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They say that
the women in New York
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are the most beautiful women
in the world.
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Which explains why men in New York
spend all their time looking at them.
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The city is a veritable playground
for men's roving eyes.
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Unfortunately, they need both of them
looking straight ahead to survive.
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-Woah! Hey!
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This New York woman was
pretty happy. I was seeing Big again.
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Unfortunately, my New York guy
was still seeing other women.
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If checking out other women
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is the biggest problem you're
having with him, you're lucky.
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Well, if it's that's small,
he should be able to stop.
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Oh, honey.
You can't change that about a man.
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It's part of their genetic code,
like farting.
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Oh, please.
You're gonna put me off my pretzel.
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You have to take Big the way he is.
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Once you try to change a man,
it's doomed. They won't budge an inch.
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Oh, I know, but you can
subtly manipulate and cajole.
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Well, the things you can work with
are hair and wardrobe.
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-And even then, it's a constant battle.
-I already like the hair and wardrobe.
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Then be happy. Honey, no man is perfect.
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I'm not asking for perfection,
I'm just looking for slight alterations.
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Be careful with alterations.
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If you pull the wrong thread,
everything falls apart.
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While Samantha and I discussed
the theory of change,
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Miranda was going through it for real.
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She had a new apartment,
a new boyfriend...
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...and a new dating schedule
that was killing her.
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Hey. I'm sorry. I thought we'd be
closing the bar earlier.
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Oh, jeez. You were asleep.
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No, no, I'm up. Hi.
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-Come on in.
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-Come here. Come here. You okay?
- Ow.
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- Let's see.
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Ow!
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Is that better?
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That's better. Thank you.
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So, how was your night?
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I don't know. I was asleep.
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Sorry I was late.
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Thought we were gonna
close the bar at 2:00.
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Then we got this big group
of Japanese bankers came in.
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And all they want
is these big flaming drinks.
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-Then one of them got sick and then...
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Never mind.
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Everything was great
about Steve except for one thing.
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Morning.
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Morning.
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Come here. Come here, come here.
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They had completely
opposite schedules.
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Steve had all the time in the world
in the mornings.
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Miranda got right up at 7:00.
Unfortunately, Steve did, too.
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-I have to go to work.
-Not yet.
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The only thing Miranda
liked inside her in the mornings,
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was the cup of take-out coffee
she drank on the way to the subway.
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That night, in a bed across town,
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Charlotte was seeing a lot of Mike,
a cute, but feared restaurant critic,
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famous for his patented
five-whisk rating system.
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-Mike?
-Yeah?
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Let's make love.
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Oh, Charlotte.
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Charlotte, you are a five-whisk woman.
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But just when Charlotte
had become comfortable with the penis,
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she got a very unexpected surprise.
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Oh.
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You're...
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It's...
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Uncircumcised. Is that okay?
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No.
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Sure.
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Of course it is.
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It was not okay.
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The only uncut version of anything
Charlotte had ever seen,
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was the original Gone with the Wind.
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There was so much skin,
it was like a Shar-Pei!
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You've never seen an uncircumcised one?
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I'm from Connecticut.
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Reminder, you're dating the guy,
not the penis.
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Aesthetics are important to me.
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It's not what it looks like,
it's what they can do with it.
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Well, I don't need one
that can make its own carrying case!
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Personally,
I love an uncircumcised dick.
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It's like a Tootsie Pop.
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Hard on the outside,
with a delicious surprise inside.
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I don't like surprises. I like it all
out there where I can see it.
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Same here. I'm sorry, it is not normal.
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Well, actually, it is. Something like,
85% of men aren't circumcised.
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Great, now they're
taking over the world!
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-Honey, it's a penis, not Godzilla.
- Hey.
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If 85% aren't circumcised,
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that means I've only slept with
15% of the population, tops.
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Wow, you're practically a virgin.
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You know, he's a nice, waspy guy.
What went wrong?
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Well, maybe his parents were hippies
and just didn't believe in it.
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I am so circumcising my kids.
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I think you can pay people
to do that now.
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I don't ever wanna know there's
a woman out there
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calling my son a Shar-Pei.
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All I'm saying is,
uncut men are the best.
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They try harder.
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I should know.
I've slept with five of them.
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-Out of how many?
-Infinity.
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That night, Big and I went out
to celebrate absolutely nothing.
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- More grappa?
-No, thank ya.
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Oh! Listen, my editor called me today
and she's...
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Hm?
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-You were saying?
-Yes, I was.
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Excuse me, you can't smoke that in here.
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Really?
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You're absolutely,
positively sure about that?
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Because I checked the zoning
on this particular table,
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and I'm pretty sure this table
is in a cigar-friendly zone.
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Well, I don't mind,
but it's for the other patrons.
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Oh, you mean if those five patrons
don't mind, it's okay with you?
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-Sir, I'm gonna have to--
-Just one second.
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Excuse me, this is my last day on Earth.
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I'm being executed tomorrow morning.
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That's my parole officer there.
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Would you mind terribly
if I smoked this, ladies?
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No.
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Thank you.
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Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Would it be okay if I smoked this?
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And please,
let me preface this by saying:
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I'd like to buy everybody
a round of drinks.
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Apparently, the other patrons
aren't bothered at all.
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I didn't have the guts
to tell Big that he was
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actually kind of bothering me.
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Well, it's not like they're
gonna tell you the truth.
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No one is gonna say to your face
they hate your cigar.
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Good.
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You are very arrogant.
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I thought that's what
you liked about me.
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Maybe Big was right.
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Maybe we were at that inevitable point
in the relationship
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when all those little things you loved
about the person become...
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huge liabilities.
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-And just then...
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...a huge liability walked by.
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Hey!
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What?
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I...
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I... hate that cigar.
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And you told me right to my face.
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New York City
is all about change.
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New Yorkers change their haircuts,
their politics,
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even their friends
in the blink of an eye.
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If change was so easy,
why was it so hard for Big?
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Was I banging my head against the wall,
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thinking that I could get him
to stop and notice me?
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Did I have to change my expectations,
or was it possible...
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Can you change a man?
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00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:35,432
My husband used to be obsessed
with watching sports 24 hours a day.
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Then I started fooling around
with his best friend.
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And now he's obsessed with watching me.
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Every girlfriend I've had
wants me to change something.
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"Change your job,"
"change your friends,"
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"change your attitude."
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The only thing I ever change
is girlfriends.
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No.
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Meanwhile, Charlotte was about
to discover that some men can change.
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Thanks for dinner.
It was great.
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00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:05,795
So...
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-Can I come upstairs with you?
-Oh. Jeez, uh...
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I have to get up really early,
and my place is just a mess.
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Charlotte. Look, I understand.
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-You do?
-Yeah, I mean...
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what happened the other night, yeah.
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You're not the first woman
to react to it that way.
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I've gotten it most of my life.
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Really?
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Yeah, and I've decided
to do something about it.
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I've been uncomfortable
for too long, so,
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I'm getting circumcised.
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Can you do that?
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00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:41,581
Well, yeah. I mean, it hurts.
And it takes a long time to heal. But...
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But I'm willing to do that.
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I wanna feel good about making love.
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Oh, that is so sweet.
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-Do you mind waiting?
-Oh, no. Not at all.
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Mmm.
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Apparently, Samantha was wrong.
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Some men could budge an inch.
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In Mike's case, it may have been more
like an inch and a half.
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The next morning, Miranda was getting
her usual wake-up call.
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00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:24,874
Ah!
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00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,711
Hey. Where're you going?
186
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,423
-I'm getting up.
-Ah, come on, it's Saturday.
187
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,592
Come on, lay down, slow down. Come here.
188
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,558
-How long are we gonna do this?
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00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,604
-You want a time frame for cuddling?
-Yeah.
190
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,106
Like 20 minutes?
191
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,024
Thirty?
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00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,734
You're kidding me.
193
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:56,739
It helps if I have an end point in mind.
I respond well to limits.
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00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,992
That's your problem,
you got too many limits.
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00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,077
You gotta let go a little, Miranda.
196
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,497
Look. Saturday is my free day, right?
197
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,333
I have spinning
and then I get my dry cleaning.
198
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,086
Then I have my nails done and I do
my grocery shopping for the week.
199
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,964
-Okay?
-You're not sounding very free to me.
200
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,679
Do you want to come with me
and get my dry cleaning?
201
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,140
No, I didn't think so.
202
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,565
An hour and a half, tops.
203
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,944
Twelve hours later,
Steve went to work.
204
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,866
About the same time,
we went out to our favorite bar,
205
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:43,203
which on Saturdays changes
into drag queen bingo.
206
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,747
Come on, come on, N-23.
207
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:49,083
I really like him,
but this morning thing is killing me.
208
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,377
It's bad enough that
we've never done it at night,
209
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,464
but after we do it in the morning,
he just wants to lie there with me.
210
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,591
Everyone wants a guy
who wants to cuddle.
211
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,968
O-33, ladies.
212
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,261
Shit!
213
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,640
Well, I'm jealous. Big won't even spend
the night at my place.
214
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,558
You know,
what you have is real intimacy.
215
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,893
It's bed arrest.
216
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,979
I've been horizontal all day,
and I had errands to do.
217
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,231
I missed spinning.
218
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,691
You don't have to spin
if you're having sex.
219
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:17,487
-B-12!
-How about N-23?
220
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,572
I don't know why I play this,
I never win.
221
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,450
Why do I have to be the one
to change my routine?
222
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,577
Well, maybe because you
really like the guy,
223
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,287
and it wouldn't kill you
to slow down a little.
224
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,538
No, Miranda's right.
225
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:30,792
Why is it the woman that always
has to change and never the guy?
226
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,920
-Because we are more adaptable.
-I love morning sex.
227
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,297
I haven't done morning sex since
I was in college,
228
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,841
and then, it was only 'cause
I didn't have to be in class till 11:00.
229
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,261
Well, maybe you guys should
come up with a schedule or something.
230
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,721
A sex schedule? Very romantic!
231
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,139
Yeah, surprise him at the bar
232
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:47,058
wearing nothing but a trench coat
and a smile.
233
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,602
-Well, now, that would be a happy hour.
234
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,981
I just think that if you really
believe in the relationship,
235
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,399
then you should work at it.
236
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,985
This from a woman
who dumped a guy over foreskin.
237
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,778
Actually, we're still dating.
238
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,864
-The Shar-Pei?
-He's getting circumcised.
239
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,953
Please tell me
that we're not invited to the Bris.
240
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,374
Can I get another board, please?
241
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,752
-Samantha?
-Yes.
242
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,338
It's me, Brad.
243
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:19,882
Brad McColskey?
244
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,468
Brad was
a semi-professional hockey player
245
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,429
Samantha had dated a few years back.
246
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,640
Apparently, the only thing he was
checking these days were his pants,
247
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,725
at the door.
248
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,978
Look at you, Miss Thing.
You look fabulous.
249
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,856
Oh! Wow. Well, so do you.
250
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:39,444
-When did you start doing...
-Oh, about five years ago,
251
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,362
right after you.
252
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,200
Maybe Samantha was wrong.
Apparently, she could change a man.
253
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:49,078
-How are the kids?
-Oh, good. Jake is in second grade.
254
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,122
-Jake has two mommies.
-Mm-hm.
255
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,334
There are other people here
who need boards, Samantha.
256
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,502
Take a chill pill, Miss Saigon!
257
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,587
"Samantha"?
258
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,550
Well, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.
259
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,095
Gotta go. Enjoy the game.
260
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,806
N-23.
261
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,141
Bingo!
262
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,727
I am so much prettier than him.
263
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:19,192
Two hours later,
I was supposed to meet Big at his place.
264
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,029
Two and a half hours later,
he showed up.
265
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:26,949
Hey.
266
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:28,451
Sorry.
267
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,620
You're a half hour late.
268
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,747
Your doorman thinks I'm a hooker.
269
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,041
-Did you make any money?
-Not funny.
270
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:38,461
I hate waiting here for you.
271
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:42,924
There's a coffee shop around the corner
you could have waited in.
272
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,177
-You know what? I'm gonna go.
-Oh, don't be pissed.
273
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,762
-I'm pissed!
-Well...
274
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:49,889
Come upstairs.
275
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,477
You know, if you gave me a key,
I could wait upstairs next time.
276
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,229
A key?
277
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,942
Or you could stay at my place sometimes.
It's easy to pick my locks.
278
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,820
Yeah, but then I like my bed.
279
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,365
Look at that service.
280
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,243
Come on.
281
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,665
That night,
something else changed.
282
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,917
Neither of us wanted to make love.
283
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,422
If this was all I was ever going to get
out of Big, was it enough for me?
284
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,759
And then at 3:00 a.m.,
somewhere between sleep and waking,
285
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,136
I got my answer.
286
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,473
-Damn it!
-What? Huh? Carrie?
287
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,184
-Are you all right?
-No!
288
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,146
-What the fuck?
-Oh, my God!
289
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,815
What the hell was that?
290
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,400
You knocked me out of bed!
291
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,278
-You didn't even know I was here!
-Well, I do now.
292
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,822
Why don't you break my arm
the next time?
293
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,241
-Sorry.
-Jesus!
294
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,620
Ah! All right, Sugar Ray,
the bed's all yours.
295
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,123
-Where are you going?
-I'm gonna sleep on the couch.
296
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,834
-Wait, would you just let me explain?
-Don't talk now.
297
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,878
Bad to talk now.
298
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,214
But I couldn't sleep.
299
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,010
And at 4:00 a.m.,
I decided he couldn't sleep either.
300
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,853
It's ice for your face.
301
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,482
Yes, I can feel that.
302
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,613
Okay, I know I've lost
a little of my power here.
303
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,782
And I'm pretty sure
that most women's magazines
304
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,911
would say that what I just did
was a very bad idea.
305
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,704
But...
306
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,541
the thing is, the other night
wasn't just about the cigar.
307
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,543
It never is.
308
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,380
I hate that you look at other women.
309
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,008
I hate that I don't have
a key to your place.
310
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,843
You've never spent the night
at my place.
311
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,971
You can't even make...
space for me in your bed.
312
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,016
And it's not your fault
because I never say it.
313
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,062
So now I punched you,
so now I have to say it.
314
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,190
So now I'm gonna say it.
315
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,907
I feel like... I'm back in your life,
316
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,285
and nothing has really changed.
317
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,828
And I know you can't change a man,
318
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:21,082
and you definitely can't change
a man like you. But...
319
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,044
I still want...
320
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,965
something to change a little bit.
321
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,425
For me.
322
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,221
Physical violence
is never the answer.
323
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,681
Yeah.
324
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,059
I'm gonna go.
325
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,564
-Does it hurt?
-Yes.
326
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:49,944
Look,
327
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,614
I'm sure there are things
you don't like about me.
328
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,908
Not falling for that one.
329
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,705
Well, that was one thing
I liked about Big.
330
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,207
He definitely knew when to shut up.
331
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:09,505
The next night, Charlotte took Mike out
for a post-operative scotch.
332
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,591
So, did it hurt?
333
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,094
On a scale of one to five,
I'd give it a...
334
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,429
-Seventy-two.
335
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,764
-You poor thing.
-That's all right.
336
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,768
The worst is over.
Now I just accept sympathy and heal.
337
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,730
-For how long?
-About another week or so.
338
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,774
-I can't wait.
-Me either.
339
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,277
Oh, God, Charlotte.
340
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,362
-You really turn me on.
341
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,453
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
342
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,664
You know, you really-- You should go.
343
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,547
Much later that night,
bolstered by coffee,
344
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,800
Miranda decided to perform
a 2:00 a.m. seduction.
345
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,767
Hello.
346
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,977
Wow, look at you! You look great.
347
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,687
What's the occasion?
348
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,566
It's 2:00 a.m. and I am still awake.
I thought we could celebrate.
349
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,234
I've had five cups of coffee.
350
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,945
That's worth a party.
351
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,619
Meet me in the bedroom.
I'll get the wine.
352
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,254
-Hey. Get up.
353
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:33,923
What?
354
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,092
I think you should spend the night
at your place tonight.
355
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:37,843
Why?
356
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,554
Because I'd really like to
catch up on my sleep.
357
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:44,225
And I really don't wanna worry about
having sex with you in the morning,
358
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,061
and then just lying there
and being late.
359
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:51,816
-You don't like having sex with me.
-No, I do. I love it.
360
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,901
But just once I would like
to do it at night,
361
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,528
like other normal Homo sapiens.
362
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:59,240
-Hey, relax, we can have sex now.
-We can't have sex now!
363
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,535
I had a window,
and it happened half an hour ago!
364
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:06,205
-You had a window for sex?
-I'm sorry, I'm a lawyer. I get tired.
365
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,667
Yeah, well. I'm a bartender
and I get awfully tired of dealing with
366
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,960
other people's neuroses.
367
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:16,090
When you get, uh, get-- you know,
368
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,177
a picture window,
or a whole doorway of time,
369
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:23,097
call me.
370
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:30,896
Miranda had never felt less
like a successful lawyer in her life.
371
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,858
Even though she'd won her case,
372
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,485
she'd also been left
with all the damages.
373
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:42,658
A week later, Charlotte finally got her
chance to break in the new merchandise.
374
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,162
So, what do you think?
375
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,664
It's perfect.
376
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:52,084
It was like her birthday
and Christmas rolled into one.
377
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,128
You realize this makes me a virgin.
378
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,507
I'll be gentle.
379
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,142
That was really wonderful.
380
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,895
It was. A five.
381
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,650
So what do you wanna do
Saturday night?
382
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,403
Saturday? Did we have plans?
383
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:23,866
No, but I thought maybe we could go
to this drama league benefit,
384
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:28,454
or we could, you know,
go low-key and stay in and rent videos.
385
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:29,705
Oh, Charlotte.
386
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,499
Hang on, listen.
387
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:36,295
I don't think I'm ready for this to be,
you know, like a big thing.
388
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,090
"A big thing"?
389
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:44,011
Well, I... I just feel like I can't be
tied down right now.
390
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,597
There's a whole new me happening.
391
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,557
I feel like I should get out there
and share it.
392
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,603
You wanna share your penis?
393
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:54,313
Well...
394
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,607
yeah.
395
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,445
I mean, I feel like I owe it to myself
to take the doggie out
396
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,155
for a walk around the block.
397
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:04,615
You know?
398
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,909
Charlotte never saw Mike again.
399
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:09,870
She realized you could take
the Shar-Pei out of the penis,
400
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:12,706
but you could never take
the dog out of the man.
401
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,211
A few days later,
I realized you could change a man.
402
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,797
You could change him
into not calling you.
403
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:27,137
Oh.
404
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:28,430
Hi.
405
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,225
Wow. Look at that.
406
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,936
No, you look at it.
I've seen it already.
407
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:36,355
Sorry.
408
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:40,484
Ah! Easy, no hands near the face.
409
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,363
Come in.
410
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,867
I just came over to tell you something.
411
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,662
You're suing me, right?
412
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:59,962
Look, maybe you need a key to know
that I'm crazy about you.
413
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:04,300
But the thing is,
I've given out, like, five keys...
414
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:07,261
and you never get 'em back.
415
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:11,348
And maybe I hog my bed.
416
00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:12,892
But, I mean, it's my bed.
417
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:14,310
And...
418
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:15,686
Well, I like you in it.
419
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,608
-Wow. I should hit you more often.
-And the oranges.
420
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,902
-What?
-The oranges have to go.
421
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:25,446
Now, this is something
I don't like about you.
422
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:29,241
-I hate that you eat oranges in my bed.
-You do?
423
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,911
They're sticky
and they make the sheets stink.
424
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,872
-That's it?
-I like my sheets.
425
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,709
What are you gonna give me
for the oranges?
426
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:40,586
-A negotiation?
-Yep.
427
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,339
Well, this could take a while.
428
00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:45,299
It could.
429
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,930
Well, it looks like
I may have to spend the night.
430
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:57,061
That night, for the first time,
Big spent the night at my place.
431
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:02,066
I realized that neither of us
would ever fundamentally change,
432
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:03,609
but we were talking about it.
433
00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:06,028
And maybe that was
the biggest change of all.
434
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:11,659
The next day my sheets stunk of cigars.
I changed them immediately.
435
00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:18,457
Across town, it was 2:00 a.m. and
Miranda was no closer to getting sleep.
436
00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:26,131
Hello?
437
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:31,804
Hi.
438
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,847
Sorry to wake you.
439
00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:36,350
It's okay, I was awake.
440
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,268
Look, I don't wanna bug you.
441
00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:40,771
Do me a favor.
442
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:42,940
Go to the window.
443
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,945
Okay.
444
00:24:48,696 --> 00:24:49,655
Now look up.
445
00:24:51,532 --> 00:24:53,200
Oh, my God.
446
00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:55,369
It's amazing, isn't it?
447
00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:59,957
It's a blue moon. It's really rare.
448
00:25:00,541 --> 00:25:01,917
Just wanted you to see it.
449
00:25:02,710 --> 00:25:05,879
It was right then,
that Miranda finally slowed down
450
00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:07,506
and gave in to Steve.
451
00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,259
Come over when you're done, okay?
452
00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:13,012
Yeah.
453
00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:15,931
Night.
454
00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:20,019
That night,
Miranda and Steve made love.
455
00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:23,188
And they did it again in the morning.
456
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,109
Miranda was an hour late for work
and didn't even notice.
457
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,611
So maybe you can't change a man,
458
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,781
but once in a blue moon,
you can change a woman.