1 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,927 My friend Charlotte was dating Dr. Bram Walker, 2 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,055 a very hard-working orthopedic surgeon. 3 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,808 Bram? 4 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,353 Bram? 5 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:02,980 What? 6 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,648 Were you asleep? 7 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,276 No, no, I was just resting my eyes. 8 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,610 Oh, my God. 9 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,655 Okay, I fell asleep for one second. 10 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,407 Oh, oh, my God, I... 11 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,325 I've been up since 5:00, I had three carpal tunnels. 12 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,869 It's very exhaustive reconstructive work. 13 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,666 He fell asleep when he was making love to me. 14 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,001 -Oh. -He fell asleep! 15 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,711 Sweetie, he was tired. 16 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,130 This has nothing to do with you. 17 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,799 Has a man ever fallen asleep making love to you? 18 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:34,344 No, but I'm sure many of them wanted to. 19 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,847 I can't believe this happened to me! 20 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,682 You want some herb tea? How about some herb tea? 21 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,726 I must be really bad in bed. 22 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,519 You are not bad in bed. 23 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,689 Okay, I've got, uh, Constant Comment and Tummy T-- 24 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,608 Charlotte, honey, you want some Tummy Tamer? 25 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:48,609 Of course it's her. 26 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,611 And I have to say, I'm not surprised. 27 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,404 Ever seen her on a StairMaster? 28 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,281 Nothing happening below the waist. 29 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,449 Nada. No sale. 30 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:56,783 How can you say that? 31 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,745 Even if she was bad in bed, which she isn't, 32 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,705 is it really that important? 33 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:02,914 Absolutely. 34 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,375 Who we are in bed, is who we are in life. 35 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,712 I never met a man who was bad in bed who was good at life. 36 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,173 And just for the record, in bed, you are... 37 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,091 Don't make me state the obvious. 38 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,218 How can you be so sure? 39 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,972 Well, no one ever took a nap while fucking me and... 40 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,974 I get affirmations all the time. 41 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,309 Why, just last week... 42 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:23,644 It seems, last week, 43 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:27,230 Samantha was invited to dinner by a gay couple she'd known for years... 44 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,815 David and David. 45 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,776 Well, thanks for a lovely dinner. 46 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,152 It was fun. 47 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,280 Well, I have to admit, we have an ulterior motive. 48 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:36,657 What? 49 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,993 We were wondering if you were seeing anybody special right now? 50 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,912 Well, actually, no. 51 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,039 Do you have a hot guy for me? 52 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,624 -Hmm? 53 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:46,917 Two. 54 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,549 -No! -Yes! 55 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,510 We want to have sex with a woman. 56 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:58,970 Are you serious? 57 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,390 Totally, I've always been curious what it would be like. 58 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:04,810 Neither one of us has ever done it and we thought it might be fun. 59 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,228 And then we were like, "Well, 60 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,897 if we were gonna do it with a woman, who would it be?" 61 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,941 And then we were like, "uh, 62 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,943 -Samantha." -Totally. 63 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,154 We decided of all the beautiful women we know, 64 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,281 you were probably the best in bed. 65 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,700 Totally. 66 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,494 -Look at that! 67 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,496 So I'm thinking about doing it. 68 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,249 -They're cute, they're healthy. -They're gay! 69 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,583 You know, for a sex columnist 70 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,794 you have a very limited view of sexuality. 71 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,462 Gay as pink suede. 72 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,506 Wake up! It's 2000. 73 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,008 The new millennium won't be about sexual labels, 74 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,844 it'll be about sexual expression. 75 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,138 It won't matter if you're sleeping with men or women. 76 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,557 It'll be about sleeping with individuals. 77 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,517 Or in your case, twos to threes. 78 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,769 Soon everyone will be pansexual. 79 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,896 It won't matter if you're gay or straight. 80 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,940 Just if you're good or bad in bed. 81 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,316 Exactly. 82 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,570 That night I got to thinking about bed. 83 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,406 Are we secretly being graded every time we invite someone 84 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,699 to join us in it? 85 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:04,035 A plus, B, D, incomplete. 86 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:07,372 Is making love really nothing more than a pop quiz? 87 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,458 And if sex is a test, 88 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,043 how do we know if we're passing or failing? 89 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,379 How do you know if you're good in bed? 90 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,133 Later that week, I was walking home 91 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,052 thinking about my own sexual report card when... 92 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,221 Ow! 93 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,098 God! What the hell was-- 94 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,349 -I am-- - What was that? 95 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,268 Christ, I'm sorry. I... I didn't see you. 96 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,936 I just threw my cigarette. 97 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,730 I thought I was stung by a bee. 98 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:32,647 Jesus! 99 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,233 I... I'm sorry. Did it leave a mark? 100 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,444 You can't smoke in the restaurant. 101 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,695 You know, I'm a smoker. 102 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,363 Yeah, I'm a smoker too, but come on, pally, 103 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,699 watch where you throw those things, huh? 104 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,411 No, it didn't leave a mark. 105 00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,247 As the pain subsided, my mind was free to notice 106 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,583 how incredibly cute this guy was. 107 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:52,918 Look, I am sorry. 108 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,086 My name's Patrick. Patrick Casey. 109 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,297 Carrie Bradshaw, burn victim. 110 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,508 How... how weird was that? 111 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,801 I mean, that was... that was intense. 112 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,093 But you... you gotta admit, 113 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,387 it's a pretty clever way to meet the ladies. 114 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,599 Oh, so you got a little comedy routine going there, huh, Patrick? 115 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,892 A little bit. 116 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,061 But listen, I... I really feel bad. 117 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,480 So at least let me buy you a cup of coffee 118 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,106 or some burn salve? 119 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,525 Not funny yet. 120 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,568 - Sorry. -But it might be... 121 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,195 after a cappuccino. 122 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,697 There's a place right around the corner. 123 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,241 We can smoke there. 124 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,910 Three Marlboros and two Marlboro Lights later, 125 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,204 I had learned that Patrick was a composer 126 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,956 who wrote music for the movies. 127 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,708 So what type of movies do you compose for? 128 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,210 Really bad ones. 129 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,878 You know, the... 130 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,548 "I Screamed When I Knew What You Did Last Summer On Elm Street," type. 131 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,634 Well, as long as you're challenged by what you do. 132 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,178 Oh, damn it! 133 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:48,640 Patrick Casey, whoever you are. 134 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,183 I'm late. I have to go. 135 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,351 Aww. 136 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,727 Thank you for the coffee. 137 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:57,148 And maybe one day you'll give me scar tissue again. 138 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,150 You're great. 139 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:00,652 Thanks. 140 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,030 As I walked away, I started to think... 141 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:07,576 How many cute, smart, single smokers are there left in the world? 142 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,535 Seven? 143 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,581 I decided to do something I almost never do... 144 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,666 give a man my phone number. 145 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:19,170 Hi. This whole burn lawsuit I plan to initiate, 146 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,089 it might get a little crazy. 147 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,382 So here is... 148 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,135 my phone number. 149 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,803 You'll need that for your attorney... 150 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,473 Or if you want to have coffee again some time. 151 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,892 I left feeling great. 152 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,810 It was such a cute approach. 153 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,228 How could he not call? 154 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,771 Come on, how could he not call? 155 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,189 It's been three days. 156 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,609 Give him 12 more hours and then send him off 157 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,277 to the island of lost men. 158 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,779 Well, I don't wanna send him there, I like him. 159 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,157 Could you believe that someone actually had the nerve 160 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,326 to call this color Florentine peach? 161 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,953 I can't believe you had the nerve to spend this much on sheets. 162 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,413 It's an experiment. 163 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,373 I'm trying to change my bed Karma. 164 00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:59,461 I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be... 165 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:00,962 others will feel the same way. 166 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,298 Ah! The field of dreams. 167 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,468 Exactly. If you build it, he will come. 168 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:09,054 The thing that gets me is I'm not usually wrong 169 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,097 about the phone-number-size-up. 170 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,432 I don't put it out there 171 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,184 unless I'm pretty damn sure it's coming back. 172 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:18,772 I'm either really loving or hating the color. 173 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,814 He thinks I'm ugly. 174 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,776 Oh, my God... get a grip. 175 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,321 A guy doesn't call you for three days and you're ugly? 176 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,447 What's your point? 177 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,531 Pillowcase. 178 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,784 It's amazing. 179 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,328 We can feel totally good about ourselves, 180 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,038 and then it all goes out the window 181 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,707 if the guy doesn't mirror that right back to us. 182 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:41,294 This has a little weird thing here. 183 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,504 Damnit. 184 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,005 Does everything I bring into this bedroom 185 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,340 have to have a flaw? 186 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:46,508 Ha, ha! 187 00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:52,347 The next day I was in the village looking for the perfect $7 vintage dress 188 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,100 to go with my $300 shoes, when... 189 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,143 I had a choice. 190 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,645 I could turn around and run away, 191 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,856 or I could smile, be brave, and walk on over. 192 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,653 Hey, hi. 193 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,697 So what, Saturday's the day you stand on the street 194 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,198 and smoke in the village? 195 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,035 Hi, I'm Carrie. 196 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,704 We're kind of in the middle of something. 197 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,914 Oh, right, sure, sure, right. 198 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,582 Uh, okay, bye. 199 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,084 I was just on my way to Perry street. 200 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,293 This is Perry street. 201 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,255 Bleecker. Bleecker, I meant Bleecker. 202 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,133 Okay, bye. And goodbye to you, too. 203 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:33,388 Carrie! 204 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,641 Listen, let me explain. I-- 205 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,184 No, no, no, I'm embarrassed. 206 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,562 You know, you're obviously, you're in the middle of a thing 207 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,896 with your lover or whoever, 208 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,898 -and I'm standing there all-- -No, no, no, I... 209 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,275 I'm not gay. 210 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,736 I'm an alcoholic. 211 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,196 We were just waiting for a meeting to start. 212 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,865 And I wanted to introduce you, 213 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,284 but it's supposed to be anonymous, so... 214 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,746 Well, you know, I... I really wasn't getting the gay vibe from you, 215 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,749 it's just, uh, he was so cute and... and... 216 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,917 -I never called. -Right. 217 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,085 I was freaked. 218 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,920 You know, I've only been in the program 11 months 219 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,756 and my sponsor said I really shouldn't get involved 220 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,175 with someone for a year, and... 221 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,302 So... 222 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:13,845 Well, okay. 223 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,722 So, maybe you'll call me in a month. 224 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,849 It doesn't bother you that I'm an alcoholic? 225 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,434 No, God, no. 226 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,643 No, I love alcoholics. 227 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,645 Hell, I hope to be one someday. 228 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,939 That was a joke. 229 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,483 That's not funny... yet. 230 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,860 But it might be after a cappuccino. 231 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,403 You know, what the fuck... 232 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,696 It's only a couple of weeks. 233 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,074 Would you like to go out on a date sometime? 234 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,742 I can't think why not. 235 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:37,994 You call me. 236 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,122 So I accepted his kind invitation. 237 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,791 Because when you think about it, 238 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,959 aren't we all in recovery from something? 239 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,920 Drinking? Drugging? 240 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,547 Our last relationship? 241 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,509 On our first date, Patrick and I went for coffee. 242 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,219 Hey, I'm really compulsive. 243 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:57,847 If I open up a bag of Chips Ahoy, I gotta eat the whole thing. 244 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,016 I'm like that with Reese's Pieces. 245 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,601 Reese's Pieces and shoes. 246 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:05,146 Wouldn't the shoes be a little tough on digestion? 247 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,983 Well, this is me. 248 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,446 Thank you, Mr. Casey, I had a great time. 249 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:17,450 Oh, no, Miss Burn Victim, I had the great time. 250 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,411 Then, I gave him my very best 251 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,705 lean-in-and-kiss-me-goodnight move. 252 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,507 Well, that was... 253 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,970 Our next date, over dinner, he told me about working his 12 steps. 254 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,723 And after dinner, I stood on my third step trying to work him. 255 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,892 That smell is amazing. What is that? 256 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,061 Me. 257 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,441 I'll... call you. 258 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,569 I couldn't figure it out. 259 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,120 I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me goodnight move, 260 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,498 I'd accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up and say hello. 261 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,876 So what was going on? 262 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:12,630 By the third date I wanted him even more than a fistful of Reese's Pieces. 263 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,428 Well, then, goodnight. 264 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:22,056 That was that. I'd hit my humiliation limit. 265 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,641 And then I thought... 266 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,477 how many cute, smart, sexy, single, smoking alcoholics 267 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,146 are there left in the world? 268 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,272 Five? 269 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,370 Do you want to come up? 270 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:45,622 Yeah. 271 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,582 But you see, the thing is... 272 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,251 I've never had sex sober. 273 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,795 I've always been drunk or high. 274 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,881 I don't know if I'll be any good. 275 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,842 Oh, what the hell. 276 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,303 Let's take it one step at a time. 277 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,148 Oh! Whoo! 278 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,109 Oh, sex... 279 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,111 is amazing. 280 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,657 It feels so fucking amazing. 281 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,492 Do other people know about this? 282 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,786 I mean... whoa! 283 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:25,787 Yeah! 284 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,164 All right! I did it! 285 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,832 Sex without beer! 286 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:30,833 Yeah! 287 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,252 Woo-hoo! 288 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,546 Easy, cowboy. 289 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:36,714 You! 290 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,383 What about you! 291 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,926 You are the best. 292 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,719 Well, you weren't half bad yourself. 293 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,013 No! You are the best. 294 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,765 You're the best. 295 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,475 I aim to please. 296 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,522 After we have a cigarette... 297 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,610 can we do it again? 298 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,075 I'm gonna have a Spanish omelet, hash browns, some more coffee, 299 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,493 and orange juice. 300 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,955 Oh, and, um, can I have some rice pudding for later? 301 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,373 Thanks. 302 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,083 Storing up for winter? 303 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,668 No, I'm starving. 304 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:17,088 Patrick and I... all last night and I'm just... 305 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,173 No, don't stop, it's okay. 306 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,677 I mean, just because I'm bad in bed doesn't mean everybody has to be. 307 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,429 Okay, one more time. 308 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,931 -You are not bad in bed. -Oh, really? 309 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,726 Has a man ever fallen asleep making love to you? 310 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,895 No, but I once fell asleep when a guy was doing me. 311 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:33,980 It was the ludes. 312 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,106 It's okay. 313 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,651 I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things, 314 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,154 like accessories... 315 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,407 that I might need help in others like... 316 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:45,783 Fucking? 317 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,160 Making love. 318 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,703 So... 319 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,205 I'm taking a class. 320 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,874 A fucking class? 321 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,585 -No, a Tantric sex workshop. 322 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,670 Well, just don't drink any suspicious Kool-Aid 323 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:58,713 or put on new Nikes. 324 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,298 Oh, it's not like that. 325 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,301 It's taught by this very well respected woman psychologist. 326 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:06,054 It's called, "How to Please a Man." 327 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,305 I know how to please a man. 328 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,015 You just give away most of your power. 329 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,226 Look, I have a trainer for the gym. 330 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,728 I can have a trainer for... 331 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,812 Fucking? 332 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,439 Please stop saying that. 333 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,442 Are you... are you actually going to do this? 334 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,485 Yep. 335 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:24,072 And, uh, seating was limited, so I signed you guys up. 336 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,533 -Please, please? -I... I... 337 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,743 I can't go alone. 338 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,788 And if Bram ever falls asleep on me again, I will die. 339 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,749 Please, pretty please, pretty please with sugar on it? 340 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:35,917 Christ, I'm in. 341 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,543 What the hell? 342 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,921 I don't exactly have them hanging from the rafters. 343 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,672 "How to Please a Man." 344 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,217 I could teach the damn class. 345 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,137 All right. 346 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,228 That night, while David and David got undressed 347 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,063 and waited for her in the bedroom, 348 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:01,067 Samantha began to wonder if maybe she was about to go too far. 349 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,654 Was she actually capable of being this sexually free? 350 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,781 Or was she getting in over her head? 351 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,950 She decided, before there were any regrets, 352 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,828 they should all talk about it a little more. 353 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,040 Listen, David and David, maybe... 354 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,418 You look amazing. 355 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,962 -Just like Jean Harlow in Red Dust. 356 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,423 Samantha loved the Samantha mirrored at her 357 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:24,549 through the eyes of the Davids. 358 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,300 -What the hell? 359 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,478 Oh! 360 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,040 Oh! 361 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,470 They're so soft. 362 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,013 I know. 363 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,404 I can't do this. 364 00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:29,906 Neither can I. 365 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,534 But I... 366 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,703 We're just getting start-- 367 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:38,998 No. Can't. I'm sorry. 368 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:39,999 Sorry. 369 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,626 It's very pretty, but... 370 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,169 no. 371 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,296 It's not you. It's us. 372 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,714 I have an idea. 373 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,425 Let's all put on our clothes and go out for gelati! 374 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,802 -Cheesecake. -Whatever. 375 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,432 Suddenly, Samantha wasn't feeling so good 376 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,934 about herself in bed. 377 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,481 Oh, yikes. 378 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:08,236 I gotta go or I'm going to be late for the Tantric Workshop thing. 379 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:12,198 Oh, baby, you don't need a workshop. 380 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,075 Mmm, you are amazing. 381 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:17,411 Now, come on. Come on. One more time. 382 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,830 We did it last night and all this morning. 383 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:22,250 I could have sex with you morning, noon, and night. 384 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,251 Now, come on. 385 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:24,752 That's when I realized it. 386 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,255 Mr. Compulsive wasn't in bed with me... 387 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,756 More, come on. 388 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,425 He was in bed with a big bag of Chips Ahoy. 389 00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:32,552 More. 390 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:38,975 The intent of Tantric, we say, "Sacred sexuality," 391 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:43,020 is to experience and merge with the divine. 392 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,147 I think Patrick's addicted to me. 393 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,067 It's like he's replaced drinking with me. 394 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,944 Yeah, "Program guys" are tough. 395 00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,238 I dated a guy who was in Overeaters Anonymous, 396 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,783 and every time we had a fight, he'd binge eat hot fudge sundaes. 397 00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:01,497 ...in other words, ladies, to drive your man crazy. 398 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,541 He wants to have sex all the time. 399 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,376 It's getting a little out of hand. 400 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,461 Well, at least he wants to fuck you. 401 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,130 They were gay. 402 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,047 So? 403 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,217 One minute they were interested and then, suddenly they weren't. 404 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,553 What did I do to turn them off? 405 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,806 Not having a dick would be the thing that you did 406 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,057 -to turn them off. 407 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,184 You guys, I'm serious. This is rude. 408 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:28,899 ...and use it to bring any man to his knees with love, of course. 409 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,611 Where was this bitch last night when I needed her? 410 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,946 Shh. Shh! Be quiet and you might learn something. 411 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,073 This lady is supposed to be a genius. 412 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,326 If she's so good, 413 00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,329 why is she having this workshop in her apartment? 414 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:42,622 I don't know. 415 00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:45,791 Tantric sex is not about talk, 416 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,418 it's about action. 417 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,713 Delayed action. 418 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,173 So... 419 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,468 without further "delay," 420 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:59,722 let me introduce my husband, 421 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:04,226 Dr. Ronnie Shapiro. 422 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:11,734 I will demonstrate the very effective lingam massage. 423 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,614 I think I know why we're in an apartment. 424 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:24,580 The receiver lies on his back before the giver, naked. 425 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:29,835 Genitals clearly exposed for the massage. 426 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,420 You're not writing. 427 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:36,050 Take your time doing this... 428 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,510 An hour and a half later, 429 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:40,346 crippled by our inability to look away from a car crash, 430 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:44,517 we watched as the Dr. Shapiro illustrated Tantric sex. 431 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:50,940 Massage the head of the lingam as if you are using an orange juicer. 432 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,026 Well, there go my good feelings about breakfast. 433 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,321 Stop it! You're embarrassing me. 434 00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,615 Oh, we're the embarrassing part? 435 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:07,206 Now, place your right hand on the receiver's root chakra. 436 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,166 -Root! 437 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:14,797 The root chakra is located between the anus and the genitals. 438 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,967 Well, I think that I just got my 50 bucks worth, so... 439 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:24,056 Gently rock your hand to awaken this chakra. 440 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,393 Clinically referred to as perineum. 441 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,521 Perineum, Latin for "Not without an engagement ring." 442 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,734 Will the women who are laughing compose themselves? 443 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,277 -Thank you. 444 00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:40,906 Orgasm is not the goal of lingam massage, 445 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:46,370 but can be a pleasant and very welcome side-effect. 446 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,374 Watch what I'm doing here. 447 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:57,214 If you can master this, your man will always be faithful. 448 00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:04,346 Because once they go Tantric, they don't go back. 449 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,224 You go, girl. 450 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:11,520 See that, can you all see this? 451 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,025 Oh, my God! 452 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,986 He's gonna-- 453 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,616 Oh, God. 454 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:27,369 And just like that, Miranda got hit by old faithful. 455 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,371 -Oh! 456 00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,956 What's funny? 457 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:39,965 That night, after we talked Miranda in from the ledge, 458 00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:41,634 I met Patrick for a movie. 459 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:45,137 So I was telling my sponsor today how I felt about you, 460 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,806 and suddenly I realized, 461 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:49,475 duh, maybe I should just tell you. 462 00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:51,227 Carrie... 463 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,146 I love you. 464 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,648 There it was... 465 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,942 the little phrase every girl is dying to hear 466 00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:00,277 a week and a half into a relationship. 467 00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:01,904 Oh, wow. 468 00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:05,407 Well, thanks and that's, uh, so... 469 00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:08,202 -Wow. -What? 470 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,204 Too soon. Is that what you're thinking? 471 00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:13,541 Well, we have been going out like a minute. 472 00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,626 Oh, fuck that shit. I don't want to play games. 473 00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:18,170 I'm just trying to own my feelings. 474 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,924 I... I love you. I said it. 475 00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,469 Mr. Casey, you do not love me... 476 00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,764 You love you not drinking with me. 477 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,933 No, I love you. 478 00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:34,061 Okay, look... 479 00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:38,858 Gosh, I am, I... it's... I'm so flattered, 480 00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:42,486 but I just think maybe we should, we should slow down a little here. 481 00:22:42,570 --> 00:22:43,988 What does that mean? 482 00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,365 It just... it means that, you know, it's... 483 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:47,908 things are going very fast, and I just, 484 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,785 it... you know, you have all these new feelings. 485 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,328 -'Cause you're not drinking-- -No, no, no. 486 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,789 Don't give me that program bullshit. 487 00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:56,333 This has nothing to do with drinking. 488 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,129 I love you. 489 00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:04,133 Maybe we should spend a little time apart. 490 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:06,886 I'll call you tomorrow. 491 00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:08,721 I'm not coming up? 492 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:09,930 Just a couple nights. 493 00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:13,559 Are you breaking up with me? 'Cause if you break up-- 494 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:15,728 Patrick, I'm not, I'm not breaking up with you. 495 00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:17,646 I'm just going inside. 496 00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,024 So call me tomorrow. 497 00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,484 We'll do something next week, okay? 498 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,988 What... What am I gonna do now? 499 00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:28,741 Well, you should go to a meeting. 500 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:32,369 And then you go home and call me tomorrow. 501 00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:35,873 Okay? Goodnight. 502 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,542 I'll see you next week. 503 00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,379 Go. 504 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:51,513 Get yourself some cookies. 505 00:23:57,895 --> 00:23:59,146 Meanwhile, across town at Charlotte's... 506 00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:01,148 Oh, my God, Charlotte, what are you doing? 507 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:03,609 Oh. Oh, God. 508 00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:04,902 Oh! Mmm. 509 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,862 Oh, Charlotte, you are good. 510 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,406 Sweet Christ. You are good. 511 00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:14,328 Charlotte considered it the best 50 bucks she'd ever spent. 512 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,750 It cost Miranda a little more, 513 00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:22,920 but across town in her bed, things were good as well. 514 00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:38,102 Carrie! 515 00:24:40,062 --> 00:24:41,689 Carrie! 516 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:45,359 -Carrie! 517 00:24:47,361 --> 00:24:49,363 Carrie! 518 00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:51,490 Patrick, what are you doing? 519 00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:54,827 Huh? You, you bitch! 520 00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:55,828 Shit! 521 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,413 I loved you. 522 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,873 And you didn't love me. 523 00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:04,003 You fucking made me date you before the month. 524 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:06,755 And now I'm drunk. 525 00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:09,341 -Shh! -And I don't care! 526 00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:12,136 -Carrie! 527 00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,722 I love you, Carrie! 528 00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:16,515 I love you! 529 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,475 Make love to me! 530 00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:20,686 What are you doing? 531 00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:23,814 God, don't take your clothes off. 532 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:26,525 My first impulse was to go down and rescue him, 533 00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:30,112 but as I learned on our second date, that would be codependent. 534 00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:32,740 Still, I felt I had to do something. 535 00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:36,827 Here, put this on, you'll get a cold. 536 00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:40,456 I hope I fucking die! 537 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:41,999 Quiet, asshole, I'll call the cops! 538 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,960 Oh, shut the fuck up, dickweed! 539 00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,463 Carrie! 540 00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:51,425 You were the best fuck I ever had! 541 00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:53,927 Three weeks later, I got a letter from Patrick, 542 00:25:54,011 --> 00:25:57,139 saying he was back in the program and wanted to make amends. 543 00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,641 I never saw him again, but I always wondered two things... 544 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:00,642 Carrie! 545 00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,311 Was he able to stay sober? 546 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,688 Am I really that good in bed?