1 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,603 In New York City, 2 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:05,482 it is a statistical fact that once every seven minutes, 3 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,234 -an unsuspecting woman... 4 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,028 -Shut the fuck up! 5 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,613 ...dates an actor. 6 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:14,199 Let me go. My husband will be home any minute. 7 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,536 For Samantha, one of the perks of dating Jerry the actor, 8 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,455 was getting to stage full scale fantasy productions. 9 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:23,417 Please. Please don't hurt me. I'll do anything, anything. 10 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,918 Just shut the fuck up! 11 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,421 Shut the fuck up! 12 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,382 Oh. You are really good. 13 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,801 I said, shut the fuck up! 14 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:37,014 No, you shut the fuck up and fuck me before my husband gets home. 15 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,016 Now! Whoo! 16 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,185 And then he pretended to tie my hands behind my back 17 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,854 and the whole time he kept screaming, 18 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,856 "Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up." 19 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:46,940 I tell you, 20 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:51,445 it is so refreshing to be with someone who likes to fuck outside the box. 21 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,114 And this is my friend Samantha. 22 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,783 The wallflower. Right. 23 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,202 That is incredibly offensive. 24 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,705 Violence against women is very serious issue. 25 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:05,167 Oh, please. It was a fantasy. Fantasies can't be censored. 26 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,086 Actually, I think the Supreme Court is working on that right now. 27 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,214 All fantasies are healthy and harmless. Don't you agree? 28 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,926 You know as a guy, I've always been under the impression 29 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:20,432 that "rape" or anything in the "rape" family is just not a good idea. 30 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,976 -Can I go home now? 31 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,645 There is no greater sound than your friends 32 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,355 laughing at your new boyfriend's jokes. 33 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,982 Well, that's not the only scenario we play. 34 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:33,487 Sometimes he's Senator Smith or Principal Smith. Cellmate Smith. 35 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,906 Okay. Moving on. Uh, Miranda. 36 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,824 How was your date with the real estate guy? 37 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,826 -Actually it wasn't horrible. 38 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,287 He was kind of cute and funny and... 39 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:45,374 Hello? Oh. Doctor Smith. 40 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,209 Thank you for returning my call. 41 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,673 Excuse me. He thinks I may have the mumps. 42 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:54,591 Yes, I am swollen. 43 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,051 Now, that's hot. 44 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,346 So, how did the date end? 45 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:04,309 Um, he walked me home-- I'm sorry. Are you maxed out on girl talk? 46 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:05,769 No, no, no. I'm good. 47 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,354 -I'll let you know. -Okay. 48 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,440 So, he kissed me good night at the door. 49 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,568 I invited him up, he couldn't because he had an early meeting. 50 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,862 We kissed again. Then he said he'd call. 51 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,116 Two kisses. Very promising. 52 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,742 You think? Even though he didn't come up? 53 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,912 Definitely. It means he likes you but he wants to take it slow. 54 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,039 -That's nice. -Berger, what do you think? 55 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,210 You really wanna know? 56 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,879 Please. I would love to have a man's opinion for a change. 57 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,173 All right. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you. 58 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,426 -He's just not that into you. 59 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,098 -That's not true. -Don't listen to him. 60 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,685 No. No. I'm intrigued. Elaborate. 61 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,646 Look, I'm sorry but when a guy's really into you, 62 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,565 he's coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting. 63 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,778 Oh, that's is ludicrous. What about extenuating circumstances? 64 00:03:56,862 --> 00:04:00,073 What about you're stressed out, you're on deadline, you have a migraine? 65 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,618 Or a lot of guys are afraid of getting their feelings hurt 66 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,662 and they don't wanna ruin a friendship. 67 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,665 Or they're freaked out by their own feelings? 68 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,668 There's a lot of push-pull out there. A lot of mixed messages. 69 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,422 Yeah. I have to say that's all code for he's just not that into you. 70 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,924 I'm sorry, but with guys, it's very simple. 71 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593 If we're into you, we're coming upstairs. 72 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,637 We're booking the next date. There are no mixed messages. 73 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,682 No mixed messages? But... 74 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,769 I've spent my whole life deciphering mixed messages. 75 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,979 I've made a whole career of it. 76 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,940 Wow. He's just not that into me. 77 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,905 -He's just not that into me. -Oh, honey. Ignore this person. 78 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,282 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 79 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:43,825 You are fired. 80 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,746 Look. If he's not into you, the guy's obviously a weenie so... 81 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,498 No. No. I love it. 82 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,542 It is the most liberating thing I have ever heard. 83 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,212 Think how much time in therapy I could have saved 84 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,506 over the last 20 years if I had known this. 85 00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,509 I still think the real estate guy is gonna call. 86 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:04,012 Yeah, I think you got an uncomfortable e-mail coming your way, you know? 87 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,014 Something like, "Sorry, I haven't called. 88 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,183 I'm in a place in the world where they don't have phones." 89 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,186 I love him. 90 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,605 The best part of a night out with your friends 91 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,732 is talking about them all the way home. 92 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,944 Charlotte is a trip. Samantha's hilarious. 93 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,321 -They all are. -They thought you were hilarious. 94 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:25,242 -Miranda-- How do you not love Miranda? -I know. I love her. 95 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,285 And I love that you loved her. 96 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:30,038 Oh, God, she loved you. They all did. 97 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,623 And they are a tough crowd. 98 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:35,126 -I'm a tough crowd. -Okay. Your choice. 99 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,963 Fudgesicle or Nutty-Buddy. 100 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,632 Oh, my God. I wanted this one! 101 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,133 -We're perfect! 102 00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,678 Oh, and when you went to the men's room, they were all-- 103 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,720 Stop. 104 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,139 -What? Am I talking too much? -No. I wanna say something 105 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:51,226 and I don't want you to say anything back, okay? You promise? 106 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,188 I love you. 107 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,190 I love you, too. 108 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,526 And I am not saying it because you said it to me, I promise. 109 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,320 I was gonna say it before. I've been thinking it the whole night. 110 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,701 I love you. I just wanted to say it again on my own. 111 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,119 Hm. 112 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,538 In my euphoric state, 113 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,833 I knew there was only one kind of person who could tolerate me. 114 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,586 I'm in love too. I'm so happy for you. 115 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,588 It's the fastest I've ever said, "I love you" 116 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,840 but I literally could not hold it in my mouth. 117 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,676 And why should you? There's no reason. You're in love. 118 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:28,430 -I'm in love. -I love Harry so much, it hurts. 119 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,558 Sometimes I look at Berger and he's so cute, 120 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,811 I just wanna squeeze his face off. 121 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,606 This Friday night is my first official Shabbos. 122 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:41,568 So, I am cooking a big traditional dinner for Harry. 123 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,820 I'm so excited to finally be a real Jew! 124 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,782 - Here's your brisket, lady. -Listen. Listen. I said lean! 125 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,250 Just when I thought my week couldn't get any better, 126 00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,420 I came home to find a little surprise from Berger. 127 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,771 From Berger's book to Samantha's books. 128 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,441 I'm sorry, Ms. Jones, 129 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:25,987 but you owe the US government $300,000 in back taxes. 130 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:29,574 But, auditor Smith, I don't have that kind of money. 131 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,119 What are you gonna do? Take the shirt off my back? 132 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,456 Take the shirt off my back. 133 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,459 -Oh! 134 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,169 Ah. 135 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,131 This is what I call internal revenue! 136 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,263 In my fantasy, Hurricane Pandora would be brilliant. 137 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,432 In reality... 138 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,394 it was. 139 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,611 All right, if you're still not finished, it's all over between us. 140 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:09,197 I just finished it just this minute, I swear. 141 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:10,699 Did you stop for meals? 142 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:14,452 Hey. It's been two days. It's 400 pages. 143 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,705 Yeah, well, I can't date a slow reader. 144 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:17,998 Are you done? 145 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,333 -Question is, are you done? -Yes, I'm done. 146 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,085 And if you would shut your trap, 147 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,129 I could tell you... 148 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:29,759 -that I love, love, loved it! 149 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,469 I loved it. 150 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,472 Except for one huge problem. 151 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:38,560 You have your leading lady running all over town wearing a scrunchie! 152 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,146 A scrunchie. 153 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:45,025 Uh, the hair thing? What's wrong with that? 154 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,902 Well, nothing. Unless you're writing about women on the island of Manhattan, 155 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,280 in which case uh, where do I begin? 156 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,783 What are you talking about? A lot of New York women wear scrunchies. 157 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:57,245 Uh, in the bathroom maybe, when they're washing their faces. 158 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,621 You're full of shit. 159 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,167 I see women every single day, all over New York City wearing scrunchies. 160 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,712 Okay, but here's the thing. Here's my crucial point. 161 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,715 No woman who works at W magazine and lives on Perry Street 162 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,093 would be caught dead at a hip downtown restaurant 163 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,138 wearing a scrunchie! 164 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,850 Man, it's a good thing I came along 165 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:22,479 because you may know the fellas but I know the ladies. 166 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,981 -Great. -Okay. 167 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,568 -Can I read you my favorite part? -No. I'm done talking about the book. 168 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,362 We ordering in? 169 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:38,036 He completely shut down. Why? 170 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:41,664 Why did I have to get up on my sassy horse and ruin everything? 171 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,541 Yeah. Sass will bite you on the ass. 172 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,710 And the thing that kills me is I loved the book. 173 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,337 I could have gushed about it all night. 174 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,757 Why did I have to go straight to the negative and just pick at it? 175 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,258 Because you're in a relationship. 176 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,469 I used to pick at Steve about everything. 177 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:58,223 The way he held his fork, his grammar, his dirty fingernails. 178 00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,265 Used to? 179 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,559 He has a new girlfriend for that now. 180 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:02,727 Debbie! 181 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,563 -Do you think Debbie picks at Steve? -Of course. 182 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,816 All women pick. It's in our DNA. 183 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,776 It's our little way of showing that we care. 184 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,530 Well, I think I've made it abundantly clear just how much I care. 185 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,198 Well, you have to work it out with him. 186 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,659 Berger has single-handedly changed my life. 187 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,369 I still haven't heard from the real estate guy. 188 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:20,787 But it's fine. 189 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,455 He's just not that into me. 190 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,916 I think right now, Berger's just not that into me. 191 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,793 So, talk to him about it. 192 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,546 You two seem like you could laugh your way through anything. 193 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,757 Yeah, it's that kind of thinking that got me into this in the first place. 194 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,972 One of the signs that a female gorilla is in love 195 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,976 is that she can be seen picking nits off her male companion. 196 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,651 And yet in humans, 197 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,654 nit picking can ruin a perfectly good evening. 198 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,364 Not to mention, a relationship. 199 00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,742 Women are known to be more verbal than men, 200 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:04,747 but, when does criticism that's constructive become destructive? 201 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:09,210 Are there times when the ladies should just shut the fuck up? 202 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:18,052 The next morning, another woman was making too much noise. 203 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,016 What an earth is all that banging? 204 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,143 Oh, good morning, Mrs. Collier! 205 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,811 I'm a Jew now. How are you? 206 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,197 -I know he'll call eventually. -Yeah. 207 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,699 He's just going through a really hard time right now. 208 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,618 -Mm-hm. -His boss got laid off. 209 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,787 Later on her lunch hour, Miranda checked her BlackBerry. 210 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,289 There it was, 211 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,375 the uncomfortable e-mail Berger had predicted. 212 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,419 - Yeah. - Then we may get busy, 213 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:55,006 it's like, "Ah, I can't call. My God, I'm so stressed. I can't call you." 214 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:58,384 - But he's gonna call. -And his kitchen's being rewired. 215 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,846 -That's all so complicated. At least. -Yeah that's like a two-day process. 216 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:06,434 Excuse me. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, 217 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:11,606 and I hope what I'm gonna say will save you a lot of time and energy. 218 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,318 He's just not that into you. 219 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,030 So, move on. Have a great day. 220 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,784 Having passed on the gospel to these New York women, 221 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,912 Miranda could only hope they would spread the word, 222 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:26,955 far and wide. 223 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,415 -Bitch. -Who the hell asked her? 224 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,333 Not me. 225 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,377 -I know you didn't. -Crazy people in New York. 226 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,671 -He is so gonna call you. -I know. 227 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,382 And as two women's fantasies were being shattered, 228 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,592 another's were being brought to life. 229 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,846 Samantha Jones? 230 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,767 Detective Smith. Department of Homicide. 231 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,812 Afraid I'm gonna have to ask you some questions, ma'am. 232 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,356 Why certainly, detective. 233 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,441 Am I in some kind of trouble? 234 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,820 -Two martinis please. Straight up. - Yes, ma'am. 235 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,155 Actually, make mine a seltzer. 236 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,658 Oh, of course. You're working. 237 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,452 But you know, detective, 238 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,997 one little drink won't kill you. 239 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,875 -He'll have a martini. -No, it's a seltzer. 240 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,628 Seriously, Samantha, I'm in AA. 241 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,463 That sobered Samantha right up. 242 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,591 I was totally like fucked up for eight years in Seattle. 243 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,468 You know, I just realized, 244 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,305 I have a presentation first thing in the morning, so... 245 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,807 sorry. 246 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,231 Jerry had taken the fantasy into dangerous territory... 247 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,066 reality. 248 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,776 Two martinis. 249 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,486 No, dude, I said a seltzer. 250 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:45,074 Meanwhile, Charlotte was hard at work on her fantasy role, 251 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,117 Martha Jewart. 252 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,245 Okay, the kugel's in the over. The matzo balls are boiling. 253 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,455 There's three hours till Shabbos. 254 00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,123 I think we should start braiding the challah. 255 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,793 Doesn't Shabbos mean the day of rest, i.e., ordering in? 256 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,545 We're wearing aprons. 257 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,921 Do you own aprons? 258 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:03,009 -The challah! -Okay, okay. You don't have to "holla"! 259 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,511 Oh, Miranda, like this. 260 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:10,141 Oh. I don't know what I'm doing. 261 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,809 Why did you call me over here? 262 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,644 Because I didn't want to spend the rest of the week saying, 263 00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,188 "Guess you had to be there." 264 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,940 Hey. Did Harry's friend ever call you? 265 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,818 Yes. As a matter of fact, I'm seeing him tonight. 266 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,653 You think I could get away with this outfit? 267 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,323 -Definitely. The apron softens you. 268 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,867 Can you read me what's next after it's braided? 269 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,453 Hm. Uh... 270 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,080 Oh. 271 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,707 With her high school boyfriend, Charlotte doodled. 272 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,751 With Harry, she Jew-dled. 273 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:42,965 Um... I think it calls for two cups of Mrs. Harry York Goldenblatt. 274 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,677 Did I miss something, did you get married while I was at work? 275 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,889 No. But that's where we're headed. 276 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,933 You forget Charlotte Yorkenblatt. 277 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,895 Actually, I've been making some calls and I was wondering 278 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,605 how you both felt about November. 279 00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,525 -November for what? -For our wedding. 280 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,694 Most of the synagogues are booked through the fall. 281 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,782 -November works for me. -Has Harry even proposed yet? 282 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,825 Miranda. 283 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,660 No. But he will. 284 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,455 Aren't you counting your matzo balls before they rise? 285 00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:16,958 Miranda, zip the lip. 286 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,626 Harry and I have an understanding about our future. 287 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,628 We don't have to talk about it all the time. 288 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,298 -It's "bereishit." -I don't know what that means. 289 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,842 It's meant to be. 290 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,680 I would never have gone through all this trouble 291 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,015 if I didn't know for sure that we were getting married. 292 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,018 I'm sorry, I just don't want to see you get hurt again. 293 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,569 And ever since her reality check with Jerry, 294 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,904 Samantha had no interest in seeing him again. 295 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,951 However, when a certain government official called, 296 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,287 she was more than happy to take a meeting. 297 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,710 Secret Service agent Smith. 298 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,086 If you're here... 299 00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,381 who's protecting the president? 300 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,633 You know, I changed my mind. 301 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,760 I thought of something even hotter for us to play. 302 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,513 Hotter than Secret Service sluts? 303 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,764 -Yeah. -Oh. 304 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,603 I'm me, you're you. Go. 305 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,981 Oh... 306 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,817 You know, when I told you the other night I was in AA, you bolted. 307 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:26,652 What's up with that? 308 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,072 Jerry. It is Jerry, isn't it? 309 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,075 I'm afraid we want different things. 310 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,661 You want to tell me all about you 311 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,956 and I don't want you to tell me all about you. 312 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,501 It spoils the fantasy. 313 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,921 -That's harsh. -Yeah. I am harsh. 314 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:49,467 I'm also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient and always right. 315 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,637 In bed, at the office, and everywhere else. 316 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,138 I already knew that. 317 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,724 And that's just a little bit about me. 318 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,060 All right. Cool. 319 00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,021 Let me tell you one little thing about me. 320 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,483 -See, this is exactly what-- -At least let me tell you my last name. 321 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,568 It's Jerrod. 322 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,282 Your parents named you Jerry Jerrod? 323 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,619 -No wonder you drank. -Right? 324 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,872 There would still be accountants and undercover agents 325 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,999 in their future, but that night, 326 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,544 Samantha and Jerry got off on playing themselves. 327 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:30,132 Meanwhile, I was looking forward to putting the scrunchie moment behind us. 328 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:38,015 Unfortunately, it was staring us in the face. 329 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,398 Okay. I'm sorry to have to do this 330 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:49,360 but I do believe we are in the presence of a scrunchie. 331 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,947 I also do believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, 332 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,783 -that we are in New York City proper. -Mm. 333 00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,286 This woman does not appear to be washing her face. 334 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,999 She appears to be standing on line at a hip downtown restaurant. 335 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,961 So, kinda kills your New York woman theory. 336 00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,006 Ah. Tough break, Bradshaw. 337 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,760 -She's not from New York. -What? 338 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,265 It doesn't matter. Did they say how long the wait was gonna be? 339 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,767 Excuse me. Hi. I'm sorry to bother you. 340 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,270 We're just wondering what part of New York you live in? 341 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,647 Who? Me? 342 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,150 Oh, gosh! 343 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:33,404 I am from Macon, Georgia. 344 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,698 But thanks, you made my whole day. 345 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,869 Honey, did you hear that? These people think I live in New York. 346 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,205 I'm so hungry. When they gonna let us sit down? 347 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,251 Downtown, over curried lamb and chutney, 348 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,462 Miranda found herself presently surprised 349 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,297 by Charlotte's matchmaking skills. 350 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:55,426 -Oh! That was one spicy biryani. -I know. 351 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,553 I've lost all feeling in my tongue. 352 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,182 Listen, I know a great place around the corner 353 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,600 if you wanna get coffee. 354 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:09,398 Oh, you know, I wish I could, but I really should call it a night. 355 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,735 Hey. It's fine. I understand. 356 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:16,739 You're just not that into me. And it's okay. I get it. 357 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,909 No No. I like you. I just... 358 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,203 really have to go. 359 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,705 Paul. Come on, you can stop lying. 360 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,248 -I am not lying. 361 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,751 Come on, be a man. Tell the truth. 362 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,213 I have diarrhea. 363 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:37,093 Apparently, there is one rare exception to Berger's rule. 364 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,178 And it often involves curry. 365 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:43,849 After dinner, Berger ate banana cream pie and I ate my words. 366 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,977 Another thing I loved was the way you used the sister's phone calls 367 00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,146 as little lamp posts. 368 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:54,110 I mean... land marks or, uh, miles... mile posts. I don't know. Anyway. 369 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,071 I just loved how those sort of punctuated the story. 370 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,656 It's just a really nice touch. 371 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:05,121 Oh, my God. The introduction, brilliant! 372 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,917 You're instantly on this guy's sight even though he's a complete mess. 373 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,712 You know, you really just nailed him. 374 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,263 While I was working overtime, 375 00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:26,183 Charlotte's work was finally coming to an end. 376 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,478 Harry, you can come on in now. Sorry it's so late. 377 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,563 What's all this? 378 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,231 Well, since it's our first Shabbos together, 379 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,191 I wanted to make it a little special. 380 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,235 A little? This is phenomenal. 381 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,904 I just need to get the candles and then we can say the Bracha. 382 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,918 Oh, come on. 383 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,257 Honey, please turn that off. We're about to eat. 384 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:06,098 Mm. Smells incredible. 385 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,977 And you made brisket. I cannot believe you made brisket. 386 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,892 -Good Shabbos. -Good Shabbos, sweetie. 387 00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:55,439 Mm. I cannot believe you made all this. 388 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,984 -What did I do to deserve you? -I feel the same way. 389 00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:04,490 I've been thinking about blessings and you're such a blessing to me. 390 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,242 What are you-- 391 00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,329 Why is the TV on? 392 00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,915 -It's on mute. -Mute? Mute? 393 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,751 -We're having Shabbos dinner. -It's a big game, honey. 394 00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:19,171 Turn it off. I want you to turn it off right this minute. 395 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,048 -But it's-- -Off, now. 396 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,883 Let me just watch this one pitch. 397 00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:26,095 I gave up Christ for you and you can't give up the Mets? 398 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:28,389 This is gonna be a long life if you keep that up. 399 00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:31,016 "I gave up Christ for you, take out the trash." 400 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,644 "I gave up Christ for you, pick up your socks." 401 00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:38,440 Do you have any idea how hard I worked to prepare this meal for you? 402 00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:42,027 I went to Zabar's everyday this week. 403 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:48,576 I had to make 30 matzo balls just to get four that were the right size and shape. 404 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,161 Not to mention the months of studying 405 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:54,373 and cramming like a maniac to convert to Judaism. 406 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,958 And what have you done for me? 407 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,501 Set the date! 408 00:22:58,294 --> 00:23:01,005 -Set the date. -What are you talking about? 409 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:04,967 You said you couldn't marry me unless I was Jewish and now I'm Jewish. 410 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:06,510 Set the date! 411 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,846 You're acting crazy. Do you hear yourself? 412 00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:11,891 Do you know how lucky you are to have me? 413 00:23:12,349 --> 00:23:13,726 Do you know how we look? 414 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:18,063 Do you know what people out there think when they see us together, do you? 415 00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,900 Yeah, I know what people are thinking. 416 00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,777 I just didn't think you were one of them. 417 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,364 Finally, it was Charlotte who was on mute. 418 00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:28,908 I don't need this. 419 00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:31,619 I'm leaving. 420 00:23:35,998 --> 00:23:37,416 To think I bought a ring. 421 00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,132 The Mets won that night 5-4. 422 00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,718 But Charlotte lost everything that mattered to her. 423 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:51,138 Oh. I just remembered another hilarious part. 424 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,642 And later, on the corner of 73rd and mea culpa... 425 00:23:54,725 --> 00:23:58,479 Um, you know the scene where the dishwasher guy 426 00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,731 is spooning up the Rice Chex and he's putting them back in the box? 427 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,566 It's perfection. 428 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,527 -How'd you come up with that? -That's so lame. 429 00:24:05,903 --> 00:24:08,280 No, it was not. It was hysterical. 430 00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:09,573 No, I'm not talking about the book. 431 00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,784 I'm talking about what you're doing right now. 432 00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:15,955 I just wanted you to know how much I loved your book. 433 00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,082 Because I did. 434 00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:21,502 And I'm sorry I muddied it up with the whole scrunchie thing. 435 00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:23,003 It's not that big a deal. 436 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,130 Okay. 437 00:24:27,257 --> 00:24:28,801 I think I'm gonna call it a night. 438 00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,929 Uh, I gotta get an early start tomorrow. 439 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:34,807 -Are you kidding? -No. Thanks for dinner. 440 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,059 Call you tomorrow. 441 00:24:37,351 --> 00:24:39,728 And then there are times when a New York woman 442 00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,438 should not shut the fuck up. 443 00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:42,523 Hey. 444 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:45,693 Berger. 445 00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,779 Berger! 446 00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:53,575 You can't just pull that line on me and walk away. 447 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,119 Well, this time it's true. 448 00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,997 You're obviously still pissed and I'm sorry 449 00:24:58,163 --> 00:24:59,957 but you can't just shut down like this. 450 00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:02,543 We have to be able to say what's on our minds. 451 00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:06,088 If you thought that I had made some kind of mistake, 452 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,756 I would want you to tell me. 453 00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:10,551 Oh? Nice hat. 454 00:25:14,555 --> 00:25:15,472 Carrie. 455 00:25:15,556 --> 00:25:17,725 It's fabulous and you just said that to hurt my feelings. 456 00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:19,184 Well, that's how you made me feel the other night-- 457 00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:20,144 Fabulous. 458 00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:23,605 -So, you can just walk away now. -Uh, yes I can. 459 00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,024 Well, look. I'm sorry. All right? 460 00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:27,484 But what was I supposed to do with that scrunchie comment? 461 00:25:27,568 --> 00:25:30,779 Was I supposed to hop in my time machine and go back, fix my entire book? 462 00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,156 I don't know what your problem is, 463 00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:34,491 but it doesn't have anything to do with a scrunchie. 464 00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:37,828 Yeah. It's about the fact that my book is a big fat fucking failure. 465 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,164 -Wait, what? -It's just, you know, 466 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:41,749 I already feel like shit. 467 00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:44,543 You trying to pump me up all night, not helping. 468 00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:51,759 I'm sure this is all very sexy, you probably never-- 469 00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:54,511 Stop. 470 00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:58,557 I wanna say something and I want you to listen. 471 00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,061 You're a beautiful writer. 472 00:26:03,187 --> 00:26:05,397 And I loved your book. 473 00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:08,192 And I love you. 474 00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:12,654 And I still think... you're very sexy. 475 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,076 And I'm not gonna let you make a joke right now. 476 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:21,622 Then I got nothing. 477 00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:27,920 Come on. 478 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:34,134 Saying I love you is easy. 479 00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:38,013 What comes next, is a little scrunchier. 480 00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,645 Harry hadn't called in two days 481 00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:48,065 except to say he was sending someone over to pick up his TV. 482 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:55,739 Just what New York needs. Another single Jewish girl. 483 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:04,832 -Good morning. -Good morning. 484 00:27:04,915 --> 00:27:06,542 Mind if I get in there and wash my face? 485 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,210 Not at all. 486 00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:12,464 Oh, my gosh. 487 00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,133 -Hm? -Where'd you get that? 488 00:27:14,216 --> 00:27:16,677 Well, Macon, Georgia. Why, you wanna try it on? 489 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,053 -No. -Oh, but you're gonna look 490 00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:20,389 -so pretty with this scrunchie on. -No! 491 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,099 You're gonna look really pretty. 492 00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:23,559 No, I hate you! 493 00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:27,729 - How do you not love scrunchie?