1
00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:02,497
It is said that it
takes a lifetime
2
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,043
to figure out who you are.
3
00:01:04,125 --> 00:01:06,325
This book cover is so you.
4
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:09,787
People in publishing
move a tad faster.
5
00:01:09,875 --> 00:01:11,625
It's just a mock-up.
And don't be thrown,
6
00:01:11,709 --> 00:01:13,209
we put your
head on another person's body.
7
00:01:13,291 --> 00:01:15,881
-Oh...
-Okay, here it is...
8
00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,249
The cover of "Sex And The City."
9
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:21,963
The best-selling
"Sex And The City."
10
00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,503
No!
11
00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:28,213
Oh, I'm sorry.
That just came out.
12
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,251
Uh, not at all. That's good.
13
00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,383
You had a strong reaction.
That's what we want.
14
00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:35,328
Well, we don't want
people's reaction to be no.
15
00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:37,537
Right, Let me talk you
through it.
16
00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:39,785
Blurred background,
17
00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:41,745
a fast-paced city.
18
00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:45,084
And you naked with nothing
but your ideas.
19
00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:46,286
No, I get it,
20
00:01:46,375 --> 00:01:50,995
but, see, no matter how
fast-paced the city,
21
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,883
I always manage
to get my clothes on
22
00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:55,749
before I leave the apartment.
23
00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:59,004
See, Courtney,
here's what concerns me,
24
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:01,713
that cover is all about sex.
25
00:02:01,792 --> 00:02:03,252
Well, sex sells.
26
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:07,753
Yes, yes, but my
columns are about relationships.
27
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:10,584
And when I do write about sex,
it's just words.
28
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,917
Reading about sex
is a lot different
29
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,960
than seeing it in front of you,
30
00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:19,581
naked on Sixth Avenue
hailing a cab.
31
00:02:19,667 --> 00:02:21,627
I totally understand, Carrie.
32
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,329
Okay.
33
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:24,790
We're fucked.
34
00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:29,785
Well, oh, no, no, no, okay,
okay. Let me see it again.
35
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,165
No, no, absolutely not.
I would sooner die.
36
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,080
The next day, our talk turned
37
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:37,326
from bachelors, baby bottles
and Balenciaga blouses...
38
00:02:37,417 --> 00:02:38,457
to books.
39
00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:43,542
Bad. Worse. Loser.
Disaster.
40
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,325
And you know the scary thing?
41
00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:46,747
I'm being kind.
42
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:49,501
Honey, relax.
43
00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:51,833
What could anyone say about you?
You're fabulous.
44
00:02:51,917 --> 00:02:55,877
That's sweet, but if I get
the wrong book cover
I'm a fabulous target.
45
00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:57,415
People are mean.
46
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,170
People are not that mean.
47
00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,330
Ugh, she looks like shit.
48
00:03:01,417 --> 00:03:02,497
Is her stylist blind?
49
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,003
I have just officially
entered panic.
50
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:07,713
-Oh stop. Talk to me.
51
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:09,462
This is what I do.
52
00:03:09,542 --> 00:03:12,212
How do you see yourself
on the cover?
53
00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:15,131
You know, like a writer
who somehow happened
54
00:03:15,208 --> 00:03:17,038
to have wound up on
her book cover
55
00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,455
looking smart, sexy
and properly airbrushed.
56
00:03:20,542 --> 00:03:22,172
Mm, well I can help you
with that.
57
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,500
I'll talk to the publishers.
When's the photo shoot?
58
00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:27,463
It's next Thursday but,
Samantha, I can't afford you.
59
00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:30,292
Mm, true, my P.R. services
are pricey.
60
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:34,075
It'll cost you two martinis
and a lunch.
61
00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:37,286
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Okay, I'll talk to my people.
62
00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,625
What kind of diet book
are you looking for?
63
00:03:39,709 --> 00:03:40,669
I don't know.
64
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,500
Something with a title like,
65
00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:45,883
"How To Lose That Baby Fat
By Sitting On Your Ass."
66
00:03:47,083 --> 00:03:48,213
How about The Zone ?
67
00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:50,041
-How about, no?
-Thought you were serious
68
00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:51,705
-about this.
-I am.
69
00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:55,422
Just as soon as I finish
this nugget caramel pretzel
devil thing.
70
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,710
Okay.
71
00:03:56,792 --> 00:03:58,632
I'm gonna go look for
this book I read about.
72
00:03:58,709 --> 00:03:59,629
What's it called?
73
00:03:59,709 --> 00:04:02,169
Starting Over Yet Again.
74
00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:06,827
See ya.
75
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:16,785
There it was.
The Self-Hell aisle.
76
00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:27,752
As Charlotte
looked at the titles...
77
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,674
The Woman's Comfort Book.
78
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:31,040
The Path To Love.
79
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:32,745
Excuse Me
Your Life Is Waiting.
80
00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:34,584
Please Understand Me II.
81
00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:38,127
She couldn't bear the thought
that she belonged there.
82
00:04:40,917 --> 00:04:43,167
That really helped me.
83
00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:57,421
Travel?
84
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:01,745
Oh, this is adorable.
85
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,540
This is psychotic.
86
00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,962
All right, it's none of my
business, but don't do that.
87
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,631
I did, I lost 24,
88
00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:11,959
gained 46.
89
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,751
But The New York Times said--
90
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,584
Is The New York Times
gonna come to your apartment
at 2:00 a.m.
91
00:05:15,667 --> 00:05:18,037
and pry the cookie dough
outta your hands?
I don't think so.
92
00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:21,075
Weight Watchers.
It's the only sane way to go.
93
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:22,746
You can even have dessert.
94
00:05:23,792 --> 00:05:25,132
Okay, thanks a lot.
95
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,168
-Where's Starting Over
Yet Again?
-Shh!
96
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,630
Here you go.
97
00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,379
Good luck with
Weight Watchers.
98
00:05:30,458 --> 00:05:31,918
Thank you.
99
00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,457
Did you find your book?
100
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:37,332
No, it wasn't for me.
101
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:45,881
Yeah.
Like I need his advice.
102
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:48,827
I'm a dead woman.
103
00:05:48,917 --> 00:05:50,497
Who needs the Self-Help aisle
104
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:53,003
when you can self-help yourself
to Amazon.com
105
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,833
and get exactly what you need
overnight express
106
00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:57,627
and shame free.
107
00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:03,923
That's quite a package.
108
00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:05,205
Excuse me?
109
00:06:05,291 --> 00:06:07,751
That's quite a package.
110
00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,287
Wanna sign right here, please?
111
00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:23,875
There. How's that?
112
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,079
Pretty damn good.
113
00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:27,206
I just got my nails done.
114
00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:28,711
Would you mind...
115
00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:31,132
opening my package?
116
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,495
Ssss, ooh, thank you.
117
00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:39,288
Now maybe I can
help you with your package.
118
00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:40,495
Fuckin' A.
119
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,376
At exactly 12:15,
120
00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:52,578
I stopped by to pick up Samantha
for our business lunch
121
00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,917
to decide
what we thought was sexy.
122
00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:00,542
Oh! Ow!
123
00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:06,333
Ooh! Um! I'm sorry.
124
00:07:07,875 --> 00:07:09,125
You wanna keep going?
125
00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:12,038
No, I've... had enough.
126
00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:18,205
Some women, like Samantha,
127
00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:20,751
know when to stop putting
things in their mouths.
128
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:24,384
While others, like Miranda,
need a little help.
129
00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:27,458
Oh, look at you,
you look great.
130
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:32,496
I'm much lighter metric.
131
00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:34,713
Oh, you did great
this week.
132
00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:37,832
Oh, I almost didn't
recognize you.
133
00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:40,957
-Oh, oh, excuse me. Hi.
-Hi.
134
00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,461
There's been a mistake on
my weight.
135
00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:44,292
Nope the scales don't lie.
136
00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:46,035
Uh... This isn't a vanity thing.
137
00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:48,205
The other woman inverted
the numbers.
138
00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:51,132
Look. If I'm gonna do this,
I wanna do it right.
139
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:54,040
Well, you've got the right
attitude, come on.
140
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,915
Hi, I'm sorry,
can I scooch in a minute?
141
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,540
-Sure.
-Thanks.
142
00:07:58,166 --> 00:08:00,536
Oh.
143
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:02,245
See?
144
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,503
Elaine!
Yeah?
145
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,883
You wrote down this woman
weighs 158.2,
146
00:08:06,959 --> 00:08:10,289
-but she weighs 152.8.
Sorry.
147
00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:12,375
Could you not
yell out my weight?
148
00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:15,003
Hey, I weigh 240.
149
00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:16,543
Goal weight's 77.
150
00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:19,535
Here you go,
and here's a nametag.
151
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,625
A nametag?
152
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,039
Oh, yeah.
We all gotta wear these.
153
00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:28,535
Miranda, Baby Weight.
154
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,875
-Hi.
-Hi.
155
00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:33,626
Later that same day,
156
00:08:33,709 --> 00:08:36,169
Stanford came over for a fag
and some flipping.
157
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,380
Hey, finish that and get over
here and start on Vogue .
158
00:08:39,458 --> 00:08:41,708
Tear out any outfit that might
work for me.
159
00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,832
Try to pick something that
won't be too pathetic
160
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:46,377
if I wind up in
the half-off bin.
161
00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:53,745
Well you look very...
162
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,004
something.
163
00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,503
I am very something.
164
00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:59,583
What's going on over there,
Ms. Blatch?
165
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,380
I met someone.
166
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,130
Oh, my God, really?
167
00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:07,248
That's fantastic!
168
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,787
His name is Marcus.
169
00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:12,035
And is he a Roman?
170
00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,035
-No, he is not.
-Oh, too bad.
171
00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:16,625
I always adore
a metal breastplate on a man.
172
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,879
So, what does this Marcus do?
173
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,249
Okay.
174
00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:22,963
Before I tell you, you have to
promise not to judge.
175
00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:26,041
-Do I judge?
-We all judge. That's our hobby.
176
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:28,875
Some people do arts and crafts.
We judge.
177
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,459
I'll be kind.
178
00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:34,292
He's a dancer.
At Radio City Music Hall.
179
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,882
I feel as though
my hands are tied.
180
00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:40,579
He's a Broadway-caliber dancer.
Working in the male chorus.
181
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,207
Last Christmas,
182
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,881
he danced the part
of Arabian Coffee
in The Nutcracker.
183
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,039
And where did you
meet your Rockette?
184
00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:48,575
Standing in line at Starbucks.
185
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:51,747
You met a man who played coffee,
waiting to get coffee?
186
00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,174
-Mm-hmm.
187
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:55,790
We're both grande house blends.
188
00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:57,955
What is that, a new zodiac sign?
189
00:10:02,125 --> 00:10:04,375
Ah... Hello?
190
00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:07,328
How funny was that thing
in my office today?
191
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:10,627
It was hilarious. I'm sending
you the x-ray bill for my elbow.
192
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:13,129
Could you have gotten
out of there any faster?
193
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,748
No.
194
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,714
Oh, lighten up.
195
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:19,751
Um... I am lightened up.
196
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,004
Good news.
197
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,423
I got my favorite stylist
to do us a favor
198
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,080
and pull some looks
for the cover.
199
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,286
Oh. Well, did you tell them
what we're looking for?
200
00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:30,375
Sexy chic, just like you said.
201
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:31,878
Well, when are you meeting them
202
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:33,919
'cause maybe I should
join you as well.
203
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,420
Don't worry. I'll handle it.
204
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,880
But... I have some ideas.
205
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,629
You still want me
to do this, right?
206
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,669
-Yeah, why wouldn't I?
-Fantastic.
207
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,790
I'll have him pull some stuff
and we can go look at it.
How's Saturday?
208
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:49,575
Ah, it's great and I'll ask
Stanford to come.
209
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:51,457
Is Stanford suddenly a stylist?
210
00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:54,832
No, but he's gay and bitchy.
My target test audience.
211
00:10:54,917 --> 00:10:56,787
-You okay?
212
00:10:56,875 --> 00:10:59,285
I'm fabulous,
we'll talk tomorrow.
213
00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:02,955
Okay. Hm...
214
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:04,963
Ask Stanford to come where?
215
00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:06,881
Look at some outfits
for the cover.
216
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,129
Saturday.
217
00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:10,498
Well, I'll have to check
with Marcus.
218
00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:13,293
-We may have plans.
-Oh, God,
219
00:11:13,375 --> 00:11:16,035
you're not gonna turn into
one of those couples, are you?
220
00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:19,705
-Judgey Wudgey was a bear.
221
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:22,672
I think it's pretty
much agreed that it goes,
222
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,380
"Open minded, good."
223
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:26,708
"Judgmental, bad."
224
00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:30,922
But are we being
too quick to judge judgment?
225
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:35,922
Perhaps judgment is not
so much a snap decision...
226
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,080
as an early warning
and detection device.
227
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,496
If it is instantly clear
that a person, a place
228
00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:45,043
or even a profession
is not for you...
229
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:47,455
Is it better to ignore
your better judgment
230
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,002
and read between the lines?
231
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,753
Or, should you judge a book
by it's cover?
232
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,831
You've got mail.
233
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,535
"Based on your recent
book purchase,
234
00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:04,165
here's a list of books
you might be interested in."
235
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:06,670
The selected list
included...
236
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,793
Lonely Women, No Men.
237
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:11,875
Love Hurts, You Don't Have To.
238
00:12:11,959 --> 00:12:13,879
I'm Fine Now.
239
00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:17,789
And, Reservations For One.
240
00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:21,745
Charlotte refused to see herself
as one of those type women.
241
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:27,713
It fell eight flights
242
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:30,042
and landed at
the feet of a woman walking by
243
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,745
who was contemplating
a divorce.
244
00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:35,964
She considered it
a sign from God.
245
00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:37,791
After three
Weight Watchers meetings
246
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,375
where they did
nothing but talk about eating...
247
00:12:40,458 --> 00:12:42,418
Miranda Baby Weight and Tom
Big Boned
248
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,170
decided to go someplace
and actually eat.
249
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,750
So then I did the one where you
can only have the...
250
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,214
water, eggs
and grapefruit.
251
00:12:49,291 --> 00:12:50,461
'Cause they're so good together.
252
00:12:50,542 --> 00:12:51,922
Yes.
253
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,380
Actually, it worked out well
for me until I, um, fainted,
254
00:12:54,458 --> 00:12:56,078
on an Indian woman
in the subway.
255
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:59,376
What about the one
with all the pre-packaged,
chemicalized food?
256
00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:01,288
I don't know how
they get all of those
257
00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:04,705
delicious artificial ingredients
into such little tiny packages.
258
00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:06,422
I know. Although,
259
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,920
they did have this itty bitty
thing of tuna
260
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,250
that I loved.
261
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:12,503
But then I cut my tongue
licking it out of the can
262
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,133
and I knew it was time to stop.
263
00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:15,498
Did you ever try
the cabbage soup diet?
264
00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,963
No. I heard it gives
you really bad--
265
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:19,961
Gas? Yeah. It's true.
266
00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:21,711
That was the end of my fiancée.
267
00:13:21,792 --> 00:13:23,712
Oh. She sounds mean.
268
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:26,132
Well, I think there was
more to it than cabbage.
269
00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,788
We weren't very good together.
She was very critical.
270
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,955
The more she put me down
the more I ate.
271
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:35,001
And, to this day, whenever
somebody criticizes me, I, um...
272
00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:36,882
I go right for those.
273
00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:41,325
Oh, glazed,
they're my favorite.
274
00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:42,707
Tell me about it.
275
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:45,082
Best Weight Watchers meeting
is down on 23rd Street.
276
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,036
Can't go anywhere near it,
'cause there's a Krispy Kreme
277
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:48,745
right next door to the place.
278
00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:51,634
How many Weight Watchers
points do you think is in
one of those?
279
00:13:51,709 --> 00:13:54,709
200,000?
280
00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:59,749
Would it be terrible
if we split one?
281
00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:04,083
We're consenting adults.
282
00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:05,834
Sir?
283
00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:07,327
Can I get a Krispy Kreme
284
00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:10,707
and, um... a knife?
285
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,075
Here you go.
286
00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:19,125
Whoever invented glaze,
287
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:22,077
-is a genius.
-Mm-hmm.
288
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,080
See, that is worth
being fat for.
289
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:37,496
-I'm sorry, it's just worth it.
-Mm-hmm.
290
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,577
I know how we can burn this off.
291
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,134
Really?
292
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,920
Activity points.
293
00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:01,631
Weight Watchers turned
out to be a lot more enjoyable
294
00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:03,919
than Miranda had expected.
295
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:21,424
-No!
Yes.
296
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,630
I was all over his face.
297
00:15:23,709 --> 00:15:24,789
-No!
-Yes!
298
00:15:24,875 --> 00:15:26,205
Talk about loving yourself.
299
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:28,251
I'd rather just be
good friends with myself.
300
00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:29,543
You know when I was a lesbian--
301
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:30,745
I saw that coming.
302
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:32,884
I could get in and out with
nothing more
303
00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:34,079
than a fine lip gloss.
304
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,416
You're awfully quiet.
305
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,580
What is there to say?
306
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,577
The man simply
has bad manners.
307
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,077
You keep a box of tissues
on the nightstand,
308
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,126
while he's stroking you
with one hand,
309
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:46,668
he grabs a tissue
and subtly dabs his face.
310
00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:49,415
Hm, Emily Post, "Polite Pussy".
311
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,380
So why didn't you just
say something?
312
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,420
It's a little hard to criticize
313
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,710
if you're with someone who
overeats when he's criticized.
314
00:15:56,792 --> 00:16:00,252
Miranda went out with
an overeater and he overate her.
315
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,250
And then when he popped
his head up
316
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:07,713
he had such a proud
look on his face.
317
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,672
Oh, they always look so proud.
318
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,830
Like they just
came back from war.
319
00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:13,997
[to "When Johnny Comes
Marching Home"] ♪ Do, do, do,
do, do, Do, do do-do, do-do ♪
320
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,963
And they all want that,
"You're my hero," kiss.
321
00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:18,921
Not without a tissue
and an Altoid.
322
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,250
It's a weird double standard,
I guess.
323
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,793
I'd feel insulted if I'd just
gone down on a guy
324
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:25,535
and he wouldn't kiss me.
Samantha?
325
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,785
-Mm-hmm?
-Do you kiss after a blow job?
326
00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:29,995
No, she just signs
the delivery slip
327
00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:32,713
and sends him on his way.
328
00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:36,132
What's going on?
329
00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,378
Apparently Carrie has
a problem with the fact
330
00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:41,378
that she saw me blowing
the, uh, World Wide Express guy.
331
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,538
-Ew!
Okay, I would like to
332
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,285
point out
that was her and not me.
333
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:47,035
And when did I say
I had a problem?
334
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,995
Oh, please, you walked in,
caught us, turned and ran.
335
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:51,293
Well, what was I supposed to do,
336
00:16:51,375 --> 00:16:52,825
sit and flip through
Marie Claire?
337
00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:55,037
Where did you see her blowing
the World Wide Express guy?
338
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:57,665
-Not on the street?
-Of course not!
339
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,830
It was in the privacy
of my office.
340
00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:00,997
Ho-oh-ho.
341
00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:03,833
And it wasn't
a World Wide Express guy.
342
00:17:03,917 --> 00:17:06,327
It was my
WorldWide Express guy.
343
00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,537
Your WorldWide Express guy?
344
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,745
-Yes.
-Really, what's his name?
345
00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:13,174
Joe. Tuesdays and Thursdays.
346
00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:17,333
Samantha, what's the big deal?
347
00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:19,037
We laugh about this
kinda stuff all the time.
348
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,455
-Fine.
-Oh.
349
00:17:20,542 --> 00:17:22,002
Samantha!
350
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,293
It's fine.
351
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:27,325
We better go, Carrie,
we'll be late for the stylist.
352
00:17:28,959 --> 00:17:31,249
Naughty, fabulous, camp...
353
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:32,133
Harlow.
354
00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,288
No, no, no, no!
355
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,325
Well, I think
it's a fantastic approach
356
00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:37,997
and the publishers
loved the idea.
357
00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:41,423
They wanted me buck naked
waiting for the M-11 bus.
358
00:17:42,458 --> 00:17:43,708
I thought we said sexy chic.
359
00:17:43,792 --> 00:17:45,672
Who is this stylist,
Frederick's of Hollywood?
360
00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:48,000
Oh, just go behind there
and at least try one on.
361
00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:49,753
I can't wear this.
362
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,214
I'm gonna look like an extra
from Moulin Rouge.
363
00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:54,541
You will not.
The shoes are lined up in there,
364
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:55,495
scoot.
365
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:56,883
Phone call, Dominique.
366
00:17:56,959 --> 00:17:59,129
-Don't say "scoot."
367
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,038
Knock, knock.
-Oh!
368
00:18:01,125 --> 00:18:03,955
Nothing in here I haven't seen
and ruled out in junior high.
369
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,001
-Hi.
370
00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:07,333
Hello, doll, Carrie's changing.
371
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:10,793
Uh, Samantha...
This is my boyfriend.
372
00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:11,995
Marcus.
373
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,673
Oh, Papa's got himself
a brand new bag.
374
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:18,883
Carrie, come on out,
I want to introduce you.
375
00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:30,829
Uh...
376
00:18:30,917 --> 00:18:34,167
Marcus Adant... Lady Marmalade.
377
00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:35,630
Hi, Marcus.
It's nice to meet you.
378
00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:37,789
I don't usually dress
like a high-class hooker.
379
00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:39,495
That is not a hooker look.
380
00:18:39,583 --> 00:18:42,923
Please! This screams hooker.
381
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,630
What respectable
New York woman
382
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:46,829
would be caught dead
wearing this?
383
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,537
I have one in red.
384
00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:52,289
Am I a hooker?
385
00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:53,875
Could you guys wait
outside for a second?
386
00:18:53,959 --> 00:18:55,669
We're just having some trouble
deciding on my outfit.
387
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:59,880
No, no, no, let's get a second
and, I might add, "gay" opinion.
388
00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:01,751
Stanford, doesn't she look
389
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,964
-adorable in that?
-Yes.
390
00:19:04,041 --> 00:19:07,751
Stanford, isn't this the worst
possible outfit for my cover?
391
00:19:08,750 --> 00:19:09,750
Yes.
392
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,500
Well, what about you?
What do you think of this?
393
00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:16,789
It's not very modern.
394
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:17,915
Isn't he great?
395
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,250
He's great.
396
00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:22,383
Can you wait outside
for a second? Just a second?
397
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:25,995
-What do you think?
-Yeah, great, great.
398
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:31,538
Markie, Big Fly-Fly.
399
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:36,003
Samantha, I really
appreciate the help.
400
00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:38,665
But you and I have
very different ideas
401
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,750
about what's sexy.
402
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,040
This is about the blow job,
isn't it?
403
00:19:42,125 --> 00:19:43,375
What?
404
00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:46,038
One little blow job,
and I'm a hooker with no taste.
405
00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:49,245
This isn't about the blow job,
this is about the book cover.
406
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,333
I don't feel comfortable
being on a shelf
407
00:19:51,417 --> 00:19:54,077
next to a biography
of Eleanor Roosevelt
408
00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:55,786
with my breasts hanging out.
409
00:19:55,875 --> 00:19:57,285
What is the problem?
410
00:19:57,375 --> 00:20:00,205
I've seen you at cocktail
parties wearing not much else.
411
00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:03,171
Na-uh. Not lately you haven't,
and you know why?
412
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,460
'Cause it's time for ladies
my age to cover it up.
413
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:09,082
We can't get away with
the same stuff we used to.
414
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,376
Ha-ha. Meaning blow jobs.
415
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:14,578
Oh, Jesus, again with
the blow jobs.
416
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,707
What is your problem?
417
00:20:16,792 --> 00:20:19,712
I don't have a problem.
You have a problem.
418
00:20:19,792 --> 00:20:21,752
I have marabou-covered breasts,
419
00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:23,134
that is my only problem.
420
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:24,378
I'm not blind.
421
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:26,668
I saw that look
in your eye in my office.
422
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,830
-What look?
-That judgmental look!
423
00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:30,877
That wasn't judgment,
that was shock.
424
00:20:30,959 --> 00:20:32,079
I thought we were having lunch.
425
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:34,536
Are you telling me
you have no judgment
426
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:36,745
about me
and the World Wide Express guy?
427
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:38,254
No judgment.
428
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:41,043
But I do have a question.
Will this relationship be
429
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:43,455
priority overnight
or next day delivery?
430
00:20:44,792 --> 00:20:47,672
Oh, come on, Samantha,
lighten up, remember?
431
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,880
If I walked in on you
432
00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:52,919
giving a blow job
to a World Wide Express guy--
433
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,460
You would never walk in on me,
because that is something
434
00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:57,252
I would never do!
435
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:58,713
There.
436
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,709
And I cannot believe
that you would judge me
437
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,252
after everything
that we've been through.
438
00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:09,462
Samantha, where are you going?
439
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:12,420
I'm gonna splash
some water on my face
and then I'm going home.
440
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:16,080
And I will not be judged
by you or society.
441
00:21:16,166 --> 00:21:19,706
I will wear whatever
and blow whomever I want
442
00:21:19,792 --> 00:21:22,962
as long as I can
breathe and kneel.
443
00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:50,833
That night,
Miranda had gone from
444
00:21:50,917 --> 00:21:52,787
facing her weight
at Weight Watchers
445
00:21:52,875 --> 00:21:55,705
to waiting for her
Weight Watchers face.
446
00:22:04,041 --> 00:22:05,581
Hey!
447
00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:09,035
-Give me those gorgeous lips.
-Stop, no, I can't do that.
448
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:12,375
-Why? What'd I do?
-It's not you, it's me.
449
00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:15,247
Literally me,
I'm all over your face.
450
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:16,923
I'm all over.
451
00:22:17,291 --> 00:22:19,001
Doesn't that happen
to other guys?
452
00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:21,753
Yes, but not so much.
453
00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:24,040
So what are you saying?
454
00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:25,955
-I'm a big fat sloppy eater?
-No! No.
455
00:22:26,041 --> 00:22:30,251
I'm just worried that I might be
too many food points.
456
00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:32,828
-You're making jokes?
-That's what we do.
457
00:22:32,917 --> 00:22:34,627
Miranda "Baby Weight."
458
00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:38,499
Yeah, but not when
I'm vulnerable and naked.
459
00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:40,463
I'm not comfortable
at this weight.
460
00:22:40,542 --> 00:22:42,082
Never mind.
461
00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:43,713
You look great.
462
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:47,130
-Take a tissue.
-I don't want a tissue.
463
00:22:47,208 --> 00:22:49,628
-I want a pot pie.
-You don't want a pot pie.
464
00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:53,419
Yeah, you're right,
I want seven.
465
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,630
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.
466
00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:04,825
I gotta concentrate on my diet.
467
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,787
Oh... Uh...
468
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:10,330
I-- I was just being silly.
469
00:23:10,417 --> 00:23:12,997
Oh... Come back to bed.
470
00:23:13,208 --> 00:23:15,128
Uh... do what you were doing.
471
00:23:15,208 --> 00:23:18,288
You're good at it! Bon appétit!
472
00:23:19,542 --> 00:23:22,332
The bad news was that
from then on,
473
00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:24,417
Miranda had to go downtown
474
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:28,540
to the notorious
Weight Watchers meeting
next to the Krispy Kreme
475
00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:30,535
where she wouldn't
bump into Tom.
476
00:23:30,625 --> 00:23:31,995
The good news
477
00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:35,963
was that she never wanted
a glazed donut again.
478
00:23:39,333 --> 00:23:41,503
Samantha Jones,
please hold.
479
00:23:41,667 --> 00:23:43,747
-Hey, Carrie.
-Hi, is she in?
480
00:23:43,834 --> 00:23:46,174
-Okay.
-Hello? Uh-huh.
481
00:23:46,917 --> 00:23:48,327
Is she alone?
482
00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:51,575
-Okay.
-Mm-hmm?
483
00:23:58,333 --> 00:24:00,833
See? Live it, learn it.
484
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,170
That's all I get for
a tailor-made knock-knock joke?
485
00:24:10,333 --> 00:24:11,883
That's better.
486
00:24:12,875 --> 00:24:14,245
So...
487
00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:18,003
Two days, four calls, no answer.
488
00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:20,333
I know, sorry.
489
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,037
I've been busy.
490
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,790
Do we have to do this?
491
00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:28,625
Can't we just pretend
the whole thing didn't happen?
492
00:24:28,709 --> 00:24:31,129
Well, sure, if we don't ever
wanna talk on the phone again.
493
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,458
In a few days the whole thing
will blow over.
494
00:24:33,542 --> 00:24:35,712
That's an interesting
choice of words.
495
00:24:36,625 --> 00:24:37,575
Hm...
496
00:24:37,667 --> 00:24:39,077
Look...
497
00:24:40,166 --> 00:24:42,496
-I'm sorry--
-Carrie, stop.
498
00:24:42,875 --> 00:24:45,455
I don't wanna do
the I'm sorry stuff with you.
499
00:24:45,542 --> 00:24:47,632
Anyone else but not you.
500
00:24:47,709 --> 00:24:49,829
You and I are perfect.
501
00:24:49,917 --> 00:24:54,167
Sweetie, as lovely
as that idea sounds...
502
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:55,130
We're not perfect.
503
00:24:55,208 --> 00:24:57,328
Well, we're pretty damn close.
504
00:24:57,417 --> 00:25:00,537
Make no mistake about it,
it's not my personal style.
505
00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,955
But I really admire your ability
506
00:25:03,041 --> 00:25:05,081
to put your sex life out there.
507
00:25:06,375 --> 00:25:07,415
Thank you.
508
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:11,540
So, I brought some looks
for my cover.
509
00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:14,503
-I want your opinion.
-You do?
510
00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:18,793
Yeah, well, just... in there.
511
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,080
I did judge you.
512
00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:24,383
Just a little.
513
00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:26,535
And I feel bad,
514
00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,285
especially in light of the fact
that you were so good to me
515
00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:31,075
during the whole
Big-married man affair.
516
00:25:31,166 --> 00:25:32,536
No, honey, it's not just you,
517
00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:33,575
I judge me.
518
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:34,957
Ever since that fucking Richard,
519
00:25:35,041 --> 00:25:37,291
I don't even
know who I am anymore.
520
00:25:37,375 --> 00:25:39,075
And just like that,
521
00:25:39,166 --> 00:25:43,036
I realized what was under
Samantha's fabulous cover.
522
00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:45,038
And I'm sorry about
the delivery guy.
523
00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:48,205
I had no idea what that
must have been like for you.
524
00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:51,875
Until I walked in on Stanford
getting a blow job from Marcus.
525
00:25:51,959 --> 00:25:53,539
Oh yeah, he told me.
526
00:25:53,625 --> 00:25:55,455
Oh! This is good.
527
00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:57,712
-Yeah?
-Just the jacket and legs?
528
00:25:57,792 --> 00:26:00,252
With a sexy pair of shoes--
Wait, wait, wait!
529
00:26:00,709 --> 00:26:04,039
Stanford was getting a blow job?
I thought he would be--
530
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:06,625
You know,
never mind, too judgmental.
531
00:26:06,709 --> 00:26:08,289
Oh, honey, we all thought that.
532
00:26:09,792 --> 00:26:12,132
Right here at the camera.
533
00:26:12,458 --> 00:26:13,998
Love that smile.
534
00:26:14,458 --> 00:26:16,288
-That looks great.
For the cover,
535
00:26:16,375 --> 00:26:17,455
-you know, more...
-Big smile.
536
00:26:19,375 --> 00:26:21,285
-You look gorgeous.
-...something.
537
00:26:21,667 --> 00:26:23,787
Wait, wait.
-What?
538
00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:27,165
Sometimes it takes
a friend to make
a picture perfect.
539
00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:29,210
But a picture
perfect friendship...
540
00:26:29,291 --> 00:26:30,921
Well, that's just in books.
541
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:31,920
Yeah, that's right.
542
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,250
-You like it?
-Yes.
543
00:26:37,250 --> 00:26:39,500
Isn't she fabulous?
544
00:26:42,709 --> 00:26:46,209
Big smile
here at me, Cover Girl.