1 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,259 Here's your drink. 2 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,094 In the life of a New Yorker, 3 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,806 there are several unpleasant things one will inevitably have to face. 4 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:59,768 Having your purse stolen, random public urination... 5 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:05,857 And seeing a gay friend's boyfriend in a Broadway revue. 6 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,442 And all that jazz... 7 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,904 I think I understand the three-drink minimum now. 8 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,948 You're not enjoying the revue? 9 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,616 And all that jazz... 10 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,411 Frankly, I'm more concerned about my own review in The Times. 11 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,997 Oh, my God, right. Your book's reviewed this week. 12 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,666 -You must be so excited. -More like terrified. 13 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,168 Michiko Kakutani. 14 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,713 She's The Times' book critic. 15 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,173 Oh, I thought you were suggesting an appetizer. 16 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,883 She's brilliant and she's really tough. 17 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,594 And impossible to pronounce. 18 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,014 Uh-oh! I think they're bringing us home. 19 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,768 How could you not love this? Look at my boyfriend. 20 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,312 He's gorgeous. 21 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,354 Oh! 22 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:45,981 And he can kick. 23 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,401 That jazz 24 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,903 -Bravo! 25 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,364 -Bravo! - Love you! 26 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,700 -Bravo! - Thank you! 27 00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,785 My boys, Marcus Adante... 28 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,121 Isn't he great? He's great, don't you think? 29 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:05,000 -I have to go to the ladies' room. -Now? They're gonna do an encore. 30 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,252 I have to go to the ladies' room. 31 00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,504 Broadway's best, Debbie Cass. 32 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:10,839 -Yay! 33 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,550 Who would have thought the phrase, 34 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,510 "Go see your cousin Debbie's club act" 35 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,304 could contain such horror? 36 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,474 I thought there'd be at least one straight guy here. 37 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:24,019 I mean, if not in the audience, then, at least, behind the bar. 38 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,939 Well, hold on, 'cause tomorrow... 39 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,777 we're gonna cruise the cute pretzel guys at the Village Square Market. 40 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:32,819 Oh! 41 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,781 -Is that as sad as that just sounded? 42 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,115 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 43 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,034 I used to have a thing for the Amish guys 44 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,619 who make hairbrushes. 45 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,496 Um... Yeah. 46 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,082 Hi. 47 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,084 You're Carrie Bradshaw. 48 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,795 Yeah, have we met? 49 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,505 I recognize you from your column. 50 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,881 Oh. 51 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,133 And I went out with Aidan right after you. 52 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,225 There I was, worried about The New York Times, 53 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,311 when, apparently, I'd already been reviewed. 54 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,021 I'm telling you, it was a hit-and-run. 55 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,149 No, no, no! It was a face-and-run. 56 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,402 -Make it again. 57 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,404 Yeah, that ain't good. 58 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,489 I think you're being oversensitive 59 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,574 and it was some kind of a facial spasm or something. 60 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,119 A lot of people have them, like Bell's palsy. 61 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,162 No, it was not Bell's palsy. 62 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,998 It was a full-frontal attack of the face. 63 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:32,337 Like, "Wow, was he messed up! You really screwed him up good." 64 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,588 What did you say to her? 65 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:37,175 I didn't have time to say anything. She just ran out of the bathroom. 66 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,219 Fuck that fucking face girl. 67 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,888 -Well, when you put it like that... -I'm sorry. 68 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:45,016 I haven't slept for days. Brady's been crying non-stop. 69 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:49,354 -You poor thing. Can I do anything? - Put me out of my misery. 70 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,148 Well, what's wrong with him? Is he sick? 71 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,275 No, he's not sick. 72 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,694 He's not hungry. He's not teething. 73 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:56,987 He just wants to scream. 74 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,197 I'm doing everything I can, but I can't please him. 75 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,700 If he was 35, this is when we would break up. 76 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,369 -He has issues, clearly. -I'm telling you, 77 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:07,289 this 13-pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge. 78 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,917 I feel disgusting. All of my clothes smell like barf. 79 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,587 I don't have time to have a shower, much less get a haircut. 80 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,715 Oh, that reminds me, I have to confirm my appointment 81 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,384 with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon. 82 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:22,763 You have no idea how hard it was to get this appointment. 83 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,099 Hi, it's Samantha Jones. 84 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,977 I'm calling to confirm my appointment Saturday 85 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,312 for a cut-and-color with John. 86 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,230 Thanks. 87 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,024 Ah! Crisis averted. 88 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:39,696 Well, Magda is waiting for me. Time to go back to prison. 89 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,824 -Let me come with you. I can help. -You don't have to do that. 90 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,118 No, it's okay. Actually, I have a few questions 91 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,704 because I'm meeting with the divorce lawyer on Monday. 92 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,874 Oh, ask him if I could get an injunction to stop a face. 93 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,795 -Who did you get? -Matthew Bloom of Bloom & Goldenblatt. 94 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,757 -What's he like? -He's smart, he's tough. 95 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,176 But is he tough enough to beat Bunny to a pulp? 96 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,804 -Uh... yeah. - Good. 97 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,431 Okay, great. 98 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,308 -Bye, guys. Have a nice day. -Bye. 99 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,268 Hey, Miranda, call me if you need anything. 100 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,520 Yeah. 101 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,191 Damn! Why is that girl still bothering me? 102 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,651 Honey, you have to let it go. 103 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,362 If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, 104 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,738 I'd never leave the house. 105 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,243 Early Monday morning, Charlotte met with her lawyer. 106 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,704 He was smart, tough, and gorgeous. 107 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,581 You said on the phone you had some bad feelings 108 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,542 about your mother-in-law Bunny MacDougal. 109 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,751 Did I? 110 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,047 I get a sense from her lawyer this is going to be a bit of a battle. 111 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,385 It was a battle, all right. The battle of the Charlottes. 112 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,512 The Charlotte who wanted to seem attractive 113 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,180 to her adorable lawyer, 114 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,684 and the Charlotte who wanted to kick Bunny MacDougal's ass. 115 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:54,396 It looks to me that Mrs. MacDougal has been very busy hiding assets 116 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,107 to make sure you don't get, well, anything. 117 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:58,733 Hmm. 118 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:03,196 Well, I just really want what was promised. 119 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,447 I want my apartment. 120 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,826 Technically, it's not your apartment. Trey's family owns it. 121 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,996 And she was very careful to make sure your name was never on the deed. 122 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,956 What? Trey gave me that apartment. 123 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,332 Sorry. 124 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,043 Usually, I'm a very refined person. 125 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,881 With your husband out of the country, I'm gonna need you to be more specific. 126 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,716 Charlotte realized she could never be 127 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,384 as ugly as she needed to be 128 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,928 in front of a man she considered so handsome. 129 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,139 Ah-ah-ah, sorry to bust in. 130 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,057 There's a bagel over here with my name on it. 131 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,767 My partner, Harry Goldenblatt. 132 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,395 Harry, Charlotte York. I'm handling her divorce. 133 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,647 Hey, how you doing? You're in the right hands here. 134 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,275 He's a killer. 135 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,860 Oh! Ew! 136 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,697 Who the hell ordered blueberry bagels? 137 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,074 I'm talking to Thelma about this. 138 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,743 Good luck to you. 139 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,873 Is he a killer too? 140 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,835 And just like that, Charlotte changed lawyers. 141 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,840 After a grueling day, 142 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,718 which included leg, eyebrow, and bikini waxes, 143 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:11,056 Samantha decided to reward herself with a night of R and R. 144 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,023 Unfortunately, 145 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,692 her favorite vibrator needed a little CPR. 146 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,335 Brady, please. What? 147 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,921 I cannot read your mind. 148 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,392 -Who is it? - 4-D. 149 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,188 -It's 2:30 in the morning. -I know. 150 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,441 -I'm sorry. -You gotta stop that baby from crying. 151 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,778 Look, I said I was sorry, but I have a baby. 152 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,864 And sometimes babies make noise. That's what they do. 153 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,741 I know that. I have a baby too. 154 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,077 And if you ever bothered to say hello in the elevator, 155 00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,495 you would know that. 156 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:19,374 I'm Kendall. My baby is Alika. Have a nice night. 157 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,669 Evidently, Miranda had been getting bad reviews 158 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,254 from inside her own building. 159 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,425 As for my review, I guess I was pretty nervous. 160 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:29,801 -Times. - Thank you. 161 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,887 I hadn't been up this early since Princess Diana's wedding. 162 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,806 Thank you. 163 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,599 Okay. 164 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,685 Good morning. 165 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,315 "All in all, I enjoyed spending time 166 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:48,570 in Ms. Bradshaw's sharp, funny, finely-drawn world 167 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,906 where single women rule and the men are disposable." 168 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,701 Ouch! 169 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,328 Carrie, I believe what you have there 170 00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,331 is a rave review from The New York Times. 171 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,208 "The men are disposable"? 172 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,336 -I don't dispose of men, do I? -No. 173 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,923 Well, Michiko Kakutani thinks so, and I always agree with her. 174 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,800 Fuck Michiko Kakutani. 175 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,845 -Oh, no sleep again? -Actually, it was a good night. 176 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,765 I got a whole hour. 177 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:20,143 I can't believe I have to go and pretend to be a lawyer now. 178 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,815 -Can I wear a baseball cap to work? -With what shoes? 179 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,610 Oh, my God, listen to me going on and on 180 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,362 about Michiko Kakutani when you have real problems. 181 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,990 So can I obsess for another minute? 182 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,077 Just don't say her name again. It'll push me over the edge. 183 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,456 So, yes, some of the men in the book are maybe a little disposable, 184 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,293 but this makes it sound like I think men are disposable in life. 185 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,422 What? What's with the pause? 186 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,092 I'm sorry. I fell asleep for a second. 187 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,053 That's a terrible thing to think about me. 188 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,888 Oh, my God! 189 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,848 That's what the face meant. 190 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,393 Do you think that Aidan thinks that I think he was disposable? 191 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,021 Carrie, you did not throw Aidan away. 192 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,689 Good morning. 193 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,358 Well, that girl thinks I did. 194 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,443 He must have said something like that to her. 195 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,028 Where else would she get it? 196 00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,032 Steve and Aidan are close. Has Steve ever said anything to you? 197 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,452 -Does Steve hate me now? -Carrie, you're spinning. 198 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:23,081 -Steve doesn't hate you. -Then how come I never see him anymore? 199 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,126 You never see him because I have to keep him away. 200 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,838 Because if I see him now, I'll ask him to marry me 201 00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,756 just to give me some help. 202 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,801 I worked very hard at taking care of Aidan's feelings. 203 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,427 Will you mention that to Steve? 204 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,389 -Because if Aidan told Steve-- - Carrie, you know what? 205 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,559 Maybe you should call your girlfriend, Samantha. 206 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,728 She has all kinds of time to talk about this kind of stuff. 207 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,064 Look, I know it's me 208 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,567 and I'm jealous of her free time and all, 209 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,318 but if she could maybe, just once, 210 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,946 acknowledge the fact that I've had a baby... 211 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,956 It's not enough I've alienated my neighbor. 212 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,083 Now, I'm alienating my friends. 213 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,751 You're not alienating anyone. 214 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,629 Tell that to 4-D. She's pissed off I don't know her name. 215 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,507 -Do you know your neighbors' names? -Please. 216 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,093 I'm a bad neighbor and a bad mother. 217 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,095 That's not true. You're doing great. 218 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,430 Yeah, right. 219 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,682 You're just having a bad week. 220 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,767 Can I do anything to help? 221 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,770 That helps, just asking. 222 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,815 I'm late. I gotta go. 223 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,067 Congratulations on the review. 224 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,319 Yeah. 225 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,996 Why is it that we only seem to believe 226 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,123 the negative things people say about us, 227 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,210 no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary? 228 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,630 A neighbor, a face, an ex-boyfriend 229 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,341 can cancel out everything we thought was once true. 230 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,510 Odd, but when it comes to life and love, 231 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,889 why do we believe our worst reviews? 232 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:13,107 After a long day in court, Miranda faced another jury. 233 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,238 Don't cry. Don't cry. 234 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,803 And at City Bakery, 235 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,055 Samantha and I were reviewing desserts. 236 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,348 Mmm-hmm. Delish. 237 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,143 Hey, I'll buy you dessert if you do something for me. 238 00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,689 -I'm not eating desserts this week. -Oh, come on, best brownies in New York. 239 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,817 -Bastard. 240 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,360 I'll take a brownie. 241 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,322 -What do you need me to do? -It's about Miranda and the baby. 242 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,742 -Forget the brownie. -No, she'll take the brownie. 243 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,869 Babies are not my scene. 244 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,207 And from what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole. 245 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,545 -You can't call a baby an asshole. -Why not? She called it a meatloaf. 246 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,840 I don't think it would kill all of us to be a little more supportive. 247 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,591 Well, all right. 248 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,927 When he's in college, I'll take him for a drink 249 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,929 and I'll flirt with his friends. How's that? 250 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,099 Maybe you could just stop by tomorrow and say, 251 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,268 "I hear you had a baby. How's that going?" 252 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,104 Carrie, I have no time. I'm booked all day. 253 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,773 I have my hair appointment, 254 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,900 and I'm returning a vibrator before that. 255 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,777 Hair and a vibrator? 256 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,740 Yes, that is my life, and I don't have to justify it. 257 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,701 I hate it when people have babies and they suddenly expect you 258 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,120 to turn into a some kind of Norman Rockwell painting. 259 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:53,041 We're not talking about people, we're talking about our friend. 260 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,375 And she's sinking. 261 00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,213 What, so, Miranda's like Venice? 262 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,590 That'll be $14.20. 263 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,010 She's paying for the brownie. 264 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:06,929 Carrie. 265 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,850 Oh! Hey! Julia, hi. 266 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,437 Oh, um, this is my friend Samantha. This is Julia Afton. 267 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,980 -We work together at Vogue. -Hi! 268 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,900 Hardly. She gets to run in and out once a month, 269 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,235 while I'm chained to the hem of Anna Wintour. 270 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,989 -Oh, there's my friend. Nina. -I'm here. 271 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:30,578 - It is about time. - Hey, sorry I'm late. 272 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,498 Carrie, hi. 273 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:37,251 There I was, face to face with the face girl. 274 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,879 -How do you two know each other? -I'll tell you over lunch. 275 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,548 Nina Katz, hi. Samantha Jones. 276 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,342 Oh, hi, nice to see you again. 277 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:49,180 -Um, can we eat? I'm starvation central. -Okey-dokey. See you. 278 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,681 Bye, Carrie. 279 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,851 How do you know Nina Katz? 280 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:57,647 -How do you know Nina Katz? -Everybody knows Nina Katz. 281 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,440 She's the booker for Saturday Night Live. 282 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,944 -Well, she's also the face girl. -No! 283 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,029 Nina Katz is the... 284 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,155 Exactly. 285 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,158 Great! That face will be all over Vogue. 286 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,785 Not to mention SNL. 287 00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,704 -Nina Katz loves to talk. - $15.30. 288 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:17,917 I... I'm going to need a big brownie as well, so... 289 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,839 The next day, Samantha did some personal shopping. 290 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,716 Very personal. 291 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,845 -Can I help you? - Yes. 292 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,097 I'd like to return this vibrator. 293 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,766 We don't sell vibrators. 294 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,018 Yes, you do. I bought it here six months ago. 295 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,230 That's not a vibrator. It's a neck massager. 296 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,357 No, it's a vibrator. 297 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,402 Sharper Image doesn't sell vibrators. 298 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,070 It's a neck massager. 299 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:49,907 You expect me to believe that women buy these to help their sore necks? 300 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,286 -It's a neck massager. -Fine. 301 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,455 I'd like to return this neck massager. 302 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,747 What's wrong with it? 303 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,624 It failed to get me off. 304 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,837 It has a warranty and it just stopped. 305 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,547 Made the saddest little sound. 306 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,382 Perhaps you wore it out. 307 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,468 Well, honey, it wouldn't be the first one. 308 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,344 Fine. Just... 309 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,014 find another and go to the cashier. 310 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,562 I know a man who's in desperate need of a neck massage. 311 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,651 Oh, you don't want that one. Too many bells and whistles. 312 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,531 That one actually works against you. 313 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,993 If we wanted to work that hard, we'd get us a man. Am I right? 314 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,871 Samantha instantly established herself 315 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,749 as the Michiko Kakutani of vibrators. 316 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,919 I think that one actually is a back massager. 317 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,086 Not if you mount it. 318 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,296 Oh. 319 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,299 -No, absolutely not. 320 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,383 That will burn your clit off. 321 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,762 -Even with underwear? -Even with ski pants. 322 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,909 I brought you something. 323 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,538 Well, it belongs to Alika. 324 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,456 An oscillating chair. 325 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,501 It helps. 326 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:25,753 Come on in. 327 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:33,469 Hey there, Mr. Mouth. 328 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,764 What have you got to say that is so important? 329 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:39,267 I'm sorry. It's just been non-stop. 330 00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,270 Now, this chair 331 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,439 is a little controversial, 332 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,275 but I don't give a shit 333 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,652 'cause it stopped my baby from crying 334 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,072 when I was about ready to throw myself off the fire escape. 335 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,367 - Sounds good. -Okay. Now. 336 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,707 Oh, my God! 337 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,334 The chair is genius. 338 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,712 I don't know, something about the vibration... 339 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,714 I don't know. They love it. 340 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,966 Alika could sit in it for hours. 341 00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,345 So, how come you haven't heard about this? 342 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,431 Don't your girlfriends have babies? 343 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:22,560 -No, I'm the only one. -Ooh, then, you're screwed. 344 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,313 Actually, they've been very helpful. 345 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,690 If they don't have kids, they don't have a clue. 346 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,030 Miranda, you're not a bad mother. 347 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,074 You just didn't have the chair. 348 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,494 Thank you. 349 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,540 Kendall. 350 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,298 Three blissful baby hours later... 351 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,385 -Samantha, what are you doing here? -I'm not Samantha, you are. 352 00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,139 You have a 5:30 appointment with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon. 353 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,224 -Go. -What? 354 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,352 I can't take your-- 355 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,812 I'm counting to five and then I'm changing my mind. 356 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,482 -Really? You want to babysit? -Mmm-hmm. 357 00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:13,027 -Five, four-- -Okay! Okay. 358 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,031 I don't know what to say. I can't believe it. 359 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,368 Neither can I, but here I am, Mary fucking Poppins. 360 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:23,329 Thank you. 361 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,289 Um... 362 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:28,501 The numbers are on the fridge, and don't take him out of that chair. 363 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,211 It's the only thing that keeps him quiet. 364 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,881 And don't call boys. 365 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,559 Well, 366 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,311 you don't look so bad. 367 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,320 Meanwhile, in a chair across town, 368 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,990 I was enjoying an afternoon of absolutely nothing. 369 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,369 - Good night, thank you. 370 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,972 Hey. Do you think Nina Katz is telling random celebrity hosts 371 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,933 -that I'm the bad-breakup girlfriend? -What? 372 00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:28,269 Well, you said she loved to talk. Do you think she's trashing me to, 373 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,398 say, a Gwyneth Paltrow or an Ian McKellen? 374 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,899 -You can't be serious. 375 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,901 Don't get me wrong. I don't flatter myself 376 00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,112 that a Gwyneth Paltrow or an Ian McKellen 377 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,905 would be interested in my love life, but... 378 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,158 -Are you at a zoo? 379 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,577 No, thanks to you, I am at Miranda's, 380 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:48,414 and Brady won't stop screaming, and I don't know what to do. 381 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,667 -You're at Miranda's? -I sent her to get my haircut. 382 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:55,713 -That was nice. -Yes, and now I'm being punished. 383 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,007 -So he's not hurt? -No. 384 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,258 -Or wet? -No. 385 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,552 Well, then I don't know what his problem is. 386 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,345 His problem is he's an asshole. 387 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,058 -Maybe you should call Miranda. -I will not. 388 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,769 It took me months to get that appointment. 389 00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,187 Someone should benefit. 390 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,565 I'll find some way to keep this kid quiet. Goodbye. 391 00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:16,567 No, wait, what about Nina? 392 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,820 Carrie, maybe Charlotte has the time to talk about this kind of stuff. 393 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,156 I have a screaming baby on my hands. 394 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,829 What? What do you need? 395 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,086 Well, that's better. 396 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:40,299 -Is everything okay? -Absolutely. The chair thing broke. 397 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:43,093 -But you know, shit happens. -The chair broke? 398 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,930 But what did you... I mean, did he... 399 00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,647 That better be brand-new. 400 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,943 Monday morning, Harry Goldenblatt did his best 401 00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:02,071 to make sure Bunny didn't hop all over Charlotte. 402 00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,406 Mrs. MacDougal is willing to offer 403 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:08,327 her son's collection of mint-condition silver Buffalo coins. 404 00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:09,829 Could we get off the coin collection? 405 00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,914 She's not going to settle for a coin collection. 406 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,291 Well, according to the pre-nup... 407 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,294 This is ridiculous. Trey gave me that apartment. 408 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:22,800 She gave him her word. Till death do them part. 409 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:25,052 Bunny, if you have something to say to me-- 410 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:27,847 -Fine. I shall. -I strongly recommend-- 411 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,223 Allan, hush. 412 00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,059 You, my dear, took a vow. 413 00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,354 And when things didn't go your way, you simply broke that vow. 414 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:38,732 I come from a generation of women that valued marriage. 415 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,569 We believed in "for better or for worse." 416 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:45,030 Not "for better, or until the road gets rocky." 417 00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:49,243 When I think of the heartache and shame 418 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,662 you caused my dear boy, 419 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:55,666 I'm amazed that you could even come here and look me in the face. 420 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,668 Charlotte couldn't fight anymore. 421 00:22:57,751 --> 00:23:00,754 It seemed to her she'd been fighting for this marriage forever. 422 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:06,385 Be advised, young lady, I'm more than prepared to go to court. 423 00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:13,475 It's the coin collection. Take it or leave it. 424 00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:14,727 Just hold on. 425 00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,229 Apparently, our office just received a telegram 426 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:18,898 from Scotland from Dr. MacDougal. 427 00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:21,317 -Shall I read it? -By all means. 428 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,030 "Charlotte York was a wonderful wife. Stop. 429 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:28,490 She did nothing wrong. Stop. 430 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,076 Give her everything she wants. Stop. 431 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,746 Seriously, Mother... 432 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,414 Stop." 433 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,375 That's the thing about reviews. 434 00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:40,794 Sometimes, when you least expect it, 435 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:42,713 you get a rave. 436 00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:47,885 Just the apartment. 437 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:51,263 I'll have papers drawn up so Mrs. MacDougal can transfer the deed. 438 00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:54,350 Even though things had gotten ugly, 439 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,102 Charlotte didn't want them to end that way. 440 00:23:57,186 --> 00:24:00,731 I'm sorry things didn't work out better for all of us. 441 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,067 Allan. 442 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:07,237 Charlotte realized there was no such thing 443 00:24:07,321 --> 00:24:09,198 as a fairy-tale divorce, either. 444 00:24:09,406 --> 00:24:11,158 "Ding dong, the witch is dead." 445 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:21,460 And farther uptown, still unable to let it go, 446 00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:23,712 Nina Katz and that face 447 00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:26,256 had driven me to face my worst fear. 448 00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:28,634 So, Steve, I know I was kind of vague on the phone-- 449 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:31,136 It's Miranda, right? She doesn't want me to call her so much. 450 00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,429 Right? It's fine. Whatever. 451 00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:35,015 No, no no. It's not about Miranda. It's about... 452 00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,561 How does Aidan feel about me? 453 00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,647 Ah! Jeez, no. 454 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,774 You're not going to try to get back together with him again, are you? 455 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:48,654 Um, no, but that pretty much answers any question I had about how you feel. 456 00:24:50,948 --> 00:24:51,991 So... 457 00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:53,617 What? Does he hate me? 458 00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,328 No, but come on, Carrie. I mean, it was pretty bad. 459 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:57,955 How bad, Steve? 460 00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,500 -Steve, the ball. -Sorry. 461 00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:03,293 So, how is he now? 462 00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:06,422 -Great. He's great. -Good. 463 00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:08,924 -He's great. -Good. 464 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:10,509 Now. 465 00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:12,469 But back then... 466 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:14,930 Back then, he couldn't get out of bed for like... 467 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,476 -What? Days? Weeks? -Like, a month. 468 00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:22,229 -I brought him chicken wings. -Oh, Christ. 469 00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:24,231 Look, I don't mean to make you feel bad. 470 00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:25,357 Well... 471 00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:27,401 A month? 472 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,944 Yeah, he was devastated. 473 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,613 I mean, he lost his ability to open up and trust women. 474 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,121 "He lost his ability to open up and trust women"? 475 00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,248 -Did he tell you that? -No. 476 00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:43,459 Guys don't talk about shit like that. We just ate wings. 477 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,878 But the girl Nina he was dating, she told me that. 478 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:49,173 Okay, we're looking for the cute pretzel guys. 479 00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:52,176 How come you never wanted to cruise guys when I was available? 480 00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:54,136 This isn't about cruising, it's about clarity. 481 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,930 That Nina Katz face chick is hitting a little too close to home. 482 00:25:57,014 --> 00:25:59,975 I want to find her and tell her my side of the breakup story. 483 00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:03,187 -Why? You know what you and Aidan had. -Yes, I know it, but she doesn't. 484 00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:05,481 And she's yip-yapping her version all over town. 485 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,107 It only takes one bad review 486 00:26:07,191 --> 00:26:09,610 to cancel out all the good word-of-mouth. 487 00:26:10,444 --> 00:26:12,780 -What do you think of Marcus? -Nice. 488 00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:16,492 I mean, relationships are complicated. You can't reduce them to a face. 489 00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:19,578 -I know that Aidan has feelings-- -Okay, stop. 490 00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,955 I am done. 491 00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:25,584 I've listened to you talk about Aidan, for what? 492 00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:28,545 Ten blocks and two years? 493 00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:30,672 And I've been a wonderful audience. 494 00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:34,259 And I ask you about my Marcus, and all I get is... 495 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:35,302 "nice"? 496 00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:37,554 I'm sorry. 497 00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:41,809 I mean, Carrie, how many relationships have I been in since you've known me? 498 00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:43,560 Real or imaginary? 499 00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:47,731 Come on, your opinion means a lot to me. 500 00:26:48,357 --> 00:26:50,400 You're my Machiko Kakamatsa. 501 00:26:51,235 --> 00:26:53,737 So, now what, you want me to review your relationship? 502 00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,697 Immediately, if not sooner. 503 00:26:55,823 --> 00:26:58,492 Okay, well... I like that he makes you happy. 504 00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:00,661 Oh, my God. 505 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:04,456 Carrie. 506 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:07,042 Okay, one more time and you are officially stalking me. 507 00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:12,798 -Hi, I'm Heather. -Heather Graham. I know. I love you. 508 00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:14,383 I'm Stanford Blatch. 509 00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,593 Sorry. Heather, this is Carrie Bradshaw. 510 00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,011 Carrie Bradshaw, really? 511 00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:24,476 Okay, I... Nina, 512 00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:28,772 I need to talk to you for a second, alone, if I can. 513 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:31,650 Miss Graham, may I buy you a pretzel? 514 00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,735 -Okay. -Get me one. 515 00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:36,738 -A man or a pretzel? -Whatever has less carbs. 516 00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:37,781 Right? 517 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:45,289 I get the sense that you have a sort of feeling 518 00:27:45,372 --> 00:27:47,124 about what happened with Aidan, 519 00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,418 and I just want to clear something up. 520 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,755 Breakups are awful and they are private. 521 00:27:54,214 --> 00:28:00,387 And they are not necessarily symptomatic of what two people had together. 522 00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:03,182 I loved Aidan very much. 523 00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:06,018 And I would never, ever have done anything 524 00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:07,477 to deliberately hurt him. 525 00:28:08,979 --> 00:28:09,897 Okay. 526 00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:12,941 Suddenly, I realized that the critic I was most afraid of 527 00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,401 wasn't Nina Katz. 528 00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:15,986 It was me. 529 00:28:16,862 --> 00:28:17,863 So... 530 00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:20,908 Bye. 531 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:24,745 The truth is, at any given moment, 532 00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:26,788 someone, somewhere could be making a face about you. 533 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,295 But it's the reviews you give yourself that matter. 534 00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:35,088 So I get over there with Heather Graham 535 00:28:35,172 --> 00:28:37,382 and I'm like, "Shit! What do we have to talk about?" 536 00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:39,176 - Being pretty. -I know. 537 00:28:39,259 --> 00:28:41,428 But we had nothing to talk about but pretzels. 538 00:28:42,512 --> 00:28:44,473 -Okay, so I said... -Ooh! 539 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:46,225 Sorry. Come on. 540 00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:48,810 So I said, "Have you ever been to Bavaria? 541 00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:50,604 They make the best pretzels there."