1 00:00:29.376 --> 00:00:32.072 It began as a singularity... 2 00:00:32.145 --> 00:00:37.583 The entire universe compressed into a space the size of a proton. 3 00:00:37.651 --> 00:00:41.087 Then the Big Bang blew it apart! 4 00:00:45.192 --> 00:00:47.160 Matter converted from energy... 5 00:00:47.260 --> 00:00:50.991 Swirled and compressed itself into stars. 6 00:00:51.064 --> 00:00:53.498 Red giants... 7 00:00:53.567 --> 00:00:56.661 and tiny white dwarfs. 8 00:00:58.839 --> 00:01:01.831 Stars congealed into galaxies... 9 00:01:01.908 --> 00:01:05.605 massive nebula and timeless spiral clusters... 10 00:01:05.679 --> 00:01:08.944 spinning faster and faster into the endless void. 11 00:01:12.753 --> 00:01:16.814 Black holes arose, swallowing matter. 12 00:01:18.091 --> 00:01:21.390 Constellations filled the night sky. 13 00:01:21.461 --> 00:01:22.519 Libra. 14 00:01:24.297 --> 00:01:25.662 Sagittarius. 15 00:01:28.068 --> 00:01:29.626 Stifficus. 16 00:01:32.572 --> 00:01:34.506 Planets took form. 17 00:01:35.409 --> 00:01:38.276 Moons arose. 18 00:01:40.947 --> 00:01:43.745 Atoms formed molecules. 19 00:01:43.817 --> 00:01:47.253 Then molecules formed life... 20 00:01:47.320 --> 00:01:50.016 throughout the universe... 21 00:01:50.123 --> 00:01:54.753 alien creatures, hideous in form. 22 00:02:01.701 --> 00:02:04.067 The earth took form. 23 00:02:05.205 --> 00:02:08.003 Then God appeared... 24 00:02:08.074 --> 00:02:10.907 and God's voice was heard. 25 00:02:11.812 --> 00:02:13.746 Shut up, you stupid monkey. 26 00:02:17.184 --> 00:02:21.280 And then a single-celled organism... 27 00:02:21.354 --> 00:02:23.345 evolved on Earth... 28 00:02:23.423 --> 00:02:28.224 into the highest form of intellect known to God: 29 00:02:29.463 --> 00:02:30.930 Man! 30 00:02:36.536 --> 00:02:38.470 It was one of those days you never forget. 31 00:02:38.538 --> 00:02:41.735 I'd arrested Osmond Bin Laden at a Lakers-Knicks game. 32 00:02:41.808 --> 00:02:44.140 Now I was back in DC on the QT... 33 00:02:44.211 --> 00:02:48.238 making my way ASAPto HQ when I heard the APB. 34 00:02:48.315 --> 00:02:50.943 All available units to Big Joe's. Hostage situation. 35 00:02:51.017 --> 00:02:54.009 - Unknown number of armed terrorists. - The Washington PD... 36 00:02:54.087 --> 00:02:56.317 needed my expert negotiating skills... 37 00:02:56.423 --> 00:02:58.186 perfected by years of volunteer service... 38 00:02:58.291 --> 00:03:00.225 with the pet rescue division. 39 00:03:00.293 --> 00:03:02.853 Coaxing cats out of trees and gerbils out of holes... 40 00:03:02.963 --> 00:03:04.863 made you smart about a lot of things. 41 00:03:04.931 --> 00:03:08.025 This is the Washington police force. There is no way out. 42 00:03:08.768 --> 00:03:11.066 You have five minutes to give yourselves up... 43 00:03:11.137 --> 00:03:12.695 and counting! 44 00:03:12.772 --> 00:03:15.707 You're surrounded. Throw down your arms now! 45 00:03:22.482 --> 00:03:24.575 Come out! We got you! 46 00:03:24.651 --> 00:03:27.620 Yeah, and we got burgers and hostages and fries! 47 00:03:27.687 --> 00:03:30.952 I'm not ordering food. I'm ordering you to give yourselves up. 48 00:03:31.057 --> 00:03:33.992 And I'm ordering one car for seven people to go, and one plane. 49 00:03:34.060 --> 00:03:36.426 - One plain what? - One plain plane with pilot. 50 00:03:36.496 --> 00:03:40.057 - Hold the crew. - I want those hostages now! 51 00:03:40.133 --> 00:03:41.725 - One hostage, coming up. - What the... 52 00:03:42.736 --> 00:03:44.601 Those hostages were my new gerbils... 53 00:03:44.671 --> 00:03:46.798 and they needed Marshal Dick Dix to get them out. 54 00:03:53.914 --> 00:03:54.938 Oh, shit! 55 00:03:59.686 --> 00:04:03.417 Dix, this is police business. You have no jurisdiction here. 56 00:04:03.523 --> 00:04:04.956 Now get lost! 57 00:04:23.843 --> 00:04:25.708 All right! 58 00:04:31.084 --> 00:04:33.814 Let's play a little game of Simon Says. 59 00:04:35.589 --> 00:04:40.788 Good. Simon says get your hands over your head and line up in front of me. 60 00:04:40.894 --> 00:04:42.156 Hurry it up! 61 00:04:44.898 --> 00:04:46.092 Let's go. 62 00:04:47.667 --> 00:04:51.034 What are you, a bunch of fanatics? You hate this country? 63 00:04:51.104 --> 00:04:53.095 You're mad just because we don't play soccer here? 64 00:04:53.173 --> 00:04:56.631 But, Mr. Simon, we're the hostages. 65 00:04:56.710 --> 00:04:59.474 Who do you think you're talking to? A dummy? 66 00:04:59.546 --> 00:05:02.140 These hardworking immigrants are the backbone of this country. 67 00:05:02.215 --> 00:05:04.615 They take jobs that nobody else takes. 68 00:05:04.684 --> 00:05:06.777 They're the ones who put the dam on the Hoover... 69 00:05:06.853 --> 00:05:09.151 the ones who put the railroad ties over the Great Divide... 70 00:05:09.222 --> 00:05:11.349 and they did it with a smile. 71 00:05:11.458 --> 00:05:13.119 They weren't mad at anybody. 72 00:05:14.561 --> 00:05:17.496 Oh, no. Don't lower yourself to their level. 73 00:05:17.564 --> 00:05:19.395 I'll take care of this. 74 00:05:19.466 --> 00:05:21.457 They'll get a fair trial, and then we'll string 'em up. 75 00:05:30.310 --> 00:05:31.902 Fire the tear gas! 76 00:05:44.991 --> 00:05:47.050 I'm going to kill him! 77 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:49.594 - There he is! - Dix! 78 00:05:49.663 --> 00:05:51.756 - Dix! - Tell us what happened. 79 00:05:51.831 --> 00:05:55.232 This situation was not created by the police. 80 00:05:55.301 --> 00:05:59.169 It was created by people who were getting in the way of the police. 81 00:05:59.239 --> 00:06:01.730 The police are not here to create disorder. 82 00:06:01.808 --> 00:06:04.743 The police are here to protect disorder. 83 00:06:08.448 --> 00:06:10.678 You come back here! 84 00:06:13.119 --> 00:06:14.552 Marshal Dix! 85 00:06:14.621 --> 00:06:16.555 There's nothing better than a job well done... 86 00:06:16.623 --> 00:06:18.648 and delicately handled. 87 00:06:18.758 --> 00:06:22.387 Now it was time to meet the big boss, Secretary Osgood. 88 00:06:22.495 --> 00:06:24.554 I loved my job. Every day was different. 89 00:06:24.664 --> 00:06:26.598 Every assignment was different. 90 00:06:26.666 --> 00:06:29.134 Everything about the department was different. 91 00:06:32.672 --> 00:06:34.105 Hold it right there! 92 00:06:37.043 --> 00:06:38.840 Enough. Stop. Stop! 93 00:06:38.912 --> 00:06:40.971 This is not respectful to the deceased. 94 00:06:41.047 --> 00:06:43.311 This ain't funeral music. Come on. 95 00:06:54.027 --> 00:06:55.961 To the untrained eye, this place looked like... 96 00:06:56.029 --> 00:06:58.122 the normal bullpen of any old precinct. 97 00:06:58.198 --> 00:07:00.860 But hidden deep within the bowels of this building... 98 00:07:00.934 --> 00:07:02.868 grave matters of state were at play. 99 00:07:05.972 --> 00:07:07.963 Dix. Come on in. 100 00:07:08.041 --> 00:07:11.568 - Good to see you, my boy. - Good to see you, Mr. Secretary. 101 00:07:11.644 --> 00:07:14.977 This is Cassandra Menage, executive officer on Vegan. 102 00:07:15.048 --> 00:07:16.140 - Hi. - How do you do? 103 00:07:16.216 --> 00:07:17.240 Good. 104 00:07:17.317 --> 00:07:19.581 Miss Menage is in charge of human and alien affairs. 105 00:07:19.652 --> 00:07:21.984 - That some kind of dating service? - No. 106 00:07:22.055 --> 00:07:24.182 She oversees our sensitive alien operations. 107 00:07:24.290 --> 00:07:27.020 Well, there's nothing sensitive about them. 108 00:07:27.127 --> 00:07:29.755 You need more men. Tighten up the border patrols. 109 00:07:29.863 --> 00:07:31.922 I'm talking about alien aliens. 110 00:07:31.998 --> 00:07:33.363 Alien aliens. 111 00:07:34.601 --> 00:07:36.865 - The ones from outer space? - Yes. 112 00:07:36.936 --> 00:07:39.871 Vegan is a lunar base, just like Area 51... 113 00:07:39.939 --> 00:07:41.770 but shielded from Earth by a reflective bubble. 114 00:07:41.841 --> 00:07:44.867 There are plenty of aliens there. Cassandra files classified reports... 115 00:07:44.944 --> 00:07:46.844 to the various international governments... 116 00:07:46.913 --> 00:07:48.813 involved in the project, ours included. 117 00:07:48.882 --> 00:07:51.817 This latest one she's delivered in person. 118 00:07:51.885 --> 00:07:54.353 If what she says is true, the future of our planet is at stake. 119 00:07:54.420 --> 00:07:56.445 That could be serious. 120 00:07:56.556 --> 00:07:59.821 I know it smells funny, but the president of the United States... 121 00:07:59.926 --> 00:08:02.394 has been kidnapped and is being held captive on Vegan. 122 00:08:02.495 --> 00:08:04.520 The man in the White House is a clone. 123 00:08:04.631 --> 00:08:08.158 Just a minute. It says, "The man in the White House is a clown." 124 00:08:09.135 --> 00:08:10.227 Clone. 125 00:08:13.773 --> 00:08:17.539 - Clone. That's what it says here. - Yeah, I know. That's my report. 126 00:08:17.610 --> 00:08:19.703 This isn't a joke, Dix. 127 00:08:19.779 --> 00:08:20.939 I know that, sir. 128 00:08:21.014 --> 00:08:23.812 It's just that I saw the president on television the other night. 129 00:08:23.883 --> 00:08:25.248 - That wasn't the president. - She's right. 130 00:08:25.318 --> 00:08:28.048 We're all set up for memory recapture. 131 00:08:28.121 --> 00:08:29.554 Have a seat, Marshal. 132 00:08:31.424 --> 00:08:34.621 Cassandra, your brain waves will be transmitted to the screen... 133 00:08:34.727 --> 00:08:38.060 so we'll be able to see exactly what you saw and heard. 134 00:08:38.131 --> 00:08:41.191 When you're ready, I want you to tell us what happened. 135 00:08:41.267 --> 00:08:43.360 Close your eyes. 136 00:08:43.436 --> 00:08:47.270 Relax. Let your unconscious take over. 137 00:08:47.340 --> 00:08:49.274 Let your mind go blank. 138 00:08:55.315 --> 00:08:58.944 Dix! You need to watch the screen. 139 00:09:06.659 --> 00:09:09.787 I'd gone to the Vegan mines to investigate a grievance by a miner. 140 00:09:10.830 --> 00:09:14.231 After a lot of turns and twists, I realized I was completely lost. 141 00:09:14.300 --> 00:09:17.394 My way was blocked by a cave-in. 142 00:09:17.470 --> 00:09:20.303 Then I noticed light coming through a crack in the wall. 143 00:09:20.373 --> 00:09:22.773 I moved forward and found myself in a room... 144 00:09:22.842 --> 00:09:25.208 overlooking some kind of an operating theater. 145 00:09:28.514 --> 00:09:30.744 A man was talking in an alien dialect... 146 00:09:30.817 --> 00:09:32.751 so I switched the Auto-Trans to English... 147 00:09:32.819 --> 00:09:35.447 to see if I could recognize his voice, but I couldn't. 148 00:09:35.521 --> 00:09:39.787 I will get that silicon for you if you make me leader of the new world. 149 00:09:42.562 --> 00:09:44.689 By using DNA building blocks... 150 00:09:44.764 --> 00:09:47.494 I will create clones of existing world leaders... 151 00:09:47.567 --> 00:09:50.297 who will follow our orders. 152 00:09:53.873 --> 00:09:55.841 Activate the cloning machine. 153 00:10:00.346 --> 00:10:03.008 And now for our latest clone creation. 154 00:10:03.917 --> 00:10:07.045 A world leader admired by all. 155 00:10:10.623 --> 00:10:13.888 And there he was, Groucho Marx. 156 00:10:13.993 --> 00:10:16.393 And what happened next was more frightening still. 157 00:10:16.462 --> 00:10:21.195 In Washington, the man in power, the president, is a clone... our clone. 158 00:10:21.267 --> 00:10:24.896 Now, let me introduce you to his predecessor... 159 00:10:24.971 --> 00:10:28.338 the real president of the United States. 160 00:10:31.711 --> 00:10:35.374 Now, with our clone in control, we will take your Earth... 161 00:10:35.448 --> 00:10:37.348 and all its silicon too. 162 00:10:37.417 --> 00:10:39.408 Then it's hasta la vista! 163 00:10:42.188 --> 00:10:43.485 Bastards! 164 00:10:45.325 --> 00:10:47.987 And that's when I ran as fast as I could. 165 00:10:48.094 --> 00:10:52.030 They took the president, took his DNA and put an impostor in the White House. 166 00:10:52.131 --> 00:10:55.692 Kidnapping, robbery and fraud. That's what I call breaking the law. 167 00:10:55.768 --> 00:10:59.397 Dix, I want you to go to Vegan to make a routine inspection. 168 00:10:59.472 --> 00:11:01.838 I'll arrange the clearances. 169 00:11:01.908 --> 00:11:05.105 If the president is there, find him and bring him back. 170 00:11:05.178 --> 00:11:08.079 Remember, the implications here are very grave. 171 00:11:08.147 --> 00:11:11.378 Any mistakes, even fumbles, will be denied at this end. 172 00:11:11.451 --> 00:11:13.851 As far as we're concerned, you're acting on your own. 173 00:11:15.989 --> 00:11:18.219 And when you and Miss Menage meet again on Vegan... 174 00:11:18.324 --> 00:11:20.155 you've never seen each other before. 175 00:11:20.259 --> 00:11:22.420 - Is that clear? - I've forgotten already. 176 00:11:22.528 --> 00:11:24.223 It'll take me a little longer than that. 177 00:11:24.297 --> 00:11:27.198 - That's so nice. - Thank you. 178 00:11:27.266 --> 00:11:29.200 Always had a good memory, even as a boy. 179 00:11:30.703 --> 00:11:33.035 - Well, Marshal... - Miss... 180 00:11:33.106 --> 00:11:34.630 - Menage. - Menage. 181 00:11:38.444 --> 00:11:40.412 Congratulations, Miss Menage. 182 00:11:46.252 --> 00:11:48.447 Richard, if you don't stop pulling your thing... 183 00:11:48.521 --> 00:11:50.751 you're gonna go blind! 184 00:11:52.358 --> 00:11:54.758 But I like pulling on it, Mom. 185 00:11:56.029 --> 00:11:59.157 Mrs. Dix, your son is rapidly losing his sight... 186 00:11:59.232 --> 00:12:00.995 and we don't know why. 187 00:12:03.336 --> 00:12:05.497 Mom, meet my new girlfriend. 188 00:12:05.571 --> 00:12:08.870 Richard, you gotta wear your glasses. 189 00:12:12.645 --> 00:12:15.478 I have the utmost faith in you, Marshal Dix. 190 00:12:15.548 --> 00:12:18.642 - Have a good flight. - Thank you, Mr. Secretary. 191 00:12:18.718 --> 00:12:20.652 I think this must be broken. 192 00:12:25.425 --> 00:12:27.017 I didn't have a lot of time. 193 00:12:27.126 --> 00:12:30.152 I had to catch a plane to Cape Kennedy, then the shuttle to Vegan... 194 00:12:30.263 --> 00:12:32.493 and avoid any pressing delays. 195 00:12:54.187 --> 00:12:56.985 The department was gonna have to dive in at the deep end... 196 00:12:57.090 --> 00:12:59.923 because I was headed for the moon to maybe rescue... 197 00:12:59.992 --> 00:13:02.119 the president of the United States. 198 00:15:07.920 --> 00:15:09.785 Artificial Gravity Enabled. 199 00:15:11.457 --> 00:15:14.688 Warning: Artificial gravity may cause hallucinations. 200 00:16:10.916 --> 00:16:14.215 Warning: Artificial gravity... 201 00:16:15.154 --> 00:16:16.451 off. 202 00:16:17.757 --> 00:16:21.352 Please remember to lower the seat. 203 00:17:09.942 --> 00:17:12.274 This should help beam me up. 204 00:17:12.345 --> 00:17:14.336 I've got to get back to my ship. 205 00:17:14.413 --> 00:17:17.382 Scotty, Bones, Mr. Spock. Where the hell are you? 206 00:17:28.327 --> 00:17:31.057 Secretary Osgood was right when he told me... 207 00:17:31.130 --> 00:17:33.758 there were plenty of aliens on Vegan... 208 00:17:33.833 --> 00:17:36.427 but he'd forgotten to tell me how butt-ugly they were. 209 00:17:36.502 --> 00:17:39.096 They were ugly from any direction. 210 00:17:45.211 --> 00:17:47.907 The rules: Smuggling or assisting any alien back to Earth... 211 00:17:47.980 --> 00:17:49.470 means immediate imprisonment. 212 00:17:49.548 --> 00:17:52.108 - Open your bag, please. - Yo, is that Marshal Dix? 213 00:17:52.184 --> 00:17:55.119 Everything's all right. He's police. Lieutenant Shitzu, Vegan Security. 214 00:17:55.187 --> 00:17:56.779 - "Misswick." - Miss Who? 215 00:17:56.856 --> 00:17:58.983 "Misswick". M-S-W-I-C? 216 00:17:59.091 --> 00:18:01.457 I'm the Mother-Sucker-Who's-In-Charge. 217 00:18:01.527 --> 00:18:02.619 Is this your bag? 218 00:18:04.430 --> 00:18:07.490 - I'm writing a book. - Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix. 219 00:18:07.566 --> 00:18:11.525 That's right, isn't it, Dix? As in more than one dick. 220 00:18:12.338 --> 00:18:15.364 It's good to be some place where your feet will do what you tell them to. 221 00:18:16.609 --> 00:18:17.871 Attention! Attention! 222 00:18:17.943 --> 00:18:21.709 Sensors have detected an alien hiding in a human life-form. 223 00:18:21.781 --> 00:18:24.511 This is strictly forbidden. Repeat: This is strictly forbidden. 224 00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:29.451 Coming out. Come on, boys. Let's go. 225 00:18:30.423 --> 00:18:33.483 - Get your monkey ass down. - What's going on? 226 00:18:33.592 --> 00:18:35.685 - That fool's a conversion. - Do you need holy water for that? 227 00:18:35.795 --> 00:18:38.127 When these brothers first came here... 228 00:18:38.197 --> 00:18:40.529 we didn't know they planned to use conversions to take over the earth. 229 00:18:40.599 --> 00:18:42.624 - Okay, men. - Lucky for us... 230 00:18:42.701 --> 00:18:45.033 our asses were saved due to the sounds of our modern life. 231 00:18:45.104 --> 00:18:47.538 Arcade, TV, rap, hip-hop... all that irritatin' shit. 232 00:18:47.606 --> 00:18:49.005 Suck him up! 233 00:18:49.074 --> 00:18:51.008 High-pitched sounds makes these suckers explode. 234 00:18:56.916 --> 00:18:59.407 Close the lid. 235 00:19:04.356 --> 00:19:05.550 Everybody all right? 236 00:19:06.525 --> 00:19:07.787 Good. 237 00:19:15.201 --> 00:19:17.169 I am Captain Valentino Di Pasquale. 238 00:19:17.236 --> 00:19:19.431 - I don't speak alien. - Alien? 239 00:19:19.505 --> 00:19:21.268 He ain't kickin' no alien, jive-ass lingo. 240 00:19:21.340 --> 00:19:24.173 He's trying to show you some love, know what I mean? 241 00:19:25.978 --> 00:19:29.072 - He try to speak in piccolo ebonico. - Pickle what? 242 00:19:29.148 --> 00:19:31.878 No disrespect, but y'all up in this ice cream. You don't know the flavor. 243 00:19:31.951 --> 00:19:34.442 What do you think, that I don't speak plain English? 244 00:19:34.520 --> 00:19:36.818 Please, my father was from Brooklyn. 245 00:19:36.889 --> 00:19:39.221 - What's he... - Yo, man, did years in Vegas, babe. 246 00:19:39.325 --> 00:19:42.852 Who can take the sunrise Yeah. Right back, babe. 247 00:19:42.962 --> 00:19:45.760 - That guy's right. - Yeah! 248 00:19:45.831 --> 00:19:48.356 Marshal. This way. 249 00:20:11.023 --> 00:20:12.752 Our operation and research director... 250 00:20:12.858 --> 00:20:15.452 Dr. Pratt, is standing by to show you around. 251 00:20:15.561 --> 00:20:18.962 Base commander couldn't be here. Sorry, he said, but he's playing golf. 252 00:20:19.031 --> 00:20:20.589 - Sir. - Everything is okay? 253 00:20:20.666 --> 00:20:23.260 - Yes, sir. - Good. That means nothing works. 254 00:20:23.335 --> 00:20:27.396 But he did ask me to escort you to a reception here tonight. 255 00:20:32.311 --> 00:20:34.404 Yeah. One strónzo alien less. 256 00:20:39.118 --> 00:20:40.483 Dr. Pratt? 257 00:20:44.356 --> 00:20:46.290 Dr. Pratt? 258 00:20:46.358 --> 00:20:49.293 - Yes, Lieutenant. - You scared me again. You got me. 259 00:20:49.361 --> 00:20:51.454 You keep getting me each time. 260 00:20:53.365 --> 00:20:57.392 - This is Marshal Dix. - Oh, yes. Right on time. 261 00:20:57.469 --> 00:21:00.961 I'll never understand these inspections. What are we looking for this time? 262 00:21:01.040 --> 00:21:03.133 Routine. 263 00:21:04.443 --> 00:21:06.911 Perhaps you may be interested in seeing... 264 00:21:06.979 --> 00:21:10.073 - My pičce de résistance? - Piece of what? 265 00:21:10.149 --> 00:21:14.142 My scale replica of the entire complex. 266 00:21:14.219 --> 00:21:16.153 Here's the entrance to the mines... 267 00:21:16.221 --> 00:21:20.817 the administration complex, the spaceport... all the details. 268 00:21:20.926 --> 00:21:23.019 Now, we are here. 269 00:21:24.563 --> 00:21:26.997 No! Don't touch. 270 00:21:27.933 --> 00:21:29.264 It's very delicate. 271 00:21:29.335 --> 00:21:33.669 Doctor, the next time you're on Earth, I'll show you the model plane I made. 272 00:21:33.739 --> 00:21:36.003 I certainly look forward to that. 273 00:21:42.047 --> 00:21:44.607 - Here's your report, Dr. Pratt. - Thank you. 274 00:21:44.683 --> 00:21:47.550 Gentlemen, my assistant, Yetta Pussel. 275 00:21:47.620 --> 00:21:49.713 Gentlemen. 276 00:21:49.788 --> 00:21:51.153 I requested a copy... 277 00:21:51.256 --> 00:21:54.589 of the last routine inspection you people made. 278 00:21:54.660 --> 00:21:57.094 Follow me. Now. 279 00:21:58.130 --> 00:22:00.360 All our research is carried out here. 280 00:22:00.432 --> 00:22:02.423 Our study of silicon, for example. 281 00:22:02.501 --> 00:22:05.129 Abundant on Earth. Nonexistent on many other planets. 282 00:22:05.204 --> 00:22:09.800 For most aliens, it's life-supporting... like food is to us. 283 00:22:11.877 --> 00:22:15.904 Hence our ongoing conflict with them and our tight security here. 284 00:22:15.981 --> 00:22:19.417 - Works real good on the old Johnson. - "Johnson"? PresidentJohnson? 285 00:22:19.485 --> 00:22:21.510 There are no presidents on Vegan, Marshal. 286 00:22:21.587 --> 00:22:25.182 I'm afraid we're being battered by a mistaken sense of humor. 287 00:22:26.525 --> 00:22:28.993 - All right, my main man, Marshal Dix. - Okay. 288 00:22:29.094 --> 00:22:30.925 - All right. - Dr. Uschi Künstler... 289 00:22:30.996 --> 00:22:33.123 Senior Base Science Officer. 290 00:22:34.266 --> 00:22:36.097 - Doctor. - Yes. 291 00:22:36.168 --> 00:22:40.002 Of psychology, parapsychology and solar proctology. 292 00:22:40.072 --> 00:22:42.438 I also supervise genetic replication. 293 00:22:44.943 --> 00:22:47.241 Clones? 294 00:22:47.312 --> 00:22:48.404 Are those clones? 295 00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:51.176 No, just plain old-fashioned rabbits. 296 00:22:51.250 --> 00:22:53.718 But we've made major advances with sheep. 297 00:22:53.786 --> 00:22:56.118 Molly, for instance, was created only yesterday. 298 00:22:56.188 --> 00:22:59.316 The exact age and likeness of Dolly, her mother-in-law. 299 00:22:59.425 --> 00:23:02.724 - Can you do that with human beings? - No, that's not allowed. 300 00:23:02.795 --> 00:23:04.854 It's strictly against international policy. 301 00:23:04.963 --> 00:23:07.727 I should hope so. It's against my policy too. 302 00:23:07.800 --> 00:23:09.199 I was in the marines. 303 00:23:10.803 --> 00:23:12.031 Now... 304 00:23:12.104 --> 00:23:13.230 Careful. 305 00:23:13.305 --> 00:23:15.432 That's the rapid cloning switch. 306 00:23:15.507 --> 00:23:18.908 You tamper with that, and we'd be overrun with all kinds of animals. 307 00:23:20.012 --> 00:23:22.947 We've arranged for our Officer of Human/ Alien Affairs... 308 00:23:23.015 --> 00:23:25.745 Cassandra Menage, to show you to your quarters. 309 00:23:25.818 --> 00:23:28.981 I'm headed in that direction. Maybe the marshal and I can go down together... 310 00:23:48.474 --> 00:23:49.964 I've just met him. 311 00:23:50.876 --> 00:23:53.504 Yes, from what I can see... 312 00:23:53.579 --> 00:23:55.513 he'll be absolutely fine. 313 00:24:07.593 --> 00:24:09.185 Turbo power enabled. 314 00:24:25.477 --> 00:24:28.139 Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix. 315 00:24:28.213 --> 00:24:30.010 Glad to be here. 316 00:24:36.855 --> 00:24:39.653 The very person we wanted to see. 317 00:24:39.758 --> 00:24:41.885 This is Marshal Dix. 318 00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:50.368 He's... 319 00:24:50.435 --> 00:24:52.528 He's here... 320 00:24:55.741 --> 00:24:57.868 He's here on a routine inspection. 321 00:24:57.943 --> 00:25:00.673 Yes, I can see that. 322 00:25:01.780 --> 00:25:03.805 Menage. Cassandra Menage. 323 00:25:03.882 --> 00:25:05.315 Nice to meet you. 324 00:25:06.919 --> 00:25:08.181 The marshal... 325 00:25:09.922 --> 00:25:12.686 The marshal needs to be accommodated. 326 00:25:12.791 --> 00:25:15.851 Marshal, you can let me down now. 327 00:25:21.466 --> 00:25:24.765 Perhaps you can take care of his needs? 328 00:25:24.837 --> 00:25:27.738 Does he have any needs left to be taken care of? 329 00:25:33.679 --> 00:25:35.874 Well, it was nice meeting you, Marshal Dix. 330 00:25:35.948 --> 00:25:37.882 Thank you. Me too. 331 00:25:40.986 --> 00:25:43.284 - Marshal, if you please. - In the space of two hours... 332 00:25:43.355 --> 00:25:46.324 I checked into the room I'd be sharing with Captain Di Pasquale... 333 00:25:46.391 --> 00:25:49.792 unpacked my stuff and then sent Cassandra off to the library... 334 00:25:49.862 --> 00:25:52.057 to look for base construction plans... 335 00:25:52.130 --> 00:25:54.928 that might lead us to the location of the secret cloning lab. 336 00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:58.128 And now armed with a dead-on, crime artist's sketch of the alien... 337 00:25:58.203 --> 00:26:00.535 I'd seen on Osgood's recapture screen... 338 00:26:00.606 --> 00:26:04.133 I was ready for a little lunar socializing and snooping. 339 00:26:04.209 --> 00:26:05.608 What are you doing? 340 00:26:05.677 --> 00:26:07.941 I'm your escort. I'm keeping tabs on you. 341 00:26:08.013 --> 00:26:10.880 Take your hand out of my pocket. 342 00:26:10.949 --> 00:26:13.213 Go keep tabs on somebody else. 343 00:26:13.285 --> 00:26:14.752 Hey, champagne. 344 00:26:21.026 --> 00:26:22.755 He said he was my twin brother. 345 00:26:22.861 --> 00:26:24.419 Oh, waiter? AJ B, please? 346 00:26:24.529 --> 00:26:27.396 Bulk up with more carbohydrates. 347 00:26:27.466 --> 00:26:29.400 Apparently some of these aliens learned English... 348 00:26:29.468 --> 00:26:32.960 by monitoring movies on our TVtransmission satellites. 349 00:26:33.038 --> 00:26:35.097 They all sure sounded like Hollywood actors. Yup. 350 00:26:35.173 --> 00:26:37.607 Even in outer space, everyone wants to be a star. 351 00:26:37.676 --> 00:26:40.144 I think I've seen the alien that was in the caves. 352 00:26:40.212 --> 00:26:41.736 Yes, me too. 353 00:26:42.915 --> 00:26:45.145 - There. - And Maria. 354 00:26:45.217 --> 00:26:46.241 Who are you wearing? 355 00:26:46.318 --> 00:26:48.411 - Two? - Yeah. 356 00:26:49.254 --> 00:26:51.449 Marshal Dix, there you are. 357 00:26:52.291 --> 00:26:53.280 How do you do? 358 00:26:53.392 --> 00:26:55.519 Commander Cecil Humphrey Wickernuts. 359 00:26:55.627 --> 00:26:57.652 My wife, Oona Hottenlocker-Wickernuts. 360 00:26:57.763 --> 00:27:00.129 So, you're from Washington! 361 00:27:00.198 --> 00:27:01.995 I do hope you'll put in a good word for us. 362 00:27:02.067 --> 00:27:03.466 What's that? 363 00:27:04.770 --> 00:27:06.761 I found it on the floor. 364 00:27:06.838 --> 00:27:08.829 It's Grop. Yes, yes. 365 00:27:08.907 --> 00:27:10.704 No, no, it's Drong. 366 00:27:12.177 --> 00:27:15.044 - No, wait... - You know they say the all look alike. 367 00:27:16.548 --> 00:27:19.346 We're throwing a party for everyone tomorrow at the club. 368 00:27:19.418 --> 00:27:20.646 Do join us. 369 00:27:20.719 --> 00:27:23.187 Miss Menage here will be singing too. 370 00:27:23.255 --> 00:27:24.688 What a voice she has! 371 00:27:24.790 --> 00:27:27.350 - True nightingale. - Thank you. 372 00:27:27.459 --> 00:27:31.020 Miss Menage. Enchanté. 373 00:27:32.464 --> 00:27:36.025 Excuse us, won't you? There's something I'd like you to look at. 374 00:27:36.101 --> 00:27:37.568 - Excuse me. - Of course. 375 00:27:37.636 --> 00:27:39.831 - Excuse me. - Yo, excuse me too. 376 00:27:46.812 --> 00:27:51.272 So, Marshal Dix, you gonna be my new roommate, eh? 377 00:27:51.350 --> 00:27:54.342 You see, this is a good way to know where your food has been first. 378 00:28:06.298 --> 00:28:08.095 - Excuse me. - Please. 379 00:28:10.435 --> 00:28:14.599 I thought you might like to hear how the alien courtesy center is coming along. 380 00:28:14.673 --> 00:28:17.369 It was your idea, you may remember. 381 00:28:17.442 --> 00:28:20.536 Perhaps you'd like to come and see some of my renderings. 382 00:28:21.513 --> 00:28:22.741 I'd be happy to. 383 00:28:22.814 --> 00:28:25.749 All erections on Vegan are... 384 00:28:25.817 --> 00:28:28.513 rubber-stamped by me, you know. 385 00:28:28.587 --> 00:28:29.884 That must keep you busy. 386 00:28:40.832 --> 00:28:43.266 Hey there, you ever done it monkey style? 387 00:28:45.203 --> 00:28:47.296 Too bad. It could have been a hairy ride. 388 00:28:50.809 --> 00:28:53.539 Oh, my God! My dress! 389 00:28:58.050 --> 00:29:00.075 She can sleep on my planet anytime. 390 00:29:00.152 --> 00:29:02.086 Do you like the music? 391 00:29:03.255 --> 00:29:05.587 I love the sound of the flutes. I play a little... 392 00:29:06.525 --> 00:29:07.924 myself. 393 00:29:07.993 --> 00:29:11.156 Dr. Pratt? Is... 394 00:29:11.229 --> 00:29:13.789 Is this yours? 395 00:29:19.571 --> 00:29:22.131 - Where did you get that? - It was on the floor. 396 00:29:28.046 --> 00:29:29.673 Thank you. 397 00:29:30.749 --> 00:29:32.080 Come this way. 398 00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:38.447 Let's sit here, shall we, Miss Menage? 399 00:29:39.724 --> 00:29:40.918 Waiter. 400 00:29:53.872 --> 00:29:55.806 Excuse me. 401 00:29:59.111 --> 00:30:01.409 Hi. Excuse me. 402 00:30:01.480 --> 00:30:03.971 I don't think these false eyelashes become you. 403 00:30:04.049 --> 00:30:05.107 Spoilsport. 404 00:30:05.183 --> 00:30:07.708 - Ah, delicious. - Thank you. 405 00:30:12.524 --> 00:30:14.617 Excuse me, Dr. Pratt. 406 00:30:14.726 --> 00:30:17.559 Captain Pasquale is going to take me back to the apartment. 407 00:30:17.629 --> 00:30:19.790 - You can reach me there if you need me. - Okay. 408 00:30:19.865 --> 00:30:22.732 - Good night. - Good night, Dix. 409 00:30:45.390 --> 00:30:47.483 - Excuse me. - Yeah. 410 00:30:51.363 --> 00:30:53.331 Thank you. I thought I'd never get rid of him. 411 00:30:53.431 --> 00:30:56.229 - Leave now before he gets back. - Okay. Thanks. 412 00:31:01.706 --> 00:31:03.640 Miss Menage has gone back to her apartment. 413 00:31:03.708 --> 00:31:07.872 - She's got a headache. - Really. That's too bad. 414 00:31:07.946 --> 00:31:11.006 Oh, yeah. It's real bad. 415 00:31:14.052 --> 00:31:15.849 Yeah. 416 00:31:17.923 --> 00:31:21.450 It is important in life to have two boxes. 417 00:31:21.560 --> 00:31:25.291 One for food, and one for fun. 418 00:31:25.363 --> 00:31:28.821 As you can see, I am not only a master of the buffet. 419 00:31:28.934 --> 00:31:32.961 I'm also a master of disguise. 420 00:31:33.038 --> 00:31:35.268 All kinds. Look. 421 00:31:43.915 --> 00:31:45.075 Very good. 422 00:31:54.726 --> 00:31:57.160 - What? - The final touch. 423 00:31:58.196 --> 00:32:01.893 Now, Marshal, you don't gonna believe to your eyes. 424 00:32:01.967 --> 00:32:05.061 Look my special magic makeup. 425 00:32:08.907 --> 00:32:11.467 - You like it? - Ah, very good. 426 00:32:11.543 --> 00:32:12.908 I know. 427 00:32:12.978 --> 00:32:14.605 Oh, sorry. 428 00:32:14.679 --> 00:32:16.806 Let me unzip your face. 429 00:32:19.918 --> 00:32:21.249 The telephone. 430 00:32:22.721 --> 00:32:25.087 - Yes? - I'm at Pratt's. It's all clear. 431 00:32:25.190 --> 00:32:25.357 I got over there faster than a speeding bullet, if you know what I mean. 432 00:32:25.357 --> 00:32:28.918 I got over there faster than a speeding bullet, if you know what I mean. 433 00:32:29.027 --> 00:32:32.053 If any plans existed on Vegan that could lead us to the human cloning lab... 434 00:32:32.163 --> 00:32:34.188 and the kidnapped president... 435 00:32:34.299 --> 00:32:36.426 I was sure this is where they would be. 436 00:32:39.337 --> 00:32:43.137 My job was to get in, get the plans and get out... 437 00:32:43.208 --> 00:32:45.870 as quickly and quietly as possible. 438 00:33:24.582 --> 00:33:26.777 - Cassandra? - Yes. 439 00:33:26.851 --> 00:33:28.580 - I'm in. - Roger. 440 00:34:07.325 --> 00:34:09.259 It's all clear down here. 441 00:35:57.569 --> 00:36:00.129 I saw lights flashing in your office... 442 00:36:00.205 --> 00:36:02.298 and someone was dancing the cancan. 443 00:36:02.373 --> 00:36:04.637 Right. Let's have a look, shall we? 444 00:36:04.709 --> 00:36:06.643 It's Pratt. 445 00:36:06.711 --> 00:36:09.043 I'm coming. I'm on my way. 446 00:36:48.553 --> 00:36:51.021 What kind of man would do something like that? 447 00:36:51.089 --> 00:36:54.252 I know exactly what kind of man, Dr. Künstler. 448 00:36:56.327 --> 00:37:00.627 And I promise you, he's going to pay dearly for this. 449 00:37:01.699 --> 00:37:03.166 Very dearly. 450 00:37:33.131 --> 00:37:34.962 Who is it? 451 00:37:35.033 --> 00:37:36.466 This is Dr. Pratt. 452 00:37:36.534 --> 00:37:38.968 I want a few words with you, Marshal. 453 00:37:39.037 --> 00:37:39.969 Yes? 454 00:37:40.038 --> 00:37:42.802 I don't have all day. Just open the door, will you? 455 00:37:44.742 --> 00:37:46.471 I'll be a moment, Dr. Pratt. 456 00:37:46.544 --> 00:37:48.478 Dix, I have a bone to pick with you. 457 00:37:48.546 --> 00:37:50.013 Open this door now! 458 00:37:50.081 --> 00:37:51.343 Open the door! 459 00:37:52.250 --> 00:37:55.185 Just putting on my trousers. 460 00:37:58.890 --> 00:38:01.859 Just cleaning yourself up, are you, Marshal? 461 00:38:02.860 --> 00:38:04.919 You are shaving, aren't you? 462 00:38:05.029 --> 00:38:09.090 Yes. I shave my whole face. My whiskers grow pretty fast. 463 00:38:09.167 --> 00:38:11.135 - Does it really? - I start very early... 464 00:38:11.202 --> 00:38:13.864 when I have an important function to attend, like the one this evening. 465 00:38:13.938 --> 00:38:18.534 Come in. Good to see you, Doctor. 466 00:38:19.544 --> 00:38:21.535 Let go of my hand, Dix! 467 00:38:21.613 --> 00:38:24.844 - Oh, my. - What are you doing? 468 00:38:24.916 --> 00:38:27.441 You fool! Let go of me! What are you doing to me? 469 00:38:27.518 --> 00:38:30.783 Look at me! What are you doing? Dix, you imbecile! 470 00:38:30.855 --> 00:38:32.516 Stop it! 471 00:38:32.624 --> 00:38:35.184 There's something I want you to know. 472 00:38:35.293 --> 00:38:39.059 I know who you are, and I know why you're here... 473 00:38:39.130 --> 00:38:42.566 but you are never, never going to find him! 474 00:39:13.598 --> 00:39:15.896 The man behind this whole thing is Dr. Griffin Pratt. 475 00:39:15.967 --> 00:39:18.492 He as much as told me he's got the president prisoner. 476 00:39:18.569 --> 00:39:20.537 He even challenged me to go find him. 477 00:39:20.605 --> 00:39:23.073 He's as guilty jam lips kissing a fruit tart. 478 00:39:23.141 --> 00:39:24.699 - Pratt. - Yup. 479 00:39:24.776 --> 00:39:28.177 - We have to be very careful. - Yeah. 480 00:39:31.582 --> 00:39:33.516 I gotta go change now. See you later. 481 00:39:41.192 --> 00:39:43.126 Think I'll skip this one. 482 00:39:47.932 --> 00:39:50.560 You and Shitzu keep an eye on Dr. Pratt tonight. 483 00:39:57.942 --> 00:39:59.705 Please. 484 00:39:59.777 --> 00:40:02.644 Marshal Dix wants us to keep an eye on Dr. Pratt. 485 00:40:03.481 --> 00:40:06.109 Why Dr. Pratt? 486 00:40:06.184 --> 00:40:09.813 I don't know, but I do know what I better do right now. Excuse me. 487 00:40:14.192 --> 00:40:16.660 Ooh, what a line! 488 00:40:26.571 --> 00:40:28.596 - Zip it, wacko! This is a bar! - Sorry. 489 00:40:28.673 --> 00:40:32.109 The piss hole's over there! Buzz off. Put your pecker in line, you yutz! 490 00:40:33.578 --> 00:40:37.537 Your Majesties and humble beings, let's hear a warm Vegan welcome... 491 00:40:37.615 --> 00:40:41.676 for our star attraction, Miss Cassandra Menage. 492 00:40:54.031 --> 00:40:54.198 Baby, baby, let's get together 493 00:40:54.198 --> 00:40:58.294 Baby, baby, let's get together 494 00:40:58.369 --> 00:41:02.305 Honey, honey, me and you 495 00:41:02.373 --> 00:41:07.208 And do the things Oh, do the things 496 00:41:07.278 --> 00:41:09.610 That we like to do 497 00:41:09.680 --> 00:41:12.547 Oh, do a little dance 498 00:41:12.617 --> 00:41:15.017 Make a little love 499 00:41:15.086 --> 00:41:18.146 Get down tonight Get down tonight 500 00:41:19.123 --> 00:41:20.181 Baby, baby 501 00:41:20.291 --> 00:41:23.727 I didn't think anyone could take my mind off of Pratt... 502 00:41:23.828 --> 00:41:26.023 but suddenly there she was onstage... 503 00:41:26.097 --> 00:41:30.363 a woman who could take anyone's mind off of anything. 504 00:41:30.434 --> 00:41:33.801 She had the deep nurturing instincts and strong family things... 505 00:41:33.871 --> 00:41:37.932 that make her the ideal mother for any unplanned child. 506 00:41:38.009 --> 00:41:40.375 Cassandra was a nightingale. 507 00:41:40.444 --> 00:41:43.379 The old saying, "Wet birds never fly at night"... 508 00:41:43.447 --> 00:41:47.247 I think she could fly any time she wanted to. 509 00:41:47.318 --> 00:41:48.876 Make a little love 510 00:41:48.953 --> 00:41:51.854 Get down tonight Get down tonight 511 00:41:58.129 --> 00:42:00.529 There he was, Dr. Griffin Pratt... 512 00:42:00.598 --> 00:42:03.499 a man who could ruin anyone's wet dream. 513 00:42:03.568 --> 00:42:08.335 Suave, cool, with all the moves of a slick ballroom dancer. 514 00:42:08.406 --> 00:42:10.271 It was time for Dr. Pratt... 515 00:42:10.341 --> 00:42:12.901 to find out that he'd met his match... 516 00:42:12.977 --> 00:42:15.411 his intellectual equal. 517 00:42:15.479 --> 00:42:18.915 I was about to arrange that introduction. 518 00:42:18.983 --> 00:42:23.010 Dr. Pratt, you said to me, "There's something I want you to know. 519 00:42:23.087 --> 00:42:25.521 I know why you're here, and I know what you want." 520 00:42:25.623 --> 00:42:28.751 There's something I want you to know. So do I. 521 00:42:28.860 --> 00:42:30.623 - "So do l"? - Yes. 522 00:42:30.695 --> 00:42:33.095 Know why I'm here and know what I want. 523 00:42:33.164 --> 00:42:36.565 We stand here facing each other like ChiefTen Bears and Josey Wales. 524 00:42:36.634 --> 00:42:38.864 - "ChiefTen Bears"? - Yeah. 525 00:42:38.936 --> 00:42:41.928 He would say, "There's iron in your words that you know... 526 00:42:42.006 --> 00:42:44.873 as there's iron in my words that I know. 527 00:42:44.942 --> 00:42:47.308 And there's iron in the words that you ain't livin' if you don't know it." 528 00:42:47.378 --> 00:42:50.575 Turn back to ChiefTen Bears before it's too late. 529 00:42:50.648 --> 00:42:51.945 "ChiefTen..." 530 00:42:52.016 --> 00:42:53.074 Ten Bears. 531 00:42:53.150 --> 00:42:55.277 - And the other one? - Josey Wales. 532 00:42:56.354 --> 00:42:59.050 - Who's he? - Clint Eastwood. 533 00:42:59.156 --> 00:43:00.453 - "Clint Eastwood"? - Yeah. 534 00:43:00.558 --> 00:43:03.618 - Hey! - You are a very convincing thinker. 535 00:43:04.629 --> 00:43:07.097 Let me get back to you on this. 536 00:43:08.499 --> 00:43:10.296 Out of order! 537 00:43:10.368 --> 00:43:12.632 It's 30 minutes I've been waiting here! 538 00:43:12.703 --> 00:43:15.171 Look, carbon-based life, you're gonna have to hold it in. 539 00:43:15.239 --> 00:43:16.570 Damn it! 540 00:43:18.342 --> 00:43:20.333 Get down, get down, get down 541 00:43:20.411 --> 00:43:23.312 Get down, get down tonight 542 00:43:28.920 --> 00:43:31.013 - Yo, man, stand clear. - What is it? 543 00:43:31.088 --> 00:43:33.420 - Another alien conversion? - Close enough. 544 00:43:33.524 --> 00:43:35.082 Get out of my way! 545 00:43:37.895 --> 00:43:39.829 You're goin' to the moon! 546 00:43:45.236 --> 00:43:48.603 Get down, get down get down tonight 547 00:43:58.115 --> 00:44:00.106 Get out of my way! 548 00:44:07.491 --> 00:44:11.018 Ooh! How sweet it is! 549 00:44:12.363 --> 00:44:15.992 Hey, I'm out now! Give me a little traveling music! 550 00:44:17.969 --> 00:44:20.096 What's the celebration about? 551 00:44:20.171 --> 00:44:22.469 You'd be jiggy too, bro, if you only dumped once a year. 552 00:44:22.540 --> 00:44:25.065 Oh, yeah! I'm sleek! 553 00:44:25.142 --> 00:44:27.133 - I'm thin! - Where's Pasquale? 554 00:44:30.481 --> 00:44:32.574 - I hate aliens! - There he is. 555 00:44:32.650 --> 00:44:34.709 Why do they have to eat fava beans? 556 00:44:41.292 --> 00:44:43.726 Okay, fellas, come on. You've been over-served here. 557 00:44:45.229 --> 00:44:46.696 All right. Come on. 558 00:45:07.084 --> 00:45:08.608 - Marshal? - Yeah. 559 00:45:08.686 --> 00:45:10.119 - Marshal. - Yes? 560 00:45:10.187 --> 00:45:13.520 - I have to speak to you. - Is this some kind of performance? 561 00:45:13.624 --> 00:45:16.058 Oh, no. He's a cyborg. 562 00:45:16.127 --> 00:45:18.652 It happens all the time. I'll put him back together in the morning. 563 00:45:18.763 --> 00:45:21.630 He's gonna be just fine. Come on. I need to talk to you. 564 00:45:22.933 --> 00:45:24.195 All right. 565 00:45:25.803 --> 00:45:25.970 Make yourself at home. 566 00:45:25.970 --> 00:45:27.904 Make yourself at home. 567 00:45:27.972 --> 00:45:29.963 I'm going to be right back. 568 00:45:46.057 --> 00:45:47.149 Hello. 569 00:45:55.666 --> 00:45:57.896 Something's going on. 570 00:45:59.437 --> 00:46:02.167 I don't know who's behind it. 571 00:46:02.239 --> 00:46:05.470 I don't know what they're doing or why they're doing it. 572 00:46:05.543 --> 00:46:10.378 All I know is I know I want you to know. 573 00:46:10.448 --> 00:46:13.747 Well, I'm glad you told me. 574 00:46:14.585 --> 00:46:17.213 Marshal, I know exactly why you're here. 575 00:46:17.288 --> 00:46:19.017 I can help you. 576 00:46:19.123 --> 00:46:22.524 Therefore, you have to trust me. 577 00:46:26.931 --> 00:46:29.024 Did you know that... 578 00:46:29.100 --> 00:46:33.969 a male lion can mate 45 times in three hours? 579 00:46:34.905 --> 00:46:37.840 I don't have a lion. I don't even have a dog. 580 00:47:14.311 --> 00:47:16.506 One of the advantages of working undercover... 581 00:47:16.580 --> 00:47:18.411 was that sometimes things got uncovered... 582 00:47:18.482 --> 00:47:20.848 that you didn't expect to see uncovered... 583 00:47:20.918 --> 00:47:24.479 and you learned about things that you didn't expect to learn about. 584 00:47:24.555 --> 00:47:27.183 Now, whatever Dr. Künstler was trying to hide... 585 00:47:27.291 --> 00:47:30.021 she sure wasn't doing a very good job. 586 00:47:30.127 --> 00:47:32.152 Anything on your mind, Dick? 587 00:47:33.164 --> 00:47:34.654 No. 588 00:47:34.765 --> 00:47:36.198 I'm not even thinking. 589 00:47:37.168 --> 00:47:40.331 Dr. Künstler, get a grip. 590 00:47:44.008 --> 00:47:46.272 That does it. It's time you went home. 591 00:47:46.343 --> 00:47:47.401 I'm at home. 592 00:47:47.478 --> 00:47:49.742 It's time I went home. 593 00:47:49.813 --> 00:47:50.780 Stay. 594 00:47:51.882 --> 00:47:53.679 Don't you want to know what else I know? 595 00:47:53.751 --> 00:47:57.243 No. That stuff about the lion, that was good enough for me. 596 00:48:05.829 --> 00:48:08.093 Oh, there you are. 597 00:48:08.165 --> 00:48:09.962 At last you come. 598 00:48:12.069 --> 00:48:14.537 My God, is that all you people do up here in the evenings? 599 00:48:15.673 --> 00:48:17.800 This is good for sleep, Marshal. 600 00:48:17.875 --> 00:48:20.708 A nice, sweet warm decaf. 601 00:48:20.778 --> 00:48:24.145 Nonfat latte, a touch of mocha, no foam. 602 00:48:24.215 --> 00:48:26.240 - Do you want some? - No, thank you. 603 00:48:26.317 --> 00:48:30.617 I came to see how Valentino was doing after that dreadful thing at the club. 604 00:48:30.688 --> 00:48:32.121 Pretty bad, huh? 605 00:48:33.324 --> 00:48:35.792 I also told him about the president being a prisoner. 606 00:48:35.859 --> 00:48:38.919 - What? - We need all the assistance we can get. 607 00:48:39.029 --> 00:48:40.997 - Yes, but... - Don't worry, Marshal. 608 00:48:41.065 --> 00:48:43.260 The elephant is sitting on my lips. 609 00:48:43.334 --> 00:48:45.495 I say nothing to Lieutenant Shitzu. 610 00:48:45.569 --> 00:48:47.662 I saw you leave the club with Dr. Künstler. 611 00:48:47.738 --> 00:48:49.569 What happened? 612 00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:51.801 Nothing. Strange young lady. 613 00:48:53.244 --> 00:48:54.836 Another wild-goose chase. 614 00:48:55.579 --> 00:48:58.241 I don't know about the wild goose... 615 00:48:58.315 --> 00:49:00.146 but the chase looks like it was very exciting. 616 00:49:00.217 --> 00:49:04.847 No. It is a little cold in here. I think I'll have some of that hot coffee. 617 00:49:09.927 --> 00:49:14.591 Good God! Someone has stolen my zipper! 618 00:49:14.665 --> 00:49:18.123 The atmosphere has no effect on my balance whatsoever, and I... 619 00:49:18.202 --> 00:49:20.363 - Watch your step there. - What? 620 00:49:20.437 --> 00:49:23.668 Houston, we have a problem. She's fallen and she can't get up. 621 00:49:23.741 --> 00:49:26.005 - I thought I told you no contact. - I know, sir... 622 00:49:26.076 --> 00:49:29.443 but I'm convinced that the president is here and is being held prisoner. 623 00:49:29.513 --> 00:49:31.447 The man behind it is Dr. Griffin Pratt. 624 00:49:31.515 --> 00:49:33.540 -Are you sure? - I'm positive. 625 00:49:35.352 --> 00:49:37.877 Mr. Secretary, send up the Galactic National Guard. 626 00:49:37.955 --> 00:49:40.185 - We'll get this cleared up in one day. - Who is it? 627 00:49:40.291 --> 00:49:42.156 No. That's the last thing we want to do. 628 00:49:42.226 --> 00:49:44.057 That would sign the president's death warrant. 629 00:49:44.128 --> 00:49:46.653 You must handle this yourself. 630 00:49:46.764 --> 00:49:48.789 - Get Miss Menage. - Don't fight it, baby! 631 00:49:48.899 --> 00:49:50.332 It's bigger than both of us. 632 00:49:50.401 --> 00:49:53.131 The president's life is at stake, to say nothing of our planet. 633 00:49:53.203 --> 00:49:55.467 What this impostor will say at the heads of state conference... 634 00:49:55.539 --> 00:49:57.700 in Paris on Friday God only knows! 635 00:50:00.377 --> 00:50:04.370 Don't think for a minute that Marshal Dix is doing nothing up here. 636 00:50:04.448 --> 00:50:06.439 He's dealing with one of the most important men... 637 00:50:06.517 --> 00:50:08.041 of the American government. 638 00:50:08.118 --> 00:50:11.713 This guy lives in a big, huge white house... 639 00:50:11.789 --> 00:50:13.780 but I can't tell you who is him. 640 00:50:22.333 --> 00:50:23.300 Cassandra? 641 00:51:03.173 --> 00:51:04.470 Wait a minute. 642 00:51:04.541 --> 00:51:06.771 You mean the president is a prisoner here on Vegan? 643 00:51:06.844 --> 00:51:10.007 - How did you know? - You just told us, man! 644 00:51:10.748 --> 00:51:12.375 - I did not. - Yes, you did. 645 00:51:12.449 --> 00:51:14.246 - I did? - Yes. 646 00:51:14.318 --> 00:51:18.254 - Was that a cough drop you gave me? - No, it was a suppository. 647 00:51:19.623 --> 00:51:21.181 Dr. Griffin Pratt? 648 00:51:21.291 --> 00:51:24.158 I hope you don't think there's anything you missed the other night, Marshal. 649 00:51:24.228 --> 00:51:25.923 Just one thing... you. 650 00:51:25.996 --> 00:51:28.362 You're under arrest. You have a right to remain silent. 651 00:51:28.432 --> 00:51:31.799 Before you say another word, there's something I want you to know. 652 00:51:31.869 --> 00:51:35.532 I've been ordered to reconstitute the president. 653 00:51:35.606 --> 00:51:37.540 Reconstitute? What does that mean? 654 00:51:37.608 --> 00:51:39.735 Drain all his body fluids. 655 00:51:41.044 --> 00:51:42.978 What's that, some sort of enema? 656 00:51:43.046 --> 00:51:45.514 No, no. Drain all his blood... 657 00:51:45.582 --> 00:51:48.517 then reconstitute it into refined plasma... 658 00:51:48.585 --> 00:51:51.110 ready to activate the clone. 659 00:51:51.188 --> 00:51:53.247 - Wouldn't that kill him? - Most certainly. 660 00:51:53.357 --> 00:51:55.621 - I thought so. - Please understand me, Marshal. 661 00:51:55.726 --> 00:51:58.718 The thought of killing the president has kept me up all night. 662 00:51:58.829 --> 00:52:02.060 Well, to be perfectly honest, I may have dozed off once or twice... 663 00:52:02.132 --> 00:52:03.895 so let's say at least half the night. 664 00:52:03.967 --> 00:52:07.960 I don't know how I allowed this to happen. It's very confusing. 665 00:52:08.038 --> 00:52:11.303 I feel drugged or brainwashed or whatever they did to me. 666 00:52:11.375 --> 00:52:14.469 But your words last night about ChiefTen Bears... 667 00:52:14.545 --> 00:52:16.672 and Josey Eastwood... 668 00:52:16.747 --> 00:52:20.478 - Clint Eastwood. - Eastwood brought me to my senses. 669 00:52:20.551 --> 00:52:22.576 And I must undo the damage I've done... 670 00:52:22.653 --> 00:52:25.349 which is why I want to take you to the president and help get him out. 671 00:52:25.422 --> 00:52:27.515 But we'll have to move fast. 672 00:52:27.624 --> 00:52:30.092 Faster than you think. I just came from Cassandra's apartment. 673 00:52:30.194 --> 00:52:33.960 - She's been kidnapped. - Kidnapped? Abducted? 674 00:52:34.031 --> 00:52:36.090 We won't know that till we talk with her. 675 00:52:36.166 --> 00:52:38.100 Up till now, it's just a simple kidnapping. 676 00:52:38.168 --> 00:52:40.864 She left a note in glue on her door. 677 00:52:40.938 --> 00:52:43.600 See? It says, "Help," spelled backwards. 678 00:52:43.674 --> 00:52:45.335 H-E-L-P. 679 00:52:47.144 --> 00:52:48.611 We'd better get moving. 680 00:52:49.546 --> 00:52:51.377 There may be two lives we have to save. 681 00:52:53.784 --> 00:52:56.981 This is the easiest way to get to the president. 682 00:52:58.956 --> 00:53:01.083 But whatever you do, don't touch that button! 683 00:53:01.191 --> 00:53:04.160 - Turbo power enabled. - Get off my face! 684 00:53:08.065 --> 00:53:09.157 Follow me. 685 00:53:19.977 --> 00:53:22.878 Put this on. You'll be less conspicuous. 686 00:53:37.694 --> 00:53:41.596 Mr. Dix, meet the president. 687 00:53:47.137 --> 00:53:48.695 Mr. President? 688 00:53:49.806 --> 00:53:51.398 Is that really you? 689 00:53:51.475 --> 00:53:55.036 That depends on what you mean by the word "is." 690 00:53:55.112 --> 00:53:57.103 Well... 691 00:53:57.180 --> 00:53:59.341 - Are that really you? - Well, of course it's me. 692 00:53:59.416 --> 00:54:01.714 I've been telling these people about my birthmark. 693 00:54:01.785 --> 00:54:03.116 Here, take a look. 694 00:54:09.192 --> 00:54:11.922 I'm the only man who's got a birthmark like that. 695 00:54:11.995 --> 00:54:13.553 It's almost a perfect four-leaf clover. 696 00:54:13.664 --> 00:54:16.132 Yes, sir, it looks like a four-leaf clover. 697 00:54:16.199 --> 00:54:18.258 And if that's not sufficient... 698 00:54:18.335 --> 00:54:21.463 give me the name of someone who plays the saxophone as good as this. 699 00:54:23.006 --> 00:54:26.442 Mr. President, I'm convinced. 700 00:54:26.510 --> 00:54:29.570 My name is Marshal Dix, International Security Force. 701 00:54:29.646 --> 00:54:32.410 I'm here to take you back to Washington where you belong. 702 00:54:32.482 --> 00:54:34.347 Great. 703 00:54:44.661 --> 00:54:46.356 Yeah! 704 00:54:46.430 --> 00:54:47.954 Cassandra, when did you get here? 705 00:54:50.400 --> 00:54:53.858 Surely you didn't think it would be as easy as all that, did you, Dix? 706 00:54:53.937 --> 00:54:58.874 Who would you like to become... a Rodman or a Rodham? 707 00:54:58.942 --> 00:55:01.638 Oh, dear. The president's looking a little upset. 708 00:55:01.712 --> 00:55:04.704 Perhaps we should switch him with Cassandra. 709 00:55:05.616 --> 00:55:08.141 All right. That does it. 710 00:55:08.218 --> 00:55:12.018 You're under arrest. So are these bozos here. 711 00:55:12.089 --> 00:55:14.182 You have a right to remain silent. 712 00:55:14.291 --> 00:55:16.987 Anything you say will be written down and used against you. 713 00:55:17.594 --> 00:55:19.152 Seize them! 714 00:55:29.740 --> 00:55:33.369 Such grace, such poetry. 715 00:55:34.211 --> 00:55:36.179 What a cunning stunt. 716 00:55:36.246 --> 00:55:38.714 Any more from you jerks, and I'll rip your faces off. 717 00:55:38.782 --> 00:55:42.582 I was a sucker for all that romantic talk. 718 00:55:42.653 --> 00:55:45.213 This young woman could not only sing like a dove... 719 00:55:45.288 --> 00:55:48.257 she was blessed with a serene peace that would have been at home... 720 00:55:48.325 --> 00:55:50.486 in a Tibetan monastery. 721 00:55:50.594 --> 00:55:52.721 She had everything. 722 00:55:52.829 --> 00:55:54.990 The delicate footwork of a ballet dancer. 723 00:55:55.065 --> 00:55:56.726 The high kicks of a Rockette. 724 00:55:56.800 --> 00:55:59.530 Boy, did I love those high kicks. 725 00:56:01.104 --> 00:56:04.505 Very impressive, but now, as they say... 726 00:56:04.574 --> 00:56:07.407 it's your turn to bite the dust. 727 00:56:13.283 --> 00:56:16.844 I'm glad you were here. I feel safe with you. 728 00:56:16.920 --> 00:56:19.514 Let's not talk about me. We gotta get out of here. 729 00:56:19.623 --> 00:56:21.682 Follow her, Mr. President, quick! 730 00:56:26.763 --> 00:56:28.321 - Captain Pasquale. - Yes. 731 00:56:28.432 --> 00:56:31.060 See if you can locate Lieutenant Shitzu and Dr. Künstler. 732 00:56:31.134 --> 00:56:33.534 - Yes. - Meet in front of the research center. 733 00:56:33.603 --> 00:56:35.366 - Yes. - We're heading for Washington, DC. 734 00:56:35.439 --> 00:56:37.907 The White House, and bring your makeup case. 735 00:56:37.974 --> 00:56:39.032 Done. 736 00:56:41.144 --> 00:56:42.372 Who was this guy? 737 00:56:42.446 --> 00:56:44.141 Come on, all of you. 738 00:56:45.315 --> 00:56:46.646 Pull yourself together. 739 00:56:46.717 --> 00:56:49.208 Get up. That's it. Good boys. 740 00:56:50.287 --> 00:56:53.017 No, no. Wait. Let them go. 741 00:56:55.992 --> 00:56:59.325 Di Pasquale worked hard and fast to disguise the president... 742 00:56:59.396 --> 00:57:03.230 as Fidel Castro or ZZ Top, take your pick. 743 00:57:03.300 --> 00:57:06.292 Anyway, it was a perfect way to get to Washington. 744 00:57:06.369 --> 00:57:08.428 - Man, this beard itches. - Step back. 745 00:57:08.505 --> 00:57:09.938 - It's me. - Sorry. Come on. 746 00:57:10.006 --> 00:57:12.941 - Thank you. - Step back, please. 747 00:57:13.009 --> 00:57:15.102 I wonder if ZZ Top needs a sax player. 748 00:57:18.949 --> 00:57:21.975 My ship. My crew. Bones. Spock. 749 00:57:36.233 --> 00:57:38.497 It was good to see Washington, DC again... 750 00:57:38.568 --> 00:57:40.502 but we had no time to sightsee. 751 00:57:40.570 --> 00:57:42.629 In a couple of days, that clone clown... 752 00:57:42.706 --> 00:57:44.333 would be shooting his mouth off in Paris. 753 00:57:44.407 --> 00:57:46.705 I'd contacted Secretary Osgood. 754 00:57:46.777 --> 00:57:49.337 He came up with a watertight plan to make the switch. 755 00:57:50.680 --> 00:57:54.138 Okay, guys, time for me to shake hands with little Willie. 756 00:57:54.217 --> 00:57:57.380 Code yellow, gentlemen. 757 00:57:57.454 --> 00:57:58.978 Did you bring an umbrella? 758 00:57:59.055 --> 00:58:01.853 No, just grab him before he takes aim. 759 00:58:05.595 --> 00:58:06.960 You okay there, sir? 760 00:58:07.030 --> 00:58:09.521 - Sir, everything all right? - Yeah, mission accomplished. 761 00:58:09.633 --> 00:58:10.827 Let's rock. 762 00:58:11.835 --> 00:58:15.293 All right. We are in motion. 763 00:58:15.372 --> 00:58:18.398 Di Pasquale disguised the cloned president... 764 00:58:18.475 --> 00:58:21.876 as somebody nobody would think twice about... a dirty, old man. 765 00:58:21.945 --> 00:58:24.209 I'm gonna have the CIA cavity search you all. 766 00:58:25.448 --> 00:58:26.813 Yes! 767 00:58:26.883 --> 00:58:29.147 At the Three Tenors Gala Concert... 768 00:58:29.219 --> 00:58:30.620 in Paris this Friday night... 769 00:58:30.620 --> 00:58:32.645 in Paris this Friday night... 770 00:58:32.756 --> 00:58:34.747 following the International Heads of State Conference... 771 00:58:34.858 --> 00:58:39.852 I will announce changes that will benefit the future of our world forever. 772 00:58:39.963 --> 00:58:42.864 Good job. Well done, everyone. 773 00:58:42.933 --> 00:58:46.266 Now all that remains is to get our friend off to clone heaven. 774 00:58:46.336 --> 00:58:48.770 We have kept Earth to ourselves... 775 00:58:48.839 --> 00:58:51.171 - For far too long. - What? 776 00:58:51.241 --> 00:58:53.436 In the spirit of intergalactic harmony... 777 00:58:53.510 --> 00:58:56.445 - Hey, that's Dr. Pratt. - Yeah, it's him. 778 00:58:56.513 --> 00:58:59.710 - Yes. - We must be willing to reach out... 779 00:58:59.783 --> 00:59:02.445 Please, there are forces at work here. 780 00:59:02.519 --> 00:59:04.919 Let's just forget about it and move on. 781 00:59:06.423 --> 00:59:09.119 Now, someone give me a hand getting our impostor out of here. 782 00:59:10.293 --> 00:59:12.853 Just a minute. Moving a little too fast here. 783 00:59:12.963 --> 00:59:15.932 I think there are forces at work, but I don't think they're our own. 784 00:59:16.032 --> 00:59:19.365 It's possible that we've been set up to put a clone in the White House. 785 00:59:21.004 --> 00:59:24.405 - And take the real president out. - Right. 786 00:59:25.675 --> 00:59:28.644 - Why are you the president? - Because of the birthmark. 787 00:59:28.712 --> 00:59:31.374 - I saw the birthmark. - Your birthmark proves nothing. 788 00:59:31.448 --> 00:59:33.746 When you're cloned, your birthmark is cloned too. 789 00:59:33.817 --> 00:59:36.285 - Right. - But I don't have a birthmark. 790 00:59:36.353 --> 00:59:39.584 I had it removed three months ago. Personal reasons. 791 00:59:39.656 --> 00:59:42.147 If you'll give me a little help, I'll show you. 792 00:59:52.135 --> 00:59:54.626 - Oh, my God. - Dr. Künstler... 793 00:59:54.704 --> 00:59:57.673 the birthmark should be on the side, not on the front. 794 00:59:57.741 --> 01:00:01.074 You can see where there was something, but there's no birthmark there now. 795 01:00:01.144 --> 01:00:03.112 There's a simple solution. 796 01:00:04.481 --> 01:00:06.847 One dead president. 797 01:00:06.917 --> 01:00:10.114 So, it's not just Dr. Pratt. It's you too. 798 01:00:10.186 --> 01:00:12.848 Very good, Dix. 799 01:00:15.158 --> 01:00:17.251 Now that really was a job well done. 800 01:00:18.194 --> 01:00:20.662 Not well enough done, Mr. President. 801 01:00:20.764 --> 01:00:23.699 Do you know anybody you can trust that can get us to Paris? 802 01:00:23.767 --> 01:00:24.699 Yes. 803 01:00:24.768 --> 01:00:29.535 The president's intent was genuine, but his travel plans didn't fly. 804 01:00:29.606 --> 01:00:34.134 Then, suddenly our luck turned full circle, and we were airborne. 805 01:00:40.183 --> 01:00:43.675 The job was to undo what I had already undone. 806 01:00:43.753 --> 01:00:47.018 There was a clone already in Paris who looked exactly like the president... 807 01:00:47.123 --> 01:00:49.785 and he had a birthmark to prove it. 808 01:00:49.893 --> 01:00:51.292 We had the real president... 809 01:00:51.361 --> 01:00:56.128 but he had removed the birthmark, so we couldn't prove anything. 810 01:00:56.199 --> 01:00:58.861 How it would all be worked out, I didn't know... 811 01:00:58.935 --> 01:01:01.870 but I did know that the president had to make every effort... 812 01:01:01.938 --> 01:01:03.599 to keep his pants on. 813 01:01:05.875 --> 01:01:07.172 Madonna. 814 01:01:13.850 --> 01:01:17.411 How are you? Good to see you. Thank you very much. 815 01:01:17.487 --> 01:01:20.547 Appreciate it. Thank you so much for being here. 816 01:01:22.092 --> 01:01:26.893 Let's see. What is a four-letter word for "word"? 817 01:01:32.002 --> 01:01:34.334 Do you have reservations? 818 01:01:34.404 --> 01:01:38.500 Reservations about being asked if we have reservations. 819 01:01:38.575 --> 01:01:41.408 In America, they have Indians, they have reservations... 820 01:01:41.478 --> 01:01:43.503 but no one asks if they have them. 821 01:01:43.580 --> 01:01:45.775 Bonjour. Yankee Doodle. 822 01:01:52.622 --> 01:01:55.955 - What is that? - That is a hockey cup. 823 01:01:56.059 --> 01:01:59.495 - Hockey? - I use it to play sand hockey... 824 01:01:59.596 --> 01:02:02.793 - In the desert. - Do you have identification? 825 01:02:04.167 --> 01:02:09.434 Prince Yabuti ofJabuti. Good to see you, you son of a... 826 01:02:09.506 --> 01:02:12.407 Take this. It's me... Shitzu. 827 01:02:12.475 --> 01:02:15.808 Good to see you. Oh, my God! 828 01:02:18.148 --> 01:02:20.810 I had to wear this. This is the only outfit Dr. Pratt wouldn't look under. 829 01:02:20.884 --> 01:02:23.717 - You are too conspicuous. - Me? How about you? 830 01:02:23.787 --> 01:02:26.915 - That Arab accent sounds German. - We got Cassandra in the orchestra. 831 01:02:29.359 --> 01:02:30.326 Hey! 832 01:02:38.935 --> 01:02:41.995 Well, it is a rat trap. 833 01:02:42.072 --> 01:02:45.473 Do you have an invitation? 834 01:02:45.542 --> 01:02:47.476 Yes, of course. 835 01:02:47.544 --> 01:02:48.704 How did you... 836 01:02:51.481 --> 01:02:54.245 The Artist Formerly Known As... 837 01:02:54.317 --> 01:02:56.080 It is Prince in disguise. 838 01:02:56.152 --> 01:02:59.144 Excuse me, Mr. Formerly Know As, smile, please. 839 01:03:01.558 --> 01:03:04.322 Wait. You're not the Artist Formerly Known As Prince. 840 01:03:04.394 --> 01:03:07.192 The real artist is over here. 841 01:03:09.499 --> 01:03:11.626 Man, it's the pope. Come on, Dix. 842 01:03:11.701 --> 01:03:13.635 Let's get out of here before he corners me. 843 01:03:14.604 --> 01:03:15.628 Bless you. 844 01:03:15.705 --> 01:03:20.108 Oh, great. They're serving Italian dinner here tonight. 845 01:03:20.176 --> 01:03:22.110 I think I'll have the toreador. 846 01:03:22.178 --> 01:03:24.009 Hi. Yeah. 847 01:03:31.754 --> 01:03:34.222 Yabuti, you camel! 848 01:03:34.324 --> 01:03:36.258 Pay me what you owe me! 849 01:03:42.565 --> 01:03:45.295 That's all right. I'm okay. 850 01:03:48.204 --> 01:03:50.672 - Keep a low profile. - Did he call me a camel? 851 01:03:50.740 --> 01:03:52.002 Hey! 852 01:03:53.076 --> 01:03:54.907 That's mine! 853 01:04:01.584 --> 01:04:05.680 They wanted you to play a saxophone solo after which intermission? 854 01:04:05.755 --> 01:04:09.714 The White House itinerary said after the first intermission... 855 01:04:09.826 --> 01:04:13.626 that I would ride up and appear magically on stage through a trapdoor. 856 01:04:13.696 --> 01:04:16.529 - But we don't have the sax. - We will. 857 01:04:16.599 --> 01:04:20.433 Hey. Hello. Do you wanna taste an ice cream? 858 01:04:20.503 --> 01:04:22.869 It's very good. Take it! 859 01:04:23.673 --> 01:04:28.042 Or maybe you like vanilla. Vanilla is wonderful. 860 01:04:28.111 --> 01:04:29.840 The best Italian flavor... pistachio. 861 01:04:31.481 --> 01:04:33.073 - You like ice cream. - No! 862 01:04:33.149 --> 01:04:35.242 Thank you very much. 863 01:04:57.207 --> 01:04:58.765 My sax! No! 864 01:05:14.357 --> 01:05:15.449 Ice cream! 865 01:05:17.026 --> 01:05:17.924 Gorgonzola. 866 01:05:17.994 --> 01:05:21.395 - Ice cream. - Signora, congratulations. 867 01:05:21.464 --> 01:05:24.228 This is a great ice cream. It's the best... 868 01:05:24.300 --> 01:05:28.396 - You will have to move. - You can't stop commerce. Let it go. 869 01:05:32.041 --> 01:05:33.099 Shit! 870 01:05:34.811 --> 01:05:37.803 I'm sorry, Mrs. President. 871 01:05:37.880 --> 01:05:39.848 No, it was only an accident. 872 01:05:39.916 --> 01:05:42.282 You see, it was only an accident. 873 01:05:42.352 --> 01:05:45.344 Go back to work. All right. Thanks for stopping by. 874 01:05:45.421 --> 01:05:47.480 I see our friends are here. 875 01:05:47.590 --> 01:05:49.558 Do you want an ice cream? 876 01:05:49.626 --> 01:05:51.719 I think we'd better alert the police. 877 01:06:00.203 --> 01:06:02.967 I think I'd better go check to find out what's going on. 878 01:06:08.544 --> 01:06:11.104 Looks like the gang is all here. 879 01:06:15.018 --> 01:06:16.280 Ice cream. 880 01:06:19.622 --> 01:06:21.852 One is disguised as a vendor... 881 01:06:21.958 --> 01:06:24.654 the other one's wearing a French policeman's uniform. 882 01:06:24.761 --> 01:06:26.786 - What? Merde. - Inspector Wazoo. 883 01:06:26.896 --> 01:06:29.729 The president's life may be at stake. 884 01:06:31.301 --> 01:06:34.930 We will search the place from top to bottom. 885 01:06:37.407 --> 01:06:41.138 We knew where they were at the hotel in Washington, didn't we, Osgood? 886 01:06:41.210 --> 01:06:44.668 You had to be there. You were busy being the man in the moon. I was there. 887 01:06:44.747 --> 01:06:46.681 The only place they could possibly make the switch... 888 01:06:46.749 --> 01:06:49.377 is under the stage by the trapdoor lifts. 889 01:06:49.452 --> 01:06:51.386 Let's take a look, shall we? 890 01:06:51.454 --> 01:06:54.150 Let's go get your saxophone and check backstage. 891 01:06:54.257 --> 01:06:58.318 - I wanna look at those trapdoors. - What did theJapanese delegation say? 892 01:06:58.428 --> 01:07:00.658 Oh, you can't understand a word they say. 893 01:07:00.730 --> 01:07:03.494 They said, "Would I enjoy sushi?" 894 01:07:03.566 --> 01:07:05.591 - And? - I said, "Sure thing, man. 895 01:07:05.668 --> 01:07:08.569 Send Susie to my room." 896 01:07:08.638 --> 01:07:11.106 I'm just kidding. You can trust me, baby. 897 01:07:15.912 --> 01:07:17.937 Nice. Good one. 898 01:07:39.102 --> 01:07:40.569 Maestro! 899 01:08:09.532 --> 01:08:12.797 Hey, this isn't rap concert. I hate opera. 900 01:08:28.584 --> 01:08:29.744 Take this. 901 01:08:29.819 --> 01:08:32.583 Ditch the Arab disguises. They're checking everyone. 902 01:08:47.870 --> 01:08:49.098 Fantastic. 903 01:08:52.508 --> 01:08:53.873 Excuse me. Maestro. 904 01:08:58.014 --> 01:09:00.812 Maybe there'll be some costumes under the stage. 905 01:09:05.922 --> 01:09:07.048 - Are you okay? - Yes. 906 01:09:07.156 --> 01:09:09.124 Who cares? 907 01:09:09.192 --> 01:09:10.784 Where are we? 908 01:09:10.893 --> 01:09:13.157 Under the stage. What do you think, it's the roof? 909 01:09:14.664 --> 01:09:17.064 All right, there must be something in here. 910 01:09:17.133 --> 01:09:20.591 You're gonna have to stay in that outfit so you can keep your face covered. 911 01:09:20.670 --> 01:09:24.572 Maybe there's something here for me so we won't look so much like a team. 912 01:09:24.640 --> 01:09:26.574 That's a good idea, Dix. 913 01:09:28.077 --> 01:09:30.568 Seems to be mostly women's clothes here. 914 01:09:34.617 --> 01:09:36.744 Hello? 915 01:09:38.721 --> 01:09:41.212 Hello? 916 01:09:41.290 --> 01:09:43.485 Oui. Hello. 917 01:09:43.593 --> 01:09:47.723 That's a real nice prop there, Maestro. 918 01:09:47.797 --> 01:09:50.925 - Maestro, is that you? - Yeah, it's the maestro. 919 01:09:51.501 --> 01:09:53.025 It's me. 920 01:09:55.638 --> 01:09:57.663 I heard this big crash. Are you all right? 921 01:09:57.740 --> 01:10:01.232 It was an accident. 922 01:10:01.310 --> 01:10:05.838 I am change my robe as the pharaoh to the robe I use for singing... 923 01:10:05.915 --> 01:10:07.542 the aria for Aida. 924 01:10:17.260 --> 01:10:19.626 I told you they were not right. 925 01:10:21.364 --> 01:10:23.559 You know, this is probably the wrong time... 926 01:10:23.633 --> 01:10:26.261 but could you just sing... 927 01:10:26.335 --> 01:10:28.269 a little note perhaps? 928 01:10:39.148 --> 01:10:41.742 You are gone and lost forever 929 01:10:41.817 --> 01:10:45.253 Molto grande, Clementine 930 01:10:47.823 --> 01:10:52.226 - I'm sorry. These are yours. - No, you keep them as a memento. 931 01:10:52.328 --> 01:10:55.559 They're not the right condom for my beard. 932 01:10:56.465 --> 01:10:58.262 Merci. I will cherish these. 933 01:11:24.994 --> 01:11:27.326 What is this? 934 01:11:27.396 --> 01:11:29.864 The platform. Up and down. 935 01:11:32.568 --> 01:11:36.334 Where can you find pleasure Search the world for treasure 936 01:11:36.405 --> 01:11:40.239 Learn science, technology 937 01:11:40.309 --> 01:11:43.938 Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true 938 01:11:44.013 --> 01:11:47.505 On the land or on the sea 939 01:11:47.583 --> 01:11:51.713 Where can you learn to fly Play in sports or skin-dive 940 01:11:51.787 --> 01:11:54.779 Study oceanography 941 01:11:55.658 --> 01:11:57.751 - What the hell's this? -Sign up for the big band 942 01:15:28.971 --> 01:15:31.462 - I want them found! - There's no one... 943 01:15:31.540 --> 01:15:33.531 Shut up, you fool! 944 01:15:33.609 --> 01:15:37.670 I go and rest now and then change my costume for the second act. 945 01:15:37.746 --> 01:15:41.409 When I come back, you had better have caught them or else. 946 01:15:51.727 --> 01:15:55.595 Woman says, "Doctor, I'm sick." He says, "What's wrong?" 947 01:15:55.664 --> 01:15:57.962 She says, "I don't know." He says, "I'll take your rectal temperature." 948 01:15:58.033 --> 01:16:00.797 What is going on here? 949 01:16:00.870 --> 01:16:03.168 I am outraged! 950 01:16:04.440 --> 01:16:08.433 Maestro, I have to thank you again for these. 951 01:16:08.510 --> 01:16:11.172 You see, I kept them close to my heart. 952 01:16:11.247 --> 01:16:14.546 What are you talking about? I did not give you anything. 953 01:16:14.617 --> 01:16:20.146 Besides, my condoms are engraved with my portrait and covered with fur. 954 01:16:20.222 --> 01:16:24.022 These are counterfeits. Out of my way! 955 01:16:25.027 --> 01:16:27.587 Counterfeits? Maestro! 956 01:16:29.798 --> 01:16:31.356 Keep an eye out. 957 01:16:35.237 --> 01:16:37.865 Künstler is one of them. She's a super spy. 958 01:16:37.940 --> 01:16:40.841 I told you she was a super... suppository. 959 01:16:40.910 --> 01:16:44.141 - I knew she was in bed with Pratt. - What? 960 01:16:44.213 --> 01:16:46.408 She had me to her apartment. She did that dance for me. 961 01:16:46.482 --> 01:16:49.178 Rubbed her body all over mine. Used her tongue. 962 01:16:49.251 --> 01:16:50.650 The slut. A lap dance? 963 01:16:50.719 --> 01:16:53.688 Could have been Lapland, Finland, Russia, any of those countries up there. 964 01:16:53.756 --> 01:16:58.716 And what she told me about the lion. They mate 45 times in 3 hours. 965 01:16:58.827 --> 01:17:02.593 - How many times? - Just keep your eye on Künstler. 966 01:17:02.665 --> 01:17:05.691 She's got orders to kill the president if anything goes wrong. 967 01:17:05.768 --> 01:17:09.329 She gets up on the table, he gets behind her. She says... 968 01:17:09.405 --> 01:17:13.239 Wardrobe! Where is my costume? 969 01:17:13.309 --> 01:17:15.072 I know it was here. I hung it myself. 970 01:17:15.144 --> 01:17:17.635 And I'll hang you myself if you don't find it. 971 01:17:17.713 --> 01:17:21.672 Luciano, they have come to hear your voice, not to see your clothes. 972 01:17:21.750 --> 01:17:24.241 You think the French won't notice... 973 01:17:24.320 --> 01:17:27.016 if I'm in the middle of an Italian battlefield... 974 01:17:27.089 --> 01:17:31.082 fighting the Germans, wearing American boxer shorts? 975 01:17:36.832 --> 01:17:38.857 "Hey, Doctor, that ain't my rectum." 976 01:17:38.934 --> 01:17:41.494 He says, "That ain't my thermometer either." 977 01:17:43.872 --> 01:17:46.636 Mr. President, we are ready for you now, sir. 978 01:17:47.676 --> 01:17:49.439 Well, I'm on. 979 01:17:49.511 --> 01:17:51.138 Good luck, snookums. 980 01:17:59.455 --> 01:18:02.083 Mr. President, no birthmark games tonight. 981 01:18:02.191 --> 01:18:04.125 Just remember, you don't have one anymore... 982 01:18:04.193 --> 01:18:07.128 but there's a clone out there who looks exactly like you and he does have it. 983 01:18:07.196 --> 01:18:09.391 So you just keep your pants on. 984 01:18:09.465 --> 01:18:12.263 And keep your fingers crossed that Osgood... 985 01:18:12.334 --> 01:18:14.268 won't remember what he thought he saw in the hotel. 986 01:18:14.336 --> 01:18:17.567 Won't remember what he thought he saw in the hotel. 987 01:18:17.639 --> 01:18:20.472 What he thought that he didn't see what he thought he saw in the hotel. 988 01:18:20.542 --> 01:18:22.100 I was right the first time. 989 01:18:22.177 --> 01:18:26.079 First there was the condoms. Now they've stolen my costume! 990 01:18:26.148 --> 01:18:28.548 - Still cannot find them! - You're on! 991 01:18:28.617 --> 01:18:31.108 Sure. 992 01:18:32.988 --> 01:18:36.480 Rather that he doesn't remember what he thought... 993 01:18:36.592 --> 01:18:38.560 he didn't see in the hotel. 994 01:18:38.660 --> 01:18:41.925 You'll remember he didn't see the birthmark. 995 01:18:45.034 --> 01:18:48.629 Monsieur President, everything is checked and ready. 996 01:18:48.704 --> 01:18:51.400 You can blow your instrument with confidence... 997 01:18:51.473 --> 01:18:55.375 knowing I will be here holding the fart. 998 01:19:11.960 --> 01:19:15.452 Thank you. And now, ladies and gentleman... 999 01:19:15.564 --> 01:19:19.557 it gives me great pleasure to introduce our surprise guest. 1000 01:19:36.819 --> 01:19:39.413 - So far so good. - Don't be a pessimist. 1001 01:19:46.128 --> 01:19:48.494 I like the way he blows his horn. 1002 01:19:48.564 --> 01:19:50.498 My son likes to toot too. 1003 01:19:54.303 --> 01:19:55.531 Let's go. 1004 01:20:02.578 --> 01:20:04.205 Are you all right? 1005 01:20:06.748 --> 01:20:09.342 Here. Catch the saxophone. 1006 01:20:22.097 --> 01:20:23.724 What do we do now? 1007 01:20:23.799 --> 01:20:26.267 I'll lower the trapdoor, Mr. President. You get on it. 1008 01:20:26.335 --> 01:20:29.429 You'll go up, I'll bring the clone down and put the arm on him. 1009 01:20:30.706 --> 01:20:31.900 He's good. 1010 01:20:58.734 --> 01:21:01.999 - What? - Two? 1011 01:21:11.013 --> 01:21:12.139 Me first. 1012 01:21:12.214 --> 01:21:14.944 You! You messed things up for the last time! 1013 01:21:25.060 --> 01:21:28.552 Here, piggy, piggy. Sooey! 1014 01:21:28.664 --> 01:21:30.632 Your presidency's about over. 1015 01:21:31.366 --> 01:21:33.926 You've never even been to Arkansas. You imposter! 1016 01:21:42.578 --> 01:21:43.909 Yes! 1017 01:21:54.756 --> 01:21:56.849 Who is who? 1018 01:21:58.527 --> 01:22:03.157 We have here two presidents. 1019 01:22:03.232 --> 01:22:07.464 Two of them? My gosh, this could be an intern's nightmare. 1020 01:22:07.536 --> 01:22:09.265 Two. 1021 01:22:11.173 --> 01:22:15.405 Identical? Yes. But are our memories the same? 1022 01:22:15.477 --> 01:22:18.071 Here's something I composed when I was six years old. 1023 01:22:18.981 --> 01:22:20.608 No one knows it. 1024 01:22:35.030 --> 01:22:39.933 So, now who is the real president? 1025 01:22:40.002 --> 01:22:42.630 Okay. How about this one? 1026 01:22:42.704 --> 01:22:45.104 I learned it yesterday. 1027 01:23:09.731 --> 01:23:13.132 It's not so good. There's your clone, Inspector. 1028 01:23:13.201 --> 01:23:17.638 He remembers everything about my life till the time he was cloned... 1029 01:23:17.706 --> 01:23:19.173 but nothing afterward. 1030 01:23:19.241 --> 01:23:22.404 Right. There's your clone, Dr. Pratt. 1031 01:23:22.477 --> 01:23:25.241 You! You're the one who did this to me! 1032 01:23:25.881 --> 01:23:27.815 I'm gonna destroy you! 1033 01:23:27.883 --> 01:23:29.646 You vermin! 1034 01:23:37.693 --> 01:23:41.254 - What should we do? - Lord, give me a sign. 1035 01:23:44.366 --> 01:23:45.663 You've got mail. 1036 01:23:48.904 --> 01:23:53.273 God said, "Let there be music." On with the show! 1037 01:24:00.549 --> 01:24:02.107 Here we go. One... 1038 01:24:05.721 --> 01:24:07.621 So much for taking over the world. 1039 01:24:07.723 --> 01:24:11.523 I just wanted to rid the world of idiots like you. 1040 01:25:03.612 --> 01:25:06.376 Hey, you, do something. 1041 01:25:08.283 --> 01:25:10.478 It's fake, like wrestling. 1042 01:25:11.486 --> 01:25:14.387 Where is that stage manager? 1043 01:25:22.798 --> 01:25:25.028 Look out! 1044 01:25:25.801 --> 01:25:28.201 Oh, that's gonna leave a mark. 1045 01:25:35.811 --> 01:25:36.835 Get me down! 1046 01:25:44.820 --> 01:25:45.912 Did you see that? 1047 01:25:48.223 --> 01:25:50.191 Come on! Get over there! 1048 01:25:55.764 --> 01:25:58.528 Take your hands off me! 1049 01:26:01.636 --> 01:26:03.695 Could you do better? 1050 01:26:08.443 --> 01:26:11.310 The solution is kill the president. 1051 01:26:30.799 --> 01:26:32.824 Holy shit, baby. 1052 01:26:34.236 --> 01:26:36.602 Boogie boogie boogie. La la. 1053 01:26:45.580 --> 01:26:46.740 I'll be back! 1054 01:26:57.058 --> 01:26:59.083 Hasta la vista, baby. 1055 01:27:02.230 --> 01:27:04.095 Bastards! 1056 01:27:06.535 --> 01:27:07.968 Hey, I'm just a clone. 1057 01:27:12.007 --> 01:27:15.841 Ladies and gentlemen, this may have been... 1058 01:27:15.911 --> 01:27:19.472 the greatest save of all time. 1059 01:27:19.548 --> 01:27:24.144 And the man responsible is from the Interplanetary Security... 1060 01:27:24.219 --> 01:27:26.653 Marshal Dick Dix. 1061 01:27:32.294 --> 01:27:34.660 Thank you, Mr. President. 1062 01:27:34.729 --> 01:27:38.722 You're very welcome, Marshal Dix. The world thanks you. 1063 01:28:06.928 --> 01:28:08.589 Yo, man! 1064 01:28:10.665 --> 01:28:12.599 Marshal, you were wonderful. 1065 01:28:12.667 --> 01:28:16.694 Now I knew what it was like to be a Roman candle on the Fourth ofJuly. 1066 01:28:16.771 --> 01:28:19.831 Yet this hero stuff was not for me. 1067 01:28:19.908 --> 01:28:23.435 I was ready to get back on the beat, hear the wail of sirens... 1068 01:28:23.511 --> 01:28:26.344 and play with my handcuffs and my gun. 1069 01:28:26.414 --> 01:28:31.249 Yes, I was ready to plant my flag back in Washington, DC... 1070 01:28:31.319 --> 01:28:35.779 where every congressman has the constitutional right to be a felon. 1071 01:28:36.791 --> 01:28:38.520 Good old America. 1072 01:28:48.370 --> 01:28:50.167 Here's your soup, sir. 1073 01:28:52.474 --> 01:28:55.739 - Smells great. - Piss off. 1074 01:28:55.810 --> 01:28:58.176 Miserable bird. I should stuff it. 1075 01:29:03.418 --> 01:29:07.081 Well, I want to drink a toast. 1076 01:29:09.758 --> 01:29:13.319 I want to drink a toast to you. 1077 01:29:13.428 --> 01:29:16.522 No, to you. You've made the world a safe place again. 1078 01:29:16.631 --> 01:29:19.498 Your high kicks helped out pretty good too. 1079 01:29:25.306 --> 01:29:27.399 How is everything on Vegan? 1080 01:29:27.475 --> 01:29:29.841 I hear you've gotten a promotion. 1081 01:29:30.679 --> 01:29:33.170 Yes. Now I'm responsible for all new erections. 1082 01:29:36.918 --> 01:29:39.512 Congratulations. I'm not a bit surprised. 1083 01:29:41.156 --> 01:29:43.351 I love spending my vacation on Earth. 1084 01:29:43.458 --> 01:29:45.050 This place is so peaceful... 1085 01:29:45.160 --> 01:29:49.620 the ocean, the music, product placements. 1086 01:29:57.539 --> 01:29:58.597 Are you all right? 1087 01:30:05.847 --> 01:30:08.475 Just picking my teeth. 1088 01:30:10.719 --> 01:30:13.187 There's something I need to tell you. 1089 01:30:14.355 --> 01:30:15.845 I see dead people. 1090 01:30:16.891 --> 01:30:19.519 - What? - I see dead people. Look. 1091 01:30:19.627 --> 01:30:21.322 Hey, baby. 1092 01:30:23.131 --> 01:30:24.792 You're right. 1093 01:30:24.866 --> 01:30:27.664 Would you like to hear the dessert specials? 1094 01:30:27.736 --> 01:30:29.966 We got silicon hooter pie with whipped cream for you. 1095 01:30:30.038 --> 01:30:33.337 We've got silicon lips ice cream for you. 1096 01:30:33.408 --> 01:30:36.536 And, yo, we got guns! 1097 01:30:36.611 --> 01:30:38.044 - Big guns. - For you. 1098 01:30:38.113 --> 01:30:40.638 Gun? Big guns? 1099 01:30:40.715 --> 01:30:43.081 Those aren't guns. 1100 01:30:43.151 --> 01:30:44.982 This is a gun. 1101 01:30:52.994 --> 01:30:56.862 Marshal, you made the world a safe place again, again. 1102 01:30:58.299 --> 01:31:01.598 You're so wonderful. You know you could be my father. 1103 01:31:01.669 --> 01:31:06.697 Oh, no, that concert was the only time I've ever been to France.