1 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,006 When you live on a tiny island like Manhattan... 2 00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:55,019 the odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart 3 00:00:55,019 --> 00:00:57,009 are incredibly high. 4 00:00:59,012 --> 00:01:02,002 The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit 5 00:01:02,004 --> 00:01:03,014 are even higher. 6 00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:21,018 After a break-up, certain streets, locations, 7 00:01:21,018 --> 00:01:23,998 even times of day are off limits. 8 00:01:25,006 --> 00:01:26,996 The city becomes a deserted battlefield 9 00:01:27,006 --> 00:01:29,006 loaded with emotional land mines. 10 00:01:29,015 --> 00:01:31,015 You have to be very careful where you step 11 00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,021 or you could be blown to pieces. 12 00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:41,022 Get your coat on, Anne Frank, we're going out. 13 00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:43,020 -You guys, I'm really not in the mood. -Coat on... 14 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,009 -Body out. -Where are we going? 15 00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:47,003 It's a surprise. 16 00:01:47,002 --> 00:01:48,022 Okay, but only if it's nowhere I can run into him. 17 00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,021 Just when exactly do you think 18 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:52,022 you're gonna be getting out of this hostage situation? 19 00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:54,012 Miranda! -What, am I wrong? 20 00:01:54,011 --> 00:01:56,011 Don't listen to her, Carrie, it's only been a month. 21 00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:58,024 It takes half the total time you went out with someone 22 00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:00,021 to get over them. 23 00:02:00,017 --> 00:02:02,017 I always like a good math solution to any love problem. 24 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,010 It's the break-up rule. 25 00:02:04,007 --> 00:02:05,017 You and Big only went out for a year. 26 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,010 So that means that she's got five more months to get over him. 27 00:02:08,011 --> 00:02:10,021 No, you got to cut your losses and get back in the game. 28 00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:12,999 When Eric and I broke up, I got over him right away. 29 00:02:13,006 --> 00:02:14,996 Well, I don't really remember it being like that. 30 00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:16,023 What? Eric who? 31 00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:18,015 Eric, asshole I dated a couple years ago. 32 00:02:18,023 --> 00:02:20,013 Oh, that Eric. 33 00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:22,023 Miranda used to call Eric the love of her life 34 00:02:22,019 --> 00:02:24,009 until he left her for another woman. 35 00:02:24,012 --> 00:02:26,012 Now, she almost never mentioned him. 36 00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:28,014 You can't push yourself into feeling good. 37 00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:31,006 The only way to get over somebody is to feel really bad, 38 00:02:31,010 --> 00:02:33,010 to cry to your girlfriends, 39 00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:35,019 and then to replay what you hated about him 40 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,021 over and over in your head all day. 41 00:02:37,017 --> 00:02:38,997 Yep, that sounds about right. 42 00:02:39,002 --> 00:02:41,012 You're way too dressed up for where we're going. 43 00:02:41,013 --> 00:02:44,003 Well, you know what, I'm going to risk overdress versus the chance of 44 00:02:44,003 --> 00:02:46,013 meeting with Big for the first time looking the way I feel. 45 00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:48,017 Oh, God, seeing someone for the first time is the worst, 46 00:02:48,018 --> 00:02:49,018 you never know how to act. 47 00:02:49,023 --> 00:02:51,023 Yeah, and then there's the vomiting. 48 00:02:53,012 --> 00:02:55,022 You know what? If Big had any class, he would have moved away. 49 00:02:55,023 --> 00:02:57,013 I was here first. 50 00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:58,018 You're giving him way too much power. 51 00:02:58,019 --> 00:02:59,999 You broke up with him, remember? 52 00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:00,995 Yeah, right, right. 53 00:03:01,005 --> 00:03:02,995 And that makes me what, happy? 54 00:03:03,004 --> 00:03:04,024 Taxi! 55 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,997 Amazingly, Samantha was still with James. 56 00:03:07,004 --> 00:03:09,014 A monogamous relationship for a woman whose bedroom 57 00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:11,021 was usually busier than Balducci's on a Saturday. 58 00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:14,003 Hey, you lovebirds. 59 00:03:14,017 --> 00:03:15,017 Oh... 60 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,020 And how are the most beautiful women in Manhattan? 61 00:03:19,018 --> 00:03:21,018 If we see them, I'll ask. 62 00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:24,014 Have a fun day. 63 00:03:24,012 --> 00:03:26,022 And don't let anything bad happen to my princess. 64 00:03:26,023 --> 00:03:28,003 Oh. 65 00:03:28,011 --> 00:03:29,021 I love you. 66 00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,995 God, Samantha, everything is going so great. 67 00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:37,017 Me, James, and his tiny penis, 68 00:03:37,023 --> 00:03:40,013 we're one big happy family. 69 00:03:40,009 --> 00:03:42,999 After two months, despite all his sweetness and charm, 70 00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:47,006 Samantha still hadn't quite accepted James's... shortcomings. 71 00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:52,014 When Miranda said, "Get back in the game," she meant it. 72 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,024 40 minutes and a $55 cab ride later, 73 00:03:54,022 --> 00:03:57,022 we found ourselves at Yankee Stadium. 74 00:03:57,017 --> 00:03:58,997 Who wants another? 75 00:03:59,002 --> 00:04:00,022 Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. 76 00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:03,021 I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke 77 00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:06,011 and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment. 78 00:04:06,007 --> 00:04:07,017 -Beer! -Beer! 79 00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:10,001 -Do they have hot cocoa? -Okay. 80 00:04:10,005 --> 00:04:12,005 Coming up to bat, the new Yankee. 81 00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:14,014 Just up from the minors, single. 82 00:04:14,010 --> 00:04:15,020 Oh, so cute. 83 00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:17,015 I can barely see him. 84 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,023 Why are we sitting all the way up here? 85 00:04:19,021 --> 00:04:21,021 Because it's the only place I can smoke without Giuliani 86 00:04:21,023 --> 00:04:23,023 putting me away for ten years. 87 00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:24,999 These seats suck. 88 00:04:25,004 --> 00:04:26,024 This hot dog sucks. 89 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,021 My entire life sucks. 90 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000 Your life doesn't suck. 91 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,014 You have a man who really loves you. 92 00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:32,024 Oh, yay, love. Woo! 93 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,012 I don't think you ladies understand the seriousness 94 00:04:34,013 --> 00:04:36,003 of my situation. 95 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:41,011 How would you like to make love to this every night? 96 00:04:41,021 --> 00:04:43,001 Is it kosher? 97 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:46,011 Don't make me laugh. 98 00:04:47,002 --> 00:04:48,012 It's tragic. 99 00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:49,023 Can we all just try and get into the game for a second? 100 00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:52,011 -Alright. -C'mon! 101 00:04:52,013 --> 00:04:53,023 Show us what you got! 102 00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:55,019 Last year, this guy was Mr. September. 103 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,010 He hit like, ten home runs in nine days. 104 00:04:58,016 --> 00:04:59,016 Ball! 105 00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:01,008 Good eye, good eye. 106 00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,007 Way to watch them. 107 00:05:02,016 --> 00:05:03,996 He batted 373. 108 00:05:04,002 --> 00:05:05,012 He drove in 47 runs. 109 00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:07,010 His on-base percentage was 410. 110 00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:10,013 As Miranda went on and on about the new Yankees' stats, 111 00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:12,021 I couldn't help but wonder about my own. 112 00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:13,999 Ten years playing in New York. 113 00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:15,013 Countless dates. 114 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,020 Five real relationships. 115 00:05:16,023 --> 00:05:18,003 One serious. 116 00:05:18,002 --> 00:05:19,022 All ending in breakups. 117 00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:20,997 If I were a ball player, 118 00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:24,003 I'd be batting, uh... whatever really bad is. 119 00:05:25,002 --> 00:05:26,012 -Woo! 120 00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:28,014 Oh, my God. Here it comes! 121 00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:29,010 Oh, my God. 122 00:05:29,015 --> 00:05:30,005 Ah! 123 00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:33,003 Grab it! 124 00:05:33,011 --> 00:05:35,001 You got it! You got it! 125 00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:41,003 You know what the odds of catching a fly ball are? 126 00:05:41,002 --> 00:05:42,022 I didn't. 127 00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:44,007 But I couldn't help but wonder if they were any higher 128 00:05:44,015 --> 00:05:47,005 than finding a relationship that would last. 129 00:05:47,011 --> 00:05:48,021 Three innings, four beers 130 00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:51,002 and one shameless flash of my press pass later, 131 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,022 we waited outside the locker room 132 00:05:52,023 --> 00:05:55,013 to get my ball signed by the new Yankee. 133 00:05:55,017 --> 00:05:56,997 Hi, good game. 134 00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:59,023 Did you see that bulge? 135 00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:01,021 Uh, he was wearing a cup. 136 00:06:01,019 --> 00:06:04,009 Well, honey, his cup runneth over. 137 00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:12,006 Okay, it's official. You're drunk. 138 00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:15,005 Oh, I'm not drunk, I'm sedated from my pain. 139 00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:18,010 She's allowed to be drunk, she's going through a break-up. 140 00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:19,999 Good game. 141 00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:21,014 Oh! Hey, hi. 142 00:06:21,009 --> 00:06:22,009 Excuse me. 143 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,015 Huge Yankee fan. We don't mean to bother you, 144 00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:27,010 but my friend caught your ball. 145 00:06:27,016 --> 00:06:29,016 This is her. 146 00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,011 I'm her friend. 147 00:06:31,012 --> 00:06:32,022 Hi. 148 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,017 And we were wondering if you'd sign it? 149 00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:35,021 Oh, the, the foul ball to the upper deck? 150 00:06:35,022 --> 00:06:36,022 Yes. 151 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,010 I mean, yes. 152 00:06:38,012 --> 00:06:39,022 If it's not too-- 153 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,020 I'm a huge Yankee fan. 154 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,000 I'm a lawyer. 155 00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,003 So, if I don't sign it, you'll sue me? 156 00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:48,022 No. No! I don't know why I said that. 157 00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:50,010 No problem, give me the ball. 158 00:06:50,014 --> 00:06:52,014 -Give him the ball. -Oh. 159 00:06:55,005 --> 00:06:56,015 -Could you hold these? -Sure. 160 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:57,020 Thank you. 161 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,001 You a Yankee fan too? 162 00:06:59,006 --> 00:07:00,996 Actually, no, I came for the beer. 163 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,023 I think baseball's a little dull. 164 00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:04,001 Oh, yeah? 165 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:04,996 What do you do? 166 00:07:05,005 --> 00:07:05,995 She writes a column. 167 00:07:06,006 --> 00:07:06,996 A sex column. 168 00:07:07,006 --> 00:07:08,016 Nothin' dull about that. 169 00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:10,021 You'd be surprised. 170 00:07:10,022 --> 00:07:12,002 Here you go. 171 00:07:12,002 --> 00:07:13,012 Thank you. 172 00:07:13,018 --> 00:07:15,008 Wooh! 173 00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:18,016 He's so cute. 174 00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:22,020 I'm gonna ask him to the Dolce & Gabbana party. 175 00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:23,017 What? 176 00:07:25,016 --> 00:07:27,006 No, really, you can't. 177 00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:30,022 Yankee! Yankee! 178 00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:36,022 I don't know if it was the beer or the fact 179 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,010 that I was holding his ball. 180 00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:41,996 Something gave me the strength to ask the new Yankee out. 181 00:07:43,001 --> 00:07:45,011 No, no, no. This is not fair. 182 00:07:45,009 --> 00:07:47,019 This is not the way this is supposed to happen. 183 00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:50,018 What? You told me to get back in the game. 184 00:07:51,011 --> 00:07:55,011 Yeah, with some balding CPA or other boring rebound guy. 185 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:58,006 Nobody rebounds with the new Yankee. 186 00:07:58,008 --> 00:07:59,018 Well, maybe I'm the new Carrie. 187 00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:01,999 C'mon, ladies, let's blow this hot dog stand. 188 00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:04,011 C'mon. 189 00:08:05,004 --> 00:08:07,014 Samantha, let's go. 190 00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:11,003 She knew it was risky. 191 00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:13,016 But a day of watching big men swing their big wooden bats 192 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,020 proved to be too much for Samantha. 193 00:08:16,021 --> 00:08:20,001 She told herself there's no harm in just looking. 194 00:08:32,004 --> 00:08:33,014 Can I help you? 195 00:08:33,016 --> 00:08:36,016 Uh... Um... 196 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:45,020 As my ballpark cheap beer buzz wore off, 197 00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:49,011 I began to worry about the ramifications of my day. 198 00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:50,017 Was Charlotte right? 199 00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:54,023 Were we supposed to get over an ex in a slow, painful way? 200 00:08:54,023 --> 00:08:57,003 Or should we just ignore all the bad feelings 201 00:08:57,005 --> 00:08:59,005 and throw ourselves back in the game? 202 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,010 In a world where leaving each other 203 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,007 seems to be getting more and more frequent, 204 00:09:03,015 --> 00:09:05,005 what are the break-up rules? 205 00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:07,999 Whatever you do, man, don't cry. 206 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,996 'Cause if you do get back together again, 207 00:09:10,005 --> 00:09:12,015 then, like, you're the guy that cried. 208 00:09:14,022 --> 00:09:17,022 Don't call or see him till three months have passed. 209 00:09:17,018 --> 00:09:18,998 That's how long it takes to lose the weight 210 00:09:19,006 --> 00:09:20,016 you put on when you were breaking up. 211 00:09:20,021 --> 00:09:22,011 Give her whatever she wants, 212 00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,999 but don't sign a motherfucking thing. 213 00:09:24,012 --> 00:09:27,012 Change your name, change your phone number. 214 00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:29,013 Change your job. 215 00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:30,017 They're all bums. 216 00:09:30,022 --> 00:09:32,022 -You got a problem? 217 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,010 -No, no. -Huh? 218 00:09:34,012 --> 00:09:37,012 Friday night, the Dolce & Gabbana party, 219 00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:39,007 the new Yankee was ten minutes late. 220 00:09:39,015 --> 00:09:41,005 I was running 20 behind. 221 00:09:41,008 --> 00:09:42,008 Oh, come on. 222 00:09:48,002 --> 00:09:51,002 I was reaching for my favorite necklace when... 223 00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:54,010 I thought I'd destroyed all the evidence. 224 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,001 But there it was. 225 00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:58,012 We'd taken it with a disposable camera before it ever 226 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,014 dawned on me that we could be disposable as well. 227 00:10:01,011 --> 00:10:05,021 It was then and there I created my own very first break-up rule. 228 00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,011 Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy 229 00:10:08,013 --> 00:10:10,003 and you look happy. 230 00:10:14,007 --> 00:10:16,017 The party was a complete home run. 231 00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:19,011 All the fashion heavy hitters were there. 232 00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:21,023 Oh, c'mon, honey. 233 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,011 Paul. 234 00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,023 Charlotte was dating Paul Erickson, 235 00:10:25,019 --> 00:10:27,019 the VP of a major recording label's 236 00:10:27,022 --> 00:10:29,002 classical and jazz division. 237 00:10:29,006 --> 00:10:30,016 Are you ladies having a good time? Here you go. 238 00:10:30,017 --> 00:10:31,997 -Oh, yeah. -You're not gonna believe it. 239 00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:34,014 This guy's never heard Miles Davis. 240 00:10:34,018 --> 00:10:36,008 I don't really like that jazz stuff. 241 00:10:36,014 --> 00:10:37,024 Stuff? Oh, you just wait. 242 00:10:37,023 --> 00:10:40,013 I'm gonna give you our Best of Miles Davis CD. 243 00:10:40,011 --> 00:10:42,011 The stuff's gonna change your mind. 244 00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:44,017 His concentration and emotion in the phrasing... 245 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,018 Oh, man. It's fucking magical. 246 00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:50,001 He was handsome, smart, eclectic. 247 00:10:50,002 --> 00:10:52,002 The perfect match for Charlotte. 248 00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,023 Except for one minor snag. 249 00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:55,017 I mean, the authenticity of Miles' timbre... 250 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:58,000 is gonna blow you away. 251 00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:01,012 I mean, the fusion revolution, it changed the entire concept 252 00:11:01,009 --> 00:11:02,999 of contemporary music. 253 00:11:04,007 --> 00:11:07,007 There we were, two single gals out on the town 254 00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:09,014 with our ballplayers. 255 00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:21,008 What's wrong? 256 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,010 Just thought I saw... 257 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,016 Where? 258 00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:26,009 No, no, it wasn't him. It wasn't him. 259 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,009 Do you think he'll be here? 260 00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:30,998 I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. 261 00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:32,023 Break-up rule 262 00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:35,022 lie, it's a lot easier than admitting that's why you invited 263 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,020 the new Yankee and why you maxed out your credit card 264 00:11:38,019 --> 00:11:39,999 to buy the dress. 265 00:11:41,023 --> 00:11:43,023 When Mr. Big never made an appearance, 266 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:45,012 I decided to make the best of it. 267 00:11:45,015 --> 00:11:48,005 I actually got to know a little about this new Yankee. 268 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,018 His name was Joe. 269 00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:51,012 So, Joe... 270 00:11:51,013 --> 00:11:52,023 the new Yankee, 271 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:55,014 how'd you like your first fashion party? 272 00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:56,020 It's kind of cool. 273 00:11:58,012 --> 00:11:59,012 What? 274 00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,016 Nothing. It's just... 275 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,020 "Kind of cool." 276 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,010 You're very succinct. 277 00:12:07,004 --> 00:12:09,014 What, are you making fun of me? 278 00:12:09,011 --> 00:12:10,021 A little bit. 279 00:12:12,011 --> 00:12:14,021 Well, you're kind of cute. 280 00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:17,022 You're kind of cute, too. 281 00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:25,009 And there, in the shadow of my island, 282 00:12:25,016 --> 00:12:28,016 just four weeks out of my last relationship, 283 00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:31,008 I let the new Yankee get to first base. 284 00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:34,013 Our Saturday morning ritual, 285 00:12:34,011 --> 00:12:37,011 coffee, eggs, and a very private dish session. 286 00:12:37,011 --> 00:12:39,011 Except today our dish wasn't so private. 287 00:12:39,012 --> 00:12:40,022 You're on Page Six. 288 00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,007 -Mm! -Oh, my god! 289 00:12:42,009 --> 00:12:45,019 "Hot Yankee, Joe Stark on town with New York columnist, 290 00:12:45,021 --> 00:12:47,011 and 'sex-pert,' Carrie Bradshaw." 291 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,006 "Sex-pert," huh? It's a proud day for me. 292 00:12:49,013 --> 00:12:51,023 Oh, honey, that dress just paid for itself. 293 00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:53,012 Big is gonna see this and die. 294 00:12:53,013 --> 00:12:54,023 I don't want him to die. 295 00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:56,009 Oh, cut the shit, it's me. 296 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,019 You're using that Yankee. 297 00:12:57,018 --> 00:12:59,018 Okay, everybody has got to look 298 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,010 at my new Palm Pilot. It's amazing. 299 00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:04,023 -It has my entire schedule... -This is so great. 300 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,017 The first time Big sees you, you look like that 301 00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:08,012 and you're with the Yankee. 302 00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,000 Why are we still talking about him? 303 00:13:10,002 --> 00:13:11,002 He hurt her. 304 00:13:11,005 --> 00:13:12,995 He's out of the picture, it's over. 305 00:13:13,006 --> 00:13:14,996 Let's talk about something else, okay? 306 00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:16,014 -Okay. -Okay. 307 00:13:16,008 --> 00:13:17,018 Okay. 308 00:13:26,012 --> 00:13:28,012 I have a problem with my boyfriend. 309 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,015 Okay, I'm gonna go get the check. 310 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,020 I don't know really quite how to say this. 311 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000 But he's always, um, touching his, um... 312 00:13:37,007 --> 00:13:38,997 Balls. I know, Carrie told me. 313 00:13:39,006 --> 00:13:40,006 I had to, it freaked me out. 314 00:13:40,014 --> 00:13:42,014 I didn't know what the hell was going on there. 315 00:13:42,012 --> 00:13:43,012 I still don't. 316 00:13:43,015 --> 00:13:44,015 What is going on there? 317 00:13:44,019 --> 00:13:45,999 I don't know, but it's constant. 318 00:13:46,006 --> 00:13:47,996 He just can't seem to leave them alone. 319 00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:50,005 He and every other guy on the planet. 320 00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:52,018 They're always trying to pull our attention down there. 321 00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:53,018 Look what I got. 322 00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:55,022 I don't get it. He's from a good family. 323 00:13:55,021 --> 00:13:57,001 He went to Brown. 324 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,013 Why is he doing that? 325 00:13:58,015 --> 00:13:59,995 Does he have a pair of low-hangers? 326 00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:01,024 Is that a patented phrase? 327 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:04,010 You know, sometimes they just hang so low, they get in the way. 328 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,010 I heard Nick Nolte had a ball lift. 329 00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:08,000 I don't know how long they are. 330 00:14:09,004 --> 00:14:10,014 Wait a minute. 331 00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:11,998 You've been dating this guy for three weeks 332 00:14:12,005 --> 00:14:13,015 and you haven't seen his balls yet? 333 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,010 Oh, come on, get with the program. 334 00:14:16,016 --> 00:14:18,006 But why do men do this? 335 00:14:18,011 --> 00:14:21,011 I mean, how would they feel if we stood around in public 336 00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:22,007 touching ourselves? 337 00:14:22,007 --> 00:14:23,007 -They'd love it. -They'd love it. 338 00:14:23,011 --> 00:14:24,021 What are we talking about? 339 00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:26,021 Charlotte's boyfriend's balls. 340 00:14:26,021 --> 00:14:28,011 Seriously? 341 00:14:28,007 --> 00:14:29,007 They're too long. 342 00:14:29,015 --> 00:14:30,995 She's just guessing. 343 00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,012 Okay. 344 00:14:32,007 --> 00:14:33,007 That's it. 345 00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:34,995 I'm out of here. 346 00:14:35,011 --> 00:14:37,011 All we talk about anymore 347 00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:41,999 is Big, or balls, or small dicks. 348 00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:44,017 How does it happen that four such smart women 349 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,007 have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? 350 00:14:46,022 --> 00:14:49,002 It's like 7th grade with bank accounts. 351 00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:50,005 What about us? 352 00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:52,011 What we think, we feel, we know. 353 00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,023 Christ. 354 00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:56,011 Does it always have to be about them? 355 00:14:57,002 --> 00:14:58,012 Just, you know... 356 00:14:58,016 --> 00:15:01,006 Give me a call when you're ready to talk about something besides 357 00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:03,007 men for a change. 358 00:15:03,011 --> 00:15:05,001 In the case of Miranda Hobbes 359 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,995 versus silly women everywhere, 360 00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:08,005 the verdict was in. 361 00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:10,996 Guilty as charged. 362 00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,995 After breakfast, Charlotte and I went shopping. 363 00:15:14,002 --> 00:15:16,002 Break-up rule 364 00:15:16,005 --> 00:15:20,995 until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores. 365 00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:23,002 Later that night, Samantha and James 366 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:25,006 were about to enter the 7th inning stretch. 367 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,007 Okay, honey, now when I arch my back, 368 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:31,014 I want you to lift that ass and really give it to me. 369 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,004 Rather than quit mid-season, 370 00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:35,016 Samantha decided to attack her problem with the gusto 371 00:15:35,022 --> 00:15:37,022 of a seasoned coach training a rookie. 372 00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:40,021 Okay. Go, go, lift! 373 00:15:40,021 --> 00:15:41,021 Lift that ass. 374 00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,011 Give it to me. Give it to me! 375 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:51,004 A good coach encourages and motivates. 376 00:15:51,006 --> 00:15:53,006 Oh, you are so hot. 377 00:15:53,013 --> 00:15:55,003 Oh, fuck me. 378 00:15:55,005 --> 00:15:57,005 Fuck me, you hot stud. 379 00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:03,017 A good coach disciplines and criticizes. 380 00:16:03,018 --> 00:16:06,008 No, what are you doing back there? 381 00:16:06,015 --> 00:16:07,015 Let's go! 382 00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:09,010 And like every good coach, 383 00:16:09,013 --> 00:16:12,023 she passed on the benefits of her years of experience. 384 00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:13,997 Okay, baby, I'm close. 385 00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:16,003 I want you to get up here and slide inside of me. 386 00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:19,023 Hurry, slide, slide, slide! 387 00:16:19,017 --> 00:16:21,007 Oh, yeah. 388 00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:26,005 Then, at the bottom of the 9th try, 389 00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:28,012 with two balls and two strikes... 390 00:16:28,013 --> 00:16:31,023 the coach had no choice but to bring in a pinch hitter. 391 00:16:33,011 --> 00:16:34,021 What's that? 392 00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:36,018 It's my vibrator. 393 00:16:37,022 --> 00:16:39,012 I thought it would be fun. 394 00:16:39,013 --> 00:16:41,023 Well, I think just us might be more fun. 395 00:16:42,013 --> 00:16:44,013 I mean, that's not a problem, is it? 396 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,008 But there was no joy in Mudville. 397 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,010 Mighty Samantha had struck out. 398 00:16:57,005 --> 00:16:58,015 But a little further uptown, 399 00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:00,999 the ballgame was just getting started. 400 00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,014 -I have a present for you. -Mm. 401 00:17:04,019 --> 00:17:06,019 I thought you just gave me one. 402 00:17:12,023 --> 00:17:14,023 I was at Barneys today. 403 00:17:15,019 --> 00:17:16,019 And... 404 00:17:16,023 --> 00:17:18,003 Well... 405 00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:19,015 Here. 406 00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:22,020 Charlotte had decided a possible solution to her problem 407 00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:25,019 might be as simple as briefs versus boxers. 408 00:17:26,005 --> 00:17:29,005 The salesman said that these were the very best. 409 00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,014 They're like the wonder bra for men. 410 00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,020 They give good support, something about the pouch. 411 00:17:36,005 --> 00:17:37,005 We haven't even made love yet 412 00:17:37,013 --> 00:17:39,013 and you're already out shopping for me? 413 00:17:39,011 --> 00:17:40,011 Slow down. 414 00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:41,019 No, no, it's not like that-- 415 00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:43,001 It's, it's what? 416 00:17:43,004 --> 00:17:44,024 Well... 417 00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:46,007 But Charlotte couldn't bring herself to tell him 418 00:17:46,007 --> 00:17:48,017 the problem was foul balls. 419 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,001 This is too fast. Way too fast. 420 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,013 I mean, first comes the underwear. 421 00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,022 And then you move in. 422 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:57,020 And then the next thing I know, you hate my music. 423 00:18:00,002 --> 00:18:01,012 And that was that. 424 00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,014 He broke it off after only three weeks. 425 00:18:04,008 --> 00:18:07,008 Charlotte, true to form, was over him in exactly 426 00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,010 a week and a half. 427 00:18:09,023 --> 00:18:11,023 Whenever Miranda was feeling stressed out, 428 00:18:11,018 --> 00:18:13,008 she went for a long walk. 429 00:18:13,007 --> 00:18:15,997 She'd lose herself in the places and faces and whatever was 430 00:18:16,005 --> 00:18:18,005 bothering her would somehow lift. 431 00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:20,020 But today, she would have no such luck. 432 00:18:20,023 --> 00:18:26,013 I mean, I really liked-- I really thought he liked me, why didn't he call me? 433 00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:28,997 And just when Miranda decided she was the only woman 434 00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:31,023 in New York with any real perspective on men... 435 00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,024 There he was. 436 00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:37,012 Eric Asshole. 437 00:18:37,008 --> 00:18:38,998 The former love of her life. 438 00:18:39,003 --> 00:18:42,023 Walking hand and hand with the woman he left her for. 439 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,023 Somewhere between playing the Royals and the Red Sox, 440 00:18:59,023 --> 00:19:02,013 the new Yankee found a minute to teach me 441 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,020 some dugout pastimes. 442 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,008 One, two, three, toss. 443 00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:07,012 Oh, God. Shit. 444 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,995 If you don't get this, 445 00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:11,023 -we don't move on to spitting. -Alright, here. Hold my beer. 446 00:19:12,002 --> 00:19:13,012 Center your head, now. 447 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,020 Okay, wait. 448 00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:16,001 Back, back, back. 449 00:19:16,006 --> 00:19:17,016 Sorry. 450 00:19:19,009 --> 00:19:20,999 Break-up rule 451 00:19:21,006 --> 00:19:24,996 never stop thinking about him even for a moment... 452 00:19:25,002 --> 00:19:27,012 because that's the moment he'll appear. 453 00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:31,005 As he made his way through the crowd, I felt calm. 454 00:19:31,015 --> 00:19:33,995 I had accomplished the perfect first meeting. 455 00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:38,014 I looked good, I felt good, and I was with the new Yankee. 456 00:19:38,008 --> 00:19:39,008 Surprise, surprise. 457 00:19:39,014 --> 00:19:41,014 Well, look at you. 458 00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:43,022 I've been, um... I mean, I keep meaning... 459 00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:46,011 -How have you... -Good, good, good. 460 00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:49,013 Oh, God, sorry. This is Joe Stark. 461 00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,007 I know who he is. 462 00:19:50,009 --> 00:19:51,019 I'm a big fan. 463 00:19:51,019 --> 00:19:52,019 Good luck this season. 464 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:53,020 Thanks. 465 00:19:54,017 --> 00:19:56,007 I saw your picture in the paper. 466 00:19:57,023 --> 00:19:59,013 You never looked better. 467 00:20:26,004 --> 00:20:27,024 You want another round? 468 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,014 Hey, some buddies of mine are over at a bar on Bleecker. 469 00:20:40,016 --> 00:20:41,016 How about it? 470 00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:42,019 Sure. 471 00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:45,013 Hey... 472 00:20:54,014 --> 00:20:56,004 I'm sorry. 473 00:20:57,012 --> 00:21:00,002 I'm really sorry, it's not you. This is... 474 00:21:00,022 --> 00:21:02,022 This is really embarrassing. 475 00:21:02,018 --> 00:21:03,018 I'm sorry. 476 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,011 -It's okay, it's okay. -I'm really embarrassed. 477 00:21:05,009 --> 00:21:06,999 -You're okay. -No, I don't think I'm okay. 478 00:21:07,006 --> 00:21:09,016 I just-- I just cried in your mouth. 479 00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,008 I just... 480 00:21:12,012 --> 00:21:14,012 I can't, uh... 481 00:21:15,012 --> 00:21:18,012 I'm just not-- I'm not ready, you know? 482 00:21:18,017 --> 00:21:20,017 That guy in the bar, that-- 483 00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:24,010 That... that suit guy. I just... 484 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,017 I better go. Sorry. 485 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,010 You want me to give you a ride home? 486 00:21:28,015 --> 00:21:30,005 No, Joe, please. Just don't pay any more attention to me. 487 00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:33,010 Alright? Just go, please. Just go to that bar thing. 488 00:21:33,012 --> 00:21:36,012 And I'm just gonna get a cab, alright? 489 00:21:37,015 --> 00:21:40,005 Just please. Will you just go? 490 00:21:42,016 --> 00:21:44,016 Alright, then I'll go. 491 00:21:58,018 --> 00:22:00,008 But I didn't go home. 492 00:22:00,008 --> 00:22:01,008 I couldn't. 493 00:22:01,016 --> 00:22:02,996 I went to a pay phone. 494 00:22:03,003 --> 00:22:04,013 Hey, it's me. 495 00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:06,010 Hi, listen. 496 00:22:07,005 --> 00:22:09,015 I know things are really weird between us right now. 497 00:22:10,010 --> 00:22:12,010 But I really need to talk. 498 00:22:12,009 --> 00:22:13,019 Can you... 499 00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:18,000 Will you meet me at our place in like 15 minutes? 500 00:22:18,023 --> 00:22:21,023 Okay. 501 00:22:48,021 --> 00:22:50,001 Hi. 502 00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:56,996 I saw Big. 503 00:22:57,004 --> 00:22:59,024 And I completely fell apart. 504 00:23:00,006 --> 00:23:01,996 And I know you want me to be over him. I just-- 505 00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:03,016 I'm a jerk. 506 00:23:04,006 --> 00:23:06,016 That's my stuff. It's not you. 507 00:23:09,006 --> 00:23:11,006 I saw Eric on the street today. 508 00:23:11,021 --> 00:23:13,011 And I hid. 509 00:23:13,023 --> 00:23:15,023 After two years. 510 00:23:17,017 --> 00:23:19,007 I forgot how hard it is. 511 00:23:20,004 --> 00:23:23,004 You just take all the time you need, okay? 512 00:23:34,017 --> 00:23:35,017 These are cold. 513 00:23:37,013 --> 00:23:38,023 So? 514 00:23:42,009 --> 00:23:45,019 And finally, the most 515 00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:50,003 no matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, 516 00:23:50,003 --> 00:23:53,003 you'll never get through it without your friends.