1 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,384 They say that the women in New York 2 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,594 are the most beautiful women in the world. 3 00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:01,186 Which explains why men in New York spend all their time looking at them. 4 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,816 The city is a veritable playground for men's roving eyes. 5 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:10,112 Unfortunately, they need both of them looking straight ahead to survive. 6 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,197 -Woah! Hey! 7 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,618 This New York woman was pretty happy. I was seeing Big again. 8 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:21,164 Unfortunately, my New York guy was still seeing other women. 9 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,127 If checking out other women 10 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,462 is the biggest problem you're having with him, you're lucky. 11 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,423 Well, if it's that's small, he should be able to stop. 12 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,550 Oh, honey. You can't change that about a man. 13 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,927 It's part of their genetic code, like farting. 14 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,679 Oh, please. You're gonna put me off my pretzel. 15 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,431 You have to take Big the way he is. 16 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:40,726 Once you try to change a man, it's doomed. They won't budge an inch. 17 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,937 Oh, I know, but you can subtly manipulate and cajole. 18 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,440 Well, the things you can work with are hair and wardrobe. 19 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:49,776 -And even then, it's a constant battle. -I already like the hair and wardrobe. 20 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,863 Then be happy. Honey, no man is perfect. 21 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:57,117 I'm not asking for perfection, I'm just looking for slight alterations. 22 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,036 Be careful with alterations. 23 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:02,164 If you pull the wrong thread, everything falls apart. 24 00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,875 While Samantha and I discussed the theory of change, 25 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,127 Miranda was going through it for real. 26 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,630 She had a new apartment, a new boyfriend... 27 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,634 ...and a new dating schedule that was killing her. 28 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:24,227 Hey. I'm sorry. I thought we'd be closing the bar earlier. 29 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,272 Oh, jeez. You were asleep. 30 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,774 No, no, I'm up. Hi. 31 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,194 -Come on in. 32 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,489 -Come here. Come here. You okay? - Ow. 33 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,075 - Let's see. 34 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:39,826 Ow! 35 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,413 Is that better? 36 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,248 That's better. Thank you. 37 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,376 So, how was your night? 38 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,630 I don't know. I was asleep. 39 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,174 Sorry I was late. 40 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,681 Thought we were gonna close the bar at 2:00. 41 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,975 Then we got this big group of Japanese bankers came in. 42 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,645 And all they want is these big flaming drinks. 43 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:10,399 -Then one of them got sick and then... 44 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,198 Never mind. 45 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:23,120 Everything was great about Steve except for one thing. 46 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:27,999 Morning. 47 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,586 Morning. 48 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,840 Come here. Come here, come here. 49 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,176 They had completely opposite schedules. 50 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,846 Steve had all the time in the world in the mornings. 51 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:44,516 Miranda got right up at 7:00. Unfortunately, Steve did, too. 52 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:47,060 -I have to go to work. -Not yet. 53 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,021 The only thing Miranda liked inside her in the mornings, 54 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,816 was the cup of take-out coffee she drank on the way to the subway. 55 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,111 That night, in a bed across town, 56 00:03:56,194 --> 00:04:00,198 Charlotte was seeing a lot of Mike, a cute, but feared restaurant critic, 57 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:03,160 famous for his patented five-whisk rating system. 58 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,495 -Mike? -Yeah? 59 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,998 Let's make love. 60 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,207 Oh, Charlotte. 61 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,752 Charlotte, you are a five-whisk woman. 62 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,213 But just when Charlotte had become comfortable with the penis, 63 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,632 she got a very unexpected surprise. 64 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:20,594 Oh. 65 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,471 You're... 66 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,264 It's... 67 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,851 Uncircumcised. Is that okay? 68 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:28,894 No. 69 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:30,771 Sure. 70 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,024 Of course it is. 71 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,609 It was not okay. 72 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,862 The only uncut version of anything Charlotte had ever seen, 73 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,572 was the original Gone with the Wind. 74 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,743 There was so much skin, it was like a Shar-Pei! 75 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,828 You've never seen an uncircumcised one? 76 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,079 I'm from Connecticut. 77 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,665 Reminder, you're dating the guy, not the penis. 78 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,542 Aesthetics are important to me. 79 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,545 It's not what it looks like, it's what they can do with it. 80 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,465 Well, I don't need one that can make its own carrying case! 81 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,469 Personally, I love an uncircumcised dick. 82 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,221 It's like a Tootsie Pop. 83 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:08,350 Hard on the outside, with a delicious surprise inside. 84 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,853 I don't like surprises. I like it all out there where I can see it. 85 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,356 Same here. I'm sorry, it is not normal. 86 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,275 Well, actually, it is. Something like, 85% of men aren't circumcised. 87 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,528 Great, now they're taking over the world! 88 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,905 -Honey, it's a penis, not Godzilla. - Hey. 89 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,366 If 85% aren't circumcised, 90 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:28,203 that means I've only slept with 15% of the population, tops. 91 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,830 Wow, you're practically a virgin. 92 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,791 You know, he's a nice, waspy guy. What went wrong? 93 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,627 Well, maybe his parents were hippies and just didn't believe in it. 94 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,004 I am so circumcising my kids. 95 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,340 I think you can pay people to do that now. 96 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,884 I don't ever wanna know there's a woman out there 97 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,886 calling my son a Shar-Pei. 98 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,848 All I'm saying is, uncut men are the best. 99 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,140 They try harder. 100 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,143 I should know. I've slept with five of them. 101 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,646 -Out of how many? -Infinity. 102 00:05:56,231 --> 00:06:00,694 That night, Big and I went out to celebrate absolutely nothing. 103 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,698 - More grappa? -No, thank ya. 104 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,827 Oh! Listen, my editor called me today and she's... 105 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,330 Hm? 106 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,834 -You were saying? -Yes, I was. 107 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,713 Excuse me, you can't smoke that in here. 108 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,590 Really? 109 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,301 You're absolutely, positively sure about that? 110 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,929 Because I checked the zoning on this particular table, 111 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,224 and I'm pretty sure this table is in a cigar-friendly zone. 112 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,311 Well, I don't mind, but it's for the other patrons. 113 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,774 Oh, you mean if those five patrons don't mind, it's okay with you? 114 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,110 -Sir, I'm gonna have to-- -Just one second. 115 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,865 Excuse me, this is my last day on Earth. 116 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,326 I'm being executed tomorrow morning. 117 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,037 That's my parole officer there. 118 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,331 Would you mind terribly if I smoked this, ladies? 119 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,457 No. 120 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:56,917 Thank you. 121 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,713 Excuse me, I'm sorry. Would it be okay if I smoked this? 122 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,632 And please, let me preface this by saying: 123 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,675 I'd like to buy everybody a round of drinks. 124 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,974 Apparently, the other patrons aren't bothered at all. 125 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,477 I didn't have the guts to tell Big that he was 126 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,270 actually kind of bothering me. 127 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,105 Well, it's not like they're gonna tell you the truth. 128 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,691 No one is gonna say to your face they hate your cigar. 129 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:22,984 Good. 130 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,363 You are very arrogant. 131 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,408 I thought that's what you liked about me. 132 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,370 Maybe Big was right. 133 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,790 Maybe we were at that inevitable point in the relationship 134 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,292 when all those little things you loved about the person become... 135 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,252 huge liabilities. 136 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,380 -And just then... 137 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,840 ...a huge liability walked by. 138 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:49,844 Hey! 139 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,304 What? 140 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:52,889 I... 141 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,309 I... hate that cigar. 142 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,942 And you told me right to my face. 143 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,323 New York City is all about change. 144 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,118 New Yorkers change their haircuts, their politics, 145 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,203 even their friends in the blink of an eye. 146 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,748 If change was so easy, why was it so hard for Big? 147 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,876 Was I banging my head against the wall, 148 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,045 thinking that I could get him to stop and notice me? 149 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:28,008 Did I have to change my expectations, or was it possible... 150 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,177 Can you change a man? 151 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:35,432 My husband used to be obsessed with watching sports 24 hours a day. 152 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,101 Then I started fooling around with his best friend. 153 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,729 And now he's obsessed with watching me. 154 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,273 Every girlfriend I've had wants me to change something. 155 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,858 "Change your job," "change your friends," 156 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,109 "change your attitude." 157 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,404 The only thing I ever change is girlfriends. 158 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,409 No. 159 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:58,163 Meanwhile, Charlotte was about to discover that some men can change. 160 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,248 Thanks for dinner. It was great. 161 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:05,795 So... 162 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,716 -Can I come upstairs with you? -Oh. Jeez, uh... 163 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,886 I have to get up really early, and my place is just a mess. 164 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,888 Charlotte. Look, I understand. 165 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,015 -You do? -Yeah, I mean... 166 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,350 what happened the other night, yeah. 167 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,020 You're not the first woman to react to it that way. 168 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,229 I've gotten it most of my life. 169 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,314 Really? 170 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,858 Yeah, and I've decided to do something about it. 171 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,402 I've been uncomfortable for too long, so, 172 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,780 I'm getting circumcised. 173 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,286 Can you do that? 174 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:41,581 Well, yeah. I mean, it hurts. And it takes a long time to heal. But... 175 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,458 But I'm willing to do that. 176 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,585 I wanna feel good about making love. 177 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:49,047 Oh, that is so sweet. 178 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,426 -Do you mind waiting? -Oh, no. Not at all. 179 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,512 Mmm. 180 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,106 Apparently, Samantha was wrong. 181 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,441 Some men could budge an inch. 182 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:12,487 In Mike's case, it may have been more like an inch and a half. 183 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:18,076 The next morning, Miranda was getting her usual wake-up call. 184 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:24,874 Ah! 185 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,711 Hey. Where're you going? 186 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,423 -I'm getting up. -Ah, come on, it's Saturday. 187 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,592 Come on, lay down, slow down. Come here. 188 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,558 -How long are we gonna do this? 189 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,604 -You want a time frame for cuddling? -Yeah. 190 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,106 Like 20 minutes? 191 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,024 Thirty? 192 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,734 You're kidding me. 193 00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:56,739 It helps if I have an end point in mind. I respond well to limits. 194 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,992 That's your problem, you got too many limits. 195 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,077 You gotta let go a little, Miranda. 196 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,497 Look. Saturday is my free day, right? 197 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,333 I have spinning and then I get my dry cleaning. 198 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,086 Then I have my nails done and I do my grocery shopping for the week. 199 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,964 -Okay? -You're not sounding very free to me. 200 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,679 Do you want to come with me and get my dry cleaning? 201 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,140 No, I didn't think so. 202 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,565 An hour and a half, tops. 203 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,944 Twelve hours later, Steve went to work. 204 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,866 About the same time, we went out to our favorite bar, 205 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:43,203 which on Saturdays changes into drag queen bingo. 206 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,747 Come on, come on, N-23. 207 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:49,083 I really like him, but this morning thing is killing me. 208 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,377 It's bad enough that we've never done it at night, 209 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,464 but after we do it in the morning, he just wants to lie there with me. 210 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,591 Everyone wants a guy who wants to cuddle. 211 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,968 O-33, ladies. 212 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,261 Shit! 213 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,640 Well, I'm jealous. Big won't even spend the night at my place. 214 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,558 You know, what you have is real intimacy. 215 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,893 It's bed arrest. 216 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,979 I've been horizontal all day, and I had errands to do. 217 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,231 I missed spinning. 218 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,691 You don't have to spin if you're having sex. 219 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:17,487 -B-12! -How about N-23? 220 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,572 I don't know why I play this, I never win. 221 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,450 Why do I have to be the one to change my routine? 222 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,577 Well, maybe because you really like the guy, 223 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,287 and it wouldn't kill you to slow down a little. 224 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,538 No, Miranda's right. 225 00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:30,792 Why is it the woman that always has to change and never the guy? 226 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,920 -Because we are more adaptable. -I love morning sex. 227 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,297 I haven't done morning sex since I was in college, 228 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,841 and then, it was only 'cause I didn't have to be in class till 11:00. 229 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,261 Well, maybe you guys should come up with a schedule or something. 230 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,721 A sex schedule? Very romantic! 231 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,139 Yeah, surprise him at the bar 232 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:47,058 wearing nothing but a trench coat and a smile. 233 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,602 -Well, now, that would be a happy hour. 234 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,981 I just think that if you really believe in the relationship, 235 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,399 then you should work at it. 236 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,985 This from a woman who dumped a guy over foreskin. 237 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,778 Actually, we're still dating. 238 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,864 -The Shar-Pei? -He's getting circumcised. 239 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,953 Please tell me that we're not invited to the Bris. 240 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,374 Can I get another board, please? 241 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,752 -Samantha? -Yes. 242 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,338 It's me, Brad. 243 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:19,882 Brad McColskey? 244 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,468 Brad was a semi-professional hockey player 245 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,429 Samantha had dated a few years back. 246 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,640 Apparently, the only thing he was checking these days were his pants, 247 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,725 at the door. 248 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,978 Look at you, Miss Thing. You look fabulous. 249 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,856 Oh! Wow. Well, so do you. 250 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:39,444 -When did you start doing... -Oh, about five years ago, 251 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,362 right after you. 252 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:46,200 Maybe Samantha was wrong. Apparently, she could change a man. 253 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:49,078 -How are the kids? -Oh, good. Jake is in second grade. 254 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,122 -Jake has two mommies. -Mm-hm. 255 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,334 There are other people here who need boards, Samantha. 256 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,502 Take a chill pill, Miss Saigon! 257 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,587 "Samantha"? 258 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,550 Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 259 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,095 Gotta go. Enjoy the game. 260 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,806 N-23. 261 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,141 Bingo! 262 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,727 I am so much prettier than him. 263 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:19,192 Two hours later, I was supposed to meet Big at his place. 264 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,029 Two and a half hours later, he showed up. 265 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:26,949 Hey. 266 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:28,451 Sorry. 267 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,620 You're a half hour late. 268 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,747 Your doorman thinks I'm a hooker. 269 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,041 -Did you make any money? -Not funny. 270 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:38,461 I hate waiting here for you. 271 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:42,924 There's a coffee shop around the corner you could have waited in. 272 00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,177 -You know what? I'm gonna go. -Oh, don't be pissed. 273 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,762 -I'm pissed! -Well... 274 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:49,889 Come upstairs. 275 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,477 You know, if you gave me a key, I could wait upstairs next time. 276 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,229 A key? 277 00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,942 Or you could stay at my place sometimes. It's easy to pick my locks. 278 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,820 Yeah, but then I like my bed. 279 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,365 Look at that service. 280 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,243 Come on. 281 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,665 That night, something else changed. 282 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,917 Neither of us wanted to make love. 283 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,422 If this was all I was ever going to get out of Big, was it enough for me? 284 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,759 And then at 3:00 a.m., somewhere between sleep and waking, 285 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,136 I got my answer. 286 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,473 -Damn it! -What? Huh? Carrie? 287 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,184 -Are you all right? -No! 288 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,146 -What the fuck? -Oh, my God! 289 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,815 What the hell was that? 290 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,400 You knocked me out of bed! 291 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,278 -You didn't even know I was here! -Well, I do now. 292 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,822 Why don't you break my arm the next time? 293 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,241 -Sorry. -Jesus! 294 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,620 Ah! All right, Sugar Ray, the bed's all yours. 295 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,123 -Where are you going? -I'm gonna sleep on the couch. 296 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,834 -Wait, would you just let me explain? -Don't talk now. 297 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,878 Bad to talk now. 298 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,214 But I couldn't sleep. 299 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,010 And at 4:00 a.m., I decided he couldn't sleep either. 300 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,853 It's ice for your face. 301 00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,482 Yes, I can feel that. 302 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,613 Okay, I know I've lost a little of my power here. 303 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,782 And I'm pretty sure that most women's magazines 304 00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,911 would say that what I just did was a very bad idea. 305 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,704 But... 306 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,541 the thing is, the other night wasn't just about the cigar. 307 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,543 It never is. 308 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,380 I hate that you look at other women. 309 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,008 I hate that I don't have a key to your place. 310 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,843 You've never spent the night at my place. 311 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,971 You can't even make... space for me in your bed. 312 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,016 And it's not your fault because I never say it. 313 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,062 So now I punched you, so now I have to say it. 314 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,190 So now I'm gonna say it. 315 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,907 I feel like... I'm back in your life, 316 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,285 and nothing has really changed. 317 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,828 And I know you can't change a man, 318 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:21,082 and you definitely can't change a man like you. But... 319 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,044 I still want... 320 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,965 something to change a little bit. 321 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,425 For me. 322 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,221 Physical violence is never the answer. 323 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,681 Yeah. 324 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,059 I'm gonna go. 325 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,564 -Does it hurt? -Yes. 326 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:49,944 Look, 327 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,614 I'm sure there are things you don't like about me. 328 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,908 Not falling for that one. 329 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,705 Well, that was one thing I liked about Big. 330 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,207 He definitely knew when to shut up. 331 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:09,505 The next night, Charlotte took Mike out for a post-operative scotch. 332 00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,591 So, did it hurt? 333 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,094 On a scale of one to five, I'd give it a... 334 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,429 -Seventy-two. 335 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,764 -You poor thing. -That's all right. 336 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,768 The worst is over. Now I just accept sympathy and heal. 337 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,730 -For how long? -About another week or so. 338 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,774 -I can't wait. -Me either. 339 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,277 Oh, God, Charlotte. 340 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,362 -You really turn me on. 341 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,453 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 342 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,664 You know, you really-- You should go. 343 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,547 Much later that night, bolstered by coffee, 344 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,800 Miranda decided to perform a 2:00 a.m. seduction. 345 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,767 Hello. 346 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,977 Wow, look at you! You look great. 347 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,687 What's the occasion? 348 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,566 It's 2:00 a.m. and I am still awake. I thought we could celebrate. 349 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,234 I've had five cups of coffee. 350 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,945 That's worth a party. 351 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,619 Meet me in the bedroom. I'll get the wine. 352 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,254 -Hey. Get up. 353 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:33,923 What? 354 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,092 I think you should spend the night at your place tonight. 355 00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:37,843 Why? 356 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,554 Because I'd really like to catch up on my sleep. 357 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:44,225 And I really don't wanna worry about having sex with you in the morning, 358 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,061 and then just lying there and being late. 359 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:51,816 -You don't like having sex with me. -No, I do. I love it. 360 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,901 But just once I would like to do it at night, 361 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,528 like other normal Homo sapiens. 362 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:59,240 -Hey, relax, we can have sex now. -We can't have sex now! 363 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,535 I had a window, and it happened half an hour ago! 364 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:06,205 -You had a window for sex? -I'm sorry, I'm a lawyer. I get tired. 365 00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,667 Yeah, well. I'm a bartender and I get awfully tired of dealing with 366 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,960 other people's neuroses. 367 00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:16,090 When you get, uh, get-- you know, 368 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,177 a picture window, or a whole doorway of time, 369 00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:23,097 call me. 370 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:30,896 Miranda had never felt less like a successful lawyer in her life. 371 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,858 Even though she'd won her case, 372 00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,485 she'd also been left with all the damages. 373 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:42,658 A week later, Charlotte finally got her chance to break in the new merchandise. 374 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,162 So, what do you think? 375 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,664 It's perfect. 376 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:52,084 It was like her birthday and Christmas rolled into one. 377 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,128 You realize this makes me a virgin. 378 00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:58,507 I'll be gentle. 379 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,142 That was really wonderful. 380 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,895 It was. A five. 381 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,650 So what do you wanna do Saturday night? 382 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,403 Saturday? Did we have plans? 383 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:23,866 No, but I thought maybe we could go to this drama league benefit, 384 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:28,454 or we could, you know, go low-key and stay in and rent videos. 385 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:29,705 Oh, Charlotte. 386 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,499 Hang on, listen. 387 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:36,295 I don't think I'm ready for this to be, you know, like a big thing. 388 00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,090 "A big thing"? 389 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:44,011 Well, I... I just feel like I can't be tied down right now. 390 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,597 There's a whole new me happening. 391 00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,557 I feel like I should get out there and share it. 392 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,603 You wanna share your penis? 393 00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:54,313 Well... 394 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,607 yeah. 395 00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,445 I mean, I feel like I owe it to myself to take the doggie out 396 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,155 for a walk around the block. 397 00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:04,615 You know? 398 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,909 Charlotte never saw Mike again. 399 00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:09,870 She realized you could take the Shar-Pei out of the penis, 400 00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:12,706 but you could never take the dog out of the man. 401 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,211 A few days later, I realized you could change a man. 402 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,797 You could change him into not calling you. 403 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:27,137 Oh. 404 00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:28,430 Hi. 405 00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,225 Wow. Look at that. 406 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,936 No, you look at it. I've seen it already. 407 00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:36,355 Sorry. 408 00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:40,484 Ah! Easy, no hands near the face. 409 00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,363 Come in. 410 00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,867 I just came over to tell you something. 411 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,662 You're suing me, right? 412 00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:59,962 Look, maybe you need a key to know that I'm crazy about you. 413 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:04,300 But the thing is, I've given out, like, five keys... 414 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:07,261 and you never get 'em back. 415 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:11,348 And maybe I hog my bed. 416 00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:12,892 But, I mean, it's my bed. 417 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:14,310 And... 418 00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:15,686 Well, I like you in it. 419 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,608 -Wow. I should hit you more often. -And the oranges. 420 00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,902 -What? -The oranges have to go. 421 00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:25,446 Now, this is something I don't like about you. 422 00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:29,241 -I hate that you eat oranges in my bed. -You do? 423 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,911 They're sticky and they make the sheets stink. 424 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,872 -That's it? -I like my sheets. 425 00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,709 What are you gonna give me for the oranges? 426 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:40,586 -A negotiation? -Yep. 427 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,339 Well, this could take a while. 428 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:45,299 It could. 429 00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,930 Well, it looks like I may have to spend the night. 430 00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:57,061 That night, for the first time, Big spent the night at my place. 431 00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:02,066 I realized that neither of us would ever fundamentally change, 432 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:03,609 but we were talking about it. 433 00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:06,028 And maybe that was the biggest change of all. 434 00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:11,659 The next day my sheets stunk of cigars. I changed them immediately. 435 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:18,457 Across town, it was 2:00 a.m. and Miranda was no closer to getting sleep. 436 00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:26,131 Hello? 437 00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:31,804 Hi. 438 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,847 Sorry to wake you. 439 00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:36,350 It's okay, I was awake. 440 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,268 Look, I don't wanna bug you. 441 00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:40,771 Do me a favor. 442 00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:42,940 Go to the window. 443 00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,945 Okay. 444 00:24:48,696 --> 00:24:49,655 Now look up. 445 00:24:51,532 --> 00:24:53,200 Oh, my God. 446 00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:55,369 It's amazing, isn't it? 447 00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:59,957 It's a blue moon. It's really rare. 448 00:25:00,541 --> 00:25:01,917 Just wanted you to see it. 449 00:25:02,710 --> 00:25:05,879 It was right then, that Miranda finally slowed down 450 00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:07,506 and gave in to Steve. 451 00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,259 Come over when you're done, okay? 452 00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:13,012 Yeah. 453 00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:15,931 Night. 454 00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:20,019 That night, Miranda and Steve made love. 455 00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:23,188 And they did it again in the morning. 456 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,109 Miranda was an hour late for work and didn't even notice. 457 00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,611 So maybe you can't change a man, 458 00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,781 but once in a blue moon, you can change a woman.