1 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,009 There are a million reasons to celebrate in New York City. 2 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:54,805 Steve no longer having testicular cancer was just one of them. 3 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,767 I only have one ball left. 4 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,357 I don't care who wins, it's me and you after this, buddy. 5 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:06,733 Great. 6 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,279 It all comes down to just one little ball. 7 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,489 Who wants a beer? 8 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,657 -Hey. -Oh. 9 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,080 Samantha? 10 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:25,877 One ball? 11 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,046 One ball? 12 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,799 I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Was he upset? 13 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,467 Embarrassed, I think. 14 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,970 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. He's still got one. 15 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,180 Miranda, they come in a set, like earrings. 16 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:40,475 Oh, he's doing great. If it were me, I'd be sitting at home all depressed. 17 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,476 Explain that to me. 18 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,895 Tell me why you'd be depressed if you were perfectly healthy 19 00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,064 but had to go through life without balls. 20 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,150 -Well-- -I was talking to Aidan. 21 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:52,571 Well, maybe it's bullshit, but I might feel like less of a man or something. 22 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:53,822 A couple of hanging glands 23 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:55,991 has nothing to do with making somebody a man. 24 00:01:56,074 --> 00:02:00,078 She's right. I once went out with this guy, the biggest balls I've seen, 25 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,413 complete pussy. 26 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,248 -How big? -Huge. 27 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,000 I could barely fit one in my mouth. 28 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,712 Welcome to my world. 29 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:13,008 The irony is that I don't think women care that much about balls. 30 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,509 I know I don't. Do you, Carrie? 31 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,180 Except for yours, darling. I'm very into yours. 32 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,391 I have never met a man who wasn't into his balls. 33 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,393 "Oh, yeah, baby, that's it. 34 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,647 Grab my big balls, lick them, pull them." 35 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,357 -You pull the balls? -Mmm-hmm. 36 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,359 -They like it. -Oh. 37 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,610 I went out with this guy-- 38 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,154 -I'm sure you did. -Wait, will you please let her finish. 39 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,280 She's done. 40 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:40,452 Now, I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. 41 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,289 It's just a little bag, but we'd feel naked in public without it. 42 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,041 Samantha Jones. 43 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,129 -Hey, how are you? -I'm great. 44 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,632 Everyone, this is, um... 45 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:58,470 -Allan. Allan Jannie. -Allan Jannie, right, we... 46 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,847 -Fucked. -Fucked, right. 47 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,432 I knew I knew you. 48 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,892 How the hell are you? 49 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,561 Not bad. Just designed the new Richard Wright hotel. 50 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,565 I've been trying to get a meeting with him for months. Who's doing his PR? 51 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,734 I think he's talking to Brad Rosen. 52 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,361 Oh, he's a hack. 53 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,571 -Get me a meeting? -I'll do what I can. 54 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,323 -Good seeing you... -Allan. 55 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,659 I know. 56 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,583 And up on Park Avenue, a different reason for celebrating. 57 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,628 So I told him, when I hire a contractor to do a job, 58 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,921 I expect him to finish on time. 59 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,090 Good, honey. Good. 60 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,175 You know, sometimes they just need to hear it from a man. 61 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,094 A little more mu shu, my mu sh... 62 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,596 So I saw my doctor today 63 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,266 and I told her how frustrated we were that we weren't pregnant yet. 64 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,642 Mmm-hmm. Wonton? 65 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,769 And she said that the easiest thing to do 66 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,104 would be to test your sperm. 67 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,859 Charlotte, I'm eating. 68 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,946 Is it too much to ask to have my mu shu without a side of sperm? 69 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,323 Why are you getting so mad? We're just talking. 70 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,117 Hell's bells, it's only been three months. 71 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,204 And why would you just leap to the conclusion that the problem is me? 72 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,582 I'm not leaping to anything. 73 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,334 It's just easier to test the man first. Less invasive. 74 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,837 I'm sure your sperm is fine. 75 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,506 No, it's better than fine, it's fantastic. 76 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,051 This little subject matter has put me right off my dinner. 77 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,262 -Excuse me. -Trey. 78 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,724 -Honey? -Not now. 79 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,523 -Do men? -Do men, what? 80 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,233 Like them pulled? 81 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,027 How would I know? 82 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:38,737 Do you? 83 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,073 -Do I what? -Like them pulled? 84 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,992 How do I know? 85 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,370 Why don't we give a little tug and see? 86 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,956 -You wanna give a little tug? -Mmm-hmm. 87 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,215 You're gonna do it too hard. 88 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,550 -No, I won't. -All right. 89 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,310 You were saved by the bell. 90 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,439 Bradshaw House of Pain, how can we hurt you? 91 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:19,277 -Hello? -Oh, hey. Hey, man, it's me. 92 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,030 Sorry to be calling you this late. Is Carrie there? 93 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:23,573 Yeah, just a sec. 94 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:25,826 Who is it? 95 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,579 -Hello? -It's me. I need to talk to you. 96 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:33,542 Oh, it's really not a good time. We're about to go to bed. 97 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:37,087 It's important. Willow is totally fucking with my head, please. 98 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,171 All right. 99 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,592 He's having girlfriend problems. I'm gonna be just a minute. 100 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,265 Apparently, dating a movie star 101 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,559 makes you as crazy as dating anyone else. 102 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,560 What's the problem? 103 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,770 She's in town, she's at the Mercer. 104 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,230 We were supposed to get together tonight. 105 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,398 She hasn't gotten back to me. 106 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,275 Well, did you call her? 107 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:02,070 Yes, I called her. I called all five of her numbers. 108 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,738 She never answers. 109 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,241 See, here's the thing, see. 110 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,828 She can reach me, but I can't ever get her. 111 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,747 -Maybe she never got your-- -No, you don't get it. 112 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,624 She can reach me, 113 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:18,169 but I can't get her, ever. 114 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,297 How fucked up is that? 115 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,965 I don't know. Very? 116 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,926 I thought everything was going great. 117 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:29,514 It was, I mean, I flew out to LA to take her to that MTV Award thing. 118 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,100 I'd better start feeling sorry for you soon. 119 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,476 Then she totally dissed me. 120 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,938 I was following her around like a goddamn dog. 121 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,024 I'm just gonna be one more minute. 122 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,320 Listen to this message she left me. 123 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,280 Ugh. I gotta go to bed. 124 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,365 No, wait, listen. Listen to this. 125 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,367 Gonna miss you. 126 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:53,121 I can't wait until I'm in New York, in your arms. 127 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,959 I'm in a New York state of mind 128 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,337 "A New York state of mind"? 129 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,882 -It's Billy Joel. We love that song. -Good night. 130 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,927 -Should I call her again? -No. Good night. 131 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,640 I'm sorry. 132 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,310 So, you still want me to give them a little pull? 133 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,812 Nah. Why'd you take the phone in there? 134 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,483 'Cause I know you don't like him calling here, so... 135 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,944 Carrie, you tell me nothing's going on, 136 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:25,820 then nothing's going on. 137 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,490 You don't gotta run in a closet. 138 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,867 Well, I didn't run. 139 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,996 And I went in there 'cause I know how uncomfortable it makes you. 140 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,290 How uncomfortable it makes me or you? 141 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,251 Me, yes, I'm uncomfortable. 142 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,837 I don't want you to feel threatened. 143 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,172 You think I'm threatened by him? 144 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,091 No, not threatened. 145 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,217 I could take him. 146 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,680 -Who said anything about taking him? -I'm just saying. 147 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,516 It's like the time Batman and the Green Hornet got in a fight. 148 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,059 Everybody expected Batman to win, 149 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,019 'cause he's got the gadgets and the cape and shit. 150 00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,896 But the Green Hornet had the moves. 151 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,023 See, I'm the Green Hornet, I got the moves. 152 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,901 Plus I got Pete, and he's like Kato. 153 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,070 Aren't you, boy? Hey, Petey. 154 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,613 -Come here, boy, come here. 155 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:09,781 Who's your buddy? 156 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,492 He's gonna get him. He's got him! 157 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,912 What do superheroes have to do with it? 158 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,539 I have no idea. 159 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,917 It's a guy thing. All I know is that in order to deal with Big, 160 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,211 he had to turn himself into the Green Lantern. 161 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,380 -Hornet. -I don't care if he's the Green Bee. 162 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,675 I just wish there was a way for Aidan 163 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:32,137 to really understand that he has nothing to worry about. 164 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,016 Maybe I should try to get Big and him and me together. 165 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,767 Did you have a plate of crazy for lunch? 166 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,019 We could all talk. 167 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:42,689 And Aidan could see once and for all that I love him, 168 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,566 and Big and I are just friends. 169 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,276 -Carrie, I don't know. -Seriously. 170 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:50,113 Keeping my relationship with Big in the closet only makes things worse. 171 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,615 These are guys. They don't talk, they fight. 172 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,536 They can't help it, it's all that crazy testosterone. God bless it. 173 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,748 We're having Trey's sperm tested. 174 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,125 Is it not doing well in school? 175 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,129 We were discussing it over dinner last night and he just blew up. 176 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,424 One minute he was perfectly happy, the next minute, furious. 177 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,675 That time of the month? 178 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,761 It's a side of Trey I've never seen. 179 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,888 It's about the sperm. 180 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,682 What is it with that area? It's like a minefield. 181 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,643 I spent the afternoon thinking about my friends. 182 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,147 Body image depression, unpredictable mood swings, 183 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,442 late-night phone calls obsessing about a relationship. 184 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,986 Did I mention these are my male friends? 185 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,989 So, maybe men and women aren't from different planets 186 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,991 as pop culture would have us believe. 187 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,160 Maybe we live a lot closer to each other. 188 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,538 Perhaps, dare I even say it, in the same zip code. 189 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,999 In view of current circumstances, 190 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:47,170 I couldn't help but wonder, are men just women with balls? 191 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,172 - Look at that. - Look at what? 192 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,508 -That dog's sack. -No, thank you. 193 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:57,680 Did you know you can't enter a dog in a dog show if he's only got one ball? 194 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,099 Where'd you hear that? 195 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,476 Around. 196 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,896 They even make fake dog balls. 197 00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,692 They make them for humans too. 198 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:16,866 -I'm thinking about getting one. -No. Steve, no. Why would you do that? 199 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,160 Why not? Women get breast implants all the time. 200 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:22,080 Steve, trust me, I've been to the area. 201 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,583 And I swear to God, I wouldn't know if you had one or four. 202 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,210 But I know. 203 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,671 Every time I look down at my nuts... 204 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,965 Correction: "nut." 205 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,260 I look all lopsided. 206 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,262 Women don't care. 207 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,555 We care about 208 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,475 nice arms, great eyes, big dick. 209 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:46,646 I have never once heard a woman say, "He had such a big, full scrotum." 210 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,608 I made an appointment, I'm talking to the doctor. 211 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,901 Will you go with me? 212 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,571 Where, testicle shopping? 213 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,451 Samantha finally got her meeting 214 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,579 with hotel magnate Richard Wright. 215 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,248 Smart, tough, a real ballbuster. 216 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:09,752 Well, I've enjoyed meeting you, but truth be told, Ms. Jones 217 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,463 -your résumé's all fluff. -Fluff? 218 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,424 It's just parties and social events. 219 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,552 What is it that you do in your hotels? 220 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,553 Nuclear fission? 221 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,729 I admit, I'm intrigued. 222 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,771 If I wasn't, 223 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,566 you would've been down in the lobby having a cappuccino ten minutes ago. 224 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,152 Here's an idea. 225 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,279 I'm talking to Brad Rosen. 226 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,573 Maybe you two can get together and share the work. 227 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,950 Five hotels, it's a big job. 228 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,619 I know it's a big job. 229 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,414 That's why I'm still here and not down in the lobby having a cappuccino. 230 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,167 I appreciate your offer, 231 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,919 but I don't need a partner. 232 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,005 Read between the lines, Ms. Jones. 233 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,759 I deal with a lot of business-men. 234 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,470 What are you saying? 235 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:04,098 That business-men would be more comfortable 236 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,101 dealing with a woman if she were working next to a man? 237 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,353 You have a lot to offer. 238 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,065 You might want to consider working with a partner who isn't so... 239 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,400 emotional. 240 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:18,529 "Emotional" is just code for "I don't wanna hire a woman." 241 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,698 Exactly. They're that way at my firm too. 242 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,617 They think you're gonna cry over a legal brief. 243 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,452 Well, have you ever cried over a brief? 244 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,454 Certainly, but only in the privacy of my own office. 245 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,958 I cried once at the gallery, once in ten years. 246 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:33,378 And from that day on it was, "Careful, don't make Charlotte cry." 247 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,129 I have never cried at work. 248 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,966 I fake cried to my editor when I missed a deadline. 249 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,385 I told him I was having a bad time at home, 250 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,845 but really I was having a good time in the Hamptons. 251 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,306 That makes the rest of us look bad. 252 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,141 Oh, boo-hoo, it was 80 degrees and sunny. 253 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:50,645 A guy gets angry in a meeting, he's a pistol. A woman's emotional. 254 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:53,648 If I'd say anything, like, "I don't think that's hung high enough" 255 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,276 they say, "Ooh, careful, don't make Charlotte cry." 256 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:59,654 What does he think I'm going to do? Get my period and ruin his empire? 257 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,947 Yes, men... 258 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,909 -Wait, let me rephrase that, some men-- - Good move, Counsel. 259 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,245 That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner. 260 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,872 Some men are threatened by strong businesswomen. 261 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,667 And they have to find a way to make her be just a woman again. 262 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,377 Hence, "You're too emotional." 263 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,753 "Hence," yet. 264 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:19,674 I'm going back in there, guns blazing, cool, calm, collected. 265 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,260 I'm going to impress that arrogant motherfucker so much, 266 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,178 he's gonna beg me to take the job. 267 00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,889 Just don't cry. Once. Once in ten years. 268 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,475 Well, this chicky's gotta run, or I'm gonna miss my ride with Aidan 269 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,644 and then I'm gonna have to take mass transit to the country. 270 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:32,854 Then there'll be some tears. 271 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,691 The next day, while Aidan was tearing down the old shed, 272 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:41,112 I was tearing through the new In Style with Big's big movie star on the cover. 273 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:46,868 Hello? 274 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,870 Hey, it's me. 275 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,747 What's the matter? You sound terrible. 276 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,042 I hope you don't mind my calling. I got the number off your machine. 277 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,710 Where's area code 845? 278 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,628 Upstate, we're in the country. 279 00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:58,921 On a Thursday? 280 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,382 We're taking a long weekend. What's wrong? 281 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,675 Tsk! 282 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:04,969 She broke it off. 283 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,056 She said she never wants to see me again. 284 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,432 Oh. 285 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,019 -I'm so sorry. -I don't even know what I did. 286 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,771 She won't return my calls. 287 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:18,066 See, she can reach me 288 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,650 but I can't get her. 289 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,027 You mentioned that. 290 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,405 Well... 291 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,576 She's crazy, I'm telling you. She has the eyes of a crazy person. 292 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,995 Man, I was such a chump. 293 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,332 I really put myself out there 294 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,752 and she drop-kicked me right in the fucking heart. 295 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,923 When are you coming back to the city? 296 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,133 -Monday. -Not till Monday? 297 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,013 Fuck. 298 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,434 Well... 299 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,269 I would... 300 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,855 I'd invite you out here, but it's just so far away. 301 00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:58,773 How far? 302 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:03,111 It's 40 minutes, you know, if there's no traffic, 303 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:06,948 but with the weekenders and everything, I don't know, an hour, maybe even two. 304 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,867 -It's Thursday afternoon. -Yeah, don't you have to work? 305 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:13,037 I have to see you. I'll get my Jag out of the garage. 306 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,372 Maybe the drive will do me good. 307 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,458 -Uh-huh. -I'll come up for an hour, we'll talk, 308 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:18,668 and then I'll head home. 309 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,712 -Uh-huh. -How do I get there? Let me get a pen. 310 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,641 Hey, darling. 311 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,936 We gotta close these windows up. It's gonna rain. 312 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,815 -Did I hear the phone ring? -Uh-huh. 313 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,693 Who was it? 314 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,486 It was Batman. 315 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,364 I invited him up. 316 00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,285 I didn't mean to. 317 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,495 I just got trapped. 318 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,832 That crazy movie star lady broke up with him, 319 00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,585 he's devastated, he has no one else to talk to. 320 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,045 Before I knew it, I was telling him to make a right at the sign 321 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,881 for Farm Fresh Summer Squash. 322 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,675 -I don't want him in my house. -I totally understand. 323 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:11,053 Look, he's gonna come up here and we're gonna have a quick talk, 324 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,140 and then he's gonna go right back to the city where he belongs. 325 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,224 Fuck. 326 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:18,269 Hey. 327 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,896 You're my man. 328 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,732 -And I love you. 329 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,152 He's just a friend in pain. 330 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:31,032 I would never do this, but he's really hurting. 331 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,284 Come on, haven't you ever had a girl break your... 332 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,541 Well, he better be fucking upset when he gets here. 333 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:41,834 There better be tears. 334 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,003 Thank you. 335 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:47,965 Let's go, Pete. 336 00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,054 He's got some balls coming up here. 337 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:56,974 The prosthesis approximates 338 00:16:57,058 --> 00:17:00,895 the weight, shape, and feel of a normal testicle. Squeeze it. 339 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,694 Oh. I'm sorry. 340 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,821 I dropped the ball. 341 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:19,789 Now, it comes in four sizes. Extra small, small, medium, and large. 342 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,375 I'd be a... 343 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:24,919 Jeez. Um... 344 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,338 Miranda, what would I be? 345 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,466 Um... 346 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,093 Medium? 347 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,471 Yeah? I was thinking large. 348 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,057 Well, I'm really not an expert. 349 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,434 Large, then. 350 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,396 Medium. 351 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,316 -Really? -A large-medium, Steve. 352 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:48,985 Now, to get this model, 353 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,988 you have to enroll in a clinical trial for market clearance. 354 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,657 -Excuse me? -It's not approved yet. 355 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,492 It's still being tested for safety. 356 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,369 No, Steve. 357 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,623 -No. -I assure you, it's perfectly safe. 358 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,418 He says it's perfectly safe. 359 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,378 That's what they said about the Ford Pinto. 360 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,881 Think about it, Steve. You want a Pinto near your penis? 361 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,599 And in a different urologist's office, 362 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,226 -at the exact same time... 363 00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:24,645 Hi. 364 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,607 Is everything okay? The nurse said you wanted to see me. 365 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,110 I'm afraid our old problem has reared its ugly head. 366 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,946 I can't seem to rise to the occasion. 367 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,324 Well, let's not assume it's the same problem. 368 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,493 Here, I bought you this. 369 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,538 -Juggs? -I know how much you like them. 370 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,124 You knew I'd have a problem. 371 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,168 No, I just came prepared. 372 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,253 Look. 373 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,714 She's got big boobs. 374 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,426 Look, so does she. 375 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,219 It's the Big Boob Bonanza issue. 376 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,889 -It's not that, it's... -What, honey? 377 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:02,975 I'm afraid to. 378 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,729 I don't think I can handle another problem in that area. 379 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,568 Don't you worry, Trey MacDougal. 380 00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:17,740 I'm sure that you have very strong Scottish sperm. 381 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,867 And if you don't, 382 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,953 we can just spin them, 383 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,789 and whip them up, 384 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,209 and do whatever it is you sexy doctor types do. 385 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,752 Mmm. That's good. 386 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,003 -Yeah? -Mmm-hmm. 387 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,215 -Yeah, keep doing that. -Mmm-hmm. 388 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,303 -Do that thing I like. -Which thing? 389 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,265 -You know, you give a little tug. -Ah. 390 00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,560 Turned out, Trey's Scottish sperm was fine. 391 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,397 No, better than fine. Fantastic. 392 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,314 Where's the cup? 393 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,068 Well, I have to admit, you're the best person for the job. 394 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:55,903 But I'm not gonna hire you. 395 00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,241 Give me one legitimate reason why not. 396 00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:02,159 -Do I have to say it? -Yes. 397 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,414 I'd like to hear the words come out of your mouth. 398 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,333 Okay, you slept with my architect. 399 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,920 Turns out, Samantha was wrong, men do talk. 400 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,296 And I don't wanna get into all that. 401 00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,757 Into all what? 402 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,428 It happened 100 years ago. I barely know the guy. 403 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,598 And how does my personal life affect your business? 404 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:26,851 I think the more accurate question would be, 405 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,603 how does your personal life affect your business? 406 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,273 It's too bad. 407 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,358 Other than that, you had the job. 408 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,197 You know what? 409 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,576 If I was a guy, you would've shaken my hand, 410 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,245 bought me a scotch, and given me a key to an office. 411 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,913 It's amazing. 412 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:51,292 A man with such innovative vision can be so shortsighted. 413 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,713 Ms. Jones, wait. 414 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,298 But Samantha couldn't wait. 415 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,633 She could feel the tears building up inside her. 416 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,011 -Come on, come on. - Wait, not so fast. 417 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,306 -Close. - Ms. Jones. 418 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,521 The next day, Richard Wright hired Samantha. 419 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,483 He told her he admired her balls. 420 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,905 When Big still hadn't arrived two hours later, 421 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:25,075 I was secretly praying he had missed the sign for Farm Fresh Summer Squash. 422 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,914 Then there it was, the Batmobile. 423 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,428 Maybe he doesn't wanna come in and meet your dad. 424 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:53,729 But I'm taking a Greyhound 425 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,607 On the Hudson River Line 426 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:04,031 I'm in a New York state of mind 427 00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:07,034 -What are you doing just sitting here? -Waiting for you. 428 00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,246 Why didn't you come in? 429 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,708 I don't wanna go in. 430 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,712 -Let's go have a drink or something. -Wanna get a drink, where? 431 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:22,174 At a Ye Old Country lemonade stand? 432 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,427 -Under the evergreens 433 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,972 Why are you listening to that? 434 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,182 But I know what I'm needing 435 00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,434 And I don't want to waste more time... 436 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:35,229 Come on, turn off the car and come inside. We'll talk, all right? 437 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,399 I'm in a New York state of mind 438 00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,158 -Is he in there? -Yes. 439 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:50,995 I can't talk about this in front of him. 440 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,831 Yes, you can, and you better. 441 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,625 So come on, let's go. 442 00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:58,669 Come on. 443 00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:00,504 Oh, shit. 444 00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:05,384 An hour and two bottles of red wine later, 445 00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:07,011 Big started talking. 446 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,722 Unfortunately, it was mostly to himself. 447 00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:11,015 "Her luminous skin, 448 00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:15,519 a product of vegan diet discipline." 449 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:19,273 Vegan diet, bullshit. 450 00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:22,526 -All right. Give me the magazine. -No, wait, listen to this one. 451 00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:26,238 "I'm looking for that someone special." 452 00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:29,783 She's not looking for anybody. Bullshit. 453 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,121 -Any more wine? -Nope. 454 00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:44,048 "Let's go have a drink and a smoke sometime." 455 00:23:46,884 --> 00:23:49,386 -You can't smoke in the house. -Huh? 456 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:52,932 Can't smoke in the house. 457 00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:54,892 That's cool. 458 00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:57,895 Guess I better head back. 459 00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:02,316 Thanks. 460 00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:06,987 Oh, Jesus. 461 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,615 Look at him, he can't drive. 462 00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:22,169 Hey, what do you think you're doing? You can't drive. 463 00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:25,631 -Call my driver. -We're an hour outside New York. 464 00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:29,760 I'm in a New York state of mind 465 00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,137 Seen all the movie stars 466 00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:33,514 You're gonna have to sleep on the couch. 467 00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:34,598 I better not. 468 00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:36,934 He doesn't want me here. 469 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,857 You can't drive. Sleep on the couch. 470 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,903 That's cool. 471 00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,575 After the ball plan backfired, 472 00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:56,412 Miranda took Steve out to dinner to lift his spirits. 473 00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,414 Here's the book I was telling you about. 474 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,583 -A Positive Outlook to Healing. 475 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,589 -Steve, I'm starting to hit my limit. -I know. Um... 476 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:09,883 I just... 477 00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:13,178 I was just really counting on that fake ball. 478 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,307 It's just, every time I look down there, I feel... 479 00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:19,935 What? 480 00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:23,772 This may be hard for you to understand. 481 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,441 Um... 482 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,112 But who's gonna fuck a uni-ball bartender? 483 00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:41,373 Miranda realized the one thing she could do to help Steve 484 00:25:41,457 --> 00:25:43,667 didn't involve books or balls. 485 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,620 What's that pounding? 486 00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:21,705 Aidan's shooting hoops. 487 00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:26,293 Isn't it a little early? 488 00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:30,005 You have to go out there and make friends with him. 489 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:36,929 What are you talking about? 490 00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:42,643 We're middle-aged men. We don't make friends. 491 00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:45,354 -We have nothing in common. -You have me in common. 492 00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:47,981 And if you and Aidan don't become at least a little friendly, 493 00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:49,733 I'm not gonna be able to stay in your life. 494 00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:59,493 Well, how do I do this? 495 00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:03,747 You're a guy, he's a guy, there's a ball. 496 00:27:04,665 --> 00:27:05,666 Figure it out. 497 00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:30,899 Hey, man. 498 00:27:33,527 --> 00:27:36,572 I'm sorry about last night. I guess I got a little drunk. 499 00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:41,493 I didn't mean to come up and ruin your weekend or anything. 500 00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:46,623 You play hoop, huh? 501 00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:48,375 Here, why don't you give me a shot? I play a little. 502 00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:57,217 A little muddy. I guess all that rain, huh? 503 00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:10,397 -Watch it, man. That was a little hard. -That wasn't that hard. 504 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,585 There they were. Batman and the Green Bee. 505 00:28:32,419 --> 00:28:33,420 Hey! 506 00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,840 Stop. Hey, stop it. 507 00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:43,180 Stop it! You're middle-aged! 508 00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,563 -That dog just bit my ass. -Pete. 509 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,483 And just like that, Kato stopped the fight. 510 00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:08,163 And the thing is, see... 511 00:29:08,914 --> 00:29:10,207 she could reach me, 512 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:13,126 but I could never get her. 513 00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:16,797 Day or night, whenever, 514 00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:18,632 she could reach me, 515 00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:21,426 I couldn't get her. See? 516 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:25,764 -That's fucked up. -Yeah, yeah. 517 00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:30,936 Somehow, the storm had passed, and I never fully understood why. 518 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:35,732 Okay, maybe men and women don't live in the same zip code, 519 00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:37,317 but we're moving closer. 520 00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:39,569 -Good eggs. -Mmm.