1
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:55,222
Someone once said
that two halves make a whole.
2
00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:03,772
And when two halves move in together,
it makes a whole lot of stuff.
3
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,191
Hey, what's
4
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,527
Hey, Pop-Tart, where you been,
and what have you been doing?
5
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:11,488
I got coffee and papers.
6
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,490
But I think
the more pressing question is
7
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,701
what have you been doing?
8
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,035
Made myself an area.
9
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,162
Yes, I can see that.
10
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:23,792
I needed a space for my work papers
and stuff, you know, so... Is that okay?
11
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,836
Yeah, sure, yes. It's just...
12
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,422
You know
you're blocking the bathroom door.
13
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,632
Yeah, but you got another one.
Who needs two bathroom doors?
14
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,509
I do, me.
15
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,803
Me, the one who loves
her two bathroom doors.
16
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,597
What do you need two doors for?
17
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,140
'Cause sometimes I'm in a hurry
18
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,850
and it's just quicker to go,
ping, out that one,
19
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,270
-and it's my escape route in case.
-In case what?
20
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,606
In case rapists come
in my bedroom window,
21
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,816
I see them in the mirror,
and then, phew, I'm gone.
22
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,402
There's a whole lot of phew-ing going on
in that bathroom.
23
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,530
Hey, it's just gonna be like this
24
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,949
till we're able to take over
the apartment next door.
25
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,367
Then we can load the stuff in.
26
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,996
Would that be happening
in the next five minutes, please, God?
27
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,290
Closing at the end of next week.
28
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,293
Oh. Hello, Petey.
29
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,421
Really, what's the problem, right?
It's just boxes, right?
30
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,758
A plant.
31
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,469
The man brought a living thing
into my apartment.
32
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,971
I don't do plants.
I kill everything I bring in there.
33
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,098
You said yes to moving in,
the guy moved in.
34
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,684
But he's taking over whole areas.
35
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,394
This is why I've never lived with a man.
36
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,898
This, and the fact that I want them out
an hour after I climax.
37
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,149
You let them stay a whole hour?
38
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,944
You'd be surprised how many are ready
to go again after a quick catnap.
39
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,113
And there's no walls, you know.
There's nowhere to hide.
40
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,324
As soon as I walk in the door,
he's all up in my face with,
41
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,534
"Who'd you see? Where'd you go?
Who'd you meet? What do you know?"
42
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:45,916
What I know is, I need time
to decompress, just be alone.
43
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,959
But, Carrie, there are gonna
have to be some adjustments.
44
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,461
Relationships are hard.
45
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:53,048
Oh, you guys,
I miss walking into my apartment
46
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,801
with no one there, and it's all quiet.
47
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,554
And I can do that stuff you do
when you're totally alone.
48
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:04,059
Things you would never want
your boyfriend to see you do.
49
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:04,976
Like masturbate?
50
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,562
My SSB, my Secret Single Behavior.
51
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:10,732
Like, I like to make
a stack of saltines.
52
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,317
I put grape jelly on them.
53
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:16,154
I eat them standing up in the kitchen,
reading fashion magazines.
54
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,322
Why standing up?
55
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,991
It's weird, but it just feels great.
56
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,119
I like to put Vaseline on my hands,
57
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,830
and put them
in those Borghese conditioning gloves
58
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,373
while watching infomercials.
59
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,874
Before I was married,
60
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:30,210
I used to study my pores
in a magnifying mirror
61
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,712
for an hour each night.
62
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,005
I'm afraid
Trey will just think it's weird.
63
00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,341
He would.
You can't do that stuff in front of men.
64
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,469
What about you, Lolita?
65
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,221
Anything you do
you wouldn't want a man to see?
66
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,265
No.
67
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,142
You know, I believe her.
68
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,272
Hey, didn't we make a rule
about those things at lunch?
69
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,733
It's my boss, I have to take it.
70
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,651
Samantha Jones.
71
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,279
Richard, it's Sunday.
72
00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,573
Fine.
73
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,241
I'll see you in an hour.
74
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,953
He wants me to drop something off
this afternoon.
75
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,079
Nice.
76
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:09,666
A little skyrockets in flight,
afternoon delight?
77
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,501
No, it's just work.
78
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,378
Hardly, you're sleeping with him.
79
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:15,589
You told them?
80
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,342
I also like to gossip on the phone
while secretly pumicing my calluses.
81
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,594
So how is he?
82
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,971
And spare no detail.
I'm a horny pregnant person.
83
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:24,890
I don't want to talk about it.
84
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:30,437
Samantha likes a guy!
Samantha likes a guy!
85
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,106
-I do not.
-You do. You do.
86
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,275
Or you would tell us
all the dirty details.
87
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,861
Oh, my God,
we're gonna have to ice skate home.
88
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,571
Hell just froze over.
89
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,865
Okay, you want details? Okay.
90
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,745
He's got the most perfect dick
I've ever seen.
91
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:50,165
Long, pink, amazing.
92
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:52,959
It's dick-a-licious.
93
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,296
All right,
so what should I do about Aidan's stuff?
94
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,926
I'm gonna have the girls over
for dinner.
95
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,678
That sounds like fun. What night?
96
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:04,679
Just the girls.
97
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:08,099
I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get
my day planner back together.
98
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,434
I just have so much more free time
99
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,977
now that we're no longer
on the baby track.
100
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,897
Some apartments
are cluttered with physical stuff.
101
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,982
Others, emotional stuff.
102
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,359
It's a big readjustment.
103
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,362
I've wanted a baby
ever since I was a little girl.
104
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,823
I mean, we have a baby room and no baby.
105
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,243
Well, I've got some good news.
106
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:31,832
Bram Pomander thinks
he's snagged us orchestra seats
107
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,875
to The Producers next week.
108
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,381
Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed.
109
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,674
But life goes on.
110
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,093
We still have to find a way
to have a giggle.
111
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,096
Come on, give me a smile.
112
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,983
Hold on.
113
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,902
Potential investors in Munich.
I wish I could say "fuck you" in German.
114
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,077
Impressive. Why do you speak German?
115
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,371
A gal has her reasons.
116
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,332
Come to think of it, that wasn't
"fuck you," it was "fuck me."
117
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,585
That's a negotiation ploy
I haven't tried before.
118
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:17,794
Who are you kidding?
119
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,005
So where's the layout
for the LA Magazine spread?
120
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,299
Signed, sealed, delivered.
121
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,675
And one more thing.
122
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:28,847
It was perfect.
123
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,309
Long, pink, amazing.
124
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,147
I thought about you all weekend.
125
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,862
Let me see if I can give you something
to think about all evening.
126
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,325
Bring out that gorgeous dick.
127
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,077
You're gonna get down on your knees
right here?
128
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,288
What if my assistant should see you?
129
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,544
Oops.
130
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,505
I dropped my portfolio.
131
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,052
That may take some time to pick up.
132
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,477
Uff!
133
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,367
Oops, better get those,
while you're down there.
134
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,080
If I had known you were gonna
turn out to be so not a loser,
135
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,540
I would have run home after work
and changed.
136
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,502
Or at least put on
some fresh deodorant, huh?
137
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,254
Ow! Careful.
138
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,298
You know, I was a much younger man
139
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,425
when we started trying to set up
this blind date.
140
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,761
You're the one who kept cancelling
to go to...
141
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,181
-Where were you?
-First time, Spain and Rome.
142
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,517
The second time, Luxembourg and Athens.
143
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,687
Walker Lewis,
fluent in five languages,
144
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,690
travelled the world
as a State Department interpreter.
145
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,066
Seriously, Miranda,
146
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,361
best blind date I have ever had
147
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,738
in the continental USA.
148
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,295
-What?
149
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:28,091
Listen, any reason I can't see you again
before I go to Brussels?
150
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,389
He is so cute, and funny, and sexy.
151
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:37,434
And I really wanna have sex with him,
but I don't know.
152
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,893
Is it okay to fuck one guy
153
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,021
when you're pregnant
with another guy's baby?
154
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,815
If one more person asks me that today...
155
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,194
I mean, I'm not in a relationship
with the father of the baby or anything.
156
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,905
I've rarely heard that used as a plus,
but go on.
157
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,241
It's just... Is it tacky?
158
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,201
And beyond tacky, is it safe?
159
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,704
Let's assume he's a really great fuck.
160
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,122
'Cause so many men are.
161
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,292
Could all that poking
shake the baby loose or something?
162
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,045
No, that's silly.
163
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,380
Married couples have sex all the time.
164
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,007
But what if he's huge?
165
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,967
Again, 'cause so many men are.
166
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,053
Could the dick dent the baby?
167
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,637
Where do you think dimples come from?
168
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,725
-Oh, that is so cute.
-I try.
169
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:22,228
Okay, I really need
to have sex with him now.
170
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,815
Next time he comes back in town,
I'll be too big, he won't want to.
171
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,902
Nothing puts a man off sex
like pregnancy.
172
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,781
This is my last chance.
173
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,658
Last chance for sex.
174
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,577
You're not on death row.
175
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,579
Yes, I am, dead woman fucking.
176
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,999
Miranda, it's your body, your life.
You do what's best for you.
177
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,709
Easier said than done.
178
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,546
You can't even ask Aidan not to talk
when you walk in the front door.
179
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,801
Hi, Mrs. Cohen. Hold on a second.
180
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:53,927
Here, let me help you.
181
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,345
Hold on.
182
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,180
Here we go.
183
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,349
Hello. Okay?
184
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,850
That's a crazy outfit.
185
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:06,106
Okay. Mrs. Cohen,
this is my friend, Miranda.
186
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,649
Hello, Mrs. Cohen.
187
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:14,739
Listen, you tell your boy
I'm not leaving for 30 days.
188
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116
What?
189
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,743
But we're closing in a week.
190
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,286
Read the contract!
191
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,166
I didn't think Mrs. Cohen
could move any slower,
192
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,211
but apparently she could.
193
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,215
Hey, gal, what's up?
194
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,758
Where you been? What do you know?
195
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,640
Brace yourself, partner.
196
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,059
I been outside,
197
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:48,356
and what's up is
Old Lightning Rod next door informs me
198
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:52,110
she will not be leaving for 30 days.
199
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,489
I was afraid
she was gonna do that. Fuck!
200
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:01,161
Fuck! What the fuck
are we gonna fucking do now?
201
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:04,873
Thank you!
202
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,750
You hate it too. I'm so relieved.
203
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,795
I thought you'd already
changed into a pod.
204
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,839
Invasion of the Single Snatchers.
205
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,301
-Of course I hate it.
206
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,345
We cannot live like this.
207
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,392
I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall.
You can't get in the fucking door.
208
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,977
I know, did you see me?
209
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,479
Every time. Every single time.
210
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,898
We gotta get this stuff out of here.
211
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:32,025
We could make some room for it
if we cleaned out your closet.
212
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,323
Careful!
213
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,825
Okay, damn. My ears.
214
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,410
Listen to me.
215
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:46,873
I have laid out clean towels
on the floor of the bathroom.
216
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:51,669
Gently place the shoes
and boxes on them.
217
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,591
Oh.
218
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:58,593
Wow.
219
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,553
I forgot I had these.
220
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,513
Things are looking up.
221
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,849
How many pairs of shoes
does one person need?
222
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,435
That is not the way
to get out of this alive.
223
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,357
I figure I'm gonna need
about half this space.
224
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,609
I figure you've gone mentally ill.
225
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,194
What? You never wear most of this stuff.
226
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,403
Yet.
227
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,198
I never wear most of this stuff yet.
Someday I will.
228
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,784
Oh, like, uh...
229
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:24,786
Like this?
230
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,914
When and where
were you planning to wear this?
231
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,501
Don't do that. Don't mock the clothes.
232
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,504
And for the record, have worn it.
233
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,883
December '99,
Union Square, book signing.
234
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,552
We gotta start somewhere.
235
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,138
Come on, I love this outfit.
236
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:49,894
That's when I realized I was
holding onto a Roberto Cavalli outfit
237
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,896
and throwing away my relationship.
238
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,857
-Okay, it goes.
-Good.
239
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:55,942
Bye-bye.
240
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,074
Pete.
241
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:04,909
Pete, hey.
242
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,160
Hey, Pete!
243
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:09,122
Stop it. Pete, stop it!
244
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,207
-Pete... Pete!
-Pete!
245
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,875
-Oh, my God.
-Pete, hey!
246
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,421
Don't show it to me.
Don't even show it to me.
247
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,089
I think I saw turquoise.
248
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,550
That better not be the pair I think.
249
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,261
Oh, god damn it!
250
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,974
That dog owes me $380.
251
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,894
-Fine!
-You can't buy it. It's circa 1996.
252
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,064
-God damn it!
-He's a dog.
253
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,942
What's he supposed to do
with all your shit lying around here?
254
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:42,989
My shit wouldn't be lying around
if we weren't making room
255
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,199
because your shit is lying around.
256
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,243
You got more shit lying around
than I got lying around.
257
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,120
What? Look at this place.
258
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:53,374
It's loaded with your shit.
Just look at this bathroom.
259
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,960
Look at all your shit in my bathroom.
260
00:13:56,586 --> 00:14:01,007
Who needs five almost-empty
Speed Stick deodorants?
261
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,342
What are you, a crazy bag man?
262
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,885
They're different smells.
263
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,220
And musk? When have you ever worn musk?
264
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:09,932
Look at this stuff.
You got old razors, Rogaine...
265
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,396
Wait a minute. You use Rogaine?
I didn't know you needed--
266
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,481
It's preventative.
267
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,484
-Is your hair falling out?
-I don't wanna talk about it!
268
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,029
It seems it's not only women
who have Secret Single Behavior.
269
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,907
This is my stuff.
Don't be going through my stuff.
270
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,992
You were more than happy
to go through my stuff.
271
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,119
Oh, your stuff, your bathroom.
272
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,830
You always do that.
You never wanna let me in.
273
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:35,416
I don't always do anything.
274
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,086
And I have let you in.
275
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:41,297
You're fighting with me
about a stupid fucking outfit.
276
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,342
Oh, shut up. It's Roberto Cavalli.
277
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:48,137
I threw it away, and I love it.
What more do you want?
278
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,598
Shut up? Shut up?
279
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,392
Yes, shut up.
280
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,560
Shut up? You're telling me to shut up?
281
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,397
Please, just shut up.
282
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,109
I am so sick of hearing you
talking, talking, talking all the time.
283
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,027
Don't you ever just shut up?
284
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,154
-I'm gonna take a walk.
-No.
285
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,574
No, no, no. I'm taking a walk.
286
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,160
You can stay here
with your boxes of shit
287
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,412
and your shoe-eating dog,
288
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,580
and you can knock yourself out,
289
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,083
putting on the Rogaine
and the Speed Stick.
290
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,756
This is why I need a second door.
291
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,635
I heard that!
292
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,850
I used to think those people
who sat alone at Starbucks
293
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,519
writing on their laptops
were pretentious poseurs.
294
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,062
Now I know.
295
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,982
They're people
who have recently moved in with someone.
296
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,944
As I looked around, I wondered
how many of them were mid-fight,
297
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,070
like myself.
298
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,532
The hard thing
about fighting in relationships,
299
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,576
as opposed to Madison Square Garden...
300
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,869
no referee.
301
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,663
There's no one to tell you
which comments are below the belt,
302
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,874
or when to go to your separate corners.
303
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,918
As a result, someone usually gets hurt.
304
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,588
And it seems the closer a couple gets,
305
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,840
and the more stuff they have
between them,
306
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,510
the harder it is to figure out
exactly why they're yelling.
307
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:12,680
When it comes to relationships,
I couldn't help but wonder...
308
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,640
what are we fighting for?
309
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,104
Hello, my darling.
310
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:22,732
I'm home.
311
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,404
What are you...
312
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,573
Is that a surprise for me?
313
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,657
Yes, it is.
314
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,410
Don't get all excited,
it's just a little silly something.
315
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,829
-What is it?
-Open it.
316
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,253
It's a cardboard baby.
317
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,174
I saw it in the window
of a novelty store next to the hospital.
318
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,053
See, now we can relax,
because we have one.
319
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,188
Oh, dear.
320
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:03,940
It was supposed to be funny.
321
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,192
I thought we'd have a chuckle.
322
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,194
Don't talk to me.
323
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,072
See, it was a novelty store.
324
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,449
-The clerk said that they--
325
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,162
But to Charlotte, it was
definitely hitting below the belt.
326
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,082
If the meat is about
a quarter of an inch thick...
327
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,458
- Mmm-hmm.
- Um...
328
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,670
And across town,
Miranda decided it was time
329
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,922
to put on the gloves
and come out swinging.
330
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,550
Leave a message.
331
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,760
Hi, Walker, Miranda.
332
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:37,098
Before you leave for Brussels on Monday,
how about getting together Friday night?
333
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,058
My apartment. Call me.
334
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,310
Pregnant or not,
Miranda had needs,
335
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,145
and decided to stop fighting them.
336
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,147
Now, if you like it spicy,
add some of those...
337
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,067
And surprisingly,
338
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,737
Samantha developed
some Secret Single Behavior of her own.
339
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:04,500
Seven hours
and a landslide of lattes later,
340
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,837
I vibrated home,
prepared to admit how silly I'd been.
341
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:19,181
That was, until he wasn't prepared
to admit how silly he'd been.
342
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,693
He yelled, then I yelled.
343
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,988
It's been three days, and nothing.
344
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:37,533
Not a word. And I'll be damned
if I say I'm sorry first.
345
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,201
Well, Trey and I hardly ever yell.
346
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,871
We're Wasps.
Wasps don't yell, it's genetic.
347
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:46,083
-Would anyone like more salad?
-No, we're done. What's the main course?
348
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:50,463
Hey, relax. Chew. You'll get laid.
You're not meeting him until 10:00.
349
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,673
-Beef with Thai noodles.
-Ooh!
350
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,676
Richard is thinking of opening
a hotel in Thailand.
351
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,266
Sweetie? It's perfectly okay
to like a guy.
352
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:05,853
For the last time,
the only thing I like about Richard
353
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:09,815
is his big, throbbing,
rock-hard, perfect dick.
354
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,277
Whoops. Forgot it was ladies' night.
355
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,739
-Trey, you're not supposed to be here.
-Good evening, everyone.
356
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,948
- Good evening.
- Hello.
357
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,909
- Hi.
-Hello, Mrs.
358
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,412
Still mad, I see.
359
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,083
I suppose she told you about the baby.
360
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,002
No, I didn't.
I never want to think about it again.
361
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,588
Well, see...
362
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,842
-I was trying to make Charlotte laugh--
-It's not funny.
363
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,511
Wait a minute now.
Maybe they'll think it's funny.
364
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:43,099
Uh, see, we were so tense
about not being able to have one,
365
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,102
that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby.
366
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,019
Isn't that funny?
367
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,568
Carrie, you're funny.
368
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:58,072
Cardboard baby, that's funny, right?
369
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,866
I mean, it's not funny "ha-ha,"
370
00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:02,493
but silly.
371
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,873
See, they sell them in novelty stores.
372
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:12,878
And other people buy them,
and the clerk said that it was funny.
373
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,547
You know what, maybe you have to see it.
374
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,257
Don't you bring that thing in here.
375
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,884
-It's silly.
-Not to me, it isn't.
376
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,928
How would you feel if I gave you
a cardboard cut-out
377
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,221
of a big, flaccid penis?
378
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,141
It's not so funny now, is it?
379
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,394
Don't you bring that flat baby in here.
I will kill you!
380
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,313
How dare you talk to me like that
in front of your friends?
381
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,149
Oh, they know
all about your penis problems.
382
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,984
And they're just sick
of hearing about it.
383
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,570
There we were,
right in the middle of a Wasp nest.
384
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,863
This is unforgivable!
385
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:42,324
No, what's unforgivable
is you denying me my baby
386
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,535
because of your own
selfish, spoiled needs.
387
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:45,494
- I'm spoiled?
-Yes.
388
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,121
You. You are spoiled.
389
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,956
-Ever since we moved back in here,
390
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,833
-it's been nothing but "baby, baby."
-Samantha Jones.
391
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,126
-What about me?
-Richard.
392
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,586
What about you,
you big baby?
393
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:54,962
-Hello.
- How dare you say that to me
394
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,839
when I always try to give you
everything you've ever wanted.
395
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,716
-No, no, it's not too late to call.
-Everything but a baby!
396
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,469
-Um, we're gonna go.
-Good.
397
00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,846
Oh, don't you talk
to my friends like that.
398
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,973
-Without a baby, they're all I have.
-It's okay.
399
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,517
- And what am I?
-You are the man
400
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,561
who gave me a cardboard baby.
401
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:13,147
-It was funny.
-No, it wasn't!
402
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:14,607
Good night!
403
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:29,622
Okay, what's so important
that it couldn't wait until--
404
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:30,706
This.
405
00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:38,172
Let's get something straight.
406
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,257
I want no part of that.
407
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,844
That turns everything
into a big screaming mess.
408
00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:46,388
We are work and sex, nothing more.
409
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:48,516
Now,
410
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,770
kindly take off those pants
and show me your dick.
411
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,740
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
412
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,553
That's what I'm talking about.
413
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:52,079
Seeing a bantamweight
championship fight
414
00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,540
like Charlotte and Trey's
made me feel thankful
415
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:57,251
that Aidan and I were still
in the banter weight division.
416
00:22:57,334 --> 00:22:58,460
I'm sorry.
417
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:00,713
I'm sorry too.
418
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,220
That night,
I slept in my clothes.
419
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,355
Trey and his baby
slept in the guest room.
420
00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:23,193
And Charlotte no longer cared
what Trey thought.
421
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,535
Fuck me.
422
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,330
-Fuck me like there's no tomorrow.
-Yeah.
423
00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:38,709
For her last meal,
the condemned woman had seconds...
424
00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,378
and thirds.
425
00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:46,926
Samantha met the dawn
after a night of SSB.
426
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:49,511
-Thanks.
-Sexy Swimming Behavior.
427
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:01,649
Dance with me.
428
00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:03,692
What did I say?
429
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,280
I'm your boss.
430
00:24:10,324 --> 00:24:11,325
It's an order.
431
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,419
You think I'd leave your side baby
432
00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:23,462
Richard.
433
00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:30,302
You know me better than that
434
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:37,893
You think I'd leave you down
When you're down on your knees
435
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,649
I wouldn't do that
436
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:51,240
I'll tell you you're right when you want
437
00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,750
Samantha finally
threw in the towel.
438
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:06,588
All this time, she'd been trying
to make him just a perfect dick,
439
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:10,509
fighting her feelings
that he might be the perfect Richard.
440
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:17,808
Oh, when you're cold
441
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:24,440
I'll be there
Hold you tight to me
442
00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:28,068
And back at
the Bradshaw-Shaw residence
443
00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:30,195
it was pretty much business as usual.
444
00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:32,489
Hey, what's up?
Where you been? Who'd you see?
445
00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:35,951
You're so much better than you know
446
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:43,042
When you're lost and you're alone
And you can't get back again...
447
00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:46,837
Buddy, I need you to do something.
448
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:49,214
What?
449
00:25:51,467 --> 00:25:53,218
I've never lived with anybody
before you,
450
00:25:53,302 --> 00:25:54,970
so I don't know
how to say this correctly...
451
00:25:57,514 --> 00:26:01,935
but I need you to not talk to me
for one whole hour.
452
00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:07,941
I know that sounds pretty selfish,
but it's just what I need. Is that okay?
453
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:09,276
Mmm-hmm.
454
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:10,486
Okay, good.
455
00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:15,115
We don't have any other rooms yet,
456
00:26:15,866 --> 00:26:17,326
so, I'm gonna close these,
457
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,496
and then it's like I'm not here.
458
00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:24,249
For one whole hour, I'm not here.
459
00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:26,877
Thanks.
460
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:29,630
I love you.
461
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:42,601
I'll tell you you're right when you want
462
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:57,491
And if only you could see into me
463
00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:03,038
So, what are you doing out here?
464
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:09,545
Oh, when you're cold
465
00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:12,005
I'll be there...
466
00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:13,549
That's the thing about needs.
467
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:17,344
Sometimes when you get them met,
you don't need them anymore.
468
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,390
As our 30 days wore on,
469
00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:25,352
Aidan and I miraculously managed
to not kill each other.
470
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:26,728
But as I predicted...
471
00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:29,398
Toodle-oo!
472
00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:30,858
...the plant was not so lucky.
473
00:27:30,941 --> 00:27:35,821
Oh, when you're low
474
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:42,286
I'll be there by your side, baby