1 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,637 LA, 2 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,932 land of perpetual sun and perpetual sun bathing. 3 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,350 Which also makes it... 4 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,936 land of the perpetual bikini wax. 5 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,690 After a week in LA, I made an appointment 6 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:08,402 with the city's premiere waxer to the stars, Alicia. 7 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,697 -She was known for her artful work... -Oh. 8 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,699 -...her lightning-quick hands... -Thanks. That's great. 9 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:14,950 Put feet ahead. 10 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,619 ...and her indecipherable accent. 11 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:18,829 Excuse me? 12 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:22,541 -Ahhh! 13 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,502 All done. Beautiful. 14 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,212 You look. 15 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,258 Oh! 16 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,260 I got mugged! 17 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,970 She took everything I got! 18 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,346 It's called a Brazilian wax. 19 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,931 Why didn't you tell her to stop? 20 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:41,560 I tried. I feel like one of those freaking hairless dogs. 21 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,021 It's an aesthetic thing. Everyone goes bare out here. 22 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,816 Of course they do. LA men are too lazy to have to go searching for anything. 23 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,401 Yeah, you can't hide your light under a bush. 24 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:53,780 Well, she must have left something, a triangle? A little landing strip? 25 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:58,118 No, I am totally bald! And, might I add, freezing. 26 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,369 Oh, I would've killed her. 27 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,622 I'm so aware of down there now. 28 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,082 Now I feel like I'm nothing but walking sex. 29 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:07,294 That's the thing about the Brazilian. It makes you do crazy things. 30 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,297 You have to be very careful who you invite to Brazil. 31 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,591 Well, I'm officially RSVP-ing "no." 32 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,052 -Hey, where you going? -I'm meeting Lew. 33 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,261 Letterman Lew? 34 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,055 He doesn't work for Letterman anymore. 35 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,390 He moved out here to write that New York sitcom. 36 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,644 You know, the one about the three 20-something kids who live in a loft? 37 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,312 Oh, yeah, one's a feisty waitress. 38 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,105 What are you and Lew gonna do? 39 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:30,233 I'm sure we'll have a couple of drinks and bitch about LA. 40 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,361 I can't believe he lives out here now. 41 00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:35,739 Well, maybe you should tell him to move to Brazil. I hear it's quite popular. 42 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,324 So you guys are on your own tonight. 43 00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,117 We're going to go to that movie premiere thing. 44 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,495 -Oh, what's the movie? -Oh, no one sees the movie. 45 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,247 We're going to use my press pass and get into the after-party. 46 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,916 I love LA. 47 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,709 You two should get out of the sun. 48 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,048 Mmm. 49 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:57,010 Lew asked Miranda to meet him at the Flowing Tree. 50 00:02:57,094 --> 00:03:00,472 Surrounded by all these tan, fit, happy people, 51 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:04,476 she knew she would recognize pale, chubby, unhappy Lew immediately. 52 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,020 Miranda? 53 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,898 Oh, my God! 54 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,068 Do I look that different? 55 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,321 Well, let's just say it's a good thing you still wear that hat. 56 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,490 Oh, please, if you ever see me in a Lakers hat-- 57 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,533 I know, shoot you. 58 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,201 -Exactly. Come on, sit. 59 00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,328 You look amazing. 60 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,122 Thanks. You want to grab a drink? 61 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,290 Oh, please, yes, let's go. 62 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,960 The sight of all these bleached teeth is blinding. 63 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,294 No, I mean, grab something here. 64 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,922 This place is known for its green tea infusions. 65 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:37,467 Please, infusions? Could LA be any worse? 66 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,679 Take off that hat, I'm gonna shoot you right now. 67 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,515 Actually, I really like it here. 68 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:45,726 Hang on. What happened to the guy 69 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,978 I used to share beers with and make fun of happy people? 70 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,688 I know, I know. The thing is, 71 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,482 I think I'm one of those happy people now. 72 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,986 Wow. I mean, good for you. 73 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,279 I know it sounds crazy, 74 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,948 but I think I was just supremely unhappy in New York. 75 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:04,161 I mean, I came out here and I let a lot of that old, toxic anger go. 76 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,330 I take things slowly, get outside... 77 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,082 LA agrees with me. 78 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,544 Miranda realized she was the one standing out in that room. 79 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:15,505 She was the only angry New Yorker for miles. 80 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,758 Hey, let's go for a hike. 81 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,720 - Over here. - Look over here. 82 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,058 Good evening, ma'am. 83 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,187 Later that night, two very happy New Yorkers 84 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,607 prepared to hike up their first LA red carpet. 85 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,903 Hi, Carrie Bradshaw, I'm with the New York Star. 86 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,196 Are you on the list? 87 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,114 Well, I'm press... Well, I'm a columnist. 88 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,658 -Here, that's me. -Press room is to the left. 89 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:46,203 Crinkle cut cheese and some fat Enquirer reporters? 90 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,454 I don't think so. 91 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,872 Let me see your passes from the movie. 92 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,457 Oh, no one goes to the movie. 93 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,001 Everyone goes to the movie. 94 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,878 Could you please step off the red carpet? 95 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,089 -Do you know who she is? -I know she's not on the list. 96 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,091 Okay, okay, okay. 97 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,301 Let's just go. 98 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,887 I can't believe this. 99 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,931 This wouldn't happen in New York. People know you in New York. 100 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,724 And no one goes to the freaking movie. 101 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,560 We're out of here. I'm getting the car out of valet hoc. 102 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,652 There I was, a Hollywood nobody, 103 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,696 cast off the red carpet and standing in my proper place 104 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,490 on a grease-stained parking lot. 105 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:28,453 We're talking in circles here. That's right, we're talking in circles. 106 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,622 I understand... No, I heard you. 107 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:32,624 Okay, sure. 108 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:34,835 Yeah. 109 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,045 Well, you tell her that when she's ready to deal, 110 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,839 she can go ahead and call me herself, okay? 111 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,757 -I'm at a function here. 112 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,927 Please tell me that you have another one of those. 113 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,304 Wow, and I thought I had a problem. 114 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,098 -Are you going to light it for me? -Yeah. 115 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,182 Thanks. 116 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:53,562 Mmm. 117 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,022 Full tar, it's very nice. 118 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,399 I thought they banned these here. 119 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,484 I taped them to my body on the plane. 120 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,820 -New Yorker? -Yep. 121 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,280 I'm Keith Travers, 122 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,906 -representing Matt Damon. -Oh. 123 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,118 Carrie Bradshaw, I'm representing myself. 124 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,288 -Actress? -Oh, no, no, no, writer. 125 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,248 -You're too pretty to be a writer. 126 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,167 And that's too cheesy a line for you to be a writer. 127 00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,295 It's going to take a fucking hour to get the car. 128 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,589 Samantha Jones, meet, um... 129 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,883 Keith Travers. He's representing Matt Damon. 130 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,510 And you ladies aren't going anywhere. 131 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:26,928 If you say so. 132 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,430 Should we go inside? 133 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,473 Let's enjoy our evening, huh? 134 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:34,311 Once we got inside, our magic carpet ride really began. 135 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,187 I can't believe that they wouldn't let someone like you in. 136 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,439 That's a total disconnect. 137 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,316 -A disconnect? -Yeah. Excuse me, guys. 138 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,985 Yeah, a disconnect. That's like, you know, a fuck-up. 139 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,113 -Oh. A disconnect. -Yeah. 140 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,324 You writers are word Nazis, huh? 141 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,992 -You're going to ride me with that. 142 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,702 -Uh, hey. 143 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,871 Someone's ass is ringing and it ain't mine. 144 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,539 But yours would if it could. 145 00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,583 It would ring if it could ring. Excuse me, I got to... 146 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,335 I'll just be one second, okay? 147 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,045 Enjoy yourself, you're in now, so... 148 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,175 That is one tall drink of water. 149 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,177 Uh-huh. 150 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,352 Samantha had worshipped Hugh Hefner 151 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,770 ever since she was old enough 152 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,355 -to steal her father's Playboys. -Oh, my God. 153 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,024 To her, this wasn't a celebrity sighting, 154 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,526 this was the celebrity sighting. 155 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,694 I'll be back. 156 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,701 Hugh, hi. 157 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,912 -Hello. -I'm Samantha Jones. 158 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,789 -Well, hello. -I just wanted to tell you, 159 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,040 I'm a huge fan. 160 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,292 Well, in that case, join us for a drink. 161 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,752 -A drink? - That'd be great. 162 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,545 Oh, well, thank you. 163 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,131 -Seriously? 164 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,387 Drinking with three blondes, 165 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,223 I guess that's just a regular day for you. 166 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,642 -A slow one, yes. 167 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,145 Listen, I'm pretty crazed this week, 168 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,939 but I do have a lunch opening on Wednesday. 169 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,399 Can I take you out? 170 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,734 -Link, great table. -Oh. 171 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,071 I had been trying to get into Link for a week. 172 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,948 He seemed smart and sexy, 173 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,742 and this outsider was starting to like the view from the inside. 174 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,244 -Yeah, okay. -Great. 175 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,495 -Sure. Okay. -Great. 176 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,955 -Hey, Keith. -Hey, how are you? 177 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,081 You know, there's a VIP room. 178 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,667 You want to go to the VIP room? 179 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,044 Yeah, I want to go to the VIP room. 180 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,421 -Okay, let's go. VIP room. -VIP room? 181 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,505 -All right. -All right. 182 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,926 Back home, Charlotte had never felt more inside. 183 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,888 She had just attended her first black-tie doctors' benefit. 184 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,183 Mmm. Mmm. 185 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,438 Damn, we make a fine-looking couple. 186 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,772 Yes, we do. 187 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,318 So, how did I do? 188 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,156 Well, Mrs. MacDougal, you did quite well. 189 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,950 Well, thank you, Dr. MacDougal. 190 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:59,080 You know, doctor, I have an itch I was hoping you could help me out with. 191 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:03,960 Trey. 192 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:10,759 You know, maybe it's time we really thought about some options, 193 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,260 like Viagra. 194 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,344 Viagra? 195 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:19,017 Charlotte, are you aware that Viagra is a killer for men with heart problems? 196 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:22,896 And let me remind you, my father died of a heart attack 197 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,564 and it runs in my family. 198 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,691 Trey wasn't the only one with heart problems. 199 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,485 I'm just trying to help. 200 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,572 Now I'm tense. I'm going for a run. 201 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,241 It was the fifth time Trey had gone running at bedtime 202 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,534 in the last two weeks. 203 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,748 The next day, Samantha decided to get some exercise as well. 204 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,043 Unfortunately, her pocketbook was getting most of the workout. 205 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,252 Fendi, $150. 206 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:54,010 And so she decided to give her old pocketbook a rest. 207 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,688 That day, as Charlotte picked up my mail, 208 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,358 she realized she missed a lot more than just her sex life... 209 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,443 She missed her single life. 210 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,364 And if Trey could run away from their problems, 211 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,157 so could she. 212 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,412 I can't deal with Trey. 213 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,248 Okay, honey, calling to tell me that 214 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,833 might have been a little more economical. 215 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,379 And, I just... I really missed you guys. 216 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,798 Well, we missed you too. 217 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,384 So, Trey is... 218 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:37,720 It's not working. And he refuses to even talk about it. 219 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,224 I take it from the wheelie bag, you'll be staying? 220 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,393 I really need a vacation. 221 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,520 Well, you came to the right place. 222 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,230 I got to meet this Keith guy, 223 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,775 um, but Miranda and Samantha are down by the pool. 224 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,485 -Oh? -Oh. 225 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,034 Charlotte glanced down at the glistening pool, 226 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:03,955 and just like that, her marriage and Trey seemed very far away. 227 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:12,088 Before lunch, I agreed to go with Keith to see a house he was interested in. 228 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:20,471 Jesus, this is not a house, this is an airport. 229 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,390 It's Lorenzo Lamas's. 230 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:25,351 He's asking 3.4, but it'll go for 3.2. 231 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,478 - Now there's a bargain. 232 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,606 -Yes? -Hey, come check out the view. 233 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,358 In New York, a first date is dinner and a movie. 234 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:36,779 In LA, it's lunch and seeing a $3. 4-million house. 235 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:37,947 So, what do you think? 236 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,950 I think I should be working in syndicated television. 237 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,076 But it's good, right? 238 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,205 It's really good. 239 00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:49,209 But does a single guy like you need this much space? 240 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,668 Probably not. 241 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,712 But come on, I mean, it looks good. 242 00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:53,796 And so did he. 243 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,642 And there, in the South American's living room, 244 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,518 my Brazilian made me kiss him. 245 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,523 Wait till you see the hot tub. 246 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,445 We should go check out the hot tub, huh? 247 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,364 Okey dokey. 248 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,452 I'll have the egg-white omelet with no cheese, 249 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,162 but tomatoes and mushrooms, 250 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,499 and instead of the fries, a side of fruit with no grapes. 251 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,876 And a half decaf skim. 252 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,462 Can I suggest that you get the mushrooms steamed? 253 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:37,423 Because it lightens the calories but retains the flavor. 254 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,508 Great, thanks. 255 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,095 -I really like LA - Who wouldn't? 256 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:45,223 Keith wants to buy a $3-million house, and I can't even afford new curtains. 257 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,517 That's where the guy's out here have New York men beat. 258 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,269 -Real estate. -Mmm. 259 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,229 Lew may be the perfect guy. 260 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,481 -Letterman Lew? - Yeah! 261 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,900 He's an ideal combination of the two coasts. 262 00:12:55,984 --> 00:13:00,071 He's still a New Yorker at heart, but he's lost all his anger and neuroses 263 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,115 and 30 pounds. 264 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,408 Wait a minute, we're New Yorkers. 265 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,285 Aren't we supposed to like the neurotic guys? 266 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:08,079 Oh, honey, the Woody Allen thing's so over. 267 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,540 I'm telling you, he's a changed man. 268 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,668 He's really spiritual and happy. He met the Dalai Lama. 269 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,461 So? I met Hugh Hefner. 270 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,506 One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader. 271 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,758 Maybe he's on to something, you know? 272 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,386 Maybe it's time I stopped being so angry. 273 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,305 Yeah, but what would you do with all your free time? 274 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:26,973 I'll tell you what you could do. 275 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,101 -Shop. 276 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,562 - Jesus! -No, you didn't! 277 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,397 That's like, $3,000! 278 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,565 Or a $150. 279 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,608 -Fake. -No! 280 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,569 Oh, my God, it looks so real. 281 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,154 -I know. -Give me that. 282 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,449 You'd never know it wasn't a real Fendi unless you looked inside at the lining. 283 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,285 Yeah, I don't have that luxury. All my insides are on the outside now. 284 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,286 I don't like fakes. 285 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,663 Oh, who cares? All that matters is what it looks like. 286 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,248 It's pretty good. It's pretty good. 287 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,958 We could go get more. I got the guy's card. 288 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,210 He lives somewhere called the Valley. 289 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,255 Could you have more condoms? 290 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,590 I did, yes. 291 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:05,678 I am just so happy to be out of that condom stage of life. 292 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,014 And here I thought it was called my 30s. 293 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,308 It's so nice to go to bed with the same man every night. 294 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,935 Please tell me you didn't come to LA to regale us with stories 295 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,521 about how much sex you're having now that you're married. 296 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,315 Charlotte didn't have the nerve to tell them 297 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,692 her conjugal bliss was a conjugal miss. 298 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,528 So, what should I do first in LA? 299 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:27,241 Well, the first thing you'll need is a good bikini wax. 300 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,286 Hey, you should try Alicia. 301 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,125 -Ow! 302 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:43,341 That night, after hours of stress-free pool time, 303 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,301 I realized something startling. 304 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,221 I was actually starting to like LA. 305 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:53,142 New Yorkers are trained to hate Los Angeles. 306 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,812 This supposedly is a place where intellect is ridiculed 307 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,648 and who you date and what you look like is revered. 308 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,275 Yet here we were, having the time of our lives. 309 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:04,695 The men were happy, the homes were huge, the bags looked great. 310 00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,406 And maybe that was enough. 311 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,075 The weather moves from west to east. 312 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,537 Was it just a matter of time before the truth blew across Manhattan? 313 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,915 When it comes to bags, men and cities, 314 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,376 is it really what's outside that counts? 315 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:23,339 The next day, Samantha and I went to the Valley for Fendi bags. 316 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,883 This is it, 4-5-3-8-6. 317 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,593 Is that an address or a zip code? 318 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,596 -I don't know. -I miss Lorenzo Lamas's neighborhood. 319 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,853 My God. 320 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,312 Oh, there he is. 321 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:43,526 We had found it, fake Fendi paradise. 322 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,905 He should really work on his display area. 323 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,533 Seven for a thousand, huh. You like? 324 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,286 I should have liked them. 325 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,079 But staring into that trunk, 326 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,248 they no longer looked like elegant Fendi bags. 327 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,458 They just looked cheap. 328 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,960 And even if everyone else thought it was real, 329 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,255 I'd always know my bag came from a cardboard box in a trunk 330 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,840 -deep in the Valley. -This is good. Very good quality. 331 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,468 You know what? I don't think so. 332 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,094 You don't want a bag now? 333 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:12,805 I'm sorry, they're very nice, it's just... 334 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,600 Yeah, yeah. Please, don't smoke near the bags, huh? 335 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,855 We drove for two hours in the Valley. 336 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,691 -God. -That's it. 337 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,276 We're going back to the hotel. 338 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,444 Oh, my God! 339 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:31,407 They just looked so sad staring up at me from that trunk. 340 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,618 They were waiting for some nice lady to adopt them. 341 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,161 I was almost eaten by dogs. 342 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,996 The least you could've done was buy a bag. 343 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,581 Well, I guess I'd rather wait for the real thing. 344 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:42,627 Then, at least you know it's one of a kind and special or something. 345 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,380 My marriage is a fake Fendi. 346 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:47,757 Excuse me? 347 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,677 Trey and I look like the perfect couple from the outside, 348 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,846 but on the inside, it's all fake. 349 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,681 It's not special. 350 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:57,642 He can't even get it up. 351 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,559 What? 352 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,645 We've never had sex. 353 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,063 You've never had sex? 354 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,357 -But you've been married for-- -Over a month! 355 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,274 You've never had sex? 356 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,069 It's not a physical thing, it's emotional. 357 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,362 You knew about this? 358 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,405 She told me at the wedding. 359 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,202 Well, I was afraid you'd just say you told me so, 360 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,538 and then I should never have gotten married so quickly. 361 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,415 Charlotte, who am I to judge you? 362 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,502 We all have our own paths in life. 363 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:27,547 Apparently, three days with Lew had changed Miranda 364 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,341 from deeply sarcastic to Deepak Chopra. 365 00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,594 What am I going to do? 366 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,471 Wait, you've never had sex? 367 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,723 -She's never had sex. -It's only been a month. 368 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,351 Hey, he hasn't seen Brazil. 369 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,646 -A second honeymoon to South America. 370 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,231 That might do the trick. 371 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,234 I know how to cheer you up. A trip to the Playboy Mansion. 372 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:49,902 Hef invited us over 373 00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:53,364 for one of those Playmate pool parties tomorrow afternoon. 374 00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,366 Hef? Did you say, Hef? 375 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,617 Why would that cheer her up? 376 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,744 Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy? 377 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,330 No, but it wouldn't hurt for us to meet some. 378 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,707 Sorry, not going. 379 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,709 Oh, come on, it would be fun. 380 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,919 We're in LA. 381 00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,297 All right, fine, but I better be on the guest list. 382 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:14,093 Later that night, I was a guest at Keith's amazing house. 383 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,595 He made sizzling scallops, 384 00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:18,014 and after dinner, things got even hotter. 385 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,515 I like hot tubs. 386 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,060 New York should have more hot tubs, like on roofs and stuff. 387 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,104 Well, if you like that... 388 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,177 While I was going native with Keith, 389 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,554 Miranda and Lew went back to New York. 390 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,222 Or at least to the New York strip steak. 391 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,974 Oh, this looks great. 392 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,684 Oh, my God, do I miss this smell. 393 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,020 So, you were saying? 394 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,105 You should really read Zen and the Art of Modern Living. 395 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,482 It is so calming. 396 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,484 I'm still trying to get used to bath beads. 397 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,944 You are so New York. 398 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,447 Come on, don't you miss it? 399 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,657 Just a little? 400 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,992 No. I get to write about it every day. 401 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,453 But that's not New York, it's a sound stage. 402 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,288 Twenty-somethings with tiny salaries 403 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,874 don't live in huge SoHo lofts painted bright colors. 404 00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,209 It's totally fake. 405 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,920 I think 40 million viewers would disagree with you on that one. 406 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,471 Is something wrong with your steak? 407 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,264 No, uh-uh, it's great. 408 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,944 What are you doing? 409 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,070 I'm tasting my food. 410 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,239 Why aren't you swallowing your food? 411 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,616 Do you think I look this good by eating? 412 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:03,911 Miranda realized Lew hadn't found inner peace, 413 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,579 he'd found an eating disorder. 414 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,747 Are you serious? 415 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,125 Miranda, don't put your toxic shit on me. 416 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,876 This is fucking LA, okay? 417 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,837 You have no idea what kind of pressure I'm under here. 418 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,047 Who cares what you look like? You're a writer. 419 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,173 For a hit show. 420 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,968 Trust me, no one wants to hire a fat story editor. 421 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,762 All Miranda wanted to do was rip that Knicks hat off his head, 422 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:26,642 because no self-respecting New Yorker would ever spit out that good a steak. 423 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:27,935 Jesus fucking Christ! 424 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:29,603 Now I've lost my appetite. 425 00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,650 Waking up in Keith's sun-filled bedroom, 426 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,403 I was starting to feel like 3.4 million myself. 427 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,572 I really like what you have going on down there. 428 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,575 -That would be a whole lot of nothing. -Yeah. 429 00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,120 Don't you ever work? 430 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,663 I don't have anything till 11:00. 431 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,498 -Nice life. -Yeah. 432 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,546 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 433 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:59,467 I told you, no prostitutes when you're house sitting. 434 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,594 You're a house sitter? 435 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,971 Personal assistant. Personal assistant. 436 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,598 I thought you were an agent. 437 00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,267 Please, I wish I could get my agent to water my plants. 438 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:11,312 Apparently, the life I was coveting wasn't Keith's. 439 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,646 It was Carrie Fisher's. 440 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:15,483 You are so fired. Wait till I tell Penny. 441 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,318 Does this mean that I'm gonna have to return her car? 442 00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:18,486 And Penny Marshall's. 443 00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:19,987 I'm just... I'm gonna... 444 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,699 -You might need these. -Thank you. 445 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:28,829 Are you going to bring prostitutes to Ben's new $3-million home? 446 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,039 And Ben Affleck's. 447 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,542 You know, I'm not a prostitute. I'm Carrie Bradshaw. 448 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,712 I'm a writer, too. Well, actually, I'm-- 449 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,089 Well, I have a column in New York. 450 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,425 I'm Carrie, you're Carrie. 451 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,427 I write, you write. 452 00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:47,223 I have a child, you know, I really... I can't do this. 453 00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:50,559 Have you guys been smoking in here? 454 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,646 Um... 455 00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:58,734 This was always on. 456 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,947 The dry cleaning and the cat food, that's all done. 457 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:07,701 It was the perfect ending to my week of make-believe. 458 00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:10,871 A visit to the Playboy Mansion, and the Playmate pool party. 459 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,793 Okay, could our lives get any weirder? 460 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,461 Nothing surprises me anymore. 461 00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:19,547 Apparently, in LA, house sitters are somebodies, 462 00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:21,674 and New York writers are prostitutes. 463 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,093 Oh, sweetie, you're at least a high-class escort. 464 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,095 -Thank you. -Fuck Carrie Fisher! 465 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,097 -Oh, now we're angry again? -Oh, yeah. 466 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,682 Well, frankly, I blame the wax. 467 00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:32,059 -That's it, blame it on Rio. -What? 468 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:37,857 After the sun went down, the party really started heating up. 469 00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:41,694 Where are the girls in the satin outfits and the bunny ears? 470 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,363 Yeah, I want to see some bunny ears. 471 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:49,285 Goes far, flies near To the stars away from here... 472 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,830 Meanwhile, somewhere between the Italian grotto and the petting zoo, 473 00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:54,665 Charlotte found something real. 474 00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,000 His name was Ian. 475 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:57,835 And that's when I started collecting Hockney. 476 00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,920 I love Hockney! 477 00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:03,632 Oh, the colors in his pool series are so LA. 478 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:06,218 The blues and those deep, deep greens. 479 00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:10,639 Oh, God. It is such a pleasure talking to an intelligent woman for once. 480 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:13,601 And I love talking to you, too. 481 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:16,478 It's so nice to be with a man who talks. 482 00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:17,855 I love LA! 483 00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,692 I guess that third welcome-wagon drink has finally kicked in. 484 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,155 This is bad of me. 485 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,407 Is this bad of me? I mean, I'm drunk, 486 00:23:28,490 --> 00:23:30,910 and I'm laying here with a man I hardly know. 487 00:23:30,993 --> 00:23:32,202 It's the Playboy Mansion. 488 00:23:32,286 --> 00:23:34,038 I mean, things could be a lot worse. 489 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:39,293 You're nice, Ian. You're really, really nice. 490 00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:40,920 And you're nice too, Charlotte. 491 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:45,341 Hey, let me buy you some boobs. 492 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,969 -Pardon me? -What? It's a gift. 493 00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:51,221 I don't need any breasts! 494 00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:56,352 Charlotte had forgotten how awful single life could be. 495 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:58,812 And suddenly, marriage, with all its problems, 496 00:23:58,896 --> 00:24:00,147 wasn't looking so bad. 497 00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:06,153 Oh! Someone stole my fake Fendi! 498 00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:08,072 -Are you sure? -I put the bag down beside me, 499 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,657 when I got up it was gone. 500 00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:14,119 Oh, my God. That bunny's got my bag. 501 00:24:20,626 --> 00:24:22,586 -All right, give me my bag. -Excuse me? 502 00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:24,588 -You stole my bag. -This is my bag. 503 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:27,466 -Are we having a problem here? -Yes. 504 00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:30,344 I'm sorry to tell you this, but this bunny stole my bag. 505 00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:31,679 It's my bag. 506 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,140 -She says it's her bag. -Look on the inside. 507 00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:37,351 You'll see, there's a label that says "Made in China" 508 00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:38,978 and there's a bunch of condoms in there. 509 00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:44,024 See? Fendi. 510 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,151 Samantha was mortified. 511 00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:48,320 She assumed everything on the bunny was fake. 512 00:24:50,698 --> 00:24:52,449 Okay, then... 513 00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:54,118 Innocent mistake. 514 00:24:54,827 --> 00:24:58,497 Apparently, one nod from Hef and the pool party was over. 515 00:24:58,956 --> 00:25:00,874 I'm not leaving without my friends. 516 00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:02,501 I'm so sorry. 517 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:07,923 The fake Fendi ended up costing $150 for the bag, 518 00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:10,843 $2,000 in stolen credit card charges, 519 00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:14,054 and unspecified costs to Samantha's ego. 520 00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:17,141 And across the compound, 521 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:20,561 Miranda and I took a wrong turn on the way to the buffet. 522 00:25:27,735 --> 00:25:30,154 Look at that. Tit soup. 523 00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:33,157 It's time to go home. 524 00:25:33,991 --> 00:25:35,242 Oh, there you are. 525 00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:36,827 We have to leave. 526 00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:38,078 We are. 527 00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:39,455 Right now. 528 00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:42,416 Oh, relax, we're going, we're going. 529 00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:44,752 -What'd she do? - I don't know. 530 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:48,839 What happened? 531 00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:51,300 All right, all right. 532 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,430 The next day, four New Yorkers left LA a little lighter. 533 00:25:56,513 --> 00:26:00,601 Some of us had lost our hair, and all of us had lost a little dignity. 534 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:04,730 Samantha couldn't wait to get back to the crime-free streets of Manhattan. 535 00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:07,232 Miranda couldn't wait to get back to men who swallowed. 536 00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:09,693 Charlotte couldn't wait to get back to Trey. 537 00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:10,778 And as for me? 538 00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,405 -I couldn't wait. -You can't smoke in here. 539 00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:16,075 Oh, relax, we're going, we're going. 540 00:26:26,043 --> 00:26:28,504 Six hours later, I was home. 541 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:31,590 And it looked even better on the inside than I remembered it. 542 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:35,260 Because inside, it was all real. 543 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:42,810 I was starting to feel like myself again. 544 00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:48,107 And the rest of me would grow back, eventually.