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This is a story about
a lovely couple, Rob and Elaine,
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00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:55,305
who rented a house
one especially hot and sticky summer,
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00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,557
in the Hamptons.
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Elaine invited her best single friends,
Cindy and Janet.
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While Rob invited his single friends,
Ira and Matthew,
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to share the good times
and exorbitant rent.
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Until one day,
this lovely couple had a terrible fight
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when Elaine went out
for a run and twisted her ankle,
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and came back early to find
Rob canoodling with Janet.
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And Cindy got tired
of Matthew's idiotic jokes
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and incessant market chatter.
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And Ira tried to be there for Elaine
and confessed his true feelings for her,
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which she tried to laugh off as a joke.
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By August, it got to the point
where everything was so awkward
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that nobody wanted to come back.
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And that's when Janet
called her friend Charlotte.
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It's a really cute
three-bedroom cottage.
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And they're giving us a fantastic deal
for the month of August.
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Yeah, of course, it's a good deal.
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It's haunted with cheating boyfriends
and sexual rejection.
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We can always burn sage.
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Hey, sharing a house
with your girlfriends
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is fine in your 20s,
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but I feel like in your 30s,
isn't it a tiny bit pathetic,
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like being the oldest kid
at summer camp?
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She has a point.
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My 25-year-old assistant,
Nina Grabowski,
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has a summer share in Bridgehampton
with 18 other girls.
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They have to sleep in shifts!
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What do they do when they meet someone?
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Oh, they fuck in shifts too.
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Hold it, hold it.
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I can't believe you guys
would pass up a chance
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to get out of this sweltering heat.
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And besides, the city's completely
dead during August.
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That's because
everyone's in the Hamptons.
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Or stuck in traffic trying to get there.
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But this could be the last summer
that we can actually all get together
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and do something like this.
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I mean, next year, who knows?
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One of us could be married,
or have kids.
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And then we'll always
regret that last summer
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that we didn't spend
together in the Hamptons.
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Charlotte's sweet hopefulness
touched something in all of us.
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Okay, I'm in.
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Me, too.
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Fine.
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But I get the late shift.
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Oh, my God!
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Samantha always felt
like she was in her 20s
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until the sight
of an actual 20-something
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brought her back down to Earth.
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Oh, you have to try it.
No, I'm getting you on the VIP list.
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You have to try it for one night.
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My best friend Jerry owns it.
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He also owns the one in South Beach.
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Yes! The same one.
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I need you to proof
and confirm the guest list
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for the Hetrick Martin benefit,
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and get me Richard Johnson, ASAP.
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No, he is not a fag.
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No, because I happen
to have three friends
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he's personally fucked.
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You are nasty. You are.
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Listen, I am sending you a car,
to and fro,
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and if you hate it,
I'm gonna let you blow me.
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I am!
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I am serious. Off, now.
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Alec, I've gotta go.
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I'll keep you posted, okay?
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Bye, honey.
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I, um... I have personal relationships
of my own, you know.
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Not with my clients you don't.
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And I have my own career to worry about.
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Your career is being my assistant.
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You're so deluded.
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I mean, you wouldn't even know
what's hot if it wasn't for me.
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Nina, unfortunately,
you don't seem to grasp
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the vast difference between us.
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Oh, yes, I do.
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You stood in line at Studio 54.
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I stood in line at Studio 54...
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the movie!
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I gave that bitch
her first job out of college.
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She didn't know a fucking thing!
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These girls in their 20s,
they're so spoiled and ungrateful.
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They think they're it.
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Yeah, don't they realize we're still it?
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No, because the world
validates their delusion.
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00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,334
And, she took a copy of my Rolodex.
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00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,669
-Do you think I can sue?
-Um...
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Excuse me, do you remember us
in our 20s?
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Dimly.
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Have a little compassion, ladies.
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The only thing worse than being single
and in your 30s in this city
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00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,219
is being single and in your 20s.
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Hey! Where have you been?
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00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,931
I was worried you were
going to miss the Jitney!
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The Hamptons Jitney
is just like the bus to summer camp,
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only instead of singing songs,
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everyone ignores each other
and talks on their cell phones.
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Everyone, this is Greg.
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This is Samantha, Carrie and Miranda.
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-Hi!
- Hi.
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Greg has been going to the Hamptons
every summer for 20 years.
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Since I was six.
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-You do the math.
-Oh, I have.
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Thank you.
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Oh!
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Ah, ah, ah, easy sister.
No need to push, huh?
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Four bumper-to-bumper
hours later, we arrived at our new digs.
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They said this place was shabby chic,
I'm thinking it's much more shitty chic.
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These towels are mildewed.
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00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,975
Actually, this whole
house smells like mildew.
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That's not mildew. It's beachy.
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Would you all stop being so cynical?
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We're lucky to be here.
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Ah! Cynicism.
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00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,485
Now, there's one advantage
we have over girls in their 20s.
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I was cynical in high school.
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-Who's that?
-Hmm.
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It's Greg, that cute guy
I met on the Jitney.
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I told him to drop by.
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And if he asks, he thinks I'm 27.
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Evidently, while we had
taken the midtown tunnel,
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Charlotte had taken the time tunnel.
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-Hi!
-Hey.
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Come on in.
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You guys remember Greg.
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Hi, Greg.
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00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:43,426
Hey. Uh, so, listen, uh,
me and my housemates
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are having a big bonfire tonight
out at the beach,
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and I just wanted to tell you
that you're all invited.
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Excellent!
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Here you go, ladies.
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This has so much foam
you could ski on the head!
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Sorry, it's been a while
since I've pumped a keg.
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I love young men,
but, come on, I mean...
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the guys here,
they don't even have chest hair yet!
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Well, that's good news for their backs.
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Sorry!
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Okay, this is really fun.
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How long do we have to stay?
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Oh, God!
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All right, I'm gonna go tell
Charlotte we're leaving.
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That's another thing
about 20-something girls.
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They're very considerate.
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You can always count on one of them
to hold your hair back when you vomit.
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Excuse me!
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00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,618
Oh, my God, Carrie Bradshaw!
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00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,453
-Yeah?
-Laurel Harris.
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May I just tell you that I worship you?
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00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,499
I read your column every week,
it's like my religion.
154
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Oh, thank you.
155
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,462
I work as an assistant
in a publishing house,
156
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:01,630
but I'm really a writer.
157
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:02,672
Oh, great.
158
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,049
Well, we'll see.
159
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,301
Maybe I could send you
something to read sometime?
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Sure.
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You have no idea
what that would mean to me.
162
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,223
To have someone like you as my mentor.
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Oh, well, mentor.
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So, could I call you up
sometime in the city?
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If I could just spend
some time with you,
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that would be so cool.
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Uh, of course,
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uh, I'll... I'll be looking
at a very busy summer.
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I can help, I'll run errands.
I'll do your wash.
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No, no, no menial labor necessary.
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I'll just... I'll give you
my phone number.
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Oh, my God, this is so cool.
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Oh, thank you.
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Oh, I'll take that.
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Thank you.
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The next day,
Miranda woke up early
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00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:49,302
to enjoy the cool morning breeze
and a much needed moment of solitude.
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All right, somebody puked on the deck.
179
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:02,232
Oh, sorry. Stacy and Holly
did too many Jell-O shots.
180
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,567
What are you, 25 now?
181
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,696
Good morning.
182
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No, 27!
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Whatever.
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That week,
back in the city, I wondered.
185
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,206
What was the allure of the 20s?
186
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:22,043
On one hand, there's great skin tone,
the thrill of fresh experience,
187
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:26,089
and the sense of a consequence-free life
full of seemingly endless possibilities.
188
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While on the other,
189
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,301
there are horrible apartments,
sexually inexperienced men,
190
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:33,138
and embarrassing errors
in fashion judgment.
191
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,267
Should we fear these freshly minted,
192
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,853
single women as a threat
to our very survival?
193
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,522
Or pity them as clueless half-wits
194
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:45,608
about to get their dreams dashed
and illusions shattered?
195
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20-something girls...
196
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Friend... or foe?
197
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,118
And that evening,
in my first act as a mentor,
198
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,912
I took my young acolyte to a book party.
199
00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,205
Ceviche?
200
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,208
Oh, my God.
201
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,754
I can't believe I'm out
with Carrie Bradshaw,
202
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:06,921
this is too cool.
203
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,923
Oh, stop, I can feel my head swelling.
204
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,843
If it gets any bigger, I'm gonna
have to say goodbye to my hats.
205
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,303
-I have a question.
-Yeah?
206
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,347
Do you think that 25 is too young
to write a personal memoir?
207
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,933
Well, as long as it
doesn't deal with incest,
208
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,852
Prozac, or partying, no.
209
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,270
Well, it does deal with sex...
210
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,938
Or rather, not having sex.
211
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:28,151
It's about how girls my age
are saving themselves for marriage.
212
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,321
Saving what for marriage?
213
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,156
Our virginity.
214
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,951
Are you seriously telling me
that you've never had sex with a man?
215
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,536
That is correct.
216
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:43,792
Okay, now, what do you consider sex?
217
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,794
Are you implying
I'm some kind of Lewinsky?
218
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,128
- No! No--
-I'm not!
219
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,672
I'm talking no blow jobs, no hand jobs.
220
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,425
All right, I get it,
no jobs of any kind.
221
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,302
You know what?
222
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:55,970
I think I need to get a drink.
223
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,431
I'll get it. Cosmopolitan, right?
224
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,350
-Yes.
-I remember...
225
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,060
From your column.
226
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:07,982
A 25-year-old virgin
was getting me a Cosmopolitan.
227
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,319
The generation gap
had never seemed so wide.
228
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,530
-Hi.
-Hi.
229
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,533
Have you actually read the book?
230
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,618
-Uh, no. Have you?
-Nope, not yet.
231
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:19,953
Do you know anything about the author?
232
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,663
Yeah, his family has
a history of diabetes
233
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,040
and he has a steel splint
in his left femur.
234
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,292
I'm his doctor, Bradley Meego.
235
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,212
Oh! Carrie Bradshaw.
236
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,089
Jeez, my doctor won't
even make house calls
237
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,715
let alone attend a book party.
238
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,175
Yeah, I've never been to one before.
239
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,552
I thought it might be interesting.
240
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,220
Now it's just exceeded
all my expectations.
241
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,389
Yeah, I know, generally,
it's just cheese and crackers.
242
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,141
You never see an actual shrimp.
243
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,350
No, I meant you.
244
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,685
Oh.
245
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,145
You know, I'd ask you out
for a drink after,
246
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,813
but I'm driving straight
from here to the Hamptons.
247
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,691
Oh, I'm... I'm actually going
out to the Hamptons tomorrow.
248
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,068
Well, great. Um, can I call you there?
249
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,530
All right, well, you know what?
250
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,449
I'll be with my friends
Saturday at Townline Beach.
251
00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,742
A big yellow umbrella.
252
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,244
You can come by
and say hello if you'd like.
253
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,371
Is this just a ploy to see me
in my bathing suit?
254
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,539
Yeah.
255
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,957
-Here's your Cosmo, miss.
-Thank you.
256
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,333
-Hi.
-Uh...
257
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,378
Dr. Bradley Meego, this is Laurel.
258
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,796
-Hi.
-Hey.
259
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,007
Um, so, what if it rains?
260
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,258
Do we pick another date, or...
261
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,594
Doctor, you are persistent.
262
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:21,598
All right, in case of emergency only.
263
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,022
Yep, now I'm gonna have to buy the book.
264
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,232
Nice meeting you.
265
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,609
-You, too.
- Bye.
266
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,152
Drive safe.
267
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,530
Oh, my God, he is such a fox.
268
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,657
Did you just meet him
when I was at the bar?
269
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,619
-Mm-hmm.
-Lady, you've got it going on!
270
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,166
That Saturday turned
out to be hot and sunny.
271
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:50,251
While we sat under our umbrella,
272
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,420
20-something girls sizzled on the sand
273
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,922
like rotisserie chickens.
274
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:56,633
Excuse me, when did tanning
come back in style?
275
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,259
Hand me the 45!
276
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:01,387
Forty-five?
Didn't know it went up that high.
277
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,265
You can sit in a microwave and not burn.
278
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,268
It's Charlotte's, but I don't think
she's gonna be using it.
279
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,146
It's not good for her 27-year-old image.
280
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,650
She actually put on oil.
281
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,652
Just let her have her fun now.
282
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,696
Come Labor Day, she's gonna look
like a 27-year-old handbag.
283
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:23,159
I'd risk a few precancerous
freckles for a summer romance.
284
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,621
And right then,
my summer romance made his appearance,
285
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:27,914
right on schedule.
286
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,625
The yellow umbrellas seem
to be very popular this year.
287
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,668
Hey!
288
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,462
Samantha, Miranda,
this is Dr. Bradley Meego.
289
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,463
-Hello!
- Hi.
290
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,631
Hello, ladies.
291
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,508
So what kind of a doctor
are you, Doctor?
292
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,759
Uh, internal medicine.
293
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,094
General, all-purpose kind of thing.
294
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:44,222
Fabulous! So you can
prescribe medication?
295
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,139
What did you have in mind?
296
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,599
Feel free to ignore her.
297
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,226
-I'm sure that's impossible.
298
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,436
Listen, I'm gonna go take a quick dip.
299
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,146
Now, you promise not to ditch me, now.
300
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,481
-I promise.
-Okay.
301
00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,153
Is that the guy from the book party?
302
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,071
Yeah.
303
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,282
I've got to start reading.
304
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:06,828
He's cute, I'm just not
really sure I'm interested.
305
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,456
Good-looking, polite,
house in the Hamptons.
306
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,166
It's good on paper.
307
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,127
-Well, you know the rule.
-Huh?
308
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,754
-Good on paper, bad in bed.
309
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,799
A "good on paper guy"
is a guy with great credentials,
310
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,385
who you always end up leaving
for some hot guy
311
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,971
who rides a motorcycle
and doesn't have a checking account.
312
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,139
-I got ya.
313
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,932
Oh, my God!
314
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,893
Ah! The water feels so awesome.
315
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,061
You guys should really go in.
316
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,606
You better put on some sunscreen,
Georgette Hamilton.
317
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,150
Oh, that's okay, I never burn.
318
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,526
Well, I do.
319
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,570
In fact, I think I've had enough
for today.
320
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,322
I'm gonna go grocery shopping.
321
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,364
You guys want anything?
322
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,074
Oh, we should get some rum.
323
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,451
We can make Long Island Iced Teas.
324
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,746
Oh, yes. I love Long Island Iced Teas.
325
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,205
Excellent!
326
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,007
So I took a leap of faith
and made reservations
327
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:04,218
at one of those impossible-to-get-into
restaurants for tonight.
328
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,596
Oh, wow, I'd love to.
329
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,766
I just... I can't abandon my friends.
330
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,893
Well, actually,
that wasn't an invitation.
331
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,478
It was just restaurant chit-chat.
332
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,271
Oh, oh.
333
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,939
-I'm kidding.
-Oh.
334
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,068
How about after dinner?
335
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,235
I got a great little house.
336
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,820
A cute little porch we can sit on.
337
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,864
Oh, I don't know.
338
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,451
Okay, then, how about
if I just call your
339
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,286
"In case of emergency"
number this weekend.
340
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,539
The emergency being
I think I'm gonna miss you.
341
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,043
Yes, you can definitely do that.
342
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,544
Good.
343
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,088
Romantic, polite,
344
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,757
and his very own house
south of the highway.
345
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,636
My "good on paper" guy
was jumping right off the page.
346
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,721
Later that afternoon,
we came back from the beach
347
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,100
rested, rejuvenated,
feeling almost 29 again.
348
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,726
Even Miranda was in good spirits.
349
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,145
Hey, guys, I just got
back from the market.
350
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,398
- Yeah?
-Fresh corn and seafood for dinner.
351
00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,565
-Yummy!
352
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,401
Except, Carrie, your groupie can't stay.
353
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,319
I only got enough for the four of us.
354
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,737
She's here?
355
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,906
Yeah, she was asking
too many inane questions.
356
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,491
I sent her up to your room.
357
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,076
Oh, thanks.
358
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,869
-Sorry.
-So, I have got to go shower.
359
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:12,954
I'm all itchy in my bathing suit
from the sand.
360
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:13,871
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
361
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,123
-And then I'm gonna help ya.
-Okay.
362
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,040
Take your time.
363
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,250
Samantha, that came for you.
364
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,501
Oh...
365
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:21,921
Oh, my God!
366
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,214
What's wrong?
367
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,007
It's for the Hampton's
hoedown tomorrow night.
368
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,761
And the event is being run
by Nina G Public Relations. Nina G!
369
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:32,265
Overnight,
Samantha's ex-assistant, Nina Grabowski,
370
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,642
had reinvented herself as Nina G.
371
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,685
I was up for that job.
372
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,688
And now she's using my Rolodex
to put together the guest list.
373
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:42,233
While Samantha was
getting fucked royally by her protege,
374
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,527
mine was giving me the royal treatment.
375
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,946
It's not that I don't
wanna have sex with men,
376
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,740
I just feel like these previous
generations of women
377
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:53,911
have devalued sex to the point
where it's not even special anymore.
378
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,246
One summer, when I was 15,
379
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,665
I read everything
Jackie Collins ever wrote.
380
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,250
And I thought to myself, "Who cares?"
381
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,668
I mean, is this supposed to be shocking,
382
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:04,338
wagging one's pussy at every
good-looking stud who walks by?
383
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,339
Please.
384
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,217
And, what is it you like
about my column?
385
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,346
I have a tiny tick on my stomach,
and I can't get it off.
386
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,556
Ew. Does it hurt?
387
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,807
No, but it itches.
388
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,310
Oh, my God, that is not a tick.
389
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,853
Well, well, what is it?
390
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,484
Well, there go our shitty sheets.
391
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,361
Oh, my God, it's so disgusting.
392
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,905
Where's she going?
393
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,364
To the drugstore.
394
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,658
Charlotte really is in her 20s.
395
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,993
She's got crabs.
396
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,496
Oh, my God!
397
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,373
That night, I called Dr. Meego.
398
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,792
I figured it was an emergency.
399
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,505
I just, I have this thing about crabs.
400
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:48,341
I had them once in college,
and the experience scarred me for life.
401
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,218
So, I really... I don't think
I can go back to that house
402
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:53,513
until the mattresses are sanitized
and the sheets and towels are burned.
403
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:54,889
No, I'm... I'm flattered
you thought of me.
404
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,434
I'd be happy to prescribe your friend
some industrial strength pubicide.
405
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:02,230
No, that's all right,
I think she can take care of herself.
406
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,273
-Here, cheers.
- Cheers.
407
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,991
You might have to spend
the night here, you know.
408
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,828
I might have to, but only to sleep.
409
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,622
You know, women
are always saying that,
410
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,957
and then, as soon as the lights go out,
411
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,167
boom, they're going right
for my pajamas.
412
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:28,047
All righty, I promise, no funny stuff.
413
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,222
That night, we slept together
but we didn't sleep together.
414
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,473
It was really nice.
415
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,308
And I believe it was the first instance
416
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,311
of a case of crabs moving
a relationship forward.
417
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:52,280
Every year, one of the local
Hamptons billionaires
418
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,949
got down and dirty
and threw a big hoedown
419
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,951
full of cowboys and caviar.
420
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,328
It was the event of the season.
421
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,291
We joined Samantha
to lend our moral support.
422
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:04,417
I can't believe it.
423
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,420
There are people here
who don't even come to my parties
424
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,338
and they came to Nina's.
425
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,550
Look at her over there.
426
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,386
Beef jerky carpaccio?
427
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,972
I am just so depressed right now.
428
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:19,640
Excuse me.
429
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,309
Hey, where are you going?
430
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:22,727
To congratulate Nina.
431
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:25,396
I may need her to hire me someday.
432
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:30,109
While Samantha set out
to negotiate 20-something detente,
433
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:33,112
Charlotte prepared
to launch a full-out war.
434
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,322
Excuse me.
435
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:37,325
Right. No way.
436
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,336
Hey!
437
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,130
Do you know that you gave me crabs?
438
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,883
What?
439
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,468
You heard me.
440
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,094
What makes you think it was me?
441
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,804
Oh, that is so tacky.
442
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,556
Yeah, well, so is lying about your age.
443
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,476
You know, I saw your driver's license
when you bought the beer last night.
444
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,477
I didn't lie.
445
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,479
You made an assumption,
I didn't contradict it.
446
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,563
Whatever.
447
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,399
You know, I may have given you crabs,
448
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,443
but you deceived me.
449
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,028
That is so much worse.
450
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,404
Grow up.
451
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,287
You are a wait person.
452
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,247
That does not mean that you wait,
it means that you go!
453
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,415
Nina!
454
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:30,127
Oh, my God, you actually came.
455
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,339
I just stopped by to wish you good luck.
456
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,758
It's a fabulous party.
457
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,009
That is very cool of you.
458
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,302
Nina, I told you,
459
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:39,845
I didn't want Martha seated
near the hayride.
460
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,097
-She's allergic.
-Oh.
461
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,682
Could you please try
to keep the young people
462
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,016
out until after 11:00?
463
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,685
Oh. Yeah.
464
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,270
I just wanna tell you, we're all
out of country-fried goat cheese,
465
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,897
somebody got stuck with a cactus needle,
466
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,357
and there are people
outside with invitations
467
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,650
who are not on the fucking list.
468
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:53,984
Jesus-fucking-Christ.
469
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,361
You are totally coked out.
470
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,612
You are totally jealous.
471
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,157
What is that? Oh, my God! What is that?
472
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,993
What is that sound? Oh, my God. What?
473
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,370
What is happening?
474
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,955
That is not supposed to happen
until midnight.
475
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:06,914
I know!
476
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:09,041
This is your problem. Get them to stop!
477
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,252
I can't, they're on a fucking barge!
478
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:14,338
Oh, my God. Samantha, could you help me?
479
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,424
I need to get
everybody outside.
480
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,176
I'm just...
I'm totally fucked right now.
481
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:23,639
Okay, people, fiesta fireworks, outside!
482
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,517
Let's go. Let's go!
483
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,644
-Oh, Nina!
-Yeah?
484
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,020
This is Greg.
485
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:33,566
I think the two of you
would really hit it off.
486
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,526
-Hi.
-Hi.
487
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,531
I began to realize then
488
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,951
that the biggest threat 20-something
girls posed was to themselves.
489
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,870
Hey, Carrie, I've been looking
all over for you.
490
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,205
Hey. Look, I got one just like yours.
491
00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:50,040
Oh, wow, that's great.
492
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,667
You want me to get you a Cosmopolitan?
493
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,961
No, no, that's okay,
I'm actually, I'm gonna go find my date.
494
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,045
But I'll see you later, okay?
495
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:56,338
That guy from the bookstore?
496
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,507
-Oh, my God, he was so cute!
-Oh.
497
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,302
Annoying, yes, dangerous, no.
498
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,471
They were simply
our youthful doppelgangers
499
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,723
who needed our compassion
more than anything.
500
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:11,520
And then everything I so firmly believed
was promptly blown to pieces.
501
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,615
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
502
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:23,991
Is it you?
503
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,787
Hey, what are you...
what are you doing here?
504
00:21:28,746 --> 00:21:30,080
What am I doing here?
505
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:31,665
What are you doing here?
506
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,961
I just got back this week from Paris.
507
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:39,840
Oh, Carrie, this is Natasha.
508
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,759
Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you.
509
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,469
I've heard so much about you.
510
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:44,762
Oh, really?
511
00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:47,932
Natasha's parents have a house
here in East Hampton.
512
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,809
We just came up for the weekend.
513
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,728
Excuse me.
It was nice to meet you, Carrie.
514
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:05,366
I'm sorry, I'm just...
a little stunned here...
515
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,618
and confused.
516
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,328
Who is she?
517
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,872
Well, I...
you know, I meant to call you.
518
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:14,834
She's a girl...
519
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,504
She's this girl that I met in Paris.
520
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,507
She works for Ralph Lauren in Europe.
521
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,470
So you're just in
from Paris for the weekend?
522
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:27,638
No.
523
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:30,933
The Paris deal fell through.
524
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:36,021
I... I planned on calling you.
525
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,774
I certainly didn't want
to run into you like this.
526
00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:40,317
Well, you can't plan everything.
527
00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:41,861
Life can be pretty random.
528
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:45,447
I'm here on a, on a date,
too... somewhere.
529
00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:47,741
It's Dr. Bradley Meego.
530
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,661
He's good on paper, you know,
probably like Natasha.
531
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:52,830
Good-looking, sweet, blah, blah blah.
532
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:57,334
So how old is she, anyway?
533
00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:02,172
I don't know, 26, 27.
534
00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:04,842
Something like that.
535
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:11,015
Well, I'll see you in the Hamptons
or back in the city.
536
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:15,185
I promise to call
when I get back into town.
537
00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:27,531
Carrie?
538
00:23:29,033 --> 00:23:29,992
Are you okay?
539
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:34,038
No, I just ran into Big.
540
00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:36,665
He's back from Paris.
541
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,542
He has a new girlfriend.
542
00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:41,503
She's 26.
543
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,340
-Where is he? I didn't see--
-Oh, God.
544
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,523
And then I realized.
545
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,652
20-something girls are just fabulous,
546
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:08,155
until you see one
with the man who broke your heart.