1
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:02,535
L.A.,
2
00:01:02,625 --> 00:01:05,625
land of perpetual sun
and perpetual sun bathing.
3
00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:07,209
Which also makes it...
4
00:01:07,291 --> 00:01:09,831
land of the perpetual
bikini wax.
5
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,503
After a week in L.A.,
I made an appointment
6
00:01:13,583 --> 00:01:16,333
with the city's premiere
waxer to the stars...
7
00:01:16,417 --> 00:01:18,287
- Alicia.
8
00:01:18,375 --> 00:01:20,205
-She was known
for her artful work...
-Oh.
9
00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:22,541
-...her lightning quick hands...
-Thanks. That's great.
10
00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:23,785
Put feet ahead.
11
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:26,495
...and her
indecipherable accent.
12
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:28,003
Excuse me?
13
00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:31,881
-Ah!
14
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,539
All done. Beautiful.
15
00:01:34,917 --> 00:01:36,327
You look.
16
00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:40,035
Oh!
17
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,134
I got mugged!
18
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:43,828
She took
everything I got!
19
00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:45,247
It's called
a Brazilian wax.
20
00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:46,753
Why didn't you
tell her to stop?
21
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:48,134
I tried.
22
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,128
I feel like one of those
freakin' hairless dogs.
23
00:01:50,208 --> 00:01:52,918
It's an aesthetic thing,
everyone goes bare out here.
24
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,830
Of course they do.
L.A. men are too lazy
25
00:01:54,917 --> 00:01:56,577
to have to go
searching for anything.
26
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,247
Yeah, you can't hide
your light under a bush.
27
00:01:58,333 --> 00:02:00,793
Well, she must have
left something, a triangle?
28
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:02,625
A little
landing strip?
29
00:02:02,709 --> 00:02:04,959
No, I am
totally bald!
30
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,961
And, might I add,
freezing.
31
00:02:07,041 --> 00:02:08,251
Oh, I would've
killed her.
32
00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:10,503
I'm so aware of
"down there" now.
33
00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,963
Now I feel like I'm nothing
but walking sex.
34
00:02:13,041 --> 00:02:14,671
That's the thing
about the Brazilian.
35
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:17,500
It makes you do crazy things.
You have to be very careful
36
00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,133
who you invite to Brazil.
37
00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:21,458
Well, I'm officially
RSVPing "no."
38
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,792
Hey,
where you going?
39
00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:23,955
I'm meeting Lew.
40
00:02:24,041 --> 00:02:25,131
"Letterman" Lew?
41
00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:26,788
He doesn't work
for Letterman anymore.
42
00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,125
He moved out here to write
that New York sitcom.
43
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:31,288
You know, the one about
the three twenty-something kids
44
00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:32,455
who live in a loft?
45
00:02:32,542 --> 00:02:34,132
Oh, yeah,
one's a feisty waitress.
46
00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:35,748
What are you and Lew
gonna do?
47
00:02:35,834 --> 00:02:38,884
I'm sure we'll have a couple
of drinks and bitch about L.A.
48
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,129
I can't believe
he lives out here now.
49
00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:43,208
Well, maybe you should
tell him to move to Brazil.
50
00:02:43,291 --> 00:02:44,541
I hear
it's quite popular.
51
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,075
So you guys are
on your own tonight.
52
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,996
We're gonna go to that
movie premiere thing.
53
00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:49,003
Oh, what's the movie?
54
00:02:49,083 --> 00:02:50,383
Oh, no one
sees the movie.
55
00:02:50,458 --> 00:02:51,668
We're gonna use
my press pass
56
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:53,170
and get into the after-party.
57
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:54,750
I love L.A.
58
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,964
You two should
get out of the sun.
59
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:00,247
Ah...
60
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,250
Mmm...
61
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:04,173
Lew asked Miranda
to meet him at...
62
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,880
The Flowing Tree.
63
00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:08,959
Surrounded by all these tan,
fit, happy people,
64
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:10,581
she knew
she would recognize
65
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:13,917
pale, chubby,
unhappy Lew immediately.
66
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:16,075
Miranda?
67
00:03:17,083 --> 00:03:18,923
Oh, my God!
68
00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:21,960
Do I look
that different?
69
00:03:22,041 --> 00:03:23,171
Well, let's just say
70
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,080
it's a good thing
you still wear that hat.
71
00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:27,326
Oh, please, if you ever
see me in a Lakers hat--
72
00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:28,577
I know,
shoot you.
73
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,287
-Exactly. Come on, sit.
74
00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:32,165
You look amazing.
75
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,000
Thanks. You want to
grab a drink?
76
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,043
Oh, please,
yes, let's go.
77
00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:38,785
The sight of all these
bleached teeth is blinding.
78
00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:40,165
No, I mean,
grab something here.
79
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:42,830
This place is known for
its green tea infusions.
80
00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,247
Please,
"infusions"?
81
00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:46,083
Could L.A.
be any worse?
82
00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:48,626
Take off that hat,
I'm gonna shoot you right now.
83
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:52,577
Actually,
I really like it here.
84
00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:54,379
Hang on.
What happened to the guy
85
00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,878
I used to share beers with
and make fun of happy people?
86
00:03:56,959 --> 00:03:58,669
I know, I know,
the thing is...
87
00:03:59,375 --> 00:04:02,165
I think I'm one of those
happy people now.
88
00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:03,582
Wow.
89
00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:04,877
I mean,
good for you.
90
00:04:04,959 --> 00:04:06,329
I know
it sounds crazy,
91
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:08,707
but I think I was just
supremely unhappy in New York.
92
00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:11,042
I mean, I came out here and
I let a lot of that
93
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,875
old, toxic anger go.
94
00:04:12,959 --> 00:04:16,209
I take things slowly,
get outside...
95
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,287
L.A. agrees with me.
96
00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:21,035
Miranda realized she was the one
standing out in that room.
97
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:24,375
She was the only angry
New Yorker for miles.
98
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:26,998
Hey, let's go
for a hike.
99
00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:31,333
Over here...
Look! Look over
here... Look over here...
100
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:34,830
Smile right here!
101
00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:35,957
-Good evening!
-Good evening, ma'am.
102
00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:37,581
Later that night,
103
00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,077
two very happy New Yorkers
104
00:04:39,166 --> 00:04:42,666
prepared to hike
up their first L.A. red carpet.
105
00:04:43,709 --> 00:04:46,749
Hi, Carrie Bradshaw,
I'm with the New York Star.
106
00:04:46,834 --> 00:04:48,004
Are you on the list?
107
00:04:48,083 --> 00:04:50,003
Well, I'm press...
Well, I'm a columnist.
108
00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,213
Here, that's me.
109
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,711
Press room
is to the left.
110
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,002
Crinkle cut cheese and
some fat Enquirer reporters?
111
00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:56,293
I don't think so.
112
00:04:56,375 --> 00:04:57,745
Let me see your passes
from the movie.
113
00:04:57,834 --> 00:04:59,294
Oh, no one
goes to the movie.
114
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:01,575
Everyone goes
to the movie.
115
00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,747
Could you please
step off the red carpet?
116
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:05,084
Do you know
who she is?
117
00:05:05,166 --> 00:05:06,956
I know she's not
on the list.
118
00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:08,961
Okay,
okay, okay.
119
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,381
Let's just go.
120
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,503
I can't believe this.
This wouldn't happen
in New York.
121
00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,633
-People know you in New York.
-And no one goes
to the friggin' movie.
122
00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:19,669
We're outta here. I'm getting
the car out of valet hoc.
123
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:27,134
There I was,
a Hollywood nobody,
124
00:05:27,208 --> 00:05:30,378
cast off the red carpet
and standing in my proper place
125
00:05:30,458 --> 00:05:32,578
on a grease-stained
parking lot.
126
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,997
We're talking
in circles here.
127
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:37,333
That's right,
we're talking in circles.
128
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,920
I understand--
No, I heard you.
129
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:41,710
Okay, sure.
130
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:43,877
Yeah.
131
00:05:43,959 --> 00:05:45,749
Well, you tell her that when
she's ready to deal,
132
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:47,714
she can go ahead
and call me herself, okay?
133
00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:49,252
I'm at
a function here.
134
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,000
Please tell me that
you have another one of those.
135
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,043
Wow, and I thought
I had a problem.
136
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,375
Are you gonna
light it for me?
137
00:05:56,458 --> 00:05:57,828
-Yeah.
-Thanks.
138
00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:02,578
Mmm.
139
00:06:03,208 --> 00:06:04,918
Full tar,
it's very nice.
140
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,170
I thought they
banned these here.
141
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:08,330
I taped them to my body
on the plane.
142
00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:09,577
New Yorker?
143
00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:10,707
Yep.
144
00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:12,172
I'm Keith Travers,
145
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:13,670
-representing Matt Damon.
-Oh.
146
00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:16,960
Carrie Bradshaw,
I'm representing myself.
147
00:06:17,041 --> 00:06:20,131
-Actress?
-Oh, no, no, no, writer.
148
00:06:20,208 --> 00:06:21,498
You're too pretty
to be a writer.
149
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:23,915
And that's too cheesy a line
150
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,460
for you to be a writer.
151
00:06:25,542 --> 00:06:27,172
It's gonna take
a fucking hour to get the car.
152
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,540
Samantha Jones,
meet, um...
153
00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:30,625
Keith Travers.
154
00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:32,129
He's representing
Matt Damon.
155
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:34,420
And you ladies
aren't going anywhere.
156
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:35,880
If you say so.
157
00:06:35,959 --> 00:06:37,629
Should we go inside?
158
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:39,712
Let's enjoy
our evening, huh?
159
00:06:39,792 --> 00:06:41,292
Once we got inside,
160
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,915
our magic carpet ride
really began.
161
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,830
I can't believe that
they wouldn't let
someone like you in.
162
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:46,207
That's a total
disconnect.
163
00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:48,208
-A "disconnect"?
-Yeah, excuse me, guys.
164
00:06:48,291 --> 00:06:50,881
Yeah, a disconnect, that's like,
you know, a fuck up.
165
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:53,419
Oh, a "disconnect."
166
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,500
Yeah.
167
00:06:54,583 --> 00:06:56,213
You writers
are word Nazi's, huh?
168
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,171
-You're gonna ride me with that.
169
00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,580
-Uh, hey.
170
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,747
Someone's ass is ringing
and it ain't mine.
171
00:07:01,834 --> 00:07:03,174
But yours would
if it could.
172
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,250
It would ring if it could ring.
Excuse me, I gotta--
173
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,213
I'll just be
one second, okay?
174
00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:09,381
Enjoy yourself,
you're in now, so...
175
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:14,578
That is one
tall drink of water.
176
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,497
Uh-huh.
177
00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:24,246
Samantha had
worshipped Hugh Hefner
178
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,673
ever since she was old enough
179
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,250
-to steal her father's
Playboys.
-Oh, my God.
180
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,923
To her, this wasn't
a celebrity sighting...
181
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,290
This was
the celebrity sighting.
182
00:07:32,375 --> 00:07:33,825
I'll be back.
183
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:40,668
Hugh, hi.
184
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,710
-Hello.
-I'm Samantha Jones.
185
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,672
-Well, hello.
-I just wanted to tell you,
186
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:45,880
I'm a huge fan.
187
00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:48,129
Well, in that case,
join us for a drink.
188
00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:49,628
-A drink?
That'd be great.
189
00:07:49,709 --> 00:07:51,669
Oh, well, thank you.
190
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,250
-Seriously?
191
00:07:57,542 --> 00:07:59,002
Drinking with
three blondes,
192
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:02,133
I guess that's just
a regular day for you.
193
00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:03,748
A slow one, yes.
194
00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:08,038
Listen, I'm pretty
crazed this week,
195
00:08:08,125 --> 00:08:10,245
but I do have a lunch opening
on Wednesday.
196
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:11,633
Can I take you out?
197
00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:13,459
-Link, great table...
-Oh.
198
00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:16,962
I had been trying to
get into Link for a week.
199
00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:18,631
He seemed
smart and sexy,
200
00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:19,999
and this outsider
201
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,713
was starting to like the view
from the inside.
202
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:23,132
-Yeah, okay.
-Great.
203
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,378
-Sure. Okay.
-Great.
204
00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:25,828
-Hey, Keith.
-Hey, how are ya?
205
00:08:25,917 --> 00:08:27,207
You know,
there's a VIP room.
206
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,750
You wanna go
to the VIP room?
207
00:08:30,417 --> 00:08:31,827
Yeah, I wanna go
to the VIP room.
208
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:33,287
-Okay, let's go. VIP room.
-VIP room?
209
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:35,915
-All right.
-All right.
210
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,080
Back home, Charlotte
had never felt more inside.
211
00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:40,956
She had just attended
her first
212
00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:42,961
black-tie
doctor's benefit.
213
00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:45,916
Mmm. Mmm.
214
00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:50,326
Damn, we make
a fine looking couple.
215
00:08:50,417 --> 00:08:52,287
Yes, we do.
216
00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:56,575
So, how did
I do?
217
00:08:57,166 --> 00:09:00,036
Well, Mrs. MacDougal,
you did quite well.
218
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,035
Well, thank you,
Dr. MacDougal.
219
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:06,038
You know, doctor,
I have an itch
220
00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:08,625
I was hoping you could
help me out with.
221
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:12,827
Trey.
222
00:09:15,667 --> 00:09:17,707
You know,
maybe it's time
223
00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:19,632
we really thought
about some options,
224
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:21,209
like, like Viagra.
225
00:09:21,291 --> 00:09:22,501
Viagra?
226
00:09:22,583 --> 00:09:24,463
Charlotte,
are you aware
227
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:27,632
that Viagra is a killer
for men with heart problems?
228
00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:31,293
And let me remind you,
my father died of a heart attack
229
00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:33,165
and it runs
in my family.
230
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,920
Trey wasn't the only
one with heart problems.
231
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,790
I'm just
trying to help.
232
00:09:38,834 --> 00:09:41,174
Now I'm tense.
I'm going for a run.
233
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:44,130
It was the fifth time
Trey had gone running at bedtime
234
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,038
in the last
two weeks.
235
00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:48,785
The next day,
Samantha decided
236
00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:50,415
to get some exercise
as well.
237
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:53,920
Unfortunately, her pocketbook
was getting most of the workout.
238
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,500
Fendi, 150.
239
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:03,497
And so she decided to give
her old pocketbook a rest.
240
00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:14,423
That day, as Charlotte
picked up my mail,
241
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:17,830
she realized she missed a lot
more than just her sex life...
242
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,497
She missed
her single life.
243
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:23,881
And if Trey could run away
from their problems,
244
00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:25,039
so could she.
245
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:30,253
I can't deal with Trey.
246
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,133
Okay, honey,
calling to tell me that
247
00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:33,918
might have been
a little more economical.
248
00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:38,245
And, I just--
I really missed you guys.
249
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,673
Well,
we missed you too.
250
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,415
So, Trey is...
251
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,084
It's not working.
252
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,826
And he refuses to
even talk about it.
253
00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:50,294
I take it from the wheelie bag,
you'll be staying?
254
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:52,127
I really need
a vacation.
255
00:10:52,208 --> 00:10:54,378
Well, you came
to the right place.
256
00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:56,288
I gotta meet
this Keith guy,
257
00:10:56,375 --> 00:10:59,495
um, but Miranda and Samantha
are down by the pool.
258
00:10:59,583 --> 00:11:01,383
-Oh...
-Oh...
259
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,924
Charlotte glanced down
at the glistening pool,
260
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,330
and, just like that,
261
00:11:10,417 --> 00:11:13,377
her marriage and Trey
seemed very far away.
262
00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:19,169
Before lunch,
I agreed to go with Keith
263
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:21,420
to see a house
he was interested in.
264
00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:29,377
Jesus, this is not a house,
this is an airport.
265
00:11:29,959 --> 00:11:31,289
It's Lorenzo Lamas's.
266
00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,995
He's asking 3.4,
but it'll go for 3.2.
267
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,083
-Now there's a bargain.
268
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,206
-Yes?
-Hey, come check out the view.
269
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:41,381
In New York, a first
date is dinner and a movie.
270
00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:42,998
In L.A.,
it's lunch
271
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,673
and seeing
a 3.4 million dollar house.
272
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,080
So, what do you think?
273
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,831
I think I should be working
in syndicated television.
274
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:50,957
But it's good, right?
275
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:53,961
It's really good.
276
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:58,457
But does a single guy like you
need this much space?
277
00:11:58,542 --> 00:11:59,672
Probably not.
278
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:01,580
But come on,
I mean, it looks good.
279
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:02,917
And so did he...
280
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:14,495
And there, in the
South American's living room,
281
00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:16,963
my Brazilian
made me kiss him.
282
00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:21,789
Wait till you see the hot tub!
283
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:26,328
We should go
check out the hot tub, huh?
284
00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:28,247
Okey dokey.
285
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,245
I'll have the egg white omelet
with no cheese,
286
00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:34,923
but tomatoes
and mushrooms,
287
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,630
and instead of the fries,
a side of fruit with no grapes.
288
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,540
And a half decaf skim.
289
00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:43,205
Can I suggest that you get
the mushrooms steamed?
290
00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:46,331
'Cause it lightens the calories
but retains the flavor.
291
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,377
Great, thanks.
292
00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:50,875
-I really like L.A.
-Who wouldn't?
293
00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:52,629
Keith wants to buy a
three million dollar house
294
00:12:52,709 --> 00:12:54,129
and I can't even
afford new curtains.
295
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:56,288
That's where the guy's out here
have New York men beat.
296
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,245
Real estate.
297
00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:58,173
Mmm.
298
00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,040
Lew may be
the perfect guy.
299
00:13:00,125 --> 00:13:02,245
-"Letterman" Lew?
Yeah!
300
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:04,673
He's an ideal combination
of the two coasts.
301
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,420
He's still
a New Yorker at heart,
302
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,960
but he's lost
all his anger and neuroses
303
00:13:09,041 --> 00:13:10,921
and 30 pounds.
304
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,290
Wait a minute,
we're New Yorkers.
305
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,875
Aren't we supposed to like
the neurotic guys?
306
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,749
Oh, honey,
the Woody Allen thing? So over.
307
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,384
I'm telling you,
he's a changed man.
308
00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:21,128
He's really
spiritual and happy.
309
00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:22,578
He met the Dalai Lama.
310
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,207
So? I met Hugh Hefner.
311
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:27,171
One woman's pornographer
is another woman's
spiritual leader.
312
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:29,630
Maybe he's on to something,
you know?
313
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,125
Maybe it's time
I stopped being so angry.
314
00:13:32,208 --> 00:13:34,128
Yeah, but what would you do
with all your free time?
315
00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:36,538
I'll tell you
what you could do.
316
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:38,997
-Shop.
317
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:40,043
Jesus!
318
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:41,375
No, you didn't!
319
00:13:41,458 --> 00:13:43,288
That's like,
three thousand dollars!
320
00:13:43,375 --> 00:13:44,665
Or a hundred-fifty.
321
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,500
-Fake.
-No.
322
00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:48,463
Oh, my God,
it looks so real.
323
00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:49,792
-I know.
-Gimme that.
324
00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:51,125
You'd never know
it wasn't a real Fendi
325
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:53,128
unless you looked inside
at the lining.
326
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:56,078
Yeah, I don't have that luxury.
All my insides
are on the outside now.
327
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:57,996
-I don't like fakes.
Oh, who cares?
328
00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,463
All that matters
is what it looks like.
329
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:00,962
It's pretty good,
it's pretty good.
330
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:02,831
We could go get more,
I got the guy's card.
331
00:14:02,917 --> 00:14:05,247
He lives somewhere called
the Valley.
332
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:08,173
Could you have
more condoms?
333
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,500
I did, yes.
334
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,833
I am just so happy
335
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,457
to be out of that
condom stage of life.
336
00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:16,752
And here I thought
it was called "my thirties."
337
00:14:16,834 --> 00:14:18,964
It's so nice to go to bed
with the same man every night.
338
00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:21,831
Please tell me
you didn't come to L.A.
To regale us with stories
339
00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:24,207
about how much sex you're
having, now that you're married.
340
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:26,171
Charlotte didn't
have the nerve to tell them
341
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,500
her conjugal bliss
was a conjugal miss.
342
00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:31,583
So, what should I do
first in L.A.?
343
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:34,384
Well, the first thing
you'll need is
344
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,128
a good bikini wax.
345
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,288
Hey, you should
try Alicia.
346
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,463
-Ow!
347
00:14:49,125 --> 00:14:52,205
That night, after hours
of stress-free pool time
348
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,541
I realized
something startling...
349
00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:57,415
I was actually
starting to like L.A.
350
00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:01,794
New Yorkers are trained
to hate Los Angeles.
351
00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:04,705
This supposedly is a place
where intellect is ridiculed
352
00:15:04,792 --> 00:15:07,462
and who you date and
what you look like is revered.
353
00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:10,172
Yet here we were having
the time of our lives.
354
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:12,210
The men were happy,
the homes were huge,
355
00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:13,581
the bags looked great.
356
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,827
And maybe
that was enough.
357
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:17,917
The weather moves
from west to east.
358
00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:19,381
Was it just
a matter of time
359
00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:22,078
before the truth
blew across Manhattan?
360
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:24,576
When it comes to bags,
men and cities...
361
00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:28,377
is it really
what's outside that counts?
362
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:31,038
The next day, Samantha and I
went to the Valley
363
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:32,205
for Fendi bags.
364
00:15:32,291 --> 00:15:34,211
This is it,
4-5-3-8-6.
365
00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:36,251
Is that an address
or a zip code?
366
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:37,423
I don't know.
367
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,420
I miss Lorenzo Lamas's
neighborhood.
368
00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:45,748
My God.
369
00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:47,544
Oh, there he is.
370
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:52,790
We had found it,
fake Fendi paradise.
371
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:57,210
He should really
work on his display area.
372
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,883
Seven for a thousand, huh,
you like?
373
00:16:00,875 --> 00:16:02,205
I should have liked them.
374
00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:03,961
But staring
into that trunk,
375
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:06,171
they no longer looked like
elegant Fendi bags.
376
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:07,630
They just
looked cheap.
377
00:16:07,709 --> 00:16:09,499
And even if everyone else
thought it was real,
378
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:13,133
I'd always know my bag came from
a cardboard box in a trunk
379
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,668
-deep in the Valley.
-This is good.
Very good quality.
380
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:17,330
You know what?
I don't think so.
381
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:18,999
You don't want
a bag now?
382
00:16:19,083 --> 00:16:21,713
I'm sorry, they're very nice,
it's just...
383
00:16:21,792 --> 00:16:24,712
Yeah, yeah. Please, don't smoke
near the bags, huh?
384
00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:29,665
We drove for two hours
in the Valley.
385
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:32,578
-God.
-That's it.
386
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:34,207
We're going back
to the hotel.
387
00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:35,291
Oh, my God!
388
00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:37,205
They just looked so...
389
00:16:37,291 --> 00:16:40,131
sad staring up at me
from that trunk.
390
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,458
They were waiting for some
nice lady to adopt them.
391
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:43,962
I was almost
eaten by dogs.
392
00:16:44,041 --> 00:16:45,581
The least you could've done
was buy a bag.
393
00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:47,377
Well, I guess I'd rather wait
for the real thing.
394
00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,828
Then at least you know
it's, it's one of a kind
395
00:16:49,917 --> 00:16:51,707
and special or something.
396
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,633
My marriage
is a fake Fendi.
397
00:16:55,709 --> 00:16:56,789
Excuse me?
398
00:16:56,875 --> 00:16:58,625
Trey and I look like
the perfect couple
399
00:16:58,709 --> 00:16:59,709
from the outside,
400
00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:02,752
but on the inside,
it's all fake.
401
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:04,920
It's not special.
402
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,575
He can't even
get it up.
403
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:07,627
What?
404
00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:09,498
We've never had sex.
405
00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:10,833
You've never
had sex?
406
00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:13,207
-But you've been married for--
-Over a month!
407
00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,251
You've never
had sex?
408
00:17:14,625 --> 00:17:16,625
It's not a physical thing,
it's emotional.
409
00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:18,421
You knew about this?
410
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:21,080
She told me
at the wedding.
411
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,752
Well, I was afraid you'd
just say you told me so
412
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:27,634
and then I should never have
gotten married so quickly!
413
00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,455
Charlotte, who am I
to judge you?
414
00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:33,325
We all have
our own paths in life.
415
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:35,377
Apparently, three days with Lew
416
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:37,538
had changed Miranda
from deeply sarcastic
417
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:39,745
to Deepak Chopra.
418
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,419
What am I gonna do?
419
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,250
Wait, you've never
had sex?
420
00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,543
-She's never had sex!
-It's only been a month.
421
00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,955
Hey, he hasn't
seen Brazil.
422
00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:52,541
-A second honeymoon
to South America.
423
00:17:52,625 --> 00:17:54,035
That might do the trick.
424
00:17:54,125 --> 00:17:55,745
I know how to cheer you up.
425
00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,044
A trip to
the Playboy mansion.
426
00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:59,455
Hef invited us over
for one of those
427
00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:02,042
Playmate pool parties
tomorrow afternoon.
428
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:04,205
"Hef"?
Did you say, "Hef"?
429
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,501
Why would that
cheer her up?
430
00:18:05,583 --> 00:18:07,543
Does she look like
a 22-year-old frat boy?
431
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,915
No, but it wouldn't hurt
for us to meet some.
432
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,580
Sorry,
not going.
433
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,577
Oh, come on,
it would be fun.
434
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,377
We're in L.A.
435
00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:19,250
All right, fine, but I better
be on the guest list.
436
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,923
Later that night,
I was a guest
437
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,960
at Keith's amazing house.
438
00:18:23,041 --> 00:18:24,421
He made
sizzling scallops,
439
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,750
and after dinner,
things got even hotter.
440
00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,504
I like hot tubs.
441
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,415
New York should have
more hot tubs,
442
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,170
like on roofs and stuff.
443
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,504
Well,
if you like that...
444
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:05,039
While I was going
native with Keith,
445
00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:07,125
Miranda and Lew
went back to New York...
446
00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:09,128
or at least to
the New York strip steak.
447
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:10,668
Oh, this looks great.
448
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,580
Oh, my God,
do I miss this smell.
449
00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:14,787
So, you were saying?
450
00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:16,995
You should really read
Zen and the Art
of Modern Living.
451
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,253
It is so calming.
452
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,293
I'm still trying to
get used to bath beads.
453
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,825
You are so New York.
454
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,333
C'mon,
don't you miss it?
455
00:19:25,417 --> 00:19:26,497
Just a little?
456
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,793
No. I get to write
about it every day.
457
00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,955
But that's not New York,
it's a sound stage.
458
00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:32,961
Twenty-somethings
with tiny salaries
459
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,751
don't live in huge SoHo lofts
painted bright colors.
460
00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:37,084
It's totally fake.
461
00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:38,286
I think 40 million viewers
462
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,285
would disagree with you
on that one.
463
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,580
Mm, mm, mm,
mm, mm, mm, mm.
464
00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:49,332
Is something wrong
with your steak?
465
00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:51,457
No, uh-uh,
it's great.
466
00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:03,832
What are you doing?
467
00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:04,997
I'm tasting my food.
468
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:07,253
Why aren't you
swallowing your food?
469
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,923
Do you think I look
this good by eating?
470
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:12,671
Miranda realized
Lew hadn't found inner peace,
471
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,460
he'd found
an eating disorder.
472
00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:15,712
Are you serious?
473
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:18,002
Miranda, don't put
your toxic shit on me.
474
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,633
This is fucking
L.A., okay?
475
00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:21,629
You have no idea what kind of
pressure I'm under here!
476
00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:23,959
Who cares what you look like?
You're a writer!
477
00:20:24,041 --> 00:20:25,211
For a hit show!
478
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,628
Trust me, no one wants to hire
a fat story editor.
479
00:20:27,709 --> 00:20:30,629
All Miranda
wanted to do was rip that
Knicks hat off his head,
480
00:20:30,709 --> 00:20:32,879
because no self-respecting
New Yorker
481
00:20:32,959 --> 00:20:35,379
would ever spit out
that good a steak.
482
00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:36,958
Jesus fucking Christ!
483
00:20:37,250 --> 00:20:38,920
Now I've lost
my appetite.
484
00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:43,538
Waking up in Keith's
sun-filled bedroom,
485
00:20:43,625 --> 00:20:46,165
I was starting to feel like
3.4 million myself.
486
00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:48,630
I really like what you have
going on down there.
487
00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:50,789
That would be
a whole lot of nothin'.
488
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,165
Yeah.
489
00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:54,955
Don't you ever work?
490
00:20:55,041 --> 00:20:56,581
I don't have
anything till 11:00.
491
00:20:56,667 --> 00:20:58,497
-Nice life.
-Yeah.
492
00:21:01,667 --> 00:21:04,417
What the fuck do you
think you're doing?
493
00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:08,674
I told you, no prostitutes
when you're house sitting!
494
00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:10,418
You're a house sitter?
495
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,880
Personal assistant.
Personal assistant.
496
00:21:12,959 --> 00:21:14,379
I thought
you were an agent.
497
00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:17,038
Please, I wish I could get
my agent to water my plants.
498
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:20,205
Apparently, the life
I was coveting wasn't Keith's.
499
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:21,541
It was Carrie Fisher's.
500
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:22,785
You are so fired.
501
00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:24,245
Wait till
I tell Penny.
502
00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:26,173
Does this mean that I'm gonna
have to return her car?
503
00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:27,380
And Penny Marshall's.
504
00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:28,958
I'm just--
I'm gonna...
505
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,880
You might need these.
506
00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,039
Thank you.
507
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,462
Are you going to
bring prostitutes
508
00:21:35,542 --> 00:21:37,752
to Ben's new
three million dollar home?
509
00:21:37,834 --> 00:21:38,924
And Ben Affleck's.
510
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,960
You know,
I'm not a prostitute.
511
00:21:41,041 --> 00:21:42,581
I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
512
00:21:43,417 --> 00:21:45,497
I'm a writer, too.
Well, actually, I'm--
513
00:21:45,583 --> 00:21:48,043
Well,
I have a column in New York.
514
00:21:48,625 --> 00:21:50,285
I'm Carrie,
you're Carrie.
515
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,575
I write,
you write.
516
00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:56,331
I have a child, you know,
I really-- I can't do this.
517
00:21:57,542 --> 00:21:59,672
Have you guys
been smoking in here?
518
00:22:01,542 --> 00:22:02,922
Um...
519
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,250
This was always on.
520
00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:13,038
The dry cleaning and
the cat food, that's all done.
521
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:16,455
It was the perfect ending
to my week of make-believe.
522
00:22:16,542 --> 00:22:19,922
A visit to the Playboy mansion,
and the Playmate pool party.
523
00:22:21,750 --> 00:22:24,670
Okay, could our lives
get any weirder?
524
00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:26,210
Nothing
surprises me anymore.
525
00:22:26,291 --> 00:22:28,421
Apparently, in L.A.,
house sitters are somebodies
526
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,330
and New York writers
are prostitutes.
527
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,957
Oh, sweetie, you're at least
a high-class escort.
528
00:22:33,041 --> 00:22:34,791
-Thank you.
-Fuck Carrie Fisher!
529
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,995
-Oh, now we're angry again?
-Oh, yeah.
530
00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:38,423
Well, frankly,
I blame the wax.
531
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:40,080
That's it,
blame it on Rio.
532
00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:40,956
What?
533
00:22:41,041 --> 00:22:43,001
♪ I like to dream ♪
534
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,673
After the sun went down,
535
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:46,750
the party really
started heating up.
536
00:22:47,417 --> 00:22:50,577
Where are the girls in the satin
outfits and the bunny ears?
537
00:22:50,667 --> 00:22:53,537
Yeah, I want to see
some bunny ears.
538
00:22:57,834 --> 00:23:00,544
Meanwhile, somewhere between
the Italian grotto
539
00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:01,705
and the petting zoo,
540
00:23:01,792 --> 00:23:03,542
Charlotte found
something real.
541
00:23:03,625 --> 00:23:04,875
His name was Ian.
542
00:23:04,959 --> 00:23:06,709
And that's when I started
collecting Hockney.
543
00:23:06,792 --> 00:23:08,502
I love Hockney!
544
00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:11,745
Oh, the colors in
his pool series are so L.A.!
545
00:23:11,834 --> 00:23:14,754
The blues and those deep,
deep greens.
546
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:16,254
Oh, God.
547
00:23:16,333 --> 00:23:19,543
It is such a pleasure talking to
an intelligent woman for once.
548
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:22,375
And I love
talking to you, too.
549
00:23:22,458 --> 00:23:25,378
It's so nice to be
with a man who talks.
550
00:23:25,458 --> 00:23:26,918
I love L.A.!
551
00:23:27,458 --> 00:23:31,458
I guess that third welcome wagon
drink has finally kicked in.
552
00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:34,921
This is bad of me!
553
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,210
Is this bad of me?
I mean, I'm drunk and--
554
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,291
I'm laying here
with a man I hardly know!
555
00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:41,075
It's the Playboy mansion.
556
00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:43,126
I mean, things
could be a lot worse.
557
00:23:44,667 --> 00:23:46,037
You're nice, Ian.
558
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:48,125
You're really,
really nice.
559
00:23:48,208 --> 00:23:49,998
And you're nice too,
Charlotte.
560
00:23:50,959 --> 00:23:54,169
Hey, let me
buy you some boobs.
561
00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:56,076
Pardon me?
562
00:23:56,166 --> 00:23:57,826
What?
It's a gift.
563
00:23:57,917 --> 00:24:01,457
I don't need
any breasts!
564
00:24:01,542 --> 00:24:05,252
Charlotte had forgotten
how awful single life could be.
565
00:24:05,333 --> 00:24:07,503
And suddenly, marriage,
with all its problems,
566
00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:09,543
wasn't looking so bad.
567
00:24:12,458 --> 00:24:14,748
Oh! Someone stole
my fake Fendi!
568
00:24:14,834 --> 00:24:16,964
-Are you sure?
-I put the bag down beside me,
569
00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:18,961
when I got up it was gone!
570
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,125
Oh, my God!
571
00:24:21,208 --> 00:24:23,378
That bunny's
got my bag!
572
00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:31,460
-All right, gimme my bag!
-Excuse me?
573
00:24:31,542 --> 00:24:33,672
-You stole my bag.
-This is my bag.
574
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:35,455
Are we having
a problem here?
575
00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:36,382
Yes!
576
00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:37,378
I'm sorry to tell you this,
577
00:24:37,458 --> 00:24:39,248
but this bunny stole my bag.
578
00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,583
It's my bag.
579
00:24:41,625 --> 00:24:43,875
-She says it's her bag.
-Look on the inside.
580
00:24:43,959 --> 00:24:46,129
You'll see, there's a label
that says "made in China"
581
00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:48,378
and there's a bunch
of condoms in there.
582
00:24:51,041 --> 00:24:52,881
See? "Fendi."
583
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,789
Samantha was mortified.
584
00:24:54,875 --> 00:24:57,535
She assumed everything
on the bunny was fake.
585
00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,330
Okay, then...
586
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,537
Innocent mistake.
587
00:25:03,625 --> 00:25:05,455
Apparently, one nod from Hef
588
00:25:05,542 --> 00:25:07,542
and the pool party
was over.
589
00:25:07,834 --> 00:25:09,754
I'm not leaving
without my friends.
590
00:25:10,250 --> 00:25:12,960
I'm so sorry.
591
00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:16,631
The fake Fendi ended up
costing 150 for the bag,
592
00:25:16,709 --> 00:25:19,499
2,000 in stolen
credit card charges,
593
00:25:19,583 --> 00:25:23,133
and unspecified costs
to Samantha's ego.
594
00:25:24,417 --> 00:25:25,877
And across
the compound,
595
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:29,459
Miranda and I took a wrong turn
on the way to the buffet.
596
00:25:36,583 --> 00:25:39,043
Look at that.
Tit soup.
597
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:42,460
It's time
to go home.
598
00:25:42,542 --> 00:25:44,292
Oh, there you are.
599
00:25:44,792 --> 00:25:45,752
We have to leave.
600
00:25:45,834 --> 00:25:46,964
We are.
601
00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:48,671
Right now.
602
00:25:48,750 --> 00:25:51,460
Oh, relax, we're going,
we're going.
603
00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:54,127
-What'd she do?
-I don't know.
604
00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:57,710
What happened?
605
00:25:57,792 --> 00:26:01,042
All right, all right.
606
00:26:01,125 --> 00:26:04,875
The next day, four New Yorkers
left L.A. a little lighter.
607
00:26:04,959 --> 00:26:06,879
Some of us
had lost our hair,
608
00:26:06,959 --> 00:26:09,129
and all of us
had lost a little dignity.
609
00:26:09,208 --> 00:26:10,998
Samantha couldn't
wait to get back
610
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:13,253
to the crime-free streets
of Manhattan.
611
00:26:13,333 --> 00:26:15,883
Miranda couldn't wait to
get back to men who swallowed.
612
00:26:15,959 --> 00:26:18,579
Charlotte couldn't wait
to get back to Trey.
613
00:26:18,667 --> 00:26:20,037
And as for me?
614
00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:22,285
-I couldn't wait.
-You can't smoke in here.
615
00:26:22,375 --> 00:26:25,165
Oh, relax,
we're going, we're going.
616
00:26:34,792 --> 00:26:37,382
Six hours later,
I was home.
617
00:26:37,458 --> 00:26:38,668
And it looked even better
618
00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:40,830
on the inside
than I remembered it.
619
00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:44,127
Because inside...
it was all real.
620
00:26:49,667 --> 00:26:52,167
I was starting to feel
like myself again.
621
00:26:54,333 --> 00:26:56,133
And the rest of me
would grow back...
622
00:26:56,208 --> 00:26:57,538
eventually.