1
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,006
[Carrie]
When you live on a tiny
island like Manhattan...
2
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:55,019
the odds of bumping into
the one who broke your heart
3
00:00:55,019 --> 00:00:57,009
are incredibly high.
4
00:00:59,012 --> 00:01:02,002
The odds of bumping into
him when you look like shit
5
00:01:02,004 --> 00:01:03,014
are even higher.
6
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:10,020
[horn blaring]
7
00:01:14,016 --> 00:01:15,996
[car honking]
8
00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:21,018
After a break-up,
certain streets, locations,
9
00:01:21,018 --> 00:01:23,998
even times of day
are off limits.
10
00:01:25,006 --> 00:01:26,996
The city becomes
a deserted battlefield
11
00:01:27,006 --> 00:01:29,006
loaded with emotional
land mines.
12
00:01:29,015 --> 00:01:31,015
You have to be very
careful where you step
13
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,021
or you could be
blown to pieces.
14
00:01:33,022 --> 00:01:35,012
[buzzer]
15
00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:41,022
Get your coat on, Anne Frank,
we're going out.
16
00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:43,020
-You guys, I'm really
not in the mood.
-Coat on...
17
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,009
-Body out.
-Where are we going?
18
00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:47,003
[Charlotte] It's a surprise.
19
00:01:47,002 --> 00:01:48,022
[Carrie] Okay, but only if it's
nowhere I can run into him.
20
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,021
Just when exactly do you think
21
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:52,022
you're gonna be getting out
of this hostage situation?
22
00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:54,012
-[Charlotte] Miranda!
-What, am I wrong?
23
00:01:54,011 --> 00:01:56,011
Don't listen to her, Carrie,
it's only been a month.
24
00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:58,024
It takes half the total time
you went out with someone
25
00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:00,021
to get over them.
26
00:02:00,017 --> 00:02:02,017
[Carrie] I always like a good
math solution to any
love problem.
27
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,010
It's the break-up rule.
28
00:02:04,007 --> 00:02:05,017
You and Big only
went out for a year.
29
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,010
So that means that
she's got five more months
to get over him.
30
00:02:08,011 --> 00:02:10,021
No, you got to cut your losses
and get back in the game.
31
00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:12,999
When Eric and I broke up,
I got over him right away.
32
00:02:13,006 --> 00:02:14,996
Well, I don't really remember
it being like that.
33
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:16,023
[Charlotte] What? Eric who?
34
00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:18,015
Eric, asshole I dated
a couple years ago.
35
00:02:18,023 --> 00:02:20,013
Oh, that Eric.
36
00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:22,023
[Carrie]
Miranda used to call Eric
the love of her life
37
00:02:22,019 --> 00:02:24,009
until he left her
for another woman.
38
00:02:24,012 --> 00:02:26,012
Now, she almost
never mentioned him.
39
00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:28,014
You can't push yourself
into feeling good.
40
00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:31,006
The only way to get over
somebody is to feel really bad,
41
00:02:31,010 --> 00:02:33,010
to cry to
your girlfriends,
42
00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:35,019
and then to replay what
you hated about him
43
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,021
over and over
in your head all day.
44
00:02:37,017 --> 00:02:38,997
Yep, that sounds
about right.
45
00:02:39,002 --> 00:02:41,012
You're way too dressed up
for where we're going.
46
00:02:41,013 --> 00:02:44,003
Well, you know what,
I'm going to risk overdress
versus the chance of
47
00:02:44,003 --> 00:02:46,013
meeting with Big for the first
time looking the way I feel.
48
00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:48,017
Oh, God, seeing someone for
the first time is the worst,
49
00:02:48,018 --> 00:02:49,018
you never know
how to act.
50
00:02:49,023 --> 00:02:51,023
Yeah, and then there's
the vomiting.
51
00:02:53,012 --> 00:02:55,022
You know what?
If Big had any class,
he would have moved away.
52
00:02:55,023 --> 00:02:57,013
I was here first.
53
00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:58,018
You're giving him
way too much power.
54
00:02:58,019 --> 00:02:59,999
You broke up with
him, remember?
55
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:00,995
Yeah, right, right.
56
00:03:01,005 --> 00:03:02,995
And that makes
me what, happy?
57
00:03:03,004 --> 00:03:04,024
[Miranda] Taxi!
58
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,997
[Carrie]
Amazingly, Samantha
was still with James.
59
00:03:07,004 --> 00:03:09,014
A monogamous relationship
for a woman whose bedroom
60
00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:11,021
was usually busier than
Balducci's on a Saturday.
61
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:14,003
Hey, you lovebirds.
62
00:03:14,017 --> 00:03:15,017
Oh...
63
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,020
And how are the most
beautiful women in Manhattan?
64
00:03:19,018 --> 00:03:21,018
If we see them,
I'll ask.
65
00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:24,014
[James] Have a fun day.
66
00:03:24,012 --> 00:03:26,022
And don't let anything bad
happen to my princess.
67
00:03:26,023 --> 00:03:28,003
[all] Oh.
68
00:03:28,011 --> 00:03:29,021
I love you.
69
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,995
God, Samantha,
everything is going so great.
70
00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:37,017
Me, James,
and his tiny penis,
71
00:03:37,023 --> 00:03:40,013
we're one
big happy family.
72
00:03:40,009 --> 00:03:42,999
[Carrie] After two months,
despite all his sweetness
and charm,
73
00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:47,006
Samantha still hadn't quite
accepted James's...
shortcomings.
74
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:52,014
When Miranda said,
"Get back in the game,"
she meant it.
75
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,024
40 minutes and
a $55 cab ride later,
76
00:03:54,022 --> 00:03:57,022
we found ourselves
at Yankee Stadium.
77
00:03:57,017 --> 00:03:58,997
Who wants another?
78
00:03:59,002 --> 00:04:00,022
[Carrie] Miranda was a huge fan
of the Yankees.
79
00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:03,021
I was a huge fan of being
anywhere you could smoke
80
00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:06,011
and drink at two in
the afternoon without judgment.
81
00:04:06,007 --> 00:04:07,017
-Beer!
-Beer!
82
00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:10,001
-Do they have hot cocoa?
-Okay.
83
00:04:10,005 --> 00:04:12,005
Coming up to bat,
the new Yankee.
84
00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:14,014
Just up from
the minors, single.
85
00:04:14,010 --> 00:04:15,020
Oh, so cute.
86
00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:16,007
[cheering]
87
00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:17,015
I can barely see him.
88
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,023
Why are we sitting
all the way up here?
89
00:04:19,021 --> 00:04:21,021
Because it's the only place
I can smoke without Giuliani
90
00:04:21,023 --> 00:04:23,023
putting me away
for ten years.
91
00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:24,999
These seats suck.
92
00:04:25,004 --> 00:04:26,024
This hot dog sucks.
93
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,021
My entire life sucks.
94
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000
Your life
doesn't suck.
95
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,014
You have a man
who really loves you.
96
00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:32,024
Oh, yay, love. Woo!
97
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,012
I don't think you ladies
understand the seriousness
98
00:04:34,013 --> 00:04:36,003
of my situation.
99
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:41,011
How would you like to make
love to this every night?
100
00:04:41,021 --> 00:04:43,001
Is it kosher?
101
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:46,011
[laughing] Don't make me laugh.
102
00:04:47,002 --> 00:04:48,012
It's tragic.
103
00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:49,023
Can we all just try and get
into the game for a second?
104
00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:52,011
-Alright.
-C'mon!
105
00:04:52,013 --> 00:04:53,023
Show us what you got!
106
00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:55,019
Last year,
this guy was Mr. September.
107
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,010
He hit like, ten home runs
in nine days.
108
00:04:58,016 --> 00:04:59,016
Ball!
109
00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:01,008
Good eye, good eye.
110
00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,007
Way to watch them.
111
00:05:02,016 --> 00:05:03,996
He batted 373.
112
00:05:04,002 --> 00:05:05,012
He drove in 47 runs.
113
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:07,010
His on-base
percentage was 410.
114
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:10,013
[Carrie]
As Miranda went on and on
about the new Yankees' stats,
115
00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:12,021
I couldn't help
but wonder about my own.
116
00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:13,999
Ten years playing
in New York.
117
00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:15,013
Countless dates.
118
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,020
Five real
relationships.
119
00:05:16,023 --> 00:05:18,003
One serious.
120
00:05:18,002 --> 00:05:19,022
All ending
in breakups.
121
00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:20,997
If I were a ball player,
122
00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:24,003
I'd be batting, uh...
whatever really bad is.
123
00:05:25,002 --> 00:05:26,012
-Woo!
-[crowd cheering]
124
00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:28,014
[Miranda] Oh, my God.
Here it comes!
125
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:29,010
Oh, my God.
126
00:05:29,015 --> 00:05:30,005
Ah!
127
00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:33,003
[man] Grab it!
128
00:05:33,011 --> 00:05:35,001
You got it!
You got it!
129
00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:36,014
[cheering]
130
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:41,003
You know what the odds of
catching a fly ball are?
131
00:05:41,002 --> 00:05:42,022
[Carrie] I didn't.
132
00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:44,007
But I couldn't help but wonder
if they were any higher
133
00:05:44,015 --> 00:05:47,005
than finding a relationship
that would last.
134
00:05:47,011 --> 00:05:48,021
Three innings, four beers
135
00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:51,002
and one shameless flash
of my press pass later,
136
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,022
we waited outside
the locker room
137
00:05:52,023 --> 00:05:55,013
to get my ball signed
by the new Yankee.
138
00:05:55,017 --> 00:05:56,997
Hi, good game.
139
00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:59,023
Did you see
that bulge?
140
00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:01,021
Uh, he was wearing a cup.
141
00:06:01,019 --> 00:06:04,009
Well, honey, his cup
runneth over.
142
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,005
[laughing]
143
00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:12,006
Okay, it's official.
You're drunk.
144
00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:15,005
Oh, I'm not drunk,
I'm sedated from my pain.
145
00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:18,010
She's allowed to be drunk,
she's going through a break-up.
146
00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:19,999
-[Carrie giggling]
-[Joe] Good game.
147
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:21,014
Oh! Hey, hi.
148
00:06:21,009 --> 00:06:22,009
Excuse me.
149
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,015
Huge Yankee fan.
We don't mean to bother you,
150
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:27,010
but my friend
caught your ball.
151
00:06:27,016 --> 00:06:29,016
[laughing awkwardly]
This is her.
152
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,011
I'm her friend.
153
00:06:31,012 --> 00:06:32,022
Hi.
154
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,017
And we were wondering
if you'd sign it?
155
00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:35,021
Oh, the, the foul ball
to the upper deck?
156
00:06:35,022 --> 00:06:36,022
[Miranda] Yes.
157
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,010
I mean, yes.
158
00:06:38,012 --> 00:06:39,022
If it's not too--
159
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,020
I'm a huge Yankee fan.
160
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,000
I'm a lawyer.
161
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,003
So, if I don't sign it,
you'll sue me?
162
00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:48,022
No. No! I don't know
why I said that.
163
00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:50,010
[laughing] No problem,
give me the ball.
164
00:06:50,014 --> 00:06:52,014
-Give him the ball.
-Oh.
165
00:06:55,005 --> 00:06:56,015
-Could you hold these?
-Sure.
166
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:57,020
[Carrie] Thank you.
167
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,001
You a Yankee fan too?
168
00:06:59,006 --> 00:07:00,996
Actually, no,
I came for the beer.
169
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,023
I think baseball's
a little dull.
170
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:04,001
Oh, yeah?
171
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:04,996
What do you do?
172
00:07:05,005 --> 00:07:05,995
She writes a column.
173
00:07:06,006 --> 00:07:06,996
A sex column.
174
00:07:07,006 --> 00:07:08,016
Nothin' dull about that.
175
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:10,021
You'd be surprised.
176
00:07:10,022 --> 00:07:12,002
Here you go.
177
00:07:12,002 --> 00:07:13,012
Thank you.
178
00:07:13,018 --> 00:07:15,008
Wooh!
179
00:07:15,013 --> 00:07:16,023
[all laugh]
180
00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:18,016
[Miranda] He's so cute.
181
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:22,020
I'm gonna ask him to
the Dolce & Gabbana party.
182
00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:23,017
What?
183
00:07:25,016 --> 00:07:27,006
No, really,
you can't.
184
00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:30,022
[Carrie]
Yankee! Yankee!
185
00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:36,022
I don't know if it was
the beer or the fact
186
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,010
that I was
holding his ball.
187
00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:41,996
Something gave me the strength
to ask the new Yankee out.
188
00:07:43,001 --> 00:07:45,011
No, no, no.
This is not fair.
189
00:07:45,009 --> 00:07:47,019
This is not the way this
is supposed to happen.
190
00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:50,018
What? You told me to get
back in the game.
191
00:07:51,011 --> 00:07:55,011
Yeah, with some balding CPA
or other boring rebound guy.
192
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:58,006
Nobody rebounds
with the new Yankee.
193
00:07:58,008 --> 00:07:59,018
Well, maybe I'm
the new Carrie.
194
00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:01,999
C'mon, ladies, let's blow
this hot dog stand.
195
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:04,011
C'mon.
196
00:08:05,004 --> 00:08:07,014
[Miranda] Samantha, let's go.
197
00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:11,003
[Carrie]
She knew it was risky.
198
00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:13,016
But a day of watching big men
swing their big wooden bats
199
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,020
proved to be too
much for Samantha.
200
00:08:16,021 --> 00:08:20,001
She told herself there's
no harm in just looking.
201
00:08:32,004 --> 00:08:33,014
Can I help you?
202
00:08:33,016 --> 00:08:36,016
Uh... Um...
203
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:45,020
[Carrie] As my ballpark cheap
beer buzz wore off,
204
00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:49,011
I began to worry about
the ramifications of my day.
205
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:50,017
Was Charlotte right?
206
00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:54,023
Were we supposed to get over
an ex in a slow, painful way?
207
00:08:54,023 --> 00:08:57,003
Or should we just ignore
all the bad feelings
208
00:08:57,005 --> 00:08:59,005
and throw ourselves
back in the game?
209
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,010
In a world where
leaving each other
210
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,007
seems to be getting
more and more frequent,
211
00:09:03,015 --> 00:09:05,005
what are
the break-up rules?
212
00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:07,999
Whatever you do, man,
don't cry.
213
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,996
'Cause if you do get
back together again,
214
00:09:10,005 --> 00:09:12,015
then, like, you're
the guy that cried.
215
00:09:14,022 --> 00:09:17,022
Don't call or see him
till three months have passed.
216
00:09:17,018 --> 00:09:18,998
That's how long it takes
to lose the weight
217
00:09:19,006 --> 00:09:20,016
you put on when
you were breaking up.
218
00:09:20,021 --> 00:09:22,011
Give her whatever
she wants,
219
00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,999
but don't sign
a motherfucking thing.
220
00:09:24,012 --> 00:09:27,012
Change your name,
change your phone number.
221
00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:29,013
Change your job.
222
00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:30,017
They're all bums.
223
00:09:30,022 --> 00:09:32,022
-[man laughing]
-You got a problem?
224
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,010
-No, no.
-Huh?
225
00:09:34,012 --> 00:09:37,012
[Carrie] Friday night,
the Dolce & Gabbana party,
226
00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:39,007
the new Yankee was
ten minutes late.
227
00:09:39,015 --> 00:09:41,005
I was running
20 behind.
228
00:09:41,008 --> 00:09:42,008
Oh, come on.
229
00:09:48,002 --> 00:09:51,002
I was reaching for my
favorite necklace when...
230
00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:54,010
I thought I'd destroyed
all the evidence.
231
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,001
But there it was.
232
00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:58,012
We'd taken it with a disposable
camera before it ever
233
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,014
dawned on me that we could
be disposable as well.
234
00:10:01,011 --> 00:10:05,021
It was then and there I created
my own very first break-up rule.
235
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,011
Destroy all pictures
where he looks sexy
236
00:10:08,013 --> 00:10:10,003
and you look happy.
237
00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:11,005
[buzzer]
238
00:10:14,007 --> 00:10:16,017
The party was
a complete home run.
239
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:19,011
All the fashion
heavy hitters were there.
240
00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:21,023
Oh, c'mon, honey.
241
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,011
Paul.
242
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,023
[Carrie] Charlotte was dating
Paul Erickson,
243
00:10:25,019 --> 00:10:27,019
the VP of a major
recording label's
244
00:10:27,022 --> 00:10:29,002
classical and jazz division.
245
00:10:29,006 --> 00:10:30,016
Are you ladies having a good
time? Here you go.
246
00:10:30,017 --> 00:10:31,997
-Oh, yeah.
-You're not gonna believe it.
247
00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:34,014
This guy's never
heard Miles Davis.
248
00:10:34,018 --> 00:10:36,008
I don't really
like that jazz stuff.
249
00:10:36,014 --> 00:10:37,024
Stuff? Oh, you just wait.
250
00:10:37,023 --> 00:10:40,013
I'm gonna give you our
Best of Miles Davis CD.
251
00:10:40,011 --> 00:10:42,011
The stuff's gonna
change your mind.
252
00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:44,017
His concentration and
emotion in the phrasing...
253
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,018
Oh, man. It's fucking magical.
254
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:50,001
[Carrie] He was handsome,
smart, eclectic.
255
00:10:50,002 --> 00:10:52,002
The perfect
match for Charlotte.
256
00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,023
Except for
one minor snag.
257
00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:55,017
I mean, the authenticity
of Miles' timbre...
258
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:58,000
is gonna blow you
away.
259
00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:01,012
I mean, the fusion revolution,
it changed the entire concept
260
00:11:01,009 --> 00:11:02,999
of contemporary music.
261
00:11:04,007 --> 00:11:07,007
[Carrie] There we were,
two single gals out on the town
262
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:09,014
with our ballplayers.
263
00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:21,008
What's wrong?
264
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,010
Just thought I saw...
265
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,016
Where?
266
00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:26,009
No, no, it wasn't him.
It wasn't him.
267
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,009
Do you think
he'll be here?
268
00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:30,998
I don't know,
I hadn't thought about it.
269
00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:32,023
Break-up rule
number two:
270
00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:35,022
lie, it's a lot easier than
admitting that's why you invited
271
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,020
the new Yankee and why you
maxed out your credit card
272
00:11:38,019 --> 00:11:39,999
to buy the dress.
273
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,023
[car honking]
274
00:11:41,023 --> 00:11:43,023
When Mr. Big
never made an appearance,
275
00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:45,012
I decided to make
the best of it.
276
00:11:45,015 --> 00:11:48,005
I actually got to know
a little about this new Yankee.
277
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,018
His name was Joe.
278
00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:51,012
So, Joe...
279
00:11:51,013 --> 00:11:52,023
the new Yankee,
280
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:55,014
how'd you like your
first fashion party?
281
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:56,020
It's kind of cool.
282
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,010
[Carrie chuckles]
283
00:11:58,012 --> 00:11:59,012
What?
284
00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,016
Nothing.
It's just...
285
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,020
"Kind of cool."
286
00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,010
You're very succinct.
287
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,010
[Joe laughs]
288
00:12:07,004 --> 00:12:09,014
What, are you
making fun of me?
289
00:12:09,011 --> 00:12:10,021
A little bit.
290
00:12:12,011 --> 00:12:14,021
Well, you're
kind of cute.
291
00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:17,022
You're kind
of cute, too.
292
00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:25,009
And there,
in the shadow of my island,
293
00:12:25,016 --> 00:12:28,016
just four weeks out of
my last relationship,
294
00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:31,008
I let the new Yankee
get to first base.
295
00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:34,013
Our Saturday morning ritual,
296
00:12:34,011 --> 00:12:37,011
coffee, eggs, and
a very private dish session.
297
00:12:37,011 --> 00:12:39,011
Except today our dish
wasn't so private.
298
00:12:39,012 --> 00:12:40,022
You're on Page Six.
299
00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,007
-Mm!
-Oh, my god!
300
00:12:42,009 --> 00:12:45,019
"Hot Yankee, Joe Stark on town
with New York columnist,
301
00:12:45,021 --> 00:12:47,011
and 'sex-pert,'
Carrie Bradshaw."
302
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,006
"Sex-pert," huh?
It's a proud day for me.
303
00:12:49,013 --> 00:12:51,023
Oh, honey, that dress
just paid for itself.
304
00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:53,012
Big is gonna see
this and die.
305
00:12:53,013 --> 00:12:54,023
I don't want
him to die.
306
00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:56,009
[Samantha] Oh, cut the shit,
it's me.
307
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,019
You're using
that Yankee.
308
00:12:57,018 --> 00:12:59,018
Okay, everybody has got
to look
309
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,010
at my new Palm Pilot.
It's amazing.
310
00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:04,023
-It has my entire schedule...
-This is so great.
311
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,017
The first time Big sees you,
you look like that
312
00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:08,012
and you're
with the Yankee.
313
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,000
Why are we still
talking about him?
314
00:13:10,002 --> 00:13:11,002
He hurt her.
315
00:13:11,005 --> 00:13:12,995
He's out of
the picture, it's over.
316
00:13:13,006 --> 00:13:14,996
Let's talk about
something else, okay?
317
00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:16,014
-Okay.
-Okay.
318
00:13:16,008 --> 00:13:17,018
Okay.
319
00:13:26,012 --> 00:13:28,012
I have a problem
with my boyfriend.
320
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,015
Okay, I'm gonna
go get the check.
321
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,020
I don't know really
quite how to say this.
322
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000
But he's always, um,
touching his, um...
323
00:13:37,007 --> 00:13:38,997
Balls.
I know, Carrie told me.
324
00:13:39,006 --> 00:13:40,006
[Carrie] I had to,
it freaked me out.
325
00:13:40,014 --> 00:13:42,014
I didn't know what
the hell was going on there.
326
00:13:42,012 --> 00:13:43,012
I still don't.
327
00:13:43,015 --> 00:13:44,015
What is going on there?
328
00:13:44,019 --> 00:13:45,999
I don't know,
but it's constant.
329
00:13:46,006 --> 00:13:47,996
He just can't seem to
leave them alone.
330
00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:50,005
He and every other
guy on the planet.
331
00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:52,018
They're always trying to pull
our attention down there.
332
00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:53,018
Look what I got.
333
00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:55,022
I don't get it.
He's from a good family.
334
00:13:55,021 --> 00:13:57,001
He went to Brown.
335
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,013
Why is he doing that?
336
00:13:58,015 --> 00:13:59,995
Does he have a pair
of low-hangers?
337
00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:01,024
Is that
a patented phrase?
338
00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:04,010
You know, sometimes
they just hang so low,
they get in the way.
339
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,010
I heard Nick Nolte
had a ball lift.
340
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:08,000
I don't know
how long they are.
341
00:14:09,004 --> 00:14:10,014
Wait a minute.
342
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:11,998
You've been dating
this guy for three weeks
343
00:14:12,005 --> 00:14:13,015
and you haven't seen
his balls yet?
344
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,010
Oh, come on,
get with the program.
345
00:14:16,016 --> 00:14:18,006
But why do men do this?
346
00:14:18,011 --> 00:14:21,011
I mean, how would they feel
if we stood around in public
347
00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:22,007
touching ourselves?
348
00:14:22,007 --> 00:14:23,007
-They'd love it.
-They'd love it.
349
00:14:23,011 --> 00:14:24,021
What are we
talking about?
350
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:26,021
Charlotte's
boyfriend's balls.
351
00:14:26,021 --> 00:14:28,011
Seriously?
352
00:14:28,007 --> 00:14:29,007
They're too long.
353
00:14:29,015 --> 00:14:30,995
She's just guessing.
354
00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,012
Okay.
355
00:14:32,007 --> 00:14:33,007
That's it.
356
00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:34,995
I'm out of here.
357
00:14:35,011 --> 00:14:37,011
All we talk about anymore
358
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:41,999
is Big, or balls,
or small dicks.
359
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:44,017
How does it happen that four
such smart women
360
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,007
have nothing to talk about
but boyfriends?
361
00:14:46,022 --> 00:14:49,002
It's like 7th grade
with bank accounts.
362
00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:50,005
What about us?
363
00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:52,011
What we think,
we feel, we know.
364
00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,023
Christ.
365
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:56,011
Does it always have
to be about them?
366
00:14:57,002 --> 00:14:58,012
Just, you know...
367
00:14:58,016 --> 00:15:01,006
Give me a call when you're ready
to talk about something besides
368
00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:03,007
men for a change.
369
00:15:03,011 --> 00:15:05,001
[Carrie]
In the case of Miranda Hobbes
370
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,995
versus silly women everywhere,
371
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:08,005
the verdict was in.
372
00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:10,996
Guilty as charged.
373
00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,995
After breakfast,
Charlotte and I went shopping.
374
00:15:14,002 --> 00:15:16,002
Break-up rule
number three:
375
00:15:16,005 --> 00:15:20,995
until emotionally stabilized,
enter no stores.
376
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:23,002
Later that night,
Samantha and James
377
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:25,006
were about to enter
the 7th inning stretch.
378
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,007
Okay, honey,
now when I arch my back,
379
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:31,014
I want you to lift that ass
and really give it to me.
380
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,004
[Carrie] Rather than
quit mid-season,
381
00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:35,016
Samantha decided to attack
her problem with the gusto
382
00:15:35,022 --> 00:15:37,022
of a seasoned coach
training a rookie.
383
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:40,021
Okay. Go, go, lift!
384
00:15:40,021 --> 00:15:41,021
Lift that ass.
385
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,011
Give it to me.
Give it to me!
386
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:51,004
[Carrie] A good coach
encourages and motivates.
387
00:15:51,006 --> 00:15:53,006
[Samantha]
Oh, you are so hot.
388
00:15:53,013 --> 00:15:55,003
Oh, fuck me.
389
00:15:55,005 --> 00:15:57,005
Fuck me,
you hot stud.
390
00:15:57,012 --> 00:15:58,022
[moans]
391
00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:03,017
[Carrie] A good coach
disciplines and criticizes.
392
00:16:03,018 --> 00:16:06,008
No, what are you
doing back there?
393
00:16:06,015 --> 00:16:07,015
Let's go!
394
00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:09,010
[Carrie] And like every
good coach,
395
00:16:09,013 --> 00:16:12,023
she passed on the benefits
of her years of experience.
396
00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:13,997
Okay, baby,
I'm close.
397
00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:16,003
I want you to get up here and
slide inside of me.
398
00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:19,023
Hurry, slide,
slide, slide!
399
00:16:19,017 --> 00:16:21,007
Oh, yeah.
400
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:26,005
[Carrie]
Then, at the bottom
of the 9th try,
401
00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:28,012
with two balls
and two strikes...
402
00:16:28,013 --> 00:16:31,023
the coach had no choice but
to bring in a pinch hitter.
403
00:16:32,004 --> 00:16:33,014
[buzzing]
404
00:16:33,011 --> 00:16:34,021
What's that?
405
00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:36,018
It's my vibrator.
406
00:16:37,022 --> 00:16:39,012
I thought it
would be fun.
407
00:16:39,013 --> 00:16:41,023
Well, I think just us
might be more fun.
408
00:16:42,013 --> 00:16:44,013
I mean, that's not
a problem, is it?
409
00:16:46,009 --> 00:16:47,019
[buzzing stops]
410
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,008
[Carrie] But there was no joy
in Mudville.
411
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,010
Mighty Samantha
had struck out.
412
00:16:57,005 --> 00:16:58,015
But a little further uptown,
413
00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:00,999
the ballgame was just
getting started.
414
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,014
-I have a present for you.
-Mm.
415
00:17:04,019 --> 00:17:06,019
I thought you just
gave me one.
416
00:17:12,023 --> 00:17:14,023
I was at Barneys today.
417
00:17:15,019 --> 00:17:16,019
And...
418
00:17:16,023 --> 00:17:18,003
Well...
419
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:19,015
Here.
420
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:22,020
[Carrie]
Charlotte had decided a possible
solution to her problem
421
00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:25,019
might be as simple
as briefs versus boxers.
422
00:17:26,005 --> 00:17:29,005
The salesman said that
these were the very best.
423
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,014
They're like
the wonder bra for men.
424
00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,020
They give good support,
something about the pouch.
425
00:17:36,005 --> 00:17:37,005
We haven't even
made love yet
426
00:17:37,013 --> 00:17:39,013
and you're already out
shopping for me?
427
00:17:39,011 --> 00:17:40,011
Slow down.
428
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:41,019
No, no, it's
not like that--
429
00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:43,001
It's, it's what?
430
00:17:43,004 --> 00:17:44,024
Well...
431
00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:46,007
[Carrie] But Charlotte couldn't
bring herself to tell him
432
00:17:46,007 --> 00:17:48,017
the problem was
foul balls.
433
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,001
This is too fast.
Way too fast.
434
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,013
I mean, first comes
the underwear.
435
00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,022
And then you move in.
436
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:57,020
And then the next thing I know,
you hate my music.
437
00:18:00,002 --> 00:18:01,012
[Carrie] And that was that.
438
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,014
He broke it off after
only three weeks.
439
00:18:04,008 --> 00:18:07,008
Charlotte, true to form,
was over him in exactly
440
00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,010
a week and a half.
441
00:18:08,014 --> 00:18:09,024
[door closes]
442
00:18:09,023 --> 00:18:11,023
Whenever Miranda was
feeling stressed out,
443
00:18:11,018 --> 00:18:13,008
she went for
a long walk.
444
00:18:13,007 --> 00:18:15,997
She'd lose herself in the places
and faces and whatever was
445
00:18:16,005 --> 00:18:18,005
bothering her would
somehow lift.
446
00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:20,020
But today, she would
have no such luck.
447
00:18:20,023 --> 00:18:26,013
I mean, I really liked--
I really thought he liked me,
why didn't he call me?
448
00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:28,997
[Carrie]
And just when Miranda decided
she was the only woman
449
00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:31,023
in New York with any
real perspective on men...
450
00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,024
There he was.
451
00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:37,012
Eric Asshole.
452
00:18:37,008 --> 00:18:38,998
The former love
of her life.
453
00:18:39,003 --> 00:18:42,023
Walking hand and hand with
the woman he left her for.
454
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,023
Somewhere between playing
the Royals and the Red Sox,
455
00:18:59,023 --> 00:19:02,013
the new Yankee found
a minute to teach me
456
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,020
some dugout pastimes.
457
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,008
[Joe] One, two, three, toss.
458
00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:07,012
Oh, God.
Shit.
459
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,995
If you don't get this,
460
00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:11,023
-we don't move on to spitting.
-Alright, here. Hold my beer.
461
00:19:12,002 --> 00:19:13,012
Center your head, now.
462
00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,020
Okay, wait.
463
00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:16,001
Back, back, back.
464
00:19:16,006 --> 00:19:17,016
Sorry.
465
00:19:19,009 --> 00:19:20,999
Break-up rule
number four:
466
00:19:21,006 --> 00:19:24,996
never stop thinking about
him even for a moment...
467
00:19:25,002 --> 00:19:27,012
because that's the moment
he'll appear.
468
00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:31,005
As he made his way through
the crowd, I felt calm.
469
00:19:31,015 --> 00:19:33,995
I had accomplished
the perfect first meeting.
470
00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:38,014
I looked good, I felt good,
and I was with the new Yankee.
471
00:19:38,008 --> 00:19:39,008
Surprise, surprise.
472
00:19:39,014 --> 00:19:41,014
Well, look at you.
473
00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:43,022
I've been, um...
I mean, I keep meaning...
474
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:46,011
-How have you...
-Good, good, good.
475
00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:49,013
Oh, God, sorry.
This is Joe Stark.
476
00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,007
[Big] I know who he is.
477
00:19:50,009 --> 00:19:51,019
I'm a big fan.
478
00:19:51,019 --> 00:19:52,019
Good luck
this season.
479
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:53,020
Thanks.
480
00:19:54,017 --> 00:19:56,007
I saw your picture
in the paper.
481
00:19:57,023 --> 00:19:59,013
You never
looked better.
482
00:19:59,007 --> 00:20:02,017
[heart beating]
483
00:20:26,004 --> 00:20:27,024
You want
another round?
484
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,014
Hey, some buddies of mine
are over at a bar on Bleecker.
485
00:20:40,016 --> 00:20:41,016
How about it?
486
00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:42,019
Sure.
487
00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:45,013
Hey...
488
00:20:54,014 --> 00:20:56,004
I'm sorry.
489
00:20:57,012 --> 00:21:00,002
I'm really sorry,
it's not you. This is...
490
00:21:00,022 --> 00:21:02,022
This is really
embarrassing.
491
00:21:02,018 --> 00:21:03,018
I'm sorry.
492
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,011
-It's okay, it's okay.
-I'm really embarrassed.
493
00:21:05,009 --> 00:21:06,999
-You're okay.
-No, I don't think I'm okay.
494
00:21:07,006 --> 00:21:09,016
I just-- I just cried
in your mouth.
495
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,008
I just...
496
00:21:12,012 --> 00:21:14,012
I can't, uh...
497
00:21:15,012 --> 00:21:18,012
I'm just not--
I'm not ready, you know?
498
00:21:18,017 --> 00:21:20,017
That guy in the bar,
that--
499
00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:24,010
That... that suit guy.
I just...
500
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,017
I better go. Sorry.
501
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,010
You want me to
give you a ride home?
502
00:21:28,015 --> 00:21:30,005
No, Joe, please.
Just don't pay any
more attention to me.
503
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:33,010
Alright? Just go, please.
Just go to that bar thing.
504
00:21:33,012 --> 00:21:36,012
And I'm just gonna get
a cab, alright?
505
00:21:37,015 --> 00:21:40,005
Just please.
Will you just go?
506
00:21:42,016 --> 00:21:44,016
Alright,
then I'll go.
507
00:21:58,018 --> 00:22:00,008
But I didn't go home.
508
00:22:00,008 --> 00:22:01,008
I couldn't.
509
00:22:01,016 --> 00:22:02,996
I went to a pay phone.
510
00:22:03,003 --> 00:22:04,013
Hey, it's me.
511
00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:06,010
Hi, listen.
512
00:22:07,005 --> 00:22:09,015
I know things are really
weird between us right now.
513
00:22:10,010 --> 00:22:12,010
But I really
need to talk.
514
00:22:12,009 --> 00:22:13,019
Can you...
515
00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:18,000
Will you meet me at our place
in like 15 minutes?
516
00:22:18,023 --> 00:22:21,023
Okay.
517
00:22:42,023 --> 00:22:44,003
[sighs]
518
00:22:48,021 --> 00:22:50,001
Hi.
519
00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:56,996
I saw Big.
520
00:22:57,004 --> 00:22:59,024
And I completely
fell apart.
521
00:23:00,006 --> 00:23:01,996
And I know you want
me to be over him.
I just--
522
00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:03,016
I'm a jerk.
523
00:23:04,006 --> 00:23:06,016
That's my stuff.
It's not you.
524
00:23:09,006 --> 00:23:11,006
I saw Eric on
the street today.
525
00:23:11,021 --> 00:23:13,011
And I hid. [laughs]
526
00:23:13,023 --> 00:23:15,023
After two years.
527
00:23:17,017 --> 00:23:19,007
I forgot how
hard it is.
528
00:23:20,004 --> 00:23:23,004
You just take all
the time you need, okay?
529
00:23:34,017 --> 00:23:35,017
These are cold.
530
00:23:37,013 --> 00:23:38,023
So?
531
00:23:42,009 --> 00:23:45,019
[Carrie]
And finally, the most
important break-up rule:
532
00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:50,003
no matter who broke your heart
or how long it takes to heal,
533
00:23:50,003 --> 00:23:53,003
you'll never get through it
without your friends.