1 00:00:00,693 --> 00:00:02,127 "Will & Grace" is recorded 2 00:00:02,129 --> 00:00:03,428 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:03,430 --> 00:00:04,701 Okay, so let's see. 4 00:00:04,703 --> 00:00:07,298 You and Jenny have both had the level two ultrasound 5 00:00:07,323 --> 00:00:08,948 and done all the scary genetic tests. 6 00:00:08,950 --> 00:00:09,957 Right. 7 00:00:09,959 --> 00:00:11,893 We've taken Lamaze, baby-proofed, 8 00:00:11,895 --> 00:00:13,628 ordered cribs and changing tables. 9 00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:14,758 Done. Check. 10 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,898 You both started your prenatal Pilates 11 00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:19,500 and have been going twice a week for four weeks. 12 00:00:22,553 --> 00:00:23,671 That's on me. 13 00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:26,874 Okay, so, we'vdone everything we need to. 14 00:00:26,876 --> 00:00:29,210 I think we can actually relax. 15 00:00:29,212 --> 00:00:31,312 It feels so good! 16 00:00:31,314 --> 00:00:33,314 We are crushing pregnancy, Will. 17 00:00:33,316 --> 00:00:34,382 Should we write a book about it? 18 00:00:34,384 --> 00:00:36,812 We could call it "Will and Grace Crush Babies." 19 00:00:38,354 --> 00:00:40,488 And get Casey Anthony to do the audiobook. 20 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:45,660 Open up, I've got a baby emergency! 21 00:00:45,662 --> 00:00:47,395 Larry? What are you... 22 00:00:47,397 --> 00:00:48,996 Oh! 23 00:00:48,998 --> 00:00:51,432 You must be Larry's granddaughter! 24 00:00:51,434 --> 00:00:52,867 And your name is... 25 00:00:52,869 --> 00:00:54,335 Wheat. 26 00:00:58,908 --> 00:01:00,274 Her name is Wheat. 27 00:01:00,276 --> 00:01:01,943 - So pretty. - Beautiful name, yeah. 28 00:01:01,945 --> 00:01:03,945 It's a ridiculous name. 29 00:01:03,947 --> 00:01:05,413 I need your TV. 30 00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:06,581 Our cable's out. 31 00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:09,884 For some reason, the sound of Bobby Flay grilling meat 32 00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:12,306 is the only thing that puts her to sleep. 33 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:14,433 Grace too. 34 00:01:16,693 --> 00:01:19,260 How's Hannah doing as a mom? 35 00:01:19,262 --> 00:01:20,795 She had to take a break from college, right? 36 00:01:20,797 --> 00:01:25,032 She dropped out to make green juice for dogs. 37 00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:26,767 But Hannah always seemed so together. 38 00:01:26,769 --> 00:01:29,370 Wake up, Grace. That was all a front. 39 00:01:29,372 --> 00:01:32,440 Joe and I were the first gay couple we knew with a baby, 40 00:01:32,442 --> 00:01:34,828 so we had to say she was perfect. 41 00:01:35,612 --> 00:01:38,290 Her life went off the rails in kindergarten. 42 00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:40,781 What, did she get hooked on graham crackers? 43 00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:43,378 And here comes Will with his jokes! 44 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,386 We waited too long 45 00:01:45,388 --> 00:01:47,888 to sign her up for the best elementary school, 46 00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:50,057 so she didn't get in to the best high school, 47 00:01:50,059 --> 00:01:51,892 and after that, it was a train wreck. 48 00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,661 I thought she went to NYU. 49 00:01:53,663 --> 00:01:57,262 Northern Yonkers University. 50 00:01:57,264 --> 00:01:59,967 Their motto is, "Let's call it a day." 51 00:02:02,052 --> 00:02:04,052 Don't make the same mistake. 52 00:02:04,077 --> 00:02:06,610 Set your children on the right path before it's too late. 53 00:02:06,635 --> 00:02:08,302 Oh, well, we did the research. 54 00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,927 We want them to go to that school in Harlem... 55 00:02:10,952 --> 00:02:13,153 Global Citizens Academy. 56 00:02:13,178 --> 00:02:15,545 Like, all of their kids end up going to Ivy League. 57 00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,318 You're already signed up? 58 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,753 Well, they're not even born yet. 59 00:02:18,755 --> 00:02:20,832 Then you're already too late. 60 00:02:21,524 --> 00:02:23,424 They fill up years in advance. 61 00:02:23,426 --> 00:02:24,670 What? 62 00:02:25,361 --> 00:02:27,695 Come on, we gotta get to that school right now. 63 00:02:27,697 --> 00:02:28,696 Now? 64 00:02:28,698 --> 00:02:29,930 I promised Jenny I'd help her 65 00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:31,632 with some new internet thing she's doing. 66 00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:33,501 Well, send Jack, 67 00:02:33,503 --> 00:02:37,438 unless you want our kids to be dog-juice-making losers. 68 00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:40,007 Sorry. 69 00:02:40,009 --> 00:02:42,443 No, shame her mother in front of her. 70 00:02:42,445 --> 00:02:43,897 She needs to learn. 71 00:02:49,663 --> 00:02:57,722 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 72 00:03:03,032 --> 00:03:04,832 Doesn't that feel so good? 73 00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:06,534 Oh, my God, I can totally feel the tingling 74 00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:08,402 on the top of my head. 75 00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:10,799 Like whenever Chris Pine is in the city. 76 00:03:11,541 --> 00:03:13,674 So that's the point of an ASMR video. 77 00:03:13,676 --> 00:03:16,077 You make sounds that trigger responses in your brain 78 00:03:16,079 --> 00:03:17,345 that help you relax. 79 00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:18,746 And people pay for that? 80 00:03:18,748 --> 00:03:19,980 Hell yeah, they do. 81 00:03:19,982 --> 00:03:21,916 I once curled ribbons for 20 minutes 82 00:03:21,918 --> 00:03:23,050 and made 600 bucks. 83 00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:25,052 How did I not know about this? 84 00:03:25,054 --> 00:03:27,722 I curl ribbons every day for free. 85 00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,390 Well, I'm stoked that you're doing this, 86 00:03:29,392 --> 00:03:30,858 because it's much better with two people. 87 00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:33,060 Just be glad it's me and not Will. 88 00:03:33,062 --> 00:03:34,729 Yeah, I know we're not supposed to say this 89 00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:35,730 about women anymore, 90 00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:37,534 but Will is so shrill. 91 00:03:38,461 --> 00:03:40,495 - Let's do a practice one. - Okay. 92 00:03:41,537 --> 00:03:43,571 So, remember 93 00:03:43,573 --> 00:03:46,707 to speak softly, 94 00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:49,910 and over-articulate 95 00:03:49,912 --> 00:03:52,847 your consonants. 96 00:03:52,849 --> 00:03:55,182 Right. 97 00:03:55,184 --> 00:03:58,085 It's like what my new acting teacher, 98 00:03:58,087 --> 00:04:00,421 Tracy Pecosta, 99 00:04:00,423 --> 00:04:01,922 taught me to do 100 00:04:01,924 --> 00:04:04,125 so that I don't sound 101 00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:07,939 like a homosexual. 102 00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:12,865 It's bedtime, so don't forget to brush your teeth. 103 00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:21,536 And your hair. 104 00:04:27,984 --> 00:04:30,818 I like to do it 50 times 105 00:04:30,820 --> 00:04:32,620 on each side 106 00:04:32,622 --> 00:04:34,688 for a total of... 107 00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:41,264 100 times. 108 00:04:42,732 --> 00:04:45,900 Well, thanks again for coming all the way out. 109 00:04:45,902 --> 00:04:49,399 Honey, the ride up here was worth the ride in here. 110 00:04:49,401 --> 00:04:51,005 And after what we just did, 111 00:04:51,007 --> 00:04:53,151 I may have to borrow that thing. 112 00:04:56,746 --> 00:04:58,479 I can see myself out. 113 00:04:58,481 --> 00:04:59,480 No way. 114 00:04:59,482 --> 00:05:01,982 A gentleman always rolls a lady to the door. 115 00:05:01,984 --> 00:05:02,983 True, 116 00:05:02,985 --> 00:05:06,754 but you, sir, are no gentleman. 117 00:05:06,756 --> 00:05:08,689 No, I'm not. 118 00:05:08,691 --> 00:05:10,711 There's the door, woman. 119 00:05:11,654 --> 00:05:13,754 I'll see you tomorrow, Jenny. 120 00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:15,029 Hey, Kar. 121 00:05:15,031 --> 00:05:16,530 I didn't know you were gonna be here. 122 00:05:16,532 --> 00:05:17,832 I would've asked for a ride up. 123 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:19,633 But I'm already here. 124 00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:21,168 Can't argue with that. 125 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:24,605 So, uh, you and Luke, huh? 126 00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:27,975 Getting a tune-up? 127 00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:30,711 - Oh! - Ooh, yeah! 128 00:05:30,713 --> 00:05:33,113 Rotating your tires? 129 00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:36,617 Woo! 130 00:05:36,619 --> 00:05:38,619 Just getting my oil changed, 131 00:05:38,621 --> 00:05:41,283 getting my fluids topped off. 132 00:05:42,698 --> 00:05:45,799 Getting all my points and plugs adjusted. 133 00:05:49,665 --> 00:05:51,209 Yeah. 134 00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:54,796 We're talking about sex, right? 135 00:05:55,972 --> 00:05:57,705 Honey, what are you doing here? 136 00:05:57,707 --> 00:06:00,307 Oh, I'm helping Jenny with this ASMR thing. 137 00:06:00,309 --> 00:06:01,742 Oh, fun. 138 00:06:01,744 --> 00:06:03,878 I used to make those videos for Stan 139 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,646 when he was out of town. 140 00:06:05,648 --> 00:06:07,047 Nothing put that man to sleep 141 00:06:07,049 --> 00:06:09,978 like the bubbling of melting cheese. 142 00:06:11,053 --> 00:06:12,686 Hey, we're livestreaming tomorrow. 143 00:06:12,688 --> 00:06:15,022 - You should do it with us. - Oh, I don't know, honey. 144 00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:15,990 With the baseball team 145 00:06:15,992 --> 00:06:18,826 and all the work piling up at Grace's office... 146 00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:20,094 I'd love to. 147 00:06:20,096 --> 00:06:21,729 Oh, great! Okay. 148 00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:23,063 Hey, can I get a ride back? 149 00:06:23,065 --> 00:06:24,993 Sorry, I'm already gone. 150 00:06:25,935 --> 00:06:27,454 Just my luck. 151 00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,337 Oh, you must be Jack. 152 00:06:30,339 --> 00:06:32,873 Oh, and you're Luke. 153 00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,742 Thank you for your service 154 00:06:34,744 --> 00:06:36,546 of my best friend. 155 00:06:38,468 --> 00:06:39,767 I do it for God and country. 156 00:06:39,792 --> 00:06:41,192 Yeah, I don't want to hear the specifics. 157 00:06:42,808 --> 00:06:45,542 I'm just happy she finally got herself a booty buddy. 158 00:06:45,588 --> 00:06:46,854 A booty buddy? 159 00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:48,589 Yeah, well, since the divorce, 160 00:06:48,591 --> 00:06:50,357 I've been telling her she needs to find someone 161 00:06:50,359 --> 00:06:52,192 who's just there for sex, you know? 162 00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:55,195 No strings attached, no emotional blah-blah, 163 00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,031 just sex. 164 00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,032 And that's me? 165 00:06:58,034 --> 00:07:00,568 Say it with pride, soldier! 166 00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:04,371 You're Karen Walker's boy toy! 167 00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:05,439 Her boy toy? 168 00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:08,075 Well, that was more wistful than, you know, pride, 169 00:07:08,077 --> 00:07:10,844 but you've probably never worked with a director before. 170 00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:17,701 And now we're in the Hall of Mindfulness, 171 00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,436 because here at Global Citizens, 172 00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:22,339 we don't want our students to just be present 173 00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:23,907 in their attendance. 174 00:07:23,909 --> 00:07:25,075 - Ooh, that's good. - I like that. 175 00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:26,877 That's good, yeah. 176 00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:36,219 Our third-graders have a concert coming up 177 00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:38,188 in seven months. 178 00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,857 Don't worry, they'll get there. 179 00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:42,025 Shall we sit? 180 00:07:53,038 --> 00:07:56,039 Love an alternative seat. 181 00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:59,042 Why just sit when you can work your core? 182 00:07:59,044 --> 00:08:00,477 That structure is really cool. 183 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,546 The sixth-grade woodworking class built it 184 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:05,882 using wood rescued from various hurricanes. 185 00:08:05,884 --> 00:08:08,251 It's a permanent reminder that something beautiful 186 00:08:08,253 --> 00:08:09,886 can be made from tragedy. 187 00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:11,154 Oh, I know. 188 00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:12,289 After Hurricane Sandy, 189 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,125 I found the most comfortable sweatshirt on the street. 190 00:08:19,064 --> 00:08:21,234 I washed it. 191 00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:24,134 Thanks for squeezing us in, Ms. Hinder-Haagen. 192 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:26,209 This place is amazing. 193 00:08:26,211 --> 00:08:29,105 I actually saw kids running into math class. 194 00:08:29,107 --> 00:08:32,075 I hated math! 195 00:08:32,077 --> 00:08:33,510 Did I say math? I meant... 196 00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:35,278 racism. 197 00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:39,483 Excuse me? 198 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:41,766 Headmistress Hinder-Haagen, is this a bad time? 199 00:08:41,791 --> 00:08:42,757 How can I help you? 200 00:08:42,759 --> 00:08:45,393 An issue has arisen in the robotics lab. 201 00:08:45,395 --> 00:08:47,361 Our AI has become sentient. 202 00:08:47,363 --> 00:08:49,964 However, its corporeal host is still in beta testing. 203 00:08:49,966 --> 00:08:51,766 My God, you do that here? 204 00:08:51,768 --> 00:08:53,567 That's incredible! 205 00:08:53,569 --> 00:08:55,903 - You'll explain... - Later, yeah, shh. 206 00:08:55,905 --> 00:08:58,406 Farhan is our Student Admissions Liaison. 207 00:08:58,408 --> 00:08:59,517 You'll be meeting with him 208 00:08:59,519 --> 00:09:00,942 for the second part of this process. 209 00:09:00,944 --> 00:09:03,411 If I may ask, how old is your child? 210 00:09:03,413 --> 00:09:04,812 And how do they identify? 211 00:09:04,814 --> 00:09:06,747 Oh, ah, well, no children yet. 212 00:09:06,749 --> 00:09:09,450 Grace's is due in April, mine in May, 213 00:09:09,452 --> 00:09:12,553 and my pronouns are "he" and "is terrified." 214 00:09:15,491 --> 00:09:16,958 We didn't know there were two children. 215 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,392 Oh, we're not married. 216 00:09:18,394 --> 00:09:19,293 We're just friends, 217 00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:21,729 but we both want our kids to go here. 218 00:09:21,731 --> 00:09:23,397 Oh, that's going to be a problem. 219 00:09:23,399 --> 00:09:24,899 For 2024 enrollment, 220 00:09:24,901 --> 00:09:26,434 we only have one spot available. 221 00:09:26,436 --> 00:09:27,635 One? 222 00:09:27,637 --> 00:09:28,836 That's in five years! 223 00:09:28,838 --> 00:09:30,338 Mm, four years. 224 00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:31,605 Four years. 225 00:09:37,013 --> 00:09:38,579 You decent? 226 00:09:38,581 --> 00:09:40,689 'Cause I can wait till you're not. 227 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,017 What's up? 228 00:09:43,019 --> 00:09:46,487 Oh, I'm just helping your sister with her video, 229 00:09:46,489 --> 00:09:48,489 but afterward, I thought it'd be fun 230 00:09:48,491 --> 00:09:50,992 if we had a little picnic. 231 00:09:50,994 --> 00:09:54,095 Oh, darn. 232 00:09:54,097 --> 00:09:57,831 These aren't sandwiches, they're sex toys. 233 00:09:58,468 --> 00:10:00,101 And a bag of chips for after, 234 00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:03,771 'cause we're gonna need the potassium. 235 00:10:03,773 --> 00:10:05,806 Yeah, I'm not really feeling it. 236 00:10:05,808 --> 00:10:06,841 Oh. 237 00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:08,843 I'm sorry, I can't be your booty call today. 238 00:10:08,845 --> 00:10:10,544 Booty call? 239 00:10:10,546 --> 00:10:12,387 Where'd you get that idea? 240 00:10:13,449 --> 00:10:14,949 It doesn't matter. 241 00:10:14,951 --> 00:10:15,916 I mean, we already agreed 242 00:10:15,918 --> 00:10:17,852 that if our kids can't go to the same school, 243 00:10:17,854 --> 00:10:18,853 it's not the school for us. 244 00:10:18,855 --> 00:10:20,121 Right, we're a packaged deal. 245 00:10:20,123 --> 00:10:21,139 Their loss, not ours. 246 00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:23,791 Didn't get in? 247 00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:24,992 Shh! 248 00:10:24,994 --> 00:10:26,994 I finally got Wheat to sleep. 249 00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,730 And yes, it is 11:45 in the morning, 250 00:10:29,732 --> 00:10:31,948 and I'm having a drink. 251 00:10:32,468 --> 00:10:34,402 If I'm still awake in 20 minutes, 252 00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:36,871 I'm going to take a bath. 253 00:10:36,873 --> 00:10:39,040 How long are you planning on staying here? 254 00:10:39,042 --> 00:10:42,083 As long as that demon's unconscious. 255 00:10:43,646 --> 00:10:45,646 Look, there's no way either of you 256 00:10:45,648 --> 00:10:47,648 were getting in to Global Citizens. 257 00:10:47,650 --> 00:10:49,350 You're not diverse enough. 258 00:10:49,352 --> 00:10:50,818 What are you talking about? I'm gay. 259 00:10:53,923 --> 00:10:56,991 What do you think this is? 2009? 260 00:10:56,993 --> 00:11:00,494 I tried to play the gay card to get Hannah in. 261 00:11:00,496 --> 00:11:02,430 CeeCee said, "Just gay?" 262 00:11:02,432 --> 00:11:05,023 And laughed me out of their planetarium. 263 00:11:05,568 --> 00:11:07,817 Well, I'm a single mom, so. 264 00:11:08,571 --> 00:11:10,104 I'm also Jewish. 265 00:11:10,106 --> 00:11:13,198 So is every building on that campus. 266 00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:14,942 Well, it doesn't matter, 267 00:11:14,944 --> 00:11:16,877 'cause we're done with Global Citizens. 268 00:11:16,879 --> 00:11:18,846 There's plenty of other good schools in this city. 269 00:11:18,848 --> 00:11:19,914 You know what, you're right. 270 00:11:19,916 --> 00:11:21,515 I don't even want my kid to go there. 271 00:11:21,517 --> 00:11:23,017 Me neither. 272 00:11:23,019 --> 00:11:25,186 I love that we always agree. 273 00:11:25,188 --> 00:11:27,188 Thank you so much for seeing me again, 274 00:11:27,190 --> 00:11:28,347 Headmistress Hinder-Haagen. 275 00:11:28,349 --> 00:11:29,412 Of course. 276 00:11:29,414 --> 00:11:32,478 I know how important diversity is to this school. 277 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,727 It is, 278 00:11:33,729 --> 00:11:36,597 and your child would be diverse how, exactly? 279 00:11:36,599 --> 00:11:38,732 I'm just gonna bottom line it. 280 00:11:38,734 --> 00:11:40,683 I don't know who the father is. 281 00:11:41,571 --> 00:11:42,536 So, girl to girl, 282 00:11:42,538 --> 00:11:44,163 tell me what diversity you're looking for, 283 00:11:44,165 --> 00:11:45,980 'cause I've probably slept with it. 284 00:11:47,777 --> 00:11:50,444 You know, I know that gay is done to death, 285 00:11:50,446 --> 00:11:53,447 but I'm gonna make the argument that it is back in a big way. 286 00:11:53,449 --> 00:11:54,949 Can you feel me, girl? 287 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,553 I guess you cannot. 288 00:12:05,314 --> 00:12:07,448 Buttons. 289 00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:12,953 Cellophane. 290 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,060 Lorazepam. 291 00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:26,000 Since we're live, 292 00:12:26,002 --> 00:12:29,136 if there are any sounds you would like to hear 293 00:12:29,138 --> 00:12:31,105 or questions you have, 294 00:12:31,107 --> 00:12:32,773 just hit us up. 295 00:12:32,775 --> 00:12:35,738 I have a question. 296 00:12:37,179 --> 00:12:38,879 Who told Luke 297 00:12:38,881 --> 00:12:42,249 that he was just a booty call? 298 00:12:45,561 --> 00:12:49,196 That... was me. 299 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,214 Why? 300 00:12:54,397 --> 00:12:57,010 Why not? 301 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,869 Do you have any idea 302 00:13:01,871 --> 00:13:05,272 how furious I am? 303 00:13:06,842 --> 00:13:10,778 It's kind of hard to tell. 304 00:13:12,214 --> 00:13:15,516 I could make it clearer. 305 00:13:20,222 --> 00:13:21,922 Would you two 306 00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:24,858 like to take this outside? 307 00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:29,196 Why, that's a great idea. 308 00:13:29,198 --> 00:13:31,002 Or... 309 00:13:31,934 --> 00:13:34,835 it's a bad idea, 310 00:13:34,837 --> 00:13:37,905 because Karen's rings 311 00:13:37,907 --> 00:13:40,345 leave welts. 312 00:13:41,911 --> 00:13:45,725 Welts. 313 00:13:46,248 --> 00:13:49,083 I had a good thing going, 314 00:13:49,085 --> 00:13:52,519 and you ruined it. 315 00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:56,861 Stop yelling at me. 316 00:13:58,094 --> 00:13:59,593 Why don't you just try 317 00:13:59,595 --> 00:14:02,429 being honest with my brother? 318 00:14:02,431 --> 00:14:04,098 I will. 319 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:05,966 But first, 320 00:14:05,968 --> 00:14:07,868 I would like 321 00:14:07,870 --> 00:14:09,916 to reach across 322 00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:12,473 this table 323 00:14:12,475 --> 00:14:16,243 and pull your balls... 324 00:14:21,576 --> 00:14:25,556 out through your ears. 325 00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:30,921 Mr. Truman, give me one good reason 326 00:14:30,923 --> 00:14:32,926 why your child should have the final spot? 327 00:14:32,928 --> 00:14:34,294 Okay. 328 00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:35,539 Okay. 329 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,397 We're at that part of the conversation. 330 00:14:37,399 --> 00:14:40,300 I'm not above writing a check. 331 00:14:40,302 --> 00:14:42,069 One to the school, 332 00:14:42,071 --> 00:14:44,454 and one to a certain little guy 333 00:14:44,456 --> 00:14:47,662 who I'm sure wants the newest Nintendo Switch. 334 00:14:48,577 --> 00:14:52,246 I made $15,000 last week shorting Apple stock. 335 00:14:53,516 --> 00:14:55,482 And if I want a Nintendo Switch, 336 00:14:55,484 --> 00:14:57,217 I'll build one. 337 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,856 Well, this has been very... 338 00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:04,846 informative. 339 00:15:05,528 --> 00:15:07,494 Is there anything else you can think of 340 00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:09,329 that would help your case? 341 00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:10,597 Oh, okay. 342 00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:12,332 I thought we'd get here. 343 00:15:12,334 --> 00:15:15,636 Just so you know, I'm not above writing a check 344 00:15:15,638 --> 00:15:17,942 to a certain lady 345 00:15:17,944 --> 00:15:21,909 who may want a new iPhone case. 346 00:15:25,783 --> 00:15:27,201 I'm good. 347 00:15:27,983 --> 00:15:30,651 Ah, looks like Farhan's ready to meet with you now. 348 00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:36,223 Oh, my God. You came here behind my back? 349 00:15:36,225 --> 00:15:38,025 You came here behind my back! 350 00:15:38,027 --> 00:15:40,882 Yeah, but that's totally on brand for me. 351 00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:44,174 Look, I am just trying to do what's best for my child. 352 00:15:44,199 --> 00:15:45,331 Yeah, but so am I. 353 00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:48,668 But let's face it, Grace, I mean, given the parents, 354 00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:50,703 mine is obviously gonna be a better candidate 355 00:15:50,705 --> 00:15:51,995 for this school. 356 00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:53,172 What do you mean by that? 357 00:15:53,174 --> 00:15:55,208 Well, you know, it's a very 358 00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:57,310 academically oriented environment. 359 00:15:57,312 --> 00:15:58,384 And? 360 00:15:58,386 --> 00:16:00,680 And I am very academically oriented. 361 00:16:00,682 --> 00:16:03,182 I'm a professor at Columbia Law School. 362 00:16:03,184 --> 00:16:04,499 Look, it's a little bit more 363 00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:06,252 than picking out tassels for throw pillows. 364 00:16:06,254 --> 00:16:09,410 And there it is. 365 00:16:10,161 --> 00:16:12,425 You think I'm dumb. 366 00:16:12,427 --> 00:16:15,221 And you think my kid is gonna be dumb. 367 00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:18,027 I do not think your kid is gonna be dumb. 368 00:16:18,029 --> 00:16:19,545 Thank you. 369 00:16:20,168 --> 00:16:21,631 Wait. 370 00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:25,371 You just need to feel smarter because you know 371 00:16:25,373 --> 00:16:27,240 that everyone likes me best. 372 00:16:27,242 --> 00:16:29,442 "Better" is the word you use when comparing two options. 373 00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:32,745 And this is why everyone likes me best. 374 00:16:32,747 --> 00:16:34,547 Oh, whatever, this isn't a school for people 375 00:16:34,549 --> 00:16:36,182 with more Facebook friends. 376 00:16:36,184 --> 00:16:37,709 It's a school for smart people. 377 00:16:37,711 --> 00:16:39,285 Well, why don't you just homeschool your kid? 378 00:16:39,287 --> 00:16:42,889 That way, you can teach him how to have a stick up his ass. 379 00:16:42,891 --> 00:16:44,570 Excuse me? 380 00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:47,226 We try to keep the energy neutral 381 00:16:47,228 --> 00:16:49,328 in the Mindfulness Hallway. 382 00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,912 - He started it. - She's dumb. 383 00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,984 Just wanted to say good-bye. 384 00:17:05,821 --> 00:17:07,988 Listen, 385 00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:10,220 about the whole "booty call" thing... 386 00:17:10,245 --> 00:17:11,311 I get it. 387 00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:13,544 It's not like you were coming up here once a week 388 00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:16,894 so we could pick out timeshares in Vermont together. 389 00:17:17,483 --> 00:17:19,516 Vermont. 390 00:17:19,518 --> 00:17:21,618 Like that's even a thing. 391 00:17:24,723 --> 00:17:26,356 It's 'cause of this, right? 392 00:17:26,358 --> 00:17:28,492 Oh, honey, no. 393 00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:30,527 That just makes it more fun. 394 00:17:30,529 --> 00:17:32,162 It adds an element of danger, 395 00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:34,832 like doing it on the "Jurassic Park" ride. 396 00:17:36,502 --> 00:17:38,635 The one in Orlando, not California. 397 00:17:41,574 --> 00:17:43,240 The truth is, 398 00:17:43,242 --> 00:17:45,965 I've had a rough time this last year. 399 00:17:46,479 --> 00:17:49,146 I guess a booty call 400 00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:51,345 is about all I can handle right now. 401 00:17:52,225 --> 00:17:55,760 Well, I think I'm looking for a little more. 402 00:17:55,855 --> 00:17:57,852 Are you breaking up with me? 403 00:17:59,572 --> 00:18:02,373 Well, you better lawyer up, you ungrateful mother... 404 00:18:02,398 --> 00:18:03,663 Oh! 405 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:10,907 Sorry, reflex. Okay. 406 00:18:12,033 --> 00:18:14,538 What I'm trying to say is, 407 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:17,908 I'm glad that you're ready to get back out there. 408 00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:20,333 Well, I think some of that's thanks to you. 409 00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:23,002 Happy to help. 410 00:18:31,357 --> 00:18:32,720 Hey. 411 00:18:33,893 --> 00:18:35,723 One more for the road? 412 00:18:37,285 --> 00:18:38,262 Why not? 413 00:18:38,264 --> 00:18:40,264 This picnic's not gonna spank itself. 414 00:18:48,774 --> 00:18:50,738 Well, this is humiliating. 415 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:53,550 Yes, it is. 416 00:18:53,575 --> 00:18:54,725 Thanks to you. 417 00:18:54,764 --> 00:18:55,746 Me? 418 00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:57,038 You're the one who used half the words 419 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,955 on the forbidden word wall! 420 00:19:00,452 --> 00:19:03,654 Again, the Contrition Cubby is for gentle reflection, 421 00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,455 not hostility. 422 00:19:05,457 --> 00:19:07,588 Well, it should have a TV. 423 00:19:08,594 --> 00:19:10,794 It's my sociology project. 424 00:19:10,796 --> 00:19:13,451 It's a commentary on mass incarceration. 425 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,299 Without personal accountability, 426 00:19:15,301 --> 00:19:17,334 one can never be truly free. 427 00:19:19,678 --> 00:19:22,579 Fine, I'm sorry I called you dumb. 428 00:19:22,604 --> 00:19:23,603 You're not. 429 00:19:23,642 --> 00:19:25,565 And I'm sorry I said 430 00:19:26,144 --> 00:19:28,211 nobody liked you. 431 00:19:28,236 --> 00:19:29,368 It's not everyone. 432 00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:31,070 Just the people we know. 433 00:19:32,284 --> 00:19:34,451 - We good? - No. 434 00:19:37,323 --> 00:19:40,924 I am sorry I was so selfish. 435 00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:44,281 You're my entire support system through this, 436 00:19:44,306 --> 00:19:47,107 and the first sign of trouble, 437 00:19:47,132 --> 00:19:48,698 I threw you overboard. 438 00:19:48,723 --> 00:19:50,798 I did the same thing to you. 439 00:19:51,416 --> 00:19:53,183 No matter how much I tell myself, 440 00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:54,574 "My kid doesn't need two parents," 441 00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:56,766 I worry I won't be enough. 442 00:19:56,809 --> 00:19:58,976 You know, not getting in to the right school 443 00:19:58,978 --> 00:20:01,158 just felt like I was already failing. 444 00:20:01,183 --> 00:20:04,417 There's no part of this that I want to do without you. 445 00:20:04,442 --> 00:20:05,775 Me neither. 446 00:20:05,931 --> 00:20:10,151 This is more important than some fancy school. 447 00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:13,105 It seems like we've had a breakthrough. 448 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,323 Rainbow, release them, please. 449 00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:18,695 You're free to go. 450 00:20:18,697 --> 00:20:20,578 - Oh. - Thanks. 451 00:20:22,034 --> 00:20:23,667 Please leave the crayons. 452 00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:31,922 Office supplies are very expensive. 453 00:20:33,218 --> 00:20:34,718 You can tell Ms. Hinder-Haagen 454 00:20:34,743 --> 00:20:37,443 that we are withdrawing our applications. 455 00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:40,403 No need. The last spot was just filled. 456 00:20:40,428 --> 00:20:41,766 Oh, hey, guys. 457 00:20:43,590 --> 00:20:47,121 Guess who just got the last place for 2024 458 00:20:47,518 --> 00:20:52,209 I'm a mix race child with a single T-mom and two gays grand parents. 459 00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,338 *** 460 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,507 I'm changing her name, I don't care.