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00:00:58,917 --> 00:01:00,127
Manhattan...
2
00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:01,628
For millions of
our forefathers,
3
00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:04,669
the gateway to hope,
opportunity and happiness
4
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,380
beyond their
wildest dreams.
5
00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:08,418
Today that hope
is still alive.
6
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:10,880
It's called
the first date.
7
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:14,129
On Saturday nights every
restaurant in lower Manhattan
8
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,708
resembles its own
little Ellis Island.
9
00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:19,832
Hordes of single women crowded
into a hot cramped space
10
00:01:19,917 --> 00:01:22,627
hoping to make it
to their final destination...
11
00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:24,459
The state of matrimony.
12
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,832
Or at least to get
a hot meal in transit.
13
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,379
Samantha didn't believe
in the first date.
14
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,418
But she did believe
in sex after it.
15
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:34,670
Mmm.
16
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:38,923
Ooh, I think
you missed a drop.
17
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,380
Harrison was a very
successful litigator
18
00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:43,498
who took steam baths
with Ron Perlman
19
00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:46,583
and owned an an apartment on
the 39th floor of Museum Tower,
20
00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:49,077
an excellent
first date pedigree.
21
00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:50,416
After dinner,
22
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:54,000
Harrison invited Samantha up
to see his view.
23
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:59,383
I think you should know my
specialty is sexual harassment.
24
00:01:59,458 --> 00:02:00,458
Really?
25
00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:01,422
So is mine.
26
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,330
This is
a classic case.
27
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:08,081
A classic case
of entrapment.
28
00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:10,127
Beautiful woman,
29
00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,208
-mind altering wine.
-Mm-mmm...
30
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:13,791
I could claim
temporary insanity.
31
00:02:13,875 --> 00:02:17,125
I do have a prior record of
driving men a little crazy.
32
00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:20,461
You fit the profile.
33
00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:23,542
Most sexual harassment cases
are brought by older women.
34
00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:30,879
I'm sorry?
35
00:02:30,959 --> 00:02:34,789
No offense, but c'mon,
what are you, 40, 41?
36
00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:36,995
Samantha had celebrated
her 35th birthday
37
00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:38,963
for as long
as we could remember.
38
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,040
I'm just
gonna freshen up.
39
00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:43,875
Well, I think you're
pretty fresh already.
40
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,670
♪ I'm too sexy
for my shirt ♪
41
00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:55,790
♪ Too sexy
for my shirt ♪
42
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:58,875
♪ So sexy it hurts ♪
43
00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:01,829
♪ I'm too sexy
for your body ♪
44
00:03:01,917 --> 00:03:06,537
Hey sexy, I'm over here.
45
00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:13,499
There, next to his
Brooks Brothers suits,
46
00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:17,423
was the world's smallest
cedar-lined den of iniquity.
47
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,000
Slap me.
48
00:03:19,417 --> 00:03:20,747
You've got
to be kidding.
49
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,214
Oh, c'mon.
50
00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:25,544
Slap me hard.
51
00:03:25,625 --> 00:03:29,285
Apparently the view
left a little to be desired.
52
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:36,167
The next night,
Samantha invited us
to a party she was throwing
53
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,040
for the new coffee table
book du jour.
54
00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,955
The book was awful,
55
00:03:41,041 --> 00:03:43,291
but the hors d'oeuvres
were fabulous.
56
00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:45,325
Well, you got to
give the guy credit.
57
00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:47,497
It takes a lot of work to get
all rigged up like that.
58
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:50,213
Yeah, most of my first dates
don't even open the cab door.
59
00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:51,921
Hey, what if he's
still hanging there?
60
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,250
The super would
find him eventually.
61
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:54,963
You see, this is
why I don't date.
62
00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,631
The men out there
are freaks.
63
00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,079
Well, that's completely unfair.
64
00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:00,036
I'm sorry, if a man
is over 30 and single
65
00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:01,875
there's something
wrong with him.
66
00:04:01,959 --> 00:04:04,829
It's Darwinian.
They're being weeded out
from propagating the species.
67
00:04:04,917 --> 00:04:06,377
Okay, what about us?
68
00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:08,078
We're just choosy.
69
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,995
I'm getting
more shrimp.
70
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,463
You know what the worst part
of the date was?
71
00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:18,131
Harrison actually
thought I was 40.
72
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:21,035
-Really?
-Really.
73
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:23,333
Do you think
I look 40?
74
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:25,537
If Samantha's past
four birthdays
taught me anything,
75
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:28,745
it was that there is
only one answer
to a question like that.
76
00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,544
You don't look
a day over 35.
77
00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:35,169
This is a great party.
78
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,630
I just met
the most amazing guy,
79
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,079
Mitchell Saylor.
80
00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:39,706
When Charlotte
really liked a guy,
81
00:04:39,792 --> 00:04:41,292
she said
his whole name.
82
00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:43,825
It helped her to imagine their
future monogrammed towels.
83
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,207
Mitch Saylor?
84
00:04:45,291 --> 00:04:46,421
Yeah, do you
know him?
85
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,130
Oh, honey,
I know of him.
86
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,128
Well, well, what is that
supposed to mean?
87
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:54,248
Ladies, I suggest you
join me in the bathroom.
88
00:04:55,417 --> 00:04:57,207
-He's "Mr. Pussy."
-Mr. Who?
89
00:04:57,291 --> 00:04:59,251
Suddenly Charlotte's
monogrammed towels
90
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,503
were looking
very different.
91
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:03,293
He's renowned, he loves
going down on women.
92
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,245
He's so cute
to be so nasty.
93
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,333
That's disgusting!
94
00:05:06,417 --> 00:05:07,787
I told you there'd
be something.
95
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,325
He's a legend.
He's just amazing
at eating pussy.
96
00:05:10,417 --> 00:05:12,207
Would you please
just stop calling it that?
97
00:05:12,291 --> 00:05:14,131
Oh, fine, going down,
giving head.
98
00:05:14,208 --> 00:05:15,458
Eating out?
99
00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:16,882
I never understood that,
shouldn't it be eating in?
100
00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:18,579
Stop it, stop it,
stop it!
101
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,748
You do
do that, right?
102
00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:22,171
Of course!
103
00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:24,170
I just... I don't have
to talk about it.
104
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,250
The reality was,
105
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,503
the only thing that went down
with any regularity
on Charlotte's dates
106
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,173
was a gold
American Express card.
107
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:34,500
Forget it.
I'm not dating anyone
who is known as "Mr. Pussy."
108
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:35,673
Why not?
109
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,330
Well, maybe I want
more than that.
110
00:05:37,417 --> 00:05:40,747
Oh, sweetie, if a man
is good at that,
there is nothing more.
111
00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:42,174
-Amen.
-Amen.
112
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,080
You have to be talking
about Mitch Saylor.
113
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,036
He's unbelievable.
114
00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:48,285
I dated him
for a month.
115
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:52,290
He was so good, I actually
passed out when I came.
116
00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:54,578
Enjoy.
117
00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:00,630
Well, the guy's got
good word of mouth.
118
00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:05,417
Oh, my God, right over there.
That's... that's him.
That's Mr...
119
00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:22,125
Unlike Miranda,
120
00:06:22,208 --> 00:06:24,708
I wasn't ready to accept
that all single men were freaks.
121
00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:27,632
I was so optimistic
that I had actually agreed
122
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:30,709
to go on my first blind date
in two years.
123
00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:34,132
P.J. was a very successful
independent movie producer.
124
00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:36,458
His documentary
on endangered seagulls
125
00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:39,042
had just aired to
excellent reviews on PBS.
126
00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:42,995
So documentary films,
that must be fun.
127
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,503
Look,
let's be realistic.
128
00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,883
I'm only doing this docu
bullshit to earn
a rep, you know?
129
00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:49,579
I mean, ultimately I want to
parlay into the
action movie arena.
130
00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:50,917
I want to
make money.
131
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,540
I'm not afraid to say it, okay?
I love money.
132
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:55,285
I would sell toilet bowls if
it would make me a millionaire.
133
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:56,665
What about
the seagulls?
134
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,290
Fuck the seagulls.
135
00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:00,668
Step right up, folks.
136
00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,210
Two vodkas
and a 12 dollar pasta
137
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:06,671
buys your admission to see
the man with no soul.
138
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,746
Observe if you dare,
this chilling sight.
139
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:14,044
Bachelor number two
seemed promising.
140
00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:17,495
Just so you know, I can't
see a movie without popcorn.
141
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,077
-I'm a junior mints kind of guy.
-Mmm.
142
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:22,996
This relationship
is probably doomed.
143
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:27,631
You want to lean
a little closer?
144
00:07:27,709 --> 00:07:29,459
Maybe hear our
entire conversation?
145
00:07:29,542 --> 00:07:30,752
Hey, here's a better idea,
146
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:32,044
why don't you and
your fucking girlfriend
147
00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:33,325
just sit on our laps
during the movie?
148
00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:36,207
Then you won't
miss a fucking word, dick!
149
00:07:41,166 --> 00:07:44,456
Ladies and gentlemen,
stand far away from...
150
00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:47,332
the man
with two faces.
151
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,583
They say the third time's
the charm.
152
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,997
Max was a broker
who had made two million
on bonds last year.
153
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,673
We had a great dinner
in Little Italy.
154
00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:01,245
Not only did Max
have two million,
155
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:05,293
he also appeared to have
a lending library in his pants.
156
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,785
Parents, please keep
the kiddies away
from the cage of...
157
00:08:08,875 --> 00:08:12,705
The man who steals
cheap used books for no reason.
158
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,462
Okay,
now I was afraid.
159
00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:18,502
Apparently the men in
the dating world had devolved
160
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:20,673
since the last time
I visited.
161
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,330
Maybe Miranda
was right.
162
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,327
Maybe they should never
have outlawed freak shows,
163
00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:27,707
because at least then the freaks
were rounded up in one place.
164
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:31,252
Now they're out there
among us, roaming free.
165
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,383
Is it true?
166
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:35,878
Are all men freaks?
167
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:41,250
Apparently Charlotte's week
went a little better than mine.
168
00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,253
On Monday night
she was finally ready
169
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:46,043
to let Mitch
under her sheets...
170
00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:50,577
Way under.
171
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:02,039
Sorry.
172
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,075
It tickles.
173
00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:04,626
Just relax.
174
00:09:05,333 --> 00:09:07,293
Relax.
175
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:13,956
That night Charlotte
came harder than she ever had
before.
176
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:21,421
That is,
until Tuesday.
177
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,710
Oh!
Oh, yes, oh, yes!
178
00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:27,712
- [Carrie] Wednesday...
-Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes!
Uh-huh...
179
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,632
Thursday...
Uh-huh...
180
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,170
Friday.. .
-Oh God! Oh!
181
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:36,540
Friday...
-Oh God! Oh,God! Ah...
182
00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:37,705
Oh! Oh, God!
183
00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:40,212
Friday...
-Oh, God! Oh, God!
184
00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:43,421
Oh, God! Oh...
185
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,670
That night Charlotte
saw God seven times.
186
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:50,210
For a lapsed Episcopalian,
it was a very good Friday.
187
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,630
If Mitch was a freak,
188
00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:56,329
Charlotte was ready to run away
and join the circus.
189
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:08,667
Meanwhile, all I wanted
to do was run away.
190
00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:29,042
Rough night?
191
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,535
Bad date.
192
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:34,173
Been there.
193
00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:37,711
He was
a kleptomaniac.
194
00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:42,625
Last month I went out
with a woman who slept
with her shoes on.
195
00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:49,083
Hi, Carrie.
196
00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:51,785
Ben.
197
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:53,625
I was instantly
attracted.
198
00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:57,709
But I was pretty sure I could
feel webs between his fingers.
199
00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:02,245
So when did you guys
all become freaks?
200
00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:04,213
Us?
201
00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,881
No, the shoe woman
seemed totally normal.
202
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,210
Then a month in
I discover she's a freak.
203
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,630
They hide it
really well.
204
00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:15,995
That's why I don't
date anymore.
205
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,753
Women are bizarre.
206
00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:19,383
Thank you.
207
00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:21,709
Sometimes
in a good way.
208
00:11:26,542 --> 00:11:29,632
I once saw the world's
fattest twins at a state fair.
209
00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:32,037
They were
both married.
210
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,882
Their wives
were very skinny.
211
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,420
Maybe it was
an optical illusion.
212
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,883
Maybe.
213
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,917
Would you have
dinner with me?
214
00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:52,495
I thought
you didn't date.
215
00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:54,753
I don't.
It... it would be a non-date.
216
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:57,294
A non-date.
217
00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:01,245
Maybe.
218
00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:04,211
Is that a yes?
219
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:08,041
Let's call it
a non-no.
220
00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:11,375
And it was then that
the most freaky thing happened.
221
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:13,418
There in the middle
of Manhattan,
222
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:18,380
two complete strangers gave out
their unlisted phone numbers.
223
00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:22,828
Meanwhile, Samantha was
about to have her own
chance encounter.
224
00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:24,666
Samantha?
225
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:26,670
Monica!
226
00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:29,173
Look at you.
227
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,380
You look amazing.
228
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,458
Don't I?
It's the work.
229
00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,962
I had the fat from my ass
injected into my face.
230
00:12:35,041 --> 00:12:37,751
And look,
like a baby's bottom.
231
00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:40,254
-Unbelievable.
-Isn't it?
232
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,213
Fat from
my own ass.
233
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:46,081
Oh, and the best part is,
you get to eat like a pig
before, fatten up your ass.
234
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,626
And then a week later, poof!
It's in your face.
235
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,080
Gotta go, bye.
236
00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:54,996
An hour later,
Samantha had her first Big Mac
237
00:12:55,083 --> 00:12:58,293
and an appointment with the most
expensive plastic surgeon
238
00:12:58,375 --> 00:13:00,245
on Upper Fifth.
239
00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:03,083
Meanwhile, I had my own ass
to be obsessed with
240
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,496
and it belonged
to Ben,
241
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,923
an editor at
a hip political magazine
242
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,250
who made me laugh.
243
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:10,133
This is me.
244
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:14,290
Then I guess
this is goodnight.
245
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,495
You know, uh...
246
00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:18,213
Normally I would
try to get upstairs, but...
247
00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:21,084
since this is a non-date.
248
00:13:22,041 --> 00:13:23,881
So no kiss.
249
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,288
Well...
250
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:30,205
Maybe a non-kiss.
251
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,040
There was nothing
"non" about it.
252
00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:48,538
A week and three
non-dates later,
253
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,915
Samantha summoned us
to make an announcement.
254
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,380
You've got to
be kidding.
255
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:56,378
It's sitting in a fat repository
in Queens as we speak.
256
00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:58,628
And in three days
it will be in my face
257
00:13:58,709 --> 00:14:00,539
and I will
look fabulous.
258
00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,415
I can't believe this.
We spend our lives trying
to hide the fat in our ass,
259
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,540
and you're gonna put it
right out there on your face?
260
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:09,415
I just have to wear
this girdle for a week
to keep my skin tight.
261
00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,126
-Oh!
-Yikes.
262
00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:13,748
Wow,
look at that, huh.
263
00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,674
Well, that's a girdle
with a hole.
264
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:21,330
Well, of course it has a hole,
it's for peeing,
etcetera.
265
00:14:21,417 --> 00:14:22,827
Etcetera?
266
00:14:22,917 --> 00:14:24,917
Last night I slept
with a Calvin Klein model.
267
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,460
I've never
felt sexier.
268
00:14:26,542 --> 00:14:29,002
I think the fat's
already gone to your head.
269
00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:30,503
Could you please
put your skirt down?
270
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:31,793
Oh, right.
-God.
271
00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:33,705
Whatever happened
to aging gracefully?
272
00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:35,002
It got old.
273
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,543
I got to go, I'm meeting Mitch
at my apartment.
274
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,375
Ooh, so how is he?
275
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:40,208
He is amazing.
276
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:43,831
He makes me so happy.
I think we have a real chance
at a future together.
277
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:44,917
You and Mr. Pussy.
278
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,290
His name
is Mitchell.
279
00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,455
Hang on, honey.
280
00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:49,382
You don't fall in love
with Mr. Pussy.
281
00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:51,578
You enjoy him
and then set him free.
282
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:54,997
To Samantha, Charlotte
had committed the ultimate sin.
283
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,083
She was bogarting
Mr. Pussy.
284
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:58,536
He's a freak!
285
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:00,535
Aside from technique what
do you even know about the guy?
286
00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,535
-Do you even talk?
-Do you even fuck?
287
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:04,245
-Stop it.
Sweetie, Miranda has
a point.
288
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:07,083
I mean, have you guys
had dinner together,
289
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,746
have you seen a play,
anything?
290
00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:11,464
No, but we could.
291
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,997
You know what?
I think you've fallen
into the sex haze.
292
00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:15,793
You know, where the sex
is really great
293
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:18,575
and then you start acting
like a crazy person.
294
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,207
Then you start to imagine
the relationship
is something it's not.
295
00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:22,791
Charlotte's not having
a relationship.
296
00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:25,375
She's having
multiple orgasms.
297
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:29,535
He makes me happy.
298
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,125
Hoping to prove
Miranda wrong,
299
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:33,958
I had convinced her to come out
on a double non-date
300
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,631
with Ben's
friend Luke.
301
00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:37,919
Things were actually going
remarkably well.
302
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,290
Favorite ice cream.
303
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:40,495
Strawberry.
304
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:41,833
Oh, I see,
you're boring.
305
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:44,417
I like to see it
as traditional.
306
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,420
Traditional?
Traditional can be good.
307
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:49,130
Nothing makes you feel
like more of a non-couple
308
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:50,878
than creating
another non-couple.
309
00:15:50,959 --> 00:15:53,879
Unfortunately, our smugness
was a little premature.
310
00:15:53,959 --> 00:15:56,749
So, what are you doing
this weekend?
311
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:57,964
Uh, big plans.
312
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,381
I'm gonna go see
my granddad in Connecticut.
313
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,917
Uchh... Connecticut?
314
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:04,955
What's wrong
with Connecticut?
315
00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:06,711
I hate the country.
316
00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:09,172
I haven't left Manhattan
in ten years.
317
00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:11,537
And you're
proud of that?
318
00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:13,495
Everything you want
is right here.
319
00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,830
Culture, food,
the park.
320
00:16:16,917 --> 00:16:18,917
Cabs at three a.m.,
why leave?
321
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,920
Perhaps to experience
a world outside Manhattan.
322
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,920
There is no world
outside Manhattan.
323
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,080
I had unwittingly set
Miranda up on a date with
"Manhattan Guy,"
324
00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:32,376
a genetically mutant strain
of single man that fed on
Zabar's
325
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,248
and midnight shows
at the Angelika.
326
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,825
No, thanks.
327
00:16:37,917 --> 00:16:39,707
I like the city.
328
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,210
I also happen
to like the country.
329
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,535
This does not
make me a freak.
330
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,290
You're obviously
not from here.
331
00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:53,790
I have to go
feed my cat.
332
00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:55,665
Miranda had invoked
our code phrase.
333
00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,210
Honed over years of bad parties,
awful dates,
334
00:16:58,291 --> 00:16:59,961
and phone calls
that wouldn't end.
335
00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:02,251
Unfortunately, I wasn't
ready to accept defeat.
336
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,583
I thought you already
fed your cat.
337
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,750
I have to
feed it again.
338
00:17:09,834 --> 00:17:12,294
Cat people
are freaks.
339
00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:15,995
-Where are you going?
-Home.
340
00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:18,583
The man has not left
Manhattan in a decade, Carrie.
341
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:19,707
He's obviously
a freak.
342
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:21,712
And by the way,
if Luke's a freak,
343
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,332
Ben is bound
to be a freak too.
344
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,707
You can tell everything
about a person
345
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:26,752
by who their
friends are.
346
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,330
God, I hope not.
347
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:44,288
That night I couldn't
get Miranda's freaky comment
348
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:46,125
out of my head.
349
00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:52,083
So...
350
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:56,214
Is there anything weird
about you I should know
351
00:17:56,291 --> 00:17:59,131
before this gets
any more compromising?
352
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,963
Well, now that you mention it,
there is.
353
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,503
Oh...
354
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:19,674
It's adorable.
355
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,210
Yeah, it's a souvenir from
a drunken bachelor party
a few years ago.
356
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:25,751
Yeah, my friend's marriage
didn't last,
357
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,834
-but Tweety Bird did.
-Mmm.
358
00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:32,875
So what about you?
359
00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,749
You're probably
perfect, huh?
360
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,674
No.
361
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,420
Three stitches.
362
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:46,790
I got into a fight
with a third grade bully.
363
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,829
You're scrappy.
364
00:18:52,417 --> 00:18:54,377
I like scrappy.
365
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:59,785
And then the amazing
tattooed man made love to me.
366
00:18:59,875 --> 00:19:02,415
And it didn't
feel weird at all.
367
00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:07,498
While Miranda was busy
feeding her pussy,
368
00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:09,633
Charlotte was trying to do
everything but.
369
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,959
Did you ever
go to summer camp?
370
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,631
There, over the exotic
fruit plate,
371
00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:17,629
Charlotte tried to make
a relationship happen.
372
00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:19,039
I loved camp.
373
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:22,035
I went to this place in Maine
called Minihaha.
374
00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:24,285
We used to play these
big games of color war.
375
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,125
I was always a red.
376
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,998
It was
so much fun.
377
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,333
And then
they made us stop
378
00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:32,127
because they said
that it glorified warfare.
379
00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:38,251
You're awfully
quiet tonight.
380
00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:40,293
What are you
thinking about?
381
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,207
Charlotte realized
Miranda was right.
382
00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,751
She had stayed too long
at the fair.
383
00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:52,379
From that moment on,
384
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,328
Charlotte couldn't be
in the same room with a fig.
385
00:19:54,417 --> 00:19:58,287
Some people might call that
a little odd.
386
00:19:58,375 --> 00:20:01,955
Meanwhile, Samantha was about
to get her own special showing.
387
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:03,171
Voila.
388
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,380
I love it,
what else can you do?
389
00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:09,538
To Samantha, surgery
was like being at Barney's.
390
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,035
Once you're in the door,
you might as well shop.
391
00:20:12,125 --> 00:20:14,665
We can always
lift a little here.
392
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:17,290
Take care
of these lines.
393
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:19,325
Here...
394
00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:23,825
In five years we can
augment the breasts,
395
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:27,828
pick them up a little,
in ten years, a tummy tuck.
396
00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:30,538
Uh-huh... Oh, lipo.
397
00:20:30,625 --> 00:20:34,705
Yeah, yeah. The hip
and the thigh area.
398
00:20:36,917 --> 00:20:40,247
Doctor, you're--
you're needed on the phone.
399
00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:42,245
Knee lift.
400
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,710
Samantha felt like she
had walked into a fun house.
401
00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:01,382
Only it wasn't
particularly funny.
402
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,917
I'm late
for my soccer game.
403
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,500
Stay here.
404
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,793
I'll be back
in two hours.
405
00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:29,745
It had happened.
406
00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:33,294
We had done it
and now I really liked him.
407
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,455
I was deep into the sex haze,
and completely freaked out.
408
00:21:38,542 --> 00:21:41,632
There had to be something
sick and off about him.
409
00:21:41,709 --> 00:21:43,419
If the rest of the species
had devolved,
410
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,960
Ben would have to be
a freak to survive.
411
00:21:46,041 --> 00:21:47,921
I had to find out
what was wrong
412
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,130
before I wasted
the next six months.
413
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:52,288
It started
innocently enough.
414
00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:54,875
I just wanted to see
what the guy ate...
415
00:21:55,583 --> 00:21:57,333
Listened to...
416
00:21:58,333 --> 00:21:59,883
Dated.
417
00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:02,079
Then it took on
a life of its own.
418
00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:04,286
Somewhere in this hip,
normal looking apartment,
419
00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:06,785
was the clue to Ben's
inner freakiness.
420
00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:09,535
And I wasn't gonna
rest until I found it.
421
00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,075
There it was,
taunting me.
422
00:22:29,166 --> 00:22:31,286
Ben's secret
box of freakdom.
423
00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:33,535
Home of elicit photos,
love letters,
424
00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:36,125
maybe an old
marriage license.
425
00:22:45,417 --> 00:22:47,417
Carrie.
-Oh!
426
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:55,420
What the hell
are you doing?
427
00:22:58,792 --> 00:23:00,462
I don't know.
428
00:23:01,625 --> 00:23:03,665
I can't explain it. I...
429
00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,126
I guess I was...
430
00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:09,963
Looking for something.
431
00:23:10,959 --> 00:23:12,459
Something?
432
00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:16,915
Something... freaky.
433
00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,788
It's my cub scout
badge collection.
434
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,958
I was gonna skip the game
to be with you.
435
00:23:41,709 --> 00:23:44,379
I thought you were
actually a normal one.
436
00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:46,495
I was.
437
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,130
I'm gonna go.
438
00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:55,327
Good idea.
439
00:24:04,959 --> 00:24:08,579
That was the day I came
face to face with my freak.
440
00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:12,207
The frightening woman
whose fear ate her sanity.
441
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:18,670
The truth is,
it isn't just the men.
442
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,130
It's all of us.
443
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:21,828
Anyone who's single
in Manhattan
444
00:24:21,917 --> 00:24:25,747
gets a little freaked out
from time to time.
445
00:24:25,834 --> 00:24:28,674
But we keep trying,
because you have to figure,
446
00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:31,170
if the world's fattest twins
can find love
447
00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:33,040
there's hope for all of us.
448
00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:35,035
Somewhere out there
449
00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:38,705
is another little freak
who will love us, understand us,
450
00:24:38,792 --> 00:24:42,132
and kiss our three heads
and make it all better.
451
00:24:42,208 --> 00:24:44,078
And in the meantime,
452
00:24:44,166 --> 00:24:46,746
we always
have Manhattan.