1 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,049 - Taxi! 2 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:54,555 In autumn, New Yorkers treat every nice day 3 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,306 as if it could be their last. 4 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,978 I'd have another if you would, what do you say? 5 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:02,854 You're a bad influence. 6 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,439 I waited and waited. 7 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,149 You said to meet you at the subway. 8 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,860 I was at the subway. I was at the foot of the stairs. 9 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:12,072 You was at the subway? You was in the subway-- 10 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,449 Oh, you don't know how to give directions! I waited... 11 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,035 -This is going to be us in 30 years. -Please don't say that. 12 00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:20,747 -I'm kidding. That could never be us. -That already was us, remember? 13 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,499 Yeah, but that was then. 14 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,418 Okay, so for the future... 15 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,628 -...I don't want to become that. 16 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,381 Okay. I don't want you to worry about becoming that. 17 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,507 Okay. 18 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,633 I won't. 19 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,802 -All right. -Anything else we don't want? 20 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,555 Yeah. I don't want you paying for these beers. 21 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,223 -I'm serious. 22 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,183 Your turn. 23 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,310 Okay. 24 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,605 -I don't want to become your mother. -That's a good one. 25 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,274 I don't want to slack off like I used to. 26 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:50,277 I don't want to be so moody. This is fun. 27 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,279 I don't want to lose you again. 28 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,073 Even if I screw up all the other stuff, 29 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,117 that's the one that matters. 30 00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,661 I don't want to lose you either. 31 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,124 Will you marry me? 32 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:09,713 Are you serious? 33 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:12,716 Yes. 34 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,301 Will you? 35 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,386 Hell yeah. 36 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,473 Some couples have to say their I don'ts 37 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,184 before they can ever imagine saying their I dos. 38 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,527 Eighty blocks and a world away, 39 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,238 I was enjoying a different kind of happy hour 40 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,532 at Aleksandr Petrovsky's. 41 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:38,950 That's pretty. What is that? 42 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,955 -Oh. 43 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,551 This is a little tune I've made up for you. 44 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,720 -What? -Mmm-hmm. 45 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,181 -No, you didn't. -Yes, I did. 46 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:10,148 Which means "a woman with luminous and shining, sparkling eyes." 47 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:27,499 That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard in my life. ick! 48 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:31,795 I know. I can't even look at you all right now. I'm so embarrassed. 49 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:35,882 Well, it all sounds very old world to me. Very 18th century Russia. 50 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,719 Yes, and I live in New York City circa now. 51 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,680 I think it's romantic if someone offers me a seat on the subway. 52 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,265 That is romantic. 53 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:47,561 We are just starved for real romance and that is the sad truth. 54 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:50,272 I'm not starved. Smith is in LA for the week 55 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,733 and he calls me every night before he goes to sleep. 56 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:53,859 Phone sex doesn't count. 57 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,153 Well, I'm drinking a glass of wine while we do it. 58 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,030 I want to hear more about the romance. What else? What else did he do? 59 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:03,952 Well, there was one more thing but if you I tell you, 60 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,371 it will be the ick heard round the world. 61 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,497 It will not. 62 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,584 You know the song that he wrote for me? 63 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,002 Yeah. ick. 64 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,212 Well, it had a name. 65 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:22,387 The woman with eyes that... 66 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,222 Sparkle? 67 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:26,725 -What's French for ick? -Eyck! 68 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,393 And I swear to you while he was playing it, 69 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,687 I, I floated up out of my body 70 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,441 and I was on the ceiling looking down at myself thinking... 71 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,443 "Come on!" 72 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,821 He was just expressing genuine emotion in an old fashioned way. 73 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,907 But it's not genuine. It's pure show. 74 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,701 I can't stand all that artificial hoo-ha. 75 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,330 That's why I proposed to Steve over $3 beers. 76 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,876 You proposed? 77 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,420 You proposed marriage? 78 00:04:55,504 --> 00:05:00,008 Okay. Everybody stop. It's not a big deal. I'm not engaged. 79 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,093 I'm not doing the big circus wedding. 80 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:05,472 There will be no white dress or bridesmaids or posed pictures. 81 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,140 I hate all that shit. 82 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:11,561 Well, that's your choice. Every bride has to find her own style. 83 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:13,855 When is it going to be? 84 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,691 As soon as I can find some place that doesn't make me hurl. 85 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,194 It's just going to be a simple, nothing thing. 86 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,946 I don't even care about the wedding. 87 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,073 I just want to be with Steve. 88 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,950 -Oh, Miranda. -Okay. 89 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,077 This is exactly what I don't want. 90 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,411 No tears. 91 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,579 Oh, my God. 92 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,206 I can't believe it. 93 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,166 That's it. You're all freaking me out. 94 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,754 Samantha, I expected more from you. 95 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:46,221 He just felt inspired to write her a song and then he played it for her. 96 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,431 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 97 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,141 Yeah. Not bad. 98 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,644 I used to play clarinet when I was little. 99 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,855 This is so good! You have to have some. 100 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,149 Doesn't that taste like real butter pecan? 101 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,361 Okay. If that's what we're playing, sure. 102 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,030 I can pretend this whipped flavored air is the real thing. 103 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,574 -Yum. 104 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,617 I mean, it's like something out of a Victorian novel. 105 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,828 People just don't do those things anymore. 106 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,746 Hey, I can be romantic too, you know. 107 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,165 Oh, honey, I know you can. 108 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,711 I think it's romantic that you walk me to the Tasti D-Lite every night. 109 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,170 Don't humor me. 110 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:22,716 I know how to do romance right. It's not just for foo-foo foreigners. 111 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:23,842 -In fact... -Mmm. 112 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:27,679 In fact, I am going to take you out for a real romantic night on the town. 113 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,390 Mmm-hmm. Wining and dining baby. 114 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,766 -Really? -You bet. 115 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,727 Let me get another lick of that. 116 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,104 -Mmm. -Okay. 117 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:40,066 I don't want to make a big entrance. I don't want everyone staring at me. 118 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,985 And from licking to lugging... 119 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,321 I just want it to feel like us. Like... 120 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,907 Not like one of those millions of cookie-cutter weddings 121 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,074 I've had to suffer through. 122 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,492 How do we do that? 123 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,495 What about one of those boat rides that goes all around the island? 124 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,413 That's different. 125 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,623 We're not boat people. 126 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,917 When have we ever been on a boat together, ever? 127 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,043 Okay. 128 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,669 You got a better idea? 129 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,504 Shit! 130 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,131 Oh, shit. 131 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:06,259 -Oh! -This is so us. We are pathetic. 132 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,013 This gum is like super glue. Look at this. 133 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,475 You see? We're bad people, not boat people. 134 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,061 We should get married right here, in this mess. 135 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,188 We're going to have to if I can't get this gum off. 136 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,442 Hey. 137 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,361 That's a nice garden. 138 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,781 Yeah. It's pretty. 139 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,283 But not corny. 140 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,327 What do you think? 141 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,788 I don't hate it. 142 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,085 The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding 143 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:41,211 when you hate weddings... 144 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,337 What about a guestbook? 145 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:45,548 Is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings. 146 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,217 Sweetie, there's going to be like eight of us there. 147 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,551 There's no one to keep track of. 148 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,388 I can't believe Miranda's getting married. 149 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,599 -This is pretty. -Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic. 150 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,767 And too bridey. 151 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,978 Yeah. Let's try not to piss her off. 152 00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:01,064 Well, maybe we should just buy her a stapler and wrap it in brown paper 153 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,649 and just smear some dog poo on it. 154 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,484 You think she'd be comfortable with that? 155 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,613 Fine. We'll get the dish. 156 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,324 Ladies. 157 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,576 I have something to tell you. 158 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,620 And you're not going to like it. 159 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,040 If you get married and leave me all alone, I will kill you. 160 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:22,502 As you know I have always loved my body just the way it is. 161 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:26,965 My legs are fantastic, I have killer abs. My ass is perfection. 162 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,758 Is this the part we're not going to like? 163 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,678 But I have decided after careful consideration, 164 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,556 that I might be ready for bigger boobs. 165 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:36,975 Since when? 166 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:40,895 Since I had a cold hard dose of reality. 167 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,565 From this. Look. 168 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,442 You're in In Touch magazine? 169 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,069 -And that's your source of reality? -Yes. 170 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,406 They named Smith Jerrod the number one hot guy to watch. 171 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:54,492 They followed him all over town for a week. I'm in half the pictures. 172 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,413 See. There are my boobs on Wednesday. See how small they are? 173 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:02,042 There they are again on Thursday. Teeny tiny. 174 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,545 And there they are having lunch. You can barely see them. 175 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,005 I should have bought my loop. 176 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,091 I can't believe you would actually consider having a boob job. 177 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,594 I can't believe you went to Planet Hollywood. 178 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:17,057 You are a confident intelligent woman. Why would you want to look like a bimbo? 179 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,684 I wouldn't be getting the watermelon freak show kind. 180 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,187 I'd get something tasteful. Something like... 181 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,522 Yours. 182 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,775 Yours are good. 183 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,526 -Mine? -Hmm. 184 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,779 -Thank you. -What's wrong with mine? 185 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,238 Well, they're not bad either. 186 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,741 -Let's see. -Okay! All right. 187 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,284 -Get hers! 188 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,368 No. 189 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,955 A few days later the rain came. 190 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,874 Listen, you'll like this poem. 191 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:44,876 Poem? 192 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,711 And so did the poetry. 193 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,130 "So long had a life together been 194 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,549 that once the snow began to fall 195 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,510 it seemed unending. 196 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:57,555 That least the flakes should make her eyelids wince. 197 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,933 I chilled them with my hand 198 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:04,312 and they pretending not to believe that cherishing of eyes would beat 199 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:07,565 against my palm like butterflies." 200 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,611 Yeow. 201 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,197 That is some serious stuff. 202 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:15,698 Had enough, huh? 203 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,326 No. No, it's beautiful. 204 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:23,248 How about I read you a little bit of my favorite poetry? 205 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,582 Please. 206 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,213 "Cocktails at Tiffany's calls for classic charm. 207 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,051 Oscar de la Renta, sleeveless silk faille. 208 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:39,889 Full skirted dress with black patent leather bow belt." 209 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:45,186 Now that is pure poetry. 210 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,355 Oscar's a good friend of mine. 211 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,107 I'll tell him you like the dress. 212 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,358 Oscar? 213 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,653 You call him Oscar? 214 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,946 It's his name, isn't it? 215 00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,785 So you feel uncomfortable with the poetry. Why is that? 216 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,081 Look. I'm sorry. 217 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,585 Perhaps we were not properly introduced. 218 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,462 I write a column based on the assumption 219 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:14,299 that romance is either dead or just... 220 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,926 -Phony. -You think I'm phony? 221 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:21,890 No. No, no, not at all. No. I'm the one that feels like a phony. 222 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:27,812 Frankly, I'm just not used to these grand gestures. 223 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,106 You mean no other man, no one ever... 224 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,193 read you a little poem or... 225 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,196 played a little music for you? 226 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,323 Um... 227 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,742 No. 228 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,827 No, they have not. 229 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,704 Wow. 230 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:48,708 Okay. 231 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,967 I'm in over my head. Where are you? 232 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,261 Shopping for a wedding dress on my lunch hour. 233 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:05,016 I said no white, no ivory. No nothing that says virgin. 234 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,226 I have a child. 235 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:07,644 The jig is up. 236 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:13,066 Okay, so, yesterday the Russian read me a Russian poem. 237 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:16,736 -But, you know, in English. -Are you just making this stuff up now? 238 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:21,616 No. And this might sound crazy, but I don't think it's an act. 239 00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:24,535 I think he actually means it. 240 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,455 That doesn't make it okay. 241 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,499 Has he considered your feelings? 242 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,793 You're right. He's a selfish pig. 243 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,127 I'm serious. 244 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:37,298 I think you should tell him that this whole romance thing gives you the icks, 245 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:41,094 turns your stomach and that he's dating you, not Anna Karenina. 246 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,930 Okay, I'll tell him that. I can't tell him that. 247 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:48,935 And let me ask you something. If you're so anti-romance, 248 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,937 why are you having a wedding at all? Why not just 249 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,731 go down to city hall and get it over with? 250 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,608 You know, I thought about that. 251 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,988 But then I realized I actually do want to say those vows out loud 252 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,448 to Steve in front of the people I care about. 253 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,034 Are you gagging over there? 254 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,869 No, the opposite. 255 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:11,249 My God, Miranda, you were my cynical touchstone. 256 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,460 Do you promise to still be cynical even after you're married? 257 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:15,628 I do. 258 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:20,216 I have got to go. There's a big pile of tutus coming at me. 259 00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:23,803 Okay. We need to have another talk. 260 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,727 One of the great things about living in New York City, 261 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,229 is that you don't have to sugar coat your feelings. 262 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:38,067 But have New York women settled for a sugar-free existence as well? 263 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,280 We accept Tasti D-Lite instead of real ice cream, 264 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,657 e-mails instead of love songs, 265 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,826 jokes instead of poetry. 266 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,787 It's no wonder that when faced with the real thing, 267 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,247 we can't stomach it. 268 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,584 Is it something we could learn to digest or... 269 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,712 Have we become romance intolerant? 270 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,972 Et puis, for the troisième course, we would like the foie gras, 271 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:12,226 followed by the boeuf bourguignon avec la légume à la crème. 272 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,520 It was Harry's version of a serenade. 273 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,105 And Charlotte ate it right up. 274 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,649 Et en fin, the plat du fromage. 275 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,778 The plate or the cart? We have a lovely cheese cart. 276 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,571 Mais oui. Bring us the cart. 277 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,656 Tout suite for my sweetie. 278 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,243 I had no idea you could speak French so well, honey. 279 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,621 The French learn romance from me, baby. 280 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,669 Downtown, in the name of boob job research, 281 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,671 -Samantha decided to go... -Yeah, nice. 282 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,757 ...where the biggest crop would be on display. 283 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,009 Some were little boobs. 284 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,469 -That's okay. -Not so bad. 285 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,763 Some were big boobs. 286 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,182 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 287 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,562 Some were ridiculously big boobs. 288 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:57,688 Oh, boy. 289 00:14:57,772 --> 00:15:00,358 Okay, that's my wife right there. 290 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,985 And then there were the two biggest boobs of all. 291 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,279 -Right beside her. -Wow! 292 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,663 Can I get you something? 293 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:18,042 You either have the most naturally beautiful breasts I've ever seen 294 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,044 or I need the name of your doctor. 295 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,797 You want Dr. Bevel. He's the best. 296 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,882 They paid for themselves in tips alone. 297 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,389 Meanwhile, back in the 18th century... 298 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,640 Oh. 299 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,394 I'm sorry. Is this a formal sleepover? 300 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,235 Actually there's an opening at the Met tonight. 301 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,654 It's La Traviata, and you're going with me. 302 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:52,076 Man, I was this close to throwing on my ball gown but I ignored my instincts. 303 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,996 -All right, I'll go home and change? -No, no, no, could be much faster. 304 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:56,747 Come in. 305 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,255 Come on, Open it. 306 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,732 Tonight only your poetry, not mine. 307 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,651 From the magazine. You like it? 308 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,529 If I had been on a romance-free diet, 309 00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,865 this seemed like a good time to binge. 310 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:38,664 That was the most romantic, elegant... 311 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,003 Pardon me. That was weird. 312 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,965 Decadent... 313 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,843 -Seven course... 314 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,097 I'm sorry, honey. 315 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,309 -Oh, boy. 316 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:00,853 Are you okay? 317 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,531 Honey? 318 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,741 Are you going to be long in there? 319 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,243 Uh, maybe. 320 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,579 Oh, definitely. Why? 321 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,790 That's okay. I'll go to the other one. 322 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,459 When you splurge on romantic, seven-course meal, 323 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,212 you generally want to remember every bite. 324 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:29,173 There was the soup course, the dessert course, 325 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:32,301 and all the other yummy courses in between. 326 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,763 That's got to be it. I'm done. 327 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:40,184 Harry and Charlotte had romance shooting out of them every 20 minutes. 328 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,602 Oh, I'm not. 329 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,271 For the rest of the night. 330 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,232 I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's not pleasant. 331 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,067 I can't make it to the other one. 332 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,902 It's the fucking fromage. 333 00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,028 No. 334 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,698 That fucking fromage. 335 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,909 Uh-oh. Oh. 336 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,954 Oh. Look out. I'm coming in. 337 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,416 Surviving a night of food poisoning together 338 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,376 wasn't the stuff of great romance, 339 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:08,129 but it was the stuff of lasting love. 340 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,966 -The show starts at 7:30. -No, it's eight o'clock, we're fine. 341 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:15,219 Meanwhile, a funny thing happened on the way to the opera. 342 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:19,515 Wait, wait. 343 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,059 - What? 344 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,937 This music. This place. 345 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,064 You. 346 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,443 Is it perfect? 347 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,654 Would you dance with me? 348 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,913 It was the most romantic moment. 349 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,291 Stop, stop. 350 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,751 - What? - Oh, my God. That lady fell. 351 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,587 -Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay? - Is she all right? 352 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,130 You okay? 353 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,551 No. It's too much. 354 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,887 I'm an American. 355 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,681 You gotta take it down a notch. 356 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,184 - Does she need any help? - No, he's got it. 357 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:08,022 And then a quarter of a pounder with cheese. 358 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,190 Um... 359 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,441 McNuggets. 360 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,568 Would you like to super-size that? 361 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,780 -Can you handle it? -Absolutely. 362 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,698 Absolutely. 363 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,036 I'm sorry about the opera. 364 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,790 Don't be silly. Other time. Other dress. 365 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,878 May I offer you a fry? 366 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,257 -They're French. -Oh, then... 367 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,260 Here you are, thank you. 368 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,012 Mmm... 369 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:42,598 Mmm. 370 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:47,853 Okay. 371 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,981 I think I might be up for a quick spin now. 372 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,526 If you'll still have me. 373 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,027 Of course. 374 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,575 That'll be $9.54. 375 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,627 And there, beneath the florescent moonlight, 376 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:15,506 I was finally laughing with romance and not at it. 377 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:21,762 And if I went any bigger than this, I think I'd look ridiculous, don't you? 378 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:25,266 Well, that's not my work. But I did hers. 379 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,393 And hers right before the Golden Globes. 380 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,894 Wow, they're winners. 381 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,396 Other arm, please. 382 00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,941 I have an event in two months 383 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,444 that I'd really like to have a little cleavage for. 384 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,779 -Hmm. -Will they be up and running by then? 385 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,365 Miss Jones, you have a lump I'd like you to have checked out 386 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:42,700 before we begin our work. 387 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,369 It's right here, you can feel it yourself. 388 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:46,871 Are you kidding? 389 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,581 No, I'm afraid not. 390 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,125 Okay. 391 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,836 But it's not serious, right? 392 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,922 Well, it's probably just a cyst, but we want to be absolutely sure. 393 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,550 I'd like you to have it looked at as soon as possible, okay? 394 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,019 By Miranda's wedding day, I felt the whole world had gone romantic 395 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,855 when Samantha insisted on picking me up in a cab. 396 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:16,942 What has come over you? This is 100 blocks out of your way. 397 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,195 So, now we're going to 10th and 6th Avenue please. 398 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,197 -Boy, you look nice. -Well, so do you. 399 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,323 Thank you. 400 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:26,702 So I had my breast consultation with the plastic surgeon. 401 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,621 Please tell me you've changed your mind. 402 00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:31,332 Well, not exactly. He found a lump. 403 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:34,668 And I had it biopsied, and it turns out I have cancer. 404 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:35,836 You... 405 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,379 You what? When? 406 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,591 Well, I had it biopsied on Wednesday and I found out yesterday. 407 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,468 I'm going to give you all the information 408 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,969 and I don't want you to get upset 409 00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:47,515 or start worrying and the only reason I'm telling you now and not later 410 00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:50,643 is I didn't want to accidentally blurt out, "I have cancer" 411 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,394 in the middle of Miranda's wedding. 412 00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:56,565 Could you please take fifth? Broadway's a disaster. 413 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,027 Okay. I'm listening. 414 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,363 And please don't tell Charlotte and Miranda. 415 00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:03,948 I don't want to ruin their days too. 416 00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:05,324 Of course, whatever you say. 417 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:09,036 So, what exactly do you know? 418 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,747 Well, just that there are cancer cells and I had a mammogram 419 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:13,874 and they think it's small which is a good sign. 420 00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:17,044 And I won't know anything else until they take the fucker out next week. 421 00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,797 So there, now you know everything and we can talk about something else. 422 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:24,927 So do you like my skunk? 423 00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:29,431 Well, thank you for telling me. 424 00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:30,599 Sure. 425 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:34,353 I'm sorry to put a big cloud over the whole day. 426 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,273 -Samantha. -I know I'm going to be fine. 427 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:38,566 I know that. 428 00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,150 It's just... 429 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:44,530 I don't want to lose my breasts. 430 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:49,118 -They're fabulous. -They are. 431 00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:56,625 - For better or worse. - For richer or poorer. 432 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,085 For richer or poorer. 433 00:22:58,419 --> 00:23:01,380 To love and to cherish as long we both shall live. 434 00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:04,925 To love and to cherish for as long we both shall live. 435 00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:08,804 - This is my solemn vow. -This is my solemn vow. 436 00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:12,224 Now Miranda. I Miranda Hobbes. 437 00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,184 I Miranda Hobbes. 438 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:17,938 - Take you, Steve Brady. -Take you, Steve Brady. 439 00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:21,025 - To be my husband. -To be my husband. 440 00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:23,777 Look, Mommy and Daddy are getting married. 441 00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:26,697 - For richer or poorer. -For richer or poorer. 442 00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,367 -In sickness and in health. - In sickness and in health. 443 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:33,662 To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live. 444 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:37,207 To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live. 445 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:40,461 This is my solemn vow. This is my solemn vow. 446 00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:43,505 Do you promise to uphold these vows you've made here today, 447 00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:46,133 witnessed by your closest friends and family? 448 00:23:47,468 --> 00:23:49,637 -I do. -I do. 449 00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:53,307 With the power invested in me by the State of New York, 450 00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:56,685 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 451 00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:07,196 Come on, everybody, it's happy time. 452 00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:10,282 It's happy time. 453 00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:13,911 -Come on. Come on, it's happy time. 454 00:24:17,581 --> 00:24:20,793 The one wedding ritual Miranda never had a problem with 455 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:24,171 was the part where everyone eats. And so we did. 456 00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,840 Samantha, you look so pretty today. 457 00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:29,259 -Thanks. I have cancer. -What? 458 00:24:29,343 --> 00:24:32,096 -Are you all okay with drinks? -No, we're not okay with drinks. 459 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,889 -Keep them coming. -Cool. 460 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,144 -I like the color of your dress. -Oh, thank you. 461 00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:41,730 I admire you for not pretending. 462 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:48,737 So we're family now and there's something private I want to tell you. 463 00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:52,950 -Oh, you don't have to. -The day I married Steve's father, 464 00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:54,368 I wore white. 465 00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,328 But I shouldn't have. 466 00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,288 I slipped. 467 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:01,125 Once. God forgive me. 468 00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:04,753 Don't tell Steve. 469 00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:08,215 When I walked down that aisle at St. Agnes, 470 00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:14,430 I had a white dress on, on the outside and my little Jackie on the inside. 471 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,565 Steve? 472 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:28,277 Hey. Ma. Still hungry? 473 00:25:28,485 --> 00:25:30,154 Come on. Let's get some chow. 474 00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,702 Oh, my God. I am legally bound to Steve's mother. 475 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,245 -Hi again. -Congratulations! 476 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:39,371 Congratulations! 477 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,251 What? Why are you being weird? 478 00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,421 -We're not being weird. -No, we're just talking. 479 00:25:47,713 --> 00:25:48,964 About me, right? 480 00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,633 You think I'm an asshole, that I've become one of them. 481 00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:53,010 That I'm a Stepford bride. 482 00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:54,970 -No! -God, no! 483 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,805 Then tell me what you were talking about. 484 00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,308 I'll tell you tomorrow. I don't want to ruin your special day. 485 00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:04,521 Forget about my special fucking day and be normal, please. I beg of you. 486 00:26:09,151 --> 00:26:10,569 I have breast cancer. 487 00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:13,781 -What? -See? 488 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:15,908 Now it's my special fucking day. 489 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,411 You have breast cancer? 490 00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,789 Hey, no tears. 491 00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:23,582 Miranda, 492 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,043 I expected more from you. 493 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,921 See, this is what we were afraid of. Go back to your people. 494 00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:30,506 We'll talk about this later. 495 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,133 You are my people and we'll talk about it now. 496 00:26:34,802 --> 00:26:36,136 Now start at the beginning. 497 00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:39,640 You are the bossiest bride in the world. 498 00:26:39,723 --> 00:26:42,351 Yes, I am, and you have to do everything I say. 499 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:43,644 Oh. 500 00:26:45,687 --> 00:26:46,814 Now start talking. 501 00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:51,860 Okay. Do you remember when I... 502 00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:53,612 For better or for worse, 503 00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:55,739 we were all ourselves that day. 504 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,660 Just the way Miranda wanted it.