1 00:00:48,002 --> 00:00:50,013 [Carrie] In a city of perfect people, 2 00:00:50,015 --> 00:00:53,011 no one was more perfect than Brooke. 3 00:00:55,005 --> 00:00:59,003 She was an interior designer who only dated A-list guys. 4 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:04,014 For Brooke, every Saturday night was like the senior prom. 5 00:01:08,006 --> 00:01:10,011 So when she got married, 6 00:01:10,013 --> 00:01:14,002 we were all dying to see which one had made the cut. 7 00:01:14,004 --> 00:01:15,017 Hey! 8 00:01:15,019 --> 00:01:17,012 [Carrie] Was I the only one who remembered 9 00:01:17,014 --> 00:01:19,004 that Brooke once described this man 10 00:01:19,006 --> 00:01:21,023 as more boring than exposed brick? 11 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,021 Molly, thank you so much. 12 00:01:28,018 --> 00:01:32,005 [Carrie] It was your average $100,000 wedding. 13 00:01:34,022 --> 00:01:37,014 Investment bankers and the women who hate them, 14 00:01:39,006 --> 00:01:42,009 classmates from Steiner, Dalton, and Brown. 15 00:01:43,006 --> 00:01:44,015 And us. 16 00:01:44,017 --> 00:01:46,013 We looked like The Witches of Eastwick . 17 00:01:46,015 --> 00:01:50,002 ["When the Saints Go Marching In" playing] 18 00:01:51,022 --> 00:01:57,006 [big band music] 19 00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:03,010 A wedding this size always has two singles tables. 20 00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,019 We were at the other one. 21 00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:12,005 Hello. 22 00:02:14,011 --> 00:02:17,012 Hi. I'm Bernie Turtletaub, friend of the groom. 23 00:02:20,005 --> 00:02:21,013 [Carrie] It was The Turtle. 24 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,009 A Manhattan legend known for two things. 25 00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,016 Good investments and bad breath. 26 00:02:25,018 --> 00:02:27,010 God, my feet are killing me. 27 00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:28,020 -[Carrie] Here, sit down. -[Samantha] I can't. 28 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,004 This outfit only works if I'm standing. 29 00:02:31,006 --> 00:02:34,007 Oh, I think it works either way. 30 00:02:34,022 --> 00:02:38,009 You know, I-- I think I'm at that table over there. 31 00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:43,023 Your friend is gorgeous. 32 00:02:44,022 --> 00:02:47,010 What do I have to do to get to know her better? 33 00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:51,019 [inhales deeply] 34 00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:58,021 Do you think the pears in this tart are Bosc or Bartlett? 35 00:02:58,023 --> 00:03:00,014 Who cares? 36 00:03:00,016 --> 00:03:03,019 [Carrie] Two hours later, we were bored. 37 00:03:03,021 --> 00:03:05,018 Supplies were dwindling, 38 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:08,002 and one of our passengers had jumped ship. 39 00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:10,016 So are we going to stick around and catch the bouquet? 40 00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:14,000 That is so not going to happen. 41 00:03:14,002 --> 00:03:17,006 Bosc! They've got to be Bosc. 42 00:03:22,008 --> 00:03:25,004 Oh, can you believe I finally did it? 43 00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:29,006 Mm! You're next! 44 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:31,021 Bill's got some great single friends. 45 00:03:35,018 --> 00:03:37,004 It's always better to marry someone 46 00:03:37,006 --> 00:03:39,005 who loves you more than you love them. 47 00:03:46,003 --> 00:03:47,019 [Carrie] People are always telling me things 48 00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:49,014 I don't want to hear. 49 00:03:49,016 --> 00:03:51,016 But this one crossed the line. 50 00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:55,013 Hey. Did I wake you? 51 00:03:55,015 --> 00:03:56,016 Not at all. 52 00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,018 [Carrie] Question. 53 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,001 Why do people get married 54 00:03:59,003 --> 00:04:00,011 if they're not in love? 55 00:04:01,004 --> 00:04:02,008 I don't know. 56 00:04:02,015 --> 00:04:05,003 Companionship. Guilt... 57 00:04:05,022 --> 00:04:07,002 Political asylum? 58 00:04:07,004 --> 00:04:08,014 Well, why did you get married? 59 00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:10,015 I was a fool in love. 60 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,010 Oh, that is so sweet. 61 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,012 Hmm. And then, I was a fool in divorce court. 62 00:04:15,018 --> 00:04:17,009 Yeah, and now, you're just a fool. 63 00:04:17,011 --> 00:04:21,008 Exactly, which is why I'm never getting married again. 64 00:04:21,022 --> 00:04:24,014 Suddenly, I had to concentrate on breathing. 65 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,001 Are you in bed with someone? 66 00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:29,017 No, are you? 67 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,004 Just three slices of wedding cake. 68 00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:33,004 Are you jealous? 69 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,010 That depends. 70 00:04:34,018 --> 00:04:36,015 What are your plans for the frosting? 71 00:04:36,017 --> 00:04:38,004 Goodnight. 72 00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:39,013 [Big] Goodnight. 73 00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:43,004 [Carrie] I hung up the phone, wondering... 74 00:04:43,006 --> 00:04:45,019 could I date a man who would never get married? 75 00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:52,019 [Miranda] Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at 11:00! 76 00:04:52,021 --> 00:04:54,019 Don't tell me you're surprised by this. 77 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:56,010 You know who wants to get married? 78 00:04:56,012 --> 00:04:58,011 Men who miss their mommies. 79 00:04:58,013 --> 00:05:00,007 [Carrie] Maybe this wasn't my target audience. 80 00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:03,000 Am I the only one who thinks this is a major bummer? 81 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,015 What if you spend five years with him, 82 00:05:04,017 --> 00:05:06,009 and in the end, you have nothing to show for it? 83 00:05:06,011 --> 00:05:08,001 I wasn't even thinking about getting married 84 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,007 until he told me I couldn't think about it. 85 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,012 Now, it's all I can think about. 86 00:05:10,014 --> 00:05:12,014 Oh, just be cool. You don't care. 87 00:05:12,016 --> 00:05:14,016 Then, he'll wonder why you don't, 88 00:05:14,018 --> 00:05:16,013 which will make him realize that he does, 89 00:05:16,021 --> 00:05:18,012 and then it's a whole new ball game. 90 00:05:18,014 --> 00:05:21,004 So in your world, it's always sixth grade? 91 00:05:21,006 --> 00:05:23,012 I think that a relationship has to be based on 92 00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:25,000 honesty and communication 93 00:05:25,002 --> 00:05:26,018 if it has any chance of succeeding. 94 00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:30,004 Okay, if you were 25, that would be adorable, 95 00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:32,019 but you're 32 now, so that's just stupid. 96 00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:34,002 Well, I can't just ignore it, can I? 97 00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:35,003 -[Samantha] Yes! -No. 98 00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,017 [Miranda] What's the big deal? 99 00:05:36,019 --> 00:05:39,002 In 50 years, men are gonna be obsolete anyway. 100 00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:41,005 I mean, already you can't talk to them. 101 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,002 You don't need them to have kids with. 102 00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:44,016 You don't even need them to have sex with anymore, 103 00:05:44,018 --> 00:05:47,002 as I've just very pleasantly discovered. 104 00:05:47,004 --> 00:05:50,010 Uh-oh, sounds like somebody just got their first vibrator. 105 00:05:50,012 --> 00:05:52,004 Not first, ultimate. 106 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:53,021 And I think I'm in love. 107 00:05:53,023 --> 00:05:55,010 -[scoffs] -Oh, please... 108 00:05:55,012 --> 00:05:56,023 Stop! This is so sad! 109 00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:58,017 [Carrie] Come on, I'm not gonna replace a man 110 00:05:58,019 --> 00:06:00,018 -with some battery-operated device. -[Miranda] Yes. you say that, 111 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,005 but you haven't met "The Rabbit." 112 00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:03,020 Oh, come on. If you're going to get a vibrator, 113 00:06:03,022 --> 00:06:05,021 at least get one called "The Horse." 114 00:06:05,023 --> 00:06:08,021 A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. 115 00:06:08,023 --> 00:06:10,022 A vibrator doesn't send you flowers the next day. 116 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,009 And you cannot take a vibrator home 117 00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:13,014 to meet your mother. 118 00:06:14,004 --> 00:06:17,007 Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. 119 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:19,012 Who here can say as much? 120 00:06:22,022 --> 00:06:24,007 [everyone laughs] 121 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,015 [Carrie] That night, Samantha went on a date 122 00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:28,004 with a flesh and blood man, 123 00:06:28,006 --> 00:06:30,005 while the three of us went in search of 124 00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:31,016 furrier companionship. 125 00:06:31,018 --> 00:06:35,014 Ladies, I'd like you to meet "The Rabbit." 126 00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:38,007 $92? 127 00:06:38,013 --> 00:06:40,020 Please! Think about the money we spend on shoes. 128 00:06:40,022 --> 00:06:42,018 Well, I have no intention of using that. 129 00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,013 I'm saving sex for someone I love. 130 00:06:44,015 --> 00:06:47,002 Fantastic, is there a man in the picture? 131 00:06:47,012 --> 00:06:49,014 [gasps] Look! 132 00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:51,014 Oh, it's so cute. 133 00:06:51,016 --> 00:06:54,009 Oh, I thought it would be all scary and weird, but it isn't. 134 00:06:54,011 --> 00:06:56,010 It's-- it's pink for girls. 135 00:06:56,017 --> 00:07:00,004 And look, the little bunny, and his little face! 136 00:07:00,006 --> 00:07:01,012 Like Peter Rabbit. 137 00:07:01,014 --> 00:07:03,007 Yeah, and it's even got a remote. 138 00:07:03,009 --> 00:07:05,004 I mean, how lazy do you have to be? 139 00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:08,020 Later that night, back at the briar patch... 140 00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,006 [vibrator buzzes] 141 00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:11,008 Oh, wow. 142 00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:12,014 [telephone rings] 143 00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,016 [vibrator buzzes] 144 00:07:14,011 --> 00:07:16,016 -[telephone rings] -Hello. 145 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:20,015 You are not going to believe the evening I have had. 146 00:07:22,004 --> 00:07:24,022 [vibrator buzzes] 147 00:07:25,007 --> 00:07:26,016 Are you listening to me? 148 00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:29,006 Yeah. 149 00:07:29,008 --> 00:07:31,011 [Carrie] Jerry, who Samantha met at Brooke's wedding, 150 00:07:31,013 --> 00:07:35,006 took her to Lava, New York's restaurant du jour. 151 00:07:41,014 --> 00:07:43,012 From the moment I saw you at that wedding, 152 00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:45,023 I knew we'd be having dinner together. 153 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:48,007 Well, aren't you cocky? 154 00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:50,017 I'm the kind of guy, I see something, 155 00:07:51,023 --> 00:07:53,001 I like it, 156 00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:55,000 I go after it. 157 00:07:55,015 --> 00:07:57,017 You sound like my kind of guy. 158 00:07:58,009 --> 00:08:01,007 Hold that thought. I'll be right back. 159 00:08:01,009 --> 00:08:02,012 Okay. 160 00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:12,006 [Carrie] Ten minutes and a couple of cocktails later... 161 00:08:14,022 --> 00:08:16,009 Where the hell is he? 162 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,001 Excuse me. 163 00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:32,002 [Carrie] He obviously had seen something else he liked 164 00:08:32,004 --> 00:08:33,017 and gone after it. 165 00:08:35,021 --> 00:08:37,015 [laughs] 166 00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:45,007 Then, just when she thought her evening 167 00:08:45,009 --> 00:08:46,017 couldn't get any worse... 168 00:08:46,019 --> 00:08:49,006 Samantha? Hey, Samantha! 169 00:08:49,015 --> 00:08:51,003 It's me. 170 00:08:51,017 --> 00:08:54,009 Bernie Turtletaub, from the wedding. 171 00:08:55,017 --> 00:08:57,001 Oh, right. 172 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,022 [Bernie] Are you here all by yourself? 173 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,009 Uh, well, sort of. I'm... 174 00:09:01,011 --> 00:09:03,011 Well, sit down. Join me! 175 00:09:07,023 --> 00:09:09,012 God, you look great. 176 00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:11,023 [Carrie] What Samantha needed now more than anything 177 00:09:12,001 --> 00:09:14,008 was a compliment from anyone. 178 00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:21,022 I can't believe the synchronicity. 179 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,014 I was just thinking about you! 180 00:09:23,016 --> 00:09:25,005 Uh-huh. 181 00:09:26,004 --> 00:09:29,008 So... do you like this shirt? 182 00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:32,000 My ex-girlfriend picked it out for me. 183 00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:37,018 Honey, no offense, but you're breath... 184 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,021 [gasps] I know. 185 00:09:38,023 --> 00:09:41,005 It's these Chinese herbs I'm taking. 186 00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:43,019 You know, for longer life. 187 00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:45,010 Well, with breath like that 188 00:09:45,012 --> 00:09:48,023 you're gonna live a very long life, alone. 189 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,021 I killed the last woman who talked to me like that. 190 00:09:55,006 --> 00:09:56,016 [Carrie] Samantha was impressed. 191 00:09:56,018 --> 00:09:58,015 The Turtle had attempted a joke. 192 00:09:58,017 --> 00:10:00,000 This is from Parma. 193 00:10:00,002 --> 00:10:02,004 You know, a lot of people can't tell the difference 194 00:10:02,006 --> 00:10:04,014 between prosciutto and bresaola. 195 00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,006 Once we get the breath under control, 196 00:10:07,008 --> 00:10:10,001 I'm going to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. 197 00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:11,021 He's a cute little fixer-upper. 198 00:10:11,023 --> 00:10:14,014 Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone. 199 00:10:14,016 --> 00:10:16,010 Honey, when I'm through with him, 200 00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:18,014 he'll be Gracie Mansion! 201 00:10:19,013 --> 00:10:21,021 [Carrie] Samantha and The Turtle? 202 00:10:21,023 --> 00:10:24,019 But then again, I'm dating a man who will never get married, 203 00:10:24,021 --> 00:10:27,004 and Miranda is having a meaningful relationship 204 00:10:27,006 --> 00:10:30,000 with something that comes in a box from Japan. 205 00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:33,011 In a city of great expectations, 206 00:10:33,013 --> 00:10:36,016 is it time to settle for what you can get? 207 00:10:36,018 --> 00:10:38,011 I needed some answers. 208 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,010 Later that week, I met Brooke. 209 00:10:40,012 --> 00:10:43,007 Just back from her honeymoon, she was all business. 210 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,021 The business of marriage. 211 00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:47,001 Yes, I'd like to return these. 212 00:10:47,007 --> 00:10:48,020 Is there any way you can melt them down 213 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,011 into one decent gift? 214 00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:52,013 His friends. 215 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,018 So... how is it being married? 216 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,001 Oh, it's fabulous. 217 00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:59,012 I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted. 218 00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,004 And that's a good thing. 219 00:11:01,006 --> 00:11:02,021 What's that supposed to mean? 220 00:11:02,023 --> 00:11:04,010 Oh, just, um... 221 00:11:04,012 --> 00:11:05,021 I mean, just means you're, you're-- 222 00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:08,001 I meant you're happy with Allen, right? 223 00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:09,023 [scoffs] Yes, I'm happy! 224 00:11:10,011 --> 00:11:12,014 Well, then, I'm happy for you. 225 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,007 Hey, listen, um... 226 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,019 I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea. 227 00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:19,018 I-- I think Allen's great. 228 00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:22,019 I just, I mean, he's incredibly successful-- 229 00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:25,008 Look, we all think we're Carolyn Bessette. 230 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,022 One day John-John's out of the picture 231 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,010 and we're happy just to have some guy 232 00:11:28,012 --> 00:11:29,023 who can throw around a Frisbee. 233 00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:32,003 Oh! Well, look who's here. Hey, you two! 234 00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:33,005 [Carrie] Hey! 235 00:11:33,007 --> 00:11:34,009 -Oh, my God! -What a small world! 236 00:11:34,011 --> 00:11:36,001 [Carrie] I couldn't believe it. 237 00:11:36,003 --> 00:11:38,016 It was The Turtle, wearing Helmut Lang. 238 00:11:38,018 --> 00:11:40,021 Wow, he looks great. 239 00:11:40,023 --> 00:11:41,020 Doesn't he? 240 00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:43,008 Oh. Oh. [chuckles] 241 00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,005 Oh, he twirls. 242 00:11:45,007 --> 00:11:46,003 [Samantha] What do you think? 243 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:47,006 Fabulous. 244 00:11:47,008 --> 00:11:49,018 He's like a whole new person. [laughs] 245 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,001 -Don't I have a three o'clock? -Oh, that's right. 246 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,023 I'm taking him to Bliss for a facial. 247 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:56,007 -Oh, enjoy. -See you later. 248 00:11:56,009 --> 00:11:57,015 -Bye. -Bye. 249 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,018 Oh, you know, I have to run too. 250 00:11:58,020 --> 00:11:59,023 -Oh. -I'll call you. 251 00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,001 Okay. 252 00:12:01,003 --> 00:12:05,010 Smart girl. She seems happy. 253 00:12:05,012 --> 00:12:07,014 [Carrie] Samantha left with The Turtle. 254 00:12:07,016 --> 00:12:09,010 Brooke left with a better gift. 255 00:12:09,012 --> 00:12:10,016 And I left wondering 256 00:12:10,018 --> 00:12:13,018 if everyone in Manhattan was settling. 257 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:15,010 My Zen teacher once told me 258 00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:18,021 that there was nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind. 259 00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:21,010 Just as I had reached the moment of no thought... 260 00:12:21,012 --> 00:12:23,002 I think I broke my vagina. 261 00:12:23,004 --> 00:12:24,010 Oh, Char, am I pulling too hard? 262 00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:27,000 No, metaphorically I mean, with the Rabbit. 263 00:12:27,002 --> 00:12:29,006 Oh, so you've been using it? 264 00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:30,018 Yes, and I'm scared if I keep using it, 265 00:12:30,020 --> 00:12:33,006 I'll never be able to enjoy sex with a man again. 266 00:12:33,008 --> 00:12:34,008 Why? 267 00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:36,005 Well, have you ever been with a man, 268 00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:40,007 you know, and he's, like, he's doing everything, and it feels good. 269 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:43,016 But somehow you, you just can't manage to, um... 270 00:12:43,018 --> 00:12:45,021 -Cum? -Shh. Yeah. 271 00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:47,013 Well, it's weird, 'cause with the Rabbit, 272 00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:50,002 it's like every time, boom! 273 00:12:50,008 --> 00:12:53,016 And one time, I came for like, five minutes. 274 00:12:53,018 --> 00:12:55,011 Well, Charlotte, honey, it's not illegal. 275 00:12:55,013 --> 00:12:57,003 Yeah, but no man ever did that. 276 00:12:57,005 --> 00:12:59,007 I mean I'm scared. What am I gonna do? 277 00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:02,004 Well, you know, you could still enjoy sex with the man 278 00:13:02,006 --> 00:13:03,003 and the Rabbit. 279 00:13:03,005 --> 00:13:05,015 No, no, no, I am done with it. 280 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,008 That's it. I am never gonna touch that thing again. 281 00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:09,015 Oh... 282 00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:15,006 Oh, um, uh, I've got to cancel on the ballet tonight. 283 00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:16,013 Oh. Why? 284 00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:22,007 Oh, I'm, uh, expecting a, uh, a phone call... 285 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,007 a long-distance phone call. Transatlantic. 286 00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:26,017 [Carrie] Charlotte could never tell a decent lie. 287 00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:29,001 I knew an addict when I saw one. 288 00:13:29,003 --> 00:13:31,005 Oh, God I love Sleeping Beauty ! 289 00:13:31,007 --> 00:13:34,002 The music, the sets, the costumes! 290 00:13:34,004 --> 00:13:35,010 It's so romantic! 291 00:13:35,012 --> 00:13:37,005 You only like it because she gets to sleep 292 00:13:37,007 --> 00:13:39,003 for 100 years and she doesn't age. 293 00:13:39,005 --> 00:13:41,005 [Carrie] I invited Stanford to the ballet. 294 00:13:41,007 --> 00:13:42,018 I knew he was available. 295 00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:46,005 Hey, Stanford, cute, huh? [clicks tongue] 296 00:13:46,019 --> 00:13:49,008 [Stanford] I've had it with the whole gay scene. 297 00:13:49,022 --> 00:13:51,004 It's so competitive. 298 00:13:51,006 --> 00:13:53,011 You won't believe what happened to me last week. 299 00:13:53,013 --> 00:13:57,005 [Carrie] Evidently, Stanford, tired of bars and blind dates, 300 00:13:57,007 --> 00:13:59,004 decided to place a personal ad. 301 00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:03,015 He scheduled a rendezvous with the only respondent 302 00:14:03,017 --> 00:14:05,021 on a cold, Sunday afternoon. 303 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:10,004 Twenty minutes and three false alarms later, 304 00:14:10,006 --> 00:14:12,015 Stanford was ready to call it quits. 305 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,021 Stanford? 306 00:14:15,018 --> 00:14:17,004 Yes. 307 00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:20,022 Sorry, this is not gonna happen. 308 00:14:25,004 --> 00:14:27,004 [Stanford] It's so brutal out there. 309 00:14:27,006 --> 00:14:29,021 Even guys like me don't want guys like me. 310 00:14:29,023 --> 00:14:31,020 I just don't have that gay look. 311 00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:34,019 I don't know, you look pretty gay to me. 312 00:14:35,015 --> 00:14:37,019 Come on, maybe it's just a phase. 313 00:14:37,021 --> 00:14:39,009 Puberty is a phase. 314 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,023 Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle. 315 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:45,014 I mean, sometimes I think I should just marry a woman 316 00:14:45,016 --> 00:14:47,010 and get all the money. 317 00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,019 What, is there a cash prize? 318 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,022 Oh, yeah. My grandmother gives everyone in the family 319 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,013 their inheritance when they get married. 320 00:14:54,015 --> 00:14:55,023 She doesn't know you're gay? 321 00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,011 She doesn't believe in gay. 322 00:14:57,013 --> 00:14:58,010 Oh, really? That's funny. 323 00:14:58,012 --> 00:14:59,021 Big doesn't believe in marriage. 324 00:15:00,004 --> 00:15:01,007 Maybe you should propose to me, 325 00:15:01,009 --> 00:15:03,011 and we'll all live happily ever after. 326 00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:05,009 You really do want it all. 327 00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:07,017 I don't know. Maybe nobody gets it all. 328 00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:10,022 Though, you do have a point. 329 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,011 We're best friends. 330 00:15:12,013 --> 00:15:14,015 We make each other laugh. 331 00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:15,023 We both sleep with men! 332 00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:19,007 You know, this is not a bad idea at all. 333 00:15:19,014 --> 00:15:20,023 Well, actually, I was kidding. 334 00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:22,016 I'm not! Think about it. 335 00:15:22,018 --> 00:15:25,008 Who else will keep you in expensive shoes 336 00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,007 and encourage you to cheat? 337 00:15:27,014 --> 00:15:29,012 [laughs] Now you're talking! 338 00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:31,000 Friday night at the ballet 339 00:15:31,002 --> 00:15:34,019 with a man who shared my passion for hot men in tights. 340 00:15:34,021 --> 00:15:36,010 Saturday afternoon in bed with a man 341 00:15:36,012 --> 00:15:39,007 who shared my passion for passion. 342 00:15:39,009 --> 00:15:41,020 Maybe there was such a thing as having it all. 343 00:15:43,016 --> 00:15:45,019 What's that smile about? 344 00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:50,022 Oh, I got a marriage proposal last night. 345 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:53,011 Really? 346 00:15:53,013 --> 00:15:56,004 -Mm. -From whom? 347 00:15:56,018 --> 00:15:58,023 A very handsome, witty, young man 348 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,008 about to come into his inheritance. 349 00:16:01,021 --> 00:16:03,021 Oh, I see. 350 00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:05,017 Anyone I know? 351 00:16:05,019 --> 00:16:07,013 Actually his name is Stanford, 352 00:16:07,019 --> 00:16:09,007 Stanford Blatch. 353 00:16:09,015 --> 00:16:10,021 [groans] 354 00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:13,000 I thought he was gay. 355 00:16:13,008 --> 00:16:14,010 He is. 356 00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:22,004 That should make for an interesting column. 357 00:16:22,006 --> 00:16:23,007 [giggles] 358 00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:25,011 What are you going to do about sex? 359 00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:27,004 I have you. 360 00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:32,001 Oh. 361 00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:36,016 I guess you've got it all figured out, 362 00:16:38,007 --> 00:16:39,023 Mrs. Blatch. 363 00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,008 [Carrie] The more he mocked me, 364 00:16:41,010 --> 00:16:43,000 the more convinced I became 365 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,007 that this idea was genius. 366 00:16:48,022 --> 00:16:50,019 That night, Miranda and I had plans 367 00:16:50,021 --> 00:16:52,019 to join Charlotte for a gallery opening 368 00:16:52,021 --> 00:16:53,021 in Chelsea when-- 369 00:16:53,023 --> 00:16:58,018 [telephone rings] 370 00:16:58,020 --> 00:17:01,002 -Hello. -[Charlotte] Carrie, it's Charlotte. 371 00:17:01,011 --> 00:17:04,011 Oh, I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to cancel. 372 00:17:04,017 --> 00:17:06,022 Yeah, I'm totally wiped out. 373 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,005 Uh-huh. 374 00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:09,009 Wiped out. 375 00:17:09,011 --> 00:17:11,005 That was "Charlotte speak" for 376 00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:13,014 "I'm spending the night with my vibrator." 377 00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:16,003 But you guys have fun, though. 378 00:17:16,005 --> 00:17:18,003 [Carrie] There was only one thing to do. 379 00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:19,015 A Rabbit intervention. 380 00:17:20,018 --> 00:17:22,006 Come on, let's go. 381 00:17:23,002 --> 00:17:24,006 Okay, where is it? 382 00:17:24,008 --> 00:17:25,014 What are you talking about? 383 00:17:25,016 --> 00:17:27,021 The Rabbit, Charlotte, give us the Rabbit. 384 00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:30,010 [Charlotte] Hey, hey, hey, it's a vibrator! 385 00:17:30,012 --> 00:17:32,007 It's not like it's crack. 386 00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,007 [groans] No! 387 00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:36,018 Oh, Charlotte, you hid the Rabbit 388 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:39,011 behind a stuffed rabbit? 389 00:17:39,013 --> 00:17:40,018 That is so you. 390 00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:42,011 You guys have a lot of nerve coming in here. 391 00:17:42,013 --> 00:17:43,019 You're the one who made me get it. 392 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,005 I thought you could handle it. 393 00:17:45,007 --> 00:17:46,010 It's no big deal. 394 00:17:46,012 --> 00:17:47,018 I'd just rather stay home with the Rabbit 395 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:49,014 than go out and deal with men. 396 00:17:50,023 --> 00:17:52,001 [sighs] 397 00:17:52,008 --> 00:17:55,004 All right. You're right. 398 00:17:55,023 --> 00:17:57,006 I'll go get dressed. 399 00:17:57,008 --> 00:17:59,005 [Carrie] With a little help from her friends, 400 00:17:59,007 --> 00:18:00,011 Charlotte decided that 401 00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:03,017 she wasn't going to settle for herself. 402 00:18:03,019 --> 00:18:06,004 While Samantha was doing everything in her power 403 00:18:06,006 --> 00:18:07,012 to remake The Turtle 404 00:18:07,014 --> 00:18:09,019 into a man she could fall in love with. 405 00:18:10,017 --> 00:18:11,015 How's your dinner? 406 00:18:11,017 --> 00:18:12,022 It's questionable. 407 00:18:13,006 --> 00:18:15,008 I can't figure out whether the mushrooms in this sauce 408 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,007 are shiitake or chanterelle. 409 00:18:18,002 --> 00:18:19,020 They're definitely not porcini. 410 00:18:21,021 --> 00:18:24,013 Maybe they're wood ear. 411 00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:28,004 Maybe it doesn't matter. 412 00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:31,019 My God, they're trompettes! 413 00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:34,008 [Carrie] It was then that Samantha realized 414 00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:36,011 that even with all her effort, 415 00:18:36,013 --> 00:18:39,007 he was still just The Turtle in black. 416 00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:42,009 You know... I'm not feeling very well. 417 00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:45,008 I think I'm going to have to send myself home. 418 00:18:48,011 --> 00:18:49,013 I'll call you. 419 00:18:56,023 --> 00:18:58,000 Excuse me. 420 00:18:58,016 --> 00:18:59,022 Do you like this shirt? 421 00:19:00,007 --> 00:19:03,022 My ex-girlfriend picked it out. 422 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,002 [Carrie] After 12 phone calls and three e-mails, 423 00:19:07,004 --> 00:19:10,012 Stanford badgered me into at least meeting his grandmother. 424 00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:12,016 I love that suit you're wearing. 425 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,019 Designed by Coco Chanel herself. 426 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,002 Seriously? 427 00:19:17,004 --> 00:19:18,014 Oh, Grandmother's been wearing that same suit 428 00:19:18,016 --> 00:19:19,016 for 40 years. 429 00:19:19,018 --> 00:19:21,005 And it still fits. 430 00:19:21,012 --> 00:19:23,012 -It never goes out of style. -Never. 431 00:19:23,014 --> 00:19:27,005 I have it in blue, black, pink. 432 00:19:27,007 --> 00:19:28,015 And eggshell! 433 00:19:28,017 --> 00:19:30,004 Exactly. 434 00:19:30,016 --> 00:19:33,014 Stanford tells me you're a writer. 435 00:19:33,016 --> 00:19:35,012 Yes, I have a column in The Star . 436 00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:38,015 I was a career woman many, many years ago. 437 00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:41,020 But I gave it up to have children. 438 00:19:43,017 --> 00:19:45,010 Oh, wow! 439 00:19:45,012 --> 00:19:46,020 Is this you? 440 00:19:47,006 --> 00:19:49,012 Not a bad looking girl. Don't you think? 441 00:19:49,014 --> 00:19:50,016 No. 442 00:19:50,018 --> 00:19:52,013 Doesn't she look exactly like Deborah Kerr 443 00:19:52,015 --> 00:19:54,013 in An Affair to Remember ? 444 00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:56,010 [Carrie] She does. 445 00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:59,005 [gasps] Oh, my God! 446 00:19:59,007 --> 00:20:01,001 This has to be Stanford. 447 00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:03,001 -You're the same person! -Okay, that's enough. 448 00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:04,015 Oh, come on, this is fun. 449 00:20:04,017 --> 00:20:07,010 I had no idea you had such a big family. 450 00:20:07,012 --> 00:20:08,014 And how about you, honey? 451 00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:10,020 Do you want a family? 452 00:20:10,022 --> 00:20:13,010 [Carrie] As I looked around at all the memorabilia 453 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,003 and family photographs, 454 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,014 the faces of brides and grooms, 455 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:19,006 children and grandchildren, 456 00:20:19,008 --> 00:20:21,002 I realized... 457 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,004 -Yes, I do. -[coughs] 458 00:20:23,006 --> 00:20:25,015 Uh, Stanny, be a dear. 459 00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:28,002 Go in the kitchen and get me some matches. 460 00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:29,005 Of course. 461 00:20:34,011 --> 00:20:36,002 I love my Stanford. 462 00:20:36,004 --> 00:20:37,018 He's a very sweet boy. 463 00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:41,007 But you know, he is a fruit. 464 00:20:41,009 --> 00:20:44,006 [Carrie] I realized then that the only inheritance Stanford was going to get 465 00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:47,022 from his grandmother was her collection of Chanel suits. 466 00:20:51,004 --> 00:20:53,015 Salt... yeah. 467 00:20:53,017 --> 00:20:58,007 [Carrie] That night at dinner, I knew I would have to break the news to Mr. Big. 468 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,005 What do you think? 469 00:21:07,023 --> 00:21:09,022 Look, I do want to get married someday. 470 00:21:10,005 --> 00:21:12,018 I mean, maybe not today, but I just-- I don't want to-- 471 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:14,002 I can't date somebody that won't. 472 00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:15,019 You know, what's the point? 473 00:21:17,021 --> 00:21:19,013 Definitely too much salt. 474 00:21:22,021 --> 00:21:24,015 I mean, it's all in the timing. 475 00:21:25,011 --> 00:21:26,023 You gotta brown the garlic 476 00:21:27,017 --> 00:21:29,016 before you put in the onions. 477 00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:31,017 Know what I mean? 478 00:21:33,002 --> 00:21:35,001 I thought we were having fun. 479 00:21:47,016 --> 00:21:48,020 It's bitter, 480 00:21:48,022 --> 00:21:51,001 but definitely has possibilities. 481 00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:56,014 You got a little bit of sauce on the lip right... 482 00:21:57,002 --> 00:21:58,003 there. 483 00:21:58,005 --> 00:22:00,004 [Carrie] My Zen teacher also said 484 00:22:00,006 --> 00:22:02,011 the only way to true happiness 485 00:22:02,013 --> 00:22:03,018 is to live in the moment 486 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:06,000 and not worry about the future. 487 00:22:07,014 --> 00:22:09,023 Of course, he died penniless and single.