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Will and Grace is shot

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before a live studio audience.

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Morning!

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Morning.

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What did you do?

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I bought you a present.

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Grace...

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Grace!

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I wanted to surprise you. I...

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I... I installed it myself...

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I can see that!

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Did you turn off the main water line?

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No.

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Did you turn off the dishwasher?

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- No.
- Did you do anything?

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I came to get you.

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Go grab towels!

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I ca...

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Look, I say this with love, but...

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sometimes living with you
is like being stuck

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inside an episode of "I Love Lucy."

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Well, yeah, 'cause I'm the kooky redhead

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everyone loves, and you're
the guy who overreacts

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to every little thing I do.

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You're comparing me to Ricky?

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Oh, I'll take that as a compliment.

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He was always my favorite.

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That's 'cause you had a crush on him.

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I mean, sure, he's the origin story

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of my love of men with black
hair and a high-waisted pant.

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But, my favorite,
because Desi was just as much

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of a genius as Lucy was,
except that everything he did,

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he did to make her shine.

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Anyway, it's not a perfect analogy.

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I mean, we're not married. I'm not Cuban.

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There's no Fred and Ethel popping in.

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Hey, neighbors.

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Oh, look, Jackie.
Will finally gave Grace a bath.

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Wait, does this mean
you're not making us breakfast,

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because that's kind of
the only reason we're here.

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Sorry, Fred and Ethel.
Kitchen's kind of closed.

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I knew the health department

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would shut this place down eventually.

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Fred and Ethel?

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We were having a whole
"I Love Lucy" discussion.

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Will is obviously a Ricky.

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Oh, Will is totally a Ricky.

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And I think we all know

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who the Lucy is.

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Totally.

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It's me. You?

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That's crazy. I'm Lucy.

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Aye, aye, aye.

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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

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Lucy!

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Is that you, sweetie-pie?

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Oh, gee, I'm glad you're home.

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How about a great big...

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I'll see you later.

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Lucy.

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Come here.

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What's the matter?

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I stopped by the bank

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on the way home and they showed me this:

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your check to the beauty parlor.

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But I write a check to
the beauty parlor every month.

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Yes, I know that,
but they don't always have

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a little note on the back like this one.

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"Dear Teller, be a lamb,

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and don't put this through
till next month."

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That's why they call them "tellers."

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They go around blabbing
everything they know.

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Lucy.

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Do you realize how tough it is

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for a guy to make a buck these days?

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You think that the money grows on trees?

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No.

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Well, we'll see you later. Come on, Fred.

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No, no. No, no.
Come on, come in, sit down.

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No, thanks.
I went to the fights last night.

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Fred, please. Come in, will you?

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Come in, Ethel.

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Fred, tell me something, would you?

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How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?

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Never.

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Never? How do you manage that?

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It's easy.

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I never had enough money at one time

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to open a checking account.

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What?

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She spends money like I was
printing it in the basement.

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"Printing it in the basement."

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Let's face it, Rick.

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When it comes to money,
there are two kinds of people:

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the earners and the spenders,

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or as they are more popularly known,

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husbands and wives.

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Yeah, brother,
if they had to make the dough,

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they would think twice
before spending it that fast.

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Yeah.

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Holding down a job
is a lot more difficult

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than lying around the house all day long.

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Lying around the house?
Is that all you think we do?

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Yeah.

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Well, now, let's face it, Rick.

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Every once in a while,

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they get up and play Canasta.

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What's so tough about earning a living?

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Yeah.

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Have you ever done it?

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No, but I could.

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I'd like to see you try.

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Okay. I will.

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You will?

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Yeah.

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Well, this I gotta see.

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Honey, what is this?

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Okay, Joe.

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I'm ready to rehearse the commercial.

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Stuff any good?

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Well, it ought to be.
It's got everything in it...

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meat, vegetables, minerals, vitamins,

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alcohol 23%.

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Alcohol 23%?

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I'm Ross Elliot, the director.

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- Let's run through it.
- Yes, sir.

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Now, you stand right over here.

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And remember, be bright and vivacious.

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Yes, sir.

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Hello, friends.

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I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl.

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Are you tired, run-down, listless?

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Do you poop out at parties?

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Are you unpopular?

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The answer to all your problems
is in this little bottle.

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- Now, you pick up the bottle.
- Oh.

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Little higher. That's right.

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The answer to all your problems

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is in this little bottle.

140
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Vitameatavegamin.

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Vitameatavegamin contains vitamins, meat,

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vegetables, and minerals.

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Yes, with Vitameatavegamin,

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you can spoon your way to health.

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All you do is take
a tablespoon after every meal.

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- Now, you take some.
- Oh.

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It's so tasty, too.

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Just like candy.

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No, no, no, no.

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Look, you're supposed to like the stuff.

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You've got to smile and be happy.

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- Now try it again.
- Yes, sir.

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Yes, sir.

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It's so tasty, too.

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Nope, once more.

156
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It's so tasty, too.

157
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It's just like candy.

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That's going to be fine. Go ahead.

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Okay.

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So, why don't you join the thousands

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of happy-peppy people,
and get a great big bottle

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of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow.

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That's Vita-meata-vegamin.

164
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Well, now you've got the feeling.

165
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Now, I'd like to try it
once more, only this time,

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faster and brighter.

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Faster and brighter. Okay.

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Oh.

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Well, pardon... pardon me.

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From "It's so tasty, too."

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It's so tasty, too. Yes, sir.

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It's so tasty, too.

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Just like candy.

174
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You know, this stuff tastes pretty good

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once you get used to it.

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Yes, I know,

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but would you go ahead, please?

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It's so tasty, too.

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Oh. Okay.

180
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It's so tasty, too.

181
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So...

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So, uh...

183
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I don't where to start unless
I begin at the beginning.

184
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All right, start at the beginning.

185
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Oh, thank you.

186
00:08:08,535 --> 00:08:09,845
Hello, friends.

187
00:08:09,869 --> 00:08:11,814
I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl.

188
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Are you tired, run-down, listless?

189
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:15,751
Do you poop out at parties?

190
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Are you unpopular?

191
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The answer to all your problems

192
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is in this bittle lottle...
uh, little bottle.

193
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Are you feeling all right?

194
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Oh, I feel fine.

195
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Would you mind trying it
just once more, please?

196
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Oh, no, sir.

197
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It's perfectly all right.

198
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Now, we're going to time it this time.

199
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- Are you ready?
- Mm-hmm.

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Go.

201
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You know, you're awfully nice.

202
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Thank you. Would you go ahead, please?

203
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Hmm.

204
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Well, I'm your Vitaveatavegavac girl!

205
00:09:01,768 --> 00:09:05,181
Are you tired, run-down, listless?

206
00:09:05,205 --> 00:09:07,572
Do you pop out at parties?

207
00:09:09,242 --> 00:09:11,493
Are you unpoopular?

208
00:09:12,494 --> 00:09:15,180
Well, are you?

209
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The answer to all your problems

210
00:09:17,714 --> 00:09:20,251
is in this little old bottle.

211
00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:23,963
Vitameatavegamin.

212
00:09:23,987 --> 00:09:25,587
That's it.

213
00:09:28,391 --> 00:09:31,404
Vitameatavegamin contains

214
00:09:31,428 --> 00:09:35,225
vitamins, meat,
megetables, and vinnerals.

215
00:09:36,764 --> 00:09:40,230
You have to take a whole
tablespoon after every meal.

216
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:00,977
Look at me.

217
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,079
I went as Lucy for Halloween last year.

218
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,436
So did I.

219
00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:08,656
Grace also attempted
a "Slutty Lucy" in college

220
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,176
that ended in tears.

221
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So did I.

222
00:10:13,518 --> 00:10:14,894
Well, have either of you

223
00:10:14,919 --> 00:10:16,931
ever fought an Italian woman

224
00:10:16,955 --> 00:10:18,732
in a giant vat of alcohol?

225
00:10:18,756 --> 00:10:21,368
Because I have, many times.

226
00:10:21,392 --> 00:10:23,837
And that's all Lucy ever did!

227
00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:25,139
That was one episode.

228
00:10:25,163 --> 00:10:26,373
Yeah?

229
00:10:26,397 --> 00:10:28,142
Well, that's the only one I ever
saw, and that's all she did.

230
00:10:33,992 --> 00:10:36,837
- Lucy!
- Is that you, sweetie-pie?

231
00:10:41,733 --> 00:10:43,444
How's about a great big...

232
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- I'll see you later.
- Lucy.

233
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I stopped by the bank

234
00:10:47,852 --> 00:10:50,932
and they showed me your check
to the beauty parlor.

235
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"Dear Teller, be a lamb,

236
00:10:52,791 --> 00:10:55,336
and don't put this through
till next month."

237
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,438
That's why they call them "tellers."

238
00:10:57,462 --> 00:10:59,941
They go around blabbing
everything they know.

239
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:02,410
Lucy, do you realize how tough it is

240
00:11:02,434 --> 00:11:04,167
for a guy to make a buck these days?

241
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,566
You think that money grows on trees?

242
00:11:10,105 --> 00:11:11,883
- Well, we'll see you later.
- Yeah.

243
00:11:11,907 --> 00:11:14,085
I went to the fights last night.

244
00:11:14,109 --> 00:11:16,443
Fred, Fred. Come in, please, will you?

245
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:17,862
Tell me something.

246
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:21,265
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?

247
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- Never.
- Never?

248
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I never had enough money
to open a checking account.

249
00:11:27,848 --> 00:11:30,074
There are two kinds of people:

250
00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:31,575
the earners and the spenders,

251
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or as they are more popularly known

252
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as husbands and wives.

253
00:11:36,584 --> 00:11:38,449
Holding down a job
is a lot more difficult

254
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:40,684
than lying around the house all day long.

255
00:11:40,708 --> 00:11:42,219
Well, every once in a while,

256
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,896
they get up to play Canasta.

257
00:11:45,847 --> 00:11:48,358
What's so tough about earning a living?

258
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,988
Yeah, I could do it.

259
00:11:55,009 --> 00:11:57,721
I'd like to see you try.

260
00:11:57,745 --> 00:11:59,422
Okay. I will.

261
00:11:59,446 --> 00:12:01,287
This, I gotta see.

262
00:12:10,324 --> 00:12:13,107
_

263
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,734
Tu!

264
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No, I'm-a pooped.

265
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There's no way anyone

266
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would compare you to Lucy over me.

267
00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:13,761
You don't even have red hair.

268
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:16,130
- Well, in fairness...
- It used to be natural.

269
00:14:16,154 --> 00:14:19,433
Uh, cello?

270
00:14:19,457 --> 00:14:21,126
How can either of you say that

271
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,595
you're more like Lucy than I am?

272
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,950
Always getting into hijinks,
married to a Latin hunk,

273
00:14:25,974 --> 00:14:28,351
adorable in a polka dot dress
with a capped sleeve.

274
00:14:29,613 --> 00:14:30,645
Oh, great.

275
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,790
Now we have to say
that a boy can be Lucy, too?

276
00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:35,543
What's next? Equal rights?

277
00:14:35,568 --> 00:14:37,568
It's madness!

278
00:14:39,935 --> 00:14:42,469
- Lucy!
- Is that you, sweetie-pie?

279
00:14:42,732 --> 00:14:45,478
Oh, gee, I'm glad you're...

280
00:14:47,837 --> 00:14:50,816
Lucy, I stopped by the bank.

281
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,318
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,

282
00:14:52,342 --> 00:14:54,253
and don't put this through
till next month."

283
00:14:54,277 --> 00:14:57,089
That's why they call them "tellers."

284
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,714
Do you think money grows on trees?

285
00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:07,099
Went to the fights last night.

286
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,857
Fred, come in, please.

287
00:15:10,435 --> 00:15:13,796
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?

288
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,140
Never.

289
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,775
Holding down a job is difficult.

290
00:15:16,799 --> 00:15:19,144
Canasta.

291
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,346
- Earning a living.
- I could do it.

292
00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:22,448
Ha!

293
00:15:22,472 --> 00:15:24,183
I will.

294
00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:25,584
This, I gotta see.

295
00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:29,321
All right, girls.

296
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,579
Now, listen carefully.

297
00:15:32,715 --> 00:15:35,185
This is the wrapping department.

298
00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:36,450
Yes, ma'am.

299
00:15:36,474 --> 00:15:39,278
Now, the candy will pass by
on this conveyor belt,

300
00:15:39,302 --> 00:15:40,688
and continue on into the next room

301
00:15:40,712 --> 00:15:42,233
where the girls will pack it.

302
00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:45,366
Your job is to take each piece of candy,

303
00:15:45,391 --> 00:15:47,157
wrap it in one of these papers,

304
00:15:47,182 --> 00:15:49,950
and then put it back on the belt.

305
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:51,625
Do you understand?

306
00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:53,603
- Yes, sir... yes, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am.

307
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:57,052
Let it roll!

308
00:15:59,390 --> 00:16:02,469
Let it roll!

309
00:16:02,493 --> 00:16:04,772
Well, wait here.

310
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:06,896
Somebody's asleep at the switch.

311
00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:10,410
What are you doing up here?

312
00:16:10,434 --> 00:16:12,579
I thought you were downstairs
boxing chocolates.

313
00:16:12,603 --> 00:16:14,759
Oh, they kicked me out of there fast.

314
00:16:14,784 --> 00:16:15,909
Why?

315
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,820
Kept pitching them
to see what kind they were.

316
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:20,155
All right, girls.

317
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,257
This is your last chance.

318
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:24,926
If one piece of candy gets past you

319
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,863
and into the packing room
unwrapped, you're fired.

320
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,164
Yes, ma'am.

321
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,400
Let it roll!

322
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:50,585
Well, this is easier.

323
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:53,310
Yeah. We can handle this all right.

324
00:17:05,714 --> 00:17:09,616
Listen, Ethel, I think this is, uh...

325
00:17:09,641 --> 00:17:12,175
I think we're fighting a losing game!

326
00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:27,262
Here she comes.

327
00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:44,387
Fine!

328
00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,856
You're doing splendidly.

329
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,051
Speed her up a little!

330
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,891
Plus, Lucy was desperate

331
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,394
to get her big break in show biz and...

332
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,730
well, I got mine many years ago

333
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,132
when I got the part of "Terrified Man"

334
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,634
in an episode of "Silk Stockings."

335
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:15,737
I can relate to her struggle.

336
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,338
There's only one way to solve this.

337
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:20,174
Agreed, and while I've never wrestled

338
00:18:20,198 --> 00:18:23,845
with a gay man and a pregnant
woman at the same time,

339
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:26,047
I've always wanted to.

340
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,538
No, I mean, ask Ricky.

341
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,920
Which one of us would you say

342
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,255
is your Lucy?

343
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,590
And keep in mind,

344
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,981
I have pictures of you in shorteralls.

345
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,728
And I have pictures of you

346
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:43,520
trying to rock a mustache for Movember.

347
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,935
And I stopped caring an hour ago,

348
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,028
but I still wanna know just 'cause.

349
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:53,074
You're all my Lucy.

350
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:55,910
Grace and I share a home,
but we sleep in separate beds.

351
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,046
Karen's always up
to something I disapprove of.

352
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,881
Jack spends all my money.

353
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:01,549
Plus I... I am constantly cleaning up

354
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:02,917
after all your messes.

355
00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:04,519
No, you're not.

356
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:07,046
He literally just cleaned up your mess.

357
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:10,925
From a present I thoughtfully bought.

358
00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:14,228
Which you were too cheap
to hire someone to install.

359
00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:16,230
I was about to say the nice part.

360
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:18,433
Can I say the nice part, please?

361
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:21,057
When I was a kid, I wanted to be Ricky.

362
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:24,494
Because he got to live with Lucy.

363
00:19:24,855 --> 00:19:26,441
This guy is so lucky,

364
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,742
'cause he gets to spend his life

365
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:29,566
with someone like that.

366
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,480
Well, I got him beat.

367
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,248
'Cause I got three of you in my life.

368
00:19:34,272 --> 00:19:36,033
And even better,

369
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:38,575
my kid'll have that too.

370
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,580
- Pretty lucky kid.
- Mm.

371
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,150
I wish I was that kid.

372
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:50,298
But still Lucy.

373
00:19:50,922 --> 00:19:52,589
But also Ricky.

374
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:57,105
You almost brought a tear
to my eye, you old homo.

375
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,242
I love you, Lucys.

376
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,244
♪ I love Lucy ♪

377
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,446
♪ And she loves me ♪

378
00:20:07,939 --> 00:20:12,587
♪ We're as happy as two can be ♪

379
00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:15,790
♪ Sometimes we quarrel, but then ♪

380
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,662
♪ How we love making up again ♪

381
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:24,799
♪ Lucy kisses like no one can ♪

382
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:28,636
♪ She's my missus and I'm her man ♪

383
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:32,373
♪ And life is heaven, you see ♪

384
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,542
♪ 'Cause I love Lucy ♪

385
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,678
♪ Oh, he loves Lucy ♪

386
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,546
♪ Yes, he loves Lucy ♪

387
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,448
♪ Yes, he loves Lucy ♪

388
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:44,118
♪ And Lucy loves me ♪

389
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:46,154
♪ 'Cause I love Lucy ♪

390
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,689
♪ Yes, I love Lucy ♪

391
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,525
♪ And Lucy ♪

392
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:54,629
♪ Loves me ♪

393
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,965
Husbands and wives.

394
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,680
I need a nail.

395
00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:31,099
What? She spends money like she...

396
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,522
What?