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Every morning,
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millions of New Yorkers
leave their crowded apartments
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and head out
to the even more crowded streets
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on their way to work.
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Today, I was one of them.
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Sometimes,
a girl just needs a new start.
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I had a new do, a new mortgage,
and, therefore, a new job.
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I had just submitted
my first freelance article
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for one of the most relevant
and provocative magazines
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on the newsstands today, at least to me.
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Vogue.
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Also known as Mecca, where I belonged.
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This isn't Vogue.
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Oh, you didn't like it?
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No. No one is saying that.
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Well, I am. I'll say it.
I didn't like it. There, I said it.
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What Enid
is trying to say, Carrie,
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is that you wrote
a wonderful first draft.
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That isn't Vogue.
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There it was, the article
I'd put my heart and soul into,
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and it was bleeding.
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Your spin on the idea, Carrie,
is very clever.
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Different types of men
as the new accessories for fall.
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"A Prada..."
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"A Prada dress should always be worn
with an investment banker."
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I mean, that's wonderful.
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Julian, the assignment was
500 words on accessories, not men.
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And I'm not convinced
she knows anything about purses.
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Or, for that matter, men.
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Enid, for the love of God!
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Ms. Bradshaw, what you've handed us here
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is essentially
just your newspaper column
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with the word "style" jammed in
where the word "sex" used to be.
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We're not looking for Vogue
according to your agenda.
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-No one cares about your agenda.
-That's not true.
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Oh, forgive me.
I don't care about your agenda.
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I care about designers.
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Oscar de la Renta, Chanel, Dior.
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I want less Carrie Bradshaw and more,
"Carry this bag with these shoes."
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Do you see what I mean?
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You're a writer.
You should be writing this down.
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I was trying to find a way to introduce
the bags and the bracelets
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with a little humor.
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Kind of, "Men are the new black."
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-It was supposed to be funny.
-It was supposed to be bags.
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Well, I didn't really bring
a writing implement.
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Can I... Okay. Bags.
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An hour later, Enid had to
leave for a lunch date...
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...presumably to devour another writer.
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Don't let Enid get to you.
She just came back from Paris,
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and apparently humor and irony
are out this season.
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Billie Holiday.
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The only woman I can think of
in more pain than you right now.
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Come on, cookie, chin up.
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In publishing, you need two things.
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A tough hide,
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and a dry martini.
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Martinis in the morning?
Is this allowed?
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Is it Vogue?
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Only in absolute emergencies.
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Last time I broke this out
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was when I heard that
fun-fur was making a comeback.
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Look at this mess.
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Why was I even hired?
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Well, I'm afraid you have me to blame
for that.
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My daughter introduced me to your column
about a year ago.
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I thought you'd be a natural at Vogue.
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Well, I guess you thought wrong.
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Haven't been wrong yet.
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Vogue is all about vision.
And you, cookie, have got vision.
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We just have to find a way
to hide your vision from Enid's vision.
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A little less you,
a little more purse...
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Come on.
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Drink.
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Cheers.
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One and a half martinis later...
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And the sad thing is,
this is what I do best.
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-I mean, look at it.
-Cookie, you're drunk.
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-Yeah.
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00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,562
Cookie's drunk.
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I'm drunk at Vogue.
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How can anyone get so drunk
on one and a half martinis?
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I didn't eat breakfast,
and I'm a size two,
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which should make me perfect for Vogue,
but, nope,
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I'm drunk, and a failure at Vogue.
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I feel awful. This is my fault.
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Oh, Julian...
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I came in here today so cocky.
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I thought I knew it all.
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I had my men jokes
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and my purse puns.
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And you heard her.
What do I know about purses? Nothing.
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What do I know about men?
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Oops.
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I spilled.
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I spilled at Vogue.
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Okay. Okay.
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Maybe we better just take you home.
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I can't go out there.
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I'm drunk.
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I'm drunk at Vogue.
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Oh!
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-Left, right, left.
-Yeah.
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Now look at me.
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Pretend I'm saying something fantastic
about corsets.
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Excuse me.
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00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,135
Please tell me that wasn't Anna Wintour.
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It wasn't. Just...
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-Left, right.
-Right.
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-Left.
-Left.
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Left, right, left.
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So sorry.
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That night,
at a more appropriate cocktail hour...
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Oh, come on, there must be something
you want for your birthday.
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What I want for my birthday
is not to celebrate it this year.
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What if I want to celebrate it?
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That would be celebration enough.
Besides, I have everything I need.
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Oh, it's not about needing something.
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It's about wanting something
just for fun.
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Something decadent,
something naughty, even.
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May I tempt you with dessert?
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How was everything this evening,
Mr. Wright?
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-Delicious, thank you.
-Alexa.
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I took the liberty of pre-ordering
our chocolate soufflé
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for you and Ms. Jones,
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if you're in the mood
for something sweet.
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Always. Thank you
for keeping an eye on us.
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I couldn't help it.
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You're the most attractive couple
in the restaurant.
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I know what I'd like for my birthday.
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An all-night, nonstop,
championship fuckfest with you.
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Then consider your candles blown.
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And Alexa.
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You asked.
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Is a three-way with a 21 -year-old
a bad idea for Richard's birthday?
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What are you gonna get him next year?
A four-way?
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Look, he doesn't wanna be monogamous.
He'll either cheat with or without me.
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Well, happy birthday to you.
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00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,052
It's not like he asked me
to get him a hooker.
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These are the options?
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It's someone we know.
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00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,973
And at least this way,
I'm part of the fantasy.
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Yeah, the fantasy being
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that he's attractive to someone
young enough to be his daughter.
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He is, Charlotte, that's the problem.
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Richard's in his fucking prime.
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Men get better-looking as they get older
and women get--
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Three-ways, apparently, or...
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a Marc Jacobs
ultra-mod little notebook, huh?
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00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,868
Evidently, I'm recommending it
to Vogue shoppers.
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Just be careful, Samantha.
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When a man has a fantasy
and you fulfil it,
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there's always the chance
that the relationship could blow up,
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and then you're just the idiot
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who did it with him on the golf course,
or something.
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-Was it you and Trey?
-No, it's a "for instance."
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Sorry I'm late.
I was shopping for a stroller.
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I shouldn't even be here.
I should be out doing all the things
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I'm supposed to do
before the baby comes,
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and I'm unable to leave my apartment
ever again.
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Like what?
Jujitsu and off-track betting?
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Like buying a crib.
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-Oh.
-Evidently, I'm to go to Crib World
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because it's a whole world of cribs.
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I guess Crib City wasn't big enough.
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Why isn't there a store called
"This Is the Crib For You"?
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00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,281
And they just have one great crib
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and they deliver it and assemble it,
and help you raise your child.
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You don't have a crib yet?
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00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,954
No, Charlotte, I have a job instead.
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I'm sorry, but when am I supposed to
find time to prepare for this baby?
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00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,919
I don't have a vague idea
how I'm gonna do any of this.
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Well, I don't have a Vogue idea,
so hello.
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Why don't you let old One-Ball help you?
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Yeah, I tried that.
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And he starts acting all father-figure,
and I get territorial,
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and the salespeople get confused.
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Trust me,
it's too complicated for Crib World.
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Let me help you.
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I know you said
you didn't want a baby shower,
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but it's not too late
to change your mind.
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-I hate baby showers.
-Ugh. Who doesn't?
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The games, the finger sandwiches,
all that enforced oohing and aahing.
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00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,069
I don't ooh and aah.
I don't care who's having a baby.
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Think of the gifts.
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00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,531
It'd be a great way
to get all the stuff you need.
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Without having to go to Crib World.
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But who would I invite besides you guys?
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All the bitches
that made you go to theirs.
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-Hmm.
-It's your shower,
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00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,999
and you can invite or not invite
whoever you choose.
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00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,168
Would you really want to
throw me a baby shower
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00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,836
after all you've been through this year?
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00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:06,755
Yeah.
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00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,882
I think it would be good for me.
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00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,720
Okay, but no cutesy, storky shit.
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00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,098
Just an adult, dignified lunch
with presents,
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00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,100
which I will open after everyone leaves.
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00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,311
You have to open the presents.
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00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,689
No opening of presents,
no games, no crustless bread.
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00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,232
And I want fried chicken.
202
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,777
Fried chicken?
But it's not Super Bowl Sunday.
203
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,196
It's my shower,
and I'll fry if I want to.
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00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,490
What should we do for our gift?
205
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,076
Let's just stick
to the registry three-way.
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00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:41,414
The next day, Charlotte decided
if she was going to host a baby shower,
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00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,584
she should hide the evidence
that she had wanted one of her own.
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00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:55,011
Later that week, I had a meal with
the perfect dinner accessory, Julian.
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00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,431
So, my wife is a former dancer.
She was with the Martha Graham Company.
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00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,810
And the first time I saw her on stage,
I fell in love with her.
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00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,395
She pliéd and I plotzed.
212
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,567
It'll be 24 years next September.
213
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,402
So you got married
right out of grade school.
214
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,613
I knew there was something about you
that I liked.
215
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,325
Mmm. What about your life?
216
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,327
Is there a man in your life?
Is it a great love?
217
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:21,704
Um...
218
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,249
Well, I just broke up with somebody.
219
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,418
And yes.
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00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:31,548
It was a great love.
221
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,260
But he went there. I went there.
222
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,511
And there you have it.
223
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:42,392
So, Julian, the reason
that I asked you to dinner tonight--
224
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,810
Was because you knew I would pay?
225
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,770
Besides that. Um...
226
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:50,108
I wanted to tell you that I really
appreciate your interest in my article,
227
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,027
but I've decided not to finish it.
228
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:57,115
So, what, you're just gonna quit?
No, no, I don't let my kids quit.
229
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,368
Technically, I'm not one of your kids.
I'm just a girl you get drunk sometimes.
230
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,120
All right, forget about me.
231
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,081
What would your father say
about you quitting?
232
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,458
My father wouldn't have
a whole lot to say about quitting.
233
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,169
He quit my mother and me
when I was little.
234
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,087
Sorry.
235
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,882
Thanks. No, I mean,
a long time ago. I was five.
236
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:14,799
Why'd he leave?
237
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,385
No idea, never said.
238
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,555
And that's the name of that tune.
239
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,682
Hmm.
240
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,521
-What?
-No, no, it's interesting.
241
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,524
Your father leaves without any answers,
242
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,151
and you spend your life
asking questions about men.
243
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,780
Well, it's 20 years of analysis.
Forgive me?
244
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,200
-Yes.
-Okay, Vogue.
245
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,201
Vogue.
246
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,536
What if I could fix it
so that you only deal with me,
247
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,496
and Enid spends less time
hating your writing,
248
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,332
and more time
hating Tom Ford's line, hmm?
249
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,500
Julian...
250
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,669
Come on, cookie, you're no quitter.
251
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,922
We get to work on this together.
What do you say?
252
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,382
Why are you being so sweet?
253
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,092
Martini guilt.
254
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,723
Later that night,
I got to thinking about fathers,
255
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:04,891
or the lack of them.
256
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:08,519
Some say a daughter's relationship
with her father is the model
257
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,397
for all her subsequent relationships
with men.
258
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,026
Is that just pop psychology,
or is there some truth to it?
259
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,487
And if you were given
a less-than-perfect model,
260
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,114
does it mean a life
of less-than-perfect relationships?
261
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,033
I couldn't help but wonder.
262
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,620
How much does a father figure figure?
263
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:28,248
Gentlemen, I understand your concern,
264
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,333
but I'm looking
at the contract right now.
265
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,087
I'm sorry, could you hold for a moment?
266
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,422
I'm on a conference call here.
267
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,967
Charlotte York says it's an emergency.
268
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,305
-Charlotte, what's wrong, are you okay?
-I'm fine.
269
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,682
I'm just looking over your registry,
270
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,225
and there are some things
you forgot to include.
271
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,351
Like a Manhattan Whoozit.
272
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,019
-A what?
-It's a learning toy.
273
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,314
Active toys make for passive children.
There's a whole philosophy behind it.
274
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,649
I don't have time for philosophy.
275
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,901
I'm on a conference call
with our London office.
276
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,653
What about a Peek-A-Ball? Peek-A-Ball!
277
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,489
-Peek-A-Ball, Miranda?
-Jesus, Charlotte. I have to get back.
278
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,783
Just one more quick thing.
I know you said no storks,
279
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,994
but I saw the most gorgeous centerpiece,
in the shape of a stork--
280
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,663
-I'm at work.
-We have to order it by noon.
281
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,624
Now, its feathers are white Fiji mum.
282
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,543
-What did I say?
-No storks.
283
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,461
But these people
are giving you expensive gifts,
284
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,213
and they're gonna
want to see a little baby.
285
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:21,342
No storks, no present opening,
no cutesy baby stuff. We agreed.
286
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,803
-What about a marzipan baby carriage?
-Charlotte!
287
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,222
It has a white chocolate,
peanut butter baby inside.
288
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,432
And you can eat the baby.
289
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,018
Miranda?
290
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,020
Miranda?
291
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:33,938
The next day,
292
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,275
Samantha made a conference call
of her own.
293
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,027
Ms. Jones, welcome.
294
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,737
Will Mr. Wright
be joining you for lunch?
295
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:44,365
No, actually,
it's Richard's birthday this weekend.
296
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:47,702
And I'm trying to put together
a little celebration for him.
297
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,246
Certainly. Would you like to reserve
one of our banquet rooms, or...
298
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,873
Oh, that won't be necessary.
299
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,125
It's a very small party.
300
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:57,545
A very small private party of three.
301
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:01,174
Just Richard, myself, and a third...
302
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,843
if you have any openings.
303
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,304
I'm wide open.
304
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,513
Lucky me.
305
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,559
And now that Charlotte's house
was ready for the baby shower,
306
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,854
she wanted to make sure
Miranda's house was ready for the baby.
307
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,565
So, the bassinet can go over here
308
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:18,524
-by the bed.
-Uh-huh.
309
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,651
So that when you have to get up
for feedings, he's right there, see?
310
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:21,652
-Yeah.
-Unless you're planning
311
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,363
to have him sleep in the bed with you.
312
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,491
-Can't I go to jail for that?
-No.
313
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,827
In fact, many cultures believe that
it's safer for the baby's breathing.
314
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,245
Although you do run the risk
315
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,164
of rolling over
and smushing him in your sleep.
316
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,332
But that almost never happens.
317
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,168
But almost isn't never, so if you want
to err on the side of safety--
318
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,087
Um, I'll just put him in the thing.
319
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,631
-The bassinet? Great.
-Mmm.
320
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:46,052
And then when he's big enough,
you can put the crib here.
321
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,845
Is that what you were thinking?
322
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:49,764
Oh, I hadn't thought about that yet.
323
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,808
You need to start thinking
about these things
324
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,476
'cause there are
a million questions to answer
325
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,228
before the baby ever gets here.
326
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,562
Do you have a birthing plan?
327
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,564
Do you know
what kind of a mother you wanna be?
328
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,692
Yes, I plan to be a good mother.
329
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,445
But a marsupial mom or a stroller mom?
330
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:07,115
Will you be breastfeeding
or bottle-feeding?
331
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,741
And what about babyproofing?
332
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,202
'Cause with all the sharp edges
around here,
333
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,663
I mean, this place is a death trap.
334
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,040
Okay, you need to back off.
335
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,208
I'm just trying to help.
336
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,837
This is your idea of helping?
Pointing out all the things I do badly?
337
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,839
-I'm not pointing out--
-Yes, you are.
338
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,593
You need to try
to let other people in a little.
339
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,347
'Cause once you have that baby,
it's not just you anymore.
340
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,724
You're not gonna be able
to control everything.
341
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:37,770
Look, I just want to enjoy
the fried chicken and be done with it.
342
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:38,938
Oh, um...
343
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:42,191
Well, I had to rethink
the fried chicken,
344
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,735
'cause you're the only one
who wanted all that breading.
345
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:48,448
So instead we're having mesclun greens
and a lovely puttanesca,
346
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,158
with a Fiji mum centerpiece.
347
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,910
A Fiji mum stork centerpiece?
348
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,912
One stork.
I think you can deal with one--
349
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,331
Two storks. I saw the invitation.
There's a stork on the invitation.
350
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,750
That's not a stork. That is a duck.
351
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,753
And that duck is smoking
an "It's a Boy" cigar.
352
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:03,754
That duck's not for children.
353
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,299
That duck is fucked.
This whole shower is fucked.
354
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,426
You can't have a shower
without some baby stuff.
355
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,803
You keep this up, you're gonna have
a shower without a mommy.
356
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:11,888
Fine!
357
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,851
Miranda, you better show up.
358
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,228
I am not getting stuck
with a bunch of lawyers,
359
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,563
who, if they're anything like you,
360
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,815
won't even appreciate
a beautiful puttanesca.
361
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,359
Watch out for the sharp edges!
362
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,240
Thanks for coming down and talking.
363
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,910
I really didn't have a choice.
You couldn't make it up the stairs.
364
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,371
-There, you feel better?
365
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:42,001
The back, yes. The other stuff, no.
I'm gonna be a terrible mother.
366
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,586
-Miranda!
-I am.
367
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,088
I have no maternal instincts,
no patience.
368
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,007
The way I yelled at Charlotte...
369
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,885
She was just trying to point out
what needed to be childproofed.
370
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,013
-Oh, my God.
-What?
371
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,307
I'm what needs to be childproofed.
372
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:58,768
You wanna quit?
373
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,978
Come on, I'll quit the magazine,
you quit the baby.
374
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,104
We'll be two quitters.
375
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,190
We'll live happily ever after.
376
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,275
Can I tell you a secret?
377
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,402
You're not really pregnant,
it's water weight?
378
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:09,946
I dropped my niece on her head.
379
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,699
I was babysitting when I was 13,
and I got bored.
380
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,701
I got bored, Carrie.
381
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,079
I was doing my homework,
she slid down the couch.
382
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:22,583
-Two stitches.
-Get off my stoop!
383
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,336
How is this kid ever gonna make it?
384
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,422
A type-A mother
who works 50 hours a week,
385
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,925
-and no father figure.
-He has a father figure.
386
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:32,718
Steve.
387
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:33,886
I meant you.
388
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,639
-Oh, really?
-Yeah.
389
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,349
I do like those Yankees.
390
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,400
-Second date, dinner and a movie.
-Yeah, I hate them.
391
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,195
Hey.
392
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,364
Do you think
it really can be as simple as:
393
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:56,826
"My father walked out, therefore
I'll always be messed up about men"?
394
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,996
My father came home
every night at 7:00 on the dot,
395
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,247
and I have no clue about men, either.
396
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,082
-So it's a crapshoot.
-Mmm.
397
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,669
Do I have to go to my own baby shower?
398
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,214
-I RSVP'd to a duck with a cigar.
-All right.
399
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,509
-You're going.
-Okay, it's late. I gotta catch a cab.
400
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,136
Wait, let me get you a forklift.
401
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,307
-When you're ready.
-Yeah, okay.
402
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:20,933
Go, go, go.
403
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,437
-Good girl, good girl.
-Thank you.
404
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,896
-You did good.
-You too.
405
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:30,067
The next day, Miranda decided
not to duck her own shower.
406
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,361
- Hey, you showed up.
-Yeah, yeah.
407
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,531
Bring on the ladies in hats,
and let's get this over with.
408
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:40,119
-Where'd you put all the storks?
-You said you didn't want any storks.
409
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,829
Yeah, I know, but...
410
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,915
Charlotte!
411
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,753
-What did you do?
-Well, it's your shower.
412
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,340
Oh. Can you get that, 'cause I have to
get the rest of the sandwiches,
413
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,258
which have all of their crusts.
414
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:57,637
Nothing cute. No ridiculous,
over-the-top baby stuff allowed.
415
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,721
Oh.
416
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,516
-Hey, Mama.
-Why are you opening the door?
417
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,977
Aren't you supposed to be sitting
on a lily pad, being worshipped?
418
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,937
What is that?
419
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:10,399
It's a four-tiered baby cake
made entirely of diapers.
420
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,985
-I baked it myself.
-We ordered it online.
421
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,570
What am I supposed to do with it?
422
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,447
How the hell should we know?
Didn't you want one?
423
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,406
No.
424
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,993
We're not taking it back. We've already
been seen carrying it down Park Avenue.
425
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:22,953
Definitely not Vogue.
426
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,498
Charlotte said it was the shower gift.
427
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,125
See, I told you we should've gotten
the massage certificate.
428
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,795
One hour,
two platters of chicken,
429
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,296
and 13 lawyers later,
430
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,340
all talk had turned to babies.
431
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,800
Well, almost all.
432
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,636
She may be 21,
but I have 21 years of experience.
433
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,221
I could fuck her under the table
434
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,180
That's good to know,
435
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,724
because in a three-way situation,
it could come to that.
436
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,768
Honey, I have tricks
she hasn't even seen.
437
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,436
Those Trix aren't for kids.
438
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,690
And no matter what happens,
she's just renting him. I own.
439
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:51,816
Exactly.
440
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,193
Although, I don't really own.
441
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,320
So it's more of
an illegal-sublet type of thing?
442
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:57,446
Yeah.
443
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,489
Wow.
444
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,994
It's a breast pump.
445
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:05,454
Oh!
446
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,666
You know, I didn't want you coming
to my office to borrow mine.
447
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,752
You know what? I have to pee.
448
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,505
Oh, no, wait, wait. Here.
449
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,716
-You take Charles.
-Oh.
450
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,259
Have fun, Mom.
451
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,176
Okay.
452
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,138
All right. Keep it coming, ladies.
453
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,473
-Let's keep the presents coming, ladies.
-Miranda.
454
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,350
-Yeah?
-Nothing.
455
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,564
-Something tells me this one's Tiffany.
456
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:32,648
That's from me.
457
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,650
Oh.
458
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,528
-That is elegant.
-Oh, my God.
459
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:41,240
That's exactly like the rattle
Trey gave me when we first...
460
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:47,621
-You okay?
-I'm fine, I'm fine. Sorry, everybody.
461
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,416
Excuse me.
462
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,336
What happened?
463
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,422
What did I do?
464
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,638
-Charlotte?
-I just need to be alone right now.
465
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:06,557
Okay.
466
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:12,438
Except, you know,
you got 20 people in the other room.
467
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:27,161
-I'm sorry I ruined your shower.
-You didn't.
468
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,790
And there wouldn't even be
a shower to ruin if it weren't for you.
469
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,795
Look, I know this is hard.
470
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:40,966
And I really appreciate you trying
to be okay with me having this baby...
471
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,136
because I need you.
472
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:48,599
I mean, let's face it.
You're the only person in my life...
473
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:55,648
who knows how important it is to have
a cake made entirely out of diapers.
474
00:21:57,775 --> 00:21:59,360
There's lotion in there too.
475
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,195
Oh, yeah?
476
00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:05,741
And, um, baby bottles.
477
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,118
And a receiving blanket.
478
00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:10,454
See?
479
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,250
I would never have known that.
480
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,336
You would've figured it out.
481
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:18,921
And just like that,
482
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:22,716
Miranda realized she might be
a good mother figure as well.
483
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:27,388
Uh, hello.
484
00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:31,475
Somebody better go check on Mommy
in the guest bath,
485
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,186
'cause little bits here has wet himself.
486
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:37,022
-And myself, I might add.
-Oh.
487
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:39,608
Well, I happen to have
four tiers of diapers.
488
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:40,609
Oh, good.
489
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,736
Ladies, can we cut the cake
and get out of here?
490
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,864
-I have a three-way to go to.
-Yeah.
491
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:47,491
That's my earring.
492
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,827
That night,
at the birthday three-way,
493
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,079
Samantha made sure it happened her way.
494
00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:53,497
Just so we're clear,
495
00:22:54,248 --> 00:22:58,085
tonight is just about sex, not love.
496
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,713
So there will be no kissing
on the mouth.
497
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:04,133
Richard's lips are off-limits
to anyone but me.
498
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:05,593
What if he kisses me?
499
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:07,928
Who's up for champagne?
500
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:09,513
I'm up for anything.
501
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:25,821
Hey!
502
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:27,615
Easy, Sam.
503
00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:30,576
There's more than enough of me
to go around.
504
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,161
You tell her, Daddy.
505
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,205
The one thing
Richard didn't want for his birthday
506
00:23:35,289 --> 00:23:36,665
was to feel older.
507
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,043
-Get rid of her.
-I'm on it.
508
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:42,504
Hey.
509
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:46,091
It was time for the fledgling
to leave the love nest.
510
00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:51,263
Anything else you want
for your birthday?
511
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:53,682
No, this is great.
512
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,101
Just you and me.
513
00:23:59,313 --> 00:24:00,898
What about my three-way?
514
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:03,567
I have a busboy arriving at midnight.
515
00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:08,030
Seriously, let's try this.
516
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:10,908
Just you and me.
517
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:13,077
Nobody else.
518
00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:15,704
Oh.
519
00:24:16,914 --> 00:24:17,915
Okay.
520
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,502
By giving Richard
what he thought he wanted,
521
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,463
Samantha finally got what she needed.
522
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:25,547
Monogamy.
523
00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:27,424
The following night,
524
00:24:27,508 --> 00:24:30,094
with a little after-hours help
from my favorite editor,
525
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:33,514
I finished the impossible.
My first Vogue piece.
526
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:36,141
And now my favorite part
of the writing process...
527
00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:39,019
-print.
528
00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:40,479
Congratulations, cookie.
529
00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:42,690
Five hundred beautifully written words
530
00:24:42,773 --> 00:24:45,651
and some of them even include
the Carrie Bradshaw agenda.
531
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,236
Cleverly hidden, of course.
532
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,029
It's a literary Where's Waldo?
533
00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:51,156
When I finish a new piece,
534
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,909
I usually celebrate
by opening a bottle of Château La Tour.
535
00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:55,452
How do you celebrate?
536
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,871
By buying shoes and purses.
537
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:02,001
Well, in that case, have you ever heard
of the Vogue accessories closet?
538
00:25:07,715 --> 00:25:09,133
Oh, my God!
539
00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:12,177
It's too good.
540
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:14,179
I'm sorry, but it's... Oh!
541
00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:16,306
It's too good!
542
00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:19,268
You're just like a kid
in a couture candy store.
543
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,186
This is too much.
544
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:23,647
How can this be?
545
00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:26,400
Well, designers send us things,
and we photograph them.
546
00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:30,863
-Oh, my God!
-Shh, Carrie!
547
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:32,865
Do you know what these are?
548
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:34,575
We're not even
supposed to be in here.
549
00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:37,578
Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes.
550
00:25:38,162 --> 00:25:40,664
I thought these were an urban shoe myth.
551
00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:44,585
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'll be pillaging the men's side.
552
00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:47,004
Okay. Oh, my God!
553
00:25:47,421 --> 00:25:50,883
These are authentic patent leather.
554
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:54,678
And if they don't fit, so help me,
I'm gonna wear them anyway.
555
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:56,972
Oh. Crap.
556
00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,642
Oh, they almost fit.
557
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:02,186
- Carrie.
-Yeah?
558
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,521
Tell me what you think
about these Versaces.
559
00:26:04,605 --> 00:26:06,315
Okay. All right.
560
00:26:11,737 --> 00:26:13,197
Oh!
561
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,866
-What do you think?
-Oh, my... What...
562
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,952
-What are you doing?
-I'm just showing you these briefs.
563
00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:21,455
Well, don't.
564
00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:23,624
Julian, pull your pants up.
565
00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:26,418
Oof! Look at you in those Mary Janes.
566
00:26:26,502 --> 00:26:27,669
Stop.
567
00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:31,215
What happened to your wife, the dancer?
568
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:33,133
She's having an affair
with her friend, the chiropractor.
569
00:26:34,468 --> 00:26:36,220
-Carrie.
-What?
570
00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:37,596
I find you adorable.
571
00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:39,431
You're old enough to be my father.
572
00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:42,226
Hardly. Would your father wear Versaces?
573
00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:44,269
Pull your pants up now.
574
00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:45,687
All right. But, cookie,
575
00:26:45,771 --> 00:26:47,773
as someone who really cares about you,
576
00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:49,983
let me just say, I think you have
some serious issues with men.
577
00:26:50,067 --> 00:26:51,693
I do right now, yes.
578
00:26:51,777 --> 00:26:55,906
An older man can help you work through
some of those father issues, cookie.
579
00:26:55,989 --> 00:26:58,992
Okay, don't "cookie" me, Freud.
Pants up.
580
00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:02,704
Show some respect. This is Vogue.
581
00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:05,541
Turns out Julian had an agenda, as well.
582
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,960
But it was cleverly hidden, of course.
583
00:27:09,253 --> 00:27:12,089
From then on, once a month,
when I went to Vogue,
584
00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:14,800
I thought it best
to work exclusively with Enid.
585
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:18,637
This new piece shows improvement,
but still positively reeks of you.
586
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,015
This magazine doesn't care what
Carrie Bradshaw has to say about shoes.
587
00:27:22,099 --> 00:27:24,226
What does Carrie Bradshaw
know about shoes?
588
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:27,187
Enid, with all due respect,
589
00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:29,565
men, I may not know,
590
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:31,191
but shoes...
591
00:27:31,692 --> 00:27:33,819
Shoes, I know.
592
00:27:37,698 --> 00:27:40,284
-I'm walking.
-Oh, I'm walking too.
593
00:27:40,367 --> 00:27:43,453
I admit it's tempting
to wish for the perfect boss,
594
00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:46,248
or the perfect parent,
or the perfect outfit.
595
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:49,585
But maybe the best any of us can do
is not quit,
596
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:51,295
play the hand we've been given,
597
00:27:51,378 --> 00:27:53,714
and accessorize the outfit we've got.