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"Will & Grace" is recorded

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in front of a live studio audience.

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[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC]

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♪ ♪

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If you see the waitress,

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can you tell her I never got my toast?

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Here, have one of mine.

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I know that tongue has been nowhere,

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so I'm fine with it.

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McCoy and I have been
talking about baby names.

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He likes Alice.

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Wow, lucky kid,

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having two dads, just like Jesus.

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Mm.

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And she'll have a Mary
right across the hall.

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- But this one ain't a virgin.
- Ha-ha.

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Of course, Phallus could be a boy.

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You are carrying low and wide.

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A son.

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My son.

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Oh, I'll teach him everything
a boy should know:

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the difference
between good and bad fats...

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How to fold a pocket square

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into a perfect peak, poof, or point.

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"Peak, Poof, or Point"

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was the name of my one-man show.

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I left during Poof.

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Oh, then you missed the whole Point.

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- Coffee?
- Sure.

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Oh, I'll teach him
the importance of the Dollys,

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both "Hello" and Parton.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I can definitely see
myself raising a son.

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Say when.

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Hey, here's a crazy think-a-doo.

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What if he's a straight boy?

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When. When.

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Ow! Will, stop!

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[UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC]

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♪ ♪

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[LAUGHING]

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It's not funny, Karen.

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Grace, you're pregnant. It's hilarious.

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So, have you broken the news to Will yet?

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Yep, and he's having a baby too.

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That's kind of how it works.

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When a gay man loves his hag
very, very much...

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No, no, this isn't Will's baby.

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Oh, well, I just figured
since you share towels that...

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Basketball?

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Oh, you poor old man.

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You need me to teach you
how to Google porn again?

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Last time you did that,
I ended up on a list

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I'll never get off.

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You know what? You got off.
That's all I'm hearing.

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I'm watching it because this is what

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fathers do with their straight sons.

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They watch sports,
so I need to educate myself.

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If my son wants to talk sports,

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then I will be fluent
in all things sports.

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All right, well, I love baskets.

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- I love balls.
- And snap, the job's a game.

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I used to love watching
the fellas shoot hoops

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in high school, especially when
it was skirts and skins.

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You mean, shirts and skins.

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No wonder I got beat up so much.

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So, who's the "lucky" guy?

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And I mean lucky ironically,

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like when you call a huge guy tiny.

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[LAUGHS]

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His name's Marcus.

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He's the guy I followed on the plane,

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and then we spent an incredible
week together in Rome.

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Ah, Rome.

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You know, Stanley and I
honeymooned there.

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Everywhere he sat, he created a new ruin.

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Okay, well,
he's gonna be here any minute.

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- So I need you to...
- Help you trap him.

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I'm not trying to trap him.

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Not in that outfit, you're not.

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Although it might play on his sympathies.

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[KNOCK AT DOOR]

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Quick, look desperate.

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Oh, perfect.

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Go. Take your vodkaccino.

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- Grace.
- Marcus.

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Wow.

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Did you get prettier
since the last time I saw you?

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- I mean, is that even possible?
- I did, it is,

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- and thank you for noticing.
- Yeah, yeah.

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Ugh, gym class was awful.

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Remember being terrified of
getting a boner in the shower?

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I used to pull
my daisy-covered shower cap

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over my eyes so I wouldn't see anything.

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Constantly.

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And when I did, I was like,

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"I'm just thinking of my girlfriend."

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"Like you have a girlfriend, McFarland.

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What's her name?"

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"Uh, Judith."

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"That's your mom's name."

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"Yeah, and I bought them both
the same bracelet."

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I was the worst
with fake girlfriend names.

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My go-to was "The Facts of Life."

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I dated Tootie in junior high,
freshman year was Blair,

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and I lost my virginity to
my sexy neighbor Mrs. Garrett.

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Edna was insatiable.

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She took the good and she took the bad.

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We had some fun, didn't we?

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It was perfect.

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Grace, let's do it again, right now.

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You and me, tomorrow morning,
Corner Café in Paris,

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the streets still wet
from a morning rain.

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Oh, can it be sunny? I've got this hair.

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Whatever you want. What do you say?

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Marcus, I'm pregnant.

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Oh, um...

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wow.

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Mm.

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That's amazing.

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That's such wonderful news. I'm so happy.

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- You are?
- Yeah, totally.

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So who's the father?

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Well, you are.

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Me? Oh, no, no, not me.

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No, can't be me. No, I had a vasectomy.

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A vasectomy?

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What was that?

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Nothing!

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Squeaky, old pipes. I should fire them!

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[HIGH-PITCHED BEEP]

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- Hot tea.
- That sounds lovely.

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Did you do any sports with your dad?

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Once.

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We were in the park,
and he threw me a basketball.

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I caught it, kissed it,
then thanked the Academy,

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and dropped it on the ground.

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I just remember the look
of embarrassment on his face.

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I never wanna see that look from my son.

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That's why I gotta learn this stuff.

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Say when.

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Hey, here's a crazy think-a-doo.

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What if he doesn't
just wanna watch sports,

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he wants to play sports with you?

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When. When, when!

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[JAZZ PIANO MUSIC]

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I knew kids would limit my freedom.

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Plus, my family has this long history

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of serial killers and left-handedness.

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Such a bad combo.

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I mean, try to find a pair
of scissors to kill with.

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We also have a history of making jokes

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at the wrong time.

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Look, I don't know much
about vasectomies,

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but isn't possible
that one sperm survived?

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You know, like that Japanese soldier

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who didn't know that the war was over.

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I don't know.

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I mean, the brochure said,

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"All sperm dead or your money back."

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So you're not the father.

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I'm not.

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Okay.

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Hey, you are gonna be a fantastic mom.

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- Oh, I hope so.
- Oh, yeah.

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Oh, you'll be great at feeding it

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and cleaning up after it
and taking it for walks.

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I only ever had dogs.

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Take care.

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You too.

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So it is Will's.

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It is not Will's,

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but I was so sure that it was Marcus's.

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I mean, the frequency, the timing.

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I mean, we did sink stuff.

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Well, then who is the father?

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Who's the dude who hit snooze
on your biological clock?

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I don't... I don't know.

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Grace, how many candidates are there?

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- Two.
- How many donuts did you eat?

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- Two.
- So it's three?

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Yeah.

183
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Three guys, one is the father.

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[GASPS] Mamma mia.

185
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It's just like "Mamma Mia!"

186
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♪ Here I go again ♪

187
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I don't even know how to find these guys.

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- ♪ How can I resist you ♪
- Stop.

189
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♪ Mamma mia, does it show ♪

190
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- Karen.
- ♪ My, my ♪

191
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♪ Just how much I missed you ♪
["MAMMA MIA" MELODY PLAYS]

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BOTH: ♪ Yes, I've been brokenhearted ♪

193
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♪ Blue since the day we parted ♪

194
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♪ Why, why, did I ever let you go ♪

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♪ ♪

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[KNOCK AT DOOR]

197
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Hey, honey. You like my lab coat?

198
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Do you need my pee again?

199
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No way.

200
00:08:25,524 --> 00:08:28,992
Last time, it tested positive for Oreos.

201
00:08:30,829 --> 00:08:33,897
Anyway, you know how much
we adored "Mamma Mia!"?

202
00:08:33,932 --> 00:08:36,133
And you know how I'm rich and bored

203
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and have no moral compass?

204
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What did you do?

205
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Come on in, fellas!

206
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,280
Those are the men I slept with in Europe.

207
00:08:50,316 --> 00:08:52,582
Shh. They think they won a boat.

208
00:08:52,618 --> 00:08:55,118
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]

209
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Oh, hey.

210
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:02,159
You ready to play some b-ball?

211
00:09:02,194 --> 00:09:04,161
B-ball? More like C-ball.

212
00:09:04,196 --> 00:09:05,896
What is going on with those shorts?

213
00:09:05,931 --> 00:09:07,597
Oh, cute, right?

214
00:09:10,703 --> 00:09:12,169
I got 'em at a vintage store.

215
00:09:12,204 --> 00:09:15,072
Oh, to have been alive in 1976.

216
00:09:15,107 --> 00:09:18,575
- You were alive in 19...
- Oh, to have been alive.

217
00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:20,143
Should we play?

218
00:09:20,179 --> 00:09:21,778
How does basketball start?

219
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:23,980
Oh, we know this.

220
00:09:24,016 --> 00:09:25,182
Two, three, four.

221
00:09:25,217 --> 00:09:28,251
BOTH: Brrr, it's cold in here.

222
00:09:28,287 --> 00:09:31,621
There must be some homos
in the atmosphere.

223
00:09:31,657 --> 00:09:32,956
Hey, Jack.

224
00:09:32,991 --> 00:09:34,291
Hey, Theodore.

225
00:09:34,326 --> 00:09:36,927
Just shooting some hoops
with my buddy Will here.

226
00:09:36,962 --> 00:09:38,028
He's gonna be a dad soon,

227
00:09:38,063 --> 00:09:40,664
so he's freaking out
that his son might be straight.

228
00:09:40,699 --> 00:09:43,266
- That whole thing.
- I'm not freaking out.

229
00:09:43,302 --> 00:09:45,335
I just don't want my son
to be embarrassed of me.

230
00:09:45,371 --> 00:09:46,525
So I gotta get good at sports

231
00:09:46,561 --> 00:09:49,539
in case he's born
theatrically-challenged.

232
00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:50,723
So you brought this guy

233
00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:53,176
to teach you how to play basketball?

234
00:09:53,212 --> 00:09:54,478
Gee, maybe I can teach you
how to play ice hockey

235
00:09:54,513 --> 00:09:55,608
a little later.

236
00:09:55,644 --> 00:09:57,381
Ooh, I didn't even think of hockey.

237
00:09:57,416 --> 00:09:58,483
That'd be great.

238
00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:01,184
That was a joke, because I'm black.

239
00:10:02,321 --> 00:10:03,540
I really appreciate you not getting this,

240
00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:07,157
but I'm just saying there's
no way Jack's any good at...

241
00:10:09,595 --> 00:10:11,128
Oh, did I just put the ball in the thing?

242
00:10:11,163 --> 00:10:12,629
Okay, that was one lucky shot,

243
00:10:12,664 --> 00:10:15,165
but there's still no way
that Jack is any good at this.

244
00:10:17,669 --> 00:10:21,304
I bet you're both wondering
why I'm so good at this.

245
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:24,174
- No, I already know, it's...
- It all started in 2011.

246
00:10:25,544 --> 00:10:27,644
I auditioned for the role of Troy

247
00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,480
in a local production
of "High School Musical."

248
00:10:31,683 --> 00:10:34,885
My audition song,
"Get'cha Head in the Game."

249
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Final moment, a perfect basket.

250
00:10:37,689 --> 00:10:40,690
I worked for weeks and weeks,
and at the end of my audition,

251
00:10:40,726 --> 00:10:44,194
this swish made the perfect swish.

252
00:10:49,201 --> 00:10:50,167
So you got the part?

253
00:10:50,202 --> 00:10:51,634
No, I did not.

254
00:10:52,104 --> 00:10:53,770
I believe their feedback was,

255
00:10:53,806 --> 00:10:56,931
"You are not a student
at this high school."

256
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,711
The point is...

257
00:11:03,482 --> 00:11:05,582
I made myself good at basketball,

258
00:11:05,617 --> 00:11:07,017
and Will can too.

259
00:11:07,052 --> 00:11:08,452
Well, all right,
I'll leave you all to it,

260
00:11:08,487 --> 00:11:10,187
and I'm digging the '70s outfit.

261
00:11:10,222 --> 00:11:12,355
Fabulous decade,
kills me to have missed it.

262
00:11:12,391 --> 00:11:14,825
- But aren't you...
- I missed it.

263
00:11:16,161 --> 00:11:19,245
Let's meet our contestants, shall we?

264
00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:23,018
First, we have Mario,
a transportation executive,

265
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:25,977
or in Italian, a taxi driver.

266
00:11:28,073 --> 00:11:31,408
Next, we have Paolo, a hotel pool boy.

267
00:11:31,443 --> 00:11:32,509
[LAUGHS]

268
00:11:32,544 --> 00:11:35,445
He could fish dead frogs
out of my trap any ol' day.

269
00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:40,817
And finally, we have Steve Buscemi

270
00:11:40,853 --> 00:11:42,752
on his best day ever...

271
00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:49,059
Who was traveling in Europe
with his family.

272
00:11:49,094 --> 00:11:50,460
- You're married?
- No.

273
00:11:50,496 --> 00:11:52,153
I was with my mom and dad.

274
00:11:52,598 --> 00:11:56,115
- You said you were 30.
- You said you were 30.

275
00:11:56,768 --> 00:11:59,736
We're talking about you, young man.

276
00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:01,071
How old are you?

277
00:12:01,106 --> 00:12:03,740
I'm a senior... in college.

278
00:12:03,775 --> 00:12:04,875
Oh, God, thank God.

279
00:12:07,212 --> 00:12:08,411
I thought we were getting a boat.

280
00:12:08,447 --> 00:12:10,146
I see no boat. Where's the boat?

281
00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:13,083
Okay, this is good.

282
00:12:13,118 --> 00:12:15,285
Let's play a little one-on-one.

283
00:12:21,627 --> 00:12:24,794
Okay, so, I'll be me
and you be my straight son.

284
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:25,862
Okay, great.

285
00:12:25,898 --> 00:12:27,764
Let's start by passing the ball
back and forth,

286
00:12:27,799 --> 00:12:31,968
but first, allow me
to build my character, okay?

287
00:12:32,004 --> 00:12:33,703
I'm a straight teen who's embarrassed

288
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:34,938
by his queer dad.

289
00:12:34,973 --> 00:12:38,642
And... found him.

290
00:12:38,677 --> 00:12:40,785
[IN DEEP VOICE] Hurry up, gay dad.

291
00:12:42,581 --> 00:12:44,781
I wanna go home and watch
an Adam Sandler movie

292
00:12:44,816 --> 00:12:47,083
on Netflix with my girlfriend
who I cheat on.

293
00:12:47,819 --> 00:12:49,853
Perfect, perfect. Okay, ready?

294
00:12:51,156 --> 00:12:52,656
Throw harder.

295
00:12:52,691 --> 00:12:54,624
Why don't you pretend
it's something you can't stand,

296
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:55,659
like a boob?

297
00:12:57,563 --> 00:13:00,363
How would I pass you a boob, a-and why?

298
00:13:00,399 --> 00:13:03,333
Pass it! Lame.

299
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:05,502
Ugh, why did I have to have a gay dad?

300
00:13:05,537 --> 00:13:08,038
Gordo's dad likes sports
and has a drinking problem,

301
00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:09,573
and I'm stuck with you.

302
00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:11,074
I don't like this anymore.

303
00:13:11,109 --> 00:13:12,576
- Just pass me the ball.
- Jack.

304
00:13:12,611 --> 00:13:13,543
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come on, Will.

305
00:13:13,579 --> 00:13:14,978
Is that the best you can do?

306
00:13:15,013 --> 00:13:16,513
You are embarrassing!

307
00:13:16,548 --> 00:13:18,081
Ow!

308
00:13:18,116 --> 00:13:20,016
I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

309
00:13:20,052 --> 00:13:22,719
Ow. My finger feels a little funny.

310
00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:27,824
Huh, that's not right.

311
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:30,694
- Jack!
- [BODY THUDS]

312
00:13:30,729 --> 00:13:33,597
- Come on, buddy.
- [EXHALES]

313
00:13:33,632 --> 00:13:35,732
What happened?

314
00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:38,001
Oh, right.

315
00:13:38,036 --> 00:13:39,002
[BODY THUDS]

316
00:13:39,037 --> 00:13:40,203
Here we go.

317
00:13:41,873 --> 00:13:43,940
Oh, thank God.

318
00:13:43,976 --> 00:13:46,643
For a minute there, I thought...

319
00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:51,233
[BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC]

320
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,800
I have some good news and some bad news.

321
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,946
The bad news is, there is no boat.

322
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,638
The good news is,
two of you aren't the father

323
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,700
of Grace's fossil baby.

324
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:11,783
But it's not me.
I never sleep with this woman.

325
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,385
- Yes, you did.
- But I don't remember.

326
00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:17,055
You picked me up in your cab,

327
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,656
and you took me back to your place.

328
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,792
The next morning, we ate cold pizza

329
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,161
and watched the sunrise
over the Trevi Fountain.

330
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,896
It was kind of wonderful.

331
00:14:25,751 --> 00:14:27,384
If you say so.

332
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,139
I remember you, changed my life.

333
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,805
See? That's more like it.

334
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,441
Being with you, I realize
I don't like the women.

335
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,209
I like the men.

336
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,947
Congratulations, Gracie.

337
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,150
You turned another one gay.

338
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:49,554
- You can't turn people gay.
- I can't, but you can.

339
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:53,224
All right, gentlemen, moment of truth.

340
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,894
Let's get some DNA samples.

341
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:59,130
Open up. Thank you.

342
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,632
You're next.

343
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,000
Wait, let me take out my retainer.

344
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,269
Oh, my God.

345
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,570
There we go.

346
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,907
All right, and now you.

347
00:15:21,822 --> 00:15:23,906
Oh, my God, my pinkie.

348
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,925
And this is my tea hand.

349
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,360
Jack, I'm so, so sorry.

350
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,995
Are they gonna cut it off?

351
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,431
Should I take off my pants?

352
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,666
I need a gown!

353
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,634
Something mid-calf and low heel.

354
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,436
Okay, Jack, Jack, Jack. Hey, hey, hey.

355
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,039
Listen to me.
It's gonna be all right, okay?

356
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,774
Okay, I promise you.

357
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,344
Look, I stole this
from a cart in the hall.

358
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,446
- Can you do the straw?
- Of course I can.

359
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:53,151
I can't believe I got so upset
and humiliated

360
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,687
just pretending with you.

361
00:15:54,722 --> 00:15:57,889
[SUCKING]

362
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,358
I'm gonna be a disaster as a dad.

363
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,460
- Did you grab two?
- Of course I did, buddy.

364
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,498
Where is that doctor?

365
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,500
Look, I know you're worried

366
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,402
that your son is gonna be
embarrassed of you,

367
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:15,874
but here's the thing,
he absolutely will be.

368
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:18,076
Gay, straight, boy, or girl,
every kid is embarrassed

369
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,244
of their parents.

370
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,045
Huh.

371
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,081
At least you wanna bond with your kid.

372
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,383
You know how far ahead
of the game that puts you?

373
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,885
Has your dad ever shown an interest

374
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,889
in anything you loved,
like the theater or...

375
00:16:30,796 --> 00:16:32,062
drying dishes?

376
00:16:34,435 --> 00:16:35,927
All you can do is show up,

377
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,730
and you've already shown up
before your kid is even born.

378
00:16:39,148 --> 00:16:41,390
- Thanks, Jack.
- You're welcome.

379
00:16:41,426 --> 00:16:44,602
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]

380
00:16:44,638 --> 00:16:46,037
I don't wanna be rude, but how do we know

381
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,106
that we're the only three guys
that she did?

382
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,440
That's true.

383
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,042
It seemed like her "for hire" sign

384
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,079
is light up all the time.

385
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,614
It could be ten, twenty, thirty guys.

386
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,116
What? How dare you?

387
00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,117
[KNOCK AT DOOR]

388
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,019
You are the only three

389
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,621
who could possibly be the father.

390
00:17:03,657 --> 00:17:06,425
- I didn't have a vasectomy.
- And there was one more.

391
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,860
I panicked.

392
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,461
Grace, I'm so sorry,

393
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,629
but I'm prepared to do the right thing.

394
00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:13,364
I will give up all my hopes and dreams.

395
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,133
I will swallow the very essence
of who I am,

396
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,301
and I will marry you

397
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,702
and I will help raise this baby.

398
00:17:18,229 --> 00:17:21,072
Was that a proposal or a suicide note?

399
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,207
Can it be both?

400
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,209
Sorry, it's that jokes thing again.

401
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,577
Grace, I'm sorry,

402
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,881
and I-I'm so sorry that I lied to you.

403
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:32,150
Did you also lie about the mass murderers

404
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,584
and the left-handedness?

405
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,553
Oh, it's the worst. In Italy, we say...

406
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,956
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

407
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,924
- Who are these guys?
- Oh, these are the other men

408
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,793
that Grace slept with in Europe.

409
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:42,894
What?

410
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,672
Oh, thanks.

411
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:48,066
[BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC]

412
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,901
♪ ♪

413
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,362
♪ ♪

414
00:17:54,096 --> 00:17:56,831
Sorry I was being so dramatic
about my finger.

415
00:17:57,393 --> 00:17:59,668
Probably didn't need to cry
as much as I did.

416
00:17:59,670 --> 00:18:01,336
Are you kidding?

417
00:18:01,338 --> 00:18:03,912
You cry as much as you want.
It was scary.

418
00:18:03,937 --> 00:18:05,269
I was scared.

419
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,528
I'm gonna find that doctor.

420
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,336
- You're a good dad.
- Excuse me?

421
00:18:11,338 --> 00:18:12,938
I heard what you said in there.

422
00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:15,507
So many fathers come in here
with hurt little boys,

423
00:18:15,509 --> 00:18:17,691
yelling at them to act like men.

424
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:19,511
What does that even mean?

425
00:18:19,513 --> 00:18:21,513
I wish there were more dads like you.

426
00:18:21,515 --> 00:18:23,615
Well, that's nice to hear.

427
00:18:23,617 --> 00:18:25,750
Let's take a look at this little guy.

428
00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:29,387
Does somebody want a lolli?

429
00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:31,690
Psych, already found 'em.

430
00:18:31,692 --> 00:18:34,860
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]

431
00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:36,294
♪ ♪

432
00:18:36,296 --> 00:18:37,729
Yeah, no, that's right, Mother.

433
00:18:37,731 --> 00:18:40,632
I was in the hospital.

434
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:43,502
Well, you'd know that
if you ever read my texts.

435
00:18:43,504 --> 00:18:45,504
[MOUTHING GIBBERISH]

436
00:18:47,374 --> 00:18:49,007
No.

437
00:18:49,009 --> 00:18:51,376
I left my body, okay?

438
00:18:51,378 --> 00:18:53,866
I saw the light, Mother.

439
00:18:54,915 --> 00:18:56,882
I met God.

440
00:18:56,884 --> 00:19:00,852
Yes, I did, and he apologized
for dropping me off with you

441
00:19:00,854 --> 00:19:02,554
when I was supposed to go to Barbra.

442
00:19:02,556 --> 00:19:04,890
I could be
Jason frickin' Gould right now.

443
00:19:04,892 --> 00:19:07,859
I could be shopping in
the underground mall, Judith!

444
00:19:07,861 --> 00:19:09,861
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

445
00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:14,666
Are you at the salon?

446
00:19:14,668 --> 00:19:17,723
No, I told you I wanted
to do your hair this week.

447
00:19:18,432 --> 00:19:20,272
No, don't be silly.
I'm never too busy for you.

448
00:19:20,274 --> 00:19:23,074
Just leave now,
I'll give you a quick blowout,

449
00:19:23,076 --> 00:19:24,543
and then we'll go
to Souplantation, all right?

450
00:19:24,545 --> 00:19:26,411
Byeeee.

451
00:19:26,413 --> 00:19:27,946
That's it.

452
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:29,681
In three weeks, you will find out

453
00:19:29,683 --> 00:19:32,577
which one of those guys
is the father of your baby.

454
00:19:32,579 --> 00:19:34,085
For what it's worth,
I hope it's the young one,

455
00:19:34,087 --> 00:19:36,054
so that somebody's alive
when the kid goes to college.

456
00:19:38,759 --> 00:19:40,746
You going to the post office or...

457
00:19:41,622 --> 00:19:43,528
What am I doing?

458
00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:45,530
This isn't gonna tell me
who the father is.

459
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,065
I think that's exactly
what it's gonna do.

460
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:49,868
No, no. Will, biology doesn't matter.

461
00:19:49,870 --> 00:19:53,805
If this baby has a father,
it'll be someone I love,

462
00:19:53,807 --> 00:19:56,241
who wants to raise the baby with me.

463
00:19:56,243 --> 00:19:58,610
And if that doesn't happen,

464
00:19:58,612 --> 00:20:01,079
I will give this child
everything it needs.

465
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:05,750
You're right. You don't need anyone else.

466
00:20:05,752 --> 00:20:07,419
You got me. You got McCoy.

467
00:20:07,421 --> 00:20:09,955
And if Idris Elba wants
to throw his hat in the ring,

468
00:20:09,957 --> 00:20:11,861
I will not kick him out of bed.

469
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:13,825
Perfect, so you got four of us.

470
00:20:13,827 --> 00:20:15,660
We'll have to work out a shower schedule.

471
00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:18,096
I guess you'll go first,
then the three of us.

472
00:20:18,098 --> 00:20:19,531
That was easy.

473
00:20:20,968 --> 00:20:24,236
- I'm gonna throw it away.
- Uh... allow me.

474
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:33,678
Who's embarrassed now, unborn child?

475
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,748
That sounded weird, but it felt good.

476
00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:38,216
[KNOCK AT DOOR]

477
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,586
Excuse me, ma'am.

478
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:42,821
Hi, D.J.

479
00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:44,823
My mom says that if I am the dad

480
00:20:44,825 --> 00:20:47,058
that I have to invite you
to my fraternity formal.

481
00:20:49,096 --> 00:20:50,431
Oh, come on.

482
00:20:50,433 --> 00:20:51,596
It's at the Spaghetti Factory.

483
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:53,064
When is it?

484
00:20:54,501 --> 00:20:55,533
It's May 22nd.

485
00:20:55,535 --> 00:20:56,801
The theme is the 2000s.

486
00:20:56,803 --> 00:20:59,137
That's already a theme?

487
00:20:59,617 --> 00:21:01,239
Wait, did you sleep with him too?

488
00:21:02,376 --> 00:21:05,277
No, but trust me, I tried.