1 00:01:01,834 --> 00:01:06,214 New York City, dreary, gray, miserable. 2 00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:08,961 Or was that just me? 3 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:12,081 After ending a sordid affair with my married ex-boyfriend, 4 00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:15,206 and going through a painful breakup with my current one, 5 00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:17,791 I decided it was time for a change of scenery. 6 00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:19,415 And I wasn't alone. 7 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,540 I can't believe you're all going to L.A. without me. 8 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:25,415 We still can't believe you went on your honeymoon without us! 9 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,380 Oh, I have pictures. 10 00:01:28,166 --> 00:01:29,286 You happy now? 11 00:01:29,375 --> 00:01:30,625 While we were planning our escape, 12 00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:32,459 Charlotte was celebrating her return. 13 00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:35,752 She and Trey had just come back from ten days in Bermuda. 14 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:38,504 See, here Trey and I are playing golf. 15 00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:41,751 Do you think the studio will send a limo to pick us up? 16 00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:43,044 -No, I do not. -They should! 17 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:44,995 They're making a movie out of your column! 18 00:01:45,083 --> 00:01:46,423 It's a little production company 19 00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:49,460 that's just talking about optioning my columns. 20 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:52,502 I know. I was just practicing my L.A. spin. 21 00:01:52,875 --> 00:01:57,035 Oh, look, look. Here's one of Trey pretending to get a hole-in-one. 22 00:01:57,125 --> 00:01:58,915 -He just loved that gag. -Who wouldn't? 23 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,920 Oh! Did you notice that we're both wearing Bermuda shorts? 24 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,250 Bermudas in Bermuda! 25 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,963 You kids were crazy down there! 26 00:02:07,041 --> 00:02:08,581 Well, I'd love to stay, 27 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:10,957 but I've gotta drug my cat and take him to the kennel. 28 00:02:11,041 --> 00:02:13,461 -Lovely! -Ah, I gotta go too! 29 00:02:13,542 --> 00:02:15,042 Hey, the car's picking us up at 1:00. 30 00:02:15,125 --> 00:02:16,245 We'll be there! 31 00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:18,963 Welcome back, you old, married lady. 32 00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:20,041 Aw! 33 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,542 -Bye! Have fun! All right! 34 00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:27,748 So how are you? 35 00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:29,134 I'm good. How are you? 36 00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:30,708 Great! 37 00:02:31,875 --> 00:02:34,455 I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me. 38 00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:36,832 Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon. 39 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,381 You win! 40 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,538 So, should we get more coffee, 41 00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:42,665 or should we get two guns and kill ourselves? 42 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,170 He just... he couldn't get it up! 43 00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,750 We tried twice, and it was just so frustrating, 44 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,544 we just started playing golf! 45 00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:51,575 After many days on the golf course, 46 00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:54,077 Charlotte's handicap had gone down 12. 47 00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:56,666 Trey's handicap had stayed the same. 48 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,130 Well, sweetie, 49 00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:01,633 -impotence is a common problem. -Oh, God. 50 00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:04,129 Do you think he's impotent? 51 00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:05,957 Well... 52 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:09,420 My husband can't be impotent, he's gorgeous! 53 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,830 All right, then, glad you solved that. 54 00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:14,417 I was thinking that maybe he was just... 55 00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:17,377 nervous about the wedding, and the honeymoon, 56 00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:18,328 and the golf. 57 00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:20,577 He played really badly one day. 58 00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:23,378 What do you want me to say? 59 00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,247 Let's just change the subject. 60 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,495 What happened with Aidan? 61 00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:32,501 Ugh, nothin' good. 62 00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:34,253 The whole reason I even agreed to this trip 63 00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,793 was to get away from Aidan, and Big, 64 00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:37,125 and the whole mess. 65 00:03:38,959 --> 00:03:40,999 Come on, let's get the check and go to Barney's. 66 00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:43,383 I can't possibly go to Los Angeles 67 00:03:43,458 --> 00:03:45,288 -without another pair of shoes. 68 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:49,832 No, you go. I'm gonna stay and have another cup. 69 00:03:49,917 --> 00:03:51,327 Just go, have fun! 70 00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:52,962 All right. 71 00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:59,077 Call me if you need me. 72 00:03:59,583 --> 00:04:00,583 Okay. 73 00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:01,917 -Bye. -Bye. 74 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:12,165 Later that day, three single New Yorkers 75 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,880 arrived in the city of angels. 76 00:04:13,959 --> 00:04:17,579 Oh, I so needed this vacation. 77 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,127 You and me both, sister. 78 00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:20,878 Hooray for Hollywood! 79 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,293 Wait, that's his job? 80 00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:30,205 To sit in a fake fish tank in underwear? 81 00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:31,751 What do you think he's reading? 82 00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,004 The want ads? 83 00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:35,497 There seems to be a problem. 84 00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:36,963 Words I'm never fond of hearing. 85 00:04:37,041 --> 00:04:38,921 I have reservations for Miss Jones and Miss Bradshaw, 86 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,250 but not Miss Hobbes. 87 00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:41,963 Great, that's just great. 88 00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:43,251 Well, there was, 89 00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:45,333 there was supposed to be three reservations. 90 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,750 The production company only requested two rooms, 91 00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:49,254 and I'm afraid we're all booked up. 92 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:51,793 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 93 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,498 She's from New York. 94 00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:54,923 I understand. 95 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,210 I'll have another room tomorrow, 96 00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:57,381 or the next day, at the latest. 97 00:04:57,458 --> 00:04:58,878 Until then, might I suggest 98 00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:00,419 you stay with one of your friends? 99 00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:04,668 I'll stay with her. 100 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,880 Okay, I don't wanna hear anything about my smoking. 101 00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:09,579 Uh, they didn't request smoking rooms. 102 00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:11,961 Excuse me? 103 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,501 You're on a non-smoking floor. 104 00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:15,923 Words I'm even less fond of hearing. 105 00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:22,035 Later that night, decked out in our "New York goes to L.A. finest," 106 00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:24,535 we were ready for a night on the town. 107 00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:33,535 Okay, I'm ready, let's go. 108 00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,040 Back in the hotel bar, 109 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:42,575 we realized the three hour time difference 110 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:45,497 also made us three hours late for cocktail hour. 111 00:05:45,583 --> 00:05:47,043 Welcome to L.A. I'm Garth. 112 00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:49,665 I'm Samantha. How did you know I was from out of town? 113 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,130 Because if you lived here... 114 00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:52,712 we would have met by now. 115 00:05:52,792 --> 00:05:54,252 So what do you do when you're not working 116 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,003 as a one-man welcome wagon? 117 00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:57,293 I'm a dildo model. 118 00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,673 You wouldn't tease a girl, would you? 119 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:03,000 Really, I'm the number two selling model in the U.S. 120 00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:04,173 Number one in Canada. 121 00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:05,330 My dick's bigger in Canada. 122 00:06:05,417 --> 00:06:07,207 Gotta love that metric system! 123 00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:09,171 -Ugh. 124 00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:10,710 I gotta run. 125 00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:13,083 Where? A dildo emergency? 126 00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:16,206 You know, I know you think I'm yankin' your chain, but I'm not. 127 00:06:16,291 --> 00:06:19,921 As a matter of fact, we are having a promotional party at the Hustler store 128 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,500 celebrating the launch of a new line of toys and accessories. 129 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,327 Here's an invitation. 130 00:06:25,792 --> 00:06:26,752 Come... 131 00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:30,634 Oh, I always do. 132 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,125 Oh. 133 00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:37,542 As Samantha said goodbye to Mr. Dildo, 134 00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:40,035 Miranda said hello to Mr. Dick, 135 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:41,415 Mr. Jason Dick. 136 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,380 It's spelled D-I-Q-U-E. It's Dutch. 137 00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:45,038 And yes, I've thought about changing it. 138 00:06:45,125 --> 00:06:46,785 -Well, it could be worse. -How? 139 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:48,625 If your first name was "Little." 140 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,539 So what about you, what do you do? 141 00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:53,075 -I'm a lawyer. -Oh, and I thought I had it bad! 142 00:06:53,166 --> 00:06:53,996 Oh! 143 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:55,213 No, really, that's great. 144 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:56,291 You look like a lawyer. 145 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,375 And you look like a dick! 146 00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:02,834 It is so great to talk to a smart, and funny woman. 147 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,420 Uh, what was I saying? 148 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,420 It's great to talk to a smart, and funny woman. 149 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:12,710 Yeah, yeah. 150 00:07:12,917 --> 00:07:15,667 Uh, could you excuse me for a second? 151 00:07:15,875 --> 00:07:16,995 'Kay. 152 00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:18,503 And across the bar, 153 00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:20,583 I was having drinks with the most ambitious 154 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:23,327 and feared creature in all of Los Angeles, 155 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:25,167 the junior development executive. 156 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,000 I just love your columns. 157 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:28,833 They're so relatable. 158 00:07:28,917 --> 00:07:30,207 Thanks. Well, I try. 159 00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:31,331 It's like, I'm you, 160 00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,787 or I will be when I turn 30! 161 00:07:34,625 --> 00:07:37,245 You! You are such a loser! 162 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,293 You're a loser! 163 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,415 You are, loser! 164 00:07:40,875 --> 00:07:42,375 I'm kidding! 165 00:07:42,709 --> 00:07:43,999 What a loser. 166 00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,133 Last year, pitched me nothing but shit, 24/7. 167 00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:47,998 -That's a lotta shit. -No shit! 168 00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,383 Oh! 169 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,880 But seriously, I am you. 170 00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:54,709 You've had your heart broken, 171 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,583 I've had my heart broken. 172 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,580 And if I have, that means other girls have. 173 00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:01,627 And if other girls have, that means big opening weekend. 174 00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,289 Not X-Men big, but chick flick big. 175 00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,082 God, the guy who came up with that term 176 00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:07,376 should have his balls cut off. 177 00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:08,998 Don't you think that's a little severe? 178 00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:10,173 Do I sound like an asshole? 179 00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:12,460 I hope I don't sound like an asshole. 180 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:14,082 You know, I love your shoes. 181 00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,326 Oh, thanks. Thanks. 182 00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:17,127 So, big news. 183 00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:19,958 I have a star interested. 184 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,421 Guess who! 185 00:08:22,166 --> 00:08:23,246 Um... 186 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:25,330 Drew Barrymore? 187 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,917 No. Guess! 188 00:08:27,917 --> 00:08:29,997 I'm really not good with the celebrity names. 189 00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:31,293 Oh, guess! 190 00:08:31,375 --> 00:08:32,415 Uh... 191 00:08:33,041 --> 00:08:36,001 That Jennifer Love something girl? 192 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,253 Nope. Guess! 193 00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:40,417 I'm done guessing. 194 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,040 Matthew McConaughey. 195 00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,499 Why would he wanna be involved? 196 00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:50,923 Because he's smart. 197 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,040 He's a producer, as well, 198 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,995 and he really took to the material. 199 00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,833 You're meeting him tomorrow at 3:00. 200 00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:57,577 Hot, hottie, hot. 201 00:08:57,917 --> 00:08:59,377 What do you think about that? 202 00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,212 Meanwhile, back in New York, 203 00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:06,711 Charlotte was dealing with a bed 204 00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:09,132 that was still cold, coldie, cold. 205 00:09:09,458 --> 00:09:10,878 Trey, honey, come to bed. 206 00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:11,879 It's late. 207 00:09:11,959 --> 00:09:13,579 Oh, in a minute. 208 00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,079 I won't be able to sleep 209 00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:16,826 until I enter all these wedding gifts. 210 00:09:16,917 --> 00:09:18,877 Sleep was the last thing Charlotte was hoping 211 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,629 Trey would do in bed that night. 212 00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:23,627 You see, I've listed the gifts, 213 00:09:23,709 --> 00:09:26,629 who it's from, and the addresses. 214 00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,828 That'll make it a breeze when you send out the "thank you" notes. 215 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,207 Oh, I can't wait till all this wedding nonsense 216 00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:35,131 is behind us, and then we can relax 217 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,918 and just be a regular man and wife. 218 00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:39,625 Oh, wait. 219 00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:42,455 The Jamison's were the crystal candlesticks, 220 00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:44,582 and the Sullivan's were the silver... 221 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:46,793 -Oh, hello, there. 222 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,670 You know, since we've been home... 223 00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:55,041 I've just been feeling so much more relaxed. Haven't you? 224 00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:56,375 -Oh! 225 00:09:56,458 --> 00:09:58,498 I think you just deleted Mr. and Mrs. Evan Handey 226 00:09:58,583 --> 00:10:00,173 and their Steuben glass bowl. 227 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:01,330 Hang on. 228 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,000 Trey, we have a problem. 229 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:09,787 I know. 230 00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:12,213 Somehow, we've got two serving platters, 231 00:10:12,291 --> 00:10:15,631 and we only registered for one. 232 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:18,879 Charlotte walked back to her big, Park Avenue bed, 233 00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:23,209 wishing she had remembered to register for a sex life. 234 00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:26,631 When visiting L.A., there are two things you simply must do. 235 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,959 One, is rent a fabulous car. 236 00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:30,881 Two, is learn how to drive it. 237 00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:32,709 You said you knew how to drive a stick! 238 00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:34,962 Well, I did, a couple of times. 239 00:10:35,041 --> 00:10:36,291 In a parking lot. 240 00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:38,785 Why didn't you just get an automatic? 241 00:10:38,875 --> 00:10:39,955 I love this car. 242 00:10:40,041 --> 00:10:41,381 -It goes with my outfit. 243 00:10:41,458 --> 00:10:42,918 It was my own personal belief 244 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,330 that cars are to Los Angeles 245 00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,877 -what handbags are to New York. 246 00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:48,997 What's with this hill? 247 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,713 L.A. is supposed to be flat! 248 00:10:50,792 --> 00:10:52,132 Yeah, I think they mean culturally. 249 00:10:52,208 --> 00:10:53,498 The hotel's right there! 250 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:56,333 Yes, but to get there, we have to go up this hill! 251 00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,787 Okay! That's enough! Stop! 252 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,043 I'm not going to die in this tin can! 253 00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:10,785 I have a date with a dildo! 254 00:11:12,458 --> 00:11:13,788 I'm sorry... 255 00:11:13,875 --> 00:11:15,625 All right, all right, come on, We're gonna do it. 256 00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,252 -Let me try this. 257 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,043 -Oh, shit. 258 00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:23,415 -Yeah, baby, go! 259 00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:27,995 A little while later, 260 00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:30,173 freshly showered and freaked out, 261 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,000 I drove to the studio for my meeting 262 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,923 with Matthew McConaughey. 263 00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:53,540 Hey. -Can I help you? 264 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:54,915 Warner building five. 265 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,170 There aren't any hills in there, are there? 266 00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,037 Go down there, make a left. General parking. 267 00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:01,415 Okay, thank you. 268 00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:09,998 I do. I like all of it. 269 00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:12,673 I think your writing is brilliant. 270 00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:15,383 I really do. I mean, it's sharp, it's edgy, 271 00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:16,878 it's brutal at times. 272 00:12:16,959 --> 00:12:18,209 It's always a little juicy. 273 00:12:18,291 --> 00:12:19,791 It's very "New York." 274 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,330 And I'm sayin' I do like it, I really do. 275 00:12:23,417 --> 00:12:25,957 Oh, wow. My God. Well... 276 00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:27,457 thank you. 277 00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,330 Matthew McConaughey. 278 00:12:29,417 --> 00:12:31,627 You're welcome, Carrie Bradshaw. 279 00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:34,745 Now, here's what I've been thinking about. 280 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:39,924 How do we get your column to translate to the silver screen? 281 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,380 And I think I've got the answer. 282 00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:45,208 Now, what if we flush out the central relationship? 283 00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:47,460 Hmm? 284 00:12:47,542 --> 00:12:49,832 Mm-hmm, okay. The central relationship. 285 00:12:49,917 --> 00:12:51,707 Yeah, Carrie and Mr. Big, huh? 286 00:12:52,917 --> 00:12:55,497 I don't see why they couldn't make it work. 287 00:12:55,583 --> 00:12:57,043 I couldn't believe it. 288 00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:59,875 I flew 3,000 miles to have Matthew McConaughey 289 00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:02,579 ask the same question I've been asking myself for years? 290 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:05,287 I mean, look at him. I mean, he is such a great guy. 291 00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:08,625 I mean, I don't know anybody any cooler than Mr. Big. 292 00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,247 My only question, really, is, 293 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,833 what the fuck is Carrie's problem? 294 00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:16,377 You know? What do you think? 295 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:20,293 Well, um... I don't... 296 00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:25,077 I don't particularly think it was just her problem. 297 00:13:25,166 --> 00:13:30,326 Um, 'cause, well, actually, he had some, you know, commitment issues. 298 00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:33,667 Oh, that's bullshit, Carrie, and you know it! 299 00:13:35,917 --> 00:13:36,787 Cut! 300 00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:38,955 Kidding! I'm acting, huh? 301 00:13:40,834 --> 00:13:42,084 That's what I do! 302 00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:43,786 Yes, but do you see what I mean? 303 00:13:43,875 --> 00:13:46,035 That's why I wanna develop the story with you. 304 00:13:47,542 --> 00:13:49,042 I'm Mr. Big. 305 00:13:49,542 --> 00:13:51,962 Oh, okay. Well, yeah. 306 00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:52,921 Okay, that's... 307 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,420 Excellent. You're in. 308 00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:56,540 You know what else? 309 00:13:57,834 --> 00:14:00,384 I really wanna fuck you, baby. 310 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:02,673 Are you acting now? 311 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,630 I'm Big, okay? 312 00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:06,633 You be Carrie. 313 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:07,539 I am Carrie. 314 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:10,075 We are animals, man, woman, 315 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,416 walking the earth. 316 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,457 We are made of head, heart, and loins. 317 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,250 We're talkin' about usin' 'em. Am I right? 318 00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:18,543 Well... 319 00:14:18,917 --> 00:14:20,787 I have, uh, well... 320 00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:23,541 The girl said that we would probably-- 321 00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:26,745 We would... we would talk about the columns today. 322 00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:29,004 Let's get down to the underbelly 323 00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:30,333 of these two characters. 324 00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:34,207 And let's figure out why they're so fucked up. 325 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:37,707 Well, I have a facial at 4:00. 326 00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:39,462 And I love you! 327 00:14:39,875 --> 00:14:42,375 I don't understand why we can't be together! 328 00:14:42,458 --> 00:14:43,958 Do you mind if I smoke? 329 00:14:44,041 --> 00:14:45,881 I don't think you should smoke, Carrie. 330 00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:47,079 -What? -In the movie. 331 00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:49,376 I don't think Carrie should smoke. 332 00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:51,578 Oh, that's all right. 333 00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:56,581 Or in my office, okay? 334 00:14:56,667 --> 00:15:00,877 After I left the meeting, I took a wrong turn and somehow found myself 335 00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:03,039 right back where I had started. 336 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:04,375 Back in New York. 337 00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:06,288 Back wondering about Big. 338 00:15:07,959 --> 00:15:10,329 I had come to L.A. for a vacation, 339 00:15:10,417 --> 00:15:12,577 hoping to get away from Big and Aidan, 340 00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,377 and most of all, myself. 341 00:15:14,458 --> 00:15:15,788 But sitting on the fake set, 342 00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:19,455 all my old issues felt more real than ever. 343 00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:21,212 I couldn't help but wonder, 344 00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:22,881 no matter how far you travel 345 00:15:22,959 --> 00:15:24,749 or how much you run from it, 346 00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:27,544 can you ever really escape your past? 347 00:15:28,875 --> 00:15:30,825 Ma'am, no smoking. 348 00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:35,384 But I'm outside, and it's New York! 349 00:15:47,583 --> 00:15:49,753 In New York, the release of a new book 350 00:15:49,834 --> 00:15:51,464 is cause for celebration. 351 00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:54,962 Here in L.A., a new line of sex toys will do the trick. 352 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,421 Isn't this fun? 353 00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:58,384 The answer to that would be, no. 354 00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,828 Sweetie, we want to go. 355 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,207 What? We can't leave yet! 356 00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:03,961 Look, they haven't even cut the cock. 357 00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,921 What are the chances it's cream filled? 358 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,170 I am exhausted from McConaughey-mania. 359 00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:10,790 I just wanna get into bed, go to sleep, 360 00:16:10,875 --> 00:16:13,125 and pretend this whole day never happened. 361 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,628 Oh, stay a little longer. 362 00:16:14,709 --> 00:16:16,459 Garth's going to autograph some dildos. 363 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,002 He's a very big seller. 364 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:20,253 He's the John Grisham of penises. 365 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,883 I'm gonna go get in line. 366 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:26,746 I can't believe how open 367 00:16:26,834 --> 00:16:28,674 and "Hi, I have sex," this place is. 368 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:31,040 In New York, sex is so bottom shelf, paper bag. 369 00:16:31,125 --> 00:16:34,035 Exactly, it's all hidden, like me. 370 00:16:34,583 --> 00:16:35,793 What do you mean? 371 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,125 Last night, I was talking to this cute guy. 372 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,538 And we were having a great time. 373 00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,665 And then, this woman in a tight dress walked by 374 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:42,830 with big breasts. 375 00:16:42,917 --> 00:16:44,577 Just boom, "here they are." 376 00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,377 And he totally went for it. 377 00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:47,963 Right. 378 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,041 But the thing is, 379 00:16:49,125 --> 00:16:50,375 I wanted to have sex with him, too. 380 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:52,498 But it was all hidden in my witty banter, 381 00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:53,793 and my little looks. 382 00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:55,495 And she just put it right out there, sex. 383 00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:56,673 And she got the guy. 384 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,080 Yeah, but how long did she have him? 385 00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:00,536 Who cares? I'm on vacation, I wanna get laid. 386 00:17:00,792 --> 00:17:03,462 I admire women who can just put it right out there 387 00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:04,632 where you can see it. 388 00:17:04,709 --> 00:17:06,419 See, look. Like her. 389 00:17:08,291 --> 00:17:10,041 You wanna dress like her? 390 00:17:10,417 --> 00:17:11,787 You know what I mean. 391 00:17:11,875 --> 00:17:13,125 Do you think there's any chance 392 00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,668 that she's not up for sex? 393 00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,790 No, 'cause she's a hooker. 394 00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,535 She's not a... 395 00:17:18,917 --> 00:17:19,877 Hi. 396 00:17:19,959 --> 00:17:21,919 -Hi. -Have we met? 397 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,170 No, I was just telling my friend 398 00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:26,670 how much I admire what you're wearing. 399 00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:28,171 Thank you. 400 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:29,580 Are you in the porn industry? 401 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,537 Oh, God, no. I'm a lawyer for Disney. 402 00:17:31,625 --> 00:17:32,785 Ah! 403 00:17:33,792 --> 00:17:34,672 See? 404 00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,581 There you go. -Thank you so much. 405 00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:37,627 Enjoy. 406 00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:39,959 You made it. 407 00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:46,332 Well, my opinion of Canadian consumers 408 00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:47,827 just went up a notch. 409 00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,535 Sign it, please. 410 00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:52,035 How should I sign it? 411 00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:53,415 I don't know. 412 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,500 "To Samantha, 413 00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:57,460 who's staying at The Standard, room 324." 414 00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:58,462 Perfect. 415 00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:00,420 I'll deliver it personally. 416 00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:02,082 You're too kind. 417 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:08,293 That night, Samantha took home the deluxe Garth. 418 00:18:10,125 --> 00:18:11,575 And next door, I learned 419 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,667 that not only could I not escape my past, 420 00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,500 I couldn't escape my present. 421 00:18:18,917 --> 00:18:20,877 Oh, oh! 422 00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:22,539 What is it about California air? 423 00:18:22,625 --> 00:18:24,165 It makes me sleep so well. 424 00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,420 -Mm. -It's not the air. 425 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,920 Your headboard knocked you unconscious. 426 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:29,830 You heard us? 427 00:18:29,917 --> 00:18:30,917 I didn't. 428 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,920 No, "Miss Snore," you wouldn't. 429 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,710 -Are you okay? -I'm cranky! 430 00:18:35,166 --> 00:18:36,326 I have to take another meeting 431 00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,077 with Matthew McConaughey and his partners. 432 00:18:38,166 --> 00:18:39,746 We're all gonna sit around and "brainstorm" 433 00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:42,754 what goes wrong with "Carrie" and all her relationships. 434 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:44,424 -Don't go. -I have to go. 435 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,540 they flew me out here. 436 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,125 I'm their little writer monkey. 437 00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:51,538 Well, I've got something to make you feel better. 438 00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:54,500 Oh, dildos before 10:00 a.m. 439 00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:55,753 I'm all perked up! 440 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:57,334 They're autographed, one for each. 441 00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:59,037 -Oh. -"My friend went to California 442 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:01,665 and all I got was this lousy dildo." 443 00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:03,790 Could you please put these back wherever they came from? 444 00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:05,825 -People are staring. -Please, it's L.A. 445 00:19:05,917 --> 00:19:09,127 No one cares if your egg whites have a side of cock. 446 00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:11,628 Wow, nobody needs this much. 447 00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:14,539 Do you know the average woman is only five inches deep? 448 00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:16,165 Is that written on your place mat or something? 449 00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:19,420 To me, the mark of a fine penis is width. 450 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:20,880 Mm, couldn't agree more. 451 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:23,249 That's why I know you'll enjoy your presents. 452 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,293 -Huh. -So are you saying that 453 00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:27,705 Garth has the perfect girth? 454 00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:28,922 Exactly. 455 00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:34,831 Well, as much as I enjoy the fine, lifelike craftsmanship, 456 00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:36,377 I'm gonna leave mine with you. 457 00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:39,538 Um, I think I'm holding onto mine. 458 00:19:39,625 --> 00:19:43,375 L.A. isn't working out exactly the way I had hoped. 459 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:45,078 Meanwhile, back in New York, 460 00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:47,576 and still no closer to being "input" by Trey, 461 00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,917 Charlotte addressed "thank you" notes. 462 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,880 Every time she licked a "love" stamp, 463 00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,209 she felt it made a mockery of her marriage. 464 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:02,880 Hello? 465 00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:03,919 It's me. 466 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,830 It's been days and still nothing. 467 00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:07,327 What if he really is impotent? 468 00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:10,377 Well, what kind of impotence do you think it is? 469 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:11,958 The kind that makes it soft? 470 00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:15,041 No, no. I mean, physical or emotional? 471 00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:16,325 I don't know. 472 00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:18,577 Well, have you asked him about it? 473 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:19,827 Oh, he's embarrassed. 474 00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:21,457 He doesn't even wanna talk about it. 475 00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:23,382 Okay, here's how you find out. 476 00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:26,075 You put a ring of paper around his flaccid penis 477 00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,376 while he's asleep. 478 00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:29,498 Jesus, I sound like a perverted Nancy Drew. 479 00:20:29,583 --> 00:20:30,633 What does that do? 480 00:20:30,709 --> 00:20:32,709 Well, if it rips during the night, 481 00:20:32,792 --> 00:20:34,712 that means he's capable of an erection 482 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,632 and the problem is not physical. 483 00:20:36,709 --> 00:20:38,169 This floor's non-smoking. 484 00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:40,540 I have an addiction, sir! 485 00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:43,075 A ring of paper? 486 00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,416 Yep. 487 00:20:46,917 --> 00:20:50,627 Later that night, Samantha invited Mr. Dildo out for dim sum, 488 00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:51,999 and then some. 489 00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:55,958 So Samantha, tell me more about yourself. 490 00:20:56,041 --> 00:20:57,171 What are your interests? 491 00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:58,630 Well, I think that's pretty obvious. 492 00:20:58,709 --> 00:21:00,129 I'm serious. 493 00:21:00,208 --> 00:21:03,288 I mean, don't you wanna know more about me? 494 00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:04,752 My interests? 495 00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:06,674 Well, okay. 496 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:09,077 -I'm a poet. -Oh. 497 00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:11,786 I've been published in the Amicus Journal . 498 00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:13,625 Garth wanted Samantha to know 499 00:21:13,709 --> 00:21:15,919 that he was more than just a sex toy. 500 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,500 He had a soft side. 501 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,330 You wanna hear one? 502 00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:22,789 And far away, Charlotte was dealing 503 00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:24,745 with Trey's soft side as well. 504 00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:27,584 She decided she was going to get some answers. 505 00:21:27,667 --> 00:21:30,037 So she came to bed, armed with love. 506 00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:44,325 She went to sleep, hoping her male had sufficient postage 507 00:21:44,417 --> 00:21:46,667 to deliver his package into her box. 508 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:49,705 Back at the hotel, 509 00:21:49,792 --> 00:21:51,922 Samantha was waiting for a delivery of her own. 510 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,830 "And once again, the leaves bloomed forth. 511 00:21:54,917 --> 00:21:58,327 Some headed south, some headed north." 512 00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:01,750 That's beautiful. 513 00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:03,334 Come here. 514 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,210 "Blue, 515 00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:08,539 as a baby bird, 516 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:10,998 winged and aloft, 517 00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:14,543 my eyes search your eyes 518 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,130 for something I've lost." 519 00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:22,293 Samantha, I was thinking. 520 00:22:22,750 --> 00:22:24,210 Oh, you were? 521 00:22:24,291 --> 00:22:25,961 We have this really great connection. 522 00:22:26,041 --> 00:22:27,961 And I've pretty much done L.A., 523 00:22:28,041 --> 00:22:29,631 how about I move to New York? 524 00:22:30,333 --> 00:22:31,833 I could pursue my two passions, 525 00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:33,577 poetry and porn. 526 00:22:33,667 --> 00:22:34,667 Uh... 527 00:22:34,917 --> 00:22:35,997 Wouldn't it be great? 528 00:22:36,083 --> 00:22:38,543 We could keep seeing each other. 529 00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:40,915 Having a fling in L.A. is one thing, 530 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,330 but introducing Mr. Dildo to everyone 531 00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:45,667 at a gala at the Met was quite another. 532 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:48,130 I don't think it would work, Garth. 533 00:22:48,417 --> 00:22:49,377 I know me. 534 00:22:49,458 --> 00:22:51,378 And I'm much too possessive a woman 535 00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:53,418 to share your penis with the world. 536 00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:55,580 And just like that, 537 00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:58,417 Samantha escaped a life as Mrs. Dildo. 538 00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:00,500 She moved Garth out of her present 539 00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:01,883 and into her past. 540 00:23:01,959 --> 00:23:04,079 But she took the best part of him with her. 541 00:23:07,125 --> 00:23:08,375 I'd finally found a place 542 00:23:08,458 --> 00:23:10,458 to escape Miranda's snoring. 543 00:23:10,542 --> 00:23:12,542 The ghosts of my relationships past 544 00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,455 weren't so easy to shake. 545 00:23:14,542 --> 00:23:16,962 I had to face the fact that I hadn't really moved on 546 00:23:17,041 --> 00:23:19,131 from Big and Aidan. I'd just moved. 547 00:23:19,208 --> 00:23:20,418 Excuse me. 548 00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,173 I put it out, see? I put it out! 549 00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:25,080 Oh, no, I was just wondering 550 00:23:25,166 --> 00:23:26,626 if I could bum one of those. 551 00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:29,919 Oh, sorry, it was my last one. 552 00:23:31,750 --> 00:23:33,330 You want some company? 553 00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:41,330 You sure you wanna be alone? 554 00:23:41,959 --> 00:23:43,289 I am. 555 00:23:43,375 --> 00:23:44,745 As soon as I said it out loud, 556 00:23:44,834 --> 00:23:47,044 I knew that that was just what I wanted... 557 00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,000 and needed. 558 00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:58,000 The next day, Charlotte woke up as excited 559 00:23:58,083 --> 00:24:00,133 as a little girl on Christmas morning. 560 00:24:00,208 --> 00:24:01,578 And she couldn't wait to see 561 00:24:01,667 --> 00:24:03,537 if Trey's package was unwrapped. 562 00:24:14,667 --> 00:24:17,327 Mm, morning, morning, morning! 563 00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:20,375 Well, good morning. 564 00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,038 What are you so excited about? 565 00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:23,625 Nothing. 566 00:24:23,709 --> 00:24:24,919 I just love you. 567 00:24:25,542 --> 00:24:27,882 I love you, too. 568 00:24:27,959 --> 00:24:30,209 For the first time in weeks, 569 00:24:30,291 --> 00:24:31,961 Charlotte felt relieved. 570 00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:34,331 Trey's problem wasn't physical. 571 00:24:34,417 --> 00:24:36,077 And then, she realized. 572 00:24:36,166 --> 00:24:37,996 If it wasn't physical, 573 00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:39,253 she couldn't escape the fact 574 00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,963 that it might be emotional. 575 00:24:41,041 --> 00:24:43,211 And there was no easy love stamp solution 576 00:24:43,291 --> 00:24:44,501 to fix that. 577 00:24:47,208 --> 00:24:49,788 I am totally digging this scene. 578 00:24:49,875 --> 00:24:53,165 It's so Urban Cowboy , circa 1982. 579 00:24:53,250 --> 00:24:55,290 All the fabulous places in L.A., 580 00:24:55,375 --> 00:24:57,625 and we're at the Saddle Ranch Chop House? 581 00:24:57,709 --> 00:24:58,959 Hey, don't complain, 582 00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:00,961 it's the closest bar without a hill involved. 583 00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:02,711 You see, this is what I'm talking about. 584 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:03,832 Look at her. 585 00:25:03,917 --> 00:25:06,707 She screams sex. It's so honest. 586 00:25:06,792 --> 00:25:08,422 I wish I could be more like that. 587 00:25:08,625 --> 00:25:10,455 Well, stop fucking complaining about it 588 00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:12,582 and just do something about it. 589 00:25:16,125 --> 00:25:18,915 Okay, which lovely lady's gonna be next? 590 00:25:19,917 --> 00:25:21,077 I will! 591 00:25:21,417 --> 00:25:22,497 Miranda, no! 592 00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:23,753 -Over here! She will! -No! 593 00:25:23,834 --> 00:25:24,964 Here, take my shoes. 594 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:27,830 Go girl! Yee-haw! 595 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,631 Hold on! 596 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,790 Woo! 597 00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:49,705 We weren't sure if it was the California climate, 598 00:25:49,792 --> 00:25:51,922 or the five Lone Star beers she drank, 599 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,250 but as soon as she got on that bull, 600 00:25:54,333 --> 00:25:56,753 Miranda escaped Miranda. 601 00:26:03,792 --> 00:26:05,422 Woo! 602 00:26:08,375 --> 00:26:11,165 Wow, I guess she really did need a vacation. 603 00:26:16,291 --> 00:26:19,211 And the next day, as I pulled up to the studio, 604 00:26:19,291 --> 00:26:21,541 I realized I was the one 605 00:26:21,625 --> 00:26:23,125 who held the key to my escape. 606 00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:25,998 I could drive in and have someone tell me 607 00:26:26,083 --> 00:26:28,003 the mistakes I've made in my past. 608 00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:31,213 Or I could drive on and figure them out myself. 609 00:26:37,709 --> 00:26:39,289 So that's what I did. 610 00:26:39,375 --> 00:26:43,415 I mean, if I could master a stick shift, 611 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,630 could a successful relationship be that far behind?