1 00:01:10,625 --> 00:01:11,785 Yes? 2 00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:13,455 Room service. 3 00:01:17,291 --> 00:01:20,171 We've got to stop meeting like this. 4 00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:24,213 You've been waiting your whole life to say that. 5 00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:29,334 I have to be someplace in three hours. 6 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,790 Why is your skin so soft? 7 00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:36,575 When Charles Dickens wrote, 8 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:39,247 "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," 9 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,883 I believe he must have been having an affair 10 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,499 with his married ex-boyfriend. 11 00:01:51,625 --> 00:01:52,575 Yeah? 12 00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:53,997 It's me. 13 00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:58,078 You know, you can't just keep changing the time around like this, 14 00:01:58,166 --> 00:01:59,666 I have a schedule too. 15 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,080 Fine, I'm sorry. 16 00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:03,326 Well, let's get those panties off. 17 00:02:03,417 --> 00:02:04,957 Wait, I have to put my diaphragm in. 18 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,751 Well, I have to be at work in 40 minutes. 19 00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,634 I know. 20 00:02:08,709 --> 00:02:10,789 Our affair, like our hotels, 21 00:02:10,875 --> 00:02:12,825 had gone from elegant with crystal 22 00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:15,077 to seedy with plastic cups. 23 00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:19,829 Cracker? 24 00:02:19,917 --> 00:02:21,377 Mm-mm. 25 00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:28,078 God, it's hot in here! 26 00:02:28,166 --> 00:02:30,706 It's hot and the windows don't even open. 27 00:02:30,959 --> 00:02:34,209 I hate those little sliding air strip things. 28 00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,535 Me, I need air. 29 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,415 You picked the hotel. 30 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:41,750 I picked it because it's on 56th and Eighth. 31 00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:44,384 Nobody knows us on 56th and Eighth. 32 00:02:44,458 --> 00:02:45,918 56th and Eighth is safe. 33 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,790 I don't give a fuck who sees us. 34 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,915 Yes, you do, and I do too. 35 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,080 You want people to get hurt? 36 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,130 This room smells like take-out curry. 37 00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:01,077 Hey. 38 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:09,080 It's too hot. I can't do this, I can't do this. 39 00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:12,206 What, are you saving it for your boyfriend? 40 00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:14,326 Carrie... 41 00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:15,327 No! 42 00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:17,417 You don't talk to me that way! 43 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,790 I'm sorry. I'm... 44 00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:26,790 I'm sorry. 45 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,420 Jesus. 46 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:32,125 How did we get here? 47 00:03:36,959 --> 00:03:38,789 Who are we? 48 00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:48,628 ♪ Da da da da da ♪ 49 00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:53,752 Here we go. Thanks. 50 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,584 Okay, I have something to tell you and you're not gonna like it. 51 00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:59,707 And believe me I would rather tell anyone but you. 52 00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:01,042 But I have to. 53 00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:01,955 Okay. 54 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,581 Because I need your help. 55 00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:04,877 Okay. 56 00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:07,208 I'm having an affair with Big. 57 00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:10,287 I swear to God, I think my heart just stopped. 58 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,631 And also, I'm smoking again. 59 00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:14,919 I'm smoking and I'm sleeping with Big. 60 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,290 Feel free to delete me out of your palm pilot. 61 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:18,745 Give me one. 62 00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:19,964 Really? 63 00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:21,041 I think I need it. 64 00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:23,705 Oh, you are such a good friend. 65 00:04:24,375 --> 00:04:25,875 Don't inhale. 66 00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:34,247 Do you hate me? Say you don't hate me. 67 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:35,463 I don't hate you. 68 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,132 Thank you, now, if only I didn't hate me. 69 00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,668 How long has it been going on? 70 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:39,880 Forever! 71 00:04:39,959 --> 00:04:42,079 Actual time, three weeks. 72 00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:45,036 I'm in the middle of this and I can't... I can't see. 73 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,245 So, I need you to yank me out of it. 74 00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:49,963 You have to say stuff to yank me out of it. 75 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,041 What about Aidan? 76 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,575 Yes, exactly! What about Aidan? 77 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,535 What about him? 78 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,125 I would die if he found out. 79 00:04:57,208 --> 00:05:00,038 And now Big's acting jealous and I'm so afraid 80 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,455 that he's gonna call him or do something stupid. 81 00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:04,462 He's already threatened to tell Natasha. 82 00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:06,292 Well, what did you think would happen? 83 00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:07,785 I didn't think, I just did. 84 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,995 And now I'm terrified that we've messed it all up 85 00:05:10,083 --> 00:05:13,043 and it can never be what it was supposed to be. 86 00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,285 It's just a big, big mess. 87 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:18,035 Okay, take it easy, okay? 88 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,290 I'm just so confused. I mean, 89 00:05:20,375 --> 00:05:22,625 does he only want me now because he can't have me? 90 00:05:22,709 --> 00:05:23,669 Yes. 91 00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:24,880 How do you really feel? 92 00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,539 Forget about him, what do you want? 93 00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:29,665 I want everyone to get out of this 94 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:30,960 without anyone getting hurt. 95 00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,921 -Well, that's realistic. -Well, why not? 96 00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:38,291 You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize 97 00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:40,165 how great their other relationship is 98 00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,920 and end it without anyone being the wiser? 99 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,330 I don't watch Lifetime Television for women. 100 00:05:45,417 --> 00:05:49,247 Carrie, you have to just stop, okay? 101 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,583 Just stop. 102 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:52,377 I am, I'm stopping. 103 00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:54,415 I am. 104 00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:55,875 Good. 105 00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:57,749 Who else knows about this? 106 00:05:57,834 --> 00:05:59,754 Samantha... Oh, and God. 107 00:05:59,834 --> 00:06:01,044 Not Charlotte? 108 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:02,915 Oh, please, if the "World According to Bride" 109 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,000 knew I was having an affair, she'd kill me. 110 00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,633 Well, at least you wouldn't have to be a bridesmaid. 111 00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:12,289 While Miranda was trying not to judge me on the Upper East Side, 112 00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:13,995 Samantha was judging the crowd 113 00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,543 at a new hot spot on the Lower West Side. 114 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:19,495 It was a typical 115 00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:22,503 ten percent Wall Street, ten percent real estate, 116 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,793 ten percent she'd already slept with. 117 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,130 His name was Tom Reymi. 118 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,381 Excuse me. 119 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,668 A Manhattan legend. 120 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,750 Straight, steadfastly single 121 00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:38,214 and sexually very active. 122 00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,291 In short, the male Samantha. 123 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,375 Hi. 124 00:06:41,458 --> 00:06:42,708 I'm Tom Reymi. 125 00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:45,212 -I know who you are, I'm-- -Oh, I know who you are. 126 00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:46,881 It's about time we met. 127 00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:48,379 We know the same people, 128 00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,878 we should go to dinner, blah, blah, blah. 129 00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,329 Wanna fuck? 130 00:06:52,417 --> 00:06:54,877 Under a minute, you could qualify for the Olympics. 131 00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:56,789 -My place is-- -My place is-- 132 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,130 so... Do you swing? 133 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:06,043 "Swing"? 134 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:09,165 You mean with other couples? 135 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:10,630 No. 136 00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:14,875 Swing. 137 00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:18,459 Oh, my, so Cirque du Soleil. 138 00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:21,082 You haven't fucked till you've fucked in the swing. 139 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:24,996 I've always wanted to run off and join the circus. 140 00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:28,495 So, Samantha... 141 00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:31,456 When was your last AIDS test? 142 00:07:31,792 --> 00:07:33,922 Well, so much for foreplay. 143 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,000 Hey, anyone who has as much sex as us has to ask, right? 144 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,790 I was tested again three weeks ago. 145 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:43,455 I'm good to go. 146 00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:45,042 How about you? 147 00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:47,125 Samantha didn't quite know how to tell Tom Reymi, 148 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:50,458 the only sex test she'd ever taken was the Cosmo quiz. 149 00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:52,502 You have been tested, right? 150 00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:56,213 No, but I'm very healthy. 151 00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:58,461 You haven't been tested? Why? 152 00:07:58,542 --> 00:08:00,422 I'm a busy girl? 153 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:01,750 You know, 154 00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:04,214 I got hard in that club just from looking at you. 155 00:08:04,291 --> 00:08:05,671 And I think you and I both know 156 00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:08,130 what's gonna happen when we get up in that swing. 157 00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,168 But, baby, 158 00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:12,630 I can't fuck you or eat you the way I want, 159 00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:15,249 unless I know it's safe. 160 00:08:15,792 --> 00:08:17,252 And Samantha... 161 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:19,713 You should do me. 162 00:08:19,792 --> 00:08:22,422 I am as good as they say. 163 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,630 Samantha suddenly had to figure out 164 00:08:24,709 --> 00:08:28,749 just how much she wanted to do Reymi. 165 00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:33,455 The pink Post-its are for the gowns I kinda like, 166 00:08:33,542 --> 00:08:35,962 the green Post-its are for the gowns I kinda really like, 167 00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:38,831 and the yellow Post-its are for the gowns I don't know if I like. 168 00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:40,287 Here. Kill me, please. 169 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,995 Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat. 170 00:08:43,083 --> 00:08:45,543 Stop, Miranda, you take "Modern Bride," 171 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,325 Samantha, "New York Bride." 172 00:08:47,417 --> 00:08:49,917 And I'll take what, "annoying bride"? 173 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,210 Here, Carrie... 174 00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:52,881 Page 211, pink Post-it, tell me what you think. 175 00:08:52,959 --> 00:08:54,079 Okey-dokey. 176 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,626 Ooh, cute purse! 177 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,669 No purses! There's no time for purses! 178 00:08:57,750 --> 00:08:58,920 This is gown specific! 179 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,460 What's your theme again, "a Nazi wedding"? 180 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,752 Carrie, page 211? 181 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:05,384 Um, it's pretty, I like the flowers in the back. 182 00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:07,878 Me too, and I like that old fashioned satin bow. 183 00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:10,579 Have you all had an AIDS test? 184 00:09:11,542 --> 00:09:13,922 Good morning, where did that come from? 185 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,040 I just met this very hot guy 186 00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:19,285 and he won't sleep with me unless I have a test. 187 00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:22,375 Samantha, we're looking at wedding gowns. 188 00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,708 Could you please not talk about AIDS right now? 189 00:09:24,792 --> 00:09:26,712 Wait a minute. You've never had an HIV test? 190 00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:28,632 No. Have you? 191 00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:29,959 Two. 192 00:09:30,709 --> 00:09:31,999 Three. 193 00:09:32,375 --> 00:09:34,495 How do we feel about opera-length gloves? 194 00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,749 Samantha, how can you not have had an AIDS test? 195 00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:39,884 She doesn't mean that the way it sounds. 196 00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:41,329 It's just-- 197 00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:43,497 Well, why not, sweetie? 198 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,673 I always practice safe sex. 199 00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:49,330 All right, I'm terrified. 200 00:09:49,417 --> 00:09:52,417 -What if I have it? -You don't have it. 201 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,670 Sometimes it takes me a really long time to get over a cold. 202 00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:57,500 That's not AIDS, that's central air conditioning. 203 00:09:57,583 --> 00:09:59,753 Just go and get it over with, the test is nothing. 204 00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:01,504 The worst part is waiting for the results. 205 00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:02,583 Really. 206 00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:03,917 And then they come out with the results 207 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,460 and they motion to certain people 208 00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:07,002 and they take them into this little room 209 00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:08,543 and you know the news ain't good. 210 00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:10,325 I just sat there the entire time praying, 211 00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:12,917 "Please don't take me in that little room." 212 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,710 There are 1,400 gowns in this magazine 213 00:10:15,792 --> 00:10:18,082 and I have only seen 600 of them. 214 00:10:18,166 --> 00:10:19,326 I need help! 215 00:10:19,417 --> 00:10:20,747 Okay, listen. You need to chill the fuck out 216 00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:22,254 and hire yourself a stylist. 217 00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:24,673 -A stylist? -Some little minion to run around town 218 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:25,880 and do your dress bidding. 219 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,040 I can hire someone to do that for me? 220 00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:29,575 Oh, honey, this is New York City, 221 00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,497 you can hire someone to do anything. 222 00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:32,793 I'll fax you some names. 223 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,245 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. 224 00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:39,253 Now, if I could only hire someone to take that damn test. 225 00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:42,503 Later that night, I got to thinking about safe sex. 226 00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:45,293 Odd, how only when our physical life is at risk 227 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:48,415 do we follow certain guidelines to protect ourselves. 228 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,750 But what about our emotional lives? 229 00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:53,254 Wouldn't it be nice if there was a little pamphlet 230 00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:56,293 to warn us what unsafe behavior might be high-risk 231 00:10:56,375 --> 00:10:58,665 to ourselves or our relationships? 232 00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,250 And even if you take all the precautions 233 00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:03,293 and emotionally try to protect yourself, 234 00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:05,665 when you crawl in bed with someone... 235 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,920 is sex ever safe? 236 00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:11,541 Yeah, I know, but that's not my problem. All right... 237 00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:13,325 The next day, on her way back to work, 238 00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:14,997 Miranda was about to experience 239 00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:17,333 a different type of high-risk behavior. 240 00:11:17,417 --> 00:11:18,747 Eat me. 241 00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:20,421 Excuse me? 242 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,210 Eat me. 243 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,746 Miranda was furious. 244 00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:30,084 It was bad enough she had just lost a case, 245 00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:33,626 but now she was being harassed by a sandwich? 246 00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:36,830 You want pasta, you go to little Italy. 247 00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:38,877 You want wedding, you go Wang. 248 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,669 You want the perfect wedding dress fast, 249 00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,210 go to Anthony Marentino, stylist. 250 00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:44,921 Where is that salesgirl? 251 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,750 For these prices we should be pulling her nose out of our asses. 252 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,384 Hello! Someone! 253 00:11:51,458 --> 00:11:52,378 Let's go! 254 00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:54,208 Charlotte was thrilled, 255 00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:58,001 Anthony was like the pushy Italian mother she never had. 256 00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:00,923 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 257 00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:05,125 Oh, I love them all! 258 00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:06,748 Char... 259 00:12:10,375 --> 00:12:13,125 Duchess satin with the lace appliqué. 260 00:12:16,417 --> 00:12:18,537 I think the white is too white. 261 00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:20,415 No, but with your skin tone-- 262 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,460 Hates it! Move on. 263 00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:27,288 The charmeuse strapless with the net overlay. 264 00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:33,633 Hates it! 265 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:36,214 Good beadwork, though. 266 00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:38,753 None of these are it, none of them at all. 267 00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:39,834 None of them. 268 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,710 You're dragging! 269 00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:46,128 I hope she doesn't think I'm a bitch. 270 00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:48,918 She's not paid to think, she's paid to make you happy. 271 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,830 It's just that I've been imagining my wedding dress 272 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,287 ever since I was a little girl 273 00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:54,785 and I want it to be just perfect. 274 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:58,625 Char, not for nothing, I've done this a million times. 275 00:12:58,709 --> 00:12:59,879 Don't worry. 276 00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:02,379 You'll know the right dress when you see it. 277 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:06,833 Anthony... 278 00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:08,998 Char? 279 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,960 That's it. 280 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:17,924 And across town, Samantha felt as though she might cry as well. 281 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,330 Have you had an HIV test before? 282 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:21,790 No. 283 00:13:21,875 --> 00:13:24,035 And why are you taking this test? 284 00:13:24,709 --> 00:13:26,039 I... 285 00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:28,043 feel... 286 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,125 you know, it's, um-- 287 00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:31,538 Are you feeling all right? 288 00:13:31,625 --> 00:13:35,165 -I'm sorry, I'm really nervous. -Try to relax. 289 00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:36,830 There's just a couple of routine questions, 290 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,247 nothing to be alarmed about. 291 00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:41,205 Okay, thanks. 292 00:13:41,291 --> 00:13:43,671 Now... Do you have sex? 293 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:44,630 Yes. 294 00:13:44,709 --> 00:13:46,789 Do you have oral sex? 295 00:13:46,875 --> 00:13:47,995 Give? Receive? 296 00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:50,423 Yes, yes, yes. 297 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,380 Do you have anal sex? 298 00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:53,922 Yes. 299 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,793 Do you swallow? 300 00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:57,958 Only when surprised. 301 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,080 Do you use condoms? 302 00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:01,376 Yes. 303 00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:02,918 What kind of condoms? 304 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,380 Trojan, Lifestyles, Sheik, Wet N' Wild-- 305 00:14:06,458 --> 00:14:09,828 No, I meant latex, lambskin? 306 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,417 Oh, yes, yes. 307 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:15,375 How many sexual partners have you had? 308 00:14:22,417 --> 00:14:23,957 I'm counting. 309 00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:30,460 Um... this year? 310 00:14:30,542 --> 00:14:33,212 While Samantha tried to remember her sexual past, 311 00:14:33,291 --> 00:14:37,131 I came face to face with my sexual present. 312 00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,709 Mmm... mmm. 313 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,172 Stop. 314 00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:42,745 Stop what? 315 00:14:42,834 --> 00:14:44,834 You're making that sound. That... 316 00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:48,416 "mmm-mmm" kissing sound. 317 00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:50,749 It's annoying. 318 00:14:52,041 --> 00:14:54,331 That's a sound I make, I guess. 319 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:57,751 Come here, I'll... 320 00:14:57,834 --> 00:14:59,924 try not to do it anymore. 321 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,830 "Look, Ma, no sound." 322 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,211 I can't breathe, I can't breathe! 323 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,460 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 324 00:15:31,709 --> 00:15:32,829 Hey... 325 00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,825 Don't go, don't go. 326 00:15:36,208 --> 00:15:38,328 You know, I just, I don't-- I don't get it. 327 00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:40,457 You used to like that sound I make. 328 00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:42,292 I love that sound. 329 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:48,670 Where are you going? 330 00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:51,210 I'm gonna go home, I need a little time. 331 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,960 I'm just in a weird place right now, 332 00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:56,671 but I'll be out of it soon, I promise. 333 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,876 I'm sorry. 334 00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:06,581 Say it's okay. 335 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,706 It's okay. 336 00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:12,381 What can I do? 337 00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:15,538 Nothing, it's me, it's all me. 338 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,958 I just... need time to figure it out. 339 00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:21,421 Maybe I'll give you a little room to do that. 340 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:24,210 You're not saying that in a bad way, right? 341 00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,213 No. 342 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,420 I'll be right downtown. 343 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:36,128 Hey, buddy... 344 00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,078 Call me later? 345 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,916 It's one in the morning. 346 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,830 I'll call you tomorrow. 347 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:43,667 Make the noise. 348 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,960 Please make the noise. 349 00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:48,213 Mmm... 350 00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:01,173 Goodnight, nut. 351 00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:02,920 I'm sorry. 352 00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:07,827 I didn't know what I was doing, but I was pretty sure 353 00:17:07,917 --> 00:17:11,877 I had just entered high-risk relationship behavior. 354 00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:14,919 Eat me. 355 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,460 Three days later, 356 00:17:16,542 --> 00:17:19,082 Miranda had finally gotten her fill of the sandwich. 357 00:17:19,166 --> 00:17:20,376 Okay, that's it. 358 00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:22,418 You're not allowed to harass women like that. 359 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,040 Eat me. 360 00:17:24,125 --> 00:17:25,455 We'll see about that. 361 00:17:30,542 --> 00:17:31,462 Hi. 362 00:17:31,709 --> 00:17:33,539 I'd like to speak to the manager, please. 363 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:34,535 Yeah, that's me. 364 00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:35,745 Okay, then, listen. 365 00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,334 That sandwich out front 366 00:17:37,417 --> 00:17:40,327 is saying sexually explicit things to women as they walk by. 367 00:17:40,417 --> 00:17:42,497 -What'd he say? -"Eat me." 368 00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:43,793 Yeah, he's a sandwich. 369 00:17:43,875 --> 00:17:45,875 No, he didn't say it in the "sandwich way," 370 00:17:45,959 --> 00:17:48,379 he said it in the sexual harassing way. 371 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:50,918 Lady, he's a sandwich. 372 00:17:56,500 --> 00:18:00,000 -Eat me. -Oh, you're so brave inside your sandwich! 373 00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:03,457 And then, Miranda glimpsed just enough 374 00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:06,082 of his full lips and shiny white teeth 375 00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:07,826 to stop thinking about the sandwich 376 00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:11,497 and start wondering about the man inside the bun. 377 00:18:12,583 --> 00:18:14,633 I can't stop thinking about him. 378 00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:16,959 You're telling me you're turned on by a sandwich? 379 00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:20,881 Well, I-- I think it's the fact that I can't see him. 380 00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:22,669 It's dangerous or something. 381 00:18:22,750 --> 00:18:24,960 I think that is one fresh sandwich. 382 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:26,671 His voice is so sexy, 383 00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:28,380 but he's probably a troll. 384 00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:31,748 I mean, any man who propositions a woman from inside a big sandwich 385 00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:33,634 has got to be a troll, right? 386 00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:34,749 I don't know. 387 00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,584 You think he's white meat? 388 00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:42,421 Oh, wow. 389 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,330 That's the first laugh I've had in weeks. 390 00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:46,707 Thank the sandwich for me, when you're having sex with him, huh? 391 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:50,212 I-- I can't have sex with a sandwich. 392 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,290 Can I? 393 00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:54,245 Well, I never thought I'd have sex with a married ex. 394 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,043 Can a hoagie be that far behind? 395 00:18:57,709 --> 00:18:59,539 Oh, Miranda. 396 00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,670 What the hell am I gonna do? 397 00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:06,245 report to Pediatrics. 398 00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:09,173 As Samantha sat and waited for her test results 399 00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:12,040 she had one thought over and over, 400 00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:14,665 "Please, don't let them take me into that little room." 401 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:16,130 Miss Jones, I've got your results. 402 00:19:16,208 --> 00:19:19,168 Please come with me. 403 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:22,540 please report to Pediatrics. 404 00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:26,878 Samantha began to realize 405 00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:29,579 she was being taken into that little room. 406 00:19:32,583 --> 00:19:34,503 She was perfectly healthy. 407 00:19:34,583 --> 00:19:39,833 The nurse just wanted a quiet place to lecture her on safe sex practices. 408 00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:45,377 Later that week, somehow I found myself back at the corner of 56th and safe. 409 00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:50,125 How much? 410 00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:51,920 Excuse me? 411 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,211 I see you here before. 412 00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:57,747 For sex... How much? 413 00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:01,665 All right, that's it, I'm out of here. 414 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,040 That Japanese businessman thinks I'm a hooker. 415 00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:06,075 Wait a minute, Carrie! 416 00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:13,793 Carrie? 417 00:20:14,208 --> 00:20:16,418 Oh my God! What are you doing in this neighborhood? 418 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,630 Carrie, can we-- 419 00:20:23,542 --> 00:20:24,632 Hey... 420 00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:28,963 You know, uh, I was doing business in the area 421 00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:30,881 and we kinda bumped into each other. 422 00:20:30,959 --> 00:20:32,379 Charlotte, how are you? 423 00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:36,044 I was just-- I just checked on my wedding dress, it's at a tailor and, uh-- 424 00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:38,875 -Charlotte... -I better go. 425 00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:40,919 Wait, Charlotte! 426 00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:46,212 Well, that was that, now, nowhere was safe... 427 00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:48,581 not even 56th and Eighth. 428 00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,829 It was a force bigger than me, 429 00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:56,247 like Niagara Falls or something, you know? 430 00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:58,713 No, I don't know. He's married. 431 00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,292 I know he's married! 432 00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:03,415 That makes you the "other woman." You're the other woman. 433 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:05,250 I am not the "other woman." 434 00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:09,043 I'm not, I mean, I know I am, but... 435 00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,667 I am not that woman. 436 00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:14,420 Please, Charlotte, I feel bad enough already. 437 00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:16,500 Good, you should feel bad. 438 00:21:16,583 --> 00:21:18,713 Do you ever think about how she'd feel if she found out? 439 00:21:18,792 --> 00:21:20,252 Yes, I think about it all the time. 440 00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:21,753 No, you don't. 441 00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:24,134 You think about what would happen to you if she found out. 442 00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:25,578 You don't think about her. 443 00:21:25,667 --> 00:21:26,957 She's just the idiot wife. 444 00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:28,751 You don't know anything about her. 445 00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:31,254 Okay, in a minute, I'm gonna suffocate myself in this bubble wrap. 446 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,673 This isn't a joke, Carrie. 447 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,250 They took vows, vows he broke. 448 00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:38,083 I'm getting married in three weeks. 449 00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:40,036 How would you feel if someone did this to me? 450 00:21:41,750 --> 00:21:43,380 I would kill them. 451 00:21:46,375 --> 00:21:47,955 How could you do this? 452 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:51,081 I mean, you're my maid of honor. 453 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,131 I'm getting out, I am. 454 00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:56,288 Can I please help you pack now? 455 00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:58,625 So we stood and bubble-wrapped, 456 00:21:58,709 --> 00:22:02,039 the bride-to-be and her maid of dishonor. 457 00:22:04,166 --> 00:22:07,206 A week of fantasizing hot sex with the unknown man 458 00:22:07,291 --> 00:22:09,921 inside the sandwich had gotten to Miranda. 459 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,380 Safe or not, she needed to at least see 460 00:22:12,458 --> 00:22:14,458 who it was she was dealing with. 461 00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,172 Hi. Look, this is so silly. 462 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,460 Eat me. 463 00:22:19,417 --> 00:22:21,577 Let me see your face. 464 00:22:28,208 --> 00:22:31,788 Even though he was kind of cute, Miranda walked away. 465 00:22:31,875 --> 00:22:34,575 After all, what did they really have in common? 466 00:22:34,667 --> 00:22:38,497 She was a lawyer and he was a sandwich. 467 00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:40,213 Later that day at Tom Reymi's, 468 00:22:40,291 --> 00:22:43,001 after a week of sheer anxiety, 469 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:47,133 Samantha enjoyed the benefits of totally safe sex. 470 00:22:52,125 --> 00:22:54,035 Oh, yes! 471 00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,043 Aah! 472 00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:58,707 Ow! 473 00:22:58,792 --> 00:23:00,542 Take your time. Um, you know, shower, 474 00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:02,665 there's stuff in the kitchen if you're hungry. 475 00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:04,380 It was the lowest of the low. 476 00:23:04,458 --> 00:23:06,708 I had just finished making love to my married ex-boyfriend 477 00:23:06,792 --> 00:23:08,792 on his lunch hour at his apartment 478 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:12,785 while his 25-year-old wife was sunning herself at the Hamptons. 479 00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:13,995 Jesus. 480 00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:15,997 What? 481 00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:19,293 Could I feel any more like a hooker? 482 00:23:24,125 --> 00:23:26,455 Why do you keep doing that to yourself? 483 00:23:26,542 --> 00:23:28,042 Hmm? 484 00:23:28,125 --> 00:23:30,955 I think we should stop seeing each other. 485 00:23:32,125 --> 00:23:33,625 Why? 486 00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:40,251 You're married. 487 00:23:40,333 --> 00:23:43,383 All right, hand me the phone, I'm gonna call her right now. 488 00:23:43,458 --> 00:23:44,538 Hand me the phone. 489 00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:45,825 Don't be ridiculous! 490 00:23:45,917 --> 00:23:46,997 And what are you gonna do? 491 00:23:47,083 --> 00:23:49,003 You're gonna call her at the beach 492 00:23:49,083 --> 00:23:52,083 and say that you love me and you want a divorce? 493 00:23:52,166 --> 00:23:53,456 You don't want me to call her 494 00:23:53,542 --> 00:23:55,712 because you're still in love with that other guy. 495 00:23:55,792 --> 00:23:56,922 This is about that other guy. 496 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,080 The other guy has a name, it's Aidan! 497 00:23:59,166 --> 00:24:01,916 -And you have a wife, Natasha! -Give me the phone. 498 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,580 And if you really wanted to tell her, you would have told her by now! 499 00:24:04,667 --> 00:24:06,827 What the fuck? You told me not to tell her! 500 00:24:10,083 --> 00:24:12,173 Here, call her. 501 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,960 If I make that call... 502 00:24:17,166 --> 00:24:19,076 are you gonna be there for me? 503 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:21,746 Are we gonna do this, really? 504 00:24:22,166 --> 00:24:24,706 I mean, I mea-- out in the daylight, 505 00:24:24,792 --> 00:24:28,792 no cocktails, no hotel rooms, real life. 506 00:24:28,875 --> 00:24:31,535 Carrie, in or out? 507 00:24:35,834 --> 00:24:37,714 I need more time. 508 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,880 I'm calling her Monday. 509 00:24:44,875 --> 00:24:45,875 I have to go. 510 00:24:45,959 --> 00:24:47,919 You know how to let yourself out. 511 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,460 I couldn't help but wonder 512 00:24:49,542 --> 00:24:52,832 if I really did know the way to let myself out. 513 00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:00,961 Charlotte was right. 514 00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:03,081 What did I really know about Natasha? 515 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,580 Natasha is a woman who likes tea roses. 516 00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:14,923 Natasha is a woman who collects antique sugar bowls. 517 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,130 Honey? 518 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:20,668 Natasha is a woman who comes home from the Hamptons early. 519 00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:22,330 Honey, are you here? 520 00:25:22,417 --> 00:25:24,077 I took the Jitney home. 521 00:25:27,458 --> 00:25:29,248 Sweetheart? 522 00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:34,630 -Honey? Oh! 523 00:25:36,458 --> 00:25:39,418 Carrie, I see you! 524 00:25:40,166 --> 00:25:41,496 Wait! 525 00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:44,633 I knew you were having an affair, but not in my house! 526 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,959 Stop, I'm talking to you! 527 00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:56,996 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 528 00:25:57,083 --> 00:26:00,043 I had always assumed the one who would be hurt in all this 529 00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:02,035 would be me. 530 00:26:02,125 --> 00:26:04,495 Taxi! Taxi... 531 00:26:10,083 --> 00:26:14,133 Near-- Near-- Nearest hospital! Shit. 532 00:26:40,542 --> 00:26:42,132 Is she all right? 533 00:26:42,208 --> 00:26:44,168 She lost a tooth and needed a stitch in her lip. 534 00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:47,080 They had a plastic surgeon and it won't scar. 535 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,996 She's scared and swollen. 536 00:26:51,709 --> 00:26:53,669 Her parents are on the way. 537 00:26:53,750 --> 00:26:55,330 I have to go. 538 00:26:55,417 --> 00:26:56,497 Carrie... 539 00:26:56,583 --> 00:26:57,633 Hey. 540 00:26:59,166 --> 00:27:00,996 Thanks for being here. 541 00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:05,289 I'll call you. 542 00:27:07,041 --> 00:27:09,001 For what? 543 00:27:10,041 --> 00:27:12,001 We're so over... 544 00:27:12,709 --> 00:27:14,879 we need a new word for over. 545 00:27:18,041 --> 00:27:19,171 Carrie... 546 00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:41,205 Surprise. 547 00:27:42,083 --> 00:27:43,503 Where you been all day? 548 00:27:44,792 --> 00:27:48,082 Oh, I just went to a museum. 549 00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:49,786 I was walkin' around. 550 00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:51,785 Oh, yeah? How was that? 551 00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:53,420 It was good. 552 00:27:54,083 --> 00:27:56,083 I'm just gonna wash my face, I'll be right in. 553 00:27:56,166 --> 00:27:57,126 Okay. 554 00:28:08,291 --> 00:28:10,921 Somehow, I had found a way to let myself 555 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,630 out of the mess and I'd made it home.