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00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,879
There are very few things
this New Yorker loves
2
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,669
as much as Sunday brunch.
3
00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:03,040
You can sleep until noon
4
00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:05,035
and still get eggs
anywhere in the city.
5
00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:07,575
Alcohol is often included
with the meal,
6
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,787
and Sunday is the one day
a week you get
7
00:01:09,875 --> 00:01:12,125
"the single woman's
sports pages,"
8
00:01:12,208 --> 00:01:14,578
The New York Times
wedding section.
9
00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,037
This is so depressing.
10
00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:17,785
The oldest woman
on this page is 27!
11
00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:19,245
I don't want
to hear that.
12
00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:20,673
Now, I'm all depressed
13
00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,170
and I haven't even had
my coffee yet.
14
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,710
Well, at least
you have a boyfriend.
15
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,422
That doesn't mean
I'm getting married.
16
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:26,580
It means
I'm getting laid.
17
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:28,417
Yes, on a regular basis,
no less.
18
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,210
I'll drink to that.
19
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,581
"Until recently,
the bride, 24,
20
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,037
worked as an account supervisor
at Ogilvy & Mather."
21
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,125
Twenty-four!
22
00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:37,578
Okay, honey,
no more reading aloud.
23
00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:40,247
I love how they say,
"Until recently, the bride..."
24
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,883
Yeah, meaning
she quit her job
25
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,249
as soon as she found her
soulmate-slash-investment
banker.
26
00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:46,923
It's so retro.
27
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,710
"Okay, I've got
a big rock on my finger.
28
00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:51,542
Now, I can stop pretending
to care about my career."
29
00:01:51,625 --> 00:01:55,245
Until recently, the bride
had a life of her own.
30
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:56,883
You know who
those women marry?
31
00:01:56,959 --> 00:01:58,829
The roman numeral guys.
32
00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:00,917
Charles Duffy Anderson IV.
33
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,250
Ding ding ding.
34
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,833
I find the higher the number,
the worse the sex.
35
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,287
I went out with
somebody the third
36
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:07,705
who couldn't
even get it up.
37
00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:09,962
Imagine how bad Henry VIII
must have been.
38
00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,541
Yeah, you give him head,
he cuts yours off.
39
00:02:14,417 --> 00:02:16,127
This couple met
on a bike tour.
40
00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:18,038
I can barely make it
through spinning,
41
00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:19,495
and all the men
in there are gay.
42
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,173
It's amazing how
upset women can get
43
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,130
over the marital status
of strangers.
44
00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:28,415
-What was that?
-Nothing.
45
00:02:28,875 --> 00:02:31,455
-Lemme see.
-No, nothing to see.
46
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:34,212
Oh, you're such
a bad liar.
47
00:02:41,625 --> 00:02:44,415
And then, there's
the occasional familiar face.
48
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,210
Well, it's official.
49
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,541
He's married.
50
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,915
Where are my home fries?
51
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,000
It's, it's fine,
alright?
52
00:02:58,083 --> 00:02:59,293
It's fine.
53
00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:01,212
I was prepared
for this, guys.
54
00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:04,251
He-- They had an engagement
party at the plaza.
55
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:06,713
But sometimes
engagements break off.
56
00:03:06,792 --> 00:03:08,332
This one didn't,
let's move on.
57
00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:09,537
I just don't understand
why their wedding
58
00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:10,745
gets to be like
a short story.
59
00:03:10,834 --> 00:03:12,214
Why not just
an announcement?
60
00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:14,331
I mean, what's next?
Big and Natasha, The Movie?
61
00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:15,667
It's fluff, it's P.R.
62
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:17,460
Anybody can be the story.
63
00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,172
Anybody who's
getting married.
64
00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,830
See, this is what I hate
about The Sunday Times.
65
00:03:21,917 --> 00:03:25,417
This and all the country houses
I can't afford.
66
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,035
So, you want to rent
a movie or something?
67
00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:33,165
No, Charlotte, it's okay.
68
00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:34,630
I'm not going
to slit my wrists.
69
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,329
I know, I just thought
you might want some company.
70
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,747
Know what?
I think I want to be alone.
71
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,004
Alright.
72
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:44,173
-I'm just gonna take your paper.
-Would you stop?
73
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,710
I know what
you're gonna do.
74
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,132
I mean, you can't
not read it.
75
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,628
And you're going to cry,
and it's going to be awful,
76
00:03:49,709 --> 00:03:53,289
so, let's just read it now
and get it over with, okay?
77
00:03:53,542 --> 00:03:56,792
"The couple met in Paris
on the Île Saint-Louis"
78
00:03:56,875 --> 00:04:00,075
Oh, how original.
They fell in love in Paris.
79
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:02,076
"'I was sitting alone
at a café when the waiter
80
00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:04,626
brought over a bottle
of their finest pinot noir
81
00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,209
from a very handsome
man at the bar,'
82
00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:09,631
the bride said,
her brown eyes sparkling."
83
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,292
"'By the time
we finished the wine,
84
00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,785
I knew I wanted
to marry him.'"
85
00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:16,575
Oh, please. You were drunk
and he was rich.
86
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,877
This is just
bad journalism.
87
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,419
"Marry they did,
yesterday in South Hampton
88
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,420
at the bride's
parents' estate.
89
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,920
There were only 50 guests.
90
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,750
'We wanted to keep it intimate,'
she said.
91
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,334
'Just family
and close friends.'"
92
00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:29,877
Yeah, and
The New York Times.
93
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:31,629
Really, how intimate
is that?
94
00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:35,329
You know what?
I don't hear Big anywhere
in this article.
95
00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:38,667
Natasha's calling the shots and
he's just along for the ride.
96
00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:42,420
"The bride carried calla lilies
tied with a red ribbon."
97
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,790
Well, that's nice.
98
00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,625
"And as she walked
down the aisle,
99
00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:49,379
a saxophone played,
'When A Man Loves A Woman.'"
100
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,460
Well, that's tacky.
101
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,882
No, that's Big.
102
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:00,710
Jesus.
103
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:10,999
What I wouldn't give
for a working fireplace.
104
00:05:11,083 --> 00:05:12,793
He wasn't the right
man for you.
105
00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:15,285
I know that, I know,
it's not him.
106
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,415
It's the whole wedding.
107
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:21,210
And it's her.
It's... her. Her!
108
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,577
You know, she's just--
109
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:30,997
You know, she's shiny hair,
style section, Vera Wang,
110
00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:33,463
and I'm, you know,
the sex column
111
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:36,882
they run next to ads
for penile implants.
112
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:54,417
Big wasn't the only one
taking the plunge.
113
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:57,000
After more than a decade
of domestic independence,
114
00:05:57,083 --> 00:06:00,543
Miranda had finally opened
herself up to a relationship...
115
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,079
Good morning!
116
00:06:02,166 --> 00:06:03,626
...with a cleaning lady.
117
00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:05,749
Oh, good morning, Magda.
118
00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:09,671
Do you know where
the coffee mugs are?
119
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,000
Ah, I move them here.
120
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:15,083
See?
Now, all glasses are together.
121
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,286
Oh, sure. I guess
that makes more sense.
122
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,710
Um, you know what?
123
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:25,962
I always drink my coffee out of
my law school class of '90 mug
124
00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:28,081
because it's bigger and...
125
00:06:28,166 --> 00:06:30,286
It's just what
I always use.
126
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:33,245
I bring you
nice herbal teas.
127
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:34,713
Tea is better for you.
128
00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:38,882
Oh, thank you very much,
but I prefer coffee.
129
00:06:38,959 --> 00:06:40,419
Thank you.
130
00:06:41,417 --> 00:06:43,127
Why do I have
a rolling pin?
131
00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:45,668
It's for you
to make pies!
132
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,130
Uh-huh.
133
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,918
It's good for a woman
to make pies!
134
00:06:51,875 --> 00:06:53,875
Do you have
a rolling pin?
135
00:06:53,959 --> 00:06:55,669
-On me?
-In your kitchen.
136
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,040
Are you kidding me?
I use my oven for storage.
137
00:06:58,125 --> 00:07:01,075
Okay, my cleaning lady
brought me a rolling pin.
138
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,126
It was like she couldn't
believe I didn't have one.
139
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:06,578
-I can't believe you
have a cleaning lady.
-Oh, don't even start.
140
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,327
I feel guilty enough.
141
00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:10,077
I hate being home
when she's home,
142
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:12,826
because I feel like if I'm home,
I should be cleaning.
143
00:07:12,917 --> 00:07:14,207
Or making pies,
144
00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,381
because according to her,
that's what women do.
145
00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:19,128
Where did you
find this person,
in a time capsule?
146
00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,748
I know!
I don't need to make pies.
147
00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:23,924
I'm practically a partner
in a major law firm.
148
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,420
If I want pie,
I can buy it!
149
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:29,829
You know what?
I think I need this
in a smaller size.
150
00:07:30,792 --> 00:07:33,382
Um, I'll get it for you,
just hand it out to me.
151
00:07:33,458 --> 00:07:34,668
There's no need
for you to...
152
00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:37,001
Carrie?
153
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,630
And there she was,
Mrs. Big.
154
00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:43,379
All five-foot-ten of her.
155
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:46,748
Hey, hi, Natasha.
156
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:50,538
Um, I, uh, I heard,
well, I read--
157
00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:53,785
Um... Congratulations
on the thing,
158
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,205
on the wedding.
159
00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:57,171
Um, this is Miranda,
she's shopping with me.
160
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,130
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
161
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:02,538
That looks, uh, nice, that,
um, what you have on there.
162
00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:03,995
You think?
163
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,713
Yeah, I, uh,
need something for this
164
00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:09,132
"Women In The Arts" luncheon
I helped organize.
165
00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,078
I'm on the steering
committee, so...
166
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,206
Oh, really?
I'm a member.
167
00:08:13,291 --> 00:08:17,791
Because, you know, I write,
so I am a woman in the arts.
168
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,710
I go to that
lunch every year...
169
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,417
in clothes.
170
00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:26,078
So, you're going then?
171
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,293
Uh, yeah, yeah,
I'm going.
172
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,665
Great.
I'll see you there.
173
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,790
Alright.
174
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:34,415
Great.
175
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,923
Oh, my God.
176
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,250
And now, I can't
find the invitation.
177
00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,083
Well, why did you
tell her you'd go?
178
00:08:43,166 --> 00:08:45,746
Because I have a deficit now.
I've talked to her twice.
179
00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:48,674
Once I was in a cowboy hat
and once I was in my bra.
180
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,330
I'm like freakin'
"Annie Get Your Clothes On."
181
00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:53,577
I would just...
I would like her
182
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,167
to see me looking normal.
183
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,330
Just normal?
184
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:57,997
Okay, yes, I would
prefer to look amazing,
185
00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,293
but not like
I'm trying amazing,
186
00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:02,245
just effortlessly striking.
187
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,377
I see. And will Big
be at this event?
188
00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:07,418
No, it's
a "Women In The Arts" luncheon.
189
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,420
This isn't about Big,
it's about Natasha.
190
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:12,080
Okay, but it seems like a lot
of trouble to go to for a woman.
191
00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:14,166
Can you just help me
find out when and where
192
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:15,500
this stupid thing is?
193
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:18,133
I can do better than that.
I'm coming with you.
194
00:09:18,208 --> 00:09:20,708
Oh, so, now you support
women in the arts?
195
00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:22,712
I support you,
and, honey,
196
00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,632
these bitches need to be
put in their places.
197
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,883
That night I modeled
my entire wardrobe in my head
198
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:31,919
and vetoed everything.
199
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,790
Why did I care so much?
200
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,205
What was it about Natasha
201
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:38,381
that always made me feel
like the charity case?
202
00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:42,328
Was it just that she had Big
or was this bigger than Big?
203
00:09:42,417 --> 00:09:44,167
I started to wonder...
204
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,380
Are there women in New York
who are just there
205
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,418
to make us feel bad
about ourselves?
206
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:52,750
For Miranda, that woman was
a certain Ukrainian housekeeper.
207
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:53,834
You're early.
208
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:56,167
Yes, good morning!
209
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,830
Um, did you
bring me this?
210
00:09:59,291 --> 00:10:01,081
It's gift.
-Oh!
211
00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:02,876
To make nicer
your bathroom.
212
00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:04,579
Thanks. And, um...
213
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:06,077
did you move
my hair dryer?
214
00:10:06,166 --> 00:10:07,746
It used to be
under the sink.
215
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:09,084
-In the middle drawer.
-Oh.
216
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,326
Last week,
I organize for you.
217
00:10:11,417 --> 00:10:13,577
No! That drawer doesn't
need organizing!
218
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:17,167
Magda had discovered
Miranda's goody drawer.
219
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,078
Look,
I have a boyfriend,
220
00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:24,246
so, it's not like I'm sleeping
with a bunch of different men.
221
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:27,043
There's one guy,
and for a long time,
there was no guy,
222
00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,495
and that's why
I have the other thing.
223
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,125
Okay?
224
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:32,828
You like him,
this boyfriend?
225
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:35,962
Yes.
226
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:37,921
You want to
marry this man?
227
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:40,165
I don't know.
228
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:43,130
Everybody want
to get married.
229
00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,458
I am married 28 years.
230
00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:47,792
Well, we'll see.
231
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:50,075
I don't know if
I want to get married.
232
00:10:53,208 --> 00:10:55,208
God bless you!
233
00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:04,625
I don't need you to bless me,
I don't need God to bless me.
234
00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:08,129
I'm perfectly fine
with my life as it is.
235
00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:13,495
It's like
I hired my mother.
236
00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:17,174
Luckily,
Manhattan has spas
237
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,830
where a woman can pay
to feel good about herself.
238
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,707
I just can't believe
she opened your goody drawer.
239
00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:25,252
I mean, everybody knows
the nightstand is private.
240
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:26,833
What do you
have in there?
241
00:11:26,917 --> 00:11:28,537
You know, the usual.
242
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,035
Condoms, vibrator.
243
00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:31,495
Massage oil,
cigarettes.
244
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,793
Nipple clamps.
245
00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:33,665
Really?
246
00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:35,380
Not for me, for them.
247
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:36,998
That's freakish.
248
00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:40,293
What's in your goody drawer,
Robert's Rules of Order ?
249
00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:41,825
I don't have
a goody drawer.
250
00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:43,667
Oh, everybody has
a goody drawer.
251
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,460
I have a goody closet.
252
00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:47,502
I don't need to know
what's in your goody closet.
253
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:48,633
Ditto.
254
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,129
Nipple clamps will
suffice for today.
255
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,039
I'm not in the mood for steam,
it's too hot.
256
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,749
Then take off your towel
and relax.
257
00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:38,794
I-- I don't feel like
being relaxed in, in here.
258
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,920
There goes a woman
who desperately needs
259
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,460
a goody drawer.
260
00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:52,377
Charlotte, honey,
what's wrong?
261
00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:54,418
Nothing, I,
I was just hot.
262
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:57,330
Okay.
And...?
263
00:12:58,375 --> 00:13:00,075
And...
264
00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:02,416
I'm just, I'm just
not comfortable being
265
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:03,880
naked in public.
266
00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:06,961
Well, this isn't
really public.
267
00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:08,541
It's a ladies' locker room.
268
00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:10,415
I didn't grow up
in a naked house.
269
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,040
Well, I didn't either.
270
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,825
I bet she grew up
in a naked house.
271
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,456
She might still live
in a naked house.
272
00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:25,955
Oh, Charlotte, sweetie,
273
00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:27,751
who cares how
you look to other women?
274
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:30,294
You don't care because
you have a perfect body.
275
00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,575
Oh, my God,
you're deluded.
276
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:34,285
Charlotte!
277
00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:37,205
Sweetie, you have
a beautiful figure.
278
00:13:37,291 --> 00:13:39,041
-Really?
-Yes.
279
00:13:39,125 --> 00:13:40,785
Then why was that
woman in the steam room
280
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:43,205
looking at me like
my thighs were too big.
281
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,750
Samantha always
felt good about herself.
282
00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:52,834
But after her 80 minute massage,
she felt even better.
283
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:57,921
I just had the most
intense massage.
284
00:13:58,792 --> 00:14:00,462
Kevin goes down on you.
285
00:14:00,542 --> 00:14:03,002
Samantha's was good,
but not that good.
286
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,503
Are you serious?
287
00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:06,883
Yes.
He's incredible.
288
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,503
You should try him.
289
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,173
Samantha smiled politely,
290
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,130
but a woman with a goody closet
doesn't need to pay for head.
291
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,077
Celia...
292
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,040
-You forgot your key.
-Oh.
293
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,785
Thanks, Kevin.
294
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:25,955
Then again, you could never
have too many massages.
295
00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,001
Samantha immediately
got on the wait-list
296
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:31,253
for Kevin's next
available appointment.
297
00:14:33,542 --> 00:14:35,752
That night, Steve wasn't
available either,
298
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,464
so Miranda decided to do
the next best thing.
299
00:14:47,458 --> 00:14:49,878
Apparently, Magda was
not only cleaning,
300
00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:52,079
she was performing
an exorcism.
301
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:57,378
Later that week,
I had a religious experience
302
00:14:57,458 --> 00:14:59,628
at Manolo Blahnik.
303
00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:03,212
I need
your honest opinion.
304
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:04,421
You can't afford them?
305
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,170
Can I get you
something?
306
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,290
Oh, yeah.
307
00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:10,375
I'll have that
incredibly rich looking
308
00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:14,748
flourless chocolate thing
and, um, a café au lait.
309
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,544
I'll have a fruit cup.
310
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,375
Oh, well,
now you're making me feel bad.
311
00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:20,538
No, no, you get
what you want. Thanks.
312
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:26,290
You know, this place has
the best desserts in New York.
313
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:27,915
The whole point of
coming here is to splurge.
314
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,920
I know, but that was a splurge.
Fruit has a lot of carbs.
315
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,670
Okay, is there a new Zone book
out or something?
316
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,500
I hate my thighs.
317
00:15:36,041 --> 00:15:37,831
The problem is not
your thighs, sweetie.
318
00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:39,957
The problem is your head.
319
00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:43,671
Now, about the shoes...
320
00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:46,165
-Hold on.
321
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:49,080
I need these for
the WITA luncheon.
322
00:15:49,166 --> 00:15:51,746
Now, the heels
are almost high enough
323
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:54,174
to put me face-to-face
with Natasha,
324
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:55,790
if Natasha
wears flats.
325
00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:58,285
But why would
she wear flats?
326
00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,625
Do you think they make
the right statement?
327
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,039
Well, what statement
do you want them to make?
328
00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:05,325
I am beautiful
and powerful
329
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,917
and I don't care that you're
only 25 and married my ex.
330
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,080
I thought you didn't have
a complex about how you look
to other women.
331
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,576
Oh, no, it's not a complex,
332
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,127
it's a Natasha-specific
obsession.
333
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,878
Which will be over
as soon as she sees me
334
00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:21,129
at the benefit looking fabulous
in these shoes
335
00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:22,578
and this dress
I saw at Bergdorf's
336
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:24,537
that's gonna
cost me a month's rent.
337
00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:25,825
Oh, listen to you.
338
00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:28,127
You don't have to
prove anything.
339
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:33,168
You are stunning
and intelligent and funny.
340
00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:34,290
And what is she?
341
00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:35,575
Married.
342
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:36,667
That's all.
343
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:38,130
You could go to
that luncheon
344
00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,878
wearing what
you're wearing right now
345
00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:43,079
and still be the most
incredible woman in the room.
346
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,130
Wow!
347
00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:48,458
Why can't you do
that for yourself?
348
00:16:48,542 --> 00:16:51,962
That afternoon
Charlotte faced her fear.
349
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:57,630
I'd kill
for your breasts.
350
00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:09,665
Meanwhile, Samantha had spent
the last half hour face down,
351
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:12,460
picturing Kevin's face
down on her.
352
00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:15,206
Is this pressure okay?
353
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:16,711
Oh, yes.
354
00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:18,962
That is just fine.
355
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:21,495
Ready to turn over now?
356
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,289
I most certainly am.
357
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,003
Is this okay?
358
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,543
Yes.
359
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,580
Is this okay?
360
00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:44,997
Mmm. Yes.
361
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,825
Is this okay?
362
00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:50,382
Yes.
363
00:18:57,709 --> 00:19:00,249
Since they were running
out of time, Samantha decided
364
00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:02,333
to take the matter
into her own hands.
365
00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:08,165
Is this okay?
366
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,250
Apparently it wasn't.
367
00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:13,043
What kind of person
does such a thing?
368
00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:15,875
To molest
a trained professional
369
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:18,209
while he's trying
to do his job?
370
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:23,711
Helena Rubinstein
is a civilized place
for civilized people.
371
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:27,001
I'm sorry, but I cannot
allow you to come back here.
372
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,285
I have to
protect my staff.
373
00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:32,825
Clearly,
she meant Kevin's staff.
374
00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:34,667
Look, this isn't my fault.
375
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:37,790
I know for a fact that Kevin
went down on another customer,
376
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:40,415
and that's why I booked
the appointment.
377
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:47,002
The following Monday,
378
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:49,963
Samantha and I were
the definition of civilized.
379
00:19:50,041 --> 00:19:52,961
We officially became
ladies who luncheon.
380
00:19:53,041 --> 00:19:54,461
I'm telling you,
it was entrapment,
381
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:56,672
false advertising
and blatant discrimination.
382
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:59,500
You can't just randomly
go down on one person
and not on another.
383
00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:01,963
I paid good money
expecting to be eaten out.
384
00:20:03,542 --> 00:20:05,502
This is not the conversation
I wish to have
385
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,673
as my most amazing self.
386
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:09,170
Do you see her?
387
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,500
No. Ooh, but I do see Wendy
Wasserstein and Gloria Steinem.
388
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:14,833
Well, believe me, you look
absolutely stunning.
389
00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:17,787
You know what?
I believe you.
390
00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,125
Oh.
391
00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:20,828
Hello, um, Mimi.
392
00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:24,127
Ms. Carrie Bradshaw
and Ms. Samantha Jones.
393
00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:28,750
I'm a member.
I just haven't
been to an event...
394
00:20:28,834 --> 00:20:30,254
ever.
395
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,293
It's Bradshaw.
396
00:20:32,959 --> 00:20:35,249
Ah!
Here you are.
397
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,503
Okay, please wear
your name tags.
398
00:20:37,583 --> 00:20:41,043
Last year we had
an unfortunate incident
with Joyce Carol Oates.
399
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,285
Oh.
400
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,165
I'm not really sure the
"Hello, My Name Is..."
401
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:45,380
goes with the ensemble.
402
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:47,788
Hello, my name
is fabulous.
403
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,710
Oh, Natasha's
not here yet.
404
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,002
Oh, you know what?
Natasha's not coming.
405
00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,793
-What?
-She's got a terrible cold,
poor thing,
406
00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,375
and she didn't want to
get everybody sick.
407
00:20:57,458 --> 00:20:59,498
Here are
your drink tickets.
408
00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:06,083
I can't believe
that bitch is a no-show.
409
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:07,876
I'm the one
who's sick.
410
00:21:07,959 --> 00:21:09,459
I charged another outfit
I can't afford,
411
00:21:09,542 --> 00:21:10,922
probably bounced
a check to a charity
412
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,420
just to prove
I'm amazing.
413
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,540
I've never felt
less so...
414
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:17,245
-Let's just go, alright?
-I paid $85.
415
00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:18,883
We're having
our two drinks.
416
00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:20,329
What do you feel like?
417
00:21:20,417 --> 00:21:22,667
Um, a loser
on the rocks.
418
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:25,674
Gimme those tickets.
419
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:32,080
Who is this and what is she
doing in my bedroom?
420
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,626
It is the Virgin Mary.
421
00:21:34,709 --> 00:21:37,129
And where's
my other thing?
422
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:38,628
What thing?
423
00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:41,499
You know,
the thing, the thing.
Don't make me say it.
424
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:43,793
The thing you moved
and replaced with this lady.
425
00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:47,375
In bathroom, middle drawer,
next to hair dryer.
426
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:50,960
But no man will marry you
if that is by bed.
427
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:53,381
It mean
you don't need him.
428
00:21:53,917 --> 00:21:57,417
Magda, what I don't need
is another mother.
429
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,460
I have one in Philadelphia
and that's close enough.
430
00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:03,422
I need a housekeeper
who will clean my apartment
431
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,920
and stop judging me
432
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,710
because I'm a 34-year-old
single woman living in New York.
433
00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:12,132
I drink coffee and have sex
and buy pies
434
00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:14,708
and enjoy
battery-operated devices.
435
00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,172
If you can't
deal with that,
436
00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:19,080
I will find another
housekeeper who can.
437
00:22:24,083 --> 00:22:26,503
I also head up the committee
to match mentors
438
00:22:26,583 --> 00:22:27,923
with underprivileged
children.
439
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,040
It would be wonderful
if you'd be willing to work
440
00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,955
with some of our kids
who want to write.
441
00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:34,878
I write about sex.
442
00:22:34,959 --> 00:22:36,919
Is that something they'd like
to learn, these kids?
443
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,790
Writing about blow jobs
and stuff?
444
00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:41,456
Or...
445
00:22:41,542 --> 00:22:44,172
We can always use
help in fundraising.
446
00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:47,130
Carrie, this is Jenna.
447
00:22:47,208 --> 00:22:48,668
Hi, Jenna.
448
00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:49,830
Nice to meet you.
449
00:22:49,917 --> 00:22:51,497
Jenna went to college
with Natasha.
450
00:22:51,583 --> 00:22:54,253
Go ahead, Jenna,
tell her what you told me.
451
00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:59,543
Okay, well, Natasha lived in
my dorm freshman year at Tulane,
452
00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:03,995
and once she showered with
a guy in a community bathroom.
453
00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:07,000
And...
454
00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:12,883
Oh, and she gained like
ten pounds sophomore year.
455
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,499
Wow.
456
00:23:14,583 --> 00:23:15,963
Ten pounds.
457
00:23:16,542 --> 00:23:17,792
Thanks, Jenna.
458
00:23:17,875 --> 00:23:19,125
Okay.
459
00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,625
Merry Christmas.
460
00:23:22,166 --> 00:23:23,666
That's supposed to
make me feel better?
461
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,170
Six years ago
she was a cheerleader
462
00:23:25,250 --> 00:23:26,540
with a weight problem?
463
00:23:26,625 --> 00:23:27,825
Well, it's something.
464
00:23:27,917 --> 00:23:30,037
You had to love
her for trying.
465
00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:31,705
Samantha thought a woman
could make me feel good
466
00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:36,082
by making Natasha sound bad,
but it only made me feel worse.
467
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,205
Another drink?
468
00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:40,791
Another one and I'll be
a lady who loses her lunch.
469
00:23:40,875 --> 00:23:42,625
Well, trust me.
When you get home tonight,
470
00:23:42,709 --> 00:23:45,289
you're gonna smile about the
fact that she was a porker
in college.
471
00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:47,995
Ten pounds does
not a porker make.
472
00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:53,577
Uh, you're Samantha Jones?
473
00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:54,747
Yes.
474
00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:56,834
Oh, we met at Helena Rubinstein.
You're--
475
00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:59,747
Katy, Leisle, look who's here.
476
00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:01,834
It's the woman who
got Kevin fired.
477
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,130
Thanks a lot.
478
00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:06,578
-Yeah, thanks.
-Who's gonna fuck me now?
479
00:24:06,667 --> 00:24:08,577
Kevin fucked you?
480
00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:10,577
Turns out I wasn't
the kind of member
481
00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:13,037
those women in the arts
really needed.
482
00:24:14,166 --> 00:24:16,576
And that night in
her spotless apartment,
483
00:24:16,667 --> 00:24:18,377
Miranda knew she'd done
the right thing
484
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:21,078
taking a stand
because of her nightstand.
485
00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:26,788
Magda realized that while
single women in New York
never make pies,
486
00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:29,165
they sometimes make guys.
487
00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:31,880
A couple of weeks later
I got something in the mail
488
00:24:31,959 --> 00:24:33,209
from "Women In The Arts."
489
00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:35,131
It was a "thank you"
for attending,
490
00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:37,038
signed by Natasha.
491
00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,171
Game over.
492
00:24:39,250 --> 00:24:41,290
I had to accept the fact
that in life
493
00:24:41,375 --> 00:24:42,745
some women are simply better,
494
00:24:42,834 --> 00:24:45,254
and no amount of shoes
or lack of pastry
495
00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:47,753
or making of pies
will change that.
496
00:24:47,834 --> 00:24:50,084
I will never be the woman
with the perfect hair
497
00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:52,376
who can wear white
and not spill on it...
498
00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:55,078
and chair committees
and write thank-you notes.
499
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:56,826
And I can't feel
bad about that.
500
00:24:57,208 --> 00:24:59,958
"Sorry I couldn't be 'their.'"
501
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:04,291
"T-h-e-i-r!"
502
00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:09,375
But I could
feel good about this.
503
00:25:14,333 --> 00:25:16,003
Hello?
-Miranda...
504
00:25:16,083 --> 00:25:18,173
it's a good thing
she got married.
505
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:20,540
The woman's an idiot.