1
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:51,218
The only thing
as delicious as those first few bites
2
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,844
of a truly great burger
3
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:56,265
are those first few dates
with someone truly great...
4
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,349
Like Berger.
5
00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,978
All right, so I thought, "That's cool,
I'll do a book reading in my hometown."
6
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,188
Right about after the fifth question,
7
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,649
I realized that my mother
is heckling me.
8
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,234
-She was not.
-No, no. She was.
9
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,569
Ask anybody at the Downers Grove,
10
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,071
Barnes and Noble, all right.
They still talk about it.
11
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,323
Come here.
12
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,954
Everything is fresh.
Everything is a first.
13
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:23,000
-You like your beef?
-Everything is foreplay.
14
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:28,255
Even a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond
can become an ecstatic errand.
15
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,215
I don't see you as a fish person.
16
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,343
Yeah the problem with the fish is,
then you're into the whole fish theme.
17
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,554
You have the fish soap, fish bath mat.
18
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,223
It's a pyramid scheme,
this shower curtain.
19
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,933
Now this one,
20
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,977
-this is the one I have at home.
-Mm-hm.
21
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,895
Except on mine, China's covered in mold.
22
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,023
And here they thought communism
was a problem.
23
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:46,982
Mm.
24
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,819
You know, it's a very intimate thing,
shopping for shower curtains.
25
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,530
Oh, yeah?
Wait till I get you into bedding.
26
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,243
And of course,
those first kisses
27
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,079
are the greatest kisses in the world.
28
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,169
Good night.
29
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,342
All right. We should get out of here
before they turn the lights off.
30
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,469
Oh... Well...
31
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,638
The waitstaff
couldn't wait any longer.
32
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:18,722
And neither could I.
33
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,975
I wanted Berger
in my bed, bath and beyond.
34
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:22,934
Immediately.
35
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:26,688
I'm either leaving a very big tip
or a dry cleaning receipt.
36
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,825
-Ow, my hair.
-Oh! Sorry.
37
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,994
-Was that...
-Yeah, no, I just...
38
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,018
The next night Samantha
convinced us to go to Raw
39
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,397
where the scene was hot
and the food was not.
40
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,733
You'd think a place that eliminated
cooking could eliminate waiting.
41
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,443
What do you mean,
they don't cook the food here?
42
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:17,322
That's why they call it Raw.
The Raw Food Movement? People love it.
43
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:20,575
Sting, Demi, Soon-Yi, soon me.
44
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,369
Now, what is raw food exactly?
45
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:26,540
Vegan non-dairy, and nothing
is cooked over 118 degrees.
46
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,875
So, in other words, raw vegetables.
47
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,878
-And sometimes flowers.
-And you knew about this?
48
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,756
-I read a review in The Times.
-Where, in the gardening section?
49
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,468
-I heard it's delicious.
-People, the emperor has no oven.
50
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,640
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I didn't get enough sleep last night.
51
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,435
Really? Did you finally bugger Berger?
52
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,103
How long have you been
waiting to say that?
53
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,897
-It just occurred to me.
-Yes we finally buggered.
54
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,107
Yay!
55
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,151
You realize you are now
applauding intercourse?
56
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,445
Well, it was their first time
and she really likes him.
57
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,488
Jones. Your table is ready.
58
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,031
Oh!
59
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,787
So, details.
60
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,582
Uh... it was good. It was fine.
61
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,042
-Fine?
-I don't really wanna talk about it.
62
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,003
-He couldn't get it up?
-He could get it up.
63
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,965
That wasn't the-- You know what?
There was no problem. Moving on.
64
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,845
-Enjoy your meal.
-Thanks.
65
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,020
What? I don't wanna make
a big deal about it.
66
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,438
It was just the first time.
67
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,151
We're so good everywhere else.
68
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,737
We're great in restaurants,
it's like poppity pop-pop.
69
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:42,282
And the kisses are great.
And then in bed...
70
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:45,619
There was...
there was no sexual chemistry.
71
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,288
I don't know what happened. He just...
72
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:51,917
-Couldn't find you clit?
-He knows what he's doing.
73
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,919
Then what are we talking about?
74
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,798
It was... it was just quiet.
75
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,674
I wouldn't worry
about it, Carrie.
76
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,511
If the kisses were great, then the sex
will eventually be good.
77
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,513
-I'm not worried.
-How quiet was it?
78
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,891
It was so quiet that at one point
I heard the M-11 bus.
79
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,310
I heard the doors open,
I heard people getting off.
80
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:14,147
Well at least someone was getting off.
And speaking of...
81
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,358
Hey. Welcome to Raw.
82
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,068
Hello.
83
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,491
We'd like to get you started
with a little amuse-bouche.
84
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,868
I'd like him to amuse my bouche.
85
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:30,539
-Well, this just looks delicious.
-It's our summer vegetable soup.
86
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,040
I see you guys are set for drinks,
87
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,708
so I'll give you a minute
with the menus.
88
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,794
And-- Oh, our specials tonight
if you're interested.
89
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,421
Oh I'm extremely interested.
90
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,674
Leek papaya patties
and zucchini enchiladas.
91
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,217
Mm.
92
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,010
I'm gonna need a pizza after this.
93
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,388
I'm gonna need a napkin
to dry off my seat.
94
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,139
That waiter was hot.
95
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,101
-And the soup is not.
-What is this?
96
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,229
Bad. This is bad.
It is like lawn in a bowl.
97
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,107
Maybe something should be
over 118 degrees.
98
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,358
Like sex, for example?
99
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,986
Can we please forget I said
anything? Seriously.
100
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,321
Who else has news?
101
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:04,906
I do.
102
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,324
But you're gonna have
to put down your menus
103
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:07,993
because I need your undivided attention.
104
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,872
Well, you'll have to shoot our waiter.
Will you look at that ass.
105
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,208
Do you mind?
106
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:19,129
I have something a bit shocking to say.
107
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,798
And after I say it,
I don't want anyone to react
108
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,009
because I'm very happy with my decision.
109
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,597
I'm becoming a Jew.
110
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,978
-What?
-I can feel you reacting.
111
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:39,024
I love Harry very much and he loves me.
112
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:43,153
So tomorrow, I'm meeting with
the rabbi to discuss converting.
113
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,238
Isn't that a lot of hoop-jumping
for a man?
114
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:49,868
Look. Harry's not who I expected
to fall in love with, but I did.
115
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,663
And he makes me laugh,
and he says what he means...
116
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,166
And I feel like I can be
myself around him.
117
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,834
But yourself is Episcopalian.
118
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:02,464
And it is still the most exciting
sex I've ever had.
119
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,132
Mazel tov.
120
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,844
Now this is food.
And you know what's even better?
121
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,638
While I'm eating this slice of pizza,
122
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,057
my boyfriend is home taping
my favorite TV show.
123
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,392
And to which boyfriend are we referring?
124
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,144
-My boyfriend TiVo.
-Ah!
125
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:20,690
-You've traded Steve-o for TiVo.
-We don't talk of Steve-o anymore.
126
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,943
-I thought if I changed his name...
-Who needs him?
127
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,028
With TiVo, when there's something
I don't enjoy,
128
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,781
-I just speed right through it.
-If only we could do that in life.
129
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,825
Exactly. And he surprises me
with things he think I might like.
130
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,619
Which is how I got
hooked on Jules and Mimi.
131
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,371
I stopped watching television
when people
132
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,997
started putting leaches
down their pants.
133
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,333
No. No. No. This is BBC America.
134
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,502
It's about a beautiful black man
from Brixton
135
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,212
and a white woman from Hampstead Heath.
136
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,757
I don't know what that means exactly,
but apparently there's a great divide.
137
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:51,304
And he rents the flat above her hat shop
and tonight, they're finally having sex.
138
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,473
Well, good luck to them.
139
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,476
-Carrie, it was the first time.
-I know.
140
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,103
And sometimes you have to work at it.
141
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,646
Have you ever had to work at it?
142
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,690
I'm dating a digital recording device.
143
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,651
Well, I have never had to work at it
with someone I really like.
144
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,319
You should probably keep
that to yourself.
145
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,613
Okay, but Miranda...
146
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,283
I gotta tell you. It was not good.
147
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:16,913
There was no... no...
No throw-down.
148
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,250
-It was more like a slowdown.
-Hm.
149
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,795
And it caught me completely off guard
because I thought it would be amazing.
150
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,505
-Well, maybe that's the problem.
-What?
151
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,383
Your expectations were too high.
Of course you were disappointed.
152
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,218
From now on,
people should tell it like it is.
153
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,012
First time sex? Tricky.
154
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,265
Non-dairy vegan ravioli?
Kindergarten paste.
155
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:47,152
As I tried to scrub the smell
of uncooked okra off me...
156
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,114
I started thinking about sexpectations.
157
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:57,078
We're aware as smart, single women
that we can't expect perfection
158
00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,498
but life still manages
to throw us curve balls.
159
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:03,626
Maybe once
you're into your mid-thirties,
160
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,462
it shouldn't be called dating,
161
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:09,090
it should be called
"waiting for the other shoe to drop."
162
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:14,554
If it's not the sex between me and you,
then someone has to become a Jew.
163
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,557
Why is it always something?
164
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:21,978
Unless you're in a problem-free
relationship with TiVo.
165
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,735
No. No. Maybe later.
166
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,613
Hello.
167
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,825
Shut up, shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up.
168
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,078
Thank you.
169
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,212
Jules. Are you there?
170
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,006
Hello, Mimi.
171
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,218
Do you always answer
the door without your shirt on?
172
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:57,180
The heat isn't working
and that's why I rang you up.
173
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:02,977
Seems to be working.
It's definitely balmy in here.
174
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,813
No. The problem is in the bedroom.
175
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,608
Right. Of course. The bedroom.
176
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:14,155
The next day, Charlotte boldly
went where no York had gone before.
177
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,074
The synagogue.
178
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,997
Shalom. Where would I find the rabbi?
179
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,792
His study. Inside.
180
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,127
Thank you.
181
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,260
-Are you the rabbi?
-Yes.
182
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,011
Hi, my name is Charlotte York
183
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:40,557
and I'm here today because I would like
to consider joining the Jewish faith.
184
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,475
We're not interested.
185
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,237
Hello. I need to report a very rude man.
186
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,281
I was just saying that my name
is Charlotte York
187
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,366
and I would like to consider
joining the Jewish...
188
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,082
I don't know what is with these people.
I never...
189
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,334
Do you know how
much I love you for doing this?
190
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,545
Do you know how sexy you look?
191
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,630
That's it.
I have to have you immediately.
192
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,300
- Harry definitely had throwdown
193
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,677
but Charlotte was too thrown
and down to care.
194
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,472
Stop, Harry. I'm feeling very rejected
by your people.
195
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:25,768
That's the game, baby.
They try to make it hard for you.
196
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,271
-What?
-It's part of the process.
197
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,649
Traditionally, they turn you down three
times to make sure you're serious.
198
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,027
Suddenly Charlotte understood.
199
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,237
They were playing hard to get.
200
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,239
They were rules rabbis.
201
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,700
I can play that game.
202
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,621
I invented that game.
203
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:49,751
-No man rejects Charlotte York.
-I don't care what any rabbi says.
204
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,879
-You are my chosen person.
- Oh!
205
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,884
Miranda was looking forward
to another perfect night
206
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,510
with her perfect boyfriend.
207
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,472
But unfortunately,
there was another woman.
208
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,057
I think I did something bad.
209
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,434
What do you mean? Brady?
I just checked on him.
210
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,187
No, boy is beautiful, is fine.
211
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,234
TiVo?
212
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,197
What did you do?
Exactly, what did you do?
213
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,450
I sit on...
214
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,871
-and then nothing.
-You sat on TiVo?
215
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,748
Is it okay?
216
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,461
Nothing is recorded.
How could you do this?
217
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,089
This is Jules and Mimi,
the morning after.
218
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:39,384
No. No. No. No. No.
219
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,301
Yes.
220
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:46,557
And across town,
I lay in bed willing Berger to call me,
221
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:47,976
which never works.
222
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,066
-Hello.
- Hey, it's me.
223
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,151
I'm sorry for not calling earlier.
224
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,404
And I know this is
the same excuse that every guy gives
225
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:00,655
but in my case it is true.
226
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,366
A 60-foot raccoon
was attacking the village.
227
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,411
And I had to trap it and kill it
and stuff it.
228
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,745
And everybody's safe now.
229
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:12,333
Even the little Flanders girl
who was stuck in a tree.
230
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,796
But I might have rabies.
What have you been up to?
231
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,341
Oh, same old, same old.
Did The Times crossword puzzle,
232
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,010
found a cure for cancer.
233
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,179
-You did The Time's cross word puzzle?
-Monday's not Sunday's.
234
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,806
Oh, okay.
235
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,184
I need like three people to do Sunday's.
One of them has to have the answers.
236
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,937
I was thinking that if two
people can be good in bed
237
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,564
when they're not in the same bed,
238
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,150
how hard a conversion could it be?
239
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,902
I have some answers
if you have cab fare.
240
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:40,987
Oh, yeah?
241
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:00,798
Dump him.
242
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,886
Fuck me badly once, shame on you.
Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.
243
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,096
Is that the saying?
244
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,098
That's my saying.
245
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,351
I don't wanna dump him.
I think he's fantastic.
246
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,978
And aren't we getting a little old
to jump to the dump?
247
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,855
What about working on things?
248
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,066
Look at Charlotte. She's becoming a Jew.
249
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,067
Hi...
250
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,445
I need something that will make a guy
come in his pants as soon as he sees me.
251
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,446
Got it.
252
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:28,368
-You talk to salespeople like that?
-I'm here all the time. They love me.
253
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:32,497
Is this for a specific gentlemen
or do you just look for that generally?
254
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,625
It's for that hot waiter from Raw.
I'm sleeping with him tonight.
255
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,293
But he doesn't know it yet.
256
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,504
I think I have to talk to him.
257
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,882
-No.
-We talk about everything else.
258
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,760
Honey, when it comes to sex,
spray it, don't say it.
259
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,428
Okay, that was unnecessary.
260
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,514
I'm trying to salvage your love life.
261
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,975
The only words you should be saying
in bed are dirty ones.
262
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,895
I can't do that. Without alcohol.
263
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,313
Then start drinking.
264
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,691
Because if you want a hotter sex life,
you're gonna have to turn up the heat.
265
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,819
Starting with.
266
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:07,365
-I don't wear furry shoes.
-They're not for you, they're for him.
267
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,910
He mostly wears loafers. Are you sure
I can't talk to him about it?
268
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:11,953
Honey.
269
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,832
If the sex isn't great,
it doesn't help to say it's not great.
270
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:20,420
That's usually a downer.
And by that I mean, uh-uh. Uh...
271
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:24,841
Yeah. Plus he must know it's not great.
He can't think this is good.
272
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,552
Oh, God.
273
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,555
Is it possible he thinks this is good?
274
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,265
Here we are.
275
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,184
Oh, as a matter of fact.
I'm gonna take this.
276
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,896
No, we'll take two.
And these in a seven.
277
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,693
That evening Miranda had one
of those regrettable discussions
278
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,861
that results from the belief
279
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,404
that you and your significant other
280
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,239
should be able
to talk through any problem.
281
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:52,827
We have been over this before.
I feel like you are not listening to me.
282
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,914
I turned the system off for ten minutes
and nothing changed!
283
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,171
I'm sorry. I'm upset.
284
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,799
I'm just so disappointed.
285
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,595
I got used to coming home to something.
Can't you work with me on this?
286
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:18,519
You told me to do that already.
What is wrong with you?
287
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,315
Ugh!
288
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,819
Friday night with Berger.
289
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:30,531
I had my sexy
lingerie under my cool couture
290
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,700
and I was feeling good.
291
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,203
You look so hot in that shirt.
292
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,413
Are you being serious?
293
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,582
Okay. We're gonna need some drinks.
294
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,542
-Oh, hey
- Hi.
295
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,920
Well, it's still happy hour
so frozen margaritas are two-for-one.
296
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,421
All right. Okay.
297
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,256
-When in Rome.
-Sure.
298
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,678
Since we were 0 for 2,
I figured two for one was a good idea.
299
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,354
And after three
unreturned phone calls,
300
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,523
Charlotte decided to make a house call.
301
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,900
Hello, Rabbi.
I brought you some kosher wine.
302
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,873
I'm sorry but my husband
can't see you now.
303
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:24,418
Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude
but I think he can.
304
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,963
Miss. What...
305
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:33,386
Look, I'm 37 years old.
I'm reproductively challenged.
306
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,597
I'm in love with a Jewish person
and it took me 20 years to find him.
307
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,724
I don't have time to play these games.
308
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:57,827
All right, Charlotte. Lesson number one.
You have to give it a rest.
309
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,538
Because it's about to be Sabbath,
the day of rest.
310
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,290
You wanna be a Jew?
311
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,002
Sit.
312
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,713
Watch.
313
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,590
Learn.
314
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:16,887
Oh, that is so sweet, but actually,
I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend...
315
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,309
I can skip it.
316
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,644
Come, girls. Gather.
317
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,409
Oh. Sorry.
318
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,801
- Amen.
-Amen.
319
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:03,059
And Samantha was at Raw,
ready to get things cooking.
320
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:08,898
-Hey, welcome to Raw.
-Hello. I was here the other night.
321
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,859
That's what happens. You come once,
you just keep coming over and over.
322
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,362
Here's hoping.
323
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,531
I'll be with you in a minute.
I'm getting slammed tonight.
324
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,992
For some reason the hostess keeps
seating everyone in my section.
325
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:20,993
Be right back.
326
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,163
-Sorry I took so long.
- Hi.
327
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,798
Suddenly, Samantha realized
328
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,342
why the Raw Food Movement
was a movement.
329
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,928
Women weren't there for the cold food.
330
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,180
They were there for the hot waiter.
331
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,519
Oh. Sorry.
332
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,856
Sorry. Sorry.
333
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,192
Hey, big boy, look who's home.
334
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,612
Oh, I got held up at work.
Thanks for filling in.
335
00:19:56,987 --> 00:20:01,701
Hi. Hi, cutie. Hi, cutie.
Did the TiVo guy come?
336
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:06,580
Uh, no. They called and said they have
to reschedule for a week from Thursday.
337
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,916
A week from Thursday?
338
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:12,545
Yeah. But I played around with a few
things and I think it's okay now.
339
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,964
-What do you mean, it's working?
-Yep.
340
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,595
I love you. I mean, you know,
for fixing that.
341
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,432
Yeah. Well, Magda
said it was kind of important.
342
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,893
So... Listen, I gotta take off.
343
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,605
-Hot date?
-Yeah. I got this dinner thing.
344
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,316
So, I'll see you later, champ,
all right?
345
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,117
Some things,
like a broken TiVo, can be repaired.
346
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,288
And others, like a broken heart,
are a little more complicated.
347
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,500
Four hours and four courses
of uncooked food later,
348
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,628
Samantha and her competitors
waited it out.
349
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:05,681
Maybe they were less horny,
maybe it was all that roughage
350
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,601
but one by one,
women threw in the napkin.
351
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,629
Can I get you anything else?
352
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:41,967
Oh, no. I'm just enjoying
my delicious mushroom tea.
353
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:44,094
Okay.
354
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:50,226
-Did you want anything else?
-You know what.
355
00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,687
I would like to have some
of that key lime custard.
356
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,273
It sounds too good to pass up.
357
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:58,234
Okay.
358
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:15,876
Honey, you've put up a good fight
359
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,170
but you have no idea
who you're dealing with.
360
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:22,466
I'm going home with him and you're going
home with key lime custard.
361
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:27,263
So, what do you say, I buy your dinner
and we call it a night. Hm?
362
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,101
-Okay.
-Check!
363
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:38,315
Meanwhile, I was finally
confident I could heat up my sex life
364
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:42,862
because I was a sex columnist.
I was resourceful.
365
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,364
And I was drunkety drunk drunk.
366
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,375
Okay.
367
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,378
-There. Oh.
368
00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:06,760
I got a little something for you.
369
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,180
And you're gonna love it.
370
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,605
Look at that. Hm?
371
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:25,112
Get ready, mister...
372
00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:30,200
'cause...
373
00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:38,667
'cause I got something
under here for you.
374
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:43,422
Oh. And I have shoes.
375
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,176
Wait till you see me in these. Hm?
376
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,435
Oh.
377
00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,064
Hey, are you okay?
378
00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:02,399
Yeah, I'm fine.
379
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:05,486
Whoo!
380
00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:15,537
- And after a night of Raw food,
381
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:18,707
Samantha enjoyed
an all-nighter of raw sex.
382
00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:41,063
Hey. Can I tell you a secret?
383
00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:42,856
You're 12.
384
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,234
You didn't have to order all that shit.
385
00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:48,195
I was ready to go
home with you last Tuesday.
386
00:24:48,404 --> 00:24:51,031
Now you tell me. I ate a fucking cactus.
387
00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:54,326
Get back down there
and make it up to me.
388
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:55,369
Awesome.
389
00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:15,222
Samantha was still having
sex when it dawned on me
390
00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:17,141
that Berger and I hadn't.
391
00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:32,781
-Hey.
-Hey.
392
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:35,075
We both knew
it was now or never.
393
00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:45,961
That morning I resigned myself
to the idea that I would never again
394
00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:48,464
have frozen drinks or hot sex.
395
00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,634
-I suck. This is awful.
-I know.
396
00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:54,261
I've never been this bad.
397
00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:57,765
Look, I don't want
to toot my own horn here, all right,
398
00:25:57,848 --> 00:25:59,516
but I'm way better than this.
399
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,143
I've actually been told
that I'm good at this.
400
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,603
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
401
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:05,939
-We're so good everywhere else.
-Would you look at us in restaurants?
402
00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:08,400
-We're the best.
-We're the couple you wanna be.
403
00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:12,571
All right, we gotta make the bed
more like a restaurant.
404
00:26:19,787 --> 00:26:23,082
-Are you coming back?
-Yeah. Grab something that'll help.
405
00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:30,798
Now we're talking, huh?
What do you have there, a pet?
406
00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:33,759
-Shoes.
-Oh.
407
00:26:37,513 --> 00:26:39,014
Here, and...
408
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,851
Berger, what if we're just not good
together in bed?
409
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,771
No, don't say that. All right, look.
410
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:49,441
I choked. We had it all going on.
411
00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:51,401
-We did.
-And I thought it would be great
412
00:26:51,485 --> 00:26:54,196
and I wanted it to be great
and I choked.
413
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,950
And I came over the next night
and I thought it would be better and...
414
00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,660
-I choked.
-What's up?
415
00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:01,954
We should be smoking, not choking.
416
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:04,623
I think sometimes the rhyme helps.
417
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:06,416
I agree.
418
00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:10,462
Boy, those are some very sexy shoes.
419
00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:13,632
-Shall I put them on?
-Yeah. Hey. Couldn't hurt.
420
00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:23,142
All right. Here.
421
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:24,560
Throw some of that
over your left shoulder.
422
00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:26,770
Come on. You want things to get worse?
423
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:32,651
-I was gonna talk to you about it but...
-Yeah, I wanted to talk to you but...
424
00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:35,696
Well, let's make a deal.
I talk to you, you talk to me.
425
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:38,115
We should be able to talk
about these things.
426
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:40,075
-Let's talk about it.
-We'll talk.
427
00:27:51,128 --> 00:27:53,422
That morning,
the other shoe dropped.
428
00:27:53,714 --> 00:27:55,424
And it wasn't bad at all.
429
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:58,051
In fact, it was kind of hot.
430
00:28:04,308 --> 00:28:08,395
Give me one more chance
And you'll be satisfied
431
00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:16,236
Give me two more chances
You won't be denied
432
00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:21,742
Well, my heart is where it's always been
433
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:25,913
My head is somewhere in between
434
00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:31,460
Give me one more chance
Let me be your lover tonight
435
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,630
Check it out
436
00:28:35,631 --> 00:28:40,677
You're the real thing
Yeah, the real thing
437
00:28:42,346 --> 00:28:45,015
You take me higher
438
00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:48,477
You're the real thing
439
00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:52,231
Even better than the real thing
440
00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:56,026
Even better than the real thing