1
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:04,828
Someone once said that
two halves make a whole.
2
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,957
And when two halves
move in together,
3
00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:13,081
it makes a whole lot
of stuff.
4
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:14,917
Hey, what's--?
5
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,880
Hey, Pop-Tart, where you been
and whatcha been doing?
6
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,669
I got coffee
and papers.
7
00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,710
But I think the more
pressing question is...
8
00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,082
What have you
been doing?
9
00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,746
Made myself an area.
10
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,544
Yes, I can see that.
11
00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:31,575
I needed a space
for my work papers and stuff,
you know, so...
12
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:32,747
Is that okay?
13
00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:33,834
Yeah, sure, yes.
14
00:01:33,917 --> 00:01:35,747
It's just, you know,
15
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,134
you're blocking
the bathroom door.
16
00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:39,578
Yeah, but you got another one.
Who needs two bathroom doors?
17
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,667
I do, me.
18
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:43,630
Me, the one who loves
her two bathroom doors.
19
00:01:43,709 --> 00:01:45,379
What do you need
two doors for?
20
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:46,668
Well, 'cause, you know,
sometimes I'm in a hurry
21
00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,290
and it's just quicker to
go "ping," out that one,
22
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,915
and it's my escape route
in case.
23
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:51,920
In case what?
24
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,040
In case rapists come in
my bedroom window.
25
00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,535
I see them in the mirror
and then "phew," I'm gone.
26
00:01:56,625 --> 00:02:00,575
There's a whole lot of "phewing"
going on in that bathroom.
27
00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:03,497
Hey, it's just gonna be like
this until we're able to
28
00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:04,793
take over the apartment
next door,
29
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,165
then we can
load the stuff in.
30
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,580
And would that be happening
in the next five minutes,
31
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:10,127
please, God?
32
00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,828
Closing at the end
of next week.
33
00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,747
Oh, hello, Petey.
34
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,794
Really, what's
the problem, right?
35
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,075
It's just boxes,
right?
36
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,501
A plant!
37
00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,883
The man brought a living thing
into my apartment.
38
00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:25,079
I don't do plants.
39
00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:26,456
I kill everything
I bring in there.
40
00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:28,632
You said "yes" to moving in,
the guy moved in.
41
00:02:28,709 --> 00:02:31,459
But he's taking over
whole areas.
42
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:32,962
This is why I've never
lived with a man.
43
00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:36,131
This, and the fact that I want
them out an hour after I climax.
44
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:37,878
You let them stay
a whole hour?
45
00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:40,289
You'd be surprised how many
are ready to go again
46
00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:41,575
after a quick
catnap.
47
00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,327
And there's no walls, you know,
there's nowhere to hide.
48
00:02:43,417 --> 00:02:45,627
As soon as I walk in the door,
he's all up in my face with,
49
00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:46,879
"Who'd you see?
Where'd you go?
50
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,330
Who'd ya meet?
What do ya know?"
51
00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:53,207
What I know is
I need time to decompress.
52
00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:54,501
Just be alone.
53
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,673
But Carrie, there are gonna
have to be some adjustments.
54
00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,500
Relationships are hard.
55
00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:01,793
Oh, you guys, I miss
walking into my apartment
56
00:03:01,875 --> 00:03:04,455
with no one there
and it's all quiet,
57
00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:08,172
and I can do that stuff you do
when you're totally alone,
58
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:12,750
things you would never want
your boyfriend to see you do.
59
00:03:12,834 --> 00:03:16,334
-Like masturbate?
-My S.S.B.,
my "secret single behavior."
60
00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:19,667
Like, I like to make
a stack of saltines.
61
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,420
I put grape jelly
on them.
62
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:25,040
I eat them standing up
in the kitchen reading
fashion magazines.
63
00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:26,125
Why standing up?
64
00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:28,708
It's weird,
but it just feels great.
65
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,582
I like to put vaseline
on my hands and put them in
66
00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,707
those Borghese
conditioning gloves
67
00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:35,252
while watching
infomercials.
68
00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:36,833
Before I was married,
69
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,957
I used to study my pores
in a magnifying mirror
70
00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:41,041
for an hour
each night.
71
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,915
But I'm afraid Trey
will just think it's weird.
72
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,330
Well, he would.
73
00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,037
You can't do that stuff
in front of men.
74
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,785
What about you,
Lolita?
75
00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,955
Anything you do you wouldn't
want a man to see?
76
00:03:51,041 --> 00:03:52,381
No.
77
00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:54,378
You know,
I believe her.
78
00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:55,918
-Mmm!
79
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,040
Hey, didn't we make a rule
about those things at lunch?
80
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:01,955
It's my boss,
I have to take it.
81
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,541
Samantha Jones.
82
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:06,705
Richard, it's Sunday.
83
00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:08,212
Fine.
84
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,381
I'll see you
in an hour.
85
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,918
He wants me to drop
something off this afternoon.
86
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,420
Nice.
87
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:18,580
A little "skyrockets in flight,
afternoon delight"?
88
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,577
No, it's just work.
89
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,077
Hardly, you're
sleeping with him.
90
00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:24,416
You told them?
91
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,080
I also like to
gossip on the phone
92
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,246
while secretly
pumicing my calluses.
93
00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:29,423
So, how is he?
94
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,790
And spare no detail,
I'm a horny pregnant person.
95
00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:33,995
I don't want to
talk about it.
96
00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:35,793
Whooo!
Whooo!
97
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:39,375
♪ Samantha likes a guy,
Samantha likes a guy ♪
98
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:40,668
I do not.
99
00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:42,000
You do!
You do!
100
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,463
Or you would tell us
all the dirty details.
101
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:46,212
Oh, my God, we're gonna
have to ice skate home,
102
00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:48,131
hell just froze over.
103
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,038
Okay, you
want details?
104
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,495
Okay.
105
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:56,210
He's got the most perfect dick
I've ever seen.
106
00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:59,251
Long, pink, amazing.
107
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,917
It's dick-a-licious.
108
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,540
Alright, so, what should
I do about Aidan's stuff?
109
00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:09,785
I'm gonna have
the girls over for dinner.
110
00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:11,415
Oh, that sounds
like fun.
111
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,630
What night?
112
00:05:12,709 --> 00:05:14,209
Just the girls.
113
00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,961
I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get
my day planner back together.
114
00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:18,291
I just have so much
more free time
115
00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:19,705
now that we're no longer
on the baby track.
116
00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:22,332
Some apartments are cluttered
with physical stuff...
117
00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:24,377
Others,
emotional stuff.
118
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,628
It's a big
readjustment.
119
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:28,789
I've wanted a baby ever
since I was a little girl.
120
00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:32,325
I mean, we have
a baby room and no baby.
121
00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:36,037
Well, I've got
some good news.
122
00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:40,415
Bram Pomander thinks
he's snagged us orchestra seats
123
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,960
to The Producers
next week.
124
00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,133
Charlotte, yes,
we're disappointed.
125
00:05:48,208 --> 00:05:49,578
But life goes on.
126
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,077
We still have to find
a way to have a giggle.
127
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,747
Come on,
give me a smile.
128
00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:06,671
Hold on!
129
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,000
Potential investors
in Munich.
130
00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,833
I wish I knew how to say
"fuck you" in German.
131
00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:12,827
Fick mich.
132
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,415
Impressive.
133
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,960
Why do you
speak German?
134
00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:20,541
A gal has
her reasons.
135
00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:23,075
Come to think of it, that wasn't
"fuck you," it was "fuck me."
136
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:25,496
That's a negotiation ploy
I haven't tried before.
137
00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:26,713
Who are you kidding?
138
00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,882
So, where's the layout for
the L.A. Magazine spread?
139
00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,209
Signed, sealed,
delivered.
140
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,791
And one more thing...
141
00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:37,708
It was perfect.
142
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:41,422
Long, pink, amazing.
143
00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:46,246
I thought about you
all weekend.
144
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,881
Well, let me see if
I can give you something
145
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,959
to think about
all evening.
146
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:57,037
Bring out that
gorgeous dick.
147
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,915
You're gonna get down
on your knees right here?
148
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,380
What if my assistant
should see you?
149
00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,671
Oops.
150
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,877
I dropped my portfolio.
151
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,165
That may take
some time to pick up.
152
00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:28,998
Das ist ein schöner,
perfekter Schwanz.
153
00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:40,502
Whoops, better get those
while you're down there.
154
00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:43,633
If I had known you were gonna
turn out to be so not a loser,
155
00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:45,539
I would have run home
after work and changed.
156
00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:49,035
Or at least put on
some fresh deodorant, huh?
157
00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:50,125
Oh.
158
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:51,918
Ow, careful.
159
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,960
You know, I was
a much younger man
160
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,461
when we started trying to
set up this blind date.
161
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:58,382
Well, you're the one who
kept canceling to go to...
162
00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,788
Where were you?
163
00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:01,625
First time,
Spain and Rome...
164
00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,539
The second time,
Luxembourg and Athens.
165
00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:07,035
Walker Lewis,
fluent in five languages,
166
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,285
traveled the world
167
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:10,205
as a state department
interpreter.
168
00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,671
Seriously, Miranda,
169
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:15,330
best blind date
I have ever had...
170
00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:18,377
in the continental USA.
171
00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,168
What?
172
00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,830
Listen, any reason
I can't see you again
173
00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,577
before I go
to Brussels?
174
00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:43,288
He is so cute
and funny and sexy.
175
00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,995
And I really want to
have sex with him.
176
00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:46,003
But I don't know.
177
00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:47,633
Is it okay to
fuck one guy,
178
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,499
when you're pregnant
with another guy's baby?
179
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:52,583
If one more person
asks me that today...
180
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,877
I mean, I'm not
in a relationship
181
00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,959
with the father of
the baby or anything...
182
00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:59,041
Well, I've rarely heard
that used as a plus,
183
00:08:59,125 --> 00:08:59,995
but go on...
184
00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:01,713
It's just...
Is it tacky?
185
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,582
And beyond tacky,
is it safe?
186
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,287
Let's assume he's
a really great fuck.
187
00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:07,705
'Cause so many
men are...
188
00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:10,922
Could all that poking shake
the baby loose or something?
189
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,880
No, that's silly.
190
00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,539
Married couples
have sex all the time.
191
00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,875
But what if
he's huge?
192
00:09:17,959 --> 00:09:19,829
Again, 'cause
so many men are.
193
00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:21,877
Could the dick
dent the baby?
194
00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,749
Where do you think
dimples come from?
195
00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:26,331
Oh, that is so cute.
196
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,497
I try.
197
00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:30,713
Okay, I really need to
have sex with him now.
198
00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:32,172
Next time he
comes back in town
199
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,040
I'll be too big
and he won't want to.
200
00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:39,035
Nothing puts a man off sex
like pregnancy.
201
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,705
This is
my last chance.
202
00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:44,502
Last chance for sex.
203
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,293
You're not
on death row.
204
00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:48,575
Yes, I am,
dead woman fucking.
205
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,627
Miranda, it's your body,
your life.
206
00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:52,079
You do what's
best for you.
207
00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:53,376
Easier said
than done.
208
00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,788
You can't even
ask Aidan not to talk
209
00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:58,415
when you walk in
the front door.
210
00:09:58,500 --> 00:09:59,580
Hi, Mrs. Cohen!
211
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,417
Oh, let me help.
Hold on a second.
212
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,750
Here,
let me help you.
213
00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:05,964
Hold on,
here we go.
214
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,537
Hello.
215
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:08,415
Okay?
216
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,960
That's a crazy outfit.
217
00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:14,996
Okay, Mrs. Cohen,
this is my friend, Miranda.
218
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:17,213
Hello, Mrs. Cohen.
219
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,077
Listen,
you tell your boy
220
00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:23,666
I'm not leaving
for 30 days.
221
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:24,750
What?
222
00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:27,674
But we're closing
in a week.
223
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,830
Read the contract!
224
00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:34,457
I didn't think Mrs. Cohen
could move any slower,
225
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:37,502
but apparently
she could.
226
00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,075
Hey, gal,
what's up?
227
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,496
Where ya been?
What do ya know?
228
00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:50,417
Brace yourself,
partner.
229
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:53,460
I been outside
and what's up
230
00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:56,582
is old lightning rod
next door informs me
231
00:10:56,667 --> 00:11:01,207
she will not be leaving
for 30 days.
232
00:11:02,291 --> 00:11:03,831
I was afraid
she was gonna do that.
233
00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:06,787
Fuck!
Fuck!
234
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,575
What the fuck are
we gonna fucking do now?
235
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:14,167
Oh, thank you...
236
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,880
You hate it too,
I'm so relieved!
237
00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:19,829
I thought you'd already
changed into a pod...
238
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,827
"Invasion Of
The Single Snatchers."
239
00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:25,537
-Oh...
-Of course I hate it.
240
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:29,325
We cannot live
like this.
241
00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,707
I mean, I got all
my boxes in the hall.
242
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,252
You can't get in
the fucking door.
243
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:35,043
I know,
did you see me?
244
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,245
Every time!
Every single time!
245
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,583
We gotta get
this stuff out of here.
246
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,787
We could make some room for it
if we cleaned out your closet.
247
00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:47,003
Careful!
248
00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,833
Okay, damn, my ears.
249
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,167
Listen to me.
250
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:55,130
I have laid out clean towels
on the floor of the bathroom.
251
00:11:55,208 --> 00:12:00,788
Gently place the shoes
and boxes on them.
252
00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:09,424
Oh, wow, I forgot
I had these.
253
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,290
Things are looking up.
254
00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,625
How many pairs of shoes
does one person need?
255
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,499
That is not the way
to get out of this alive.
256
00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:21,174
I figure I'm gonna need
about half this space.
257
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,380
I figure you've gone
mentally ill.
258
00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:25,128
What, you never wear
most of this stuff.
259
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:26,538
Yet!
260
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,285
I never wear most
of this stuff yet.
Someday I will.
261
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,245
Oh, like, uh...
262
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,583
Like this?
263
00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:37,877
When and where were you
planning to wear this?
264
00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:40,879
Don't do that,
don't mock the clothes.
265
00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:43,579
And for the record,
have worn it.
266
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,417
December, '99,
Union Square.
267
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,960
Book signing.
268
00:12:49,041 --> 00:12:50,711
We gotta start
somewhere.
269
00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:54,292
Oh, come on,
I love this outfit.
270
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:56,625
That's when I realized
I was holding onto
271
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,539
a Roberto Cavalli outfit,
272
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,915
and throwing away
my relationship.
273
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,580
Okay, it goes!
274
00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:03,787
Good.
275
00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:05,375
Bye-bye.
276
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:13,831
Pete!
277
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,127
Hey, hey, Pete!
278
00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,288
Stop it!
279
00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,245
Pete, stop it!
280
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:22,383
-Pete, Pete, oh my God!
-Pete! Hey!
281
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:25,288
Don't show it to me,
don't even show it to me!
282
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,875
I think
I saw turquoise.
283
00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:30,129
That better not be
the pair I think!
284
00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,958
Oh, godammit!
285
00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:36,751
That dog owes me $380.
286
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:41,004
-Fine.
-You can't buy it,
it's circa 1996!
287
00:13:41,625 --> 00:13:43,035
Godammit!
288
00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:44,785
He's a dog, what's
he supposed to do
289
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,875
with all your shit
lying around here?
290
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:51,419
My shit wouldn't be lying around
if we weren't making room
291
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,710
because your shit
is lying around.
292
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,132
You got more shit lying around
than I got lying around.
293
00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:57,998
What?
Look at this place.
294
00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,503
It's loaded
with your shit.
295
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:02,173
Just look at the--
just look at this bathroom!
296
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,670
Look at all your shit
in my bathroom.
297
00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:09,790
Who needs five almost empty
Speed Stick deodorants?
298
00:14:09,875 --> 00:14:11,205
What are you,
a crazy bag man?
299
00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:12,671
They're different smells!
300
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,460
And musk, when have
you ever worn musk?
301
00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:19,962
I mean, look at this stuff,
you got old razors, Rogaine--
302
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,125
Wait a minute,
you use Rogaine?
303
00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:25,538
-I didn't know you needed--
-It's preventative!
304
00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,075
-But is your hair falling out?
-I don't want to talk about it!
305
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:31,786
It seems it's not only
women who have secret single
behavior.
306
00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:35,035
This is my stuff!
Don't be going
through my stuff.
307
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,875
You were more than happy
to go through my stuff.
308
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,879
Oh, your stuff,
your bathroom.
309
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,539
You always do that,
you never want to let me in.
310
00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:44,165
I don't always
do anything.
311
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,830
And I have
let you in.
312
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:50,207
You're fighting with me about
a stupid fucking outfit!
313
00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:51,421
Oh, shut up!
314
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,210
It's Roberto Cavalli.
315
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:55,711
I threw it away
and I love it!
316
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,042
What more do you want?
317
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,535
Shut up?
Shut up?
318
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,205
Yes, shut up!
319
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,461
Shut up?
You're telling me to shut up?
320
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,962
Please,
just shut up!
321
00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:09,921
I'm so sick of hearing you
talking, talking, talking,
all the time!
322
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,880
Don't you ever
just shut up?
323
00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:13,129
I'm gonna take a walk.
324
00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:15,168
No, no, no, no, no.
325
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,920
I'm taking a walk!
326
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,880
You can stay here
with your boxes of shit
327
00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:23,379
and your shoe-eating dog
and you can knock yourself out
328
00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:26,168
putting on the Rogaine
and the Speed Stick!
329
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:33,125
This is why I need
a second door!
330
00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:37,002
I heard that!
331
00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:42,210
I used to think those
people who sat alone at
Starbucks
332
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:45,251
writing on their laptops
were pretentious posers.
333
00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:46,883
Now, I know.
334
00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:49,709
They're people who have
recently moved in with someone.
335
00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,002
As I looked around,
336
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:54,253
I wondered how many of them
were mid-fight,
337
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,923
like myself.
338
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,250
The hard thing about
fighting in relationships
339
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,333
as opposed to
Madison Square Garden,
340
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:01,877
no referee.
341
00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:04,209
There's no one to tell you
which comments are
below the belt,
342
00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:06,211
or when to go to
your separate corners.
343
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:10,291
As a result,
someone usually gets hurt.
344
00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,415
And it seems,
the closer a couple gets
345
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,000
and the more "stuff"
they have between them,
346
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:17,793
the harder it is to figure out
exactly why they are yelling.
347
00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:20,205
When it comes
to relationships,
348
00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:21,541
I couldn't help
but wonder...
349
00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:23,165
What are
we fighting for?
350
00:16:27,542 --> 00:16:29,502
Hello, my darling.
351
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:32,211
I'm home!
352
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,705
What are you...?
353
00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,502
Is that
a surprise for me?
354
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,793
Yes, it is.
355
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,825
Don't get all excited,
it's just a little
silly something.
356
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,167
What is it?
357
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:46,880
Open it.
358
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,880
It's a cardboard baby.
359
00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:55,379
I saw it
in the window
360
00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:57,628
of a novelty store
next to the hospital.
361
00:16:57,709 --> 00:17:01,579
See, now we can relax
because we have one.
362
00:17:10,083 --> 00:17:11,423
Oh, dear.
363
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,170
It was supposed
to be funny.
364
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,330
I thought
we'd have a chuckle.
365
00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,787
Don't talk to me.
366
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,205
See, it was
a novelty store.
367
00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,921
The clerk said
that they sell--
368
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:24,578
But to Charlotte,
369
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,207
it was definitely hitting
below the belt.
370
00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:31,211
If the meat is
about a quarter of an inch
thick, it's ready...
371
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:34,381
And across town,
Miranda decided it was time
372
00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:37,628
to put on the gloves
and come out swinging.
373
00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:39,459
Leave a message.
374
00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:41,882
Hi, Walker...
Miranda.
375
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:44,039
Before you leave for
Brussels on Monday,
376
00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:45,705
how about getting
together Friday night?
377
00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:47,832
My apartment,
call me.
378
00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:50,077
Pregnant or not,
Miranda had needs
379
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,876
and decided to
stop fighting them.
380
00:17:51,959 --> 00:17:55,169
Now if you like it spicy,
add some of those...
381
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:58,080
And surprisingly,
Samantha developed
382
00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:01,496
some secret single behavior
of her own.
383
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:13,037
Seven hours and
a landslide of lattes later,
384
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:17,375
I vibrated home prepared to
admit how silly I'd been.
385
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:24,747
That was...
386
00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:28,294
until he wasn't prepared
to admit how silly he'd been.
387
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,584
He yelled,
then I yelled.
388
00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:43,827
It's been three days
and nothing, not a word.
389
00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:45,787
And I'll be damned
if I say I'm sorry first.
390
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,125
Well, Trey and I
hardly ever yell.
391
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:49,248
We're WASPs.
392
00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,293
WASPs don't yell,
it's genetic.
393
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,625
Would anyone
like more salad?
394
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:55,129
No, we're done,
what's the main course?
395
00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:56,498
Hey, relax.
396
00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:57,963
Chew.
You'll get laid.
397
00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,631
You're not
meeting him 'til 10:00.
398
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,289
-Beef with Thai noodles.
-Ooh!
399
00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:05,165
Richard is thinking of
opening a hotel in Thailand.
400
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:07,920
Sweetie?
401
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,710
It's perfectly okay
to like a guy.
402
00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:11,832
For the last time,
403
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,077
the only thing
I like about Richard
404
00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:19,496
is his big, throbbing,
rock-hard perfect dick.
405
00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:20,463
Whoops.
406
00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,082
Forgot it was
ladies night.
407
00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,826
Trey, you're not
supposed to be here.
408
00:19:24,917 --> 00:19:25,917
Good evening,
everyone.
409
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,670
Hi.
410
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,130
Hello, Mrs...
411
00:19:29,959 --> 00:19:33,789
Still mad, I see.
412
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,745
I suppose she told you
about the baby.
413
00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:36,794
No, I didn't.
414
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,955
I never want to
think about it again.
415
00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:41,381
Well, see...
416
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,878
I was trying to make
Charlotte laugh and--
417
00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:45,249
it's not funny!
418
00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:47,833
Well, wait a minute now,
maybe they'll think it's funny.
419
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:51,577
Uh, see, we were so tense about
not being able to have one,
420
00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:54,827
that I gave Charlotte
a cardboard baby.
421
00:19:54,917 --> 00:19:56,077
Isn't that funny?
422
00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:04,133
Carrie,
you're funny.
423
00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:07,418
Cardboard baby,
that's funny, right?
424
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,460
I mean, it's not funny
"ha ha," but silly.
425
00:20:13,458 --> 00:20:17,538
See, they sell them
in novelty stores...
426
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:18,705
And other people
buy them, and...
427
00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:21,712
And the clerk said
that it was funny.
428
00:20:21,792 --> 00:20:22,962
You know what?
Maybe you have to see it.
429
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:24,831
Don't you bring
that thing in here!
430
00:20:24,917 --> 00:20:26,207
It's silly,
it's silly.
431
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,421
Not to me
it isn't!
432
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,580
How would you feel if
I gave you a cardboard cutout
433
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,747
of a big
flaccid penis?
434
00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,214
It's not so funny now,
is it?
435
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:35,881
Oh! Don't you bring that
flat baby in here,
436
00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:37,669
I will kill you!
437
00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:40,250
How dare you talk to me like
that in front of your friends!
438
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:41,923
Oh, they know all about
your penis problems!
439
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,250
And they're just sick of
hearing about it!
440
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,043
There we were, right in
the middle of a WASP nest.
441
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:47,375
This is unforgivable!
442
00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:50,958
No, what's unforgivable
is you denying me my baby,
443
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,251
because of your own
selfish, spoiled needs.
444
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:54,423
I'm spoiled?
Yes!
445
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,880
You!
You are spoiled!
446
00:20:55,959 --> 00:20:57,749
-Ever since
we moved back in here
447
00:20:57,834 --> 00:20:59,294
-it's been nothing but
"baby, baby"!
-Samantha Jones.
448
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,875
What about me?
What about you,
449
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,749
-you big baby?
-Richard, hello.
450
00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:06,464
-No, no, it's not
too late to call.
451
00:21:06,542 --> 00:21:07,582
Everything but a baby!
452
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,667
Um, we're gonna go.
453
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:10,750
Good!
454
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,424
oh! Don't you talk to
my friends like that!
455
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,250
Without a baby,
they're all I have!
456
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:15,583
And what am I?
457
00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:18,957
You are the man who gave me
a cardboard baby!
458
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,921
It was funny!
459
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,080
No, it wasn't!
460
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,576
Goodnight!
461
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:38,285
Okay, what's so important
that it couldn't wait until--
462
00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,245
This.
463
00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:47,075
Let's get
something straight.
464
00:21:47,166 --> 00:21:49,626
I want no part of that.
465
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,579
That turns everything
into a big screaming mess.
466
00:21:52,667 --> 00:21:55,377
We are work and sex,
nothing more.
467
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,995
Now...
468
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:02,043
Kindly take off those pants
and show me your dick.
469
00:22:11,542 --> 00:22:14,332
I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.
470
00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:35,207
That's what
I'm talking about.
471
00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:00,543
Seeing a bantamweight
championship fight
472
00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:03,075
like Charlotte and Trey's
made me feel thankful
473
00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:05,996
that Aidan and I were still in
the "banter weight" division.
474
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:07,423
I'm sorry.
475
00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:09,785
I'm sorry, too.
476
00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:17,495
That night,
I slept in my clothes.
477
00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:28,417
Trey and his baby
slept in the guest room...
478
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:32,290
And Charlotte no longer cared
what Trey thought.
479
00:23:39,166 --> 00:23:42,286
Fuck me!
Fuck me like
there's no tomorrow!
480
00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:43,785
Yeah!
481
00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:47,415
For her last meal,
the condemned
woman had seconds...
482
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:48,420
Yeah!
483
00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:50,330
And thirds.
Yeah!
484
00:23:51,834 --> 00:23:55,584
Samantha met the dawn
after a night of "S.S.B."
485
00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:56,577
Thanks.
486
00:23:56,667 --> 00:23:58,877
Sexy swimming behavior.
487
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:10,998
Dance with me.
488
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:13,133
What did I say?
489
00:24:15,667 --> 00:24:17,877
I'm your boss.
490
00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:21,173
It's an order.
491
00:24:30,875 --> 00:24:33,995
-Richard...
-Dance.
492
00:25:07,583 --> 00:25:10,753
Samantha finally
threw in the towel.
493
00:25:10,834 --> 00:25:13,674
All this time she'd been
trying to make him
494
00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:15,500
just a perfect dick,
495
00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:16,793
fighting her feelings
496
00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:19,165
that he might be
the perfect Richard.
497
00:25:34,208 --> 00:25:36,328
And back at
the Bradshaw-Shaw residence,
498
00:25:36,417 --> 00:25:38,997
it was pretty much
business as usual.
499
00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:40,213
Hey, what's up?
500
00:25:40,291 --> 00:25:41,751
Where ya been?
Who'd ya see?
501
00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:55,785
Buddy, I need you
to do something.
502
00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:58,455
What?
503
00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:01,825
I've never lived
with anybody before you,
504
00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:05,707
so, I don't know how to
say this correctly, but...
505
00:26:05,792 --> 00:26:11,382
I need you to not talk to me
for one whole hour.
506
00:26:11,458 --> 00:26:12,878
I know that sounds
pretty selfish,
507
00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:15,789
but it's just
what I need.
508
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,035
Is that okay?
509
00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:18,205
Mm-hmm.
510
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:20,881
Okay, good.
511
00:26:20,959 --> 00:26:24,499
We don't have
any other rooms yet, so...
512
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:25,923
I'm gonna close these
513
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,330
and then it's like
I'm not here.
514
00:26:29,417 --> 00:26:33,537
For one whole hour,
I'm not here.
515
00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:36,287
Thanks.
516
00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:38,790
I love you.
517
00:27:10,250 --> 00:27:12,170
So, what are you
doing out here?
518
00:27:20,542 --> 00:27:24,582
That's the thing about
needs, sometimes when you get
them met,
519
00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,877
you don't
need them anymore.
520
00:27:28,208 --> 00:27:29,828
As our 30 days wore on,
521
00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:34,207
Aidan and I miraculously
managed to not kill each other.
522
00:27:34,291 --> 00:27:35,831
But, as I predicted...
523
00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:37,710
Toodle-loo!
524
00:27:37,792 --> 00:27:40,042
...the plant was
not so lucky.