1
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,384
One night,
four ladies in the east
2
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,511
met at Compass to discuss going west.
3
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:56,306
I have to go to San Francisco
on a book tour.
4
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,307
-Thank you.
- You're welcome.
5
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,184
You wouldn't go to the Upper West Side.
6
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,395
Suddenly, you're going to San Francisco?
7
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,731
They're making me. Apparently,
I'm very big in San Francisco.
8
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,359
You mean, Big is in San Francisco.
9
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,987
Okay, yes, perhaps I'll see Big.
10
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,532
Guys, I need to have sex.
It's been too long.
11
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:16,034
Lately, I've been having
these dreams where I run.
12
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,580
I run up to complete strangers
13
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,624
-and just start kissing them.
-If all you want is sex,
14
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,377
you don't have to go across the country,
just go across the restaurant.
15
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,796
Those guys have been checking us out
ever since they sat down.
16
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:33,343
Oh! Cute, cute, cute.
17
00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,345
Boring, boring and boring.
18
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,724
-Like these scallops.
-I love the food here.
19
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,560
-Same old, same old.
-Same old? It just opened last week.
20
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,438
Scallops are scallops,
and bachelors are bachelors.
21
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,648
Sounds to me
like you might be experiencing
22
00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:49,526
a "been there, done them"
existential crisis.
23
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,863
It's not me, it's New York.
Nothing is ever really new.
24
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,073
In fact, they should change the name
to "Same York."
25
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,075
You're nuts.
These scallops are fantastic,
26
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,910
and those guys are cute.
27
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,371
You should go say hi. May I?
28
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,498
No, I don't want to say hi.
I want to say,
29
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,959
"Could one of you
lie on top of me for a while?"
30
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,588
I need to feel the weight
of a man on me.
31
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,299
It's times like this, I wish women
could go to male prostitutes.
32
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,425
Women do.
33
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:16,470
No, only in bad screenplays
and first novels.
34
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,139
That is an incredible investment idea.
35
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,142
We should open a brothel
where the men are cute
36
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,645
and the sheets
are 500-count Egyptian cotton.
37
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:28,023
-Samantha, you can be the madam.
-Well, at least, it's something new.
38
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,442
We could put one in every neighborhood,
like Starbucks.
39
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,485
Starfucks.
40
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,487
A place like that
doesn't exist in reality
41
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,656
because women don't think
about sex like that.
42
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,367
It's not an animal urge.
We need to feel things.
43
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,452
We need a connection.
Isn't that right, Carrie?
44
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:41,787
No, Big is my male prostitute.
45
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,956
I am mixing business
with much-needed pleasure.
46
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,209
And my relief is just a train ride away.
47
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:51,296
-A train? Why don't you just fly?
-Oh, no, no, flying makes me nervous.
48
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,800
I get uneasy seeing the National Guard
go through my makeup case.
49
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,176
Besides, it'll be fun.
50
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,719
Especially...
51
00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,846
if Samantha goes with me.
52
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,392
Oh, please! Come on, it'll be hilarious.
53
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:07,062
Two gals on a train,
very Some Like It Hot.
54
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,398
And the whole trip ends
55
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,441
with a luxury suite
56
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:16,613
in a fabulous four-star
San Francisco hotel.
57
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,031
Why didn't you invite me?
58
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,575
Because Samantha is the only one
who's bored enough to do it.
59
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,204
So what time do we leave "Same York"?
60
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:28,625
I'm gonna get laid!
I'm gonna get laid!
61
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,548
More and more
single women of a certain age
62
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,466
are looking for a certain thing.
63
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,846
And that certain thing does not
necessarily involve a certain ring.
64
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,600
We may have traded the little black book
for a little black dress
65
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,769
and replaced the Ferrari with a Fendi,
66
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:51,356
but in view of certain evidence,
I had to wonder...
67
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,526
Are we the new bachelors?
68
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,826
Final call to 9:15...
69
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,619
What did Big say
when you told him?
70
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,913
I haven't yet.
I'm gonna wait till I get there.
71
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,834
You know, "Hello, guess where I am."
Very casual, very la, la, la.
72
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,170
Well, that's one approach.
I would have called and said,
73
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,464
"I'm coming,
and I won't be the only one."
74
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,884
I think I'm getting a pimple.
Can you see anything?
75
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,719
Right here, above my freckle.
76
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,763
Mmm. All clear.
77
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,348
Oh, good, the last thing I need
is a big, honking zit
78
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,808
when I meet my prostitute.
79
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,979
This may be just what I needed,
if I can stand the train for three days.
80
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,606
Oh, think of it as an adventure.
81
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,108
"It's not the destination,
it's the journey."
82
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:40,447
A journey in adjoining
first-class deluxe sleeper berths.
83
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,825
Truth be told, I've always wanted
to take a train. It's so sexy.
84
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,995
You never know who's going
to be getting on and getting me off.
85
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,623
- All aboard.
86
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,208
Hello, sir.
87
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,345
Oh, we're here.
88
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:10,852
Um...
89
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:17,234
Um, we were supposed to have
the deluxe first-class sleeper.
90
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,944
This is the first-class sleeper.
91
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,988
And I suppose the regular class
sleeps in what? A tuna can?
92
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:25,742
And right here, you have your door
to the restroom.
93
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,040
Wait.
94
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,835
You shower over the toilet?
95
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,383
I'm starting to understand why there was
a murder on the Orient Express.
96
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,135
And in a far less
crowded space...
97
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,888
-Oh!
-Delivery from Bloom & Goldenblatt.
98
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,682
I thought they'd send a messenger.
99
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,810
Do you know what we'd charge you
for a messenger to make a 12-block drop?
100
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:55,105
So, a partner personally delivers
my divorce papers?
101
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,356
Sure, why not?
102
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,193
-I needed the walk.
-Okay, uh...
103
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,946
I was just gonna go work out,
but come in.
104
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,202
Whoo! It's hot.
105
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:10,954
Excuse me?
106
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,082
Outside. I'm schvitzing
like a pudding at a picnic.
107
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,961
So...
108
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,422
this is the pagoda
we've been fighting over, huh?
109
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,257
It's impressive.
110
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,967
I can see why you'd never
want to give it up.
111
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,678
Mmm. Actually,
I'm thinking about selling.
112
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,513
After everything
we went through to get it?
113
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,724
Well, you know,
it's too big for one person.
114
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,018
I'm putting the word out.
If anyone hears of a great apartment--
115
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,270
Hey, I got a buddy
who's putting his place on the market.
116
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,022
It may be a little too bachelor
for your taste.
117
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,649
Oh, I can change that. You should've
seen this place when I moved in.
118
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,860
It was where plaid furniture
came to die.
119
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,529
I could set it up
so you can get a first look.
120
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,740
-Okay.
-Done. So...
121
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,325
Uh, let's get you divorced.
122
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,327
Sit and sign.
123
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,552
Do you have a handkerchief or something?
124
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,554
You're still sweating.
125
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,515
Oh! Sorry. This never happens.
126
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,560
Um... Oh, thanks.
127
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,150
-That's it?
-That's it.
128
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,361
You are no longer Mrs. Trey MacDougal.
129
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,279
Hmm.
130
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,698
How do you like that?
131
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,159
I like it.
132
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,042
-You have some tissue stuck to you.
-I'm a fucking mess today.
133
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:40,835
Mmm.
134
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,296
Somewhere outside
of Pittsburgh,
135
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,966
Samantha and I decided
to get out of our twin cans
136
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,177
and go for a classic train dinner
in the club car.
137
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,435
This is it?
138
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,604
I thought there'd be
white linen tablecloths,
139
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,606
and Bing Crosby singing at a piano.
140
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,362
Oh, uh...
141
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:11,199
-Excuse me, table for two, please.
-Just sit anywhere that's open.
142
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,619
-Whoa!
143
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,211
Oh! Sorry. The train zigged.
144
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,631
Okay.
145
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,509
Excuse me. Sorry.
146
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,011
Ooh.
147
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,519
Really?
148
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,065
Hello.
149
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,569
Thank you.
150
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,572
-I'm eating with the Amish?
-Mmm-hmm.
151
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:55,410
Are you aware, every time we stop,
good-looking people get off
152
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,078
and more ugly people get on?
153
00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:00,290
-Shh!
-I'm serious, this is the train to ugly.
154
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,376
There isn't one man on this train
I'd fuck. What about you?
155
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,086
Don't ask me. I'm horny.
156
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,756
And nine hours of train-rocking
hasn't helped.
157
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,300
Sorry.
158
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,055
If she has a problem,
next time she can take a buggy.
159
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,350
Thanks.
160
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,936
How do you think the Zagat Guide
would rate a place
161
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,022
that lists potato chips as an appetizer?
162
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:28,026
Don't even say potato chip to me.
This zit is getting bigger by the hour.
163
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,319
Here, can you see it now?
164
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,407
Let's just say you're starting to look
like you belong on a train.
165
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:35,867
Really?
166
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,913
-What can I get you?
-A martini and an airplane.
167
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:40,955
Um...
168
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,958
-What's safe to order?
-The club sandwich.
169
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,544
And a martini.
170
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,673
Oh, God! I need a big old drink.
171
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,261
Again, sorry.
172
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,018
And speaking of martinis...
173
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:05,188
-A zebra-skin rug.
-Hey, I told you he was a bachelor.
174
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:09,359
-But a bar in the bedroom?
-Oh! You ain't seen nothing yet.
175
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,530
-Ta-da!
176
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,490
- Ew!
- Mmm-hmm.
177
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,243
Ooh.
178
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,829
You seem to know your way around here.
179
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,373
Oh, yeah, I sublet while I was
going through my divorce.
180
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,624
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
181
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,003
Surround sound.
182
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,257
I can't believe that men think
183
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,009
it takes all this stuff
to get a woman into bed.
184
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:37,971
What does it take?
185
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,599
-Charlotte.
-What?
186
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,978
I think you are
the sexiest woman I ever met.
187
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:48,523
Harry, don't be ridiculous,
I'm wearing my glasses.
188
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,109
It makes me crazy when you say my name.
189
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,027
Well, then I'm definitely
gonna stop saying it.
190
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,988
What a putz your ex-husband must be.
191
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,698
-Trey was not a putz.
-He was a putz.
192
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,366
If I was lucky enough
to have you in my bed,
193
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,368
I would never be able
to take my hands off you.
194
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,453
Stop, Harry.
195
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,373
Ever since the first moment I saw you,
I can't think about anything else.
196
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:08,418
I'm like, I'm...
I'm fucking Romeo over here.
197
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,379
God, it's hot, I'm sweating.
Can you open a window?
198
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,882
I fantasize about your lips.
199
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,676
Your perfect pink lips.
200
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,223
Somebody needs you
201
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,268
Together we can take it home
202
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,106
Your lips girl, they kill me...
203
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,734
Two days, two toilet showers,
204
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,236
and too many club sandwiches later...
205
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,333
-Hello?
-It's me, and it's still bad.
206
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,793
-The trip or the pimple?
-Both.
207
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,838
I tried to squeeze it
somewhere outside Oklahoma.
208
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:58,051
Here's a helpful hint.
Never give yourself a train facial.
209
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,135
Got it.
210
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,346
If this thing hasn't
started to deflate by Colorado,
211
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,306
-I'm not even calling Big.
212
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,643
Hold on, someone who used to be Samantha
just came in.
213
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:10,230
Rumor has it a group of guys
not resembling the Elephant Man
214
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,690
just got on and are having
a bachelor party
215
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,609
in the bar car. Get dressed.
216
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,319
I can't go anywhere with this pimple.
217
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,071
I got on a train for you.
218
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,199
You are going to the bar car with me.
219
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,453
I have to go to a bachelor party.
220
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,582
And back in New York,
Charlotte found herself sandwiched
221
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,834
between some confirmed bachelors.
222
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:36,422
How can a person have really hot S-E-X
223
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,132
with someone they don't even like?
224
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,010
You're spelling "sex" in a place
with a go-go boy on the bar?
225
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,263
-I'm serious.
-Why?
226
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,141
Oh, my God, Char. You?
227
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,727
I don't know what happened.
He's my divorce lawyer,
228
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,062
and I don't even like him.
229
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,773
So? Some of the best sex I've had
is with people I can't stand.
230
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,733
Details. This is so exciting.
231
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,568
Well, he was showing me
this bachelor apartment,
232
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,696
and I think it was
all the leather and music.
233
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,155
Leather, I get it. Go.
234
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,908
Suddenly, out of nowhere,
we were kissing and then we--
235
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:07,161
Fucking? Oh, my God, Char!
This is so exciting.
236
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,914
-How was it?
-Unbelievable.
237
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,375
Cosmos for everyone!
238
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,877
No! No, it's not good.
I don't want to date him.
239
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,755
-He's not very attractive.
-Ugly sex is hot.
240
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,758
No, he's sweaty and pushy.
241
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,885
No, no, I could never date him.
242
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,387
But, well...
243
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,597
maybe just for the sex.
244
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,809
-How does that work, exactly?
-Okay, listen up.
245
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,562
You have to be very clear
about the rules.
246
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,189
It's just sex.
You can't act romantic at all.
247
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,276
You have to talk just sex talk.
"Fuck me, and get out."
248
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,487
-Isn't that rude?
-No, it's hot.
249
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,823
Hello! Where's my drink?
250
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:57,420
Things are looking up.
They are pretty cute.
251
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,047
This blush is worse than a pimple.
252
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,174
I look like I'm in a high-school play
or something.
253
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,675
Come on, follow my lead.
254
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,056
Hello.
255
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,767
Hi.
256
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,482
Well, well, well...
257
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,485
Aren't you boys a sight for sore eyes?
258
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,115
So, what are we drinking?
259
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,452
-Light beer.
-Oh, we can do better than that.
260
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,038
Sir, a bottle of champagne, please.
261
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,250
I'm sure one of you gentlemen
will help me pop my cork.
262
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,921
And just like that,
263
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:43,758
we went from Some Like It Hot
to Some Like Us Not.
264
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,886
-I thought I was looking pretty hot.
-You are pretty hot.
265
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,513
-Not according to them.
- Champagne.
266
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,187
Hi.
267
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:02,402
Excuse me,
but what kind of bachelor party is this?
268
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,946
We're not really bachelors.
We're all married.
269
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:08,032
Except Bri, he's the last one
in the gang to bite it.
270
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,368
Yeah, we're taking him
to the Giants game in San Francisco.
271
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,452
-Yeah!
-Giants!
272
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,371
- Well, uh...
273
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:18,376
My friend over there has come
on this very long trip as a favor to me,
274
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,712
and I was hoping that one of you fellas
275
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,758
could oblige her
in a little harmless male flirtation.
276
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:28,678
We're trying to be good.
Promised our wives.
277
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,765
As far as a pimp,
I was a total train wreck.
278
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:36,686
They love their wives.
279
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,773
You were right, Carrie.
280
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,193
It's not New York
that's the problem, it's me.
281
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:48,114
I am having an exist...
282
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,826
The midlife thing, you know.
283
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,454
This thing has roots.
284
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,080
And I don't know what I'm gonna do.
285
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,374
I mean, I already fuck younger guys,
286
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,084
and I don't want a sports car.
287
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,962
Oh, God, parking in New York is a bitch.
288
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,591
I'm sorry about the train.
This was a terrible idea.
289
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,302
-Oh!
-It's all my fault.
290
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,096
All because I had to get laid.
291
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,307
There.
292
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:15,892
Popped it.
293
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,227
- All right!
294
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,897
Let's get another bottle to celebrate.
295
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,859
One very long trip later,
296
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:29,113
Samantha and I dragged our cabooses
into a bookstore near the Golden Gate.
297
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,032
Impressive turnout.
298
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,159
I guess you are big in San Francisco.
299
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,327
Oh, my publisher.
300
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,371
-Hi!
-You made it in one piece.
301
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,790
Well, that's debatable.
302
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,168
Wow! I can't believe it.
303
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,754
All these people came to hear me read?
304
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,214
-Carrie.
-Yes.
305
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:47,590
They're not all just for you.
306
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,383
-Oh.
-Mr. Winkle's here.
307
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,052
Who's Mr. Winkle?
308
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,517
He's making an appearance
right after you.
309
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:02,021
-You're opening for a dog?
-I know.
310
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,273
They had a chance to get Mr. Winkle,
and they jumped at it.
311
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,608
He's huge on the Internet.
312
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,488
Lily, I can't be the opening act
for a dog.
313
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,572
What can I say, Carrie?
314
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,075
The West Coast sales rep
totally fucked me on this.
315
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,827
- Lily, hi!
-Hey. One sec, I'll be right back.
316
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,706
You know, maybe--
317
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,792
Oh, thanks, but don't even
waste your energy.
318
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:26,712
You know, go back to the hotel,
and get in that giant tub and relax.
319
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,339
I'll see you later, we'll have a meal.
320
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,883
Later? Aren't you going to call Big?
321
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,052
Between the pimple and the puppy,
I'm not up for it.
322
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,597
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, go, go. Take a long bath.
323
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,140
I may never get out.
324
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,434
Bye.
325
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,698
This book tour stuff is rough.
326
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,703
That's a cute top.
327
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,836
"As I walked home,
I couldn't help but wonder.
328
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,423
Was it Mr. Big, was it New York,
329
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,300
or was it me?♪"
330
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,264
Does anyone have a question?
331
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,308
Yes?
332
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,435
When is Mr. Winkle coming out?
333
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:23,686
Oh.
334
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,022
Uh, in a mere moment.
335
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:30,067
So, if there are no other questions
about my book...
336
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,614
Uh, yes, I see a hand,
but I can't see the man.
337
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,241
Could, um, could you shift? Sorry.
338
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,329
Yes, I have a question.
339
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:42,413
Um...
340
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,458
This Mr. Big character,
does he have a real name?
341
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:49,128
Uh... Yes, but I can't reveal it.
342
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,380
I have to protect his privacy.
343
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,676
I no longer cared
about Mr. Winkle.
344
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,595
I had Mr. Big.
345
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,392
Samantha! Samantha!
346
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,436
I'm taking a bubble bath.
347
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,815
You have to get out.
Big's here, I need to have sex.
348
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,442
I'm taking a bath.
349
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:14,945
I got you a smaller room
all to yourself downstairs.
350
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,114
I can't get in another small room.
351
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,242
Please. I have to get laid.
352
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,119
Well...
353
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,831
You better fuck him good.
354
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:28,834
Because I'm not gonna go through this
again in another six months.
355
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,252
Can you hurry?
356
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,129
I told him to come up
in about half an hour.
357
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,883
So, snap it up. Faster.
Okay, bye-bye. Thank you, sweets.
358
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,765
-Oh, God.
359
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,110
Hey, you.
360
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,570
-So, did you hide the body?
-What body?
361
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,322
Or whatever it was you needed to do
362
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,367
that kept me wandering around
the hotel gift shop for half an hour.
363
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,461
Hmm.
364
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,463
I got you some gum.
365
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,634
Big Red. The clerk recommended it.
366
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,094
Well...
367
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,470
Aren't you something.
368
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,100
-Want some?
-Sure.
369
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,869
Nice digs.
370
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,081
-This will set your publisher back, huh?
-Yeah.
371
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,418
You look good.
372
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,545
So do you, kid.
373
00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,842
-What? What?
374
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,428
My gum. Christ! You surprised me.
375
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:06,265
Yeah.
376
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,601
-I swallowed it.
-Sorry.
377
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,103
Here, let me kiss it
and make it all better.
378
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,610
-How's that?
-We better go.
379
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,654
-Dinner reservations.
-Oh, I'm not hungry.
380
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:21,739
We have to go.
381
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,158
I promised my partners
I'd make a little vineyard connection
382
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,494
with the restaurant owner. So, let's go.
383
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:28,954
We'll have a nice meal and catch up.
384
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,124
Okay.
385
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:36,879
So, I'm walking through the mall,
and I see your book.
386
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,173
Wait, you were in a mall?
387
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:40,800
I live in America now.
388
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,511
You've gotta go through them
to get to the outside.
389
00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:48,599
Anyway, I pass a bookstore,
and there you are, right in the window
390
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,811
-next to the real books.
-Oh, sir, you are too kind.
391
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,104
-Good cover. Cute.
-Oh.
392
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:56,774
-Sexy.
-Sexy, huh?
393
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,234
-Hmm.
394
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:01,987
So, I go in. I bought it,
drove right home,
395
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:07,743
sat on my porch, lit up a cigar,
and I read it cover to cover.
396
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,578
-Porch?
-Screen doors and everything.
397
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:11,497
Well.
398
00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:13,415
What did you think?
399
00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:18,754
I had no idea that I hurt you so much.
400
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:22,216
I gotta say,
it was tough to see it in print.
401
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,761
-You've read my columns.
-Not all in one sitting, one reading,
402
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,179
one right after the other.
403
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,849
Bam! Bam! Bam!
404
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,351
I really got how much I hurt you.
405
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:36,105
Oh, come on, that's fiction. Fiction!
406
00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:37,648
I embellished.
407
00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:39,984
No, Carrie,
some of that stuff really happened.
408
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:42,444
-Word for word.
-It's just writing.
409
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,572
It's all in the past.
410
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:48,617
Now let's forget all that
and talk about something else.
411
00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:53,414
How's the wine business?
412
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:55,416
-Great.
-Yeah?
413
00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,920
You know that chapter
about my apartment key?
414
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,672
Was I really that big of an asshole?
415
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:04,592
Oh, my God.
416
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,262
"He was like the city itself...
417
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:11,682
cold, infuriating and exhausting.
418
00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:13,183
Suddenly,
it became clear to me,
419
00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:15,352
this was not my best-laid plan.
420
00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:17,646
See, that's what I'm talking about.
421
00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:20,232
When have I ever been cold? Am I cold?
422
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:21,358
No.
423
00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:25,696
You're hot. Very hot.
424
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:29,617
-What about chapter three?
-That-- That was all years ago.
425
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:31,035
Can...
426
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,828
Can we please stop talking?
427
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:37,708
-Oh, wait, wait, wait.
-What, what, what?
428
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,502
Look, I just don't want you
to get hurt again.
429
00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:41,712
I won't.
430
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,255
It's just sex.
431
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:46,091
Well according to this book,
it is not just sex.
432
00:23:46,175 --> 00:23:48,218
Look, what happened in New York
433
00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:50,346
was all my fault.
I didn't read the signs.
434
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:53,933
You were unavailable
and very clear about that.
435
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:55,517
It was all me.
436
00:23:56,226 --> 00:23:58,729
Now, please, kiss me.
437
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,690
Or at least lie on top of me.
438
00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:04,944
Carrie, I think it's very clear
from this book,
439
00:24:05,069 --> 00:24:08,030
that when it comes to me,
you do not have good judgment.
440
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,573
Now, look at chapter three.
441
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:12,785
That's fiction.
And it's not even a bestseller.
442
00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:14,119
Here, page 39.
443
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,121
Oh, God.
I can't believe this is happening.
444
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,707
-Are you involved with someone else?
-No.
445
00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:21,043
Oh, it's the pimple, isn't it?
446
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:25,464
I just don't want to do something here
that I'll be sorry for later.
447
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,675
I'm fine.
448
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:29,426
Look at me. Put...
449
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,178
Put the book down
450
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:32,763
and look at me.
451
00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:35,307
I'm fine.
452
00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:37,101
Just fine.
453
00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:40,270
Don't I look fine?
454
00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:42,606
Mmm-hmm.
455
00:24:43,941 --> 00:24:44,942
So...
456
00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:49,488
Let's talk just a little more.
Now, look, page 39.
457
00:24:50,197 --> 00:24:51,198
This part.
458
00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:59,415
I love making love to you.
459
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:03,836
No. That was not love.
That was just sex.
460
00:25:05,796 --> 00:25:09,008
Charlotte, you are so beautiful.
461
00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:13,220
Your skin is so soft, so smooth.
462
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:16,015
And you...
463
00:25:17,683 --> 00:25:19,018
have a hard dick.
464
00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:20,728
Now...
465
00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:23,188
put your pants on and go.
466
00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:27,067
Is that okay?
467
00:25:27,901 --> 00:25:29,028
Whatever you say.
468
00:25:33,073 --> 00:25:37,036
There they were,
the bachelorette and the beast.
469
00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:41,040
What about... dinner Saturday night?
470
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,001
Hey.
471
00:25:44,251 --> 00:25:46,545
This is just sex. We're not a couple.
472
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:47,588
You're just...
473
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:49,465
a great fuck.
474
00:25:50,591 --> 00:25:51,675
Is that clear?
475
00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:53,343
Clear.
476
00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:01,351
Hello?
477
00:26:01,435 --> 00:26:03,103
Good morning,
it's your wake-up call.
478
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,147
-Oh, what time is it?
-7:30.
479
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:07,983
-What time did I say?
-7:30.
480
00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:11,779
Oh... Okay. Thank you.
481
00:26:16,116 --> 00:26:18,744
After my wake-up call,
I got my real wake-up call.
482
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,413
Thanks to my book,
483
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:23,373
nothing was ever
going to happen with Big.
484
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:30,964
Hey.
485
00:26:32,174 --> 00:26:33,217
Where are you going?
486
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,720
I have two book readings this morning
before I head back to New York.
487
00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:40,182
Not so fast.
488
00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:43,102
-Come here.
-Now?
489
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:47,439
What about last night? All that talk?
All those concerns?
490
00:26:47,981 --> 00:26:48,857
Fuck it.
491
00:26:49,733 --> 00:26:51,693
You'll need material for the sequel.
492
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:53,153
Hmm?
493
00:26:57,741 --> 00:27:01,161
"Like that freckle on my face
that he once told me he loved,
494
00:27:01,912 --> 00:27:04,039
I could do my best to cover it
during the day,
495
00:27:04,832 --> 00:27:08,752
but at night, after I washed
the city off my face,
496
00:27:09,253 --> 00:27:10,295
there it was,
497
00:27:10,712 --> 00:27:13,757
a tiny brown dot near the tip of my lip.
498
00:27:14,508 --> 00:27:17,553
And I wondered how something so small
499
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:20,639
could suddenly seem so big."
500
00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:34,611
-Here you go.
- Thank you.
501
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:40,951
-Luggage in the car. Car at the curb.
-Oh!
502
00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:42,536
Thanks for doing all that.
503
00:27:42,870 --> 00:27:45,247
So, how did it go with Big?
504
00:27:45,539 --> 00:27:46,915
We had sex.
505
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:48,542
Hallelujah.
506
00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:51,295
Yeah, but it was not
as simple as I had hoped.
507
00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:52,963
What does that mean?
508
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:58,260
The question-and-answer section
of this reading is now over.
509
00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:01,013
-I'll tell you on the train.
-Train? Get real.
510
00:28:01,722 --> 00:28:04,141
American Airlines, first-class,
511
00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:05,767
and some Valium.
512
00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:13,233
I cannot wait
to get to New York.
513
00:28:13,317 --> 00:28:16,612
-What about the midlife crisis?
-Honey, who's midlife?
514
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:22,034
And sometimes,
it's not the journey.
515
00:28:22,576 --> 00:28:23,911
It's the destination.
516
00:28:24,286 --> 00:28:28,749
Birds flying high
You know how I feel
517
00:28:30,292 --> 00:28:35,297
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel