1
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,603
In New York City,
2
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:05,482
it is a statistical fact
that once every seven minutes,
3
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,234
-an unsuspecting woman...
4
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,028
-Shut the fuck up!
5
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,613
...dates an actor.
6
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:14,199
Let me go.
My husband will be home any minute.
7
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,536
For Samantha, one of the perks
of dating Jerry the actor,
8
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,455
was getting to stage full scale
fantasy productions.
9
00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:23,417
Please. Please don't hurt me.
I'll do anything, anything.
10
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,918
Just shut the fuck up!
11
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,421
Shut the fuck up!
12
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,382
Oh. You are really good.
13
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,801
I said, shut the fuck up!
14
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No, you shut the fuck up
and fuck me before my husband gets home.
15
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Now! Whoo!
16
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,185
And then he pretended to tie my hands
behind my back
17
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,854
and the whole time he kept screaming,
18
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,856
"Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up."
19
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I tell you,
20
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:51,445
it is so refreshing to be with someone
who likes to fuck outside the box.
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And this is my friend Samantha.
22
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The wallflower. Right.
23
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,202
That is incredibly offensive.
24
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,705
Violence against women
is very serious issue.
25
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:05,167
Oh, please. It was a fantasy.
Fantasies can't be censored.
26
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,086
Actually, I think the Supreme Court
is working on that right now.
27
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All fantasies are healthy and harmless.
Don't you agree?
28
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You know as a guy,
I've always been under the impression
29
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that "rape" or anything in the "rape"
family is just not a good idea.
30
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-Can I go home now?
31
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,645
There is no greater sound
than your friends
32
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,355
laughing at your new boyfriend's jokes.
33
00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,982
Well, that's not
the only scenario we play.
34
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:33,487
Sometimes he's Senator Smith
or Principal Smith. Cellmate Smith.
35
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,906
Okay. Moving on. Uh, Miranda.
36
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,824
How was your date
with the real estate guy?
37
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,826
-Actually it wasn't horrible.
38
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,287
He was kind of cute and funny and...
39
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:45,374
Hello? Oh. Doctor Smith.
40
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,209
Thank you for returning my call.
41
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,673
Excuse me.
He thinks I may have the mumps.
42
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:54,591
Yes, I am swollen.
43
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,051
Now, that's hot.
44
00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,346
So, how did the date end?
45
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:04,309
Um, he walked me home-- I'm sorry.
Are you maxed out on girl talk?
46
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:05,769
No, no, no. I'm good.
47
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,354
-I'll let you know.
-Okay.
48
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,440
So, he kissed me good night at the door.
49
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,568
I invited him up, he couldn't because
he had an early meeting.
50
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,862
We kissed again. Then he said he'd call.
51
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,116
Two kisses. Very promising.
52
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,742
You think?
Even though he didn't come up?
53
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,912
Definitely. It means he likes you
but he wants to take it slow.
54
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,039
-That's nice.
-Berger, what do you think?
55
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,210
You really wanna know?
56
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,879
Please. I would love to have
a man's opinion for a change.
57
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,173
All right.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you.
58
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,426
-He's just not that into you.
59
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,098
-That's not true.
-Don't listen to him.
60
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,685
No. No. I'm intrigued. Elaborate.
61
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,646
Look, I'm sorry but
when a guy's really into you,
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00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,565
he's coming upstairs,
meeting or no meeting.
63
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,778
Oh, that's is ludicrous.
What about extenuating circumstances?
64
00:03:56,862 --> 00:04:00,073
What about you're stressed out,
you're on deadline, you have a migraine?
65
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,618
Or a lot of guys are afraid
of getting their feelings hurt
66
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,662
and they don't wanna ruin a friendship.
67
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,665
Or they're freaked out
by their own feelings?
68
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,668
There's a lot of push-pull out there.
A lot of mixed messages.
69
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,422
Yeah. I have to say that's all code
for he's just not that into you.
70
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,924
I'm sorry, but with guys,
it's very simple.
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00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593
If we're into you,
we're coming upstairs.
72
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,637
We're booking the next date.
There are no mixed messages.
73
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,682
No mixed messages? But...
74
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,769
I've spent my whole life
deciphering mixed messages.
75
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,979
I've made a whole career of it.
76
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,940
Wow. He's just not that into me.
77
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,905
-He's just not that into me.
-Oh, honey. Ignore this person.
78
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,282
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
79
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:43,825
You are fired.
80
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,746
Look. If he's not into you,
the guy's obviously a weenie so...
81
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,498
No. No. I love it.
82
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,542
It is the most liberating thing
I have ever heard.
83
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,212
Think how much time in therapy
I could have saved
84
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,506
over the last 20 years
if I had known this.
85
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,509
I still think the real estate guy
is gonna call.
86
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:04,012
Yeah, I think you got an uncomfortable
e-mail coming your way, you know?
87
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,014
Something like,
"Sorry, I haven't called.
88
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,183
I'm in a place in the world
where they don't have phones."
89
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,186
I love him.
90
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,605
The best part of a night out
with your friends
91
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,732
is talking about them all the way home.
92
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,944
Charlotte is a trip.
Samantha's hilarious.
93
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,321
-They all are.
-They thought you were hilarious.
94
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:25,242
-Miranda-- How do you not love Miranda?
-I know. I love her.
95
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,285
And I love that you loved her.
96
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:30,038
Oh, God, she loved you. They all did.
97
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,623
And they are a tough crowd.
98
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:35,126
-I'm a tough crowd.
-Okay. Your choice.
99
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,963
Fudgesicle or Nutty-Buddy.
100
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,632
Oh, my God. I wanted this one!
101
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,133
-We're perfect!
102
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,678
Oh, and when you went to the men's room,
they were all--
103
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,720
Stop.
104
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,139
-What? Am I talking too much?
-No. I wanna say something
105
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:51,226
and I don't want you to say
anything back, okay? You promise?
106
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,188
I love you.
107
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,190
I love you, too.
108
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,526
And I am not saying it
because you said it to me, I promise.
109
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,320
I was gonna say it before.
I've been thinking it the whole night.
110
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,701
I love you.
I just wanted to say it again on my own.
111
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,119
Hm.
112
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,538
In my euphoric state,
113
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,833
I knew there was only one kind of person
who could tolerate me.
114
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,586
I'm in love too. I'm so happy for you.
115
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,588
It's the fastest I've ever said,
"I love you"
116
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,840
but I literally could not
hold it in my mouth.
117
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,676
And why should you?
There's no reason. You're in love.
118
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:28,430
-I'm in love.
-I love Harry so much, it hurts.
119
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,558
Sometimes I look at Berger
and he's so cute,
120
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,811
I just wanna squeeze his face off.
121
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,606
This Friday night is
my first official Shabbos.
122
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:41,568
So, I am cooking a big
traditional dinner for Harry.
123
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,820
I'm so excited to finally be a real Jew!
124
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,782
- Here's your brisket, lady.
-Listen. Listen. I said lean!
125
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,250
Just when I thought my week
couldn't get any better,
126
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,420
I came home to find
a little surprise from Berger.
127
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,771
From Berger's book to Samantha's books.
128
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,441
I'm sorry, Ms. Jones,
129
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:25,987
but you owe the US government
$300,000 in back taxes.
130
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:29,574
But, auditor Smith,
I don't have that kind of money.
131
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,119
What are you gonna do?
Take the shirt off my back?
132
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,456
Take the shirt off my back.
133
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,459
-Oh!
134
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,169
Ah.
135
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,131
This is what I call internal revenue!
136
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,263
In my fantasy,
Hurricane Pandora would be brilliant.
137
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,432
In reality...
138
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,394
it was.
139
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,611
All right, if you're still not finished,
it's all over between us.
140
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:09,197
I just finished it just this minute,
I swear.
141
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:10,699
Did you stop for meals?
142
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:14,452
Hey. It's been two days. It's 400 pages.
143
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,705
Yeah, well, I can't date a slow reader.
144
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:17,998
Are you done?
145
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,333
-Question is, are you done?
-Yes, I'm done.
146
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,085
And if you would shut your trap,
147
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,129
I could tell you...
148
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:29,759
-that I love, love, loved it!
149
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,469
I loved it.
150
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,472
Except for one huge problem.
151
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:38,560
You have your leading lady running
all over town wearing a scrunchie!
152
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,146
A scrunchie.
153
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:45,025
Uh, the hair thing?
What's wrong with that?
154
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,902
Well, nothing. Unless you're writing
about women on the island of Manhattan,
155
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,280
in which case uh, where do I begin?
156
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,783
What are you talking about?
A lot of New York women wear scrunchies.
157
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:57,245
Uh, in the bathroom maybe,
when they're washing their faces.
158
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,621
You're full of shit.
159
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,167
I see women every single day, all over
New York City wearing scrunchies.
160
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,712
Okay, but here's the thing.
Here's my crucial point.
161
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,715
No woman who works at W magazine
and lives on Perry Street
162
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,093
would be caught dead
at a hip downtown restaurant
163
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,138
wearing a scrunchie!
164
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,850
Man, it's a good thing I came along
165
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:22,479
because you may know the fellas
but I know the ladies.
166
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,981
-Great.
-Okay.
167
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,568
-Can I read you my favorite part?
-No. I'm done talking about the book.
168
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,362
We ordering in?
169
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:38,036
He completely shut down. Why?
170
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:41,664
Why did I have to get up
on my sassy horse and ruin everything?
171
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,541
Yeah. Sass will bite you on the ass.
172
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,710
And the thing that kills me
is I loved the book.
173
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,337
I could have gushed about it all night.
174
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,757
Why did I have to go straight
to the negative and just pick at it?
175
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,258
Because you're in a relationship.
176
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,469
I used to pick at Steve
about everything.
177
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:58,223
The way he held his fork,
his grammar, his dirty fingernails.
178
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,265
Used to?
179
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,559
He has a new girlfriend for that now.
180
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:02,727
Debbie!
181
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,563
-Do you think Debbie picks at Steve?
-Of course.
182
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,816
All women pick. It's in our DNA.
183
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,776
It's our little way of showing
that we care.
184
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,530
Well, I think I've made it abundantly
clear just how much I care.
185
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,198
Well, you have to work it out with him.
186
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,659
Berger has single-handedly
changed my life.
187
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,369
I still haven't heard
from the real estate guy.
188
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:20,787
But it's fine.
189
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,455
He's just not that into me.
190
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,916
I think right now,
Berger's just not that into me.
191
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,793
So, talk to him about it.
192
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,546
You two seem like you could laugh
your way through anything.
193
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,757
Yeah, it's that kind of thinking that
got me into this in the first place.
194
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,972
One of the signs that
a female gorilla is in love
195
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,976
is that she can be seen picking
nits off her male companion.
196
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,651
And yet in humans,
197
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,654
nit picking can ruin
a perfectly good evening.
198
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,364
Not to mention, a relationship.
199
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,742
Women are known to be
more verbal than men,
200
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:04,747
but, when does criticism
that's constructive become destructive?
201
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:09,210
Are there times when the ladies
should just shut the fuck up?
202
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:18,052
The next morning,
another woman was making too much noise.
203
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,016
What an earth is all that banging?
204
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,143
Oh, good morning, Mrs. Collier!
205
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,811
I'm a Jew now. How are you?
206
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,197
-I know he'll call eventually.
-Yeah.
207
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,699
He's just going through
a really hard time right now.
208
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,618
-Mm-hm.
-His boss got laid off.
209
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,787
Later on her lunch hour,
Miranda checked her BlackBerry.
210
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,289
There it was,
211
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,375
the uncomfortable e-mail
Berger had predicted.
212
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,419
- Yeah.
- Then we may get busy,
213
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:55,006
it's like, "Ah, I can't call. My God,
I'm so stressed. I can't call you."
214
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:58,384
- But he's gonna call.
-And his kitchen's being rewired.
215
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,846
-That's all so complicated. At least.
-Yeah that's like a two-day process.
216
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:06,434
Excuse me. I couldn't help
but overhear your conversation,
217
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:11,606
and I hope what I'm gonna say
will save you a lot of time and energy.
218
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,318
He's just not that into you.
219
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,030
So, move on. Have a great day.
220
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,784
Having passed on the gospel
to these New York women,
221
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,912
Miranda could only hope
they would spread the word,
222
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:26,955
far and wide.
223
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,415
-Bitch.
-Who the hell asked her?
224
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,333
Not me.
225
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,377
-I know you didn't.
-Crazy people in New York.
226
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,671
-He is so gonna call you.
-I know.
227
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,382
And as two women's fantasies
were being shattered,
228
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,592
another's were being brought to life.
229
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,846
Samantha Jones?
230
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,767
Detective Smith. Department of Homicide.
231
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,812
Afraid I'm gonna have to
ask you some questions, ma'am.
232
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,356
Why certainly, detective.
233
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,441
Am I in some kind of trouble?
234
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,820
-Two martinis please. Straight up.
- Yes, ma'am.
235
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,155
Actually, make mine a seltzer.
236
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,658
Oh, of course. You're working.
237
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,452
But you know, detective,
238
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,997
one little drink won't kill you.
239
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,875
-He'll have a martini.
-No, it's a seltzer.
240
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,628
Seriously, Samantha, I'm in AA.
241
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,463
That sobered Samantha right up.
242
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,591
I was totally like fucked up
for eight years in Seattle.
243
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,468
You know, I just realized,
244
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,305
I have a presentation first thing
in the morning, so...
245
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,807
sorry.
246
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,231
Jerry had taken the fantasy
into dangerous territory...
247
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,066
reality.
248
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,776
Two martinis.
249
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,486
No, dude, I said a seltzer.
250
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:45,074
Meanwhile, Charlotte was hard
at work on her fantasy role,
251
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,117
Martha Jewart.
252
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,245
Okay, the kugel's in the over.
The matzo balls are boiling.
253
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,455
There's three hours till Shabbos.
254
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,123
I think we should start
braiding the challah.
255
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,793
Doesn't Shabbos mean the day of rest,
i.e., ordering in?
256
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,545
We're wearing aprons.
257
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,921
Do you own aprons?
258
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:03,009
-The challah!
-Okay, okay. You don't have to "holla"!
259
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,511
Oh, Miranda, like this.
260
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:10,141
Oh. I don't know what I'm doing.
261
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,809
Why did you call me over here?
262
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,644
Because I didn't want to spend
the rest of the week saying,
263
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,188
"Guess you had to be there."
264
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,940
Hey. Did Harry's friend ever call you?
265
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,818
Yes. As a matter of fact,
I'm seeing him tonight.
266
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,653
You think I could get away
with this outfit?
267
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,323
-Definitely. The apron softens you.
268
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,867
Can you read me
what's next after it's braided?
269
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,453
Hm. Uh...
270
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,080
Oh.
271
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,707
With her high school boyfriend,
Charlotte doodled.
272
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,751
With Harry, she Jew-dled.
273
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:42,965
Um... I think it calls for two cups
of Mrs. Harry York Goldenblatt.
274
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,677
Did I miss something,
did you get married while I was at work?
275
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,889
No. But that's where we're headed.
276
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,933
You forget Charlotte Yorkenblatt.
277
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,895
Actually, I've been making some calls
and I was wondering
278
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,605
how you both felt about November.
279
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,525
-November for what?
-For our wedding.
280
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,694
Most of the synagogues
are booked through the fall.
281
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,782
-November works for me.
-Has Harry even proposed yet?
282
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,825
Miranda.
283
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,660
No. But he will.
284
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,455
Aren't you counting your
matzo balls before they rise?
285
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:16,958
Miranda, zip the lip.
286
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,626
Harry and I have an understanding
about our future.
287
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,628
We don't have to
talk about it all the time.
288
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,298
-It's "bereishit."
-I don't know what that means.
289
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,842
It's meant to be.
290
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,680
I would never have gone
through all this trouble
291
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,015
if I didn't know for sure
that we were getting married.
292
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,018
I'm sorry, I just don't want
to see you get hurt again.
293
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,569
And ever since her
reality check with Jerry,
294
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,904
Samantha had no interest
in seeing him again.
295
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,951
However, when a certain
government official called,
296
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,287
she was more than happy
to take a meeting.
297
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,710
Secret Service agent Smith.
298
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,086
If you're here...
299
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,381
who's protecting the president?
300
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,633
You know, I changed my mind.
301
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,760
I thought of something
even hotter for us to play.
302
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,513
Hotter than
Secret Service sluts?
303
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,764
-Yeah.
-Oh.
304
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,603
I'm me, you're you. Go.
305
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,981
Oh...
306
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,817
You know, when I told you the other
night I was in AA, you bolted.
307
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:26,652
What's up with that?
308
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,072
Jerry. It is Jerry, isn't it?
309
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,075
I'm afraid we want different things.
310
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,661
You want to tell me all about you
311
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,956
and I don't want you
to tell me all about you.
312
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,501
It spoils the fantasy.
313
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,921
-That's harsh.
-Yeah. I am harsh.
314
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:49,467
I'm also demanding, stubborn,
self-sufficient and always right.
315
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,637
In bed, at the office,
and everywhere else.
316
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,138
I already knew that.
317
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,724
And that's just a little bit about me.
318
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,060
All right. Cool.
319
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,021
Let me tell you
one little thing about me.
320
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,483
-See, this is exactly what--
-At least let me tell you my last name.
321
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,568
It's Jerrod.
322
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,282
Your parents named you Jerry Jerrod?
323
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,619
-No wonder you drank.
-Right?
324
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,872
There would still be
accountants and undercover agents
325
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,999
in their future, but that night,
326
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,544
Samantha and Jerry got off
on playing themselves.
327
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:30,132
Meanwhile, I was looking forward to
putting the scrunchie moment behind us.
328
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:38,015
Unfortunately,
it was staring us in the face.
329
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,398
Okay. I'm sorry to have to do this
330
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:49,360
but I do believe we are
in the presence of a scrunchie.
331
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,947
I also do believe,
and correct me if I'm wrong,
332
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,783
-that we are in New York City proper.
-Mm.
333
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,286
This woman does not appear to be
washing her face.
334
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,999
She appears to be standing on line
at a hip downtown restaurant.
335
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,961
So, kinda kills your
New York woman theory.
336
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,006
Ah. Tough break, Bradshaw.
337
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,760
-She's not from New York.
-What?
338
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,265
It doesn't matter. Did they say
how long the wait was gonna be?
339
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,767
Excuse me. Hi. I'm sorry to bother you.
340
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,270
We're just wondering
what part of New York you live in?
341
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,647
Who? Me?
342
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,150
Oh, gosh!
343
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:33,404
I am from Macon, Georgia.
344
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,698
But thanks, you made my whole day.
345
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,869
Honey, did you hear that?
These people think I live in New York.
346
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,205
I'm so hungry.
When they gonna let us sit down?
347
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,251
Downtown,
over curried lamb and chutney,
348
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,462
Miranda found herself
presently surprised
349
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,297
by Charlotte's matchmaking skills.
350
00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:55,426
-Oh! That was one spicy biryani.
-I know.
351
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,553
I've lost all feeling in my tongue.
352
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,182
Listen, I know a great place
around the corner
353
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,600
if you wanna get coffee.
354
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:09,398
Oh, you know, I wish I could,
but I really should call it a night.
355
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,735
Hey. It's fine. I understand.
356
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:16,739
You're just not that into me.
And it's okay. I get it.
357
00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,909
No No. I like you. I just...
358
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,203
really have to go.
359
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,705
Paul. Come on, you can stop lying.
360
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,248
-I am not lying.
361
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,751
Come on, be a man. Tell the truth.
362
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,213
I have diarrhea.
363
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:37,093
Apparently, there is
one rare exception to Berger's rule.
364
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,178
And it often involves curry.
365
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:43,849
After dinner, Berger ate
banana cream pie and I ate my words.
366
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,977
Another thing I loved was the way
you used the sister's phone calls
367
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,146
as little lamp posts.
368
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:54,110
I mean... land marks or, uh, miles...
mile posts. I don't know. Anyway.
369
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,071
I just loved how those sort of
punctuated the story.
370
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,656
It's just a really nice touch.
371
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:05,121
Oh, my God. The introduction, brilliant!
372
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,917
You're instantly on this guy's sight
even though he's a complete mess.
373
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,712
You know, you really just nailed him.
374
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,263
While I was working overtime,
375
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:26,183
Charlotte's work was
finally coming to an end.
376
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,478
Harry, you can come on in now.
Sorry it's so late.
377
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,563
What's all this?
378
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,231
Well, since it's our
first Shabbos together,
379
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,191
I wanted to make it a little special.
380
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,235
A little? This is phenomenal.
381
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,904
I just need to get the candles
and then we can say the Bracha.
382
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,918
Oh, come on.
383
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,257
Honey, please turn that off.
We're about to eat.
384
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:06,098
Mm. Smells incredible.
385
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,977
And you made brisket.
I cannot believe you made brisket.
386
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,892
-Good Shabbos.
-Good Shabbos, sweetie.
387
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:55,439
Mm. I cannot believe you made all this.
388
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,984
-What did I do to deserve you?
-I feel the same way.
389
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:04,490
I've been thinking about blessings
and you're such a blessing to me.
390
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,242
What are you--
391
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,329
Why is the TV on?
392
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,915
-It's on mute.
-Mute? Mute?
393
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,751
-We're having Shabbos dinner.
-It's a big game, honey.
394
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:19,171
Turn it off. I want you to turn it off
right this minute.
395
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,048
-But it's--
-Off, now.
396
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,883
Let me just watch this one pitch.
397
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:26,095
I gave up Christ for you
and you can't give up the Mets?
398
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:28,389
This is gonna be a long life
if you keep that up.
399
00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:31,016
"I gave up Christ for you,
take out the trash."
400
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,644
"I gave up Christ for you,
pick up your socks."
401
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:38,440
Do you have any idea how hard
I worked to prepare this meal for you?
402
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:42,027
I went to Zabar's everyday this week.
403
00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:48,576
I had to make 30 matzo balls just to get
four that were the right size and shape.
404
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,161
Not to mention the months of studying
405
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:54,373
and cramming like a maniac
to convert to Judaism.
406
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,958
And what have you done for me?
407
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,501
Set the date!
408
00:22:58,294 --> 00:23:01,005
-Set the date.
-What are you talking about?
409
00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:04,967
You said you couldn't marry me
unless I was Jewish and now I'm Jewish.
410
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:06,510
Set the date!
411
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,846
You're acting crazy.
Do you hear yourself?
412
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:11,891
Do you know how lucky
you are to have me?
413
00:23:12,349 --> 00:23:13,726
Do you know how we look?
414
00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:18,063
Do you know what people out there think
when they see us together, do you?
415
00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,900
Yeah, I know what people are thinking.
416
00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,777
I just didn't think you were
one of them.
417
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,364
Finally, it was Charlotte
who was on mute.
418
00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:28,908
I don't need this.
419
00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:31,619
I'm leaving.
420
00:23:35,998 --> 00:23:37,416
To think I bought a ring.
421
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,132
The Mets won that night 5-4.
422
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,718
But Charlotte lost everything
that mattered to her.
423
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:51,138
Oh. I just remembered
another hilarious part.
424
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,642
And later, on the corner
of 73rd and mea culpa...
425
00:23:54,725 --> 00:23:58,479
Um, you know the scene
where the dishwasher guy
426
00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,731
is spooning up the Rice Chex
and he's putting them back in the box?
427
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,566
It's perfection.
428
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,527
-How'd you come up with that?
-That's so lame.
429
00:24:05,903 --> 00:24:08,280
No, it was not. It was hysterical.
430
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:09,573
No, I'm not talking about the book.
431
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,784
I'm talking about
what you're doing right now.
432
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:15,955
I just wanted you to know
how much I loved your book.
433
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,082
Because I did.
434
00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:21,502
And I'm sorry I muddied it up
with the whole scrunchie thing.
435
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:23,003
It's not that big a deal.
436
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,130
Okay.
437
00:24:27,257 --> 00:24:28,801
I think I'm gonna call it a night.
438
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,929
Uh, I gotta get an early start tomorrow.
439
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:34,807
-Are you kidding?
-No. Thanks for dinner.
440
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,059
Call you tomorrow.
441
00:24:37,351 --> 00:24:39,728
And then there are times
when a New York woman
442
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,438
should not shut the fuck up.
443
00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:42,523
Hey.
444
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:45,693
Berger.
445
00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,779
Berger!
446
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:53,575
You can't just pull that line on me
and walk away.
447
00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,119
Well, this time it's true.
448
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,997
You're obviously still pissed
and I'm sorry
449
00:24:58,163 --> 00:24:59,957
but you can't just shut down like this.
450
00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:02,543
We have to be able to say
what's on our minds.
451
00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:06,088
If you thought that I had made
some kind of mistake,
452
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,756
I would want you to tell me.
453
00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:10,551
Oh? Nice hat.
454
00:25:14,555 --> 00:25:15,472
Carrie.
455
00:25:15,556 --> 00:25:17,725
It's fabulous and you just said
that to hurt my feelings.
456
00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:19,184
Well, that's how you made me
feel the other night--
457
00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:20,144
Fabulous.
458
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:23,605
-So, you can just walk away now.
-Uh, yes I can.
459
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,024
Well, look. I'm sorry. All right?
460
00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:27,484
But what was I supposed to do
with that scrunchie comment?
461
00:25:27,568 --> 00:25:30,779
Was I supposed to hop in my time machine
and go back, fix my entire book?
462
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,156
I don't know what your problem is,
463
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:34,491
but it doesn't have anything
to do with a scrunchie.
464
00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:37,828
Yeah. It's about the fact that my book
is a big fat fucking failure.
465
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,164
-Wait, what?
-It's just, you know,
466
00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:41,749
I already feel like shit.
467
00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:44,543
You trying to pump me up all night,
not helping.
468
00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:51,759
I'm sure this is all very sexy,
you probably never--
469
00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:54,511
Stop.
470
00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:58,557
I wanna say something
and I want you to listen.
471
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,061
You're a beautiful writer.
472
00:26:03,187 --> 00:26:05,397
And I loved your book.
473
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:08,192
And I love you.
474
00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:12,654
And I still think... you're very sexy.
475
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,076
And I'm not gonna let you
make a joke right now.
476
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:21,622
Then I got nothing.
477
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:27,920
Come on.
478
00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:34,134
Saying I love you is easy.
479
00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:38,013
What comes next, is a little scrunchier.
480
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,645
Harry hadn't called in two days
481
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:48,065
except to say he was sending
someone over to pick up his TV.
482
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:55,739
Just what New York needs.
Another single Jewish girl.
483
00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:04,832
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
484
00:27:04,915 --> 00:27:06,542
Mind if I get in there and wash my face?
485
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,210
Not at all.
486
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:12,464
Oh, my gosh.
487
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,133
-Hm?
-Where'd you get that?
488
00:27:14,216 --> 00:27:16,677
Well, Macon, Georgia.
Why, you wanna try it on?
489
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,053
-No.
-Oh, but you're gonna look
490
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:20,389
-so pretty with this scrunchie on.
-No!
491
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,099
You're gonna look really pretty.
492
00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:23,559
No, I hate you!
493
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:27,729
- How do you not love scrunchie?