1 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:43,590 I got one! 2 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,090 Okay, kids. 3 00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:47,030 Put away the dust motes till tomorrow. 4 00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,330 It's story time. 5 00:00:48,390 --> 00:00:49,900 - Oh, boy! - Yay! Ooh! 6 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,260 Today's storyteller is a space captain 7 00:00:52,330 --> 00:00:54,570 who grew up right here at the orphanarium. 8 00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:58,370 Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela. 9 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:02,140 Hi, kids. 10 00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:04,180 What book would you like me to read first? 11 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,310 We don't got books no more. 12 00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:08,510 - What? - He means "anymore". 13 00:01:08,580 --> 00:01:10,280 Look, sometimes you got to choose 14 00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:11,456 between eating and reading, 15 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:12,950 so they ate the books. 16 00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:14,320 Just make something up. 17 00:01:14,390 --> 00:01:15,620 Make something up? 18 00:01:15,690 --> 00:01:18,060 Um, okay... 19 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,760 Once upon a time, 20 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,130 there was a... a... 21 00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:23,730 Princess? 22 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,330 Yes! That! 23 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,000 A... one-eyed Princess 24 00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:30,600 in a long, flowing... 25 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,200 Tank top. 26 00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:34,640 And she lived in a magical one-room... 27 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:35,640 Castle? 28 00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:36,710 Yeah, if you believe 29 00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:37,710 the listing agent. 30 00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:39,310 Anyhow, one day, 31 00:01:39,380 --> 00:01:41,550 the Princess went off to, 32 00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:43,250 uh, tell a story. 33 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,380 And then that's exactly what she did do that. 34 00:01:46,450 --> 00:01:48,190 And they all lived happily ever after. 35 00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:49,390 The end. 36 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:50,560 Miss Leela? 37 00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:51,860 I have a question. 38 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,590 - Yes, Albert? - That story was bad. 39 00:01:54,660 --> 00:01:56,260 That's not really a question. 40 00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:58,330 That wasn't really a story. 41 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,070 I'm sorry, kids. 42 00:02:00,130 --> 00:02:02,270 I'm not a natural storyteller. 43 00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:04,440 But I promise I'll make up a better story 44 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,040 and come back again. 45 00:02:06,110 --> 00:02:07,310 Please don't. 46 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,940 See you soon. 47 00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:15,280 I'm sure I've got a great kids' story in me. 48 00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:18,020 I just need to think of three of some kind of animal. 49 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,750 Concentrate, Leela, concentrate. 50 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,460 Fry, I'm writing here. 51 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,790 Do you have to play that? 52 00:02:26,860 --> 00:02:29,160 Yes. It's the only song I know. 53 00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:31,330 Look, friends. 54 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,030 I accidentally learned to tap dance. 55 00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:37,470 Zoidberg, I'm trying to... 56 00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:41,710 Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! 57 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:48,150 Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? 58 00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:51,450 Oh, yeah! 59 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,390 Pachinko break! 60 00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:56,250 Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! 61 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,160 Oh, good, Leela. You're here. 62 00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:02,260 I'd like to describe my foot pain. 63 00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:05,330 My left has a sharp jabbing throb near the bunion, 64 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,376 while the other's got a searing pain like gout. 65 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,240 Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... 66 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,500 Even if I had a pen, 67 00:03:12,570 --> 00:03:14,440 I couldn't write under these conditions. 68 00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:16,286 I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. 69 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:17,580 Searing, searing pain 70 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,310 that feels as if it were in a vice. 71 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,220 Well, that was rude. 72 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,490 Warden Vogel. 73 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,390 I have a new story for the children. 74 00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:35,760 I'm sure they'll like it more than my last one. 75 00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:38,060 They liked hunger cramps more than your last one. 76 00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,346 Anyhow, you'll have to wait. 77 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:40,700 The kids are busy right now. 78 00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:43,230 Oh, is the organ-harvesting clown here? 79 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,200 Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now. 80 00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:47,870 Today it's the owner of the Tickleodeon Kids Network. 81 00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:51,910 Okay, kids, get ready to be subjected to our new fall shows. 82 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:54,180 Mr. Funny-bunny here will gauge your reaction 83 00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:58,050 by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. 84 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:04,590 He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. 85 00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:12,530 Popular Slut Club. 86 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,740 Oh, my god. There's Jake Finkelberg! 87 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,170 He's so hot. 88 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,410 I wish he wasn't my brother. 89 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:24,880 Popular Slut Club. 90 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,880 Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! 91 00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:33,490 It's Captain Mega Meat 92 00:04:33,550 --> 00:04:35,320 and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. 93 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,120 Hurry, Captain! 94 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,660 A skinny kid needs our help. 95 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:41,890 Super-size me! 96 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,040 From the Rowdy Roddy Piper 97 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,270 daycare center in Glasgow, Scotland, 98 00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:55,410 it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! 99 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,750 Thanks for the brain scans, kids. 100 00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:09,466 Don't have any children for the next couple of days. 101 00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:11,920 All right, boys and girls, enough fun. 102 00:05:11,990 --> 00:05:14,760 Your old friend Leela is back with a brand-new story. 103 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,960 Hi. It's great to be back. 104 00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:18,860 I think you'll enjoy this one. 105 00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:20,200 Please. 106 00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:23,240 Can't we just get our organs harvested? 107 00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:25,300 It's about some cute little creatures 108 00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:27,670 from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. 109 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:30,840 Kids, let's meet the Humplings! 110 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,310 My name is Ladybuggle 111 00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:37,880 and I huggle all my friends 112 00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,450 I'm a silly spring named Doingg 113 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,320 and my bouncing never ends 114 00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:43,560 Doingg, Doingg, Doingg. 115 00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:45,460 They call me Princess Num-Num 116 00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,860 I'm as sweet as sticky buns 117 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,190 I'm Feffernoose 118 00:05:49,260 --> 00:05:50,500 Hello. 119 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,400 I'm scared of everyones. 120 00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:54,170 Oh, Feffernoose. 121 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,800 What about me? 122 00:05:55,870 --> 00:05:58,100 Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 123 00:05:58,170 --> 00:06:00,070 'cause they can't understand him. 124 00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:02,110 It's nice to meet you. 125 00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:04,240 We're here to make you laugh and think 126 00:06:04,310 --> 00:06:06,010 and smile and learn and sing 127 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,180 and laugh and learn and smile and think 128 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,150 and other happy things. 129 00:06:19,090 --> 00:06:21,130 Say more things like that. 130 00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,360 Okeydoke. 131 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,100 One sunny, funny day, 132 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,700 there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. 133 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,370 Today we learned that folks are not 134 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,770 as different as they seem 135 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,362 the space gorilla's just like us 136 00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:36,780 although I breathe chlorine. 137 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:44,880 Wow, I can't believe you 'maginated all that stuff. 138 00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:47,320 Will you come back again and tell us more stories? 139 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,250 And also adopt us all? 140 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,660 Of course I'll tell you more stories. 141 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,930 I'll go think some up right now. 142 00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,360 Holy moly! 143 00:06:58,430 --> 00:06:59,900 Lady, you don't know me, 144 00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:01,306 but my name is Abner Doubledeal. 145 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,070 Wait, I know you. 146 00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:04,940 You're Abner Doubledeal. 147 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,940 I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story, 148 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:09,456 and, sister, their enjoyment glands 149 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,089 were squirting like Broadway roadkill! 150 00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:12,880 Aw, they were? 151 00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:14,750 Say, you seem like a smart mark. 152 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:16,880 How'd you like to make it into a TV show? 153 00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:18,720 Sign here on this, uh... 154 00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,820 Supercuts coupon. 155 00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:22,020 I don't know. 156 00:07:22,090 --> 00:07:23,190 Don't I need a degree 157 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:24,960 to write gibberish for toddlers? 158 00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:26,390 Come on, Miss Leela. 159 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,930 Don't be a fraidy cat like Feffernoose. 160 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,000 Okay. I'll do it 161 00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:33,500 to show you kids you can succeed at anything, 162 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:35,870 if you just luck out hard enough. 163 00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:38,800 Welcome to the glamorous, big-money world 164 00:07:38,870 --> 00:07:40,740 of basic cable TV! 165 00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:42,840 I'm going to need that pen back. 166 00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:52,060 Working on a real TV show is so exciting. 167 00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:54,060 I'm on a mostly natural high. 168 00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:57,170 These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. 169 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,900 I'm not having any problem. 170 00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:00,910 We're shooting in five minutes, 171 00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:02,846 and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! 172 00:08:02,870 --> 00:08:05,080 Sweet zombie Jesus, like it's not hard enough 173 00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:07,097 to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks. 174 00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:12,180 Damn it. I'll call you back, grandma. 175 00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,620 Nice of you to show up, toots. 176 00:08:13,690 --> 00:08:14,950 I mean that sincerely. 177 00:08:15,020 --> 00:08:16,196 It's just that I'm in show biz. 178 00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:18,920 Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write. 179 00:08:18,990 --> 00:08:21,060 Here's the script. 180 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:23,660 Ach! You writers make me sick. 181 00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:24,906 Nice job on the script, though. 182 00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:27,060 Places, everyone! 183 00:08:29,830 --> 00:08:31,400 Okay. Cheap lights. 184 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,370 Off-brand camera. 185 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,610 And non-union action! 186 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,180 I like ice cream. 187 00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,180 And I like lollipops. 188 00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:48,850 And I like you, Princess Num-Num. 189 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:54,060 Ew. I'm all licky-sticky! 190 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,630 I don't understand. 191 00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,560 When I like something, I lick it. 192 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:00,930 Like this raccoon. 193 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:05,870 Doingg, don't lick things 194 00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:07,540 that don't want to be licked. 195 00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:08,915 But how do I know what to lick 196 00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:10,110 and what not to lick? 197 00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:11,840 It's very simple. 198 00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:18,350 If it's alive, don't lick it 199 00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:21,650 like a horse, a turtle or a cricket 200 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,050 I like turtles! 201 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,760 So if you're not sure 202 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:26,920 if it's alive or dead 203 00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:31,700 poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead. 204 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,530 Now I get it! 205 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,930 Ow! 206 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,070 Well, that's all for today. 207 00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:39,570 But before we go, 208 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,510 let's do everything we just did 209 00:09:41,570 --> 00:09:43,170 two more times. 210 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,840 Leela, that was great! 211 00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:46,710 Even I have to admire the performance 212 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:47,980 of me, Bender. 213 00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:49,710 The show looks so cute. 214 00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:50,910 Kids will love it! 215 00:09:50,980 --> 00:09:52,180 And it looks so cruddy, 216 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,880 their ironic hipster parents 217 00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:55,590 will love it. 218 00:09:55,650 --> 00:09:57,690 Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. 219 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,460 We all know any TV show that's even slightly good 220 00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:01,790 gets cancelled. 221 00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,490 Sometimes two or three times. 222 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,160 Leela! 223 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,906 Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. 224 00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:08,030 We're a hit. 225 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:11,040 What? My show is a hit? 226 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,940 What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger 227 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,340 than Spongebot Squarebolts. 228 00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:16,940 I interfere with pacemakers. 229 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,240 Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 230 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:22,080 'cause that is how you're gonna die. 231 00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:13,560 Welcome back to the young people's choice awards! 232 00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:17,230 In a moment, the award for outstanding sext message. 233 00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:21,240 But first, the nominees for best new kids' show are... 234 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,264 Yo Gimmie Gimmie... 235 00:11:23,288 --> 00:11:26,888 The Adventures of Pit-Bull & Scaredy Squirrel... 236 00:11:27,012 --> 00:11:29,012 Dora the Destroyer... 237 00:11:29,236 --> 00:11:31,536 and... Rumbledy-Hump. 238 00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:33,750 I hope you win, Leela. 239 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,290 Thanks, Fry. 240 00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:37,920 It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. 241 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:40,020 - I'm the star of the show. - Shh! 242 00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:44,060 And the Slurmie for best new kids' show goes to... 243 00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:45,930 Turanga Leela 244 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,230 for Rumbledy-Hump. 245 00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:51,030 this is Turanga Leela's first nomination 246 00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:54,370 and second time in high heels. 247 00:11:56,310 --> 00:11:59,240 Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated 248 00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:00,940 alongside so many inferior shows. 249 00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:02,380 And to all 250 00:12:02,450 --> 00:12:04,950 my young friends at the orphanarium, 251 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:08,150 thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. 252 00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:09,390 Slurm her! 253 00:12:16,530 --> 00:12:19,000 So, wait. You play a high school student 254 00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:22,870 who's also secretly a rock star who's also secretly a massage chair? 255 00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:26,870 No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, 256 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,210 but in real life I'm a massage chair. 257 00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:32,480 Oh. You ever made out with a tugboat. 258 00:12:33,510 --> 00:12:35,910 Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, 259 00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:38,010 but I want each of you to know 260 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,820 what an honor it is to work with me. 261 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,520 Sweet ego of montego! 262 00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:44,450 Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth! 263 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,520 You're the greatest creative mind 264 00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:49,190 since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. 265 00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,906 But it's 2:00 A.M. and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. 266 00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:54,030 Well, you can't expect me to write it here 267 00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:57,230 with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. 268 00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,470 Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place 269 00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:01,100 so I can be alone. 270 00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,710 You noncreatives can catch a bus home. 271 00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:05,340 Noncreative? Ha! 272 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,380 I'll have you know I bedazzle my own underpants. 273 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,560 That was a hell of a massage. 274 00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:26,460 Maybe the best that ever was. 275 00:13:26,530 --> 00:13:28,230 Say, where are we? 276 00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:34,800 Rumbledy-Hump? 277 00:13:34,870 --> 00:13:36,240 It's real! 278 00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:39,010 I love eating vegetables, don't you? 279 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,410 They're like crunchy, green water. 280 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,210 I don't like 'em! They're icky-yuckie! 281 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,520 Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, 282 00:13:47,590 --> 00:13:49,750 we won't grow big and strong, 283 00:13:49,820 --> 00:13:51,320 like Feffernoose. 284 00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:56,160 I had to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. 285 00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:59,130 Did somebody say monsters?! 286 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,500 This will make a great episode. 287 00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:05,470 But talk slower, I can't type that fast. 288 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:08,310 Well, well, well. 289 00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:10,510 You didn't make up that TV show. 290 00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:13,340 You just wrote down what these space twerps said. 291 00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:14,410 Oh, hell. 292 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,150 Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! 293 00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:22,090 Sometimes when we're mad 294 00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:24,820 we say words that are bad. 295 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,810 And poo-poo and pee-pee 296 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,380 and penis and gay 297 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:39,750 those are the 98 words we don't say. 298 00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:44,820 My god, you stole all your ideas 299 00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:47,090 from those poor, innocent creatures 300 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,130 and hogged all the credit?! 301 00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:51,130 I underestimated you. 302 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,730 Wait. I can explain. 303 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,930 Nah, don't ruin it. 304 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,470 I'm loving the hypocrisy. 305 00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:58,100 It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. 306 00:14:58,170 --> 00:15:00,370 That was the best Christmas ever. 307 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,910 You know I hate lying. 308 00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:04,310 But those orphans were so proud of me, 309 00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:06,210 I couldn't bear to let them down. 310 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,480 At least reverend Pickens had the dignity 311 00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,280 to jump out the whorehouse window 312 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:12,120 with his pants around his ankles. 313 00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,720 Who's your friend, Leela? 314 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:17,020 He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. 315 00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,890 Aw, they're so cute and harmless. 316 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,360 No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. 317 00:15:21,430 --> 00:15:23,760 Bender, I feel bad enough already. 318 00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:27,960 I'm just messin' with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 319 00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:30,800 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. 320 00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:31,800 Oh, lord. 321 00:15:31,870 --> 00:15:33,200 From now on, you give me 322 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,410 half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. 323 00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:37,910 Oh, fine. You'll get your cut. 324 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,280 I don't really care about the money anyway. 325 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:43,080 I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans 326 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,150 that they can succeed in life. 327 00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:48,080 Ugh! You are the worst kind of rich person. 328 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,860 Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini 329 00:15:54,930 --> 00:15:58,260 I like to relax with a spinach martini 330 00:15:58,330 --> 00:16:02,000 Er dergle pfthfusu dhdoodie Houdini 331 00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:04,900 'cause we love our vegetables. 332 00:16:08,070 --> 00:16:09,770 And... cut. 333 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,410 That's a wrap, everybody. 334 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,394 Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. 335 00:16:16,780 --> 00:16:20,480 Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, 336 00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:22,890 but you sure cheered up those orphans. 337 00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:24,320 Nice job. 338 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,030 Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. 339 00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,760 The kids haven't been this excited since food day. 340 00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:32,260 Ah, thanks. 341 00:16:32,330 --> 00:16:33,760 They're my inspiration. 342 00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:37,100 But not my only inspiration, am I right, Leels? 343 00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:42,640 Is somebody standing on me? 344 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:47,380 Ah. I do love inconveniencing the underclass. 345 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:50,880 Well, we'll be on our way. 346 00:16:50,950 --> 00:16:52,864 After we dig through your trash for aluminum. 347 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,650 Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go! 348 00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,990 Miss Leela? 349 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,260 Yes, Sally? 350 00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:04,790 I want to show you the story I made up. 351 00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:09,700 That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. 352 00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:11,570 They're brothers and sisters 353 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,870 and they live in Butterscotch Hollow. 354 00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:16,110 Sally, that's wonderful. 355 00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:18,070 You came up with that yourself? 356 00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:19,210 Out of thin air? 357 00:17:20,810 --> 00:17:21,680 How? 358 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,310 You were an orphan, 359 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:26,020 and now you're the best writer ever. 360 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,390 So I knew I could write, too. 361 00:17:28,450 --> 00:17:30,890 Thank you for being my hero. 362 00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,820 I can't do this anymore. 363 00:17:34,890 --> 00:17:36,290 I don't blame you. 364 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:37,790 Having to wear a costume 365 00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:40,360 made from a hollowed-out walrus. 366 00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:42,730 Everyone, I have a confession. 367 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,800 I Turanga Leela, 368 00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:46,770 winner of a young people's choice award, 369 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,970 a Peabody Jr. and two training emmys, 370 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,870 am not what I appear to be. 371 00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,680 There's something I need to show you. 372 00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:53,810 Uh-oh. 373 00:18:00,150 --> 00:18:01,920 Continuing my confession, 374 00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:03,990 this is the hardest thing I've ever done. 375 00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,920 Harder than creating the best-est show in the world? 376 00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:09,260 I didn't create anything. I stole it. 377 00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:11,760 Stealing is a form of creativity. 378 00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:12,960 No, it isn't. 379 00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:14,760 Guys, come on out. 380 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,940 Holy moly again. 381 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,770 Oh, hello, Leela. 382 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,340 I was just telling my friends 383 00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:24,340 how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. 384 00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:26,110 Should we sing a song about it? 385 00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:27,180 Yes, please. 386 00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:28,710 No need, Ladybuggle. 387 00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:30,110 Say, what's going on here? 388 00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,980 This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, 389 00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:35,950 and these creatures are the real Humplings. 390 00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:39,660 All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. 391 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,730 You lied? 392 00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:45,230 Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? 393 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,160 You told them about that? 394 00:18:47,230 --> 00:18:49,230 I should have told the truth right away. 395 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,870 These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, 396 00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:55,410 and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. 397 00:18:55,470 --> 00:18:58,740 I'm as sad as an upside down smile. 398 00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:00,410 You mean a frown? 399 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:04,910 We didn't have a word for it... until now. 400 00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:08,550 To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. 401 00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:10,950 To think I borrowed money from you. 402 00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,320 I was going to ask you to marry me. 403 00:19:13,390 --> 00:19:15,830 I guess if you can't make up stories, 404 00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:17,730 I can't neither. 405 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,130 I deserve this. 406 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,600 And more. 407 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,830 Keep it coming. 408 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:23,730 Wait a second. 409 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,670 As a big Hollywood TV producer, 410 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:28,440 I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. 411 00:19:33,110 --> 00:19:36,950 So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug 412 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,280 don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug. 413 00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:41,790 And... cut. 414 00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:42,990 Ta-da! 415 00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:44,990 We got us a reality show. 416 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,396 No writers, no actors, no problem. 417 00:19:46,420 --> 00:19:48,320 Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. 418 00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:50,060 You can't just rip off their real lives 419 00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:51,660 and put it on TV. 420 00:19:51,730 --> 00:19:54,160 Who said anything about ripping them off? 421 00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:55,570 I did. 422 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:56,900 I'm paying 'em. 423 00:19:56,970 --> 00:19:59,040 Gather round, gang. Here are you paychecks. 424 00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:05,280 I can finally afford my speech therapy. 425 00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:08,310 And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. 426 00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:10,650 Electricity, plumbing... 427 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,220 Our lives are a jillion times better. 428 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,550 And it's all thanks to you, Leela. 429 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:16,920 Don't thank me. 430 00:20:16,990 --> 00:20:18,660 I should be punished. 431 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,630 I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. 432 00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:23,830 What orphans? The kids were all adopted. 433 00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,660 They were? By who? 434 00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,160 Come on, kids, 435 00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:29,670 let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. 436 00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,170 Albert, pick up that pastrami 437 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,946 and put it back on the craft services table. 438 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,140 You're the boss, daddy. 439 00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:36,210 Oh, god, what have I done?! 440 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:39,740 You've given us a new father and a full-time job. 441 00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:41,850 Which is more than most kids have. 442 00:20:41,910 --> 00:20:42,850 But... 443 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,580 We love it here, miss Leela. 444 00:20:44,650 --> 00:20:46,680 This is the funnest planet in the whole world. 445 00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,950 Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! 446 00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:54,060 For god's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! 447 00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:58,659 We love Leela, we love Leela! 448 00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:02,200 No!