1 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:53,595 A girl in pigtails once said, "There's no place like home." 2 00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,185 But then her home didn't have a toilet that flushed for no reason. 3 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,192 And a boyfriend who was moving out for one big reason. 4 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:13,907 That's the last of it. 5 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:19,913 Okay. 6 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:23,875 You want me to fix that? 7 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,712 No, it's okay. I can get someone to come and fix it. 8 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,216 Just let me get in there for a sec. 9 00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,474 -Hold the ball cock. -Huh? 10 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,893 -This thing right here. -Oh. 11 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,062 Yeah, right there. 12 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,776 That should do it. 13 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,406 I should go. 14 00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,870 You can't leave. 15 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,041 Our last words to each other can't be "ball cock." 16 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,253 You should definitely stay. 17 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:11,882 At least for another day. 18 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,551 Or forever. 19 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,637 We've been through this. 20 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,015 I can't. 21 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,645 Are you sure? 22 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,356 I am. 23 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,485 Aidan, um... 24 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,200 This is difficult to say. 25 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:40,786 Um... 26 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:45,040 I left the ring on the clown table. 27 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,377 -That's yours. -No, no, no. 28 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,588 I should never have accepted it in the first place. I'm sorry. 29 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,342 -Please take the ring. -I want you to have it. 30 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,302 Please, take it. 31 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,429 If you do or say... 32 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:03,642 one more nice thing... 33 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,816 Okay, I gotta go. 34 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,443 All right, I can't watch you leave, so I think I'm just gonna... 35 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,488 I'm better... I'm gonna stand here. Could you just... 36 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,908 Could you just, um, shut the door? 37 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,244 -Carrie. -I know. 38 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,038 Go. 39 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:47,519 Three hours later, I peeled myself off the bathroom floor. 40 00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:01,283 Apparently there were things that were difficult for Aidan to say as well. 41 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,837 I curled up to read Aidan's last words to me, 42 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,298 also known as the good-bye letter. 43 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,062 -Aidan's evicting her? -He's not evicting her. 44 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,523 He giving her 30 days to decide what she wants to do. 45 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,860 -Well, that's just tacky. -Look, life gets complicated. 46 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,030 Steve and I are drawing up papers to timeshare our kid. 47 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,617 Great love stories are supposed to end with tragedy and tears, 48 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,411 not papers from the law firm of Gold and Vogel. 49 00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,079 This is more than fair. 50 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:51,708 He's asking you to buy your apartment for the exact price he paid, 51 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,418 or you can vacate and he'll sell it. 52 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:54,503 Vacate? 53 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,379 I'm homeless. 54 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,757 I'll be a bag lady. A Fendi bag lady, but a bag lady. 55 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,675 Maybe you should think about buying your place. 56 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:01,885 No, I am not a buyer. 57 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,929 New York is a town of renters. Everybody rents. 58 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,430 -I don't. -I don't. 59 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,891 -I don't. -You got yours in the settlement. 60 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,684 You did not have to pay for your apartment. 61 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:12,395 Oh, I paid for that apartment. 62 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,275 I'm pregnant. I can't control it. 63 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:21,029 Well, honey, you better learn, because that is unappetizing. 64 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,616 I know. I am so swollen and gassy. 65 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,284 I'm like a flotation device. 66 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:29,579 I'll get this one. And I don't want a fight out of you. 67 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,248 Save it for your down payment. 68 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:36,545 Oh! Excuse me. You bought the Chanel wallet? 69 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,964 Oh, no, Richard gave it to me as a gift. 70 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,383 -Nice. What was the occasion? -No occasion. 71 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,552 -He is in love with you. -He's not in love with me. 72 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,345 -You don't know that. -Yes, I do. 73 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,597 Take a look at the card. 74 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,269 "Style for style. Best, Richard." 75 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,855 -"Best." Yikes. -"Best" is the worst. 76 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,274 Yeah, even Gold and Vogel give you "sincerely." 77 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,817 "Best" is like signing "Not love." 78 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,151 It's the thought that counts. 79 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,487 He bought you something he knew you'd love. 80 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,823 He's a pretty generous guy, with money. 81 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,157 Aidan wanted me to keep the ring. 82 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:08,535 You did, didn't you? 83 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,997 Oh, honey, you're a fool. 84 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,000 No. It was the right thing to do. 85 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,794 Do you ever think about giving yours back? 86 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,588 No, I love that ring. 87 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:20,964 I couldn't keep it. 88 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,092 Every time I looked at it, it would break my heart. 89 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,098 This ring is worth a lot. 90 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,143 Tiffany, 2. 17 carats, platinum setting. 91 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,812 Beautiful cut, very few inclusions. 92 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,856 So, what do you want to do with it? 93 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,942 I was thinking maybe I'd turn it into a necklace. 94 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:45,238 A floating diamond necklace would be to die. Very now. 95 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,198 So, a lot of people do this. 96 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,200 These were my baguettes. 97 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:52,037 Because it turned out my husband was a faggot, 98 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,539 now they're earrings. But he had good taste. 99 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,375 So a necklace? 100 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,044 I'm not sure. 101 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,045 Maybe a pendant. 102 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:03,590 We can melt down the platinum setting and turn it into spectacular earrings. 103 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,634 Melt? Melt it down? 104 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,638 There, in the wedding band boneyard, 105 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,431 Charlotte started to melt down. 106 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,724 I don't think I'm ready for this. 107 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,770 Just don't take it to the gypsies next door. 108 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,359 Okay. 109 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,612 Let's look at your assets here at the bank. 110 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,197 -We may be able to use them 111 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,782 as collateral for the loan. 112 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,283 Linda, Line 1. 113 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:35,080 Okay, it says here that you have $700 in your checking account. 114 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,748 I just paid my credit card bill. 115 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:42,045 And $957 in savings. 116 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,299 Look, Linda. 117 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,426 You're single, right? 118 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,262 So I'm sure that you can appreciate my problem. 119 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:56,434 I just broke up with my fiancé, which, trust me, is traumatic enough... 120 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,228 Linda, Line 2. 121 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:04,192 And now I have 25 days to either find the money to buy my place 122 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,777 or I am out on the street. 123 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:11,116 Do you have any other income, besides the column? 124 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:12,450 No. 125 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:16,454 But I was chosen as New York Magazine's best pick for city columnist. 126 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,748 I was the pick over Pete Hamill. 127 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,084 What about your assets outside the bank? 128 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:25,296 -Property, stocks, bonds? -No, no, no. 129 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:28,591 I'm sorry, Ms. Bradshaw, 130 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:34,055 but you are not a desirable candidate for a loan. 131 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,938 After assessing what little assets I had, 132 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,191 I realized I would have to change my lifestyle. 133 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,153 Excuse me, could you tell me how much the bus is? 134 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,237 $1 .50. 135 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,864 Really? 136 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,659 Wow, last time I took the bus, it was like 75 cents. 137 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,078 You know, for 3 more bucks, you could take a cab. 138 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,627 For crying out loud. 139 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,256 Why do you have to take the bus if you're on the bus? 140 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,301 My thoughts exactly. 141 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,555 So here I was, a 35-year-old single woman 142 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:19,267 with no financial security, but many life experiences behind me. 143 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,478 -Did that mean nothing? 144 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,565 After all, heartbreak and breakups are the hardest kind of work. 145 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,777 So shouldn't there be some sort of credit for enduring them? 146 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,863 And if not, how do you retain a sense of value 147 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,574 when you have nothing concrete to show for it? 148 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:39,204 Because at the end of yet another failed relationship, 149 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,665 when all you have are war wounds and self-doubt, 150 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,960 you have to wonder, what's it all worth? 151 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,257 Let me just say again, I love your gallery, 152 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,677 so if there are ever any openings, you have my résumé. 153 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:58,473 Meanwhile, a woman with far fewer financial worries 154 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,059 was also contemplating her worth. 155 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,035 Charlotte knew the ring didn't mean as much, 156 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,995 now that she was no longer with Trey. 157 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,791 But on that particularly low Thursday, 158 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,003 she put on her 2. 17-carat diamond 159 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,633 and wandered around her 2. 17-carat Park Avenue apartment. 160 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,186 That night, at Richard's... 161 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,940 Another gift. Are you trying to spoil me? 162 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,024 That's the plan. 163 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,903 -Oh, La Petite Coquette, my favorite. -I know. I pay attention. 164 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,864 Wait a minute. There's a card. 165 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,073 Oh. 166 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,783 The card. 167 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:04,080 "Sexy for sexy. Best, Richard." 168 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,792 Why don't you slip into that while I pour us some Chrystal? 169 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,502 I'll do my very best. 170 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,796 Oh... 171 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,466 Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. 172 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,344 Oh, this is torture. 173 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:21,014 Why are you doing this to me? I can't buy shoes. 174 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,766 Well, I have to buy shoes. None of my old ones fit. 175 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,226 Even my feet are fat. 176 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,271 -These are pretty. -I'm looking for comfortable. 177 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,772 Then I'll try these for you. 178 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,316 -Excuse me, sir. -Yes? 179 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,484 Could I try these, please, in a seven-and-a-half? 180 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,652 -Sure. -Oh. 181 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,654 Um, and these, and... 182 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,158 And, well, I guess, just all of these. 183 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:43,786 But, sir, no matter what happens in the next 20 minutes, 184 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,915 under no circumstances am I to buy these. 185 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:48,333 I'm just trying them on for fun. 186 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,043 How fun for me. 187 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,630 Could I try these in a nine? 188 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,839 -Sure. -Thanks. 189 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,721 -What is that smell? -Sorry. 190 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,099 I've learned to control the sound now, but not the activity. 191 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,101 That's just mean. 192 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:08,853 Damn! 193 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,522 How are people gonna know to scatter without a warning? 194 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:15,109 Although, maybe it's not that I control the noise 195 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:18,780 as much as my ass is so big the sound is now muffled. 196 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,406 Look at my fingers. 197 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,909 They're like sausages. I can't even get my ring off. 198 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:27,038 I'm telling you, the fat ass, the farting, it's ridiculous. 199 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,414 I am unfuckable. 200 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:32,001 And I have never been so horny in my entire life. 201 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,503 -Really? -Yeah. 202 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:36,589 That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, 203 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,050 so somebody is obligated to have sex with you. 204 00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:44,138 -I'm an undesirable. -No, I am. 205 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:49,185 The lady at the bank said I was an unattractive candidate for a loan. 206 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,397 Where did all my money go? I know I made some. 207 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:58,152 Uh, at $400 a pop, how many of these do you have? Fifty? 208 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,071 Come on. 209 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,030 A hundred? 210 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,366 Would that be wrong? 211 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,868 100 times 400, there's your down payment. 212 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,620 Well, that's only $4,000. 213 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,914 No, it's $40,000. 214 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:16,421 I spent $40,000 on shoes 215 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,256 and I have no place to live? 216 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:24,053 I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes. 217 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,518 I pulled my own finger. 218 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,854 I'm a walking whoopee cushion. 219 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,483 When a girl gets backed up against the wall she can't afford, 220 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,319 she has to consider renting others. 221 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,071 That's the closet? 222 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:44,574 Where do the shoes go? 223 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,160 You get one of those racks that hang on the door. 224 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,955 I'll hang myself on a door if I have to live here. 225 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,209 Do... 226 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,836 Do I smell curry? 227 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,339 There's an Indian restaurant downstairs. 228 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,009 Delia, I ask you, 229 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:07,638 how can this apartment be $2,800 a month? 230 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,308 I pay $750 for something that's twice the size, 231 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,809 and it don't smell like takeout. 232 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:15,229 You have a rent-controlled apartment, I suggest you stay there. 233 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:18,858 Well, unfortunately, that's really not an option. 234 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,612 What other shitholes are you showing me today? 235 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,991 I have to be honest. With your attitude and price limitations, 236 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,535 I think you should consider Weehawken. 237 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,164 Uh, get back to me when the numbers are in. 238 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:39,212 Well, look at you, all dressed up. Applying for a job here? 239 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,631 So this is where you work. 240 00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,468 It's cute. It's smaller than I expected. 241 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:50,515 I always imagined rows and rows of blondes in tight sweaters, typing. 242 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,766 Oh, they're at lunch. 243 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,646 -I am here in an official capacity. -Oh. 244 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,523 Aren't you gonna ask me to sit down? 245 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,274 By all means. Pick a chair. 246 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,736 Faced with the prospect of Weehawken, 247 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,697 I decided it was time to call in the big guns. 248 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:10,493 Now, what can I do for you? 249 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:15,289 I once read that you took something like $3 million and leveraged it 250 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:18,167 to build a $100 million building. How did you do that? 251 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:20,420 What's going on? 252 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:23,714 I want to buy my apartment but I have no money. 253 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,053 I'm worth nothing. 254 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,516 You're worth a million bucks, Bradshaw. 255 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,852 Well, maybe you should go work at a bank. 256 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,731 Aidan and I broke up. 257 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,903 So it's not just money troubles. 258 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:49,991 Why didn't you call me? 259 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,451 I got enough troubles. 260 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,246 What happened? 261 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,583 Apparently you were right, I am not the marrying kind. 262 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,501 Or the timing wasn't right. 263 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:03,921 You're gonna be okay, kid. 264 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:09,552 So, I need money. You know money. 265 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:12,805 I need to know what you know about money. 266 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,223 Simple. 267 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,060 I'll tell you how to get the money. 268 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,063 Big offered me the money for my down payment. 269 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,191 But I could never take it. 270 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,113 -Could I? -No, you couldn't. 271 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,741 He just gave you $30,000? 272 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,618 As a loan. I would pay him back. 273 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,077 Take the money. 274 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,622 When a man gives you money, you give him control. 275 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,292 It's just money. Man, woman, who cares? It's fluid. 276 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:44,295 Someone needs it, you give it. You need it, you take it. 277 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,422 I'm uncomfortable with this conversation. 278 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,924 We shouldn't be talking about money. 279 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,717 Why not? We talk about everything else. 280 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,802 People are funny about money. 281 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:54,889 Like Richard, he's happy to buy me gifts, but... 282 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,307 Still no "love"? 283 00:16:56,390 --> 00:17:00,144 No, but he continues to send his best. 284 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,981 Don't cash Big's cheque. I'll loan you the money. 285 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,526 You're about to have a baby. I can't take your money. 286 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,111 And furthermore, do you have that much? 287 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,488 I have about half that. 288 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,074 What? Does no one else shoe shop? 289 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,492 I could loan you the rest. 290 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:22,083 Look, that is really, really sweet of you two to offer. 291 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:29,423 It's really, really sweet, but I'm gonna do this on my own. 292 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,431 So I can't tape it back. 293 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,851 -I have news. -Ooh? 294 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:44,522 Looks like I've gotten a job as a docent at the Museum of Modern Art. 295 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,983 - Mmm. -What does that pay? I can docent. 296 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:51,112 Oh, it's a volunteer job, but they're very coveted positions. 297 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:52,655 Oh. 298 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:53,781 You come back. 299 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,374 I have no fortune. 300 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,876 I didn't need a cookie to tell me that. 301 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,381 You know, these fans only cost a dollar. 302 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,842 I'm gonna save a lot of money on air conditioning. 303 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,264 You okay? 304 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,268 No apartment and no Aidan. 305 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,024 It's been a rough two weeks. 306 00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,864 Just give me a block. I'm gonna be fine. 307 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:49,462 As I thought about leaving the apartment that I had lived in for the past decade 308 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,756 I realized how much I would miss it. 309 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:54,175 Through everything, it had always been there for me. 310 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,219 And suddenly I was irrationally angry 311 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:02,516 and I knew just where and who to take it irrationally out on. 312 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,269 Hi. What are you doing here? 313 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,313 I was just in the neighborhood. 314 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,066 Well, come on in. 315 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,610 You want some iced tea or something? 316 00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,071 Why didn't you offer me the money? 317 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,200 -I knew you were gonna say that. -I wouldn't take it. 318 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,410 Then what does it matter if I offer it or not? 319 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,495 Because... 320 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,747 I would've offered it to you. 321 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,374 You're my friend. 322 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,043 Money and friendship don't mix. 323 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,587 My father and his friend Paul were never the same-- 324 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:36,092 We're not talking about your father and his friend Paul. 325 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:40,262 We're talking about you and your friend, me. 326 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,640 And for the record, I am aware 327 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:47,561 that I have some financial messiness that I have to clean up, and to that end 328 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:50,064 I am looking into some freelance magazine work. 329 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:53,150 I have been offered $4 a word at Vogue. That is a lot. 330 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,860 Most people get $2. 331 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,365 So yes, I have made some mistakes, and, Charlotte 332 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,201 you have made some mistakes. 333 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,953 And when you were making those mistakes, 334 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,248 I was sitting across from you at the coffee shop, 335 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,292 nodding, and listening, and supporting you. 336 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:13,671 I was not sitting at a Chinese restaurant 337 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:17,842 turning away, when you should have been looking at me. 338 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:21,470 And what kills me is you don't even have to work. 339 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,055 You're volunteering. 340 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:29,019 Carrie, I love you. 341 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,858 But it's not my job to fix your finances. 342 00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:37,737 You're a 35-year-old woman. 343 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,614 You need to learn to stand on your own. 344 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:41,824 Charlotte... 345 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,536 What is that on your finger? 346 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:50,875 I just wear it when I'm alone in my house. 347 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,793 And you're telling me to be more independent? 348 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:55,713 It's my ring. I can wear it if I want to. 349 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,174 And so what if it makes me feel better? 350 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,842 And for the record, 351 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:03,387 the only reason that I'm volunteering is because no one will hire me. 352 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:05,639 I've called seven galleries. 353 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:09,185 Apparently I have too much experience. 354 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,105 You're right. 355 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,774 It's your ring, your business. 356 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,692 I just got all worked up on the walk over here. 357 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,402 You walked? 358 00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:21,405 No, I took a $5 cab ride, 7 blocks. 359 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,326 These shoes pinch my feet, but I love them. 360 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,788 I am in a financial cul-de-sac. 361 00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,665 But I'm gonna take the bus. 362 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,418 Just hope I'm not on it. 363 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,342 Meanwhile, in the lap of luxury... 364 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:46,931 It's okay. I'm Richard's assistant, and I'm gay. 365 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,600 Okay. Turn around, and give a girl a moment. 366 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,521 I'm Roger, and you weren't supposed to be here. 367 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,398 Richard left, and I decided to take a nice relaxing bath, 368 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,025 but now that's shot to shit. 369 00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:00,903 Okay, decent. 370 00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:06,867 I am so sorry, but if it's any consolation, wow. 371 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,035 Pilates. 372 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:12,623 So why haven't I seen you around the office? 373 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:17,461 Uh... He has three assistants. I run his errands. 374 00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:18,879 Oh, his errands. 375 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,425 Is that an errand gift-wrapped on the bed? 376 00:22:24,134 --> 00:22:25,761 Uh... 377 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:30,516 All right, I'm his personal shopper. 378 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,310 -He's a very busy man. -I'll bet. 379 00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:38,399 Exactly how many women are you buying gifts for? 380 00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:39,316 What do you mean? 381 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,736 Roger, honey, you've seen my bush. We're a little past acting coy. 382 00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:46,115 Since you came into the picture, a lot less. 383 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:48,576 And he's never sent me to Chanel before. 384 00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:51,287 That was fun. Great wallet. 385 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,289 Also came in red, but I couldn't decide-- 386 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,791 So, Richard didn't pick out any of these gifts? 387 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,251 Technically, no. 388 00:22:57,334 --> 00:23:00,462 But, uh, he really, really likes you. I can tell. 389 00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:02,047 Mmm, yeah, he thinks I'm the best. 390 00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:04,717 Wait, the cards. 391 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,845 "Style for style"? "Sexy for sexy"? 392 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:08,929 Um... 393 00:23:09,847 --> 00:23:10,848 "Me for you." 394 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,018 Please, don't have me fired. 395 00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:16,937 I'll tell you what. I'll pretend you don't exist. 396 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:20,190 -Thank you. -If you do one thing for me. 397 00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:26,947 Oh, Richard. 398 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,659 -I thought you'd like it. -Oh, you did? 399 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,162 Oh! Oops. 400 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:34,997 I forgot the card. 401 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,127 "Gorgeous for gorgeous. 402 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,005 Love, Richard." 403 00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:55,184 I love you, Samantha. 404 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:58,812 -I do. -You do? 405 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:03,984 And I love... 406 00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:07,404 this. 407 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,950 Samantha could have said, "I love you." 408 00:24:11,033 --> 00:24:13,619 But she was afraid it would cost her too much. 409 00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:15,579 So she did what she did best. 410 00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:23,587 Okay, so every other Saturday and Wednesday at 5:00, you take him. 411 00:24:23,671 --> 00:24:26,256 I was thinking 4:57 would be better. 412 00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:27,549 You think this is stupid? 413 00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:32,346 No, I just was thinking that things are gonna get off-schedule. 414 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:35,307 I mean, we're talking about a kid, not a train. 415 00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:40,562 I'd offer to do that for you, but I don't think it's in the contract. 416 00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:41,981 Don't give me a hard time. 417 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:44,942 I could fart you into oblivion right now. 418 00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,783 Oh, that feels so great. 419 00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:54,743 Thanks. 420 00:24:57,955 --> 00:24:59,456 Steve, am I ugly? 421 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:00,541 What? 422 00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:04,878 No. You got that glow. 423 00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,214 But would you want to have sex with me? 424 00:25:07,715 --> 00:25:09,216 What are you talking about? 425 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,218 You're pregnant. 426 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,302 Yeah. 427 00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:16,765 And another charming side effect, aside from flatulence and bloating, 428 00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:18,767 is all I can think about is sex. 429 00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:21,478 And who would want to have sex with me? 430 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:25,774 I'd like to have sex with you, 431 00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:28,736 but I'm pretty sure that it's not allowed. 432 00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:32,698 I've read section B-14 in the contract, 433 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,160 and it said nothing about sex. 434 00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:38,120 Fuck the contract. 435 00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:41,749 And please fuck me. 436 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:50,466 -Ouch. -What? 437 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:51,508 You're squishing me. 438 00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:52,718 -I'm sorry. -No. 439 00:25:53,469 --> 00:25:59,475 That night, Steve gave Miranda multiple orgasms, for what it's worth. 440 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:03,020 Just to be clear, this doesn't mean we're a couple. 441 00:26:03,479 --> 00:26:04,688 This is a mercy fuck. 442 00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:15,324 I'm sorry about the other day. 443 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,452 And I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. 444 00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:19,578 You were right. 445 00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:22,039 I haven't wanted to let go of being Mrs. Trey MacDougal. 446 00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:24,708 Well, I think that you are coping amazingly well. 447 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:27,544 I'm just scared. 448 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:29,588 I know. 449 00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:31,632 Me too. 450 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:32,925 Wow. 451 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:35,636 We're alone again. 452 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:37,096 Yeah. 453 00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:51,360 I want you to take the ring for your down payment. 454 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:55,197 Oh, no, no, I can't, I can't. You love this ring. 455 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,281 No. 456 00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,575 I love what the ring represented. 457 00:26:58,659 --> 00:27:01,495 No, Charlotte, I think you're right. It would make things too complicated. 458 00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:04,248 Carrie, this is a straightforward business proposal. 459 00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:05,457 Clean and simple. 460 00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:08,544 Why do I have all this money if I can't help out a friend? 461 00:27:09,169 --> 00:27:10,838 But it would be a loan. I'll pay you back. 462 00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:12,256 I know. 463 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,426 I want you to think really carefully about this. 464 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:17,803 I have. 465 00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:21,598 Will you be comfortable knowing that it will take me time to pay you back? 466 00:27:22,099 --> 00:27:23,100 Yes, I will. 467 00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:33,735 I really appreciate this. 468 00:27:34,611 --> 00:27:36,113 And I'll pay you back. You know that, right? 469 00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:38,407 I do. 470 00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:41,493 It's okay. I trust you. 471 00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:43,495 Will you take the ring? 472 00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:46,874 I will. 473 00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:49,293 Thank you. 474 00:27:49,877 --> 00:27:52,462 Charlotte had taken her painful past 475 00:27:52,546 --> 00:27:54,882 and turned it into my hopeful future, 476 00:27:54,965 --> 00:27:57,801 -and that made the ring priceless. -Oh! 477 00:27:58,802 --> 00:28:00,971 I start work at the museum next week. 478 00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:03,932 Ooh. That's great. Oh, guess what. 479 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:08,312 I got Vogue up to $4.50 a word. 480 00:28:11,732 --> 00:28:12,983 I fixed the toilet, 481 00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:15,485 and I should be done with this by the end of the afternoon. 482 00:28:15,569 --> 00:28:17,362 Okay, great. Thank you. 483 00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:24,953 It wasn't quite as easy as clicking my Manolo Blahniks three times, 484 00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:26,163 but it was worth it. 485 00:28:26,997 --> 00:28:27,998 I was home.