1 00:00:47,001 --> 00:00:49,021 One night, four ladies in the East met at Compass 2 00:00:49,023 --> 00:00:51,003 to discuss going West. 3 00:00:51,005 --> 00:00:55,015 I have to go to San Francisco on a book tour. Thank you... 4 00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:58,001 You wouldn't go to the Upper West Side. 5 00:00:58,005 --> 00:00:59,995 Suddenly you're going to San Francisco? 6 00:01:00,004 --> 00:01:01,004 They're making me. 7 00:01:01,003 --> 00:01:03,023 Apparently I'm very big in San Francisco. 8 00:01:03,018 --> 00:01:05,998 You mean Big is in San Francisco. 9 00:01:06,003 --> 00:01:09,013 Okay, yes, perhaps, I'll see Big. 10 00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:11,998 Guys, I need to have sex. It's been too long. 11 00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:14,016 Lately I've been having these dreams where I run... 12 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:18,010 I run up to complete strangers 13 00:01:18,014 --> 00:01:20,014 and just start kissing them. 14 00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:22,011 If all you want is sex, you don't have to go across the country. 15 00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:23,016 Just go across the restaurant. 16 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:27,001 Those guys have been checking us out ever since they sat down. 17 00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:29,012 Oh, cute... 18 00:01:29,008 --> 00:01:30,018 Cute? 19 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,010 Cute. 20 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:35,999 Boring, boring and boring. Like these scallops. 21 00:01:36,006 --> 00:01:37,006 I love the food here. 22 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,023 Same old, same old. 23 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,010 Same Old? Just opened last week. 24 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:43,000 Scallops are scallops and bachelors are bachelors. 25 00:01:43,006 --> 00:01:45,006 Sounds to me like you might be experiencing 26 00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:47,017 a been there, done them existential crisis. 27 00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:51,011 It's not me, it's New York. Nothing is ever really new. 28 00:01:51,013 --> 00:01:53,013 In fact they should change the name to "Same York." 29 00:01:53,016 --> 00:01:54,016 You're nuts! 30 00:01:54,019 --> 00:01:57,009 These scallops are fantastic and those guys are cute. 31 00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:59,996 You should go say hi. May I? 32 00:02:00,005 --> 00:02:01,005 No, no, no, I don't wanna say hi. 33 00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:04,023 I wanna say... "Could one of you lie on top of me for awhile." 34 00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:08,013 I need to feel the weight of a man on me. 35 00:02:08,008 --> 00:02:11,008 It's times like this I wish women could go to male prostitutes. 36 00:02:11,009 --> 00:02:12,009 Women do. 37 00:02:12,011 --> 00:02:15,011 No, no. Only in bad screenplays and first novels. 38 00:02:15,012 --> 00:02:17,022 That is an incredible investment idea. 39 00:02:17,019 --> 00:02:20,019 We should open a brothel where the men are cute 40 00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:23,011 and the sheets are 500 count Egyptian cotton. 41 00:02:23,014 --> 00:02:24,024 Samantha, you can be the madam. 42 00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:26,021 Well, at least it's something new. 43 00:02:26,018 --> 00:02:28,998 We could put one in every neighborhood like Starbucks. 44 00:02:29,006 --> 00:02:29,996 "Starfucks." 45 00:02:30,003 --> 00:02:32,003 A place like that doesn't exist in reality 46 00:02:32,002 --> 00:02:34,012 because women don't think about sex like that. 47 00:02:34,011 --> 00:02:37,011 It's not an animal urge. We need to feel things. 48 00:02:37,007 --> 00:02:38,997 We need a connection. Isn't that right, Carrie? 49 00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:40,015 No, Big is my male prostitute. 50 00:02:40,018 --> 00:02:43,018 I am mixing business with much needed pleasure 51 00:02:43,019 --> 00:02:45,999 and my relief is just a train ride away. 52 00:02:46,006 --> 00:02:47,996 A train? Why don't you just fly? 53 00:02:48,006 --> 00:02:49,016 Oh no, no, no, flying makes me nervous. 54 00:02:49,021 --> 00:02:53,021 I get a little uneasy seeing the National Guard go through my makeup case. 55 00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:54,999 Besides it'll be fun. 56 00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:59,005 Especially, if Samantha goes with me. 57 00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:00,010 Oh, please! 58 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,013 Come on it'll be hilarious. 59 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:05,017 Two gals on a train? Very Some Like It Hot. 60 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:10,020 And, the whole trip ends, with a luxury suite, 61 00:03:10,017 --> 00:03:12,007 in a fabulous... 62 00:03:12,007 --> 00:03:15,017 four-star San Francisco hotel. 63 00:03:15,017 --> 00:03:16,017 Why didn't you invite me? 64 00:03:16,023 --> 00:03:19,013 Because Samantha's the only one who's bored enough to do it. 65 00:03:20,016 --> 00:03:22,016 So what time do we leave "Same York"? 66 00:03:25,016 --> 00:03:27,996 ♪ I'm gonna get laid ♪ 67 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,010 More and more single women of a certain age 68 00:03:33,015 --> 00:03:35,005 are looking for a certain thing. 69 00:03:35,013 --> 00:03:36,013 And that certain thing 70 00:03:36,013 --> 00:03:41,003 does not necessarily involve a certain ring. 71 00:03:41,005 --> 00:03:44,005 We may have traded the little black book for a little black dress 72 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,015 and replaced the Ferrari with a Fendi... 73 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:51,007 But in view of certain evidence, I had to wonder... 74 00:03:51,008 --> 00:03:53,008 Are we the new bachelors? 75 00:03:59,016 --> 00:04:01,006 Final call for the 9:15... 76 00:04:01,012 --> 00:04:03,012 What did Big say when you told him? 77 00:04:03,012 --> 00:04:05,022 I haven't yet, I'm gonna wait 'til I get there. 78 00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:07,021 You know, "Hello, guess where I am." 79 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,010 Very casual, very la-la-lah. 80 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,016 Well, that's one approach. 81 00:04:10,019 --> 00:04:12,019 I would have called and said, "I'm coming, 82 00:04:12,022 --> 00:04:15,012 and I won't be the only one." 83 00:04:15,011 --> 00:04:17,021 I think I'm getting a pimple. Can you see anything, 84 00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:19,021 right here, above my freckle? 85 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000 Mm. All clear. 86 00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:23,023 Oh, good. The last thing I need is a big honkin' zit, 87 00:04:23,022 --> 00:04:25,012 when I meet my prostitute. 88 00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:27,003 Oh, this may be just what I needed, 89 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:29,015 if I can stand the train for three days. 90 00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:31,018 Oh, think of it as an adventure. 91 00:04:31,018 --> 00:04:33,018 It's not the destination, it's the journey. 92 00:04:33,019 --> 00:04:36,019 A journey in adjoining first-class, 93 00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:39,001 deluxe, sleeper berths. 94 00:04:39,005 --> 00:04:41,005 Truth be told, I've always wanted to take a train. 95 00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:42,010 It's so sexy. 96 00:04:42,012 --> 00:04:44,012 You never know who's going to be getting on, 97 00:04:44,007 --> 00:04:45,997 -and getting me off. 98 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,021 Hello, sir. 99 00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:03,019 Ooh, we're here... 100 00:05:08,014 --> 00:05:12,024 Um... 101 00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:15,021 We were supposed to have the deluxe first-class sleeper. 102 00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:17,011 This is the first-class sleeper. 103 00:05:17,014 --> 00:05:21,014 And I suppose the regular class sleeps in what, a tuna can? 104 00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:24,021 And right here, ya have your door to the restroom. 105 00:05:29,018 --> 00:05:30,018 Wait. 106 00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:34,001 You shower over the toilet? 107 00:05:36,018 --> 00:05:40,008 I'm starting to understand why there was a murder on the Orient Express. 108 00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:42,016 And in a far less crowded space... 109 00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,007 Oh! 110 00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:45,023 Delivery from Bloom & Goldenblatt. 111 00:05:45,017 --> 00:05:47,007 I thought they'd send a messenger. 112 00:05:47,008 --> 00:05:48,008 Do you know what we would charge you 113 00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:50,006 for a messenger to make a twelve block drop? 114 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,016 So, a partner personally delivers my divorce papers? 115 00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:57,011 Sure, why not? I needed the walk. 116 00:05:57,007 --> 00:05:58,007 Okay. 117 00:05:58,007 --> 00:06:02,007 Uh, I was just gonna go work out, but, come in! 118 00:06:06,009 --> 00:06:08,009 Whoo, it's hot. 119 00:06:08,015 --> 00:06:10,015 -Excuse me? -Outside. 120 00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:12,999 I'm shvitzing like a pudding at a picnic. 121 00:06:13,004 --> 00:06:14,024 Oh. 122 00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:19,023 So, this is the pagoda we've been fightin' over, huh? 123 00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:23,000 It's impressive. I can see why you'd never wanna give it up. 124 00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:25,012 Hm. Actually I'm thinking about selling. 125 00:06:25,011 --> 00:06:26,021 After everything we went through to get it? 126 00:06:27,001 --> 00:06:29,011 Well, you know, it's too big for one person 127 00:06:29,007 --> 00:06:31,017 and I'm just putting the word out if anyone hears of any great apartments. 128 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:33,019 Hey, hey, I got a buddy who's puttin' his place on the market. 129 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,020 It may be a little too bachelor for your taste. 130 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,020 Oh, I can change that. 131 00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:38,011 You should have seen this place when I moved in. 132 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:40,014 It was where plaid furniture came to die. 133 00:06:40,013 --> 00:06:43,013 I could set it up so you could get a first look. 134 00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:44,009 Okay. 135 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,012 Done. So... 136 00:06:45,012 --> 00:06:47,002 Uh... let's get you divorced. 137 00:06:47,003 --> 00:06:49,023 Sit and sign. 138 00:07:04,019 --> 00:07:06,009 Do you have a handkerchief or something? 139 00:07:06,012 --> 00:07:08,012 You... just... still sweating. 140 00:07:08,014 --> 00:07:11,014 Oh, sorry, I... This never happens. 141 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,004 -Oh. 142 00:07:13,006 --> 00:07:15,016 -Oh, thanks. 143 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,001 Whoo... 144 00:07:18,023 --> 00:07:20,023 -That's it? -That's it. 145 00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:23,011 You are no longer Mrs. Trey MacDougal. 146 00:07:24,004 --> 00:07:26,004 Hmm... 147 00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:28,024 How do you like that? 148 00:07:28,019 --> 00:07:30,009 I like it. 149 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,009 You have some tissue stuck to you. 150 00:07:35,014 --> 00:07:37,024 I'm a fuckin' mess today. 151 00:07:38,013 --> 00:07:39,023 Mmm... 152 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,001 Somewhere outside of Pittsburgh, 153 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,023 Samantha and I decided to get out of our twin cans 154 00:07:44,019 --> 00:07:47,999 and go for a classic train dinner in the club car. 155 00:07:48,006 --> 00:07:50,016 Whoo... -Whoop. 156 00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,995 This is it? 157 00:07:56,005 --> 00:07:58,005 I thought there'd be white linen table cloths 158 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,011 and Bing Crosby singin' at a piano. 159 00:08:05,005 --> 00:08:06,005 Oh, uh... 160 00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:08,006 Excuse me. Table for two, please. 161 00:08:08,012 --> 00:08:10,022 Uh, just sit anywhere that's open. 162 00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:14,022 Whoa. Oh... 163 00:08:18,018 --> 00:08:21,998 -Oh, sorry, the train zigged. 164 00:08:24,010 --> 00:08:28,020 Okay. Um, excuse me, sorry. 165 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,000 Ooh... 166 00:08:37,011 --> 00:08:39,001 Really? 167 00:08:41,011 --> 00:08:43,021 Hello. Oh... 168 00:08:45,006 --> 00:08:46,006 Thank you. 169 00:08:46,007 --> 00:08:48,007 I'm eating with the Amish? 170 00:08:48,016 --> 00:08:50,006 Uh-huh. 171 00:08:50,013 --> 00:08:52,023 Are you aware every time we stop, 172 00:08:52,019 --> 00:08:54,009 good looking people get off 173 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:55,019 and more ugly people get on? 174 00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:57,010 -Shh. -I'm serious. 175 00:08:57,011 --> 00:08:59,001 This is the train to ugly. 176 00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,005 There isn't one man on this train I'd fuck. 177 00:09:01,010 --> 00:09:03,000 -What about you? -Well don't ask me, 178 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:06,023 I'm horny. And nine hours of train rocking hasn't helped. 179 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,005 Sorry. 180 00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:14,011 If she has a problem, next time she can take a buggy. 181 00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:18,006 Thanks. 182 00:09:18,009 --> 00:09:19,019 How do you think the Zagat guy 183 00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:22,021 would rate a place that lists potato chips as an appetizer? 184 00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,019 Don't even say potato chip to me. 185 00:09:24,017 --> 00:09:29,007 This zit is getting bigger by the hour. Here, can you see it now? 186 00:09:29,016 --> 00:09:32,996 Let's just say you're starting to look like you belong on a train. 187 00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,005 Oh, really? 188 00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:35,997 Well, what can I get you? 189 00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:38,006 A martini and an airplane. 190 00:09:38,016 --> 00:09:41,006 Um, what's safe to order? 191 00:09:41,012 --> 00:09:43,012 The club sandwich. 192 00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:46,005 Uh, and a martini. 193 00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:49,014 Oh God, I need a big old drink. 194 00:09:49,014 --> 00:09:50,024 Mm-mm. 195 00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:54,024 Again, sorry. 196 00:09:58,016 --> 00:10:00,016 And speaking of martinis. 197 00:10:00,021 --> 00:10:02,011 A zebra-skin rug. 198 00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,012 Hey, I told you he was a bachelor. 199 00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:05,020 But a bar in the bedroom? 200 00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:09,001 Ooh, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Here. 201 00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:11,023 ♪ Ta-daah ♪ 202 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,010 Ewww. -Hm-hm-hm-hm? 203 00:10:15,013 --> 00:10:17,013 Ooh... 204 00:10:17,011 --> 00:10:19,011 Well you seem to know your way around here. 205 00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:21,999 Oh yeah, I sublet while I was goin' through my divorce. 206 00:10:22,004 --> 00:10:24,014 Wait, wait, wait. 207 00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,020 Surround sound. 208 00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:31,021 I can't believe that men think it takes all this stuff 209 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,010 to get a woman into bed. 210 00:10:35,015 --> 00:10:38,005 What does it take? 211 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,022 -Charlotte... -What? 212 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,020 I think you are the sexiest woman I ever met. 213 00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:44,999 Harry! 214 00:10:45,003 --> 00:10:47,003 Don't be ridiculous, I'm wearing my glasses. 215 00:10:47,002 --> 00:10:49,022 It makes me crazy when you say my name! 216 00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:51,020 Well then I'm definitely gonna stop saying it. 217 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,998 What a putz your ex-husband must be. 218 00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:55,014 -Trey was not a putz! -Was a putz! 219 00:10:55,008 --> 00:10:56,018 If I was lucky enough to have you in my bed, 220 00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:58,021 I would never be able to take my hands off you. 221 00:10:58,023 --> 00:11:02,003 Stop, Harry. -Ever since the first moment 222 00:11:02,004 --> 00:11:04,004 I saw you I can't think about anything else! 223 00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:07,004 I'm like, I'm look... I'm fuckin' Romeo over here. 224 00:11:07,004 --> 00:11:10,014 God it's hot, I'm sweating. Can you open the window? 225 00:11:10,008 --> 00:11:12,018 I fantasize about your lips. 226 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,020 Your perfect pink lips. 227 00:11:29,004 --> 00:11:31,014 Two days, two toilet showers 228 00:11:31,011 --> 00:11:34,001 and too many club sandwiches later... 229 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:47,004 -Hello? -It's me, and it's still bad. 230 00:11:47,004 --> 00:11:49,014 -The trip or the pimple? -Both. 231 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:52,022 I tried to squeeze it somewhere outside Oklahoma. 232 00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:54,011 Here's a helpful hint. 233 00:11:54,009 --> 00:11:56,999 Never give yourself a train facial. 234 00:11:57,004 --> 00:11:58,004 Got it. 235 00:11:58,006 --> 00:12:00,006 If this thing hasn't started to deflate by Colorado, 236 00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:02,018 -I'm not even calling Big. 237 00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:05,021 Hold on. Someone who used to be Samantha just came in. 238 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,020 Rumor has it a group of guys not resembling the Elephant Man 239 00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:12,011 just got on and are having a bachelor party in the bar car. 240 00:12:12,012 --> 00:12:13,012 Get dressed. 241 00:12:13,013 --> 00:12:15,013 I can't go anywhere with this pimple. 242 00:12:15,009 --> 00:12:17,009 I got on a train for you. 243 00:12:17,007 --> 00:12:20,997 You are going to the bar car with me. 244 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:25,997 I have to go to a bachelor party. 245 00:12:26,004 --> 00:12:27,014 And back in New York, 246 00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,007 Charlotte found herself sandwiched 247 00:12:28,016 --> 00:12:31,006 between some confirmed bachelors. 248 00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:35,005 How can a person have really hot s-e-x 249 00:12:35,012 --> 00:12:36,022 with someone they don't even like? 250 00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:40,011 You're spelling "sex" in a place with a go-go boy on the bar? 251 00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:41,017 I'm serious. 252 00:12:41,017 --> 00:12:43,007 Why? 253 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,012 Oh, my God, Char. 254 00:12:45,011 --> 00:12:47,011 -You? -I don't know what happened. 255 00:12:47,014 --> 00:12:49,014 He's my divorce lawyer and I don't even like him. 256 00:12:49,013 --> 00:12:52,023 So? Some of the best sex I've had is with people I can't stand. 257 00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:54,007 Details! This is so exciting. 258 00:12:54,013 --> 00:12:56,013 Well he was showing me this bachelor apartment 259 00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:58,017 and I think it was all the leather and music. 260 00:12:58,017 --> 00:12:59,017 Leather, I get it, go. 261 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,010 Suddenly, out of nowhere we were kissing and then-- 262 00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:05,023 Fucking! Oh, my God, Char! This is so exciting. 263 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,010 How was it? 264 00:13:07,009 --> 00:13:08,009 Unbelievable. 265 00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:10,996 Mwah! Mm... Cosmos for everyone! 266 00:13:11,005 --> 00:13:12,005 No! No, it's not good. 267 00:13:12,013 --> 00:13:15,013 I don't wanna date him. He's not very attractive. 268 00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:16,018 Ugly sex is hot. 269 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,010 No! He's sweaty and pushy 270 00:13:19,011 --> 00:13:21,021 and no, no, I could never date him. 271 00:13:21,022 --> 00:13:25,012 But... Well... Maybe just for the sex. 272 00:13:25,007 --> 00:13:27,007 How does that work exactly? 273 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,017 Okay, listen up. 274 00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:32,009 You have to be very clear about the rules. It's just sex. 275 00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:34,004 You can't act romantic at all. 276 00:13:34,006 --> 00:13:35,016 You have to talk just sex talk, 277 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:38,002 "Fuck me, and get out." 278 00:13:38,003 --> 00:13:39,013 Isn't that rude? 279 00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:40,020 No, it's hot. 280 00:13:40,018 --> 00:13:43,008 Hello! Where's my drink? 281 00:13:52,022 --> 00:13:55,002 Things are looking up. 282 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,012 They are pretty cute. 283 00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,999 This blush is worse than the pimple. 284 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,014 I look like I'm in a high school play or something. 285 00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:01,019 Come on, follow my lead. 286 00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:07,000 Oh. Hello. 287 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,014 Hi. 288 00:14:14,006 --> 00:14:16,006 Well, well, well. 289 00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:20,013 Aren't you boys a sight for sore eyes. 290 00:14:22,015 --> 00:14:24,995 -So, what are we drinking? Ah... 291 00:14:25,006 --> 00:14:26,006 Light beer. 292 00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:28,007 Oh, we can do better than that. 293 00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:31,009 Sir, a bottle of champagne, please. 294 00:14:31,013 --> 00:14:33,023 I'm sure one of you gentlemen will help me... 295 00:14:33,023 --> 00:14:35,023 pop my cork? 296 00:14:37,004 --> 00:14:38,024 And just like that, 297 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:40,020 we went from Some Like It Hot... 298 00:14:40,022 --> 00:14:42,012 To "Some Like Us Not." 299 00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:44,001 I thought I was looking pretty hot. 300 00:14:44,005 --> 00:14:45,005 You are pretty hot. 301 00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:48,005 -Not according to them. Champagne? 302 00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:52,022 Okay. 303 00:14:54,002 --> 00:14:56,022 Hi. Uh... Oh... 304 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,020 Excuse me. 305 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,021 But, what kind of bachelor party is this? 306 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,020 We're not really bachelors. We're all married. 307 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:06,010 Well except Bri, he's the last one in the gang to bite it. 308 00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:09,022 Yeah, we're takin' him to the Giants game in San Francisco. 309 00:15:10,022 --> 00:15:12,012 Well, uh... 310 00:15:12,015 --> 00:15:13,015 My friend over there 311 00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:16,020 has come on this very long trip as a favor to me. 312 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,020 And I was hoping... That one of you fellas... 313 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,020 Could oblige her in a little harmless male flirtation. 314 00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:27,012 We're, uh, trying to be good. Promised our wives. 315 00:15:27,016 --> 00:15:31,996 As far as a pimp, I was a total train wreck. 316 00:15:34,009 --> 00:15:37,019 -They love their wives. -Oh. 317 00:15:37,022 --> 00:15:39,022 You were right, Carrie. 318 00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:43,011 It's not New York, that's the problem, it's me. 319 00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:47,001 I am having an e-existe... 320 00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:51,011 A mid-life thing, you know. 321 00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:53,006 Ooh, this thing has roots. 322 00:15:53,009 --> 00:15:54,019 And I don't know what I'm gonna do. 323 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,021 I mean I already fuck younger guys 324 00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,001 and I don't want a sports car. 325 00:15:59,002 --> 00:16:02,002 Oh, God, parking in New York is a bitch. 326 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,022 I'm sorry about the train, 327 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:05,010 this was a terrible idea. 328 00:16:05,015 --> 00:16:08,005 -Oh... -It's all my fault. 329 00:16:08,015 --> 00:16:11,995 All because I had to get laid. 330 00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:14,014 There! Popped it. 331 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,995 -Alright! 332 00:16:17,003 --> 00:16:21,003 Let's get another bottle to celebrate, huh? 333 00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:23,014 One very long trip later, 334 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,016 Samantha and I dragged our cabooses 335 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,998 into a bookstore near the Golden Gate. 336 00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:29,023 Impressive turnout, 337 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,002 I guess you are big in San Francisco. 338 00:16:32,004 --> 00:16:33,024 -Oop, my publisher. Oh, hi! 339 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,010 You made it in one piece. 340 00:16:36,007 --> 00:16:38,007 Well, that's debatable. 341 00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:40,995 Wow. I can't believe it. 342 00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:43,012 All these people came to hear me read? 343 00:16:43,011 --> 00:16:44,011 Um, Carrie? 344 00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:45,000 Yes. 345 00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,996 -They're not all just for you. -Oh. 346 00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:48,023 Mr. Winkle's here. 347 00:16:48,023 --> 00:16:51,013 Who's Mr. Winkle? 348 00:16:54,010 --> 00:16:55,020 He's making an appearance right after you. 349 00:16:58,013 --> 00:17:00,013 You're opening for a dog? 350 00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:01,007 I know. They had a chance 351 00:17:01,016 --> 00:17:02,996 to get Mr. Winkle and they jumped at it. 352 00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:04,013 He's huge on the Internet. 353 00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:09,023 Lily... I can't be the opening act for a dog. 354 00:17:09,019 --> 00:17:10,999 What can I say, Carrie? The West Coast 355 00:17:11,005 --> 00:17:12,995 sales rep totally fucked me on this. 356 00:17:13,002 --> 00:17:14,012 Lily, hi! -Hey. 357 00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:15,016 One second, be right back. 358 00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:19,011 -You know, maybe-- -Oh, thanks, 359 00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:21,009 but don't even waste your energy, you know... 360 00:17:21,014 --> 00:17:22,024 Go back to the hotel 361 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:25,020 and get in that giant tub and relax. 362 00:17:25,017 --> 00:17:26,997 I'll see ya later, we'll have a meal. 363 00:17:27,006 --> 00:17:27,996 Later? 364 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,005 Aren't you gonna call Big? 365 00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:31,023 Between the pimple and the puppy I'm not up for it. 366 00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:35,010 -Are you sure? -Yeah, go, go. Take a long bath. 367 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,020 I may never get out. 368 00:17:37,017 --> 00:17:38,017 -Mwah. -Bye. 369 00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:52,010 This book tour stuff is rough. 370 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,018 It's a cute top. 371 00:18:02,012 --> 00:18:06,002 "As I walked home, I couldn't help but wonder, 372 00:18:06,006 --> 00:18:09,016 Was it Mr. Big? Was it New York? 373 00:18:09,023 --> 00:18:12,013 -Or was it me?" 374 00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:17,006 Uh, does anyone have a question? 375 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,013 -Yes? -When is Mr. Winkle coming out? 376 00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:24,019 Oh, uh, in a mere moment. 377 00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:28,021 So, if there are no other questions about my book. 378 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:33,011 Uh, yes, I see a hand, but I can't see the man. 379 00:18:33,013 --> 00:18:36,013 Could, um, could you shift... Sorry. 380 00:18:37,019 --> 00:18:39,999 Yes, I have a question. 381 00:18:40,005 --> 00:18:42,015 Um, this Mr. Big character, 382 00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:44,017 does he have a real name? 383 00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:48,001 Uh, yes, but I can't reveal it. 384 00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:51,003 I have to protect his privacy. 385 00:18:51,002 --> 00:18:52,002 Oh. 386 00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:54,014 I no longer cared about Mr. Winkle. 387 00:18:54,012 --> 00:18:56,022 I had Mr. Big. 388 00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:02,013 Samantha! Samantha! 389 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:05,008 I'm taking a bubble bath. 390 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:08,021 Ya have to get out. Big's here. I need to have sex. 391 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,000 I'm taking a bath. 392 00:19:10,006 --> 00:19:13,016 I got you a smaller room, all to yourself... downstairs. 393 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000 I can't get in another small room. 394 00:19:16,002 --> 00:19:19,022 Please. I have to get laid. 395 00:19:19,022 --> 00:19:23,002 Oh... Well... 396 00:19:23,006 --> 00:19:24,006 You better fuck him good 397 00:19:24,015 --> 00:19:27,005 because I'm not gonna go through this again in another six months. 398 00:19:27,012 --> 00:19:30,012 Can ya hurry? I told him to come up in about half an hour. 399 00:19:31,023 --> 00:19:33,023 Snap it up. Go faster. Okay, bye-bye, 400 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:36,020 thank you sweetie, mwah, thank you. 401 00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:41,002 -Oh... 402 00:19:41,004 --> 00:19:45,024 Okay. 403 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,023 Hey, you. 404 00:19:52,022 --> 00:19:54,002 So did you hide the body? 405 00:19:54,005 --> 00:19:55,015 What body? 406 00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:57,017 Or whatever it was you needed to do that kept me wandering around 407 00:19:57,022 --> 00:20:00,012 the hotel gift shop for half an hour. 408 00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:13,021 Mm. I got you some gum. 409 00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:17,023 Big Red. The clerk recommended it. 410 00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:20,020 Well... Aren't you somethin'. 411 00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:25,011 -Want some? -Sure. 412 00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:39,022 Hmm. 413 00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:44,018 Nice digs. 414 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,000 This'll set your publisher back, huh? 415 00:20:47,002 --> 00:20:48,012 Yeah. 416 00:20:50,008 --> 00:20:51,998 You look good. 417 00:20:52,005 --> 00:20:53,005 So do you, kid. 418 00:20:57,016 --> 00:20:58,016 What? 419 00:20:58,017 --> 00:20:59,017 -My gum. Christ! -Oh. 420 00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,021 You surprised me. 421 00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:03,020 -Ew. 422 00:21:03,023 --> 00:21:06,003 Yeah. I swallowed it. 423 00:21:06,004 --> 00:21:07,024 -Sorry. 424 00:21:07,023 --> 00:21:10,013 Here let me kiss it and make it all better. 425 00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:15,013 -How's that? -Mmm. 426 00:21:15,011 --> 00:21:17,001 -We better go. -But-- 427 00:21:17,002 --> 00:21:19,012 -Dinner reservations. -Oh, I'm not hungry. 428 00:21:19,009 --> 00:21:21,009 We have to go. I promised my partners. 429 00:21:21,007 --> 00:21:24,007 I'd make a little vineyard connection with the restaurant owner, so, 430 00:21:24,009 --> 00:21:27,019 let's go. We'll have a nice meal, and catch up. 431 00:21:28,022 --> 00:21:31,002 -Hm? -Okay. 432 00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:35,020 So I'm walking through the mall and I see your book. 433 00:21:35,022 --> 00:21:38,012 Wait, you were in a mall? 434 00:21:38,008 --> 00:21:39,018 I live in America now. 435 00:21:39,023 --> 00:21:42,013 You've gotta go through them to get to the outside. 436 00:21:42,007 --> 00:21:43,017 -Hm. -Anyway, 437 00:21:43,023 --> 00:21:46,013 I pass a bookstore and there you are. 438 00:21:46,009 --> 00:21:48,009 Right in the window next to the real books. 439 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,995 Oh, sir, you are too kind. 440 00:21:51,003 --> 00:21:52,013 -Good cover. -Oh. 441 00:21:52,014 --> 00:21:54,024 Cute, sexy. 442 00:21:54,017 --> 00:21:56,007 -Sexy, huh? -Mm. 443 00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:58,014 -So I go in, 444 00:21:58,010 --> 00:22:01,000 I bought it... Drove right home. 445 00:22:01,006 --> 00:22:03,996 Sat on my porch. Lit up a cigar. 446 00:22:04,002 --> 00:22:06,012 And I read it cover to cover. 447 00:22:06,008 --> 00:22:08,018 -Porch? -Screen doors and everything. 448 00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:12,001 Well... What'd you think? 449 00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:18,022 I had no idea that I hurt you so much. 450 00:22:18,022 --> 00:22:21,012 I gotta say, it was tough to see it in print. 451 00:22:21,009 --> 00:22:22,009 You've read my columns. 452 00:22:22,011 --> 00:22:23,021 Not all at one sitting. 453 00:22:23,020 --> 00:22:26,000 One reading. One right after the other. 454 00:22:26,004 --> 00:22:29,014 Bam, bam, bam. 455 00:22:29,011 --> 00:22:31,011 I really got how much I hurt you. 456 00:22:31,008 --> 00:22:33,018 Oh, come on. That's fiction. 457 00:22:33,021 --> 00:22:36,011 Fiction. I embellished. 458 00:22:36,012 --> 00:22:38,022 No, Carrie, some of that stuff really happened. 459 00:22:38,022 --> 00:22:41,012 -Word for word. -It's just writing. 460 00:22:41,008 --> 00:22:43,008 It's all in the past. 461 00:22:43,010 --> 00:22:47,010 Now let's forget all that and talk about something else. 462 00:22:50,018 --> 00:22:52,018 How's the wine business? 463 00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:54,021 -Great. -Yeah? 464 00:22:56,010 --> 00:22:58,010 You know in that chapter about my apartment key. 465 00:22:58,016 --> 00:23:00,016 Was I really that big of an asshole? 466 00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:03,996 Oh God... 467 00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:07,005 "He was like the city itself. 468 00:23:07,007 --> 00:23:10,007 Cold, infuriating and exhausting." 469 00:23:10,012 --> 00:23:12,002 Suddenly it became clear to me 470 00:23:12,004 --> 00:23:14,004 this was not my best laid plan. 471 00:23:14,006 --> 00:23:16,006 Now, see, see, that's what I'm talking about. 472 00:23:16,014 --> 00:23:19,004 When have I ever been cold? Am I cold? 473 00:23:19,005 --> 00:23:22,015 No. You're hot. 474 00:23:22,022 --> 00:23:26,002 -Very hot. -Well what about chapter three? 475 00:23:26,002 --> 00:23:28,012 That, that, that was all years ago. 476 00:23:28,016 --> 00:23:32,016 Can we... Can we please stop talking? 477 00:23:34,011 --> 00:23:36,021 -Oh, wait, wait, wait. -What, what, what? 478 00:23:36,017 --> 00:23:39,007 Look, I just don't want you to get hurt again. 479 00:23:39,009 --> 00:23:41,999 I won't. It's just sex! 480 00:23:42,006 --> 00:23:44,016 Well, according to this book, it is not just sex. 481 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,020 Look, look. What happened in New York was all my fault. 482 00:23:47,023 --> 00:23:49,003 I didn't read the signs. 483 00:23:49,003 --> 00:23:52,023 You were unavailable. And very clear about that. 484 00:23:52,019 --> 00:23:54,019 It was all me. 485 00:23:54,021 --> 00:23:58,001 Now please, kiss me. 486 00:23:58,002 --> 00:24:00,022 Or at least lie on top of me. 487 00:24:00,019 --> 00:24:03,019 Carrie, I think it's very clear from this book. 488 00:24:03,017 --> 00:24:06,017 That when it comes to me, you do not have good judgment. 489 00:24:06,022 --> 00:24:08,012 Now look at chapter three. 490 00:24:08,007 --> 00:24:11,017 That's fiction. And it's not even a best seller. 491 00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:12,017 Here, page 39. 492 00:24:12,022 --> 00:24:14,022 Oh God, I can't believe this is happening. 493 00:24:15,001 --> 00:24:16,021 Are you involved with someone else? 494 00:24:16,017 --> 00:24:17,017 No. 495 00:24:17,017 --> 00:24:19,017 Oh, it's the pimple, isn't it? 496 00:24:19,021 --> 00:24:22,011 I just don't wanna do something here 497 00:24:22,015 --> 00:24:24,995 that I'll be sorry for later. 498 00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:28,015 I'm fine. Look at me, put-- 499 00:24:28,019 --> 00:24:31,009 Put the book down and look at me. 500 00:24:32,023 --> 00:24:36,013 I'm fine. Just fine. 501 00:24:38,001 --> 00:24:39,011 Don't I look fine? 502 00:24:40,005 --> 00:24:42,005 Mm-hm. 503 00:24:42,013 --> 00:24:46,013 So... Let's talk just a little more. 504 00:24:46,010 --> 00:24:48,020 -Now look, page 39. -Oh, oh... 505 00:24:48,023 --> 00:24:51,003 This part... 506 00:24:55,018 --> 00:24:59,998 -I love making love to you. -No. 507 00:25:00,004 --> 00:25:03,014 That was not love, that was just sex. 508 00:25:04,016 --> 00:25:05,016 Charlotte. 509 00:25:05,023 --> 00:25:08,013 You are so beautiful. 510 00:25:08,012 --> 00:25:12,002 Your skin is so soft. So smooth. 511 00:25:13,018 --> 00:25:17,998 And you... Have a hard dick. 512 00:25:18,005 --> 00:25:22,005 Now. Put your pants on and go. 513 00:25:24,017 --> 00:25:26,007 Is that okay? 514 00:25:26,013 --> 00:25:28,013 Whatever you say. 515 00:25:31,019 --> 00:25:32,999 There they were... 516 00:25:33,002 --> 00:25:35,022 The bachelorette and the beast. 517 00:25:35,022 --> 00:25:40,022 What about dinner, Saturday night? 518 00:25:41,015 --> 00:25:44,005 Hey. This is just sex. 519 00:25:44,009 --> 00:25:46,999 We're not a couple, you're just... 520 00:25:47,004 --> 00:25:50,024 A great fuck. Is that clear? 521 00:25:51,006 --> 00:25:52,006 Clear. 522 00:25:59,005 --> 00:26:01,015 -Hello? Good morning it's your wake up call. 523 00:26:01,017 --> 00:26:04,017 -Oh, what time is it? -7:30. 524 00:26:04,017 --> 00:26:07,007 -What time did I say? -7:30. 525 00:26:07,013 --> 00:26:11,013 Oh. Okay. Thank you. 526 00:26:13,010 --> 00:26:14,010 Mm. 527 00:26:14,015 --> 00:26:18,995 After my wake up call, I got my real wake up call. 528 00:26:19,003 --> 00:26:20,003 Thanks to my book, 529 00:26:20,003 --> 00:26:23,003 nothing was ever going to happen with Big. 530 00:26:28,018 --> 00:26:30,008 Hey. 531 00:26:30,013 --> 00:26:31,023 Where are you going? 532 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,000 I have two book readings this morning 533 00:26:34,006 --> 00:26:35,996 before I head back to New York. 534 00:26:37,015 --> 00:26:40,995 Not so fast. Come here. 535 00:26:41,002 --> 00:26:42,012 Now? 536 00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:46,020 What about last night, all that talk, all those concerns? 537 00:26:46,018 --> 00:26:48,008 Fuck it. 538 00:26:48,009 --> 00:26:51,999 You'll need material for the sequel. Hm? 539 00:26:56,011 --> 00:26:58,001 "Like that freckle on my face 540 00:26:58,005 --> 00:27:00,005 that he once told me he loved. 541 00:27:00,008 --> 00:27:03,008 I could do my best to cover it during the day, 542 00:27:03,013 --> 00:27:04,023 but at night, 543 00:27:04,021 --> 00:27:08,001 after I washed the city off my face, 544 00:27:08,003 --> 00:27:09,013 there it was. 545 00:27:09,013 --> 00:27:13,003 A tiny brown dot near the tip of my lip. 546 00:27:13,005 --> 00:27:14,005 And I wondered 547 00:27:14,015 --> 00:27:19,015 how something so small could suddenly seem so big." 548 00:27:32,002 --> 00:27:34,012 -Here you go. Thank you. 549 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,010 Luggage in the car. Car at the curb. 550 00:27:39,009 --> 00:27:41,009 Oh, thanks for doing all that. 551 00:27:41,010 --> 00:27:44,000 So? How'd it go with Big? 552 00:27:44,003 --> 00:27:45,023 We had sex. 553 00:27:45,018 --> 00:27:46,998 Hallelujah. 554 00:27:47,003 --> 00:27:50,003 Yeah, but it was not as simple as I had hoped. 555 00:27:50,005 --> 00:27:52,005 Well, what does that mean? 556 00:27:52,009 --> 00:27:54,999 The question and answer section of this reading... 557 00:27:55,004 --> 00:27:56,024 is now over. 558 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,010 -I'll tell ya on the train. -Train? Get real. 559 00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:01,022 American Airlines... 560 00:28:01,020 --> 00:28:04,020 First class. And some Valium. 561 00:28:09,002 --> 00:28:11,022 I cannot wait to get to New York. 562 00:28:11,023 --> 00:28:13,013 What about the mid-life crisis? 563 00:28:13,015 --> 00:28:15,015 Honey, who's mid-life? 564 00:28:18,011 --> 00:28:21,001 And sometimes, it's not the journey, 565 00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:22,023 it's the destination.