1
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,927
My friend Charlotte
was dating Dr. Bram Walker,
2
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,055
a very hard-working orthopedic surgeon.
3
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,808
Bram?
4
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,353
Bram?
5
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:02,980
What?
6
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,648
Were you asleep?
7
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,276
No, no, I was just resting my eyes.
8
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,610
Oh, my God.
9
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,655
Okay, I fell asleep for one second.
10
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,407
Oh, oh, my God, I...
11
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,325
I've been up since 5:00,
I had three carpal tunnels.
12
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,869
It's very exhaustive
reconstructive work.
13
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,666
He fell asleep when
he was making love to me.
14
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,001
-Oh.
-He fell asleep!
15
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,711
Sweetie, he was tired.
16
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,130
This has nothing to do with you.
17
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,799
Has a man ever fallen asleep
making love to you?
18
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:34,344
No, but I'm sure many of them wanted to.
19
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,847
I can't believe this
happened to me!
20
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,682
You want some herb tea?
How about some herb tea?
21
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,726
I must be really bad in bed.
22
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,519
You are not bad in bed.
23
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,689
Okay, I've got, uh,
Constant Comment and Tummy T--
24
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,608
Charlotte, honey,
you want some Tummy Tamer?
25
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:48,609
Of course it's her.
26
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,611
And I have to say, I'm not surprised.
27
00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,404
Ever seen her on a StairMaster?
28
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,281
Nothing happening below the waist.
29
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,449
Nada. No sale.
30
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:56,783
How can you say that?
31
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,745
Even if she was bad in bed,
which she isn't,
32
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,705
is it really that important?
33
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:02,914
Absolutely.
34
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,375
Who we are in bed,
is who we are in life.
35
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,712
I never met a man who was bad in bed
who was good at life.
36
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,173
And just for the record,
in bed, you are...
37
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,091
Don't make me state the obvious.
38
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,218
How can you be so sure?
39
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,972
Well, no one ever took a nap
while fucking me and...
40
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,974
I get affirmations all the time.
41
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,309
Why, just last week...
42
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:23,644
It seems, last week,
43
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:27,230
Samantha was invited to dinner
by a gay couple she'd known for years...
44
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,815
David and David.
45
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,776
Well, thanks for a lovely dinner.
46
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,152
It was fun.
47
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,280
Well, I have to admit,
we have an ulterior motive.
48
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:36,657
What?
49
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,993
We were wondering if you were seeing
anybody special right now?
50
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,912
Well, actually, no.
51
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,039
Do you have a hot guy for me?
52
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,624
-Hmm?
53
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:46,917
Two.
54
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,549
-No!
-Yes!
55
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,510
We want to have sex with a woman.
56
00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:58,970
Are you serious?
57
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,390
Totally, I've always been curious
what it would be like.
58
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:04,810
Neither one of us has ever done it
and we thought it might be fun.
59
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,228
And then we were like, "Well,
60
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,897
if we were gonna do it with a woman,
who would it be?"
61
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,941
And then we were like, "uh,
62
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,943
-Samantha."
-Totally.
63
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,154
We decided of all
the beautiful women we know,
64
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,281
you were probably the best in bed.
65
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,700
Totally.
66
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,494
-Look at that!
67
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,496
So I'm thinking about doing it.
68
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,249
-They're cute, they're healthy.
-They're gay!
69
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,583
You know, for a sex columnist
70
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,794
you have a very
limited view of sexuality.
71
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,462
Gay as pink suede.
72
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,506
Wake up! It's 2000.
73
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,008
The new millennium won't
be about sexual labels,
74
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,844
it'll be about sexual expression.
75
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,138
It won't matter if you're
sleeping with men or women.
76
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,557
It'll be about sleeping
with individuals.
77
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,517
Or in your case, twos to threes.
78
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,769
Soon everyone will be pansexual.
79
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,896
It won't matter
if you're gay or straight.
80
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,940
Just if you're good or bad in bed.
81
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,316
Exactly.
82
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,570
That night I got
to thinking about bed.
83
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,406
Are we secretly being graded
every time we invite someone
84
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,699
to join us in it?
85
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:04,035
A plus, B, D, incomplete.
86
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:07,372
Is making love really nothing
more than a pop quiz?
87
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,458
And if sex is a test,
88
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,043
how do we know
if we're passing or failing?
89
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,379
How do you know if you're good in bed?
90
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,133
Later that week, I was walking home
91
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,052
thinking about my own
sexual report card when...
92
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,221
Ow!
93
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,098
God! What the hell was--
94
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,349
-I am--
- What was that?
95
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,268
Christ, I'm sorry.
I... I didn't see you.
96
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,936
I just threw my cigarette.
97
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,730
I thought I was stung by a bee.
98
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:32,647
Jesus!
99
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,233
I... I'm sorry. Did it leave a mark?
100
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,444
You can't smoke in the restaurant.
101
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,695
You know, I'm a smoker.
102
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,363
Yeah, I'm a smoker too,
but come on, pally,
103
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,699
watch where you throw those things, huh?
104
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,411
No, it didn't leave a mark.
105
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,247
As the pain subsided,
my mind was free to notice
106
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,583
how incredibly cute this guy was.
107
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:52,918
Look, I am sorry.
108
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,086
My name's Patrick. Patrick Casey.
109
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,297
Carrie Bradshaw, burn victim.
110
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,508
How... how weird was that?
111
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,801
I mean, that was... that was intense.
112
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,093
But you... you gotta admit,
113
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,387
it's a pretty clever way
to meet the ladies.
114
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,599
Oh, so you got a little comedy routine
going there, huh, Patrick?
115
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,892
A little bit.
116
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,061
But listen, I... I really feel bad.
117
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,480
So at least let me
buy you a cup of coffee
118
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,106
or some burn salve?
119
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,525
Not funny yet.
120
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,568
- Sorry.
-But it might be...
121
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,195
after a cappuccino.
122
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,697
There's a place right around the corner.
123
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,241
We can smoke there.
124
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,910
Three Marlboros
and two Marlboro Lights later,
125
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,204
I had learned that
Patrick was a composer
126
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,956
who wrote music for the movies.
127
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,708
So what type of movies
do you compose for?
128
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,210
Really bad ones.
129
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,878
You know, the...
130
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,548
"I Screamed When I Knew What You
Did Last Summer On Elm Street," type.
131
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,634
Well, as long as you're
challenged by what you do.
132
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,178
Oh, damn it!
133
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:48,640
Patrick Casey, whoever you are.
134
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,183
I'm late. I have to go.
135
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,351
Aww.
136
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,727
Thank you for the coffee.
137
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:57,148
And maybe one day you'll
give me scar tissue again.
138
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,150
You're great.
139
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:00,652
Thanks.
140
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,030
As I walked away, I started to think...
141
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:07,576
How many cute, smart, single smokers
are there left in the world?
142
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,535
Seven?
143
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,581
I decided to do something
I almost never do...
144
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,666
give a man my phone number.
145
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:19,170
Hi. This whole burn lawsuit
I plan to initiate,
146
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,089
it might get a little crazy.
147
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,382
So here is...
148
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,135
my phone number.
149
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,803
You'll need that for your attorney...
150
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,473
Or if you want to have
coffee again some time.
151
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,892
I left feeling great.
152
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,810
It was such a cute approach.
153
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,228
How could he not call?
154
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,771
Come on, how could he not call?
155
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,189
It's been three days.
156
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,609
Give him 12 more hours
and then send him off
157
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,277
to the island of lost men.
158
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,779
Well, I don't wanna
send him there, I like him.
159
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,157
Could you believe that someone
actually had the nerve
160
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,326
to call this color Florentine peach?
161
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,953
I can't believe you had the nerve
to spend this much on sheets.
162
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,413
It's an experiment.
163
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,373
I'm trying to change my bed Karma.
164
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:59,461
I figure if I can make my bed
a place I really want to be...
165
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:00,962
others will feel the same way.
166
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,298
Ah! The field of dreams.
167
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,468
Exactly. If you build it, he will come.
168
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:09,054
The thing that gets me is
I'm not usually wrong
169
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,097
about the phone-number-size-up.
170
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,432
I don't put it out there
171
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,184
unless I'm pretty damn sure
it's coming back.
172
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:18,772
I'm either really loving
or hating the color.
173
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,814
He thinks I'm ugly.
174
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,776
Oh, my God... get a grip.
175
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,321
A guy doesn't call you for
three days and you're ugly?
176
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,447
What's your point?
177
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,531
Pillowcase.
178
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,784
It's amazing.
179
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,328
We can feel totally
good about ourselves,
180
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,038
and then it all goes out the window
181
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,707
if the guy doesn't
mirror that right back to us.
182
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:41,294
This has a little
weird thing here.
183
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,504
Damnit.
184
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,005
Does everything I bring
into this bedroom
185
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,340
have to have a flaw?
186
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:46,508
Ha, ha!
187
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:52,347
The next day I was in the village
looking for the perfect $7 vintage dress
188
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,100
to go with my $300 shoes, when...
189
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,143
I had a choice.
190
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,645
I could turn around and run away,
191
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,856
or I could smile,
be brave, and walk on over.
192
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,653
Hey, hi.
193
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,697
So what, Saturday's the day
you stand on the street
194
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,198
and smoke in the village?
195
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,035
Hi, I'm Carrie.
196
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,704
We're kind of in
the middle of something.
197
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,914
Oh, right, sure, sure, right.
198
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,582
Uh, okay, bye.
199
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,084
I was just on my way to Perry street.
200
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,293
This is Perry street.
201
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,255
Bleecker. Bleecker, I meant Bleecker.
202
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,133
Okay, bye. And goodbye to you, too.
203
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:33,388
Carrie!
204
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,641
Listen, let me explain. I--
205
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,184
No, no, no, I'm embarrassed.
206
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,562
You know, you're obviously,
you're in the middle of a thing
207
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,896
with your lover or whoever,
208
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,898
-and I'm standing there all--
-No, no, no, I...
209
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,275
I'm not gay.
210
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,736
I'm an alcoholic.
211
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,196
We were just waiting
for a meeting to start.
212
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,865
And I wanted to introduce you,
213
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,284
but it's supposed to be anonymous, so...
214
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,746
Well, you know, I... I really wasn't
getting the gay vibe from you,
215
00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,749
it's just, uh,
he was so cute and... and...
216
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,917
-I never called.
-Right.
217
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,085
I was freaked.
218
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,920
You know, I've only been
in the program 11 months
219
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,756
and my sponsor said I really
shouldn't get involved
220
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,175
with someone for a year, and...
221
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,302
So...
222
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:13,845
Well, okay.
223
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,722
So, maybe you'll call me in a month.
224
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,849
It doesn't bother you
that I'm an alcoholic?
225
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,434
No, God, no.
226
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,643
No, I love alcoholics.
227
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,645
Hell, I hope to be one someday.
228
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,939
That was a joke.
229
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,483
That's not funny... yet.
230
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,860
But it might be after a cappuccino.
231
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,403
You know, what the fuck...
232
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,696
It's only a couple of weeks.
233
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,074
Would you like to go out
on a date sometime?
234
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,742
I can't think why not.
235
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:37,994
You call me.
236
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,122
So I accepted his kind invitation.
237
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,791
Because when you think about it,
238
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,959
aren't we all
in recovery from something?
239
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,920
Drinking? Drugging?
240
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,547
Our last relationship?
241
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,509
On our first date,
Patrick and I went for coffee.
242
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,219
Hey, I'm really compulsive.
243
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:57,847
If I open up a bag of Chips Ahoy,
I gotta eat the whole thing.
244
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,016
I'm like that with Reese's Pieces.
245
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,601
Reese's Pieces and shoes.
246
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:05,146
Wouldn't the shoes be
a little tough on digestion?
247
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,983
Well, this is me.
248
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,446
Thank you, Mr. Casey,
I had a great time.
249
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:17,450
Oh, no, Miss Burn Victim,
I had the great time.
250
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,411
Then, I gave him my very best
251
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,705
lean-in-and-kiss-me-goodnight move.
252
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,507
Well, that was...
253
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,970
Our next date, over dinner,
he told me about working his 12 steps.
254
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,723
And after dinner, I stood on
my third step trying to work him.
255
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,892
That smell is amazing. What is that?
256
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,061
Me.
257
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,441
I'll... call you.
258
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,569
I couldn't figure it out.
259
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,120
I knew he wanted me because during my
lean-in-and-kiss-me goodnight move,
260
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,498
I'd accidentally on purpose
felt his pop-up and say hello.
261
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,876
So what was going on?
262
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:12,630
By the third date I wanted him even more
than a fistful of Reese's Pieces.
263
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,428
Well, then, goodnight.
264
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:22,056
That was that.
I'd hit my humiliation limit.
265
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,641
And then I thought...
266
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,477
how many cute, smart, sexy,
single, smoking alcoholics
267
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,146
are there left in the world?
268
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,272
Five?
269
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,370
Do you want to come up?
270
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:45,622
Yeah.
271
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,582
But you see, the thing is...
272
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,251
I've never had sex sober.
273
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,795
I've always been drunk or high.
274
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,881
I don't know if I'll be any good.
275
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,842
Oh, what the hell.
276
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,303
Let's take it one step at a time.
277
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,148
Oh! Whoo!
278
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,109
Oh, sex...
279
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,111
is amazing.
280
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,657
It feels so fucking amazing.
281
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,492
Do other people know about this?
282
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,786
I mean... whoa!
283
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:25,787
Yeah!
284
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,164
All right! I did it!
285
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,832
Sex without beer!
286
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:30,833
Yeah!
287
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,252
Woo-hoo!
288
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,546
Easy, cowboy.
289
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:36,714
You!
290
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,383
What about you!
291
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,926
You are the best.
292
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,719
Well, you weren't half bad yourself.
293
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,013
No! You are the best.
294
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,765
You're the best.
295
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,475
I aim to please.
296
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,522
After we have a cigarette...
297
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,610
can we do it again?
298
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,075
I'm gonna have a Spanish omelet,
hash browns, some more coffee,
299
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,493
and orange juice.
300
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,955
Oh, and, um, can I have some
rice pudding for later?
301
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,373
Thanks.
302
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,083
Storing up for winter?
303
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,668
No, I'm starving.
304
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:17,088
Patrick and I... all last night
and I'm just...
305
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,173
No, don't stop, it's okay.
306
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,677
I mean, just because I'm bad in bed
doesn't mean everybody has to be.
307
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,429
Okay, one more time.
308
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,931
-You are not bad in bed.
-Oh, really?
309
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,726
Has a man ever fallen asleep
making love to you?
310
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,895
No, but I once fell asleep
when a guy was doing me.
311
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:33,980
It was the ludes.
312
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,106
It's okay.
313
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,651
I'm mature enough to realize that
while I may be good at some things,
314
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,154
like accessories...
315
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,407
that I might need help in others like...
316
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:45,783
Fucking?
317
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,160
Making love.
318
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,703
So...
319
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,205
I'm taking a class.
320
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,874
A fucking class?
321
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,585
-No, a Tantric sex workshop.
322
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,670
Well, just don't drink
any suspicious Kool-Aid
323
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:58,713
or put on new Nikes.
324
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,298
Oh, it's not like that.
325
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,301
It's taught by this very well
respected woman psychologist.
326
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:06,054
It's called, "How to Please a Man."
327
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,305
I know how to please a man.
328
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,015
You just give away most of your power.
329
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,226
Look, I have a trainer for the gym.
330
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,728
I can have a trainer for...
331
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,812
Fucking?
332
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,439
Please stop saying that.
333
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,442
Are you... are you actually
going to do this?
334
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,485
Yep.
335
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:24,072
And, uh, seating was limited,
so I signed you guys up.
336
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,533
-Please, please?
-I... I...
337
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,743
I can't go alone.
338
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,788
And if Bram ever falls asleep
on me again, I will die.
339
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,749
Please, pretty please,
pretty please with sugar on it?
340
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:35,917
Christ, I'm in.
341
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,543
What the hell?
342
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,921
I don't exactly have them
hanging from the rafters.
343
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,672
"How to Please a Man."
344
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,217
I could teach the damn class.
345
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,137
All right.
346
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,228
That night, while
David and David got undressed
347
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,063
and waited for her in the bedroom,
348
00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:01,067
Samantha began to wonder
if maybe she was about to go too far.
349
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,654
Was she actually capable
of being this sexually free?
350
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,781
Or was she getting in over her head?
351
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,950
She decided,
before there were any regrets,
352
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,828
they should all talk
about it a little more.
353
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,040
Listen, David and David, maybe...
354
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,418
You look amazing.
355
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,962
-Just like Jean Harlow in Red Dust.
356
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,423
Samantha loved
the Samantha mirrored at her
357
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:24,549
through the eyes of the Davids.
358
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,300
-What the hell?
359
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,478
Oh!
360
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,040
Oh!
361
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,470
They're so soft.
362
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,013
I know.
363
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,404
I can't do this.
364
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:29,906
Neither can I.
365
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,534
But I...
366
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,703
We're just getting start--
367
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:38,998
No. Can't. I'm sorry.
368
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:39,999
Sorry.
369
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,626
It's very pretty, but...
370
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,169
no.
371
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,296
It's not you. It's us.
372
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,714
I have an idea.
373
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,425
Let's all put on our clothes
and go out for gelati!
374
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,802
-Cheesecake.
-Whatever.
375
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,432
Suddenly, Samantha
wasn't feeling so good
376
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,934
about herself in bed.
377
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,481
Oh, yikes.
378
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:08,236
I gotta go or I'm going to be late
for the Tantric Workshop thing.
379
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:12,198
Oh, baby,
you don't need a workshop.
380
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,075
Mmm, you are amazing.
381
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:17,411
Now, come on. Come on. One more time.
382
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,830
We did it last night
and all this morning.
383
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:22,250
I could have sex with you
morning, noon, and night.
384
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,251
Now, come on.
385
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:24,752
That's when I realized it.
386
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,255
Mr. Compulsive wasn't in bed with me...
387
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,756
More, come on.
388
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,425
He was in bed
with a big bag of Chips Ahoy.
389
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:32,552
More.
390
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:38,975
The intent of Tantric,
we say, "Sacred sexuality,"
391
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:43,020
is to experience
and merge with the divine.
392
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,147
I think Patrick's addicted to me.
393
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,067
It's like he's replaced
drinking with me.
394
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,944
Yeah, "Program guys" are tough.
395
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,238
I dated a guy who was
in Overeaters Anonymous,
396
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,783
and every time we had a fight,
he'd binge eat hot fudge sundaes.
397
00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:01,497
...in other words, ladies,
to drive your man crazy.
398
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,541
He wants to have sex all the time.
399
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,376
It's getting a little out of hand.
400
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,461
Well, at least he wants to fuck you.
401
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,130
They were gay.
402
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,047
So?
403
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,217
One minute they were interested
and then, suddenly they weren't.
404
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,553
What did I do to turn them off?
405
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,806
Not having a dick
would be the thing that you did
406
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,057
-to turn them off.
407
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,184
You guys, I'm serious. This is rude.
408
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:28,899
...and use it to bring any man
to his knees with love, of course.
409
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,611
Where was this bitch
last night when I needed her?
410
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,946
Shh. Shh! Be quiet
and you might learn something.
411
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,073
This lady is supposed to be a genius.
412
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,326
If she's so good,
413
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,329
why is she having this
workshop in her apartment?
414
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:42,622
I don't know.
415
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:45,791
Tantric sex
is not about talk,
416
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,418
it's about action.
417
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,713
Delayed action.
418
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,173
So...
419
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,468
without further "delay,"
420
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:59,722
let me introduce my husband,
421
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:04,226
Dr. Ronnie Shapiro.
422
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:11,734
I will demonstrate
the very effective lingam massage.
423
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,614
I think I know why
we're in an apartment.
424
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:24,580
The receiver lies on his back
before the giver, naked.
425
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:29,835
Genitals clearly
exposed for the massage.
426
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,420
You're not writing.
427
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:36,050
Take your time
doing this...
428
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,510
An hour and a half later,
429
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:40,346
crippled by our inability
to look away from a car crash,
430
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:44,517
we watched as the Dr. Shapiro
illustrated Tantric sex.
431
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:50,940
Massage the head of the lingam
as if you are using an orange juicer.
432
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,026
Well, there go my good
feelings about breakfast.
433
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,321
Stop it! You're embarrassing me.
434
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,615
Oh, we're the embarrassing part?
435
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:07,206
Now, place your right hand
on the receiver's root chakra.
436
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,166
-Root!
437
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:14,797
The root chakra is located between
the anus and the genitals.
438
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,967
Well, I think that I just
got my 50 bucks worth, so...
439
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:24,056
Gently rock
your hand to awaken this chakra.
440
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,393
Clinically referred to as perineum.
441
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,521
Perineum, Latin for
"Not without an engagement ring."
442
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,734
Will the women who are laughing
compose themselves?
443
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,277
-Thank you.
444
00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:40,906
Orgasm is not the goal
of lingam massage,
445
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:46,370
but can be a pleasant
and very welcome side-effect.
446
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,374
Watch what I'm doing here.
447
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:57,214
If you can master this,
your man will always be faithful.
448
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:04,346
Because once they go Tantric,
they don't go back.
449
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,224
You go, girl.
450
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:11,520
See that, can you all see this?
451
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,025
Oh, my God!
452
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,986
He's gonna--
453
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,616
Oh, God.
454
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:27,369
And just like that,
Miranda got hit by old faithful.
455
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,371
-Oh!
456
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,956
What's funny?
457
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:39,965
That night, after we talked
Miranda in from the ledge,
458
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:41,634
I met Patrick for a movie.
459
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:45,137
So I was telling my sponsor
today how I felt about you,
460
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,806
and suddenly I realized,
461
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:49,475
duh, maybe I should just tell you.
462
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:51,227
Carrie...
463
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,146
I love you.
464
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,648
There it was...
465
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,942
the little phrase
every girl is dying to hear
466
00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:00,277
a week and a half into a relationship.
467
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:01,904
Oh, wow.
468
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:05,407
Well, thanks and that's, uh, so...
469
00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:08,202
-Wow.
-What?
470
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,204
Too soon. Is that what you're thinking?
471
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:13,541
Well, we have been
going out like a minute.
472
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,626
Oh, fuck that shit.
I don't want to play games.
473
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:18,170
I'm just trying to own my feelings.
474
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,924
I... I love you. I said it.
475
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,469
Mr. Casey, you do not love me...
476
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,764
You love you not drinking with me.
477
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,933
No, I love you.
478
00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:34,061
Okay, look...
479
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:38,858
Gosh, I am, I... it's...
I'm so flattered,
480
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:42,486
but I just think maybe we should,
we should slow down a little here.
481
00:22:42,570 --> 00:22:43,988
What does that mean?
482
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,365
It just... it means that,
you know, it's...
483
00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:47,908
things are going very fast, and I just,
484
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,785
it... you know,
you have all these new feelings.
485
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,328
-'Cause you're not drinking--
-No, no, no.
486
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,789
Don't give me that program bullshit.
487
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:56,333
This has nothing to do with drinking.
488
00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,129
I love you.
489
00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:04,133
Maybe we should spend
a little time apart.
490
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:06,886
I'll call you tomorrow.
491
00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:08,721
I'm not coming up?
492
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:09,930
Just a couple nights.
493
00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:13,559
Are you breaking up with me?
'Cause if you break up--
494
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:15,728
Patrick, I'm not,
I'm not breaking up with you.
495
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:17,646
I'm just going inside.
496
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,024
So call me tomorrow.
497
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,484
We'll do something next week, okay?
498
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,988
What... What am I gonna do now?
499
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:28,741
Well, you should go to a meeting.
500
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:32,369
And then you go home
and call me tomorrow.
501
00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:35,873
Okay? Goodnight.
502
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,542
I'll see you next week.
503
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,379
Go.
504
00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:51,513
Get yourself some cookies.
505
00:23:57,895 --> 00:23:59,146
Meanwhile, across town at Charlotte's...
506
00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:01,148
Oh, my God, Charlotte,
what are you doing?
507
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:03,609
Oh. Oh, God.
508
00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:04,902
Oh! Mmm.
509
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,862
Oh, Charlotte, you are good.
510
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,406
Sweet Christ. You are good.
511
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:14,328
Charlotte considered it
the best 50 bucks she'd ever spent.
512
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,750
It cost Miranda a little more,
513
00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:22,920
but across town in her bed,
things were good as well.
514
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:38,102
Carrie!
515
00:24:40,062 --> 00:24:41,689
Carrie!
516
00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:45,359
-Carrie!
517
00:24:47,361 --> 00:24:49,363
Carrie!
518
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:51,490
Patrick, what are you doing?
519
00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:54,827
Huh? You, you bitch!
520
00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:55,828
Shit!
521
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,413
I loved you.
522
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,873
And you didn't love me.
523
00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:04,003
You fucking made me
date you before the month.
524
00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:06,755
And now I'm drunk.
525
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:09,341
-Shh!
-And I don't care!
526
00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:12,136
-Carrie!
527
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,722
I love you, Carrie!
528
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:16,515
I love you!
529
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,475
Make love to me!
530
00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:20,686
What are you doing?
531
00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:23,814
God, don't take your clothes off.
532
00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:26,525
My first impulse
was to go down and rescue him,
533
00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:30,112
but as I learned on our second date,
that would be codependent.
534
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:32,740
Still, I felt I had to do something.
535
00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:36,827
Here, put this on, you'll get a cold.
536
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:40,456
I hope I fucking die!
537
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:41,999
Quiet, asshole,
I'll call the cops!
538
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,960
Oh, shut the fuck up, dickweed!
539
00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,463
Carrie!
540
00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:51,425
You were the best fuck I ever had!
541
00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:53,927
Three weeks later,
I got a letter from Patrick,
542
00:25:54,011 --> 00:25:57,139
saying he was back in the program
and wanted to make amends.
543
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,641
I never saw him again,
but I always wondered two things...
544
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:00,642
Carrie!
545
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,311
Was he able to stay sober?
546
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,688
Am I really that good in bed?