[Carrie] New York City...
home to one million exciting,
eligible, single men...
and four cold, and slightly cranky, single women.
Well, this is good.
We're actually crossing water to meet men.
Reminder, I'm not going to Staten Island to meet men...
I am going to judge them.
-Once of the perks of being a minor New York celebrity... -A little help, a little help.
...is that you get invited to major events...
like the Fire Department of New York's
Annual Calendar Competition.
This is an awfully long way to go
to watch some firemen take their shirts off.
Honey, I'm on the fucking ferry.
I better see more than just pecs.
-[laughter] -Ooh! I'm freezing!
I just-- I don't understand
why they couldn't just hold the competition in a bar in Manhattan.
I mean, they have firemen on the Upper East Side too, you know?
Yes, I know, they do, sweetie.
And they only put out the really top-notch fires.
Look at how small it looks.
[Miranda] Who would've thought an island that tiny
would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends?
[upbeat music]
[announcer] Paul Roncello. He's a Virgo. He loves to cook.
Says he can whip up a great baked ziti.
He's from Engine 275, Ladder 133.
Way, way out in Queens!
[cheering]
♪ Sittin' here eatin' my heart out, waitin' ♪
♪ Waitin' for some lover to call ♪
Is he hot?
He's a six.
On a scale of how many?
♪ Lookin' for some hot stuff ♪
[Carrie] His name was Bill Kelley.
He was a divorced politician
campaigning for New York City Comptroller...
and the token male judge.
Watch the firemen!
I'm more into cops.
[announcer] Billy McCloud, he's a Cancer and married!
Sorry, ladies!
His wife Maria, she says he's a good guy,
-but he works too hard. -[Miranda] Excuse me.
-Work it, Billy! Whoa! -[all cheering]
Ladies, over here!
Okay, they don't make cosmopolitans.
It's a Staten Island Iced Tea.
Is that like a Long Island Iced Tea?
I think so.
Hello, I'm drunk.
[Charlotte] Do we have to be this close? It's embarrassing.
You gotta be in it to win it.
I'm moving back.
No, come on, I can't see the cute firemen
from back there without my glasses.
Why do you even care if you can see? You have Steve.
I do not have Steve.
There is no having of the Steve.
We're just friends.
No, we're just friends, I don't put my dick in you.
Another one of these and I might let you.
[laughing]
There are no datable men here.
What was your first clue,
the pleather jackets or the smell of Hai Karate?
[announcer] This is Ricky Fantucci, he's a Capricorn,
all his uncles are firefighters.
Yes, ladies, that's a cheetah on his arm!
[screaming]
Ricky represents from Engine 53 in lower Manhattan!
I'd like to show him my lower Manhattan.
Ew.
[Samantha] Look at his arms, they're huge.
You know what they say...
"Big arms, big arms."
Hello, 911?
I'm on fire.
["Bad Girls" by Donna Summer playing]
♪ Toot toot, Hey, beep beep ♪
[Carrie] After the contest, I began to realize
that Staten Island was like a quaint European country.
The American music was 20 years behind
and you could smoke wherever you wanted.
♪ Talking about Bad girls, yeah ♪
♪ See them out on the street At night, walking ♪
♪ Picking up All kinds of strangers ♪
♪ If the price is right ♪
♪ You can score If your pocket's nice ♪
♪ But you want a good time ♪
Hi.
Do you know if those shirts are for sale
because I'd like to get one for my nephew.
Uh, yeah, you could buy 'em, but like,
I don't know if you can buy 'em here or not.
I got this one at work,
but I'm sure you can buy 'em in like those other places.
I've seen 'em in those shops, like on Bleecker or--
Samantha.
-Ricky, how you doing? -Good, how are you doing?
I saw you up there.
I saw you too.
You looked fantastic.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
I never did anything like that before.
But my sisters were like, "Do it Ricky,"
and I'm like, "I never did anything like that before."
And they're like--
Well, you did it very well.
Hey, I wonder what month you'll be.
I don't know, maybe like October.
My birthday's in October.
I'll bet July or any month that's hot. [laughs]
[Carrie] Two songs later it was time for this dancing queen
to take a breather.
Hello.
-Hi. -Can I bum a smoke?
-Sure. -Thanks.
There you go.
Mmm...
Man, that's good.
I quit three years ago.
How's that working out for you?
Good, I allow myself one a week.
Mmm, you live right on the edge, don't you?
Can I buy you a beer?
No, thanks, I got it.
C'mon, it's on me.
For helping me out during the contest.
Okay, sure.
And by the way, you have the worst taste in men ever.
No way.
You gave that guy from midtown a seven.
Hey, I like a firefighter with love handles.
Gives you something to hold onto when you ride him
down the side of a burning building.
You got a point there, my friend.
But you, you were tough.
And what's with all those half points?
Six and a half, eight and a half?
What can I say? Sometimes a girl needs a half.
So...
Which district do you vote in?
Whichever one is near Barneys.
Are you saying you've never voted in New York City?
You are correct, Mr. President.
What's your address?
Official government purposes, I can tell you your district.
Officially, it's 245 East 73rd Street.
-District 23. -Mmm.
Same as mine.
I'm at Madison and 82nd.
Fancy.
I thought all honest politicians lived in small studios
and ate beans out of a can.
I'm not a fan of beans.
Can I get your phone number?
Government purposes only.
You know what? I'm just here with my friends
having a good time.
I'm not really into dating right now.
Why, bad break up?
That was a long silence.
Actually, it was a silence and a half.
Have dinner with me.
Would it help if I took my shirt off?
[Carrie laughs]
Okay, time to go, politician's hittin' on me.
And is that a bad thing?
He's just way too "I'm the guy."
Are you sure? He's pretty cute.
I didn't want to have to tell you this,
but I actually saw him give someone a thumbs up.
We're outta here.
Samantha went home with that firefighter.
"Toot toot, beep beep."
And Charlotte's around here somewhere.
How many cocktails did she have?
A couple, why?
[man in song] ♪ Hello ♪
[woman in song] ♪ Hi, honey, it's me ♪
♪ I went to see The doctor today ♪
♪ 'Cause ever since You've been gone ♪
♪ I had a pain Deep down inside ♪
♪ He says there's nothing Really wrong with me ♪
-♪ I'm just missing my man ♪ -Missing my man!
♪ So honey, please Come on home ♪
♪ As soon as you can ♪
♪ Doctors orders ♪
♪ Say there's only One thing for me ♪
♪ Nothing he can do ♪
[Carrie] And so, three girls headed home,
taking with them only their fond memories of Staten Island
and its infamous iced teas.
Whoo!
Honey, honey, close up, it's cold.
Whoo-hoo!
Are you gonna help?
I held her head in the taxi.
-Oh... -Oh...
You're so nice, Carrie.
I'm nice too, aren't I?
Yes, you're nice.
I'm nice!
I'm pretty and I'm smart!
I'm a catch.
Yes, you're a catch.
I hate you.
[Charlotte] You know what?
I'm gonna meet the perfect guy and I'm gonna get married.
Yes, you're getting married.
Whoo-hoo!
You hear that, New York?
I'm getting married this year!
I'm getting married and here I come!
If she falls over I will never stop laughing.
[Carrie] I wasn't quite sure if it was the iced teas
or the Staten Island dating pool that broke the camel's back,
but something set Charlotte on fire.
And uptown on dry land...
Samantha and Mr. July had their own fire going.
You're so big and strong!
[moaning]
[Carrie] I believe the official fire department term is
"a four alarmer."
[Carrie] Thank you.
The next morning at breakfast,
Miranda and I wanted poached eggs,
Samantha wanted to give us the juicy details,
and Charlotte wanted to keep her head from exploding
all over her Burberry raincoat.
And I'm telling you,
I don't think a guy's ever gotten me that wet.
-Pass the salt. -Milk?
Ladies, let me tell you about his cock.
[Charlotte] Will you be quiet?
The people at the next table have a child.
Well, that's their choice.
Little Miss Hangover's right. Can we, uh...
lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time?
Fine. I just wanted to let you know that my fireman
was every bit the fantasy I had in mind.
New York's finest.
-That's cops. -Whatever.
I think it's wrong to sleep with a man
just to fulfill A certain fantasy.
Please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.
-Or nightmare. -You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment
and a nice big stock portfolio.
For me, it's a fireman with a nice big hose.
-And why are firemen always so fucking cute? -Mmm!
Even when they're not that cute, they're still cute.
What's up with that?
Well, first there's a weight limit.
And second, it's the hero thing.
You know, you see them up on that truck.
Mmm! That truck is hot.
[Carrie] Hurrying off to save someone
trapped on a burning ledge or something.
[Miranda] Plus they've got that
"I'm a good guy" look in their eyes.
It's that look.
It's because women really just want to be rescued.
[Carrie] There it was,
the sentence independent, single women in their 30's
are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud.
[Charlotte] I'm sorry, but it's true.
I've been dating since I was 15.
I'm exhausted, where is he?
Who, the white knight?
That only happens in fairy tales.
My hair hurts.
Charlotte, honey,
did you ever think that maybe we're the white knights
and we're the ones that have to save ourselves?
That is so depressing.
Is it?
[Carrie] Later that day, I got to thinking about fairy tales.
What if Prince Charming had never showed up?
Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever?
Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple,
gotten a job, a health care package,
and a baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank?
I couldn't help but wonder,
inside every confident, driven single woman,
is there a delicate, fragile princess
just waiting to be saved?
Was Charlotte right?
Do women just want to be rescued?
[doctor] And after your laser surgery on Saturday,
you'll need a significant other or a friend
to help get you home... Sign here.
[Carrie] While for some women, the idea of rescue was a life raft,
for Miranda, it was an insult.
I really don't need anybody to help me, I'll be fine.
No, you'll be sedated and your vision will be blurred.
You will need someone to get you home and up to bed.
Then you take two sleeping pills.
Sleep for 12 hours, wake up,
and you'll be able to see perfectly.
I can't believe I'm gonna wake up
and be able to see clearly without glasses or contacts
for the first time in my life.
Believe it.
And then they slit your eyeball open
and flip up the top.
Oh, man, gross.
Steve, it just flips right up, flip, my eye!
Okay, okay, stop.
This little blade cuts it...
Just--
Like the top of a grape.
[both laughing]
That sounds pretty bad.
You want me to come down and hold your hand?
I'm fine, I do not need anyone to hold my hand.
Jeez, I'm not saying you need anyone,
I'd just like to be there.
To help you, whatever.
You're gonna need help getting home.
Um, yeah, I'm gonna ask Carrie.
Why do you have to ask Carrie when I'm offering right now?
Because, you know, Carrie's my friend.
Oh, okay, and what am I?
Well, we haven't exactly established that yet.
Are you coming up?
Eh... We haven't exactly established that yet.
What are we doing here?
I mean, are we--
Steve...
After they flip the eye up,
then these jets-- [muffled]
[Carrie] And over on the East Side,
at a more Charlotte-friendly bar,
the Iced Tea Princess began her quest
for a white knight.
Oh my God, so cute.
Cute, right?
Very cute.
And let's not forget, I'm a professional.
I have to meet him.
How am I gonna meet him?
Sweetie, we got here ten minutes ago,
pace yourself.
Hey, beautiful. I'm J.J.
Can I buy those sweet lips a drink?
-Oh. -Um...
I'm sorry, we were just leaving.
[Carrie] Charlotte was a firm believer
in the laws of dating feng shui.
Change location, change luck.
Why is it always a guy like that, is it me?
No, sweetie, it's not you.
Into every life, a little J.J. must fall.
I just want a nice, sweet, handsome, funny,
great guy who doesn't say things like,
"Sweet lips."
Is that too much to ask?
Hey, hey!
You didn't leave, you're just over here now.
C'mon, let me buy you a drink.
I'm really not interested.
One drink, I'll even buy blondie here one.
One little drinky.
Excuse me,
she said she's not interested.
Am I talkin' to you?
No.
-Come on-- -You're not listening.
The lady said--
Hey, fuck you.
Oh!
I'm sorry about that.
Um...
Did you hurt your hand?
No.
[Carrie] His name was Arthur.
He was a nice, sweet, handsome, funny,
great investment banker
who lived between Madison and 5th.
So, maybe there really were white knights.
-[gasping] -[man] A little help...
[Carrie] The day after Charlotte met her knight,
I met my credit card limit.
With no man in sight,
I decided to rescue my ankles from a life of boredom
by purchasing too many pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes.
Hello. My name's Bill Kelley
and I want to be your city comptroller.
You're not seriously here.
Oh yes, ma'am, I assure you, I am.
And I brought along some voter registration forms.
I took the liberty of filling out your name.
Under "occupation" I put heartbreaker.
I really did, look.
You're like a Jehovah's Witness with a good suit.
So how long you been sitting here?
Your number's not listed.
-Exactly. -What'd you buy?
-Shoes. -Let me see.
C'mon, sit down and show me.
God, you are...
I know.
I'm not showing you a shoe.
Ooh, sexy.
Hey, I need a favor.
Oh, you do?
Actually, it's for The city of New York.
See, I really am one of the good guys.
And right now I'm carrying all the boroughs,
but I still need help in Staten Island.
-You want one? -No, I had one Thursday.
So, here's the thing.
I gotta go back out there
to do a schmooze at the Capri Restaurant
on Sunday night
and I want you to go with me.
And why is that?
'Cause they have great Italian.
And also, for the record...
I can't stop thinking about you.
So I'll pick you up at 7:00.
-Um, no. -Don't answer now.
-I just did. -Think about it.
I'll drive by at 7:00, I'll wait down in the car.
You come down, you come.
You don't, no pressure, wear the shoes.
Oh, keep these.
Pass them out.
[Carrie] That Saturday, when I was unable
to take Miranda to her laser surgery
due to a looming column deadline,
she didn't call Steve.
She decided to take things into her own hands.
Who needs a man to hold your hand
when you have cab fare and a big black marker
to write down emergency numbers.
And while Miranda was under the knife,
Charlotte was having her first glass of white wine
with her white knight.
So I did the Hasty Pudding show a couple times
just to blow off steam.
My friend Tom says that Harvard is still
the most massively aggressive place he's ever seen.
And he's a trader.
Not Tom Kennedy.
Oh my God, yes! Do you know Tom?
Great guy. And how about his wife?
Now that's my idea of the perfect marriage.
Totally.
[Carrie] Charlotte nodded, thinking,
"What a nice, sweet, Handsome, funny,
great couple they made."
Excuse me, you just bumped into her chair.
A little crowded.
Yes, it's crowded, but you bumped her chair,
spilled her wine.
You should say you're sorry.
It's okay.
No, it's not okay.
That's no way to treat a lady.
Lighten up, it's brunch.
[Carrie] Charlotte suddenly realized
that her date wasn't a man who came to a woman's rescue.
He was a man who liked to start fights.
-Excuse me, sir. -You want a piece of me?
-[waitress screams] -[man grunts]
[Carrie] And just like that,
Charlotte's white knight changed into a white nightmare.
[knocking]
[nurse] Miss Hobbes, Your friend is here.
Carrie?
[Steve] Actually no, it's me.
Carrie thought you might need a little help, is that okay?
I'm on Valium, everything's okay.
Here, give me your hand.
I'm good.
Just don't let me hit the door frame
and never mention these goggles.
[Carrie] One cab ride and two potent sleeping pills later,
Steve put Miranda to bed.
Alright, okay, no, give me your leg.
No-- Yeah, this leg.
No, I want this leg. Give me--
Stop! No, no rescue.
Alright, fine, okay.
Alright, put your feet under here, sleeping beauty.
[Miranda groaning]
[Carrie] The next morning, after what felt like she'd slept
for a hundred years,
Miranda awoke.
And for the first time in her life,
saw things clearly.
That night, Mr. July invited Samantha to come down
and hang with him while he worked the Sunday shift.
Hello!
Where is everyone?
[Carrie] The idea of spending time in a firehouse
filled with a veritable calendar year of hot firemen
was a fantasy, Samantha felt,
whose time had most definitely come.
Boys.
[sports game chatter on TV]
[Carrie] This was not the firehouse fantasy
Samantha had in mind.
[chatter on TV continues]
[firemen cheering]
-Hey, Samantha. -[Samantha giggles nervously]
I just put a pot of chili on, c'mon, c'mon, sit down.
C'mon, brother, get up, make room for Sam.
[chatter on TV continues]
I'll be right back.
[Carrie] Samantha's rescue fantasy
was suddenly something she needed to be rescued from.
[chatter on TV continues]
[phone ringing]
[Carrie] It's me, leave a message.
[Bill] Hey...
I'm still down here in the car.
Alright, I'll wait ten more seconds and then I'll go alone.
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, poor me,
five, four, three, two...
one,
one and a half.
Sometimes a girl needs a half.
Okay, that was my best shot.
You're not coming.
So long...
Vote!
I don't know what I'm doing.
Okay.
[Carrie] I'm standing here, fully dressed,
watching that politician guy
drive off to Staten Island without me, why?
You hate Staten Island?
No, don't think so, any other ideas?
Just say it.
Big.
You're terrified of getting hurt again.
[Carrie] There it was, the phrase single,
independent women in their 30's
are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud.
-Yep, okay, gotta go. -[phone beeps]
Miranda was right.
I was like a woman frozen on the ledge
of a building on fire.
I'd been so burned in my last relationship,
I was afraid to leap off into the next one.
[ferry horn blows]
Excuse me for a second.
Hey.
Hi, how'd you get here?
Ferry.
All alone?
I'm very independent.
I can see that.
And... this isn't a date.
I'm here as a concerned citizen.
There's a woman on my block
who will not pick up after her poodle.
I'll see what I can do.
Can I take your coat?
And, Mr. President...
It was a bad break-up...
So I need to take this slow.
Somewhere between The chili and halftime,
Samantha decided if she wanted her firehouse fantasy to happen,
she'd have to make it happen.
[Samantha] Up here!
Nice pole, wanna see it again?
Oh, yeah.
[moaning]
[Carrie] Samantha rode the pole a couple of times that night.
[moaning continues]
[Samantha] Why are these boots set up like this, huh?
[Ricky] You have to be ready at a moment's notice.
[Samantha] Oh, well I should be a fireman,
because I'm always ready to go.
[fire alarm blaring]
[Ricky] We got a job!
-Get out of my gear. -Hmm?
Get the fuck out of my fucking gear!
Let's go, move lady, there's a fucking fire!
I'm coming.
[truck siren wailing]
[Carrie] Samantha learned there was quite a difference
between a rescue fantasy and a rescue reality.
[couple chuckling]
It's getting late, you think, uh--
Sure I can't give you a ride?
No, no.
I'm good.
You go...
You go do your thing.
Hey, do I get your vote?
Too fast?
Oh, my God, you're so sexy, come home with me.
No, no, kissing is enough.
It's enough for tonight, really.
Oh!
Oh, shit, it's almost 12:00. I'm gonna miss the last ferry.
[bell tolling]
Oh, wait!
Oh!
[ferry horn blaring]
Wait!
I lost my Choo!
Shit.
[horn continues blaring]
[car honking]
Need a ride?
[Carrie] Well, he didn't have a white horse,
but he did have a BMW with a working heater.
So I guess sometimes a woman absolutely has to be rescued.
You're taking me to my apartment and that's it.
That's it...
for tonight.
Now, do you have any idea how we get the fuck off this island?
Um, okay, make a right.
And sometimes a woman absolutely has to rescue a man.
At least that's how it ends
in this Staten Island ferry tale.