1 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:55,222 Someone once said that two halves make a whole. 2 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:03,772 And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff. 3 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,191 Hey, what's 4 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,527 Hey, Pop-Tart, where you been, and what have you been doing? 5 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:11,488 I got coffee and papers. 6 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,490 But I think the more pressing question is 7 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,701 what have you been doing? 8 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,035 Made myself an area. 9 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,162 Yes, I can see that. 10 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:23,792 I needed a space for my work papers and stuff, you know, so... Is that okay? 11 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,836 Yeah, sure, yes. It's just... 12 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,422 You know you're blocking the bathroom door. 13 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,632 Yeah, but you got another one. Who needs two bathroom doors? 14 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,509 I do, me. 15 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,803 Me, the one who loves her two bathroom doors. 16 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,597 What do you need two doors for? 17 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,140 'Cause sometimes I'm in a hurry 18 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,850 and it's just quicker to go, ping, out that one, 19 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,270 -and it's my escape route in case. -In case what? 20 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,606 In case rapists come in my bedroom window, 21 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,816 I see them in the mirror, and then, phew, I'm gone. 22 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,402 There's a whole lot of phew-ing going on in that bathroom. 23 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,530 Hey, it's just gonna be like this 24 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,949 till we're able to take over the apartment next door. 25 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,367 Then we can load the stuff in. 26 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,996 Would that be happening in the next five minutes, please, God? 27 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,290 Closing at the end of next week. 28 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,293 Oh. Hello, Petey. 29 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,421 Really, what's the problem, right? It's just boxes, right? 30 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,758 A plant. 31 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,469 The man brought a living thing into my apartment. 32 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,971 I don't do plants. I kill everything I bring in there. 33 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,098 You said yes to moving in, the guy moved in. 34 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,684 But he's taking over whole areas. 35 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,394 This is why I've never lived with a man. 36 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,898 This, and the fact that I want them out an hour after I climax. 37 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,149 You let them stay a whole hour? 38 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,944 You'd be surprised how many are ready to go again after a quick catnap. 39 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,113 And there's no walls, you know. There's nowhere to hide. 40 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,324 As soon as I walk in the door, he's all up in my face with, 41 00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,534 "Who'd you see? Where'd you go? Who'd you meet? What do you know?" 42 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:45,916 What I know is, I need time to decompress, just be alone. 43 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,959 But, Carrie, there are gonna have to be some adjustments. 44 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,461 Relationships are hard. 45 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:53,048 Oh, you guys, I miss walking into my apartment 46 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,801 with no one there, and it's all quiet. 47 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,554 And I can do that stuff you do when you're totally alone. 48 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:04,059 Things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do. 49 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:04,976 Like masturbate? 50 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,562 My SSB, my Secret Single Behavior. 51 00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:10,732 Like, I like to make a stack of saltines. 52 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,317 I put grape jelly on them. 53 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:16,154 I eat them standing up in the kitchen, reading fashion magazines. 54 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,322 Why standing up? 55 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,991 It's weird, but it just feels great. 56 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,119 I like to put Vaseline on my hands, 57 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,830 and put them in those Borghese conditioning gloves 58 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,373 while watching infomercials. 59 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,874 Before I was married, 60 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:30,210 I used to study my pores in a magnifying mirror 61 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,712 for an hour each night. 62 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,005 I'm afraid Trey will just think it's weird. 63 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,341 He would. You can't do that stuff in front of men. 64 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,469 What about you, Lolita? 65 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,221 Anything you do you wouldn't want a man to see? 66 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,265 No. 67 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,142 You know, I believe her. 68 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,272 Hey, didn't we make a rule about those things at lunch? 69 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,733 It's my boss, I have to take it. 70 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,651 Samantha Jones. 71 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,279 Richard, it's Sunday. 72 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,573 Fine. 73 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,241 I'll see you in an hour. 74 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,953 He wants me to drop something off this afternoon. 75 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,079 Nice. 76 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:09,666 A little skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight? 77 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,501 No, it's just work. 78 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,378 Hardly, you're sleeping with him. 79 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:15,589 You told them? 80 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,342 I also like to gossip on the phone while secretly pumicing my calluses. 81 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,594 So how is he? 82 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,971 And spare no detail. I'm a horny pregnant person. 83 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:24,890 I don't want to talk about it. 84 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:30,437 Samantha likes a guy! Samantha likes a guy! 85 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,106 -I do not. -You do. You do. 86 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,275 Or you would tell us all the dirty details. 87 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,861 Oh, my God, we're gonna have to ice skate home. 88 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,571 Hell just froze over. 89 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,865 Okay, you want details? Okay. 90 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,745 He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. 91 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:50,165 Long, pink, amazing. 92 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:52,959 It's dick-a-licious. 93 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,296 All right, so what should I do about Aidan's stuff? 94 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,926 I'm gonna have the girls over for dinner. 95 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,678 That sounds like fun. What night? 96 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:04,679 Just the girls. 97 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:08,099 I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get my day planner back together. 98 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,434 I just have so much more free time 99 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,977 now that we're no longer on the baby track. 100 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,897 Some apartments are cluttered with physical stuff. 101 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,982 Others, emotional stuff. 102 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,359 It's a big readjustment. 103 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,362 I've wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl. 104 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,823 I mean, we have a baby room and no baby. 105 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,243 Well, I've got some good news. 106 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:31,832 Bram Pomander thinks he's snagged us orchestra seats 107 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,875 to The Producers next week. 108 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,381 Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed. 109 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,674 But life goes on. 110 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,093 We still have to find a way to have a giggle. 111 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,096 Come on, give me a smile. 112 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,983 Hold on. 113 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,902 Potential investors in Munich. I wish I could say "fuck you" in German. 114 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,077 Impressive. Why do you speak German? 115 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,371 A gal has her reasons. 116 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,332 Come to think of it, that wasn't "fuck you," it was "fuck me." 117 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,585 That's a negotiation ploy I haven't tried before. 118 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:17,794 Who are you kidding? 119 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,005 So where's the layout for the LA Magazine spread? 120 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,299 Signed, sealed, delivered. 121 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,675 And one more thing. 122 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:28,847 It was perfect. 123 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,309 Long, pink, amazing. 124 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,147 I thought about you all weekend. 125 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,862 Let me see if I can give you something to think about all evening. 126 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,325 Bring out that gorgeous dick. 127 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,077 You're gonna get down on your knees right here? 128 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,288 What if my assistant should see you? 129 00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,544 Oops. 130 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,505 I dropped my portfolio. 131 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,052 That may take some time to pick up. 132 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,477 Uff! 133 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,367 Oops, better get those, while you're down there. 134 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,080 If I had known you were gonna turn out to be so not a loser, 135 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,540 I would have run home after work and changed. 136 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,502 Or at least put on some fresh deodorant, huh? 137 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,254 Ow! Careful. 138 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,298 You know, I was a much younger man 139 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,425 when we started trying to set up this blind date. 140 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,761 You're the one who kept cancelling to go to... 141 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,181 -Where were you? -First time, Spain and Rome. 142 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,517 The second time, Luxembourg and Athens. 143 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,687 Walker Lewis, fluent in five languages, 144 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,690 travelled the world as a State Department interpreter. 145 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,066 Seriously, Miranda, 146 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,361 best blind date I have ever had 147 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,738 in the continental USA. 148 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,295 -What? 149 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:28,091 Listen, any reason I can't see you again before I go to Brussels? 150 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,389 He is so cute, and funny, and sexy. 151 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:37,434 And I really wanna have sex with him, but I don't know. 152 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,893 Is it okay to fuck one guy 153 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,021 when you're pregnant with another guy's baby? 154 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,815 If one more person asks me that today... 155 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,194 I mean, I'm not in a relationship with the father of the baby or anything. 156 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,905 I've rarely heard that used as a plus, but go on. 157 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,241 It's just... Is it tacky? 158 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,201 And beyond tacky, is it safe? 159 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,704 Let's assume he's a really great fuck. 160 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,122 'Cause so many men are. 161 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,292 Could all that poking shake the baby loose or something? 162 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,045 No, that's silly. 163 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,380 Married couples have sex all the time. 164 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,007 But what if he's huge? 165 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,967 Again, 'cause so many men are. 166 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,053 Could the dick dent the baby? 167 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,637 Where do you think dimples come from? 168 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,725 -Oh, that is so cute. -I try. 169 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:22,228 Okay, I really need to have sex with him now. 170 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,815 Next time he comes back in town, I'll be too big, he won't want to. 171 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,902 Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy. 172 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,781 This is my last chance. 173 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,658 Last chance for sex. 174 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,577 You're not on death row. 175 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,579 Yes, I am, dead woman fucking. 176 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,999 Miranda, it's your body, your life. You do what's best for you. 177 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,709 Easier said than done. 178 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,546 You can't even ask Aidan not to talk when you walk in the front door. 179 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,801 Hi, Mrs. Cohen. Hold on a second. 180 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:53,927 Here, let me help you. 181 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,345 Hold on. 182 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,180 Here we go. 183 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,349 Hello. Okay? 184 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,850 That's a crazy outfit. 185 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:06,106 Okay. Mrs. Cohen, this is my friend, Miranda. 186 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,649 Hello, Mrs. Cohen. 187 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:14,739 Listen, you tell your boy I'm not leaving for 30 days. 188 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116 What? 189 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,743 But we're closing in a week. 190 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,286 Read the contract! 191 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,166 I didn't think Mrs. Cohen could move any slower, 192 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,211 but apparently she could. 193 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,215 Hey, gal, what's up? 194 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,758 Where you been? What do you know? 195 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,640 Brace yourself, partner. 196 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,059 I been outside, 197 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:48,356 and what's up is Old Lightning Rod next door informs me 198 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:52,110 she will not be leaving for 30 days. 199 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,489 I was afraid she was gonna do that. Fuck! 200 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:01,161 Fuck! What the fuck are we gonna fucking do now? 201 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:04,873 Thank you! 202 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,750 You hate it too. I'm so relieved. 203 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,795 I thought you'd already changed into a pod. 204 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,839 Invasion of the Single Snatchers. 205 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,301 -Of course I hate it. 206 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,345 We cannot live like this. 207 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,392 I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall. You can't get in the fucking door. 208 00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,977 I know, did you see me? 209 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,479 Every time. Every single time. 210 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,898 We gotta get this stuff out of here. 211 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:32,025 We could make some room for it if we cleaned out your closet. 212 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,323 Careful! 213 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,825 Okay, damn. My ears. 214 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,410 Listen to me. 215 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:46,873 I have laid out clean towels on the floor of the bathroom. 216 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:51,669 Gently place the shoes and boxes on them. 217 00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,591 Oh. 218 00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:58,593 Wow. 219 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,553 I forgot I had these. 220 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,513 Things are looking up. 221 00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,849 How many pairs of shoes does one person need? 222 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,435 That is not the way to get out of this alive. 223 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,357 I figure I'm gonna need about half this space. 224 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,609 I figure you've gone mentally ill. 225 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,194 What? You never wear most of this stuff. 226 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,403 Yet. 227 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,198 I never wear most of this stuff yet. Someday I will. 228 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,784 Oh, like, uh... 229 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:24,786 Like this? 230 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,914 When and where were you planning to wear this? 231 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,501 Don't do that. Don't mock the clothes. 232 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,504 And for the record, have worn it. 233 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,883 December '99, Union Square, book signing. 234 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,552 We gotta start somewhere. 235 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,138 Come on, I love this outfit. 236 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:49,894 That's when I realized I was holding onto a Roberto Cavalli outfit 237 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,896 and throwing away my relationship. 238 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,857 -Okay, it goes. -Good. 239 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:55,942 Bye-bye. 240 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,074 Pete. 241 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:04,909 Pete, hey. 242 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,160 Hey, Pete! 243 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:09,122 Stop it. Pete, stop it! 244 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,207 -Pete... Pete! -Pete! 245 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,875 -Oh, my God. -Pete, hey! 246 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,421 Don't show it to me. Don't even show it to me. 247 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,089 I think I saw turquoise. 248 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,550 That better not be the pair I think. 249 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,261 Oh, god damn it! 250 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,974 That dog owes me $380. 251 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,894 -Fine! -You can't buy it. It's circa 1996. 252 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,064 -God damn it! -He's a dog. 253 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,942 What's he supposed to do with all your shit lying around here? 254 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:42,989 My shit wouldn't be lying around if we weren't making room 255 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,199 because your shit is lying around. 256 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,243 You got more shit lying around than I got lying around. 257 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,120 What? Look at this place. 258 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:53,374 It's loaded with your shit. Just look at this bathroom. 259 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,960 Look at all your shit in my bathroom. 260 00:13:56,586 --> 00:14:01,007 Who needs five almost-empty Speed Stick deodorants? 261 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,342 What are you, a crazy bag man? 262 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,885 They're different smells. 263 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,220 And musk? When have you ever worn musk? 264 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:09,932 Look at this stuff. You got old razors, Rogaine... 265 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,396 Wait a minute. You use Rogaine? I didn't know you needed-- 266 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,481 It's preventative. 267 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,484 -Is your hair falling out? -I don't wanna talk about it! 268 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,029 It seems it's not only women who have Secret Single Behavior. 269 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,907 This is my stuff. Don't be going through my stuff. 270 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,992 You were more than happy to go through my stuff. 271 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,119 Oh, your stuff, your bathroom. 272 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,830 You always do that. You never wanna let me in. 273 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:35,416 I don't always do anything. 274 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,086 And I have let you in. 275 00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:41,297 You're fighting with me about a stupid fucking outfit. 276 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,342 Oh, shut up. It's Roberto Cavalli. 277 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:48,137 I threw it away, and I love it. What more do you want? 278 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,598 Shut up? Shut up? 279 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,392 Yes, shut up. 280 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,560 Shut up? You're telling me to shut up? 281 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,397 Please, just shut up. 282 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,109 I am so sick of hearing you talking, talking, talking all the time. 283 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,027 Don't you ever just shut up? 284 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,154 -I'm gonna take a walk. -No. 285 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,574 No, no, no. I'm taking a walk. 286 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,160 You can stay here with your boxes of shit 287 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,412 and your shoe-eating dog, 288 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,580 and you can knock yourself out, 289 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,083 putting on the Rogaine and the Speed Stick. 290 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,756 This is why I need a second door. 291 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,635 I heard that! 292 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,850 I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks 293 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,519 writing on their laptops were pretentious poseurs. 294 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,062 Now I know. 295 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,982 They're people who have recently moved in with someone. 296 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,944 As I looked around, I wondered how many of them were mid-fight, 297 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,070 like myself. 298 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,532 The hard thing about fighting in relationships, 299 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,576 as opposed to Madison Square Garden... 300 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,869 no referee. 301 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,663 There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt, 302 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,874 or when to go to your separate corners. 303 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,918 As a result, someone usually gets hurt. 304 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,588 And it seems the closer a couple gets, 305 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,840 and the more stuff they have between them, 306 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,510 the harder it is to figure out exactly why they're yelling. 307 00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:12,680 When it comes to relationships, I couldn't help but wonder... 308 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,640 what are we fighting for? 309 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,104 Hello, my darling. 310 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:22,732 I'm home. 311 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,404 What are you... 312 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,573 Is that a surprise for me? 313 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,657 Yes, it is. 314 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,410 Don't get all excited, it's just a little silly something. 315 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,829 -What is it? -Open it. 316 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,253 It's a cardboard baby. 317 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,174 I saw it in the window of a novelty store next to the hospital. 318 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,053 See, now we can relax, because we have one. 319 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,188 Oh, dear. 320 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:03,940 It was supposed to be funny. 321 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,192 I thought we'd have a chuckle. 322 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,194 Don't talk to me. 323 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,072 See, it was a novelty store. 324 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,449 -The clerk said that they-- 325 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,162 But to Charlotte, it was definitely hitting below the belt. 326 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,082 If the meat is about a quarter of an inch thick... 327 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,458 - Mmm-hmm. - Um... 328 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,670 And across town, Miranda decided it was time 329 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,922 to put on the gloves and come out swinging. 330 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,550 Leave a message. 331 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,760 Hi, Walker, Miranda. 332 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:37,098 Before you leave for Brussels on Monday, how about getting together Friday night? 333 00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,058 My apartment. Call me. 334 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,310 Pregnant or not, Miranda had needs, 335 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,145 and decided to stop fighting them. 336 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,147 Now, if you like it spicy, add some of those... 337 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,067 And surprisingly, 338 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,737 Samantha developed some Secret Single Behavior of her own. 339 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:04,500 Seven hours and a landslide of lattes later, 340 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,837 I vibrated home, prepared to admit how silly I'd been. 341 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:19,181 That was, until he wasn't prepared to admit how silly he'd been. 342 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,693 He yelled, then I yelled. 343 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,988 It's been three days, and nothing. 344 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:37,533 Not a word. And I'll be damned if I say I'm sorry first. 345 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,201 Well, Trey and I hardly ever yell. 346 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,871 We're Wasps. Wasps don't yell, it's genetic. 347 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:46,083 -Would anyone like more salad? -No, we're done. What's the main course? 348 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:50,463 Hey, relax. Chew. You'll get laid. You're not meeting him until 10:00. 349 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,673 -Beef with Thai noodles. -Ooh! 350 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,676 Richard is thinking of opening a hotel in Thailand. 351 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,266 Sweetie? It's perfectly okay to like a guy. 352 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:05,853 For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard 353 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:09,815 is his big, throbbing, rock-hard, perfect dick. 354 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,277 Whoops. Forgot it was ladies' night. 355 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,739 -Trey, you're not supposed to be here. -Good evening, everyone. 356 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,948 - Good evening. - Hello. 357 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,909 - Hi. -Hello, Mrs. 358 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,412 Still mad, I see. 359 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,083 I suppose she told you about the baby. 360 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,002 No, I didn't. I never want to think about it again. 361 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,588 Well, see... 362 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,842 -I was trying to make Charlotte laugh-- -It's not funny. 363 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,511 Wait a minute now. Maybe they'll think it's funny. 364 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:43,099 Uh, see, we were so tense about not being able to have one, 365 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,102 that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby. 366 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,019 Isn't that funny? 367 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,568 Carrie, you're funny. 368 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:58,072 Cardboard baby, that's funny, right? 369 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,866 I mean, it's not funny "ha-ha," 370 00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:02,493 but silly. 371 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,873 See, they sell them in novelty stores. 372 00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:12,878 And other people buy them, and the clerk said that it was funny. 373 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,547 You know what, maybe you have to see it. 374 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,257 Don't you bring that thing in here. 375 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,884 -It's silly. -Not to me, it isn't. 376 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,928 How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cut-out 377 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,221 of a big, flaccid penis? 378 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,141 It's not so funny now, is it? 379 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,394 Don't you bring that flat baby in here. I will kill you! 380 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,313 How dare you talk to me like that in front of your friends? 381 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,149 Oh, they know all about your penis problems. 382 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,984 And they're just sick of hearing about it. 383 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,570 There we were, right in the middle of a Wasp nest. 384 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,863 This is unforgivable! 385 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:42,324 No, what's unforgivable is you denying me my baby 386 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,535 because of your own selfish, spoiled needs. 387 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:45,494 - I'm spoiled? -Yes. 388 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,121 You. You are spoiled. 389 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,956 -Ever since we moved back in here, 390 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,833 -it's been nothing but "baby, baby." -Samantha Jones. 391 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,126 -What about me? -Richard. 392 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,586 What about you, you big baby? 393 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:54,962 -Hello. - How dare you say that to me 394 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,839 when I always try to give you everything you've ever wanted. 395 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,716 -No, no, it's not too late to call. -Everything but a baby! 396 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,469 -Um, we're gonna go. -Good. 397 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,846 Oh, don't you talk to my friends like that. 398 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,973 -Without a baby, they're all I have. -It's okay. 399 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,517 - And what am I? -You are the man 400 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,561 who gave me a cardboard baby. 401 00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:13,147 -It was funny. -No, it wasn't! 402 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:14,607 Good night! 403 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:29,622 Okay, what's so important that it couldn't wait until-- 404 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:30,706 This. 405 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:38,172 Let's get something straight. 406 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,257 I want no part of that. 407 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,844 That turns everything into a big screaming mess. 408 00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:46,388 We are work and sex, nothing more. 409 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:48,516 Now, 410 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,770 kindly take off those pants and show me your dick. 411 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,740 I'll show you mine if you show me yours. 412 00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,553 That's what I'm talking about. 413 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:52,079 Seeing a bantamweight championship fight 414 00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,540 like Charlotte and Trey's made me feel thankful 415 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:57,251 that Aidan and I were still in the banter weight division. 416 00:22:57,334 --> 00:22:58,460 I'm sorry. 417 00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:00,713 I'm sorry too. 418 00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,220 That night, I slept in my clothes. 419 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,355 Trey and his baby slept in the guest room. 420 00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:23,193 And Charlotte no longer cared what Trey thought. 421 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,535 Fuck me. 422 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,330 -Fuck me like there's no tomorrow. -Yeah. 423 00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:38,709 For her last meal, the condemned woman had seconds... 424 00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,378 and thirds. 425 00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:46,926 Samantha met the dawn after a night of SSB. 426 00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:49,511 -Thanks. -Sexy Swimming Behavior. 427 00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:01,649 Dance with me. 428 00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:03,692 What did I say? 429 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,280 I'm your boss. 430 00:24:10,324 --> 00:24:11,325 It's an order. 431 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,419 You think I'd leave your side baby 432 00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:23,462 Richard. 433 00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:30,302 You know me better than that 434 00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:37,893 You think I'd leave you down When you're down on your knees 435 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,649 I wouldn't do that 436 00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:51,240 I'll tell you you're right when you want 437 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,750 Samantha finally threw in the towel. 438 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:06,588 All this time, she'd been trying to make him just a perfect dick, 439 00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:10,509 fighting her feelings that he might be the perfect Richard. 440 00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:17,808 Oh, when you're cold 441 00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:24,440 I'll be there Hold you tight to me 442 00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:28,068 And back at the Bradshaw-Shaw residence 443 00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:30,195 it was pretty much business as usual. 444 00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:32,489 Hey, what's up? Where you been? Who'd you see? 445 00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:35,951 You're so much better than you know 446 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:43,042 When you're lost and you're alone And you can't get back again... 447 00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:46,837 Buddy, I need you to do something. 448 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:49,214 What? 449 00:25:51,467 --> 00:25:53,218 I've never lived with anybody before you, 450 00:25:53,302 --> 00:25:54,970 so I don't know how to say this correctly... 451 00:25:57,514 --> 00:26:01,935 but I need you to not talk to me for one whole hour. 452 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:07,941 I know that sounds pretty selfish, but it's just what I need. Is that okay? 453 00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:09,276 Mmm-hmm. 454 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:10,486 Okay, good. 455 00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:15,115 We don't have any other rooms yet, 456 00:26:15,866 --> 00:26:17,326 so, I'm gonna close these, 457 00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,496 and then it's like I'm not here. 458 00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:24,249 For one whole hour, I'm not here. 459 00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:26,877 Thanks. 460 00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:29,630 I love you. 461 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:42,601 I'll tell you you're right when you want 462 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:57,491 And if only you could see into me 463 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:03,038 So, what are you doing out here? 464 00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:09,545 Oh, when you're cold 465 00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:12,005 I'll be there... 466 00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:13,549 That's the thing about needs. 467 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:17,344 Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore. 468 00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,390 As our 30 days wore on, 469 00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:25,352 Aidan and I miraculously managed to not kill each other. 470 00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:26,728 But as I predicted... 471 00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:29,398 Toodle-oo! 472 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:30,858 ...the plant was not so lucky. 473 00:27:30,941 --> 00:27:35,821 Oh, when you're low 474 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:42,286 I'll be there by your side, baby