1 00:00:26,343 --> 00:00:29,221 It began as a singularity, 2 00:00:29,343 --> 00:00:34,292 the entire universe compressed into a space the size of a proton. 3 00:00:34,343 --> 00:00:37,335 Then the Big Bang... 4 00:00:37,543 --> 00:00:40,580 blew it apart. 5 00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:47,692 Matter, converted from energy, swirled and compressed itself into stars 6 00:00:47,742 --> 00:00:49,698 Red Giants... 7 00:00:49,742 --> 00:00:52,734 and tiny white dwarfs. 8 00:00:53,342 --> 00:00:56,300 Stars congealed into galaxies. 9 00:00:56,342 --> 00:01:01,291 Massive nebulae and timeless spiral clusters, 10 00:01:01,342 --> 00:01:07,099 spinning faster and faster into the endless void. 11 00:01:07,782 --> 00:01:12,094 Black holes arose, swallowing matter. 12 00:01:13,502 --> 00:01:16,460 Constellations filled the night sky. 13 00:01:16,502 --> 00:01:18,493 Libra... 14 00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:24,732 Stifficus. 15 00:01:26,941 --> 00:01:29,899 Planets took form. 16 00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:31,932 Moons arose... 17 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:39,612 Atoms formed molecules, then molecules formed life 18 00:01:39,661 --> 00:01:42,653 throughout the universe... 19 00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:47,899 Alien creatures, hideous in form. 20 00:01:54,741 --> 00:01:57,301 The earth took form. 21 00:01:57,741 --> 00:02:00,300 Then God appeared. 22 00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:03,937 And Gods voice was heard. 23 00:02:05,220 --> 00:02:08,018 Shut up you stupid monkey... 24 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:14,860 And then a single celled organism 25 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:21,691 evolved into the highest form of intellect known to God... 26 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:23,935 MAN. 27 00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:33,295 It was one of those days you never forget. I'd arrested Osmond Bin Laden 28 00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:37,298 at a Lakers-Knicks game. Now I was back in D. C. on the QT making my way asap 29 00:02:37,339 --> 00:02:41,298 to the HQ when I heard the APB: -All available units to big joes, 30 00:02:41,339 --> 00:02:44,297 hostage situation, armed terrorists. 31 00:02:44,339 --> 00:02:48,298 The police needed my negotiating skills, perfected by years of volunteer service 32 00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:52,776 with the pet rescue division. Coaxing cats out of trees and gerbils out of holes, 33 00:02:52,819 --> 00:02:55,777 made you smart about a lot of things. 34 00:02:55,819 --> 00:02:59,858 This is the Washington police force. There is no way out. 35 00:02:59,899 --> 00:03:04,290 You have five minutes to give yourselves up, and counting. 36 00:03:04,339 --> 00:03:07,297 You're surrounded! Throw down your arms! Now! 37 00:03:12,739 --> 00:03:16,777 Come out! We've got ya! -Yeah? And we've got burgers 38 00:03:16,818 --> 00:03:20,777 and hostages and fries... -I'm ordering you to give yourselves up! 39 00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:23,776 And I'm ordering one car and one plane. 40 00:03:23,818 --> 00:03:27,288 One plain what? -One plain plane. With pilot. 41 00:03:27,338 --> 00:03:32,014 I want those hostages! Now! -One hostage coming up! 42 00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:36,290 Those hostages were my new gerbils. They needed marshal Dick Dix to free them. 43 00:03:43,138 --> 00:03:45,129 Shit! 44 00:03:48,258 --> 00:03:52,091 Dix! This is police business! You have no jurisdiction here! 45 00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:55,095 Now get lost! 46 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,409 Alright! 47 00:04:15,657 --> 00:04:18,615 Well... 48 00:04:18,657 --> 00:04:23,447 Let's play a little game of Simon says, good... 49 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,853 Simon says: Get your hands on your head and line up in front of me here... 50 00:04:27,896 --> 00:04:30,205 hurry it up! 51 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,887 Let's go. 52 00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:37,854 What are you? A bunch of fanatics? You hate this county, you're mad 53 00:04:37,896 --> 00:04:43,289 just because we don't play soccer here? -But Mr. Simon, we are the hostages. 54 00:04:43,336 --> 00:04:47,295 Who do you think you're talking to? A dummy? These hard-working immigrants 55 00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:51,295 are the backbone of this country! They put the damn on the hover, 56 00:04:51,336 --> 00:04:55,295 they put the railroad ties over the great divine 57 00:04:55,336 --> 00:05:00,410 and they did it with a smile buddy. They weren't mad at anybody. 58 00:05:00,456 --> 00:05:04,608 No. Don't lower yourselves to their level. I'll take care of this. 59 00:05:04,656 --> 00:05:08,614 I'll seek to it that they get a fair trial and then we'll strung them up. 60 00:05:15,735 --> 00:05:18,693 Fire the tear gas! 61 00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:33,727 I'm gonna kill him! Dix! 62 00:05:33,775 --> 00:05:35,766 Dix! 63 00:05:35,895 --> 00:05:39,888 Let's get one thing clear. This situation was not created by the police 64 00:05:39,935 --> 00:05:44,007 but it was created by people who are getting in the way of the police. 65 00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:50,289 The police aren't there to create disorder. The police are here to protect disorder. 66 00:05:50,734 --> 00:05:53,726 You come back here! 67 00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:59,805 There's nothing better than a job delicately handled, 68 00:06:01,534 --> 00:06:05,527 but now it was a time to meet the big boss Secretary Osgood. 69 00:06:05,894 --> 00:06:09,887 I loved my job. Every day was different. 70 00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:15,452 Every assignment was different. Everything about the department was different. 71 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:23,246 Enough, enough, stop, stop. -This is not respectful for the deceased. 72 00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:38,326 To the untrained eye, this looked like the normal bullpit of any old precinct. 73 00:06:38,373 --> 00:06:42,366 But hidden deep within the bowels of this house grave matters of state were at play. 74 00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:52,087 Dix, come on in. Good to see you, my boy. -Good to see you Mr. Secretary. 75 00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:56,126 This is Cassandra Menage, Executive Officer on Vegan. -How do you do? 76 00:06:58,692 --> 00:07:02,685 She is in charge of Human and Alien affairs. -Some kind of dating service? 77 00:07:02,732 --> 00:07:07,283 She oversees our sensitive Alien operations! -Well there's nothing sensitive about them. 78 00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:11,883 All you need is to tighten up the borders. -Dix, I'm talking about alien Aliens. 79 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:15,891 Alien, aliens. You mean like from outer space? 80 00:07:15,932 --> 00:07:19,925 Yes, Vegan is a lunar base, just like Area 51, but shielded 81 00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:23,965 from Earth by a reflective bubble, and there are plenty of Aliens there. 82 00:07:24,012 --> 00:07:28,005 Cassandra files classified reports to the various international governments. 83 00:07:28,052 --> 00:07:32,091 This latest one she delivered it in person. If what she says is true, 84 00:07:32,132 --> 00:07:36,124 the future of the planet is at stake. -Now that could be serious. 85 00:07:36,171 --> 00:07:40,164 I know it smells funny, but the President of the United States has been kidnapped 86 00:07:40,211 --> 00:07:44,204 and is being held captive on Vegan. The man in the White House is a clone. 87 00:07:44,251 --> 00:07:48,244 Just a minute, it says here the man in the White House is a clown. 88 00:07:48,291 --> 00:07:50,282 Clone. 89 00:07:51,611 --> 00:07:55,604 Clone. That's what it says here. -Yeah, I know. That's my report... 90 00:07:55,651 --> 00:07:59,644 This isn't a joke, Dix. -I know that Sir, but I saw the President 91 00:07:59,691 --> 00:08:03,684 on television the other night. -That wasn't the President. 92 00:08:03,731 --> 00:08:08,521 She's right. We're all set for Memory Recapture. Have a seat Marshal. 93 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:12,563 Cassandra, your brainwaves will be transmitted to the screen, 94 00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:16,603 so we'll be able to see exactly what you saw and heard. 95 00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:20,689 When you're ready, I want you to tell us what happened. 96 00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:24,723 Close your eyes, relax and let your unconscious take over. 97 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:28,763 Let your mind go blank. 98 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:31,681 Dix. 99 00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:34,246 Dix! 100 00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:37,282 You need to watch the screen. 101 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:46,169 I'd gone to the Vegan mines to investigate a grievance by one of the miners... 102 00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:50,202 After a lot of turns and twists, I realized I was completely lost. 103 00:08:50,249 --> 00:08:54,242 My way was blocked by a cave-in. Then I noticed light coming through 104 00:08:54,289 --> 00:08:58,282 a crack in the wall. I moved forward and found myself in a room 105 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:02,322 overlooking some kind of operating theatre. 106 00:09:02,369 --> 00:09:06,362 A man was talking in an alien dialect, so I switched the Auto-Trans to English 107 00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:10,402 to see if I could recognize his voice, 108 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:14,442 but I couldn't. -I will get that sillicon for you 109 00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:18,482 if you will make me leader of the new world. 110 00:09:18,529 --> 00:09:22,522 By using DNA building blocks I will create clones 111 00:09:22,569 --> 00:09:27,198 of existing world leaders who will follow our orders. 112 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:31,203 Activate the cloning machine, 113 00:09:34,648 --> 00:09:37,640 and now for our latest clone creation. 114 00:09:37,888 --> 00:09:42,598 A world leader admired by all. 115 00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:48,001 And there he was, Groucho Marx. But what happen next 116 00:09:48,048 --> 00:09:53,042 was more frightening still. -In Washington, the man in power, 117 00:09:53,088 --> 00:09:57,081 the President, is a clone... our clone. Now, let me... 118 00:09:57,128 --> 00:10:02,884 introduce you to his predecessor, the real President of the United States! 119 00:10:03,207 --> 00:10:07,200 Now we got cloning control, we will take your earth 120 00:10:07,247 --> 00:10:12,605 and all it's silicon too, then its hasta la vista. 121 00:10:14,327 --> 00:10:17,080 Bastards! 122 00:10:17,127 --> 00:10:21,120 And that's when I ran, as fast as I could. -They took the President, 123 00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:25,160 took his DNA and put an impostor in the White House. Kidnapping, 124 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:29,246 robbery, and fraud. Breaking the law. -Dix, I want you to go to Vegan 125 00:10:29,287 --> 00:10:33,280 to make a routine inspection. I'll arrange the clearances. 126 00:10:33,327 --> 00:10:37,798 If the President is there, find him and bring him back. 127 00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:41,839 The implications here are very grave. Any mistakes, even fumbles, 128 00:10:41,886 --> 00:10:45,879 will be denied at this end. You're acting on your own. 129 00:10:45,926 --> 00:10:50,283 And when you both meet again on Vegan, you've never seen each other before. 130 00:10:50,326 --> 00:10:54,797 I've forgotten already. -It'll take me longer than that... 131 00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:57,838 Oh... that's so nice. -Oh, thank you, 132 00:10:57,886 --> 00:11:02,641 I always had a good memory, even as a boy. -Well, Marshal. 133 00:11:02,686 --> 00:11:06,998 Miss... -Menage. 134 00:11:15,646 --> 00:11:21,163 If you don't stop pulling your thing, you're going to go blind, Richard! 135 00:11:21,565 --> 00:11:24,284 But I like pulling on it, Mum! 136 00:11:24,845 --> 00:11:31,000 Your son is rapidly loosing his sight. And we don't know why, Ms. Dix. 137 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,117 Mum, meet my new girl friend. 138 00:11:35,165 --> 00:11:39,795 Richard, you have to wear your glasses. 139 00:11:40,685 --> 00:11:44,678 I have the outer most faith in you, Marshal Dix, have a good flight. 140 00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:50,721 Thank you Mr. Secretary, but I think this must be broken. 141 00:11:51,325 --> 00:11:55,795 I didn't have a lot of time. I had to catch a plane to cape Kennedy, 142 00:11:55,844 --> 00:12:01,123 then the shuttle to Vegan and avoid any pressing delays. 143 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:25,318 The department was gonna to have to dive in at the deep end, 144 00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:29,596 because I was headed for the moon to maybe save the President of the United States. 145 00:16:25,477 --> 00:16:30,426 This should help beam me up. I've got to get back to my ship. 146 00:16:30,477 --> 00:16:34,390 Scotty, Bones, Mr. Spock, where the hell are you? 147 00:16:43,317 --> 00:16:47,833 Secretary Osgood was right when he told me there were plenty of aliens on Vegan. 148 00:16:47,877 --> 00:16:52,392 But he had forgotten to tell me how butt ugly they were. 149 00:16:52,436 --> 00:16:55,428 They were ugly from any direction. 150 00:16:59,716 --> 00:17:04,267 The rules: Smuggling or assisting any Alien back to Earth means immediate imprisonment. 151 00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:07,069 Open your bag, please. -Yo, is that Marshal Dix? It's ok. 152 00:17:07,116 --> 00:17:11,234 He's police. Lieutenant Shitzu, Vegan Security. Misswick. -Miss who? 153 00:17:11,276 --> 00:17:15,428 Misswick. M. S. W. I. C. Mother-Sucker-who's-in-charge. 154 00:17:15,516 --> 00:17:18,269 Is this your bag? 155 00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:21,792 I'm writing a book... -Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix... 156 00:17:21,836 --> 00:17:25,909 That's right isn't it? Dix... as in more-than-one-dick? 157 00:17:25,956 --> 00:17:30,426 Good to be someplace where your feet will do what you tell them to do... 158 00:17:30,475 --> 00:17:34,707 Attention! Sensors detected an alien hiding in a human life-form. 159 00:17:40,195 --> 00:17:42,186 Move down! 160 00:17:43,315 --> 00:17:47,308 What's going on? -That fool's a conversion. 161 00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:51,348 Do you need holy water for that? -When these brothers first came here, 162 00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:55,388 we didn't know about their plan to use conversions to take over the Earth. 163 00:17:55,435 --> 00:17:59,428 Lucky for us, all our asses were saved, due to the sounds of our modern life: 164 00:17:59,475 --> 00:18:03,468 Arcade, TV, rap, hip-hop. All that irritatin' shit. 165 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:07,666 High-pitch sound makes these suckers explode. 166 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,746 Close the lid, babboom! 167 00:18:19,674 --> 00:18:21,665 Good. Fangullo. 168 00:18:24,314 --> 00:18:28,546 Mi scusi, mi dispiace. I am capitain Valentino Di Pasquale. 169 00:18:28,594 --> 00:18:32,587 I don't speak Alien. -He ain't kickin' no jive-ass Alien lingo! 170 00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:35,626 He jes' tryin' to show some love! -What? 171 00:18:35,674 --> 00:18:39,667 Mi dipacia, diabola. He try to speak-a inna piccolo Ebonico. -Pickle what? 172 00:18:39,714 --> 00:18:43,706 No disrespect, y'all up in this ice cream and you don't even know the flavour! 173 00:18:43,753 --> 00:18:46,142 You think he don't understand plain Inglish? 174 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,183 Please, my father was from Brooklolino... -Yo man, did years in Vegas babe, 175 00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:55,702 who can take the sun, yea. Right back babe, yea. 176 00:18:55,753 --> 00:19:00,031 That guy is right, Marshal, this way, this way. Andiamo! 177 00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:23,426 Our operation and research director, Dr Pratt, will show you around. 178 00:19:23,472 --> 00:19:26,464 The base commander couldn't be hear, cuz' he's out playing golf. 179 00:19:26,512 --> 00:19:28,980 Everything is alright! 180 00:19:29,032 --> 00:19:33,628 Good, that means that nothing works. -But he did ask me to escort you 181 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,664 to a reception here tonight. 182 00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:42,824 Yeah, one stronzo alien less. 183 00:19:46,872 --> 00:19:48,863 Dr Pratt? 184 00:19:51,592 --> 00:19:53,583 Dr Pratt! 185 00:19:53,672 --> 00:19:57,630 Yes, Lieutenant? -Oh, you scared me again, you got me. 186 00:19:57,671 --> 00:20:01,744 You keep on getting me each time, I tell you. This is Marshal Dix. 187 00:20:01,791 --> 00:20:06,467 Ah, yes, right on time. I'll never understand these inspections. 188 00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:10,265 What are we looking for this time? -Routine... 189 00:20:10,311 --> 00:20:15,260 Perhaps you may be interested in my pičce de resistance. 190 00:20:15,311 --> 00:20:19,304 Piece of what? -A scale replica of the entire complex. 191 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:24,300 Here's the entrance to the mines... the administration complex... 192 00:20:24,351 --> 00:20:29,471 the spaceport... all the details... Now... We are... here. 193 00:20:30,311 --> 00:20:34,303 No, no, no, don't touch. Its very delicate. 194 00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:39,344 Doctor, the next time you're on Earth, I'll show you 195 00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:46,341 the Piper Club model I made. -I'd certainly look forward to that. 196 00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:51,388 Here's the report, Doctor Pratt. -Thank you, gentlemen, my assistant, 197 00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:54,342 Yetta Pussel. -Gentlemen... 198 00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:59,384 I took the liberty of requesting a copy of the last routine inspection. 199 00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:03,423 Now, all our research is carried out here. 200 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:08,464 Our study of silicon, for example. Abundant on Earth, non-existent 201 00:21:08,510 --> 00:21:13,537 on many other planets. For most Aliens it's life supporting, like food to us. 202 00:21:14,309 --> 00:21:19,337 Hence our ongoing conflict with them and our tight security here. 203 00:21:19,389 --> 00:21:23,382 Works real good on the old Johnson. -Johnson... President Johnson? 204 00:21:23,429 --> 00:21:27,945 There are no Presidents on Vegan. I'm afraid we're being battered 205 00:21:27,989 --> 00:21:31,948 by a mistaken sense of humor. -Alright, my main man Marshal Dix. 206 00:21:31,989 --> 00:21:34,981 Okay? -Dr Uschi Künstler, 207 00:21:35,029 --> 00:21:38,908 Senior Base Science Officer. -Doctor? 208 00:21:38,949 --> 00:21:42,942 Yes. Of psychology, parapsychology and solar proctology... 209 00:21:42,989 --> 00:21:47,062 I also supervise genetic replication... 210 00:21:47,429 --> 00:21:50,420 Clones. -Are those clones? 211 00:21:50,468 --> 00:21:54,939 No just plain old-fashioned rabbits. But we've made major advances with sheep. 212 00:21:54,988 --> 00:21:59,061 Molly for instance, was created only yesterday, the exact age and likeness 213 00:21:59,108 --> 00:22:03,101 of Dolly, her mother-in-law. -Can you do that with human beings? 214 00:22:03,148 --> 00:22:07,141 No, that is not allowed. -It's strictly against international policy. 215 00:22:07,188 --> 00:22:11,181 I should hope so. It's against my policy, too. 216 00:22:11,228 --> 00:22:16,222 I was in the Marines. -Careful, that's the rapid-cloning switch. 217 00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:20,261 You tamper with that, and we'd be overrun 218 00:22:20,308 --> 00:22:24,301 with all kinds of animals. -The officer of Human Alien Affairs, 219 00:22:24,348 --> 00:22:28,101 Miss Menage, will show you your quarters. -I'm headed in that direction. 220 00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:32,299 Maybe, the Marshal and I can go down together and meet her. 221 00:22:48,347 --> 00:22:55,139 I just met him. Yes, from what I can see, he'll be absolutely fine... 222 00:23:23,946 --> 00:23:30,101 Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix... -I'm glad to be here. 223 00:23:34,026 --> 00:23:39,463 Oh, the very person we wanted to see. This is Marshal Dix. 224 00:23:41,865 --> 00:23:43,856 Oh! 225 00:23:45,945 --> 00:23:48,254 He is... 226 00:23:48,665 --> 00:23:51,657 he is... here... 227 00:23:52,545 --> 00:23:55,537 on a routine inspection. 228 00:23:55,585 --> 00:23:58,543 Yes, I can see that... 229 00:23:58,625 --> 00:24:02,937 Menage. Cassandra Menage. 230 00:24:02,985 --> 00:24:05,260 The Marshal... 231 00:24:06,185 --> 00:24:10,258 needs to be accommodated. Marshal, you can... 232 00:24:10,305 --> 00:24:13,263 let me down now. 233 00:24:17,024 --> 00:24:21,017 Perhaps you can take care of his needs. 234 00:24:21,064 --> 00:24:27,936 Does he have any needs left to be taken care of? 235 00:24:27,984 --> 00:24:33,217 Well, it was nice meeting you Marshal Dix. -Thank you, me too. 236 00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:36,176 Marshal, if you please. I had checked into the room 237 00:24:38,344 --> 00:24:42,781 I'd be sharing with Capitaine Di Pasquale. Unpacked my stuff 238 00:24:42,824 --> 00:24:46,817 and then sent Cassandra off to the library to look for plans that might lead us 239 00:24:46,864 --> 00:24:51,415 to the location of the cloning lab. And now on with the dead crime-motive sketch 240 00:24:51,464 --> 00:24:55,456 to the alien I had seen on Osgood's recapture screen. 241 00:24:55,503 --> 00:24:59,974 I was ready for a little lunar socializing and snooping. Hey! What are you doing? 242 00:25:00,023 --> 00:25:05,256 I'm your escort, I'm keeping tabs on you. -Take your hand out of my pocket. 243 00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:10,331 Keep tabs on somebody else. -Hey champagne. 244 00:25:19,743 --> 00:25:24,737 Apparently, some of these aliens learned English by monitoring movies 245 00:25:24,783 --> 00:25:28,776 on our tv transmission satellites. They all sounded like Hollywood actors. 246 00:25:28,823 --> 00:25:33,338 Even here everyone wants to be a star. -I saw the Alien that was in the caves. 247 00:25:33,382 --> 00:25:36,499 Yes, me too... 248 00:25:39,462 --> 00:25:41,453 Two? -Yea? 249 00:25:41,502 --> 00:25:45,461 Ah, Marshal Dix, there you are. -How do you do? 250 00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:50,576 Commander Sir Cecil Humphrey Wickernuts. My wife, Oona Hottenlocker-Wickernuts. 251 00:25:50,622 --> 00:25:54,661 So you're from Washington. I hope you'll put in a good word for us. 252 00:25:54,702 --> 00:25:58,695 What's that? -I found it on the floor. 253 00:25:58,742 --> 00:26:03,816 Ah, it's Grop... no, no, no it's Prong, yes... no... 254 00:26:03,862 --> 00:26:07,696 You know what they say. They all look alike. 255 00:26:07,902 --> 00:26:12,292 We're throwing a party tomorrow at the club. Do join us. 256 00:26:12,341 --> 00:26:17,290 Miss Menage here will be singing, too. -What a voice she has! True nightingale... 257 00:26:17,341 --> 00:26:19,809 Thank you. -Miss Menage, 258 00:26:19,861 --> 00:26:25,936 enchanté. Excuse us, won't you. There's something I'd like you to look at. 259 00:26:26,661 --> 00:26:31,576 Excuse me. -Of course. 260 00:26:37,021 --> 00:26:41,014 So, Marshal Dix, you gonna be my new roomate? 261 00:26:41,061 --> 00:26:45,054 Molto bene, you see this is a good way 262 00:26:45,101 --> 00:26:49,890 to know where your food has been first. 263 00:26:55,300 --> 00:26:59,532 Excuse me. -Please. 264 00:26:59,580 --> 00:27:04,574 I thought you'd like to hear how your Alien Courtesy Center's coming along. 265 00:27:04,620 --> 00:27:08,613 It was your idea, you may remember. Perhaps you'd like to come 266 00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:12,653 and see my renderings. -I'd be happy to... 267 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:16,693 All erections on Vegan are rubber stamped by me, you know. 268 00:27:16,740 --> 00:27:20,016 That must keep you busy... 269 00:27:28,579 --> 00:27:32,572 Hey there, you ever done it monkey style. 270 00:27:32,619 --> 00:27:36,294 Too bad, could have been a hairy ride. 271 00:27:38,139 --> 00:27:41,131 Oh my God, my dress! 272 00:27:46,659 --> 00:27:49,173 Do like, the music? 273 00:27:49,939 --> 00:27:54,854 I love the sound of the flute. 274 00:27:54,899 --> 00:27:58,653 Doctor Pratt, is this is yours... 275 00:28:05,258 --> 00:28:10,378 Where did you get that? -Fell on the floor. 276 00:28:14,138 --> 00:28:16,129 Thank you... 277 00:28:16,458 --> 00:28:19,256 Come this way. 278 00:28:20,978 --> 00:28:24,812 Let's sit here shall we. Miss Menage... 279 00:28:25,098 --> 00:28:27,089 Waiter. 280 00:28:38,857 --> 00:28:40,848 Excuse me. 281 00:28:43,297 --> 00:28:47,609 I don't think these false eyelashes become you. 282 00:28:51,697 --> 00:28:55,690 Bon appetit. -Merci. 283 00:28:56,297 --> 00:29:00,290 Excuse me, Doctor Pratt, Captain Pasquale is going to take me back to the apartment 284 00:29:00,337 --> 00:29:04,330 in a few minutes, you can reach me there, if you need me. Good night. 285 00:29:04,377 --> 00:29:07,255 Good night, Dix. 286 00:29:27,256 --> 00:29:31,329 Excuse me. -Yeah. 287 00:29:32,656 --> 00:29:37,207 Thanks. I thought I'd never get rid of him. -Leave now, before he gets back. 288 00:29:37,256 --> 00:29:40,248 Okay, I'll go. Thanks. 289 00:29:42,696 --> 00:29:47,087 Miss Menage has gone back to her apartment. She's got a headache. 290 00:29:47,136 --> 00:29:53,688 Really, well, that's too bad. -Oh, yes, real bad. 291 00:29:59,375 --> 00:30:06,326 It is important in life to have two boxes. One for food, and only one for fun. 292 00:30:06,535 --> 00:30:12,212 As you can see, I am not only a master of the buffet, I am a master... 293 00:30:12,775 --> 00:30:16,688 of disguise. All kinds: look. 294 00:30:34,574 --> 00:30:38,408 What? -Oh, the final touch. 295 00:30:38,454 --> 00:30:44,529 Now you don't gonna to believe your eyes. Look my special magic maker. 296 00:30:48,214 --> 00:30:52,253 You like it. -Ah, very good. -I know. 297 00:30:52,294 --> 00:30:56,287 Oh, sorry. Let me un-zip your face. 298 00:30:58,374 --> 00:31:01,366 Oh, the telephone. 299 00:31:01,494 --> 00:31:05,486 -Yes. -I'm at Pratt's. It's all clear. -I got over there 300 00:31:05,533 --> 00:31:09,526 faster than a speeding bullet, if you know what I mean. 301 00:31:09,573 --> 00:31:14,567 If any plans existed that could lead us to the human cloning lab and the president, 302 00:31:14,613 --> 00:31:17,685 I was sure this is were they would be. 303 00:31:17,773 --> 00:31:21,686 My job was to get in get the plans 304 00:31:21,733 --> 00:31:25,328 and get out as quickly and as quietly as possible. 305 00:32:01,212 --> 00:32:07,242 Cassandra, I'm in. -Roger. 306 00:32:41,771 --> 00:32:44,763 It's all clear down here. 307 00:33:30,890 --> 00:33:32,881 Oh... 308 00:34:26,888 --> 00:34:31,484 I saw lights flashing in your office. And somebody was dancing the can-can. 309 00:34:31,528 --> 00:34:34,520 Right. Let's have a look, shall we? 310 00:34:34,568 --> 00:34:38,561 It's Pratt. -I'm coming. I'm on my way. 311 00:35:15,807 --> 00:35:18,685 What kind of man would do something like that? 312 00:35:18,847 --> 00:35:22,840 I know exactly what kind, Doctor Künstler. 313 00:35:24,687 --> 00:35:29,202 And I promise you, he going to pay dearly for this... 314 00:35:29,246 --> 00:35:31,237 very dearly. 315 00:35:59,166 --> 00:36:01,726 Who is it? -This is Dr Pratt. 316 00:36:01,766 --> 00:36:05,758 I want a few words with you, Marshal. -Yes. 317 00:36:05,805 --> 00:36:10,196 I don't have all day, Dix. Just open the door, will you? 318 00:36:10,245 --> 00:36:12,805 I'll be a moment, Doctor Pratt. 319 00:36:15,445 --> 00:36:19,438 Open the door! -Just putting on my trousers, 320 00:36:19,485 --> 00:36:22,238 just putting on my trousers. 321 00:36:23,445 --> 00:36:27,358 Ah, just cleaning yourself up, are you Marshal? 322 00:36:27,485 --> 00:36:32,479 You are shaving, aren't you? -Yes, I shave my whole face. 323 00:36:32,525 --> 00:36:36,518 My wiskars grow pretty fast. I start very early when have important function 324 00:36:36,565 --> 00:36:41,558 to attend to, like the one this evening. Come in, come in. 325 00:36:41,604 --> 00:36:46,394 Oh, good to see you. -Let go of my hand Dix! 326 00:36:46,444 --> 00:36:50,437 What are you doing? You fool, let go of me. What are you doing to me? 327 00:36:50,484 --> 00:36:56,241 Look at me. What are you doing. Dix you imbicile, stop it! 328 00:36:56,284 --> 00:37:00,277 There is something I want you to know... I know who you are 329 00:37:00,324 --> 00:37:06,399 and I know why you're here... But you will never going to find him! 330 00:37:34,883 --> 00:37:39,115 The man behind the whole thing is Dr Griffen Pratt. He has told me 331 00:37:39,163 --> 00:37:43,156 he got the President prisoner, even challenged me to go find him. 332 00:37:43,203 --> 00:37:47,196 He's as guilty as jam lips kissing a fruit tart. -Pratt. 333 00:37:47,243 --> 00:37:51,316 We have to be very careful. -Yea. 334 00:37:52,003 --> 00:37:56,314 I'm going to change now. See you later. 335 00:38:00,842 --> 00:38:03,834 I think I'll skip this one. 336 00:38:08,162 --> 00:38:12,758 You and Shitzu, keep an eye on Dr Pratt. -Ok. 337 00:38:18,362 --> 00:38:23,675 Please, Marshal Dix wants us to keep an eye on Dr Pratt. Capito! Micione. 338 00:38:23,722 --> 00:38:27,112 Pratt? Why doctor Pratt. -I don't know. 339 00:38:27,162 --> 00:38:31,677 But I do know what I better do right now. 340 00:38:31,721 --> 00:38:35,157 Excuse me. Oh, what a line. 341 00:38:51,961 --> 00:38:56,512 Your Majesties and Humble Beings. Let's hear a warm Vegan welcome 342 00:38:56,561 --> 00:39:01,589 for our star attraction: Miss Cassandra Menage! 343 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:42,034 I didn't think anyone could take my mind off of Pratt, 344 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:46,072 but suddenly there she was: On stage, 345 00:39:46,119 --> 00:39:50,112 a woman who could take anyone's mind off of anything. 346 00:39:50,159 --> 00:39:54,152 She had deep nurturing instincts and strong family things that make her 347 00:39:54,199 --> 00:39:58,909 an ideal mother for an child. Cassandra was a nightingale. 348 00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:03,232 The old saying, wet birds never fly at night, 349 00:40:03,279 --> 00:40:07,113 I think she could fly anytime she wanted to. 350 00:40:12,679 --> 00:40:16,672 There he was, Dr Griffin Pratt. A man who could ruin 351 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,712 anyone's wet dream. Suave, cool with all the moves 352 00:40:20,759 --> 00:40:24,751 of a slick ballroom dancer. 353 00:40:24,798 --> 00:40:28,791 It was time for Dr Pratt to find out that he'd met his match, 354 00:40:28,838 --> 00:40:33,309 his intellectual equal. I was about to arrange that introduction. 355 00:40:33,358 --> 00:40:37,351 Doctor Pratt... you said to me, I know why you're here 356 00:40:37,398 --> 00:40:42,756 and I know what you want. We'll there's something I want you to know, so do I. 357 00:40:42,798 --> 00:40:46,791 So do I? -Yes, know why I'm here, know what I want. 358 00:40:46,838 --> 00:40:50,831 We stand here facing each other like Chief Ten Bears and Josey Wales. 359 00:40:50,878 --> 00:40:54,871 Chief Ten Bears? -He would say, There is iron in your words 360 00:40:54,918 --> 00:40:58,911 that you know, as there is iron in my words that I know. As there's iron in the words 361 00:40:58,958 --> 00:41:02,950 that your living that you don't know it. Turn back to Ten Bears before it's too late. 362 00:41:02,997 --> 00:41:06,990 Chief Ten...? -Ten Bears. 363 00:41:07,037 --> 00:41:10,632 And the other one? -Josey Wales. Who is he? 364 00:41:10,677 --> 00:41:13,669 Clint Eastwood. -Clint Eastwood... 365 00:41:13,717 --> 00:41:20,236 you are a very convincing thinker, Marshal. Let me get back to you. On this one. 366 00:41:20,277 --> 00:41:24,236 Out of order, it's thirty minutes I've been waiting here. 367 00:41:40,436 --> 00:41:44,429 You man stand clear, stand clear. -What is it? Another Alien Conversion? 368 00:41:44,476 --> 00:41:50,711 Close enough... 369 00:42:27,475 --> 00:42:31,787 What's the celebration about? -You'd be giggy too, bro, 370 00:42:31,835 --> 00:42:36,226 if you only dumped once a year. -Where's Pasquale. 371 00:42:39,275 --> 00:42:42,267 I hate aliens. 372 00:42:42,315 --> 00:42:47,025 Why do they have eat fama beans, fangulo? 373 00:42:49,795 --> 00:42:52,866 Okay fellas, now come on, you've been over-served here. 374 00:43:14,074 --> 00:43:16,065 Marshal, Marshal. -Yes. 375 00:43:16,114 --> 00:43:20,869 I have to speak to you. -Is this some kind of performance? 376 00:43:20,914 --> 00:43:25,669 He's a cyborg, it happens all the time, I'll to put him back together tomorrow, 377 00:43:25,714 --> 00:43:28,705 he's going to be just fine. Come on, I need to talk to you. 378 00:43:32,553 --> 00:43:37,263 Make yourself at home. I'm gonna be right back. 379 00:43:51,793 --> 00:43:55,388 Hello. 380 00:44:00,953 --> 00:44:04,741 Something's going on. 381 00:44:04,793 --> 00:44:08,785 I don't know who's behind it. I don't know what they're doing, 382 00:44:08,832 --> 00:44:12,825 or why they're doing it. All I know is, I know, 383 00:44:12,872 --> 00:44:16,990 I want you to know. 384 00:44:17,032 --> 00:44:21,344 Well, I'm glad you told me. -Marshal, I know exactly why you're here. 385 00:44:21,392 --> 00:44:24,668 I can help you, 386 00:44:25,072 --> 00:44:28,064 but therefore you have to trust me. 387 00:44:30,632 --> 00:44:33,624 Did you know that a male lion 388 00:44:33,672 --> 00:44:38,746 can mate forty-five times in three hours? 389 00:44:38,792 --> 00:44:42,943 I don't have a lion. I don't even have a dog. 390 00:45:15,591 --> 00:45:20,584 One of the advantages of working undercover, was that sometimes things got uncovered 391 00:45:20,630 --> 00:45:24,623 that you didn't expect to get uncovered, and you learned about things 392 00:45:24,670 --> 00:45:29,664 that you didn't expect to learn about. Whatever Dr Kunstler was trying to hide, 393 00:45:29,710 --> 00:45:34,625 she sure wasn't doing a very good job. -Anything you mind, Dick? 394 00:45:34,670 --> 00:45:38,219 No, I'm not even thinking. 395 00:45:38,670 --> 00:45:42,106 Doctor Künstler! Get a grip! 396 00:45:44,710 --> 00:45:48,703 That does it, it's time you went home. -I am at home. 397 00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:52,265 It's time I went home. -Stay... 398 00:45:52,310 --> 00:45:56,303 Don't you want to find out the rest? -No, the stuff about the lion, 399 00:45:56,350 --> 00:45:59,386 that was good enough for me. 400 00:46:05,829 --> 00:46:09,424 There you are! At last you come! 401 00:46:11,549 --> 00:46:15,542 My God, is that all you people do up here in the evenings? 402 00:46:15,589 --> 00:46:19,582 It is good for the lip, Marshal, a nice, sweet, warm decaf, 403 00:46:19,629 --> 00:46:23,747 non-fat latte, a touch of mocha, no foam. 404 00:46:23,789 --> 00:46:26,303 Do you want some? -No, thank you. 405 00:46:26,349 --> 00:46:30,342 I came by to see how Valentino was doing after that dreadful thing at the club. 406 00:46:30,389 --> 00:46:33,859 Pretty bad, huh? -I also told him 407 00:46:33,909 --> 00:46:37,617 about the President being a prisoner. We need all the assistance we can get. 408 00:46:37,668 --> 00:46:41,661 Yeah, but... -The elephant is sitting on my lips. 409 00:46:41,708 --> 00:46:46,224 I say nothing to Lieutenant Shitzu. -I saw you leave the club with Dr Künstler. 410 00:46:46,268 --> 00:46:49,260 What happened? -Oh... nothing! 411 00:46:49,308 --> 00:46:53,301 Strange young lady. Another wild goose chase. 412 00:46:53,348 --> 00:46:58,217 I don't know about the wild goose, but the chase looks like it was very exciting. 413 00:46:58,268 --> 00:47:05,219 No, it is a little cold in here, I think I'll have some of that hot coffee. 414 00:47:07,948 --> 00:47:11,940 My God! Someones' stolen my zipper! 415 00:47:19,267 --> 00:47:22,737 I thought I said no contact. -I know sir. 416 00:47:22,787 --> 00:47:26,780 But I am now convinced the President is here and is being held prisoner. 417 00:47:26,827 --> 00:47:30,820 The man behind it is Doctor Griffin Pratt. -Are you sure? -I'm positive. 418 00:47:33,427 --> 00:47:37,420 Send in the Galactic National Guard. -Who is it? 419 00:47:37,467 --> 00:47:41,460 No! That would sign the President's death warrant. 420 00:47:41,507 --> 00:47:45,500 You must handle this with Miss Menage. Confront Pratt, threaten him, anything. 421 00:47:45,547 --> 00:47:49,539 But work fast. The President's life is at stake, to say nothing of our planet. 422 00:47:49,586 --> 00:47:54,376 What this impostor will say at conference in Paris on Friday, God only knows. 423 00:47:54,426 --> 00:47:58,977 Momento. Don't you think for a minute that Marshal Dix is doing nothing up here. 424 00:47:59,026 --> 00:48:03,702 He's dealing with one of the most important man of the American government. 425 00:48:03,746 --> 00:48:08,740 This guy, lives in a big white house, but I can't tell you who is him. 426 00:48:16,906 --> 00:48:18,897 Cassandra? 427 00:48:21,626 --> 00:48:23,617 Cassandra? 428 00:48:56,105 --> 00:49:00,098 Wait a minute, you mean the President is a prisoner here on Vegan? 429 00:49:00,145 --> 00:49:04,137 How did you know? -You just told us, man. 430 00:49:04,184 --> 00:49:06,744 -Ah, fangulu, I did not. -Yes you did! -I did? -Yes. 431 00:49:11,264 --> 00:49:15,257 Doctor Griffin Pratt. -I hope you don't think there's anything 432 00:49:15,304 --> 00:49:19,297 you've missed the other night, Marshal. -Just one thing, you, you're under arrest, 433 00:49:19,344 --> 00:49:23,337 you have the right to remain silent... -Before you say another word, 434 00:49:23,384 --> 00:49:27,377 there's something I want you to know. I was ordered to reconstitute the President. 435 00:49:27,424 --> 00:49:30,416 Reconstitute? What does that mean? -First... 436 00:49:30,464 --> 00:49:34,457 drain all his body fluids... -What's that? Some sort of enema? 437 00:49:34,504 --> 00:49:38,975 No, no, no, drain all his blood. Then reconstitute it into refined plasma, 438 00:49:39,024 --> 00:49:43,221 ready to activate, the clone. -Well... wouldn't that kill him? 439 00:49:43,263 --> 00:49:47,256 Most certainly. -I thought so. The thought of killing the President 440 00:49:47,303 --> 00:49:51,296 has kept me up all night. Well, to be perfectly honest, 441 00:49:51,343 --> 00:49:55,336 I may have dozen off, so at least half the night. 442 00:49:55,383 --> 00:49:59,854 I don't know how I let this happen. I feel like I was drugged or brain-washed 443 00:49:59,903 --> 00:50:04,658 or whatever they did to me. But your words about Chief Ten Bears 444 00:50:04,703 --> 00:50:07,695 and Josey Eastwood... -Clint Eastwood. Eastwood... 445 00:50:07,743 --> 00:50:12,259 brought me to my senses and I must undo the damage I've done! 446 00:50:12,303 --> 00:50:17,012 I want to take you to the President and help you get him out of here. But fast. 447 00:50:17,062 --> 00:50:21,055 Faster than you think. I just came from Cassandra's apartment. 448 00:50:21,102 --> 00:50:25,095 She's been kidnapped. -Kidnapped? Abducted? 449 00:50:25,142 --> 00:50:29,818 Up till now it's a simple kidnapping. She left a note on her door in glue. 450 00:50:29,862 --> 00:50:35,220 See it says Help, spelled backwards, H.E.L.P. 451 00:50:35,262 --> 00:50:41,417 We'd better get moving. There may be two lives we have to save. 452 00:50:42,182 --> 00:50:46,221 This is the easiest way to get to the President. 453 00:50:46,262 --> 00:50:49,937 But don't touch that button. 454 00:50:55,821 --> 00:50:57,812 Follow me... 455 00:51:06,101 --> 00:51:10,094 Put this on, you'll be less conspicuous. 456 00:51:23,981 --> 00:51:27,735 Mr. Dix, meet the President. 457 00:51:33,620 --> 00:51:37,135 Mr. President, is that really you? 458 00:51:37,500 --> 00:51:41,493 That depends on what you mean by is. 459 00:51:41,540 --> 00:51:45,533 ... are that really you? -Of course it's me. 460 00:51:45,580 --> 00:51:49,778 I keep telling these people about my birthmark. Here, take a look. 461 00:51:53,700 --> 00:51:58,694 I'm the only man with a birthmark like that. Almost a perfect four-leaf clover. 462 00:51:58,740 --> 00:52:03,256 It does look like a four-leaf clover. -If that isn't sufficient, 463 00:52:03,300 --> 00:52:07,578 then give me the name of someone who plays the sax as good as this. 464 00:52:07,620 --> 00:52:11,612 Mr. President, I'm convinced. My name is Marshal Dix, 465 00:52:11,659 --> 00:52:15,618 International Security Force. I'm here to take you back to Washington 466 00:52:15,659 --> 00:52:18,651 where you belong. -Great. Yea. 467 00:52:28,499 --> 00:52:30,490 Cassandra! 468 00:52:30,539 --> 00:52:33,531 When did you get here? 469 00:52:33,579 --> 00:52:37,777 Surely, you didn't think it was going to be as easy as all that, did you, Dix? 470 00:52:37,819 --> 00:52:42,813 Now, do you wish to become a Rodman or a Rodham? 471 00:52:42,859 --> 00:52:46,851 I see the President is getting upset. Perhaps we should switch him 472 00:52:46,898 --> 00:52:51,050 with Cassandra. -Alright, that's he does it! 473 00:52:51,098 --> 00:52:55,091 You're under arrest! And so are these bozos, here. 474 00:52:55,138 --> 00:53:00,132 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be written down... 475 00:53:00,178 --> 00:53:02,169 Seize them! 476 00:53:11,738 --> 00:53:13,888 Such grace... Such property... 477 00:53:13,938 --> 00:53:17,931 What a cunning stunt. 478 00:53:17,978 --> 00:53:20,970 Any move and I'll ripe your faces off. 479 00:53:21,018 --> 00:53:26,011 I was a sucker for that romantic talk. This young woman 480 00:53:26,057 --> 00:53:30,050 could not only sing like a dove, she was blessed with a serene peace 481 00:53:30,097 --> 00:53:34,090 that would have been at home in a Tibetan monastery. 482 00:53:34,137 --> 00:53:39,131 She had everything: the delicate footwork of a ballet dancer, 483 00:53:39,177 --> 00:53:44,171 the high-kicks of a Rockette. Boy, did I love those high-kicks. 484 00:53:44,217 --> 00:53:50,531 Very impressive. But now as they say, it's your turn to bite the dust. 485 00:53:53,137 --> 00:53:57,130 I'm glad you were here. I feel safe with you. 486 00:53:57,177 --> 00:54:02,933 Let's not talk about me. We gotta get out of here. Follow her, Mr. President. 487 00:54:06,536 --> 00:54:10,529 Captain Pasquale. See if you can locate Lieutenant Shitzu and doctor Kunstler. 488 00:54:10,576 --> 00:54:15,570 Meet us in front of the research center. We're heading for Washington D.C. 489 00:54:15,616 --> 00:54:19,575 and the White House and bring your make-up case. 490 00:54:19,616 --> 00:54:23,894 Who was this guy? -Come on, all of you, Rupert up again, 491 00:54:23,936 --> 00:54:28,487 come on Kubrick, pull yourself together, up, that's it, good boys, good boys. 492 00:54:28,536 --> 00:54:31,846 No, no, wait, let them go. 493 00:54:34,456 --> 00:54:38,926 Di pasquale worked hard and fast to disguise the President as Fidel Castro, 494 00:54:38,975 --> 00:54:43,651 or ZZ Top, take your pick. Anyway, it was the perfect way 495 00:54:43,695 --> 00:54:47,734 to get to Washington. -It's me, it's me. 496 00:54:47,775 --> 00:54:53,850 Oh sorry. Step back. Please. -I wonder if ZZ Top needs a sax player? 497 00:55:12,855 --> 00:55:16,847 It was good to see Washington D.C. again, but this was no time to sightsee. 498 00:55:16,894 --> 00:55:21,206 In couple of days, that clone-clown would be shooting his mouth off in Paris. 499 00:55:21,254 --> 00:55:25,247 I'd contracted Secretary Osgood. He came up with a water tight plan 500 00:55:25,294 --> 00:55:29,287 to make the switch. -Okay guys, time for me 501 00:55:29,334 --> 00:55:32,690 to shake hands with little willie. 502 00:55:32,894 --> 00:55:38,526 Marshal, did you bring an umbrella? -No, just grab him before he takes aim. 503 00:55:51,214 --> 00:55:55,206 Di Pasquale disguised the President that nobody would think twice about. 504 00:55:55,253 --> 00:55:59,690 A dirty old man. 505 00:55:59,733 --> 00:56:01,291 Yes. 506 00:56:01,573 --> 00:56:05,646 At the Three Tenors Gala Concert in Paris this Friday night, 507 00:56:05,693 --> 00:56:10,209 following the International Heads of State Conference, 508 00:56:10,253 --> 00:56:14,246 I will announce changes that will benefit 509 00:56:14,293 --> 00:56:18,252 the future of our world forever. -Good job. Well done, everyone. 510 00:56:18,293 --> 00:56:22,286 Now all that remains is to get our friend off to clone heaven. 511 00:56:22,333 --> 00:56:26,326 We kept Earth to ourselves for far too long. -What? 512 00:56:26,373 --> 00:56:29,091 Hey, that's Doctor Pratt? -Yea, yea, it's-a him! 513 00:56:29,132 --> 00:56:33,125 We must be willing to reach out... 514 00:56:33,172 --> 00:56:38,451 Please, there are forces at work here, let's just forget about it and move on. 515 00:56:38,492 --> 00:56:42,531 Now if someone will give me a hand getting our imposter out of here... 516 00:56:42,572 --> 00:56:46,565 Wait. This is moving a little too fast. I think there are forces at work. 517 00:56:46,612 --> 00:56:50,605 But I think that they're our own. More than possible, 518 00:56:50,652 --> 00:56:54,645 that we've been set up to put clone in the White House... 519 00:56:54,692 --> 00:56:58,685 And take the real President out. -Right. 520 00:56:58,732 --> 00:57:02,725 Why are you the President? -Because of the birthmark! 521 00:57:02,772 --> 00:57:06,764 When you're cloned, your birthmark is cloned, too. 522 00:57:06,811 --> 00:57:10,804 But I don't have a birthmark! I had it removed three months ago. 523 00:57:10,851 --> 00:57:15,720 Personal reasons. If you'll give me a little help, I'll show you. 524 00:57:23,411 --> 00:57:25,879 Oh, my God! -Doctor Künstler, 525 00:57:25,931 --> 00:57:30,527 the birthmark should be on the side! -You see where there used to be something, 526 00:57:30,571 --> 00:57:35,201 but now there is no birthmark there now. -There is a simple solution. 527 00:57:35,251 --> 00:57:39,369 One dead president. -So it's not just Doctor Pratt, 528 00:57:39,411 --> 00:57:42,403 it's you, too. -Very good, Dix. 529 00:57:44,370 --> 00:57:49,569 Now that really is a job well done. -Not well enough done, Mr. President. 530 00:57:49,610 --> 00:57:54,604 Do you have anyone you can trust who can get us to Paris? -Yes. 531 00:57:55,570 --> 00:57:59,563 The President's plan was genuine but his travel plans didn't fly. 532 00:57:59,610 --> 00:58:05,367 Then suddenly our luck turned full circle and we were airborn. 533 00:58:09,250 --> 00:58:13,243 The job was to undo what I had already undone. There was the president, 534 00:58:13,290 --> 00:58:17,283 and he had a birthmark on his left hip to prove it. 535 00:58:17,330 --> 00:58:21,322 We had the real president 536 00:58:21,369 --> 00:58:25,362 but he had removed the birthmark, so we couldn't prove anything. 537 00:58:25,409 --> 00:58:29,402 How it would be all worked out, I didn't know, but I did know 538 00:58:29,449 --> 00:58:33,761 that the President had to make every effort to keep his pants on. 539 00:58:42,249 --> 00:58:48,165 Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you. 540 00:58:48,209 --> 00:58:50,200 Bonjour, bonjour. 541 00:58:50,249 --> 00:58:55,039 C, what is a four letter word for word? 542 00:58:58,248 --> 00:59:02,241 Do you have reservation. -I have reservations about being asked 543 00:59:02,288 --> 00:59:05,963 about if we have reservations. In America they have Indians, 544 00:59:06,008 --> 00:59:10,559 they have reservations, but no one asks if they have them. 545 00:59:18,928 --> 00:59:22,557 What is that? -That is a hockey cup. 546 00:59:22,608 --> 00:59:26,760 Yea, we use it to play sand hockey in the desert... 547 00:59:26,808 --> 00:59:30,198 Do you have identification. -Well, yea... 548 00:59:30,248 --> 00:59:34,877 Ah, prince yaboty of Jabooty, good to see you son, 549 00:59:34,927 --> 00:59:37,646 take this, it's me Shitzu... 550 00:59:37,967 --> 00:59:40,686 Good to see you. Oh my god. 551 00:59:43,407 --> 00:59:47,400 Doctor Pratt wouldn't look under this. -You look too conspicuous. 552 00:59:47,447 --> 00:59:51,440 Me, how about you? That arab accent sounds kind of German. 553 01:00:02,367 --> 01:00:06,326 Ah, really, it is a rat trap... 554 01:00:06,367 --> 01:00:10,326 Do you have an invitation? -Yes, of coarse. 555 01:00:15,046 --> 01:00:18,038 The artist formerly known as... 556 01:00:18,086 --> 01:00:21,999 It is Prince, in disguise. Excuse me Mr. Formally known as, 557 01:00:22,086 --> 01:00:26,079 smile please. Wait, you're not the artist 558 01:00:26,126 --> 01:00:30,916 formely known as Prince. The real artist is over here. 559 01:00:32,166 --> 01:00:37,923 My God, it's the Pope. Come on Dix, let's get out of here before he corners us. 560 01:00:38,606 --> 01:00:41,678 They serve Italian dinner tonight. 561 01:00:41,766 --> 01:00:44,758 I think I'll have the Toreodor. 562 01:00:53,045 --> 01:00:57,835 Yabooty, yabooty, you camel, pay me what you owe me. 563 01:01:09,765 --> 01:01:13,758 Keep a low profile. Did he call me a camel. 564 01:01:22,325 --> 01:01:26,317 They wanted you to play a saxophone solo after which intermission? 565 01:01:26,364 --> 01:01:31,358 The White House itinerary said after the first intermission that I would 566 01:01:31,404 --> 01:01:35,875 appear magically on stage through a trap-door. But we don't have a sax. 567 01:01:35,924 --> 01:01:39,360 We will. -Hey hello, 568 01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:43,317 do you want to taste an ice-cream, it's very, very good. Here, take it. 569 01:01:43,884 --> 01:01:47,877 Or maybe you like vanillia, vanillia is wonderful, 570 01:01:47,924 --> 01:01:52,042 the best Italien ice flavor. Pistachio, bonissimo. You like ice cream. 571 01:01:52,084 --> 01:01:55,679 No. -No, thank you very much. 572 01:01:58,524 --> 01:02:00,833 Gelati, gelati, gelati! 573 01:02:15,963 --> 01:02:18,955 Mon sax. Voleur. 574 01:02:32,363 --> 01:02:36,356 Ice cream, gelaté, italiana, chocolato, vanillia, gorgonzola... 575 01:02:36,403 --> 01:02:40,395 Oh signore, congratulations. This is a great ice cream, it.... 576 01:02:40,442 --> 01:02:44,435 Sir, you will have to move! -Please. Let it go. 577 01:02:49,362 --> 01:02:50,920 Shit! 578 01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:56,871 I'm sorry Ms. President, I'm really sorry. -No, no, it was only an accident. 579 01:02:56,922 --> 01:03:00,915 You see, it was only an accident. -Okay, we got this, go back to work. 580 01:03:00,962 --> 01:03:04,955 Thanks for stopping by. -I see our friends are here. 581 01:03:05,002 --> 01:03:11,714 Do you want an ice cream. -I think we'd better alert the police. 582 01:03:16,962 --> 01:03:20,590 I think I better go check to find out what's going on. 583 01:03:24,361 --> 01:03:26,829 The gang's all here. 584 01:03:30,201 --> 01:03:32,192 Oh, ice cream. 585 01:03:34,321 --> 01:03:39,315 One is disguised as an ice cream vendor, the other as a French police officer. 586 01:03:39,361 --> 01:03:42,080 What, merde! -Inspector Wazoo, 587 01:03:42,121 --> 01:03:45,636 the President's life may be at stake. 588 01:03:46,241 --> 01:03:51,269 We will search zi place from top to bottom. Allons! Vite! Allons! Casse-toi! 589 01:03:51,321 --> 01:03:55,313 We knew where they were at the hotel in Washington, didn't we, Osgood? 590 01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:59,353 You had to be there. You were busy being the man in the moon. I was there. 591 01:03:59,400 --> 01:04:04,394 They only can make the switch under the stage at the trap-door lifts. 592 01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:08,433 Let's take a look, shall we? -Let's go get your saxophone 593 01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:12,837 and check backstage. -What did the Japanese delegation say? 594 01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:16,873 Oh, you can't understand a word they say. They said, would I enjoy sushi. 595 01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:21,630 Well I said sure thing man, send Suzi to my room. 596 01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:27,118 Oh, I'm just kidding, you could trust me baby. 597 01:05:20,398 --> 01:05:25,028 Hey, this is no a rap concert. I hate Opera. 598 01:05:37,278 --> 01:05:41,271 Take this. -Ditch the Arab disguises. 599 01:05:41,318 --> 01:05:45,311 They're checking everyone. 600 01:06:06,877 --> 01:06:10,790 Maybe there'll be some costumes under the stage? 601 01:06:13,917 --> 01:06:16,636 Are you okay? 602 01:06:17,437 --> 01:06:21,430 Where are we? -Under the stage. Do you think, the roof? 603 01:06:21,477 --> 01:06:24,354 There must be something in here, 604 01:06:24,516 --> 01:06:28,509 now you stay in that outfit, so keep your face covered. 605 01:06:28,556 --> 01:06:32,629 There must be something here for me. So we won't look so much like a team. 606 01:06:32,676 --> 01:06:35,668 That a good idea, Dix. 607 01:06:35,716 --> 01:06:39,072 It's mostly woman's clothes in here. 608 01:06:41,956 --> 01:06:43,947 Allo? 609 01:06:46,756 --> 01:06:50,192 Allo? -Oui, oui, oui... allo! 610 01:06:50,596 --> 01:06:54,589 That's what I call a really nice prop there Maestro. 611 01:06:54,636 --> 01:06:59,664 Maestro, is it that you? -Yea, yea, it's the Maestro? 612 01:07:00,315 --> 01:07:03,990 Oh, I heard zis crash! Are you alright? 613 01:07:04,355 --> 01:07:09,224 It was an accident. I'm a-changing my robes, 614 01:07:09,275 --> 01:07:14,269 as Pharaoh to the robe I use for singing for farrow in the Aida. 615 01:07:14,315 --> 01:07:17,193 Oh... pardon. 616 01:07:20,995 --> 01:07:22,986 Oh la lŕ! 617 01:07:23,035 --> 01:07:27,028 I told you they were not right. 618 01:07:27,075 --> 01:07:31,068 You know this is probably zee wrong time. But could you just 619 01:07:31,115 --> 01:07:35,745 sing une petit note, a little note per... 620 01:07:35,795 --> 01:07:37,069 Si, si. 621 01:07:37,114 --> 01:07:41,585 Molto grande, molto grande, molto grande, Clementine. 622 01:07:43,674 --> 01:07:48,384 you gone and I lost forever, molto grande, clementine. 623 01:07:51,074 --> 01:07:55,067 Merci, I'm sorry, these are for yours. -No, no, you keep them, as a memento, 624 01:07:55,114 --> 01:08:00,393 they are not the right condom for my beard. 625 01:08:00,434 --> 01:08:03,824 Merci, I will cherish these. -Arrividerci. 626 01:08:03,874 --> 01:08:07,105 Merci. -Pronto di salami. -Chow. 627 01:08:07,154 --> 01:08:11,466 Pasta di fasa-ota. 628 01:08:28,153 --> 01:08:32,385 What is this? -The platform. Up and down, up and down. 629 01:08:56,472 --> 01:08:59,350 What the hell is this? 630 01:08:59,992 --> 01:09:03,587 Pardon, pardon. You 'ave piss? -Well, I had one three hours ago. 631 01:09:03,632 --> 01:09:07,625 Does that count? -Show me your piss. 632 01:09:07,672 --> 01:09:10,823 What? -You need a big-stodge piss. 633 01:09:10,872 --> 01:09:13,181 Backstage... Okay... 634 01:09:19,552 --> 01:09:22,544 I think he said backstage pass... 635 01:09:26,272 --> 01:09:29,263 Don't touch the control panel. 636 01:09:29,311 --> 01:09:33,145 Zis is where everything is controlled. 637 01:09:44,471 --> 01:09:47,622 No one will get pissed while I am here. 638 01:09:51,591 --> 01:09:53,582 Fix the controls. 639 01:11:57,787 --> 01:12:01,780 If it looks like they're going to succeed, 640 01:12:01,827 --> 01:12:06,298 kill the President... the real one that is. 641 01:12:19,987 --> 01:12:23,980 I want them found and seized. -There is no one... 642 01:12:24,027 --> 01:12:28,020 Ah, shut up you fool! I got and a rest now 643 01:12:28,067 --> 01:12:32,060 and then changing my costumes for the second act. When I come back, 644 01:12:32,107 --> 01:12:36,099 you had better have caught them or else... schnip, clip, swish. 645 01:12:36,146 --> 01:12:38,137 Capice? 646 01:12:41,186 --> 01:12:45,577 You know the story about the women in the doctors office. She says, I'm sick. 647 01:12:45,626 --> 01:12:49,619 He says, well here, let me take your temperature through your rectum. 648 01:12:49,666 --> 01:12:54,615 What is a going on here. I am an outrage. 649 01:12:55,506 --> 01:13:00,375 Oh Maestro, oh I have to thank you again for this. 650 01:13:00,426 --> 01:13:04,419 You see I have kept it close to my heart. -What are you talking about, 651 01:13:04,466 --> 01:13:08,220 I didn't give you anything. Besides my condoms are engraved 652 01:13:08,506 --> 01:13:12,657 with my portrait and covered with fur. These are counterfeit! 653 01:13:12,705 --> 01:13:18,302 Now out of my way! -Oh, counterfeit, Maestro. 654 01:13:23,905 --> 01:13:27,898 Doctor Kunstler is one of them. She's a superspy. 655 01:13:27,945 --> 01:13:31,938 I told you she was a supp... suppository. 656 01:13:31,985 --> 01:13:34,704 I knew she was in bed with Pratt. -What? And she had me in her apartment. 657 01:13:34,745 --> 01:13:38,738 She danced for me, rubbed her body all over mine. Used her tongue. 658 01:13:38,785 --> 01:13:43,415 The slut, a lap dance. -Could have been... Lappland, Finland... 659 01:13:43,465 --> 01:13:47,458 Then she told me about the lion. They mate forty-five times in three hours. 660 01:13:47,505 --> 01:13:51,497 How many times? -You just keep your eyes on Kunstler. 661 01:13:51,544 --> 01:13:54,536 She has order to kill the President. 662 01:13:54,584 --> 01:13:58,054 She gets up on the tables. He gets behind her. 663 01:13:58,104 --> 01:14:01,813 Wardrobe! Wardrobe! Where is my costume? 664 01:14:01,864 --> 01:14:05,857 I know it was here. I hung it myself. -And I'll hang you myself, 665 01:14:05,904 --> 01:14:09,897 if you don't find it. -Luciano! They came to hear you sing, 666 01:14:09,944 --> 01:14:13,937 not see your clothes. -You think the French won't notice 667 01:14:13,984 --> 01:14:18,978 if I'm on an Italian battlefield fighting the Germans wearing American boxer shorts? 668 01:14:24,424 --> 01:14:29,781 ''Hey doctor, that's not my rectum.'' ''Yea, that's ain't my thermometer either.'' 669 01:14:31,183 --> 01:14:34,778 Mr. President, we're ready for you now: 670 01:14:34,823 --> 01:14:40,420 Well, I'm on. -Good luck snookums. 671 01:14:45,263 --> 01:14:50,212 no more birthmark games tonight, just remember, you don't have one anymore, 672 01:14:50,263 --> 01:14:54,256 but there's a clone and he does have it. So you just keep your pants on tonight 673 01:14:54,303 --> 01:14:58,296 and keep your fingers crossed that Osgood won't remember what he thought 674 01:14:58,343 --> 01:15:03,336 he saw in the hotel, thought he didn't see what he thought he saw 675 01:15:03,382 --> 01:15:07,853 in the hotel, I was right the first time. 676 01:15:07,902 --> 01:15:12,896 First the condoms, now my costume. And you still haven't found them. 677 01:15:12,942 --> 01:15:16,457 Your robe. -Sure. Skuzi. 678 01:15:18,262 --> 01:15:23,256 Or rather, that he doesn't know what he thought didn't see in the hotel. 679 01:15:23,302 --> 01:15:26,851 he didn't see the birthmark and... 680 01:15:29,702 --> 01:15:34,571 Monsieur le President. Everything is chicked and ready. 681 01:15:34,622 --> 01:15:39,776 blow your instrument with cuntfidence, knowing that I am holding the fart. 682 01:15:55,661 --> 01:15:59,779 Thank you, thank you, and now, Ladies and Gentlemen, 683 01:15:59,821 --> 01:16:03,336 it gives me great pleasure to introduce our surprise guest. 684 01:16:18,220 --> 01:16:22,008 So far so good. -Don't be a pessimist. 685 01:16:28,420 --> 01:16:32,618 I like the way he blows his horn -My son like to tute too. 686 01:16:36,460 --> 01:16:38,451 Let's go! 687 01:16:43,660 --> 01:16:46,174 You alright? 688 01:16:48,340 --> 01:16:51,650 Here, catch the saxophone. 689 01:17:02,899 --> 01:17:05,891 So, now? -I'll lower the trap door. 690 01:17:05,939 --> 01:17:09,978 You get on it, go up and I'll bring the clone down and put the arm on him. 691 01:17:38,578 --> 01:17:39,567 What? 692 01:17:50,938 --> 01:17:54,931 You messed up things for the last time. 693 01:17:59,218 --> 01:18:00,856 Yes! 694 01:18:27,337 --> 01:18:30,010 Ça va merde! 695 01:18:31,697 --> 01:18:34,165 'oo is 'oo? 696 01:18:36,017 --> 01:18:39,009 We have here, two President. 697 01:18:39,857 --> 01:18:43,930 Two of them, my gosh, this could be an interns nightmare. 698 01:18:43,977 --> 01:18:46,171 Two, identicule. 699 01:18:47,456 --> 01:18:51,449 Identical, yes... But are our memories the same? 700 01:18:51,496 --> 01:18:56,092 Here's something I composed when I was six years old. No one knows it. 701 01:19:10,336 --> 01:19:13,931 So, now who is the real President? 702 01:19:15,096 --> 01:19:19,772 Okay... How about this one? I learned it yesterday. 703 01:19:43,615 --> 01:19:48,735 Not so good, huh! There's your clone. He remember everything about my life, 704 01:19:48,775 --> 01:19:52,893 Until the time he was cloned and nothing after that. 705 01:19:52,935 --> 01:19:58,931 Right, there's your clone, Dr Pratt. -You're the one who did this to me. 706 01:19:58,975 --> 01:20:02,967 I'm going to destroy you. You hear me. 707 01:20:11,614 --> 01:20:14,606 What... -Lord, give me a sign. 708 01:20:16,534 --> 01:20:18,525 You've got mail. 709 01:20:21,214 --> 01:20:25,207 God says, let there be music, on with the show. 710 01:20:37,613 --> 01:20:41,925 So much for taking over the world! -I just wanted to rid the world of idiots. 711 01:21:51,252 --> 01:21:53,242 Look out! 712 01:21:54,131 --> 01:21:57,123 Oh that's going to leave a mark. 713 01:22:35,010 --> 01:22:38,241 The solution is, kill the President. 714 01:22:56,210 --> 01:22:59,202 Holy shit baby. 715 01:23:21,609 --> 01:23:24,169 Hasta Lavista baby. 716 01:23:36,049 --> 01:23:40,600 Ladies and Gentlemen, This may have been the greatest save of all time... 717 01:23:40,649 --> 01:23:44,641 and the man responsible for this, 718 01:23:44,688 --> 01:23:50,285 is from Interplanetary Security: Marshal 'Dick' Dix. 719 01:23:55,448 --> 01:23:59,487 Thank you, Mr. President. -You're very welcome Marshal Dix 720 01:23:59,528 --> 01:24:02,520 and the world thanks you. 721 01:24:31,687 --> 01:24:36,203 Now I knew what it was like to be a roman candle on the 4th of July. 722 01:24:36,247 --> 01:24:40,684 But this hero stuff was not for me. I was ready to get back on the beat, 723 01:24:40,727 --> 01:24:45,721 hear the wail of sirens and my gun and play with my handcuff 724 01:24:45,767 --> 01:24:49,760 Yes, I was ready to plant my flag back in Washington D.C. 725 01:24:49,807 --> 01:24:53,800 where every congressmen has the constitutional right to be a felon. 726 01:24:53,847 --> 01:24:56,839 Good old America. 727 01:25:08,766 --> 01:25:11,155 Here's your soup Sir. 728 01:25:11,606 --> 01:25:15,599 Mmm, smells great. 729 01:25:15,646 --> 01:25:19,559 Well, I want to drink a toast. 730 01:25:22,846 --> 01:25:26,202 I want to drink a toast to you. 731 01:25:32,246 --> 01:25:36,238 No to you. You've made the world a safe place again. 732 01:25:36,285 --> 01:25:42,235 Well your high kicks, help out pretty good there, too, you know. 733 01:25:42,285 --> 01:25:45,561 How are things on Vegan? I hear you've gotten a promotion. 734 01:25:49,005 --> 01:25:53,874 Yes, I'm responsible for all new erections. 735 01:25:55,005 --> 01:25:58,998 Congratulations, I'm not a bit surprised. 736 01:25:59,045 --> 01:26:04,039 I love spending my vacations here on earth. This place is so peaceful... 737 01:26:04,085 --> 01:26:08,078 the ocean... the music... The product placements... 738 01:26:14,804 --> 01:26:17,159 Are you alright? 739 01:26:22,924 --> 01:26:25,916 Just picking my teeth. 740 01:26:27,364 --> 01:26:32,643 There's something I need to tell you. I see dead people. 741 01:26:33,004 --> 01:26:39,239 What? -I see dead people. Look. 742 01:26:39,284 --> 01:26:41,275 David Bowie. 743 01:26:41,324 --> 01:26:46,318 Our dessert specials today are silicon hooter pie with whipped cream, for you. 744 01:26:46,364 --> 01:26:50,879 We have silicon-lips ice cream, for you. -And we've got guns, 745 01:26:50,923 --> 01:26:53,721 big guns, for you. 746 01:26:53,763 --> 01:26:57,756 Guns, big guns, those aren't guns... 747 01:26:58,483 --> 01:27:00,474 This is a gun. 748 01:27:07,323 --> 01:27:12,272 Oh, Marshal, you've made the world a safe place again, again. 749 01:27:12,323 --> 01:27:16,316 Your so wonderful, you know you could be my father. 750 01:27:16,363 --> 01:27:21,073 Oh, no, no. That concert was the first time I was in France, ever. 751 01:27:21,123 --> 01:27:23,114 Oh, Richard. 752 01:27:35,522 --> 01:27:41,518 Subtitles: VICOMEDIA 11/2002