1 00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,879 [Carrie] There are very few things this New Yorker loves 2 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,669 as much as Sunday brunch. 3 00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:03,040 You can sleep until noon 4 00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:05,035 and still get eggs anywhere in the city. 5 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:07,575 Alcohol is often included with the meal, 6 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,787 and Sunday is the one day a week you get 7 00:01:09,875 --> 00:01:12,125 "the single woman's sports pages," 8 00:01:12,208 --> 00:01:14,578 The New York Times wedding section. 9 00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,037 This is so depressing. 10 00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:17,785 The oldest woman on this page is 27! 11 00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:19,245 I don't want to hear that. 12 00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:20,673 Now, I'm all depressed 13 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,170 and I haven't even had my coffee yet. 14 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,710 Well, at least you have a boyfriend. 15 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,422 That doesn't mean I'm getting married. 16 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:26,580 It means I'm getting laid. 17 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:28,417 Yes, on a regular basis, no less. 18 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,210 I'll drink to that. 19 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,581 "Until recently, the bride, 24, 20 00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,037 worked as an account supervisor at Ogilvy & Mather." 21 00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,125 Twenty-four! 22 00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:37,578 Okay, honey, no more reading aloud. 23 00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:40,247 I love how they say, "Until recently, the bride..." 24 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,883 Yeah, meaning she quit her job 25 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,249 as soon as she found her soulmate-slash-investment banker. 26 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:46,923 It's so retro. 27 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,710 "Okay, I've got a big rock on my finger. 28 00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:51,542 Now, I can stop pretending to care about my career." 29 00:01:51,625 --> 00:01:55,245 Until recently, the bride had a life of her own. 30 00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:56,883 You know who those women marry? 31 00:01:56,959 --> 00:01:58,829 The roman numeral guys. 32 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:00,917 Charles Duffy Anderson IV. 33 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,250 Ding ding ding. 34 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,833 I find the higher the number, the worse the sex. 35 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,287 I went out with somebody the third 36 00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:07,705 who couldn't even get it up. 37 00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:09,962 Imagine how bad Henry VIII must have been. 38 00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,541 Yeah, you give him head, he cuts yours off. 39 00:02:14,417 --> 00:02:16,127 This couple met on a bike tour. 40 00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:18,038 I can barely make it through spinning, 41 00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:19,495 and all the men in there are gay. 42 00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,173 [Carrie] It's amazing how upset women can get 43 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,130 over the marital status of strangers. 44 00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:24,418 [gasping] 45 00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:28,415 -What was that? -Nothing. 46 00:02:28,875 --> 00:02:31,455 -Lemme see. -No, nothing to see. 47 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:34,212 Oh, you're such a bad liar. 48 00:02:41,625 --> 00:02:44,415 [Carrie] And then, there's the occasional familiar face. 49 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,210 Well, it's official. 50 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,541 He's married. 51 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,915 Where are my home fries? 52 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,000 It's, it's fine, alright? 53 00:02:58,083 --> 00:02:59,293 It's fine. 54 00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:01,212 I was prepared for this, guys. 55 00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:04,251 He-- They had an engagement party at the plaza. 56 00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:06,713 But sometimes engagements break off. 57 00:03:06,792 --> 00:03:08,332 This one didn't, let's move on. 58 00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:09,537 I just don't understand why their wedding 59 00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:10,745 gets to be like a short story. 60 00:03:10,834 --> 00:03:12,214 Why not just an announcement? 61 00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:14,331 I mean, what's next? Big and Natasha, The Movie? 62 00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:15,667 It's fluff, it's P.R. 63 00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:17,460 Anybody can be the story. 64 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,172 Anybody who's getting married. 65 00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,830 See, this is what I hate about The Sunday Times. 66 00:03:21,917 --> 00:03:25,417 This and all the country houses I can't afford. 67 00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,035 So, you want to rent a movie or something? 68 00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:33,165 No, Charlotte, it's okay. 69 00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:34,630 I'm not going to slit my wrists. 70 00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,329 I know, I just thought you might want some company. 71 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,747 Know what? I think I want to be alone. 72 00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,004 Alright. 73 00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:44,173 -I'm just gonna take your paper. -Would you stop? 74 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,710 I know what you're gonna do. 75 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,132 I mean, you can't not read it. 76 00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,628 And you're going to cry, and it's going to be awful, 77 00:03:49,709 --> 00:03:53,289 so, let's just read it now and get it over with, okay? 78 00:03:53,542 --> 00:03:56,792 "The couple met in Paris on the Île Saint-Louis" 79 00:03:56,875 --> 00:04:00,075 Oh, how original. They fell in love in Paris. 80 00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:02,076 "'I was sitting alone at a café when the waiter 81 00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:04,626 brought over a bottle of their finest pinot noir 82 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,209 from a very handsome man at the bar,' 83 00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:09,631 the bride said, her brown eyes sparkling." 84 00:04:09,709 --> 00:04:10,709 [scoffs] 85 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,292 "'By the time we finished the wine, 86 00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,785 I knew I wanted to marry him.'" 87 00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:16,575 Oh, please. You were drunk and he was rich. 88 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,877 This is just bad journalism. 89 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,419 [Charlotte] "Marry they did, yesterday in South Hampton 90 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,420 at the bride's parents' estate. 91 00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,920 There were only 50 guests. 92 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,750 'We wanted to keep it intimate,' she said. 93 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,334 'Just family and close friends.'" 94 00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:29,877 Yeah, and The New York Times. 95 00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:31,629 Really, how intimate is that? 96 00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:35,329 You know what? I don't hear Big anywhere in this article. 97 00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:38,667 Natasha's calling the shots and he's just along for the ride. 98 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:42,420 "The bride carried calla lilies tied with a red ribbon." 99 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,790 Well, that's nice. 100 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,625 [Charlotte] "And as she walked down the aisle, 101 00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:49,379 a saxophone played, 'When A Man Loves A Woman.'" 102 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,460 Well, that's tacky. 103 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,882 No, that's Big. 104 00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:00,710 Jesus. 105 00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:10,999 What I wouldn't give for a working fireplace. 106 00:05:11,083 --> 00:05:12,793 He wasn't the right man for you. 107 00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:15,285 I know that, I know, it's not him. 108 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,415 It's the whole wedding. 109 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:21,210 And it's her. It's... her. Her! 110 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,577 You know, she's just-- 111 00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:30,997 You know, she's shiny hair, style section, Vera Wang, 112 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:33,463 and I'm, you know, the sex column 113 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:36,882 they run next to ads for penile implants. 114 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:54,417 [Carrie] Big wasn't the only one taking the plunge. 115 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:57,000 After more than a decade of domestic independence, 116 00:05:57,083 --> 00:06:00,543 Miranda had finally opened herself up to a relationship... 117 00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,079 Good morning! 118 00:06:02,166 --> 00:06:03,626 [Carrie] ...with a cleaning lady. 119 00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:05,749 Oh, good morning, Magda. 120 00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:09,671 Do you know where the coffee mugs are? 121 00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,000 Ah, I move them here. 122 00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:15,083 See? Now, all glasses are together. 123 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,286 Oh, sure. I guess that makes more sense. 124 00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,710 Um, you know what? 125 00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:25,962 I always drink my coffee out of my law school class of '90 mug 126 00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:28,081 because it's bigger and... 127 00:06:28,166 --> 00:06:30,286 It's just what I always use. 128 00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:33,245 I bring you nice herbal teas. 129 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:34,713 Tea is better for you. 130 00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:38,882 Oh, thank you very much, but I prefer coffee. 131 00:06:38,959 --> 00:06:40,419 Thank you. 132 00:06:41,417 --> 00:06:43,127 Why do I have a rolling pin? 133 00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:45,668 It's for you to make pies! 134 00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,130 Uh-huh. 135 00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,918 It's good for a woman to make pies! 136 00:06:51,875 --> 00:06:53,875 Do you have a rolling pin? 137 00:06:53,959 --> 00:06:55,669 -On me? -In your kitchen. 138 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,040 Are you kidding me? I use my oven for storage. 139 00:06:58,125 --> 00:07:01,075 Okay, my cleaning lady brought me a rolling pin. 140 00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,126 It was like she couldn't believe I didn't have one. 141 00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:06,578 -I can't believe you have a cleaning lady. -Oh, don't even start. 142 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,327 I feel guilty enough. 143 00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:10,077 I hate being home when she's home, 144 00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:12,826 because I feel like if I'm home, I should be cleaning. 145 00:07:12,917 --> 00:07:14,207 Or making pies, 146 00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,381 because according to her, that's what women do. 147 00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:19,128 [Carrie] Where did you find this person, in a time capsule? 148 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,748 I know! I don't need to make pies. 149 00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:23,924 I'm practically a partner in a major law firm. 150 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,420 If I want pie, I can buy it! 151 00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:29,829 [Carrie] You know what? I think I need this in a smaller size. 152 00:07:30,792 --> 00:07:33,382 Um, I'll get it for you, just hand it out to me. 153 00:07:33,458 --> 00:07:34,668 There's no need for you to... 154 00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:37,001 [Natasha] Carrie? 155 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,630 [Carrie] And there she was, Mrs. Big. 156 00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:43,379 All five-foot-ten of her. 157 00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:46,748 Hey, hi, Natasha. 158 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:50,538 Um, I, uh, I heard, well, I read-- 159 00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:53,785 Um... Congratulations on the thing, 160 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,205 on the wedding. 161 00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:57,171 Um, this is Miranda, she's shopping with me. 162 00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,130 -Hi. -Nice to meet you. 163 00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:02,538 That looks, uh, nice, that, um, what you have on there. 164 00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:03,995 You think? 165 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,713 Yeah, I, uh, need something for this 166 00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:09,132 "Women In The Arts" luncheon I helped organize. 167 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,078 I'm on the steering committee, so... 168 00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,206 Oh, really? I'm a member. 169 00:08:13,291 --> 00:08:17,791 Because, you know, I write, so I am a woman in the arts. 170 00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,710 I go to that lunch every year... 171 00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,417 in clothes. 172 00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:26,078 [Natasha] So, you're going then? 173 00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,293 Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm going. 174 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,665 Great. I'll see you there. 175 00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,790 Alright. [chuckles nervously] 176 00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:34,415 Great. 177 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,923 [Miranda] Oh, my God. 178 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,250 [Carrie] And now, I can't find the invitation. 179 00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,083 Well, why did you tell her you'd go? 180 00:08:43,166 --> 00:08:45,746 Because I have a deficit now. I've talked to her twice. 181 00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:48,674 Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. 182 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,330 I'm like freakin' "Annie Get Your Clothes On." 183 00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:53,577 I would just... I would like her 184 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,167 to see me looking normal. 185 00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,330 Just normal? 186 00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:57,997 Okay, yes, I would prefer to look amazing, 187 00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,293 but not like I'm trying amazing, 188 00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:02,245 just effortlessly striking. 189 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,377 I see. And will Big be at this event? 190 00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:07,418 No, it's a "Women In The Arts" luncheon. 191 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,420 This isn't about Big, it's about Natasha. 192 00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:12,080 Okay, but it seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a woman. 193 00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:14,166 Can you just help me find out when and where 194 00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:15,500 this stupid thing is? 195 00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:18,133 I can do better than that. I'm coming with you. 196 00:09:18,208 --> 00:09:20,708 Oh, so, now you support women in the arts? 197 00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:22,712 I support you, and, honey, 198 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,632 these bitches need to be put in their places. 199 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,883 [Carrie] That night I modeled my entire wardrobe in my head 200 00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:31,919 and vetoed everything. 201 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,790 Why did I care so much? 202 00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,205 What was it about Natasha 203 00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:38,381 that always made me feel like the charity case? 204 00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:42,328 Was it just that she had Big or was this bigger than Big? 205 00:09:42,417 --> 00:09:44,167 I started to wonder... 206 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,380 Are there women in New York who are just there 207 00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,418 to make us feel bad about ourselves? 208 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:52,750 For Miranda, that woman was a certain Ukrainian housekeeper. 209 00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:53,834 You're early. 210 00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:56,167 Yes, good morning! 211 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,830 Um, did you bring me this? 212 00:09:59,291 --> 00:10:01,081 -[chuckles] It's gift. -Oh! 213 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:02,876 To make nicer your bathroom. 214 00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:04,579 Thanks. And, um... 215 00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:06,077 did you move my hair dryer? 216 00:10:06,166 --> 00:10:07,746 It used to be under the sink. 217 00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:09,084 -In the middle drawer. -Oh. 218 00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,326 Last week, I organize for you. 219 00:10:11,417 --> 00:10:13,577 No! That drawer doesn't need organizing! 220 00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:17,167 [Carrie] Magda had discovered Miranda's goody drawer. 221 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,078 Look, I have a boyfriend, 222 00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:24,246 so, it's not like I'm sleeping with a bunch of different men. 223 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:27,043 There's one guy, and for a long time, there was no guy, 224 00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,495 and that's why I have the other thing. 225 00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,125 Okay? 226 00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:32,828 You like him, this boyfriend? 227 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:35,962 Yes. 228 00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:37,921 You want to marry this man? 229 00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:40,165 I don't know. 230 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:43,130 Everybody want to get married. 231 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,458 I am married 28 years. 232 00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:47,792 Well, we'll see. 233 00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:50,075 I don't know if I want to get married. 234 00:10:53,208 --> 00:10:55,208 God bless you! 235 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:04,625 I don't need you to bless me, I don't need God to bless me. 236 00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:08,129 I'm perfectly fine with my life as it is. 237 00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:13,495 It's like I hired my mother. 238 00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:14,753 [Carrie laughs softly] 239 00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:17,174 [Carrie] Luckily, Manhattan has spas 240 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,830 where a woman can pay to feel good about herself. 241 00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,707 I just can't believe she opened your goody drawer. 242 00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:25,252 I mean, everybody knows the nightstand is private. 243 00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:26,833 What do you have in there? 244 00:11:26,917 --> 00:11:28,537 You know, the usual. 245 00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,035 Condoms, vibrator. 246 00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:31,495 Massage oil, cigarettes. 247 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,793 Nipple clamps. 248 00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:33,665 Really? 249 00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:35,380 Not for me, for them. 250 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:36,998 That's freakish. 251 00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:40,293 What's in your goody drawer, Robert's Rules of Order ? 252 00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:41,825 I don't have a goody drawer. 253 00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:43,667 Oh, everybody has a goody drawer. 254 00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,460 I have a goody closet. 255 00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:47,502 [Carrie] I don't need to know what's in your goody closet. 256 00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:48,633 [Miranda] Ditto. 257 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,129 Nipple clamps will suffice for today. 258 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,039 I'm not in the mood for steam, it's too hot. 259 00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,749 Then take off your towel and relax. 260 00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:38,794 I-- I don't feel like being relaxed in, in here. 261 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,920 There goes a woman who desperately needs 262 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,460 a goody drawer. 263 00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:52,377 Charlotte, honey, what's wrong? 264 00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:54,418 Nothing, I, I was just hot. 265 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:57,330 Okay. And...? 266 00:12:58,375 --> 00:13:00,075 And... 267 00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:02,416 I'm just, I'm just not comfortable being 268 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:03,880 naked in public. 269 00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:06,961 Well, this isn't really public. 270 00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:08,541 It's a ladies' locker room. 271 00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:10,415 I didn't grow up in a naked house. 272 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,040 Well, I didn't either. 273 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,825 I bet she grew up in a naked house. 274 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,456 She might still live in a naked house. 275 00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:24,002 [both laugh] 276 00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:25,955 Oh, Charlotte, sweetie, 277 00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:27,751 who cares how you look to other women? 278 00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:30,294 You don't care because you have a perfect body. 279 00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,575 Oh, my God, you're deluded. 280 00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:34,285 Charlotte! 281 00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:37,205 Sweetie, you have a beautiful figure. 282 00:13:37,291 --> 00:13:39,041 -Really? -Yes. 283 00:13:39,125 --> 00:13:40,785 Then why was that woman in the steam room 284 00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:43,205 looking at me like my thighs were too big. 285 00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,750 [Carrie] Samantha always felt good about herself. 286 00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:52,834 But after her 80 minute massage, she felt even better. 287 00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:57,921 I just had the most intense massage. 288 00:13:58,792 --> 00:14:00,462 Kevin goes down on you. 289 00:14:00,542 --> 00:14:03,002 [Carrie] Samantha's was good, but not that good. 290 00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,503 Are you serious? 291 00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:06,883 Yes. He's incredible. 292 00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,503 You should try him. 293 00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,173 [Carrie] Samantha smiled politely, 294 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,130 but a woman with a goody closet doesn't need to pay for head. 295 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,077 [Kevin] Celia... 296 00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,040 -You forgot your key. -Oh. 297 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,785 Thanks, Kevin. 298 00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:25,955 [Carrie] Then again, you could never have too many massages. 299 00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,001 Samantha immediately got on the wait-list 300 00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:31,253 for Kevin's next available appointment. 301 00:14:33,542 --> 00:14:35,752 That night, Steve wasn't available either, 302 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,464 so Miranda decided to do the next best thing. 303 00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:47,382 [romantic violin music] 304 00:14:47,458 --> 00:14:49,878 Apparently, Magda was not only cleaning, 305 00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:52,079 she was performing an exorcism. 306 00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:57,378 Later that week, I had a religious experience 307 00:14:57,458 --> 00:14:59,628 at Manolo Blahnik. 308 00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:03,212 I need your honest opinion. 309 00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:04,421 You can't afford them? 310 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,170 [waitress] Can I get you something? 311 00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,290 Oh, yeah. 312 00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:10,375 I'll have that incredibly rich looking 313 00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:14,748 flourless chocolate thing and, um, a café au lait. 314 00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,544 I'll have a fruit cup. 315 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,375 Oh, well, now you're making me feel bad. 316 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:20,538 No, no, you get what you want. Thanks. 317 00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:26,290 You know, this place has the best desserts in New York. 318 00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:27,915 The whole point of coming here is to splurge. 319 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,920 I know, but that was a splurge. Fruit has a lot of carbs. 320 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,670 Okay, is there a new Zone book out or something? 321 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,500 I hate my thighs. 322 00:15:36,041 --> 00:15:37,831 The problem is not your thighs, sweetie. 323 00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:39,957 The problem is your head. 324 00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:43,671 Now, about the shoes... 325 00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:46,165 -Hold on. -[chuckling] 326 00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:49,080 I need these for the WITA luncheon. 327 00:15:49,166 --> 00:15:51,746 Now, the heels are almost high enough 328 00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:54,174 to put me face-to-face with Natasha, 329 00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:55,790 if Natasha wears flats. 330 00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:58,285 But why would she wear flats? 331 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,625 Do you think they make the right statement? 332 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,039 Well, what statement do you want them to make? 333 00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:05,325 [Carrie] I am beautiful and powerful 334 00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,917 and I don't care that you're only 25 and married my ex. 335 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,080 I thought you didn't have a complex about how you look to other women. 336 00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,576 Oh, no, it's not a complex, 337 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,127 it's a Natasha-specific obsession. 338 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,878 Which will be over as soon as she sees me 339 00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:21,129 at the benefit looking fabulous in these shoes 340 00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:22,578 and this dress I saw at Bergdorf's 341 00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:24,537 that's gonna cost me a month's rent. 342 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:25,825 Oh, listen to you. 343 00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:28,127 You don't have to prove anything. 344 00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:33,168 You are stunning and intelligent and funny. 345 00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:34,290 And what is she? 346 00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:35,575 Married. 347 00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:36,667 That's all. 348 00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:38,130 You could go to that luncheon 349 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,878 wearing what you're wearing right now 350 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:43,079 and still be the most incredible woman in the room. 351 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,130 Wow! 352 00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:48,458 Why can't you do that for yourself? 353 00:16:48,542 --> 00:16:51,962 That afternoon Charlotte faced her fear. 354 00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:57,630 I'd kill for your breasts. 355 00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:09,665 [Carrie] Meanwhile, Samantha had spent the last half hour face down, 356 00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:12,460 picturing Kevin's face down on her. 357 00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:15,206 [Kevin] Is this pressure okay? 358 00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:16,711 Oh, yes. 359 00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:18,962 That is just fine. 360 00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:21,495 Ready to turn over now? 361 00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,289 I most certainly am. 362 00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,003 Is this okay? 363 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,543 Yes. 364 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,580 [Kevin] Is this okay? 365 00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:44,997 Mmm. Yes. 366 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,825 [Kevin] Is this okay? 367 00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:50,382 Yes. 368 00:18:57,709 --> 00:19:00,249 [Carrie] Since they were running out of time, Samantha decided 369 00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:02,333 to take the matter into her own hands. 370 00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:08,165 Is this okay? 371 00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,250 [Carrie] Apparently it wasn't. 372 00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:13,043 [manager] What kind of person does such a thing? 373 00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:15,875 To molest a trained professional 374 00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:18,209 while he's trying to do his job? 375 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:23,711 Helena Rubinstein is a civilized place for civilized people. 376 00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:27,001 I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to come back here. 377 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,285 I have to protect my staff. 378 00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:32,825 [Carrie] Clearly, she meant Kevin's staff. 379 00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:34,667 Look, this isn't my fault. 380 00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:37,790 I know for a fact that Kevin went down on another customer, 381 00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:40,415 and that's why I booked the appointment. 382 00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:47,002 [Carrie] The following Monday, 383 00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:49,963 Samantha and I were the definition of civilized. 384 00:19:50,041 --> 00:19:52,961 We officially became ladies who luncheon. 385 00:19:53,041 --> 00:19:54,461 I'm telling you, it was entrapment, 386 00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:56,672 false advertising and blatant discrimination. 387 00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:59,500 You can't just randomly go down on one person and not on another. 388 00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:01,963 I paid good money expecting to be eaten out. 389 00:20:03,542 --> 00:20:05,502 This is not the conversation I wish to have 390 00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,673 as my most amazing self. 391 00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:09,170 Do you see her? 392 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,500 No. Ooh, but I do see Wendy Wasserstein and Gloria Steinem. 393 00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:14,833 Well, believe me, you look absolutely stunning. 394 00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:17,787 You know what? I believe you. 395 00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,125 Oh. 396 00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:20,828 Hello, um, Mimi. 397 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:24,127 Ms. Carrie Bradshaw and Ms. Samantha Jones. 398 00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:28,750 I'm a member. I just haven't been to an event... 399 00:20:28,834 --> 00:20:30,254 ever. 400 00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,293 It's Bradshaw. 401 00:20:32,959 --> 00:20:35,249 Ah! Here you are. 402 00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,503 Okay, please wear your name tags. 403 00:20:37,583 --> 00:20:41,043 Last year we had an unfortunate incident with Joyce Carol Oates. 404 00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,285 Oh. 405 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,165 I'm not really sure the "Hello, My Name Is..." 406 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:45,380 goes with the ensemble. 407 00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:47,788 Hello, my name is fabulous. 408 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,710 Oh, Natasha's not here yet. 409 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,002 Oh, you know what? Natasha's not coming. 410 00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,793 -What? -She's got a terrible cold, poor thing, 411 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,375 and she didn't want to get everybody sick. 412 00:20:57,458 --> 00:20:59,498 Here are your drink tickets. 413 00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:02,999 [sighs] 414 00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:06,083 I can't believe that bitch is a no-show. 415 00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:07,876 I'm the one who's sick. 416 00:21:07,959 --> 00:21:09,459 I charged another outfit I can't afford, 417 00:21:09,542 --> 00:21:10,922 probably bounced a check to a charity 418 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,420 just to prove I'm amazing. 419 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,540 I've never felt less so... 420 00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:17,245 -Let's just go, alright? -I paid $85. 421 00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:18,883 We're having our two drinks. 422 00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:20,329 What do you feel like? 423 00:21:20,417 --> 00:21:22,667 Um, a loser on the rocks. 424 00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:25,674 Gimme those tickets. 425 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:32,080 Who is this and what is she doing in my bedroom? 426 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,626 It is the Virgin Mary. 427 00:21:34,709 --> 00:21:37,129 And where's my other thing? 428 00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:38,628 What thing? 429 00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:41,499 You know, the thing, the thing. Don't make me say it. 430 00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:43,793 The thing you moved and replaced with this lady. 431 00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:47,375 In bathroom, middle drawer, next to hair dryer. 432 00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:50,960 But no man will marry you if that is by bed. 433 00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:53,381 It mean you don't need him. 434 00:21:53,917 --> 00:21:57,417 Magda, what I don't need is another mother. 435 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,460 I have one in Philadelphia and that's close enough. 436 00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:03,422 I need a housekeeper who will clean my apartment 437 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,920 and stop judging me 438 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,710 because I'm a 34-year-old single woman living in New York. 439 00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:12,132 I drink coffee and have sex and buy pies 440 00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:14,708 and enjoy battery-operated devices. 441 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,172 If you can't deal with that, 442 00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:19,080 I will find another housekeeper who can. 443 00:22:24,083 --> 00:22:26,503 I also head up the committee to match mentors 444 00:22:26,583 --> 00:22:27,923 with underprivileged children. 445 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,040 It would be wonderful if you'd be willing to work 446 00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,955 with some of our kids who want to write. 447 00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:34,878 I write about sex. 448 00:22:34,959 --> 00:22:36,919 Is that something they'd like to learn, these kids? 449 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,790 Writing about blow jobs and stuff? 450 00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:41,456 Or... 451 00:22:41,542 --> 00:22:44,172 We can always use help in fundraising. 452 00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:47,130 Carrie, this is Jenna. 453 00:22:47,208 --> 00:22:48,668 Hi, Jenna. 454 00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:49,830 Nice to meet you. 455 00:22:49,917 --> 00:22:51,497 Jenna went to college with Natasha. 456 00:22:51,583 --> 00:22:54,253 Go ahead, Jenna, tell her what you told me. 457 00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:59,543 Okay, well, Natasha lived in my dorm freshman year at Tulane, 458 00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:03,995 and once she showered with a guy in a community bathroom. 459 00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:07,000 And... 460 00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:12,883 Oh, and she gained like ten pounds sophomore year. 461 00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,499 Wow. 462 00:23:14,583 --> 00:23:15,963 Ten pounds. 463 00:23:16,542 --> 00:23:17,792 Thanks, Jenna. 464 00:23:17,875 --> 00:23:19,125 Okay. 465 00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,625 Merry Christmas. 466 00:23:22,166 --> 00:23:23,666 That's supposed to make me feel better? 467 00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,170 Six years ago she was a cheerleader 468 00:23:25,250 --> 00:23:26,540 with a weight problem? 469 00:23:26,625 --> 00:23:27,825 Well, it's something. 470 00:23:27,917 --> 00:23:30,037 [Carrie] You had to love her for trying. 471 00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:31,705 Samantha thought a woman could make me feel good 472 00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:36,082 by making Natasha sound bad, but it only made me feel worse. 473 00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,205 Another drink? 474 00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:40,791 Another one and I'll be a lady who loses her lunch. 475 00:23:40,875 --> 00:23:42,625 Well, trust me. When you get home tonight, 476 00:23:42,709 --> 00:23:45,289 you're gonna smile about the fact that she was a porker in college. 477 00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:47,995 Ten pounds does not a porker make. 478 00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:53,577 Uh, you're Samantha Jones? 479 00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:54,747 Yes. 480 00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:56,834 Oh, we met at Helena Rubinstein. You're-- 481 00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:59,747 Katy, Leisle, look who's here. 482 00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:01,834 It's the woman who got Kevin fired. 483 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,130 [Katy] Thanks a lot. 484 00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:06,578 -Yeah, thanks. -Who's gonna fuck me now? 485 00:24:06,667 --> 00:24:08,577 Kevin fucked you? 486 00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:10,577 [Carrie] Turns out I wasn't the kind of member 487 00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:13,037 those women in the arts really needed. 488 00:24:14,166 --> 00:24:16,576 And that night in her spotless apartment, 489 00:24:16,667 --> 00:24:18,377 Miranda knew she'd done the right thing 490 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:21,078 taking a stand because of her nightstand. 491 00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:26,788 Magda realized that while single women in New York never make pies, 492 00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:29,165 they sometimes make guys. 493 00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:31,880 A couple of weeks later I got something in the mail 494 00:24:31,959 --> 00:24:33,209 from "Women In The Arts." 495 00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:35,131 It was a "thank you" for attending, 496 00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:37,038 signed by Natasha. 497 00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,171 Game over. 498 00:24:39,250 --> 00:24:41,290 I had to accept the fact that in life 499 00:24:41,375 --> 00:24:42,745 some women are simply better, 500 00:24:42,834 --> 00:24:45,254 and no amount of shoes or lack of pastry 501 00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:47,753 or making of pies will change that. 502 00:24:47,834 --> 00:24:50,084 I will never be the woman with the perfect hair 503 00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:52,376 who can wear white and not spill on it... 504 00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:55,078 and chair committees and write thank-you notes. 505 00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:56,826 And I can't feel bad about that. 506 00:24:57,208 --> 00:24:59,958 "Sorry I couldn't be 'their.'" 507 00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:04,291 "T-h-e-i-r!" 508 00:25:04,375 --> 00:25:05,875 [snickering] 509 00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:09,375 But I could feel good about this. 510 00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:13,170 [phone beeps and speed dials] 511 00:25:13,250 --> 00:25:14,250 [ringing] 512 00:25:14,333 --> 00:25:16,003 -[Miranda] Hello? -Miranda... 513 00:25:16,083 --> 00:25:18,173 it's a good thing she got married. 514 00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:20,540 The woman's an idiot.