1 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:53,011 One of the best things about living in a city like New York... 2 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:54,930 is leaving it. 3 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,769 My friend Patience and her husband 4 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,854 invited me out to the Hamptons for the weekend. 5 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,234 Patience and Peter were the perfect married couple. 6 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,069 They were fun, smart 7 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,196 and they looked like they fell out of a J. Crew catalog. 8 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,700 If their house wasn't right on the beach, I would have hated them. 9 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,870 So he gets in the cab and slides up next to me. 10 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,959 -Yes? 11 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,503 -And it is hot. 12 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,172 It is hot all the way from Houston West Broadway 13 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,757 to 72nd and Madison. 14 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,386 Hampton houseguests are always required to sing for their supper. 15 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:38,765 Brokers give investment advice. Architects, design advice. 16 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:43,353 Single people give married friends tidbits from their sexual escapades. 17 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,567 The next morning I woke up feeling rested and fabulous. 18 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:51,862 I couldn't wait to go out and take in the spectacular view. 19 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,239 Morning. 20 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:58,368 Patience went out to get juice and muffins. 21 00:01:58,577 --> 00:01:59,786 She'll be right back. 22 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,747 There he was... 23 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:04,833 full-frontal friend. 24 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,460 Good! 25 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:10,297 He just stood there, casual, happy, hanging out. 26 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,049 I didn't know what to do or what to say. 27 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:12,966 Great! 28 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:16,637 I only knew one thing. That's way too much Peter before coffee. 29 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,473 -Good morning. -Hey. 30 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,602 Got some fresh juice and the good muffins. 31 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,605 So, what's happening? 32 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,899 Oh, well, um... 33 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:33,445 I ran into Peter in the hallway without his underwear on. 34 00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,491 PS, congratulations. 35 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,452 Sunny day. 36 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,705 Honey, did Carrie see your dick in the hall? 37 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,333 Oh, yeah, she caught me on the way to the bathroom. 38 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,710 Oh. "On the way to the bathroom." 39 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,755 Oh, yeah! The good muffins. 40 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,928 So what are we doing today? 41 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,765 I barely had time to shove a "good muffin" in my purse 42 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,558 before I was on my way back to New York. 43 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:06,269 I'm confused. Why would he do that? Did he want to have sex with you? 44 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,355 I don't know. It didn't feel sexual. 45 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,066 Maybe he just wanted to show it off, like a monkey. 46 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,404 -So, how big was it? -Fresh pepper? 47 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,574 Yes, please. Thank you very much. 48 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,035 That'll do. 49 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,453 Would you like some fresh pepper? 50 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,914 Oh, honey, I'd love some fresh pepper. 51 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:30,085 In fact, I think everyone at this table could use a lot of fresh pepper. 52 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,715 Thanks. 53 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,009 Mmm. 54 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,679 So I told her I didn't understand why she was so upset. 55 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,598 And she said I couldn't understand it. I'm single. 56 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:44,641 And what? 57 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,685 Single women prowl beach houses 58 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,563 hoping for glimpses of their friend's husband's dicks? 59 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,524 -How good of a friend was she? - What's the difference? 60 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,484 When someone gets married, all bets are off. 61 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,862 They become married, and we become the enemy. 62 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,322 As the only single lawyer working at her law firm, 63 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,450 Miranda had given this topic some thought. 64 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,160 You know, married women are threatened 65 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,288 because we can have sex anytime, anywhere with anyone. 66 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,539 We can? 67 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:11,543 And they're afraid we're gonna have it anytime, anywhere with their husbands. 68 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,295 I would never sleep with a married man. 69 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,256 What makes you so sure you haven't? Wedding rings come off, you know. 70 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:20,427 Face it, ladies. If you're still single, you are not to be trusted. 71 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,096 Come on! Not all married women feel that way. 72 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,264 Charlotte treated marriage 73 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,850 like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge. 74 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,894 You're right. Not all. 75 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,021 The ones who don't fear you, pity you. 76 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,939 That's not true. 77 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,109 Are you telling me you haven't gotten those "poor single you" looks? 78 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,653 -I hate those. -Okay, yes, I have. 79 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:41,698 I hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party 80 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,033 and they all look at you like you're a-- 81 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,242 -Loser. -Leper. 82 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,203 -Whore. -Exactly! 83 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,122 I'm telling you, married people are the enemy. 84 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,626 Was Miranda right? Were we enemies? 85 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,588 Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles? 86 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,382 I love my single friends. 87 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,926 But now that I'm married, 88 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,220 I don't see them as much as I used to. 89 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055 It's too painful. 90 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,600 They remind me of how desperate I used to be. 91 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,394 When women get married, they forget who they are. 92 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,481 "I" becomes "We." "We loved the movie." 93 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,274 "We hate that restaurant." 94 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,068 "We, we, we, we, we." 95 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,320 My best buddy and I did everything together. 96 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,323 Then he married this girl who doesn't like me. 97 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,826 Now I only see him on Super Bowl Sunday. 98 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,078 It's all about what you want out of life. 99 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,831 Some people, like me, choose to grow up, 100 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,707 face reality and get married. 101 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,126 And others choose to... what? 102 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:39,422 Live an empty, haunted life of stunted adolescence. 103 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,884 No, it's not a cold war. It's an out-and-out battle. 104 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,095 And it isn't just straight people. 105 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,889 Every gay guy I know is running off to Hawaii 106 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:52,102 putting on a kaftan, reciting vows and feeling superior to me. 107 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,105 -Kaftan? -Oh, yes, with orchid leis. 108 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,566 -"Aloha." 109 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,734 I miss the old times when everyone was alone. 110 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,571 Now I'm starting to feel like I'm an outcast in the outcasts. 111 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,655 Carrie? 112 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:09,202 Oh, my God! Joe! Hi! Wow! 113 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,539 Geez, it's been years. I haven't seen you since you were, um... 114 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:13,665 Straight? 115 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,959 Well, I was gonna say in Miss Saigon. 116 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,837 -Still am. -I love Miss Saigon. 117 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,172 Oh, this is my friend, Stanford. 118 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,925 Hi. And this is my life partner, Lou. 119 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,344 Oh, look at that. 120 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,639 -Congratulations. -Where are you registered? 121 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,017 -Barney's. -I was kidding. 122 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,061 So, Carrie, how about you? Are you married? 123 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,522 Oh... Not really. I mean, no! 124 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:41,735 -Are you thinking what I'm thinking? -Perfect! 125 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,570 What? 126 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:46,573 Well, Lou and I are interested in having a child. 127 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,659 We already have a surrogate, but we need a topnotch egg. 128 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,330 What are your feelings about donating one? 129 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,542 Well, listen, here's our card. 130 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,628 You think about it, and give us a call. 131 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,838 -We'll pay. -Yeah. Great seeing you. 132 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:08,136 I had just experienced single-bashing for the new millennium. 133 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,680 I was no longer even considered a person. 134 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,807 I was now an egg farm. 135 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,143 Meanwhile, in a park downtown 136 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,979 another single woman was about to be humiliated. 137 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:22,108 Miranda was obliged to attend her firm's annual softball game. 138 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,277 A law firm softball game is like any other, 139 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:27,364 except when a lawyer steals a base, he gets promoted. 140 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,741 Miranda. I was afraid you wouldn't come. 141 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,118 All right. Let's get it over with. 142 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,790 Panicked at the idea of spending another firm function 143 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:37,999 labeled as a leper, 144 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,044 Miranda had agreed to be fixed up on a blind date. 145 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,130 Miranda, this is Syd. Syd, Miranda. 146 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,009 Look at you two. It's like a perfect match. 147 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,596 Well, I'm gonna excuse myself. 148 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,434 -Nice to meet you. -You too. 149 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:59,646 I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get a soda. You want a soda? 150 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,315 -Yeah. -I'm gonna get us a soda. Okay. 151 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:04,943 Jeff. 152 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,612 Pretty great, huh? Can I pick them or what? 153 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,155 Yeah. I'm not gay. 154 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:10,991 Seriously? 155 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,703 I've been with the firm eight months. I haven't once seen you with a guy. 156 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,579 Circumstantial, Jeff. I'm single. 157 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,083 Christ! When did being single translate into being gay? 158 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,584 Shit. 159 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,879 Uh, you want me to go over there and... 160 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,715 No, I'll do it. 161 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:33,513 Brave Miranda marched right over and told Syd she wasn't. 162 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,474 They had a good laugh and decided to stay and play ball. 163 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,821 Miranda and Syd's last-inning double play 164 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,239 got the attention of everyone. 165 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,991 Even the firm's senior partner. 166 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:56,286 -That was quite a play, ladies. -It's all about teamwork, Charles. 167 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,955 -Uh, Chip. -Chip. 168 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,251 Listen. My wife and I are having a little dinner party on the 12th. 169 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,295 Just some couples, nothing fancy. 170 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,547 We'd love it if you both could make it. 171 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,965 We'd love to. 172 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,556 Later that night, Miranda gave me the lowdown on her day. 173 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:20,477 So you think it's just because they think you're in a couple? 174 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,896 I know it. I've been with the firm for two years. 175 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,899 He's barely even spoken to me. All of a sudden, it's "Chip." 176 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,692 A lawyer named Chip. Gotta love that. 177 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,862 And they seemed so relieved to have finally figured me out. 178 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,323 So you're actually gonna go through with the dinner? 179 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,242 Yup. I'm determined to make partner in this firm, 180 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,536 even if I have to be a lesbian partner. 181 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,914 After Miranda left, I had a thought. 182 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,291 Maybe the cold war isn't about hate. 183 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,795 Maybe it's about fear, fear of the unknown. 184 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,422 Married people don't hate singles. 185 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,675 They just want us figured out. 186 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,970 I felt it was time to stop all this speculation 187 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,806 and infiltrate the enemy camp. 188 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,392 Lunch with my favorite couple, David and Lisa. 189 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:05,021 Well, I don't think of us as married so much as together. 190 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,940 -Wait. Are we married? -Uh, yeah. 191 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,650 Remember that day you wore the white dress 192 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,277 -and we got all the flatware? - Oh, yeah. 193 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,947 -I guess I should stop seeing other men. -Hey. 194 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,366 What about you? You like being single? 195 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,326 Most of the time, yeah. 196 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,286 Then there are the other times, you know... 197 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:24,165 Like family functions, when you're the only one that's not married 198 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,792 and they sit you at the kid's table. 199 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:30,964 Or when you two eat off the same fork, I just... 200 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,674 Oh, man, that's so sweet. 201 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,052 Don't start crying. He's such a pussy. 202 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,930 But you do want to get married someday, right? 203 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:40,849 I don't know. 204 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,351 I'm beginning to think I may not be the marrying kind. 205 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,477 Really? 206 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,813 No sooner had the words come out of my mouth, 207 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,606 than I wondered if they were true. 208 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:52,277 -Hey! -Hey, Sean! What a surprise! 209 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,529 - This is our friend Carrie. -Hi. 210 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,823 We're just about to have dessert. You want to join us? 211 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,033 Uh, sure. Sure. 212 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,287 - This is such a surprise. - How are you? 213 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,746 Another time I hate being single 214 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,292 is when married friends "surprise" fix you up. 215 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,211 Two espressos and a tiramisu later, 216 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:13,047 I had learned that Sean was the youngest of three brothers, 217 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,716 had his own investment firm, 218 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,719 and was about to move into an apartment he had just purchased. 219 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,597 -You know this was a fix-up, right? -Oh, please. 220 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,682 I could smell it before you walked in the door. 221 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,185 My parents met on a fix-up 222 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:28,188 and they will be married 41 years next month. 223 00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,273 Wow. That's great. 224 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,649 It was then I realized, 225 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,776 I was having coffee with the marrying guy. 226 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:37,322 That elusive and rare Manhattan man whose sights were set on marriage. 227 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,825 So, Carrie, can I see you again? 228 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,036 Sure. 229 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,085 Over the next week and a half, I met Sean for a movie. 230 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,881 I met him for another movie. 231 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,302 And I helped him pick out 232 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,846 a top of the line cheese grater at Williams-Sonoma. 233 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,349 My buddies are giving me a big housewarming on the 12th. 234 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,393 -You should come and bring your friends. -Sounds like fun. 235 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,856 Thanks for a great day. 236 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:16,819 He was like the flesh-and-blood equivalent of a DKNY dress. 237 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,112 You know it's not your style, 238 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,865 but it's right there, so you try it on anyway. 239 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,869 It was the night of the 12th. 240 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,288 On the East Side, a pseudo-lesbian couple 241 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,707 attended a right-wing Republican dinner party. 242 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,922 Hey! 243 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,675 On the West Side, a trio of single gals 244 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,261 went to a single guy's housewarming party. 245 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:45,014 -So tell me. Are his friends cute? -Don't know. I haven't met them yet. 246 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,809 How did you manage to get a new boyfriend in a week? 247 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:51,312 He's not my boyfriend. He's just somebody I'm trying on. 248 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,398 All right. Ready? 249 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,990 Everywhere I looked, people were standing in twos. 250 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,493 It was like Noah's Upper West Side rent-controlled ark. 251 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,495 It's all married couples. 252 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,291 Samantha gave me a look like I had sold her to the enemy 253 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,334 for chocolate bars and nylons. 254 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,421 - Hey. -Oh, hey! This is for you. 255 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:17,547 - Thank you. -Hi. 256 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,632 -You must be Charlotte. -Hi. 257 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,593 -And you have to be Samantha. -Yeah. Where's the bar? 258 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,263 Uh, kitchen. You can't miss it. Room with the stove. 259 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,015 This apartment is amazing. 260 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,516 Thanks. I've been planning it for years. 261 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,059 Come on. I'll give you guys the grand tour. 262 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,853 As I moved through the married couples, 263 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,980 I noticed something was different. 264 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,275 No fear, no pity, no pointing. 265 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,945 Were Sean's friends cold war conscientious objectors 266 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,573 or was it just that I was "figured out"? 267 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,412 My accountant says that it's best to go with low-risk stocks. 268 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,664 Well, that depends. I mean, what are your expectations? 269 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,583 Well, I'm not sure. 270 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,754 Honey, I need you to come over here and meet someone. 271 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,548 Sure. Oh, this is Samantha. Samantha, this is Elaine. 272 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:01,591 His wife. 273 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,761 Honey, I really need you in the other room. 274 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,930 Sure. It was nice talking to you, Samantha. 275 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,936 And this is the den. 276 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,689 Oh, you have one of these leather club chairs. I love these. 277 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,275 Thanks. I'm using this room as an office now, 278 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,236 but someday this is gonna be the kid's room. 279 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,321 Look. 280 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:28,201 I got this three years ago in Aspen. 281 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,370 What do you think? 282 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:37,585 Okay, I owe you. 283 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,962 I didn't know that all his buddies were gonna be married. 284 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,840 Oh, my God. You're doing tequila shots? 285 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,009 You see that buddy over there? 286 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,012 I fucked him. 287 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,556 See that buddy over there? 288 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,892 I fucked him too. 289 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,521 I never thought I'd see them again. 290 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,898 Well, maybe we should start tagging your married men 291 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,733 and that way you can keep track of them. 292 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,987 -He's gonna ask you to marry him. -He is not going to ask me to marry him. 293 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,697 I've been dating him a week and a half. 294 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,867 No guy buys a classic six on the Upper West Side, 295 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,787 unless they are seriously thinking about marriage. 296 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:16,207 Some people read palms. Charlotte read real estate. 297 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,835 If you turn into one of those married assholes, 298 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,294 I'll kill you. 299 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:26,634 Sean is the greatest guy, and he love kids. 300 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,222 Plus, he owns his own business, and he's got 300,000 in the bank. 301 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,434 We both slept with him, and he is great in bed. 302 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,478 An hour and a half into this housewarming, 303 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:40,648 I had gone from party guest to prisoner of war. 304 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,110 Samantha is totally drunk. I've gotta get her out of here. 305 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,404 -You're not going anywhere without me. - Carrie. 306 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,240 Oh, God. More friends. 307 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:51,659 Surprise! 308 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,911 It certainly was. 309 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,831 Last time I saw Patience, she was shoving me on a bus. 310 00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,585 When Sean told us you and he were dating, we were just so thrilled. 311 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:04,755 Oh. Well, listen. About what happened at your beach house the other day-- 312 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,300 -Don't mention it. -Well, I just... I'm not even sure-- 313 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,135 I said don't mention it. 314 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,555 This party is terrible. Who are you? 315 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,225 Um, this is my friend Patience, and this is her husband Peter. 316 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,811 I heard about you. 317 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,316 Big peppermill dick! 318 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:30,281 And just as suddenly, our little cease-fire was over. 319 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,993 Meanwhile, across town things were winding down. 320 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,746 Thank you so much. We really had a great time. 321 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,247 As did we all. 322 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,417 She is a real find. 323 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,252 -Oh. -We'll do it again soon. 324 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,006 I'll meet you at the elevator, okay? I just need to... 325 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,010 We can't do it again soon. 326 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,137 Syd and I aren't really a couple. 327 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,098 In fact, we're not even really lesbians. 328 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,392 Well, Syd is. I'm not. 329 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,937 I just took advantage of the situation 330 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,314 to bend your ear about my work at the firm. 331 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,983 Shrewd move, Counselor. 332 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,945 -No harm done. -Thank you, sir. 333 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,696 My wife will be disappointed. 334 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:14,450 She was looking to add a lesbian couple to our circle. 335 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,498 As they rode between floors, 336 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,291 Miranda considered how much easier 337 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,585 her life would be if she were in a couple. 338 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,087 Any couple. 339 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,135 Yep. 340 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,346 Definitely straight. 341 00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,891 Yeah. You are. 342 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,185 Sorry. 343 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,773 While Miranda cursed her heterosexuality 344 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,442 and wondered how much longer she could fight the war, 345 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,947 Charlotte cursed tequila and forced Samantha into a cab. 346 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,825 She decided Samantha was too drunk to get home alone, 347 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,286 and insisted she spend the night on her couch. 348 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:04,125 -We're home. -We're home. Oh, boy. 349 00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,964 Let me get that door for you. 350 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,383 Hey! 351 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,471 - I like him. -All right. All right! Bye-bye! 352 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,683 She got Samantha upstairs and safely to bed... 353 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,226 Or so she thought. 354 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,354 A couple of hours later, 355 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,190 Samantha woke up still drunk and still single. 356 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,651 And single to Samantha meant one thing... 357 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,702 -Can I have a cigarette? -Sure. 358 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,792 Can I have a kiss? 359 00:18:58,888 --> 00:18:59,805 Oh, Jesus. 360 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,143 I really shouldn't. Somebody might see. 361 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,813 Why don't you come upstairs, just for a minute? 362 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,202 Samantha? 363 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:28,501 Don't be scared, miss. It's me, Tommy. I'm just leaving. 364 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,170 Your friend invited me up. I know it was wrong. 365 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:34,256 But I've just been so lonely since I left home 366 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,925 and I wanted the feel of a... 367 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,761 a woman's touch on me. 368 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,098 I'm going into the bathroom now 369 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,184 and when I come out, you won't be here. 370 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,895 And I never want this mentioned again. 371 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,564 Let me get the door for you, miss. 372 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,910 I was kinda hoping you'd stay over. 373 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,791 Look, Sean, um... 374 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,627 I don't think this is gonna work. 375 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,212 We want different things. 376 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:17,216 You obviously want to get married and I don't know what I want. 377 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,096 You could smell my desperation, right? 378 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,889 No. 379 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,891 No, no. It's just... 380 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:31,021 I was trying you on. You know? 381 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,273 See if it fits. 382 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:34,942 It doesn't. 383 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,403 I'm sorry. 384 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,829 I don't understand you women. 385 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,834 All I hear is "I want to get married. I want to get married." 386 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,254 And none of you says yes. What the fuck? 387 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,850 I'm so tired of going through women. 388 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,269 I just want to get married. 389 00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,274 I may know someone who's perfect for you. 390 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:18,444 Who? 391 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:22,740 They started out casual. A brunch here, a concert there. 392 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,534 But pretty soon they were visiting china. 393 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,704 Um, I always wanted this pattern for formal dining. 394 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:31,957 Are you serious? 395 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,588 Charlotte broke it off then and there. 396 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,006 It would never work. 397 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,884 He was American Classic, she was French Country. 398 00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:46,597 Your friend never called like she promised. 399 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:50,059 -Why is that? -I don't know. 400 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,025 As I sifted through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, 401 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,193 I had a thought. 402 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,570 Maybe the fight between marrieds and singles 403 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,697 is like the war in Northern Ireland. 404 00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:05,407 We're all basically the same, 405 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,077 but somehow we wound up on different sides. 406 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,997 Sure, it'd be great to have that one special person to walk home with. 407 00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,500 But sometimes there's nothing better 408 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:17,127 than meeting your single girlfriends for a night at the movies. 409 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,840 All I'm askin' 410 00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,758 Is for a little respect When you get home 411 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:23,884 Just a little bit 412 00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,802 Hey, baby 413 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:25,803 Just a little bit 414 00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:26,929 When you get home 415 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,097 Just a little bit 416 00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:29,139 Mister 417 00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:30,266 Just a little bit 418 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:32,977 I ain't gon' do you wrong 419 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:34,728 While you're gone 420 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,231 Ain't gon' do you wrong 421 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:39,400 'Cause I don't wanna 422 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,110 All I'm askin'