1
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,139
In a single gal's life,
there are three important firsts.
2
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,809
The first time you have sex,
3
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,186
the first time you have good sex,
4
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,772
and the first time you see
5
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,108
a guy-you-just-started-dating's
apartment.
6
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,655
-Hey.
-Hi.
7
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,490
Come on in.
8
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,201
Wow.
9
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,414
Oh. Nice.
10
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,501
Very nice. Thank God.
11
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,336
You were expecting...
12
00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:29,965
Well, one never knows
gentlemen left to their own devices.
13
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,467
Oh, you name it, I've seen it.
14
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,137
Pleather couches,
15
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,099
two foot bongs. Hm.
16
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,977
-Dead body in the corner.
-Dead body, huh?
17
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,354
I only went out with him
for a week after that.
18
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:48,025
-But uh... hm, so far,
19
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,319
nothing in here says "scary bachelor."
20
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,486
Except me.
21
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,991
Hey. I really like this wall color.
22
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,827
Yeah. I can't take credit for that.
That's Lauren.
23
00:01:58,952 --> 00:01:59,953
Ralph Lauren?
24
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:02,456
No. Lauren-Lauren. My ex-girlfriend.
25
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,041
She was the decorator.
26
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,626
Oh, uh-huh.
27
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,461
I'm sorry. Is that weird?
28
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,296
Please. Please.
29
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:13,467
You have a "decorator,"
I have a "decorator."
30
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:18,930
There is really no need for
the ex-decorator conversation.
31
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,682
Got it.
32
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,813
Should I set the alarm?
Do you need to get up early?
33
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,815
Nope. I'm all yours.
34
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,526
-Good night.
-Good night.
35
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:32,986
Welcome to my house.
36
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:45,999
Oh.
37
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,670
Okay, what's going on there?
38
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:54,675
Oh. That's my sound machine.
I'm a troubled sleeper.
39
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,677
Kind of hooked on it.
40
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:57,928
Uh-huh.
41
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,221
Frogs?
42
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,224
Yeah, and cicadas.
Officially, we're in the rainforest.
43
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,310
Oh. That there's a bird.
44
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,860
I feel like I'm camping.
Not a big fan of camping.
45
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,822
Tomorrow morning, I'll make you s'mores.
46
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,031
Okay.
47
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,079
Always wondered who bought those.
48
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,541
Actually, it was a gift.
49
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,710
-Oh. From... Yeah. Hm.
-Yeah, Lauren.
50
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,421
She got for me about two weeks
after we started going out.
51
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,548
-Hm.
-She hated it when I tossed and turned.
52
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,133
-It was her therapist's idea.
-Hm.
53
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:37,884
Lauren always did everything
her therapist...
54
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,471
Mm-hm. Okay. Okay.
55
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,266
So... frogs?
56
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,185
What's so bad about frogs?
57
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,648
Good night.
58
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,152
You'll see. After a while,
you won't even hear it.
59
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,866
I could only hope he was
referring to his ex-decorator's name.
60
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,745
Okay. One drink and then we leave.
61
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,164
And one drink means one drink.
62
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,832
Tell me why we're going to this again?
63
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,752
She's an old friend going through
a breakup. We're being supportive.
64
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,421
-On a Friday night?
-She tried to kill herself.
65
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,882
-It was six Advils.
-On an empty stomach.
66
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:17,924
Oh.
67
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:21,219
The good news is I'm off the Zoloft,
I lost ten pounds
68
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,221
and after that asshole dumped me,
69
00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:26,600
I realized I have this amazing gift
for designing bags.
70
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,937
It's a purse party.
71
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,064
Oh.
72
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,026
Isn't this precious?
73
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:37,569
You can take it to lunch.
74
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,238
-Hm.
-Isn't life funny?
75
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:44,785
Because of that fucker,
I've discovered I'm Fendi!
76
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,205
Buy away.
77
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,923
When did making bags become
the fallback career?
78
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,092
Someone should tell crazy
that owning a hot glue gun
79
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:03,178
does not make you a hot purse designer.
80
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,554
Don't call her crazy.
81
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,515
Look at this,
I'd rather carry a colostomy bag.
82
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,600
Ladies, these aren't bags.
They're baggage.
83
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,269
We are standing among
the ruins of her last relationship.
84
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,523
And it was one ugly breakup.
85
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,233
I resent this.
86
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,402
The only one who should have
to pay for a bad relationship
87
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,571
is the person in your next relationship.
88
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,281
True, and here's hoping that isn't me.
89
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:28,036
Last night Berger started
opening the ex-file.
90
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:30,080
Fascinating. What do you know so far?
91
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,748
Well. Her name is Lauren,
92
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,125
she bought him a Sharper Image
sound machine.
93
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,377
She's a monster.
94
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,670
I mean, we just started dating.
95
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,089
Do I really need to hear
about the ex already?
96
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,715
Yes. The sooner the better.
97
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,802
Maybe it should be the later the better.
Or better yet, the never the better.
98
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,136
That's good tuna.
99
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,806
Carrie, you have to know where he's been
so you know what you're getting.
100
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,892
As long as what you get doesn't itch,
I say you're fine.
101
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,769
Look, he has a past, I have a past.
102
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,729
Do our pasts really have
to have a present?
103
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:57,274
Yes. At least find out
how they broke up.
104
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,276
That will tell you
a lot about their relationship.
105
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,070
See, I was hoping to skip all that
and start fresh this time.
106
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,655
Is that crazy?
107
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,157
No. Here comes crazy.
108
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,577
Look at this one.
109
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,036
Little shoes.
110
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,454
-Isn't this fun?
-Ah.
111
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,375
I mean, who needs a balding, 38-year-old
boyfriend with erectile disfunction
112
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,003
when you can have a new career
and cute cater waiters?
113
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,755
Excuse me. Champagne for the girls.
114
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,799
Have fun!
115
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,927
-Katie. Shoes.
-Hi.
116
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,346
Hey. Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
117
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,265
I fucked him.
118
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,183
Oh. That guy.
119
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:36,104
It's that waiter from Raw, also known
as the best sex I've had in years.
120
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,063
Champagne, ladies?
121
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,817
This party just got
a whole lot more exciting.
122
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:45,488
Okay. Just one glass and then we've got
dinner reservations at 66. Yes?
123
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,742
Okay, but I can't stay out late because
I have a 9:00 a.m. conversion class
124
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:49,701
at the synagogue.
125
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,202
You had a two-hour class today.
126
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:55,498
I know. I'm accelerating my studies.
There's just so much to take in.
127
00:06:55,916 --> 00:07:01,254
The history, the tradition,
the philosophy. Oy! You guys!
128
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,299
-That was my first oy!
129
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,761
- Hi, Victoria.
- Hi.
130
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,804
A whole bunch of folks just arrived,
131
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,765
so I'm gonna need
some more tuna tartlets.
132
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,482
Hello?
133
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,785
Oh, my God!
134
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,497
I'm way too fucking fragile to see this.
135
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:37,916
You're fired.
136
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,127
This is my big purse party.
137
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,305
Victoria, does this come
in any other colors?
138
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,891
Do I look like
a fucking department store?
139
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,478
-Get the fuck out of my apartment.
140
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,689
All you bitches,
get out of my apartment.
141
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:01,773
Give it.
142
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,442
Look what you did.
143
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,654
I cut up my bedspread for this.
144
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:09,906
Okay, dinnertime.
145
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,159
The next day at Temple Emmanuel...
146
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,787
Soon, you'll be ready for your mikvah.
147
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,624
Who can tell me what the mikvah is?
148
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,418
Yes, Charlotte.
149
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,963
It's the ceremony that marks
our official conversion to Judaism.
150
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,131
Very good.
151
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,259
And what does the service entail?
152
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:33,596
Yes, Charlotte.
153
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:38,018
It's a ritual bath where we are
immersed in water and reborn a Jew.
154
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,477
Very good.
155
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,855
Charlotte,
always the straight-A student,
156
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,483
took to her Judaism class like
a gefilte fish to water.
157
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,361
As you come to rebirth as a Jew,
158
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,156
you'll find special
and new traditions to embrace.
159
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:54,034
However, you must also bear in mind
160
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,661
that you'll be letting go
of your Christian traditions.
161
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:01,332
Many find Christmas to be
the most difficult to leave in the past.
162
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,334
You must grieve this loss...
163
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,172
it can be quite hard.
164
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,386
And speaking of the past...
165
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,931
It's half past two.
You're 20 minutes late.
166
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,224
I know. I got held up.
167
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,976
I'm barely gonna make my appointment.
168
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,146
I'm sorry.
Debby had car trouble, so I took a cab.
169
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,606
Debby? Who's Debby?
170
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,191
Debby, the girl I'm seeing.
171
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:28,693
Oh.
172
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,781
So, Brady's changed and ready to go.
Don't forget the diaper bag.
173
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,116
And please try to have him
back on time tomorrow.
174
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,660
I'm sorry. I'm never late.
It's just her car--
175
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:41,372
Steve, I don't need to know. I just need
you not to be 20 minutes late again.
176
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:42,874
Thanks.
177
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,339
Excuse me, Rabbi Minsch.
178
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:50,965
Yes, Charlotte?
179
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,219
Um, I was just wondering
what you said about Christmas.
180
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,721
How exactly black and white is that?
181
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,640
Charlotte, as a Jew,
182
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:02,018
you have to embrace the new holidays
and let go of the old.
183
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:07,732
Keeping Christmas would be like being
a vegetarian and still eating meat.
184
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,234
Well, I wouldn't go to church
or anything,
185
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,902
but maybe I could still have a tree.
186
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,445
No.
187
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,117
-Caroling?
-Uh-uh.
188
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,412
-Rudolph.
- No.
189
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,581
-But Rabbi Minsch--
-Charlotte...
190
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,334
if you are serious about becoming a Jew,
191
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,004
you'll have to let go
of the attachments to your past.
192
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,633
From that day on,
Charlotte would always think of him
193
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,677
as the Minsch who stole Christmas.
194
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:41,850
That night, miles from the Amazon,
I was just drifting off to sleep when...
195
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,444
Hello?
196
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,655
Remember that red dress you had?
197
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,657
What? Where are you?
198
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,618
In California. In bed.
199
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:01,828
Oh.
200
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,164
I was sleeping.
201
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:06,791
Alone?
202
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,585
Yes. You woke me up.
203
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,880
You never used to need
so much sleep, kid.
204
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:15,300
I'm old now. Like you.
205
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,343
So, the red dress.
206
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,304
Versace or Gucci?
207
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,973
- That tiny little strap.
-Gucci.
208
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,727
And when I slipped one strap down,
the other would fall.
209
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,438
-Remember that dress?
-Yes.
210
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,274
Mm. You look good in that dress.
211
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,067
Yes.
212
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:40,283
Remember when I found you in your closet
in just heels and a bra?
213
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:44,162
And I came up behind you
and put your hands against the wall?
214
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:45,872
Remember that?
215
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,333
-Hm?
-Yes.
216
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,210
So what'd you do last night?
217
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,046
Oh, nothing. I went to bed early.
218
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,174
-Had accidental phone sex with Big.
-What?
219
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,717
Brunch is suddenly looking up.
220
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,094
Well, actually, he had phone sex.
221
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,889
I was on the other end trying to figure
out a polite way to get out of it.
222
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,476
Turns out, there is no polite way
to get out of phone sex. It's just...
223
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,312
I wasn't aware that you and Big
had phone sex.
224
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,607
Occasionally. Since he moved away.
225
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,150
You have phone sex?
226
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,486
Well, I prefer to think of it
not as phone sex,
227
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,447
so much as a trip down memory lane.
228
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,698
Well, the next time he calls,
229
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,284
just tell him that you're
in a serious relationship with Berger.
230
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,537
But I'm not in a serious relationship
with Berger. We're still just dating.
231
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,332
I mean, it's good dating,
but we don't know where it's going yet.
232
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,875
Well, you're never gonna know
where it's going
233
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,543
if you keep reminiscing with Big.
234
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,629
One doesn't have anything
to do with the other.
235
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,965
I just don't know why you wanna drag
all that Big baggage
236
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,466
into the new relationship.
237
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,343
It's not baggage, it's Biggage.
238
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,638
And Big is no more threat to Berger
than Lauren is to me.
239
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,014
- Pardon me.
-Thank you.
240
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,307
It's all in the past.
241
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,976
And on your phone bill.
242
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,520
He called me. I'm a lady.
243
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,149
Oh. Come on, pudding.
244
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,568
-Hey.
-I'll get you a pacifier.
245
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,237
Yeah.
246
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,532
Look at all the shit Steve has in here.
247
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,286
Oh, honey.
Isn't the baby birth control enough?
248
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:09,539
They're Steve's and Debby's,
his new girlfriend.
249
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,749
-That's her name. Debby.
250
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,418
Where are they doing it? Gymboree?
251
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,670
Debby does day care?
252
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,885
Oh, honey relax.
I have those in my mouth all the time.
253
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,889
Later that day, I got to
thinking about tense relationships.
254
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:30,893
And by that, I mean a relationship
and its connection to the past,
255
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,021
present and future tense.
256
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,605
At a certain age,
257
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,984
we've all had relationships
that far from past perfect.
258
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:42,864
But how much does that past relationship
affect our dream of a future perfect?
259
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,700
And as I became more and more tense,
260
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,910
I couldn't help but wonder,
261
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,748
can you get to a future
if your past is present?
262
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,752
And over at Samantha's,
263
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,005
a day of great sex
was about to fade into the past.
264
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,215
Are you absolutely sure you can't stay?
265
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,968
Yeah, I gotta pull an extra shift
over at the restaurant.
266
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,888
I got fired from my other gig, remember?
267
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,142
Listen, I do feel bad
about what happened.
268
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,312
And I wanted you to have this.
269
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,234
$300?
270
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:21,778
I made some calls.
271
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,155
That is what the A list caterer is paid.
272
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,991
Lady, you are fucking out of your mind.
273
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:36,209
The next morning,
after another fitful night of frogs...
274
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,879
-So you're gonna be okay here?
-Absolutely. Go.
275
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,465
You know, it's just stupid
standing breakfast thing
276
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,800
with a bunch of writer buddies.
277
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:47,095
I'd ask you along but
we're a pretty pathetic bunch.
278
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:50,139
Please go. And for the record,
you, my friend,
279
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,600
are not pathetic.
280
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:54,268
-Ah.
281
00:14:58,731 --> 00:14:59,732
Hey, you gonna get that?
282
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,944
You know what? 9:30 in the morning,
one word. Telemarketer.
283
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,405
-I think that's a two-word hyphenate.
284
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,533
- Hey, Jack, it's Lauren...
285
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,618
It was official.
286
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:13,371
Lauren controlled every machine
in the apartment.
287
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,832
And uh, call me,
I wanna talk to you.
288
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,336
-Fuck you and fuck you!
289
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:21,337
Bye-bye.
290
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,589
-Bye-bye.
291
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,469
You don't want your new boyfriend
292
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,305
to still be in love with the ex,
but you don't want...
293
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,353
That is not the way
you talk to your ex-decorator.
294
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:41,566
Damn, and just when you thought
you didn't have to open the ex-file.
295
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,568
So he's doing a fuck you to the ex.
296
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,987
As long as he keeps fucking you,
what's the problem?
297
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,989
The problem is, what's going on there?
298
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,699
What big thing happened between them
299
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,409
that would cause
a double finger situation?
300
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,494
And if it wasn't big,
why is he still so angry?
301
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,246
Does he have a problem with anger?
302
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,790
And here come the questions.
303
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,917
You're right. Men are crazy.
304
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:03,254
I fucked that waiter at the party
and he got fired for it.
305
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:06,090
So, I gave him $300
the next time we fucked
306
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,633
and now I think he's upset.
307
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,344
Okay. Not the same situation.
308
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,680
I don't see what the problem is.
It's like a big tip.
309
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,975
Now, $300 in a restaurant is a big tip.
310
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,686
$300 in the bedroom is a big prostitute.
311
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,271
Well, at least it wasn't phone sex.
312
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,648
He called me.
313
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,359
-Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
314
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,613
Right on time.
315
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,491
And I appreciate that. I do. Come in.
316
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,704
I'm just getting Brady ready to go out
for a night with his dad.
317
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:40,666
Packing up the old diaper bag,
making sure he has everything he needs.
318
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:46,964
Uh, bottle, binkie, Trojans.
319
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,508
Look, Miranda--
320
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:51,594
I'm not exactly thrilled
that our baby is having sex already,
321
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,763
but I sure am glad
that he's using protection.
322
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,307
Got your point. Very funny.
323
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,768
No, Steve. Not funny, fucked up.
324
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,102
Come on, it's just condoms.
325
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,479
In the diaper bag, Steve?
326
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,774
How much sex are you having that
you need rubbers in the diaper bag?
327
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:05,858
What's it to you?
328
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:11,531
Apparently, some of Miranda's
baggage had shifted during fight.
329
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:15,117
I just don't think you're taking
this parenting thing seriously.
330
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,703
-What?
-You show up late to pick him up.
331
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,539
-One time.
-More than one time.
332
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,041
There was that time,
that other time when you were late.
333
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:25,211
-Okay. What's your problem?
-This is not about me.
334
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,631
This is about your need to start
taking responsibility for your child,
335
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,508
and clearly,
there are times when you can't
336
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,218
because your mind is somewhere else.
337
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,594
What are you talking about?
338
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,889
Like, when your penis
is in some girl's vagina
339
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,641
and you're having an orgasm while
340
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,852
our baby is quietly suffocating
in the other room.
341
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,604
Debby and I never do it when he's awake.
342
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,773
Okay. Steve. You're not getting this.
343
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:50,319
I am saying, your focus needs to be
totally and completely on Brady.
344
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,030
My focus is always 100%
345
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,658
-on Brady.
346
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,951
-Brady!
347
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,542
-See?
348
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,336
That night, the only thing
Miranda and Steve
349
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,797
could agree on was separate diaper bags.
350
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,801
And may all
351
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:18,764
Your Christmases be white...
352
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,443
Hey, beautiful, I'm here.
353
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,031
What's all this?
354
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,533
It's my last Christmas tree.
355
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:39,869
It's July.
356
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,954
That's right, so it doesn't count.
357
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,584
Charlotte, honey. You can have a tree.
Lots of Jews do.
358
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,003
Mm-mm. Wouldn't be appropriate.
359
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:50,796
Oh, look.
360
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,467
Oh. It's my favorite ornament.
361
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,345
"Silent night, holy night." See?
362
00:18:57,595 --> 00:19:00,431
That's the holy family in the nativity.
363
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,850
This was my Grandma York's.
364
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,979
It's so old. See how there's hardly
any glitter left on the baby Jesus?
365
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,984
It's very rare to have
a blue Christmas ornament.
366
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,487
-Is that a fact?
-Yeah.
367
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,532
They're usually red or green.
368
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:20,201
Silver.
369
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,538
Hm, gold.
370
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,209
Keep Christmas, who cares?
371
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,378
I do. I'm gonna do this right.
372
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,630
I'm not gonna be
a meat-eating vegetarian.
373
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,965
No, these all have to go.
374
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,593
Except this one. We're keeping this.
375
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,429
What the hell? They were Jews too.
376
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:47,978
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made it out of clay
377
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,981
And when it's something, something...
378
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,734
-"Dry and ready."
-Impressive.
379
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,361
-"Dry and ready."
-Mm-hm.
380
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,739
Oh, dreidel, I will play.
381
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,744
That night Charlotte realized
the memory she was giving up,
382
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:07,498
might be nothing compared to
the memory she was getting.
383
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,253
And Samantha realized,
to make things right,
384
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,423
she would need to service
someone else for a change.
385
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:18,801
Hello. My name is Samantha.
386
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,262
I'll be your waitress this evening.
387
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,889
Tonight, I will be serving you.
388
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,685
You are fucking crazy.
389
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:30,938
Well, Mr. Waiter, you have no idea.
390
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,481
You don't know my name, do you?
391
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,735
Of course I do... Paul.
392
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,445
It's Jerry.
393
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,696
I took a shot.
394
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:42,992
When you're a waiter,
you must always be aware,
395
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,996
that the customer comes first.
396
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:53,085
It's a hard, hard job.
397
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,465
-You know, Samantha...
-Mm-hm.
398
00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:58,966
I'm not just a waiter.
399
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,552
Oh, is that right, Jamie?
400
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,637
-Jerry.
-You're right.
401
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:06,098
Yeah. I'm an actor.
402
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,144
Oh, God. There goes my hard-on.
403
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,485
It's a good thing I still have mine.
404
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,489
Samantha had had
many waiters in her past
405
00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:25,201
but to the present day,
this was her very first Jerry.
406
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,250
As for me, I spent another night
407
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,836
not sleeping in Berger's bed.
408
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:47,723
You okay?
409
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:48,974
No. I can't sleep.
410
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:50,935
The frogs?
411
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,353
No, the frogs are fine.
412
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:54,396
What's up?
413
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,316
Nothing. Nothing. Go back to sleep.
414
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:04,698
-Jesus.
-It's the frogs. I'll turn it off.
415
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,618
No. No, it's not the frogs.
416
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,916
-It's Lauren.
-What about her?
417
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:17,503
Okay for the record, I was hoping
to skip this and start fresh.
418
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:21,215
But what's going on with
you and the double finger?
419
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:22,758
The double what?
420
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:24,718
The other day, to the answering machine?
421
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:28,264
Oh, right.
422
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:29,765
Do we need to talk about this?
423
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,393
She just drives me crazy.
424
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:33,978
You know, she keeps calling here.
425
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,063
She wants to go out to lunch
for closure.
426
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:37,189
That's her word.
427
00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:39,733
I would never say "closure",
certainly not at 2:00 in the morning.
428
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,319
She keeps bugging me.
429
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:44,613
She thinks it's important
in order to move on.
430
00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:52,538
What do you think?
431
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:55,875
I think that it's gonna take
a lot more than a lunch.
432
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:00,671
What?
433
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,800
No. It's embarrassing. Uh...
434
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:10,806
She cheated on me. That's how it ended.
435
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:12,308
Uh, she broke my heart.
436
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:16,729
And pretty much killed me
and I was dead.
437
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,190
Till you.
438
00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:28,949
And then there
is another important first.
439
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:32,995
The first time you realized
this really might be something.
440
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:35,748
You ever been that hurt?
441
00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:38,459
Yeah.
442
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,296
You wanna tell me about it?
443
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,966
-Sure.
444
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,384
And just like that,
445
00:23:47,468 --> 00:23:51,221
we moved out of the present
and into our future.
446
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:53,641
How much time have you got?
447
00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:54,975
-I got all night.
448
00:23:57,061 --> 00:23:59,813
So now,
it was time to clear up the past.
449
00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:09,740
-Ah!
450
00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:18,165
Hey, it's me.
451
00:24:18,332 --> 00:24:19,959
Well, hello there.
452
00:24:20,042 --> 00:24:21,001
Have you got a minute?
453
00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:23,879
Yeah sure.
I'm just relaxing in my hot tub.
454
00:24:24,171 --> 00:24:29,176
A hot tub? Oh, shame on you.
That is such a cliche.
455
00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:31,136
No. A Jacuzzi is cliche.
456
00:24:31,512 --> 00:24:33,389
-A hot tub is retro.
457
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:37,476
Hey, remember the time we were
in the jacuzzi in the Four Seasons...
458
00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:40,020
Okay, okay. Hold on there, partner.
459
00:24:40,104 --> 00:24:43,232
This is not gonna be
one of those types of calls.
460
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,860
What type of call? I was talking about
when you lost your necklace in the jets.
461
00:24:47,361 --> 00:24:48,362
Oh.
462
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:50,572
But if you'd like to make it
one of those phone calls,
463
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:54,535
I'm a $1 .50 for the first minute
and $0.50 for each additional.
464
00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:55,619
Please stop.
465
00:24:56,078 --> 00:24:57,371
What's on your mind, baby?
466
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:00,791
I was just calling to tell you
467
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:04,503
that we won't be having
any more of those calls.
468
00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:08,340
Oh. Really? Why is that?
469
00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:10,718
Because we're just friends now.
470
00:25:10,801 --> 00:25:12,219
Those are friendly calls.
471
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:15,597
I don't talk to my friends like that.
472
00:25:15,764 --> 00:25:16,765
I do.
473
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:19,601
Well, maybe that's why you have so few.
474
00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:22,479
You got me there.
475
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:27,776
I started seeing someone.
476
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:29,903
Were you seeing someone the other night?
477
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:33,532
Yes. But it just got serious.
478
00:25:34,992 --> 00:25:35,951
I see.
479
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:40,664
So, I think we have
to leave all that in the past.
480
00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:43,292
Consider it in the past.
481
00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:45,335
But we'll stay friends.
482
00:25:47,004 --> 00:25:48,505
Ah, friends.
483
00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:50,674
Good friends.
484
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:53,761
Hm.
485
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:55,637
His name is Jack Berger.
486
00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:57,431
He's a writer as well.
487
00:26:00,017 --> 00:26:03,437
Okay, kid. Hey, give me a call sometime.
488
00:26:05,022 --> 00:26:06,565
Any kind of call you want.
489
00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:18,786
That night in the basement
of a synagogue,
490
00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:21,914
after 75 accelerated classes,
491
00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:24,416
Charlotte, the Episcopalian princess
492
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:26,877
was reborn a Jew,
493
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,424
leaving the old Charlotte behind.
494
00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:34,885
Was this tub drained before me?
495
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:38,806
Well, not all of her.
496
00:26:47,481 --> 00:26:48,398
Hey.
497
00:26:48,482 --> 00:26:51,068
I finally figured out what you needed.
498
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,486
-Oh yeah?
-Mm-hm.
499
00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:54,571
I thought about it
and I thought about it,
500
00:26:54,655 --> 00:26:56,949
and I narrowed it down to two choices.
501
00:26:57,825 --> 00:27:01,120
A Pulitzer prize, or this?
502
00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:04,081
Well, I already have a Pulitzer.
503
00:27:04,164 --> 00:27:06,625
-You do?
-Yeah, it's-- I don't like to brag.
504
00:27:06,708 --> 00:27:09,253
Well then, I chose right.
505
00:27:12,256 --> 00:27:13,298
It's for a fresh start.
506
00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:17,928
It's the newest sound machine they make
with many other sounds besides frogs.
507
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:20,472
I don't care for frogs.
508
00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:22,224
New start, new sound.
509
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,102
-Deal.
-Deal.
510
00:27:25,352 --> 00:27:27,729
-Deal. Oh...
511
00:27:37,948 --> 00:27:42,202
That same night, next to Berger
and "Surf Sounds number 4, "
512
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:46,248
I slept more soundly than I had
in as long as I could remember.