 It worked! Eat it everyone who's never won a Nobel Prize! 30 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:19,265 And that includes you, Amy. 31 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,790 So this is a human body, huh? Neat. 32 00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:26,406 Hey, my antenna's gone! 33 00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:30,107 No, it just moved. I'm not getting good reception on it, though. 34 00:02:30,236 --> 00:02:32,146 Maybe if I wiggle it around a little. 35 00:02:32,281 --> 00:02:34,411 [ Whispering ] Bender, no. You'll make God cry. 36 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:38,375 Well, let's see what kind of things this body can do. 37 00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:41,196 - [ Gasps ] - Hey, that's pretty fun. 38 00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:45,162 [ Laughing ] Being human is great! 39 00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:51,129 Hooray! It's just like Mardi Gras. 40 00:02:53,694 --> 00:02:56,614 Guys, guys, you gotta come into the bathroom and look at this! 41 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,400 You're not gonna believe it. 42 00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:01,826 Bender, it's okay to be proud, but don't be a showoff. 43 00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,973 Ooh. 44 00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:07,316 Whoa. You look a lot better than you used to for some reason. 45 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:10,188 You're not so bad yourself, big boy. 46 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,670 Hey, that felt great! 47 00:03:15,455 --> 00:03:19,365 - Nah, it's not working anymore. - Speak for yourself. 48 00:03:25,856 --> 00:03:27,766 Whoa. This is awesome. 49 00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:30,432 Bender, you drank and smoked when you were a robot. 50 00:03:30,557 --> 00:03:33,387 But now it's bad for me. Whoo! 51 00:03:33,516 --> 00:03:35,516 Speaking of which, try these nachos. 52 00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:45,222 Mmm. Why didn't anyone tell me tasting things tasted so good? 53 00:03:46,355 --> 00:03:50,185 [ Sighs ] ♪♪ [ Latin Dance Rock ] 54 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:54,757 What's going on? That rhythm, it's doing something to my human butt. 55 00:04:00,717 --> 00:04:02,757 [ Laughing ] 56 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:06,164 Bender, part of being human is having self-control. 57 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:10,508 Oh, my God! I bet I can eat nachos and go to the bathroom at the same time. 58 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,340 [ All ] No, Bender! 59 00:04:12,468 --> 00:04:14,208 Let me go!No! 60 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,171 Come, Bender. It's time to go home and rest. 61 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,430 I need you in top shape next week... 62 00:04:19,562 --> 00:04:22,442 when I present you to the Nobel Prize Committee. 63 00:04:22,565 --> 00:04:24,385 Bender? 64 00:04:24,524 --> 00:04:27,354 Good-bye, moderation! 65 00:04:27,483 --> 00:04:30,013 ♪ Come on Shake your body Baby, do the conga ♪ 66 00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:32,179 ♪ I know you can't control yourself any longer ♪ 67 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,274 ♪ Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger ♪ 68 00:04:34,403 --> 00:04:37,063 ♪ Don't you fight it till you tried it Do the conga ♪ 69 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,709 ♪♪ [ Continues ] 70 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,334 ♪♪ [ Ends ] 71 00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:59,172 Is Bender still missing for a week? Where is he already? 72 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:04,168 As I've said before, I used reverse fossilization, 73 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:08,743 which is the reverse of regular, uh, eh-- 74 00:05:08,872 --> 00:05:10,792 Psst! We found him!Ah! 75 00:05:10,918 --> 00:05:13,178 Then without further stalling for time, 76 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,402 I present to the Nobel judges... 77 00:05:15,531 --> 00:05:19,271 the first robot ever turned into a human! 78 00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:24,191 [ Groaning ] 79 00:05:25,976 --> 00:05:27,536 [ All Gasp ] 80 00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,545 My God! He needs medical attention! 81 00:05:32,548 --> 00:05:35,328 Pulse: 300. Liver: failing. 82 00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,465 Cholesterol: 40? 83 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:41,038 Well, that's not so bad.No, I mean 40 pounds! 84 00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:45,475 Eww. This, uh, scientific breakthrough, 85 00:05:45,605 --> 00:05:49,775 uh, heralds a new dawn in human/robot relations, yes. 86 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:54,050 Come here and give old Bender a kiss. 87 00:05:54,178 --> 00:05:57,528 - [ Moaning ] - [ Disgusted Shiver ] 88 00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,531 Hey, you like grilled cheese? 89 00:06:01,577 --> 00:06:04,797 And, uh, that's why I believe... 90 00:06:04,928 --> 00:06:07,278 I deserve the Nobel Prize. 91 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,330 Not only do you not deserve a Nobel Prize... 92 00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:13,586 for loosing this bloated man-ball upon the world, 93 00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:17,381 but you are hereby kicked out of the Academy of Science! 94 00:06:20,117 --> 00:06:23,377 Wait! As men of science, 95 00:06:23,512 --> 00:06:26,602 are not your minds open to new ideas? 96 00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:29,693 I say, do not judge me... 97 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:33,654 until you have tried my way of life for yourselves. 98 00:06:33,783 --> 00:06:35,663 [ Gurgling ] 99 00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:41,841 Young man, you have opened our minds and swayed our hearts. 100 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:45,526 - Let us therefore-- - Party! 101 00:06:47,536 --> 00:06:51,406 - ♪♪ [ Latin Dance Rock ] - Let's trash this place! 102 00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:53,850 Party![ All Cheering ] 103 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,628 Whee! 104 00:06:57,154 --> 00:06:59,984 ♪ Come on Shake your body Baby, do the conga ♪ 105 00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:02,635 ♪ I know you can't control yourself any longer ♪ 106 00:07:02,769 --> 00:07:05,599 ♪ Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger ♪♪ 107 00:07:05,728 --> 00:07:07,948 Bender, you were right. 108 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:11,609 Truly you have lived more in your one week of being human... 109 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:16,385 than the rest of us have in our entire lives.Whoo! 110 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,793 And so to recognize your achievements, 111 00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:24,527 I hereby award you the Nobel Prize in... 112 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,141 uh, chemistry. 113 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,575 Care to say a few words, Bender? 114 00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:35,933 - He's dead. - [ All Gasp ] 115 00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:38,724 - When did he die? - Hmm. 116 00:07:38,848 --> 00:07:41,588 About twelve hours ago when the party started. 117 00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:47,161 - But he just said "Whoo!" - No, that was air escaping from the folds of his fat. 118 00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,602 Whoo! 119 00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,819 [ Farnsworth ] Good night, sweet prince. 120 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:58,001 You were the greatest man any of us will ever know. 121 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:02,349 Well, let's get him out of here. He's starting to smell up the joint. 122 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,491 Whoo! 123 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,485 Whoo! 124 00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:10,532 Whoo! 125 00:08:10,663 --> 00:08:13,753 [ Narrator ] You watched it. You can't un-watch it. 126 00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,974 Stay tuned for more... 127 00:08:16,103 --> 00:08:19,373 Tales of Interest. 128 00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:26,722 Who else has a question for the "What If" machine? 129 00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:29,863 Scruffy? Katrina? Xanthor? 130 00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:33,727 Oh! I have one! I'm good at video games and bad at everything else. 131 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,650 That's why I wish life were more like a video game. 132 00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:39,257 Can you put that in the form of a question? 133 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,738 Uh, what if that thing I said? 134 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:48,176 Oh, great machine, we beseech thee, 135 00:08:48,309 --> 00:08:51,969 what if life were more like a video game? 136 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,110 Good evening, ignorant pigs. 137 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,630 Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs... 138 00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:10,684 and pay attention as I sign an historic peace accord... 139 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:14,421 with Ambassador Kong of Planet Nintendu 64. 140 00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:17,123 [ Fry ] Wait a second. 141 00:09:17,251 --> 00:09:19,121 I know that monkey! His name is Donkey. 142 00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:22,434 Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head! 143 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,872 I'll just put the old John Q. Nixon on it. 144 00:09:28,784 --> 00:09:32,354 There. No major crap-ups. You're on, Mr. Ambassador. 145 00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:35,014 [ Grunting ] 146 00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,879 What the-- 147 00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:49,806 Mama Mia! 148 00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:52,677 The cruel meatball of war has-a rolled onto our laps, 149 00:09:52,808 --> 00:09:55,328 and-a ruined our white-a pants of peace. 150 00:09:55,463 --> 00:09:57,123 [ Springing ] 151 00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:04,906 Mr. Fry, rumor has it that you know the secrets of the video game "Chance." 152 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,298 Please, step into the war room. 153 00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:09,742 [ Beeping ] 154 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,740 [ Pac-Man Beeping-like Sounds ] 155 00:10:11,871 --> 00:10:14,881 You'll be meeting with General Colin Pacman.Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a! 156 00:10:15,004 --> 00:10:18,534 Let's get down to business! What can you tell us about the Nintendians? 157 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,181 Well, sir, I spent all of ninth grade studying them, 158 00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:24,576 except for that day when my eyeballs started to bleed, and in my opinion-- 159 00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:29,279 - [ All Gasp ] - Quickly! To the escape tunnels. 160 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:33,761 [ All ] Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a! 161 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,724 Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a! 162 00:10:36,852 --> 00:10:38,682 This way, damn it! 163 00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,732 Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a! 164 00:10:40,856 --> 00:10:43,336 Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a! Mmm, delicious! 165 00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:45,817 Just like stale marshmallows! 166 00:10:45,948 --> 00:10:47,948 Ooh, and a cherry! 167 00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:53,216 Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a! 168 00:10:53,347 --> 00:10:55,437 Hey, watch out! 169 00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:59,565 Uh-oh!Oh, my God! He ate Fry! 170 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,921 Fry is dead! 171 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:05,792 It's okay. I had another guy.[ Cheering ] 172 00:11:07,535 --> 00:11:09,835 Wock-a, wock-a-- [ Panting ] 173 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,164 [ Gasping ] 174 00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,418 Invaders, possibly from space! 175 00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:27,122 People of Earth, 176 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:30,990 I am Lrrr of the Planet Nintendu 64. 177 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:34,905 Tremble in fear at our three different kinds of ships. 178 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:37,702 All right. It's Saturday night. 179 00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:43,136 I have no date, a two-liter bottle of Shasta and my all-Rush mix tape. 180 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,697 Let's rock! 181 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,144 ♪ Today's Tom Sawyer He gets high on you ♪ 182 00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:49,970 ♪ And the space he invades He gets by on you ♪ 183 00:11:56,366 --> 00:11:59,276 We're losing ships, sir. What are your orders? 184 00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:02,373 Increase speed, drop down and reverse direction! 185 00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:05,814 ♪♪ [ Continues ] 186 00:12:07,682 --> 00:12:10,292 I've still got a trick or two up my sleeve. 187 00:12:10,424 --> 00:12:12,914 Watch as I fire upwards through our own shield! 188 00:12:13,035 --> 00:12:15,515 [ All Gasp ]He's a madman! 189 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,647 A madman! 190 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,094 It's working. Victory is assured. 191 00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:30,454 My retirement tomorrow will be all the sweeter. 192 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:34,059 [ Screams ] I'm hit! 193 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,487 So cold. 194 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,975 [ High-pitched ] No! 195 00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:42,406 Amy, tend to the Widow Pacman. 196 00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:46,073 [ Sobbing ] Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a. 197 00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:49,731 Drop down and increase speed! 198 00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,725 One ship is left only. 199 00:12:55,121 --> 00:12:56,991 Come on, Fry! Get it! 200 00:12:57,124 --> 00:13:00,134 It's moving too fast! Oh, I could never get the last one. 201 00:13:00,256 --> 00:13:03,736 - My brother always got it for me. - [ Gasping ] 202 00:13:07,698 --> 00:13:11,488 Drop down! Reverse direction! Prepare for landing. 203 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,713 [ Explosion Sound ] 204 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:19,797 [ Controls Clacking ] [ Fry Chuckles ] 205 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,455 You are defeated! Instead of shooting where I was, 206 00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,810 you should have shot at where I was going to be. [ Laughs ] 207 00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:39,250 All your base are belong to us.[ Springing ] 208 00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:44,907 [ Speaking Backward ]What do you monsters want? 209 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,870 One thing, and one thing only. 210 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,920 Quarters! A million allowances worth of quarters! 211 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,918 No slugs or tokens! 212 00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:57,879 - Fork 'em over! Fork 'em over! - Forget it, you pixilated pirates! 213 00:13:58,010 --> 00:14:01,840 We need those quarters to do our laundry![ All Shouting Agreement ] 214 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:05,761 But-- But space invaders need to do laundry too. 215 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,498 I mean, look at Donkey Kong here. 216 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:09,849 Have you smelled his loincloth lately? 217 00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,849 - Yes. - Go away! 218 00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:15,030 We're not giving you our quarters no matter what! 219 00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:18,288 Well, then what if we throw our laundry in with yours? 220 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,422 - Would that be acceptable? - I guess so. 221 00:14:20,554 --> 00:14:22,734 Okay then, that settles that. 222 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:26,951 But if this cape shrinks, consider your species extinct! 223 00:14:27,082 --> 00:14:29,002 [ Narrator ] Bravo! 224 00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:30,869 That'll be hard to top! 225 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,050 I pity the next... 226 00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:35,566 Tale of Interest! 227 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:45,542 Well, there's time for one last question. 228 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:48,887 Let's turn to the "Who Asked" machine to see who's next? 229 00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:54,018 Um, uh, Amy. 230 00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:55,853 - [ Gasps ] - I mean Leela. 231 00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,981 [ Moans ]Okay. 232 00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:01,384 [ Clears Throat ] As an alien who was abandoned on Earth, 233 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,769 I've never really belonged anywhere. 234 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,383 Boo hoo! 235 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,383 Ow![ Muttering ] 236 00:15:08,515 --> 00:15:10,125 So my question is this-- 237 00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:13,036 What if I found my true home? 238 00:15:14,173 --> 00:15:16,653 Ow! 239 00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:19,054 [ Moaning ] 240 00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:24,182 [ Chittering ] 241 00:15:24,313 --> 00:15:26,883 [ Groaning ] Where are we? 242 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:32,237 [ Sinister Laughter ] 243 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:35,105 [ Grunts, Muttering ] 244 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,106 [ Crash ] 245 00:15:42,462 --> 00:15:45,902 Nibbler, I don't think we're in New New York anymore. 246 00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:54,129 Geez, apparently the phrase "tone it down" doesn't exist on this planet. 247 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,094 [ Gasps ] Oh, no! 248 00:15:57,216 --> 00:16:00,126 We hit someone! Quick, back into the ship! 249 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,663 Ooh, nice boots. 250 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,657 Yuck! 251 00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:08,178 Look, everyone! She killed the Manwitch of the West! 252 00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:10,265 [ Cheering ]A witch? 253 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,713 That explains how these boots magically appeared on my feet. 254 00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,541 No, you stole them. We saw you! 255 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:20,151 Well, it's hard to find shoes that fit me. 256 00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,113 So anyway, who are you people? 257 00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:24,851 Haven't I seen you in some copyrighted movie? 258 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,254 ♪ We resemble but are legally distinct ♪ 259 00:16:27,376 --> 00:16:29,726 ♪ From the Lollipop Guild the Lollipop-- ♪♪ 260 00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:35,341 [ Straining ] 261 00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:42,436 Greetings, Leela. I'm the Cute Witch of the North. 262 00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,216 Yeah. Can anyone fix my ship so I can get home? 263 00:16:45,351 --> 00:16:48,361 Abraca-duh. Just ask the professor. 264 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:52,005 He lives in the Emerald Laboratory down Martin Luther King Boulevard. 265 00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:56,010 You mean that Yellow Brick Road?The City Council renamed it in 1975. 266 00:16:56,144 --> 00:16:59,114 Ooh, those are great shoes! 267 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:02,105 - Oh, thank you. - Do they come in women's sizes? 268 00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:10,590 [ Cawing ] 269 00:17:10,724 --> 00:17:14,344 Okay, crow. Prepare to be scared. 270 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:18,908 "And then-- honk, honk-- The car honked its own horn!" 271 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,468 Wow. A talking scarecrow. 272 00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:25,255 Wanna come with us to see the professor? He might be able to give you a brain. 273 00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:28,132 Hey! That's not a nice thing to say. 274 00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:31,273 Beer! Beer! 275 00:17:31,397 --> 00:17:33,097 Whiskey okay? 276 00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:40,150 [ Groans ]Now, did you say you're off to see the professor? 277 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,496 'Cause I could use a heart-- a human heart. 278 00:17:42,625 --> 00:17:45,015 I need to pump a lot of blood out of my basement. 279 00:17:46,368 --> 00:17:48,718 And I'm the other guy, Courage. 280 00:17:48,849 --> 00:17:51,199 Not enough of it. Need some from what's-his-name. 281 00:17:55,638 --> 00:17:57,598 Damn this D.S.L.! 282 00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:01,384 [ Cackling ] 283 00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:03,335 Fly, my stupids! 284 00:18:03,472 --> 00:18:05,352 Fly out and get them! 285 00:18:05,474 --> 00:18:08,964 But, Mommy, you promised you'd bake monkey cake today. 286 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,527 By "monkey cake," I meant your ass! 287 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:15,443 [ All Groan, Chittering ] 288 00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:19,269 Man, we've been skipping for hours. 289 00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:21,192 I need to pull over and take "The Wiz." 290 00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,797 What, do I smell or something? 291 00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,851 [ Moans ] 292 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:34,159 Why did you bring us here? And why did I have to take a cab? 293 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:38,417 I'll tell you why I brought you here, you twice-baked barf bags! 294 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,081 Because I've always wanted a daughter to love. 295 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,168 You wanna get adopted, you little skank? 296 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:47,337 And live here and be a witch like you? 297 00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:49,303 Yeah, all right. 298 00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:53,092 As long as I get to hurt people and not just dance around at the equinox. 299 00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:57,609 Absolutely.Oh, Mommy! I found my true home! 300 00:18:57,744 --> 00:18:59,404 [ Cheering ]That's great, Leela! 301 00:18:59,528 --> 00:19:03,618 I've heard worse excuses to drink. Oops! 302 00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:06,410 I'm melting! Oh! 303 00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:11,846 Who would have thought a small amount of liquid would ever fall on me? 304 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:16,423 Well, no point in lettin' her go to waste. 305 00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:28,471 Yes?We're here to see the professor. 306 00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,732 No one sees the mighty professor! 307 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,605 [ Farnsworth ] Who's there, Hermes? Is it visitors? 308 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,957 I want to see them!It's nobody! 309 00:19:36,086 --> 00:19:38,866 Now sign that will I gave you! He's not here. 310 00:19:39,002 --> 00:19:41,402 Oh, for the love of Benji.[ Screams ] 311 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,618 [ All Gasp ] 312 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,880 I am the professor! 313 00:19:50,013 --> 00:19:53,283 Great and, uh, forgetful! 314 00:19:57,673 --> 00:20:00,243 Now, what do you nice kids want? 315 00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,293 Nothing! I'm leaving! 316 00:20:02,417 --> 00:20:05,547 But if you have extra courage, I'd haul it away for you maybe? 317 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:08,512 Oh, blithery poop, my cowardly lobster! 318 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,212 You don't need courage. 319 00:20:10,338 --> 00:20:13,258 After all, who needs courage when you have... 320 00:20:13,385 --> 00:20:15,515 a gun? 321 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,428 [ Imitating Gunfire ] 322 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,905 Now, world. You put yourhands up! 323 00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:24,125 And you, lad, all you need is a brain. 324 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,006 Why does everyone keep saying that? 325 00:20:26,136 --> 00:20:28,306 This is a stickup! 326 00:20:28,443 --> 00:20:30,323 Give me the bag, old man! 327 00:20:30,445 --> 00:20:33,965 [ Chuckles ] Here you go, my friend. 328 00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:37,322 Five thousand Professor Land fun bucks. 329 00:20:37,452 --> 00:20:39,372 Oh, crap. 330 00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:42,279 As for you, young lady, 331 00:20:42,414 --> 00:20:44,374 you want to go home, right? 332 00:20:44,503 --> 00:20:48,333 No, not anymore. I want to stay here and become the new wicked witch. 333 00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:53,163 Nonsense! Now click your big honking boots together three times, 334 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,555 and wish to go home to Kansas... 335 00:20:55,689 --> 00:21:00,259 to live in poverty with your dirt-farming, teetotaling aunt and uncle. 336 00:21:00,388 --> 00:21:03,218 Uh, all right. Here I go. 337 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:10,267 There's no place like-- I wanna be a witch! 338 00:21:10,398 --> 00:21:12,358 [ All Gasp ] 339 00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:16,364 [ Cackling ] 340 00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:22,715 Oh, no! Help! What's happening? 341 00:21:22,846 --> 00:21:27,016 Uh, sorry. I think there's a problem with your upstairs toilet. 342 00:21:27,154 --> 00:21:30,164 [ Shuddering ] 343 00:21:32,421 --> 00:21:35,081 Wake up![ Coughs ] 344 00:21:35,205 --> 00:21:37,855 Leela, are you all right? You got wanged on the head. 345 00:21:37,991 --> 00:21:40,781 I was having the most wonderful dream, 346 00:21:40,907 --> 00:21:44,257 except you were there, and you were there, and you were there. 347 00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,480 Never mind, Professor. She came to. 348 00:21:46,608 --> 00:21:49,308 Oh, so close. 349 00:21:49,438 --> 00:21:51,438 There's always next year, Professor. 350 00:21:51,570 --> 00:21:53,790 There's always next year.