1 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:51,385 In a city of perfect people, 2 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:54,388 no one was more perfect than Brooke. 3 00:00:56,473 --> 00:01:00,185 She was an interior designer who only dated A-list guys. 4 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,649 For Brooke, every Saturday night was like the senior prom. 5 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,655 So, when she got married, 6 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:15,033 we were all dying to see which one had made the cut. 7 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:16,994 Hey! 8 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,539 Was I the only one who remembered that Brooke once described this man 9 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,083 as more boring than exposed brick? 10 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,378 Hi, thank you so much for coming. 11 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:33,093 It was your average $100,000 wedding. 12 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,599 Investment bankers and the women who hate them, 13 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,437 classmates from Steiner, Dalton and Brown, 14 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,522 and us. 15 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,899 We looked like The Witches of Eastwick. 16 00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:04,791 A wedding this size always has two singles tables. 17 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,086 We were at the other one. 18 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,216 Hello. 19 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,597 Hi. I'm Bernie Turtletaub, friend of the groom. 20 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,601 It was the Turtle. 21 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,478 A Manhattan legend known for two things, 22 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,605 good investments and bad breath. 23 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,649 God, my feet are killing me. 24 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,858 Here, sit down. 25 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,860 I can't. This outfit only works if I'm standing. 26 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,487 Ooh. 27 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,864 I think it works either way. 28 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:39,159 You know, I think I'm at that table over there. 29 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,374 Your friend is gorgeous. 30 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,543 What do I have to do to get to know her better? 31 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,763 Do you think the pears in this tart are bosc or bartlett? 32 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,682 Who cares? 33 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,393 Two hours later, we were bored. 34 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,937 Supplies were dwindling 35 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,231 and one of our passengers had jumped ship. 36 00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:11,692 Are we gonna stick around and catch the bouquet? 37 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,153 That is so not going to happen. 38 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,156 Bosc! They've got to be bosc. 39 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,790 Can you believe I finally did it? 40 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:33,046 You're next. Bill's got some great single friends. 41 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,178 It's always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them. 42 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,480 People are always telling me things I don't want to hear... 43 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,774 But this one crossed the line. 44 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,611 Hey, did I wake you? 45 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,780 -Not at all. - Question. 46 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,450 Why do people get married if they're not in love? 47 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,618 I don't know. 48 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:08,248 Companionship, guilt, political asylum? 49 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,002 -Why did you get married? -I was a fool in love. 50 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,628 Oh, that is so sweet. 51 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,258 -And then I was a fool in divorce court. -Yeah, now you're just a fool. 52 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,554 Exactly. Which is why I'm never getting married again. 53 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,682 Suddenly, I had to concentrate on breathing. 54 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:30,771 -Are you in bed with someone? -No. Are you? 55 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,316 Just three slices of wedding cake. You jealous? 56 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,694 That depends. What are your plans for the frosting? 57 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,530 -Good night. -Good night. 58 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,159 I hung up the phone wondering... 59 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,120 Could I date a man who would never get married? 60 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:54,085 Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at 11:00! 61 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:56,129 Don't tell me you're surprised by this. 62 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,549 You know who wants to get married? Men who miss their mommies. 63 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,718 Maybe this wasn't my target audience. 64 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,137 Am I the only one who thinks this is a major bummer? 65 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,972 What if you spend five years with him 66 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,682 and in the end you have nothing to show for it? 67 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,309 I wasn't even thinking about getting married, 68 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,560 until he told me I couldn't think about it. 69 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,728 Now it's all I can think about. 70 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,939 Just be cool. You don't care. 71 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,732 Then he'll wonder why you don't, 72 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,943 which will make him realize that he does, 73 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,778 and then it's a whole new ball game. 74 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,531 So in your world, it's always sixth grade, is that it? 75 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,783 I think, that a relationship has to be based on 76 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:28,119 honesty and communication if it has any chance of succeeding. 77 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:31,581 Okay. If you were 25, that would be adorable, 78 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,875 but you're 32 now, so that's just stupid. 79 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,293 I can't just ignore it, can I? 80 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,336 -Yes! - No! 81 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:40,298 What's the big deal? In 50 years, men are gonna be obsolete anyway. 82 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:43,969 I mean, already you can't talk to them, you don't need them to have kids with, 83 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,179 you don't even need them to have sex with anymore, 84 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,265 as I've just very pleasantly discovered. 85 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,601 Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody just got their first vibrator. 86 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:55,105 Not first. Ultimate. And I think I'm in love. 87 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,608 Oh, please, stop! This is so sad. 88 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,778 I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device. 89 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,530 You say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit." 90 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,365 Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, 91 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,033 at least get one called "The Horse." 92 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,245 A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. 93 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,247 A vibrator doesn't send flowers the next day, 94 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,000 and you cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother. 95 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:20,213 Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much? 96 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:29,681 That night, Samantha went on a date with a flesh and blood man 97 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:33,059 while the three of us went in search of furrier companionship. 98 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:37,063 Ladies, I'd like you to meet the Rabbit. 99 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,566 $92? 100 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,152 Please! Think about the money we spend on shoes. 101 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,906 I have no intention of using that. I'm saving sex for someone I love. 102 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,074 Fantastic. Is there a man in the picture? 103 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,871 Look! Oh, it's so cute. 104 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,541 Oh, I thought it would be all scary and weird, but it isn't. It's pink... 105 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:57,834 For girls! 106 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:02,797 Look. The little bunny has a little face like Peter Rabbit. 107 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:06,176 It's even got a remote. I mean, how lazy do you have to be? 108 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,055 Later that night, back at the Briar Patch... 109 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,390 -Wow. 110 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,063 Hello? 111 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:21,983 You are not going to believe the evening I've had. 112 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,032 -Are you listening to me? -Yeah. 113 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,953 Jerry, who Samantha met at Brooke's wedding, 114 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:36,247 took her to Lava, New York's restaurant du jour. 115 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,673 From the moment I saw you at that wedding, 116 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,925 I knew we would be have dinner together. 117 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,594 Well, aren't you cocky! 118 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,930 I'm the kind of guy, I see something... 119 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,265 I like it... 120 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,059 I go after it. 121 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,645 You sound like my kind of guy. 122 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,649 -Hold that thought. I'll be right back. -Okay. 123 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,576 Ten minutes and a couple of cocktails later... 124 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,539 Where the hell is he? 125 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,962 Excuse me. 126 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,889 He obviously had seen something else he liked and gone after it. 127 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,028 Then, just when she thought her evening couldn't get any worse... 128 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,447 Samantha? Hey, Samantha! 129 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:51,990 It's me. 130 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,410 Bernie Turtletaub from the wedding. 131 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,204 Oh, right. 132 00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,914 Are you here all by yourself? 133 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,584 Well, sort of. I'm... 134 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,419 Sit down, join me! 135 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,717 God, you look great. 136 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,344 What Samantha needed now more than anything 137 00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,388 was a compliment from anyone. 138 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,773 I can't believe the synchronicity. I was just thinking about you! 139 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,357 Uh-huh. 140 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:30,612 So, do you like this shirt? 141 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,156 My ex-girlfriend picked it out for me. 142 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:38,953 Honey, no offense, but your breath... 143 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,330 I know. 144 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,876 It's these Chinese herbs I'm taking. You know, for longer life. 145 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:46,753 Well, with breath like that, 146 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,839 you're gonna live a very long life... alone. 147 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,760 I killed the last woman who talked to me like that. 148 00:09:56,221 --> 00:10:00,100 Samantha was impressed. The Turtle had attempted a joke. 149 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,650 Once we get the breath under control, 150 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,319 I'm going to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. 151 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,279 He's a cute little fixer-upper. 152 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,824 Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone. 153 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:19,744 Honey, when I'm through with him, he'll be Gracie Mansion. 154 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,081 Samantha and the Turtle? 155 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,209 But then again, I'm dating a man who will never get married, 156 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,503 and Miranda is having a meaningful relationship 157 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,256 with something that comes in a box from Japan. 158 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:37,011 In a city of great expectations, is it time to settle for what you can get? 159 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,722 I needed some answers. 160 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,766 Later that week, I met Brooke. 161 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,477 Just back from her honeymoon, she was all business... 162 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,062 The business of marriage. 163 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,356 I'd like to return these. 164 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,943 Is there any way you can melt them down into one decent gift? 165 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,778 His friends. 166 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,157 So, how is it being married? 167 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,577 It's fabulous. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted. 168 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,997 -And that's a good thing. -What's that supposed to mean? 169 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:08,835 Oh, just means you're happy with Allen, right? 170 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,837 Yes, I'm happy. 171 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,590 Well, then I'm happy for you. 172 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,262 Hey, listen, I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea. 173 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,890 I think Allen's great. I just... 174 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,975 I mean, he's incredibly successful. 175 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:28,146 We all think we're Carolyn Bessette. One day John-John's out of the picture, 176 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:31,274 and we're happy just to have some guy who can throw around a frisbee. 177 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,526 Oh! Look who's here. Hey, you two! 178 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,695 -Hey! -What a small world! 179 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,322 I couldn't believe it. 180 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,991 It was the Turtle wearing Helmut Lange. 181 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,952 -Wow, he looks great! -Doesn't he? 182 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:46,664 Oh, he twirls! 183 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,333 - What do you think? -Fabulous. 184 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,043 He's like a whole new person. 185 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,546 Don't I have a three o'clock? 186 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,965 Oh. That's right. I'm taking him to Bliss for a facial. 187 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,010 -Oh, enjoy. -See you later. Bye. 188 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,678 You know, I have to run, too. 189 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,679 -I'll call you. -Okay 190 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,556 Smart girl. 191 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,725 She seems happy. 192 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:10,521 Samantha left with the Turtle, Brooke left with a better gift, 193 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:14,234 and I left wondering if everyone in Manhattan was settling. 194 00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,819 My Zen teacher once told me 195 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:20,156 that there was nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind. 196 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,659 Just as I had reached the moment of no thought... 197 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,161 - I think I broke my vagina. -Sorry. Am I pulling too hard? 198 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,164 No! Metaphorically, I mean. With the Rabbit. 199 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,625 -Oh... So you've been using it! -Yes. 200 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,210 And I'm scared if I keep using it, 201 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,379 I'll never be able to enjoy sex with a man again. 202 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,505 Why? 203 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,007 Well, have you ever been with a man, you know, 204 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,678 and he's doing everything and it feels good, 205 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,639 but somehow you just can't manage to... 206 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:45,807 Come? 207 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,308 Yeah. 208 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:51,479 Well, it's weird, 'cause with the Rabbit it's like every time, boom! 209 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:54,983 And one time, I came for like five minutes. 210 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,818 Oh, Charlotte, honey, it's not illegal. 211 00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,405 Yeah, but no man ever did that. I mean, I'm scared. What am I gonna do? 212 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,367 Well, you know, you could still enjoy sex with a man and the Rabbit. 213 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,995 No, no. I'm done with it. 214 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,539 That's it. I'm never gonna touch that thing again. 215 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:17,588 -I got to cancel on the ballet tonight. -Oh, why? 216 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:23,594 I'm expecting a phone call... 217 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,596 long distance phone call, transatlantic. 218 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,016 Charlotte could never tell a decent lie. 219 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,976 I knew an addict when I saw one. 220 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:35,273 I love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sex, the costumes! 221 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,858 It's so romantic! 222 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,360 You only like it because she gets to sleep for 100 years, 223 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,486 and she doesn't age. 224 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,488 I invited Stanford to the ballet. 225 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,073 I knew he was available. 226 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,659 Hey, Stanford, cute, huh? 227 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,705 I've had it with the whole gay scene. 228 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,375 It's so competitive. You won't believe what happened to me last week. 229 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:58,421 Evidently Stanford, tired of bars and blind dates, 230 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,340 decided to place a personal ad. 231 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:06,846 He scheduled a rendezvous with the only respondent on a cold, Sunday afternoon. 232 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,100 Twenty minutes and three false alarms later, 233 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,394 Stanford was ready to call it quits... 234 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:15,813 Stanford? 235 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,024 Yes. 236 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:21,903 Sorry. This is not gonna happen. 237 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,326 It's so brutal out there. 238 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:31,287 Even guys like me don't want guys like me. 239 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,122 I just don't have that gay look. 240 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,167 I don't know. You look pretty gay to me. 241 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,087 Come on, maybe it's just a phase. 242 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:43,174 Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle. 243 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:48,513 Sometimes I think I should just marry a woman and get all the money. 244 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,765 -What is there, a cash prize? - Oh, yeah. 245 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,392 My grandmother gives everyone in the family 246 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:55,436 their inheritance when they get married. 247 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,689 -She doesn't know you're gay? -She doesn't believe in gay. 248 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,359 Oh, really? That's funny. Big doesn't believe in marriage. 249 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,529 Maybe you should propose to me, and we'll all live happily ever after. 250 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:08,616 -You really do want it all. -I don't know. Maybe nobody gets it all. 251 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,203 Though, you do have a point. 252 00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,748 We're best friends. We make each other laugh. 253 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,458 We both sleep with men. 254 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,420 You know, this is not a bad idea at all. 255 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:24,090 -Well, actually, I was kidding. -I'm not! Think about it. 256 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,551 Who else would keep you in expensive shoes 257 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,344 and encourage you to cheat? 258 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,596 Now you're talking! 259 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,807 Friday night at the ballet with a man 260 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,393 who shared my passion for hot men in tights. 261 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,897 Saturday afternoon in bed with a man who shared my passion for passion. 262 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,859 Maybe there was such a thing as having it all. 263 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,863 What's that smile about? 264 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:51,826 Oh, I got a marriage proposal last night. 265 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,288 -Really? -Mmm. 266 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,498 From whom? 267 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:02,253 A very handsome, witty young man about to come into his inheritance. 268 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,924 Oh, I see. Anyone I know? 269 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,219 Actually his name is Stanford. Stanford Blatch. 270 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,056 I thought he was gay. 271 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,558 He is. 272 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,357 That should make for an interesting column. 273 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,694 What are you gonna do about sex? 274 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,404 I have you. 275 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,284 Oh. 276 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,705 I guess you've got it all figured out... 277 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,417 Mrs. Blatch. 278 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,668 The more he mocked me, 279 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:46,255 the more convinced I became that this idea was genius. 280 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,054 That night, Miranda and I had plans to join Charlotte 281 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,181 for a gallery opening in Chelsea when... 282 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,480 -Hello? -Carrie, it's Charlotte. 283 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,399 I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to cancel. 284 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,985 I'm totally wiped out. 285 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,362 Uh-huh? 286 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,613 Wiped out! 287 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:14,700 That was Charlotte speak for "I'm spending the night with my vibrator." 288 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,286 But you guys have fun, though. 289 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,247 There was only one thing to do. 290 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,998 A rabbit intervention. 291 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,417 Come on, let's go! 292 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,837 - Okay, where is it? -What are you talking about? 293 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,382 The Rabbit, Charlotte. Give us the Rabbit. 294 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:33,469 Hey! Hey, hey, hey it's a vibrator. It's not like it's crack. 295 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,139 - Oh, Charlotte! 296 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:42,061 You hid the Rabbit behind a stuffed rabbit? That is so you. 297 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,771 You guys have a lot of nerve coming in here. 298 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:44,939 You're the one who made me get it. 299 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,607 I thought you could handle it. 300 00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:47,692 It's no big deal. 301 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,611 I'd just rather stay home with the Rabbit than go out, deal with men. 302 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:58,619 All right. You're right. I'll go get dressed. 303 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,413 With a little help from her friends, 304 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:04,375 Charlotte decided that she wasn't going to settle for herself. 305 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:08,546 While Samantha was doing everything in her power to remake the Turtle 306 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,048 into a man she could fall in love with. 307 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,093 -How's your dinner? -It's questionable. 308 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,679 I can't figure out whether the mushrooms in this sauce 309 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,639 are shiitake or chanterelle. 310 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,183 They're definitely not porcini. 311 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,605 Maybe they're wood ear. 312 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,233 Maybe it doesn't matter. 313 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,070 My God! They're trumpets! 314 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:37,742 It was then that Samantha realized that even with all her effort, 315 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,536 he was still just the Turtle in black. 316 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,748 You know, I'm not feeling very well. 317 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,334 I think I'm going to have to send myself home. 318 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,463 I'll call you. 319 00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:00,848 Excuse me. Do you like this shirt? 320 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:04,143 My ex-girlfriend picked it out. 321 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,230 After 12 phone calls and three e-mails, 322 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:11,651 Stanford badgered me into at least meeting his grandmother. 323 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,986 I love that suit you're wearing. 324 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,781 Designed by Coco Chanel herself. 325 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:17,948 Seriously? 326 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,951 Grandmother's been wearing that same suit for 40 years. 327 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,244 And it still fits. 328 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,955 -It never goes out of style. -Never. 329 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,376 I have it in blue, black, pink. 330 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,794 And eggshell! 331 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,253 Exactly. 332 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,590 Stanford tells me you're a writer. 333 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,759 Yes, I have a column in The Star. 334 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,887 I was a career woman many, many years ago. 335 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,848 But I gave it up to have children. 336 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,062 -Oh, wow! Is this you? 337 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:51,065 Not a bad-looking girl. Don't you think? 338 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:51,982 No. 339 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:55,653 Doesn't she look exactly like Deborah Kerr in An Affair to Remember? 340 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,113 She does. 341 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:02,451 Oh, my God! This has to be Stanford. 342 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,745 -You're the same person. -Okay. That's enough. 343 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:08,582 Oh, come on. This is fun. I had no idea you had such a big family. 344 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,419 And how about you, honey? Do you want a family? 345 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,588 As I looked around at all the memorabilia 346 00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,382 and family photographs, 347 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:20,302 the faces of brides and grooms, children and grandchildren, 348 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,221 I realized... 349 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,306 -Yes, I do. 350 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:29,145 Uh, Stanny, be a dear. Go in the kitchen and get me some matches. 351 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,354 Of course. 352 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:39,071 I love my Stanford. He's a very sweet boy. 353 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,449 But you know, he is a fruit. 354 00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,702 I realized then that the only inheritance 355 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,746 Stanford was going to get from his grandmother 356 00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:48,914 was her collection of Chanel suits. 357 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,503 Salt. Yeah. 358 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,130 That night at dinner, 359 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,049 I knew I would have to break the news to Mr. Big. 360 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,225 What do you think? 361 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,145 Look, I do want to get married someday. 362 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,856 I mean, maybe not today, but I just... I don't wanna... 363 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,567 I can't date somebody that won't. You know, what's the point? 364 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:20,613 Definitely too much salt. 365 00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,785 I mean, it's all in the timing. 366 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,871 You gotta brown the garlic 367 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,998 before you put in the onions, 368 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,583 know what I mean? 369 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,170 I thought we were having fun. 370 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:51,977 It's better, but it definitely has possibilities. 371 00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:57,525 You have a little bit of sauce on the lip... 372 00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,151 right there. 373 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:03,781 My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness... 374 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:07,117 is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. 375 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,038 Of course, he died penniless and single.