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DOGMA 2: The Idiots
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The tension mounts, hits the roof and falls to earth with a bang
I'd like some prawns.
Prawns, I'm afraid
- Are you alone? - Yes.
- I'd like a salad, then. - With Parma ham? Parmesan cheese?
And then? We have salmon cheese.
It sounds lovely, but I'm afraid I can't afford it.
A drink for your salad?
Can we afford a mineral water? Or shall we use the tap?
- A mineral water. - A mineral water. Certainly.
Your salad bon appetit.
Come along.
- No. - Yes, come along.
No, no.
Damn you, Stoffer!
- Stoffer, pick that up! - Klaus is coming.
Hi!
Hi, hi!
Stoffer, I don't think they think it's funny.
There's nothing to be afraid of, nothing is happening.
Nothing is happening.
- Hi, hi. - Hi, hi.
Hi.
- Excuse me - Henrik, easy does it.
You must keep him under control.
- He won't do anything. - I must consider the other diners.
Henrik, Henrik, where are you going?
- Where are you going? - Klaus is coming.
Let's sit down again like the waiter wants.
Shut up!
- It's it's his birthday. - Happy Birthday, but it won't do.
Stoffer, come on, we're going home.
- No! - Easy, now.
Stoffer, Stoffer, easy now. Nothing's going to happen.
- Shut up. - It's no good us being here, right?
Come on, Christoffer, we're going.
You and me? Shall we go outside together?
- Would you? - If he'd like to.
You'd be most welcome.
- Klaus is coming. - Yes, he may be outside already.
- Good-bye. - Good-bye and thank you.
OK, Stoffer, let go now.
She's not coming any further. Let go now.
Stoffer, let go.
- It doesn't matter. - Let go! The lady's not coming.
Stoffer, let go. I've had enough.
If you're going to be like this.
I don't think it's funny.
- Sorry, Susanne. - Yes, sorry.
What the hell could we do? That lunch would have cost a fortune.
- You do have the fare, don't you? - Of course.
They're just Don't mind them.
Don't worry.
Karen was the last to join the group.
She was really nice. It wasn't that.
Karen was really nice, but she was also
I think she'd have joined anything.
I don't know how she came to the factory, but she did.
I don't know I don't know what she thought.
She was right when she said "You're poking fun".
Yes, we were poking fun.
Hi, Stoffer.
Hi.
Now we get out of the car again, right?
Are you the person I talked to? Welcome to the factory.
Oh, you've brought a wheelchair?
Don't leave her behind.
It may sound a bit a bit dull.
But when you get to know it, it's actually a fascinating product.
Hey, no, no! You mustn't do that.
Watch this!
I'm going to stop the entire production of Rockwool in Denmark.
- And it stops. - No!
- Don't worry.
Hey, you! Come over here! Don't be frightened.
Press the green button. Do you see it? Come on!
And the production starts again.
It's fireproof, as you see. Nothing's on fire.
Don't be frightened, nothing will happen, wait for the bang.
Shall we have a soda? Yeah
Don't press that. Just let it hang there.
Now you've heard about Rockwool and how it works.
Now I'll ask you
which of these houses is insulated with Rockwool?
Yes?
Come on up
That was almost right.
Those who think this one is insulated with Rockwool, put your hands up.
Rather a lot
I think I can hear your minibus.
I think they're leaving. Don't get left behind.
There. That's the best place, almost.
_ ' BYe~bye . - ' Bye .
That's the lot. Give us a hand, Karen.
Who is he driving?
Responsibility does them good. No, not
- ls that really a good idea? - No harm done, he's doing fine.
Reverse, reverse!
Thanks for coming.
We have a driver Who is a nutter
At our camp At our camp
We have a driver Who is a nutter
At our camp Where we are
What do you think?
I don't think it was very funny.
Why not?
You poke fun.
- They're the ones who poke fun. - Stoffer, cool it.
Anders speaking.
Is that you, Karen?
Jeppe copped out right in the middle, and it pisses me off.
He didn't cop out.
- But you think so? - He wasn't there.
It was written all over his face.
You should fucking well play along.
Leave him alone.
Did you think I was bad, too?
I wasn't watching anybody.
I was trying to feel it for myself.
Surely that's allowed?
I can't say whether you were good or bad.
What are you writing? That I was good or bad or ...?
I write that you were
Bad.
You can sleep here if you want. There's enough room.
I'm not going to sleep here.
I'd just like to sit a while.
I thought Jeppe was good.
- Where the hell was Jeppe good? - He was good by the machine.
He did fuck all by the machine. Fuck all.
I know. That was what was so cool.
A quick summary of what we were at?
No, an understandable summary I've heard 17 different versions.
A quick summary? They wanted to fuck as many as possible -
- as quickly as possible. Isn't that so, Axel?
Axel says it was his idea. I think it was Stoffer's.
It was my idea, but it was Stoffer
who wanted to do something about it.
That's funny; none of the others say it was your idea.
How come? None of them!
Would Stoffer also say it was a game?
No, I don't think so.
- But it was? - Yes, it was, really.
- Good morning. - Good morning, Honey.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Axel, you have a visitor.
- Actually, it's Katrine. - Oh, shit.
- Hi. - Hi, Katrine.
Is there something I've got wrong? You didn't go to Jutland?
Sure. I've been to Jutland.
Because I thought this spassing about was pathetic.
- So what the hell are you back for? - I've changed my mind.
- "Changed your mind?" - Yes. ls that wrong?
You might have come to get me back again, right?
What the hell would I see in you, man?
- Oh, Katrine - You think very highly of yourself.
Quit touching me.
Your lies are pouring out of every hole in your body.
- What's your problem? - No problem.
If that's the way you feel, come on.
You want to go outside? Fine.
Stoffer?
Axel is telling me to beat it.
Pretty weird when I've come to spass.
- She's come back to get at me. - Who has?
Three guesses. Say something to her.
Katrine, have you come to spass or have you come to get Axel back?
I've come to spass.
What are you doing, Jeppe?
I'm tying this up. First round the lake.
No, out of the lake, round the palm tree, into the lake.
I'm not coming if anyone's going to be rough or silly.
It's slippery and dangerous and you can fall and get hurt.
You mean it's slippery at the swimming baths?
Axel, are you going to be rough?
- Round the lake - Don't look at me.
I know sod all about knots.
- Heck! - There's a knot in it.
Why all this scout shit?
Who is minder today? You were minder yesterday.
- Round the palm, into the lake. - The palm? What's that?
- What do you think? - Listen up!
It's crazy if I'm the only one who ever minds.
It's unrealistic.
- Josephine can't even mind herself. - Thanks a bunch!
Karen? How about you?
- Would you? - Yeah, Karen!
Why are you undoing it again? Stop stop it!
I'll tie it up. Get into the car.
Round the damned palm and out of the bloody lake.
No, into the lake.
- Right then. - It's not very tight.
You're driving me fucking bonkers.
- They're going. - Round the lake
Out of the lake, round the palm tree, into the lake again.
Right then.
I'd rather not help poke fun.
Where do you get this poking fun thing from?
Hey, lads, will you lend a hand?
- Has it broken? - I can't figure it out.
Katrine, we've got to talk. I've a wife and kid.
It won't do.
What do you want?
Maybe I bought it a size too small.
In the boutique it fitted like a dream.
You want me? Out of the question.
- It's imp - Give her the ball.
That's right.
You are the most vicious cunt I've ever come across.
HeY! Stop trying it on.
- I felt you feeling up my back. - I wasn't.
You were, too.
If I do this to you can't you feel it?
Peel? Peel? They're ...Ped?
Don't make passes at me or I'll call my husband.
Go to the men's changing room at the other end.
Stoffer, let go. Let go, all right?
Yes, it's Stoffer's willy. Turn round, Stoffer.
There.
When I think about Karen, I think of
How do you say it in Danish? A puppy? A little animal.
Maybe she stayed out of defiance I don't know.
It turned out that Karen really needed us badly.
- Why do they do it? - That's a bloody good question.
They're searching for their inner idiot, Karen.
What's the idea of a society that gets richer and richer -
- when it doesn't make anyone happier?
In the stone age, right?
All the idiots died.
It doesn't have to be like that nowadays.
Being an idiot
is a luxury, but it is also a step forward.
Idiots are the people of the future.
If one can find the one idiot that happens to be one's own idiot
Miguel, right?
He is a happy idiot. Because he is a happy man.
But there are people who really are ill.
It's sad for the people who are not able like us.
How can how can you justify acting the idiot?
You can't.
I would just like to understand.
- I mean - Understand what?
Why I'm here. Why I am here.
Perhaps because there is a little idiot in there -
- that wants to come out and have some company.
Don't you think?
Got the sun lotion? Did you bring it?
- No you think it'll tan today? - It always tans.
Thanks.
After the steps, it's downhill all the way.
How's the wind?
That way!
Your style, Jeppe! Yeah!
Stop! I'm not having it. Look how far down it is.
- Now, Jeppe, now! - Stop it, Miguel!
How did you feel about Jeppe?
He was all right.
Would you like to phone him now?
- Now? - Yes; have you talked to him since?
- No. - Would you like to?
I don't know, I don't talk to any of the others.
From the group.
Why not?
Yes, they were a family.
I Yes, they were, damn it.
I was on the outside. But not emotionally.
Because I loved them all. And they know it.
Maybe we just weren't so strong together as we thought.
Stoffer, damn it, Axel is smashing the shed windows.
Let him! Sheds are bourgeois crap.
Smashing windows is obviously part of Axel's inner idiot.
There is also a man.
- What? - A man.
Fine, Miguel.
- He says he is your uncle. - Svend?
- That's what he said, yes. - When did he arrive?
- Just now. - Has he met anyone?
- Were they spassing? - No, everyone's asleep.
Thank God; it's his damned house.
I thought it was yours?
Well, it is in a way. I'm borrowing it till it's sold.
Hi, Svend.
These floors, right
They were waxed every day. Every day for fifty years.
- Every day, pal. - Wow, bloody hell!
- Are they living here? - Living? No
- But they're asleep. - I invited them.
To help shine the place up a bit.
They're qualified craftsmen.
How interesting that you know so many craftsmen.
What snobbery, uncle! craftsmen's kids go to public school today.
- That's Jeppe. - Yes?
He does the garden.
- And the flagstones. - The flagstones, too?
- Did you get the For Sale sign? - Yes, it was just what we needed.
FOR SALE
Know what?
You'd better take this seriously.
Or I'll find someone else to sell it. You know that, right?
- What kind of craftsman is he? - A glazier.
Luckily, as a couple of the shed windows are broken.
We're thinking of putting hardened glass in all the way round.
- Drive carefully. - Not on your life.
We're so happy here.
I have no right to be so happy.
Oh, you have.
Of course you have.
You're allowed to be here and you're allowed to be happy.
- Do you believe me? - Yes.
Hello, we're from a commune for the mentally handicapped up the road.
Hello is your mummy in?
Hello, we've some Christmas decorations for sale.
- Want one? - No, thanks.
How much are they?
Ped, how much are they?
£80.
- And five pence. - They're not cheap.
What shall we say, then?
- £600. - And five pence.
- They cost £2. - And five pence.
- Pop inside and get £2. - And five pence.
- And five pence and five pence. - And five pence.
Let's hope it lasts.
Look, we made £2!
- And five pence. - Yes, and five pence.
We've debased ourselves enough in this shitty district.
You'd better come outside, there's been an accident in your drive.
- Is it serious? - I think you may say so.
The retards were out selling, and they fell over.
You're in a spot. Your running stones aren't flat.
- "Running stones"?! - Yes.
They're far too high.
- Yes, but .. - Sulked sulking
A bloody mess. I hope you are insured.
Insured?
Is anybody hurt?
"Is anyone hurt?"
Well, I mean
Are you sure it was the cobbles?
Are you saying they drag their feet?
- That they're clumsy? - No, no
That they're too clumsy to cross your cobbles?
- Sulk - Shut up, Jeppe.
Nobody will buy these now. They're completely fucked.
You've spoiled things for the retards.
- How much are they? - £4.
- Each. - And five pence
Society doesn't pay to keep them -
- so they can bust their tails on your running stones.
You've forgotten one.
Man man man.
Why Christmas decorations? Why the humiliation?
No wonder people who are already head cases -
- get a distorted picture of reality.
Would you rather make kites?
- What's this? - Quite. What's this?
I'm Vibeke, and I talked to your uncle about the house.
It is this house that's for sale? There's no sign -
- and there's usually a sign.
It must have fallen down. We must put it up again.
Unless I can sell to you.
It's a cute house, isn't it?
Though it needs a bit of work.
Who'd move into anything today and not chuck in a couple of million?
That's true.
- This will be removed. - OK, it's not a fixture and fitting?
- No. - We should be so lucky!
Stop it!
There is one little minus.
- Oh? What can that be? - I have to mention it.
There is an institution just down the road.
- An institution? - An institution for the retarded.
I thought Smllermd District Council had a policy in that respect?
A policy?
Of not mixing residential areas and
institutions.
I just thought I don't know
My husband and I have been abroad a lot.
One comes home and things have moved so fast, eh?
Of not mixing
Residential areas, private areas, with institutions
Oh, that kind of policy? No, it's a myth, I think.
- How little we know! - It's not on nowadays.
No, no, goodness, no. It's just a bit of old nonsense.
The other people who've been to see the house seemed to object.
- To what? - The institution down the road.
- Oh, yes. - A peculiar way of thinking.
But one does meet such people, even today.
- Most peculiar. - It is rather an old house.
Where is it, precisely? ls it far?
- It's next door. - Your next door neighbour.
Yes and they've been coming here a bit -
- while the house has been empty. Of course, that can stop.
But the retards like picking nuts. They pick nuts in the autumn.
But you have no objection to the mentally handicapped?
Objections to the mentally handicapped? Of course not.
I think it's fascinating. It's fascinating to follow
to follow people like that. I follow them a lot
when I see there's a documentary on TV
It interests me a lot: their behaviour is far more innocent
My husband had at one time a cousin -
- who married into a family with mentally retarded Or he had a
Your cousin was married to a retard?
- No, no, he wasn't married to one. - Would you like to meet them?
- They've come for a cup of tea. - They're here now?
They do pop in now and then. Wouldn't that be nice?
Damn it, yes.
- We'll meet a couple, then go. - Susanne, line up the retards.
- Our new neighbours want to say hi. - It's a lovely site.
- Come and say hi to the lady. - Say hi to your new neighbours.
Finn has got a cousin who's a retard.
- So you know what it's like. - Say hello nicely.
Actually, Finn's cousin is oh, never mind.
We could start by saying Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
- For what? - For using the garden.
They so much need fresh air, and we haven't many possibilities.
Can we go on coming?
- Coming here, I mean. - Yes, no problem.
- That's really kind of you. - We didn't even dare to hope
Did you hear that? We can use their garden.
Use it like crazy.
Where zayn? Where zayn?
The Seine? The Seine's in Paris. Nice meeting you
I could fetch a bit of paper
It's a bit soon for paper. We've things to do first.
But we'll be seeing you, right?
We'll see you before I can count to ten.
See you! Definitely!
' Bye~bye .
' Bye-bye, Vi beke.
- Well, Karen, we've sold the house. - Have they bought the house?
No, definitely not.
He's just having you on.
I thought they were all very nice. Jeppe was
Interesting to hear that they were nice.
The idea doesn't seem polite.
No, but
No, you could put it that way.
No, no, no, Peel!
- Hi! - Hi. Smile, everyone.
What's your name?
Shall we find some sodas and stuff? Would you like that?
That's a good idea.
- Well, old bean? - You're still young.
Will you pass me a soda? lf there are any left?
Please leave me alone
- It's a bit crooked. - Would you like to buy one?
No.
What are you doing?
- I'm here on holiday. - On holiday?
On holiday?
What the fuck am I meant to say?
- Are you on holiday? - What the hell am I meant to say?
- All this sentimental crap - What's wrong with that?
It's lovely. They're cute.
- Cute? - Yes.
Cute? You haven't got the slightest fucking idea.
About what? They're visiting and they like it here.
What's that?
- A camera. - What for?
I was wondering if one might take a photo.
A photo? You want to take a photo of them?
Hey. let's measure their skulls and gas them.
This is great. It's just a pity we can't capture their genes on film.
Henrik has a camera. May he take a photo of you?
Yes!
Hold his hand. He'd be so pleased.
You're all looking great. Except you, Henrik. Smile!
Henrik, Smile!
Yes, they were highly credible.
They were really good at it.
One has to be able to look other people in the face afterwards.
That one can
That one doesn't take the piss out of people the whole time.
Any retards out here?
Shut up, Nana.
Cooee! Miguel?
I get all jumpy without you drooling over me all day.
Where's Jeppe the retard? What's the matter with you?
They really got to you, didn't they?
Wow, it's great to be here.
Karen?
Oh, Karen, damn it! Susanne?
Karen's gone into spass. Karen's gone into spass.
Karen, come on, it's lovely. Lovely water. Come on.
Is it lovely?
Look, you're floating all by yourself.
A speaking. I'm at baby swimming, damn it.
You can't fire me for paternity leave when I'm actually on it.
You look like a dickhead in that, Axel.
Dressed to kill.
When are we going to talk?
- I've got to pop into the agency. - What for?
I've got to work on a pay-off. A slogan.
I have to wear my best gear to see the best people -
- and win the best customers.
- I don't see why you have to go. - To work.
We're trying to steal a client from another agency.
Benedikte. Scandinaviafs biggest powdered food manufacturer.
When are we going to talk?
- When I'm through. - When will that be?
When she slips off the hook or when we land her.
- Any time you like, Babe. - I would like
But not now. I'm just so fucking busy.
- When I get back. - Promise?
- We'll talk all you want. - Promise?
- Yes, I promise. - But you have a wife and baby.
That's history. Can you imagine me pushing a pram? I'd go crazy.
It's so fucking middle class.
I don't want a wife and kid. I want you.
Woops, here comes reality!
I'll be back in a jiffy.
BYE, Sugar.
Oh, Katrine!
You wade right into it, with both legs.
What did he want with her?
To screw, shag, fuck, make love.
- All four? - All four.
Katrine claims you held some very anti-middle-class views.
- Or ideologies. - I do.
What's up, darling?
Based on what? Your ideologies?
- "Anti-middle-class ideologies"? - Yes.
Mainly that there is something more than meaningfulness.
And purposefulness.
Oh? She made it sound like something to do with the family.
Katrine played a few tricks on Axel, I've heard.
Yes, but damn it, they were
more in the land-him-in-the-shit genre.
A Corporation ls A Religion
"Child's Food".
What the fuck do you mean by that?
It's the pay-off. Child's Food.
CHILD'S FOOD
It means it's easy. It's food -
- and it's so easy that even a child can make it.
I'd fucking well figured that out.
But the company does actually make children's foods.
- I didn't know that. - You didn't know that?
You should have checked before coming up with such crap.
A pathetic slip of paper.
Shut up when I'm talking to you Saying CHILD'S FOOD.
- Is it me personally you don't like? - No.
They're using Hjort at the moment and they know it's hopeless.
But you've stoked Benedikte's fires nicely.
On the phone she sounds ready.
She's crazy for you. For some reason.
I've made some flashy folders with charts and all.
They're for another product, and she won't look at them anyway.
But when you come up with crap like that
It's known as baby food, not child's food.
So "Child's Food" can easily be the pay-off -
- for someone who makes baby food.
Quite sophisticated, really.
- Baby food, child's food. - Baby food, child's food.
Bloody hell.
She's here. I'll go and talk to her first.
Then you come in with Svendsen. And Severin, to be on the safe side.
But whatever she says today, keep your balls in the air.
"Child's Food", for fuck's sake
- Svendsen. - Benedikte.
- Severin. - And you know each other.
- No. - We haven't had much time.
But sometimes that's what it takes. A deadline
Axel, will you show us what you've got?
Axel?
Problems?
If you're worried about taking a client from another agency
No, it's not that.
Axel, show us what you've got, even if it's provisional.
Ah, an itty-bitty wee thing
Child's Food
If I read you right, -
- you are favourably disposed towards towards Child's Food.
- I think it's bloody good. - Fine.
We have a luxury problem.
It could be too sophisticated.
It might be confused with children's food.
- Children baby - It is sophisticated.
- Would you like a glass of water? - Yes, please.
Have you got a colour printer?
If you like these colours, we'll keep them.
May I ask the kind of er figure
I mean how much money are we talking about for the campaign?
20 million?
That would be with the buses and all.
No, the buses would come on top.
The buses would come on top
- Axel? - Excuse me.
I think Benedikte and I will take a stroll.
- Come along, Benedikte. - Need any help?
Enjoying yourself?
I'm loving it.
Get out of here.
Phone and say you haven't the authority.
But not that the pay-off sucks.
But it does suck. That tiny bit of paper
How the hell did you get in?
"Child's Food How do you think these things up?
Is that what you do here? I'm gobsmacked.
- It's incredible. - Get out, Katrine.
OK, OK, I'm out of here. Card, please.
- No way. - OK, we'll continue the meeting.
See you. Is this the way out?
OK, we've talked about that now. But why are you lying to me?
- I'm not. - You are!
You say you didn't hump Katrine, but I know you did.
If you want to be so liberated and unprejudiced, -
- you have to admit you humped the bitch.
- That's not what it's about. - It is! You're lying.
It just isn't.
Hey, don't stare at strangers.
Excuse my brother, he's soft in the head.
It's the tattoos, man. He likes them.
Is it, Jeppe? ls it the tattoos?
Look look.
Would you like to sit down, Jeppe?
Would you like that?
Sit down. You're allowed.
Good for you, meeting such nice people, eh, Jeppe?
You'll really have a tale to tell the other patients.
I have to use the cashpoint.
Would you mind keeping an eye on my brother till I get back?
- Sure, that'd be OK. - I'll only be ten minutes.
Watch that arm, Guv.
- Is he allowed to drink? - Yeah.
- Easy does it. - Cheers, Jeppe.
He may get beaten up, you realise?
No, they don't hit retards.
They will if they discover he's taking the piss.
He'll just have to play the part, then; it'll do him good.
He may learn something.
Hey, Jeppe are you clocking Linda?
Eh? Have you taken a shine to Linda?
No no.
Where the hell is he going? Hey, you!
Maybe he's just stretching his legs.
You've got to stay here.
- Where was he going? - No idea.
Were you trying to escape from us?
- He needs a piss, that's what it is. - He needs a piss.
Look.“
Right, then.
Out with the bastard so we can get it over with.
Not much going on here.
Of course. They can't piss by themselves.
Maybe he needs a hand.
There.
- Right! - Drain the spuds, then.
- Come on! - Turn the tap on, it usually works.
Come on.
There.
A man's got to go when a man's got to go.
There's not much action. Come on!
That's better.
Why are you washing his hands? He never touched his dick.
I was beginning to think you'd taken him for a chopper ride.
Maybe he'd like to ride Linda?
Say good-bye and thank you to the kind people.
See you around.
Jeppe!
Come here, Jeppe! Jeppe, damn it!
Come back!
Stoffer ...
I thought you were horrid to Jeppe.
He's just being a wimp. He's always been like that.
Boring cunt!
Sorry Though I don't know why.
What you did was really mean.
I don't get it. It's so lovely here.
Why is there so much getting at people?
- What good does it do? - Hear that, Stoffer?
Karen says all this is just for getting at people.
Hey, aren't you having a hard time! Why do you stay here, then?
- Yes, I am a real fucking bastard. - Not compared to me.
You're not a bastard, you're just egocentric.
I'm a bastard to everyone I know. To Katrine, to my wife
Oh, no!
You spassed hard enough to spass Iranian caviar off the shelf?
- I've seen it, thanks. - £180? That's insane.
Crazy!
Why are you poking at it?
We're in SDHGFDd, damn it.
At least eat it the way they eat caviar in Smllerzid.
If you can spass with yoghurt you can spass with caviar.
That's expensive stuff.
There are people starving
There aren't any people starving. That's the whole trick.
- I'd like to borrow the phone. - Stoffer, here's 70 quids' worth.
Stoffer, there's a man from Smllermd District Council to see you.
From the council?
Hello there.
I have a solution to your problem.
You have a solution to our problem?
What problem?
I don't know if I've chosen the right words.
But to boil it down to its essence -
- we have an agreement with a district across town, Hvidovre
It might be advantageous to you.
Hvidovre?
I can't tell you officially that I can promise you a grant -
- if you decide to transfer your private home for the handicapped.
But the chances are good.
If we transfer our home for the handicapped -
- from Smllermd to Hvidovre, we'll get a large sum of money?
- Not officially, but - But?
- Yes, you can count on it. - You know what I think of that?
I think it's quite fantastic. It's damned good of you.
Well, it's not me personally, it's the council.
The council sussed out that we'd run into financial problems
Who doesn't?
And you drop in like manna from heaven!
Hi, Miguel say hello to the man from the council.
What's the matter with him?
He's suffering from delusions.
We've three Napoleons here.
- Does that still go on? - Yes, sadly.
We've tried to eradicate it, but
You can imagine how much we spend on food alone.
What's he so sad about?
Miguel, can you tell the man from the council why you're so sad?
Waterloo.
Waterloo?
We really appreciate your coming all the way out here.
No! Axel, you're not pissing on a council vehicle again?
I'm sorry; have you any jumper cables I could borrow?
Has he pissed on a council vehicle again?
I'm really sorry. He doesn't mean it personally.
It's a cure we have. We call it the Smllermd cure.
He's got to learn.
The red one on the right, Ped. The black on the left.
We'll give him shock therapy, the fucking retard.
Rev up, damn it!
You'll need the police and dogs to get us out.
Smllermd fascists!
Fascist pricks! Smllermd fascists!
Fucking fascists!
Cock suckers!
Council bastards! Smllermd fascists!
Shithead! Smllermd fascist!
Fucking SDHGFDd fascists!
- You're stark raving mad. - Fascist bastard!
Fucking fascists!
Calm down, Stoffer.
Get him into the bus.
Gently does it
I think he's hurt.
Fucking fascists
Stoffer, calm down.
That will fucking well do, Stoffer. Come on.
Up to bed.
- You can't lug him up there. - You're pathetic.
Are you putting me in the padded cell?
You are so fucking pathetic.
You are really zinging. You need to relax.
Nana, will you get him a blanket?
Can't we put him in an ordinary bed?
- Stoffer, we have to tie you down. - You think I've gone really mad?
Are you scared now?
- Listen - I won't hit anyone.
You did before.
I'm not the type who hits people.
- OK, OK. - I don't hit people.
Want a drink?
Untie that one.
Fucking fascists! Smllermd fascists!
- Stop it. - Where's the belt?
Out of the lake, round the palm tree, into the lake.
- Surely it's not that difficult? - Not so hard.
- Stop it, Stoffer. - Fascists, man.
Chill out!
We'll loosen the flex and leave him here, OK?
And you miss the family?
I do, as a matter of fact.
I don't know how I figured that I didn't want to see them again.
I just think it's over.
I don't think we can find the same fine things -
- that we found there.
We can't find them again.
I was the one who was with Karen on the last day.
And I was the one who said good-bye to her.
Music and dancing.
Lots of flags to cheer him up.
Did you sleep well?
You might at least have tied me to a decent bed.
- What are you doing? - Making a party.
- We thought we needed a party. - A party?
We're going to have a party?
- That's right. - For me?
Yes.
Because it's my birthday?
It's not my real birthday.
Well, we're not real retards, are we?
May we come in?
- Are you ready? - Ticket.
Wow, what a rave!
Jeppe, look at the ticket and tear it in half.
I'll do it, then Frrrt. Now you can go in.
Come on
Jeeze, things are really swinging.
We're the ones the others can't play with
I think Stoffer should choose what we do next.
Because it's his party.
Gang bang.
No, listen, we've got picture lotto, spin the bottle
Gang bang.
Count me in. Gang bang! Gang bang!
Sure! I'd love a spasser fuck.
Gang bang!
Gang bang
Hey, hey, hey!
No, I'm not joining in.
Susanne!
- Come on - No.
Yes Gang bang!
- Susanne. - They're my knickers.
Go over there. I'll sit and Stop it, Stoffer!
- I can't undo my - Can't you?
Stop it!
Stoffer, I don't want to.
I'll go home. I'm not having this.
I'm running away. Home.
U Stop it! I rn going home!
Go away. No!
Good-bye.
- Gang bang Gang bang - Yes
I'll give you gang bang!
Yes, Susanne!
OK, I'll just take these off, too.
I'm ready and waiting.
This is lovely, really lovely.
Katrine, aren't you jealous?
I love you.
The room was full of style till you brought those Lilos.
- They cost 7 quid a piece. - A four-poster would be better.
Peel! There's no getting away from it.
He snores like hell, and it is getting worse as he gets older.
- It's my father. - Hello.
- Hello, Dad. - Hello, Josephine.
This is Katrine and Ped and Axel.
- Hello. - Would you like a cup of tea?
- Sit down? - Yes, please.
- I'm Jeppe. - Josy's father.
Stoffer have a seat.
You just happened to be passing?
We have a little group.
A tired group.
- Do you take sugar? - Thanks.
We are a bit tired.
Maybe you've heard of our group?
No
- No. - Oh.
You make it sound like a rock band.
Maybe we should form one.
That would be a great idea.
What do you think? Of us?
- What do I think of you? - Yes.
Well
They're nice people. They enjoy what they do.
I'm sure they do.
We're really, really happy.
Maybe you've heard about our little
I'm not interested in discussing what you do.
I couldn't care less.
Couldn't care less?
If you could see things differently you might see the beauty of them.
In vino veritas
What the hell do you mean by that? I may be right.
It doesn't interest me.
- It doesn't? - No.
Why did you come, then?
Obviously an outsider can't see what it means.
You should see some of the wonderful things we've shared.
People are happy. They're thriving.
- They are! - I'm not going to argue.
We're not arguing. Ask anyone if they're happy.
Josephine is happy here.
- It certainly looks like it. - That's because you're here.
She was fine until you came. But then you came crashing in.
I am really happy here.
- I've come to take you home. - No you can't do that.
Yes.
Yes, I can.
- You see, I can't trust you. - What do you mean?
- Bullshit. - What do you mean?
You haven't been taking your pills.
- We'd agreed she'd - I have been taking them.
Damn it, Josephine the jar was in the drawer at home.
I can't look after you unless
Why should she take a load of fucking pills?
I can't.
- You're going through hell. - I'm not I'm not.
For the first time, I'm feeling really great.
Can't we find a compromise?
Listen
- We're fond of Josephine. - Listen!
We don't like you. If you left there'd be no problem.
She doesn't look as if she wants to go with you.
Listen
This may be a game to you.
And good luck to you.
But it takes nothing to make Josephine seriously ill.
Keep your shirt on. I'm a doctor. I'd never permit
I don't think you're a doctor I'd choose to go to.
I don't think so.
Come along, Josephine.
No, I don't want to go.
If you've any bits and pieces, pop upstairs and get them.
- I don't want to go home. - Did you hear what I said?
Josephine
Answer me have you any?
- Yes. - Go and get them, and we'll go.
What the fuck can he do to you?
Stay here! All you have to do is say the word.
He can't hurt you.
What right's he got?
- Ped, what were those pills? - I know nothing about any pills.
Aren't you a doctor, damn it? You said you knew about it.
- So what kind of pills is she on? - I don't know.
- You must know. - She never mentioned pills.
And she doesn't need pills.
Josephine, just stay! He can't do anything to you.
Stay here!
- We can't force anyone to stay. - Force? He's forcing her.
It's their business. We can't cure anyone here.
- That's not our aim. - Aim? Up yours, man!
Josephine There should be a law against it.
Get out of here! She doesn't want to go with you.
If you'd really been a proper father she'd have been all right today.
We can't force anyone to stay against their will.
Jeppe!
Jeppe, for fuck's sake!
Jeppe, for fuck's sake
You're insane. Insane in the head.
You're insane.
What are you doing?
- We'll move him. - We'll move him, damn you.
No!
Go now, damn you!
Please get out of the way.
No!
Deep breaths.
All the way down. On your feet, now.
Stand back, I know how to deal with this.
- Stop being so aggressive. - You've no fucking idea. No idea.
Jeppe,babV-~
ls there any booze in the house?
Is there any left over from the
- There's vodka in the cupboard. - And beer in the bathtub.
Please stop doing your nails. It kind of stresses me out.
Dr Doolittle is scribbling away it must be interesting, eh?
Will it result in a doctorate?
- Maybe. - Got lots of pearls of wisdom?
And how about Henrik the art teacher?
Do you think your work's any good?
It was an experiment.
- An experiment? - I like the top one.
And you feel you'll be more of an artist if you go a teeny bit mad?
But not too much. Just enough to be a proper artist.
You've no bloody talent at any rate.
- It isn't the way I'd imagined it. - You'd imagined it?
Your pathetic little spassing bit is the only thing that matters.
If you'd opened your gob outside, she would have stayed.
- But now he's upstairs screaming. - She's right, Stoffer.
Ped, Henrik, Jeppe and Josephine are just as good retards as you.
Oh, now I've put my foot in it.
I have no faith in you.
The moment it starts hurting just a bit, you bottle out.
Tell us what you expect of us, then. Tell us what you want!
For you to prove that you are really into the whole idea. Axel, prove it.
Sod off home and spass.
Freaking out in Smllermd is no big deal.
If you can go back to your families or jobs -
- and still be a spasser, I'll believe you're serious.
- None of you has the guts. - Listen
Stoffer is mocking us. Mocking The Idiots.
Of course we can go home and spass. Or spass at work.
Otherwise it's worthless. Either you're an idiot or you aren't.
Who's going first?
Come on whoever the bottle points at
will go somewhere where the people you're with really matter.
Shut up, Susanne, this is important.
Aren't you in on it?
And Jeppe and Karen?
I've never heard Karen boast that she was a great spasser.
That's Jeppe. If it points over there or here, I'm it.
Fine, I'll go back to Mona and the baby and spass.
Or to the agency.
In fact, that would be really, really awful for you.
You just promised, man.
You want me to flush my whole family life down the toilet?
Nobody's saying that.
Your sow of a wife will just have to learn to love your inner idiot.
I can't.
Axel?
Come here a moment, Axel.
Axel!
Another spin of the bottle, then.
Yes
When?
This is for you. Welcome back.
Thanks.
Henrik, I have a little question.
Have we done the obelisks?
- The obelisks? Oh, the Odalisques! - ls he going to spass or what?
He's doing bugger all.
I think it's time for us to consider
the calligraphy in Matisse.
Primarily I mean "Les Fleurs du Mal", 1944.
Oh, them? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whether Matisse was completely aware of his
effect on the bourgeoisie, -
- he was certainly provocative and full of surprises.
Nobody could accuse you of that.
I need some air.
- Hello! - Yes?
What's going on? Fuck all. You love this middle-class crap.
These old biddies use more make-up than the National Theatre.
It's lovely to have Henrik back, don't you think?
What happened?
We didn't come to hear about a French faggot and his calligraphy.
It's too fucking bad.
- I tried. - You coughed three times.
- It wasn't that easy. - No.
Stoffer is right. It wasn't good enough.
I had no pride in my inner idiot. I wasn't good enough.
You did try.
I'm not coming back with you.
OK.
Ready yet?
Karen, my love.
Take care, now.
Take care.
Nana.“
Let them go, Karen. It was all a lie.
I have something I want to say.
I just want to say
how happy I have been here.
Being an idiot with you is one of the best things I've ever done.
JePPe
who is almost like a little child I might have had.
And Nana, -
- who is so sweet and funny.
And Miguel, -
- who has such lovely eyes.
And Ped, who is such a clever man.
And strong, strong Katrine.
And Susanne
who smiles at everyone so that the very heavens shine down upon us.
I believe
I love you all -
- more than I have ever loved anybody.
Maybe with one exception. But that was so long ago now.
- What day is it tomorrow? - It's Saturday.
Then it can be done.
It is my turn to go home and see if I can be an idiot there.
I suppose I'll need to take one of you along.
But there isn't room for everyone.
It may not be very pleasant.
I think I'd like to take Susanne.
Will you come?
I'd like that.
Good.
We'll see if I can show you that it has all been worthwhile.
- Hello, Mother. - Hello, Karen.
Come in.
Shall I take your jacket?
Karen
Where have you been?
We thought you were dead.
This is Susanne.
And my sister, Britta.
Louise?
Karen's come.
What do you want?
I just wanted to see how you all were This is Susanne.
Anders is coming.
Yes, I suppose he is.
Karen, is that you?
Yes, Grandpa.
We haven't seen her for two weeks.
Not since the day before the funeral.
Anders and Karen lost their little boy.
It probably hurt Anders most.
What with her just disappearing and not attending the funeral.
MY pet
That'll be Anders.
- Hello, Grandpa. - Hello, Anders.
Hello, Anders.
Hello, Karen.
I'm sorry I couldn't come to
To Martin's funeral.
It just means you aren't too upset.
That's fine.
Louise?
Do begin.
That's enough now, Karen.
Shall we go?
Yes.