[Carrie] When venturing out on your first blind date in a decade,
it's crucial to have the right attitude.
Hope for the best...
Ted?
Sorry.
[Carrie] Prepare for the worst.
[people chattering]
And who knows,
you just might be pleasantly surprised...
-Hey. Hey, Alison. -Hi.
[Carrie] Or not.
I got stood up.
Yes, I deigned to go on a blind date
against all my better judgment.
I was willing to lower myself into the gutter--
-God, I miss dating. -And then He doesn't show.
Are you sure?
Well, either he didn't show,
or he took one look at me and ran for the hills.
Which is worse? I can't decide.
I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation.
-We're gonna get to the bottom of this. -Oh, we're at the bottom.
A complete stranger hurt my feelings.
I'd say that's scraping bottom.
You shouldn't even be going on blind dates.
It's beneath you.
Now, that's not true.
I know a lot of great couples that met on blind dates.
-Eric and Marcy-- -Blech, stop.
Even if he had shown up,
most first dates are like job interviews with cocktails.
Nah-ah, I think I'm done.
That's what I said yesterday about eating bread
and I just ordered pancakes, so...
Why should I risk having a God-awful evening
when I am guaranteed
to have fun with you guys?
Oh, honey, you're cute, but...
I'm never gonna fuck you.
Look, I'm really sorry this happened to you
on your first date back out there, but you have to keep trying.
Nah-ah, no, I'm like Punxsutawney Phil.
I came out, I saw my shadow, and I'm going back in.
-I'll see you guys next winter. -Well, you have to take some risks,
so that you don't wind up an old maid.
Oh, that's right!
Must not wind up old maid, must not wind up old maid.
Now, how am I gonna remember that?
Does anybody Have a pen?
Why do we get stuck with "old maid" and "spinster"
and men get to be "bachelors" and "playboys"?
No matter how shriveled their dicks are.
Okay!
The end, new topic.
Charlotte's 36th birthday, Saturday night.
I say we spinsters take back Manhattan.
Well, I've thought about it,
and I've decided I'm sticking at 35.
-[waitress] Here you go. -Because it was such a good year?
Because I'm just not where I thought I'd be at 36.
I don't feel 36.
-And I don't look 36, right? -Oh, no.
And men are much more interested in meeting 35-year-olds.
So, I'm sticking.
We all turned 36 like big girls, now it's your turn.
Oh, let her stick.
Lying about her age is the smartest thing she's done in years.
Okay, then. Where are we celebrating
Charlotte's 35th birthday, the sequel?
Sorry, today's the baby nurse's last day.
From now on, you're gonna have to book me a year in advance.
-Wow, you're like Nobu. -I can't go either.
Richard's taking me to Atlantic City for the weekend.
[Miranda] Ugh.
What'd you do wrong?
Oh, he loves to gamble
and there's some kind of heavyweight prize fight thing
he wants to see.
But we are going on his private jet.
Well, no celebration is fine with me.
Are you telling me the four of us can't get together
to celebrate Charlotte's 30-faux birthday?
This is bullshit!
Two nights later, with no friends available,
no dates,
not even any good bad-TV to watch...
[chatter on TV]
This is bullshit.
Okay, this is my third and final phone call.
Miranda thinks she can get Steve to watch the baby.
Charlotte agreed to come out
as long as we don't mention her birthday,
or the number 36,
I'm still a little fuzzy on the rules.
Anyway, can't you get out of Atlantic City?
Oh, I don't know. I'll have to ask Richard.
Please do, because I am looking at the last picture
taken of the four of us, and it is moldy.
Miranda is wearing a blouse with shoulder pads.
Carrie's hell-bent on getting the four of us
together Saturday night.
Would you be terribly disappointed if I didn't come?
Well, why not just bring them along?
I'll arrange for comped suites
and there's plenty of room on the jet.
[Carrie] Yes!
That Friday, I picked up my fellow jet setter
on the way to the airport.
♪ Under the boardwalk ♪
♪ We'll be having some-- ♪ What?
I can't go.
I'm just...
not ready to be separated from the baby.
What?
I'm kidding!
Steve took him two hours ago.
I'm free, I'm free! I'm leaving the compound!
Don't do that to me, I'm a 36-year-old woman!
C'mon in, I just need two seconds,
-two seconds, two seconds. -Okay, oh, man.
Well, hi, Magda, how are you?
You want to see something beautiful?
Come, I show you.
-Look at him. [laughing] -Mm-hmm.
You ever see such beautiful face?
Look, here.
So smiley.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
[Magda] And here, after bath,
with his little pupik. [laughing]
Okay.
As I live and breathe, Ms. Hobbes,
I never thought
I'd see the day.
That's not me, that's her.
I didn't even take most of those.
Okay, this is the only sweater I have that covers my ass.
Do you think I can get away with this and stretchy pants all weekend?
Are you kidding? Atlantic City's the capital of stretchy pants.
They're mandatory down there.
-[doorbell ringing] -Hm?
-[doorbell continues ringing] -[Carrie whispering] Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Hi, how you doin'?
Steve, what's wrong? What are you doing back here?
Oh, I thought I forgot the wipeys...
-Oh. -...but turns out--
Um, actually...
I don't think I can do this.
Excuse me?
I'm afraid that I might break him or something.
Look, I-- I accidentally scratched his face
with my dirty fingernail. Look...
Um, it's nothing.
You've taken care of him before, it's been fine.
-Yeah. -Wait, wait, no, I-- [stuttering]
For two hours.
Yeah, for two hours, I'm great.
But, you know, after two hours, I might...
accidentally kill him.
Look, we're both afraid we're going to kill the baby,
that's a given.
But we made an agreement this week,
Monday to Friday, I try not to kill him.
Saturday and Sunday, you try not to kill him.
Huh, yeah?
[Steve stuttering]
I'm sorry.
-I can't do it. -[baby gurgling]
You should go, you're gonna miss the plane.
No way, the four of us are going to Atlantic City.
We will figure something out.
[Charlotte] Hello, hello, hello!
Sorry I'm so late.
-[Samantha] Hi. -Charlotte, welcome aboard.
Where is everybody? I thought I was late.
Oh, they had some kind of problem,
something with the baby. Blah, blah, blah.
They're meeting us down there.
They are?
But, so...
It's just going to be the three of us for the whole flight?
Yeah, come in, make yourself comfortable.
[Charlotte] Oh, Samantha, you shouldn't have.
Ooh, it's pretty.
But what is it?
I'm sorry, that was actually meant for Samantha.
It's a...
pearl thong.
For me?
Oh, you naughty boy.
[both moaning]
Did I tell you I've taken up knitting?
I find it really calms my nerves.
Practical and stimulating.
What will they think of next?
Knitting is the new yoga
according to New York Magazine.
I'm making these for little Brady.
-Maybe later, if you're good... -Mm-hmm.
-I'll give you a pearl necklace to match. -Oh...
My father gave me the most beautiful pearl necklace
for my sweet sixteen.
Actually, we're talking about
the other kind of pearl necklace.
You know, when a guy decorates your neck?
You're sure that Carrie said they were coming down tonight?
[Carrie] "Knit one, purl two"
would never sound the same to Charlotte again.
[jet humming]
[Miranda] You know, but I need to go somewhere for two days
-that I've been looking forward to-- -Hey. Excuse me.
No, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about!
-Time out, guys. -[bickering stops]
Magda here has offered to help Steve with the baby
over the weekend.
No, that's not her job.
Miranda, I'm begging you.
Throw some money at the problem and let's hit the road.
We've already missed the jet.
How would we even get there?
[dispatcher over PA] This is the final call for Atlantic City.
Passengers should be on board for immediate departure.
Well, this is pleasant.
I think we're on the old lady express.
[giggles]
Where are all the old men?
Dead,
or married to 20-year-olds.
I am so excited.
I have been dreaming about being alone with these for months.
I love that The New Yorker is your porn.
Do you think we'll still be friends when we're this old?
Sure.
What do you mean, "Sure"?
I could barely get us together for the weekend,
and we're all still mobile.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, New Yorker, I'm talking to you.
How are we gonna make it to 70
if you've already zoned me out?
Okay, I'm listening, talk fast.
I'm serious, friendships don't magically last 40 years.
You have to invest in them.
It's like your savings.
You don't expect to wake up one day when you're old
and find a big bucket of money waiting there.
Oh, did you finally open that IRA?
No!
-Well-- -My point is,
we need an emotional retirement plan.
This is important, making time for each other
and taking trips like this.
Because, as we can see here, at the end of the line,
it's just gonna be us ladies ridin' a bus.
I'm so happy right now.
[dispatcher over PA] Atlantic city, departing at gate 104.
Hi.
[Carrie] Two New Yorker magazines and two knit booties later,
we all arrived at the understated Taj Mahal Casino.
["Luck Be A Lady" playing in background]
Here it is, ladies, Atlantic City.
Breathe deep and take it all in.
[breathes deeply]
Oh, God, I've missed this.
-Oh, yeah. -I thought you've never been here before.
I'm referring to the cigarette smoke.
Look at all the old ladies.
Oh, this is nothing.
You should've been on the bus with us.
I wish I had been.
Oh, please, a little harmless over-the-bra action
and Miss Priss here is running for a parachute.
Have you ever heard of a pearl necklace?
Uh-huh.
I'm hitting the slots.
Oh, and I told Richard I'd stop by his baccarat game.
No, no, no, not so fast.
We'll take care of all that later,
but right now, I'm takin' my ladies to dinner.
That's right, it's on me.
Steak, you got it. Lobster, comin' right up.
All right!
Nothin' is too fancy
for my Atlantic City ladies.
-Whoo! -[all laughing]
We have got to get a picture here.
This place is fantastic.
Is that a euphemism for tacky?
It's chandelier-ious.
Would it be bad to order more sour cream?
No, eat your heart out, you're on vacation.
Oh, I almost forgot about Charlotte's present.
Oh!
It's tomorrow, and I said I didn't--
Relax.
I bought it in the gift shop for $3.99.
[slot machine ringing]
[laughing]
Old Maid? Is this supposed to be funny?
Of course it's supposed to be funny.
Look at you, you couldn't be farther from an old maid.
I remember her looking a lot older.
She looks about our age now.
Oh, she's had work done.
[Richard] So, here's where all the bathing beauties are hiding.
Oh, you flatterer.
Samantha, my poker game's about to start.
-Would you like to join me? -Mmm, I don't think so.
I think I'll stay with the girls.
Alright.
Hey, Richard, welcome back to the Taj Mahal.
-How are you? -I'm very well, Denise, thank you.
Oh, hello, Denise, I'm Samantha.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Well, if you ladies will excuse me,
there are five gentlemen waiting to take my money.
-I'll walk you out. -Well, thank you.
That reminds me, I have to pump soon.
Yeah, who picked this "breastaurant"?
Cleavage is big here.
It's part of the regional charm.
Alright, I propose a toast.
To the four of us,
may we always--
I think I will join Richard, after all.
Goodnight.
[sighing]
Ladies...
Would you like a souvenir photograph?
-Ooh! -[Carrie] No...
It was supposed to be of the four of us.
And now one of us has a puss on.
Thanks.
When are we gonna go gamble?
C'mon, baby needs a new pair of shoes!
[screaming]
[croupier #1] Seven, winner!
Okay, you won! Now let's go find Samantha.
But I'm winning.
Well, that's why you should leave now.
I don't want to leave.
I've been here half an hour and no one's offered
to buy us drinks.
They're free.
Hey, blondie, blow on my dice for luck.
Oh, no, no, no, I don't know how to play the game.
Let her do it.
No, get the hot one.
Yeah, I want you, you're my lucky blonde.
Blow.
[giggles] Alright.
[croupier #2] Same shooter, same shooter!
[croupier #1] Still lookin' for a five, shooter,
five to stay alive.
-C'mon. -Here we go, five.
-[screaming] -[cheering]
-Oh, my God! -Fuck, I lost.
Oh.
You just won me 12 grand, blondie.
Here.
Oh, my God.
Oh, I can't accept this.
It's yours, blondie.
Get in the game, have some fun.
Come on.
What are you gonna do with that? You gonna gamble it?
It's a thousand dollars.
"The hot one," did you hear that?
It could be a lot more, I could coach you.
"Lucky blonde," it's so sexist.
It's found money, what've you got to lose?
A thousand dollars, and that would not make me happy.
What would make all of us happy, I believe,
is to go see ZZ Top in the Magic Carpet Room.
[squeals]
I think I'm gonna pass.
I got Pay-Per-View and a frozen Milky Way
-waiting up for me in my room. -What?
A minute ago, you were bouncing off the walls.
This is what I'm like nowadays.
I stop for a minute, I have to lie down.
Goodnight.
Wha--
You-- You can't go to sleep.
In five minutes, Charlotte turns 35 again!
Goodnight!
[Carrie] Charlotte went to sleep that night
with a thousand-dollar chip on her shoulder.
[woman on TV] As a rule, the easier a game is to understand,
the greater the house edge, and roulette is no exception.
The house edge on all bets is 1/19,
or 5.26%, except for the 0-00-1-2-3 combination,
which carries a house edge of 7.89%.
[Carrie] People go to casinos for the same reason
they go on blind dates...
Hoping to hit the jackpot.
But mostly, you just wind up broke
or alone in a bar.
If we know the house always wins,
why gamble?
The next morning, Richard and Samantha awoke
in the comfort of the Kubla Khan suite.
How long do you think you'll be off with the girls?
Oh, all day, probably, what are your plans?
I haven't decided yet.
[door closing]
Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, Richard.
It's not a problem, Terry.
[Carrie] Apparently,
there were no old maids at the Taj Mahal.
Terry, was it?
That ought to be easy to remember.
"Terry with her terry cloth towels."
[Carrie] Samantha had the distinct feeling
she was being "Kubla-conned."
Thank you.
[Richard] Samantha, you're not actually jealous
Of a casino cleaning lady, are you?
No, I just find it impressive that you seem to know the name
and cup size of every woman who works here.
I know the male employees' names as well.
Doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with them.
Aren't you keeping the girls waiting?
Hi, I'm Samantha.
Can I get you some towels?
A chocolate for your pillow?
A blow job?
Yes, but not necessarily in that order.
[chuckling]
[Carrie] Meanwhile, Charlotte's encore 35th birthday
was off to a running start.
There she was, an old maid.
And it wasn't funny.
Three hours later,
I was still waiting for our foursome to come together.
Here we go, this is the spin.
Yeah, you're quite the spinster.
Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
I've been fucking Richard for the past three hours.
I think he's all fucked out now.
Is he still breathing?
It was defensive fucking, I had no choice.
There are cheap-looking whores
flying at him from every direction here.
[rock music playing]
[Carrie] There she was...
Miss Atlantic Slutty.
Charlotte, are you in there?
No, but I think Harlot is.
I didn't like any of the clothes that I packed,
so I just picked something up at one of the casino shops.
Those are for women who've lost all their money
and have to turn tricks.
-Does this gal gamble? -Yeah!
Okay, let's go.
[chattering]
No wonder the house always wins,
these guys are smothered in breasts.
I don't know what I was thinking,
bringing a cheating man to "Atlantic Titty."
[dealer] Here you go, sir.
Hey, whatcha doing down there, huh?
Oh, it's the pearl thong.
It's good for foreplay, not so good for post-play.
[dealer] All bets in.
Whoa! You bet it all?
You gotta play big if you wanna win big.
Ma'am would you like a hit?
-[dealer] Over. -Well, we just lost big.
It's all part Of the fun.
We're gonna need your chip.
Who, me?
You're sitting on a thousand dollars.
Don't make me hit the ATM again.
Haven't we lost enough?
[Miranda] We're just getting started here.
Are you playing this hand or what?
Ladies, if you're not going to play,
you're gonna have to give up your seat.
It's okay, sir, we're leaving,
but would you mind taking our picture first?
Oh, wait, I need lipstick.
I'm not allowed to do that, ma'am.
Jesus Christ, it's not Disneyland.
Hey, Red, move your fat ass!
What did you just say to her?
Who the hell do you think you are?
-Aw, fuck yous. -Yeah, get in the game or get out.
Guys, guys, let's go, it's okay.
No, it is most certainly not okay!
Listen, you big jerk, her ass isn't normally this big!
Yes, thank you, I almost forgot.
My ass is fat because I just had a baby, you asshole!
What's your excuse?
Yeah, you having triplets?
[laughter]
-[applause] -C'mon, let's go.
The Lennox Lewis match sold out that night,
but our heavyweight fight caused a bigger stir.
Guys, I think I'm gonna go upstairs.
Oh, c'mon, they're just idiots.
-Don't go. -I'm tired.
-I'm sorry, Charlotte. Happy birthday. -[Carrie] No!
Stay, c'mon, you can have my chip!
-[cell phone ringing] -It's Richard.
Hello? Uh-huh, really?
Do you think I should go talk to her?
No, I think she'll be alright.
Sure, I'll go with one of the girls.
Ciao.
He had a sudden conference call
and he can't go to the fight.
"Go with the girls." Right.
So he can stay in the room and get serviced by room service!
We'll see about that!
[upbeat music]
Whoa!
Shit, shit!
[bellhop] Whoa.
[alarm blaring]
[Carrie] Under other circumstances, running stairs in a pearl thong
would have been Samantha's idea of a good time.
But by the eighth floor,
somewhere between pissed off and getting off,
she had to take it off.
[panting]
Yes, thank you, I will.
No one's here?
No one's here.
What's going on?
I can't do this anymore, that's what's going on.
I just ran up 11 flights of stairs,
because I was sure that you were up here fucking someone else.
As you can see, I'm not.
Right now, right now you're not.
But you were and you will again,
and I can't spend my life running up
and down stairs wondering when!
[panting] I thought I could handle this, but I can't.
I'm too old.
I'm 37, after all.
[panting]
I told you I'd do my best never to hurt you again, and I meant it.
Right, your best.
Samantha, I love you.
I love you too, Richard.
But I love me more.
[panting]
[Carrie] And there, high above the casino,
Samantha pulled her highest bet...
her heart, off the table.
[coughing]
And just when Samantha thought she might've folded too soon...
Okay, one drink here, and then we should see
the boardwalk before it gets too dark.
-Okay. -Okay.
Hey, hey, can we buy you a drink?
Yeah, would you like to sit down?
-No, we're fine. -That would be lovely.
So, you having a good time?
Yes, actually, today's my birthday.
-Oh. -Oh.
Oh, now it's your birthday.
Well, happy birthday.
Ah, yeah.
So, what are your names?
Uh-huh. Can you just-- One second?
What is the point of this?
I thought you wanted a drink.
Can I please have a word with you, alone?
Sure!
We'll be right back.
It's Charlotte. [laughs]
The one in the black's cute, right?
Yeah, I didn't leave Manhattan to have a double date
with two guys we'll never see again.
You don't know that, you didn't even talk to them.
I don't want to talk to them.
I would rather have a real conversation with you.
Can't we just have one drink?
-Oh, come on. -It might be fun.
[man] Come on, let's go.
They're gone.
Oh. Ha, well, problem solved.
20 minutes later,
we were out of the dark and into the light.
[Carrie] Isn't this amazing?
It's like a postcard from the 20s.
We couldn't have had one drink?
What's the harm in having one drink?
I can't believe you're still upset about that.
What role did you think those guys were gonna play in our lives?
Who knows, we might've hit it off.
Oh, come on.
Let's look at the odds, realistically.
How many guys do we ever hit it off with?
Very few, and even if we do,
those relationships don't last. And even if they did,
men die first, so we're right back where we started.
I say we skip all the drama
and just enjoy each other's company, now.
But I don't want to skip all the drama.
That's life, that's everything.
That's relationships and anniversaries and kids.
And I want all that in addition to my friends.
Well, that sounds wonderful, but don't bank on it happening.
[ringing bell]
You must be getting cold, I'll meet you back at the hotel.
I'm gonna get some saltwater taffy.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, I'm dying for it.
[voice recording] Watch the tram car please. Watch the tram car please.
[Carrie] By my fifth piece of peppermint taffy, I realized...
maybe I wasn't banking on my friends,
I was hiding in them.
Are you ready for a swim?
Got your bathing suit on under there?
Oh, yeah, it's a bikini, you'll love it.
[man] I was kind of hoping for a skinny dip.
[woman] Kiddo, there's nothing skinny about either of us.
Should we go back?
In a minute, it's almost sunset.
You and your pink sky.
[couple giggling]
[somber music]
[Carrie] Then again, maybe there are some things
worth gambling on.
Back inside, I had a thought.
To hit the jackpot in the future,
you might have to bet on where you are in the present.
[croupier] Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.
What happens after 36?
I don't know, I guess you fall off the table.
[chattering]
Alright, no more bets!
Here we go.
29!
[people clamoring]
The winner is... number 29!
Well...
I can't believe you gambled all that money away.
We could be in a limo right now.
You told me to.
I thought we were taking the jet.
You couldn't have broken up with him tomorrow?
What, and lose my dignity?
Don't let me have any more of these.
Anyone up for playing Old Maid?
Aren't we?
-I'm in. -I'm in!
[gasps] Oh, wait, wait.
-Oh, no! -Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
Would you mind taking our picture?
-Thank you. -This is a moment
we're gonna want to remember.
[the women laughing]
[shrieks]
[Carrie] Turns out, it was.
-[all clamoring] -Don't fall.
[laughing]