1 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:00,575 You can count on one hand 2 00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:02,917 the things a real New Yorker will wait for. 3 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,630 My list includes the perfect rent-controlled apartment, 4 00:01:06,709 --> 00:01:09,289 the chocolate soufflé at Le Bernardin, 5 00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:12,075 and the annual Manolo Blahnik sale. 6 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,880 After four sublime dates 7 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:16,129 with the furniture designer 8 00:01:16,208 --> 00:01:18,248 whose kiss made my knees wea, 9 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:20,633 this New Yorker had waited long enough. 10 00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:24,039 So mister, do you wanna sleep over? 11 00:01:26,917 --> 00:01:28,327 I gotta feed Pete. 12 00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,877 I gotta get up early in the morning. 13 00:01:36,125 --> 00:01:39,325 Apparently, that New Yorker had not. 14 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,420 People always say when one door closes 15 00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:47,750 another one opens. 16 00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:49,924 At 2:00 a.m., the door that was opening 17 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,330 was Samantha's. 18 00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:02,418 Can you believe it? This is terrible! 19 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,710 -What's going on? What if I came in late one night... 20 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,882 Freda Luftshein in 1-D was held up at gunpoint. 21 00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:09,041 Oh, my God! 22 00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,705 We have it under control, ma'am. 23 00:02:10,792 --> 00:02:11,832 We have the suspect on tape. 24 00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:13,037 But how did he get in? 25 00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:14,745 This is supposed to be a safe building. 26 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,464 It was late. The doorman was off duty. 27 00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:19,002 And apparently, he entered behind somebody's guest. 28 00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,713 That's awful! 29 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:22,540 There he is! 30 00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:23,915 Clearly, the guy came in 31 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,290 behind the guy who came in Samantha. 32 00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:27,125 Oh, my, that's terrible. 33 00:02:27,208 --> 00:02:29,288 Who has a guest at two in the morning? 34 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:30,745 I have no idea. 35 00:02:32,959 --> 00:02:34,959 So what did everybody do last night? 36 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,881 -Nothing. -Nothing of note. 37 00:02:36,959 --> 00:02:38,629 I don't wanna talk about it. 38 00:02:38,709 --> 00:02:41,249 Why, what happened? You sleep with someone on the second date? 39 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:42,790 No, it was the third date. 40 00:02:42,875 --> 00:02:44,875 It was Alexander Lemley, the investment banker 41 00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:47,079 that I met at the Young Art Collectors show. 42 00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:48,416 And what, the sex was bad? 43 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,920 No, it was good, except... 44 00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:55,129 I don't think I can say it. 45 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,288 Oh, get over yourself. 46 00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,127 C'mon, sweetie, what happened? 47 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:01,460 Well... 48 00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:04,882 when he, you know. 49 00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:07,173 Came, orgasmed, shot his wad. 50 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,000 Uh-huh. He said... 51 00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:13,423 You fucking bitch, you fucking whore! 52 00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:18,329 Why would he say that? 53 00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:21,787 Maybe because you were fucking him. 54 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,630 Well, it's true, sweetie. 55 00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:25,169 He didn't say it at the dry cleaners. 56 00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:26,880 He said it when he was in you. 57 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,247 Do you think I'm a whore? 58 00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:30,578 Oh, please! 59 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:33,077 If you're a whore, what does that make me? 60 00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:36,205 Do you think I'm a whore? 61 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:39,081 Well, you have had a decent amount of bone in you. 62 00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:42,286 This is bad! Nobody wants to marry a whore. 63 00:03:42,375 --> 00:03:45,665 No, what's bad is that even Charlotte is having more sex than I am. 64 00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:47,830 -What about Aidan? -What about Aidan? 65 00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:49,500 I don't know what's going on. 66 00:03:49,583 --> 00:03:50,713 Clearly, he's attractive, 67 00:03:50,792 --> 00:03:52,382 we're spending a lot of time together, 68 00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:53,998 he keeps asking me out. 69 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,000 But he doesn't wanna sleep with me. 70 00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:58,253 -Gay. -No, he's not gay. 71 00:03:58,333 --> 00:03:59,463 Mother issues? 72 00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:01,381 No, I don't think so. 73 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,418 Maybe his dick curves to the right. 74 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,750 So if it does, we'll work it out. 75 00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:06,004 I'll go left. 76 00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,423 The thing is, I may never know. 77 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:08,710 Well, you better be careful, 78 00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,132 you wait too long to sleep with someone, 79 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,248 you miss the window, and become just friends. 80 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,963 As opposed to his fucking bitch, his fucking whore. 81 00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:19,503 Oh, c'mon. 82 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:21,633 If Samantha was right, 83 00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:23,289 I had very little time left 84 00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:25,495 before the relationship window closed forever. 85 00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:27,253 So I wore my very little dress 86 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,423 that left very little to the imagination. 87 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,630 Do you wanna take this inside? 88 00:04:32,583 --> 00:04:34,963 I better get home, I gotta do something-- 89 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,291 Yeah, yeah, you gotta get up early, 90 00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:37,785 the dog, whatever. 91 00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:52,172 What's goin' on up there? 92 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,625 Do you just wanna be friends? 93 00:04:54,709 --> 00:04:55,789 I don't know. 94 00:04:56,041 --> 00:04:57,961 Is that how you kiss your friends? 95 00:04:58,583 --> 00:05:01,043 So why don't you want to sleep with me? 96 00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:02,915 I mean, whatever it is, 97 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,000 I'd rather know sooner than later. 98 00:05:06,208 --> 00:05:07,998 I do wanna sleep with you. 99 00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:10,792 I do. 100 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:11,995 Look at you. 101 00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:16,079 But I've been down that road before. 102 00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:20,166 I've slept with women, quickly, and I'm still single. 103 00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:25,535 So my new thing is, 104 00:05:26,542 --> 00:05:29,382 I just wanna try to sleep with somebody I care about. 105 00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,577 I really think that I can care about you. 106 00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:39,326 And it's only been a week and a half. 107 00:05:39,417 --> 00:05:41,577 Don't people date anymore? 108 00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:45,165 Why did I expect to sleep with him 109 00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:46,880 after only a week and a half? 110 00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,249 Had I become so jaded 111 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:49,833 that I didn't even recognize romance 112 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,127 when it kissed me on the lips? 113 00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:54,168 Maybe modern women need a cheat sheet 114 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,630 to remind us romance isn't dead. 115 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:01,172 Romance! 116 00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:03,790 I'm telling you, it didn't even occur to me 117 00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:05,995 which is so depressing. 118 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,043 Is that what 13 years of dating in Manhattan 119 00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,665 does to a woman? 120 00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,670 I tell you what it does, it gives you chlamydia. 121 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:13,710 Excuse me? 122 00:06:13,792 --> 00:06:14,832 Yeah. 123 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,917 My gynecologist called me today, 124 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,500 and my test, which she just threw in for good measure, 125 00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:20,713 came back positive. 126 00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:21,962 Yikes! 127 00:06:22,041 --> 00:06:24,541 It's not terrible, there aren't any symptoms 128 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:26,205 but it can cause infertility, 129 00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,631 so I guess it's good I caught it. 130 00:06:28,709 --> 00:06:30,879 I mean, not that I caught it, 131 00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:32,079 but that I found out. 132 00:06:32,166 --> 00:06:33,746 Well, do you think you got it from Steve? 133 00:06:33,834 --> 00:06:34,924 I don't know. 134 00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:36,460 It's the first time I've been tested, 135 00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:37,752 so it could be any number of guys, 136 00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,294 which is what I said to my gynecologist, 137 00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:42,075 and frankly, she seemed a little judgmental. 138 00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:44,633 She told me I should contact all the people 139 00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,209 that I might have given it to, 140 00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,381 so they can all be treated. 141 00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,288 I knew what was bothering Miranda. 142 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,575 It was the same thought that was bothering me 143 00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,577 ever since the guy I'd been seeing for ten days 144 00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:56,417 asked me to slow down. 145 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,750 If you're a thirty-something woman living in Manhattan, 146 00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,504 and you refuse to settle, and you're sexually active, 147 00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:03,003 it's inevitable that you'll rack up 148 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,253 a certain number of partners. 149 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,673 But how many men is too many men? 150 00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:10,830 Are we simply romantically challenged, or... 151 00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:12,287 are we sluts? 152 00:07:12,375 --> 00:07:14,705 It was certainly the question on Charlotte's mind. 153 00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:16,292 So how's your swordfish? 154 00:07:16,375 --> 00:07:17,665 Fine, thanks. 155 00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,630 You're awfully quiet tonight. 156 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,330 I'm sorry, my mind is somewhere else. 157 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:27,327 You fucking bitch, you fucking whore! 158 00:07:28,208 --> 00:07:29,328 So like I was saying, 159 00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:30,667 I hate putting people out of work, 160 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,540 but that's what happens after a merger, I... 161 00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,464 Maybe I should teach ESL on the side, or... 162 00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:38,503 Are you sure you're okay? 163 00:07:40,375 --> 00:07:41,705 Actually... 164 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,542 what you said the other night, 165 00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:46,384 kind of bothered me. 166 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,747 Oh, no, uh... what did I say? 167 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:53,540 You know, when we were in bed and you... 168 00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:58,041 you yelled out something. 169 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,205 During my sleep? 170 00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,035 No, during sex. 171 00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:06,003 Oh. 172 00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:10,713 I don't remember saying anything. 173 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:14,708 I remember it being very nice. 174 00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:16,252 But what'd I say? 175 00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:21,165 You know what? It's not important. 176 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,580 I'm sure it was just in the heat of the moment. 177 00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:24,917 Never mind. 178 00:08:25,208 --> 00:08:26,498 Do you wanna try some of my swordfish? 179 00:08:26,583 --> 00:08:28,503 It really is good. 180 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:32,133 By dessert, Charlotte had decided to forget the whole incident 181 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:33,788 and call it a do-over. 182 00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:36,383 You fucking bitch, you fucking whore! 183 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:38,958 That! That's what you said! 184 00:08:39,041 --> 00:08:40,131 What? 185 00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:42,208 Just then, you said it again. 186 00:08:42,291 --> 00:08:43,541 What did I say? 187 00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:47,457 You fucking bitch, you fucking whore! 188 00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:49,382 Oh, my God, are you sure? 189 00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:55,002 That's terrible, that's a horrible thing to say. 190 00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,633 I had no idea. 191 00:08:58,625 --> 00:08:59,955 I-I just get lost in the moment. 192 00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:02,421 I-I certainly don't think that about you. 193 00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:04,708 Hey, hey, 194 00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:06,172 believe me, Charlotte. 195 00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:09,420 You are sweet and smart 196 00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:10,750 and lovely. 197 00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,834 You are the kind of woman I hope to marry someday. 198 00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:20,132 And I promise never to say that again. 199 00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:23,165 God, that's terrible. 200 00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:26,287 As Charlotte was starting to feel better, 201 00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:28,825 Miranda was starting to feel worse. 202 00:09:28,917 --> 00:09:30,247 -Steve? -Hmm? 203 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:31,753 Can we not? 204 00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:35,379 What, I'm just getting started here. I'm only at the neck. 205 00:09:35,458 --> 00:09:38,498 Maybe you'll change your mind when I'm down around the elbows. 206 00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:42,287 I can't tonight, I have chlamydia. 207 00:09:46,208 --> 00:09:49,328 I don't even know what that is, but it sounds like a problem. 208 00:09:49,792 --> 00:09:51,332 It's, um... 209 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,250 It's not a big deal. 210 00:09:54,333 --> 00:09:58,383 It's just a sexually transmitted disease. 211 00:09:58,458 --> 00:09:59,498 And I might have given it to you, 212 00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:01,503 or you might have given it to me. 213 00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,084 Ba-boom! 214 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:06,166 Look, either way, you should probably get tested. 215 00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:10,707 I'm afraid of doctors, I don't even have one anymore. 216 00:10:10,792 --> 00:10:12,382 Well, go to the free clinic. 217 00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,004 Whatever. 218 00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:15,920 What's gonna happen to me? 219 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,080 Does it hurt when you pee or something? 220 00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:19,076 No, men are just carriers, 221 00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:20,746 there aren't any symptoms at all. 222 00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:22,504 Then why do I need to know? 223 00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:25,915 Because if you don't get treated, 224 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,881 you could pass it on to other people. 225 00:10:27,959 --> 00:10:30,419 But you're my only other person 226 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,040 and you already have it. 227 00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:35,168 Yeah, but see, if you've got it, 228 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,500 we'll just keep passing it back and forth. 229 00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:39,459 Plus, I'd rather not sleep with you 230 00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:40,792 until this thing is out of my body. 231 00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,705 And I've got six more days of antibiotics. 232 00:10:42,792 --> 00:10:46,752 So will you please just go take care of it. 233 00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:50,084 Just go, get it over with. 234 00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,461 Steve's trip to the doctor 235 00:10:56,542 --> 00:10:58,462 didn't do much to cure his fear of doctors. 236 00:11:00,875 --> 00:11:02,125 Drop your trousers. 237 00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:04,748 No, there's nothing going on down there. 238 00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:07,674 I'm just here because my girlfriend said to get the test. 239 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:11,790 I need a sample from the inside of your penis. 240 00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:14,535 As Steve faced something every man dreads, 241 00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:17,285 Miranda faced something every woman dreads. 242 00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:20,745 She was making a list of all the men she'd slept with. 243 00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:23,424 At least all the ones she could remember. 244 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,460 She started to wonder how she did all these men, 245 00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:32,582 and did her law degree, and became a successful lawyer. 246 00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:36,037 Samantha knew her number was up there, 247 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:38,875 but she didn't know everybody else knew. 248 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,457 We know it was you who buzzed in the gunman. 249 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:45,460 Excuse me? 250 00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:47,629 You always have guests coming in. 251 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,713 Every time I'm in this elevator you're with a different man. 252 00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,002 That's ridiculous! 253 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,920 This is your floor, ma'am. 254 00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:23,955 Oh, yeah, um... 255 00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:25,828 Excuse me. 256 00:12:27,959 --> 00:12:32,039 The next day, Miranda's sex life was flashing before her as well. 257 00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:35,575 Thanks, okay, sorry to bother you. 258 00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,747 And congratulations! I guess now that you're married, 259 00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:40,214 you don't have to worry about stuff like this. 260 00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:42,541 Bye-bye. 261 00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:48,669 Miss Hobbes, line two's still holding. 262 00:12:49,542 --> 00:12:50,962 Miranda Hobbes. 263 00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:53,041 Hi, it's David returning your call. 264 00:12:53,875 --> 00:12:56,455 Oh, hi, David, how have you been? 265 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,542 Lousy, I'm partner now, and it's all work, no play. What do you want? 266 00:12:59,625 --> 00:13:02,125 Ah, well, it's kind of awkward. 267 00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:04,878 Well, I'm kind of busy, so spit it out. What is it? 268 00:13:04,959 --> 00:13:08,129 Okay, I've got this... 269 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,000 It's chlamydia, which is like-- 270 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,503 I know what chlamydia is. 271 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,665 Oh, well, perhaps you should get yourself tested. 272 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,293 I've been tested. 273 00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:19,455 Recently? 274 00:13:19,542 --> 00:13:21,582 Yes, is that it? 275 00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:24,127 Ah, I guess, ah, no! 276 00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:25,288 Did you have it? 277 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,625 How's that your business? 278 00:13:26,709 --> 00:13:28,039 You call me after months of not talking, 279 00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:29,535 and you wanna discuss my health? 280 00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:31,331 Yes, I had it! 281 00:13:31,917 --> 00:13:33,037 So what? 282 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,290 So perhaps you gave it to me. 283 00:13:35,375 --> 00:13:37,285 What are you gonna do, sue me? 284 00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,165 You know, you could at least have called me. 285 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,880 Well, you told me never to call you again! 286 00:13:40,959 --> 00:13:43,669 And now, I remember why, bye! 287 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,460 Meanwhile, I was still waiting 288 00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:48,292 for the diagnosis on my relationship. 289 00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:51,205 Would Aidan become friend or boyfriend? 290 00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:53,001 Delivery for Miss Bradshaw. 291 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,923 Well, it's about time, I ordered this years ago. 292 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,290 Ooh! 293 00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:04,042 He certainly kissed like a boyfriend. 294 00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:07,537 Don't you have two matching plates? 295 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,080 No. 296 00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:12,705 What do you use for wine, promotional coffee mugs? 297 00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:13,962 Ah! 298 00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:15,581 But he teased me like a friend. 299 00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:19,577 Oh, come here, you got a little something. 300 00:14:20,417 --> 00:14:21,747 Boyfriend... 301 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:23,211 I don't care what anybody says, 302 00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:25,921 I think Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot. 303 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,130 Friend... 304 00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:31,788 Not as hot as you, but she's hot. 305 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:34,575 Boyfriend, and liar. 306 00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:39,381 I think Samantha was right. 307 00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:40,578 About what? 308 00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:41,787 Me and Aidan. 309 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,170 I think we're just friends who kiss occasionally. 310 00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:46,710 Why are you whispering? 311 00:14:46,792 --> 00:14:48,632 Because he's still here. 312 00:14:48,709 --> 00:14:50,209 Well, that sounds promising. 313 00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:53,211 He's been in the bathroom for half an hour. 314 00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:54,541 Eww. 315 00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:56,035 All we did was eat Chinese take-out, 316 00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:57,035 and watch Zorro . 317 00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:57,995 And now, I'm working 318 00:14:58,083 --> 00:14:58,923 and he's reading a paper 319 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,170 on the John or something. 320 00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,380 This isn't romance, this is bullshit. 321 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:03,328 Carrie? 322 00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:04,457 Yeah? 323 00:15:04,792 --> 00:15:05,962 Come here a sec. 324 00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:09,959 I have to go, my "friend" wants to see me in the bathroom. 325 00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:10,881 Bye. 326 00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:12,829 What did you want, because... 327 00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:20,920 Wow. 328 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:24,170 It's like a Danielle Steel novel in here. 329 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:26,290 Oh, from a writer, 330 00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:27,745 I'm pretty sure that's an insult. 331 00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:29,834 No, this is... 332 00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:32,827 wow. 333 00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:36,707 Well, I thought a bath would help you relax. 334 00:15:36,792 --> 00:15:38,042 You seem kind of tense. 335 00:15:38,542 --> 00:15:40,422 Are you sure this isn't just a cheap ploy 336 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,830 to see me naked? 337 00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,330 Will you be naked? 338 00:15:45,291 --> 00:15:47,131 That's the thing about baths. 339 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,290 Well, this is about you, so enjoy. 340 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,170 I'm gonna get going. 341 00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,290 That doesn't make us friends, 'cause, 342 00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,877 I'll be thinking about you naked. 343 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:12,043 Big tub, little person. 344 00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:19,254 You talked me into it. 345 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,330 So now what? 346 00:16:32,917 --> 00:16:35,747 Now what what? We're just taking a bath. 347 00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:39,785 Oh, fuck it, let's just do it. 348 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:42,325 No, this isn't how it's supposed to happen. 349 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,127 You said this was just a bath. 350 00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:45,537 C'mon, who cares? 351 00:16:45,625 --> 00:16:48,245 You do, and I do too, now. 352 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,922 Okay, everybody, out of the tub. 353 00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:57,128 The next night, Samantha was feeling exposed. 354 00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:04,457 Shh, here she comes! 355 00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:10,827 Good evening. 356 00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:12,207 Hello. 357 00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:28,825 If you want to say something about me, 358 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,417 say it to my face. 359 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:33,627 You're bad for the building. 360 00:17:33,959 --> 00:17:34,789 What? 361 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,035 You have too many visitors. 362 00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,705 There are always men in the hall. 363 00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:40,043 I got robbed because of you. 364 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:40,915 Tart! 365 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,460 I can't close my left eye. 366 00:17:45,291 --> 00:17:46,711 They practically chased me with torches 367 00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:48,252 like I was Fuckingstein! 368 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,213 Oh, relax, they can't evict you for having sex. 369 00:17:51,291 --> 00:17:52,631 Oh, of course not, they're just jealous. 370 00:17:52,709 --> 00:17:53,879 They're a bunch of dried up old farts 371 00:17:53,959 --> 00:17:55,789 who haven't had sex since Eisenhower! 372 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,285 And I remind them of what they can't have. 373 00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:01,209 It might be time to move. 374 00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,251 No, you can't move! You have a rent-controlled apartment 375 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,583 on the upper east side! 376 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:05,877 Honey, this isn't rent control, 377 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,419 this is life control. 378 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,080 I have to go, I have another date tonight with Aidan. 379 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:10,326 A date? 380 00:18:10,417 --> 00:18:11,997 Don't tell me you're not having sex yet. 381 00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:13,583 We're not having sex yet. 382 00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,207 Then, what are you doing? 383 00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:16,751 Well, tonight, for example, 384 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,214 we're going to a Blues club. 385 00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:19,881 Who's singing, you? 386 00:18:19,959 --> 00:18:22,539 Hmm. Listen, we'll have sex eventually. 387 00:18:22,625 --> 00:18:25,165 And by the way, I got a little preview, 388 00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:26,460 and I assure you, 389 00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:28,752 there is no curving in any direction. 390 00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:33,464 It is straight. Very, very, straight. 391 00:18:33,542 --> 00:18:35,792 That night, Charlotte had a date as well. 392 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:39,955 And he was doing his best to be the strong, silent type. 393 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,167 What's the matter? 394 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:48,745 I'm afraid to come. 395 00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:50,964 Oh, what are you talking about? 396 00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:52,541 I'm close. 397 00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:57,792 Go ahead. 398 00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,205 You fucking bitch, you fucking whore! 399 00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:04,711 Oh, I hate myself! What's wrong with me? 400 00:19:04,792 --> 00:19:08,002 That night, Alexander decided to stop seeing Charlotte 401 00:19:08,083 --> 00:19:10,923 and start seeing a therapist. 402 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,290 And Steve got his test back. 403 00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:15,825 It was negative, like the rest of the experience. 404 00:19:15,917 --> 00:19:18,577 I'm telling you, that doctor with the swab, 405 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:19,787 ouch! 406 00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,415 I don't even wanna swab my ears anymore. 407 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,040 Steve, it's my fault. 408 00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:25,535 I'm the one with the disease. 409 00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:28,325 I'm a big, dirty, diseased whore. 410 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,417 Hey, that's my girlfriend you're talking about. 411 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,790 Yeah, well, you know what? 412 00:19:35,083 --> 00:19:37,543 I had to make a list of all the guys I've slept with 413 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,705 and, uh, it's not short. 414 00:19:41,125 --> 00:19:42,745 How not short? 415 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,540 It's... no, I can't tell you. 416 00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:49,495 I've never told anybody my number. 417 00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,583 What? I'm just curious. 418 00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:53,753 You promise you won't judge me? 419 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:54,964 Look who you're talking to. 420 00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:57,291 I spent a day at the free clinic. 421 00:19:57,750 --> 00:20:02,580 Okay, it's like, about... 42. 422 00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:06,537 Forty-two, that's not so bad. 423 00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:07,825 That's too many. 424 00:20:07,917 --> 00:20:09,787 No, it, it's fine. 425 00:20:11,959 --> 00:20:13,329 What's your number? 426 00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:16,747 No, no, I'm not telling you. 427 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,290 C'mon! 428 00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:20,455 No, it's embarrassing. 429 00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:22,792 I've had enough embarrassment for one week. 430 00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:24,785 What is it? 431 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:26,922 It's ten. 432 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:30,003 Higher. 433 00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:31,957 Sixty. 434 00:20:33,125 --> 00:20:34,455 Higher. 435 00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:36,629 Higher than 60? 436 00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:40,134 -A lot higher? 437 00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:43,075 Hey, I'm a bartender, and I'm cute. 438 00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:48,668 Note, men who have had a lot of sexual partners 439 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,130 are not called sluts. 440 00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:52,538 They're called very good kissers. 441 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:55,423 A few are even called romantics. 442 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:56,750 Well, I can't believe you've never been 443 00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:58,174 to the Blue Note before. 444 00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,918 You call yourself a New Yorker. 445 00:21:00,291 --> 00:21:02,081 I've never done a lot of things. 446 00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:04,538 I can think of one thing in particular. 447 00:21:05,291 --> 00:21:06,831 Mmm... 448 00:21:08,125 --> 00:21:09,455 Nope, that I've done. 449 00:21:09,542 --> 00:21:11,712 Oh, I can think of one other thing. 450 00:21:14,125 --> 00:21:16,995 What do you think about me staying the night? 451 00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:22,168 Well, I don't know, what about Pete? 452 00:21:22,250 --> 00:21:25,250 Well, I arranged for the super's kid 453 00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,543 to walk Pete and feed him. 454 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,290 And you knew this all night? 455 00:21:38,542 --> 00:21:39,542 Come on in. 456 00:21:44,875 --> 00:21:47,165 And then something weird happened. 457 00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:49,500 For the first time in a long time, 458 00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:51,083 I was nervous. 459 00:21:51,166 --> 00:21:52,956 Aidan and I were going to sleep together, 460 00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:55,131 and it was going to mean something. 461 00:21:55,208 --> 00:21:56,458 I was no virgin, 462 00:21:56,542 --> 00:21:59,382 but this was definitely virgin territory. 463 00:22:11,625 --> 00:22:15,705 Good morning. 464 00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:19,035 Okay, that's what I wanted, bye. 465 00:22:19,125 --> 00:22:20,285 Aw! 466 00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:24,875 The nice thing about a new relationship, 467 00:22:24,959 --> 00:22:26,789 it's a clean slate. 468 00:22:29,250 --> 00:22:31,210 And speaking of clean slates, 469 00:22:31,291 --> 00:22:34,001 Samantha moved to the hot and trendy Meatpacking District. 470 00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:35,673 -Good morning, ladies. -How you doin', sweetheart? 471 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:38,000 Where whores were whores, men were women, 472 00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:39,463 and rents were much, much higher. 473 00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:41,082 Okay, bring it right in here. 474 00:22:41,417 --> 00:22:44,037 Easy, that's my bed, come on!